Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

You Know How We Do It?

911 Emergency. Reconnect The Community.

I’ve made a lot of interesting discoveries since I became a parent. I’ve learned that the Disney Channel has a lot of cool shows. I know who Selena Gomez AND Demi Lovato are and could identify them on sight…in public. I also learned that Phineas and Ferb f*ckin’ rocks and there are some very very good children’s albums.

I’ve also learned extreme patience and the importance of clearly explaining myself for the most effective results.

Which brings me to yesterday and the most interesting lesson I learned: birthday parties do seem to differ by race.

Okay, that might not be completely accurate, as my sample size seems rather small, however, I’ve never let facts get in the way of a perfectly good sociological discovery and analysis, so why start now.

My daughter is a toddler. She’s *this* many years old. So at this point, I’ve been to my fair share of birthday parties. But until yesterday, I hadn’t thought about the fact that, for the most part, nearly all of the party goers were of the ninja persuasion. You see, for the first time, I took my daughter to a birthday party where I was the only ninja participant. My daughter goes to a very diverse daycare/pre-school and has taken a particular liking to a certain Caucasian classmate who is the same age. They *heart* each other. It’s actually cute.

Being the professional observationist that I am, I noticed so many interesting tidbits. For instance, I had to be the youngest parent there. Which struck me as odd since I’m fairly sure that I looked like a teenage parent compared to the other parents. And it wasn’t just my spirit. I think I really just looked that young compared to the rest. That was very different since, well, whenever I go to a bday party of color for my daughter, everybody is pretty much the same age or a little younger than I am. I don’t feel young is the main bullet point.

The next thing that jumped out to me is that all of the parents kept talking about work and travel plans. Literally, I heard more conversations that involved taking a dog overseas than I’ve ever heard in my life. It was all, “my proposal” this or ” this week in July” that. It was interesting because at all of the colored parties I’ve been to, I can’t remember anybody having an in-depth conversation about those things. Not that they don’t happen, I’ve just never heard that.

Most of the birthday parties I’ve been to are full of life conversations as well, but I suppose since most of us know each other very well, they don’t come across as “professional” so to speak. It’s like a regular party with your homeboys or homegirls. But I did know for a fact that these folks all lived very near each other. Hmmm….perhaps its the age thing. Maybe me and my friends are just ignant and the rest of the world is having meaningful and substantive conversations at toddler birthday parties. Maybe…just maybe…Hennessy ISN’T part of the toddler birthday party experience.

That last line is a joke.

No really. I don’t even drink when I have my daughter nor will I ever around her. She moves too quickly for me to have any type of impaired athletic abilities.

Even though they either didn’t realize it or wouldn’t think anything of it, I felt like I got a cultural experience just from going to an upwardly mobile white toddler birthday party. (The white parents at the school where my daughter goes are largely well-to-do hippy, earthy-crunchy, tree huggers with money that affords the ability to be novelists and random artisans). And I immediately thought about how interesting it would be to invite a few of those parents to my daughter’s bday party with a bunch of ninjas with kids the same age as theirs but likely 10 years younger that featured music that included the clean version of “Cashin’ Out” and the catalog of the seminal talent, 2 Chainz. (I actually really mean that, like, how can anybody NOT like 2 Chainz? He entertains me. SIMILAC! Oh, and that Ca$h Out ninja is one ugly motherlover. Like Cash Money Records 1998 ugly.)

Granted, this was just one party. And it was at a park. So alcohol was prohibited. But this seemed very natural. And it was cool. I enjoyed the learning that took place even thought it wasn’t intentional. So I assume that there must be other areas where folks have had similar experiences, right? Doing one thing with your peoples and the same thing with other folks peoples and immediate differences (good and bad) surface?

It’s Monday, let’s be cultural…what experiences have you folks have that mirror mine? Learn me something. Learn us something

-VSB P aka MR. BDAY EXTRAVAGANZA aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    I remember once this white man-a business partner of my dad’s came to our house and I was so damn confused. I thought Jesus had come back to take us home to heaven. I run to my mom, and told her that Jesus was in our living room! Yeah, I was like 5 and WILD!

    As the night progresses, imma teach you cultural thangs Jammy Jams! Right now, nothing pops into my head, other than when you go to an African person’t house, go hungry! For you shall be fed!

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      Lmao!@White Jesus

    • MJoy

      Confetti for femboo!!!!!!!!!! She’s first!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

        hey fembooooooo!!!!!

        we have a lot to catch up on. :)

        • MJoy

          Giiiiiiiirl!!! We sure do! I’ll be back Tuesday tho. I’m going to bed now and not going to work tomorrow so I won’t be by a computer. but again I say… Giiiiiiiiirl!!!!

          • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

            Tuesday?! Immma be all alone in this joint going kray!!! luuuuuuuwe my femboooo! C u den mama!

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      So you were this entertaining at 5 as you are now? This story = hilarious!

      • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

        well….not according to my grand dad, he had suggested that I be taken for a psychiatric evaluation! LMAO!

        My parents were at their wit ends with me, I’ve calmed all the way down over the years, but I’m prone to kray shiiiiiiiid every two weeks.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      yo real talk…that might be one of the funniest things i’ve heard in a long time.

  • thisishrighthereninja

    Monday? Naw it ain’t.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      yeah…you can blame that on a minor scheduling snafu in our CMS. damn thing didn’t do what i told it to do.

      read: user error.

  • mena

    We’re the parents on their second marriages? Usually professionals, regardless of race, seem to have kids at later ages which is usually in their early 30s or very late 20s. Seeing as how you are in your early 30s, this makes me think that these people just had their kids later in life or/and may be on their second marriage. Also, white people age faster so they could have been your age but just looked older.

