Do you realize that being seen with you means I can never go to the Essence festival again? Damn you cavewoman! Damn you!!!!
A week or so ago, our favorite least favorite (and newly single) professional athlete was spotted at The Watch The Throne concert with professional wifey Sanaa Lathan. Now, whether they just happened to run into each other there or were filming Loving Brown Sugar Basketballs Just Wright has yet to be determined, but apparently they were quite cozy. So cozy in fact that they were reported to be togethertogether, a rumor Lathan quickly shut down.Â
Can a girl have some fun at a jayz/kanye concert w/out being linked 2 a breakup? I AM NOT, NEVER HAVE BEEN, INVOVLED W/KOBE IN ANY WAY.
Whether they’re actually an item or not doesn’t matter to or interest me. They’re both rich, famous, black, and named after yoga poses, so I guess they’d be a good match. What does interest me, though, is the assumption that Kobe wouldn’t touch Sanaa in a million years, a sentiment she reiterated in her next tweet.
@justsanaa: Anybody who pays attention knows I’m not his type… Blank stare. #blackgirlsrock #dontbelievethelies¹
What exactly was she getting at? I mean, we’re all pretty certain that, despite his propensity for prolonged bitchassness, Kobe isn’t homosexual. He definitely does like women, so why wouldn’t he be interested in a woman as good-looking as Sanaa Lathan?
Ohhh, I get it now. Kobe was married to a non-black woman for a decade. This must mean that he’s definitely, automatically, unequivocally, and unquestionably not attracted to black women at all.
Now, I don’t know Kobe at all. He may very well hate black women with the white hot heat of 1000 AKA thongs. His favorite movies might be “The Imitation of Life,” “Othello,” and “Jungle Fever,” and his favorite animal might be the panda bear. Who the hell knows? I do know, though, that the widely held “fact” that if a black man dates outside of his race, it automatically means he’s not into black women is completely f*cking wrong.
Admittedly, I do understand where this sentiment comes from and why it’s so widely held. Centuries of having to deal with people like Satoshi Kanazawa can produce a circle-the-wagons mentality where any affront to black women’s desirability — real or perceived — is met with immediate rebuke. Also, there are some black men who, as soon as they reach a certain status level, put sistas on permanent ”ignore.” (This doesn’t happen as often as many of us think it does, but it does happen.)
Thing is, this theory ignores two vital facts.
1. Proximity and availability are easily the two most important factors when men are choosing mates. If you see a black man with a non-black women, 9 times out of 10 it’ll be because she happened to be around, happened to be single, and happened to be interested in him. That’s it. No self-loathing. No hatred of black skin. No angry tweets about Michelle Obama’s gums.
And, most importantly…
2. Women are all the same.Â
Now, I’ve made no secret of my love, adoration, and admiration of black women. I’m completely attracted to and infatuated with them. Sistas are the sh*t and sh*t.  But, when it comes down to what makes a woman a woman, I also do realize that black women, white women, Asian women, Hispanic women, Indian women, aboriginal women, and women from Detroit aren’t really all that different. Sure, from an individual perspective they all have their own personal quirks and characteristics and nuances, but collectively all chicks are pretty much the same. (I feel the exact same way about men, btw. Despite my world-renowned awesomeness, there’s really no difference between me and some random New Zealand-ass n*gga.)Â
I’m bringing this up because, once you realize that women aren’t really all that different from each other, you start to see how a man could be equally attracted to Jill Scott and Natalie Portman. (If you think this is too far-fetched of a comparison, you obviously don’t know me very well, and you obviously didn’t click on those last two links) In fact, you start to understand how a man could date/marry a white women even if he’s still much more attracted to sistas. Sh*t, I love female teachers, but that doesn’t mean that I’d never date a lawyer. (That last analogy was much more clever in my head than it is on screen, but I think you get my point.)
Anyway, people of VSB.com, I’m curious: When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas? Do you think you’re right to feel that way? If so, why, and how many hugs did you miss as a child?
¹This tweet has since been deleted—The Champ
Thank you so much for writing this OMG!!!!
OMG you’re welcome!!!!!
Where can I start? Wa ha ha ha! I wanted to comment last night but I wanted to wait for the comments to roll in. Folks are playing on here! I think feelings on any brotha dating a Becky (why do I turn my head to this name on the street! grhh!) depends on the region. DC should have a category like Detroit but that should be for all races! Black men are my preference. I live in an area that majority black (yes it still is) so goody for me! I guess I could reply to every comment ha ha but I will spare everyone.
Yeah man, I needed that.
TWSS.
I’m all late to the game but I have to say this. Black men are the only race of men who line up to push “their” women to date others. I never see, Asian, White , Indian or Hispanic men telling “their” women to date out. It’s just mind boggling. At the end of the day to each his own.
Pandas are actually my favorite animal. I also enjoy the company of women of all shades.
i always suspected you liked pandas
Now, I’ve made no secret of my love, adoration, and admiration of black women. I’m completely attracted to and infatuated with them. Sistas are the sh*t and sh*t
My sentiments exactly….But I must say, I don’t giva damn if she black, white green or gold. If she badd, she badd…and she shall have my attention!!
“If she badd, she badd…”
But I have noticed that a lot of the black men I know that date interracially tend to categorize a bad white chick differently than a bad black woman. The white woman is typically pretty, but the black woman MUST have the phattest of asses. My ex in particular is generally drawn to waifish, quirky white women and extra thick, borderline hood black women (excepting me).
“But I have noticed that a lot of the black men I know that date interracially tend to categorize a bad white chick differently than a bad black woman. The white woman is typically pretty, but the black woman MUST have the phattest of asses. My ex in particular is generally drawn to waifish, quirky white women and extra thick, borderline hood black women (excepting me)”.
so basically, he’s going for the stereotype each time?
As someone who has dated a LOT of White and Black women, the White women I mess with usually aren’t lacking in the booty area. On the flip side, I also have given a break to the, ahem, lesser blessed sisters if you have something else to work with. So with me, it’s a wash in terms of body types.
The reason a lot men do this is because it is considered commonplace for a black chick to have a big azz. However if a white woman has one, it is rare. Especially considering that most white people grow up in an environment where having a phat azz is looked down upon (because it mean they’re obese, despite how flat their stomach is). So to find a white chick who has a phatty (a PAWG is the politically correct term) and embracing it, is a rarity. Meanwhile sistas are generally thought to already have one, like Batman with his utility belt. So in order for a sista to get attention for her physical attributes, her booty must be bigger than normal. Which explains the drastic increase in buttock enhancers.
You say bad is bad, but I can count on one hand (ok, maybe 2) the number of Black men I have seem with attractive White/other races of women. And I know attraction and looks are relative, but these women tend to be more “obviously” unattractive.
As a disclaimer, I will say that I live in the south and the same may not be true for other areas.
Ok, now this is what irks me. Why, if a negro dates a non-negro woman, is there a requirement for her to be “attractive” to the general masses? Like he gets a pass if she’s fine. I call überbölshyt on that. I hear negras say this all the time. What she looks like is totally irrelevant. I think some negras use this as a was to make themselves feel better, like if he’s with a non-negra then it’s because she’s fine, so they “get it”. But if she’s a regular rolly polly non-negra with greasy hair, OHHAYLENAWNINJA becomes their mantra. Like the only reason a negro would want a non-negra would be if she looked good. That’s dumb thinking.
Like the only reason a negro would want a non-negra would be if she looked good. That’s dumb thinking.
Nah, not neccessarily. I’ve said on here before that I could never marry anything other than a black woman. Just tha way it is. But if I’m single to mingle and I’m tasting all my options as if I’m at baskin robbins…you damn right, if she badd, she will getta non-negra pass.
that’s a good point actually. When you get to know someone, their personality changes how you look at them too (this is true for me at least). Like if someone is really nice and funny, they seem more attractive than you might guess based on how they look
It’s funny that a woman says this sort of thing. I have never heard other men say this.
*snicker*
That statement of yours is one of the most profound things to say about male/female relationships
That’s like the women Twitter hating on Keri Hilson’s toes when they are not the ones dating her or her toes.
I saw that Keri’s toes were a point of conversation on Twitter the other night. I’ve never seen her toes but the other 97% of her is kind of nice.
Wow, are they on Keri about her toes again? I saw blogs talking about her toes about a year ago.
Well, as beautiful as Keri is I guess they have to find something to harp on.
BW think that when I’m with my white girlfriend, I’m not trippin about them, because I’m not looking at them. Probably think I’m one of them stuck up brothas. But in reality, I’m not trying to check them out too hard, which I have a tendency to do. Definitely more attracted to black women, but I love my girl.
Definitely more attracted to black women, but I love my girl.
you’re a gottdamn unicorn, apparently
LMAO I guess so!
Like you said, she was the one around at the time.
Dannnnggg— she sounds like a drag! I hope she doesn’t read this blog with your face up on here and everything. Move on! LOL!
when you’re out with your girlfriend, it’s probably for the best that you’re not checking other women.
Agreed. This is not a good thing for anyone to do. Pay attention to the one you are with.
That is the best idea to avoid drama.
There you have it. You’re supposed to love and be focused on your girl.
Plus, if you were ignoring her and staring at other women, someone would’ve been calling you trifling for that too.
LOL, can’t win for losing…
Wanna know what’s funny? A lot of timbs when I see a black man/white woman couple, they look at me with this attitude like they are expecting me to be mad. I do my best to smile and treat them like I don’t care (I don’t). It’s kinda funny to see some of them get confused.
“A lot of timbs when I see a black man/white woman couple, they look at me with this attitude like they are expecting me to be mad.”
you sure about that?
Sure about what? My impression of their facial expression? How can anyone be sure what another person is thinking. But considering the reaction they probably get with most black women, it would be reasonable for me to believe the nasty look is an expectation of the same.
why do youb doubt about it ?
Thank you! Most of the time– I don’t even think about who is front of me– well that’s a lie. I am in charge of the Neighborhood Watch so I am always preparing myself for the foolery that will pop up around the corner— if you live by HU you know what I am talking about. So– I am not expecting any reaction except friendly people. I am still waiting for that in DC.
I get the same bad attitudes from white women but we never talk about it cuz everyones loves to think that black women are hateful persons. SHAME ON SOME BLACK MEN/WHITE WOMEN couples
Wanna know what’s funny? A lot of times when I see a black man/white woman couple, they look at me with this attitude like they are expecting me to be mad. I do my best to smile and treat them like I don’t care (I don’t). It’s kinda funny to see some of them get confused.
When i see a black man/white woman couple i dont look at them strangely. i walk up to him and ask “hey bruh where can i get one of those?” :O)
Lmao @ giving women of Detroit their own category!
One of my boys has this obsession with redheads, so I joke with him, in jest, about not liking black women. Hey, u like what u like. U can’t always help who ur attracted to.
You’re so right!! We all like what we like!! I tend to favor breast over buts!!! No matter what color they are as long as they are natural!!
O_O lead me to your stable of unicorns…cause that’s some sh*t you just don’t hear anymore.
what preferring breasts over ass?
Breasts > Butts. Yeah I said it. If I have to choose one over the other, give us t@ t@s
I hope that you don’t frequently have to “choose”
I don’t often choose… but when I do, I drink from dos b00bies. #StayThirstMyFriends
If I’m taken with a woman I always viewed having either nice chichis or a donk as an added bonus. Kind of like having a catcher on your baseball team with good knees and can hit.
You know how the Oakland Raiders will basically draft anyone that has a good time in the 40? Yeah I’m like that with women with taters. If you have a rack, you have a fighting chance.
I mean it won’t close the deal but it’ll get you in the door.
Since I’m a Raider fan I know all too well what you mean.
That’s ’cause Detroit women know how to ride. They ride that whip, that dyck, and will ride on a ninja for their ninja. Much love to my Detroit ladies.
awww
The Detroit women I have come to know have been cool people.
+1
I went to high school in Detroit. I have mixed feelings about the women up there.
You have mixed feelings about women everywhere.
Actually, I would agree– some great females and males for that matter come out of DEtroit. Can the brotha’s just leave their furs at home for the winter? LOL j/k! I am not hating– if I had a fur I would wear it in the winter.
Champ, soooo interesting that you decided to write about Sanaa’s statement cause when I read that I was like hmmm not too accurate. The fact that he married Vanessa has nothing to do w/ his attraction to sistas… On another note, I laughed out loud at the “and women from Detroit” comment. Thanks…
Answering the question….No, when I see a brotha w/ a sis from another race/culture I think to each his/her own….it’s an individual’s story…their story. It’s all good. Last note then I need to perm my hair… fine is fine is fine… in ANY race…Why is this still an issue??? UGH.
“Why is this still an issue??? UGH.” Agreed !
However keep in mind different parts of the country have different ways.. I can speak for my experiences in the part I’m in (the south) there are a lot of petty labels and stigmas still being passed around..
I completely agree with you… I’m in NY so its like love is love is love up in these parts…but I’m sure down south and other parts of the country, world etc. of course it’s different. After all, NYC is Babylon… bwahahaha just jokes. not really.
“Why is this still an issue??? UGH.”
it’ll always be. it’s human nature to find ways to create hierarchies.
“it’ll always be. it’s human nature to find ways to create hierarchies.”
Hmm, but maybe prevalent in some ethnicities than others. No?
@IET– well you are at the top of the chain.
maybe you would want to discuss our special date for all of the VSB followers. I know I will treasurer it forever….
Ya’ll don’t even know how great it was to meet said random and discuss VSB over an appetizer. My favorite part was the end of the night…. special. so special. . .
i don’t think we can assume that by “not his type” sanaa meant the fact that she’s black. she’s also older than him, and successful on her own, with a public persona. i doubt sanaa is his type, too, but not b/c she’s black…
anyway, i don’t make assumptions (consciously at least) about the taste of a black man just b/c i see him w/a non-black woman. i’m glad it’s becoming easier for people to date who they want to date…& i say this as a black woman with a preference for black men…i figure the more other ppl are happy w/who they got, the greater likelihood i will be happy w/who i got
“i don’t think we can assume that by “not his type†sanaa meant the fact that she’s black.”
yes we can. she stated as such in her second tweet
same with black women. #justsayin
tu motherf*ckin shea
#girllyes. truth. (& i love that “the champ” spelled che like shea butter)
This is true, especially about proximity. In cities with a high percentage of white/other vs black, odds are someone might catch your eye, and she dont look like momma. Sometimes its just about doing something different. Black men def seem to be more open to dating other races. The 2 relationships I have been in, they had dated other races. I like to think I brought them on back home
I think environment/location is a major factor.
However if regardless of environment every woman/man a black person has been publically romantically/sexually linked with is non-black then they usually get labeled.
Being in the south I have seen a lot of brothas pass over multiple shades/shapes of VSSs for Roseann looking non-black women. and traveling up North I see the opposite or brothas date all.
I guess this goes to a Chris Rock standup how black men don’t care and sistas just don’t like any and every type of white/other gu
However do black women who have/do date other get labeled “not into tha brothas”?
I totally agree!
“Being in the south I have seen a lot of brothas pass over multiple shades/shapes of VSSs for Roseann looking non-black women. and traveling up North I see the opposite or brothas date all”
can you expound?
I don’t think there is much fact in this statement though. Come to MN and all you see are mixed couples (this is about as north as one can get!). It’s everywhere, but I don’t worry about it. I feel that they are attracted to that person for some reason, and it takes too much of my time to figure out why. To each his own, I am only concerned with the one who will make me happy. I have never dated a man that was not black, but that’s not to say I wouldn’t date the “other” man; He just has to be sweet to me and catch my eye/attention/heart… for me to make the decision to “be” with him.
MN is the midwest not the north. Assuming folks are considering (Boston,NYC, etc) as the north. But your point about MN is valid otherwise. Its swirl heaven over there!
I hate this whole bringing back home thing. I’ve been home and away so many damn times that I’m wondering when I’m finally going to get my frequent flier miles. I have a right to date who I please, and you are not ENTITLED to be the first option. Black women are the first option because of my CHOICE. If I choose differently, you can kindly STFU.
lmao
It’s also about the ways we claim ownership over men (or women) who do not belong to us.
Black women were pissed that they couldn’t have Taye Diggs. Yet that’s his wife who was his long time girlfriend since the original Rent on
Broadway.
Or, conversely, the way we shun someone until we find out they’re dating non-Black. Case in point: Wesley Snipes.
lmao, yep!
I don’t think Wesley was shunned because of who he chose to date, but for the demeaning comments he made in regards to black women.
Well, I am not exactly sure what Wesley said and when, but at any rate….you think anyone is going to take years and years of rejection and not feel some kind of way about it?
Now, granted, inflammatory comments about women are unnecessary, but you do have to consider the cause of said comments.
Here are the comments Wesley Snipes made.
Doesn’t sound like anything terribly offensive to me. And he never said anything derogatory about Black women in that excerpt.
Oh young one, that’s not all Snipes said and not at this particular interview. I’m 45 and the comments that got me completely off patronizing was his insinuation that with black women there’s “no peace.” He said chose the race of woman because he wanted to come home to peace and quiet. Now the rest of the sect of women can’t be wrong or assuming from the article you posted. Sadly I don’t have an article to reference but I remember reading the piece myself. Just can’t remember when…it’s been what 15-20 years ago. Yeah he was cocky with it too. He didn’t know he was going to pretty much talk himself out of becoming the rising path he was on at the time. It was downhill from there…and ever since.
To be fair he made demeaning comments about other women too. He’s an a**hole. He can blame Black women for why he doesn’t date them, while having problems with the non-Black woman he married and had children with. Some of his comments about other races are horrible.
Wesley reminded me of someone who is mad because nobody wanted him before he became famous, then after he became famous he shows by his actions how much he doesn’t trust women period.
