Pop Culture, Theory & Essay, Uncategorized

You Forgot To Be There.

Little Scrappy?

A vast many of you don’t watch Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta (LHHATL). Congratulations. Consider yourself either lucky or oblivious. It’s one or the other. I, myself, have only seen two full episodes: the first one (I wrote a recap) and this past Monday’s episode. Rest easy, this will not be a recap of a show that apparently nobody here watches or that everybody here is above.

Naw, in one particular scene, Lil Scrappy recounts the story of how he and his baby mama recently “fell out”. Scrappy Doo apparently suffers from asthma and occasionally has asthma attacks. To quote his “girlfriend” Erica, “you have asthma so you have asthma attacks.” A true flair for simplicity, that one has.

Anyway, Scrap apparently had a really bad asthma attack. One so bad that he ended up in the hospital for a few days (!). Now, I’m no expert on the condition though my sister and nephew have terrible asthma, but they don’t always end up in the hospital. That usually is reserved for truly bad attacks. So Scrap-dutty had a bad asthma attack and his baby mama, who he was living with and who was physically with him when it happened…bounced before he got to hospital. Rather, she had one of his boys take him to the hospital so that she could go to work. This (of course) was enough to make Scrapdoogetydog feel like she didn’t have his back and thus move out and leave.

Erica, obviously not understanding how men operate, really didn’t seem to get it at all. To her the ninja has asthma. Asthma attacks happen. She made sure that somebody was there with him. What’s the big deal. Scrap felt like she should have stayed with him instead of going to work. Shenanigans ensue. The end.

This reminds me of Love & Basketball where Quincy took a step back from Monica (same thing Scrappy is doing) because “she forgot to be there” when he needed her most. She prioritized something else (her curfew so that she could start the next game) over him and he took that extremely hard. So much so that he took another chick to Burger King. In college, that’s big. I don’t care what anybody says.

“You forgot to be there….”

Amazing how significant that is to us men. I’ll chalk some of this up to pure selfishness and ego. We expect loyalty out of our women even if our concept of loyalty is shaky at best. Part of this is just how it goes. Women tend to devote themselves to us so when you notice that your woman has effectively placed other stuff above you, well, you notice. And it’s a clear indicator in our mind that we’re not as important as we think/thought we are/were. That’s a very sobering thing for a man.

Plus it doesn’t help that women seem to have this uncanny knack for pulling that when we need y’all most. Kind of ironic, if you think about it, most men will be there (at least I think so) if you need us, we just drop the ball when you don’t but would like us to do better. But for us, the entire concept of being there emotionally (Quincy) or physically (taking the ninja to the hospital) means everything.

In my mind, Monica absolutly should have stayed there with Quincy as long as he needed her. She was his rock, the person he could trust and rely on for everything. At the moment she left, she showed him that he couldn’t count on her at all times. Same thing with Scrappy…his girl bounced on him when the ninja (in his mind and heart) was going through it. Was he going to die? Probably not. But if you’re an asthmatic and you’re going through an episode I imagine that the inability to breath would absolutely make you feel that way. But you know what? This ninja needed some assistance and stat and the one person he felt should be there for him said “naw ninja, I need to go to work, Mook Mook will make sure you don’t die.”

I’d kick her to the curb to. She doesn’t care and proved that she still didn’t get it anyway. She forgot to be there and she just lost one (not that she cares, if you watch the show you don’t get the impression that she truly wanted to be there anyway…well, not all the time).

Maybe women deal with disappointment so much from us that they lose expectations anyway of us being there. But women so rarely disappoint us (does this make up for Monday?) that when you all do, we take it extra hard.

Point is, ladies…if your man is in the bed next to you AND CAN’T BREATHE…take him to the hospital yourself, mmkay pumpkin? Not doing so would be the one area where you, as his woman, are totally f*cked up.

So what do you think? Should she have taken him to the hospital herself or is her job to make sure its taken care of? What are the times when its warranted that you prioritize other stuff above your mate, short of life or death? Fellas…can you feel me??



Filed Under:
Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • I don’t watch Love and Hip-Hop and I have Comcast. I was on Twitter clowning the fans with DirecTV.

    Speaking of…do you have Viacom back yet?

    • Val


    • hope you fall into a dinner party.

    • WayUPThere

      I’m not a fan but I do have DirecTV, and I’m glad that Viacom channels are off the air. I’m subjected to less ignorance and stupid television, even though I don’t watch MTV or VH1. The quality of those two channels hasn’t been s**t since the mid to late 90’s, and this show follows the trend.

      • WayUPThere

        I do say a word for Comedy Central before I go to bed every night. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert keep it all the way intellectually gangsta

    • i can do you one better than that.

      i still dont even have cable. f*ck DirectTV…i cant even get Comcast yet.

  • Liz

    Aye you got the facts all wrong. Scrappy BEEN moved out the crib that Erica lives in, and proceeded to rub up on some other broad’s legs and stuff (see: Buckey) even though they were still together. I was wondering why Erica was even over at his new crib cuz that’s where scrap was at when he was whining to his mama and telling her the story.

    So uh. Back up off Erica. While she may think they’re still together and just living in diff homes, Scrap hasn’t even told her the business yet and obviously is looking for reasons to cut her loose instead of being a man and just deading the situation up front.

    • Noir Spectre

      I understand where PJ’s coming from, but it’s not like Scrappy was a Grade-A Guy anyway. This is the same dude that’s live and in living color playing and leading on his “baby mama” on national TV. Honestly, that ninja (and his melodramatic mama) was looking for a seemingly legitimate way out so he can be with the 50 lbs. of weave that consumes Shay Buckey Johnson while making Erica feel like she did something wrong, and he got it when his airways decided to pinch together.

      • wait…that’s Buckey? she dont put on some weight huh?

        i mean i thought she lookeded familiar. (remember, I haven’t seen an episode since the first one)

    • Mel

      “While she may think they’re still together and just living in diff homes, Scrap hasn’t even told her the business yet and obviously is looking for reasons to cut her loose instead of being a man and just deading the situation up front.”

      That’s exactly what it was! He was looking for anything that he could use as ammunition to pull that trigger. Such a coward. Been there, done that. I’m so appalled. .

      • GirlSixx

        Girl,,, tell em!!!. These men need to stop with all that she wasn’t there for him that’s why he did XYZ… scrappy was already dealing with the next chick but wasn’T man enough to well just MAN UP!!!

        • hey…dont you tell us to man up. it matters.

          we’ve acknowledged that men aint perfect. its a running diatribe. men suck and women are crazy.

          given those facts – hey, they are facts – that doesnt change the premise. i used lil scrappy b/c i saw it on the show. remove them two from the situation and she STILL left hte nigga while he was damn near asphyxyating. or however you spell it.

          • SweetSass

            No, men suck and women are justifiably angry, upset, or disappointed. When a guy does something foul… his woman is not crazy for being upset over that. Stop the maddness, PJ. Stop gaslighting.

            • i’m fairly certain that in this situation, there’s a lot of gaslighting on the part of the women involved as well.

              there’s a lot of retribution involved in the majority fo the responses, which honestly, has nothing to do with the situation at hand. you determined it does. and that’s great. it doesn’t.

              • Aaaaaa

                It’s not about retribution or gaslighting. It’s about unfairness in asking one partner to care more for the other than that one cares to return. Admitting inherent faults doesn’t free you from judgment. On that note, you can seriously ask someone to ignore the fact you’re steadily cheating and lying while at the same time expecting them to be there for you through thick and thin. What your basic point in this point is saying that women should care more for her man than her man cares for her which is complete foolishness.

          • JessicaL

            My little brother passed away the first of this month. We were 15 months apart. I literally grew up with this kid. So naturally I’ve been depressed. My rock headed boyfriend has the nerve to tell me I’ve been neglecting him. I don’t know if I’m neglecting him or not. I just don’t care right now. He has a sibling but he hasn’t lost her. He has no idea how this feels.

            • i agree with you. completely.

            • Rewind

              Well you said it…rock headed. He doesn’t understand how much empathy he’s supposed to show in the situation, so now he’s thinking about what he wants. But, and take this with a grain of salt, because I know what it’s like to lose a loved one and be emotionally dettached….ask him if he really gets that a huge hole now exists in your heart and will never be repaired. Ask him if he really understands things will truly be different from now on. Depending on his reply and how much thought he puts into it, the future of your relationship will be presented to you in those few sentences.

