Between WorldStar spam, the dozens of daily requests to promote premieres of movies starring people you thought were dead, and the 125,000 times per day that people ask us how to create avatars, most of the emails we receive at the VSB account are somewhat anti-climatic.
Every now and then, though, something thoughtful and unique will find our inbox.
My name is **** and in 6 days I’m graduating from college and being
forced to go be an adult or whatever. I am excellent at being a
semi-responsible youngin but not really sure how I’m supposed to go “be
grown” the day after that cap and gown come off. I was wondering if you
all could do a post with your own advice for a fresh-out-the-classroom,
young VSS and invite your hilarious readers to add their own.
Of course I had to oblige.
1. There will come a time in the next year or so when your life is going to feel exactly like the first half of the chorus in Drake’s “Over”…
“I know way too many people here right now
That I didn’t know last year, who the f*ck are y’all?
I swear it feels like the last few nights
We been everywhere and back
But I just can’t remember it all
What am I doin’? What am I doin’?”
…and that’s perfectly ok.
You will doubt yourself. You will experience angst. You will be wondering if you went to the right school, chose the right major, chose the right job, slept with the right guy(s). And, worst of all, you’ll see other people your age who are seemingly unaffected by these types of thoughts, and it will frustrate and maybe even depress you.
Thing is, despite their perpetual self-fellating tweets and Facebook status messages (“OMG! I’m so sh*ttin on life right now!!!”) they’re all feeling the exact same way you are.
My point? We all went through it. Sh*t, some of us still are. Don’t get allow yourself to get too discouraged and defeated if you haven’t quite figured your plan yet, and don’t forget that you’re far from the only one who’s going through this.
2. Be prepared for the fact that every guy your age that you’re interested will be an asshole.
Thing is, since you and every other 21 to 23 year old woman is an asshole too, this shouldn’t be too much of a problem.
3. Don’t allow yourself to be guilt-tripped into keeping certain people around/in your life just because they’ve been around/in your life.
While I’m not saying that you should just start rocking a pair of shorts that says “Deuces” on the back and tell all your old friends to “watch my ass, bitch” when they try to talk to you, you’ll find that some people just aren’t built to be able to accompany you on this journey. Discarding them (or, even better, letting them discard themselves. If this doesn’t make any sense now, it will shortly) doesn’t make you a sell out.
4. Still haven’t figured out that plan? Go back to school
In fact, even if you have figured out that plan, go back to school and think on it some more. Trust me, if you do plan on continuing your education, the longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be for you to get back into “school” mode.
With that being said…
5. It’s true. Your degrees definitely won’t keep you warm at night.
But, they do have a funny way of keeping gas in your whip, food in your fridge, hot water in your shower….
Basically, so the f*ck what if you don’t have a (wo)man right now. If it happens it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Either way, don’t allow the pursue of the p (penis, p*ssy, women who smell like patchouli, etc) to hijack your entire being. Plus, think about your friends that are in relationships. Now, think about how many of them are actually happy. (Real happy. Not Facebook happy) Do you really want that relentless God-awfulness in your life?
I didn’t think so.
Anyway, people of VSB, that’s it for me. Can you think of anything else you’d say to a 20 to 22 year old doe-eyed VSB or VSS right now?
Also, if you happen to be one of those snot-nosed youngsters, take this time to pick the old-ass brains of the old-ass regulars. Do you have any questions about “life” that you’d like answered?
Lastly, old-ass VSB-ers, is there anything you wish someone would have told you when you were graduating from college?
The carpet is yours
—The Champ
If you haven’t purchased the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime” yet, what the hell is stopping you? (No, seriously. Tell us and we’ll send Chuck Norris or Liz to fix it)
#3 is so true, but I’ve been following that sht all my life. For some reason it was much easier to do then, than now as an adult.
to be honest, ive been pretty lucky in this regard. other than a college teammate, ive never had to really cut anyone off as an adult ***knocking on wood***
WOW. Great read! @Jessica, I agree. I definitely needed someone to paint #3 on my bedroom ceiling so I could have read it every night when I first got out of undergrad. This was such a good post!
I’d add:
1. Consider the source: Everybody’s “advice” may not be applicable to you.
Coming out of college, everybody from the “self-employed” Aunt who “doesn’t know what you need a degree for anyway” to the church usher with 3 degrees, a wife and a husband on the side will try to offer advice as to what your next move should be. It’s good to seek advice but be cautious not to let things freak you out OR get you excited that don’t necessarily apply to your situtaion or your goals.
2. Compromise when needed, but don’t settle.
A misconception coming out of college is that it’s so difficult to get the job that you’re looking for that many new college grads take on the “take whatever you can get” mentality. Go after what you want and adjust your expectations accordingly as you begin to get a feel for what it is the job market has to offer you, but don’t ever completely settle just because you get frustrated or because people tell you you need to jump at the next thing that comes regardless of what it is. Be (professionally) honest with prospective employers about what you’re looking for. If you present yourself well and there’s a mutual interest, they may hear you out and be willing to compromise if need be.
WOW. I definitely needed someone to paint #3 on my bedroom ceiling so I could have read it every night when I first got out of undergrad. This was such a good post!
I’d add:
1. Consider the source: Everybody’s “advice” may not be applicable to you.
Coming out of college, everybody from the “self-employed” Aunt who “doesn’t know what you need a degree for anyway” to the church usher with 3 degrees, a wife and a husband on the side will try to offer advice as to what your next move should be. It’s good to seek advice but be cautious not to let things freak you out OR get you excited that don’t necessarily apply to your situtaion or your goals.
2. Compromise when needed, but don’t settle.
A misconception coming out of college is that it’s so difficult to get the job that you’re looking for that many new college grads take on the “take whatever you can get” mentality. Go after what you want and adjust your expectations accordingly as you begin to get a feel for what it is the job market has to offer you, but don’t ever completely settle just because you get frustrated or because people tell you you need to jump at the next thing that comes regardless of what it is. Be (professionally) honest with prospective employers about what you’re looking for. If you present yourself well and there’s a mutual interest, they may hear you out and be willing to compromise if need be.
No relevant comment, just wanted to shout out my fellow c/o 2011 grads!!! ::slithers back into the kingdom of lurkers::
Class of 2011??? I feel old as hell!
Girl who are you telling! 31 never felt so damn old. LOL
Real talk…I tell people I started undergrad in ’97, I get the big eyed stare and the sympathetic head shift.
At the Chicago VSB event, I almost had to break out the birth certificate (long form because the short form just ain’t doing it for folks these days). Remember Cheekie?!
YES. You need a plethora of people AND Donald Trump to notify your birth certificate because you need so many more people it ain’t eem funny. Young buck lookin’ self. Even MY regressive sized eyes were buck when you said that.
Right…you do realize folks in college now were born in like ’91….*goes to wal-mart to pick out casket*
You didn’t need to say all that though, just mean and spiteful for no d@mn reason! One of you whippersnappers grab this old lady a cane.
#WalMartDoh?
LOL…get mine in Mahogany
I’m a bit uppity so I’ll get mine from Target
That is crazy…and to think that I will actually get to give a commencement speech in a couple weeks at a JuCo in Texas…I’ll try not to corrupt the youth and the second-chancers #havmercyonmysoul.
Its my second graduation. I’m riding this sucka until the wheels fall off too. Working to take the (almost) off of my esquire and shamelessly accept grad money for the last time. Still a bit of a tenderoni though -_o (wink)
I’m with you 110% I’m taking that grad money with my head held high!
Good luck on the Bar. Which one are you taking?
FLAWDA!!!
P.S. testing my Gravatar, my other name was taken
“the kingdom of lurkers:”
this sounds like the title to a very disturbing fetish p*rn series.
Yep.
Oh you haven’t seen that one? Boats and heauxxs aplenty.
Do high school grads count?
*graduation glitter*
sure why not. Congratulations!!!!
I really don’t feel right knowing that High Schoolers might be reading these posts and some of the things I wrote.
exactly…
LOL, as long as they’re over 17- what’s the R-rated age?
O_o… you need to go!!!! Out with you!!!
Not to mention… uh, if you ARE in high school… why aren’t you at school RIGHT NOW!!?! It’s a school day!!! *foot tapping, arms crossed*
Things ain the same as when we were in school. They got phones now.
*tear drops while listening to Gil Scott Heron*
lmao
Girl, they’re probably in class with their smartphones ignoring their teacher.
I used to read magazines, but that was way back in the 90′s..
You right… now I gotta be censoring myself… UGH!
I have study hall 1st period, and it was supposed to be Senior Skip Day, so not too many seniors were at school…
So what you’re saying is YOU weren’t at school… don’t try to run one past me boo boo. Anyway, as an elder I don’t like it. I SUPPOSE there are things you can learn here but I’m worried your little innocent mind won’t be able to decipher the good from the bad.
