Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Pop Culture, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

Yes It’s True…Black Guys Can Like White Girls AND Black Girls Too

Do you realize that being seen with you means I can never go to the Essence festival again? Damn you cavewoman! Damn you!!!!

A week or so ago, our favorite least favorite (and newly single) professional athlete was spotted at The Watch The Throne concert with professional wifey Sanaa Lathan. Now, whether they just happened to run into each other there or were filming Loving Brown Sugar Basketballs Just Wright has yet to be determined, but apparently they were quite cozy. So cozy in fact that they were reported to be togethertogether, a rumor Lathan quickly shut down. 

From her Twitter feed

Can a girl have some fun at a jayz/kanye concert w/out being linked 2 a breakup? I AM NOT, NEVER HAVE BEEN, INVOVLED W/KOBE IN ANY WAY.

Whether they’re actually an item or not doesn’t matter to or interest me. They’re both rich, famous, black, and named after yoga poses, so I guess they’d be a good match. What does interest me, though, is the assumption that Kobe wouldn’t touch Sanaa in a million years, a sentiment she reiterated in her next tweet.

@justsanaa: Anybody who pays attention knows I’m not his type… Blank stare. #blackgirlsrock #dontbelievethelies¹

What exactly was she getting at? I mean, we’re all pretty certain that, despite his propensity for prolonged bitchassness, Kobe isn’t homosexual. He definitely does like women, so why wouldn’t he be interested in a woman as good-looking as Sanaa Lathan?

Ohhh, I get it now. Kobe was married to a non-black woman for a decade. This must mean that he’s definitely, automatically, unequivocally, and unquestionably not attracted to black women at all.

Now, I don’t know Kobe at all. He may very well hate black women with the white hot heat of 1000 AKA thongs. His favorite movies might be “The Imitation of Life,” “Othello,” and “Jungle Fever,” and his favorite animal might be the panda bear. Who the hell knows? I do know, though, that the widely held “fact” that if a black man dates outside of his race, it automatically means he’s not into black women is completely f*cking wrong.

Admittedly, I do understand where this sentiment comes from and why it’s so widely held. Centuries of having to deal with people like Satoshi Kanazawa can produce a circle-the-wagons mentality where any affront to black women’s desirability — real or perceived — is met with immediate rebuke. Also, there are some black men who, as soon as they reach a certain status level, put sistas on permanent “ignore.” (This doesn’t happen as often as many of us think it does, but it does happen.)

Thing is, this theory ignores two vital facts.

1. Proximity and availability are easily the two most important factors when men are choosing mates. If you see a black man with a non-black women, 9 times out of 10 it’ll be because she happened to be around, happened to be single, and happened to be interested in him. That’s it. No self-loathing. No hatred of black skin. No angry tweets about Michelle Obama’s gums.

And, most importantly…

2. Women are all the same. 

Now, I’ve made no secret of my love, adoration, and admiration of black women. I’m completely attracted to and infatuated with them. Sistas are the sh*t and sh*t.  But, when it comes down to what makes a woman a woman, I also do realize that black women, white women, Asian women, Hispanic women, Indian women, aboriginal women, and women from Detroit aren’t really all that different. Sure, from an individual perspective they all have their own personal quirks and characteristics and nuances, but collectively all chicks are pretty much the same. (I feel the exact same way about men, btw. Despite my world-renowned awesomeness, there’s really no difference between me and some random New Zealand-ass n*gga.) 

I’m bringing this up because, once you realize that women aren’t really all that different from each other, you start to see how a man could be equally attracted to Jill Scott and Natalie Portman. (If you think this is too far-fetched of a comparison, you obviously don’t know me very well, and you obviously didn’t click on those last two links) In fact, you start to understand how a man could date/marry a white women even if he’s still much more attracted to sistas. Sh*t, I love female teachers, but that doesn’t mean that I’d never date a lawyer. (That last analogy was much more clever in my head than it is on screen, but I think you get my point.)

Anyway, people of VSB.com, I’m curious: When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas? Do you think you’re right to feel that way? If so, why, and how many hugs did you miss as a child?

