Lists, Theory & Essay

Yo…Men Can Be Real Dumb Sometimes, Yo

Baby, I can still drive it. It's just ice. Not lava.

Today, I’m throwing the ladies a bone. Big Pun.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: pride is the leading cause of death for Black men between the ages of birth and death. I’m not sure why we, Black men, have so much pride or why we let it override the good common sense that the good Lord bestowed upon us, but oh does it. So, oh, let’s do it. Leggo.

As somebody who knows many women, I get to hear numerous comments about how ridiculous men can be. And generally, I rebut said claims with proof that women are in fact, insane. Certifiable actually, for the lot of you dames out there. But the truth is, men can be real dumb sometimes, yo. Which is where pride comes into the picture. See, i think it’s manly pride that causes us to make many of the errant decisions that we make. Well, that our pursuit of the poonanny. Though maybe poonanny isn’t the right term since Tupac tried to smell Janet’s and all she did was breathe in his face and then fix his daughter’s hair. And yo, Pac, if you listening, you should have gotten a paternity test on that child because she didn’t look nothing like you, pimpin. Just saying.

But you dead now.

Back to the lecture at hand.

Men. Stupidity. As Ice Cube so eloquently put it, “Doin’ Dumb Sh*t”. I think men just don’t like being told that what we’re doing is wrong or doesn’t make sense. It’s the main reason why we don’t like asking for directions. It’s not that we don’t know that we’re lost. We just don’t like you pointing it out and telling us what we could have done to not be lost in the first place. Especially since we already know. Hell, there’s an app for that. We know, damn. In fact, if you all would just let up a bit on telling us how wrong we are we wouldn’t HAVE to drive you down that dark County Rd 341 highway that we claim is a shortcut.

Duly note that.

Anyway, as a service, here are a few ways that men can be real dumb sometimes, yo.

1. Refuse to ask for help when we clearly need it…even if its offered and we clearly need it.

It snowed, sleeted, skeeted, and thundered here in DC. Not a whole heap – we’re talking about 4 or 5 inches (midget pr0n) of snow in the city – but enough to f*ck up rush hour and enough to cause the streets to be extremely dangerous and slushy, etc. Well, I went outside to take some pictures of th snow because I’m a documentarian. I document sh*t. Well, I see one of my wayward ninja neighbors struggling to move his stuck car out of the snowy pit he’d managed to find himself in. He’s trying to push his car up a slight embankment while his girl is in the driver’s seat. I walk over and offer my help and he’s like, “naw, I got it”. Waves me off. Cool. It’s cold and my jheri curl is drying up anyway. His girl opens the car door and is like, “NO WE NEED HELP”. But dude proceeds to wave me off again. I hear them start arguing to which he yells, “what the f*ck was he gonna be able to do?” How about help you get out of the snow. But ninja rules of conduct require me to heed dudes words. That’s mad dumb. He’s trying to push a car. In snow. Up a hill. By himself. And help was offered. He said no. He is man. Hear him roar. And yes I went and checked on them every fifteen minutes to see them continue to struggle until I got bored.

2. Talk ourselves into a fight we didn’t want in the first place

Men like to talk sh*t. And other men understand this. See, most of us never want to fight and two arguing parties bank on this fact. But every now and then, one overly talkative dude will find himself mouthing off with a cat who doesn’t read books about what professional ninjas are supposed to do when upset. So then mouthy dude ends up talking himself into having to fight with some dude with nothing to lose in life because his pride won’t allow him to realize he might die. All we can do is pray for a snowstorm or police intervention so we can continue to mouth off about what we would have done. Men are real dumb, yo.

3. Argue with women

Contentious I know. But true. Arguing with a woman is a no win proposition. Somehow, no matter what we say or do, the fact is we shouldn’t have done or said something during the course of the argument. Arguing with a chick can you to be in trouble for so many different things. Your tone. What you said about her complaint about your tone. She could be wrong in the first place but the way you responded to her being wrong places you in the wrong. The only true way to end a fight with a woman is to throw a shoe at her. And I’m not even sure that will work but I’ll bet it’s more productive. How? I don’t know.

I’m a man. And I don’t negotiate with terrorists.

Unless it’s a woman. And then I lose.

Le sigh.