He can stew in his own juices post-hitting Halle Berry so hard she’s deaf in one ear.
He was not shunned because he dated outside of his race, he was shunned because of his comments regarding dating black women in Ebony magazine.
Oh, ok. I need to go find this article so I can see what the hype’s about.
I don’t believe I have a claim to black men. In the back of my mind somewhere it irks me that a man who has stability and committment has taken his assets further away from the black community that needs it and spread it thinner. I thinkt that’s my underlying issue. If you’re a good guy who wants to take care of a family, why not wife up a black women?
Yet his children and he are still Black.
Ehh, if you’re saying his kids are black you could just as easily say they’re white. And when I elaborate on this in my mind, it almost sounds like I’m want to keep the race pure or something but that’s not really my point. Additionally, one could say the spouse of the other ethnicity is actually bringing his/her wealth into the black community- so I’ll just strike my comment from the record.
Because most women don’t seem to want a Black man who is a good guy and wants to wife up a Black woman.
#trustmeonthisone
that’s sad that is the women you’re meeting
It is what it is. =/
These are my feelings. Either way, once I know a black man is with or has been with other, it doesn’t matter to me if he’s attracted to black women or not since I lose all attraction for them.
Good for you!
Which reminds me of a witty text I sent to a Que that I was recently talking to– When you know you are just a piece of white A$$
1. all his friends on Facebook are black except maybe two coworkers who are white
2. you are not a Delta (love the Delta’s)
3. he went to an HBCU
I am not hating- just being real- he is not taking you home, out to events etc.
I’ll admit it – if I know a guy dates White women, I pretty much assume he has a certain kinda dude with a definite type & I’m far from it (b/c looks-wise, we really are on opposite ends of the spectrum). Yes, this is unfair in some cases – not all, but maybe a good amount. & now that I’ve typed it out, it seems pretty silly – David Beckam & Idris are both insanely fine to me, & visually they’re polar opposites. Dunno why it seems so “final” for Black men & White women, but somehow (even after reading what I’ve just typed) it just does…
I’m more inclined to think he’ll date Black women if he’s been known to date many races. But you gotta admit some dudes really do close Black women off, the thought isn’t completely pulled out of our asses!
As for F**kYouKobeYouzAB***h, I would definitely guess he has a preferred type & while Sanaa doesn’t seem like a fit for him imo, he’d do some brief d*ckin’ & be out. She’s gorgeous, anyone can see that. I just wouldn’t think F**kYouKobeYouzAB***h would go for Black women *shrug*
That’s very interesting actually considering I’ve heard the inverse statement about Black women and white men.
Dunno why it seems so “final†for Black men & White women, but somehow (even after reading what I’ve just typed) it just doe
why do you think it is?
Part of it is probably just me being programmed, taking it as a form of rejection as opposed to one of many choices in a mans evening/relationship/life…
California guys who date White women don’t ever seem to be just middle of the road guys scoping WOMEN – their head turns seem more specific. They’re either ultra ghetto or ultra corny. Everything seems more definite/final w/ the corny dudes who (imo) give off an attitude like they’ve “surpassed” Black women. But again I’ll admit, I’m generalizing. Perhaps I just don’t meet enough multi-racial daters
“California guys who date White women don’t ever seem to be just middle of the road guys scoping WOMEN – their head turns seem more specific”
you know, i will say that i’ve heard on multiple occasions that black men in california are an entire different breed of brotha.
Yes, I agree with that. Cali men are somethin else….
men in the wouthwest/west coast are an entirely different breed of brotha…you know Waiting to Exhale was filmed in Phoenix right….
*southwest/west coast*
Yup… add some locs into the mix & the head turns get even more specific
As a Cali native, I can definitely tell you that they are something else. I even made a concerted effort in college not to date anyone from my home state! lol
A lot of Black women seem to be “programmed” to take a lot of things as rejection. Even before they’ve considered if the man is up to their standards. Why not see if he’s what you want before wondering if you are what he wants? It’s a simple perspective change that makes all the difference.
Word. And when we don’t put ourselves out there, we can’t be surprised if things are stagnant.
I was a woman who would be irked when I saw a black man with a white woman due to my personal experiences (I have had the misfortune of hearing brothers say they prefer white women over black women from high school to adulthood) but being well traveled, older and wiser I discovered that those dudes were just douches and that regardless of how I felt about it, everyone has the right to date who they damn well please. Most of the time, the brothers I see with others (hey that rhymes!) are not brothers I would entertain in the first place. At the end of the day, as long as the person loves and respects you it is all good. If you like it, I love it.
& on the corny/ghetto thing, I could very well be projecting – justifying reasons not to want them b/c I feel they don’t want someone like me. See, I can be insightful & sh*t…
Some women are uptight and jealous. Here we have much more Black men dating many races of women than we do Black women sampling the same.
Some of us are sheltered. We don’t know many people different from us.
Some of us have bitter insecure girlfriends or are the bitter insecure woman.
It takes self confidence to feel desirable, sexy, happy in spite of who we see dating each other.
Black women find Black men attractive and other non-Black viewed as
our competition— because a number of women believe they must compete with other women.
This. ALLADIS. #thatisall
That competing with other women thing has to stop. It’s so useless. That particular black man may prefer white women. But to me, that means he’s not my type. I assign some less desirable characteristics to such men. So his preferences don’t matter and I’m glad she’s taking him off the market so I don’t end up wasting time on him. Thanks Becky!
But if you assign less desirable characteristics to men AFTER you find out you’re not his type, isn’t that sour grapes?
No, I’m thinking he may have some insecurities that make him prefer white women which would make him annoying to deal with.
But why does his dating preference have to make him insecure??? A man dating outside of his race automatically has to have some deep-rooted issue that he needs to sit on a couch and work out?? Makes no sense at all…
To her credit she did say “he may”, but I agree with you; that’s a hell of an assumption.
No, not automatically, maybe he just found someone he clicks with. But he might have an issue. The likelihood seems higher to me. Judgement call. But its moot.
All I’m sayin is there are completely mentally healthy men that date outside of the race. And there are some crazy nuts that only date black women too. This is part of the problem! Assuming that there has to be something wrong with a man that dates outside of his race. Men date women because they LIKE WOMEN!! It doesn’t always have to boil down to some psychological issue.
Let me clarify. Let’s not assume that there’s a greater likelihood of cray just because someone chooses to date outside the race.
” That competing with other women thing has to stop.”
Yes! My tightest friendships have been with women who will let us all be happy at the same time.
We need to do our part to fight crime by making good and well we are doing the things that make us happy.
“I pretty much assume he has a certain kinda dude with a definite type & I’m far from it (b/c looks-wise, we really are on opposite ends of the spectrum). ”
Why do you think that you’re so far off the spectrum look wise? Idk, but I think apart of the problem is thinking that we’re so different than everyone. When I see an attractive women, that’s all I see.
Good point, something to think about
I saw that picture and immediately felt some type of way. I think I have a problem. That’s all for now.
LMAO!
I saw that picture and thought, “That’s Micah’s mommy. She did everything she could to protect her son and her Black husband. I like her! ” (Heros reference)
This should be interesting….
thanks, captain obvious
You’re perfect. A guy be with you and avoid this entire conversation without having to own up to his demons. I’m going to call you diet coke. Triple entendre intended.
Black women are just “out of style” rite now. They’ll come back around. Its just how trends go. *kanye shrug*
Surely this can’t be a sincere statement…..umm I never went out of style thanks!
Omg i wasnt tryin to offend anybody personally @ all. Sometimes im blunt to a fault. However i wuz dead azz serious. A lot of guys arent really checkin for black chix rite now. But i think its just a fad & eventually they’ll come back, presuming that black women will still want them by then. So moral of the story is, dont trip off of it…
can someone explain the origin of “lightskin/darkskin men” being in & out style…#imjustcurious
Lol they never went out of style with me i’ve always found Morris Chestnut and Shemar Moore to be fine on a consecutive basis lol
LOL, I think this was more of running joke based on the popular actors and entertainers at a given point in time. Like when Wesley Snipes got big, they said dark skinned guys came into style.
Blame Essence and early Spike Lee movies. And all of the 1980s post-”Say it loud” era of the 1960s and 1970s. Hell, blame crack.
I’m in no way offended just think your confused, as no such thing has occurred “black women being out of style” but to each its own opinion…
lol *sits out of style self back on the shelf with my Playstation 2, a pair of baggy jeans and season one of Yo Momma on VHS… don’t worry guys, we’ll have our day.
***you forgot all while eatin donuts*** cause that’s what I’ll be doin while I wait bwahahahaha
I thought she was just bein facetious with that statement. If she was in fact serious she just taught me a lot about myself. I tend to overreact and make ridiculous generalizations at times. If they sound like that, I need to correct that habit asap! Cause sisters ain’t NEVER goin out of style! They just spend too much time payin attention to ppl that aren’t payin attention to them (even when they don’t find these individuals attractive. Still can’t understand that one)
And if all you black Americans lose your minds and procreate interracially I’ll send my son(s) to the Motherland to get me a sexy daughter in law. So date whoever the hell u want lol
Seriously though, sometimes brothers date interracially because other races make them feel special and exotic. Other times it’s just a cool adventure and a change of scenery. Half the time it makes you appreciate sisters even more. We all winnin. No need to be whinin <———-see what I did there? lol
This seems as good a place as any to quote a phrase we used to have when I was in college in the swirl Meca of the mid-west, Grand Rapids MI. Anyway, we would say, ” a white woman is like a new car…every brotha want’s to say he had one, once.”
Intended as humor but there maybe a kernel of truth in there, as well.
Once the novelty of it all subsides, for me I simply find black women to be sexier (sp) than white women. I don’t consider myself a racist but I think I’m too black for most white women. Not too black physically but mentally and emotionally I have strong nego tendencies. I have a certain style of worship, my food must be prepared in a way that is palatable, there are certain experiential truths that can’t be ignored or disputed, such as, the the police ain’t never been my friend, etc. If I was ever called a n*gg*er by my white chick it would get ugly with a quickness.So, if I were on the market I think pursuing a white woman would require more compromise of self than I’m willing to make.
I work in a department of 12 people one black man, 3 white guys and 8 white women. I actually like most of these people. Some of the women are pretty but I just cannot for the life of me picture myself romantically involved with any of them.
As much thought as I have given to my own rationale on this subject I seek to be disinterested in the motives of others.
You are speaking the truth. The thing is that we all have Vajay’s and they do the same thing. I hear various things about why Tyrone (my default name for black men- I answer to Becky so ya) wanted to date me should never include anything about race. If the conversation starts going into– “I feel like white females just….” I get out—they are just looking to make me the “I was with a white female once” — anyway— I need to stop posting now!
Yeah, you do.
That’s not my reality. I’m
Black and Black men check for me. I never went out of style.
Ok, I’m gonna go ahead and attribute your opinion and spelling to the same underlying…um….factor
Out of style though? Black women are way too versatile to be considered as such. I believe it’s more of a body type thing than skin tone
Zoe Saldana/Kate Moss vs curvy video chick
I’m in total agreement with you!! Although I have never dated outside my race I find many women of different cultures and races to be extremely attractive and interesting!! I’m into a woman for the way she makes me feel, for the way she holds my attention and for the way she keeps me standing at attention!! And this crosses the racial boundary that most have set up for themselves and others!! Now again, I have never dated outside my race; however, I have enjoyed the company of Asian, German, English, Ethiopian, Aboriginal, Caucasian American and Indian (red dot & feathered) women, and to me, there is absolutely nothing different about them!! They all seem to share similar issues, fears and desires!! I really think it does have to do with what is within reach (since some people have shorter arm spans than others) and what men (and women) are used to!!
Did you say red dot and feathered?? *slain*
I’m in total agreement with Mozart’s spawn. With the exception of dot, no feather for me. The whole premise of currently dating one means you will never date any other type has always been so dumb to me.
“Oh he drives a Honda? Guess that means he hates Nissan.” #SameTypeOfLogic
When I see a black man with a non-black woman my eye twitches slightly then I hum “Lift Every Voice & Sing” to myself. (I kid
)
People are people, who am I to throw shade at black men who choose to date non-black women? Black men aren’t all up in arms about black women who date non-black men and they have no reason to be.
Love is colorblind!!! Too bad most people aren’t!!!
The problem is my wife does this AND gets mad at me because I’ve dated White women in the past. It’s to the point where I look out for Black men/White women couples in public so I can steer us away from them, thus avoiding arguments.
Everytime you describe your wife she sounds crazier than a muthaf#$K@
” Everytime you describe your wife she sounds crazier than a muthaf#$K@”
I know right!? Every time he adds to the storyline of her um…..interesting personality I always figure one of the following must be true.
1) She’s fine as sh*t and stellar between the sheets
2) He’s just as crazy on the low
lol
I vote for #2. Though I own my madness. Hence the therapy.
Though now that I think about it, #1 was true until she flipped the game up after we got married. Only I would meet someone at a swing party, end up dating and marrying them…only for them to get pissed off about sex.
But that’s a WHOLE ‘nother post, playa.
The story of your life sounds like a potential HBO or SHOWTIME show. whew!
Lol, yeah Todd, I guess I feel you. Slick Rick said it best “Ordinary chicks just don’t move me” lol. And a swinger party leading to marriage? That’s hilarious. You’re a real trooper for tryna make that work lol
You know, loving, respectful and committed people swing too. :O)
Are you my ex? Oh wait we weren’t married. Ugh. Too much!
You aught to try to understand why you twitch…the problem with a lot of girls is they never try to understand their bad habits, and then we suffer lol.
Maybe so. But I have heard quite a few disgusted and very loud “that’s why I dont date Black women” from the brothas who see a Black woman acting…..well, how Black women are sometimes expected to act, stereotypically.
Even my own brother (blood, that is) said, and I quote “Black women expect to much. Yall wont a ninja to have a car and a job.” And yes, I did die slowly on the inside when he said this. Of course, he doesn’t in any way represent all men. But I’m not buying the whole “I love Black women, but this white girl just happened to be standing next to me in the grocery store and I fell in love.” #myopinion
Wait till you check out my after-Christmas sale! I’m selling that and the “All Black men are hung” meme for 80% OFF!!!
Agree
“But I have heard quite a few disgusted and very loud “that’s why I dont date Black women†from the brothas who see a Black woman acting…..well, how Black women are sometimes expected to act, stereotypically”
sounds like you need to meet some different black men
They sound like they are from California! lmao
” But I’m not buying the whole “I love Black women, but this white girl just happened to be standing next to me in the grocery store and I fell in love.†#myopinion”
Understand that opinion and actually don’t think it’s that silly. Here’s my opinion though. It’s really dumb that black women can be sooooo picky, and sooooo anti when it comes to men that don’t fit what they’ve decided in their heads is attractive, but when these individuals who black women have collectively deemed unattractive, corny, too short etc; finally liberate themselves and go somewhere where their talents are appreciated the black women use them as fuel for either a temper tantrum or a misguided generalization (see the one upthread). It would be one thing if the type of black men that make yall’s knees buckle were the main ones dating other races, but that just isn’t the case. The numbers don’t lie, and quite frankly most black men look at these situations as:
1) aberrations from the norm
2) coincidental and NOT a political statement or indictment against sistas
3) She was his best option (ie the black women he wanted weren’t checking for him like that or there aren’t many in his immediate circle of contacts/co-workers etc;)
4) She was really into him (that puts any woman above the curve)
This is all coming from someone who has never dated a white chick. However, when I see a black chick dating a white guy (unless she’s drop dead gorgeous) my initial reaction is being happy for her (especially if she’s ugly)
“Maybe so. But I have heard quite a few disgusted and very loud “that’s why I dont date Black women†from the brothas who see a Black woman acting…..well, how Black women are sometimes expected to act, stereotypically.”
I have a friend like that. Always telling me that he would never date one of his own (he’s Black), and he definitely repeats it when a Black woman is “acting up.” smh.
I also have a friend like this. His awkwardness, temperament and lack of resources make him unattractive to most American women. However, he chooses to focus on Black women as the bane of his love life. He dates internationally because his awkwardness is minimized/disguised by speaking another language or dealing with another culture. While I don’t think that most Black men who date interracially suffer from the same hangups, my friend is definitely a bitter Black man who has been stung by rejection. He feels safer with women of other races / countries.
this is the corny dude I’m talking about (besides the lack of resources thing)
My friend IS corny! ahahahaha that explains it
This just happened on Monday while I was walking around Target grabbing wrapping paper and crossed paths with an interracial couple (she latin, he black). They were overdressed and I was thinking they look nice together. They were at friends distance between each other and upon him noticing me she lays claim by moving closer to him and talking loud. Female ninja shit.
Me thinking: Dumb girl. I don’t want your man, I’m really looking at the heels your struggling to walk in on the waxed floors. Bad cheap heels.
So no, I don’t care. I love an affectionate couple who are into each other no matter the race. I date other races too so it doesn’t affect me. I don’t like women overcompensating for their man’s attention, it’s just sad. Just smile and keep it movin’
“Dumb girl. I don’t want your man, I’m really looking at the heels your struggling to walk in on the waxed floors. Bad cheap heels.”
I died twice. Thanks lol.
“Dumb girl. I don’t want your man, I’m really looking at the heels your struggling to walk in on the waxed floors. Bad cheap heels.†<<struggle heels
“They were overdressed and I was thinking they look nice together. They were at friends distance between each other and upon him noticing me she lays claim by moving closer to him and talking loud. Female ninja shit.