    I’ve been to a white toddler birthday party and alcohol was served, in full force.

    I guess playing spades is one area where things seem to be different from my white and black friends. First, there’s always appetizers served instead of chips and pretzels. With my white friends, the game isn’t serious. I mean, we may $hit talk but it’s fun and games. When I play with my black friends it’s like a life or death battle. And don’t lose the game by reneging a book b/c you weren’t paying attention. You will get cursed up and down, called out loudly, and it’s almost like you f!cked up the family name on purpose. From that day forward, you are the person that no one wants as their partner. The rules are also different. They only play with the aces but blacks tend to play with the jokers being high.

    • http://www.twitter.com/Think2Inspire Think2Inspire

      I can’t play spades. :’( I feel like my Black Card has been taken away too many times but I’ve never been in a situation where someone has tried to teach me. Every black person I’ve said this to shakes their head and refuses to look at me until I prove I’m Black by saing I’ve seen The Wood or something.

      • MJoy

        I learned how to play… A month ago! and I really don’t enjoy it… but shiiid, my card was revoked a long azz time ago!

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        I didn’t learn to play spades until I was in college. Lol And I didn’t learn to play dominoes until recently.

        • Mena

          Do better :-)

        • SororSalsa

          I graduated from an HBCU without learning to play spades. My card’s been gone for years.

          I do however have an old lady card…I play both bridge and bid whist. :D

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            I learned how to play Spades from a White girl LOL

            • Keisha

              Now THAT is hilarious!

          • Keisha

            I came out the womb knowing how to play spades, but only learned to play bid whist a couple years ago when I moved to Alabama. After learning that game, it makes you not want to play spades anymore. It’s so much fun!

            • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

              Yes, when you get addicted to Bid Whist, Spades isn’t appealing anymore.

              • Mena

                Bid Whist?? *places this on “games i must learn” list*

                • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

                  The hardest part is find 3 other people who know how to play.

                  • Keisha

                    So true!!! :-/

                    • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

                      What part of Bama Keisha?

                    • http://www.mysixcents.wordpress.com K. LySha

                      Ditto on Bid Whist making you not want to play spades anymore. I have a whole groupd of friends who are Bid Whist advocates. And ditto on the what part of Bama question. Mobile AL representing

                    • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

                      @Ky.LySha WHAT!?! Thought I’d NEVER see another VSB or VSS from Mobile. What high school you go to?? What part of town you from? Leflore and of course Toulminville for me.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            Your diploma should be revolked!

      • Londa

        I’m not allowed to play any type of cards with my adult family. Not even Phase 10. Maybe it’s because I don’t get high. Quite a few family card games tend to have a force field of haze surrounding the table.

        Nah, I’m lying…I just suck at playing. The haze thing is real though.

        • http://kareemking.com Kareem

          I can’t play card games with my adult family members on the basis of that they are extreme Seventh-day Adventists. You see, cards are gambling tools of the devil. You can’t tell them different.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        yo…i will ALWAYS feel some type of way about ninjas who can’t play spades. though…i generally give a pass if you didn’t go to an HBCU. or know more than 2 white people and refer to them as actual friends.

        and no, that makes no sense.

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          No, there’s no excuse. The white kids on my math team in high school taught me how to play Spades and Bullsh*t (and them clowns were playing Knuckles. The hell?). Not knowing how to play Spades is like not knowing the national anthem. Bid Whist…I can give you a pass, but Spades? No.

          • Mena

            Agreed. It’s an easy game to learn.

          • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            Right?!! With my peoples, you woulda got clowned had you NOT learned til you got til college. Ninja, I was playing since I was 6. lol

            This some “WHO raised you” nonsense. Ya’ll betta get’chall grandmas! lol

            • Keisha

              Lol…exactly!

            • CNotes

              “With my peoples, you woulda got clowned had you NOT learned til you got til college.”

              So true! And if you say that you have 4 books and a possible….you BETTER have 5 books.

              • Mena

                This gets me in trouble EVERYTIME!!! I collect bags. It’s the worst part about being my partner. We will win but it will be close. I can never truly read the cards in my hand especially if we are playing with the jokers and 2′s. That’s 4 books over the ace of spades. It gets complicated after awhile.

                • CNotes

                  Lol! Yep….that’s why as soon as I have a seat at the card table, I’m asking “are deuces wild?”

                  • Justmetheguy

                    Deuces gotta be wild. Who plays with only jokers or aces high? I die a small death everytime I meet a black person that can’t or doesn’t like to play spades

                    • Mena

                      When dueces are wild, you will see some ninjas work out some math to try and figure out how many books they really have in their hand. And don’t let someone not know how to play with the 2′s and they throw out that 2 of diamonds when diamonds lead. You minus well go home for reneging that book.

      • Allidaughter

        No Spade playing for me either. Not Greek, don’t like sweet flavored alcohol. But. Black between the ears.

      • nillalatte

        I just learned how to play spades in like 10mins on the internet. Play free online @ games.com. Actually, I think this was one of the card games my grandparents used to play. Sunday night was family card night on the farm. Guess they were trying to recover from Saturday night drinking in the woods with that bottle of Jack and trying to find their way back to the house. ;) LOL

    • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

      I found that playing Dominoes with any race of my friends or people who I don’t even know, it’s always heated competition

      • Mena

        I was taught how to play dominoes by a friend and let me tell you, me, her husband, another friend and I would go into one of the local college bars, order some food, and get down on some dominoes. She is white and her family took card and game playing VERY serious so I always have fun playing with her.