¹This tweet has since been deleted

—The Champ

Best online essay writing service. | Auto Connection Manassas

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://squabblecreekcoal.com Derek Cramer

    Thank you so much for writing this OMG!!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      OMG you’re welcome!!!!!

      • #1Snowflake

        Where can I start? Wa ha ha ha! I wanted to comment last night but I wanted to wait for the comments to roll in. Folks are playing on here! I think feelings on any brotha dating a Becky (why do I turn my head to this name on the street! grhh!) depends on the region. DC should have a category like Detroit but that should be for all races! Black men are my preference. I live in an area that majority black (yes it still is) so goody for me! I guess I could reply to every comment ha ha but I will spare everyone.

    • http://www.insaneasylumblog.com The Insane Asylum (Mr. Chap)

      Yeah man, I needed that.

      • SpottieOttieDarlin

        TWSS.

    • Frantic

      I’m all late to the game but I have to say this. Black men are the only race of men who line up to push “their” women to date others. I never see, Asian, White , Indian or Hispanic men telling “their” women to date out. It’s just mind boggling. At the end of the day to each his own.

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    Pandas are actually my favorite animal. I also enjoy the company of women of all shades.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      i always suspected you liked pandas

  • Tx10inch

    Now, I’ve made no secret of my love, adoration, and admiration of black women. I’m completely attracted to and infatuated with them. Sistas are the sh*t and sh*t

    My sentiments exactly….But I must say, I don’t giva damn if she black, white green or gold. If she badd, she badd…and she shall have my attention!!

    • sarah

      “If she badd, she badd…”

      But I have noticed that a lot of the black men I know that date interracially tend to categorize a bad white chick differently than a bad black woman. The white woman is typically pretty, but the black woman MUST have the phattest of asses. My ex in particular is generally drawn to waifish, quirky white women and extra thick, borderline hood black women (excepting me).

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “But I have noticed that a lot of the black men I know that date interracially tend to categorize a bad white chick differently than a bad black woman. The white woman is typically pretty, but the black woman MUST have the phattest of asses. My ex in particular is generally drawn to waifish, quirky white women and extra thick, borderline hood black women (excepting me)”.

        so basically, he’s going for the stereotype each time?

      • Todd

        As someone who has dated a LOT of White and Black women, the White women I mess with usually aren’t lacking in the booty area. On the flip side, I also have given a break to the, ahem, lesser blessed sisters if you have something else to work with. So with me, it’s a wash in terms of body types.

      • That Ugly Kid

        The reason a lot men do this is because it is considered commonplace for a black chick to have a big azz. However if a white woman has one, it is rare. Especially considering that most white people grow up in an environment where having a phat azz is looked down upon (because it mean they’re obese, despite how flat their stomach is). So to find a white chick who has a phatty (a PAWG is the politically correct term) and embracing it, is a rarity. Meanwhile sistas are generally thought to already have one, like Batman with his utility belt. So in order for a sista to get attention for her physical attributes, her booty must be bigger than normal. Which explains the drastic increase in buttock enhancers.

    • Miss A

      You say bad is bad, but I can count on one hand (ok, maybe 2) the number of Black men I have seem with attractive White/other races of women. And I know attraction and looks are relative, but these women tend to be more “obviously” unattractive.

      As a disclaimer, I will say that I live in the south and the same may not be true for other areas.

      • TeeNikki

        Ok, now this is what irks me. Why, if a negro dates a non-negro woman, is there a requirement for her to be “attractive” to the general masses? Like he gets a pass if she’s fine. I call überbölshyt on that. I hear negras say this all the time. What she looks like is totally irrelevant. I think some negras use this as a was to make themselves feel better, like if he’s with a non-negra then it’s because she’s fine, so they “get it”. But if she’s a regular rolly polly non-negra with greasy hair, OHHAYLENAWNINJA becomes their mantra. Like the only reason a negro would want a non-negra would be if she looked good. That’s dumb thinking.

        • Tx10inch

          Like the only reason a negro would want a non-negra would be if she looked good. That’s dumb thinking.