Me thinking: Dumb girl. I don’t want your man, I’m really looking at the heels your struggling to walk in on the waxed floors. Bad cheap heels”
hmmm. this sounds like something many (if not most) women would do. don’t know if it has to do with them being an interracial couple
I agree with Champ on this one. The clutch-yo-man itis crosses color lines. I’ve seen many a bw with a busted, crusty bm who will clutch to him for dear life when she sees ANY other woman. My first thought isn’t, “I don’t want your man”… it’s usually “this poor confused woman thinks somebody else WANTS her man”. On second thought, that still kinda sounds like the first thought, but you get my point.
*want
*represent all Black men
Forgive the typos.
I mean, we’re all pretty certain that, despite his propensity for prolonged bitchassness, Kobe isn’t homosexual. <—–I'm totally ready to start a rumor here…
I can see why a man would go for both Natalie Portman and Jill Scott…money. Other than that, I don't see a man going for a devout Jewish vegan with the same gusto as a d*ckmatized Christian
My mother has just begun my funeral arrangements
Oh he will go for the devout Jewish vegan or at least flirt with her if she’s beautiful just as he would the dickmatized Christian if her smile lights him up. Stop that. lol
“Other than that, I don’t see a man going for a devout Jewish vegan with the same gusto as a d*ckmatized Christian”
perhaps, i don’t know, he thought both were hot.
“Other than that, I don’t see a man going for a devout Jewish vegan with the same gusto as a d*ckmatized Christian.”
You might be surprised. Men love challenges. When I walk down the street wearing a hijab and abaya (I’m Muslim) I get more hollers from non-Muslim men then when I’m showing my hair. They all say the same: If only I could be the man to take that off of you and see what’s under there! And all I think is damn, ya see me everyday with my hair showing and don’t look at me, and now I’m covered and you think I’m hot? Can’t you tell this Superman is Clark Kent? Yeah, men likey challenges lol.
Sigh. It’s true. We do have a “Conquerer” obsession. We just can’t resist a challenge.
Actually that’s a fantasy of mine.
There’s a whole slew of porn based off the fantasy that motivated them to flirt with you on the street.
Ewwww lol
I think it’s easy for black men to say they like women of all colors because they are wanted by almost every other race of women. Black women are not regarded in the same manor. Most black women are very loyal to or just prefer a black man. The same can not be said for black men ( in L.A. at least). It still comes down to one thing. I don’t care who you are with. If you want her (regardless of color), then you don’t want me and you are a non muthafckin factor.
)
are you kidding?! white men love ya’ll (well sexually at least anyways)
they don’t know how to approach you. i always smirk to myself when i see a sista walk by and all the white boys (and oddly asians) sneak a peak at you all’s
Love from afar does nothing for us, though.
It’s funny: People always ask me if I’d date outside the black race. My answer is “Sure. But non-Black men don’t approach me.” And the same fear/uncertainty that a white man would have in asking me out exists in me at the idea of asking him out.
well….when you see a fly pair of shoes, do they just fall into your shopping bag?
if you have a degree and/or a good job, did someone just hand it to you?
my point? anything that you want and is worth having, you gotta go get that ish……
to many chicks are sitting on their arse’s waiting for this old spice nigglit to fall outta the sky instead of being proactive.
personally i blame Disney for instilling in women this whole princess mentality as kids!
nxt time you see a persian dude that you like ….for the sake of the white baby jesus, buy dude a drink!
IF they would only read this memo
I’m reading!
THIS x1000
old spice nigglit – priceless
Yes. I hate to hear the advice to black women that they should just date outside of their race as if it’s so easy. There has to be attraction on both ends more importantly, a non-black man has to be willing to approach you.
Tell non-black men that they should date outside of their race.
Agreed – I’d never just roll up on a dude of another race, especially when I don’t roll up on ANY dude easily.
+1 !
Their mouths drop and the get flush in the face.
Thank you. I’ve gotten hit on in LA by other races. Middle Eastern, Mexican, blonde surfer with a smile that lit up the room, et cetera.
UGH this reminds me of a clearly 60 something year old dude kickin it to me on the train… then he casually says yeah my wife knows I’m into Black women… Really mister? yeah, no thanks. God is my witness I don’t know how some chicks are just ok w/ doing certain things…i digress. I felt as though he thought since he was older, white and appeared to look expensive that I’d be impressed…had the nerve to say he loved Black women’s big round BEhinds… I can’t make this up. On another note…my sis is married to a caucasian dude. So of course I can’t generalize…but I’m just sayin.
Wow. I..I have no words. As soon as he said the word “BEhinds,” I would have laughed right in his face.
“I think it’s easy for black men to say they like women of all colors because they are wanted by almost every other race of women.’
this is was what Chris Rock was referring to in a stand up about how black men dating “any kinda woman” and most black women just don’t like every type of non-black guy, so it’s harder for them to date out
“I think it’s easy for black men to say they like women of all colors because they are wanted by almost every other race of women. Black women are not regarded in the same manor.”
Not true. A better statement would be:
Other men are not open about their wanting / willingness to get with Black women. I’ve had some conversations with cats and they all said that they would love to bone the dark oak…just don’t expect an invite to Thanksgiving dinner.
I’ve been to Thanksgiving dinners and family vacations at the beach house.
I date in my race and I date out of my race. I’m a foodie who can cook and have literally been to family events in different racial socio-Economic, religious and cultural traditions. I think it is because I’m comfortable almost anywhere that factors in that. Ever been to a bris, a christening party in the Bronx, a birthday party in the hood or swimming at the beach without worrying about the hairstyle.
The men I date are likely to have dated
outside their race
and in their race too
and are relaxed in different scenarios.
I hear you lady. It frustrates me when I’m at these couples gatherings and my sistas make the statement that they are not found desireable amongst other races. I remind them of Cleoparta, massa keeping is slave piece from being traded, that single auntie from the old days that loved that white guy and kept herself faithful to him etc.
“I’ve had some conversations with cats and they all said that they would love to bone the dark oak…just don’t expect an invite to Thanksgiving dinner.”
This implies so much of what some of us (black women) fear. Let’s f*ck sistas and wife the others. *sigh*
^This….
You can decompose this group into two categories: guys that just wanna have fun, guys that wanna get with you but don’t know how / can’t handle the externalities that come with it. I did all ladies a injustice by not pointing this out in my post (sorry).
The radar / filter you noted is the same way all of us feel when approached by someone from another race. Do you like me or am I fufiling some “jungle fantasy? Am I going to be kept in the shadows? Will this be a guess who’s coming to dinner moment with me playing the role of Sidney Poitier?
I hear what you’re saying and I agree; other races are sexually attracted to black women. But, let’s discuss men of other race’s desire to be in relationships with, marry, have children with, black women. I’m sure lots of men want to eff black women. What about something meaningful?
This posted to the wrong comment. My bad.
Agreed.
Black women are not regarded in the same manor. Most black women are very loyal to or just prefer a black man.
do you think that perhaps non-black men are hesitant to approach black women because they assume that they’d be wasting their time because sistas only have eyes for black men?
“do you think that perhaps non-black men are hesitant to approach black women because they assume that they’d be wasting their time because sistas only have eyes for black men?”
well damb. Never really considered that non-black men naturally assume all black women aren’t willing to date outside their race. Good point.
Yes, I definitely think they assume this because a number of them have told me so. I’ve also had white guys approach me with those tired statistics about black women not marrying/not dating outside their race. Worst pick-up lines ever…
Nah… and I have to be careful not to generalize—but I think culture plays a huge part with a lot of these men. Real talk, when have you seen an Indian dude rockin a sista on his arm in public—ANYWHERE? Like, just give me one example of one sighting. They don’t play that. Now, Italian men, different story of course. But I agree w/ CNotes its an under cover attraction because a lot of their families don’t play that… Disown, lose trust funds…all type of stuff. I also think they perceive us to be waaay different from them…damn media stereotypes.
While I date men of other races as well as brothers, it has been my personal experience that many times I am seen as a fetish to the many of the white men I have encountered. I have been told “how much they love black women” like I should feel honored. I have been told that “I have never been with a black woman before.” While this does not reflect all white men I think that it contributes to my “shadow of doubt” when approached by a white man. I personally have been approached by all types of men and think that the hesitation stems from stereotypes of sisters they have been exposed to.
I know a lot of white guys in particular think we’re not into them because “black guys have big dicks.” I’m not even kidding. I can’t tell you how many white guys have tried to apologize in advance for the size of their members, or said something like “i bet you’re used to big dicks.” It’s funny because all of these guys had pretty sizeable peens themselves.
But I think there’s that fear. Even if they are interested in us, they think they are unable to sexually satisfy us, since black men apparently have giant weeners. They get all scared and stick with Becky.
Sorry if this sounds ridiculous. I think it is ridiculous, but it’s something that has happened to me quite a few times during my time going to a PWC.
The original statement isn’t quite true. Women of other races want black men as much as they want men of other races (except whites which they tend to want 2nd to only their race). The second part is true, black women get the shortest end of the interracial dating stick.
That said, men want women, whether most of you want us or not.
I ain’t got a problem with black men that date white women.
I ain’t got a problem with black women that date white men. I’ve been around and have friends that are all over map with interracial dating and marriages. You name it I might have a friend and their SO that are that mixture. You guys should see my FB… it is like the FB United Nations: Indian, black, white, hispanic, asian, and all kinds of mixed folks in mixed relationships/marriages. I actually think it’s kind of cool.
I know black men that jump back and forth between ethnicity not specifically because he has a color preference. Most of the time he just has a female preference. LOL
What I do notice though is other women when you are dating ‘their’ men. Arab women that saw me on the street with my ex in his country used to stare at me- hard. One Arab woman actually asked my ex why he was with me that she would have made him happy if he married her (come to think of it now, I should have asked for her phone number for him…lol). I’ve had black women look at me with a loathing smirk like “What ‘dis damn white girl doing with our man?” I once told this to one of my Arab male friends and he laughed saying “I guess they think that d!ck only belongs to them.” smdh
” I once told this to one of my Arab male friends and he laughed saying ‘I guess they think that d!ck only belongs to them.’ ”
This is why I find people fascinating. The ways we claim ownership of anyone who technically is not ours is fascinating!
“One Arab woman actually asked my ex why he was with me that she would have made him happy if he married her (come to think of it now, I should have asked for her phone number for him…lol).”
Definitely relate to you sistah lol.
^This is definitely how racism rears its ugly head in interracial dating. I like how the Arab chick only wanted to marry dude and make him a good home while YOU inserted the thought bubble above black chicks’ heads that they couldn’t believe ” dis.” And your clever friend concluded that it was about “d*ck.” SMDH If this little diatribe is indeed reflective of your personal United Nations, I’d say chuck that sh*t and start over.
THANK YOU! I could see the mock head swiveling and the “Oh hell no” when I read her statement. Disgusting.
Women are all the same.
____________________
This, and thank you, and good night, ladies and gentlemen.
Typical lol.
*Proximity and availability are easily the two most important factors when men are choosing mates. If you see a black man with a non-black women, 9 times out of 10 it’ll be because she happened to be around, happened to be single, and happened to be interested in him.*
point blank period! i’ve dated the spectrum of women and this alone has been THE ONLY factor!
i just moved from detroit where you’re limited to black women and black hoodrats…… to chicago, where i feel like i’m in wu-tang’s ice cream video.
fine is fine….besides…regardless of race…all women are as crazy as cat shit!
“Loving Brown Sugar Basketballs Just Wright”
I’m so appalled …yet intrigued.
I love “The Imitaton of Life” Lana Turner’s version- not the black & white.
When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas?Â
Yes, I do but I also think the same when I see a white man with a sista or a sista with a black man so, it’s okay.
Do you think you’re right to feel that way?
Sorta.
If so, why, and how many hugs did you miss as a child?
Because… Im Hawaii & I even it out my assumptions across the entire board. I missed approximately 122 hugs from my father in ’86 but it was only because he was on duty in Korea. He called every weekend though.
Love comes in different shapes,sizes and colors. I have no problems with a brotha and a snowflake. What bothers me is when a brotha only seeks white women solely There are black men who are serial snowflakers. I’m OK with equal opportunity daters. I can pretty much guarantee that the next time you see Kobe in another serious relationship, she won’t be a woman of color (or at least of a dark hue). Black women attend B-ball games as well as after parties. But we all have preferences.
“I can pretty much guarantee that the next time you see Kobe in another serious relationship, she won’t be a woman of color (or at least of a dark hue”
would you consider his wife as a woman of color?
I don’t know about that. I mean wasn’t Barry Bond’s first wife white, and his second wife was black? It could happen that way with Kobe too.
I love black men, and I’ve dated men that aren’t black. When asked about my experience, I’ve said, “a man is a man. Take that how you want.” I find myself equally attracted to men of all racial backgrounds, but I prefer to date brothas, because I feel we can relate to each other better than I could with someone else. I think a lot of black women share those sentiments, but in real life conversations, cinema, ect, ohh, and not to mention, blog comment boards, it sometimes comes off like black women feel ‘entitled’ to black
men. All this attitude and attention we give it has got to be extra ammunition for non-black women.
This is exactly why….. #ifIwereaNonblackWoman, Id only date black men. And, admittedly, half my motivation would be to piss task off. *evil laughter*
I kid… Kinda! People are free to date whomever they like, and we shouldn’t get all stank when one of “our” men dates someone that doesn’t look like us.
agreed!
We have a winner folks
Piss y’all off.*
Great post! Humans are too lazy in general to believe that people are just people. It’s far more entertaining for some to make up theories than actually ask someone their opinion on the topic. I totally relate to this.
Who other people date is none of my biz, really. I can make assumptions, conjecture and unsubstantiated claims about why one guy is dating somebody who doesn’t look like me (which really I could make about any chick that isn’t me, b/c everybody that isn’t me is competition) or I can just live my life. Date who you wanna date, play how you wanna play, be how you wanna be, dance how you wanna dance… the Addams Family!
i think Kobes type comes into question and why the general statement was made b/c a) he married a non black b) the “alleged” anal rape victim was blonde & blue c) even over the years with the cheating rumors and people he was linked to be cheating with none of the women were black soooo therefore d) aside from taking brandy to the prom …….Kobe has not been linked to any black woman – fair conclusion is he doesnt like black women…not saying this is true for all black men i get what champ is saying…but kobe…no he doesnt like you if you look like his mama
“a) he married a non black b) the “alleged†anal rape victim was blonde & blue c) even over the years with the cheating rumors and people he was linked to be cheating with none of the women were black soooo therefore d) aside from taking brandy to the prom …….Kobe has not been linked to any black woman – fair conclusion is he doesnt like black women”
aside from his wife, the rapee, and brandy, he hasnt been linked to any women at all
Kobe’s ex-girlfriend and former fiancée was Black
also, he took Brandy to the prom. #fact
he was linked to a few women thats why i said “rumors”, women he was link to through rumors such as when he was supposedly cheating with some teammates wife (i believe pau) or when he was supposedly cheating with this one or the other ..none of them were black
“Loving Brown Sugar Basketballs Just Wright ”
lmao! Could we cut it short to “lovin brown sugar balls”
When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas? Yes
Do you think you’re right to feel that way? Not really but oh well
If so, why, and how many hugs did you miss as a child? I dont know why and I missed approximately 5,268 hugs but I will accept them from random male strangers for a small fee to make up for it
LOL, I should have copied and pasted this.
If so, why, and how many hugs did you miss as a child? I dont know why and I missed approximately 5,268 hugs but I will accept them from random male strangers for a small fee to make up for it
even white guys?
lol yes i don’t discriminate
I think it’s odd that people think that men/women of a certain race belong ONLY to that race and no one else can have them. I think that attitude only comes from people who are racially closeminded in their own dating choices, so when someone outside the race takes down one of their possible candidates, they’re pissed. Even if they’re already taken themselves, it’s the principality of the situation.
Personally, I don’t give a rat’s azz. The man that I’m supposed to have is the one I’m supposed to have, what color wrapping he comes in is irrelevant. How he treats me and my kids is the only thing that matters.* I would date a white man in a heartbeat, or an Asian, or a sexy Puerto Rican (¡Aye Papi!), or an Indian. I’ont care in the least bit. I’ve always been a “I’ont give a rat’s azz what bamas have to say about what I think/do” type of chick. Stop worrying about what I do and who I date and get your own life in order.
*must also have Jesus, a job, transportation, jokes, intelligent conversation and bangin affectionate tendencies
“*must also have Jesus, a job, transportation, jokes, intelligent conversation and bangin affectionate tendencies”
black women and y’alls unrealistic standards
I know you are joking but you would be amazed how many brothers would say that seriously to her comment. lls
We’re the only group in America with this issue, or so it seems. You don’t hear hispanic woman complaining and you don’t hear white woman complaining. And likewise you don’t hear their men dogging them on Maury. SMH, what happened to our solidarity black people?
I don’t know that this is true. Don’t Jewish people have the “chicksa” (spelled as it was pronounced on Seinfeld) thing? I’ve heard people of other ethnicities often say they want to or need to date people of similar heritage.
“You don’t hear Hispanic woman complaining and you don’t hear white woman complaining. And likewise you don’t hear their men dogging them on Maury.” B/c it is black women who are “losing” in the media. We aren’t as coveted (sexually) on TV, magazines, etc. Whereas whites, Latinas, and Asians are. So not only do their men seem to cherish them, other races of men cherish them as well (white men will readily date Latin and Asian women, Asian men will readily date white women, etc) so they seem to have an extremely big pool to chose from in the dating and marrying game. That is really the issue in my eyes. Not that black women care about black men dating white women, it’s that black women see black men dating other races and marrying those other races and looking at themselves like “why is it that all the other races get married so easily and i can’t find a mate and my “own” men would rather date Becky, Rosa, and Xi but not me?”
I am not convinced black women arent coveted sexually. There is just too much variety within the spectrum of black women that I dont see this being plausible.
I know guys of all different ethnicities and I dont know one who wouldnt pipe black girls.