Words to live by: Do as I say, not as I do… now scram!
No I was at school, sadly….
yes finally graduating!
Woohoo! (should be) Graduating 2 weeks from Sunday!!
2011!!!! We made it!!!! #leggooo !!!!
3 weeks till graduation…
*ghetto horray* i thought this year would NEVER come!! *sits down and thinks about Sr. of HS when they would chant 07/11*
i thought about it… May 7, 2011… I’m still 07/11!! woooo….
ok I’m done.
Amazing how relevant this is even though I’m 2 years out of undergrad and 3/4 of the way done with an M.S. Degree…
I think the only thing I’ll add is to remain patient, and take the time after college to explore and/or reassess your passions…the job market still sucks, so it might be a while before work shows up, so take that extra “free time” to also explore the things you’ve always wanted to do but may not have had the time or the inspiration to do…it just might create a path to work that you may not have considered otherwise…
“3/4 of the way done with an M.S. Degree”
*drops “You’re Almost There!!” banner*
*throws diploma confetti*
*slices the “so close you can taste it” cake*
You rock!!
“3/4 of the way done with an M.S. Degree”
*drops “You’re Almost There!!” banner*
*throws diploma confetti*
*slices the “so close you can taste it” cake*
lol, talk about jumping the gun. can i get some glitter too for the dream i had about getting a phd last week?
There was no glitter…but here’s some wet blanket, stop trying to stifle my encouragement soot for you!
*evil eye* I know Boogie’s good for it! *humpf*
*Picks up thrown glitter like a stripper picks up dollaz*
*throws strippa glitter at champ for phd toughts*
My list
1. Its ok not to know exactly what you want to do believe it or not you still have time. And don’t get frustrated when people say “what did you major in?… Oh what, you wanted to be a teacher?” (oh thats just me who gets irritated by that question)
2. Dont eff up your credit you may think “I can pay this off 2 years from now” no you won’t. You will miss out on job opportunities because you messed up your credit
Exactly! Hopefully the only debt you graduated with is from your student loan. You have a year of freedom before you will be saddled with that for the next 10-30 years so make sure that you pay off any and all credit cards. The less financial debt you have the happier you’ll be. Oh and when you get your new job set up a retirement account and a savings account that cant be accessed for 5 years. Who knows where your life will be in 5 years. You may need that money to get you through after a layoff or you may want it for a lavish vacay in Brazil.
Good luck youngin!
Co-sign. And don’t be so quick to run back to grad school. Work experience is CRITICAL, and grad school is EXPENSIVE so make sure its A. something you want a grad degree in and B. they are WILLING TO PAY YOU TO GO.
Student loans are not a joke…these Doctors and Lawyuhs (and Arts Management Master’s Degree Holders) outchea busting ass just to pay that b*tch Sallie Mae.
Oh yeah, and keep hope alive and ish.
CO-SIGN!!! 3 degrees (BA, MA and JD): $175,000 student loan debt. After consolidation, that’s $1,000.00 per month for the next 25 years. That’s a helluva nut to make every month, on top of living expenses. Get that experience, become indespensible to your employer, then have THEM pay for your graduate degree(s). If I knew then what I know now…
Wow!
I guess I need to shut the f*ck up about my lil $350.00 a month.
Student Loan Payment = Mortgage?
This is some suspect math.
exactly. let someone else foot the bill…besides going straight through isnt the advantage people thing it is unless you go to a big school and get recruiting at a big company. even still, them stu loans are nothin to mess wit
Congrats L Boogie!
*sighs, taking out the notepad again*
I’m with you Tes…Even though I’m not graduating until next spring- I’m gonna be one of those famous (or infamous) 5 year-ers lol I am already starting to feel stressed about what im supposed to be doing next lol.
Im all ears!
I’m a freshman, 50 or so credit hours from an Associates of English in a society where English is subjective at best…I need all the advice I can get
lol
Don’t stop at the associates…keep going (I’m sure you know that already, but it’s worth hearing, tho)
I’m going for the Masters #noTiger. I don’t know what a Masters of English is good for, but it’s what I love. Watch me end up in Thailand training elephants and not using it at all as apparently that’s how life works lol
Depends on what you want to do…just because you love English (language, literature, history, etc.) doesn’t mean you have to pursue a Master’s in it (if at all). Unless you’re trying to go into teaching, there may be other degree programs that would satisfy your love for English in addition to being more marketable (you can also pursue a Master’s degree in areas such as Communications, Journalism, Education w/ specialization in English lit., etc.).
A worthwhile suggestion might be to find/talk to folks who actually do what you see yourself doing, pick their brain(s), see what degrees they pursued/actions they took, and act accordingly.
…I don’t know what I wanna do. Is that bad? o.O
No. Its normal really. And here’s the kicker. What you want to do may change at different points in your life as an adult. It has for me.
.The best advice I can give a young person is hold off on the kids till you want it, be smart about money, and travel as much as possible
Ain’t you a freshman!?
some people do liberal arts until they purchase the cap and gown..
#DeniseHuxtable
take the time to figure out what you wanna do and BE SURE.. because if you start something, then change your mind.. some a them credits don’t cross over and you gotta start all over.. (translation: more $$$)
#TheyBePimpin
I felt the same way Tes. I graduated with a MS in Math and had no idea what that made me qualified to do. I spoke to my professors and that helped. Yea for many jobs your degree will not really be relavant. It shows employers that you are able to commit to something for at least 4 years. lol!
“Masters of English is good for..” -Maybe you won’t get a Masters in English.
It’s good to have plans, but be open to the idea that your plans may change. With an English BA, there is so many things you can do *cough*blogging*cough. You could go into marketing, communications, write a book, write a sitcom, become a journalist, write hallmark cards, create an iPad app (..in 2014 voice *what’s an iPad??), Tyrese’s professional spell checker..the possibilities are endless!!
Keep your options open and be creative. That’s my advice.
You said, “Tyrese’s professional spell checker…”
iDied
I was one of those 5 year-ers. After that I took two years off then went back for a Masters, got that and now I still have no idea what to do. I will say this, if you have anything that you just LOVE to do (cook, travel, write, bodybuild) take this time and do it. Real talk, I’m thinking of quitting my job and riding the rails like Water For Elephants (yep, I read the book and I’m still a gangsta). Or at least doing something that I want to do. You only get one life, dont let folks trick you into thinking you have to do this or that. (Just for the record those last couple of sentences were prolly directed more so at me than anyone else in particular. Very cathartic)
This is really good advice…if you already have money to sustain your life while you play.
I’ve always been that “time is of the essence” type of people but I envy those who can do both. I wanna be in Hawaii right now. 
i loved water for elephants!
but big co-sign on doing what you want while you can. i’m 30 and going back to school has always been easy for me (i don’t really see why that should be that difficult, unless you have children- i’m in a mba program now, and no i’m not paying for it), but getting back to what i love has been very difficult. now that i have a decent salary and bills/mortgage to match it, it’s really hard to leave that steady money and pursue something else.
Yes, getting paid is addictive. Pulling out that insurance card and paying 15 bucks gets addictive. It’s hard to jump out of comfort into the unknown when you actually have stuff to lose.
lol hey pres!
*pulls out laptop for more efficient note taking*
I had to come out of lurkerdom to co-sign – I’m two years out of college and still trying to figure it out!!
Woo, I love yall$
<3
*sighs, taking out the notepad again*
does “thats what she said” work here?
Only if it’s so terrible that she has to take notes on what he does wrong, or he wants her to learn some pr0n tips. Otherwise, not quite.
1) Use condoms. They’ll be plenty of time for risky sex when you get into your mid-30′s.
2) Pay your bills. That credit score will ride you for years.
3) Live way beneath your means. Let the other folks aim for big-pimping life. You get comfy at not-pimping and…
4) But as little as .5% of your pay into your 401K
5) Don’t try to beat a drug test. Just don’t do drugs. It’s the best way to NOT lose a job because your hair (they’re beyond asking for urine) came back dirty.
4) But = Put
bwahahahah @ your #1…..@ least I hope it’s a joke
Except it’s really not. There will be PLENTY of opportunities for unprotected actions in your 30′. Maybe even more. But that doesn’t mean you have to do it. But trust me, they’re there. It’s probably because 1) men think if you haven’t had a kid by 30+, it’s only because you’re been having protected action in your 20′s. Wrong. But they also don’t seem to care if they get you pregnant at that point because they are probably in a position to financially care for you and the child.
LOVE IT!
#3 is great advice at any age. Gold!
Ain’t it. I learned that THEE hard way.
Excellent additions *hi-five*
I stayed on my sisters a§§ about watching her damn credit throughout her college years.
i love all of these.