        Spades though has just always been a much different experience for me. I have to be in the right mind set when I play with black people bc otherwise, I will walk away all in my feelings near tears ready to throat chop somebody.

        • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

          @Mena

          That’s what’s up!!!!!!!!!!!! Friends of mine would do that with poker.

          Spades is just one of those games where bragging rights are always on the line. And with those bragging rights, your feelings are gonna get touched on the really though. I remember a fight breaking out between teammates becuz one of em called out the wrong number of books and they lost not only bragging rights but also $300

          • Iceprincess

            You think thats bad? Panama slapped somebody in a spade game before. Smh lol

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              I’m mad I didn’t get to see that! man!

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              and i’d do it again. lol. in a heartbeat.

            • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

              I’ve seen people get slapped, popped upside the head with cards, tables flipped. It gets real.

            • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

              …Brick killed a guy.

              • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

                LMAO!

        • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

          I’ve been playing Spades since diapers. I 100% promise that I, on multiple occasions, have seen couples nearly break up over a game of Spades. I’ve gotten into heated arguments partnering up with my SO in Spades. Spades is like a litmus test for your relationship. The tighter you two are… the tighter your Spades game.

          The funniest is my sister and her husband. He is, hands down, the best cheater at Spades that I have ever seen. They’ve developed their own language for talking across the board, I bullsh*t you not. It’s really quite magical to watch.

          • Keisha

            I’m in Huntsville,AL…where are you? You are correct, I’ve seen many spades games turn ugly when a couple decided to play together…It was all fun and games until they started to lose…lol

            • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

              Mobile. Taking care of momz. I live in Atlanta though. Can’t wait to get back.

              • Keisha

                Oh okay, cool. I’ve been there a few times…never for any extended length of time though. How long are you going to be down there? What kind of things do you do in Atlanta? I’ve done most of the “tourist” type stuff…

                • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

                  I should be headed back before the end of the year… can’t wait. Besides the touristy spots in the A, you really need someone who knows all of the hidden ducked off spots and venues. THAT is doing Atlanta.

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            May I add that I love to catch talking across the the board and I will collect my 3 books? If you have to cheat, you can’t play.

      • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

        Domino’s is always heated with me. I’m Dominican and we take that ish seriously.

        • MWestDominicana

          Here, here!! Best thing in the world is to watch a group of old Dominican men talk ish across the table, playing bones. Love it!

    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

      I’m sorry folks, but cards has to be one of the most BORING games I know existent!!!! shiiiiiid. I don’t even know how to play. I would cry if somebody invited me to their house to play games instead of cuddle.

      • MJoy

        Well u just start with the cards (and pay the game doesn’t get serious) then cuddling ensues ;)

      • Kema

        I am not into card games either… I would rather play some type of wii or Kinect game.

        • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

          heyyyyyyy segggggzy!! *whistling @you* and also dancing to “shake your aSSets” song by those two hoodrats.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          I will beat the kids and the adults on the Kinect games, in their own house.

          Don’t let me beat folks in the MJ Experience.

          • Kema

            Girl we get serious in my house with that MJ game. Dancing with the same fervor as these folks playing spades. lol!

          • Keisha

            MJ Experience??? That is my game! You’re not ready…I got 5 stars on Thriller!!! :0)

        • naturalista88

          Dude, I live to play Dance Central & MJ: The Experience.

          • Keisha

            I have those games too! :-)

          • http://Yes,Kema&Naturalista! A Woman’s Eyes

            Dance Central is serious! lmao

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        that’s b/c you just dont know what you’re doing. you come to the Panama Jackson School of Spades and you’ll be excited to play spades WHENEVER somebody asks.

        hell i keep a deck of cards (and dice…ask Champ) with me at all times.

        I’m a ni**a.

        • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

          My husband taught my baby how to play c-low
          -__-

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      We’re the parents on their second marriages? Usually professionals, regardless of race, seem to have kids at later ages which is usually in their early 30s or very late 20s. Seeing as how you are in your early 30s, this makes me think that these people just had their kids later in life or/and may be on their second marriage. Also, white people age faster so they could have been your age but just looked older.

      THIS!

      Seriously, some White people can age horribly! If you look at one of my college roommates next to me, you’d swear he’s 10 years older than me. I’ve seen White people I thought were my age turn out to be fresh out of college. Don’t go by looks.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        ya know…i considered this. i even texted my daughter’s mother to tell her that if we were both there we’d have looked like teenage parents.

        i was afraid to ask but it is possible that some of them could have very well been the same age as me, they just looked…forlorn.

        • Yoles

          i’m telling you that aging like a 2520 fear is REAL… like you i have one clear parent and one not and everyday i am in the mirror looking for jasmine guy like signs… i don’t want to be 40 and ppl think i am 47 or greater…

          *keeping hope and wishing for young looking genes to win out*

          • Mena

            Lighter skin (regardless of race or ethnicity) is more fragile when it comes to exposure to the sun. Everyone should wear sunscreen, including blacks. B/c lighter skin is more fragile, if not protected, over time will start to look aged more so than someone who has a darker complexion. You’ll be fine. Put on some SPF 30 and work it out.

            • Aly

              Yes! Sunscreen is my friend. People always tell me I look younger than I really am. Combination of good genes and sunscreen.

            • http://Yes,Kema&Naturalista! A Woman’s Eyes

              And Yoles, you forget that Jasmine Guy is skinny. Not the kind of skinny where her skin is still plump. Scrawny underneath the skin — she’s lost the fat pockets in her face. So…..as long as you don’t get too skinny, and don’t drink a lot of alcohol or smoke, & use sunblock faithfully, you’ll be alright.