I have to ask the other guys on this forum if they find this not to be the case in their experiences
Sorry. What i meant was the entire stereotype thing. I know for a fact that black women are coveted. I had a white guy just last week look at me like if given the chance, he would be on it in a second. Sorry for the confusion. I am just talking about perception vs. reality. Sorry if that wasn’t clear.
date=/=pipe. Black women are plenty fetishized here and you’ll be hardpressed to find any Black woman who has dated interracially who hasn’t felt many of times that he just wanted to “nail a black chick”.
I wonder if white women feel the same way when they date black men…. or, Asians for that matter, Latinas, ect. It’s quite possible that women are made to feel fetishized more often than you’d think…
Fetish to me seems to be something that is not of the norm but you find it sexually stimulating. White people, are in general, of the norm. Maybe fixation is a better word for the attraction of black men to white women and vice versa. I don’t know.
“White people, are in general, of the norm.”
The norm for whom? That’s to say that white people set the standard, and that everyone else is a deviation of that. Also, for a young black man that’s fresh off to college and that’s been told that white women are the “forbidden fruit”… to him, pink women represent a fetish because it’s something different than all the chocolate he’s had and seen.
The normal standard of beauty for the West. It’s wrong but it is true. This is why I don’t believe that it is a fetish but more of a fixation.
Agree. Wanting to bone vs. date and marry are two separate things.
except when the person wants all three at the same time. Robin Thicke seems awfully happy to do all three. That’s all he talks about and sings about.
You think that a whole bunch of white, indian, hispanic, asia parents want their daughters with black dudes?
#notachanceinhell
Fact is the moment you have a relationship outside your race you run the risk of static
There are tons of men, of many races who are looking for genuine loving companionship and would gladly marry black girls.
Black girls are worthy of love. Many men see this and if you open up yourselves to the opportunity you will see that they would reciprocate.
You may wonder if he is with you for fetishistic reasons. So what?
Do black guys wonder if women get with them because of the myth of enormous dicks? Nope.
Do asian women worry about yellow fever? Some might
Do Jamaican women worry about men getting with them because they might have an excellent weed hookup.
The point is the mind is a playground for sexual fetishes. Anything outside the norm is ripe material for this.
Shoot a girl with freckles can cause dirty thoughts.
Do not let skin color deter you women. These non black guys will love you
to be fair, when i first went to college, I got with white guys just to “get with a white guy” I remember the first time I made out with a white guy, I told my friends “i made out with a white guy! never done that before!”
Having sex with a black woman and wanting to date a black woman are mutually exclusive. We were considered 2/3 human at one point but that sure as hell did not stop the systematic rape of black women during slavery. A man wanting to fuck me does not mean he wants to wife me.
Exactly! And that’s why black women are mad. It’s easy to find dudes who want to plow your head in a toilet while smashing you, but it’s hard to find a dude who wants to watch Love Jones with you, while LeBron is on TV!
Speak on it
Co-sign.
This is not necessarily true. Jewish people date and do business with their own. Certain asian cultures do the same. This is not particular to blacks. It’s actually biblical.
“We’re the only group in America with this issue, or so it seems. ”
It only seems that way, but I can assure you that it is FAR from the truth. As Amber said below, there is a strong presence of race/cultural loyalty in the Jewish and Asian communities.
Most people date within their race. There is nothing new or unique about this.
“You don’t hear hispanic woman complaining and you don’t hear white woman complaining.”
Then you haven’t heard me lol. I’m Latina, and I notice the trend. Men will f*ck and date us, but they won’t really marry us. They’ll “wife” us up for years, have us live with them without the piece of paper, and then one day walk out on us. Then we end up being the stereotype of the single mother. Seen too many of my Latinas in that situation, and heard too many of them cry about how men only view us as sexual objects that they’ll f*ck, maybe date, but never truly settle with.
That is not true at all, you should see the looks of death I get from white women when I am with my husband, and surprisingly from Asian women as well.weird
silly me. i immediately googled “yoga pose sanaa” and “yoga pose kobe” thinking, “I’ve been practicing yoga for YEARS and I don’t remember those poses!” silly me.
Are they real? I was about to do that… Now, I’m somewhat afraid to
hahahah! What were the results of your search? Something nessty?
No, they aren’t real yoga poses, lol. But nothing nasty. Apparently though, both Sanaa and Kobe practice yoga…but it didn’t say whether they were in the same class or not
I think we tend to believe that a Black man dating a White woman is only into White women because most of us have a “type”. Personally, I go for the stereotypical tall, dark and handsome man (the darker the more lovely). I do realize, however, that there are some beautiful White men that I’d date in less than a heartbeat’s time (Dr Spencer Reid of Criminal Minds) as well as some fantastically mixed dudes (Tatum Channing). Non-Black men tend not to approach me, though. So my dating history is filled with a variety of Black men.
Just a note, that a lot of the sub-groups in Black America also don’t like to date outside their group. I.e. The Nigerians (that I know) date Nigerians only. The Jamaicans date Jamaicans, etc.
“Just a note, that a lot of the sub-groups in Black America also don’t like to date outside their group. I.e. The Nigerians (that I know) date Nigerians only. The Jamaicans date Jamaicans, etc.”
I noticed that as well. Three years at Howard helped me to learn this.
Yea Howard taught me that as well. Howard also taught me how much more full of sh…. Black people are than I could have ever thought, so I realize everything is faulty.
Yeah. 15 minutes in line at the A building taught me that.
I was on a full scholarship, yet one semester Howard wouldn’t validate me because they claimed I owed them FIFTY CENTS.
So I went to my room, got two quarters, and took them to the gas station….to get 10 nickels. And I paid Howard those 10 nickels. I wanted 50 pennies, but I think that mighta been a little too a**holish. lol
Lmao
LOLOL!!!!
3 years of the A building had me considering Al-qaeda applications. Can’t figure out who’s worse, the A-building staff or the dudes fittin to rob you on a late night outside campus
I’m convinced that it was all an inside job.
The people who would lose your paperwork and mis-type information in the computer in the A building Monday-Thursday were certainly the girlfriends of the dudes trying to rob you outside the club come Friday and Saturday night. lol
That is one conspiracy I can definitely believe in. I still chuckle that I yelled at a person in the A-building and then almost got robbed but pistol whipped in the same day. It was only my second day!
“I think we tend to believe that a Black man dating a White woman is only into White women because most of us have a “typeâ€
you’re right that most of us have a preferred type. but it’s also very true that that’s usually not the only type we’re attracted to. i love shrimp, but i’ll f*ck a crab cake up too.
“i love shrimp, but i’ll f*ck a crab cake up too”
This sounds like a slogan from t-shirs that a fat couple from rural Ohio would wear at a casino buffet.
Tatum Channing is mixed?!
White, Native American, Black and (I think) some Asian. A true mutt. And a beautiful specimen of manhood.
The reason why black dudes tend to go for women of other races is that it’s easier to break through their thick skin in the beginning. In order to get a black woman comfortable enough to be in love, you almost need to beat her down mentally. You kind of have to show her that you’re better than her, and have her look up to you as her leader in submission…and that’s exhausting.
Women of other races; especially Hispanic and White women simply are more comfortable loving you very early in their relationships. They’re comfortable doing all the goofy stuff that women do when they’re in love; you know like coming to your house and cooking cupcakes while you’re watching games on Sunday with your boys…you can get a white or Hispanic chick to do that in 2 months tops: a black chick, – well probably in 6 months to a year.
However, here’s the thing, when a black woman finally submits to you, it’s hard for her to just leave you. When times get tough, when you lose your job or you get sick, many times if you even cheat after being together for a long time, a black woman will really have a hard time leaving you because she knows how hard it is for her to submit to another man. On the flipside, other races of women are quick to leave when things get stressful, because it’s easier for them to submit.
This made me LOL.
I actually can’t stop laughing
Wow. Never thought about it like this. But it is the damn truth.
“The reason why black dudes tend to go for women of other races is that it’s easier to break through their thick skin in the beginning. In order to get a black woman comfortable enough to be in love, you almost need to beat her down mentally. You kind of have to show her that you’re better than her, and have her look up to you as her leader in submission…and that’s exhausting.” Now this is interesting. You didn’t hold back and now this has me thinking about things on a deeper level. Never, ever thought about it like this but I can totally see it. I don’t know about the better than part but the leader in submission…yeah, i can see this.
” In order to get a black woman comfortable enough to be in love, you almost need to beat her down mentally. You kind of have to show her that you’re better than her, and have her look up to you as her leader in submission…and that’s exhausting.”
I imagine it would be exhausting to have to prove you’re a SKRONG BLACK MAN on the strength 24/7.
This perspective helps explain why men were amazed I baked them cookies or cooked for them. I’m goofy like that. I’ll coo/bake for a dude if I like him. He doesn’t have to be my man.
Taking down emotional walls– takes work– I can imagine it makes it hard for some women to leave and to jump into a new relationship. “It takes me a long time to trust” is what I hear people say often–men and women, but men will trust again quicker.
It is tiring. Often dangerous. Then you just get like f*ck and decide to be yourself regardless of if those women look like you still demand that you perform within the rigid standards of Black masculinity.
Its refreshing to see that — the letting go of pressuring oneself to fit into that rigid masculinity thing. Love is supposed to be a safe relaxing can be yourself space.
It can’t be any harder than trying to prove to Black women 26/9 that you’re NOT like all the rest of Black men she’s already categorized you with.
If I was a man, I wouldn’t try to prove anymore. They’re not worth your time if you have to always prove you’re a good dude and you’re not even married to them.
I don’t know…..I guess that means that there aren’t many women (if any at all) worth my time at this juncture of my life. I feel like I’m always on the defensive when I’m interacting with most women…..despite being (on paper, at least) mostly what said women actually are looking for.
Well, unfortunately if you were a man, you would have to do a lot of things that you don’t do now, to get involved with the opposite sex. You would have to build more muscle, you would have to have a deeper voice, you would have to stand up to pee, you would have to make the first move, you would have to get used to buying things on credit you never use…and the list goes on.
Most girls don’t take these things into consideration when they make up their opinions on how men should approach relationships…and it’s not their fault. Any man who comes into your life should install you an understand and respect for the male POV, so you can incorporate and be a better woman.
I’m sitting here wondering why you equated submission with love. See, the experience I’ve had is that a lot of black men start off with an aggressive break you down attitude. It’s very unattractive and shows a lot of weakness. I bake and do cutsey things all the time. But that’s not what the men want. They want you broken. I figure those men have issues with their manhood. Not man enough for me.
A man who wants you broken is a whole different kind of man versus a man who wants peace in his relationships with women and the freedom to just be himself versus who she thinks he should be.
I agree with what he said but I think submission was a poor word choice. Look at the example that he gave about baking cupcakes… that has nothing to do with submission. Re-read it and replace submission and submit with being vulnerable and/or opening yourself up.
Actually, not only was submission the right word choice, but it is the essential foundation in which my conclusions were met. Black women generally loathe that word submission, and ironically, you would expect that from the description that I originally posted about black women. A woman who has a hard time falling in love, is not going to be a fan of submission to a man.
But I kinda of like that by using that word a lot of my naysayers ended up proving my point, while completely disagreeing with me.
PUH LEESE. Walk up to a white woman or a Latina and talk about submission. The average one (not Bible thumpers) would knock you upside the head. Submission is not popular with any type of woman.
Read my comment on submission vs. commitment below. And no, in order for a relationship to work, a woman has to submit, black women just take longer than others. Thing is, women are so disillusioned nowadays, they’d rather be alone than submit, and a lot of them have converted to hoes in the process. I’m grateful for that because I get a lot more ass, sucks for you because you get a lot less good relationships.
In order to understand why that word submission is important when it comes to love, you have to have a good understanding of both the male POV on relationships and the female POV on relationships, in addition you have to understand what our natures are. (This is going to be a long, but yet, necessary post to educate the young sistas out there about life, this might end up being my Magnus Opus on relationships)
Let’s start with women. Women have a biological instinct that makes them search for the best man they can possibly get and keep. Take for instance, me and the R&B singer Maxwell are trying to get with a certain girl, and we’re both offering love, affection, passion, romance etc, and we’re both for real; naturally speaking, if any woman, chooses me over Maxwell, she’s out of her freaking mind. Why? Maxwell is a better man than me in terms of all the things women are looking for in a man. What makes a woman stay with me however, and not chase Maxwell and dedicate her life to doing so, is because she knows she can’t get Maxwell.
Now guys differ from this, because our biological instinct is different. Unlike women, we aren’t hunting for “the best”, we’re hunting for the most. If a man was given the opportunity to have sex with a Halle Berry in her prime for the rest of his life only, or given the opportunity to have a consistent batch of a 100 women varying in attractiveness for the rest of his life, constantly being replaced by younger women; if that dude chose Halle Berry, he’d be out of his mind as well. However, in reality, most guys would be glad to have a Halle Berry (in terms of beauty) since it’s near impossible to sustain a stable of 100 young women for the rest of their lives, continuously being replaced by younger and hungrier broads who want to make their king happy.
Funny thing is, looking at our natures: a relationship basically involves a man and a woman who are theoretically out of their mind. Because the woman is attempting to stay with some man that isn’t the best man on the planet and the man is attempting to stay with one woman, when his body is craving hundreds of other women, who are probably better looking than the one he currently has. The only way relationships can survive then is that a man and a woman have to agree to keep their natures in check for their own benefit by offering each other something of value as an incentive.
The something of value that a man offers a woman is COMMITMENT! He basically says I’m going to stay with you and not go out to chase other women, even though I know I want. I’m going to take cold showers, just so that this relationship can survive. The something of value that a woman offers her man is SUBMISSION. Basically, a woman attaches all her desires for the best man she can get on her man, and lives all her fantasies through her man; even though her nature is inclining her to do the best she can to go find Maxwell and make him fall in love with her.
Every relationship that fails, fails because either one or both parties don’t feel the need to give that “something of value” to the other. Either the woman submits, but the man doesn’t commit and she ends up feeling abused and unloved. Or, the man commits and the woman doesn’t submit, and the man ends up feeling weak and emasculated. Commitment and Submission are what make love possible in a relationship, without both you’re really in a position of lust, which is what most people don’t understand and think it just has to do with being in a relationship based solely on sex.
Most black women want a man to commit and want to procrastinate on submitting as long as possible, in other words without knowing it, they want a weak guy who could potentially become a strong guy when they want him to. Unfortunately, they don’t see it that way. Most guys know this and this leads to them overreacting as well, and “maning-up” which leads them to demand submission without commitment, which ultimately leads to a girl feeling like she’s abused and taken for granted.
In the black community, generally speaking, men and women don’t want to give way, both want one side to provide something of value without a guarantee of them doing the same, and because of that our relationships are predisposed to dysfunction. It’s pretty much like the U.S and Russia during the cold war, with both sides stacking up on nukes out of fear for the other – until one side’s Wall falls down, there will be no peace, and since I’m a man; I’m sorry ladies, it’s going to be your wall, not mine, y’all can play MLK if you want to lol.
Wow. That’s a deep analysis of a relationship, right there. I do agree, though, with the basic premise.
Some folks strongly disagreed with this submission discussion with Kenya and Carl Stevens on The Monique Show. Others agreed wholeheartedly. Kenya and Carl (of http://www.jujumamablog.com) advocate open marriage/”progressive love”.
\http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfVDF2PpJao
I bet 90% of those who disagreed were women lol. No surprises there. As for jujumama, yeh that tantric stuff attracts far more women than men, and when you’re selling having sex with multiple women, and men aren’t drawing in numbers, that means something is up.
I’m super late but this is probably the most true statement I’ve ever read on any blog in my life. CELEBRATION!
What? That is most nonsensical, self serving trite I’v ever heard. Is this a joke?
Please expand on this comment…
“The reason why black dudes tend to go for women of other races is that it’s easier to break through their thick skin in the beginning.”
LOL, don’t hold back next time you comment. tell us how you really feel
Haha. I remember have this conversation about Black women loving differently…it’s completely understandable why they can be like to varying degrees.
lmfao at WC’s interpretation
Wow, check Freud out over here.
Well, anybody who’s actually cool with guys who date outside their race, and has objective conversations with them, knows that what I’m saying is true. I wish my opinion was from some act of psychoanalysis, but it’s really just from talking to dudes who date both black women and other women. I personally don’t, but I see where the others are coming from.
This is what Wesley Snipes talked about in Ebony magazine when Black women got mad.
http://books.google.com/books?id=kYiyPoTrhDUC&pg=PA192&lpg=PA192&dq=wesley+snipes+glass+of+water+ebony&source=bl&ots=xiUnzwzPpA&sig=msemyGdm31O1Yk2ltDf-egnaXvI&hl=en&sa=X&ei=3072ToLaGYXn0QHeo9ywAg&sqi=2&ved=0CFUQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q&f=false
“Women of other races; especially Hispanic and White women simply are more comfortable loving you very early in their relationships. They’re comfortable doing all the goofy stuff that women do when they’re in love; you know like coming to your house and cooking cupcakes while you’re watching games on Sunday with your boys…you can get a white or Hispanic chick to do that in 2 months tops: a black chick, – well probably in 6 months to a year.”
I’m Latina and um NO, this is not true.
How long does it usually take for you to be baking cupcakes while your man is watching football with the boys and not paying attention to your presence?
At the risk of backlash from my fellow VSSs, maybe it’s safe to say that, generally speaking, we could learn a thing or two from women of other ‘races’ and how they open themselves up in relationships.
I don’t think it’s about submission. It is however, about being more open, trusting, less defensive, more understanding…. in SPITE of anything our past transgressors have done.