          • Aaaaaa

            So is he equally wrong for leaving her while she’s having a miscarriage? You acknowledge men have faults like it absolves them yet women have to be the 100% of the time. **** that. I’m supposed to be there for you 24/7 but you can’t do the the same? Nope. Not happening. Not ever.

      • you’re so appalled…spalding balls?

    • Jhane Sez

      Not to mention that the reason she was going to work is because she needed to pay bills… she was already ‘understanding’ a child support situation, and being ‘cool’ until things got better.

      Real talk… how much does a sista give before she becomes suckka mc stoopid hoe…

      Head bump one… she let him have his space to get his mind right but it wasn’t supposed to be about a new chick the space was so he could find his muse… which must reside in Buckey’s g-string.

      Head bump two… he ask if she is still going to be cool about carrying the weight of paying bills solo and not taking his azz to court for a child support increase since he is no longer living in the home.

      Head bump three… the asthma attacks was triggered because he had been out the night before smoking dro, drinking and kicking it with the homies… he didn’t make sure that he had his medicine or therapy machine so he had to go to the hospital or stay his azz home where his woman was waiting for him instead of running the streets.

      What does that look like, in the real world where chicks have to fend for them selves and their kids and nurture a dude who isn’t providing… I need to see that flow chart.

      What is her reward for being down.

      Too many ninjas running ride or die chick into the ground with no regular maintenance and then wondering why the wheels fall off so easily. ~JS

      • loveliest_lady1913


        Only that ride or die MAN (not boy, not male, not ninja) deserves that ride or die woman. Just like with anything else, crappy input in a relationship will result in crappy output (especially when VH1 is involved– they seem to have a taken a blood oath to make sure that ish happens).

      • i’m sorry but miss me with that. reverse the situation. if i told you i didnt take you to the hospital b/c i had to go to work you’re telling me you’d understand? b/c we had bills to pay??

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          I am seeing ice cold bloodedness in this thread. Sub-zero. Dry ice.

        • Jhane Sez

          “i’m sorry but miss me with that. reverse the situation. if i told you i didnt take you to the hospital b/c i had to go to work you’re telling me you’d understand? b/c we had bills to pay?? “

          Based on his account he is chronically mismanaging his condition… this wasn’t a one off emergency, but habitual behavior.

          How many times do you think you get to call off work before you get the side eye and lose your job.

          I have know people in this very situation, with spouses or even children… and if it happens too often people begin to think you are on one and begin not to care if its true or not because you are negatively affecting the job.

          My daughter was with me at work when she had an allergic reaction and I had to leave early to take her home, I had been taking a lot of time running her back and forth to the doctor trying to figure out what was causing the extreme eye swelling and affecting her breathing.

          Nobody said anything, but even though they witnessed it they were still like can’t you just ice her eye and give her some benadryl.

          And that’s my kid (even though she was 15 at the time)… how do you think that goes with a grown azz man

          Employers are only going to be so sympathetic to your situation ~JS

          • then perhaps you have the wrong employer.

            at my job…my boss udnerstands situatoins. but we’re family friendly.

            and chronic issues do not mean he doesnt need to go. lol…yall are cold as hell.

            • Liz

              cmon son. we both know you are gainfully employed. I doubt Erica is in the same boat. She’s prolly a cashier down at the Pic N Save or something.

              • no, according to vh1’s website…she’s a damn medical technician.


                • GirlSixx


                  This right here would put me 6ft under if she actually WORKED at the same hospital lil scrappy had to go to. *lmaoooo* DAMN!!! lol

      • Innovative21

        I am too impressed by the way you were able to relay this message so efficiently!

        And I say Church!!!

      • I was reffering to Jhane Sez comment, not the woman from the reality show.

    • Chanelle

      Exactly! And she said he left her when they lost a child! Talk about not being there for somebody. He just wants an excuse to break up with her to be with shay. PJ I you gotta have all the facts before basing any theories of this show!

      • Chanelle

        *PJ you*

      • she did say that. you right. THAT DOESNT CHANGE THE PREMISE. lol.

      • i aint saying it didnt happen JUST how she said it, i’m also not going to believe it happened just how she said it.

        like what does that mean…left her when they lost a child…she lost it and he was like, “f*ck it and you im out now…?”

        • Chanelle

          lol this is lil scrappy so if things happened just as you described would that be suprising? I honestly would have done things differently but I dont fault her for making the decision she made either

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        She should have been done with him much sooner, if she’s still carrying resentment that he left her when she lost a child.

        She waited until his asthma attack to bring up the past, walk all over it, re-run it in her head while he cannot breathe? No bueno.

        All that resentment is her fault. Resentment exists when a person KNOWS they should have left much earlier.

        Familiarity breeds contempt. She was gonna be ok with his risk to life just because of their past??

        She must still love him or be addicted to the dopamine high from being around him.

        • esa

          thank you ~*~

        • Thank you. Someone who is willing to fight that unfairly has too many issues to be in a relationship. I get that she might be pissed about that. However, a medical crisis isn’t the time to hash out those issues.

    • You’re right about Lil Scrappy half-a$$ing a break-up. Still, two wrongs don’t make a right. Whatever chance she had of making a comeback has been killed FOREVER.

      • Reason

        Um, I haven’t watched the show consistently but I could’ve she wasn’t serious about making a comeback. In fact she seems more resentful of him than anything else. So that’s that classic “You can’t fire me ’cause I quit” joke.

        • i agree here. i dont get hte impression she cares that much anyway.

    • miss t-lee

      Thank you Liz!!!
      I woulda told Scrappy to eat a dyck.

      • Liz

        LMAO! I mean I might have helped him to the hospital, I dunno. I def would have wanted to but if my job is not playing games then I would have done what she did which was find someone to help him get there. What I am not cool with is his mama beefing with her about it as if Momma Dee don’t already know Scrappy is bout to bounce on Erica REGARDLESS of this incident. Shameful.

        • miss t-lee

          Yeah, his mom is entirely too much in their biz.
          I would’ve cut that off early.

    • eh. false. while i may have that fact wrong, it doesnt change the facts of what happened. she did do exactly what happened, no? and that’s enough for most men to realize you aint there.

      • Liz

        it does change what you’re arguing though. Your panties are in a bunch because she’s not a loyal partner. Not that she left him for dead (even tho he ain’t die). You’re mad she’s not loyal. All we’re saying is–He’s not loyal either, he hasn’t been faithful in the past, he wasn’t being faithful in the present when this incident happened, and he plans to dump her if he can find some balls to say so. So who is the loyal partner now???

        • i didnt say he was.

          my beef was that instead of taking him to the hospital herself, she had somebody else do it. that’s not decent as a person. forget the relationship even. y’all keep arguing that he sucks therefore he shouldnt’ expect anything from her. i think thats retarded.

          • I don’t know. I think it’s valid not to expect anything from someone you’re not there for. Granted, I can’t let someone die even if we had bad blood because I value human life, but if I were him, and I was dying and the only one there to help me was the wife I left after she lost a baby and on whom I was cheating, I wouldn’t be surprised if she let me die out of anger/bitterness/spite/etc. I’d be blessing my lucky stars she called ANYONE.

        • Aaaaaa

          People complain enough about women (rightfully) filing for child support painting them as golddiggers..Granted, tens of thousands of dollars per month is ridiculous. Butttt..this woman is trying to do her own thing and prioritizing the right things..namely, work, and she’s being called all sorts of names. I could see of he was on his last breath and/or she didn’t leave him in the hands of his close friend to take him to the hospital. Like, seriously? She’s supposed to lose her job to take some lame, has-been rapper who is also a serial cheater and mush mouth mama’s boy to the hospital because he has an asthma attack after a night of smoking and drinking at the club spending my child’s CS money on hoes with dry ass weaves??? GTFOH. And that dude asks to be taken off child support right after he breaks up with her the most punk ass way ever?!

    • Ash

      i agree with Liz!

      Annnnnnnnd the side-peice he has (BUCKEY) is the one that SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE! I do agree that a woman should stand by her man, but “at all costs” has to be negotiable in this situation:
      1. After she had a miscarriage, he bounced…and “left her for dead (Mama Scrappy Voice)” with one of his homeboys
      B. How you gonna be dipping out on your “baby mama” with Buckey and expect her to stand by your side at every waking (or non-breathing) moment?! #notfair
      iii. Erica mentioned that Scrappy frequently blows all of his money at the club…he knows that his excessive debauchery leads to asthma attacks! So, at the end of the day Erica is responsible for raking in cash to take care of their child on a consistent basis.

      aw HELL 2 Da Nawww she shouldnt have stayed. she made sure he had someone there with him…she had to handle business! its not like she had plans to take lil mama to the zoo…SHE HAD TO WORK!

      ok i’m done…

      • whostolethesoul1


    • Amber

      Thank you Liz for setting the record straight. I do watch this show for the pure ratchetness which is funny because I refuse to watch any of the other VH1 and Bravo reality shows.