          Nah, not neccessarily. I’ve said on here before that I could never marry anything other than a black woman. Just tha way it is. But if I’m single to mingle and I’m tasting all my options as if I’m at baskin robbins…you damn right, if she badd, she will getta non-negra pass.

        • LMNOP

          that’s a good point actually. When you get to know someone, their personality changes how you look at them too (this is true for me at least). Like if someone is really nice and funny, they seem more attractive than you might guess based on how they look

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        It’s funny that a woman says this sort of thing. I have never heard other men say this.

        • Rogman

          *snicker*

          That statement of yours is one of the most profound things to say about male/female relationships

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            That’s like the women Twitter hating on Keri Hilson’s toes when they are not the ones dating her or her toes.

            • http://uphereoncloud9.wordpress.com Wu Young, Agent of M.E.

              I saw that Keri’s toes were a point of conversation on Twitter the other night. I’ve never seen her toes but the other 97% of her is kind of nice.

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              Wow, are they on Keri about her toes again? I saw blogs talking about her toes about a year ago.

              Well, as beautiful as Keri is I guess they have to find something to harp on.

  • JW

    BW think that when I’m with my white girlfriend, I’m not trippin about them, because I’m not looking at them. Probably think I’m one of them stuck up brothas. But in reality, I’m not trying to check them out too hard, which I have a tendency to do. Definitely more attracted to black women, but I love my girl.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      Definitely more attracted to black women, but I love my girl.

      you’re a gottdamn unicorn, apparently

      • JW

        LMAO I guess so!

        Like you said, she was the one around at the time.

        • #1Snowflake

          Dannnnggg— she sounds like a drag! I hope she doesn’t read this blog with your face up on here and everything. Move on! LOL!

    • LMNOP

      when you’re out with your girlfriend, it’s probably for the best that you’re not checking other women.

      • Kel

        Agreed. This is not a good thing for anyone to do. Pay attention to the one you are with.

      • #1Snowflake

        That is the best idea to avoid drama.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      There you have it. You’re supposed to love and be focused on your girl.

      Plus, if you were ignoring her and staring at other women, someone would’ve been calling you trifling for that too.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        LOL, can’t win for losing…

    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      Wanna know what’s funny? A lot of timbs when I see a black man/white woman couple, they look at me with this attitude like they are expecting me to be mad. I do my best to smile and treat them like I don’t care (I don’t). It’s kinda funny to see some of them get confused.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “A lot of timbs when I see a black man/white woman couple, they look at me with this attitude like they are expecting me to be mad.”

        you sure about that?

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Sure about what? My impression of their facial expression? How can anyone be sure what another person is thinking. But considering the reaction they probably get with most black women, it would be reasonable for me to believe the nasty look is an expectation of the same.

        • Sandy

          why do youb doubt about it ?

        • #1Snowflake

          Thank you! Most of the time– I don’t even think about who is front of me– well that’s a lie. I am in charge of the Neighborhood Watch so I am always preparing myself for the foolery that will pop up around the corner— if you live by HU you know what I am talking about. So– I am not expecting any reaction except friendly people. I am still waiting for that in DC.

      • Sandy

        I get the same bad attitudes from white women but we never talk about it cuz everyones loves to think that black women are hateful persons. SHAME ON SOME BLACK MEN/WHITE WOMEN couples

    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      Wanna know what’s funny? A lot of times when I see a black man/white woman couple, they look at me with this attitude like they are expecting me to be mad. I do my best to smile and treat them like I don’t care (I don’t). It’s kinda funny to see some of them get confused.

      • feralanarchy

        When i see a black man/white woman couple i dont look at them strangely. i walk up to him and ask “hey bruh where can i get one of those?” :O)

  • xLadyTx

    Lmao @ giving women of Detroit their own category!

    One of my boys has this obsession with redheads, so I joke with him, in jest, about not liking black women. Hey, u like what u like. U can’t always help who ur attracted to.

    • http://www.wordsoflustandlove.com/ dongiovanni

      You’re so right!! We all like what we like!! I tend to favor breast over buts!!! No matter what color they are as long as they are natural!!

      • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        O_O lead me to your stable of unicorns…cause that’s some sh*t you just don’t hear anymore.

        • Rogman

          what preferring breasts over ass?

          • DQ

            Breasts > Butts. Yeah I said it. If I have to choose one over the other, give us t@ t@s

            • ThisIshRightHere

              I hope that you don’t frequently have to “choose”

              • DQ

                I don’t often choose… but when I do, I drink from dos b00bies. #StayThirstMyFriends

            • http://uphereoncloud9.wordpress.com Wu Young, Agent of M.E.

              If I’m taken with a woman I always viewed having either nice chichis or a donk as an added bonus. Kind of like having a catcher on your baseball team with good knees and can hit.

              • DQ

                You know how the Oakland Raiders will basically draft anyone that has a good time in the 40? Yeah I’m like that with women with taters. If you have a rack, you have a fighting chance.

                I mean it won’t close the deal but it’ll get you in the door.

                • http://uphereoncloud9.wordpress.com Wu Young, Agent of M.E.

                  Since I’m a Raider fan I know all too well what you mean.

    • The Law

      That’s ’cause Detroit women know how to ride. They ride that whip, that dyck, and will ride on a ninja for their ninja. Much love to my Detroit ladies.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        awww

        The Detroit women I have come to know have been cool people.

        • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

          +1

      • TheRealestLeo

        I went to high school in Detroit. I have mixed feelings about the women up there.

        • SweetSass

          You have mixed feelings about women everywhere.

      • #1Snowflake

        Actually, I would agree– some great females and males for that matter come out of DEtroit. Can the brotha’s just leave their furs at home for the winter? LOL j/k! I am not hating– if I had a fur I would wear it in the winter.

  • Sboogietime

    Champ, soooo interesting that you decided to write about Sanaa’s statement cause when I read that I was like hmmm not too accurate. The fact that he married Vanessa has nothing to do w/ his attraction to sistas… On another note, I laughed out loud at the “and women from Detroit” comment. Thanks…
    Answering the question….No, when I see a brotha w/ a sis from another race/culture I think to each his/her own….it’s an individual’s story…their story. It’s all good. Last note then I need to perm my hair… fine is fine is fine… in ANY race…Why is this still an issue??? UGH.

    • Iamnotakata

      “Why is this still an issue??? UGH.” Agreed !
      However keep in mind different parts of the country have different ways.. I can speak for my experiences in the part I’m in (the south) there are a lot of petty labels and stigmas still being passed around..

      • Sboogietime

        I completely agree with you… I’m in NY so its like love is love is love up in these parts…but I’m sure down south and other parts of the country, world etc. of course it’s different. After all, NYC is Babylon… bwahahaha just jokes. not really.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Why is this still an issue??? UGH.”

      it’ll always be. it’s human nature to find ways to create hierarchies.

      • IET

        “it’ll always be. it’s human nature to find ways to create hierarchies.”

        Hmm, but maybe prevalent in some ethnicities than others. No?

        • #1Snowflake

          @IET– well you are at the top of the chain.
          maybe you would want to discuss our special date for all of the VSB followers. I know I will treasurer it forever….

          Ya’ll don’t even know how great it was to meet said random and discuss VSB over an appetizer. My favorite part was the end of the night…. special. so special. . .

    • randomeffery

      i don’t think we can assume that by “not his type” sanaa meant the fact that she’s black. she’s also older than him, and successful on her own, with a public persona. i doubt sanaa is his type, too, but not b/c she’s black…

      anyway, i don’t make assumptions (consciously at least) about the taste of a black man just b/c i see him w/a non-black woman. i’m glad it’s becoming easier for people to date who they want to date…& i say this as a black woman with a preference for black men…i figure the more other ppl are happy w/who they got, the greater likelihood i will be happy w/who i got

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “i don’t think we can assume that by “not his type” sanaa meant the fact that she’s black.”

        yes we can. she stated as such in her second tweet

  • http://twitter.com/jaye_vibes Lia

    same with black women. #justsayin

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      tu motherf*ckin shea

    • mj

      #girllyes. truth. (& i love that “the champ” spelled che like shea butter) :)