I’ve been called evasive and apathetic by men I’ve dated, and as much as I could babble on about being strong, having daddy issues, trust issues, ect, ect, ect… it all boils down to one thing- fear. And fear is not a trait you want to bring to relationships.
It’s so funny you say this because I find Black women to be among the most loving when they are in relationships.
Hmmm… We def love hard, but it’s harder for us to get to that point… generally speaking.
I think that most women, of all colors, love hard and are sometimes loyal, to a fault.
“I think that most women, of all colors, love hard and are sometimes loyal, to a fault.”
Definitely. And you know what? I don’t blame Black women for making it hard to get to that point. Loving is a commitment, it’s not a fad. You should give your all when you feel it’s a worthy investment. I particularly don’t trust folks who love quickly. I don’t find that genuine. Guess that’s why I always found Black women to be among the most loving.
It’s actually quite fair. Black women’s love is equalled only by black men’s near insanity in the pursuit of women. No other group of men, waste more money in looking good, in looking fresh, in making music that women like, than black men. It’s only fair that you love us harder than other women do, we’ve earned it, as much as you like. There is no white Marvin Gaye, hell I’d be impressed if there was a white Trey Songz.
” fear is not a trait you want to bring to relationships.”
It is not and when it is there, it helps if you can see that, acknowledge it and work towards removing it from the relationship unless that fear is letting you know the relationship ain’t for your health and happiness.
And you really thought typing this stereotypical crap was going to serve a GOOD purpose?
The purpose of the truth is to put it out there and let people decide what they want to do with it. I didn’t say it so people could feel better about themselves, that’s what Steve Harvey is for.
You didn’t tell the truth. You combined a bunch of stereotypes together and totally ignored what people experienced on an individual basis while assuming people of color as a whole do the things you mentioned. That’s false the whole way.
Actually no, I didn’t. I actually reached those opinions by engaging in dialogue and having philosophical conversations with brothas who actually date outside of their race, and have dated within their race as well. Plus, I actually saw it first hand. I didn’t conclude that these men found happiness with any of those women though; if anything the problems that they usually complained about black chicks, often surfaced later in the relationship with the whites and Hispanic chicks anyways, so my comment wasn’t saying who and who was better.
The truth is what I mentioned has more to do with culture than anything else, and I established that in my earlier long ass post on how relationships come down to being i.e. the submission vs. commitment post. That’s not something other races have to deal with as intensely as we have to. People can evade that fact, or try to individualize their way out of it, but the stats, the self-help books, and the blogs all dedicated to unwrapping the mystery and tone of relationships in the black community, exist for a reason.
And did you have a dialogue and philosophical discussions with the sistas? Or do you think if women just understood men’s views on relationships everything would be dandy? There might not be white Marvin Gaye but there are the Beatles.
What would be the purpose of having philosophical conversations with women about the minds and reasoning of men?
If women understood what men are naturally and accept it, we could have constructive dialogues and reach a solution to our problems. But I don’t blame them, if I had something men were constantly changing since the beginning of time, I wouldn’t feel the need to try to understand them either.
jaw… on… floor…
I could explain the my original post and edit it to the point, where you would be like: “Oh if you had said it like that, I would have understood.” But it’s much more enjoyable imagining you with your jaw to the floor.
Dude, seriously? lls
I agree with the premise of this post, although I personally don’t care for other races of women as I’ve never dated anything besides Black women.
However, as a Black man that is very pro-Black, it does something to me when I see a Black woman with another race of man. Especially if it’s a Black woman I previously had feelings for. Or one that turned me away in the process of jumping the fence.
Now, granted, there’s absolutely nothing I could do about such a situation….but I digress.
You just need to let it go. Race is nothing but a cultural product. It’s all in our heads, and it means absolutely nothing. Biologically we are all men and women. That’s the only part that counts.
Agreed, however, since I have never met a White (or any other race of woman) that I actually liked, my primary focus is Black women.
Understood, but I know there’s a rainbow for you like there are plenty for me.
I wouldn’t call it a rainbow….more like a two-tone paint job. lol
“and women from Detroit aren’t really all that different”
Why is it when I read this visions of Slum Villiage’s Selfish flashed before my eyes.
How quick we all seem to forget that we’re mutts. History has manifest this fact over and over but we all see to hold onto the fact that we’re somehow pure.
I’m calling….out to….all my….ladies/ and I can’t….let you..(let you)..be with no one but me BAAAAABY
When I read that, the women on Hardcore Pawn ran through my mind…
One more thought….
What I DON’T like is when Black women try to castigate a Black man that dates outside the race when every effort said Black man actually made to date WITHIN the race was met with resistance—-even if that resistance came from those SAME Black women.
Like…..You can’t kick a Brotha to the curb and then get pissed when he decided to go somewhere else where he might actually be wanted.
(***This has never personally happened to me, but I’ve come close to it. ***)
I feel you on that. And I totally understand when Black men avoid or lose interest in a Black woman simply because they witnessed her publicly put down another Black man’s dating choices.
Boris Kodjoe is very handsome but I cannot imagine him dating a Black woman who did that, being that his parents are an interracial couple. I cannot imagine him marrying any woman who had a problem with interracial dating.
In online media Ive seen the same Black women castigating interracial relationships lusting after Black men who are products of them. Its weird.
That reminds me…would a Black woman who ended up dating you have to lie or hide that she used to date interracially? Especially if she knew how you feel about Black women dating White men?
Thats the thing. We can date another Black person and not know what their life experience were in the dating world.
It would help if we had that conversation early on but a Black woman dating interracially is not a deal breaker. Now, being any form of a lesbian (current, former, reformed, part-time, bisexual) however, is. That is another convo for another day, though.
Damn dude, you got a lot of utopian views on women. The older you get and the more you remove women from that pedestal, the more comfortable you become in realizing that they really aint shit. The only difference between a lesbian and a virgin is a vibrator.
I keep saying…..you gonna make me beg?
No comment. Lol.
FYI, I can dig corny. I like cornbread, corn on the cobb, etc. Just saying
*Sigh* Let’s be for real here. lol
I don’t claim to be corny. Although I have my moments. Ain’t my fault that 76 percent of my jokes go over everyone’s heads. =)
I ain’t said you was corny.stJustssaid like corn. Justicascase you were corn-flavored. But ive not been granted a taste,so no telling.YYou couldbbe grapey.
Stop trying to online rape the dude lol. I know you sense his warm blood and you want to pounce on him, but gaddamit all you gonna do suck his blood dry, you vampire you!
Apparently this is what happened to Wesley Snipes.
Exactly. I mention Wes elsewhere in this thread.
As a Black woman who has never dated non Black men, I was NOT offended by Wesley Snipes’ comments in Ebony which I linked to upthread. I assumed that he had experienced the ill treatment from Black woman he spoke of in the article. I also thought that he probably didn’t get too much love from Black women before he became famous as he was not the finest. Anyone seen “King of New York”?
I blame Essence. And the girlfriend some women have who needs an excuse for why no mighty Black man is checking for her.
It’s not always about looks, but the way she makes him feel! Whether a White woman is homely or if she is attractive looking, I know why he’s interested in her and checking out me and other sisters too.
Champ, don’t be surprised if your Black male Twitter followers increase on the strength of this post. lol
This is true. Too many magazines about female empowerment that eventually overshadows how to honestly market yourself for the type of man you desire. Women get too much misleading information these days.
And the winner is……Ms DETROIT!!!
DANG! I messed up….my bad.
I’m intrigued why many Black women, especially chicks from the hood, have never grasped the concept of Black men dating white women? WHO DO YOU THINK IS AT THE HOLLYWOOD PREMIERE PARTIES OR HIGH CLASSED CLUBS? It aint Shanequa and Takwanna. So what Champ said is right, it’s about availability. Why would you take a step backwards when going forwards give you so much more?
And yes, there are rich Black women too in those same areas, but their numbers pale in comparison. We just like WOMEN. Yall need to stop paint everyone as a race traitor just because we see different colors. There’s no rule book that says ANYONE has to stay within their race/cultural/ethnic dating pool
You’re contradicting yourself.
Explain
When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas?
Yes.
Do you think you’re right to feel that way?
No.
If so, why, and how many hugs did you miss as a child?
n/a
As logical as I tend to be, I know many of my actual (not theoretical feelings, but real life reactions) about race are based in emotion and past observations, not necessarily logic. I’ve rarely (if ever) seen a dude switch back and forth. The guys I’ve met who seriously date non-black women seem to do this exclusively. I guess you’re saying these flip-flop guys exist…
mythical negroI just haven’t seen it. It sounds like something that happens- just ain’t seen it.Agreed. I have never seen it. It is usually a preference for non-black women and that is what they stick to. No problem with that at all but it does seem mythical. It is all about your experience and what you have seen. If all you have seen is one thing, then that is your reality.
I guess I really don’t exist. Though that email I got from Santa should have been a clue. His whining about the Chinese elves who are making the bulk of his toys this year is getting annoying.
Real talk though, there are a few of us out there, and I’ve spoken to brothers who date exclusively out of their race. In some cases, they’ve been done so dirty by a particular sister than Black women trigger flashbacks. As much as I think it’s a bit dumb, at least they get it’s their issue, not a Black woman’s issue. Also, I can’t stand the Black-Women-Ain’t-Sh1t crowd, because they assume because you checked for Becky that you’re a part of that movement. Nah, playa! That’s on you. Oh, and have you met the sister I’m checking for now? LOL
I can’t speak for other men but I have met a few like myself who dealt with some real atrocious stuff from black women all of their lives and eventually came to a point saying f it…I’m done. I’m the only one who got over it because skin color doesn’t stop b…ches from b….ches. But I understand their plight. We as people forget how much pain and suffering people harbor on a daily basis to the point that they don’t even realize how much it has influenced their lifestyle.
I sort of agree; I think some black men do get with white women due in large part to circumstance, but, in my experience, an appreciable amount of dudes who ONLY date white women are the type that have a reputation as being corny.
Exactly. The same corny dudes that Black women push away in the first place.
Welp…
Welp what?
Welp, when you coming over to the cougar den. I got a fire in the fireplace blazing. Bar is stocked. What you drink? Ham sammich? Sit down, my sofa has down feathers in it…….. Welp?
Let me figure out if you’re serious or just joking. Then I’ll get back to you. lol
She is, you’re her type. You’re young, you want to treat a woman like a queen, you’ve never shoved a woman’s head in the pillow while plowing her from the back. She desperately wants you so she can recreate you in her own image.
Don’t believe me…read her blog lol.
My blacky sense does not twinge or tweek when I see mixed-race couples and my dead ancestors do not shed slave tears. It is simply none of my business because my relationship is the only one that concerns me.
Most men I know take the James Tiberius Kirk outlook on attractiveness. (They acknowledge pretty in all it’s forms.)
1. Proximity and availability – I think this is a great point Champ. Most of the mixed-race couples I know got together in while they were in the military because of proximity. Whether they are mixed-race service members who date or a service member who married a person from the country where they were stationed at the time. Coincidentally, and old white dude reminded me of this. We were standing in the checkout line and his phone rings and he holds a two minute convo in Korean and ends the convo with “Bye Sweetie.” No he wasn’t black but he was still a man.
2. Women are all the same. – One of the few times I agreed with Steve Harvey (Forgive me.) is when someone sent him a letter saying their ex bounced with her for a white chica because he wanted to take the “easy way out”. Harvey’s reply was simple. “Where are all of these push over white women that folks keep talking about?” He made the point that if a man screws with a woman’s heart, no matter her race, he’ll pay.
As for Lathan’s now deleted tweet, how the hell do we know Kobe’s type? He’s been married since he could vote and unless S.H.I.E.L.D or Shaunie O’neil had him surveilled while he was creeping we have no idea what his b***h-a** was into. Sanaa just ran out like people do on Twitter.
Sanaa said that so she wouldn’t be knifed down by Latina chicas during her travels!
“Sanaa said that so she wouldn’t be knifed down by Latina chicas during her travels!”
Yeah, Rita Moreno and Michele Rodriguez will wait for her in the parking lot.
I’d knife her but she has her own problems. It ain’t easy being Denzel’s other woman for years.
My mom told me “All p@ssy is pink” &”D@ck has no color” Yes, my mom went right…there, lol!!!
Considering I’ve dated different men of different cultures, my pereference is still men of color. See, I have thing for melanin. And while I’ve a spent time with a couple of fine 2520′s over the years, I didn’t prefer them over men of color; they were there & available & interested in me. If I was single, I might chat up this Christian Bale looking guy at Starbucks that keeps eyeing me like chedder biscuits & smiles at me every damn morning while we’re in line…like right now. But I’m not single so dude gets a half smile & a nod as a ‘I see you, not interested but thanks for the attention. Enjoy looking as my butt as I walk away.’
I give black men with other womenn the side eye. I just do. It’s a reflex. I can’t help it. That said, I have friends who date interacially, and as a general matter, it’s no problemo. BUT, Sanaa spoke the truth and I love her for it! It’s not about only Koby’s wife. Everyone is pretending as if his wife is the ooonnnllllyyy woman he’s been with for the past 10 yrs. From the chick in the hotel to his jumpoffs, they’ve never been black. Secondly, proximity may be an issue for bllack men who live in the middle of bumble f*ck idaho, but certainly not for a black man in L.A that also travels a lot. And puh-leeezzze stop trying to pretend thay some black men don’t have a preference—a lot certainly do and I know some personally and the ‘I can’t help who I have a preference for’ doesn’t cut it.
I think black people world over are in trouble. Our families are disintegrating before our eyes, and yes, if Taye Diggs take my money after acting in every black movie in the 90s and takes it to support his wife, that”s a problem. And I won’t apologize.
It’s not about owning black men, it’s about wanting to build a solid foundation together. United we stand. Other communities understand this. Sorry, my side eye will continue. I talk to my male friends. I do not play that and I don’t hide my disappointment.
@Please Believe
“Everyone is pretending as if his wife is the ooonnnllllyyy woman he’s been with for the past 10 yrs. From the chick in the hotel to his jumpoffs, they’ve never been black. Secondly, proximity may be an issue for bllack men who live in the middle of bumble f*ck idaho, but certainly not for a black man in L.A that also travels a lot. And puh-leeezzze stop trying to pretend thay some black men don’t have a preference—a lot certainly do and I know some personally and the ‘I can’t help who I have a preference for’ doesn’t cut it.”
Word! As a Black man that has plenty of cousins that are bi-racial I see the patterns of these dudes. IMHO it is not just a preference when you don’t date people that look like you when they are all around you.
You can’t force people who look like you to date you . . . or can you?
Someone needs to test this with a “date me or i’m trying a white chick tomorrow” t-shirt.
LIKE!
~”Our families are disintegrating before our eyes”
~”It’s not about owning black men, it’s about wanting to build a solid foundation together. United we stand. Other communities understand this.”
I read through 200 something comments looking, hoping, wishing for a comment like this one. Finally, someone who gets it!
I wish ‘fo gawd I was sincerely attracted to men of all races. I do, I do. That would make this so.much.more.interesting. I should start dating ‘em whether attracted or not. Sigh.
Anyway… I agree it’s silly to assume that because a man dates and marries a white woman he’s not into black women… but… I do, still. But I’m the same way with other things, too. Like if your long term girlfriend is high maintenance in the hair and make up department, assume that’s what you like. If you always got a staunch church attending chick, I assume that’s what you like. If she’s thin or thick or fat, I assume that’s your thing. *shrug*
Not to say you could NEVER be interested in something else… but considering all the guys I’ve been interested in look, walk, talk pretty similar… and are into similar things… I think it’s fair to say that’s my “type” so I’m not offended when someone says “oh I didn’t think you digged the skinny ninjahs” because, well…
” I should start dating ‘em whether attracted or not.”
No please don’t do that. Date what you like.
But at some point we (I) must admit you’re severely limiting your choices, by number alone, when you only date black men….
Chunk, Black men are everywhere! It’s a myth that they are extinct. Shoot, grab a passport. You can expand your horizons in the world…because its plenty of Black men in this world.
I just don’t want you settling for a man you are not even attracted to
Oh I know that, and my last BF was not American- he was Kittian- but I’m here in the US… and so, well…
…and I’m on passport #3 and consider myself semi-well-travelled ;o)
“I wish ‘fo gawd I was sincerely attracted to men of all races. I do, I do. That would make this so.much.more.interesting. I should start dating ‘em whether attracted or not. Sigh.”
But you’re not. And it’s ok. You like what you like! As long as you like it for the right reasons and not because you think all else is inferior, why should you feel bad about it?
True… but I like “tall” men, too… still, last BF was 5’10″ and it ended up not mattering one bit… so…..
One of the things that will lower that preference barrier is meeting a non-black man who adores the h3ll out of you. Not in a punked-out type of way, either. I’ve dated a white guy and an Australian-greek guy before. To them, my beauty was a no-brainer.
So whenever I hear a black man express excitement about a certain woman or group who adores him, I can feel where he’s coming from (although it used to annoy me). It’s great to be genuinely loved, and my response to that is an open heart.
I think that race-limited attraction might be linked to a deep-seated concern about whether our partner is really into us and genuinely finds us attractive, either as an individual or as a group. Black women have been conditioned to assume that “normal” black men desire us. That makes it easier for us to see ourselves with a black man. Same goes for men, as I’ve heard more than a few white men express the assumption that black women just don’t go for white guys.
“I think that race-limited attraction might be linked to a deep-seated concern about whether our partner is really into us and genuinely finds us attractive, either as an individual or as a group.”
Hmm no, for me it is that “blackness” is a big part of my identity and I really don’t want to have to explain it… I want part of my life experience to be immediately, intimately, understood (this is probably why I also haven’t ventured much past my socioeconomic status, either)….
OH! But I think you’re on point with the rest!
When I saw a black men with a non-black woman, as a teenager, I wondered if he placed her on a pedestal above Black women.
