It’s Friday.
Last week while I was watching MTV Jams, they were running a segment that inspired today’s post.
But it wouldn’t make any sense for me to just tell you what they were doing. I’m Panama. I’m sexxy. I must add some flair. Some joie de vivre. Make ‘em say ugh.
Na Na Na Na.
Most men screw up their opportunities to sheath their sword with simple words. You meet a woman who’s decided that she’ll let you bed her and then you say something stupid like, “hey shawty, whatcho’ name iya?”
Desertnuts.
It’s much more difficult for a woman to mess up her chances for a little li*kemhighli*kemlow. But it is possible. Call your man’s mother a “fat whore” and see what happens.
Either way, the fact that mere words can ruin a night got me to thinking (as well as watching MTV Jams) about things that you should just never tell your man/woman. Oh yes, b*tches, there are definitely some things you should never tell your significant other.
Some people believe that honesty is the best policy. I’ve already stated before that I’m not 100 percent on board with that assessment. People say they want the truth, but that’s not really true. People want some version of the truth. You know what, I think that people just don’t want to be lied to. That doesn’t mean they want the truth either. Unless of course you consider non-truths as lies, in which case what does that make omission?
All I know is that possession is 4/3 of the law and that Doggystyle is a classic album.
And so it goes.
So in the spirit of honesty, let’s discuss some things that you should NEVER tell your significant other UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE:
1) You should never tell them that you’re attracted to their sibling or friends.
There is nothing good that can come of this and they’ll never trust you around them again. If you tell your SO that you think his brother is a motherf*cking stallion looking Negro, you can’t be mad if you get disinvited to all family functions. My brothas…don’t EVER tell your girl that you’d slob down her sister…or her mother.
Hell her mother might be one of the cougars that read VSB.com.
2) You should never tell them that you’re a crackhead.
This would seem to go without explanation but you know some people go dumb real quick. And I ain’t talking ridin’ the short bus dumb. Well, actually I am, unless you’re from Oakland in which case, I’m just talking about being stupid – I don’t think that means anything fun.
Fact is, nobody wants to date a crackhead. But if they just think you’re a crackhead you might buy yourself some time – that is until you sell it…for more crack. One of my boys used to date this Asian chick. Everytime we’d go to her house we’d always notice the light dusting that always seemed to blanket the apartment. It looked like everything always had an extra layer of white for some reason.
It’s what I envisioned Michael Irving’s wedding looked like.
3) You should never tell your SigOther that you engaged in a homosexual act.
We’ve talked about this before in some fashion. If you are a dude and you went gay one night and never returned, just keep it to yourself. Seriously. It won’t go over well. No way. No how. If you’re a woman it will probably be okay, but you never know. Some men don’t want to envision their woman chomping on textured cut-pile.
It’s true. Oh yeah, it’s true.
So my good friends, I laid out a few no-brainers. Let’s delve, shall we? Yes let’s.
What are some things you shouldn’t tell your significant other under any circumstance?
Speak on it.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST
Women: Never tell your SigOther the ACTUAL number of men you engaged in the horizontal tangle with. Will NOT end well b/c they will want details, may ask to be ranked in the totem pole. And those “ummms” will have your thuggish man throwing a tantrum, like a lil BIZNOTCH!
yeah never, ever, ever, ever, ever tell them how many or that they are not the best you have ever been with
also never tell them if you freaked someone that has any association with them… frat brother, sports teammate, class mate, his cousins, friends best friend, dude they loaned 5 dollars to in the cafe…..
And never tell your man that you, in another life, freaked the bass player in the band that plays at the bar you two go to all the time…
LOL! Dammit, y’ all beat me b/c the $exual number was the first thing that came to mind. Like Chris Rock says, if you tell a man a number higher than one, he can’t handle it “Two? TWO? INCLUDING ME? WHO RAISED YOU??????”
I prefer to skip all the details about past lovers (performance, size, where we did it). I don’t want to think about them when I am thinking about you. Alls I need to know was where you safe, have you been tested recently.
that’s how i am. i’ve never asked a chick how many dudes she’s schlumped. it just seems unimportant.
like chris rock ALSO said, “just be glad your hittin’ it now”
“that’s how i am. i’ve never asked a chick how many dudes she’s schlumped. it just seems unimportant.
like chris rock ALSO said, “just be glad your hittin’ it now”
me too. i think this gets less important the older you get. at 21, i cared. at 29? sh*t, as long as your stuff doesnt look and smell like a pulled pork sandwich i’m cool
Champ. . . you’re 29?
“Champ. . . you’re 29?”
i hope so. if not, my parents have been lying to me my entire life
“as long as your stuff doesnt look and smell like a pulled pork sandwich i’m cool”
McDonald’s sweet tea is on my monitor…
“look and smell like a pulled pork sandwich”
thanks for ruining my lunch… you owe me at least 2 lunches and at least double the amount of coffee at this point.
This kat said pulled pork…lmao!!!!
I knew there was a reason I don’t eat pulled pork.
I don’t even know what a pulled pork sammich looks like but I know I don’t want my cooch lookin like one.
“look and smell like a pulled pork sandwich i’m cool”
Champ, you nasty.
LMBAO!
I didn’t read all the comments but I would add: men, don’t ask your woman how many partners she’s had – makes you seem insecure, chauvinist…and well…wack.
They can’t handle the truth, so don’t even divulge. Any number higher than zero is a problem. No good can come of it.
This was my #1 too!!! As far as your man is concerned you were a virgin waiting for him and everything you know, you learned from books and the internet.
this is why I keep a stack of those type of books (including our bodies ourselves) in full view in the bedroom, “cause I be reading and ish”
I think that’s the number one thing for a woman not to do…’cause they really don’t want to know–I don’t care how much they say they do.
“I think that’s the number one thing for a woman not to do…’cause they really don’t want to know–I don’t care how much they say they do.”
really though, after a certain age, do people still ask that question?
yes they do. my friend just went through this with her guy. she was actually suprised by his number which was kinda high…*thinking*…yeah, i think my eyebrows went up when she told me how many. somehow she got out of telling him how many and i told her to keep it that way. i went down that road once and it ended in casualties…
yes
they most certainly still do. it doesn’t end at 30.
or 40 plus
Actually men do still ask that question! My significant other asked me and I divided my number by for and I was talking to the dial tone. I had to call him back and ask was that my fone! Can u believe he said muhfugga I hung up on u! LMAO I had to take the fone away from my mouth to keep from laffin. Well….just imagine if I would not have divided that number and left out sum of those miscellaneous times!!!! Whew I tell ya its a lose-lose situation.
Ttoally agree! Your numbers should be something like the actual of number of men divided by the number of atari cartridges you had as a kid multiplied by .008 the number of barbie shoes you lost under your childhood bed or something as equally convoluted. Never tell the real number. I usually say they are third…or fourth if I don’t feel like doing the math. tee-hee!
Yeah. Woman’s math. lol.
thats to detailed the number..the math my girlfriends use is much more simple…1 for highschool, 1 for college and 1 for every 5 years of your age after 21…LMAO
thatll work!
Never tell your man that his he throws or runs like a girl.
If he’s skinny, never tell him you prefer muscular guys.
“Never tell your man that his he throws or runs like a girl.”
i wonder how many women have told their dude that he runs like a girl or something…
…and then got hit like a man?
Never tell your current man that your last man had a huge schlong.
Never tell your woman she talks too much.
Never tell your man/lover he’s too short
Sorry, but you fell way short of our 8 inch goal….Thank you, don’t come again!
…lol
“Never tell your current man that your last man had a huge schlong.”
Shoot, just NEVER discuss another man’s weewee with your current man. It would be awkward at best and at worst, you’ll end up as the Mayor of Dumpsville
“weewee”
I prefer the term “woowoo” but that’s just me.
I like ding a ling myself… LMAO
Chuck Berry sang a song “My Ding a ling”…
My parents played the heck out that song. Here’s a YouTube link…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSSbd8yv22k
*that song kills me..lol*
i wonder if anybody will ever do a cover for this. I’m surprised I’ve never heard this song.
why do i feel like Cam’Ron did some rendition of that joint already?
damn you jim jones.
“why do i feel like Cam’Ron did some rendition of that joint already?
damn you jim jones.”
cam actually has a song out now called “bottom of your p*ssy hole”, which is actually somewhat funny.
It’s funny alright…lol
I prefer to call it a “peen”
“bottom of your p*ssy hole”
WFT???
““bottom of your p*ssy hole””
yeah my vagin@’s totally offended by this “song”. i mean whats actually at the bottom??? a rainbow, some gum, a pot of gold, a silver dollar?? what exactly..
ok im listenin to the song now….my vagin@’s not really sure how to take this song.
“i mean whats actually at the bottom??? a rainbow, some gum, a pot of gold, a silver dollar?? what exactly..”
The pot of gold could be cool, but the leprechaun’s gotta go…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02u0Eog0K2Y
Enjoy…comeback…lmao
@ miss t-lee
i heard it. Im not sure how I should feel. Im so conflicted. is he sorry he reached the bottom. Is this satire. I must know before I begin my weekend.
how should i feel? and more importantly did Alexyss Tylor get paid on the sample.
I hope Alexyss got paid…lol
I think it’s more tongue-in-cheek than anything, at least I hope…
@ the comeback girl:
maybe a unicorn that lost its way… i dunno, I jsut wanted to say unicorn, lol
“Never tell your current man that your last man had a huge schlong.”