      Yeah Lil Scrappy used this as an excuse. He has done Erica so wrong and she had to go to work, I doubt she has that type of job where she can just call off and from the scenes for next week he is not doing enough financially for the family anyway.

    • dragonflyy17

      As a shameless viewer of LHHATL, I just wanna say EXACTLY what you said Liz! My life isn’t dramatic enough or at all, LOL! I watch their drama and talk spit about them just cause.

  • OF COURSE SHE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN HIM TO HOSPITAL. She’s a nasty a** human being for not. She’s not in the secret service or part of NASA or any profession that she absolutely positively needs to always be there without a 3 week notice for when she might miss a day of work. I hope she ends up alone and insane with a bunch of cats.

    • Smarter

      I’ll bet you $5 she was on her last warning tho.

    • SweetSass

      There is a difference between girlfriends and wives… Why do men expect wife behavior from women they are not fully committed to?

      • rpp1986

        I agree with SweeSass. There is a big difference between girlfriends and wives that a lot of guys can’t see. But in this life or death case she should have stayed.

      • Pretty sure if my girlfriend needs to be hospitalized I’m going there with her. That’s just me though. There would need to be extraordinary circumstances for me to not do that. She didn’t need to stay 15000 hours at his bed side praying (or not) to whoever. I thought that was a basic common courtesy thing. Shoot, if I got in/caused an accident with a stranger that needed to go to the hospital I’d go there with them.

        • Brother Malik, it is the correct thing to do. I’ve been to a few doctor’s appointments out of both love and basic humanity. It’s just that simple. If I’m with you, I’m WITH YOU!

        • I’ve only seen one episode of this show but I will say that Scrappy seems to be acting out too. Not your first attack bro.

        • exactly. she could get him there and call his momma. what the hell is wrong with these women?

      • I responded, but I’m trapped in moderation.

      • “There is a difference between girlfriends and wives… Why do men expect wife behavior from women they are not fully committed to?”

        Aside from the fact that I believe just being a decent human being would lead her to taking him to the hospital when he was near death, this is a VERY good question in general. Not sure it applies with Scrappy and the asthma thing specifically, but men STAY doing this. STAY.

        • Women STAY letting them, STAY. lol

          • Men STAY “excusing” their jerkiness by saying women “let” them. LOL

            That’s like saying society STAY allowing murders to happen. Yup, I went there.

            • what she said

            • GirlSixx


            • Ms. Bridget

              Just don’t let them kill you. H3ll is wrong witchu?

              • Okay this made me laugh

              • Right?! Should just use my 1UP, duh.

            • T

              Hi Five!

        • right. in general, it is a good quesiton. in this situatoin THE NIGGA NEEDED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND SHE ACKNOWLEDGED AS MUCH. that’s just decent human sh*t.

      • griffdamagician

        “Why do men expect that behavior from women they are not fully committed too?”
        answer: BECAUSE U PLAY HOW U PRACTICE! If a woman act like that as girlfriend, anymore investment into her like marriage, that chick will be WORSE! Its just like watching a kid practice a sport and he did guarding the the tight end off the bench in practice for football, how the hell u putting him in the game and expect him to be competent in that same situation, you a fool if you do. Same.thing with relationships homey but with bigger stakes.

        • Manny

          They aren’t even really together. He cheated on her and left her then came back when the “other” chick left him. She’s reluctant to get involved with him again. I would alet that nigga die.

          • who cares…if you in it, you in it until you ain’t and she was there. at the time. you telling me that ain’t f*cked up.

            i dont even know you but if i saw you going all asthma on me and you mimied “i’m manny from VSB” i’d take you to the hospital!

            • mena


        • J.ivy

          According to your reasoning men generally fail especially this guy. Sounds cute though. I give you two creative points.

        • SweetSass

          I’ve heard many times on this right here blog… if a man is getting everything he needs from a woman as a gf he will never feel the need to put a ring on it.

          Now, how do you square that? If you do act like a wife… he won’t wanna ‘buy the cow’ cus’ he is getting free milk. If you don’t act the wife, you ain’t showing your wifey skills…

          Sound like a lot of B.S.

          • AfroPetite

            “If you do act like a wife… he won’t wanna ‘buy the cow’ cus’ he is getting free milk. If you don’t act the wife, you ain’t showing your wifey skills…”

            And I say CHURCH!!!

            • ….and tabernacle

            • Ms. Bridget

              Amen #stuckinthepast

          • i’m not disagreeing with you there. in regards to the ring, you are right. though many men who do get married were geting the same thing and just decided to wife her. its a mental decision.

            however, in this situation, there’s no wife vs girlfriend sh*t. this is human decency concerning the person you care about. or claim to. you can’t even draw a parallel between not letting a nigga NOT BREATHE in front of you and performing wifely duties.

            • SweetSass

              Please, it wasn’t that serious… if he wanted to breathe right maybe he shouldn’t be smoking and drinking all night? Worst case scenario she could just stab him with an epi-pen… but it obviously wasn’t that bad. It was probably dramatized for the camera.

              She made sure he got to the hospital. That is all that was needed for the situation.

              • you are cold.

              • mena

                “Worst case scenario she could just stab him with an epi-pen… but it obviously wasn’t that bad.” I’m sorry but this was just funny. :-)

              • YellowCake

                I agree. I got the feeling she’s been through this with him before. Where he had a bad asthma attack brought on by bad behavior (drinking, smoking excessively…) and seems to have made it a priority then. It’s not like she didn’t ensure he made it to the hospital by someone he knew and with whom he was comfortable.

                Plus her job might not be as secure as most. I don’t think she’s a top level financier with leeway. She’s working hard with her vocational expertise and Scrappy isn’t conducive to that. And then also, more importantly, she ain’t feeling that ninja like that. He cheated on her publicly and then came back, half-heatedly, once Diamond dumped him. AND I’m sure he’s a caring Dad when it comes to picking up their child from daycare and making meatloaf, but I’m 100% sure she handles a majority of the finances in that household.

                Now, flip that. If you were dating the mother of your child. She leaves you for Young Berg while you’re taking care of your child together. Young Berg dumps her. She comes back, but it’s obvious it’s not love, she just feels bad about her effed up life. Then she has one of her semi-traumatic asthma attacks after a night of smoking weed with her frend n’em.

                And you have to be to work in the AM.

                Half of you would have called her best friend and went to work too. I don’t have the time for the lies. Ego is real.

          • Tambourine Shake +1

      • That Ugly Kid

        “There is a difference between girlfriends and wives… Why do men expect wife behavior from women they are not fully committed to?”

        Now, “by fully committed to” are you saying we aren’t fully committed because we’re not married? Or are you saying that me, as a man, is not fully committing myself to you, but I’m expecting you to fully commit to me? My response below is aimed at the former:

        I hope you’re not saying that because you’re not a wife, you’re not obligated to put your all into the relationship/do things a wife would. Because that makes NO sense. I’ll tell you why.

        You don’t want to act like a wife, but then have the audacity to catch an attitude with me because I don’t want to “put a ring on it” because I don’t find you “wife material”. Seriously? Of course I don’t find you wife material, because you weren’t exhibiting wife-like behavior! You know, behavior that’ll make me say, “I can really see myself with her forever.”

        • J.ivy

          You must not be married.

        • I am married, and I cosign TUK’s message. I’m not expecting as much from a girlfriend, but if you want that big promotion, you’d better show some potential, or else you kill my whole a$$hole.

          • SweetSass

            But when women do show all those things… why pay for the cow when you get the milk for free?

            If a woman acts in every single way the wife… where is the man’s incentive to put a ring on it?

            Many times ya’ll have said… the complete opposite of what you are saying right now.

            • “But when women do show all those things… why pay for the cow when you get the milk for free?”

              Oh so y’all dudes gone act like this a new concept? Y’all know what SweetSass talmbout. It’s tried and true and has been blatantly ADMITTED.

