Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

You Know How You Like To Date The Wrong People? Turns Out It’s Nature’s Fault.


If there’s one thing that nearly all of us have in common, it’s dating somebody we had no business dating. But not only that, we all share the at least once constant desire to stay with said person despite flags so red that Lil Wayne gets jealous. We’ve all been there. You meet some person who you KNOW isn’t right for you. But your heart and (obviously) mercury in retrograde + Murphy’s Law refuses to allow you leave this person alone. Then because your heart keeps telling you that you love this person, you rationalize it in your mind that it must actually be love.

Suddenly, their flaws aren’t flaws but growth in progress. Logically, that one good deed outweighs all of the armed robberies of your soul and the holdups of your emotions that occur. If they were you’re employee they’d have been fired a lifetime ago. But since you’re not paying them you don’t want them to leave because of the investment you’ve made. Never mind that it was a bad one. You invested, dammit, and you’re going to get some return on it, even if its more problems. A return is a return, right? That’s the IRS philosophy.

Yeah, people suck.

Well as luck would have it, it’s possible that picking wrong for the long haul might not be just relegated to humanity and our mammoth-sized misplaced egos, but apparently it could just be a natural function of our animalistic tendencies. Yes, nature’s f*ck shit has invaded the human psyche. Or at least that’s the leap I’m making here based on a New York Times article, entitled, “In Nature, Fatal Attractions Can Be Part of Life.” To wit:

“…a sleek young male Antarctic fur seal was trying to mate with a king penguin.

The fur seals normally hunt penguins and eat them. But this seal was wrestling with the bird, chasing as it repeatedly tried to escape.

Baffled at first, Mr. Scott, a wildlife researcher, realized that the seal “was trying to court the penguin as if it were a female seal.”

When that failed, he “tore the bird to shreds and ate it,” Mr. Scott recalled.

Disturbing as it may sound, such wayward mating behavior is not unheard-of. An earlier episode of seal-on-penguin sexual violence, also at Marion Island, was reported in 2008 by Nico de Bruyn and colleagues at the University of Pretoria, in South Africa, where Mr. Scott is a graduate student.

The phenomenon is called misdirected mating…’

So as it turns out, even animals sometimes don’t know when they’re f*cking the wrong person. Or animal. But for some reason they can’t seem to help themselves either. If it feels right, they go for it. Gold all in my watch.

Nor is such mating limited to marine mammals. Insects, spiders, worms, frogs, birds and fish do it, too, Dr. Hochkirch said. The behavior is a form of so-called reproductive interference, in which an animal’s mate-recognition radar is imperfect; the encounters do not necessarily end fatally.

Summamabitch, a bunch of animals also get their smang on with the wrong folks. Now, I’m not here to judge – do you spider-boo – but that could help explain a whole lot, couldn’t it? It also gives a lot more credence to the Human League (ironically titled now) song, “I’m Only Human.” Sure you know you shouldn’t be dating Big OG Gangster Tracy Tre of the Eight-Tray Gangsta Crips, but you can’t help it. You’re only human and it it feels right. Oh, and that encounter…can end up fatal. Word to Elmo.

Now snap back to reality, what if it really was just a totally natural impulsive and unstoppable urge that caused these (hopefully non-fatal) couplings. Every chick I’ve ever dated where I knew it wouldn’t work or was a bad fit (hey, I didn’t mean that pun), it became apparent early on. Like very early. But because I’m an idiot at times and like to make bad dating decisions on occasion, I’d stick it out (again, didn’t mean it) and see how far the carnage could go. What can I say? I like trainwrecks. Most of us like to chide folks for allowing that to occur but the truth is that it’s difficult as hell to break up with somebody unless something major happens. And even then, major is a subjective as hell. I know women who KNOW for a fact that their man is cheating on them RIGHT NOW who won’t leave him. He’s no good for her but she’s content. I know some dudes whose women have given them every reason in the book to make like a banana and leave and yet they won’t do it.

Mix in this naturalistic tendency to attempt over and over again to couple wrongly – misdirected matching swag – and you’re inclined to stick around despite what you or anybody else knows or says.

What is curious is that, once that animal who didn’t want the coupling (the one who has it right in their head – or who just lets the person stick around b/c they’re benefiting) rebuffed those advances, that penguin went Freddy on that ass. That’s not unlike humanity. There are a lot of people who absolutely KNOW who they won’t work with so they, smartly, resist, and the pursuer, well, loses their sh*t. Now that can result in many different scenarios, depending on if they know their daddy.

