Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Featured, Race & Politics

You’re A Black Person Dating A White Person? Great. Have A Cookie, And Get Out Your Damn Head

black-men-white-women

Because of a change of address and a mix-up due to a two-year-old insurance issue, there was a period of time a couple years ago when I was driving around with an expired registration sticker. It was only for a week or so, but considering how often I’d randomly get followed by the cops, I spent that entire week on pins and needles, feverishly checking my rear view to make sure none were behind me. (My plan if I did happen to get followed? Park very quickly. Reason #3673 why I wouldn’t have been a very good career criminal.)

I didn’t get stopped (or even followed). But you know what did happen? I started noticing all the other cars on the road with expired inspection or registration stickers. My own self-consciousness made me hyper-vigilant to everyone else’s “flaws.”

This thought process isn’t particularly unique. Self-consciousness has a way of making you more aware of others who might share your trait. If you left the house in a rush and didn’t have time to iron, you’re more likely to notice other’s wrinkles. When I was young and self-conscious about the size and shape of my head, I picked up on things other people did to try to conceal their own heads. (“You’re not fooling anyone. I know you don’t like hats that much.“) And tell me I’m not the only one who bought a pair of sneakers, and immediately started seeing more and more of them on everyone’s feet.

What you realize eventually — well, what you hopefully realize eventually — is that no one really cares that much. Your self-consciousness about your slightly wrinkled blouse is entirely in your own head. Other people — even people who might notice the wrinkles — don’t care about it as much as you do. But you know what does make people care? When you’re so self-conscious, so obsessed with how you’re perceived that it affects how you think and act. The deeper you get in your own head, the more likely people will follow you there.

Ernest Baker, a Black man whose 565,000 word long tome on why he dates White women was published on Gawker yesterday, isn’t the first and won’t be the last person who feels obligated to explain his attraction to a person of another race. And I get it. I’m sure his dating habits have made him the target of some stares and some comments, and I understand the want to make clear that it’s possible to be attracted to White women and Black women at the same time. Dating a “Susan” doesn’t automatically make you unattracted to and uninterested in a “Shanae.”

What Baker and others like him don’t seem to realize, though, is that the interracial self-consciousness creates a self-fulfilling prophesy. They project their obsession with how their relationships are perceived onto others, making them believe everyone is as conscious of their coupling as they are. But, people only really start to care when they start believing and acting like everyone already cares.

—Damon Young

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

    I read that article with a smidge of side-eye. He went through hundreds of words explaining the kind of interracial dater he was NOT, and in effect undermined the whole point of his article for me. And his answer for the invisible question of “So why write an article about this?” was essentially, “Because I wanna.” Which, if you have to resort to that, indicates you really have no point. He would have done better actually telling what has happened to him, instead of defensively dodging balls no one threw.

    • ernest baker

      “Because I want to” is exactly right. I did have a point but it wasn’t a generic, after-school special one with a neat resolution so people like you dismissed it. The story was more of a movie than an article. I’m glad that both you and the writer of this article read every word of it and allowed it to get you caught up in a rapture of emotions, positive or negative. That was my intent. Trust me, I spend so little time thinking about the racial implications of relationships I’m in, but I know it’s a pertinent subject so I wrote about it because I can and the response that it elicited is proof that people care. It’s not that complicated for me.

      • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

        I’m delighted you’re haunting the spot. Thanks for the reply :)

        Seriously, though, the smidge of that side-eye was small because I agreed with a lot of what you said. It was just long, which is subjective, but still. lol. It almost sounded like you were preaching to the choir and ticking off all the reasons as to why you weren’t THAT kind of interracial dater.

        You don’t know that I dismissed your point; maybe I just MISSED your point? Like you said, I came prepared to read an article/essay that was written like a non-linear movie. Your thesis might’ve just gotten lost in the verbiage. Because if the reason you date white women is the same reason you date any other, then what was the answer to the implied question: “The Reality of Dating a White Woman When You’re Black?”

