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Your Handy Homecoming Survival Guide

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year! No, I’m not referring to the fast approaching holidays; I’m talking about Homecoming Season!

The time has come for us to take those walks down memory lane back to our alma maters and relive our glory days. Homecoming season is a healthy mix of reconnecting with loved ones and debauchery. It’s like a family reunion; only this time the drunken uncle might be someone’s line brother.

Homecoming has been a long-standing traditions on college campuses, and the older we get, the more we need to proceed with caution. The excitement of homecoming can lead to impetuousness, and if you don’t plan accordingly you’ll most likely make poor life choices.

Ergo, in the spirit of smart decision-making, I’ve constructed this list to make your Homecoming not only memorable, but sensible.

1.) Avoid the “hey stranger” swindle:

If you have not heard from this person 1 of the past 365 days thus far, don’t fall for contact on the 274th. Be mindful that these people are an instrument sent to waste your time. Ignore all random “you coming to homecoming this year?” texts. It is the foundation for a series of unfortunate events. These people will start liking your social media posts, and contact you to merely to find something to “do” over the weekend. You were not placed on this earth to be an option during homecoming.

2.) Don’t be a Yard Crasher:

Homecoming is a time celebrated by alumni of a particular institution, but at times outside visitors join to get a taste of what all the hype is about. If you are in fact one of these visitors, govern yourself accordingly. Do NOT walk on someone’s yard expecting the royal treatment and right hand of fellowship. This time is about them, their friends, their memories, and their school pride. You are, unfortunately, an after-thought. If you are a visitor, try making friends and reaching out to mutual associates. Doing this will heighten your experience and open doors you never knew existed.

3.) If it’s free, it’s for me:

Keep in mind that Homecoming is usually the time clubs raise entrance fees to charge an arm, leg, and your first born for entry. Don’t fall for the swindle. Expensive doesn’t mean better quality. Before you spend your money, find out what you’re paying for and what you get for your money. Don’t be enticed by the promise of celebrities. Most of these “celebrities” will make a three second cameo in a remote corner and walk out the door to greener pastures. You can have the same good time at a house party or with a group of friends at other venues. Do your Googling/Yelping and have a proper plan.

4.) Stay In Your Lane:

You can’t be everywhere and go to everything. You are no longer the younger you of yesteryear. You are now a whole entire adult, and things tend to not bounce back like they did in prior years. Do not try to show the younger crowd that you still got it. You’ll regret this. You have nothing to prove. You are not in undergrad anymore. You will hurt for the next six months. Remember the days of going out until 5am and going to an early morning class? Well, those days are over, friend.

5.) Like Black Lives, PTO matters:

After surviving a weekend of Homecoming, the last thing you’ll want to do is go back to your regularly scheduled program. Homecoming is a weekend long festivity and a lot of people have not engaged in activities of these magnitudes in a millennia. Do not set yourself up for failure thinking you can make it to work on Monday. Make sure you hydrate appropriately, water and pedialyteare your friends. If possible, call in sick and take the necessary time to recuperate. If this is NOT possible, go in and suffer through. A weekend of fun is not worth your employment.

Homecoming is a time to celebrate the bonds of friendship and create fresh memories with people old and new. Adhering to these tips will ensure that you do so responsibly and heighten your experience. The most important thing is to make smart life choices and make sure you enjoy yourself.

Corey Townsend

Corey resides in the land of hobbits and homosexuals, also known as the District of Columbia. Being a firm believer in on-time rent payments, Corey has employed himself as a Social media strategist by day and a freelance writer by night. He also is a writer for an award-winning web series and connoisseur of all things brunch related.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    On point Corey.

    Got to find my way down to DC tomorrow if that’s even possible…damn bus tickets are sold out!

    • Other_guy13

      I bet y’all gone be lit..

    • grownandsexy2

      Can you amtrak it?

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Yea but they charging way too high, they need to cut it

    • Mr. Mooggyy

      You know how the city gets during HC! They shut down Georgia Ave! Every club is the “Official Howard HC club!” Even the skrippas tryna get that extra coinage! As I get older, I realize how much I want to stay away from DC during big events! ***Alas, part me still wants to go to the parade and the game***

      • camille1128

        No parade this year! And I’m old enough that my child is a freshman about to do her first Yardfest. I feel like that’s not really a parent-child bonding moment.

    • PriceIsRightHorns
      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Hehe yea I really wished I had things better planned out, sounds like you had a blast

  • Kylroy

    Through my mid 20s, nearly every Saturday I would be out until 4 a.m. or later, sleep until 2 p.m. or so on Sunday…then go to bed at 10 and be up for work on Monday at 6 or 7 with no problems.

    I have no idea how I pulled that off. I just know it would end *very badly* for me if I tried it again.