“1) Use condoms. They’ll be plenty of time for risky sex when you get into your mid-30?s.”
***nodding head***
Well said! I regret not putting money into my 401k earlier. I advised a friend’s nephew to do it when he was about 23. A few years later, he’s still thanking me for that advice.
Co-sign numero three.
BEST advice so far!
Great Advice!!!
Especially number 2
One more:
6) Become friends with the IT department at every job you have. Watch your online presence. Do not blog/comment under your real name or using your real address. Set up Google Alerts for your name and any variation of your name. Trust me completely on this one.
Love this list!!
Ri-i-i-ight r-i-i-ight.
Infrequent commenter, long time reader.
As a VSB that graduates in 3 weeks myself, this post is definitely right on time.
I see you boo! <—I've been quietly waiting for an opportunity to say that all week.
Lol. Glad I could be of assistance. **tips hat**
“As a VSB that graduates in 3 weeks myself, this post is definitely right on time.”
got any questions?
Lil’ man in the avi is a cutey pie.
@SFG: Thank ya. Not too shabby for a pic that was taken 19-20 years ago. Lol
Don’t try to compare your experience to others at your age. Things happen at different speeds and different paths. Don’t t think your life is bullsh*t just bc you haven’t reached some “Keeping up with the Joneses” benchmark. There is no manual nor rules to this sh*t, do’t be discouraged, just keep it pushing and it’ll happen how it is supposed to and sh*t.
Ugh I been dealin with this… :-/
*creeps outta my lurkdom as well.
I try to use the Keeping up With the Joneses mentality as my motivation to work harder and to obtain the best I can out of my life. I like to surround myself with positive people that are working hard to be successful in their respective careers. You have to mutually push each other to be the best you can be in this world and not be around people that will bring you down with their crab in a barrel mentality .
*steps off of pedestal.
SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE GRADS. I graduate with my MBA on May 14th.
*starts running full speed to reach that finish line
*writes that down*
It’s hard, especially when I see my friends and former classmates surpassing me in so many areas. I get a little hard on myself about that, and I don’t know how to change that other than to try and do what they do…but it never ends up right. So what you’re saying…makes a bunch of sense
Thanks Alise.
“Surpassing” is so subjective, tho. You get to define growth for yourself, which I believe is what Naturally Alise is saying and what Champ alluded to with #3. Do you, bebe.
I meant #1, not #3
I don’t know what doing me entails >.< lol. I like to read, I like to write and recite, I like to cook, clean and eat. All that other stuff (i.e clubbing, going out) never makes sense to me as it's usually with people I don't really like, doing things I don't really want to do, with money I don't want to spend.
And I know surpassing is subjective, because the truth is, a lot of them tell me I'm surpassing them . I don’t know how, but I always take that with a sprinkle of salt and try to keep it moving.
That there is the truth. Compare yourself to yourself. You are your standard.
It’s hard. Especially when all your friends have jobs or are going to prestigious grad/med/law schools. Ugh. I’m just trying to make sure I pass my classes, so I can graduate.
So do that… by the time you graduate (AND YOU WILL GRADUATE, say it with me) and get a job, the time before that they were working and you were in school won’t even matter… no one remembers that isht. Stay focused on YOUR objectives.
@ Lina baby….everything that GLITTERS ain’t GOLD
Yeah, great advice. You’ll run yourself crazy comparing your life to others. Just don’t even do it.
If this ain’t oh so real! Heck, I have to remind myself of this as 30 year old in just my day to day living.
THIS. RIGHT. HERE. You’ll just get discouraged and not focus on your goals. Do you.
I’m 32 and dealing with this….
Thanks Alise, I needed that one…
Yeah, the whole “I’m 25 and have achieved so much” thing is extra tired. Working to be the young prodigy at an organization makes you a ripe target for exploitation by the more “experienced” people who will happily bury you in their work so they can go home at decent hours. When time for review comes, you expect that they will hand you Willy Wonka’s golden ticket but really, it will be managerial Jedi mind tricks making you feel like you need to work harder.
Sea Jay Bee – This right here is my life right now. I’ve never had the ability to just go to school. It’s always been work and school full time. Yes, it’ll take me longer to graduate, but my mentality has always been slow and steady wins the race. I’ve always been grateful to have a stable job with health benefits, 401k, and all those bells and whistles. However, I always get stuck with massive workloads and really low wages. The excuse at every evaluation is that I need more experience and – wait for it – a degree!!! You were willing to work with me while I get this degree, doe?! MIND GAMES! I am 23 and burned out. I really just wanna quit this place… but I’m thisclose to being vested in the pension… Life’s a b. Seriously.
some of the realest advice ever. i know folks 10 years out of school who still haven’t learned this lesson and its dogging their social lives, their economical growth, and frankly their attitude.
Approaching 30 and this still applies. I’ve learned to be happy where EYE am on my journey.
This is some straight goodness Naturally Alise.
I’ve seen peers who started out making way more than me (and I thought I was sitting good) end up on the recession unemployment line while I’ve been blessed to receive steady raises and promotions in my first 6 years.
You just never know what life has in store you versus the next person.
Very good advice!!!
TRUTH.
Alise. (Naturally) dispensing that knowledge since way back when.
I think #3 is a great tip and an important part of adulthood. People have to keep that in mind during the course of their life. Not everyone that is placed in your life is meant to stay there. Sometimes you have to go your separate ways even if there wasn’t any official falling out. People can pull you down without intending too, and you can be pulled down without realizing it.
Likewise, surrounding yourself with people who want the same things out of life can really motivate you and keep things in perspective.
“I think #3 is a great tip and an important part of adulthood.”
It is. But I wonder, and this is jus me being skeptical, but what happens if you (the general “you”) ends up being the one that is left? Like, other folks that you’re cool with decide they’re moving on without you. Jus a curious thought is all.
- You can’t eat pride.
There will come a point where you’re going to have to work a job that you know damn well didn’t require a college degree. Don’t sleep on said job, because most employers won’t hire you without experience, despite the fact that you’re looking for experience. (That last sentence is known as a “contradiction”.)
Either way, know that you need (any) type of money in your pocket, and you may live with parents who will charge you rent. Or at least make guidelines as long as you continue to live in their house rent-free.
This is so true. A lot of these jobs require a degree AND experience. Bets to just start at the bottom and work your way up
Let me tell you that I’ve seen folks on my job go from intern to opening the next branch of the expansion…in less than 2 years. So get your learn on in that internship and parlay that into a J-O-B that pays.
Okay, y’all handing out some truths on this here and I’m sending baby sis over to read it. THIS is soooo real and I feel like she’s not getting it.
Shoot, I’m learning as well. There’s a saying that a smart man learns from his mistakes, but a wise man learns from the mistakes of others.
torpedo of truth
Either way, know that you need (any) type of money in your pocket, and you may live with parents who will charge you rent. Or at least make guidelines as long as you continue to live in their house rent-free.
Amen!!! I know quite a few of my peers who have relocated back to their parent’s house and downsized from a queen back to a twin size bed just so they could regroup and get their ends back up.
Hmm, what advice would I give?
1. Take chances- This is the best time to make mistakes since the loans don’t kick in for six months
2. Don’t let people, see: parents, rush you into a decision that you might regret. This is not the 70′s. Things are [a little] better now.
3. Your life will not miraculously change after you cross the stage. Addendum: And no one is waiting on you at the other end of the stage with a job, so I hope you have a plan.
4. He who fails to plan, plans to fail.
4A. He who plans to fail, fails to plan.
4B. If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
I say all of this nothingness to say, go out and do something. Anything. It’s okay to keep working at the same job if you don’t have another one lined up. You have two years to sort things, and figure things, out. Take your time but not too much.
ALLLLa this!!! I loved it.. I just tweeted some of this stuff on my ‘other’ twitter. @ccquotequeen
Yes, yes, yes and yes…
Man when I first graduated from college it was a rude awakening. My friends were no longer down the hall for random everclear & chicken wing adventures at 3am.
But honestly if I have any advice for young VSS/ VSB it’s BE SELFISH. Take this time to do whatever you want to do, go wherever you want to go. If you don’t like it, do something else. Don’t let fear and obligation hold you back. People get too caught up on what the are “supposed” to be doing. If you do that you will look up and be 53 years old wondering what the f!ck happend to your life. People might look at you like you are crazy but who cares, do what is right for you; you won’t always have the freedom to be completely selfish, take it!
“Man when I first graduated from college it was a rude awakening. My friends were no longer down the hall for random everclear & chicken wing adventures at 3am.”
YES! I miss having all my closest friends in my hallway
Best and worst part of college. (Having them and losing them)
And I agree with your advice. Make memories! Do anything you want right now, you’ll never have this freedom again.