But people take rejection really personally. Understandable. But you ain’t have to kill nobody.

Point is, for all you sucks that don’t know…check it out: when you get home and you look at that man or woman you KNOW you need to leave but can’t seem to walk out the door…I’ve got three words for you…


Thank you and good night.



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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at

  • Well, I need a date tonight for MY BIRTHDAY!! *body rolls in glitter*

    • Third Of August

      Happy Birthday!

    • Val

      :-) Have a great birthday! :-)

    • msdebbs

      happy born day!

    • *Sings Trick Daddy and Dunk Ryders in appreciation of the moment*

    • Happy birthday!

    • Sweet GA Brown

      Happy Birthday!

    • Youtube or it didn’t happen lol…Happy Birthday

    • Happy Birthday

    • Breezy

      Happy Birthday!!!!!

    • Juiciest Mango

      HBD. Have a blessed one.

    • Happy Birthday!

    • Happy 39th birthday *throws more glitter*

    • Rewind

      Birthday shots for you!

    • WIP

      Cover your eyes.
      Happy birthday!

    • Happy birthday. May all your Christmases be bright.

    • YeahSo

      You Are My People it’s your b-day???? That’s great… Happy B-day!!!!… I hope it’s… masculine? *thumbs up*

    • Yoles

      ♫ ♪♪ ♫ Happy Birthday to You ♪♫•*.*•♫♪♪Happy Birthday to You ••♫♪ Happy Birthday Dear, I Am Your People Happy Birthday tooooooo You! ♫ ♪♪ ♫ Enjoy your very special day :D

    • You’re first and its your birthday. Win. Win. Fortune cookie says you will have good luck.

    • Happy Birfday, IAYP!!!! *flings many ratched confettis*

    • CNotes

      Happy Birthday to one of my faves!!! XOXO

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      Happy Birthday, My People! :)

    • Happy Birthday!!!!

  • msdebbs

    I guess this is why my dating life sucks…monkey ballz.

    • Rewind

      She said ballz.

    • its possible. though, my guess its probably due to the fact that men can’t seem to get it together. we suck. that’s the more likely scenario according to Johnson Publishing Company.

      • Rewind

        We do suck. But we didn’t get here alone.

        • Sweet GA Brown

          If you can admit it, why not fix it?

          • well i was being facetious. lol

          • Rewind

            You can’t fix a problem you can’t see. And like I said, we didn’t get here alone, yall are right here with us.

            I can save me, not my entire gender.

      • YeahSo

        I approve this message. lol

  • Never

    Been there. Tilled the soil. Grew some corn…

    As I matured, I was better able to differentiate between my wants and needs. I WANTED…uh, we’ll call her…Megan. I initially wanted her because she was a challenge, was educated, and…well damn it, she was sexy nuh bloodclaat. Megan had issues though; for example, while I was eating dinner at her spot, she walks into the bathroom, leaves the door open, and took a SHEEYIT. You know the face you make when you see a nasty dunk highlight? Well…this was a nasty dunk alright. Got an attitude when I asked why on earth she didn’t close the door too. Had been in abusive relationships, had a leech extraordinaire mother, had an upgraded leech older sister who thought it was cute to let loose with belches at the dinner table during Thanksgiving…I hung around though. Made me feel extra guilty when I considered leaving…I’m talking crying on the phone, begging to come over, pleading with me to stay. That tore me apart inside (hell, I’m one of the “nice” Jamaican men). That’s primarily what took me so long to move on.

    It’s the old “right” vs “right now” inner struggle. More time we’ll settle for “right now” because they satisfy some ancillary desire, be it physical or emotional. And (males) let’s be honest with ourselves; if she’s toting a pair of 38 DDs, succulent lips, curvy hips, and a cooter that she doesn’t have to fold in half before she sits down? It’s a bit easier to justify staying with her just a liiiiittle bit longer, nuh true?

    And the 1990s didn’t help with Apache (R.I.P.) opining “I Need A Gangsta Bitch…”

    Your bumbo.

    • WIP

      “a cooter that she doesn’t have to fold in half before she sits down?”


      • Rewind

        Look WIP, you ever seen vag lips that could be used as a parachute?

        Cause I have. It aint funny.

        • WIP


        • mena

          Is it b/c they are fat or the lips are just overused? I am confused.

          • Rewind

            I’m not sure what the deal was…but the 3 that I saw were from slutty chicks…so that could be it.

            I looked it up, for some women it could be an abnormal growth of the lips.

