Lists

Youzealie: 10 Most Common Lies People Tell in A Relationship

While honesty is a virtue and the cornerstone of a long-lasting relationship (assuming everybody involves knows what a daddy is…ZING!), the fact is most people in relationships tell eachother lies. Now, I’m not talking about huge “It’s your baby!/I don’t even know Tiger Woods” style lies, but more little white lies intended to keep the sanity, peace, and faith.

Why did I say faith? Well because as soon as I wrote the words “keep the…”, Michael Jackson’s song “Keep The Faith” (from the Dangerous LP)popped into my head, and I figured, if you’re going to keep something, as say a keepsake, you know, for the sake of keeping something, faith is definitely up there as one of those “good things” Beyoncé really likes, to keep, which must be why Michael Jackson so eloquently sang about it before he found his faith. No Conrad.

Hope he kept it.

Huzzah.

1. You always hit my spot just right.

Yeah, okay. You’re right. Except really, sex is like Any Given Sunday. Sometimes,  you have a bad day (I’m looking at you Patriots) and hitting her spot is more difficult than Stevie Wonder reading an eye-chart. But she’s really nice if she tells you this knowing full well she had to finish the job herself AND convince you that you’re the man. That’s a good lie.

2. I love your mother (parents).

While I do actually love my girl’s mother, I know MORE than my fair share of people who feel otherwise. Thing is, is it really worth it to say that “I think your mother is a worthless hag who smokes more Jimmy Dean? And by the way, she smells like hot arse sometimes, tell her to Summer’s Eve that pocket!” I’m gonna say, no. At least you ain’t got Martin’s momma. Her biscuits (no buttocks) were supposed to be slammin’ though.

Speaking of biscuits…

3. You’re cooking tastes almost like my mothers.

While I would never say this to anybody, I heard my boy tell his girl this about a year ago. He knew he was lying when he said it. I tasted his girl’s food. If her mother cooked like that, she’d be dead.

4. You’re the only man/woman I ever loved.

Your pants are SO on fire, paco. I remember when you used to date Big Booty Judy from SW and you used to feed her oysters. And that time you all dressed alike, and you were 22. THAT was love. Anddon’t get me started on women telling that lie. If she’s over age 22, you are DEFINITELY not the only man she’s loved.

You might be her first experimentation with The Art of Dome, but definitely not love.

Hmm…

5. I’ve never done that before.

Saying you’ve never done that before usually means you’ve done it before but you just like to pretend that you didn’t do it before because if folks knew how many times you really did it, they might not want you to do it to them. Or at least they’d ask for some test results first.

6. I don’t know him/her.

Youzealie. You used to play Naked Twister every Tuesday in your less reformed days. Or better yet, “oh you meant HIM! Oh, yeah, I thought you meant the guy with the ‘Homeless Vet’ sign standing 200 feet away from the guy I know. Um, yeah, we used to date a little.”

Hell…

7. We used to date, a little.

What does that even mean? I know we like to downplay stuff, but really, what does that mean? By the way, that’s a chick line. A guy would deny, deny, deny like he was R. Kelly and you had a sex tape that included three penguins and a pet goat named Miley.

8. I love going to the opera.

We often lie about things we hate doing. This is how we end up doing a lot of things we hate doing. Like going to the opera. Or sitting through a talk given by Michael Eric Dyson – which I assume is akin to Hell.

9. You’re the first thing I think about in the morning.

Well, you in a sense, I suppose. But I’m guessing its you on-top or underneath. Eyes optional.

10. I love you.

Heh heh heh.

What are some other little white lies that we tell in relationships? Share. And make sure your significant other isn’t reading today or doesn’t know who you are.

And put some stank on it.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

PS And check me out over on Guyspeak.com as I answer some of the funnest (yes funnest) and strangest questions known to mankind…daily. Yes, Panama writes over there daily.

Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Pink Luck

    My lie of all lies was : No, I didn’t sleep with any co-workers.

    (and hey, I’m a cop – it’s like being in the military – it happens)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Pink Luck, wait, you were actually asked that question, straight up?

      only way i see that coming up is if it comes out that you got down with one, then all of a sudden the little curiosity bug kicks in on some…”wait..how many coworkers DID you sleep with?”

      • Leila

        @Panama Jackson, lol! I was wondering how that would come up…

  • Ivyette

    1.Awww…baby, you bought me perfume. I love White Diamonds perfume!

    I think that ish smells like roach spray and warm garbage. And I ALWAYS know when a woman has it on. Ugh!

