Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Featured, Music, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

Yep, Guys Really Are Just As Messy As We Claim Women Are

steebiezinoMonday nights in my life are good for two things: vh1’s Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta and Hit The Floor (and now apparently Atlanta Exes). They provide just the right balance of ratchet and “WTF did I just see on my television” to keep me balanced, especially in the wake of the past week’s on-going and non-stop news coverage from Ferguson.

Well, tonight’s episode (and no, you don’t need to have watched, give any fucks about, or keep up with) of LHH:ATL featured a scenario that guys swear doesn’t exist, or at least swear lives primarily in the world of estrogen but is undeniable…

…men are just as messy as women. Maybe we aren’t messy as frequently as women, but we are definitely AS messy as women are purported to be.

What do I mean by messy? I’m glad you asked. Allow me to share with you what happened this evening. I will be using names that might offend your sensibilities. I understand if you want to light your eyes on fire. However, the vast majority of you grew up listening to a man who in all seriousness referred to himself as Snoop Doggy Dogg and you didn’t bat an eye. Keep this in mind.

So, Stevie J (everybody should know who Steebie is by now even if you don’t keep up with the ratchets) of Bad Boy Hitmen fame (his catalog is really impressive…Like REALLY impressive and surprisingly, he does not seem like the guy who made all the hits he’s responsible for) is “married” (this is debateable) (I’m trying to set a record for most parentheticals in one paragraph) (by the way) to a former stripper/video vixen/”singer”/”artist” named Joseline Hernandez. There was a significant amount of time last year where the possibility that she was formerly a man was a real thing. Anyway she and Steebie are “married” but have had their issues. Stevie’s best friend is Benzino of The Source/Almighty RSO/Made Men/Eminem Shittted On My Life fame, and is engaged to a woman whose name is Althea but goes by the name Thi Thi for her music career.

Everybody on this show inexplicably has a music career. Anyway, Althea is engaged to Benzino but smashed the homie, Stevie. She has told Benzino but Stevie (I keep referring to him interchangeably as Steebie – which is what Joseline calls him due to her accent – and Stevie what the rest of us call him) has pretended its not true even going so far as lying to Benzino’s face. Benzino knows he’s lying but has said that he understands so he’s let him cook.

You know what’s funny? Those last two paragraphs are messy as shit and thats not even what I was referring to with my men can be messy premise. That’s JUST the intro. Oh, and its not finished.

So, Stevie and Joseline have been having issues. Basically, Joseline is a walking hurricane x typhoon x moonsoon, though Stevie is CLEARLY no walk in the park either. They both suck basically. Benzino hates Joseline because she’s been taking shots at his boo Thi Thi. Oh, Benzino got a tattoo of Thi Thi on his side. Like a full body tattoo.

Sidenote: This entire article has so many red squiggly lines under it that “spell-check” is ready to curse me out.

Let’s get to the mess I wanted to use as my example now. Benzino absolutely hates Joseline. So he’s out at a bar and begins talking to a man named Ray Dantoni (also not recognized by spell-check) and they get to choppin’ it up about Joseline and Ray Dantoni tells him that a dude at the party they’re at has smashed Joseline, which is to say that she’s cheating on Stevie, which is kind of like cheating on the guy who invented cheating. His devotion to fuckshit is as impressive as his Grammy-award winning musical output. Benzino (a non-Grammy-award winning rapper, I just wanted to share that) then tells Dantoni to bring the dude who has smashed Joseline out to the back. Which, because that sounds like such a great idea, this brother named Ray Dantoni does.

It turns out its Joseline’s driver. He has been smashing Joseline, allegedly, for a few months off and on. He also knows other people that she’s been sleeping with.

To recap, three seemingly 40+ year old men are having a pow-wow about who a woman has smashed because its a shame, EVEN THOUGH they know that their boy might be the Prime Minister of the Ain’t Shit Committee of Excellence in the Ain’t Shit Arts. So what’s the only logical next move?

Benzino will then TELL Stevie that his wife, Joseline, has been stepping out on him. Which, any woman will tell you, never goes well. In a surprise to nobody, it also never goes well when guys drop that bomb on their boys either. Why? Because its messy. Stevie rightly questions why Benzino is even telling him this? What does he stand to gain. Me no know. He just wants his boy back. And the only way to get his boy back is to seek and destroy the alleged object of trouble in everybody’s life.

This shit really happened.

While it’s not definitive proof, it’s also not uncommon. Guys are just as gossipy as women and talk as much non-sense and some scheme just as much. Granted, most men probably won’t spend as much time focusing on it as most of our convos move on rather quickly to other things, but the ridiculousness we accuse women of is also something we are guilty of as well.