  • Other_guy13

    #6. Don’t be the guy shooting ya shot at every girl you had a crush on in undergrad talking bout “I was so in love with you back in the day but I was scared to say it”. While you thinking you going for the slam dunk, you really looking like http://cdn3.vox-cdn.com/assets/4239027/faildunk.gif

  • LEMME tell you…

    I agree with this entire article. My colleges homecoming was 2 week ago s/o #PVHC2K16. It was a m o f o lituation. Every year since i graduated ive gotten #1. And I am like my dude…you couldn’t slide in the DM like errybody else. Im not hard to find on social media

    I kicked it hard, so hard i sprained my ankle & i have a brace to show for it. But like i said it was a lituation.

    • brothaskeeper

      *makes motion to add “lituation” to normal daily lexicon*

      • Other_guy13

        She so Clever

      • Gibbous

        Second

        • brothaskeeper
          • grownandsexy2

            Wonder if POTUS and FLOTUS will attend homecoming at Harvard and Princeton when he leaves office.

            • Nichole

              They have invites as honorary alumni of any HBCU in the US, Harvard and Princeton may never see them at a HC.

              • grownandsexy2

                I can’t imagine a Harvard or Princeton HC even coming close to an HBCU HC.

            • brothaskeeper

              They should do an HBCU tour. Each year they drop into a HC and keep the people uplifted.

      • More than a situation, better than it being a movie, it was ???

        And you’re welcome

    • Other_guy13

      #7 THOU SHALT NOT GET INJURED DURING HOMECOMING!!!!!!!!

  • LeeLee

    I’m a Morganite and our homecoming is this weekend. Still debating on whether or not I’ll attend. Now that I’m in my mid 30s, I shy away from big crowds. Give me a small, mature crowd, meaningful conversation some live music and I’m a happy woman!

  • brothaskeeper

    How old is old to indulge in HC activities? ‘Cuz you can’t be the King of the Parking Lot forever.

    • Other_guy13

      38.5

    • panamajackson

      I’m 37. Still doing it. I’ve seen 80 year old Ques out there getting their tailgate on. You’re never too old.

      • brothaskeeper

        I’ve seen THAT person at the day parties. The old guy/broad in the club doin’ it with their boots on when they should just relegate themselves to mild tailgate participation and the 9:30 Sunday service. Tombout “what year did you come out?”
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e3efa86decb3f800075c97da46f9836fa25477e2c6c972998ff113e007b022da.gif

        • PDL – Cape Girl Shero

          This picture tho…..cackles!!!!

          Edit: I met up with a few friends a couple years ago at a club-like spot and lemme tell you, this cat retchea (your gif) was going from woman to woman, MAKING MOVES!! He was clean and clean cut, but sadly he was too old. He had me by I KNOW 25 years. Made me want to run home and get under the covers. LOL. Man, that dude scarred me. He made me feel old. I was watching the clock and for the first opening to gitouddathere!!!!!

          • Went to a small last minute reunion a while back, and I didn’t last more than an hour. I felt insanely out of place. I was sitting there looking around at: two that had walkers from some illness or two, one was in a wheelchair, and a lot of my white classmates looked to be in their 60’s.
            #whatsyournameagain

            • PDL – Cape Girl Shero

              Wooooow, I’m not laughing as in making light but that is hilarious. LOLOL Mayne, I feel you.

              I don’t do reunions. Half the folks I can’t even recognize (from social media). I get all kinds of invites but for me that was a time/span in the past and it served its purpose. I have moved on. Don’t get me wrong I’m not knocking folks that go, just not my thing. Had an ex that sent amessage to my sister by way of another classmate that if I wasn’t going he wasn’t either.

              That cat at the bar was absolutely clueless. Everyone was sniggling/whispering at him.

            • Cleojonz

              Time does not do right by most of our white classmates, especially he men. I’m really good with faces but at the last reunion I went to I was like who are these old a** men? We aren’t that d*mned old.

        • Jennifer

          I love his hype man in the back, lol.

        • PDL – Cape Girl Shero

          Antonio Fargas…..HUGGY BEAR!!!!!

        • Dude straight “crypt” walkin’

          • brothaskeeper

            ?????????

          • Furious Styles

            *Dead*
            *_*

        • TeeChantel

          THE LOUDEST OF SCREAMS!!

      • TDW

        But Morehouse encourages participation until you die. I get the impression that’s not necessarily the case at other schools.

        • SouthwestDekalb

          One time for Morehouse Homecoming Oct. 31st, class of 2001!

        • HoneyRose

          Maybe that’s what it is? I went to Spelman and I’m used to seeing old Morehouse/Spelman cats wandering around in October and May. It’s kind of wonderful, actually.

        • Nik White

          Hampton too.

      • 80 year old Ques still hopping is tragic though.. like, “Ni66a be an Omega man now. ” lol

    • PDL – Cape Girl Shero

      Hahaha….I kinda wondered the same.

    • grownandsexy2

      You’re never too old. Get that party on!