              • Yoles

                awww man all i got going for me is the abundant fat pockets… drinking, social smoking, partying hard, going to nude beaches & only putting sunscreen on my nips, slathering on vaseline/baby oil before the beach… all sounds like im gonna be going down the wrinkle highway soon… :(

                • Justmetheguy

                  Lol, don’t worry Yoles. I’ll be on that highway with you. You only get to be young once, so enjoy it. Where are these nude beaches you speak of? Are you going to Europe, or are there some secrets about my country I don’t know about? I need to even my tan out lol

                  • Mena

                    JMTG: Go sit down :-) LOL!

                  • nillalatte

                    You really need to watch the travel channel boo. Yes, Cali has a ton of nude beaches and FL has one legal one. Um… it is suggested that you play to stay, get it? lol

                • Mena

                  Ummm…you better stop. You have been warned. Skin cancer is no joke and a black person looking 30 years older than their actual age is not the business. You better keep that skin looking youthful.

                • http://Yes,Kema&Naturalista! A Woman’s Eyes

                  ” going to nude beaches & only putting sunscreen on my nips, ”

                  That has to be the funniest thing I’ve heard anyone say about their beach time.

                  Leave the Vaseline alone! Put on some sunblock on the whole body, nips included! lol

          • nillalatte

            LOL… a dude I know told me yesterday, “You hold your age well.” I laughed and asked, “Is that a compliment? I think that was supposed to be a compliment!” lmao arsehole.

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      “I guess playing spades is one area where things seem to be different from my white and black friends. First, there’s always appetizers served instead of chips and pretzels. With my white friends, the game isn’t serious. I mean, we may $hit talk but it’s fun and games. When I play with my black friends it’s like a life or death battle. And don’t lose the game by reneging a book b/c you weren’t paying attention. You will get cursed up and down, called out loudly, and it’s almost like you f!cked up the family name on purpose. From that day forward, you are the person that no one wants as their partner. The rules are also different. They only play with the aces but blacks tend to play with the jokers being high.”

      I cannot tell you how many times I have seen this scenario play out with different generations of Black folks. No matter their age, the outcome is always the same, LOL!

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I haven’t seen this one, actually I’ve seen the opposite. It’s more about who’s playing. I don’t play Spades anymore because I don’t play for fun- ninjas not watching the board, texting, looking at TV while the game is going on p!sses me off so I just have to leave it alone. It’s also hard to find a good partner. And I won’t even get into the seriousness of Bid Whist or Dominos. I’m a beast, I can’t play with people who aren’t into it LOL. But the white folks I’ve played with were just as serious.

      • Mena

        “It’s more about who’s playing. I don’t play Spades anymore because I don’t play for fun- ninjas not watching the board, texting, looking at TV while the game is going on p!sses me off so I just have to leave it alone.” All. Of. This. Yes ma’am. If you are my partner, you better pay attention b/c i swear for God, i will get serious on you if you mess up.

        • Keisha

          Same here!

    • Royale W. Cheese

      I played Spades in college a few times. Won about 70% of the time, but came away from it feeling like how Champ feels in Church. It just doesn’t do anything for me.

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

    I think a lot of cultural differences can be attributed as much to class or region as ethnicity. I’ve been to events, not kids birthday parties, that were just as you described, talking about work, travel, etc., that were majority or all Black events.

    As for kids; I think that a lot of people are just having kids when they are older now. I work with three guys all in their late forties who within the last two years have had their first kids. And two of the three are Black.

    There are just so many variables that it’s hard to attribute anything to ethnicity anymore unless it’s something really specific like having a Quinceanera party. Otherwise there is so much culture blending in this country due to media exposure, people moving around, intercultural marriage, etc. that most things cultural are more about money, class and region than anything else.

    • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

      Speaking of Quinceaneras as I been part of a Debutante Ball for the girls at my church as a kid. Are Debutante Balls common amongst black people? Cuz seriously I didn’t know they existed until then.

      • Mena

        I don’t think so. Only the upper crust blacks seem to have these balls. Read Our Kind of People. I would never allow for my kids to participate. That’s just me though.

        • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

          Why wouldn’t you let them participate?

          (I ask this because I want your opinion. I read up on the history of Debutante Balls and I didn’t like nothing that I saw.)

          • Mena

            Our Kind of People was about the upper crust of black society who were pretty much extremely light skin. Just the fact that groups were formed to separate from their darker brethren bothers me. Those groups are still around today. I have never met anyone who is a part of these groups but then again, I would assume if I went to an HBCU, I would have met a few.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              You’d have to ask people in order to find that out. Even at a HBCU.

              • Mena

                You’re right on this. It seems like a well kept secret. Like if you arent a part of that culture then you just wouldn’t know about it.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              yeah…if you go to an HBCU, a significant number of those groups are still very prevalent. i’m kind of split on them b/c while they sound intra-racist, i know a lot of folks who were jack & jill, etc and they are down to earth cool folks. all of the chapters aint UBER bougie. some are filled with upper middle class ninjas.

              • Mena

                Maybe if i can get the history out of my head, it would be something that i would consider for my future kids. It’s the history that bothers me. Being racist against those less fortunate b/c they were dark and you are black yourself, gets to me.

                The stereotypical person who would join also seems ultra bougie, something that i just can’t roll with. I shouldn’t have read that book.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          I’m not even remotely upper crust and I know a gang of ninjas who have been in them. even my sister was in a Debutante ball and me and my family…we’se middle crust.