      • panamajackson

        So you’re saying you wrote upwards of 2,700 words on some sh*t you don’t even think about? #cmonson

        You are claiming you don’t really care and are just trolling Gawker, and anybody else who choses to read and ponder on it, so we’ll all get in our feelings?

        I ain’t buying it homes. At all. Nobody spends that much time writing about something they don’t care about. Nobody.

        • Rachmo

          Baaaaasicallyyyyyyyyyyy

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Yeah, I’m with you playa. You don’t write a lot of words about what you don’t care about.

      • NomadaNare

        As Peej and Dara have already said, it seems odd that you would almost aggressively assert how much you don’t care about the race of your significant other in a sprawling essay implicitly about the race of your significant other. It almost seems like you’re trying to justify having dated or currently dating a white woman, yet no one (well except for the people you cite) has really thrown you shade. Who are you trying to convince, and why are you trying to convince them?

      • NomadaNare

        Sorry to bomb you with another post, but even more pressing, don’t you think it’s a bit of an issue that you really don’t consider the race of your significant other? That’s similar (but not equivalent) to saying “Well, I really don’t think about the fact that my gf is a woman…” It seems weird.

        • Agatha Guilluame

          *dead*

      • Agatha Guilluame

        I don’t get making big declarative, in your feelings, statements at 25. You basically wrote an Ode to White Women…you’re Uncle Ruckus if he was more bashful and more literate. Why leave a very public paper trail of the nonsense in your head? Will your 50 year old self appreciate that? I’m embarrassed for you.

        • NomadaNare

          Really, though? Just gon go in like that? http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs46/i/2009/244/f/5/Tree_shadow_3_by_Afreen23.jpg

          You could at least let him explain himself, no? :)

          • Agatha Guilluame

            He insulted our intelligence the whole time. All this shucking and jiving. Side-stepping and back pedaling. I’m not here for it.

          • Rachmo

            He already explained himself in 50-11 words. My comment upthread summarized how I interpreted his novel.

      • God Shammgod

        It’s not complicated but your point was so complex that we missed it #atthesamedayumtime? Funny how that works.

      • Val

        Welp, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time reading it then.

        • Msdebbs

          Me neither….

      • SweetSass

        My thing is, you claimed so many things that were diametrically opposed… One minute you say you grew up in white washed suburbia, next you say you went to a school in the hood. You said you dated all kinds one minute —then admitted you only had ever had white girlfriends. I think the whole thing screamed to me that by trying to distance yourself from the stereotype of the dude who only dates white chicks you managed to convince me you are that stereotype. Well done. And that black girls wanting thugs thing is so laughable. I would easily bet that you ignored academically inclined black girls aka blerds. I mean, if you were all that academically you’d be surrounded with them because in high school AP classes and college the female blerds outnumber the male ones 10 to 1. You have a white girl fetish. Just admit it, breathe… and we can all go back to our lives.

        • http://justfourguys.com Obsidian

          Can someone please explain to me how and why everytime a Man, Black or White, expresses a certain preference for something in a Woman, Black or White, said Man will invariably be slapped with the “fetish” label? And why this label seems ONLY to be applied to Men – NEVER to Women?

          I mean, do Women have a “successful Man” fetish?

          Do Women who have a liking for tall(er) Men, have a “fetish”?

          And so on?

          Please explain?

          O.

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            I will say this about men and their preferences. They tend to be more granular, and have a deeper commitment to them. If they want, say, short Latin women from NYC who love to wear high heels, they will make a POINT of having nothing but that around them. Women definitely do have their preferences, but they aren’t as trait specific or as militantly committed.

            • Heavens2Murgatroid

              I’ve seen it both ways. Hence why both parties continue to recycle themselves in worn-out relationships.

              • http://justfourguys.com Obsidian

                Hello Mr. H2M:
                Pleasure meeting you! Could you please elaborate a bit on your abovve statement? I need clarification. Thanks!

