You Do Not Love The Coco More Than This Grandma » VSB

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You Do Not Love The Coco More Than This Grandma

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1. Everything about this video is what it should be. From the grainy video with the meme splashed across it to the fact that it goes on about two minutes longer than it should and this grandmother has on a church hat. The fact that I can’t even really tell if this somebody’s grandmother or David Mann. It’s all exactly what it should be.  Lest we forget that this is a selfie video. Why does this exist? It exists because somebody’s motherfucking grandmother is in love with the coco.

2. EASTSIDE WESTSIDE SUICIDE POP!

3. The fact that is woman (or David Mann) has that church rile-em-up voice and a knack for appropriate ad-libs suggests that she definitely sings in somebody’s choir somewhere. If I had my guess I’d think somewhere in LA or the Midwest, possibly Arkansas. I have absolutely nothing to base this on. Fight me. Point is, she is clearly singin’ in somebody’s house of the Lord but when she gets home, she’s about that life. In fact, I’d be willing to bet all the money you have in your wallet that this woman has sold drugs or at least holds them thangs for her wayward grandkids. The coco is paying her bills.

4. Shit like this extends the shelf-life of songs for at least another month.

5. Real question: what would you do if you went to your grandmother’s house only to walk in and hear and see her filming herself getting her life in this fashion? Do you leave? Do you pray? If your grandmother says “bitch I got baking soda! ARM-N-HAMMER!” how do you respond? If she says “BITCH DO YOU GOT BAKIN’ SODA? ARM-N-HAMMER?” do you say “yes” or go out and get some out of fear?

6. Realer question: This grandmother is shouting out gang shit. So I’m going to go ahead and hand this off to LA as somebody’s OG grandmother. How do we feel about finding out about our grandmother’s gang ties and activities? If somebody walked up to your meemaw and referred to her as a triple OG from the Rollin’ 60s and she put on a White Sox cap, would you immediately respect her more or would you never want to be seen with her again? I’m really on the fence with this one though I’m inclined to say I’m gonna ask my grandmother to jump me into the set.

7. The meme splashed on this video is emblematic of why Black people will never lose the pop culture race. It says, “When Your Grandma a ex drug dealer gang banger & saved“. Grammatical issues aside, isn’t that pretty much EXACTLY what this video screams? The ability for Black people to siphon visuals down to their comedic essence while ALSO snarking the fuck out of shit like this is what makes us Black gold. Let’s be clear, this video should not exist. But since it does, I’m glad that we understand EXACTLY what it is. It is a hot fucking mess. It’s also going to spread like hot fire because it should.

8. Now, it should spread because things like this spread. On the other hand, it should probably be locked in a vault somewhere and never let out because somebody is going to catch the rude awakening of a lifetime when they see their grandmother on Tosh 2.0. I mean, sure this grandmother is cool enough to know who OT Genasis is and be aware that this song is made for singing along and ad-libbing. In fact, G-ma (see what I did there?) is probably a hit at karaoke. On the other hand, your grandmother is not only harder than you, she’s out here doing shit like this at home when she’s bored which means who knows what she’s doing when she AIN’T filming. This is the epitome of being embarassed by your family. It’s cool because it aint my grandmother. Grandmothers need to do grandmother things like crochet blankets with “187 on a mothafuckin’ cop” on them and bake cookies. Not be fuckin’ Cookie.

9. Thanks, Obama.

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • black-a-rican

    She needs to be on an official remix

    • miss t-lee

      Agreed!

    • At least a sample

  • PaddyfotePrincess

    I hatechu for posting this Peej, I really do. LMAO. Did Grandma just scream “I got it for the low low. I got baking soda. Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm.” What in the world? I have to take a leave of absence from VSB, lol. I’m not sure if it’s the cocktails I had earlier or that the head deaconess of somebody’s church is reppin her set. Jesus be a guardrail.

  • Harley-n-MY

    Whoever walked by at the 2:33 mark should have tried to save Grandma from herself!

  • skinnynow

    So, so many things. Why, while watching this, was I thinking why can’t my Gram be like this? Then I wanted to Plaxico Burress myself. Then I thought, OG Gram woulda done it for me for even considering punkin’ myself like that. OG Gram got me thinking about all the dirt my grandparents did when they were my age. When they were my age, some of them already had grandkids. My grandparents were thugging it out at the ripe old age of 34. They probably know more about the coco and I ever would.

    Also, did G-ma get the ghost with the “c-c-c-c-coco” at 2:18? Was she choking on a hard candy? Or was that her gangta call out?

    I’m just…I’m just confused.

  • miss t-lee

    With the church hat, no less!!!! Sang it Sister Johnson!