      • Mo-VSS

        Yes, they are. My church wanted me to participate but since everyone on the Debutante Ball was also a member of my church, it was kinda rigged. I declined and that was the first time my church didn’t send someone or win. Oh well…

        • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

          @ Mo-VSS

          What do you mean by it was rigged?

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        I’m not sure how popular Debutante Balls are now but my older sister was in one. I think they’re usually affiliated with a sorority. My sister’s was a AKA sponsored Ball.

        I really don’t know if Debutante Balls are more of a Southern thing but my sister’s Ball was in the South, so maybe.

        • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

          @Val

          I’m not from the South. HAHA The Southwest? Yes. That Debutante Ball took place in Tucson, AZ <—-This is no joke.

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            @Craig

            Lol. Well those Black people in Tucson came from somewhere, right? I mean I doubt that the majority of Black folks in Arizona have been there for more than a generation. So just because it was in Tucson doesn’t mean it’s not a Southern thing.

            • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

              @Val

              You got me think. I just remembered the older couple who lead and made the whole Debutante thing happen were from the A. They loved talking about Atlanta. Got me thinking about going to live there now that I remember all their stories.

              • Mena

                ATL is meh. Please don’t believe the hype.

                • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                  DON’T YOU SPEAK EVIL OF THE A!!

                  WEST SIDE. ZONE 4. ADAMSVILLE. MLK. PEYTON PLACE. FLATLANDS.

                  • Mena

                    Don’t you go all caps on me Mr. Jackson!! You better take a seat. :-)

                  • A Woman’s Eyes

                    This, sir, was very sexy.

                    *exits stage right*

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                yeah homes…every Western Black person started out as a southern black person. lol

                • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                  Hush! You don’t know nothing about the southwest.

        • Allidaughter

          Usually it is adult organizations like The Links, Inc. or Circle-Lets and the like that organize Debutante Balls in the larger cities (Philly, LA, NYC, Chicago).

      • Anastasia!!!!

        Oh yes a Debutante Ball is the ish!! I was definitely in two when I was younger. I’m not sure but I think it has to do with location and affiliation. Both of mine were for a sorority and a frat and I’m from the South (SC Baby!!!)

        There’s at least 5 every year!

        • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

          What is a Debutante Ball? What do you do there? I’ve never been to one and I’m curious.

          • Kema

            I havent been to one but I imagine it to be something like the coming out parties I read about in my romance novels.

      • Geneva Girl

        My cousins did the debutante thing and it was pretty down market. I think it depends on where you’re from however.

      • http://theothersideofphlyy.blogspot.com PhlyyGirl

        I think it depends on region. I was raised in the midwest and we had about three every year, each sponsored by a different greek organization. I was always given the impression that the purpose of the event was based around the premise of presenting eligible young ladies to society signaling that they were now women, and in previous generations ready for marriage. I know that there was a five month process leading up to the event in which we did community service, took informational trips to colleges and took etiquette classes.
        I participated in the Delta Debutante Ball and overall, I guess it was fun and worth it. In the specific, I had too many things that just weren’t right so I didn’t enjoy it.

      • JEHeartbreak

        We had a beautillion which is the equivalent to a deb ball. It was for kids in the is special program set to attend HBCU’s. Very “hoity toity” but nice at the same time.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Tyically, the female sorrorities of the divine 9 (Zetas. Deltas, AKS’s, SG Rho’s) will have them.

    • Keisha

      I went to an informational session for a debutante ball. They wanted me to sell ads, buy this ugly expensive dress, etc…needless to say, I didn’t do it.

  • MJoy

    Welcome to my life!!!

    I live in Whitey whiteville, USA and have two young sons so every bday party is like this. I think if I went to a black kids party THAT would be a cultural learning experience for me.

    But in general, when I around black parents we seem to talk about life experiences more (unlike ur story). With white parents we only talk about our kids (this is usually the mothers)… The dads usually try to be cool and “relate to me” talking bout.. Man that last transformers was really racist, huh?

    Moral of the story? Both my children and I need more black friends.

    • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

      Why don’t you seek out other black families to hangout with? The only way I really hung out with black people was church. My parents moved us to the Northside (aka Whitesville USA) from the Eastside (aka Melting Pot led by blacks).

      The funny thing about that situation is that if I ever bring a white girl home to my parents, they have no one but themselves to blame for making me the only black kid in my school till I got to middle school

      • MJoy

        Seek I must. Seek I shall. I thought I’d marry white when I was a kid b/c well, that’s all there was. Then I saw a white peen and thought, u know what?? I’m straight homie!!!!

        • Rogman

          hahahahahahahahahahh…….*pause*…………………hahahahahahah

        • Aly

          Lol! There’s really that much of a difference, huh? Interesting…

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          MJoy, What about light skinned Black peen? Some are so light, their peen is see through!

          • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

            *shots fired!!!!!*

          • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

            @ AWWWWWWWE

            Hey sweeeeeeetie!! I miss your kray azz! How you been mama!!!! woooohoooo

            *DEAD, find me at the mortuary*——>see through?! Imma be back to give my full thoughts on that!!!!! lawwwwwwd hammmmercy, ya’ll got me excited this early in the morn?

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              Just sayin’… lmao

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                sidenote: AfricanMami, Are there any African remedies for the flu?

                • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

                  my mama used to take a rosemary leaf/mint leaf and put it in tea, sweeten it with honey! and voila I’d be healed. Oh I forgot to add, she prayed for me too…so that added to the getting healed faster factor. Amen?

                  • A Woman’s Eyes

                    prayers _X_
                    rosemary__
                    hot water __
                    honey __

                    Gotta drag myself to a grocery store for the rest.

                • Kema

                  @ AWE… I dont know an African cure but I know the Jamaican cure.