“But honestly if I have any advice for young VSS/ VSB it’s BE SELFISH. Take this time to do whatever you want to do, go wherever you want to go.” <- I really dig this.
*Scribbles down in notepad*
everclear tho’, I didn’t know black pple ingested antiseptic.
LOL i went to a white school and it’s cheap. What did you think is in the punch at all Greek parties LOL
yah trust we were not supplying liqueur in mass on no top shelf budget.
“But honestly if I have any advice for young VSS/ VSB it’s BE SELFISH. Take this time to do whatever you want to do, go wherever you want to go.”
THIS is so true! After I completed grad school, I lived in 3 different states in less than two years (two on the East Coast & one on the West Coast); I was just like “Oh, you’re offering me a job in the middle-of-nowhere America? I’m there!”. It worked out in my favor because now I have my dream job here in DC. There will never be another time in life that I’ll have the opportunity to just drop everything and focus on me!
“Be prepared for the fact that every guy your age that you’re interested will be an asshole.” Stay prepared for this one – 10 years later they are still @ssholes.
I may add – don’t be surprised that your major didn’t teach you ish about what you’re going to have to do in your real job unless of course you’re a math teacher. (then I mean have at it)
“I may add – don’t be surprised that your major didn’t teach you ish about what you’re going to have to do in your real job”
THIS!!
College is a social education for the most part, still totally valid and influential, but poorly publicized as an academic education.
*don’t be surprised that your major didn’t teach you ish about what you’re going to have to do in your real job *
I said the same thing further down. This is the unadulterated truth.
I have no idea who put it out there that college would teach you about your day-to-day job activities. This has never been true. College shows employers that you can be taught and that you’ve learned the basics of whatever your major is. Soak that up….if you’re going into the workforce and you don’t know the basics of your profession (terminology, etc) everyone is going to wonder WTH you were doing in college….
*steps off soapbox*
I don’t have anything else to add since I’ve known what I wanted to do since I was 13. Luckily my university (Aggie Pride!) gave me as much ‘real world experience’ as possible so I had an idea of what to expect post-graduation. I would say try to get an internship (or 2 or 3) because they give you a better idea of what a profession is really about.
Can I get a Aggie Pride!!!
*Sits back and takes notes as acting vice president of the VSB Tenderoni Club*
Number 3 speaks to my life. I turn up my nose at the second half of number 2, but for the first half I acknowledge this and will concede by only dating men over 30.
I would comment more, but my grad team is side-eyeing me since we defend our thesis (thesises, thesi) tomorrow. I’ll be back….
*double snaps* You own that title Andi
Good luck on your defense tomorrow.
vice president of the VSB Tenderoni Club*……
will concede by only dating men over 30.
0_o on that much much older man tip i see. But good luck on that thesis.
“0_o on that much much older man tip i see.” <- lol #VSBtaughtme
Apparently guys under 28 are nonviable. yeshrug
And thanks so much for the luck!
Well define “much” older? Is a decade really that much older? My cut off I think is 35…hmm…in any case, VSB told me that dudes my age ain’t really good for much ‘cept getting me pregnant (although there are exceptions to every rule
and I’m lookin damn hard for those exceptions) which is a no bueno.unless you are a freshmen whose older your less than 20 i think 35 is a DRASTIC age difference.
This msg will probably never be read since its so late.
I’m reading it. (when I can’t comment during the day I come back and cattch up) Lol. And I agree.
I’m graduating in two weeks as well and when I see older men tryna holla I still feel 16. Uh, excuse me sir you know I’m too young for you ya pedophile. …..I’m 22, but still!!! Lol.
Thanks Tes! Yet another degree to keep me warm at night
“but for the first half I acknowledge this and will concede by only dating men over 30.”
*takes his Centrum Silver*
*flashes valid Driver’s License*
#Giggetty.
Wait, what?
What an interesting topic. Advice? Um…you’re as free as you’re ever gonna be right now, take advantage. You haven’t gotten comfortable in a job yet, you most likely don’t have a mortgage or shoot, even a lease holding you anywhere, you don’t yet have crazy bills…live life freely right now. Create memories. Soon, you’ll have bills and roots and more responsibilities than friends. So have fun! Accomplish things, life things, experience things, not like house/car/career…young things, don’t be in a hurry to be a responsible adult, that’ll be your role for the rest of your life and it’s incredibly hard to go backwards.
Make friends, it’s much harder after college. You’ll have fewer friends, but they’ll be more important.
OH! And TIME is the cheapest, most passive, wonderful, investment tool – and you HAVE it right now. Scrape together as much money as you can find and invest it!! Even if you have to pay an adviser to tell you what to invest in (but really with the internet, you don’t even have to do that anymore), invest in something. PLEASE! Time is like magic, but once you realize that it’s usually to late. Invest, you will be so glad that you did.
> Create memories. Soon, you’ll have bills and roots and more responsibilities than friends.
I’ll double co-sign that one. I wish someone had told me that.
> Make friends, it’s much harder after college. You’ll have fewer friends, but they’ll be more important.
co-sign this too.
Everybody goes back to their home state or moves (for a job) or whatever & people just fade away. FB might help but still, the quality of interaction is not the same.
In that same vein – go to Homecoming those first few years! This is when it’s new enough that you kinda don’t wanna go ’cause it seems lame. But in a few years, you’ll notice the shift that no one you know goes to school there anymore and you look around like “Who are all these CHILDREN running around on my campus?!!? Oh. It’s their campus now? They attend here? FAAAAACK I’m old.”
So go to Homecoming, enjoy and once you become the old head, make plans for reunions with your friends from college…foster those friendships, you’ll never have that type of bond again. Friends, yes, but adult friends. Not all-nighter, got me through my HS breakup, slept in the same bed/room/hallway for 4 years, had many an inebriated night together with memories that shall never be repeated to outsiders type friends…
Starita34, you are so right about the homecoming generational shift. The year when you realize that attending homecoming will actually have to involve planning, because you no longer have any friends who are attending that school or even living in town as a local, is a major step. Now you have to book hotel rooms a year in advance like the rest of the alumni old-heads.
“foster those friendships, you’ll never have that type of bond again.”
This is so true. You have to nurture those friendships because it truly is a unique time in your life. I went back to my homecoming this year (first time in about 4 years) and it was such a weird feeling with so few of the people who made the place for me in attendance.
Go back when you still know people and it still feels like home.
zackly!
This happened to me. Except it wasn’t home-coming it was some student club I was president of & we had always encourage alums to return regularly & give us their in-the-field experiences/tips/advice.
I did. and Who are all these CHILDREN running around on my campus?!!? is exactly what I said. with an extra FAAAAACK I’m old.
4. Watch your credit.
This sh!t is really important. For EVERYTHING. That’s 1 thing I wish some had told me. Everybody screws up their credit in college. Don’t be late on bills, don’t max out your credit. If you got collections calling, pick up the phone & negotiate with them.
5. Watch your spending
Mint.com is free but really really useful for this. It gives you a better picture of what you’re spending on & helps you plan goals & sh!t.
// I remember reading someone’s blog that had a good “When we were Kings” article but can’t seem to find it in google. Can someone post a link.
My grandparents were on my back about this for YEARS while I was in undergrad and grad school. It paid of in major ways.
Credit card companies will be posted up in the cafeteria ready to give out nerf basketball hoops and bags of skittles if you apply for a card. You have to be strong to resist the evil of temptation.
Mmmmm….Skittles…
*Notices the Basketball hoop*
*resists tempation*
*Steals Skittles anyway*
You will be wondering if you went to the right school, chose the right major, chose the right job, slept with the right guy(s).
Thanks for assuming that only women read your blog.
Maybe since the email was written by a woman, he was specifically addressing her possibly.
*Looks back at quoted e-mail*
*Shakes head*
Nope. It could’ve easily been a guy who sent the e-mail.
*whispers* they have more info than we do though, like, you know the name and address of the sender…
Tall folks can be so sensitive :-p
No we aren’t sensitive! Not at all! You don’t know what you talking about! (see what i did there?)
i think the whole “young VSS” phrase made most think that a girl wrote the email though.
In Spider’s defense, Champ has been known to edit his posts a time or two. I don’t know one way or the other, but it’s possible that this could have occurred.
Plus how many men wonder if they slept with the right women? lol #MassGeneralization
My Imagined Male Sex Checklist:
Was she a biological female? Yes.
/end list
Don’t forget pulse. That’s still important right?
I kid, I kid
Ummm no. It says VSS.
*Looks back at e-mail quote*
*Re-reads e-mail quote*
*Notices the clear-as-day VSS*
*Smacks forehead*
*Chalks it up to lack of sleep*
It’s ok, we know the air is thin up there :-p
You will be wondering if you went to the right school, chose the right major, chose the right job, slept with the right
guy(s)people.That better?