              Plus, y’all tell chicks to act like wife material (whatever that is) but then don’t materialize with any incentive to make her a wife then turn around and blame HER when she then expects it. Mmmhmm, this makes sense. -_-

              • Jhane Sez

                that’s the glory of the royal scam… madoff style ~JS

              • RG

                I’d actually argue the opposite. Men with sense are less likely to marry a woman who doesn’t show wifey characteristics and actions, otherwise, you have no idea what you’re gonna get in the marriage. You have to assume the woman isn’t gonna change when you get married. Most women get worse after marriage. Now that I think about it, it would be absolutely bat sh*t crazy to marry a woman who’s half a$$ing during the serious dating phase.

            • I see what you’re getting at, and my response is all things in moderation. It seems like women either want to take your last name after the 2nd date or make a brother go through a line crossing for some head. How about opening up at the same rate he opens up to you? Nothing more or less. Not everything is an extortion plot.

              • SweetSass

                That won’t get a woman who is looking for a relationship very far either because if she is mirroring his actions… And he is not trying to be exclusive… She is back at square one. Let’s get real… A guy is more likely to open up sexually before opening up emotionally. So back to square one, why would he feel the need to commit if he is getting all he needs from her?

            • That Ugly Kid

              “If a woman acts in every single way the wife… where is the man’s incentive to put a ring on it?”

              The incentive is the fact that I KNOW that if were married, she’d have my back no matter what because she’s been exhibiting this behavior beforehand. Instead of me GUESSING that maybe she’ll act better when we get married, being disappointed, then getting divorced.

              At least this is how I feel. Don’t know what type of men yall deal with.

              • SweetSass

                I’mma file this down in ma notebook and I hope I never hear you say anything about not needing to get married when you all can get what you want as gf/bf.

                Really it boils down to ya’ll ninjas utter hypocrisy and selfishness. Ya’ll don’t want to step up because you want us to demand things of you… then when we demand you prove yourself to us before we get serious with you… you are too lazy or selfish to do so. It’s a lose-lose for women. I ain’t down with that. Ya’ll are just proving how ninja ain’t *ish… they want wife treatment but don’t wanna actually go there. Get outta town with these excuses… We’ve heard it all at this point and it’s self evident ya’ll ain’t trying to do right.

                • kenyadigit

                  No one guy can speak for the entire sex in the same way that no woman speaks for all women. Each guy is different and has different requirements and expectations before putting a ring on it. Sure some guys are out here pump fakn and don’t plan on committing but those are the pit falls dating.

                  I agree that some guys may not buy the cow if they are already getting all the milk they want but, how can you expect them to buy the cow if they dont even know if the milk is sour or not?

        • SweetSass

          We already know he isn’t fully committed to her because he went up and got another house and had been cheating on her. So, you’re wrong, if you have already had someone’s baby and he ain’t wifed it up then… then he moved out of the house… then he is with another woman…

          YA’LL AIN’T TOGETHER and she doesn’t owe him a trip to the hospital, it’s fine to just make sure he gets there.

          • no no no.


            if she’s not there…sure. but she was with him. how you gon’ call somebody else and be like…”yo, your boy dying…could you make sure he gets to the hospital? text me later. :)”

            • If that text were real…..y’all would have to scrape me off the pavement at the addition of the smiley face. And the crazy thing about it? I know folks who would do something insane like that! LOL

            • Amber

              lol. But I have seen every episode and I would agree with your post if it were not for Scrappy’s and his crazy mother’s actions up until that incident.

              Scrappy has been looking for a good excuse to totally break it off. Erica didn’t get it when he said that he was moving out of the house “so they can work on their relationship and get closer” where they do that at (pay extra money to move from someone that you actually want to be close to…that’s high school game).

              Then he starting a relationship with “Buckey” and told her how terrible his “baby momma” is all the while Erica has no idea.

              She may be a little cold but it seems like she has to be the responsible one while Scrappy can smoke and drink himself into an asthma attack.

        • demondog06

          TUK said: “You don’t want to act like a wife, but then have the audacity to catch an attitude with me because I don’t want to “put a ring on it” because I don’t find you “wife material”. Seriously? Of course I don’t find you wife material, because you weren’t exhibiting wife-like behavior! You know, behavior that’ll make me say, “I can really see myself with her forever.”

          and the one atheist in the room hollars “AMEN”

          point is either you’re my woman or you’re not regardless of a label or title.
          if i were a believer in the institution of marriage, then why would i put myself through that madness when you’re gonna half ass me as a girlfriend…

          And FYI, a lot of dudes avoid marriage because they see how many women were great girlfriends, but then flipped the script when you became wives.

          • SweetSass

            So let me get this straight:

            If a woman isn’t all sacrificial for you and wifely… she definately isn’t getting wifed.

            If a girlfriend is awesome and wifely… she ALSO ain’t getting wifed because SOME OTHER women allegedly ceased to be so.

            This sound like ya’ll are full of sh*t.

            Thank you for perfectly illustrating why ninja ain’t sh*t. Selfish as h*ll. My mouth is agape at the entitled attitude ya’ll men are displaying today.

            • That Ugly Kid

              So, I’m “entitled” if I give my all in a relationship, and ask that my girlfriend do the same? That if I don’t hold back, she shouldn’t either? However, the woman who knowingly does not put her all into the relationship, yet still expects to get “wife’d up” just for being there, is what exactly?

              But, I guess I ain’t sh!t then. Glad to have come to this epiphany while I’m 22, and still have time to change my montrously pathetic ways.

              • demondog06

                here here’

              • SweetSass

                What does ‘your all’ mean? Do you even know?

                Seriously. That is just a cliche. Even people who don’t do a damn thing throw up their hands all the time and say ‘I gave it my all’… it’s utterly meaningless.

                Define ‘your all’.

      • mfundo

        To generalize, Men rarely show weakness, so if He is forced to, like in the case of serious illness, a man would wanna have someone he loves and or trusts by his side. the fact that she assign him to someone else and split says to the dude she doesn’t care.

        “There is a difference between girlfriends and wives… Why do men expect wife behavior from women they are not fully committed to?”

        As for the “wife or girlfriend” status, do you really have to be a wife to be there and be supportive to someone who in a relationship with?
        [i would say if a woman did something like that for a man, her chances of getting that ring increases drastically]

        • J.ivy

          Really guys? Foolishness. In line with this rationale all men who want children should also marry single moms so they can say I can see her being a great mother to my children. Terribly Flawed. Marrying someone primarily for how they treat you or do for you is selfish and a good source of divorce. Marry because of the degree to which you wanna do for them and the strength of your desire to make them feel good.

          • Reason

            Uh huh, that’s why some 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Just ask Tom Cruise about that Katie Holmes Operation Bye Bish mission. Big ups to Ms. Holmes; I’m sure the Seal Team 6 are reaching out to her for tips.

          • Truthfully, both of you should want to do for each other. It’s not either/or; it’s both/and. And with regard to single moms, I did check for how they treated their kids. The way I saw it, if they were willing to do their own flesh and blood dirty, WTF were they gonna do with me?

            • SweetSass

              Most guys don’t even consider getting with single moms. So… Good for you, but you are the exception… not the rule.

              • kenyadigit

                I figured women also avoided guys with children or is that a wrong assumption?

                • j.ivy

                  I think you’re assumption is right but not at the same rate that men choose(and stick to) not marrying single moms.

            • j.ivy

              I think you missed my point. If you want children you should only consider marrying women with children, just like you can only consider a woman wife material if she is already being a wife.

              Additionally, you can only be responsible for what you do in the relationship. Ideally, and if we are wise in our pickings as well as extremely blessed, the person that we choose to promise to love, will be as passionate about loving us. No one WANTS to be the martyr in their relationship. I was never suggesting an either or.

        • SweetSass

          I know plenty of women who have gone above and beyond for men only to be dumped extremely unceremoniously— to be with women who have yet to lift a finger for a dude.

          It happens erryday.

          There would be no such thing as the ‘long suffering wife’ if this was the case or 7 year engagements that get called off and less than six months later he is married to a new gal.

          • +1

          • mfundo

            Okay, I hear you, however the point I was trying to make as per your post, is that you Don’t need a ring to show true love, loyalty and support. This you would do for even a best friend. If it doesn’t break your back to show love and support to a person, then by all means do it, but in a relationship this should go without saying, and you wouldn’t be wrong to expect the same from your partner. Now if you feel different then you should evaluate why you’re still in that relationship.