            Either way…it’s not always pretty down there.

    • Rewind

      Ehh…..I know what you mean.

      When you look back at it, you’re like Jesus F-ing Christ, what was I thinking?….but back then, in the moment…common sense was like a Republican Mexican…NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. We just listened to our dycks and no matter how much logic we tried to come up with, our lower half had better logic. Especially if she’s fine as hell.

      Just be happy you didn’t get her preggo.

      • I’m pretty sure I can also trace the majority of my bad dating decisions to lower half logic.

        • Rewind

          There’s not a man alive who can say otherwise. Probably a bunch of dead ones who’d agree too.

    • You know, I used to date a chick who would never close the door when she used the bathroom. It alwas threw me for a loop. Now she never dropped a log with the door open to my knowledge, but I just found it odd to be leaving doors open when you’re doing your business as a lady.

      Was that sexist?

      Cuz i’m sexxy.

      • Rewind

        I think some people do that when they live alone…because no one is usually there…but that ettiquette is supposed to kick in when someone IS THERE.

      • WIP

        Good grief, why are people so eager to share their eliminations with the world?? LOL, I don’t understand the point of this.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        I live alone so I go with the door open but when I have male company that Im smangin I will leave it cracked. If he is new I will close the door completely. If I go #2 it happens before or after the they are there.

  • My dating life sucks to, as the only men I seem to attract (and who I attract by the azz load) are 60+ year old white men. I sh*t you not – I go to every gathering of uppity colored edjumacated intellectuals alone, and leave alone. I enter a grocery store, mall, bus, public street, bank, post office…here comes the AARP brigade! (but since Social Security won’t be around when I turn 65, maybe I need to get on it now…)

    • msdebbs

      LMAO!!! I attract older men too but their all black, balding and have a mouth full of gold teeth…yuck.

    • “maybe I need to get on it now…)”

      “That’s what” -She

      • chameleonic

        “thats what” -she


      • Rewind

        lmaooo Nicki Minaj is going to steal the hell out of this and make it her new rap style.

        • chameleonic

          [*shower singing with sunglasses on*] but baby if you asked me to take a break, ill give it all away dont care what the people say…well be a million, billion, trillion miles awaaaay. oooh.

          “he asked my sign. said im a sagg. ima star. sheriff badge. feel your point. im not guardin’, double d up hoes.” -shyt im startin

          • Rewind


    • Rewind

      1) You getting sugar daddies…do you know how hard regular ho’s have to work to get that attention?

      2) Let’s be real…you have an auora that makes you seem VERY mature. Is it really odd that you attract older people, coupled with your lovely looks?

      I know it’s weird, I’ve got plenty of female friends with the same problem, but they all usually let out some kind of signal that keeps dudes their age away.

      • An “aurora” tho?

        • Rewind

          Ok so I’ve got shytty typing skills when I’m typing fast.

          • LOL. i aint want to assume you meant it on purpose. i know you smart.

            • Rewind

              Hahaha thanks. I’m going to pretend I didn’t Google the word aura to realize how far off I was…although it’s probably poetic as hell to tell a woman she’s like an aurora borealis

    • I do wonder what it is about certain women who tend to attract old men commonly. I have a friend who is a straight up target for old men. Every dating story she tells me usually starts with, “so I’m out and this MAD OLD dude…”

      I saw it once myself. I thought she was lying. but that sh*t really happens.

      • chameleonic

        lmao. i dont attract men too much older than me but ive found im naturally riled up by men who are 30-35. im physically more comfortable.

      • msdebbs

        I feel her pain..

    • Asiyah

      AARP brigade ahahahahahahaha

      Happy Birthday.

    • Zar000

      I attract a mixed bag… sometimes its the 60+crowd and then the days I’m wearing zero makeup and some jeans its the HS kids *smh*

    • SweetSass

      I must have a baby face because lately too many teenage boys have been trying to hollar. I guess I have a backpack with my jujutsu stuff in it so they think I’m in school too.

      • Old dudes take one look and I give em the stink eye. They let me alone. Lol. Young dudes take a look and cock their head to one side like they’re thinking hmm, never thought about trying older, but she kinda sorta look like she might could be fun. I’m gonna have to think on it.