As an adult, I don’t wonder about the interracial relationship of people that I don’t know. I don’t want to give an interracial couple more attention than I would give a couple who shares the same ethnicity.
However, if I see a few Black men within my immediate circle with a non-black women I would assume they’re just not that into Black women. They, themselves, told me that.
Exhibit A
An older brother told me he doesn’t like Black women on 2 different occasions. After his admission, he started talking negatively about a few Black women he has been in contact with. He implies that’s why he doesn’t want to date Black women. Naturally, I informed him that was some ignorant talk.
Exhibit B
This dear cousin of mine informed me his favorite color is white. He cannot wait to be with a white woman. He, too, followed with a negative speech, which his boys agree with, about Haitian women. Yeah…I stopped him, too. I asked him if this is how he really feels about his mom, sisters, and cousin. He answered, “Of course not. You are an exception.” I continued, “Did he defend the women in his family when they were throwing Black women under the bus?” He didn’t.
Exhibit C
This associate said he’s attracted to white women. He’s with Black women for the cause. I’ve been looking at him side-ways ever since. How come he is not also attracted to Black women period?
If I’m talking with someone, and s/he starts saying negative things about Black men. I would defend the good ones that I know. Why couldn’t they?
I agree that Black men can love White, Brown, Yellow, and Black women, too. I missed a whole lot of hugs as a child.
Truth be told, I look at any man downing any group of women with a side-eye. It’s one thing if you’re mad at a particular woman for doing you dirty. That just makes you a human being. However, negativity has never given anyone an erection. It’s just a cover for a need to self-love due to self-loathing.
Personally, I try to keep men who operate like that at arms-length. In my experience, the same BS that gets them hating on chicks will eventually get you caught up. So why bother?
Yep.
That’s like lesbians who hate men and vocalize their hate for men just so they can feel comfortable being lesbian.
“Truth be told, I look at any man downing any group of women with a side-eye.”
I look at anyone, male or female, downing any group with a side-eye, and I raise it an infamous eye-roll and ANYWAY, YOU’RE IGNORANT.
Look, Ima just be real. Call me ignorant or racist or whatever. I don’t think everybody shares my view, but black men are just the sh*t. I’ve dated white, Latino, mixed, Indian, Polynesian, Arab. Something about chocolate. They’re more masculine. There, I said it. And having sampled the international buffet, they do have larger you know what. On average. It’s in the breeding. Literally.
Black women are part of that breed and if a man can handle all the glorious womanness black women have, then he’s alright in my book. If he can’t, well, there’s Becky.
Black men can have preferences, too. If you prefer Becky, that’s your right. If Becky is your neighbor and you just happened to hit it off, fine. had my Latino era. It’s no loss to me.
Hi, I’ll have a black women, extra assets, but to hold “glorious womanness”. Check that, can I get the “glorious womanness” on the side? Sometimes too much of a good thing overpowers the meal, you know?
The glorious womanness is half of a matching set. It fits the alpha male key. Only. Maybe you find a better fit for your key down the street?
I’m torn. I appreciate witty repartee, but I think the “he isn’t man enough to handle all of this” rationalizing is more appropriate for a waiting to exhale screening. We can play fight about why your lock can’t handle my key and vice versa all day, but please go light on the hackneyed cliched. If not out of respect for me, at least out of respect for the forum.
Quick question though: what does the race of the person have to do with the quality of the person?
For the most part, I am the “mind my own business” type. So it doesn’t really bother me to see black men with non-black women and I don’t knock them for it. However, I admit that I do assume they are not into black women (and come to think of it, I may have friend-zoned a few based on this assumption). This thinking probably isn’t fair, but I don’t know many men who bounce around between ethnicities all it much. Most of them date one or the other; which causes me to think that its a preference. Couple that with knowing that quite a few men “blame” black women for their choice to date non-black women (instead of just owning up to their choice).
As for me, just as folks have physical preferences to date black/non-black, long/short hair, slim/thick, dark/light, etc., I prefer to date men who exclusively date black women. Loyalty is attractive to me, just as fat arses are attractive to black men. That is not to say that I would never date a man who has dated other races, but it is just that……a preference. *shrugs*
OK, so you don’t check for dudes who date other races, thus placing them in the friend zone. Cool.
Hey, what kind of drinks you go in your friend zone’s fridge? And what’s this nerdy looking Carlton dude doing on the couch?
LMAO!!!!! Carlton’s on my couch because I love em smart! : )
I agree. I prefer women that like Black men, specifically, ME. Lol.
LOL!
That makes sense. I do kinda believe there are two genre’s of interracial daters. I do think there are some who do have an interracial preference, and others who I refer to “electrons”, meaning they seek the path of least resistance. Whoever’s there and willing is who gets it.
“electronsâ€, meaning they seek the path of least resistance. Whoever’s there and willing is who gets it.”
Nice analogy!
Define “date” other races. But people shouldn’t blame anyone else for their dating choices. That’s disrespectful to yourself and the person you’re dating. You don’t hear gay dudes “blaming” women for their choice to date men.
I wish a female would ever come out of her mouth and tell me she’s dating me as a misguided reaction to someone else. If you’re dating me because of who I’m not instead of who I am, then the only thing holding us together is the strength of your insecurities. Not sure about these other dudes, but I wouldn’t be cool with being a footnote or an alternate ending to your previous relationships. I need my own chapter.
“Date” as in being intimately associated with someone with the intent of it developing a longer term relationship.
so breakfast. Gocha
“If you’re dating me because of who I’m not instead of who I am, then the only thing holding us together is the strength of your insecurities.”
This.
* APPLAUDS *
preach!
Boston just might be the interracial capital of the world and while I’ve never dated a white woman, it is very well possible. If I were it by no means i’m not into the sistas (check the resumé) it would be as state, she single i’m single she thinks im cute n ish.
However theres certain brothas you see with white women that you think otherwise. Usually you see the thugs with the Adele built shorties, the nerds who “have nothing against the sistas they just dont think they’re into him” -Gambino, and then the regular its all pink anyway dudes.
Columbia, Maryland is actually the interracial dating capital of the world. Hell you might get the side eye for NOT dating outside you race there.
Have you seen the hood rats that come to Arundel Mills? Who can blame these dudes?
If the women are like that then the men cannot be worth too much either.
Arundel Mills also has a large number of Black lesbian couples from Baltimore.
I’ve been guilty of thinking that… even though I’m a woman who the reverse is true of. I guess we all fall victim to faulty logic. Love this article and I always appreciate a well-expressed point of view.
When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas?
No I don’t. And maybe I don’t because I have friends and family that have dated outside of their race for different reasons. A few of them are
1. Proximity/Whats available
I’ve seen quite a few guys date strictly Black women and when they’re put in a position where Black women are not available their libido trumps their loyalty.
2. Black women dissed them in their formative years to early 20s.
Black women call it a cop out, being a punk, etc. but plenty of Black men have switched because sisters dissed them early on. They finally get the message and move on.
3. They’re color struck
From my experience men that have a penchant for redbones, Beyonce types, etc. are usually the guys that date outside their race. They LOVE Black women as long as they’re light-skinned to light-brown skinned with straight hair.
You can appreciate the beauty of other women without dating them. I’ve seen beautiful women of all races but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to actively pursue them. That being said I think some Black men (and SOME Black women) are somewhat disingenuous when they have this whole “hippie love, utopian, enchanted forest of love, heal the world,” type of mentality in who they date.
Thank you for being honest.
Truth. The entire world is color struck. Trying to pretend that black people aren’t is almost as funny as white people trying to pretend that racism spontaneously disappeared in in 1997 for some reason.
Meechy, airbody knows racism (and race PERIOD) evaporated the SECOND after Barack was projected by CNN/MSNBC as the next elected president. Which would be 2008. #postracialswag
-_-
I thought it disappeared at Barack Hussein Obama’s inauguration
i thought it ended when bill O’Rielly said it was over
I think that really sums up the variety of reasons.
“2. Black women dissed them in their formative years to early 20s.
Black women call it a cop out, being a punk, etc. but plenty of Black men have switched because sisters dissed them early on. They finally get the message and move on.”
As I said in my post, I have this problem with my own men, Dominican men. They have dissed me too many times that I’m just programmed to think they won’t go for me and look elsewhere in Latin America and the rest of the world, actually. It doesn’t mean I am not attracted to them, but I want to feel wanted. Then again, I have low self-esteem and never feel wanted. So let me scratch that and say that I want to feel a little less rejected.
I imagine you’re a Afro-Latina.
I do not mean that in a derogatory way. I just know that Dominicans have a complex history with colorism in their country and a lot off them carry/are given the same attitudes by others in their family and the community.
I just saw this lol. I didn’t take it to be derogatory at all. My country definitely has a complex history, and I don’t find it insulting or offensive if someone thought I was Afro-Latina because of my nationality lol so it’s all good
I’m not Afro-Latina. I look as Mexican and Native American as they come lol. I just don’t fall into the stereotype of what some Latino men consider to be the ideal woman. They want a woman of a certain character and as much as I try that just isn’t me.
I haven’t even finished reading yet, but I am so enamored with your turn of phrase:
“propensity for bitchassness” AND “Loving Brown Sugar Basketballs Just Wright.” Pure genius.
I’m going to have to go ahead and agree with both of your points but disagree with your conclusion. Men do indeed mostly date women that are available to them and that they have physically been in proximity with before. Mostly because dating a woman that you’ve never been in contact with and who has no interest in you is difficult.
But for the most part, men (and women) have a large degree of control over what circles they run in and who they come in contact with. So I agree with number 1, but not with the underlying assumption that the women men come in contact with is a product of chance and demographics. Maybe there are exceptions, but black is synonymous with urban for a reason. I’ve been in learning institutions, cities, and isolated social gatherings where multiple races where available, and people either went for what they were interested in when all other options where available on each of those different scales. Not saying that dating a white woman doesn’t statistically eliminate the possibility that you aren’t interested in sisters, but where there’s smoke there’s usually fire.
And number 2 goes without saying, of course all women are crazy. The prefix “wo” in ancient Samarian meant crazy, thus the origin of the word.
You know what’s interesting that I haven’t seen anyone pick up on yet? If all women are the same, what does that mean for the argument that, “black women are less submissive, more confrontational, and harder to get along with?
If all women are all the same, then they will all try to dominate, they will all be confrontational, and they will all be hard to get along with, it’ll just happen at different times and in different ways. Agree or disagree?
All women have the “spider senses”; some groups keep theirs on / turn theirs on at different points in the dating / mating process. Some would argue Black women are more difficult because it appears as if the sneses are always on looking for the scam, con, playa line, etc. ALL men get tired of runing that gauntlet and will look for women where the barriers to entry (dating / mating) are not so high. However, once your in and you screw up, there’s NO difference in dealing with a pissed off woman.
“there’s NO difference in dealing with a pissed off woman.”
Exactly
RealSpit.com/login
” once your in and you screw up, there’s NO difference in dealing with a pissed off woman. ”
lol yes
Preach! Hell, in my personal experience, I’ve had LESS drama from the sisters, and the one woman that reminded me of my mama (in behavior and, surprisingly, in looks) was a White girl. Anyone who honestly thinks Becky is an easy out need to PUT. THE. CRACK. DOWN!
I’m glad it’s not just me that realizes this. When I hear dudes say that white girls are just easier, I wonder if they have actually dealt with any of them.
Exactly. I used to think black women were the worst in my hater days. Then I met my ex. The amount of hate that woman had inside of her can only be described as the sum total of hatred every colored person from 1509 to 1889 felt all balled up into one chubby single mom.
*dead*
“When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas?”
I seriously thought it was more of:
Oh, looks like he couldn’t handle no skrong black woman anyway. He must’ve got tolded off and was tired of us skrong sistas. *clicks tongue on roof of mouth*
or
Oh, so he ONCE liked black women (and probably still do) but once he upgraded he just gone also think he upgrading with a white ack chick?! *pops gum*
Something like that. This may or may not be slightly exaggerated for effect.
How does this discussion change when biracial people are involved?
LOL… bi-racial meaning mixed with black?
That = black and the conversation then becomes “he only like lightskinned gurls” lol.
LOL pretty much
no that’s about right……
Me and my GF discussed this post and she had this to say : “Sure, from an individual perspective they all have their own personal quirks and characteristics and nuances.<<<That thinking is why black men dont value black women,because that thinking of "we all the same" devalues black women…you not gonna have white men saying that "all women are the same", yea they may look at black women for sex and may lust over us but they not putting us over they white princesses trust me….but a black man will put any race above black woman, thats why we dont value ourselves…they devalue us
indians wont do it…asians wont do it…hispanics wont do it..there arent many hispanic men with black women or any other race of women….they dont play that…you see more black men with hispanic race women.
Because Hispanic/White/Asian/other races of men don’t place ridiculously high expectations and requirements upon each other.
I’ve never heard a White woman say she was looking for a 6’11″ White guy that played basketball, had a perfect 1,124 credit score, looked like Idris Elba and had his Swagu sauce dripping off his candy painted 37″ rims on his Bugatti spaceship.
The only thing you may hear about is does he come from a reputable family. We don’t want our princess marrying into the mob, rapists, tax evasion, heathen, you get the point, family.
Well, minus the rapists part….I thought that “fast money” was what most women wanted?
Just kidding.
But I would wager that Pedro who cuts grass and fixes Hondas while trying to get through community college would have a lot easier time finding himself a Latina woman than Mike who was a shift supervisor (read: $9 an hour) at Foot Locker while working his way through Howard would trying to find himself a Sista at the same age and time.
Also, to take it a bit deeper, there’s no other group where the men got stupid and scarce all at once. Say what you will about the value of the Great Society from a politics and policy perspective. The fact that the marriage rates plunged and brothers got scarce has scarred a generation of Black women. If anything, you can see this dynamic in any ethnic group where the men weren’t around for whatever reason.
Simply put, Black women are demanding because they’re HURT!
I just want to give you props for always looking at both signs of the coin on situation (or at least being vocal about it). Seriously. Much appreciated!
“sides” of the coin.
Co-sign! Todd always gives the benefit of the doubt. Jeez, the comment above from therealestleo sounds jaded as h3ll.
It wasn’t jaded. I was pointing out the lack of unity among Black folks in terms of working with those that might not have *every* quality that is on their list versus other races and cultures.
Let me clarify that I am not saying that you are jaded and i shouldnt have used the term. You feel how you feel based off of the experiences that you have had and this is something that shouldnt be negated. Please don’t give up though. I promise that there are plenty of black women looking for good, eligible, black men. Those same ones that turned you away will be the ones that regret their decision when they see the cute woman on your arm who is happy b/c you make her feel like a queen.
True. Seems like sometime in the mid-90′s, Black men stopped being good enough.
while i don’t know your exact exp with the ladies now, wait until you hit your 30′s bro. and your station in life has upgraded. i promise you that whatever form social media takes in tomorrow land, you’ll find that you’re gonna get hit up outta the blue by some -o- those same chicks you tried to pop at when they were thinner, younger, less wiser and less ran through by ball players…..it’s gonna blow your mind…..trust!
So basically whatever I’m doing in life now is not enough….do you really think I have any love for those women that turned me down in the past? I don’t do second chances.
I’ve got the flag out and I’m still debating about throwing it…..
The Great Society also adversely impacted White women as well. You hear stories of “I’m going out for a pack of smokes” and dudes never come back just as much as “I’m moving up North to find a factory job” and ‘ol boy dissapears. (Side note I can at least say Mexican dudes may be creeping but he will stand at the Western Union spot and send something home to his wife) Is the fact that we (blacks) represent a smaller % of the population combined with the other societal / insitutional issues mean that a) the impact on Black women was greater or b) scorned White women are diluted due to being a larger part of the population?
I think A and B are right. With point A, it was pouring gasoline on a fire. Not that things were gravy, but brothers were at least around.
You must not chill with a lot of white people. I have experience with this and I will tell you this much–my white female friends who are climbing the corporate ladder and who are educated EXPECT for their men to be the EXACT same way–they expect a certain level and they won’t settle until they get it. The problem that black women face is that their are more educated black women climbing the corporate ladder than their are black men. And let’s be honest, you want someone on your level. There is nothing wrong with dating someone that isn’t educated or has a low paying job but let’s be realistic here. Your comment seemed more jaded than anything else and extremely stereotypical.
My comment was neither jaded nor stereotypical. I’ve been employed most of my adult life (when I wasn’t, I certainly wasn’t trying to date, obviously), yet that isn’t good enough. When I was in college, I found that women in college generally didn’t care for a Brotha in college….Funny you mention potential….You’d think that would be the perfect chance for me, an engineering major, to cash in on potential.
That “on the same level” stuff doesn’t work. Even here in the military, the one in a million decent women I actually come across have their sights set FAR higher than a man of my rank and time in service. They want captains and colonels, not specialists.
I talked a lot about the commitment vs. submission theory in an earlier post, I’m going to refer you to that, so you can better understand what’s I’m saying below:
Women in their 20′s are dumb, because nature provides them an incentive to be dumb (dumb refers to navigating themselves in the sexual market). A woman is at her peak sexually in her 20′s and has a lot of dudes constantly offering her things of value, i.e. money, sex, romance, attention etc. And guys are willing to offer these things, without the promise of receiving a return for these things of value.
As women get older though, men offer these same things of value, but they are less tolerable of them not being reciprocated in a timely fashion. So if a guy takes a woman out on a date and she’s in her 30′s, if she likes the guy, she knows that she doesn’t have the same luxury of making the man wait, without leaving like she did in her 20′s, so she acts accordingly and puts more pressure on herself to make a decision.