            • j.ivy

              in this situation, it would have broke her pockets. I don’t expect that from my bestie, my siblings or even past boyfriends. My husband on the otherhand, better be there to take me home after my treatment and I bet not have to wait. I expect certain sacrifices from the one I share everything with that I wouldn’t dare expect from anyone else. Perhaps I exceptionally selfless, but probably not.

              • honestly, i dont truly believe that either. i just dont think she thinks its that serious NOR does she care that much.

                i honestly feel like the job sh*t was as much as an excuse as we’re putting on him for just not wanting to be with her.

                she just didn’t WANT to.

      • Fleur

        Yes SweetSass. There is a difference between being the wife or the girlfriend. If you’re my boyfriend and not my husband, don’t expect certain level of investments from me.

        • j.ivy


          • *looks around to see if anybody’s watching*

            *steals “zackly”*

        • GirlSixx

          I concur!!!

      • WIP

        “There is a difference between girlfriends and wives… Why do men expect wife behavior from women they are not fully committed to?”

        I believe it’s “new ninja” thinking SweetSass, LOL. You get wife benefits when you have a wife. I do believe one should look for the qualities they desire in a partner. I really mean I see too many women acting like wives when they haven’t gotten a commitment, attempting to “prove themselves” to these men. Traditionally, older women will tell you it should be the other way around.

        • GirlSixx

          “Traditionally, older women will tell you it should be the other way around.”

          Yes!! Yes they would because back then that’s exactly how it went down… If you wanted a clean house/coooked meal/clean drawers and steady poon…. You had to take A WIFE 1st in order to receive those perks.

        • SweetSass

          That is why you can’t truss them new ninjas over there…

      • Rewind

        Well even if you’re angry at the person you’re with and their life is in danger, does the title of husband or wife matter if you actually care about the person?

        I don’t expect a jumpoff to call 911 for me if my life is in danger, but if it is someone I had a kid with, I mean damn it would at least be nice that I’d be accompanied if I’m truly sick.

      • that’s not wife behavior. that’s the person i give a sh*t about behavior.

        i wouldnt’ expect some random stranger to do that for me if i was damn near dying but i cant even expect my girl? i dont care where we stand…the least you can do is get me to the hospital if you acknowledge that i need to go.

        • SweetSass

          It’s obvious he doesn’t give a sh*t about her… or he wouldn’t be carrying on like he does…. why should she give a sh*t about him. I really don’t get your refusal to see the context here. He had abandoned her when she miscarried, as I recall someone saying above. I’d call that much worse than not going to the hospital over a little asthma.

          • If the relationship is like that then she shouldn’t even be speaking to the dude outside the court room regarding child support.

            • mena

              Exactly! I am literally cracking up over some of these comments. Like if dude was awesome and needed to go to the hospital, a woman would say “Ummmm…is there a ring on this finger? No. Ninja, you better crawl your a$$ to the hospital. I don’t have time for that nonsense.”

              • SweetSass

                Straight up…

                Walk it off.

                Put some Windex on that.

          • then she’s as much as fault here for sticking around and even being in the vicinity. damn…where’s her own personal responsibility here? is Scrappy wrong for past transgressions? sure. is she wrong for this? sure. two wrongs don tmake a right.

            but she didnt leave back then so now she gets to pull the revenge card? gtfoh.

            • SweetSass

              Where is Scrappy’s self direction?

              He has a chronic condition and didn’t take meds and did everything to aggrivate it while out at the club without her.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        The real question is why do some men expect a stupid woman to take him to the ER when he can’t breathe? Wife or girlfriend has nada to do with it.

        A woman who has no compassion for you is just as bad as a man who doesn’t care that you can’t breathe.

    • What are young ladies made of?
      What are our Queens made of?

      Sugar and spice
      And everything nice,

      That’s what Ms. Independents are made of.

      • Ms. Independents usually end up with an extensive collection of cats and a trail of tears.

        The most important thing a woman can do is CHOOSE CAREFULLY. Do your due diligence. Vet a nia thoroughly so that you have an idea of what you are getting into.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          and LEAVE the moment it gets foul. Don’t play the martyr putting up with his shit and then use that as an excuse not to get him to the ER if he can’t breathe.

          People dying over grudges.

    • JustAThought

      Let’s not forget that Scrappy left her when she lost there first child. He went back on the road; is that not also going to work? Erica is a single mother and she needs to take care of her daughter; because we all know Scrappy isn’t selling out arenas. Now I can’t speak on whether or not she was wrong for not taking him to the hospital; just like I can’t speak on whether he was wrong for leaving her after she miscarried. Maybe he had contractual commitments he couldn’t break. I don’t know; I wasn’t there. But it seems to me they both have a history of not being there for each other when s/he needs it most.

      As for women being there for men in general, sometimes men need their women to be there for them; but the women don’t know it, or understand the severity of the situation. I am sure the reverse is true as well. That said, I think some people feel that the need for loyalty and support should be innately understood. However, these same people might fail to realize that loyalty and support might mean something different to their partner. So maybe it would be best if people told each other what they needed and how they needed it, and gave their partner a chance to meet their needs. Even after an emotional/physical let down trust can be rebuilt and loyalty proven if both parties are willing.

      • i agree with this. i truly do. i do, however, think that you now good and well that if a ninja needs to go to the hospital…lol…he’s gon’ want the person he cares about to take him. now if we are just to believe that he really doesn’t care about her…and that she also really doesnt care about him, then it’s moot and a done deal.

        • SweetSass

          Yes, I think that is the case here.

    • Slim

      Here’s the deal…she has been with this guy 10 years on and off, im sure this isn’t the first time dude was being stupid and got drunk and caused an asthma attack as a result. A woman CANNOT play a mother to her man when he is acting a donkey. She said it plenty of times he needs to grow up. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but he left when she lost their child. Only so much a woman can take before she is tired. We don’t know what kinda job she has if she can just call out like that. I am the only tech for the day when I go in, calling out isn’t that damn simple. She has a child she needs to tend to because the father isn’t doing his job. If it were me, miss me with the bs, scrappy. It is quite obvious he needed an excuse to go with that hoodrat. People acting like she is disgusting for leaving, when nobody knows the full story. It’s tv, they edit for drama.

      • Rewind

        So in the end there are no winners and they have a crappy relationship, meaning we shouldn’t even try to have sympathy for either one because no one knows how to put on their grown-up pants.

      • don’t forget that they edit for drama…BOTH ways.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      THANK YOU Malik!!!!!!

      Just foul to not take him to the E.R. He could have DIED! Is she gonna be at his funeral saying “that’s what he get” ??? dag!

  • I don’t even have the right to shade Love and hip-Hop ATl, when I’m pumped for this show http://www.balleralert.com/profiles/blogs/reality-show-alert-are-you-ready-for-real-rap-wives-of-birmingham <—everything you need to know is in the URL.

    • AfroPetite

      IAYP why must I cry? These fools up here talking about bring married/engaged to local “rappers” ain’t nobody heard of outside of Alabama??!

      I just. I’m done.

    • How did you stumble upon this? It looks like they used Windows Movie Maker to edit and produce it.

      • Third Of August

        It also looks like it could have been in the previews of N-Secure. lol

    • Jay

      The f*ck… Did they film/edit this on a calculator?? And I’m typing these words in a house built on a foundation set in good ole sub Mason Dixon line Alabama soil. SMH.

    • kid video

      Im all for my city gettin some shine…but this looks perfect for public access tv…that park(Patton Park) is the place to be on Sundays.

    • J.ivy

      Twist cap wine? Niiiiice

    • Keisha

      Oh wow!!!

      • And if you like Birmingham hip-hop, thanks to Twitter, I’ve learned about @UNITEDBALLAZ, REAL hip-hop from….South Dakota #thuglife

  • Pe.Riche.

    Loyalty and being there for someone is crucial in any given relationship (be it a relative, friend, or lover). However, no single person can be there for EVERY given situation, no matter how much the pair may love or care about each other.

    And since I don’t watch the show, I cannot defend or chastise her for her choices. However, if she couldn’t be there at the hospital herself, the next best thing (in my opinion) in making sure that he is taken care of by others who love him just as much in her absence. Is it the ideal situation that he wanted? No. But it’s the best she could do given the options.

    I think men need to understand that even if we can’t be there physically, just know that it is just as hard on us as it is on all of you. When we can’t be there at your side, we feel the same sting during that separation as well. There is no worse feeling than knowing someone you love in going through something and you are unable to be there to help them or stop the pain altogether.

    • J.ivy

      Zackly. She didn’t prioritize work as much as the ability to take care of their child considering that it did not seem to be life and death as well as the fact that his own irresponsible behavior caused the situation.