  • Kel

    This is true, especially about proximity. In cities with a high percentage of white/other vs black, odds are someone might catch your eye, and she dont look like momma. Sometimes its just about doing something different. Black men def seem to be more open to dating other races. The 2 relationships I have been in, they had dated other races. I like to think I brought them on back home ;-)

    • 90sgagirl

      I think environment/location is a major factor.
      However if regardless of environment every woman/man a black person has been publically romantically/sexually linked with is non-black then they usually get labeled.
      Being in the south I have seen a lot of brothas pass over multiple shades/shapes of VSSs for Roseann looking non-black women. and traveling up North I see the opposite or brothas date all.

      I guess this goes to a Chris Rock standup how black men don’t care and sistas just don’t like any and every type of white/other gu

      However do black women who have/do date other get labeled “not into tha brothas”?

      • Iamnotakata

        I totally agree!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “Being in the south I have seen a lot of brothas pass over multiple shades/shapes of VSSs for Roseann looking non-black women. and traveling up North I see the opposite or brothas date all”

        can you expound?

        • Kel

          I don’t think there is much fact in this statement though. Come to MN and all you see are mixed couples (this is about as north as one can get!). It’s everywhere, but I don’t worry about it. I feel that they are attracted to that person for some reason, and it takes too much of my time to figure out why. To each his own, I am only concerned with the one who will make me happy. I have never dated a man that was not black, but that’s not to say I wouldn’t date the “other” man; He just has to be sweet to me and catch my eye/attention/heart… for me to make the decision to “be” with him.

          • WorldTraveller

            MN is the midwest not the north. Assuming folks are considering (Boston,NYC, etc) as the north. But your point about MN is valid otherwise. Its swirl heaven over there!

    • Todd

      I hate this whole bringing back home thing. I’ve been home and away so many damn times that I’m wondering when I’m finally going to get my frequent flier miles. I have a right to date who I please, and you are not ENTITLED to be the first option. Black women are the first option because of my CHOICE. If I choose differently, you can kindly STFU.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        lmao

        It’s also about the ways we claim ownership over men (or women) who do not belong to us.
        Black women were pissed that they couldn’t have Taye Diggs. Yet that’s his wife who was his long time girlfriend since the original Rent on
        Broadway.

        • TheRealestLeo

          Or, conversely, the way we shun someone until we find out they’re dating non-Black. Case in point: Wesley Snipes.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            lmao, yep!

          • Monie

            I don’t think Wesley was shunned because of who he chose to date, but for the demeaning comments he made in regards to black women.

            • TheRealestLeo

              Well, I am not exactly sure what Wesley said and when, but at any rate….you think anyone is going to take years and years of rejection and not feel some kind of way about it?

              Now, granted, inflammatory comments about women are unnecessary, but you do have to consider the cause of said comments.

              • Todd

                Here are the comments Wesley Snipes made.

                • TheRealestLeo

                  Doesn’t sound like anything terribly offensive to me. And he never said anything derogatory about Black women in that excerpt.

                • Chocolatte

                  Oh young one, that’s not all Snipes said and not at this particular interview. I’m 45 and the comments that got me completely off patronizing was his insinuation that with black women there’s “no peace.” He said chose the race of woman because he wanted to come home to peace and quiet. Now the rest of the sect of women can’t be wrong or assuming from the article you posted. Sadly I don’t have an article to reference but I remember reading the piece myself. Just can’t remember when…it’s been what 15-20 years ago. Yeah he was cocky with it too. He didn’t know he was going to pretty much talk himself out of becoming the rising path he was on at the time. It was downhill from there…and ever since.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              To be fair he made demeaning comments about other women too. He’s an a**hole. He can blame Black women for why he doesn’t date them, while having problems with the non-Black woman he married and had children with. Some of his comments about other races are horrible.

              Wesley reminded me of someone who is mad because nobody wanted him before he became famous, then after he became famous he shows by his actions how much he doesn’t trust women period.

              He can stew in his own juices post-hitting Halle Berry so hard she’s deaf in one ear.