    2. Your sisters (or mother, for some) seem pretty cool.

    Sike! Them never-been-kissed-mean-faced-mouth twistin’ chicks don’t like me and the feeling is mutual. But I’ll try not to let on just how much I can’t stand ‘em. ;)

    • charli skipper

      @Ivyette,

      oh, not the white diamonds. i’ve always heard people talking about how good white diamonds smells and how nice it is, so i got some. um…….i forgot to notice that all the people saying that were OLD people. that shat smells like depression and medicare.

      • missjess

        @charli skipper,
        *dead* @ “depression and medicare”

      • Ivyette

        @charli skipper,

        that shat smells like depression and medicare.

        Cosign. Ever notice how only women 55+ wear that stuff? They are the only reason behind those Liz Taylor commercials that have fuzzy glow.

      • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

        @charli skipper,

        Ha! My mom wears White Diamond…lol!!

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Monk,

          It’s a “mom” smell. My mama used to rock that as well. It smells…mature. Frankly, it smells like Elizabeth Taylor. I sprayed some on when I was like in eighth grade and became a member of AARP immediately.

          That was wrong.

          I’m sorry, Mama.

          • Me fail english?

            @Cheekie,

            Dead@ u knowing wut Liz Taylor smells like.

            Between this and your hatred of Snuggies comment you must be tryna kill me!

    • miss t-lee

      @Ivyette,
      “Awww…baby, you bought me perfume. I love White Diamonds perfume!”

      LMAO!!!! If someone gave me White Diamonds, it would be promptly returned, or re-gifted, but never worn!!!! That ish is terrible.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Ivyette, I think that ish smells like roach spray and warm garbage.

      this is what i envisioned Britney Spears perfume smelled like.

      • sxyscientst

        @Panama Jackson, thats EXACTLY what B.Spears’ “perfume” smells like

  • http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

    I love this “enter article of clothing you would never ever buy”

    NO I dont mind the morning breathe.. I just have a crook in my neck!

    Yeah I love it when you put your tongue in my ear!

    Of course I want to go to church with your momma’ nem

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @shay-d-lady, girl…you stay lyin. stop that.

  • Satya

    lol @ “Yeah I love it when you put your tongue in my ear!”
    I HATE THAT!!!!

    • Tahirah

      @Satya, I hate the tongue in the ear thing too…truth is i dont let the guy kno that

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @Tahirah, must not hate it too much then. last time a chick tried to get close to my ear and i didn’t want them there, i swatted her ass with my shoe.

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @Satya,

      I KNOW! A dude asked me to do that to him as a form of goodbye. Like, not a hug or kiss. But tongue in your Madame Toussauds arse ear. I shoulda directed him to the nearest Walgreens so he can pick up some Q-Tips. I just opted for “helll naaaaw”. But the prior response woulda been more brilliant. I was drunk, though.

      • IJstDntUnderstand

        @Cheekie, LMFAO at that strange goodbye request…I hope you kept it moving after that…that’s just strange..yeah that’s all I have to say about that (said in Forest Gump voice)

  • Made In Hawaii

    “I’m listening.”

    …the hell you are, boy.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Made In Hawaii, i think you got that one mistaken. you see, we are definitely listening, we just don’t hear what you’re saying b/c you seem to always be talking but rarely saying anything.

      you have conditioned us.

      • Big_D

        @Panama Jackson,

        CO-SIGN & CO-SIGN!!!!! Then she gets mad when the conditioning works! If you don’t want it, don’t do it.

        Sorry, that means you know what you want (shock & awe).

  • AnonyMiss

    five&&six…smh

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @AnonyMiss, one, two, buckle my shoe…

  • WonderWoman

    No, I’m not sleeping…(I am obviously snoring, drooling, dreaming, talking in my sleep) and I roll over anyway…because I love you…

    • P.

      @WonderWoman,

      Phone rings at 4 in the morning, it takes me 5 seconds to answer and another 15 to let out the longest yawn ever, then the following:

      Me: …huh?
      My girl: Hey! You sleep?
      (another 5 second yawn)
      Me: …Naw…

      Gets me every time. When I was a kid, phone calls after like 1 AM were bad news and you always answered. Now ninjas just call before sunrise like it’s nothin.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @P., you need better friends.

        • P.

          @Panama Jackson,

          My girl is the biggest and usually only offender of this. And my brother occasionally when he’s drunk and needs something to keep him alert while driving home, which I can accept.

          Although a few weeks ago, one of my boys called me at 3:54 AM to tell me to look at something on Facebook. So you’re right, I do need better friends.