    • YeahSo

      Oh my!!! *thumbs down* :-(

  • chameleonic

    LOL. cross species mating? what a wonderfully random conversation starter. thatd be good for one of those late night gabfests. mate selection though.

    theres been guys in my life who ive had a comforting, superficial connection to. i felt a pull to them so i gave them enough room to be a good or bad friend to me and a lot of times i had no business letting it even go that far, but ive had a couple friends where it was festering love that i simply denied us. i think my mate selection may be mental, logic as applied to a life purpose regardless of emotions. being that im a woman i typically dont look for mates but men who seek ME as a mate…is he logically an apt companion, husband, leader, provider, father for what life is to me? and thats my mate recognition.

    love was always second to the pull of greater purpose and the honing of person however i at least know the men i would accept as mates do wanna be with me and stick with me and often will ask, or wish to ask for my hand.

    now im just good. i know me, i appeal to the mates i desire, theres several pools of men i recognize as acceptable mates. i would just need someone to ease me through my nerves and uncertainties. and i guess i want a say in the rest of my life but i really just wanna completely hand over the reigns. and i need someone who can handle the initial shock of my condition and the couple years of recovery or so to get me to full health.

    by default of my reality im not someone built for the frivolous, though, i do wish sometimes just for the comfort of being held and feeling intimacy and that sense of security and strength men exude when they desire you…i could just be with someone and enjoy the good times. just for a little bit.

    • “being that im a woman i typically dont look for mates but men who seek ME as a mate…is he logically an apt companion, husband, leader, provider, father for what life is to me? and thats my mate recognition.”

      Wait…stop the presses. There are actually women in this day and age that still believe in this? Am I in the right decade? LMAO!!!

      • chameleonic

        yeah? cuz i mean, someone who is not so good to me just as a person, doesnt really want much to do with me over the course of time and especially when push comes to shove, someone who doesnt really have what it takes to do anything that develops him as a man of legacy, cant ensure the continuance of his children, woman or himself, and who has nothing to pass down to his children… gonna have sex with him because im emotional and muh body wants him. logic flaw.

        thats like telling my mind 2+2=6.

        • Rewind

          See….girl you crazy. I like your crazy..but you crazy.

          You can’t look at everyone person you deal with as a potential husband. 9 times out of 10, the dudes who hit you up don’t even have a clue about their own lives. We all growing up..we have no idea where life will takes us. Maybe 1 year in, you begin to see the plan but otherwise..that’s such a tall order to fill.

          • chameleonic

            lol @ me tilting my head to the side. if im considering sex why WOULDNT i be looking at someone like that? were old enough to know its time to take life seriously. 25, 30, 32/33….youre not a child. thats the onset of your prime and you should be looked at as an adult who has responsibilities to his future family. if you pass i (FINALLY! good god) get laid.

            though, i expect potentials to have a lengthy period of time where they adapt to my particular level of life. thats pretty much a given. im just saying if im gonna do it than its gonna be with someone who could logically fill those shoes. otherwise why do it all?

            • WIP

              i have to agree, specifically if you decide that you want to be married. why waste time with guys who are not measuring up? there’s no reason.

              I realize people can go overboard with this idea, but it’s really quite traditional I think. Why date someone you don’t see yourself marrying for an significant length of time if you want to be married?

              • chameleonic

                exactly! and that way if a guy does measure up we can just chill out and work things out but we both know what path were on.

                • chameleonic

                  and plus, my emotions are special to me. i hardly ever get in my feelings and i know when i do im gonna love hard and im gonna be attached and i just wanna make sure its to the right person for me.

              • Rewind

                Because if every relationship was meant for that step, you’d be with the first person you ever dated.

                But it doesn’t work that way. We aren’t all the same, and life takes us all down different roads. Just because you might be ready for a husband and kids, doesn’t mean the man you meet is ready to fulfill that role. He might have specific reasons as to why, just like you have your own reasons. Now you don’t have to be with him if you don’t want to, but since people change over time, how can it be said that he won’t change his mind if he is prejudged from the gate? If given time and a good experience, he probably would change his mind and embrace your dream.

                I don’t know…this is one of the flaws that goes with men vs. women. From where I stand, I realize the importance of seeing the differences in others and not forcing my expecations on them. W are allowed to want what we want, but you still got to keep in mind, you are you. He is he. Two different people, two different expectations of life, two different experiences.

                • WIP

                  I think you’re getting too deep with it. (TWSS).

                  It’s just time management. You don’t stay in relationships with people who don’t want what you want and can’t fulfull your needs.

                  • Rewind

                    I’m saying I see it diifferently. I don’t get into relationships assuming it will lastt forever. I just get with them because I like our connection and want to see how far it can go. If things prove good, then maybe the future will be bright for us. If not, we will part ways whent he truth is ont he table.