          • child of ochun

            He was not shunned because he dated outside of his race, he was shunned because of his comments regarding dating black women in Ebony magazine.

            • TheRealestLeo

              Oh, ok. I need to go find this article so I can see what the hype’s about.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        I don’t believe I have a claim to black men. In the back of my mind somewhere it irks me that a man who has stability and committment has taken his assets further away from the black community that needs it and spread it thinner. I thinkt that’s my underlying issue. If you’re a good guy who wants to take care of a family, why not wife up a black women?

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          Yet his children and he are still Black.

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            Ehh, if you’re saying his kids are black you could just as easily say they’re white. And when I elaborate on this in my mind, it almost sounds like I’m want to keep the race pure or something but that’s not really my point. Additionally, one could say the spouse of the other ethnicity is actually bringing his/her wealth into the black community- so I’ll just strike my comment from the record.

        • TheRealestLeo

          Because most women don’t seem to want a Black man who is a good guy and wants to wife up a Black woman.

          #trustmeonthisone

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            that’s sad that is the women you’re meeting :(

            • TheRealestLeo

              It is what it is. =/

        • Frantic

          These are my feelings. Either way, once I know a black man is with or has been with other, it doesn’t matter to me if he’s attracted to black women or not since I lose all attraction for them.

      • Kel

        Good for you!

    • #1Snowflake

      Which reminds me of a witty text I sent to a Que that I was recently talking to– When you know you are just a piece of white A$$
      1. all his friends on Facebook are black except maybe two coworkers who are white
      2. you are not a Delta (love the Delta’s)
      3. he went to an HBCU
      I am not hating- just being real- he is not taking you home, out to events etc.

  • Cali

    I’ll admit it – if I know a guy dates White women, I pretty much assume he has a certain kinda dude with a definite type & I’m far from it (b/c looks-wise, we really are on opposite ends of the spectrum). Yes, this is unfair in some cases – not all, but maybe a good amount. & now that I’ve typed it out, it seems pretty silly – David Beckam & Idris are both insanely fine to me, & visually they’re polar opposites. Dunno why it seems so “final” for Black men & White women, but somehow (even after reading what I’ve just typed) it just does

    I’m more inclined to think he’ll date Black women if he’s been known to date many races. But you gotta admit some dudes really do close Black women off, the thought isn’t completely pulled out of our asses!

    As for F**kYouKobeYouzAB***h, I would definitely guess he has a preferred type & while Sanaa doesn’t seem like a fit for him imo, he’d do some brief d*ckin’ & be out. She’s gorgeous, anyone can see that. I just wouldn’t think F**kYouKobeYouzAB***h would go for Black women *shrug*

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      That’s very interesting actually considering I’ve heard the inverse statement about Black women and white men.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      Dunno why it seems so “final” for Black men & White women, but somehow (even after reading what I’ve just typed) it just doe

      why do you think it is?

      • Cali

        Part of it is probably just me being programmed, taking it as a form of rejection as opposed to one of many choices in a mans evening/relationship/life…

        California guys who date White women don’t ever seem to be just middle of the road guys scoping WOMEN – their head turns seem more specific. They’re either ultra ghetto or ultra corny. Everything seems more definite/final w/ the corny dudes who (imo) give off an attitude like they’ve “surpassed” Black women. But again I’ll admit, I’m generalizing. Perhaps I just don’t meet enough multi-racial daters :)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “California guys who date White women don’t ever seem to be just middle of the road guys scoping WOMEN – their head turns seem more specific”

          you know, i will say that i’ve heard on multiple occasions that black men in california are an entire different breed of brotha.

          • Racqs of Jems

            Yes, I agree with that. Cali men are somethin else….

            • http://eboneeyes.wordpress.com Eb

              men in the wouthwest/west coast are an entirely different breed of brotha…you know Waiting to Exhale was filmed in Phoenix right….