                O.

                • Heavens2Murgatroid

                  Females have just as many preferences as do males when it comes to attraction/dating/relationships. Which is why when a person makes such a defined niche in whom they will date they can’t expect much variety. And thus, they will often run into the same benefits and problems they’ve encountered in previous “relationships.”

            • http://justfourguys.com Obsidian

              @Mr. Todd:
              I respectfully disagree; Bllack Women in particular have been well documented in not only stating their preferences in Men to anyone who will listen, and, have also been well documented in being the least bit interested in being “flexible” about them. Indeed, the meme of a Sistas who refuses to “settle for less” is accepted as Gospel among them, and fiercly defended by any one of them if anyone, especially a Brotha, dares to question it.

              O.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Interesting thing about the lady blerds. FWIW, in my college days, the ones in my classes tended to be much more likely to be in relationships. It doesn’t pay to try to pick up someone already committed. Just an observation.

          • http://justfourguys.com Obsidian

            @Mr. Todd:
            Right – which is just one of a plethora of reasons that this notion that there are “gal nerds” who “go through the same things” as #RealNerds is just freaking ridiculous. It’s #ChickLogic101StrikesAgain, pure and simple.

            Look ladies: being “awkward” as a gal is NOT the same as being nerdy for a guy – ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A BLACK GUY. There is NO comparison to be made here. Zero. Zilch. Blank.

            Please stahp.

            :)

            O.

    • NomadaNare

      We are *here* on that point. A couple of very good friends of mine have married interracially, and they really don’t feel the need to “justify” it to anyone. In fact, I just got invited to their baby shower. (Yes, the men are included too). No one gives him funny looks nor is it even an issue, even when we all go out.

    • BeautifullyHuman

      Funny thing, I read this article yesterday as well, and I found the comments by far more interesting than the piece itself.

      Off topic/on topic but I so agree with you Champ about hyper-awareness. Whenever I spill something on myself at work, I swear everyone else can see that small a** stain on my slacks. Lol

      • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

        I read it before the duststorm and avoided the comments. I can only imagine.

        • BeautifullyHuman

          Of course some of the comments were outright ignorant…that’s to be expected with race topics and especially those with a black male/white female dynamic, but there were many good ones as well.

          There were many who openly challenged the author’s thinking and his premise. And of course the personal anecdotes about those in actual IR relationships.

          Many of the comments I found to be the most interesting were the ones that came from the perspective of black women/white male relationships.

          • http://justfourguys.com Obsidian

            @Ms. BH:
            Precisely – thank you for raising a point that I wanted to ask about:

            Would we even be talking about Mr. Baker if in fact it had been *Ernestine Baker*, writing a “tome” as to how and why she’s dating White Men? Would Ms. Dara offer her editorial “services” and “concern” so freely? Would the other Sistas in this hallowed forum be so animated in their response?

            Hmmm…

            It occurs to me that ANY reason or rationale ANY Black Man gives for as to how and why he does what he does romantically that doesn’t involve Black Women or failing that, *certain types of Balck Women* automatically seems to be open to microscopic scrutiny; but switch the places, and suddenly Sistas don’t seem so interested to give the writings the proctological treatment.

            Fascinating.

            #ChickLogic101

            O.

      • sweetbee

        Yes, I am always here for the response. I skimmed the article but spent more time reading a lot of the comments.

    • h.h.h.

      i skimm’d the story yesterday.
      the point i took away from it was he is ‘pushing back’ against the ‘narrative’ or rather stereotypes about BM who don’t date BW. so he took the long route to say, ‘sometimes it just happens’.
      but the pushback from this article either leads me to believe he didn’t get his point across, or BM who date out really shouldn’t say anything (other than ‘i like her’).
      i think you’re right in that personal examples might have helped get his message across better.

      • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

        “but the pushback from this article either leads me to believe he didn’t get his point across” (true for me)

        “or BM who date out really shouldn’t say anything (other than ‘i like her’)” (what else would there be to say, if no questionable reasons exist?)

        • h.h.h.

          i guess they are showing (to themselves) that they aren’t…(whats an appropriate phrase)…that they aren’t trying to badmind BF.

          • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

            Interestingly enough, most reactions to the piece haven’t been fury, just peevishness lol. I don’t think most who read it is feeling ‘some kind of way’ about him dating white women…and that might be why it’s been received like that.

            On another note, I did read a comment on FB about the piece that said BM should stick to BW. For THOSE people, he should’ve written an entirely different essay. lol

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              Word. I’m here for consenting adult females, preferably who speak English as a first language and have a nice a$$. Past that comes taste, compatibility and the ability to fill out a pair of boyshorts well.

    • Rachmo

      Erm a smidge? I was more full on squinting like…what is all of this? Did anyone ask him to clarify this?

      • afronica

        Where was his editor? I mean, I know blogs like Gawker are light on the support staff and people consider editors unnecessary these days, but he really coulda used one. Especially for length.

        • Rachmo

          Right. I thought there was going to be a narrative on dating across cultures or parental acceptance. Shoot idk having to talk about White privilege? I didn’t realize it was going to be an essay on “I kind of sort of only smash Black chicks and wife up White ones but HEAR ME OUT!” Maybe that wasn’t his intent but that’s how it read.

          • blackphilo

            “I kind of sort of only smash Black chicks and wife up White ones but HEAR ME OUT!”

            LOL!!!

            • Rachmo

              Haha I’m dead serious! I was like…errrr…okay well that’s good for…you?

              • blackphilo

                You might be serious, but that probably was the funniest line I’ve ever read here.

          • afronica

            You got me rolling, girl. Yeah, I was expecting some depth. Instead I very much felt I had read this same article many, many times before. No depth to it.

            • God Shammgod

              He started an article about interracial dating discussing OJ. I knew it was going nowhere good after that.

              • BeautifullyHuman

                White folks were so mad in the comment section when he referenced this. Downhill in that thread.

                • Wild Cougar

                  He’s so in touch with white people’s feelings he knew exactly which button to push. Lmao, that part of the comments made me chuckle, tho. They never gon get over it

              • afronica

                Truly, the OJ ref made me shake my head while I was reading. Like I’m thinking he was trying to cite examples of racial tension that everyone could remember and relate to, I guess? But if you’re trying to be clear, why kick up the dust of that particular incident? You’re guaranteeing that people will be fighting the air and caught up in their feels, missing your article entirely.

              • SweetSass

                I KNOW, RIGHT?!? Let’s have a calm, postmodern discussion… I’ll bring the pitchforks.

              • just kia

                also the commenters really got into that whole OJ thing, but that’s gawker.

            • Rachmo

              Look I’m pro IR and what not but I’m not pro trying to convince me you absolutely could NEVER date someone within your own race but you can smash. No sirree Bob miss me with that.

              • afronica

                Gives a whole new meaning to side chick. smh

          • KKay

            “I kind of sort of only smash Black chicks and wife up White ones but HEAR ME OUT!”

            You perfectly articulated how I viewed this essay. LOL

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            Yeah, me too. I’m late-rolling on this, but it sounds accurate from what I read.

          • SweetSass

            I heart you, Rachmo.

        • SweetSass

          Black twitter rage = clicks = more money.

      • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

        I gave him a smidge because he skirted the usual suspect reason for interracial dating. Although I DID think, at least once, Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much…

        • Rachmo

          I side-eyed from start to dayum finish. I IR date myself and I don’t remember writing essays to justify it. My justification has always been if you are hot and cool I am all in. FIN

          • KKay

            “if you are hot and cool I am all in”

            And your justification only took you 10 words. :)

        • http://justfourguys.com Obsidian

          @Ms. Dara:
          Given the copious amount of commentary you’ve given Mr. Baker’s missive, I’d say he’s not the only who doth protest too much…hmm?

