Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Pop Culture, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

Yes It’s True…Black Guys Can Like White Girls AND Black Girls Too

Do you realize that being seen with you means I can never go to the Essence festival again? Damn you cavewoman! Damn you!!!!

A week or so ago, our favorite least favorite (and newly single) professional athlete was spotted at The Watch The Throne concert with professional wifey Sanaa Lathan. Now, whether they just happened to run into each other there or were filming Loving Brown Sugar Basketballs Just Wright has yet to be determined, but apparently they were quite cozy. So cozy in fact that they were reported to be togethertogether, a rumor Lathan quickly shut down. 

From her Twitter feed

Can a girl have some fun at a jayz/kanye concert w/out being linked 2 a breakup? I AM NOT, NEVER HAVE BEEN, INVOVLED W/KOBE IN ANY WAY.

Whether they’re actually an item or not doesn’t matter to or interest me. They’re both rich, famous, black, and named after yoga poses, so I guess they’d be a good match. What does interest me, though, is the assumption that Kobe wouldn’t touch Sanaa in a million years, a sentiment she reiterated in her next tweet.

@justsanaa: Anybody who pays attention knows I’m not his type… Blank stare. #blackgirlsrock #dontbelievethelies¹

What exactly was she getting at? I mean, we’re all pretty certain that, despite his propensity for prolonged bitchassness, Kobe isn’t homosexual. He definitely does like women, so why wouldn’t he be interested in a woman as good-looking as Sanaa Lathan?

Ohhh, I get it now. Kobe was married to a non-black woman for a decade. This must mean that he’s definitely, automatically, unequivocally, and unquestionably not attracted to black women at all.

Now, I don’t know Kobe at all. He may very well hate black women with the white hot heat of 1000 AKA thongs. His favorite movies might be “The Imitation of Life,” “Othello,” and “Jungle Fever,” and his favorite animal might be the panda bear. Who the hell knows? I do know, though, that the widely held “fact” that if a black man dates outside of his race, it automatically means he’s not into black women is completely f*cking wrong.

Admittedly, I do understand where this sentiment comes from and why it’s so widely held. Centuries of having to deal with people like Satoshi Kanazawa can produce a circle-the-wagons mentality where any affront to black women’s desirability — real or perceived — is met with immediate rebuke. Also, there are some black men who, as soon as they reach a certain status level, put sistas on permanent “ignore.” (This doesn’t happen as often as many of us think it does, but it does happen.)

Thing is, this theory ignores two vital facts.

1. Proximity and availability are easily the two most important factors when men are choosing mates. If you see a black man with a non-black women, 9 times out of 10 it’ll be because she happened to be around, happened to be single, and happened to be interested in him. That’s it. No self-loathing. No hatred of black skin. No angry tweets about Michelle Obama’s gums.

And, most importantly…

2. Women are all the same. 

Now, I’ve made no secret of my love, adoration, and admiration of black women. I’m completely attracted to and infatuated with them. Sistas are the sh*t and sh*t.  But, when it comes down to what makes a woman a woman, I also do realize that black women, white women, Asian women, Hispanic women, Indian women, aboriginal women, and women from Detroit aren’t really all that different. Sure, from an individual perspective they all have their own personal quirks and characteristics and nuances, but collectively all chicks are pretty much the same. (I feel the exact same way about men, btw. Despite my world-renowned awesomeness, there’s really no difference between me and some random New Zealand-ass n*gga.) 

I’m bringing this up because, once you realize that women aren’t really all that different from each other, you start to see how a man could be equally attracted to Jill Scott and Natalie Portman. (If you think this is too far-fetched of a comparison, you obviously don’t know me very well, and you obviously didn’t click on those last two links) In fact, you start to understand how a man could date/marry a white women even if he’s still much more attracted to sistas. Sh*t, I love female teachers, but that doesn’t mean that I’d never date a lawyer. (That last analogy was much more clever in my head than it is on screen, but I think you get my point.)

Anyway, people of VSB.com, I’m curious: When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas? Do you think you’re right to feel that way? If so, why, and how many hugs did you miss as a child?

¹This tweet has since been deleted

—The Champ

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't.

  • http://squabblecreekcoal.com Derek Cramer

    Thank you so much for writing this OMG!!!!

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    Pandas are actually my favorite animal. I also enjoy the company of women of all shades.

  • Tx10inch

    Now, I’ve made no secret of my love, adoration, and admiration of black women. I’m completely attracted to and infatuated with them. Sistas are the sh*t and sh*t

    My sentiments exactly….But I must say, I don’t giva damn if she black, white green or gold. If she badd, she badd…and she shall have my attention!!

  • JW

    BW think that when I’m with my white girlfriend, I’m not trippin about them, because I’m not looking at them. Probably think I’m one of them stuck up brothas. But in reality, I’m not trying to check them out too hard, which I have a tendency to do. Definitely more attracted to black women, but I love my girl.

  • xLadyTx

    Lmao @ giving women of Detroit their own category!

    One of my boys has this obsession with redheads, so I joke with him, in jest, about not liking black women. Hey, u like what u like. U can’t always help who ur attracted to.

  • Sboogietime

    Champ, soooo interesting that you decided to write about Sanaa’s statement cause when I read that I was like hmmm not too accurate. The fact that he married Vanessa has nothing to do w/ his attraction to sistas… On another note, I laughed out loud at the “and women from Detroit” comment. Thanks…
    Answering the question….No, when I see a brotha w/ a sis from another race/culture I think to each his/her own….it’s an individual’s story…their story. It’s all good. Last note then I need to perm my hair… fine is fine is fine… in ANY race…Why is this still an issue??? UGH.

  • http://twitter.com/jaye_vibes Lia

    same with black women. #justsayin

  • Kel

    This is true, especially about proximity. In cities with a high percentage of white/other vs black, odds are someone might catch your eye, and she dont look like momma. Sometimes its just about doing something different. Black men def seem to be more open to dating other races. The 2 relationships I have been in, they had dated other races. I like to think I brought them on back home ;-)

  • Cali

    I’ll admit it – if I know a guy dates White women, I pretty much assume he has a certain kinda dude with a definite type & I’m far from it (b/c looks-wise, we really are on opposite ends of the spectrum). Yes, this is unfair in some cases – not all, but maybe a good amount. & now that I’ve typed it out, it seems pretty silly – David Beckam & Idris are both insanely fine to me, & visually they’re polar opposites. Dunno why it seems so “final” for Black men & White women, but somehow (even after reading what I’ve just typed) it just does

    I’m more inclined to think he’ll date Black women if he’s been known to date many races. But you gotta admit some dudes really do close Black women off, the thought isn’t completely pulled out of our asses!

    As for F**kYouKobeYouzAB***h, I would definitely guess he has a preferred type & while Sanaa doesn’t seem like a fit for him imo, he’d do some brief d*ckin’ & be out. She’s gorgeous, anyone can see that. I just wouldn’t think F**kYouKobeYouzAB***h would go for Black women *shrug*

  • LoveChasher

    I saw that picture and immediately felt some type of way. I think I have a problem. That’s all for now.

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