So people of VSB, what are other ways that men can be real dumb sometimes, yo? Ladies, have at it. Let us know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka 40P aka lower.case.p aka PASTOR GOODTIME aka GANGSTA GILLIGAN

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is a co-founder of VSB and co-author of Your Degrees Won't Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • Tes

    My favorite thing that men do that, I think is dumb, probably ties into number 1, but it’s the whole “Nah, I’m good” phenomenon. Men can be at the bottom of an empty well with no rope, you holler down at him to see if he’s hurt. “Ah, you know just twisted my ankle, but I’m good.” His dog since he was five just died. “Sparky was the best flucking dog on the planet yo, but uhm…it’s okay, it’s straight. I’m good.” I’ont unnastan it…must be a man thang o_o.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      lol. yeah. i know that one all to well. i’m the king of saying “i’m good”. thing is, i usually am or haven’t thought about things the way chicks do to make me all depressed. chicks just want tears from us cuz y’all would cry.

      mostly, y’all ain’t neva good.

      • Tes

        You know, I think that may be what differentiates the men from the women. Where a lot of women focus on the bad of a situation and get all depressed, the men just focus on the “I’m good” of it all.

        Blame it on the mammaries.

    • http://calmpleks.wordpress.com Calmpleks

      Before the rest of the ladies come up in here and go wild on this point (which is undoubtedly true), you know you wouldn’t want a man who’s always in need. So while the truth is that 95% of the time we really are good, that other 5% we’re worried about you giving us the side eye for the rest of the night if we call out of work the next morning and stay in bed crying because Sparky died or can’t go into the woods to trap and kill a bear for dinner. So nah, I’m good.

      • Sylph

        LOL. Very true.

        I want you to be open about your feelings without turning into a wet blanket. Overly emotional men are a major turnoff.

        • http://thatbitchstolemyline.com B.Collins

          im, probably the only woman on the planet who feels this way, but i actually don’t want you to be open about your feelings. Im weird about feelings and crying. men cry and i run for my life. it makes me feel awkward. i can’t help it. yuck.

      • Tes

        Very true, but I’m sayin doe. If I can see your shin bone poking out, and you steady sayin “Gurl, I’m straight just get me some alcohol and a roll of duct tape. I’m good!” that just makes me shake my head and wait for you to further make a fool of yourself before I call 911.
        Also, it’s alright to take a day off for the remembrance of Sparky; it’s kind of cute even. The bear in the woods is a no go, though, although if dude could make that happen, you know, that’s a definite panty-dropper. Manly men doing manly men things? Yum.

        • http://calmpleks.wordpress.com Calmpleks

          “…although if dude could make that happen, you know, that’s a definite panty-dropper. Manly men doing manly men things? Yum.”

          See right there? You just proved my point all over again lol. It all cycles back to us trying to do something to get you to drop those panties, shin bone poking out and all.

          • Tes

            I’m just sayin though lol. Shin bone poking out is a time to call 911, not for home remedies. As long as after dude doesn’t start acting like both his legs and his hands are broke, then I’m good.
            Aside: I’m one of those women who thoroughly enjoys manly men. My first crush when I was a little girl was Tarzan. I think that says it all lol

            • WinterNights

              O my goodness, I still watch clips on youtube. I love manly men and Tarzan is up there.

        • http://www.shesoflyy.com Muze

          “I’m sayin doe. If I can see your shin bone poking out, and you steady sayin “Gurl, I’m straight just get me some alcohol and a roll of duct tape. I’m good!””

          LOL. my friend had dislocated his shoulder after his friend basically dropped a huge dresser on him helping my gf move… twas hanging all low-like and uneven with his other and i kept asking… ummm don’t you think we should go to the hospital? he’s like “nah i’m good, i’ll go after we move this mattress inside.” ummmm. men.

          • Tes

            And didn’t you think that was the dumbest sh*t? Why don’t they know that we know that 1) that has to hurt and 2) you need to get that seen immediately? lol

            • UrbanDismay

              I think this behavior is a direct result of guys always being told to “man up” and “walk it off”.

              We can’t have it both ways.