          #PsyOpsIsReal

          O.

      • http://CabreraInteriors.com/ Bunni
        • just kia

          THAT’S THE EXACT PIC I WAS THINKING ABOUT!

  • towninc

    Iman and heidi ~ boss

  • Jacqueline

    The author actually lost me with his opening paragraph. I also get tired of the storyline about growing up in a white community and the too nerdy nonsense. I grew up in an all white community and had few options for dating, there were about 5 black or Latino males. Period. So I know a thing or two about options, but not once did I try to justify dating a white guy by blaming black guys. Not once.

    This sentence was very telling for me: “Let’s be real, blonde hair and blue eyes are fucking attractive and
    thinking that doesn’t mean you’re a piece of shit who gives those
    features inherent value over the features of other races. Rihanna is hot
    and so is Blake Lively. Lupita N’yongo is hot and so is Allison
    Williams. Sue me for not allowing my race to limit what I find
    attractive.”

    Blake Lively is homely and while I love Allison Williams father (Brian Williams) and think she is talented, I think she is homely, too. He was very excited about blond hair and blue eyes, but has anyone else here seen a person with blond hair and blue eyes who was butt ugly. I think so. So what makes blond hair and blue eyes “so fucking attractive”.

    Date who you want to date, but understand that the perception of the black male who only dates white women (and one who spends so many words talking and defending it), is usually spot on.

    • BeautifullyHuman

      “So what makes blond hair and blue eyes “so fucking attractive”.

      For him…who it’s normally associated with.

      • Jacqueline

        Bingo!

        • http://justfourguys.com Obsidian

          @Ms. Jacqueline:
          So, let me get this straight:

          Are you going to seriously, and with a straight face, argue with the notion that nerdy Black Men are at a SERIOUS disadvantage on the Black American mating market, due to the easily observalble FACT that Black WOmen DO NOT like nerdy, how did Ms. Dara put it, “Cornball Brothas”? She even used Robert Griffin III as a prima facia example.

          While this charge is often met with shrieks of denial by the Sistahood, it falls on deaf ears and rings rather hollow – it’s a matter of public record. Sistas, even those who are highly educated themselves, simply do not “heart” nedy, cornball Brothas. Personally, I think that’s perfectly OK, as I believe that Black Women, like all Women, can and should, desire and NOT desire, anything about anyone they darn well please.

          The problem I have with so many of them, is their denial and in more cases than many will openly admit, their outright malfeasence about it.

          O.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        And that may not necessarily be a bad thing based on his experiences. That first blonde haired, blue eyed girl could have been a sweetheart of a person who was nicer and more caring than anyone else that he’d ever met. That’s OK. Just own your rationale.

  • sweetbee

    Well, I shared my general feelings on this subject matter in general the last time (!) we discussed this. Black people spend an disproportionate amount of time on interracial dating in comparison to the actual numbers of people in IR’s. In fact you haven’t arrived as a (black) writer and/or artist until you have at least one piece on your perspective this issue.

    • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

      dangit, that means I ain’t arrived yet. lol

      • sweetbee

        Sorry, but it’s a prerequisite.

        • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

          :::goes to write her interracial love story about her favorite white boo:::

          • http://justfourguys.com Obsidian

            @Ms. SweetBee:
            I respectfully disagree; it is entirely possible to be successful as a Black writer and not have to write anything about IR pairings and the like. Ms. Dara has yet to hit her stride because she has yet to break away from the pack in any demonstrable sense of the word – while talened no doubt, she is in a highly saturated field – Black Women dominate the social media that is the Black Internet – and given that she writes from the perspective of a rather young married mother, the market isn’t particularly huge for such a thing (compare her to say, Ms. Demetria Lucas, who’s writing I find to be akin to enduring being waterboarded – nevetheless, she’s where she is, and Ms. Dara is still finding her way).