I keep messin up! Lol! I did tell one guy 8 months later when he wanted to bragg and say sum sh*t to me like u ben sprung since you got ur first taste huh? My reply was well it took me sum adjusting to since I was coming off of the black magnum XL team to the deep throating with ease and no gag reflex team. Disect that! U do the math!
He laffed he must have thawt i was joking!
Note ladies: Just say yes i was daddy!
ummm you should never tell your SO that waited for you for 2 years that you gave it up to someone else and he is not the first.
you should never tell your significant other that he is falling short…if you catch my drift
never tell your significant other that he is fat and you are no longer attracted to him
never tell your SO that his mother is an evil manipulative wh*re…
that you think they might be slightly retarded…and not be joking
or that lack of reading comprehension skills is not a disorder.. you dumb a$$ just cant read
never tell your SO that you think he is a wacktastically weak a$$ abc rhyming a$$ rapper…. no matter how mad you get
Never tell him that you thought his sister was a transvestite and that she has the biggest hands and feet you have ever seen on a woman
um…some of these would make question why you were with said SO. wee-tawd-ed?? if you think that they’re short bussers, would you really stay with them?
or even better, get with them in the first place?
include the ability to read in there too.
The reading and short bus comment refers to a friend. I tutored her basketball playing boyfriend in college. He was listed as having a “reading comprehension” disorder and use to have all of his lectures recorded and took oral tests. I told her that it was a cop out so he could play ball and that his a$$ just couldnt read. Long story short she decided he needed some tough love because she didnt really feel he was going to the league and she didnt want him the f!cked up. so she told him.. He was devastated, they broke up, he got drafted to the bulls and played for like 4 years…
Luvvie and VEG you to skanks always beat me.. DAYUMMITTT !!!!!!!!
LMAO
SCORE!!!! Love u Shayd!!
never admit to cheating if you didnt get caught….
agreed.
“never admit to cheating if you didnt get caught….”
Call me a rookie, angel, fool or all 3 but my conscience would make me tell. i’m honest like dat.
Call me a rookie, angel, fool or all 3 but my conscience would make me tell. i’m honest like dat.
but thats just it, at that point you are doing it for your own selfish reasons not because you are being honest, why hurt the person you claim to love by being selfish twice? you cheated because you were being selfish now you to selfish to keep it to yourself ? for shame….
“but thats just it, at that point you are doing it for your own selfish reasons not because you are being honest, why hurt the person you claim to love by being selfish twice? you cheated because you were being selfish now you to selfish to keep it to yourself ? for shame….”
EXACTLY. People who confess to cheating when they didn’t get caught are only doing to make themselves feel better, not considering how devastating the news will be to the other person.
Tell your priest or your therapist.
I have to totally agree with you on this one. If you had a lapse in judgment or we had a weak moment inn our relationship and you stepped outside briefly and there is no reason for this to impact our current/future relationship (i.e.-baby on the way, STD coming into the house, chick becomes a stalker) then you can keep that tidbit to yourself.
Don’t be so selfish that you break my heart to clear your conscience.
Well I’m thinkin of how I’d feel of someone cheated on me. I would CERTAINLY like to know. And if I hurt him twice by tellin him, so be it. But I’d have all my skeletons out the closet.
If the relationship is salvageable, we will. If not, then we keep it moving.
Just make sure you never cheat. lol.
“Just make sure you never cheat. lol.”
Thank you for that SOUND advise, Inspector Obvious. Or is it Sergeant No Sh*t?
:-p
“Just make sure you never cheat. lol.”
basically
Well I’m thinkin of how I’d feel of someone cheated on me. I would CERTAINLY like to know
Honestly? everything is going fine, you in love, he in love you at home frying chicken in his t-shirt stirring up the kool aid with 2 cups of suga (just like he likes it) adding extra cheddar to the macaroni and this ninja comes home and tells you out the blue…baby, you know I love you right?
There’s something I wanted to tell you…
Luvvie is just talking crazy talk. She doesn’t know it but she is.
*Hugs Luvvie*
Luuvie, if we were at WY, you know someone would yell out “TREATED”, right? J/K/
Ok, perhaps if you were married and the cheater felt that you needed couples therapy and they had held an ongoing affair. Or if they felt getting caught was likely (you have a better chance of me staying if you come clean, because then I can at least halfway believe you are serious about changing, as oppposed to me just finding out!)
But if we are just BF/GF and you just slip up once…well, call me Mario Winans.
I gotta agree with Luvvie. I’m such a punk. That good angel is always sitting on my left shoulder like “suga, you know you have to be honest. Tell your man about the head you gave the pastors son in the parking lot. Go on and tell him!!”
That didnt really happen, that was just an example *tee hee*
When you tell the only person who ends up feeling good about the confession is you.
I’m with the omission.
…man whole up…In the words of Eddie Murphy..”It wasnt me…”
“never admit to cheating if you didnt get caught….”
::applause::
B.S.
we all the know the cliche, “relationships are based on trust, blah, blah, blah.” but it’s true. if you cheat and sweep it under the rug then you’re not protecting the other person, you’re actually hurting them more b/c they’re led to believe they can trust you when they actually can’t. and at that point, you’re both living a lie. you’re being more selfish by not telling b/c you’re not giving your s/o the CHOICE as to whether they want to continue the relationship. and you’re even more selfish b/c you’re keeping the secret to yourself b/c you know that your one, “slip up,” could jeopardize the relationship YOU CHOOSE to keep while not allowing your s/o to have that same choice as to whether they want to keep the relationship.
If you are cheating in a relationship, you have bigger issues that ned to be worked out. The person deserves to decide if they want to be with someone who cheated on them or not…that’s why you confess…not for your own peace of mind.
eh…*flag*
people operate on their own self-interest. and while you’re reasoning sounds great, it’s ultimately antithetical to human nature. you’re not telling them b/c you want them to have full information on dating you…you’re telling them to get it off your chest and hope for the best – selfish.
if they deserve to have full information, then you should tell them how many peders you piped before you even start dating. you should tell people everything you think they may care to know like the time you let a dude R.Kelly you just b/c it looked cool on camera.
if you ain’t giving up full information from the very beginning, which is the PRIME time to help a person decide if they want to be with you – and nobody tells EVERYTHING, then cheating (one time, let’s assume for argument and deciding you’ll never do it again and you didn’t get caught) isn’t something you need to share so they can decide if they want to be with you.
now the more sound reason to tell is that what you do in the dark always comes to light. in which case…date dumb broads…they NEVER see the light.
I see where you are coming from and all…people often tell on themselves to ease their own conscience. That is the wrong reason…but there is a right reason to tell…
Being completely honest with my SO about my past relationships (which I make an effort to do) is completely different from being honest with my SO about what goes on in our current relationship. Once you are in a relationship, that commitment includes honesty, not selective honesty. Letting someone assume you are being faithful when you are not, it a lie.
If a man cheats on me while they are with me, I have a right to know that. It’s up to me to decide if I wanna be with him at that point…Thus, I would treat someone else with the same respect. You telling me if your girl cheated on you, you wouldn’t want to know?
Sweeping it under the rug and continuing a relationship with someone under dishonest terms is trife. It’s totally selfish to take their choice away…and that choice is if they wanna be with a cheating azz or not.
Thank you and goodnight.
PS- I am aware I might get the wet blanket award this Friday but I’ll accept it. I hope it comes with a crown and a dozen roses.
“If you are cheating in a relationship, you have bigger issues that ned to be worked out. The person deserves to decide if they want to be with someone who cheated on them or not…that’s why you confess…not for your own peace of mind.”
***st. barts annual parking lot community fair/festival/dogshow***
and on that token, never admit to snoopin if u find out im cheating… so in other words, act like u dont kno, lmao or stop bein so dayum nosy
lol–Shay-d-lady
In otherwords unless they catch you redhanded, it’s all in their minds. No matter what the text, voice message said.
I have a male friend who got caught red-handed and convinced the woman it wasn’t him. All I could do was shake my head. People see what they want to see.
Never tell your woman that, while in the marines, you had sex with enough women to fill the bar you two were standing in.
“Never tell your woman that, while in the marines, you had sex with enough women to fill the bar you two were standing in.”
Yeah, that might be bad for business…
“Never tell your woman that, while in the marines, you had sex with enough women to fill the bar you two were standing in.”
Yeah and his VeeDee meds will fill that SAME bar. RUNNNN!!
Yeah– immediate turn-off.
Even if it’s true, keep that ish to yourself.
never tell your mans that youve fantasized about somebody else during s.e.x with him…..
Some freaky negroes like that.
Some freaky negroes like that.
this is true but your SO typically dosent….
i never really understood this, but I guess if you been fykin for 30 years. Somebody is GONNA pop up in your thoughts.
yeah especially if its one of his boys..lol
1. You like chicks with long her (and her’s is short).
2. You f*cked her friend (sometime in the past of course).
3. You f*cked any other chick.
4. You were running game that you read about on the internet when she first gave you the cookies.
5. You also flirt with her sister over IM and nothing has ever happened (when she finds the IM logs of you flirting with some other chick).
6. You think engagement rings are for dummies (seriously, has anyone read the history of this stuff? The biggest scam ever! Look at the f*cking resale value of a diamond. Don’t get me started. . .
7. You don’t like the dress (those of you who are/were engaged know what I’m talking about. This is tough because she’s going to test you every chance she gets. You only get one chance to f*ck up, so make it good).
8. Sperm doesn’t taste too bad (seriously, nobody REALLY wants to know how you know, no matter how innocuous a reason you think it is – obviously, this is for the guys, though it pretty much applies to anyone in a relationship).