All that being said, if you want women to check for you more, you gotta start turning whatever talent you have and figure out how to turn that into something that is obvious in value to a woman. If you’re smart, teach dumb girls math, they’ll give you some ass, if play cards right. Do an internship – get paid – buy an “engineer’s car” and give a girl some rides in it – if you play your cards right, then she’ll give you some.
The thing is the amount of time you gotta wait in your 20′s is always gonna be longer than the time you wait in your 30′s for the same girl. So if you want, you can wait and stay on your career path and show girls what you’re working with, or you can wait till Fathertime, equals out the equation.
the absurdity of this has me in stitches…a White dude looking like Idris Elba would ooogleee.
Then you clearly do not know many white women. There are women of various hues that have unrealistic expectations in dating.
I can’tspeak for other races but I don’t think the male – female social chain is the same. Those cultures treat their women way differently than we treat ours, so we aren’t even playing with the same rules. Plus most of those cultures you expressed don’t have the degree of self loathing Black people do, so the need to break out of stereotypical shells is just an individual basis at that point, rather than a phenomenon like it is for us.
*bumps LL Cool J – Phenomenon in my head*
Perhaps this was mentioned in an earlier comment I missed… But when a man, of any color, or woman of any color is with their S/O of any color… All I do is check for how in love they seem to be and go “Awwwww!” (Hopefully to myself, sometimes outloud.) Why the flip-flop am I caring about someone else’s boo? At least they’re with someone. Maybe folks should ask for relationship tips from them and get over themselves.
Now, ask me how I feel about dating or marrying men of other colors and that’s a different convo entirely.
And yes, I feel it with the self-righteousness of a thousand Sojourner Truths on the steps of the MLK Monument about it.
I missed a fafillion hugs as a child ’cause you can never have too many.
I agree. Marrying vs Dating does make a difference in the conversation (at least IMO).
I hear you, and I confess that it took me a long time to come to this point mentally and emotionally.
Regarding this: Perhaps this was mentioned in an earlier comment I missed… But when a man, of any color, or woman of any color is with their S/O of any color… All I do is check for how in love they seem to be and go “Awwwww!â€
I don’t automatically make an assumption, but the thought may cross my mind. It’s difficult for me to answer, because I’ve finally gotten so used to mixed couples that I don’t think about them too deeply when I pass them on the street anymore. I still take note of them, but there are no automatic inferences anymore. I’m now just as likely, if not more likely, to ponder if they generally, superficially “match” (attractiveness, geekiness, etc.).
I’m cool with my thought chains.
I did miss a good amount of hugs
I always chuckle when I see a Brother on a date with a woman of another race and he watches my backside as I walk by. I be like “silly, rabbit. This ain’t whatcha want, remember?”
I realize from reading the comments though, that a man choosing to date a white woman isn’t necessarily a rejection of Black women as a whole. Afterall, who of us hasn’t stepped outside our preference a time or two?
Or maybe your backside wasn’t available when the Silly Rabbit was looking.
Besides, everyone appreciates a big butt and a smile… you may not be able to trust them, but you can certainly appreciate them.
“Besides, everyone appreciates a big butt and a smile… you may not be able to trust them, but you can certainly appreciate them.”
I dunno, some people think a phatty is “totally gross.”
You Lie!!! Who are these people? And just how phat is the phatty that is said to be gross? Cause moderation does matter. I mean I like breasts but you do have to know when to say “when”.
BLASPHEMY!
So if he was on a date with a black woman and checked you out, you’d drop your number on a napkin?
funny.
I actually kind of prefer black men who have or are open to dating non-black women. The brothers I know who only date black women tend to be close minded in many areas (religion, politics, gender roles, etc.).
I met one brother who has dated the rainbow, but is now looking for a sister to wife up. That’s great or me, because I’m a sister. I don’t hold his dating history against him at all.
Yes, there are guts who swear off black women, but like Champ, I find them to be in the slim minority, and they are often jerks who heavily objectify women anyway.
To add, I think the automatic assumption that a guy seen with a non-black woman is not into black women is a back-handed involuntary reaction that’s been instilled into us (black women) through a black conservative culture.
Many of us want to call him a sell-out, but that’s no longer en vogue, so we dismiss him instead.
See that is part of self loathing for Black people.mit begates an ugly cycle too, because if too many Black women act like that towards a Lack man, depending on his maturity, he will get angry and lump all Black women as haters. That’s why people have to outgrow knee-jerk reactions, they do nothing but cause problems, not fix them.
“is a back-handed involuntary reaction that’s been instilled into us (black women) through a black conservative culture.”
We don’t look at the conservative part enough, for real. Socially conservative, Christian, and convinced that Prez Obama didn’t date a grip of non-black women before Michelle…that about sums up 90% of black women today, lol. Most of the issues are more about the antiquated circle the wagons mindset–most brothas marry black women, but you’d never know it listening to these convos.
If you have a more progressive mindset you think…you know, Kobe don’t hate any kind of women, he just happened to get close to a cute light brown-skinded girl (1 halfstep away from being a redboned sista–latina mystery solved?).
I definitely have an irrational reaction when I see an interracial couple, but in a good way. I most likely get deliriously happy because I see more couples/relationship figures like the ones I’m used to. I’m a multiracial child, my brothers married Hispanic women. I just get excited because I can understand that dynamic better.
But then with my mom being a former Blak panther, she also instilled this overarching black pride in me and my siblings. So there is this slight twinge of self awareness that remind me of the Dr Drew Lfe Changers episode where the black people swore off their own race. And I wonder the same about that couple.
You know what I’d like to see? More blacks and Asians, well and more American Indians in general
I also get excited, JustLissen. But your mother instilling Black Pride in you doesn’t mean you can’t be open to other races, ya know. It means that if you do date another race it isn’t because you feel your own race is “lacking.” I’m very proud of being Latina (you could call me a Latin Panther) and that’s why I’m confident enough in my own race and culture to date outside. FIGHT THE POWER! lol
No. No we couldn’t call you a Latin Panther.
Lol@ black women who think that other women are their competition in 2011 (2012) if anything other black men are your comp, but I digress
Lol@ black women who think that other women are their competition in 2011 (2012) if anything other black men are your comp, but I digress
lmao!
“I do know, though, that the widely held “fact†that if a black man dates outside of his race, it automatically means he’s not into black women is completely f*cking wrong.”
I relate. I am Latina and haven’t dated within my race in two years. I haven’t dated within my nationality (Dominican) in over 7 years. My friends automatically assume I don’t like Latinos or Dominican men in general. That’s not true. I love my Latin men, but proximity, availability, etc. plays a factor. I hang out with people of other races a lot. Also, most Latinos I meet are attached already. There is also the fact that many Latino men don’t seem to like me. They either want women of other races or Latinas that are not Dominican or they want a certain type of Latina that I, unfortunately, am not. But that’s life. If I could find a nice Latino, I would date him. At the end of the day, I don’t really care about the guy’s race/ethnicity/nationality. All men are the same, much like all women are the same. Make sure he treats me right and respects my beliefs and I could care less about his race.
Funny story: I was at a comedy show this past weekend and the first comedian was a black guy. His whole act was about his white girlfriend and how much he enjoyed being with her, largely because she was white and the privilege that comes with that.
I was the only black woman in the audience (and conspicuously so with my natural hair). He was a funny enough comedian, but the funniest part was watching him avoid my eye contact at ALL costs. And I wasn’t even staring daggers.
I think the proximity is really important. So is having similarities. So basically men will date a woman that is attractive, similar to him in various ways and is close enough. Its really that simple.
I’ll say one more thing…Tiger Woods (and men like him) is the reason a lot of sistas think these thoughts. Not saying I do…but I understand. Real talk many sista’s would have breathed a sigh of relief if they saw Tiger cheating w/ one sista—some sort of wack validation perhaps…I mean after all he was cheating so that’s not to be commended. BUT if we know anything…we know we aren’t in the running for that dude. which is OOOK…
Tiger? He’s the reason why some women think these thoughts?
Tiger =/= Black
Tiger = Cablinasian
Now if you had said Richard Roundtree, or Taye Diggs or someone who is undeniably black I might could see it (emphasis on “might could”). But Tiger “Reading Rainbow” Woods? Naw. That dude has a hall pass to just about every race out there.
Let’s be real…a lot of black women would not be checking Tiger Woods because he lacks that oh-so-precious “swagger.” He appears to be what a lot of my black female relatives and friends would consider “corny.” Tiger is going to schamng the best-looking (and least likely to put him on blast…so he though) women he has access to. He might have a race preference, but something tells me that’s not all there is to it.
I’m willing to bet a gorgeous black woman who truly loved his personality and character and happened to be around would definitely be in the running.
Black women wanting a swagless, corny man is in itself an oxymoron. Or just as likely as finding pork rinds in Baghdad.
Hell, I don’t know any Black women that will even watch golf on TV, much less actually golf themselves, be it recreational or as a career.
Good premise, though. That I agree with.
I understand your frustration. The tyranny of swagger is pretty strong. I’d say the majority of sisters genuinely prefer it. Us “cornier” sisters might migrate to swagger so that we can be accepted by the black community vicariously through Mr. Swagger. Then you’re left with a tiny minority that might see swagger as attractive, but only put as much stock in it as his ability to win at beer pong.
The sisters who get turned on by swagless guys are out here, we’re just very rare.
Although I don’t watch golf on TV, the idea of dating a guy who knows how to play golf is kind of a turn-on.
“Black women wanting a swagless, corny man is in itself an oxymoron.” Not true one bit. Nothing is hotter than a nerdy man that exudes confidence and doesn’t give 2 cents what people think about him. This sounds like you may be headed down the “black women don’t look for me so I am about to date another race” road. I have seen with my own two eyes, black women marry black men who were nerdy, corny, and swagger wasn’t even in their vocabulary. Maybe you are checking for the chicks that like hard insensitive pricks instead of nerdy confident guys. If this is the case, you need to change your game up and start checking for the girls that are nerdy, corny, and cute. Trust me, they are out there.
Unicorn alert.
What you’re saying sounds good to my nerdy ears, but until I see it in real life…..Sorry, I’ve been seeing the exact opposite of what you’re saying for too long to logically believe you.
And I’d rather date nobody at all (like I am now) than to jump ship and date a race of women I have no interest in.
“What you’re saying sounds good to my nerdy ears, but until I see it in real life…..Sorry, I’ve been seeing the exact opposite of what you’re saying for too long to logically believe you.” You need to move then or open up your eyes a tad bit more.
I’m in the military….Not many options as far as where I get to live —-until I get out sometime next summer.
And even then….Nothing is guaranteed, of course.
Hi, I’m the unicorn. My ex boyfriend is black and was president of the anime club at his college. He was a TOTAL nerd but he was so confident, and FINE and he didn’t give a crap about what other people thought.
his college friends all tried to give him some “swag” but have and continue to fail. But he has his own swag to me, and that’s his confidence. He was like “yeah, I’m a nerd, so what?” and it was SO SEXY. I never thought I would be attracted to a guy like that but I was (and still kindaam
… waah!) so into him.
I’ll also SN: I’m not someone you would call a nerd. I was always, I guess a “cool” chick so it can happen! And I was really in love with this guy!
“…a lot of black women would not be checking Tiger Woods because he lacks that oh-so-precious “swagger.â€
A lot of black women would not be checking Tiger Woods because he ain’t cute…
OKAY!
Or a horny woman of any race who thinks he may throw down in bed, despite being corny and knows he’s not gonna be faithful to her and is cool with it just because she wants to sex Tiger Woods….would pursue Tiger He’s Not Racist Even Though He Used Racial Slurs About Me Woods.
Tiger is not black, I don’t need his validation nor do I want it as a black woman.
Uh….what Black women were around Tiger in early days when he was honing his craft? What Black women were around Tiger when he became famous? None.
Do you know who was always around? White women. Tiger did what came natural to him by dating White women and marrying his wife. The cheating is a different story, but the point is Black women have no claim on Black men to begin with, and if they don’t learn about who the man is but rather just judge him solely on appearance, they get ignored.
I am wondering if Terrence Howard was thinking the same thing when he married his Asian wife.
She’s Asian? I thought she was Caucasian or biracial. She has a restraining order against him now. Ah, well.
I could not agree with this article more! I am currently in a serious relationship with a woman who happens to be white and while I have dated black women the majority of my life… my decision to date a white woman had nothing to do with her being white. You deal with similar things no matter what type of woman you date… it would actually be easier if she was black, but the fact is that if you really love someone it doesn’t matter what race they are… if she would have been Chinese I would have been with her!
Historically, Black women have been disrespected and sexualized on a regular basis. Men of other races sometimes buy into that sexualization and only see us as fuck toys. I have plenty of educated, attractive, hard-working black friends who are open to dating outside of their race, but are either NOT approached or the men come at them in a sexual way.
There is also the issue of black men who do NOT date black women, and make negative comments and generalizations about us, wich is unfair.
Couldn’t we say the same thing about Asians?
Me love you looong time
I agree that Whites have put out into the atmosphere notions and images that put black people in a bad light and are quick to clean their own houses when things aren’t right (MTV circa 89-91 White T&A replaced w/ Black T&A thanks to YO MTV raps)
“There is also the issue of black men who do NOT date black women…”
I think that is the bigger factor here. I rarely hear men say they avoid women of their own ethnicity- except black men. Now this may be just because I’m black so those are the conversations I’m more likely to hear, but it’s much more common for people to date within their “race” (people who look like them). Not so common for people to avoid the people who look like them; this seems to be a black thing. Perhaps that’s what makes the interracial thing so hard for some black women like me.
“I’m more likely to hear, but it’s much more common for people to date within their “race†(people who look like them).” I have never heard men of another race EVER say that they will not date women within their race. Honestly, when I ask them if they would date interracially, they say yes, but the look on their faces say, “but why would i need to?”
“Not so common for people to avoid the people who look like them; this seems to be a black thing.” Dating outside of your race is one thing, exclusively dating outside of your race seems unnatural. I honestly don’t get it but there are black men who will not only do so but sing it to the mountain top with a sense of pride.
You’ve probable also never heard a man say he loves sucking d!ck, that doesn’t mean such men don’t exist – perhaps they just don’t share such info with you.
If you haven’t met white men who refuse to date white women (and who will monopolise a convo about *why* they’ve given up on white women), you don’t know a lot of white men. Between bitter divorced men (the type who came home to and empty house and a note talking about how “We’ve grown apart”), nerds/geeks/social misfits, men who were raised badly/neglected by their parents and neighbors, men who were born and raisedaround nothing but white people and plain old guys with cross-race attractions/fetishes, there’s no end of men who have no problem with telling the world that their women “ain’t shit”.
s another military VSB, I’ve seen the gamut.
Asian guys who won’t even trade numbers with a fellow Filipina or Korean because “if they think that I’m not good enough, then fuck ‘em.”
White guys from the Midwest and Europe who carry crushes on Garcelle Beauvais or Serena Williams (no joke, I met a 6’6″/250+ lb. German who thought that Serena was “cuddly”.
Latinos who can’t wait to get orders to Thailand or Singapore to meet “a slim thing named Mei Ling from Beijing.”
Let’s not even go into the black guys who’ve worn out their welcome in their hometowns and/or have been rejected by enough black women to fill a charm school class.
Continued…
That being said, the vast majority of interracial dating that I’ve seen with my own eyes involved proximity, not preference. Even up here in New York, the people who are most likely to date out are the people who live/work *around* people of another race. Despite peoples’ assumptions/reactions, you don’t really see a lot of hood stars dating high finance gurus, or Chinatown restauranteurs ducking in and out of Snooki’s house in Queens, etc. (Although I’d laugh my ass off if she *did* hook up with one of those tattooed corner boys off of Mott Street.) When you see people who are dating out, its almost always students with students or businessmen with businesswomen or chefs with servers, etc. Even among the club hook-up crowd, you’re far more likely to see people going home with “their own kind” than not.
I’ve always assumed that the anathema that black women tend to have for BM/non-BW relationships is confirmation bias (as in, when you’re told to count the amount of blue Toyotas, suddenly it seems like blue Toyotas are *everywhere*.) As Champ posted earlier, there are dozens of black celebrities who are married to black women, but everyone harps on the same six people (professional athletes have the same problem: everyone talks about Kobe or Tiki, no one talks about the dozens of black athletes who stay dating/married to black women (they may not stay *married* to those women, sadly enough, but you don’t see them walking the streets with 9 different non-black women and hiding/ignoring any sister in their line of sight. 93% of all married black men go home to black wives (in comparison, 30+% of all married Asian women are making a house into a home with white men and another 10% are making a home with black/Latin/other men, as long as the man isn’t from their family’s country of origin.) Asian men in the anglosphere *wish* that they had those percentages.
I have. Lots of Asian men have said this to me, mainly in reponse to Asian women being all up on white guys, lol. Many Latinas have told me they don’t want a Latino man b/c they tend to be more ‘get in the kitchen! clean this house!’ than other men.
We could also say the same thing about Latinas, TPG. Too much sexualization. Eff it, it’s women in general LOL.
But I do notice that Black women seem to be the most disrespected.
This still reinforces my notion that the White man has created a media buffer of sorts regarding the sexualization of women that are not white. Hell tell me the last rap video you’ve seen without some women oiled up?