The email was from a VSS. The Champ’s comment was appropriate unless the VSS is a lesbian or got drunk and “experimented” with her roommate.
“You will be wondering if you went to the right school, chose the right major, chose the right job, slept with the right guy(s).”
It’s a beautiful thing when you can take lessons from the things that are applicable to you, morph the things that are not applicable to you into useful information, then disregard the rest. Try it.
1. Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks.
2. It is better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.
3. If you’ll regret it in the morning, sleep til noon.
i’m with this whole list.
6. Don’t put poon on the pedestal.
It is tempting to run around chasing those that you couldn’t get before/in college/high school bcoz now you’re getting paid. Or vice-versa (mikeJones: …now I’m hot, they all on me), …. but don’t let it get to your head. Don’t let it drive your decisions (work, life, spiritual, etc.)
7. Also strap up! EVERY time. No EXCEPTIONS.
Y’know, my boys constantly tell me not to chase the tail. I try not to chase it (one of the few times being shy and reserved helps), nor do I let it affect me.
To keep #6 in perspective, it’s like they told me:
“You never lose women chasing money, but you’ll always lose money chasing women.”
co-sign.
do not chase, nor worry about females.
get your money right, worry about your aspirations/inspirations.
*ahem*
Shouldn’t the exception to 6 be for girls like me? Girls who uplift and have their own thing going on while being part of something with someone else?
Not saying I’m the exception and not the rule
but I’m the exception and not the ruleor anything like that…> Shouldn’t the exception to 6 be for girls like me? Girls who uplift and have their own thing going on while being part of something with someone else?
Yes, certainly
get it inbe part of something with someone else (both VSS’s & VSB’s). Just don’t put it on a pedestal. It’s good to be whipped, just don’t be consumed/obsessed.I should also add: if you’re lucky enough find an “exception”, treat her like an exception coz that ish is more likely to last & the time/experiences shared more memorable (for both).
Either way #7 still stands.
“Girls who uplift and have their own thing going on while being part of something with someone else?”
yes, a girl who has their own, but wants to build with a guy that doesn’t have much, but potential….
that’s AC Green-average NBA player exception, and a male should make sure to keep that one in their life.
> a girl who has their own, but wants to build with a guy…and a male should make sure to keep that one in their life.
Exactly! Well put.
I have a couple….(next week will be 2 years since I dougied crossed the stage at the Greensboro Coliseum. lol.)
1. I wished I would have met a woman that looked like Tika Sumpter in undergrad b/c I’m pretty sure I would’ve have wifed her. http://www.esquire.com/women/me-in-my-place/tika-sumpter-pictures-2011#fbIndex1
2. Graduation is pretty much anti-climatic. 6mths later you will be naming your first born Sallie Mae or the US Dept. of Education.
3. On a serious note: just be patience. I mean your not going to be a EVP by December (no matter how many hours you put in) of this year. And take the time to actually enjoy where you are at the moment.
4. Liz > Chuck Norris and Ron Swanson. lol.
> 4. Liz > Chuck Norris and Ron Swanson. lol.
lol
+1 on the Liz fan-club
are yall tombout me? or like….Liz Lemon or somebody?
We’re talking about you
LMAO! Aww that’s the best compliment I’ve gotten all week!! thanks
…
—
1. Tika Sumpter- Esquire sent that e-mail to me yesterday and I thank them for it. She’s the only good thing about the Game at this point.
I think she made my week. I would watch her watch paint dry. lol.
Cosign. I looked at the slideshow twice, before resolving that I need to find a way to get put on an episode of the game as an extra.
I’m about to be thirty this year and it seemed like my 20′s just came and went. They are supposed to be a time where you learn about yourself, have fun, and learn life lessons in return. No one has their sh*t together in their early twenties. And as far as friends are concerned, this will be where you get to figure out who’s moving up that ladder of success with you and who’s still hanging out at your old high school going to prom. Or hanging out on the corner with nothing to do. Pick and choose wisely. Also to save money for your 1st downpayment on a home
keep doing what your doing. you were smart enough to get to this point most dont come close. think twice move once.
My very first comment, YAY! I had to chime in on this one:
1) Do not get knocked up.
2) Do NOT get knocked up.
3) Actually, that’s all I have for now.
*throws Welcome Glitter with baby bottles and “NO” confetti*
1. Do NOT get into a serious relationship until after you’ve finished college. Tearfully explaining (in French) that your boyfriend broke up with you during finals week & that’s why you’re bombing your final oral exam isn’t a good look, but it’s an easy A.
2. Don’t be terrified that you don’t know exactly what you want to do. The key is taking your degree and flipping it into something better. Or if you decide you want to do something else, you still have time to pursue it.
3. Take every dollar your grandparents are willing to give you. They come in handy at the strip club.
3a. If you’re a woman, don’t fear the strip club. I like to think of it like a girl’s locker room set to music.
4. Attend other schools’ homecomings. You know all the fools you graduated with already. Go see some other alumni in some other states. Plus it gives you a chance to broaden your network.
5. Network with any professors or faculty at your school if you ever want to go to graduate school or need a recommendation letter. Keep in contact with people. Stay in their faces so they don’t forget you. So many jobs are acquired by knowing the right people.
6. If you can, take off at least a year before you decide to go to graduate school. You need to be really sure that’s what you want, plus that moratorium can give you the opportunity to find a job that has tuition reimbursement or proper funding.
7. If you don’t want kids, stay away from people with them. This sounds mean, but that baby rabies is contagious. Those doe-eyed tax deductions start looking real cute all of a sudden, but don’t be fooled by that powdery allure. You can hang out with your friends occasionally. But don’t get to close to those waa-waas.
8. There is absolutely nothing wrong with harassing your college/university until they send you your degree in the mail. They’ll get over it. They get paid to do it.
9. Get your clubbing in now. Something strange happens when you turn 25. Your energy dips & those Facebook pictures of you with a drink in your hand just seem like faded pictures in a broken glass. All of a sudden you have no f*cks to allocate or distribute for doing some hardcore clubbing, unless it’s a friend’s birthday (by friend I mean someone who has forged financial aid information and taken a few finals for you).
I think that’s all I’ve got. =]
@4. As wise alumni I met one night at a jazz concert before graduating told me this: “You will appreciate the place more after you left.” I laughed at the thought then, but now I actually do appreciate the school more now than 2 years ago.
I agree. But it is nice to get out and see some other schools too.
“3a. If you’re a woman, don’t fear the strip club. I like to think of it like a girl’s locker room set to music. “
You just made some men very happy and some sheets very soiled…you can’t tell them all our secrets
*starts wet t-shirt, pillow fight like we had at all of our slumber parties*
*puts on clear heels and hands out the hot pants*
*breaks out the popsicles*
Who ordered pizza?
*Opens the door to Pizza Delivery man with a sizeable delivery in his trousers*
o_0
So yeah, I just might join y’all. LOL
Only if you’ll rub this oil in a squirt bottle that we have conveniently here in the living room on us…
*Get your clubbing in now. Something strange happens when you turn 25. Your energy dips & those Facebook pictures of you with a drink in your hand just seem like faded pictures in a broken glass*
Boy what! I hit 25 last Sept., and unless I know it’s a guaranteed good time, I’m not that hard pressed to go out. I’d rather stay home, pour the wine and Netflix it out. Don’t let me get snazzy and have a card party w/ the homies. I just brought the party to me #whoopwhoop
1. It is totally ok to change your mind if you find that what you went to school for is not your career choice. That major you no longer want to pursue a career with is/was NOT a waste of time. You learned a lot that can be that special something to differentiate you in a career path or industry you enjoy. There is indispensable knowledge during your college experience that you have learned well beyond the content of your classes.
2. The path might not be how you imagined it, but it doesn’t mean you are on the wrong one.
3. Unforeseen changes and modifications may effect your goals or plan even if you “did all the right things”. That is life. Don’t be discouraged and don’t doubt your journey.
(hugs)
Thanks Legit
((hug))
I like this. especially since I changed my major A LOT. Business Law, Marketing, Physical Therapy, then finally Photography. Advice I would give is don’t try to declare your major freshman year! You’ll end up taking classes that you don’t need if you change your mind and it often takes a while to find yourself before you REALLY know what you want to do with your life.
I have a question, are there any art majors on this site?
Will I really be broke and not be able to find a job? lol I really want to work with an advertising company.
I am an art major : )
Whether your broke and jobless will really be up to you. Is it hard to find a job in this field? YES. But if you persevere you should find a job… it took me 2 years to finally land a job in the industry. However, I was told it takes most people about a year to find something. There a lot factors to consider that will either increase or decrease your chances for employment.