9. Yesterday, I had lunch with my ex. . . (yesterf*ck? and you waited till NOW to tell me? you’re lucky if you walk away without missing body parts).
10. That any of the above were NOT hypothetical situations.
First, your list is hilariously correct. Second,
Sperm doesn’t taste too bad (seriously, nobody REALLY wants to know how you know, no matter how innocuous a reason you think it is – obviously, this is for the guys, though it pretty much applies to anyone in a relationship).
You might not want to admit this on a blog site in the comment section either.. im just saying..
hey, let’s have none of that! see #10
“no matter how innocuous a reason you think it is – obviously”
I am trying to think of an innocuous …..reason drawing a blank….. lol
Maybe it splattered a bit got on his lip?
“Maybe it splattered a bit got on his lip?”
Bad Aim? Wrong Hole?
I’m going to take a stab at this. . . I normally don’t just go poking out in dark but you ladies have aroused my attention. And once it’s up, we’ve got to run this to it’s conclusion. Otherwise, I’m not going to be able to go back to sleep with these thoughts just throbbing there as I lie beneath my sheets. And if I do fall asleep, I might wake up having my ideas leaked out from me and then none of us would benefit from the explosion of thought
Let’s say someone was on his back while someone else churns his butter. You know how these things get. People start having too much fun, and start working the stick faster and harder changing up their grips for maximum effort, hips bucking as they try to keep the whole thing under control. Of course, things are bound to get a bit slick, someone a bit too excited, hands slip and you get cream flying everywhere…
things are bound to get a bit slick, someone a bit too excited, hands slip and you get cream flying everywhere…
umm so you couldnt just wipe it off?.,.LOL I am standing by my origional comment….
you’re asking me as if I was actually there. I have no control over hypothetical situations
“I’m going to take a stab at this. . . I normally don’t just go poking out in dark but you ladies have aroused my attention. And once it’s up, we’ve got to run this to it’s conclusion. Otherwise, I’m not going to be able to go back to sleep with these thoughts just throbbing there as I lie beneath my sheets. And if I do fall asleep, I might wake up having my ideas leaked out from me and then none of us would benefit from the explosion of thought.”
I think I need a moment.
Me 2…really ya’ll should put a disclaimer on these posts.
I think I need a moment.
just one??? LMAO.
Sure thing miss t-lee. I’ll give you a nice big disclaimer that you can’t help but see the next time you come around. As you know, you need to be careful with disclaimers. They’re under a lot of pressure and if you so much as try to move and budge them a bit, well, I can’t be held responsible if things explode in your face.
Okay so Kamakula is in rare form today.
rare form…
*sigh*
my talents are only appreciated when they can be used to keep you warm without increasing the gas bill
Thanks kamakula…
I think?
“my talents are only appreciated when they can be used to keep you warm without increasing the gas bill”
I dunno, I appreciated them for a moment this morning, lol.
Leave me be, dammit!
lol
Or maybe someone kissed him after a blow job. That would be the most logical explination.
Yo yall wanna know some 4 real shyt. Yall really wanna know some real shyt. # 9 is why the fiance is now the x.
You and your FIANCEE broke up because someone had lunch with an ex? Dayum.
long story short yeah. or maybe it was the agreeing not to do that. me saying don’t let me find out you did… and her saying she said she wouldn’t just to shut me up. **cue the killin floor** and she was adding to stress not taking it away.
Never tell him ,”you are a reneging, cutting my books, non-remembering, bullsh*t a$$ partner spades player”…..ol’ Uno-go fish-Old Maid- I declare war-lookin’ boy… .. that never ends well….
Never tell him ,”you are a reneging, cutting my books, non-remembering, bullsh*t a$$ partner spades player
This will get you kilt.. or at least shot in the pinky toe in the hood..
just go ahead and admit you cant play.. I beg of you
You can’t knock someone’s spade game. you just can’t. they may flip a table over on ya.
Frankie Lymon-lookin boy?
Renigging in spades can end lifelong friendships, marriages, play cousin-hoods. It is NOT positive. People become arch nemeses when this happens. It’s dangerous.
And I make it a point not to play spades w/ anyone over 40. They can win with hands of hearts and diamonds. How they do this is beyond me.
“I make it a point not to play spades w/ anyone over 40. They can win with hands of hearts and diamonds. How they do this is beyond me.”
So true. lol.
And I make it a point not to play spades w/ anyone over 40. They can win with hands of hearts and diamonds. How they do this is beyond me.
Because they cheat..
“Because they cheat..”
I WISH I WOULD tell someone named Othella or Uncle John John that they cheated in Spades to win. I like my life, and I’d like to keep it.
Thank You.
Management
Yeah. You can’t call yo momma out for cheatin…
“Yeah. You can’t call yo momma out for cheatin…”
ummm…why not?
Yeah, Aunt Shirley and Joyce aint’s having that! You might as well just drink what’s in your red cup and take one for the team…….
I didnt say you should say it.. I just said thats the reason… LMAO now you open your mouth at your own risk…..
and because you have your rageddy a$$ SigOther as a partner….
and because you have your rageddy a$$ SigOther as a partner….
I never play with my husband… I learned early on…actually we dont really play any competitive games with each other.. i beat him at checkers and uno when we first met and we almost never got passed it….He claims he wasnt mad but the passive agressive actions that took place in the days following showed otherwise..so you gone bring a whole other blanket to bed to sleep with? LMAO I see how you do….
I have this problem with SO’s and pool bc I whoops some arse….. I be trying to tell them ninjas I minored in Spades , Billards, & Playstation in college…
I have this problem with SO’s and pool bc I whoops some arse….. I be trying to tell them ninjas I minored in Spades , Billards, & Playstation in college…
LOL my major was spades, hustlin and shyt talking 101
P.S. Callin people “Reniggers” when they renig makes me chuckle. Unless its my partner who renigs. Then it becomes “You damn reNIGG*r!”
I’m just… serious. Maybe… Who knows?
thats funny as hel#l but where is ole boy’s sense of humor. A little competitive game of anything could end the night rather well.
thats funny as hel#l but where is ole boy’s sense of humor
his sense of humor is out the window..unless he wins..however in the interest of full disclosure it could have been my shyt talking that actually got him, I do tend to get carried away…….you ever seen Mr. Woodcock, just imagine the scene where Stifler won the corn eating contest…..
LOL…but i thought there was something called competitive sex!ual attraction. Thats hot. But you gotta know when to turn that shyt off.
Yeah, stuff like that turns me on…maybe I’m just crazy.
Competition is hot.
when we have the official Nevruary VSB BBQ…we need to have a spades tourney…so I can every last ONE of you off a table.
my spades game is mean. and i play ugly. i slapped a ninja with a card i was finna cut him with before.
i was an arsehole in my former life.
“i do what i want. i smoke crack in the bathroom!” ~ cartman, south park
hahaahahahah…LMAO
“I do what i want, I’m a bad B*tch!” – Cartmen
That is my shyt man…whooo…that’s not cool man
Never tell your man his momma can’t cook.
Never tell your man his momma can’t cook
OHHHHH this happened my first thanksgiving with my husband…. hey but in my defense the candied yams looked like soup!!!
“hey but in my defense the candied yams looked like soup!!!”
oh hells naw
“hey but in my defense the candied yams looked like soup!!!”
…Maybe it was a new recipe she was trying out…like candied yam gravy or candied yam puree`
“candied yam gravy or candied yam puree”
This made me gag. lol.
candied yam gravy or candied yam puree”
This made me gag. lol.
so did the actual yam soup….I sshudder thinkng about them.. dayum was that a lemon peel?
You’re a good one for eating it. I’d have told them it was against my religion to eat yams. Or soup.
You’re a good one for eating it. I’d have told them it was against my religion to eat yams. Or soup.
Girl at that point I had so much riding against me, I was like well maybe they will still taste like sweet potatoes even though the consistency is off.. Uh NO!!!
I think I just threw up a little of my Amish doughnut and pork rinds w/ crystal hot sauce breakfast.
I’ve wanted to do this sooooo many times. My ex’s grandmother could not cook, but the family LOVED her food. I couldn’t stand it and he would come over like “You should try this, it’s her speciality.” This macaroni and cheese taste like @ss…no thanks!
“You should try this, it’s her speciality.” This macaroni and cheese taste like @ss…no thanks!”
It may have tasted like hot cheesy @ss but it was made with love…lol
I’d rather have some banging a$$ macaroni and cheese made with hate or contempt….
“I’d rather have some banging a$$ macaroni and cheese made with hate or contempt….”
LOL
*In my Martin voice*
Not my mama’s biscuits!
lol rofl hhhhheeeeeccckkks yeah ctfu
Just cuz I am a biscuit/dumpling conoseur.
mmmm dumplings…
Hey wanna go to a buffet one day? lol
I feel like that would be trouble.
Hecks yeah that’s why it’d be so much fun. no worries there will be a vsb bbq 1 day. I love the lil dough dumplings in peach cobler. **drooling**
word.life.
luckily my momma can cook.
word.life.
luckily my momma can cook
So YOU think
I once wanted to tell my ex his momma’s gumbo was whack. I am from New Orleans you just can’t give me any ol’ gumbo and think I’m gonna eat it and think it’s good. lol.
But I kept quiet…cuz he thought it was the best thang eva.
Yo wait did he ever taste what you would call that fiyuh? What did he say then?