      • WonderWoman

        @P., I stare at the phone for a few rings when I get an early A.M. I’m afraid someone died and I’m getting the call to let me know….and I agree you need better friends….

  • http://blackgirlunscripted.wordpress.com Anike Love

    I would just like to say that I am a reformed relationship liar, and actually wrote a post about the trouble that lying has gotten me into, yikes!

    Movin’ on…

    And my Top 3 lies ARE:

    1) Nooooo, me and him never had anything going on, we’re just friends! I don’t even think he’s cute! (LIE!)
    2) I think about how it would be to marry you too (LIE!)
    3) Yeah, I was closer to orgasming that time (SUPER LIE! hmmph!)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Anike Love, LMAO. you have a Top 3?

      how many do you have stored up?

      • http://blackgirlunscripted.wordpress.com Anike Love

        @Panama Jackson, more than I am proud of! But I’m doing better, rehab did me well lol

    • http://jackgetsapack.blogspot.com/ Jackie

      @Anike Love,

      Wow!

  • sanen85

    I thought for sure that number of partners would end up on this list.

    • So What?

      @sanen85,

      who even asks that anymore? That’s asking to be lied to.

      Funny thing is, I don’t even know the exact number.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @So What?, right…why even ask? that’s like asking a woman with natural hair if she would sleep with Flavor Flav. of course she would, but she can’t tell you that.

        • Yeah…SO?!

          @Panama Jackson, huh?

          • http://mysixcents.wordpress.com klysha

            @Yeah…SO?!, it’s like you read that question out of my head

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @Yeah…SO?!, makes perfect sense to me and lil wayne.

        • Tahirah

          @Panama Jackson, Oh no no no no…I have natural hair and the thought of flavor flav makes me dizzy!!! (thats the damn truth) lol

      • SaneN85

        @So What?, Yes, yes they do. I’m not sure why, I just know that people do. Heck, I’ve been asked this question on the third date, more than once.

        • Me fail english?

          @SaneN85,

          I had some random guy on a subway platform ask me that with no intro. Then he said smthg about P Diddy and I think he called us both bishes *shrug*

  • QueenT

    LOL! I love this….

    I think, the main lie women tell revolves around a man’s sexual prowess and size of their manhood. This lie will go down in the history book of lies…..

    Good post.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @QueenT, yeah, we feel the same way about your cooking.

      • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

        @Panama Jackson,

        Thing is, who is most offended? Not every woman gives a rat arse about cooking, but I bet every man gives a rat arse about his manhood. lol

        Women win.

    • HUPirate in NY

      @QueenT, “I think, the main lie women tell revolves around a man’s sexual prowess and size of their manhood. This lie will go down in the history book of lies…..”

      I believe y’all lie about that. The Question is, is if this lie comes out during intercourse when we’re beatin it up, or after and at random times when talking about sex?
      I feel like if it comes out during sex its the truth. But if a guy asks randomly during convos about sex and the manhood, thats where the lies come out.

      • Yeah…SO?!

        @HUPirate in NY, “I feel like if it comes out during sex its the truth.”
        - smh

        • HUPirate in NY

          @Yeah…SO?!,
          seriously. espescially when we first get in or the first time beating, and the guy mentions nothing about size.
          Has to be Truth

          • Yeah…SO?!

            @HUPirate in NY, Awww pookey… keep reading- especially imeminez’s comment(Words to live by!)

      • imeminez

        @HUPirate in NY, LOL. Along with saying “it’s yours, daddy.” If a woman exhorts about a guys manhood during sex it is a lie and if a guy really is beatin it up then she def won’t be able to say anything other than “oh ish,” nonsensical nasty rants…

        • HUPirate in NY

          @imeminez,
          i guess i can take your comment and think about that one. But there’s no denying when y’all keep runnin back for it. I usually can care less about what a chick says during intercourse and if they front afterwards like nah i didnt come or it was just ok. if u didnt come, and it was jus “ok” then what was all the white stuff on my sheets from your private area about? o…aiight.

          • imeminez

            @HUPirate in NY, white stuff on your sheets? Iono sounds like she may have a yeast infection…just messing with you but you are full of delusions and contradictions and my mom told me not to mess with (crazy) people like you…you really should have paid attention in sexed because you would know a lot more about a woman’s body. Just because your friend was wet and left a white stuff doesn’t mean she came. Same with nipples, just cuz they are hard doesn’t mean we are excited. Some of us are wet all day, without men having NOTHING to do with it.