Yea, I wouldn’t date any man who approached me with an overly sexual vibe but its especially uncool when it comes from a White guy. The chocolate fantasy thing just ain’t goin’ down, & I’d say about half of the White guys who’ve ever hit on me the vibe was wayyy sexual, causing me to FLEE
Let’s be real…most black men in the limelight feel that there is a hierarchy among women with black women ranking lowest of all. Think Isaiah Mustafa, Taye Diggs, Lil Wayne. When money and/or fame becomes part of the equation, you rarely see black men paired with black women.
so i guess rich and famous men like barack obama, jay-z, will smith, chris rock, denzel washington, samuel jackson, colin powell, chris paul, magic johnson, shaq, eddie murphy, kevin garnett, lebron james, mekhi phifer, common, drake, mike tyson, jim brown, chris brown, nas, jesse jackson, bob johnson, derek fisher, kevin hart, The Champ, and Panama Jackson don’t count then, huh?
half those people aren’t 100% black . . . so yeah, they don’t count
it broke my heart when I found out all KG’s jump offs were White. I know this makes NO SENSE, but I ain’t lyin’
i seem to remember watching an essence awards maybe a year or 2 ago….every and i mean every sista that won an award got on stage accompanied by her white S/O.
Sanaa lathan while she was connected to denzel was also the jump off for numerous married white dudes.
i rarely hear of sistas giving other sistas static for dating white dudes. Eve, who swore off brothers altogether, that zoe chick, halle, stacy dash, ole girl from the jamie fox show iman, beverly johnson, the list goes on,
it’s not just the brothers…….but real talk, if a chick ain’t interested in me, then i can care 2 shits about who you date! do you!
Can I be honest?
When you see a black man with a non-black woman, do you automatically assume he’s just not that into sistas?
No. I automatically think “I wonder if her parents know she is dating him?” I live in the SOUTH. I grew up knowing that there are some stores/places you CAN’T go to (not just places where they don’t want you. These places escaped the sit-ins and marches of the civil rights movement). I feel bad for him knowing he will not be able to live in this state and carry on with her. I also wonder why he switched, but I’ve never asked anyone that question because it’s rude.
Do you think you’re right to feel that way?
Absolutely. No one is getting killed out here but the pressure on those couples is real. Plus since I have no intention of asking my questions in real life, I think it’s ok for me to feel the way I do.
If so, why, and how many hugs did you miss as a child? Idk.
On another note the women down here who don’t like to see it don’t get upset. They know that the man will either break up with the girl or leave the state, so they think of it as a competition. When the couple breaks up, they try to be his next black girl and make the experience enjoyable so that when he compares he will decide to stay with the black women. I don’t know if this method has worked but I’ve seen it many times. Only from this article have I seen that it’s possible that the guy may just like women period and not recognize the games that are being played. Anyway this is my environment for now, and it’s interesting to watch/hear about.
It’s real in the South. The sentiment I recall from my youth was that, essentially, with all the fcuked up things white people are doing to black people why would a black person give a white person the time of day? (obviously paraphrasing) Especially for a man to put his white woman on a pedestal (as any man would do his woman)- egregious. Like 5 minutes ago the KKK was marching down the street. Now things have changed in my 30 years on this earth but those ideas were what I heard as a kid. There are still some pockets in the south where people still have a lot of real emotion over things from the past. I think it will take a couple more generations before this mentality fizzles out.
The irony is that there’s a surge of Black/White interracial marriages in the South.
“When the couple breaks up, they try to be his next black girl and make the experience enjoyable so that when he compares he will decide to stay with the black women
damn, that sounds like a plan for a brotha who can’t get sistas to date him. rent a white girl for a couple weeks, take her to a couple tyler perry movie premieres, “break up” with her, and watch the sistas flock
The next Tyler Perry movie.
If a guy can’t get a sista to date him he most likely can’t get anyone else to date him either. Let’s not pretend that white women have lower standards. They don’t.
Umm… some do, some don’t. And I really think we need to be specific whether we’re talking hook-up/mess with or ‘date’. Lots more white and other non-black women are willing to do the former than the latter. Nevermind marriage. For sure, some white women (esp. thicker ones) come to see brothas as their shining black hope after getting not enough love from white men.
Yeah Champ, I agree 100%. I see it all the time “oh he only likes white girls.” In my own personal experience I’ve “dated” (I’m using this term very loosely) females of all races.
The only one I’m missing in my circle the globe mission is an Indian (red dot that is, I’ve had a native american). My only beef is when a brotha goes out and get’s the most ractchetess acting white chick he can find (And there is huge difference between ACTING black and just happen to grow up around black people. kreayshawn, acting black, Teena Marie, hung around black people). I feel like if you are going to be with someone of another race, be with someone from another race. If I want a sista I will date a sista.
“My only beef is when a brotha goes out and get’s the most ractchetess acting white chick he can find”
perhaps he does it so they can drink 40′s together and listen to mc eiht
Or Kreayshawn.
*dead again*
How is Sanaa Lathon gonna call Kobe out when she was dating an white man herself (steve rifkind) , and I think he was still married smh
tu motherf*ckin shea and sh*t
She also had a relationship with Denzel. Also married.
I think what needs to be addressed here, the real underlying issue, is non-black men’s interest, or lack thereof, in black women. I don’t believe that non-black men aren’t interested in black women, but I do think that there is a huge disconnect between the two. When black men branch off with different ethnicities it is a threat for black because the dating an mating pool just shrank a bit. And men of other races seem to not be interested in black women, and if they are interested they aren’t acting on that interest. I.E. my college years. I went to a PWI with over 16,000 students. The only men who checked for me were black. Once, only once, there was a drunken white boy who stopped in front of me and said, “I always wanted to fuck a black chick.” REALLY THO -___- That hardly counts as an advance. I should’ve clocked him… Anyway, I feel like white men especially are intimidated by black women. They might be afraid of black men, therefore they do not copiate with black women. I have no idea, only guesses. I do not believe that they are not interested, they might just need a little push.
“Anyway, I feel like white men especially are intimidated by black women.”
why do you think that is?
Because white men feel they have to compete with the Mandingo stereotype.
but it isn’t a stereotype 95% of the time. White men should be intimidated- if that’s the reason—
Mandingos? I would say maybe 40% to be generous. Black men are very diverse.
NO!
It’s that abrasive attitude and slick tongue….other races don’t know how to deal with it.
it’s terrifying……………….
That slickness comes in handy if you use it right. I had to pull it out a couple of times when some random brother tried to give me and my white (ex)bf a hard time. Outside of that, nothing but sweetness for my bf (in his case as well as others regardless of color).
…And because of harassment from black men. I’ve heard my fair share of horror stories from non-black men running the random smart-@ss black guy gauntlet. As much as some (too many) black men don’t want us, they don’t want anyone else to have us either.
I don’t like to make those sort of assumptions when I see a black man with a white woman, but I’ll admit that my initial reaction often questions whether he dates black women at all. But I don’t find it productive to ponder too long on that question seeing as I’m not the one dating him. There are other things I can focus my thoughts and engergy on, and interacial couples aren’t one of them.
i assume he’s more into white women than he is not attracted to black women. there’s a difference.
His favorite movies might be “The Imitation of Life,†“Othello,†and “Jungle Fever,†and his favorite animal might be the panda bear.
*cackles*
To answer the question, no. I don’t assume anything about anyone’s preferences. I’ve dated outside my race, but I still keep coming back to the brothas–so who’s to say that’s not another’s case?
Maybe I’m weird but I’ve never cared about interracial couples. I’m more interested in if they guy/girl is cute (yes, I check out girls too lol). I guess because I’ve been around interracial couples my whole life (my mom is Asian *Pakistani* & my dad is black). My dad said he loves black women they just don’t love him, well they didn’t love him until he got with my mom but this time instead of being corny or lame he was a “sell-out”.
I’ve noticed that when some black men are seen with non-black women some black women will say “nobody wanted his a** anyways”. When I hear that I can’t help but to think, “well that’s why he with a non-black woman”.
I’ve only dated black men simply because I have a preference. I am only attracted to black. Sure I think some white and Latino men are cute but I’m not attracted to them like I am to black men.
I’ve never encountered a black man who dates outside of his race that doesn’t like black women, it’s always the other way around black women don’t want them until they start dating other races.
I think this is the case at least 95% of the time
I am definitely one of those people that cringe at the site of a black man with a non-black woman and it’s a topic I’m very passionate about. After reading some of these comments, it could just be that I was born and raised in California and California Black Men are……how do I say this nicely while getting my point across…..douches. There is a serious shortage of eligible and qualified black men in the bay area which makes dating so hard. When you add in the competition from females of other races, I might as well sign up to be a nun or start adopting cats now because my chances of finding a suitable mate is slim to none. I feel like the standard of beauty out here is based on every Lil Wayne rap song, yellow bone, long REAL hair, big butt, the first two being most important and these two standards are qualifications that many black women don’t have. I think it’s a feeling of exclusion and being left behind by the black man which is all we got. And then Vh1 keeps telling us to date outside our race like it’s just so easy. I’m sorry but I don’t feel like my curves, big ass, and chocolate skin will attract Santa Barbara Frat Boys who think off sight that I sell drugs and braid hair. So even though people feel like this is a “tired†topic and we should just stop talking about it, apparently it’s not because we are still NOT feeling the love and until that happens I won’t shut up. ïŠ
Happy Holidays everyone!!
And y’all say I’m jaded?
=T
real talk. i wonder if attitude plays any part in these bitter chick’s aloneness
i also wonder how well do these chicks take care of themselves? it is an arms race for women i’ll admit. but what do they do to set themselves apart from the pack?
how many of these dudes would they even notice if they weren’t already with another woman? it’s so much easier to point the finger and blame black men for all the evil in the world, rather than take account for ones own action or lack there of.
women are like jobs in that it’s easier to get one when you already have one. we didn’t set that tone.
you’re not jaded bro…you just gotta avoid those angry broads like the plague, hold your ground and live yo life, they’ll come…you’ll see…we hold the cards you dig!
I grew up in Southern CA, and somebodygetmeoutofthebay has a strong point. At my elementary school in a wealthier part of town, there were no local (non-bus-taking) kids with 2 black parents and only one who had a black mom. CA black dudes are generally not interested in “regular” black women. Some ignore light skinned, long haired black women and go for others. Some even ignore recently mixed light skinned long haired black women. Some really put a premium on “exotic” women, usually defined as women from mixed backgrounds including several ethnicities.
100% agree, I am in the Bay area, as well. Also, 100% feeling your screen name for that reason and many others.
And to the majority of the comments here today, I am disturbed at the generalizations and stereotypes and, quite frankly, at the acceptance of a state of black relationships that doesn’t exist so rampantly in any other culture, other than white. I never knew that as a black woman, I lived in this steel box and that I and the way I love could be so easily defined based on my race. Someone up thread had the nerve to say that I, Black Woman, am not “comfortable enough to be in love” and need to be down mentally. whoa and boo! And double BOO at the VSS agreeing with this bullshyt.
Hey, not all California black men are douches. I know a lot of good dudes out here. I do agree that they like the long hair and big butt (but who doesn’t?) I don’t agree on the yellow-bone thing sure some of them only go for those types but surely not all of them. I’m dark-skinned (like Tatyana Ali’s color) with waist length hair and a big booty and all races of men in Cali love me. Maybe you should try southern Cali.
loving your screen name “somebodygetmeoutofthebay” & AGREED
Quit flattering these ninjas egos and you’ll be aright. There are men out there of worth that are not Black, or Black American. Find someone who is not looking to turn you into a Blackened version of a white woman, and you’ll be good. Quit kissing men’s asses that don’t like you. They really don’t unfortunately, and truly believe white and other womens features are better because they are less Black. I say forget about Black men – they are no longer worth Black women’s emotional energy. White men believe in the white race, as a whole, no matter who they date/marry. Black men do not, so broaden your options. Or go without for a while longer. The right one will com eventually.
and you know every black man that was, is and shall be…right?
Met somebody once (a black female) who dated outisde her race very infrequently, but wouldn’t mind dating other races. But then she gets mad when she sees brothers dating 2520s, and said it was strictly because the dating odds are not in a black woman’s favor (that part MIGHT be the truth). Although deep down i believe the reasoning behind this is quite asinine, i was wondering how other black women feel. Is there some part of you that feels some type of way?
Admittedly, i did for a while (even being a brother), but got over that once i acknowledged the fact that although being of the same ethnicity does help in terms of compatibility, God was dope enough to make attractive and compatible run the color spectrum. Besides, my first crush was on a Spanish girl. I found all types of women attractive, and ultimately proposed to a black woman, and she’s dope enough for me to believe that i might’ve been feeling her if she was white.
Maybe.
I feel like you’re another version of a Good Times sitcom. I truly hope you make it out of the Bay.
I never take it personally if I see a black man with a white woman (or any woman that isn’t of color). Why should I? She didn’t “steal” one of our men. I like to call it my vanilla chocolate theory. Some like chocolate, some like vanilla. But like champ said, and for hte purpose of this analogy, its all ice cream. I think I only take issue with it when a man (or woman) makes broad sweeping statements about why they don’t date a certain color because they are “all” feisty, broke, have attitudes, don’t know how to treat them, etc. And even then I don’t take it personal because they har only basing it on their experience.
I’m also in the bay and I was informed by an Afro-American instructor at the local community college, that there are only 6% of BM in Cali who possess an undergraduate degree and 3% with a masters (sniff). For us BFs who desire a BM in this country, we are and will continue to swim upstream, based on articles such as this and the media’s constant prodding into the dating scheme of Black Americans. A couple of points ~ 1) It appears that other races/ethnic groups of men don’t have the same issues when dating there own wome – just black men. 2) As a result of BM increasingly dating/marrying/procreating outside of their race, it appears that it has left them in the worst socioeconomic situation when compared to all other categories ~ BM need to take notice. 3) BM would have a difficult time connecting with “non-negras” if they were broke and didn’t have anything to offer the “non-negras”. Therefore, many “non-negras” would never find a BM worth her time, if he was broke or had very little in the way of earning potential. Lastly, I think Malcolm X was right when talking about mixing of the race weakens it ~ when you mix cream with coffee, it makes it weak and will make you sleepy – WAKE UP BLACK MAN!
who cares who these deadbeat men date? Who cares if Black guys like Black women as much as they like White? Black men are not the ultimate catch, as so many want to believe about themselves. The arrogance is unjustified. Bye to them!
*ouch*
This article was legit. Thank you Champ!
i have yet to date a white woman. as ive gotten older ive open my mind up to the idea. plus…have any of yall seen downtown dc at lunch time?!?! how could a black man resist? XD
What is holding you back??!!! Are you cute? Ha ha ha!
lol snow….ive been told im handsome does that count?
Can we get more pictures of Idris though? Thanks in advance!
I am a white woman who has only ever dated “out.”
Not to say that I would never date a white man, but I find black men more attractive. At the same time, I have been attracted to a few white men and a few have been attracted to me, but never at the same time. The opportunity has never presented itself and I haven’t been so pressed to find it, either.
I date black men because I find them attractive. Doesn’t mean I find ALL black men attractive or that I find ALL white men (or other ethnicities of men) unattractive.
My most recent ex was a black man who made statements that he dated me because all the black women he knew were XYZ (some bull I’d rather not repeat). I broke it off immediately for two reasons.
1. His mother is a black woman. I’ve met her and his sisters. He generalized them when he said this (he specifically included one sister in the statement) and I disagreed totally. I’ve never been a “one represents all” kinda girl.
2. This says to me that you are only really dating me because I’m not black. I don’t like that. I want you to date me because you like me, because we have a connection, because we have fun and because there’s a vibe between us.
Of the other guys I’ve dated, most had been with white women before, some I was the first, but they had all dated black women before me. I don’t think I could ever be with a man who expressly refused to date “in.” JMO
i need my dating a white woman cherry busted ASAP! lol
Wow! I thought I was the only one that has the hot’s for Jill Scott and Natalie Portman. And what the two have in common other than loot is that they are both passionate on what they do. BTW I think that’s the problem with people today they have no passions.
I think that it doesn’t matter to men period what race the woman is but I think that most men have a “type” that they tend to gravitate towards.
I am a woman and I definitely have a type, but its not a physical type more of a personality type of more on the quiet reserved in public.
Similarly, I believe men have a type, which tends to be physical that they prefer, like small, petite, or tall and thick. I have noticed this in ALL my male cousins no matter what race they are pining after.
Good, commonsensical post!!! People have been intermingling since the Roman empire, and we have features in common. So if a man is attracted to Sanaa Lathan, wouldn’t he also be attracted to Jessica Biel? Or if he thinks Joy Bryant (black actress) is beautiful, wouldn’t he also like Nicki Taylor (white model)? They’ve got the same physical features, so it makes sense to me…The only problem I ever have with interracial dating is when someone says “all black men/women are X, so I am going to try Y.” But I don’t think that kind of stereotyping is what Champ’s talking about here.
People have been intermingling since antiquity, yes–but not to the degree that people seem to think. There is little historical evidence that people of color were gong ho with procreating with whites.
I have noticed that so many black mens like to date interracial they are honest also. They mostly like white women rather than black women because these white women looks more beautiful than black i.e. why more black men white women couples stories get sucess
I strongly prefer long-haired,buxom blonde and Latin girls-GREAT BODY,LEGS AND BOTTOM,FAR LESS DRAMA AND THINKING THEMSELVES BETTER THAN EVEN A LIFE-SIZE BRETT DOLL SUCH AS YOURS TRULY-I’m a boyishly handsome,58-year-old black Canadian lad said by A LOT OF THE LADIES to look GREAT IN MY WRANGLERS JEANS AND LAY IT DOWN EVEN BETTER OUT OF THEM,i.e.,I resemble a
handsome black cowboy stud-but long-haired,dark-skinned,big-breasted,
leggy black cowgirls who wear Daisy Dukes,tank,tube and other figure-dis-
playing garb drive me into a totally boy-eyed daze!!!!
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What you are describing only seems to be true in regions of America where there are very, very few black people (e.g. Utah, Minnesota, Montana, Wisconsin, Idaho). And even then, especially when i lived in Utah, black men were surrounded by white women, but still did there best to try and locate black women. IME, white women are a last resort for most bm i know personally.