He lapped up some real gumbo, yup. And was like “this is how y’all do it?” Me: “this is how it is SUPPOSED to be done. Gumbo should never have corn it…
OMG R U SERIOUS!?!?! CORN?! She must have been using that frozen vegetable medly or something. If I’da got some of that. I would have went to the bathroom 4 a long time afterwards even if I didn’t have to go. In order to send the subliminal ‘that shyt was nasty message’
VEG–don’t tell him his mama can’t cook, but cook for him so he can see that you cook better than his mama.
never tell a cowboys or lakers fan that you hate their team….
Hell I tell Cowboys fans this all the time!!!
My x sweetie (RIP) was the biggest Cowgirl fan and trust and believe (since I’m a Steelers fan) we used to go round and round about it. lol
Then it normally led to play fighting, which led to…
well you get where I’m going with this.
SHYT my ex was a lakers fan…I told him I really wasnt a fan and that I wasnt really all on Kobe like that and you would have thought I kiced his grandma..consequently I had a co-worker who was a lakers fan and he almost lost his job for losing his cool after one to many people asked him.. Whats up with ya boys.. after they lost one night.
I thought I was the only one that called them the Cowgirls… and then there’s the New York Midgets….
I love football… *sigh*
But this is crucial… my man damn near broke up with me when we first started dating because I am lukewarm (at best) about the Phillies and the Sixers. My saving grace was that I BLEED GREEN.
I am a Laker’s fan, my ex a Celtics fan. we started our relationship in 1986 it was the height of our rivalry as well as other things
Shay-d-lady I have to tell the guy I don’t like his team so I see how he reacts. But it does seem guys get real testy when you talk about their favorite teams.
never tell your SO that u once played naked leap frog with an entire team in college
never tell ur SO how u learned to do away with the gag reflex or how u learned that little trick u do that turns him into a tuntunah
never tell ur SO that u have done the freakiest thing the two of u have done with anyone else-let ur SO believe u only done it with them
“never tell ur SO that u have done the freakiest thing the two of u have done with anyone else-let ur SO believe u only done it with them”
Agreeing with ya.
yes, men do tend to have that christopher columbus complex….wanting to believe they’re the first to discover ish
“yes, men do tend to have that christopher columbus complex….wanting to believe they’re the first to discover ish”
And Columbus aint even discover ish! That mofo got lost, didnt stop to ask for directions, tripped and fell on the Americas, which he thought was India. The DUMBEST historical figure, and he gets credit for discovering America.
Get the F*ck OUTTA HERE, history!!! You need mo’ people. Shoot, for one, the Native Americans. But of course, they can’t be the more people b/c they were killed off.
*End Rant*
Columbus got lost and now he has a national holiday.
Don’t knock his hustle. We ALL wish we could f*ck up our assigned task and still receive the glory.
Don’t knock his hustle. We ALL wish we could f*ck up our assigned task and still receive the glory.
shyt or at least win the employee of the month parking spot….
“tripped and fell on the Americas, ” just like I tripped and fell on all those penes before the current one.
lol….tripping and falling. oh, the good ol’ days.
never tell ur SO how u learned to do away with the gag reflex or how u learned that little trick u do that turns him into a tuntunah
A good canned response to the question of ‘Dayum, girl where did you learn that?’ is ‘Learn it? I didnt really learn it I just paid close attention to your reactions and followed what I could tell you liked.’
ooh shyt suganspice you treterous lol
“never tell ur SO that u have done the freakiest thing the two of u have done with anyone else-let ur SO believe u only done it with them”
::snicker::
NEVER tell your man your girl cheated on her husband. He will always talk ish about her after that and will question you for hanging with her, leading to many fights.
NEVER tell your man your girl cheated on her husband. He will always talk ish about her after that and will question you for hanging with her.
this is a good one.. and it works both ways
good one…. you be thinking and sh*t
“NEVER tell your man your girl cheated on her husband. He will always talk ish about her after that and will question you for hanging with her, leading to many fights.”
yeah…this is in the yaya sisterhood manual too. How in the hel#l does that even come up in normal conversation. best beleive HE won;t tell your @zz readily if he boy cheats.
“He will always talk ish about her after that and will question you for hanging with her, leading to many fights.”
birds of a feather…
i could not agree more. they believe birds of a feather, and if all you girls got “loose” feather you will never ever be able to hang out without the nth degree. It plays like a game of 20 questions:
1. why you gotta go with her? you can dance at home…
2. Who yall talk to?
3. who you talk to?
4. who was she talking to, cause that ninja had a friend that I KNOW was trynna get at you….
All of your friends are virgins and those 3.5 kids were all a mircle of GOD! Jesus saves!!
totally agree. your man is not your girlfriend **thats chapter 34** of the yaya manual. why would you even be givin particulars about her bees wax.
“um..yeah tyrone’s wang is not the business so felecia was at her class reunion and ….well…they went out for lunch…and well..some things got out of hand…and well…I witnessed to her about this being wrong”
get the fyk outta here…I know you and ya man gotta better things to talk about. To me thats not even being a great friend. and like i said before he aint recounting all his man’s possible weak moments and past indiscretions.
Never tell your man that your two really good guy friends are ex lovers.
very good one
Never tell your man that your two really good guy friends are ex lovers.
Good one.. VEG you hot like Fiyah tonite!
Sadly, I learned all these lessons the hard way. lol.
Agreed.
“Never tell your man that your two really good guy friends are ex lovers.”
LOL Veg. That’s right. Just tell him that he’s your gay friend and you’ll never have to worry about him talking to him while you’re not around (well, unless he’s on the D-L).
never tell your SO that you fear having children with them because they have “strong” features…
ask him how much can he bench press with his face, all Herculean in the face
ask him how much can he bench press with his face, all Herculean in the face
LMAO now see….you got issues, problems you need to iron out.. so for now? you in timeout…
Or that you fear having children with them cuz you see what their mom and sister look like….
LMAO
::faints::
how u end up in the position to get pregnant if he got “strong” features? lmao im just sayin…
how u end up in the position to get pregnant if he got “strong” features? lmao im just sayin…
but there are a lot of attractive men with “strong”features that you wouldnt necessarily want in a little girl.. you aint never met a fine a$$ dude then met his mother and sister and the look just like him but they are NOT attractive?
oh never tell him that you are pregnant before you know for sure……
Have you ever taken a pregnancy test with a man standing over you???
Annoying as he!!. You just want to kick his a$$ and you don’t want him hearing you prayin “God. please don’t let me be pregnant.” lol.
Have you ever taken a pregnancy test with a man standing over you???
Annoying as he!!. You just want to kick his a$$ and you don’t want him hearing you prayin “God. please don’t let me be pregnant
This is exactly why I posted that.. and then 1 aint enough you gotta take it like 7 times to the point where the pharmacist is like Gawd dayum..you pregnant…get over it!
“3) You should never tell your SigOther that you engaged in a homosexual act.”
how bout dont engage in said acts? lol…i know that will rule a mofo right out! but some women are not as harsh as i. take my friend, for instance….he went through a “gay stage” in high school. came out. had boyfriends. the whole nine. but he’s over that now. *blank stare* he’s totally straight. well, mostly straight. he doesnt desire the dack anymore and he’s been with women for like 20 years now….he’s engaged and his girl is gawjus and not mannish in any way.
so, uh…yeah. that couldnt be me!
he’s totally straight. well, mostly straight. he doesnt desire the dack anymore and he’s been with women for like 20 years now….he’s engaged and his girl is gawjus and not mannish in any way.
to borrow from someone several posts ago..
this statement-more people= a dayum lie….
LMAO but hey, anything is possible so you never know……
Kinda sounds like a David Copperfield stunt
But whatever floats their boat or finds their lost remote…
LOL that was my statement, thanks for the faux-credit
you went to high school with donnie mcclurkin? cool.
you went to high school with donnie mcclurkin? cool
see I was trying to keep Donnie out of it..LMAO
by the way am I the only person that comments on this site that does not also have my own blog? Dayum….
Yup.
thebeautifulstruggler.com
thebeautifulstruggler.com
LOVES IT…..you forgot Julia as a t.v. show that time and nick at nite forgot…
Thanks!!!!
And that is a good one! But I just did shows that I watched when they first aired.
*off to YouTube to look for Julia clips*
My blog is http://liffy.blogspot.com
If yall think I’m ignant on here…
My blog is http://liffy.blogspot.com
If yall think I’m ignant on here…
yes, you are a dayum fool
I’ve seen your crazy arse blog…lol
I just started “Girl…stick wit yo cat”. Luvvie made me do it. http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/
I just started “Girl…stick wit yo cat”. Luvvie made me do it. http://stickwithyocat.blogspot.com/
girl she killed his dog? aint that what they got Mike Vick for? dayum shame…
Yeah. He was outdone. That dog was his boooy.
I loves all of ya’lls blogs, by the way.
I am going to start one…
no I am not.. I am to lazy and love procrastination to much.. he.ll I have been writing a novel for 2 years and I got like 100 chapters for an equal number of books….
You’re not the only one Shay-D. I’ve thought about it for about a year now, but I know how I am. I have fleeting flights of fancy, I still may do it, I may not…lol
if it’s any consolation, I don’t have a blog either.
i dont know if its been mentioned yet but….
Never tell a man his wang is cute. they dont seem to like that for some reason.