If you haven’t had an internship see if you can get one asap! I made the mistake and was unadvised to do so while I was still in college. The best time to get an internship is during your junior year. I was fortunate to find an internship after I graduated and I think that made a difference in getting a job.
Are you willing to relocate? New York and California have the most jobs for those in the fields related to the arts but are also the most expensive when it comes to cost of living.
Networking. See if you can find other people in the field to make contacts with especially those in advertising if that is the type of company you would like to work for. Do some research to see if there is a chapter of the Graphic Artist Guild in your area and join.
Make sure your have business cards when you go to networking events!!!
Are you willing to freelance? If you have a hard time getting a full time job maybe you can freelance for a company you want to work for so they can become familiar with your work and work ethic. This may lead to a job.
Exhaust all of your options, its hard but not impossible!
The most important piece of advice I can give is to know your worth… too many people will try to take advantage of you and will offer you “opportunities” for you to use as apart of your portfolio. If you are working you should be paid. period.
As for me personally, I had to take a job in a call center when I first graduated college because I have loans I have to pay back… you may have to take a job outside the industry in order not to be broke. It’s nothing wrong with that but don’t allow yourself to get comfortable.
search simplyhired.com and mandy.com and the individual company websites for job openings. See if there are any alumni working at the companies your interested in. That may be one of the best ways to get your foot in the door. Oh and use your campus career center! They may have knowledge of job openings as well and they can help you with your resume.
I feel like I’ve rambled on long enough… lol
I hope this helped and good luck!
@ legitimate_soul – This made me burst into tears.
I forgot one more…
8. PULL YOUR F*CKING PANTS UP!!
// sorry for screaming but that sh!t is irritating to see. Sagging IS not the sh!t if you’re trying to be taken seriously….esp. at your job (no matter where you work. No exceptions).
#PetPeeve
*sings “Pants on the Ground”*
bwahahahaha!
I literally laughed out loud
Thanks for that, now I have to find on Youtube.
// that ni99a was serious though. With a southern drawl & everythang. A general moreover.
@legitimate_soul
Have you heard Bun B’s version?
#hilarity
Truth! You’re a college-educated man, not an ignorant hoodlum standing on the street corner with a 40 in your hand. And, if you are: Give your degree back!
You never know when you’ll run into a co-worker. You don’t want to run into your boss on that quick trip to Wal-Mart with your pants showing your draws. It will ruin his image of you. And, ladies, you’re not hanging out in the dorm any more. Don’t ever go out with curlers in your hair or your bra strap showing. Again, you don’t want to run into that VP in Target while you’re looking a hot mess.
Stay in school! Apply to a MA, MS, JD, MD or PhD program, since advanced degrees are a necessity and give you time to figure things out.While in a graduate program join all sorts of civic organizations if you didn’t while in undergrad such as sororities, fraternities, naap, urban league, etc… This is the best why to network and also meet “diva dudes” who will provide you with hilarious stories to tell your friends.
yessss @ Diva Dudes at the Urban League!
Live life. Don’t think that you have to go straight into corporate America because that’s what you’re told to do. If you want to, great. But, if you don’t, then don’t.
Have a plan…back up plan…back up to the back up…and a f-k it attitude when ALL of them don’t pan out. No use in thinking Disney fairytales translate into career advice. It doesn’t. Things will rarely be “happily ever after” but they will be alright.
If you get fired from a job, don’t panic. Just make finding another one your fulltime job.
If possible, get a trade. Like seriously. If you have a liberal arts degree, you may stay losing if you don’t get some skills to back up that BS (as in bullsh*t not bachelor of science) degree. I’m living proof of that. I wouldn’t change my college experience, but I would have taken enough tech courses on the side to have made my degree more “worth it.”
Marry rich….hey, hey…who said that? LOL
Travel. If you can teach English in another country, do it. Experience stuff that you won’t have the time to once you settle into the everyday grind of life and start a family down the line.
I’d advise people to figure out if they’re gonna be career students or exit the game quickly. Going from HS to college to grad school and then getting another MA degree is not really smart….or practical financially. Unless you’re doing something that is paid for or something that will pay off (like aeronautical engineering or something) in this economy, debt of any kind is not king. Don’t subscribe to the line of thinking that you’re doing it for a good cause….cuz if you can’t pay it back and you’re living hand to mouth, indeed your degrees won’t keep you warm at night.
Oh, and directly after graduation…take a mutha f-king vacation. You’ve earned it
“If you get fired from a job, don’t panic. Just make finding another one your fulltime job.”
Truth
One of my best friends was laid off from her first job post graduation. She was rightfully devastated and humiliated for a while. In her pursuit to get back into corporate america, she started doing contracting work as a software developer to maintain. With no intentions of being a contractor for long, she’s now (7 years later) self-employed doing extremely well. Entrepreneurship wasn’t her desire or plan but life steered her that way and it’s working.
“If possible, get a trade.”
This is serious. I was in grad school and I felt like I really had nothing to show for my work. I could organize some research and write a mean paper. So I left that program (yes I changed my mind) and started another where I got what I felt were tangible skills which proved to important when I was looking for a job.
Great list, Mo
My baby [sis] will graduating in like 16 days from Spelman (GOSH, I can’t believe the time that has passed *cries*). I was just talking to her some hours ago about how some friends that she’s close to now aren’t going to be around after graduation and some are for a lifetime.
I’m glad she’s nothing like me at her age when it comes to guys. She’s not all in love and stupid, thinking it’s forever <<< Sagittarius to my Cancer. So, I didn't have to talk to her about bracing herself for possibly parting ways from the bf.
Freaky moment…just before I came on over to see what tonight’s post is, I swear fo gawd I was singing that verse of Drake’s “Over” in my head!!!! No lie. That just gave me a minor case of the chilly bumps. 0_0
Anyway, people of VSB, that’s it for me. Can you think of anything else you’d say to a 20 to 22 year old doe-eyed VSB or VSS right now?
Don’t drink & drive. You might spill it.
Oh, and discover something you’re passionate about, find a way to get paid for it.
Co mutha muthin sign….
@Tx10inch
Your avi appears to show 10cm….
no homo. pause. all of that.
I have read this comment all of 5 times and I die laughing the exact same way every time I scroll down and see it.
It’s everything and nothing it should be.
@Mo-VSS
U referring to my comment or cold sweat’s? *Gary Coleman voice* What u talkin bout Willis?
cold sweats….lol
LMBO!!!!!!
Your avi appears to show 10cm….
Lol. Man, I know…But that’s tha way the avi got sized up. Couldn’t move it around. I’m actually thinkin bout changin it up and comin out tha shadows but eh, I’ll take it. 10cm,10inches… I know tha truth.com
@Tx10inch
LOL you should change it up mainly because I and any man would have a hard time(no pun) referencing you in any comment. I dont even like calling Birdman “Baby” because it just doenst feel right calling another grown man baby and it SURELY doesnt feel right calling a man Tx10inch….
I meant I was thinkin bout changing tha avi, not tha handle! (Tried to a few yrs ago and tha VSS’s literally MADE me change it back. But I feel ya on tha felllas being able to holla at me. “Tex” will do just fine homie. Lol.
You know you need to show your face, and come out from behind the avi…lol
Says the girl with the blank avi.
*snickers*
Says the girl with the blank avi.
I knooow…no that u mention it, waz up wit dat? Didn’t you use to have one?
*NOW that u mention it
no…LOL I’ve never had one on here.
I like to lurk in the shadows and just show up at events.
You already know I look like Morgan Freeman anyway *snickers*.
C’MON MAN…not Morgan Freeman! lol. don’t do dat!
You represent quite well homie…
BTW…I think it’s time for another H-town happy hour. Mmmkay? Who wit me? Sula, t-lee, tezzybaby, simplysope, cab, CBG, and tha rest of VSB’s houston elite. 2 weeks?
TX…yeah we gotta do that.
Unfortunately, I won’t be down that way til June sometime.
I’ll holla at Sula.
no you don’t, silly goose
“Oh, and discover something you’re passionate about, find a way to get paid for it.”
Easier said than done, but I’m on that now.
Can I have this in a t-shirt? Medium, thanks.
Hopefully you’re not being rushed out of school like i was
/. Any hoo, plan the work, work the plan! If you have time over the summer go study abroad. Learn a new language in that culture. Get acquainted with ppl from all over. Get up on some internships. So what job markets are like where some other relatives stay use their address and if u can relocate then GO! Remember young graduate, ur fam/parents have already lived this area in your life and at times (i know it sounds bad) can be discouragung in your big dreams to hit nyc for a year and backpack europe. You only get one life grasshopper. To thine ownself be true. Dont be afraid to live outside of your fam’s norms. Dare to be great and expect greatness from all. Inspire someone to be great! Keep your chin up and mind focused. You’ll make some slips here and there prob even fall but get back up and get started again. There’s no map or instructions.