    • Other_guy13

      As long as you not this guy….you should be good http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/1989829/82318467.gif

    • PhlyyPhree

      Yes you can!!!!*
      *if that slogan got Obama elected in 08, it can keep you out there swimming in undergrad coeds trying to find ‘bundle sponsors’

    • You have obviously never been to a South Carolina State home game. Dudes who were arrested during the Orangeburg Massacre are out.

      • Other_guy13

        MEAC in da house *daps*

      • miss t-lee

        LMAO

      • brothaskeeper

        Gatdayme!

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        ahahaahahahahahahaa

    • cakes_and_pies

      My friends are older than me, we’re talking about mid-40s and they go hard from Thursday to Sunday. I just can’t hang like. You’re never to old to go, but you can be too old to make a fool of yourself.

    • HoneyRose

      Shoot, you can go to Homecoming until you’re old and decrepit. There are lots of different kinds of HC activities, and when I was an undergrad I always loved seeing the old head Spelmanites come back for Homecoming and Reunion.

  • WenzelDashington

    If your old 90s early 00s self didn’t Millie Rock in undergrad then don’t do it to yourself on the dance floor.

  • Kas

    Posts like this make me regret going to a PWI.

    • Other_guy13

      UCLA is a melting pot though

      • Kas

        UCLA for grad and I was i the program for fully employed folks. SC undergrad (and not South Carolina), sigh.

        • Other_guy13

          Ohhh….still great schools.

          • Kas

            You have my permission to pity me.

            • Other_guy13

              Why….I bet the parties and women were epic

              • Kas

                I got in with the wrong crowd. The parties were shall we say interesting.

                • Other_guy13

                  As long as nothing was recorded…I think it was worth it lol Seriously…I had a small group of friends….my HBCU was more tame than some folks but still had a BLAST.

                  • Kas

                    Almost positive if you are a pharmaceutical salesman you should not be putting up open and closed signs in the window of your University provided apartment.

                    • Other_guy13

                      Your logic is sound…I’m also sure you shouldn’t decorate your University provided apartment with stolen traffic signs from a construction site….but things happen lol

                    • Kas

                      No you really shouldn’t, but as you mentioned, things happen.

    • Nichole

      I don’t regret going PWI, but can’t take your HBCU alum friends to your HC without a LOT of forewarning about the differences.

      • Kas

        I have never participated in a HC post graduation.

        • Nichole

          We had a pretty tight knit black community around the time I went, and we partied a lot while in school so we continued the tradition for a few years after, until we all started having kids. Now we typically just go to the tailgate and drink, take a nap, then dinner and a bar. No need for PTO on Monday.

          • Kas

            I keep up with two people from Undergrad. They are both Asian and live in Tokyo.

      • Amber

        I stopped going to my undergrad PWI homecoming. I went to an HBCU for grad so i focus on that.

        • Kas

          That’s cheating. :)

        • Helga G.Pataki

          you is smart!

      • Blueberry01

        …and football games and step shows

    • HoneyRose

      Kas, getchu some HBCU friends to come down to homecoming with! Most of my friends went to a PWI and we’ve been talking about them coming down to SpelHouse HC for a couple years.

      • Kas

        I am 50 years old with two kids that are 4 and 6 years old. The only way I see HBCU or HC is when teaching them their alphabet. Sad.

    • TruBrownK

      I went to LSU.. I think I would be more interested in homecoming had I pledged but the way nursing school was set up… Smh

    • Blueberry01

      I felt that way about our halftime show at football games and our step shows. ?

  • cakes_and_pies

    It’s not an Homecoming until you see a flock of 40+ year olds running to the dance floor when “Back that azz up” or Sunshine Anderson’s “heard it all before” starts.

  • Ille Jay

    Haven’t been “home” to Baton Rouge since my 2nd year out of school and that was strictly for thee Homecoming Game! Just about all of my college buds are curmudgeon, financially challenged or live further away than I…and the one that stayed, is so deadset on NOT having a good time it’s humorous. They were good guys in undergrad! Oh well….One Day Again Maybe?! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eb2b438c134a40d12af6563f1b0698241d3628719d6b4c3f10a38c85de5ac4e4.jpg

    • Amber

      I tried homecoming a few years back with my girlfriends from school and it was depressing. One had to bring her baby along so we couldnt kick it one night and we just ended up at IHOP which could’ve been fun reminiscing but all we talked about was how we hated or jobs or relationship. I think we all were just in a dark place and drinking didn’t help lol. So i usually go to other school homecoming events with folks i know are going to have fun.

      • Ille Jay

        Lil Sis is a Spellman Grad and Best Friend went school in Kansas (they have to make it work in them Plains, there is nothing to do BUT party!)…maybe I’ll hit Babygirl up and have some new memories w/her

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Wow….that definitely sounds like it wasn’t good but it also gave you a reason to see you don’t need to look backwards, just forwards.

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