              • Asiyah

                I agree with WIP and was thinking the same thing. If your goal is to get married, why waste your time with men you don’t perceive as potential hubbies? May not work out with all of them, but at least you weed out the DEFINITELY NOTs.

            • Rewind

              It might be just me. I know my life is complicated so I don’t expect other people to be on my level. I’m aware people move differently and learn at different times, so just because I can look to the future doesn’t mean other people can. I am just saying you shouldn’t assume where someone should be in life, because you don’t know why they are at that particular place in life to begin with. Could be many good reasons, or many bad. But either way, there’s a reason.

              I get where you are coming from..I actually have the same thoughts. I can’t have sex with someone unless I like them, and want to be around them for a while…but I’m aware nothing is forever, and people change.

              • chameleonic

                and thats why i dont make a habit of intentionally attracting men. you want access to my heart, my body, my soul…my mind. im GOING to stop you. im GOING to judge you. its going to be according to me because its me youre accessing. i do get a man has his own ideals and perspective and thats how come we have the time to work that stuff out. but im only giving that time and access to someone worthy and who gels.

                • Rewind

                  But you’d be doing the same to him. That’s my point. If you just put yourself in a position to be caught, then that’s why men will approach you in that manner. But you should be treating them the exact same way, in order to test their worth. If they are true about wanting to be with you, they should be exposing themselves the same way you are.

                  • chameleonic

                    i am in a position to be caught.

                    • Rewind

                      But then you’re only doing half the part that’s necessary.

                    • chameleonic

                      because a man has to do his half as well.

          • I don’t agree with this. Particularly b/c I think that most women view a man that they give the time of day to as a potential husband anyway. We just date differently. We date, then find a wife. They look for a husband, and then date him.

            • chameleonic

              [*catches salt*]

              i dont understand how come men date around. i guess if my sex drive were active i would satiate it. and not really care too much with whom i did it with. but then if your sex drive is what youre focused on you leave yourself open to the judgement and discernment of a woman who is marraige minded. which is why i dont understand why men dont live for the marraige theyll initiate. you really think you just wake up one day and have what it takes.

              • Rewind

                It’s a way to grow up. That’s how you find out what you need in life from another person. The girl who was good for me at 19, there’s no way in hell she’s good for me now at 29.

                That’s what I don’t understand about some women. You assume you know what you want from a man RIGHT NOW, but you fail to realize some of your tastes in life period have changed from last year to this year. That probably goes in accordance from men. I’m just saying you change constantly, so how can you be so sure you know right now what you want to have for the next 20 years?

                • chameleonic

                  yeah! people going through a process of self know theyll be different every few years, men seem to fufill those needs with a woman at each stage whereas, personally speaking, i forgoed on satiating my needs during these stages of development. i thought it best to wait until who i am and what life is about for me was finite.

                  perhaps men are born with finite ideas of self and life and have women to test out over the course of their lifetimes?

                  • Rewind

                    Well I think that both men and women have many ideas about who they are, but only time will provide the truth. I don’t know, I think I’m saying that you have every right to be caeful with your heart, but sometimes you just have to take a risk. It may pay off in the end, it may not. But being ca calculating about love is what I’ve seen drive many people crazy, because love isn’t a science. It’s just organic and functions in its own manners, and sometimes you just have to let things play themselvs out rather than define rules and take control.

                    • chameleonic

                      lol. no.

                      peace of mind is the only access point.

                    • chameleonic

                      take a risk huh…

                      [*standing on the ledge trembling*]

                      maybe this is one of those trust exercises. hes gonna catch me right?…..

                    • Rewind

                      Yes Cham, I’ll catch you.

                • WIP

                  “I’m just saying you change constantly, so how can you be so sure you know right now what you want to have for the next 20 years?”

                  With that aren’t you just questioning the whole act or marriage, or buying the “family” home of your dreams you will settle down in, or getting plastic surgery? People do make these types of decisions all the time. Change is inevitable. Are you suggesting you never commit to an idea because you may change your mind later? It’s not about men or women, IMO. It’s simply deciding what you want and taking the action to obtain it.

                  • Rewind

                    I’m honestly just saying that sometimes you have to take a risk and see what happens. If it works, great, if it doesn’t, then ok. But to be calculating about every aspect of a relationship…that’s what I’ve seen make people miserable. I figure if you know yourself well enough, you can begin to see very early whether someone will be a good match for you. But it still doesn’t hurt to get to know people, because some people can change your whole outlook on things, if you take a chance. I don’t know, I guess it depends on the person and what they want out of life.