              • Tes

                I’ve notice though that lately, women have been telling each other to “cowgirl up” and “man your sh*t up girl” (no joke, heard the last one in the mall not even a week ago). Granted it’s not as deep-rooted as it is with men, but I think it’s the same concept of denying when something is bothering you. Not healthy either way, so what’s a sista to do or say to a brotha?

                • UrbanDismay

                  I’ve heard the someone being told to “go and put on their big girl panties” so I agree it happens to women too.

                  As for what we should say to our men, hell if I know.

                  When one of my boys comes to me claiming to be hurt, I just make sure there’s no blood and send them on their way. If they start whining anyway I say “You ain’t dying” or “You’ll be alright”…Guess I’m contributing to this problem huh?

                • Tes

                  Well that all depends on what you’d say to a little girl in that same situation. If you’d coddle the girl over the boy then yes, if not, then nah you’re fine. They’ll be alright :) lol

                • UrbanDismay

                  I say the same things to my almost three year-old niece. I raise em tough in my house. lol

              • http://uphereoncloud9.com/ Wu Young

                “I think this behavior is a direct result of guys always being told to “man up” and “walk it off”.”

                You nailed it UrbanDismay. Four hundred plus sh***y years in the Diaspora has conditioned us to be this way. Either we suck it up or act like Kanye.

                • TellyLonglegs

                  I prefer you just suck it up than act like Kanye

        • http://www.remthemulatto.wordpress.com RemTheMulatto

          Sparky was a good ol’ dowg.. *sniffle*

          R.I.P. Sparky

          • Tes

            *passes the tissues* I know honey, I know…

      • JAYmatic

        ….It will be a SAD day when my dog, “Premo”, dies…….I’ll prolly have a funeral like Arnold and his goldfish, Abraham, lmao

      • Perfect Square

        Too Shay

  • http://acford.blogspot.com A.C. Ford

    At some point, every man I’ve seriously dated has gotten extremely depressed when he realized he wasn’t making as much money as he wanted to be. I’m told by my girls, that I’m not the only one dealing with this. No matter how much I insist that I can help, he’s angry that he can’t do for both of us all by himself. It’s even kinda sweet until he’s in a pissy mood and doesn’t want to do anything for a week because his buddy just bought a new car and we can’t.

    I just don’t understand why money has to ruin his week. If our bills are paid, we have a good amount of savings in the bank, and still have enough left over to have a good time, why be so upset?

    • Leila

      Co-sign!!! It’s something that I can’t understand, but men define themselves by how much money they make and I’ve dealt with the ones who won’t allow themselves to be happy until they’re at the level they want to be at.

      • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MictheMessenger

        it’s a man thing. Traditional male gender roles involve protecting and providing. A half-decent male will always want his S/O and offspring to have the best, because it’s in our DNA, just like most women are inclined to nurture. Although we ain’t killin bears and ish (well, most of us), today’s version of providing means having money to but ish, food, shelter, transportation, clothing, and the stuff yall like. In fact, most of the stuff in our house ain’t even for us. Brothas will stock up with bread, cereal, chicken, and kool aid for forever, but as soon as a woman is comin through the crib, we got food we barely know how to cook. So if a brotha doesnt have the funds (or criminal method) to provide for you, he takes it as not having what it takes to be a man.

    • Yeah…So

      Yeah girl, men are SOOOO competitive… to a fault even at times. Like ambition good… Mood swinging self-criticism bad.

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Ugh girl COSIGN!! I had to shout. If I say I got it, then let it be good. Why do we have to stay in the house because he doesn’t have it…negro I said I don’t mind paying! Ugh Ugh Ugh…this really irks me as you can see. I’ve always made more money than him and I don’t look at him any less but he makes such a big deal about money.

      Man: “Why did you buy $200 shoes?”
      Me: “Cause I can!”
      Man: “Do you really need $20 face cream?”
      Me: “Yes”
      Man: “Turn off the lights”
      Me: “But I’m reading and I pay the power bill anyway!”
      Me: “Wanna take a vaca and go to ______”
      Man: “We can’t afford it”
      Me: “Who are you talking about? I’m offering because I can.”

      Stop trippin if I say I got it.

      • davidruffin83

        “But I’m saying though. Two hun for a pair of shoes? Is that really even necessary? I mean we both know you only gonna wear them once…..”