*so* -> *see*
Provided that you get a decent job, Save your money .. just because you make it don’t mean you have to spend. If the situation allows, stay at home to save. Have two savings: Rainy day savings and savings for . And rainy day is a the new LV bag or its fake ass cousin.
When budgeting your monthly bills because you want to move out or on your own. Do not, I repeat do not forget to count all that little things like toilet paper, laundry detergent, trash bags, light bulbs, replacement sheets and wash clothes and towels, just all that those things. I know that sounds crazy… but that stuff adds up.
Don’t discount a partner on the small things “He had on mint green and mint julep green. My man has to match all the time”
Don’t be so judgmental. You just never know what someone else is going through.
Don’t ball to you fall (or whatever they say now)
Never lose you passion, that one thing that makes you get out of bed. If you blessed enough to do it for a living, when you get frustrated, remember the why? And if not make it your habit until it makes you money (if that’s what you want)
I could go on. I may revisit but those are the one that I have for now
Don’t go to graduate school/law school/med school simply because you’re not sure what to do next. Go because you know deep in your heart that’s what you want to do.
Your degree doesn’t entitle you to sh*t. It just gets your foot in the door. Learn how to sell yourself and how to effectively network with folks if you haven’t already. (Networking doesn’t mean using Facebook and Twitter to push Organo Gold Coffee on your friends and family.) You’ll have a much easier go of things if you have some useful connections regardless of how smart you are. Social Intelligence matters too.
Please tell folks a little louder that a degree is just the jumping off point now-days. You have to know how to sell it…or you’ll end up thinking about selling it. LOL
Also, a 4-year degree does not equal success…. Education does… I know many successful people without a 4-year degree and many unsuccessful college graduates. All successful people I know are well educated…
I totally agree! So many people go to grad school because they think they have to, not because they want to. If you don’t have the heart to put into what you do, you will only be failing yourself.
^^^Yep. Tired of ppl using their degree for self-entitlement.
DO NOT GET COCKY! I swear everybody under 25 is singing “The World Must Revolve Around Me.” It’s a recession y’all, you’re not special and no one is handing you a job.
Let me put said rant in context. At a place I worked a few months ago, they did the unthinkable and had a HUGE hiring day. Things I heard from (or about) new grads who interviewed
* I’m not going to wear a name tag (company policy.) This was usually followed by isht about conformism, 1984 thinking, etc. Several interviewees said this.
*So, you’re going to reimburse us for our bus fare, right? Said comment was made by several people during the orientation (they somehow made it past interviews) What happened was the company that produced the bus passes has a technical glitch, so they were coming a few days late. They were offered, but not PROMISED by the company, and said folks were told we’d be happy to pay your fare home; don’t come back.
But the positive: Can’t find a job? Work for a temp service. I did it for years, and hence, and 5′leven million crazy coworker/workplace/client stories.
Right! Please dont get cocky cuz that salary (entry-level) will humble you with the quickness!!
LMAO, right!
Right!?! Life is expensive when you’re not paying it with grants, stipends, or scholarships. $XX K sounds like a lot before bills…
Word
Most new grads have to be taught how to spell humble… *shivers @ flashbacks of myself 10 years ago*
I also want to add to apply for as many jobs as possible and not to sit on the one sure thing. I learned this the hard way unfortunately. You’re competing with possibly thousands in your field and should explore your options
competing with thousands of grads and those who have been laid off.
With you with being positive and the job stuff…some of you might be lucky to get a job that you…but for the rest of you who might not…a job is a job…take advantage of what you have available…bills gotta get paid some how…on that same note do not get too comfortable and get caught up in making money in these “Ijustneedtopaymybills” jobs…it’s easy to fall into this…
I’ll also add:
Have a plan…basically gives you something to aim for over then next couple of years
Dead at baby rabies- but sooo true.
I’d say:
1. Enjoy, explore, live, travel. Do all the things you wanted to do in college but your age/finances wouldn’t let you. (In reason kids)… Trust me- you will go to sleep 21 and wake up 25 trying to figure out if you enjoyed yourself.
I went back to school for my masters’ and worked but it never stopped me from going out and having a ball. Now a little older and a lot wiser I’m glad I spent 2 years sowing my oats and breathing.
And I also want to say as someone who went into the military, Leave the country!! Experience a world outside of your own. Please don’t let relatives or a man to talk you out of joining the armed forces. Look at it this way..You only sign up for 4 years, they pay for your loans, and when you get out, you get numerous benefits such as the home loan, free or reduced healthcare, and veteran’s benefits. Plus if you’re lucky you might get to be an officer and see parts of the world you would never imagine like Hawaii, Japan, and Australia.
I disagree. The military is not the place for educated young black folks…well, at least not the Navy. The Navy is an extension of high school because many folks join straight out of high school, they are holed up on a ship with the same set of people (kinda like HS) and drama ensues. Other branches may not be the same, but the Navy is terrible that way.
my brother joined the navy and to each is own. The military will not only pay for your education but I believe that you come out better trained and disciplined than everyone else simply because you’re doing the same job everyday, training is whenever wherever, and the penalties are much steeper for screwing up at your job. just sayin
Uh, miss Green Afro Diva, though it is true that recruiters tell you that you are only signing up for 4 years, they can hold you up to 8 years if they so desire. And once you are in, you are subject to their laws and your rights under their jurisdiction.
It is not a game.
I tell you what…you right, to each his own. I’m not attacking you, Just offering that tidbit of often misrepresented data. But if you like it, like it for your relatives or the like, then I am extremely happy for you, felicitations.
After you get out, you are in the irr(individual ready reserve) which means they can call you back if you are needed. That’s a scare tactic because certain MOS’s are asked and no, you are not obligated to come back in. IRR pretty much means that you are a civilian and most people don’t worry about being called back in. As far as their laws and jurisdictions that’s called UCMJ and it’s pretty similar to civilian laws or if you are a federal/state worker
haha, I like that you are up on game. My mother feeds me this info…when she talks about her day.
It was in short an error on my behalf and after you said it, I was reminded as to the specifics of what you said.
You are on it.
chocolate wink
i’m not anti-military but i can legitimately say the military is not for everyone. I don’t think joining military just off the basis of traveling/seeing the world applies anymore. I think its something to thoroughly consider
As a person that works w/disabled veterans everyday I’ve seen the look in the eyes of 18-22yo coming home in wheelchairs or with missing limb(s) far too many times. even though those injuries are extreme cases the depression and other psyc issue are very common even in those that are physically ok.
Thank you. I am not anti-soldier, but I am anti ALL things military because I have seen second-hand and experience first hand the effects of the mighty shaft that the gov’t continues to f-k veterans over with. Denying war effects and subsequent mental illnesses as a result of experiencing war, cutting families off to their RIGHTFUL financial and medical benefits, “downsizing” near retirement soldiers just to circumvent paying their pension and a host of other things.
The military should NEVER be an option for someone who has already come out of college successfully. Because unless you are in it for the long haul and want to make a career out of it, it’s a waste of time and education.
disclaimer…these are MY thoughts. My father was in the Army, as was many of my uncles. My mother works as a civilian for the military and I’m dating a veteran now. I’m not speaking as an outsider. I know what I’m talking about. I think the military is a sham and will f-k you over if you allow it and don’t speak up. Anyone who thinks differently…cool. I have no beef with that.
Not trying to change my views either…just offering my opinion based on my experience.
@Mo-VSS
I co-sign your entire comment and disagree as well. I’m kinda torn. (if that makes sense) As a 10yr veteran of the AF, I can say that I truly wasn’t meant to make the military a career. Too headstrong to just shut up and color and trust me, ALOT of coloring is required. I was actually kicked out at my 4yr mark and managed to get back in to finish the rest of my 6. (Long story, dont ask) But trust me, I wanted to get out at that point, just didn’t want to get put out tha way they were tryin to.
They will screw you over in every way if you stay in long enough and there isn’t much you can do about it. The reason I’m torn is because at the same time during my service, I had SO MUCH FUN seein tha world as a 18/19yr old kid and meeting literally all different types of people. I’ve made made friends for life. Could I have made those same friends in college? Maybe so, but getting to experience some of those different cultures I wouldn’t have experienced in say..an HBCU (no shots fired) is awesome. The other and main point in what’s seems to be turning into a pro vs con arguement is the industry experience that I’ve acquired and has allowed me to make six figures after getting out contracting for tha govt. Winning? Not sure, that has it’s disadvantages as well. But all of that to say that I personally believe that the military is for some people, but long term wasn’t for me and isn’t for alot of others. But if I was coming out of college with a degree, unless you love structure, being told what to do on AND off duty, constant deployments, and non-stop BS, the military life is right up your alley!