    • Miss Hattie better sang that

    • TeeChantel

      Or Sister Jessie or Gussie. There’s always a Jessie or Gussie somewhere with a church hat on.

      • miss t-lee

        LOL My grandmother’s neighbor was named Gussie.
        She was definitely a cool ol’ broad.

      • Quinn Taggart

        get it right. it’s gussie MAE.

        • TeeChantel

          Uh. It’s usually just Gussie or Jessie for me. Im not saying it’s not possible.

  • MeridianBurst

    I am laughing SO got d*mn hard right now and I haven’t even watched the video yet. I f*cking can’t.

    – Church people are *always* about that life when given the right opportunity to flourish. I would be willing to bet awl the liquor you drink on the way to work in the morning, the moment she stops pretending to be upstanding and straight laced, and you get her home for good, she is about every life that has ever held a thang for any possible enjoyable reason to hold it.

    – If a master OG was documenting a life being gotten and something was said in that tone of voice…it would probably discount double check the paralyzing fear so that a yes could be squeaked out.

    – I mean, one good spanking from a real n*gga wouldn’t be the worst thing. If someone was repping the right set and the other side of the spanking looked good enough, hey batter batter might just have to take a swing.

    – Being hilarious and snarky at the same time is automatic grounds for getting spread. Got it.

    – Ever consider being locked away is exactly what causes such a sweet church goer to act out in the first place? No one wants to have their panties in such a proper bunch at all times. Of COURSE she’s going to do something that makes you wonder if you just gotta pick her up, put her to work, and give her a home where she’s too busy getting spread to ever be bored. But, you know. Shhh’s and secrets.

    This is just my totally objective opinion on women who have alleged morals. I know how difficult some people find it to get around them with that thang thang they love.

    • MzzPeaches

      “Church people are *always* about that life when given the right opportunity to flourish. I would be willing to bet awl the liquor you drink on the way to work in the morning, the moment she stops pretending to be upstanding and straight laced, and you get her home for good, she is about every life that has ever held a thang for any possible enjoyable reason to hold it.”

      And their favorite line is always “I ain’t been saved my whole life!”

      When you hear that, you better duck cause they usually holding.

      • HeyBooHey

        And their favorite line is always “I ain’t been saved my whole life!”

        LOL!!! When old church folk say that, you just KNOW they were both that action back when. Just twerking & jerking, laying it low & spreading it wide, makin choppas sang, reppin sets, the whole nine. But then, Jesus…..

        • MzzPeaches

          Listen hunny! That “laying it low & spreading it wide” still tickles my soul! bol

      • MeridianBurst

        You KNOW they’re holding. There’s a reason people walk around with copious amounts of smugness to their Christianity. There are so many levels of goon disrespect to this Christian thuggery sh*t. And the pearl gate opened. And the bussit baby was born. Yeezus Christ, o cum ye faithful strikes again.

  • Sahel

    Lent

  • Hey, since weed is on the way to being legalized, maybe they can legalize cocaine next. Then again, I’m worried about the 1st of the month and Fridays at Walgreens. You know legal cocaine would mean people buying kilos for the month or something. LOL

    • Sahel

      From the data i have seen,they should remover limiters on prescription drugs because they are way more popular than coke.

      • Doctors are legal kingpins

  • Nicholas Peters

    I hate to be this n!gga but I’m about to be this n!gga…

    I just saw the video to this “song” Coco and usually I let ratchet slide but it is going to get Real tight for black people in America after Obama leaves the white house and whenever I ask the purpose of marches and laying in the freeway I always get to create global awareness….

    then I wonder do black people understand that the image people around the world see of black people is the same we see…and just like most white people, those people have NO interaction with black people…

    So the n!ggas from Coco, to most of the people around the world, is your average black person…food for thought

    *random thought…after Dark girls and light girls is the next Bill Duke documentary “Narrow Ass*d”?

    • Freebird

      See the post from a couple of days ago on tv charecters.

    • God Shammgod

      I promise you that most white people have never heard of OT Genassis.

      • Nicholas Peters

        over 100,000,000 views on youtube?

        Even though I just found out who he is…

        • God Shammgod

          You realize that those arent unique views right…its very plausible to get that many views and still not target to a majory white population…hell it’s the entire reason why a lot of black folks are moving to web based platforms in the first place….

      • miss t-lee

        Exactly.

    • Wild Cougar

      But why do you care what random people think, tho?

      • Nicholas Peters

        You know the default reaction when anything goes left is to march, protest, create hashtags, lay in the street, or interrupt people when they are trying to eat their pancakes in an attempt to garner understanding, validation, and support.

  • This might be the greatest thing ever.

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