  • UrbanDismay

    The only true way to end a fight with a woman is to throw a shoe at her. – PJ

    I much easier than that. Just tell me I’m right. Cause I am. Always.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      You know what? You’re right. My bad.

      • UrbanDismay

        See how easy that was? lol

        • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

          The only true way to end a fight with a woman is to throw a shoe at her. – PJ

          To really win? Throw her shoe out the window

          • naturalista88

            Idk, that might just get someone sent to jail *lol*.

            • tgtaggie

              When that one guy threw the shoe at Dubya it was pretty funny….

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RFH7C3vkK4

            • WIP

              All that’s do is cause this- “oh you wanna throw shoes? We can throw some shoes ninja!”. Just tell her she’s right. That’s the quickest way to deescalate.

      • http://twitter.com/kjnetic Peter Parker

        “You know what? You’re right. My bad.”

        the phrase that pays…lol

        one of the dumbest things is men arguing with women…i personally can’t do it…even when i know i’m right….my brain literally shuts off and says more “uh-huhs” than Diddy ad-libbin’ on a song

        if i say my piece, and you wanna argue me down for it, then i’m done. and if its something that you continue to do, then it’s a definite dealbreaker

        • Mimi

          My great-grandfather must be an unicorn and his wife was a fairy, because I do not like to argue…and I am a woman.
          To avoid arguing with a person, I usually leave the scene, go someplace else to calm down and to gather my thoughts. And when I return, I will want to talk (not yell, scream or argue, but to talk).
          My ex-boyfriends (who were known pureyors of rachet-a$$ women) used to be bothered by my disappearances. Both of them expected me to try to verbally emasculate, throw objects at them, try to physically fight them or participate in some petty, passive-agresssive games.

          • UrbanDismay

            I don’t really like to argue/fight either.

            I do like to debate/discuss and that sometimes can lead to an argument depending on the person and/or the subject.

            • http://www.magnetforfoolishness.wordpress.com magnetforfoolishness

              I think as I get older (and I hope this means I’m getting mature-r and not JUST older) I’ve found myself walking away from dramatic or potentially dramatic situations. Usually, I wouldn’t condone walking away because abandoning the issue doesn’t resolve it. But sometimes it takes more energy than its worth. And you said you do come back with a cooler head to ‘discuss’ rather than ‘fight’ later, which is good. The Champ made a point a couple of weeks ago about, once you’re grown, not arguing with your parents anymore. While this is a different relationship than the one currently on topic, some of the same tenets can apply.

              • davidruffin83

                It’s not “abandoning” if the issue at hand is drapes. I really don’t give a f*ck, I would just prefer that they weren’t such a gay color.

                • http://www.magnetforfoolishness.wordpress.com magnetforfoolishness

                  LOL…you’re right davidruffin83….you’re right.

    • http://www.twitter.com/Stank_0 Stank-0

      It’s not in my DNA to say it. We gon have to argue it out first. I’ll concede quid pro quo on GP though.

      My gf knows if the “you’re right” comes out that I’m tryin to hush her up so I can’t do that.

      • Deeds

        I agree, I don’t want anyone just telling my I’m right just to pacify me. I want someone to tell me I’m right because they truly believe that I’m right.

      • TellyLonglegs

        I agree, just saying I’m right just for the sake of it pisses me off even more.

  • DanceHallKing

    Now you know if anyone male or female (but especially male) caught him crying over his dead dog that dude would’ve been done.

    • DanceHallKing

      that’s a reply to Tes

    • Tes

      Not even. Folks love their dogs and that’s understandable. Now if Ja Rule dies (heaven forbid, how would we know what to do without Ja?) and dude has to take a few personal days, THEN that dude is done.

      • http://www.remthemulatto.wordpress.com RemTheMulatto

        Mister Rule was a good ol’ man.. *tear*

        R.I.P. Ja

        • Tes

          No tissues for you Rem lol

          • http://www.remthemulatto.wordpress.com RemTheMulatto

            BUT I LOVED JA!

            “Where would ah be wit’out mah baybeeehhhh!”

            So true..

            • Tes

              No tissue for Ja!
              Maybe for Lil Mo’, cause she made all this sh*t hot to me, but not for Ja lol

              • true

                wait, Ja Rule died? oh. ok.

      • Mimi

        Co-sign.

