World Shocked That Man Named “Hulk” Who Made Living Getting Slammed On Head Said Something Offensive » VSB

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World Shocked That Man Named “Hulk” Who Made Living Getting Slammed On Head Said Something Offensive

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I will never forget where I was and what I was doing the day I learned a steroid-stuffed man who named himself “Hulk” and became famous by voluntarily having his head slammed into barriers, ropes, poles, chairs, feet, knees, and livestock 30 times a day for 20 years straight said something offensive. I do not know how much further I can go on from here. Food no longer has any taste. Water just runs through me, like a dam-less creek of orphaned kitten tears. The air feels like a thousand hellbound needles pricking my spine. I try to speak words and dust comes out. And then, sometimes, a wild, lust-filled cackle. My purpose is vanquished; my soul tarnished; my essence obliterated. I may never take another shit.

I am devastated. The news about the Hulk man has devastated me. And I will never be the same again.

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • st george doesnt exist

    what you going to do when his offensive rants go wild over you, brother

    • Fucked up but hilarious. LOL

    • dadumdee

      He alway’s said ‘brother’ with that super hard -er at the end. I’m scared to find out what his n-bomb game was like. I know he was like ‘-ERRRRRRRR’ on some Nelly-type enuciation. Definitely no confusing that with a term of endearment.

      • st george doesnt exist

        when a senior citizen on roids is yelling it, please dont take it as a term of endearment.

  • Navy_Jordan

    longtime lurker, new commenter. this is the chickens coming home to roost. smh

  • Tristan

    I expected this from Stone Cold

    • Courtney Wheeler

      Stone Cold is actually a huge “red neck liberal” I met him a couple of times. Super chill.

      • Tristan

        I dont trust anybody…cuz well, Stone Cold

        • Courtney Wheeler

          When I hear someone yell WHAT!? I get really excited…then i remember I’m a giant nerd

          • Tristan

            When I would hear glass break i would start to do the theme song

            • st george doesnt exist

              *cracks open a beer can*

        • lol

      • miss t-lee

        I’ve listened to his podcast a few times. He reminds me of every white kat I know who is into huntin’, fishin’ and drivin’ F-350 duallys with lift kit.
        Because Texas.

        • st george doesnt exist

          here to in la… beeer. just have to say that when mentioning austin. I still laugh at his poor version of flair days in wcw loooool.

          • miss t-lee

            LOL!
            HE came a a long way…
            But,let’s keep it real Flair was a throwback to Blassie..he just put his own spin on it.

  • SFMimi

    I mean….are you reallly surprised? Like…really? .

  • I’m a 90’s baby, so all I got’s… #Po’LiquorforMyChildhood #SMH

  • Dougie

    I always liked Ultimate Warrior and Undertaker better anyway. I could do with out Hulk.

    Good riddens.

    • Courtney Wheeler

      Sadly the Ultimate Warrior, pissed that Vince owned the rights to his name legally changed his name to “Warrior” and became a super crazy right-wing Republican…The Undertaker? Yeah he’s still cool.

      The Macho Man…I always liked him.

      • HeyBooHey

        About to show how long it’s been since I watched wrestling – The Undertaker isn’t dead anymore?!?

        • Courtney Wheeler

          He’s always dead HeyBooHey…but the current version of the Undertaker I believe is like the original.

          • HeyBooHey

            See, I know the coffin was part of his schtick but the last time I watched he was “dead” dead. Like he was gone for a minute for whatever reason

        • DreamJ

          He transitioned to the “American Badass” biker dude and is now a hybrid of the old undertaker, biker and MMA dude.

      • The Ultimate Warrior was a big dude in the College Republicans in the latter years. The Undertaker is the wrestler’s version of Scarface: your favorite wrestler’s favorite wrestler.

    • Tristan

      I wasnt around when Hulkamania was at its peak so he always just been meh to me…its funny how quick WWE ran away from him like they dont have ninjas playing jungle savages and whatnot

      • Vanity in Peril

        Zactly. Monday night raw is some anthropological fuckery

      • Hulkamania at its peak was something else. Like he was DAT DUDE! Sigh…I felt a piece of my childhood die.

        • HOT TUB TONY

          Especially when hulk body slammed andre the giant in wrestlemania

  • Uniquely Blushed

    Does anyone remember Brother Love? Bringing back memories from my childhood. I loved wrestling. I was an undertaker fan!! When you heard that music you knew it was him..

  • miss t-lee

    Never was a fan of Hulk, even when I really was into wrasslin as a kid. Loved the NWA guys.

    • Tristan

      NWO*

      • miss t-lee

        The NWA.
        It was before your time, i’m sure. Get your google on.
        *snickers*

      • miss t-lee
        • Tristan

          Well excuuuuuuuse me *sips juice box*

          • miss t-lee

            Hand me a capri-sun.

      • Nah, it was some down south ish that was awesome.

        • miss t-lee

          Yes, indeed it was.

        • DG

          Saturday evenings on TBS…you already knew what time it was…

          • miss t-lee

            YES!

    • Please let not the Nature Boy get involved! Lord PLEASE!

    • st george doesnt exist

      i keep liking you more and more miss. NWA WCW and MID south. it was every sunday before church and then saturday nights before I could get out the house lol and then that NITRO

      • miss t-lee

        Saturday afternoons we’d make popcorn (on the stove!)and watch NWA. Just my Pops and us kids, great memories.

  • Nick Peters

    The thing is…most white people (when they aren’t around black people) have said the N-word…

    the thing is most people, when we feel safe, will say and do things that in public we would NEVER do for fear of punishment…

    …but still I can’t f*ck with him anymore….shed a tear

  • Courtney Wheeler

    Sadly most of your favorite 80’s/90’s wrestlers on a scale from one to Strom Thurmond are super racist or have done racially ambiguous things .
    Ric Flair, Ole Anderson, Roddy Piper, HHH, JBL, XPac, Kevin Nash even Vince McMahon…
    Wrestling is a carnival that’s been always 10 years behind..especially when it comes to ethnicities and feminism. You can watch it today and experience at least 5 cringe worthy moments.

    • Vanity in Peril

      Not Roddy Piper. Please lord, no! Not his rowdiness!

      • Courtney Wheeler

        Vanity, trust me, I’m a HUGE Piper girl. Always has, always will BUT there are two incidents that gave him quite the “racially insensitive” reputation.

        Piper had a feud with Mr. T and the feud was real. Some claim it was racially motivated BUT after 30 years they did peace it out and publicly praised each-other.

        Second one was Piper got a-lot of heat one time for painting half his body black before facing off with a wrestling Bad News Brown…Bad New Brown didn’t take the incident light. Piper claimed he did it because Brown was lazy in the ring and wanted to purposely piss him off.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tf7cKf9QUb4

        Mind you Piper did a crap ton of drugs in the 80’s so who knows.

    • Patrice Oneal on Vince: https://youtu.be/-ZeYOKQxZbc

    • StillSuga

      HHH? XPac? *goes to mourn for DX* Is Shawn Michaels too?!?!?!?

      • st george doesnt exist

        i posted the vid when they got besides them self

    • Tracy

      I had to stop watching the Attitude Era……they did everything but call out the Nword. Everybody black was super hyper coonish ….

      • grabo2003

        U know what? I was thinking the same thing some years back, minorities were never the smart type e.g. Kamala smh.

        • Tracy

          remember the wild samoans? never talked , just grunted…

    • SaneN85

      XPac is someone’s favorite?

      • Courtney Wheeler

        Someone’s yuck is someone else’s yum… haha

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