They really don’t. lol
agreed. leave it at ‘hard’ and carry on…
Never tell your man about the sexual stuff you did when you were younger that you don’t do anymore. He will feel cheated.
be as aloof as you can..they want to feel they done sumthin’ for the 1st time – even if it’s a lie…
Never tell anyone “I usually don’t date big/skinny/short/tall people” if they are included in that group. It may SEEM like a compliment (“You are so special, you made me look past my tastes”), but it’s just gonna make them feel uncomfortable and insecure. Tell a short girl that and see how uncomfortable she gets when a crew of tall honeys enter the party and come say hi.
Instead of rolling out a list of things you enjoy sexually (“I love it when a man….”), try saying “Ooh, why don’t you do this”. No one wants the image of all the field research you had to do to realize your favorite position when they are in the moment.
Do not constantly point out the attractiveness of others that are radically different from your date. This goes along with my first point. If I have a short fro and my man keeps raving about how pretty Beyonce and Mariah Carey are, I may start to wonder if he rather with with a long be-tressed girl.
Do not mention your bathroom habits, your gas passing* antics or anything of that sort. Not if you are dating me. I may be a down to earth, tree rolling, can-hang-with-the-boys type of chick, but I absolutely despise this sort of language. It decreases your sexy. Now why you want to go and do that love, huh?
*It literally PAINED me to even type that. My cheeks blushed.
“Do not constantly point out the attractiveness of others that are radically different from your date.”
This is a good one. When guys have done that it made me wonder…
Right! Like, am I just a place holder untill your true desire comes through? Ooh, what an honor.
I’ve never had anyone do this. But I think that, if it happened often, I would kick him in the nuts.
This sh*t happens all the time!! It makes me think that either men are either too stupid to see that it is offensive or just don’t care. Maybe stupid is a harsh word, so I’ll say they are so visually inclined they can’t see the beauty in front of them.
The grass always seems greener on the other side.
Never tell anyone “I usually don’t date big/skinny/short/tall people” if they are included in that group. It may SEEM like a compliment (”You are so special, you made me look past my tastes”), but it’s just gonna make them feel uncomfortable and insecure. Tell a short girl that and see how uncomfortable she gets when a crew of tall honeys enter the party and come say hi.
Never tell your SO or anyone else you’re interested in what your “type” is, especially if they don’t fit into that category.
“Do not mention your bathroom habits, your gas passing* antics or anything of that sort. ”
I’m sorry but I can be with a female that I can’t fart around and vice versa. It’s a trust issue
If you occasionally let one accidentally go, and then excuse yourself, that’s one thing. But if you think its cute or cool to just a long loud one rip and then look at me like “How you like me now?” the answer will be “Not so much anymore”.
Passin gas (*blushing*) is the sort of thing boys find funny. Well, not the debonair sort, but those cats are few and far between anyway. Most women dont like that. And while you may think it’s cute that your girl will let one go in front of you, she’s slowly chipping away at her sexy. Next thing you know, you are slobbing down some 19-year old in the parking lot of the club, whilst your farting, granny panty wearing, “I don’t try anymore because we are so COMFORTABLE together” sits on the couch eating a bag of Flaming Hots. Wont be me, damnitty.
Hearing a man pass gas makes the idea of giving him some dome less appealing, at least IMO. If that isn’t a reason to abstain, then I don’t know what.
I’m sorry but this is not about comedy. Everybody farts. . .that’s life, we’re all human. Of course I’ll say excuse me. I’ll even give your warning that I’m about to drop a bomb. But if you think I’m going to be running out of the room everytime I have to let one go, then your sadly mistaken. And I wouldn’t expect the woman I’m sharing my bed with to do the
same.
For me, I don’t find a woman less sexy because her farts stink. That’s childish, because everybody farts stink. How do you think married people put up with farting?
i gotta co-sign here… like chris rock said…. (paraphrase) real love is loving the crust of a muhf**er…
you gotta get over the bodily functions part at some point. trust me… there are things that are ‘worse’ than someone’s farts or blowing up the bathroom. my girl was recently in the hospital and had to be on bed-rest… she had been with her man for less than a year, but he helped put in her catheter and took out her bed pan and sponge bathed her during her sickness. they are now about to have a baby and just bought a house… and after all that he still thinks she’s sexy as sh*t
Funny enough, I wait for the moment a guy is comfortable enough to let one out in front of me with glee. It means we now have true intimacy… At least, in my book.
TIME FOR A
CLASSICHIP HOP QUOTE (Weird Al Style)Hey Mr Farter (I am him)
Tell me where you been
Corner.
nah that’s classic male flatulence = funny
YO SING THAT TISH EFF
*glad to finally up my lurker status- hi folks!*
re: bathroom habits & body functions–i thought i was the only one that hated this/ heard it on the regular?
like, i’m NOT that cool witchoo yet- i dont really wanna know how you are ‘sweating like a mugg’ and your shirt is sticking to your back. thanks for not farting.
*glad to finally up my lurker status- hi folks!*
welcome and sh*t
“Never tell anyone “I usually don’t date big/skinny/short/tall people” if they are included in that group. It may SEEM like a compliment (”You are so special, you made me look past my tastes”), but it’s just gonna make them feel uncomfortable and insecure. Tell a short girl that and see how uncomfortable she gets when a crew of tall honeys enter the party and come say hi.”
this is especially critical for women in the burgh, many of whom have seemed to take a class titled “how to freely name drop steelers i’ve dated (read: “f*cked”) in the past”.
now, whenever i hear the “i usually date football players…but you’re special” line, i reply “yeah, so are you. i usually dont date sluts, but you’re an exception to the rule”.
ok…i dont really say this. i just say “word? thats cool.” and subtlely delete their number from my phone
LOLOL!
When I was much bigger, I had a dude tell me that he didn’t usually date big girls, but that I was so pretty, yadda, yadda, yadda. Like, he kept going on about how pretty he thought I was, but I couldn’t get past the first part of the statement. Never did I say “Well, I dont USUALLY date dam-near-40 year olds with 4 kids, but you seemed mad cool”. In fact I SHOULD have told him “Well, I wouldn’t be dating you if I weren’t big. Otherwise, I’d be able to do a whole lot better!”
I am warning y’all, I am about two dress sizes away from becoming the evilest b!tch in Brooklyn. And I will dedicate all my man-destroying to the big gals who had to hear stuff like that.
“When I was much bigger, I had a dude tell me that he didn’t usually date big girls, but that I was so pretty, yadda, yadda, yadda. Like, he kept going on about how pretty he thought I was, but I couldn’t get past the first part of the statement. ”
Yeah…these are always the kats that swear they’d NEVER date a big girl…hilarious. Then you have to hear about how you changed the game for him.
“Been there, done that”~Andre Young version
“I am warning y’all, I am about two dress sizes away from becoming the evilest b!tch in Brooklyn. And I will dedicate all my man-destroying to the big gals who had to hear stuff like that.”
Sometimes, you just have to let ish go. Being a size 4 is crap if youre bitter and evil.
***note to self, don’t name drop in front of The Champ***
(ok..as I am sitting here waiting on Ike , I’m hiding Tina in my closet..hehe)
Never tell your SO anything sexual about you and another person..you had NO sex life before them – their your first…
Never tell your SO about your crack head family member(s)- we ALL got one- no need to state the obvious..
Never tell your SO that what celebrity you would sleep with..they will never forget or compare..no need
Never tell your SO anything that they don’t directly effing ask for the 1st 6 months of hooking up !!…esp if its in your past…LEAVE IT THERE..be who you are with that person..no baggage needed on a new trip to Power Fantastic ( I’m listening to Prince…G.O.A.T.)
I think I addressed this on one of Ps previous posts…
Don’t answer “those” questions right away or tell to damn much- smile and sip yo’ drink, cross your legs and blink…Men like to work for their women…they like the challenge…hell, why should women do all the work…?
(ok..as I am sitting here waiting on Ike , I’m hiding Tina in my closet..hehe)
We’re supposed to be some of that rain too.
Ya’ll be careful and take care.
“(ok..as I am sitting here waiting on Ike , I’m hiding Tina in my closet..hehe)”
Ain’t that the greatest Hurricane Holiday ever? At least so far, the day looks mad good… Hope it stays that way.
Never tell your SO about your crack head family member(s)- we ALL got one- no need to state the obvious..
Never tell your SO that what celebrity you would sleep with..they will never forget or compare..no need
So true. These two are the best advice I’ve gotten from this post so far. I think you can add in-an-out of jail cousin to that as well.
Maybe I’m odd, but it doesn’t bother me at all when my SO tells me what celebrity they’d bang.
I wouldn’t compare myself to someone who has enough money to hire 10 personal trainers, 5 plastic surgeons, a glamor squad, and an umbrella holder to keep them fabulous, because obviously, that’s not the everyday person’s reality. Besides, the celebrity would never bang them anyway, so who cares?
Maybe I’m odd, but it doesn’t bother me at all when my SO tells me what celebrity they’d bang.
LOL me either.. we each actually have a list of celebrities we get a monogamous pass for…
its never caused anytrouble…
well almost the day I met Boris Kodjoe he was a little uncomfortable (although I did have to tell him that video vixens dont count as celebrities.. you might fall up on one of them chicks working at mickey d’s)
but I rocked his world that not and swore I was not thinking about Boris..its been all good…
“If you tell your SO that you think his brother is a motherf*cking stallion looking Negro, you can’t be mad if you get disinvited to all family functions.”
A m*therf*cking stallion looking Negro? That sounds like something my drunk aunt said back in’78.