        I think I would find something wrong with a man, if he didn’t feel some kind of remorse for his deceased pet.
        I guess it has something to do with the fact that the men in my family had some type of emotional connection to their pets.

  • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com SouthernBelle, esq.(almost)

    Men ask stupid questions about your ex and then get upset when you’re honest. He knows he really did NOT want to know the real answer to “Am I the best man you’ve had relations with?” Sometimes I lie just to save face but there are ONLY so many lies I can tell about who was better in bed. Baby you da you da best but sometimes other people are better. The Jets lost.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      yeah, no man should ask those questions. but similarly, women ask those questions too. and our pride cant take the answers, true. women on the other hand will get mad bc we answered honestly when the answer to any question you all ask is clearly…you. dames.

      • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com SouthernBelle, esq.(almost)

        When a person takes a conversation *there* it says a lot about them. Women are hurt too, but there is something about the male pride. If you can’t handle hearing “his d%*k is bigger than yours” I suggest men refrain from asking about our sexual past. I dont think there is a female equivalent to this. Gonads.

        • DG

          As both you and Mr. Jackson said, no man should ask those questions…shows all kinds of insecurities when they do. Masochists these men are…
          However, women do ask similar questions (although women’s questions are often geared less towards sexual prowess, more towards overall appearance/looks), and the female ego is just as sensitive, if not moreso, as the male ego.

        • WayUPThere

          “I dont think there is a female equivalent to this.”

          Boobs?…sans plastic surgery?

          Besides, he can be bigger, but if he can’t hit it right, its useless no?

      • UrbanDismay

        Usually when a woman asks a question, she already knows the answer. She just needs the man to agree with her, even if it’s only in her own head and even if he has no idea what he is agreeing with.

        Once again, the terrorists win.

        • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage of Silence

          Yo, @UrbandDismay, Yo, you fa’real?

          A man don’t walk into a house and ask the walls “am I the best King of this castle ever?”
          But to a woman, that he wants to invest all his time and energy in, He wants to know that no man compares. Now, you can sit and point out the fact that he is an insecure man but what does that do for the situation?
          Clearly, he is going to be sensitive about it if he’s real or he’ll be dismissive about it if he don’t feel like things are solid anyways. Whatever you prefer is fine.

          My point, is that just because you think honesty matters, what matters to him is more important for your interactions. Because he may be immature but he won’t be that way forever, especially if you love him right – emotionally. But that form of honesty tears at his sense of worth and you’ll have a petulant child in no time. With him acting possessive and ignorant for almost no reason at all and its because YOU compromised his worth with your sense of honesty. Which didn’t need to be that way.

          I shouldn’t need to give you an analogy…if you are wrong, you just are.

          Why argue? Why engage with hostility? Treat everybody like children and be patient because they don’t understand if they violating and if they do understand, spank em and give em time out.

          • UrbanDismay

            Am I fo real about women only asking questions they know the answers too?
            Yes.

            Am I fo real about women only asking men those questions cause they want/need confirmation or validation of what they already believe anyway?
            Yes.

            Am I fo real about the terrorist winning?
            No.

            As for the rest of your comment; I don’t see quite how it relates to my original comment. I didn’t say anything about his sensitivity, my take on honesty, arguing, or hostility.

            Maybe I’ve missed something.

        • http://www.remthemulatto.wordpress.com RemTheMulatto

          Nay I say! Nay to it all!

          • UrbanDismay

            True terrorists don’t take nay for an answer.

            • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage of Silence

              That is fine, I apparently lumped you in with a few of the other female respondents. I lost based on my inability to focus long enough to be precise. Darn this manhood tendency to be amped up and shortsighted and the WORST part was I just wanted to know….I’m so shamed right now.

              Straight up. I’m wrong, I’m out of line and I sincerely apologize. @UrbanDismay.

              SN: I’m totally kicking myself right now. It seemed perfect when I was typing it and now its just carp. Where would I be without women? I just don’t know.

              • UrbanDismay

                Thanks for the apology but it really wasn’t necessary. Twas an honest mistake. It happens.

                (daps you)

  • Sylph

    Trying to fix/put together items without following the instructions.

    “Don’t you want to see….?”
    “No. I know what I’m doing.”