      • WIP

        Agreed. She knew she needs to go to work to support her child. This was not a new occurrence so based on past knowledge she figured he would be alright. She made the best decision she could. That’s all anyone can do.

      • i aint trying to be funny here…but let’s come the f*ck on with that needs to go to work to take care of her family sh*t. y’all are acting like this girl is poor. i’ll be good damn money she missed some work to tape segments for the show. i’ll bet that sh*t.

    • i feel you…but it wasn’t hard for her. she doesnt feel bad for him at all. she made that clear. to her its just asthma. get over it ninja.

      they clearly dont or didnt need to be together and they show it constantly. i will agree with everybody on that point.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        They need to live like they never met each other in their life.

  • So I hear what you are saying. I really do… BUT 1. I’m not about to put my man first when he doesn’t put me first. It has to be EQUAL. If I can’t expect the same from him than you can forget that ish. 2. Monica should NOT have stayed there with Q, therefore jeopardizing her place on the basketball team. *huge generalization alert* Men ask women to make those kinds of choices ALLLLL the time, that is, your relationship OR school/your career. And if a guy is truly truly worth a damn, and is not about to die, then there is no reason a dude should kick his girl to the curb for having her priorities in order. If it were reversed most women would not make a dude choose his job/school/career ambitions over her. Mostly, because we know we can’t win that fight. When a dude is focused on his hustle, no woman will be in the way. So if I’m not gonna make you choose, why would you make me choose? Fellas, get over your egos. You are not the only ones who have business to take care of. It’s not at all that we love you any less, but sometimes women have important things to take care of too… AND we are often willing to compromise.

    If memory serves me correctly, Monica offered Q the opportunity to come back to her room and talk. He declined.

    • SororSalsa


    • You. Are. My. Hero.

      +1 bizillionmillionkajillionfortyfive

    • PREACH!

    • Anastasia!!!

      B*tch, you betta say that!!!!

      • Beautifullyhuman


    • Hehe

      All of this!

    • That Ugly Kid

      “Monica should NOT have stayed there with Q, therefore jeopardizing her place on the basketball team.”

      She should have. She wasn’t jeopardizing her whole career. Her coach was just going to make her sit on the bench during the next game. Quincy was there for her when she really needed him, but she couldn’t do the same.

      “Men ask women to make those kinds of choices ALLLLL the time, that is, your relationship OR school/your career.”

      Of course we do. Because we make sacrfices to (try) and keep you happy ALLLLL the time. That movie/restaurant we take you to? We hate it. But you love it so we go anyway. That dress you absolutely adore? We don’t have much food in the fridge for two weeks because we spent money we don’t have to buy that dress. To make YOU happy. That perfect, extravagent wedding you wanted? Again, MUCH is sacrificed to make YOU happy. Men make sacrifices for women all the time. It just doesn’t get appreciated because society tells us that’s what we’re “supposed” to do. All we ask, is the same.

      • We make different sacrifices. The vast majority of men that love and care for their girlfriend/wife would take an a**-whooping to a bullet for her. We would also most likely scoff at the notion of sacrificing our career for theirs regardless of if their career is grander. Likewise, we’d expect women to sacrifice for our career, but wouldn’t really care if they defended us. It’s how we’re socialized. Goes back to how men don’t really care about education level or pay grade from women even though we use that to separate ourselves from other men when courting.

        • That Ugly Kid

          Of course. I’m just saying, a woman being there for us isn’t really about ego, or self-centeredness, us thinking the world revolves around us, etc. It’s about being fair. We sacrifice a lot to make them happy/to try and keep the relationship going. A few sacrifices on their end isn’t much to ask for. I will admit that career/school is a sort of gray area. Like if she’s trying to go back to school, but doing so would make things much more difficult for us finacially, or doing so means we can’t spend valuable time together, I don’t think I’d be the bad guy if I ask her to hold off on school until we’re more financially stable/we’ve been in a relationship long enough that we can survive our quality time being erratic/inconsistent.

          • Inqueerie

            Ok, but maybe her going back to school allows her to apply for a job that would put y’all in a better $ position ( some employers will accept that you’ re working toward a degree they feel you need), or it allows the mental and emotional freedom to focus on her own development and leave an employment situation that’s killin her. These are hypotheticals of course, and I do get what you’ re sayin, but sometimes you also need to weigh the overall cost of trying to force someone to make a sacrafice for you on the basis of ” well, I make them for you, so you can do me this one”.

            And sweetie, that line about the newness of your realationship not being strong enoigh yet to withstand prolonged periods of seperation? If ya chic is in school, then that’s childish and selfish. You can got to a couple classes wit her, be her study buddy at times, be there to provide her that must needed break, etc. This covers physically and mental togetherness. Please don’t ever ask a woman to put off her education for you cause you wanna cuddle and eat crepes in the park wit her, ok? You will not like the place the relationship is destined to end up.

            First example, maybe, dependindg on extenuating circumstances.

            • SweetSass

              Any woman who does this would be a damn fool.

            • Medium Meech

              Where is this actually a thing? Not saying it isn’t possible, but I don’t really see it that much.

          • J.ivy

            If women told men all the things they do for you that are sacrificial beyond the obvious ones like sexual favors and having babies that will carry YOUR name the list would be darn near infinite. Just trust that the sacrifices that you make likely pale in comparison to all the unrecognized sacrifices she is making daily. If you gave a good woman. Just trust me in this one.

            • Sandpaper

              Can I get a short list of the ones you think are major sacrifices that we have no clue about?

        • SweetSass

          It’s funny you say your ‘sacrifice’ is something is most likely will never need to be called upon… Do you live in the Wild West where your woman is facing abduction everyday from bandits to get tied to train tracks?

          People do not get mugged (as a couple) on the street everyday. There is rarely a situation where a man will need to ‘take a bullet’ for a woman, if ever. If a woman is to ever be attacked 9/10 it will be when she is alone. So your chances of being the knight in shining armor are next to nil. That is a false comparison and a weak lame sauce ‘sacrifice’ when you ain’t actually doing anything day to day.

          Whereas, a woman sacrificing career is something that affects her EVERYDAY.

          NOT EQUAL. GTFOH with that piss poor logic.

          • I’m not talking about strangers. I’m not trying to make the situations equal either. That was exactly why I choose an extreme example and an ordinary example. One lives in the land of the hypothetical and one lives in the land of reality.

            • SweetSass

              If you aren’t doing something everyday, proactively that is no sacrifice at all. Bringing up a very unlikely situation and saying “if this happens I will do that” and comparing it to things someone does for you everyday… Is utterly lame. This is just like guys who expect praise for doing simple life shit. Also, you would care if a woman didn’t defend you… You’re telling me if you were out matched by six guys and she had a gun in her purse and a phone you’d still be like, “Honey, I got this!” Boi, please! Plus, you don’t know how much heroism you’d display in an emergency. I know a guy who was in a park with his girl and they got attacked he defended himself but ran away to nearby houses alone and left her with the three knife and gun wielding dudes, thankfully they just stole the car and didn’t rape her.

              • The juxtaposition was the point. Why are you arguing with me on something we’re eye to eye with.

                • SweetSass

                  I’m mad you’re even calling it a sacrifice. It’s really not.

                  • I would classify me getting knifed in the liver a sacrifice. It’s probably a once in a lifetime sacrifice, but it still is one.

                  • I would classify me getting knifed in the liver a sacrifice. It’s probably a once in a lifetime sacrifice, but it still is one.

                    • SweetSass

                      That presupposes you’d have the courage to stick around and get stabbed for your woman. You don’t know what you’d do in that situation when the fight or flight response takes over… unless it’s already happened before, you don’t know if you’re really that brave or a coward like the guy who left his g/f with three armed thugs and saved himself.

        • Ms. Bridget

          “We would also most likely scoff at the notion of sacrificing our career for theirs regardless of if their career is grander.” <—kinda going through this now. my earning potential is like 3x yours but imma put my career off for yours? so I got this PhD to be a house wife? you can't be serious…

          • SweetSass

            If a man really cares about you… he will do what it takes to help you acheive your dreams. Look at Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s husband. Best believe that job is hella taxing but he stuck with her through it.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          Thank you again, Malik.

      • Mel

        “That movie/restaurant… dress you absolutely adore?… extravagant wedding?”

        Those sacrifices don’t even come close to the sacrifice of a career or school. So because you’d really rather go to Chili’s but instead go to Fridays because I want to, I should sacrifice my career/school? What the what??!