                    • chameleonic

                      what i want out of life does not afford risks.

                    • chameleonic

                      i dont comprehend risking everything for a lousy a*s man who will probably fail you at everything while simultaneously breaking your heart. im good.

    • Rewind

      I’m going to lock you in a room that only I have the key to.

      Because you are a danger to society but tickle my fancy.

      • chameleonic

        “im going to lock you in a room that only i have the key to.”

        considering im locked in a house waiting for that one guy to take a chance of a lifetime with me, that isnt too far from the truth attal. and i promise you, when i get out of here and im restored to my full glory. im doing damage. i promise you. the president will have my corporations on speed dial with a ‘sit the f*ck down youre taking over the country again’ statement prepared.

        im bout to get my oprah on.

        • Rewind

          lmaooooooo every time I see your font, I wanna hug ya.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      “i need someone who can handle the initial shock of my condition and the couple years of recovery or so to get me to full health.”

      Are you looking to date a psychiatrist?

      • chameleonic

        im looking to date someone that can teach you how to read.

      • chameleonic

        thats the first and last time im going to correct your tone.

  • Secret Sauce

    I attract … what’s the word for fat chicks? Ah, fat chicks! And I don’t mean “thick” or “plus sized” either. I mean ladies who have the same ass as the one Mark Sanchez ran into on Thanksgiving. But I guess this makes me shallow.

    • Sweet GA Brown

      Are you a tall and thin guy???? I just imagine that tall thin guys are half-ton chick magnets…

      • tall thin and still have cornrows in 2012…i imagine his girl weighs at least $250 and buys him Jordans. I aint sh**

        • 250 lbs*

        • Sweet GA Brown

          …definitely cornrows

      • Yoles

        as the resident fat chick i have you know that tall thin guys are the ones chasing ME up and down, not the other way around… hmpf

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          sho’ you right!

    • “I attract … what’s the word for fat chicks?”

      You really don’t want me to answer this, do you?

      • Sweet GA Brown

        I want you to answer it. Dont worry….I’ll wait.

    • Rewind

      buahahahaha @ the image of Mark Sanchez honing in on his teammate’s ass face first when there’s no logical reason that he was that low to the floor to begin with.

    • WIP

      Why is it that all these plus-size, fluffy, curvaceous ladies find you so appealing?

      • SweetSass

        What *do* they see in him, indeed?

      • Secret Sauce

        I don’t know. I guess it’s because I’m tall. Honestly, I don’t know. Never really asked. Been that way since high school.

        • I think they’re just more aggressive in general. Everybody gotta adapt out here or get left in the dust. I don’t blame them for playing offense and increasing their chances of success. As a man I can relate to that necessity.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          Do you have a large penis? There’s the stereotype that the thin dudes have nice cocks.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            free me even though i was naughty

          • Secret Sauce

            that’s for me to know and you to find out.

    • I have a homeboy who’s like that. Every time we go out, the larger boned women are the ones who zero in on him. Usually by the end of the night I’ve lost him only to locate him being pinned up against a wall by some woman double his size whose smiling while he’s got his hands in prayer position.

  • Firstly i have to say that picture caption made me laugh so hard! lool

    I totally agree with this post, theres been plenty of times where ive coupled up or dated a person who i damn well know is not good for me! It usually takes a certain event within the early days when they do or say something that basically makes you think ‘hmmm’ but still i continue! I guess its our own stupidity (and not wanting to give up the ‘smanging’!) that gets us into these silly situations!

  • Tanny

    This is so true. I recently went through a break-up after a year together and he should’ve been gone after the first month! I pick the wrong fellas:-/

    • Rewind

      *plays Michael Jackson – You Are Not Alone*

    • what makes you pick the wrong ones though? or what do you think it is?

      • Tanny

        I try to fix the bad boys, I just realised after this break-up:-/ Next one needs to have his shit together!

  • Sweet GA Brown

    Since my eyes are now open to the fact that I cant make the wrong guy the right guy, I have found myself single. I have been single for a year now because I guess Im never in the right place to meet guys who could potentially be a match. My friends swallow their pride and date the guy that is wrong for them and Im not tempted but I have to wonder if there are any guys left that have their sh!t together. I might end up being that can lady since my regular standards are to high and I refuse to lower them. Woe is me.