    Do you know how many crooked items are in my parents house? Ok.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I mean, we do know what we’re doing. maybe the furniture ain’t crooked. maybe your walls are.

      you ever think about that?

      maybe y’all got termites.

      • Sylph

        Bruh…it’s okay. You can admit you were wrong and I’ll make you a sandwich. Deal?

        • legitimate_soul

          …wit cheese on it, too!

          • legitimate_soul

            ^…meaning we’ll make a sammich deluxe with cheese included!

      • http://www.remthemulatto.wordpress.com RemTheMulatto

        I refuse to read directions. That’s what the picture on the box is for!

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          LOL, why is this true life. SO many ninjas go off the box picture. Ya’ll are dumb, ya’ll are really dumb. For real. *dies laughing*

          • tgtaggie

            Ya’ll know most of are visual learners. But for the record, I learned if I don’t know something…I ask questions and read the directions. Or if all else fails…I’m hitting “The Google”

            • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              “Ya’ll know most of are visual learners.”

              Yessir.

            • tezzybaby

              “Ya’ll know most of are visual learners”

              Imma need you to VISUALIZE that “Us” that should have been in that sentence LOL

              • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                *DONE*

              • tgtaggie

                I saw that after I posted it. lol. VSB should give you time to edit comments….or I need to do better at proofreading. lol

    • UrbanDismay

      I don’t like reading instructions either. Sometimes I feel like I should be able to look a something and know how it should be put together.

      And since I’m always right…

      • http://heardhimsay.com Drew-Shane

        Instructions just waste time. Just look at the picture and figure it out. Seems to always work…

        I like that “the walls might be crooked”

    • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com SouthernBelle, esq.(almost)

      I helped a friend move a few weeks ago and he bought all new furniture. One of the more difficult pieces was a 3 piece desk with NOTHING pre-assembled. The first thing he does? Unpack everything and throw the directions away! What does he do when he gets stuck? Look at the friggin box! 4 Coronas later he decides to call it a night. Seeing his CLEAR frustration, I grabbed the directions from the garbage and assembled the desk within 30 minutes while he counted sheep. He woke up the next day and asked “WOMAN how did you put my desk together?” I told him I disassembled his mess and reassembled it according to the directions. The little ingrate joked that he was afraid to put his pc on it because it might fall. Men.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        i feel like there’s more to this story. so let me get this right. it took him all this time and 4 coronas and you managed to undo his work and put it together properly in 30 minutes? i aint saying you aint telling the truth.

        just saying i don’t believe you.

        • http://www.twitter.com/apolloblaq ApolloBlaQ

          i dont believe that you know how to use tools.

          • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com SouthernBelle, esq.(almost)

            I know I dont have to lie to kick it here at VSB. We live in an age where some men can’t change a flat tire or hook up jumper cables. A girls gotta know how to do a few things on her own…

            • http://www.remthemulatto.wordpress.com RemTheMulatto

              I jump flat tires all the time..

              E-Z..

        • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com SouthernBelle, esq.(almost)

          I used a power drill…He used a screw driver.
          I watched him eff up so I knew EXACTLY where he went wrong.
          I watched my father (who also looks at the box) struggle with a similar desk so I knew what to expect.
          He sipped more than he screwed.
          The desk is still standing.
          Knowledge is power.

          • http://www.twitter.com/apolloblaq ApolloBlaQ

            Um, yeah.
            I usually read thru the instructions once then i throw them away. thats just me tho.

          • UrbanDismay

            He sipped more than he screwed.

            That’s what she said.*

            *Sorry. I couldn’t resist.

            • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com SouthernBelle, esq.(almost)

              I was wondering if someone would catch that.

              • UrbanDismay

                lol

      • Geneva Girl

        He should be your friend no longer!

    • Mimi

      I have this nasty scar on my leg, thanks to my Pops and his knowledge of putting up shelves on the wall, above the foot of my bed.

    • ComicBookGuy

      I guess I am the only guy that puts stuff together using the instructions and the proper tools. My only thing is that I can criticize the instructions so that they can be written better, but I definitely use them. That engineering mind of mine makes it easier to breeze through the instructions. I put together half of the crap in my house by hand. Read the instructions, fellas. It gives women less to complain about.