                  RUM!!! Go get some and you’ll feel better. Oh and add some lemon.

                  • http://Yes,Kema&Naturalista! A Woman’s Eyes

                    Got rum! I’ll have some tonight. Do I drink it or rub it on my throat?

                    • Justmetheguy

                      ^ Major pause. Yall gettin X-rated on a Monday afternoon huh? lol

                    • Kema

                      Drink it!

          • Yoles

            i like my meat cooked

            • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

              well done, thank you.

        • Kema

          SMH… I’ve seen some ok looking pale peen. Ok its mostly been pron but it seems like it would be ok. lol!

          • nillalatte

            I’m tryin to figure out why they *looking* at the peen instead of *doing* with the peen! It ain’t a county fair y’all. lmao…

            • http://Yes,Kema&Naturalista! A Woman’s Eyes

              You BETTER look at it before you use it!

              Black to see through peen must be looked at!

              I’m just saying!

              • nillalatte

                lmao!

        • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

          femmmmmmmmmmbooooo!!!! ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLMAOOOO!

          white woola woola makes me feel like they are some charity case that should be located in some remote village in Africa. NOW a black woola woola, will have me writing poetry in this joint. The veins! *WOOOOOWZER*Lemme stop!

          See I can’t work in the medical field, say somewhere down south, where there’s a large black populace, because I’ll be peeking, comparing and making notes. Brap brap Mandigo all day erryday!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      lmao. i’d DIE laughing if somebody started a convo with me about Transformers being racist. and probably buy them a drink.

  • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

    “what experiences have you folks have that mirror mine?”

    In 3rd grade I went from a Christian school that was populated primarily by ninjas like me. My teacher died and a large portion of the school got burnt down thanks to two drunks and lighting a cigarette. So my parents decided that moving to the public school in our new neighborhood seeing as we moved from the Eastside to the Northside. I show up the first day at recess and I spent the entire time searching for someone who looked like me. I found no one.

    Up until December of my 4th grade year I was the only black kid in my elementary school. The culture shock of learning about what rock music was, why I can’t wear my hat backwards, and why learning about African countries everyone stared at me for answers let me know that I wasn’t on the Eastside anymore.

    • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

      This post reminded me of the biology lab in my high school was set on fire…by a teacher’s son. It also took the fire department forever to come since kids loved pulling the fire alarm. My high school was 2 blocks away from the fire station.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      interesting…i had almost the opposite experience. until i was 6 i was raised by my white mother (and after moving from the D and points east) when i was too young to remember, we moved to a small town in Michigan and i was like the only black kid (though i’m mixed). all of my early tastes were “white” until i went to live with my dad and stepmom then it all flipped. lol. i wrote a post about that from a music standpoint a few weeks back. lol.

      • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

        I remember the post PJack. It was so cool because it spoke to my soul man. It was nice to know I wasn’t the only ninja who went through a situation like that. And mos def thanks for sharing bout ya life so we all can relate.

  • spottieottiedarlin

    Road Trips. I recently took a road trip back to NC in a car with 4 white women. This was my first non-professional trip with people that don’t look like me.

    Major differences:

    1) W/ the 2520′s we played the “humming game”…for hours.
    2) We didn’t stop for breafkast. They packed bagels and fruit.
    3) We planned to leave at 6 am….we didn’t leave hours later. We left at 6:04.

    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

      white folks keep time. I love that. We have African time. It’s the worst!

      • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

        I love me some white folks for that. I despise Colored People Time. Especially on road trips. Do you know that being 10 minutes off the time I said we need to leave a 5 car pile up happened and we didn’t leave until 3 hours later!?!

        Craig was on that furious tip. (Especially because the homie forget his wallet only to find it in his backpack that was in the car)

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          You know what’s interesting; I’ve heard a few different ethnic groups complain that there ethnic group is always late. Just a few weeks ago I heard an Indian (South Asian) woman talking about it.

          Which makes me wonder why that is that non-White people seem to have a running joke about how their ethnic group is always late?

          • Rogman

            people keep thinking that certain traits are exclusive to their ethnicity……..

            • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              The Puerto Ricans are absolutely sure they own showing up late. Call it Puerto Rican time. They also think they own rice, beans and roasted pork. And it tastes like heaven. (It tastes quite ordinary, and I’ve had it a few times from a few different people. Arroz con gandules ain’t all that.)

              Borican shots fired.

              • Kema

                OMG! I was surprised at work during a Hispanic heritage month celebration when someone mentioned Puerto Rican time. I actually did think it was just black people who said this.

                • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

                  Nah there’s also Arab time, Brown time (for my Indians/Pakistanis/Bengalis), Albanian time, etc. etc. Seems like only White Americans can keep time lol

                  • niksmit

                    I think it’s only WASP-y Americans that watch clocks, because an acquaintance in college shocked me when she said CPT sounded like Jewish Time. I was like say what?!?

              • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

                @ WC,

                I’m with you, it’s maaaaad REGLAR! But nonetheless, tasty.

                • A Woman’s Eyes

                  Arroz con gandules is just a comfort food. ‘Tis all. ‘Tis all.

              • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

                “The Puerto Ricans are absolutely sure they own showing up late. Call it Puerto Rican time. They also think they own rice, beans and roasted pork. And it tastes like heaven. (It tastes quite ordinary, and I’ve had it a few times from a few different people. Arroz con gandules ain’t all that.)

                Borican shots fired.”

                LOL I’m half Puerto-Rican and we always talk about Puerto Rican time LOL.

                I thought Cubans owned roasted pork. They put pork in almost everything.

                And hush now, woman! Arroz con gandules is the shizzny. My mom’s is the best!