    • Rewind

      I think the problem is you stick to conventional means when it comes to men of your choosing. Ergo, you’ll keep meeting the same kind of dudes who can’t fit into the puzzle that is your life.

      I dunno, but Black women with a plan for succeeding don’t seem to be meshing with the current standard of Black men. I don’t know why most of my gender aint shyte right now…but we just aren’t. So my advice is to just get out of your comfort zone and see men from different lifestyles or races or what have you. Clearly you do things you like that you aren’t changing for anyone, so you can’t say there’s no man out there to understand that.

      Or….let me just speak to you like you’re a dude: Quit fawking with these ho’s and upgrade this muthafawka. ASAP.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        I date outside my race and I must saw ALL men have the potential to be aint sh!t ninjas. However, I dont discriminate. Im just waiting for the right one to come along…and I aint upgrading nobody. They gotta come with they own plans and goals and already be achieving them.

        • Asiyah

          I agree with you. It’s like regardless of race, religion, or creed, all men are worthless, worthless indeed.

        • Rewind

          I can say the same for women, because I know now that humans are humans, race and all that jazz don’t change much.

          Honestly I put it down to insight. Anyone can sound smart. Anyone can hold a good conversation at least once. But you got to let people prove their worth. You’ll have to go through 1000 losers to find one winner…because that’s how life works. Not everyone can be a winner, otherwise there would be no need for competition in the first place. Nobody wants to wait but that’s the only way you get what you actually ask for.

          And regardless of what you say, you will upgrade someone. You might help them think smarter, or learn to have faith, or open their heart, or be adventerous. Something. I wasn’t talking about money. I’m talking about experiences…but that’s what you do when you share yourself with another person, you give them an experience.

          • Sweet GA Brown

            I dont mind upgrading someones experiences as mine will also be upgraded. Im saying that I have my own and I have met goals and achieved them. I have security in providing my own shelter, food, clothing, and transportation. Just finding someone with that is hard. If I can just find someone that has that, it would be a good place to start…

            • Rewind

              I got you. It is possible.

              5 years ago, I was broke as a joke, fresh out of surgery, and having to restart my life over again. Weirdly enough I managed to find someone in a very similiar situation, 5 years later, we’re broke as hell together all this time.

              So anything is possible.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              “I have security in providing my own shelter, food, clothing, and transportation. Just finding someone with that is hard.”

              Speechless. Those are the basics. And even those without one or two of those, end up getting it within 2 years. If people are struggling that bad, then damn!

        • Berbere

          I agree!

    • WIP

      “I have to wonder if there are any guys left that have their sh!t together.”

      LOL, so many women feel that way. And I’m not making any judgements about the “sh!t-togetherness” of the women who say it, I’m just pointing out that this seems to be the mantra.

    • yeah, that has cat lady written all over it.


    • SweetSass

      Its a geographic problem too. Urban areas have more upwardly mobile women and a lot of ain’t shyt men. Woe is me too.

      • Looks like someone won’t be coming to Atlanta anytime soon *snickers*…

        • SweetSass

          What is in Atlanta?

  • “Tell em that it’s human nature” -black MJ

    i think men are more guilty of boo-hoarding. We save everything, sneakers, a decade worth of Madden games, expired coupons, old fitteds where the freshest spot is under the sticker so when it comes to women we have no business with we can’t help ourselves. Hi Rihanna.

    Women on the other hand are reluctant to take L’s. They are always the last to know they man aint sh**. They spend so much time defending him to they mama nem, they dont want to have to turn around and say they were wrong.

    • Rewind

      Think about it though. Women are bombarded with the idea that they have to make THE RIGHT CHOICE at all times when it comes to men, even though it rarely happens. But men…shyte we can boo up any girl and no matter what fawkery she provides…we can make it out ok, provided we take the right steps. The ladies don’t get it that easy. It’s like dealing with Vietnam & Desert Storm vets. No matter how much time has passed, all those damn war scars keep popping up.

      I don’t know if that’s our fault, their fault, both sides’s just bad.

      • hmm…i’m not sure i agree. why can’t women make it out okay?

        • Rewind

          I think women are on the same terms as men. But on average, some women take things way more personally than I’ve seen some men take things. I don’t know if we detach ourselves from situations or what, but for some women, if they are emotionally invested, they give ALOT. i don’t think some men do the same. We’ve allexperienced heart reak, but I don’t think it happens as frequently for men as it does for women. So I think they walk with more worries and scars, and then either they learn to change the way they approach relationships or they just become angry. Just like men do.