              • http://eboneeyes.wordpress.com Eb

                *southwest/west coast*

          • Cali

            Yup… add some locs into the mix & the head turns get even more specific :)

          • child of ochun

            As a Cali native, I can definitely tell you that they are something else. I even made a concerted effort in college not to date anyone from my home state! lol

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          A lot of Black women seem to be “programmed” to take a lot of things as rejection. Even before they’ve considered if the man is up to their standards. Why not see if he’s what you want before wondering if you are what he wants? It’s a simple perspective change that makes all the difference.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            Word. And when we don’t put ourselves out there, we can’t be surprised if things are stagnant.

          • child of ochun

            I was a woman who would be irked when I saw a black man with a white woman due to my personal experiences (I have had the misfortune of hearing brothers say they prefer white women over black women from high school to adulthood) but being well traveled, older and wiser I discovered that those dudes were just douches and that regardless of how I felt about it, everyone has the right to date who they damn well please. Most of the time, the brothers I see with others (hey that rhymes!) are not brothers I would entertain in the first place. At the end of the day, as long as the person loves and respects you it is all good. If you like it, I love it.

      • Cali

        & on the corny/ghetto thing, I could very well be projecting – justifying reasons not to want them b/c I feel they don’t want someone like me. See, I can be insightful & sh*t…

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Some women are uptight and jealous. Here we have much more Black men dating many races of women than we do Black women sampling the same.

        Some of us are sheltered. We don’t know many people different from us.

        Some of us have bitter insecure girlfriends or are the bitter insecure woman.

        It takes self confidence to feel desirable, sexy, happy in spite of who we see dating each other.

        Black women find Black men attractive and other non-Black viewed as
        our competition— because a number of women believe they must compete with other women.

        • Todd

          Some of us are sheltered. We don’t know many people different from us.

          Some of us have bitter insecure girlfriends or are the bitter insecure woman.

          It takes self confidence to feel desirable, sexy, happy in spite of who we see dating each other.

          This. ALLADIS. #thatisall

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          That competing with other women thing has to stop. It’s so useless. That particular black man may prefer white women. But to me, that means he’s not my type. I assign some less desirable characteristics to such men. So his preferences don’t matter and I’m glad she’s taking him off the market so I don’t end up wasting time on him. Thanks Becky!

          • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM

            But if you assign less desirable characteristics to men AFTER you find out you’re not his type, isn’t that sour grapes?

            • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              No, I’m thinking he may have some insecurities that make him prefer white women which would make him annoying to deal with.

              • Racqs of Jems

                But why does his dating preference have to make him insecure??? A man dating outside of his race automatically has to have some deep-rooted issue that he needs to sit on a couch and work out?? Makes no sense at all…

                • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM

                  To her credit she did say “he may”, but I agree with you; that’s a hell of an assumption.

                • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                  No, not automatically, maybe he just found someone he clicks with. But he might have an issue. The likelihood seems higher to me. Judgement call. But its moot.

                  • Racqs of Jems

                    All I’m sayin is there are completely mentally healthy men that date outside of the race. And there are some crazy nuts that only date black women too. This is part of the problem! Assuming that there has to be something wrong with a man that dates outside of his race. Men date women because they LIKE WOMEN!! It doesn’t always have to boil down to some psychological issue.

                    • Racqs of Jems

                      Let me clarify. Let’s not assume that there’s a greater likelihood of cray just because someone chooses to date outside the race.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            ” That competing with other women thing has to stop.”

            Yes! My tightest friendships have been with women who will let us all be happy at the same time.

            We need to do our part to fight crime by making good and well we are doing the things that make us happy.

    • JW

      “I pretty much assume he has a certain kinda dude with a definite type & I’m far from it (b/c looks-wise, we really are on opposite ends of the spectrum). ”

      Why do you think that you’re so far off the spectrum look wise? Idk, but I think apart of the problem is thinking that we’re so different than everyone. When I see an attractive women, that’s all I see.

      • Cali

        Good point, something to think about :)

  • LoveChasher

    I saw that picture and immediately felt some type of way. I think I have a problem. That’s all for now.

    • Cali

      LMAO!

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      I saw that picture and thought, “That’s Micah’s mommy. She did everything she could to protect her son and her Black husband. I like her! ” (Heros reference)