      • Tes

        Especially if dude and his lady are trying to get it in on that table he put together and it suddenly falls apart. You will never hear the end of it.

    • http://uphereoncloud9.com/ Wu Young

      I use the instructions but I just don’t want Miss Moneypenny there while I’m doing it. It’s the same idea of me not wanting my boss shadowing me at work. Just let me complete the task at hand and you go elsewhere. Putting shelves up does not need director’s commentary.

    • Sav

      Exactly…. My brother and husband were suppose to put together a swing set for my son while I was out getting shopping. When I came back, I could look at the swing and tell it wasn’t right and they’re telling me it looks just like the picture. Umm, no.

      So, now I have a swing set in my backyard that I refuse to put my son on for fear it will fall down. And I can’t redo anything because they stripped the screws while putting the mess together… Men.

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Directions are for dummies…just look at the box. *insert eye roll*

      • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

        Once upon a time a long time ago my husband (then my fiancé) bought himself a futon for his apartment. Of course it needed to be assembled but handy work is the Bain of his existence. I, on the other hand, grew up in a household where it was just my mom and me, so I learned to be handy. I built the futon while he baked some brownies. Then we ate said brownies and broke that effin futon in.

        Moral of the story: Know your limitations. Let your woman help you and in the end you get good brownies and phenomenal cookies.

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          LOL must have been some good brownies. lol Good point though.

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

    “aka PASTOR GOODTIME aka GANGSTA GILLIGAN”

    Um…

  • http://www.nicklodeon.wordpress.com Nick@Nite is up too stinkin late

    There’s several references through this post that had me chuckling in a quite feminine and cute manner.. so, for that, I thank you..

    4. Not knowing when to fold em.. when to walk away… and when to run…
    You could literally be holding the panties left behind another chick and some dudes will stare you in the face and say it was his grandmother’s.. Then you can pull the condom out the trash and he’ll swear he was teaching his brother how to put one on a banana.. Then you can say “your brother’s in Afghanistan.” and he’ll say “well, umm.. we skyped it..” Dude… just give it up already.. You’re bout to strike the earth’s core with how deep you’re digging that hole..
    ~Close ya mouth, cuz ya cold busted..~

    #ThatIsAll

    • http://www.nicklodeon.wordpress.com Nick@Nite is up too stinkin late

      oops.. me thinks me knows why moderation is upon me…

      Massive amounts of apologies..

    • Perfect Square

      Either Nick@Nite is the best pun-making, double and triple entendre (spelling) making writer or I have a very dirty mind…

      I vote for Nick

      • ooh la la

        lol that made me re-read. a dirty mind is contagious

      • Yeah…So

        lol… ewwwww I see it now.

    • Yeah*yeah*Yeah

      “and when to run…”

      All I can think of is “Cheater’s”- the episode when dude got busted then ran and climbed up a tree!

      Dude, ya “busted” – chick was still tryn’ to talk to him while he was up in the tree… LOL

      • Mimi

        I’m still suprise that “Cheaters” is not on prime time.

      • tgtaggie

        Why dude ran up a tree? He must have thought he was a cat. lol You know the white dude (the host) pretty much loves his job. He always looked amused. Kind of like Roger Lodge of Blind Date.

        • UrbanDismay

          (sigh)
          I suddenly miss Blind Date.

          • Medium Meech

            Blind date was the shyt. But cheaters keeps it real.

          • CNotes

            @UrbanDismay

            “I suddenly miss Blind Date.”

            So do I! Whomever wrote for or came up with the foolish comedy for the show was a comedic genius!

            • tgtaggie

              I used to love watching that show! Between Roger Lodge’s sarcastic commentary, the thought bubbles and the straight up tomfoolery made that show epic. lol. But I always thought when they had black people on there it was even more funnier. lol

              • CNotes

                @tgtaggie

                “But I always thought when they had black people on there it was even more funnier.”

                No Question! : )

  • legitimate_soul

    1. Directions. Having GPS take you all around the long way when a person might know a quick way to go, not asking, and not listening to “Wasn’t that our turn back there?”