        • SweetSass

          More bad things happen to women. More women get cheated on. More women get left alone raising the kid the majority of the time… and it’s hell out there for a single mom. Heck. Look at your life. (Correct me if I am wrong, but you are not the main custodial parent of your child.) You have your kid part time. Imagine your life if you had them 24/7 all by yourself. Would you be able to blog like you do? Go out to events like you do? Date like you do? Honestly.

          • I wouldn’t say more bad as much as worse bad, if that makes any sense. If a man gets done dirty by a woman, it’s either done relatively early in a relationship or as a result of something that is cut and dry (e.g. cheating, domestic violence with the woman as the perp, etc.) If a woman gets done dirty, it’s usually something that happens over time.

            In a weird way, the fact that it takes more time and effort to seduce women makes women more vulnerable. After all, if a dude has a good track record with a woman, it become easier for a dude to do the MFer w/o much in the way of push back. Women rarely play the long game of screwing over a man like that. That said, if you control for time frame, the results are the same.

            • SweetSass

              Yeah no. I am going to feel some kinda way about being screwed over by someone I spent 30 years with compared to someone I spent 30 days with. Not equal at all.

              • Um, that was my point. Having someone jump bad after years as opposed to months (or even weeks) is going to have a huge impact.

                • I don’t fully agree though. Women can and often do cheat and emotionally abuse men years down the line. Let that ninja not live up to the potential she thought he had, or start being more of a pushover and not providing enough chexual tension (aka drama). It goes both ways, it’s just that typically it’s easier for us to cut bait and not be tied down with AS MUCH baggage.

          • while i dont disagree when there’s a kid involved, i didnt get the impression he was talking about 30 years from now either. and my daugher’s mother and i make concessions for one another so that we can do certain things. but if i had my daugher 24/7 all by myself, i’d still manage a life like i know many women who do pull off. not that its easy.

            but i was thinking along the lines of single with no kids life.

            • SweetSass

              Really, I know single mothers. And one who is mother to a 9 year old boy. She hasn’t seen a date in so much as a year. Their lives revolve around their kids, especially once they get older and start having basketball or ballet. Dads get weekends with kids. I know it’s the weekend when I see a bunch of dudes toting around kids. Sad but true.

              • I do too. And neither I, nor any of the non-custodial parents that I know, are just weekend daddies either. While I won’t get into the agreement between her mother and I (we never went to court) I pretty much see and spend time with my daugher everyday. Even on days when I have events. And if her mother needed to get out and do something, I would and have availed myself to make sure that she can do things she wants.

                Point is, its not all dads who ssee their kid only on weekends toting their kids around. Some of us do it and have our kids on days during the week too.

                Is it a perfect situation. No, it’s not. Hell, there have been nights I haven’t made it to my own parties like Reminisce b/c I had to take care of my responsibilities b/c i have ZERO family here in DC at this point. Its just me. Now, I’m not going to claim my life is that difficult or that its more difficult than her mothers b/c that would be poppycock and counterproductive to making sure my daughter is taken care of. But also don’t discount the “help” factor that occurs when family comes into the picture. We all sacrifice for our kids.

                • SweetSass


                  But that is the exception not the rule.

                  The baseline for ‘good father’ or ‘active in his kids lives’ these days is a guy who sees his kids 2 days of out the week. That is a damn shame. Otherwise I’d see more men alone with kids Monday-Friday. Let’s be honest here.

              • I’m calling shenanigans with your friend with a 9 yo son. There’s more to the story there that’s being left out.

              • btw, for somebody who swears to never generalize, you’re making quite the generalization there, no?

                • SweetSass

                  I can bust out facts, figures, statistics, essays, and power points on this issue if you would like.

                  • No need. but stats and figures don’t mean you aint generalizing either. B/c if that was the case, i dont think you’d take issue with other generalizations.

                • It’s not worth your time to point out P. We’ve done it b4 on here…multiple times. But apparently that makes a her a hypocrite not smh

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          I actually interpreted what he said to be in reference to how after a breakup women seem to traumatized, their life, hair, clothes, car, house has to change simply because they broke up with a man. Men just carry on after breakups without having lost huge chunks of their identity and life.

    • “Women on the other hand are reluctant to take L’s. They are always the last to know they man aint sh**. They spend so much time defending him to they mama nem, they dont want to have to turn around and say they were wrong.”

      U must not have been here when Panama started e-World War III by making that observation. Better watch ur back and ur front makin them type statements lol

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