        “She wasn’t jeopardizing her whole career. Her coach was just going to make her sit on the bench during the next game.”

        SON! If I remember correctly this was the first game that she was going to START in. Should she have really jeopardized that? That situation with his dad could have held to the next day. or he could have talked to her on the phone or gone back to the dorm to talk like she suggested.

        I dated a basketball player in college. He wasn’t missing not nary a curfew to sit on the bleachers and talk about my problems. I WOULDN’T HAVE ASKED HIM TO.

        • Inqueerie

          My real comment seems to be in moderation, but, yeah, what she said!

        • That Ugly Kid

          1. My point was that men make sacrifices all the time to make women happy. That’s what you do if you truly care for someone. You put their happiness before yours.

          2. If I recall correctly, Monica was a Freshmen. She had 3 more years to get that starting spot back if she lost it for the rest of that year (which is doubtful).

          3. You wouldn’t ask your college boyfriend to break curfew for you? Funny, that’s the same thing Monica said. So I’ll repeat what Quincy said, “You wouldn’t have to ask me to.” Point. Blank. Period. When your loved one, someone you truly hold dear to you is down, you cheer them up. No questions asked. Don’t, and you leave the door open for someone else to.

          • AfroPetite

            To respond to your second bullet point, I respectfully disagree. If I recall correctly (which I do) that bish arse heffa Citrus was in her Senior year when she messed around and destroyed her ACL. Who was to say that Monica would remain healthy for the next 3 years?

            She saw her chance to start and took it. Monica was just as serious about balling as Q was and shouldn’t be faulted for her dedication. Q could have easily rolled back to Monica’s dorm and cried about his daddy’s indiscretions there.

          • Compare give up some money to give up your future..hmmm. be broke for a little while or shut down a huge part of your identity. Hmmm……..

          • SweetSass

            Please list the sacrifices that dudes make that even compare to losing one’s career?

            • That Ugly Kid

              How about your used car salesman boyfriend who put his own career in the rear view mirror (see what I did there lol?) because he knew he didn’t have enough financially to go to school and put a roof over your head, the water running, the lights on, clothes on your back, food in the fridge, and just keeping you content in general.

              Unless you believe that every man’s dream is not to be a doctor, lawyer, ball player, entrepenuer, but that guy who sells used pontiacs because he absolutely adores the smell of rust, then yea, I guess dreams to come true.

              • SweetSass

                How many women have you financially supported (rent/bills/etc.) with a blue collar job? (Not that car dealership is one, they can get really good pay)…

                I’ll wait.

                • That Ugly Kid

                  I’ll wait until you tell what that has to do with what I just said.

                  • SweetSass

                    You brought up some hypothetical example of a car salesman boyfriend who gives all his meager paychecks to cover the roof over a woman’s head… as an example of sacrifices men make….

                    You are a man….

                    Thus I asked you… how many women have you supported with a blue collar wage. Or any wage. Or any support at all.

                    You are full of it.

      • I don’t want to go in on this chick. You don’t know the sacrifices I’ve made. When you have to clean out your savings, damn near clear out your 401k, jack up your career and go into massive debt to back someone up for them to flip the script over and over, then you can say stuff. Until then, go to hell in gasoline-soaked drawers.

        • J.ivy

          You didn’t have to. You chose to out of love. If you did it for someone who took advantage of you I’m sure that hurts but don’t be bitter. The right woman will help you get back on your feet once you forgive and chalk it up.

          • o___0


        • GirlSixx

          Everytime I read one of these kind of comments by you my heart just says.. “Po Lil Tink Tink”…. *smh*

          Keep your head up my Brother… *raisesAfroPicFist*

          • Kema

            ““Po Lil Tink Tink”…. *smh*”

            Bwah ha ha!!! Somebody tryna get me fired

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          I guess if she couldn’t breathe, she’d die right there on that floor rather than ride in your car on the way to the E.R.

    • +2

      Sorry, guys, but both Quincy AND Scrappy were wrong. In Quincy’s case, he knew the business. He knew how hard Monica was having it with the team. Then to expect her to throw it away because you sad????? Nah, pimp. You should have followed ma back to the dorm. I’m more than positive her roomie would have given you guys some privacy.

      Scrappy, Scrappy, Scrappy. I’m so disappointed in you, Scrappy. You knew you didn’t want to be with Erica, but rather than man up, you searching for something, anything, to give you a reason to completely bounce. I understand the whole asthmatic-i-can’t-breathe thing, but the girl did NOT abandon you. She made sure that someone was there with you to take you to the ER. The very same someone that YOU sent to HER when she miscarried. Doesn’t feel so good when the roles are reversed, huh?

      I really don’t understand why people don’t see Scrappy for what he is, anyway. A washed up asthmatic mama’s boy who’s only hope for a comeback IS this show.

      *insert eyeroll here*

      • that should be *whose*

      • im sorry…maybe Quincy should have gone back with Monica. but i cant fault him for that.

        however, Scrappy is not wrong. at all. sorry.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          I don’t even watch the show. Never saw an episode.

          The point is she didn’t see if he survived the asthma attack. She was being very ignorant about the seriousness of asthma or is truly cold-blooded.

        • Yeah, while I don’t totally agree with the Quincy comparison (I DO understand why he was hurt but I also can’t completely throw Monica under the bus as if she didn’t support him at all… because she totally did)… I’m completely with Scrappy on this one.

          Not even because she “owes” Scrappy anything… that ninja did some FOUL ish… like the miscarriage thing. Dayum, G. But yeah, I’m not a tit-for-tat person when it comes to life or death. I woulda took him to the hospital.

          Can we talk about how I can’t even talk about this situation without thinking about the post picture Panama decided to use today??? LMAO

    • J.ivy

      Yup! Unforyumately(or fortunately) livelihood is dependent upon our success as much as our man’s these days so men really should stop having the same expectations as when our occupation was just a hobby.

      PS whether or not we would ask them to make those sacrifices highlights one point but additionally they would not generally make them and we would be expected to understand.

    • Slim


    • Medium Meech

      Your first point, true enough for all people, not just women. But women do tend to make men a priority (unsolicited I might add) in response to where they want the relationship be instead of where it actually is. And women’s expectations and reactions reflect their hopes for the status of the relationship as well.

      Breaking curfew for someone going through an emotionally traumatic event or being late to work to take someone with a medical condition to the hospital is something decent human beings would do for an acquaintance or even a stranger. Career choices these are not. “Retribution” does not equal equality.

      If you want equality, fine, but take the good with the bad. Get a dude that wants to stay home or work part time and support you in your career. You pay the bills, pick up the tabs, support him emotionally day in and out after you get home from work. Protect him when you’re out, put his emotional issues first, listen to his problems and keep your feelings bottled up. Pregnant? He decided if you’re ready to be a parent and pay child support. If he gets physical with you, eat, if you touch him, go to jail. You have emotions, woman up, he does, support him. Oh yeah, go ahead and lop 5 years off of your life expectancy. Open doors for him, take full responsibility for his sexual satisfaction and take charge when it gets real. If you get divorced, you pay him and he keeps your kids and the house you paid for.

      Don’t want an uber beta male? Then play your part and stop pretending the game is rigged only against your sex. Both sides have inequalities to complain about.

      • I guess maybe we’ll stop having this argument when people stop arbitrarily attributing certain inequalities/needs to certain genders. *whistles*

        • Medium Meech

          Define arbitrary, because I feel like the definition you’re using must be pretty arbitrary. Unless you’re arguing that my observations are categorically wrong. Then feel free to refute the ones you don’t agree with. Unless you’re in the there is no differences between the sexes, only societies chains camp. Then feel free to return to your Daria season 3 DVD with director commentary or whatever else angsty middle schoolers are doing in third period study hall these days.

          • Ms. Bridget

            The only ones I can give you are the pregnancy bit and the physical abuse bit. Other than that, I’ve been on both sides of the coin…

            • Medium Meech

              Of course, the sexes aren’t that different, but are you saying I’m wrong in assuming these aren’t behaviors men have to display more than women? These aren’t the social expectations of men that hey are ridiculed for not meeting? And I really am sorry that you’ve had to hold doors for dudes and protect them when you were out. Not sure what kind of guys you’ve been messing with , you seem like a smart attractive girl. Stop meeting guys at Drake fan fiction brunches and come to Philly.

      • SweetSass

        Please, married men live longer than single men.