Ok, this doesn’t fall in line with “significant other”, but I did meet this guy in the club, who told me (while drunk) that he had two DUI’s and his car had recently been impounded so he rode his bicycle to the club that night All within the first 5 minutes of us talking. If he would have kept all of that to hisself, his fine azz would have got my number. I dont know how we would have gone out on a date though, but still…
Also, men I dont want to hear about your ex. Keep that irrelevant sh@t to yourself please…and thank you.
“Also, men I dont want to hear about your ex. Keep that irrelevant sh@t to yourself please…and thank you.”
That’s a 2-way street
“so he rode his bicycle to the club that night ”
i think the fact that you said bicycle instead of bike made it that much more funny.
dudes that ride bicycles to the club better have the best.game.ever.
If nothing else, his pedal game is tight.
“his pedal game is tight”
woooohooooooo!!!!
can you imagine him using that as a pick up line.
“Girl, you ain’t seen nobody pedal like me. My pedal game is tight!”
ROTFL!!!!!
CTFU!!!
“can you imagine him using that as a pick up line.
“Girl, you ain’t seen nobody pedal like me. My pedal game is tight!””
Right!
Sitting there bragging because he cranked dat Lance Armstrong.
Epic fail.
“Also, men I dont want to hear about your ex. Keep that irrelevant sh@t to yourself please…and thank you.”
This is true too. I really dont want to know what her name was, how you met, when you broke up. Especially if its still new between the 2 of us.
All I’m going to do is wonder what she looked like, scroll thorugh your fb/myspace and see if I’m cuter. I make it a point not to mention the Ex’s by name and would like the same courtesy.
“Also, men I dont want to hear about your ex. Keep that irrelevant sh@t to yourself please…and thank you.”
this should be law… recently i met this guy through a girl friend of mine (a friendship i am starting to question as a result of what happened next). during our first conversation i discovered he was 13yrs older than me and had 2 teenage sons. i never would have given the digits had i been privy to this info beforehand. after i told him i wasn’t interested in dating an older papa-of-2, he proceeded to go into a 10-15 minute rant about his ex-wife. it was so awkward!! what did he expect me to say to that after i already said i wasn’t interested in him?? “sorry for ya. better luck next time cuz you’ve now convinced me that i want to be that next time”?? …it was sad, alarming, unfortunate, and uncomfortable to witness a too-d@mn-grown man through that. just unacceptable behavior.
“I did meet this guy in the club, who told me (while drunk) that he had two DUI’s and his car had recently been impounded so he rode his bicycle to the club that night”
Damn. there was no stopping that brotha from getting in the club that night lol. That’s what i call “drive” (forgive the pun)
“Also, men I dont want to hear about your ex. Keep that irrelevant sh@t to yourself please…and thank you.”
alot of women will question you about ur ex as if you’re on the witness stand…at least the women ive dealt with. They want to know everything about my life as some means to compare themselves, in an effort to best the ex. Good thing i dont compare
- http://www.mrswagger.com
“Damn. there was no stopping that brotha from getting in the club that night lol. That’s what i call “drive” (forgive the pun)”
…or thirst
prolly woulda been easier to just ride that bicycle to the liquor store.
I forgot one:
Ladies, if one of your friends doesnt like your SO or believes he is cheating and/or may have seen him with another woman or doing something else suspicious, do NOT go to your SO and say, “Tasha said she saw you at Denny’s last night with some bald headed chic. Whats up with that?!?!?!”
Leave Tasha out of it because if you stay with your SO, he will hate Tasha for the rest of her life and there will usually be tension when she comes around. Plus, that bald headed chic coulda been his mama.
Yeah, leave Tasha out of it, but listen to her. If she’s really your homegirl, she aint gotta lie to kick it.
Never tell your SO that you dated/ f***ed a celebrity or a public figure it will just not wash. can you imagine telling someone it’s funny how you like Hov/ ODB/ Idris/ Reggie Bush.
If you ever meet with them anywhere and they say hi a bit too enthusiastically just tell your SO that you sorted out their tax issues/ set up their website / got them a deal. Keep your mouth shut!!!!!!!
I cannot stress this enough.
P.S. Neeeeeeevver happened to me I’m just saying
sorry it’s supposed to read
Can you imagine telling someone………….
” It’s funny how you like Hov/ ODB/ Idris/ Reggie Bush……………. cause I F****d him .”
#1-Never tell you man that another guy’s style is “fresher” than his. He’ll act like a little b!tch for the rest of the day (my experience, at least).
#2-Never tell your man/girl that their best friend/roommate is attractive. You will probably notice you spend less and less time at their home (LOL!)
Ok, this is a random one, but this guy I dated had a roommate. The roommate looked just like Will Smith (The Fresh Prince days). But they guy I dated…lol, he kinda reminded me of a sidekick…DJ Jazzy Jeff, perhaps! LOL! So, I referred to them as that. Yes, Jazzy is not as fine as FP, so I think that messed with the lil’ guys self-esteem! LOL! Poor lil’ fella! So, maybe this can tie in with #2?
Oh! I forgot one! Don’t call him “gay” (even though you’re joking) because him and his best friend/or roommate spend a lot of time together. I don’t know why he got so defensive! LOL!
Oh! I forgot one! Don’t call him “gay” (even though you’re joking) because him and his best friend/or roommate spend a lot of time together. I don’t know why he got so defensive! LOL!
Because he is .g.a.y…. ? LMAO
LOL! It’s just a fig. of speech I use, sorry, I tend to OVERuse! But, yeah, he might be! LOL!
Fellas,
a.) If your woman HATES their mother, for whatever reason, NEVER tell her “you act/sound JUST like your mom.”
b.) When your lady asks if she looks fat in a certain item of clothing, never respond with a blunt “yes”. She already knows she does so you must finesse your answer and not make her feel too big…I mean too bad.
Ladies,
a.) If you’re “daddy’s little girl”, never compare your man to your deceased father whom in your eyes he’ll never live up to.
b.) Never rub your man’s shortcomings (physical, financial, or otherwise) in his face.
.) If your woman HATES their mother, for whatever reason, NEVER tell her “you act/sound JUST like your mom.”
It doesnt matter if she loves her mother… you should never mention those words in most cases….unless you like having your mother called a bytch, whore, or second incarnation of satan….
Ladies b.) needs a psa and needs to be added to that jr high talk that they give the girls about puberty.
Ladies you are in the relationship to relieve stress not add to it. He is not an idiot. He knows it is a shortcoming. Try to help him w/ it and move on. If you don’t want to feel like your being used, why are you in the relationship?
Ladies you are in the relationship to relieve stress not add to it. He is not an idiot. He knows it is a shortcoming. Try to help him w/ it and move on. If you don’t want to feel like your being used, why are you in the relationship?
this is true.. but also a lot of men get touchy when their woman makes more thant them… and they are looking for things.. just shooting off.. So you gotta stop and get gas, while I’m in the car?… see thats the shyt I’m talkin bout….
LMAO
Yes the greedy not the needie that’s blood money James
Never tell him his “unit” is small.
Even if it is, act like it’s average size or above average size.
ugh- but what if it is?
and then what if he asks?
he’s gotta know he’s not measuring up to everyone else at the urinal line– unless every other chick told him the same story and now he’s walking around delusional. its a cruel game
The thing is he knows it’s small. He shouldn’t even be asking you that question. If he does ask, just play along.
Something like, “no honey, it’s not small, it’s perfect.”
See, no harm, no foul. He probably not delusional, he just wants to see what you’re gonna say.
If he knows what he’s doing though, the size shouldn’t be a huge issue. You can always work around that.
“no honey, it’s not small, it’s perfect.”
i need to be that nice one day.
=(
Gotta pick your battles…ha!
Now if he ain’t slangin said “thang” right, let him know about that. He can work on that.
word you got some with size who still dont know wtf they doin
Yep, and when you ask if you look fat in that dress, he can say,
“Nothing is prettier to me than a pig in a blanket, babe.”
Wait, that wouldn’t work, huh?
I never ask that “do I look fat?” question.
I am fat, I already know the answer…lmao.
again, tell him “it’s so hard” and carry on…
Never tell your SO that you faked it, even if it was just once. It won’t go over well and he’ll just end up giving you coochie burn trying to prove to you that he’s daddy long stroke in the bed. Sigh…trust me…I’ve been there.
Truth. I thought I was being mean, and only hurt myself in the end. Also, suddenly I was a “liar.” WTF??
Taking it extra personally…
Of course you were lying Jen! How could the man with a pipe so good women fall to their knees at the mere thought of it EVER have a woman fake it! Please…men are such ego maniacs, lol.
under what circumstances do you admit something like that? a fight? general conversation?.. I have heard of people admitting this but I never understood why?
I don’t get it either. Seems like you would only say that if you’re intentionally trying to destroy an ego.
I have friends who have shared this info while having an “open and honest” convo with their SO. For some stupid reason they feel these talks make them closer, blah, blah, blah. IDIOTS…a man wants to hear you faked it, like a woman wants to hear his exes backshots were better than hers because the ex had a bigger ass! I never understand why people admit things like this either…it’s beyond me.
Well, maybe trying to improve his bed game?
This is why you don’t fake it, that way you never have to tell him you did.
Eff saving an ego, don’t make that kat think he’s really doing something if he ain’t.
agreed.
Never tell you man you know and have proof that his father is cheating on his mother.
Never tell a dude that all his friends warned you he was a phuck up and would blow the good relationship you two had.
Never tell your dude someone else was the love of your life
Never tell your dude your gay cousin can confirm his father bats for both teams.
Never tell your dude the guy who just bought you and your girls a round of drinks is your former phuck buddy of two years.