Which is a shame. But humans gon’ human.

Thanks, Benzino.

Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • Cheryl

    See – that’s why I refuse to pay for cable. Thank you!

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      Ima cut the cord on cable one day, soon as i find a reliable way to watch sports online

      • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

        Espn and Monday night football :/

      • Epsilonicus

        Football is the only reason I still have cable

    • panamajackson

      Shoot, that makes me WANT to pay for cable. And I stay paying my cable bill late.

  • http://nowawordortwo.com amy juicebox

    that entire last paragraph – imma need you to say it again for the cheap seats.
    thanks.

    • panamajackson

      I would, but I’ll just let folks re-read it. lol

      • http://nowawordortwo.com amy juicebox

        LAZY. lol.

  • LadyIbaka

    Can somebody tell us where Benzino’s neck is? Was it abducted by the same people that took Busta Rhymes?

    • Msdebbs

      Lol Benzino is straight up Head n Shoulders

      • Andrea

        “I’m gonna take that ninja by the neck he don’t got and I’m gonna stone his bish azz,” Joseline said.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          Lmao

        • IcePrincess

          She said “stole.” It’s an old slang word for punch, but she used the wrong verb tense lol

          • panamajackson

            I think given Joseline’s proclivity for unclear speech, anybody’s take on anything she says is accurate.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        BOL

    • panamajackson

      Man, that is the million dollar question. That’s up there with “who left the gate open?” and “where is the honeycomb hideout” as questions we’ll never receive the answer to

      • http://adventurousdaydreamer.wordpress.com/ TLati

        And why didn’t those darn kids just let the rabbit enjoy a bowl of fruity cereal! haters.

  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

    Panthers looking decent on Sunday against the Chiefs. I’m excited about Kelvin Benjamin already. It was extremely rusty in the first half though.

    GO CATS!!!!

    • Neptunes presents The Clones

      A.P how you doing beautiful

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

        exhausted. every. single. day.

    • Val

      “Panthers looking decent on Sunday against the Chiefs. I’m excited about Kelvin Benjamin already. It was extremely rusty in the first half though.”

      “GO CATS!!!!”

      *translation

      *Panthers looked like crap on Sunday against the Chiefs. I’m trying to be excited about Kelvin Whatshisname because there’s no one else to be excited about. Cam Newton really sucked in the first half.

      It’s gonna be a long season.

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

        Val = hating must take so much energy and time out of your life ;-)

        • Val

          Lol. It’s only hating if it’s not true.

          I’ll be so happy when the regular season starts. I can only watch the first 5 minutes of any pre-season game. After that it’s a snoozefest.

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            I feel you. I spent this Saturday doing *loses signal* and caught the highlights on the smartphone afterwards.

  • Neptunes presents The Clones

    Lol,US swat teams roll with EoTech sights and fatigues.I need to watch more US based tv to get these type of posts

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Why small town cops can actively f*ck with equipment used by the American military in a war zone, that’s scary.

      • Neptunes presents The Clones

        I find it hilarious,they roll with more gear than we did in Helmand

  • kid vid

    I wonder when these VH1 shows are going to say, “Fcuk It…Let’s throw some pron stars into the mix”. I give it bout 2 more years.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      Atlanta Exes is already a start, they done pretending these ppl have real jobs or actually are “wives”

      • IcePrincess

        See I never watched Hollywood exes, the one wit R. Kelly’s ex or whatever. But I watched the ATL one last nite, & I’m hooked! Loooove Tori Heart

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          the whole concept just comes off as bitter.

          • IcePrincess

            Nobody was bitter, with the glaring exception of Tameka Raymond. My god. She needs lots of d*ck & therapy.

            • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

              *cues this song specifically for Tameka Raymond*

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzM0VCcahXY

              • IcePrincess

                BWAHAHAAAAA ????????

              • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

                I finally got off my phone and onto my laptop. This song by itself is worth a Red Bull. LOL

            • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

              i’d rather watch an all male version, all these beautiful starlets out here i need to see the ninjas who fumbled

              • IcePrincess

                Good idea! Let’s see…. It could be Casper Smart, Safari, Kevin federline, kris humphries, & if the rumors are true, nick cannon.

                • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                  And for the older crowd, Terry Lewis and David Justice.

                  • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

                    David Justice played himself once the Mitchell Report came out. Dude pissed dirty for steroids, and he tried to defend himself by saying that he couldn’t be guilty because he doesn’t like needles. Dude ain’t been around a baseball field except as a paying customer ever since. LOL

                    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                      And Terry Lewis? How did he let Karyn White get away?

                • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

                  Nick’s star rising higher than Mariah’s these days. https://vine.co/v/MjJMKgP1KaJ

                  • IcePrincess

                    I agree. Nick cannon doesn’t get the props he deserves as a business man, cuz he so corny.

                    • AlwaysCC

                      he is corny. and i used to have the biggest crush on him lol

                    • RewindingtonMaximus

                      Ryan Seacrest is corny but gets paid balls to the wall more money than most celebrities. Tis why Nick stay cutting checks while Mariah keeps acting like she got a lifetime membership to Forever 21

                    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

                      Excellent point. Marrying Mariah Carey was probably his smartest business move. That validated him to people cutting the checks more than any other single thing they did. They figured that if things got tight, he could bank on Mariah to bail him out. After a while, he became his own brand.

                  • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

                    Damn Tris…you didn’t have to unload the clip in Mariah. She just had a bad day. And she’s raising twins, for goodness sake. Let her LIVE. LOL

                    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                      Mariah soundin’ weak like Nick gave her that good d*ck one night earlier, LMAO!!!

                  • afronica

                    True. But Mariah can ride for the rest of her days doing commercials, appearances, endorsements and concerts overseas. She’s dunzo in the US, but she’ll be doing Suntori whiskey ads any day now.

                    • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.com/ Maris

                      Shoot, she could legitimately just sit. She’s one of the few artists that made their entire fortune off their catalog alone. And she still has one of the top performing perfumes in the Coty umbrella (mind you, she shares this feat with J-Lo-who is buying these fragrances??). At this point she’s like Celine-just doing stuff out of boredom, lol.

                    • afronica

                      You are on point about her catalog. If she was smart and pulled the co-write scam on her songs, when the re-makes start, mo’ money. Didn’t know that about her bug juice. And yeah, whenever I smell noxious perfume, I think Coty. My Aunt Sylvia wears Coty crap. Love ya, Aunt Syl, but smh smh.

                      I think she’s still outchea, stumbling around at this point because narcissist. And I also bet she spends moolah at a breath-taking rate and has been doing so for twenty years.

                    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

                      I’m not hating on Mariah’s spending. Remember, she went double platinum every year for the ENTIRE 90s. Plus she got show money on top of that. I’m not hating her gangster for a second. The day she goes broke is the day BDS and ASCAP go out of business.

                    • afronica

                      The only thing I really understand about personal finance is that it doesn’t matter what you make. What matters is what you keep. Yes, she will always have a stream of income like you say, even if she never leaves one of her houses again. But I do hope she’s invested and invested well over the course of her career. When it goes from a gusher to relative trickle, things can get tight. And she likes shiny ish.

                      In the end, I think Nick will end up with more than the wind called Mariah because
                      – he’s second generation Hollywood, so he’s seen a lot of this before and
                      – his insane level of hustle (Rewind’s Seacrest comparison is on target)

            • panamajackson

              She is so bitter.

      • panamajackson

        Actually though, everybody save for Ne-Yo’s ex-fiancee is a wife on ATL Exes.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

      It could happen- that is, if they can keep the adult film stars alive long enough. I mean, Christy Mack recently got beat down by her ex like she stole something!

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        I saw that. Like goodness, homeboy was wilding. Dude was delusional though. Like you haven’t seen homegirl in three months after she dumped you, and you’re going to try to propose? That wasn’t going to end well in the best of circumstances. Suffice to say a MMA fighter tapping that jaw isn’t the best of circumstances. LOL

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          I can honestly say that had to be the most brutal form of domestic violence I’ve ever seen in my life. A stabbing, broken ribs, knocked out teeth and hair pulling all by one man in the same night? Sheesh!

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            You forgot the broken leg. I mean Christy Mack might not ever get 100% right from that. Other wife beaters are walking around saying gee, I wasn’t that bad. *smh*

            • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

              He made Chris Brown look like a saint!

              • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

                Word. Chris Brown could run for president of NOW off the strength of those Christy Mack photos. LOL

  • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

    Men do gossip just as bad and worse as women. It largely is for two reasons. One, sometimes sh*t be wild and you want to tell other people that sh*t be wild because SH*T BE WILD. But you don’t want to be telling everyone that sh*t be wild. Two, there are those that do it with Machiavellian intent. They have certain goals or outcomes they want reached that require that gathering and spreading of gossip. These are almost always malicious to varying degree.

    Now woman gossip on the other hand is done for something else entirely. Women gossip to construct and maintain social hierarchies among each other (and often implicitly men as well).