            If Ms. Dara were a Brotha – because, let’s face it, the pickings among Brothas Of Conscience are relatively few – it would be a different story. She’d still likely face opposition to being published in all the familiar channels of note on the Black Internet, largely because of it notcatering to what Black Women in the main, want to hear (I know quite a few highly successful Black male writers, and they ALL MUST Tell Sistas What They Want To Hear(TM) in order to keep the lights on), if she’s enterprising and willing to take a few risks – and I don’t get that sense from what I’ve been able to quietly observe about her writings and runnings online – she could carve out a nice niche for herself.

            As it is, she’s in a fairly tough spot. Not impossible, but definitely not a cakewalk either, given all of the above.

            It’s tough out there for a Sista writer who ain’t about the “Diva” life…

            O.

  • Rawtid

    “Let’s be real, blonde hair and blue eyes are fucking attractive”

    To suggest that blond hair and blue eyes are intrinsically ‘fucking attractive’ is so very telling. For me this statement completely proved that the entire premise of his words wasn’t really his truth. Perhaps what he hoped to believe of himself—but not the truth.

    • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

      His statement was abrasive, but I didn’t see him as co-signing intrinsic attractiveness. As a general declarative statement, it’s subjectively true. I think what I reacted to in it was the fact that it needed to be said. But, what do i know? lol

      • Agatha Guilluame

        *Looks at Honey Boo boo’s family…looks at Dtafakari…shakes head*

        Subjectively true……….

        • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

          He ain’t say that the people WITH blonde hair and blue eyes are attractive, but TOO SHAY, Agatha! lol

          • Rawtid

            that is essentially what he said. that blond hair and blue eyes = attractive. and Sweetbee’s example is exactly why i had an issue with the statement. Someone who is just attracted to all women wouldnt say that bc a particular feature isnt what makes her attractive. esp one that by in large belongs to one race. so thats why I am not buying the shit hes trying to sell–he’s exactly like this “other BM” he describes he just isn’t honest enough to admit it.

            • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

              I get what ya’ll are saying, but I still kind of disagree. What we DO agree on is that the statement was a fail.

        • sweetbee

          Right. Blond hair and blue eyes are fucking attractive on fucking attractive people. Ellen Degeneres has both traits but still doesn’t hold a candle looks wise to other blond and blue eyed celebrities like Christie Brinkley or Cameron Diaz. Hell, if Ellen looked like the late Paul Walker she’d be lucky.

          • Rawtid

            EXACTLY.

        • h.h.h.

          oh snap an aggy sighting!

      • blackphilo

        The statement in question is vacuous and embarrassingly (tellingly) reductionist. It doesn’t make a merely subjective claim, since it insists on drawing “us” into admitting a supposedly obvious truth via “Let’s be real.”

        There will be no deeper engagement about these themes with a person like this. He has inoculated himself against any probing discussion, let alone real introspection, by convincing himself of absurdities such as “I spend so little time thinking about the racial implications of relationships I’m in”–even as he’s writing longly on the subject. And he tells himself that any pushback he’s receiving must come from people who object to BM/WW relationships–as if none of us could be in such a relationship and still find his musings ridiculous.

        • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

          fair enough lol

          • blackphilo

            Your other comments throughout are on point, though. LOL, indeed.

            I can’t even read that piece–only excerpts cited here–since I’d start feeling too embarrassed for him.

            • Agatha Guilluame

              I did read the whole thing…it was like medicine without any of the restorative effects…so more like poison?? I still had to up vote you though because I too felt embarrassed for him.

      • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.com/ Maris

        Betty White has blonde hair and blue eyes. Paula Deen has Blonde(ish) hair and blue eyes. Walter Mercado has blonde hair and blue eyes. He tryna tell me he’d f*ck ALLADEM?

        • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

          He’s an equal opportunity lover, Maris.

        • esa

          Walter Mercado tho !!

    • Agatha Guilluame

      His most telling statements were A) when he said he was attracted to all kinds of ethnicities and had been with all kinds of ethnicities only to be followed by a much later admission that he’d in fact only ever dated i.e. been in a relationship with white women. And B) when he said he checked for the women that checked for him they just so happened to be white…except…didn’t he admit to sleeping with all races…sooo….weren’t those other women objectively checking for him too???

      He made me tired.

      • Rawtid

        Girl yes!! i was like what the hell?!

      • BeautifullyHuman

        Many of the comments yesterday called the author out on his double-speak. Which is it? Is it one or the other, both, or neither?

        • Agatha Guilluame

          *Looks to Sway for the answers.*

          • BeautifullyHuman

            Lol

          • ED

            He ain’t got em

  • Agatha Guilluame

    So…Ernest was very active in the comments section of his post. He had to defend his “Let’s be real, blonde hair and blue eyes are fucking attractive” comment I guess. Except he only dug himself a bigger hole…this response to it was perfect.

    A snippet of Ernest Baker’s response The fact that my admission of being attracted to features predominately associated with white women is so problematic is very telling of how uncomfortable a lot of people still are with the notion of interracial dating.

    The reply from Chief Queef Oh come on. I’m mixed myself, I’m in an interracial marriage, and I obviously have zero problems with interracial dating. My issue is with your insistence that you’re some kind of special snowflake who isn’t like all the other racial fetishists out there, when you’re EXACTLY like them except slightly better at self-delusion. You have a fetish for white women, okay? It’s really fucking obvious. Don’t pretend the fact you only date them is a random accident (“theyjust like me better, it’s so weird!”) And don’t make unsubtle references to white hair or invoke tired “black women only like thugs” stereotypes while pretending you’re oh-so-enlightened and post-racial about your dating choices and it’s everyone else who’s so hung up on race. Date who you want, but stop pretending. You’re not fooling anyone.

    • NomadaNare

      This struck me as odd too. Again, especially as someone that “doesn’t think much about his GF’s race”.

      • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

        Honestly, I think it may be a lose-lose to describe why you date along a particular race line and still mention racial features. lol.

  • Agatha Guilluame

    Another gem from the comments section.

    A great fucking question from Bloody Massacre
    How many different black men was this article written by?

    I like white women because I grew up in a very white suburb filled with white people. No, I went to a very black high school where all the black women wanted thugs and the white women were the only ones who would fuck with me.

    I date white women because I think blonde hair and blue eyes are hot. But it’s not like my idea of beauty was shaped by society, culture, and media messaging. But also, I prefer straight hair, light eyes and light skin.

    I’ve dated black girls. All my girlfriends have been white.

    My head is still spinning from this article.

    • sweetbee

      Yeah, like I said before, I was more curious about the response to the piece than the actual piece.

  • afronica

    *gets popcorn because this spot is poppin’*

    • Aly
      • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

        hey ma!

        • Aly

          Hi Dara!

          • Yoles

            ((((((((HUGS)))))) Hi @Alyson_P:disqus !! & @dtafakari:disqus

            • Aly

              Yolie!! *hugs*

            • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

              heeeeeeeeeeeeey!

      • afronica

        puuuurfect gif

  • Agatha Guilluame

    The comment winner of the day:

    rcb2

    I’m a caucasian brunette with brown eyes, and I definitely fall in the “you can’t help who you find attractive” group. However, when I date men of other races I have to be really careful I’m not a stepping stone to an “ultimate caucasian.”

    • http://trulytafakari.com/ dara

      Ultimate caucasian! LOLOLOL.

    • afronica

      Now that’s an aware white chick. Hello!

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      *smh*

  • Rachmo

    I read this article and was giving it a hard side eye. I wasn’t sure why there needed to be this long essay about something so “organic” but I’m sleep