                • Yoles

                  i was about to say… arroz con gandules is greater than ALL other rice dishes that only has 2 main ingredients… wild cougar you are just not right in this respect…

                  Cubans do own pork… i am half Cuban and don’t eat pork but i know about it.. pernil is like the official cuban food other than a Cuban sandwich which also has pork in it…

                  In closing.. all non white americans seem to stay late but this is their country to they make sure to start ish on time and ARROZ CON GANDULES is IT…

                  Fin

                  • niksmit

                    And this right here made me shed a tear for Cuban pernil. It has been far too long since I have experienced this joy.

                  • BlueWave

                    Got to give the Mexicans some credit on the pork+rice thing. When done right, Conchinita Pibil is insanley good. You have to find some some Mexicans from the Yucatan who really know how to cook it.

    • Mena

      I’m a road trip Nazi. We don’t stop until the tank is on empty. Not, oh the tank is on its last notch. No, the light has come on and then we stop. I drive a car that is great on mileage so sad to say, we ain’t stopping for at least 4 hrs. If I say that we are leaving at 6am. We are leaving at 6am!! You have to go to the restroom? Show some bladder control. Stop for food? You better eat that emergency pack of crackers that’s in my glove compartment.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Lol@Mena

        I’m not a total Nazi but I like to get where I’m going. So I don’t like unnecessary stopping either.

        • Mena

          I rode with a friend that had to stop like 5 times bc of his bladder (bc he got wasted the night before). I wanted to cut him.

          Also, when we do stop to eat, it’s a drive thru thats directly across from the gas station where i just filled up. None of this, “let’s discover a new roadside restaurant.”

          I, admittedly, have a problem.

      • Iceprincess

        Lmao! These comments remind me of that cheesy D list movie “johnson family vacation”. Cedric was acting all white & he kept saying “I-10 by 10!”

        • Londa

          LOL, that’s what I thought of too.

      • nillalatte

        Note to self: No road trips with Mena. Adding to the list of no road trips with Panama. Damn, put both of you guys together that would mean epic arguments over crazy shiz and no way to escape! Lawd have mercy!

        • Mena

          LOL!!!!

      • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

        Yep, you are indeed a road Nazi- remind me not to ride with you at all, LMAO!!!

        • Mena

          Do you know how much time gets added onto your trip when you make unnecessary stops? I know exactly what time i should be at X and i will be da!mned if i dont make it. I just don’t like being in cars for ridiculous amounts of time if i can help it.

          Everyone who rides with me is aware of this. No feelings get hurt when you say “i need to go to the bathroom” and i happen to not hear you b/c the music is turned up.

          • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

            But the question is: Do you have the music turned up on purpose? LOL!

            • Mena

              It just so happens that when the bathroom questions start, the favorite part of my song comes on and i need to turn up the volume. Just saying. :-) Pick a better time to ask.

      • Yoles

        *Makes note- do not ever take a road trip with Mena…

        i hate road trips but if i am forced to take one i need plenty of breaks… plenty

        • Mena

          Yoles, after reading how you went straight gangsta on that chick that was messing with your dude, if you needed to stop, i would make an exception for you. But only once. :-)

          • Yoles

            Mena i was young and new to things… i hope i wouldn’t do that again…but that lil bytch was completely out of pocket though thx for the exception, i’ll take it ;)

    • http://theothersideofphlyy.blogspot.com PhlyyGirl

      What, pray tell, is the “Humming Game”???!?!
      And yea….I don’t set deadlines about departure times for road trips. I prefer to think of them more as suggestions.

      • spottieottiedarlin

        lol- the humming game is when people take turns humming songs, while the others try to guess the song that’s being hummed. It’s fun for all of 1 round.

    • No comment

      I think it’s worse when you get CP time mixed with African time. Marry a guy with an African parent and a black American parent and see if you can get there before everything’s over. This has happened to me so much that I’ve had to sneak the kids out the house and get in the car while he’s still taking a shower so we would only be an hour late for whatever was going on. I’ve gone to events and my husband has called me about three hours later and said he was on his way and asked if they’d got started yet.

      • Royale W. Cheese

        Okay. I need to explain this to a friend of mine, because she is continuously irritaed by an African guy who calls 3 hours after he’s invited for dinner to ask if she started cooking yet. By that time she’s finished eating, had watched a movie, and is ready for bed.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I am a stickler for time though. That’s one of the things that irritates me about “people.” The bagels and fruit sh*t ain’t gonna ride though. I gotta have road trip snacks, ideally Gummi-Savers.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      let me say this and say this good…i do appreciate white punctuality.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        As do I.

  • KMN

    One thing that I can say that probably happens at our BDay parties is the grown folks music…it kills me that at a 5 year old party with 3-6 year olds has on constant rotation get me bodied by beyonce. That truly bothered me. But at said same party I sat down with another lady and we talked about schools, our kids education, the teachers, and how we should raise our kids. My daughter goes to a mostly black school but is one of the better public schools in the city so you have sprinklings of others there as well. I didn’t see any white or Asian kids there though (her school has a lot of Asian children esp Hmong). But I know that MiniMe is going to want to invite a white boy to her bday party. It will be interesting since I plan on renting a horse, having margaritas in a pouch while playing grown folks music. And yes there WILL be a spades game going on somewhere in that park that day :)

    KMN

    • MJoy

      Ur avi is kray kray! Makes me smh

  • nillalatte

    It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a toddler birthday party (thank God)… lol, but I can remember several of my kids birthday parties, and well, I guess I’m the outlier again because all their parties have involved children of different races/colors/religions, etc. Every mixture you can imagine. Some spoke English, some didn’t. But, no, I’ve never noticed the ‘professional’ aspect although people did talk about countries they’ve visited or where they were from or maybe where they were going next.