“Never tell your dude the guy who just bought you and your girls a round of drinks is your former phuck buddy of two years.”
…better yet act like you never had phuck buddy.
In the words of Big Pimp Clinton…”I did not have sexual relations with that woman”
Didn’t read the rest… but my biggest don’t tell is:
#1 how many other peoples logs you put in your mouth. actually pretend like you’re just ok at it and then ‘progress’.
“actually pretend like you’re just ok at it and then ‘progress”
so give intentionall bad bj’s?
No, not BAD bj’s, but a Superhead like performance out the gate will have guys giving you the side eye.
You haven’t had an experience that had you wondering how a female got THAT good?
“You haven’t had an experience that had you wondering how a female got THAT good?”
if its that good, your mind isn’t in a “wondering” type of mode at all
“if it’s that good, your mind isn’t in a “wondering” type of mode”
yeah…after it’s done and he recovers he’s thinking “i want more of this ish”. He don’t care how you got that good, he is just happy that you are.
I am so not down with the Chris Rock (continuing the theme) of rationing it out so the guy doesn’t think he has a freak right off the bat.
note to self: if the champ says its aite then… back to superhead mode asap!
*Fellas NEVER EVER compare your new chick to your last chick.
For example: “Damn baby why didn’t you put the ranch dressing on the side. Pam always used to do that!”
NOT COOL!!!
That kind of talk is never okay. Your wouldn’t want your girl to even begin on the things you may not do right.
*Ladies DO NOT disclose past freaky sexual acts with a your new man who had not done those things yet. They always trip. Either they think your a big freak or they are mad ya’ll haven’t done said freaky sexual act in question.
For example:
Guy: So, have your ever ______.
Girl: Yeah lots of times with my ex! Have you ever ______?
Guy: No, not really….
I find that it is best to play the “lady card” and keep it to yourself. Just tell him he will have to find out when he gets there. Other wise you will end up answering a lot more uncomfortable questions, like “Why don’t we ever do that?” No matter what you say he won’t like the answer to that question.
“Ladies DO NOT disclose past freaky sexual acts with a your new man who had not done those things yet.”
you can do this, but only if you plan on doing said things with him immediately. and by “immediately” i mean “within the next 30 minutes”
The worse is to say “I used to do that back in the day but I don’t cuz now I know better.”
He’s then all pi$$ed he can’t do it…
I resent that Michael Irvin (yeah there’s no G) comment… I am a huge cowboy fan so I may have to boycott VSB for a couple days because of that… all the crackheads in the world, bobby and whitney, amy winehouse, and you had to go and touch on Mike… just wrong!
“i am a huge cowboy fan so I may have to boycott VSB for a couple days because of that”
sh*t, forget a boycott. your ass might get blocked, lol
Wel dayum…lol
I thought we were peoples Champ
take the weekend and cool off. Prep yourself for Monday.
Never tell your woman the real reason you and your ex broke up is because you couldn’t keep your wang in your pants
Never tell a woman her chicken tastes like wood. And that’s word to the Sugar Hill Gang
Never tell a woman her sex game is wack
And most important fellas never tell your woman the TRUTH!!! No good can come from this.
And most important fellas never tell your woman the TRUTH!!! No good can come from this.
LOL
…like you needed toTELL the fellas that one Champ…
“Never tell a woman her sex game is wack”
then how is she supposed to improve? i see this as oppression, lmao
you should never tell your SO that your previous SO had a bigger wang…NEVER goes over well. I NEVER said that before but I know people who have and it’s been all bad for them LOL
“you should never tell your SO that your previous SO had a bigger wang…NEVER goes over well”
how does this subject even come up?
This subject comes up b/c stupid men ask.
“So, I’m the best you had right?”
“I mean I am the biggest right?”
Wrong baby WRONG!
lmao
well there you have it Champ…ayo answered you before I could LOL
It came up because his silly azz asked her; she politely said her ex was bigger but it didn’t matter cause she was with him now, not the ex. Of course his ego was deflated but that’s what he get for asking…stop asking questions you can’t handle the answer to should the answer not be in your favor LOL
“So, I’m the best you had right?”
“I mean I am the biggest right?”
Just tell them yes and keep it moving.
Never tell them that for a brief period of time in college you stripped…. cough*cough*
this is useless without dailymotion.com footage
Whats up with all this “never tell the truth” shyt.
It all comes out anyway. Loose Wang…Loose Coo%chie…has a way of telling on it’s self.
“It all comes out anyway. Loose Wang…Loose Coo%chie…has a way of telling on it’s self.”
What if your a changed person? So what it took a penicillin shot in the @ss to bring on this change
For my NC folks, never tell your SO that they are a b!tch a$$ Duke fan… that can end if fisticuffs and catching a charge…
hmm…i’m a Duke fan. did you just call me a b*tch?
dook fans that have never even set foot in the state of north carolina can kiss my @ss. they just don’t get it…
Ok, can someone please explain the depth of this rivalry and how it affects otherwise normal people, to me? I can’t tell you how many times the following has happened in the midst of a perfectly pleasant and agreeable convo:
other person: so you’re here for grad school, huh! That’s cool! Where ’bout?
miss kate: I’m at Carolina.
other person: *face falls* (whisper) oh. I went to Duke (or State). I guess you won’t talk to me anymore now.*runs away*
Some things are not meant for our understanding… Go Heels, lol
Though I never came across a woman with this, I still think it’s not a good idea to open your mouth about it, so with the disclaimer out of the way, here goes:
Never tell a woman her stuff smells like (what’s that word Biggie used, oh yeah . . .) sanitation. Matter of fact never call her again after relations, and that’s only if you still do the do after discovering the unpleasant scent. I would have brought up the gas I left on in my apartment and left.
The same applies to her breath, unless that’s something your willing to work with her on. Hell if Jay-Z can do it . . .
“Never tell a woman her stuff smells like (what’s that word Biggie used, oh yeah . . .) sanitation”
you know, i havent had this problem before, but i think that if i encountered that, i’d tell her. maybe she doesnt know that her cooch smells like new jersey
In which direction is your corner bieng built
——————->
or
<——————
That’s true, she might actually be from New Jersey
its only the turnpike that smells!
(that double entendre was completely unintentional)
Is that were NYC dumps it trash? Because I swear everytime I’m 20 minutes away or leaving NYC on the Turnpike I run into the same stank @ss smell. Which causes me to light some old good times, in order to rid the stankness from my nose
yah somewhere between exit 11 and exit 13 theres a chemical factory thingy that looks like one part fairy castle and one part homer simpson’s nuclear power plant*. cant front tho’ – its rancid.
http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/thumb/a/ae/Nuclear-Power-Plant.JPG/300px-Nuclear-Power-Plant.JPG
HAY!!! Stop dumping *pun intended* on NJ…. only the northern half of the state smells like a pig’s ass…
Fellas never tell a woman you let her win at whatever the 2 of you are competting in, after she spends the rest of the night sh*t talking about how she whoop your @ss
Ladies this next jewel I’m about to drop is very important. People have loss there lives over this and it’s possible wars have been started by this. Ladies never ever ever ever ever, tell your man “No” when he asks for sex
what about when “George” is in “visiting”.
or is this “jewel” for post menopausal women and their panthers.
well their baby panthers.
It depends if you and your mate are the type that “runs red lights” lol
“You and Your Mate run red lights”
Sting actually pitched this right before “Roxanne” to The Police.
Ladies this next jewel I’m about to drop is very important. People have loss there lives over this and it’s possible wars have been started by this. Ladies never ever ever ever ever, tell your man “No” when he asks for sex
this is wack as hell.. yes you should.. pity p*ssy (s.ex. just because he asked) ends relationships..it leads to to many orgasmless sessions and becomes like work and the woman will begin to hate you…say no when you are truly not in the mood and then rock his world the moments when you are..it works just fine…as long as every single time you are not saying no and you are also initiating s.e.x
Never show up un-announced.
and if you do show up unannouced, your ass better be naked
“if you do show up unannouced, your ass better be naked”
t shirt material
Yes!!!
Don’t tell your significant other that you used to swing or that you have partaken in any group activities..
just sayin.
Also, you might not ever want to go first on the “what’s the freakiest thing you’ve ever done” question. You might say something outlandish and his answers something like “I had s.ex with the lights on once” Yeah, it gets awkward.
Never tell your SO, that the restaurant/hotel/random spot that the 2 of you frequent is a place you take all your of ex.’s.
The same goes for places you like to fcuk at when feeling adventurous.
Yes this caused a fight in a past relationship.
“Never tell your SO, that the restaurant/hotel/random spot that the 2 of you frequent is a place you take all your of ex.’s.”
this is actually a mistake i made before. i dont think i had any toast that day
Well hell, I guess I won’t talk to any of the men I’m dating
I’ll just lay there and let them do their business on me (c) Ceelie.
“Well hell, I guess I won’t talk to any of the men I’m dating”
just don’t bring up past sex and you’re cool
I enjoy discussing sex too much to not bring it up. I can talk about things I enjoy and pretend that I do it all to my stuffed animals. “The blue care bear loves it when I turn him upside down and XYZ.”
Men: never tell a woman, “I usually don’t date black women, but you’re different.”
Don’t even complain about black women to other black women – especially if you generalize.
“I usually don’t date black women, but you’re different.”
*throat punch*
Return of the larnyx assault, I sure was waiting for the throat punch to surface!
I didn’t wanna wear it out.
I’m only bringing it out for truly idiotic comments. lol
“I usually don’t date black women, but you’re different.”
Friggin white boys!