    2. Doing stuff that gets you sick. Last time we nursed you back to health you vowed to never ever eat or drink the things that got you sick. But there you go enjoying the flavor again, saying you gonna be ok, and ignoring the fact it made you sicker than a dawg and didn’t agree with you. Some guys (as many of us do, women included) over-estimate our health until we on our neck. I have frat brothers who might have sickle cell and/or be on dialysis but that doesn’t stop them from drinking and smoking when with the frat.

    • http://www.shesoflyy.com Muze

      number two is the truuuuth!

      convo goes something like this…

      “baby, you’re allergic to seafood. i don’t think the seafood lovers platter is a good look.”
      “nah, i’m good. i’ll be aight. i love this food.”
      “but baby…”

      twelve hours later he’s in hives, throwing up, and thinking he’s dying (while still insisting he’s ‘good’) and you’re playing Nurse. and not the fun kind. womp. lol

      two weeks later when his near-death experience has left his memory…

      smh.

    • Ms. My2Cents

      “Doing stuff that get’s you sick” – ^^ this right here!

      True story: A few months ago one of my guy friends was playing tennis…ran his shoulder into a fence and partially tore tendons. His a$$ was still doing handstands on the beach (yeah, it’s beach weather…I live in the islands) to impress chicks. Then he sprains an ankle playing some other sport. Does he stop said sport because his ankle is jacked up??? No…he continues… and last Thur, sprained his OTHER ankle (severely)!! I’m still not sure if he has the good sense to sit it out for a minute. Time will tell.

      SMDH

      • Deviant

        “Cocaine is a helluva drug.”

  • tezzybaby

    I couldn’t even get through the rest of the post after “It’s cold and my jheri curl is drying up anyway”

    I’m still laughing now as I type this and that was 5 minutes ago which in laugh-world is like 2 days ago. Whewww…Ok now for my 2cents

    1.Performing stupid pranks, stunts, etc i.e. testosterone poisoning (yes I do think there is a racial slant here)
    2.Not going to the doctor for needed examinations
    3. Having the unmitigated gall to repeatedly fart in my presence AND think it’s funny (sorry this may be more in the “Things that bug” category)
    4. Never removing excess toothpaste from the top of the tube and yet continuing to squeeze it through the hardened crust as long as possible. ( My bad, this one too)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      my curl is good now.

      • tezzybaby

        “Just let your soooouuuuul glow baby
        feeling oh so silky smooth
        Just let it shine through
        Just let your soooouuuul glow oooo”

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        Yeah, that’s why his head so shiny, sh*t be drippin’.

    • tezzybaby

      on a completely unrelated and random note: Oatmeal Creme Pies make my da-ay-ay!!

      • Perfect Square

        Co-sign!

      • http://twitter.com/Phidelity15 Phidelity15

        LOL…I recently started eating those again. I had to find something to replace my obsession with Nutty Bars. I will drop kick a dear friend for some nutty bars.

    • Mimi

      “…1.Performing stupid pranks, stunts, etc i.e. testosterone poisoning (yes I do think there is a racial slant here)…”

      My guy friends constantly does this!
      I used to try to be the voice of reason, but now all I do is whip out the camera phone, for insurance purposes.

    • Caballeroso

      “1.Performing stupid pranks, stunts, etc i.e. testosterone poisoning (yes I do think there is a racial slant here)”

      A guy’s most popular famous last words: “Hey ladies, watch this…”

      • CNotes

        @Caba

        “A guy’s most popular famous last words: “Hey ladies, watch this…”

        LMAO!!! This brings me back to my teenage years when my brothers would try to show off in front of my friends. Once they would bust their a$$es, I would give them the Dee from What’s Happenin’ side-eye.

        • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

          Dee’s side eye was EPIC!!!

          • CNotes

            @NY2VA

            I was so “Dee” as a youngin. : ) Entrepreneurial and annoying, but with great common sense.

      • Nameless for Now

        LOL, I was watching 1000 Ways to Die and this guy was always trying to show off for the lady admins by running up to his tempered glass window and bouncing off it. Mind you, this fool works on the 40th floor.

        So, one day they get a new admin and he decides to perform his trick. But that day, they think his watch hit the glass wrong, shattered it, and he falls 40 stories to his death.

        Men.

    • Yeah…So

      2.Not going to the doctor for needed examinations

      What exactly is that about? So you really think that green rash growing on your knuckle is just allergies huh?