    We were even in the middle east once and celebrated a birthday (early) of one of my nieces. Mind you, only the women and the children were in attendance. That was a bit different, but kind of reminded me of Thanksgiving where the ladies naturally congregated in the kitchen for the cooking and the men in the living room watching football. Weird, huh? Culture. Always fascinating.

    The last party my son attended was for a Filipino classmate. It was pretty cool actually. All these kids, black, white, asian, hispanic, indian, all playing in the pool acting foolish. All the parents getting to know each other while hanging out pool side (no alcohol). For me it’s the coolest experience to see so many different kids from different backgrounds just hanging out and enjoying life, and it was an awesome experience to talk to some of the parents too.

    Diversity. Get some. :)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you know…i’m with you on the diversity thing. and partially b/c of where i always tend to live (black ass cities) the only white people i mostly know are co-workers and family. and my white family is all in michigan.

      my daughter is moving to a school that is going to be great but its also going to be like 99 percent black. and in some ways i hate that she’s going to miss out on diversity or that all of it will have to come from INTENTIONAL diversity. like i might have to join a diversity listserv or something. lol.

      hmm…i wonder it hat exists…black folks looking to meet white people and vice versa or hispanic and etc…

      hmmmm………………………DON’T NOBODY TAKE MY IDEA!

      • nillalatte

        You know what you can do Panama, and anyone else interested in having a more culturally diverse existence, is check out local library functions. They usually have tons of cultural events. I take my kids to as many of those as possible and they are usually low to no cost to attend.

        Go visit/shop at specialty markets (for instance, a friend and I went to a Japanese store yesterday). They generally have bulletin boards or flyers placed around about special events that are happening in their communities. For example, this weekend there was a Pinoy Pride festival. I happen to drive up on it, but my Filipino friend said there were flyers advertising it at the market he visits.

        I will admit, in areas of the south it is harder to find a greater level of cultural diversity, and you really have to work at it to reach out, but it can be well worth the effort for the next generation.

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    Catholic Church vs. pretty much any Black dominated church. Black churches seem to conspire to find any and every reason to make it 30 minutes longer right after the last part. And that last part never ends. I got out in a 60-90 minutes of Catholic church. I don’t need no damn 3 hour concert every Sunday. But it’s not really an issue anymore since I don’t go to church anymore.

    • Mena

      I have literarily almost cried in a black church bc the service was FOUR hours. I mean, I felt my throat tighten up and the tears were about to start. I felt like I was a five yr old kid. I was 16 or 17.

      I now have the most horrible stereotype about black churches bc of the time problem. When I am invited to a service, my first question is how long does church last? People seem offended but oh well. You’ll be more upset if I walk out after 1 1/2 hours.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        thats why you go to the 8am service. you GOTS to be out before the 10am service right??!?! ESPECIALLY on easter.

        • Mena

          2 hrs is still 30 mins too long for me.

          And yes, one would hope that the next service will spare you from the long service. However, who goes to church at 8am?

    • DQ

      Since we’re talking about churches,

      One of the major differences (in my experience)… The Choirs.

    • MJoy

      The first funeral I ever went to was in a Catholic Church. Perhaps the most confusing, partially terrifying, and extremely smoky cultural experiences of my life.

      • Keisha

        I just went to my first “none black” funeral the other week. A co-worker of mine passed. That service was over in 35 min…no lie! The service was in the funeral home chapel, didn’t have a minister, and the only time God was mentioned was during the closing prayer. It was different…

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      I know there are differences between Black denominations in terms of time as well. In the AME denomination, they might schedule a long service, but you’ll at least get out when they say you need to get out. I think the Baptists, COGICs and Pentecostals look at Church as the one place they can express themselves, because ol’ massa is beating them down the rest of the week. That’s why they try to stretch it out so damn long.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        lmbo
        I will never forget the shock I experienced the first time I went to a Pentecostal church service. I didn’t know what to do, who to help and how long it was going to be happening. When the holy ghost it, folks were SLAIN!

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          What makes it worse was that my first time at a full-on Pentecostal service was when I was in college, where I got stood up for a church date. Re-read that sentence again so make sure you got the scenario. Imagine a typical Pentecostal service in the projects all while I’m fuming that the broad stood me up. Suffice to say her number got ‘lost’ right quick, and my eyesight got bad when I saw her on campus.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            * dead *

      • http://theothersideofphlyy.blogspot.com PhlyyGirl

        I was just about to mention the differences bewteen the black denominations. I grew up in a Baptist church and to this day my mother has to literally threaten me with eternal damnation to get me to go back.
        In college, I joined an A.M.E church and I. LOVED. IT!!!
        Not only did they run that service with a stopwatch, (2 hours – in and out-) but they picked me up from campus, fed me dinner, fed me the Word, and then got me home in time to see the Wire on sunday evenings.
        Did I mention they had a 6 pm service, which meant I could do all my sinning on Saturday night and still have time to wake up and shake off my hangover???
        LOVED IT!!!

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          lol yes, that’s the AME church.

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      As a Catholic, I relate to everything you said- even the 60-90 minute time limit at the church (Ask me how I know…)

    • Geneva Girl

      Depends on the Catholic church. When I lived in Jersey City I went to a black Catholic church. Mass was pushing two enjoyable hours. The white Catholic church’s service has a service you can set your clock by. You’re in an out in exactly 60 minutes. It might be short, but it’s also boring. I’m checking my watch at 35 minutes.