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      I would agree with that. Gossip among women is low key competitive. With men, it tends to be but one tool in their arsenal.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

    This post made my head hurt, i don’t understand how y’all watch Hot Mess Mondays.

    I will say tho, yes men gossip as much about women, i have gchat and Facebook groups to prove it. I’m the one chilling in the cut just saying, “damn that’s crazy” because well, i don’t care. Some men just don’t consider gossip gossip, they just “being real” or “keeping it 100″ and really bruh you just mouthing off like bizniyee (did i do that right?). Reality stars are paid modestly to stir up trouble, you dishing dirt for shiggles

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Word. I am known for doing the dip when the gossip stuff comes out. Males shouldn’t be jealous. That’s a female trait.

      • dtafakari

        word to shawn carter?

      • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.com/ Maris

        **chuckles** Okie. That’s why we discuss women’s “acceptable body count” on Twitter weekly.

        • Kozy

          I see it. It just lets me know which guy’s opinions I need to start ignoring going forward.
          I could never quite wrap my head around grown men being so concerned about that number.

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          “Taps Maris on the shoulder*

          Todd’s second sentence is a line from Jay-Z’s song “Heart Of The City (Ain’t No Love)”- just throwing that out there…

          • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.com/ Maris

            LOL I am aware.

            **edit** considering Shawn himself…you know what Imma chill.

            • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

              Yeah, I know- his songs “Takeover” and “Super Ugly” were pretty much gossip talk with a great soundtrack, LOLOL!

              • Success Is Certain

                Jay dropping “Super Ugly”…. that was the sign that he had lost that beef with Nas. That song was as much of a reach as “Takeover” was a classic.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          I’m with Kozy. If a dude starts obsessing too hard on random stuff about women, they get downgraded instantly. I don’t tolerate the BS, and most dudes with sense don’t either.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

          or how dudes got in their feelings over Jeremy Meeks…im going on a slight limb to say women find jealous men way more unattractive than men do women

          • Freebird

            jealous men stay winning big.

          • Epsilonicus

            Bc you can find a use for a jealous woman… good chex.

      • afronica

        *coughs* Othello *coughs*
        Nothing new under that sun, hon.

        • Kema

          Cain & Abel. lol!

    • panamajackson

      Only til I started typing it out did I realize how truly ridiculous it all is.

      With that being said, I’m totally here for all of it.

  • IcePrincess

    Last night was a pretty boring finale, imo. It was so lame how they made a half-azzed attempt at a cliffhanger at the end, with the whole Stevie/Mimi thing. Never gonna happen. And they don’t need to bring back rasheeda’s friend next season. That woman is hard on the eyes. Lookin just like snoop dogg in a purple wig lmaoooo

    • http://uphereoncloud9.com/ Wu Young, A.O.M

      That gal with purple hair looks like she rips the filters off of her cigarettes before she lights them.

    • panamajackson

      She is very hard on the eyes, but she also has some sense. But yeah, she added not much this season. But to be clear, not adding much means she had some sense and didn’t truly set Black people back by 100 years.

      • IcePrincess

        She did set mothers back, while she runnin round freakin off wit another female while her son stashed at her momma house. Girl bye. #ratchet #thotbehavior

        • http://www.facebook.com/tianachantel Tiana Chantel

          That is true, but I’m happy they brought the son back to the house….along with the 8/9/10 other kids.

    • http://www.facebook.com/tianachantel Tiana Chantel

      See I liked Kalenna. I think she’s cute…. but the whole best friend/husband/threesome was insane.

  • http://snarkyasiwant2b.wordpress.com/ faithsju243

    It took me awhile to realize that being messy, gossiping, and talking about random folks appearance aren’t just female characteristics. And believe me it took a long arse time because the concept of it just seems so girlie. In my defense I grew up around military men and when I had a chance to overhear their conversations it wasn’t of the fairer sex persuasion. It wasn’t until my daddy left the Marines and I began dating that traits I’d always associated as female grew to be unisex.

    As a side note I don’t believe telling a story about what happened the night before is considered gossip. So if things got out of hand the night before and you relay that information to others, you’re not gossiping. Gossip is talking about people minus events that usually start with things you heard but haven’t experienced or witnessed with your own eyes. I think people misconstrue keeping it real with being a gossipy little bish. I could be wrong tho

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      fair points, gossip to me is telling the next persons story to someone else

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

        In Hollywood, they like to call that “doing an autobiography”, LOL!

    • panamajackson

      Yeah, I’d buy that.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Good point. Who, what, when, where and why need to be the details of a story that you experienced. Without any of that from a secondhand perspective, its gossiping.