        And being equals and pulling your weight is all that is expected of men these days. Very few families have ever been ‘woman stay home.’

        Black women have always worked and taken care of home breaking their backs since infinity…

        • Medium Meech

          Not really sure what you’re arguing here. My point was that both sexes have have individual burdens that aren’t shared bu the other, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Talking about one without looking at the whole picture, and, real talk, what you genuinely want from a mate is is just baseless complaining.

      • Innovative21

        both your response and the original comment make me wonder: Is this a chicken-egg situation–who came first, your sacrifice or mine? My respect for you or your love for me. Because I think that in a relationship, you can’t keep a tally, it’s an ongoing indication of where the situation between you and your partner is.

        I’m not a fan of taking the Bible literally, but I have thought about and believe the assertion that a woman must respect her man to make “big” decisions involving their life together, especially her life as well. But only if said man loves her immensely enough to look out for her best interests.
        i.e. I believe I would definitely sacrifice my job (not the same as sacrificing a career–this is where focus and ambition are important complimenting traits for women, because they grant a certain privilege of mobility) if my sig other needed me to, but if and ONLY if he has shown me that investing in his choices, his judgement and his faith in himself is synonymous with the thought that his motivation and actions will always benefit me. Benefiting us as a unit.

        All this assuming though, that both the man and woman are made for each other. sometimes, like Scrappy & Erica, it’s obvious that they’re not in the same lane, and so it can be expected that their actions toward one another would cause turmoil sending them their seperate ways. As they should go.

        Erica is no Shay/Buckey and she should be perfectly content in accepting that; instead of waiting on Scrappy, she shoulda dropped him long ago and become open for a man who can appreciate everything she’s doing and all she’s been through in life that makes her Her.

        • Medium Meech

          I agree that they should not be together in the first place. Definitely not in the same lane, too much baggage, and I’m not sure why she is holding on to him so tight in the first place.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        ” Breaking curfew for someone going through an emotionally traumatic event or being late to work to take someone with a medical condition to the hospital is something decent human beings would do for an acquaintance or even a stranger.”

        What I am seeing in the words are chips on shoulders, attitudes and comparisons made on who was hurt the most, who sacrificed the most, et cetera.

        Why be in a relationship if we are hung up on who did what, how much, when, who bled the most, who hurt the most, who sacrifice the most, who suffered the most? Pain olympics.

        • Medium Meech

          I agree 100%. If you’re in a relationship with someone that is so dysfunctional that you don’t show them the same decency you should a stranger, then it’s time to reevaluate some things.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            *cues music*

            Self destruction ya’ headed for self destruction
            Self destruction ya’ headed for self destruction

    • he didnt want to be seen by anybody and have to answer questions. you’re right. she did though. and perhaps he should have done that.

      but i will say this, when you are the one going through things and you expect your friends to be there, and they know you’re going through it, do your friends be like…yo, i really want to listen but i got this more important sh*t to do…so text it to me and i’ll respond. or come do this on my terms and i’ll be there for you.

      you’d be upset too.

      with that being said, i do agree…that ninja could have walked with her. lol.

      • Yeah, see with me I’m not taking away any validity on Quincy being upset. When you’re so upset in that moment, sure you’re gonna be upset that the exact support you needed wasn’t given. However, in hindsight, you realize that they WERE there for you seeing as how there is way more than one way to be there.

        And I think Quincy did have that hindsight later in life. He acknowledged he just wanted to push her away anyway.

    • YellowCake


      I just paypal’d you a grand. Check yo account, because that comment was worth it.

  • SororSalsa

    I don’t really watch this show (I’ve seen bits & pieces), but I LOVE Love & Basketball. And Quincy was on some major b*tcha**ness with that. He was messed up because he couldn’t idealize a less than perfect man anymore, and even if Monica had stayed with him that night, his shady a** (at that time) would’ve most likely dumped her anyway. Bruh was feeling some kind of way, and he had to work that out for himself.

    Now…as for Erica on L&HH, since she is the only heifer on that show with an actual job, I say let the girl go to work.

  • This reminds me of when my ex-boo thang lost in the finals. He was a hooper and it was his last year in college, he had a great year and his team was #2 coming into the finals. After they dropped out the first round by a buzzer beater shot by the ninja he was guarding……I kinda sorta forgot to be there for him and well, there’s a reason for the “ex.” It took me a minute to even realize how stupid I was, but I was kinda young. Oh well.

    • Something tells me the over/under on the times that ex played “B1tches ain’t sh1t” in reference to you is around 45. LOL

      • kenyadigit

        You wasnt with me shootn in the gym!

      • LOL funny you should say that because when he finally agreed to come over my house so we could talk about “us” he was bumping that song in his head phones and left it on repeat throughout the duration of or conversation. SMH

  • Ok, i’m one of the people that dont watch the show lol but i did see half of the “put the paws on him” episode and wasn’t he out there rubbin up and down on Buckeey and talkin about how his baby mama is just that (i.e. he don’t eff with her) and how he didn’t wanna fight Stevie J at first because he didn’t want her to think they were getting back together? So how did this amount of drama pop off? Either way, i do think if she was sittin right there when he had the asthma attack and it was apparent that he was gonna need to go to the hospital then yeah she should’ve at least taken him and called someone to stay with him if she really had to go.

    Sidenote: its been years since i’ve seen love & basketball but i’m pretty sure i didn’t side with Quincy on that one either.

    • ain’t a woman alive who sided with Quincy. lol.

      but had he done the “right” thing (according to y’all) there’d be no movie. so you take the good with the bad.

  • Lady in Red

    I should be ashamed to admit that I watch this show but I love the ratchness of it all. At first, I was thinking that Erica was dead wrong for not taking him to the hospital and staying with him. Then I heard her say that it wasn’t her fault that that he got wasted in the club and brought on an asthma attack. She made sure that he got to the hospital but it also sounded like this wasn’t the first time that something like this had happened and she was sick of it. Erica should have went to see him in the hospital after work though.

    Also from the previews from next week, it looks like Scrappy doesn’t pay any child support so maybe she had to go to work to make sure that their daughter is fed and has a roof over her head.

    And Scrappy ain’t ish for messing with Buckey with that godawful wig. I kinda think the asthma attack thing was just an excuse so he could get with Buckey.

    • Manny

      Yes, that wig was AWFUL.

    • Chanelle

      “Then I heard her say that it wasn’t her fault that that he got wasted in the club and brought on an asthma attack.”

      Exactly! He is a grown man and therefore should have made better life decisions and Erica did behave as if this has happened before……given how immature scrappy is I’m sure it has.

      • shouldn’t she also make better life decisions too? i mean she did get knocked up by him and if he aint paying isn’t that on her?

        the nigga gets drunk in the club and the next morning is damn near dying…and the correct response is call somebody else to get him there? c’mon.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          PJack, I can tell that if someone you knew was in a medical emergency and you were there, you’d call 911 or take them to the ER yourself.

          • Andrea

            You THINK you can tell that about PJack. But Everything is super Easy to say when you are Not There. We always Think we know what we will do. Then Life Happens. You make a choice. And I think it makes God Laugh.

            • look. i aint perfect. at all. never purported to be. but one thing i am is loyal. i make mistaekes in life but i’ll be there for you if i care. period.

              • SweetSass

                Right, “If you care…”

                She don’t care. Why should she? He ain’t *ish. He is a human chex toy at this point in her life. Their relationship was nonexistent if he is out of the house and with other women.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              And this is how people end up in jail for not helping a family member or boyfriend or girlfriend who was dying in their own home.

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                all ‘cuz of a grudge.

    • Innovative21

      Yea, I think you have to be someone who watches the show to see how Scrappy didn’t deserve the loyalty–he failed himself.

      Also, forgive me, for I believe in soulmates and best-fits: I feel naturally people bring out different sides of you and I have been accused of being emotionally detatched/insensitive in relationships with men, but I have also had relationships where that side of me actually does get evoked–even when I wish it wouldnt. I say this bc I don’t know why Erica needs/wants/puts energy into Scrappy. I feel she doesn’t trust him anyway (for good reasons), which is why she doesn’t open that overly-emotional/side towards him.
      As for Scrappy, if Erica was what he loved, adored, yearned to please and protect, then his arse wouldn’t be so easily strayed.

      The two (from what the show shows) aren’t a natural fit, so every action, every sentiment, every direction they take twd each other reflects just that. IMHO.

      Love this show!!!! (But I feel I can openly do that since I hold advanced degrees and sh*t)

More Like This