Not sure if someone said this, but…
If you’re a heterosexual male, never tell your significant other that you have a very popular blog that deals with relationship issues, (beautiful) women, and anything else that may be fodder for the face to face argument.lol.
as an addendum to that I would also add do not tell them about VSB (I know Miss P would disagree and Maybe Panama would too).
That’s funny because I’ve told all by boys about VSB, but not my girl. lol
I made the mistake of telling my current LDR about VSB (but did not refer to VSB by name), he asks about it every day now, wants to know what I write about if I met any of y’all…damn you VSB!
I finally broke down and sent someone the link to the LDR post as well. I had been hanging on to VSB as my secret also (although I did sent it to all my girls), but I caved.
Eh well, maybe he’ll learn something about me? Maybe he’ll learn something about himself?
nope… VSB is something I share with my girls and male friends. my girl in Jamaica (Liz we had lunch with her in DC) is a lurker but anyone Im involved with nope no sir not a chance, he might got a copy and paste if hes real good.
VSB is my secret.
I ain’t tellin’ nobody.
Especially not the kats I’m entertainin’.
VSB like Facebook can be a relationship killer.
So many intresting people so many risque’ topic’s….. def. no-no esp. if your nickname here is your nickname in life….
Never tell a woman the reason you giggle every time you kiss is because her mustache makes you ticklish.
couch you need a little funny illustration book of what never to tell your woman…cause you got some crazy never’s…i am dying over here.
I’m weird like that.
How come Digible planets never used that line?
ctfu I keep thinking of that friday when they kept telling the landlady “I like how you lined that up”
That scene was hilarious! Lol!
if you wanna guarantee that you wont get that random to drop her panties keep tellin her the truth. The truth keeps your balls dry.
Love it.
Never tell someone you are looking to get into a relatinship with that you used to swing or any other group activity you’ve been involved in.
Just saying.
Also never go first on the “whats the freakiest thing you’ve ever done ” question. His answer could be “I had s.ex with the lights on once” life gets akward after that.
So from reading everyone’s comments I am getting the idea that the concenus it to lie by omission as much as possible about your s3x life.
Its a wonder any of us are even having good s3x lives
You will never know . . .
Unless you want to find out first handLadies, never tell your man that your really good guy friend started off as a flirtation and just evolved into friendship. Even if your man is “cool” with you two being friends, you will get the ugly side eye looks and hints of suspicion every time you and the friend so much as talk.
Cosign
My girl swears up and down I slept with on of my female buddies. Even though I did, but that besides the point. Besides were just real cool now. If I was to ever admit this to my girl, it would cause War World 3
“Even though I did, but that besides the point.”
Classic. CTFU!!!
Never tell your man that you and your male co-worker go to lunch daily and take turns treating. They will never understand the concept of your ‘Work Husband’
Never refer to your “work husband” as such in the presence of your SO
Never ask your SO a question you aren’t prepared to answer honestly.
an example that comes to mind
Am I the best at…
In general asking that type of question is a bad idea.
Never say anything that has to be prefaced by “I don’t mean no harm, BUT, _________”
Like Rick Bobby I prefer using the line “With all due respect”
Pray for us in H-town …sniff as IKE approcahes..what will I do If my lights go out and I can’t check my crackVSB….???
oh, I have my Blackberry hehe…happy huricane weekend peeps
Im praying for y’all…
Ike looks like hes going hit you like (well) like Ike used to beat up on Tina.
Good luck down there! I was thinking about all the Houston VSBers when I saw the coverage on the news last night.
Fare thee well good friends!
got two best friends in HTown…praying for y’all/ watching the weather channel
I try to never talk about other women when a prospect is present.
Actually, the dude I went out with last night told me that he went on a date the night before. I kind of found that sexy and/or intriguing.
I once had a female friend that told me that it was rude. Ah well. I just usually avoid it but should it come up I don’t set off the intruder alert. I just keep it respectful.
I don’t take too kindly to that…it’s like you’re trying a little too hard to convince me you’re in demand.
EDIT: this is referring to the gratuitous mention of other women, not to the response if it happens to come up in convo.
Never share with your SO the dirt your girls might be doing. You will be guilty by assocation
oooh weeeeeee
*** fried chicken dinner fundraiser for the church building fund***
hello peoples. long time reader (and probably will get fired for laughing in my cubicle too).
NEVER tell your SO about your *best* sexual experience if it was not with that person. They will know if it wasn’t them that made you pass out/see god/cry.
I almost lost one over that…just wasn’t thinking ahead.
I’ve had that convo about the, “wildest place, ect” and I came away looking like the more exploratory one. He feels a lot of pressure now to step his game up. I say: GOOD.
Men – never tell your SO to ‘calm down’ or ‘relax’. even if she was already calm and/or relaxed, saying these words will have the opposite desired effect.
Women (and men as well) – don’t play too much when discussing with your SO about their favorite sports team, whether it be professional/college etc. The team could have the worst record in the league for 15 years running and dont have a chance in hell of winning any sort of championship, but the SO is adamant in saying that this year will be ‘their year’. In addition, if the SO has some unresolved issues regarding a losing high scool/college team that they actually played on and contributed to their losing streak, don’t mention that as well. One day my SO was laughing at me for being a nerd in hs, I made a joke like ‘well at least i wasnt on a team w/ an 0-12 record.’ Um…still haven’t heard the end of that one…many many months later.
“One day my SO was laughing at me for being a nerd in hs, I made a joke like ‘well at least i wasnt on a team w/ an 0-12 record.”
This sounds like some ish I would have said.
Kudos.
“Men – never tell your SO to ‘calm down’ or ‘relax’. even if she was already calm and/or relaxed, saying these words will have the opposite desired effect.”
this makes zero sense. if you blow up cause I said it doesn’t that mean you were not calm? Why blow up about it if you were calm?
should I say stop being crazy instead?
1. Never tell your SO that you posed for nekid pictures for any of your exes.
2. Never tell your SO that his “special sauce” tastes good if in fact it does NOT.
3. Never tell your SO that his “signature move” gets you off, because he will keep trying that move and you will continue to be disappointed (and not get off).
4. Never confess your freaky behaviors unless you plan to share that side of yourself with your SO. (could be your pron collection, your freakiest lingerie, your fascination with adult websites, etc) In the words of Panama Jackson “sharing is caring”, so if you’re not going to share, then don’t tell.
Oooowah I got one!
When ur man says u wanna have my baby don’t u?
Neva respond by saying “Well by the looks of your mom, sis, dad, (anybody in the family tree) that neva ran across my mind.”
Hell naw shud that mishap occur i hope my genes are dominant! LOL……but no like seriously!
1. Never admit that the Bloods, Crips, Mob, the IRS or the Feds are seriously looking for you, unless they’re looking for your S.O. too.
2. Ladies, unless you’re a helluva comedian, never say to a fairly new guy that “you’re dying to get married”. The slick ones will play you, and the smart ones will wonder if they’re just a prop to fit into your ‘script’ by coincidence rather than genuine love.
3. Men, never admit that a past girlfriend or wife pissed you off so much that you put her in the hospital or the grave, even if you “ain’t like that now.” If she finds out anyway, don’t hide your medication; she may take it as proof that you’re stabilized.
4. It’s probably not a good idea to admit you had consensual sex with one of your siblings, although the former professor of my Philosophy of Sexuality class did, and he found a wife despite this. He said they enjoyed occasional threesomes, though not with his sister.
5. Ladies, it might be okay if you call your S.O. Daddy when you make love. It’s not okay to admit you’re actually thinking of your Daddy when you do… unless like my old professor, yo’ Daddy substitute used to bang his sister. Then it’s all in the family. LOL.
6. Men, like farting, it might be okay to laugh if the dog tries humps your leg, although if you’re over 15, you should shove Rover away fairly quickly once he gets into action. It’s never okay to admit you have an extensive collection of beastiality p0rn unless you have direct knowledge she’s a bonafide freak.
7. Men/Ladies: Unless your tears spring from joy, never cry after sex, holding your head or hitting yourself and saying, “Lord, God, please forgive me, for I have sinned…”
CTFU @ # 7
4,5, &6 will definitely give me nightmares tonight.
Wow
Is it okay to inform your SO that he/she is your SO or should that just be known. Worded better… is it safe to say, “You rock my world like no one else does!”
Last post… for now.
You should not tell your SO that the sex wasn’t TERRIBLE (i.e. it wasn’t great!)
yeah, i think that would just be wrong, even if it’s true. its so unnecessary to state, and kinda rude.
a friend of mine did this to her so-called SO (they’re shacking up but deny they are in a relationship). actually, she told him he wasn’t her best, that she’d had better. yet, they are still in their same situation. no “relationship” but having “relations” (or copulating, if you will) nonetheless… i don’t get it.
4. It’s probably not a good idea to admit you had consensual sex with one of your siblings, although the former professor of my Philosophy of Sexuality class did, and he found a wife despite this. He said they enjoyed occasional threesomes, though not with his sister.
5. Ladies, it might be okay if you call your S.O. Daddy when you make love. It’s not okay to admit you’re actually thinking of your Daddy when you do… unless like my old professor, yo’ Daddy substitute used to bang his sister. Then it’s all in the family. LOL.
6. Men, like farting, it might be okay to laugh if the dog tries humps your leg, although if you’re over 15, you should shove Rover away fairly quickly once he gets into action. It’s never okay to admit you have an extensive collection of beastiality p0rn unless you have direct knowledge she’s a bonafide freak.
SHIT.