*IF you love structure..
Typin too fast on tha phone.
As a child of a military family I can honestly say I don’t support the lifestyle and any friend I have considering it usually talks to me about it first. It’s not that I want to talk them out of serving their country, as that is a brave and noble thing to dedicate your life to, but I do talk them out of making rash decisions that effect their futures. I tell them about how many birthdays my father missed, about how many times I had to change schools and make new friends, about how I grew up feeling like I was always missing something. I also tell them about growing up abroad, and having the means to be taken care of medically at any time given my dad’s job, and having learning advantages upon returning stateside.
What I’m saying is, the military isn’t the place to go if it’s just to make money or travel the world. It puts strains on the family, the mind, the body, and the spirit. It shouldn’t be taken as a way to make your vacation tax deductable.
Nah….As a man that’s currently in the Army, I would not suggest the military to anyone that’s already finished undergrad. Sure, you can get that officer rank or whatever….but I don’t think it’s worth it.
I had 65 credits when I joined 2 and a half years ago. As of today I still have 65 credits. Sure, the Army says they will pay for your school, but then they could send you to a place like Korea where it’s damn near impossible to:
-take college courses beyond the basic stuff (which I’ve already done when I was in school)
-get a substantial degree. I was civil engineering in school….I do not know of one civil engineering degree I can get through West Texas Southeast Community State College or the University of Phoenix. (No shots fired at those kind of schools or the people that have gotten degrees from them. Just not suitable for what I’m trying to do in life.)
-There are a lot of idiots and immature people in the military. Really. Everything is on an 8th grade level to accommodate the young’uns that joined fresh off of Mom’s nipple. I’m pretty sure nobody slaved through 4+ years of actual college to work at an 8th grade level for 4+ more years. They are actually letting people join the military with ASVAB scores as low as 22. (22! Out of 99!!!) No offense. but I don’t want someone that probably can’t even spell their own last name correctly possibly being responsible for my life should I ever end up in Iraq or Afghanistan when the chips are REALLY on the table.
-Bouncing off of what I just said….networking is going to be much more difficult as a result of the diminished overall intellectual quality in the military. That has been my main biggest gripe so far being in the Army…..my biggest quality (intelligence) means nothing out here. There are very few VSB’s and VSS’s with which I can mingle in this line of work….
-….Which brings me to my next point. Dating is damn near a null variable in the military. Even more so if you’re in a place like Korea. And I can imagine it doesn’t improve in Iraq or Afghanistan. I think this site has heard enough of my coverage on this topic, so I will not explain this one any further.
“Put me anywhere on God’s green Earth and I’ll triple my worth”-Jay-z
I feel you on the military thing and thats why I refuse.
I feel you that most military people are 3 cans short a six-pack and hard to deal with because of it – they feed Glenn Beck
I hear you on the dating scene in the Army, VSS’ in the ARMY have above an 80% divorce rate. Latinos are around the fiftieth percentiles Whites around the fortieth percentiles and Asians around the twentieth percentiles.
We know your struggle is real bro. The struggle for any brotha or sista in the Armed forces is real because thats where they play the Good ol’ boy with impunity flagrantly.
Oh, and the quote at the top was just to say that because its not probable doesn’t mean its impossible…always keep ya eyes open, always keep faith alive.
It seems alot of folks are really anti-military but honestly if you were to join as an officer and with a college degree(finished) it wont be the same experience. Officers have more job responsibility and other educational perks different from enlisted soldiers including the Federal Law Education Program and others which will pay you to go to school(full officer pay while enrolled) and pay for your schooling. Theres alot of civilian careers that can be enhanced with your military training, particularly in engineering and technology fields. I also would recommend folks choose services like the Air Force and/or Coast Guard with less likelihood of death/dismemberment. Theres alot of good programs the military can offer after you put some time in after OCS. I would however, never recommend someone to regularly enlist. You most likely will not enjoy being a regularly enlisted person w/ a degree. Stop.Loss.
As an enlisted soldier (didn’t finish school)….I still can’t buy this one.
The lifestyle (or lack thereof) that the military affords simply doesn’t make up for whatever monetary benefits come with being an officer, or even making it toward the top of the enlisted side of things.
I also grew up a military brat (until 6th grade)….so my folks are hard on me staying in the military….but I refuse to do it. I have goals that being in the military will NOT allow me to accomplish. I want to finish school. I want to actually become a better man, not some robotic wanna-be tough guy who walk around with Tapout muscle shirts on all day and talking about whatever UFC/MMA fight came on last weekend. (What is it with military folk and the UFC, anyway?)
More importantly, I want to eventually know what a relationship with a woman is like. I want to get married and MAYBE…..MAYBE…..have a child or two with whomever this wife is…..I cannot see myself staying in the military for 20 years and still being single with horrendously stunted social skills from a lack of positive experience in 2028….I don’t care what rank I would be by then or how much money I make….that doesn’t sound like a life well lived.
Because of my time in the Army, the military paid off more than half of my student loans and I qualify for various Veteran perks. I still have all my limbs.
I recognize that the military way of life isn’t for everyone, but as with all things in life, figure out the pros and cons by performing your due diligence, make wise decisions that support your best interests, recognize that nothing in life will be perfect and that sometimes you will have to do things you won’t enjoy – you grow from each experience, and do what works for you.
I’ve been in the army for almost 8 Years(did 5 active 3 reserve) I know that Korea sucks big time and that’s why I never wanted to go there. It depends on who’s in your unit and what your SOP says about school because most of the time, they need people to work at their stations and manning is often low. Hence why it’s hard to go to school. UMUC has classes in asia and I’m certain they are in Japan and Korea. I would check that. Look at it this way…school is not going anywhere and you have plenty of time to finish and it will all be paid for. as far as idiots and lack of intellectual quality..eh..depends on who you talk to
wow, I didn’t know so many folks on here are anti-military(no shade thrown). My overall point is to weigh your options and yes, I still think that there is nothing wrong with joining. I couldn’t make it a career, but then again, I joined with no kids, no responsibilities and felt like I came out a better person. Maybe it’s because some people join for their own reasons besides college money and travel(like serving their country) I’m sure we all have our horror stories about military life just like I do, but again, the option is still there
I also have no kids and very little responsibility. Trust me when I say…..Korea pretty much killed any hope I had of making the Army a career. When people that outrank me (many of whom have been deployed to Iraq/Afghanistan, some multiple times) say that THEY’D rather be deployed again than be in Korea….yeah.
I elaborated on this further down in the comments, but I would only recommend the military to people with either a lot of option or no options. No options because it’s better than flipping burgers for the rest of your life. A lot of options because if you get a high score on the ASVAB, you’ll have access to job that would take you 7+ years to get in civilian world, that you get paid immediately to do in the military. The structure of military life doesn’t bother me and it helps me towards me goal of owning a house before I’m 30.
the structure is not too bad, but I understand when people say they don’t want to deal with the bullshit because that’s the main reason why I got out. I never said make it a career, but if you can go 4 years, see half the world, get promoted, get free healthcare and come out with veteran benefits, then I don’t see why not
1. I promise you it will take you all of 3 weeks after graduation to realize A) you are not special B) everybody and they black Daddy has a degree C) your degree doesn’t make you special-not the same as A. At any rate every person I’ve known thats graduated from college has a had a breakdown of some sort either right before or right after. Be prepared
2. Put the date 6 months from the day you graduate in your phone. When that day hits Call Sallie Mae and ask for a forebearnce or deferment. Trust me on this, this is how your credit gets screwed out the gate….and they will find you…trust
3. Undergrad friends are like high school friends…only good for memories and the occasional reminisce….some will be youor life long friend, but don;t be surprised who goes from your best club buddy to “facebook friend”
4. Travel. Travel. Travel. Live overseas for awhile. They pay good money for no experience. Plus it buys you some time to find out what you really wanna do.
5. What you majored in will probably not be what you do…and its ok. A major isn’t permanent, be open to new options and directions
6. GO BACK TO SCHOOL!….real talk its hard out here…
With regards to #1, I remember having my breakdown 3 days into my first job. I was looking into other employees cubicles, seing how they had pictures of their kids on the walls, a calendar, other personalization effects and it all looked like people decorating their jail cells. I asked myself “if this was going to be life?” and had to go outside to cry and clear my head. Then I signed up for Kaplan so I can plan my escape!
You are so right. Cubes are like jail cells…only smaller…
i’m a relatively new grad, working in my field of my dreams, but i’ve never felt more awkward. i’m not sure if it’s because i moved back to my hometown (i sooooo did NOT want to, but i had to go where the work was) and to my dismay sh#t is either the same or worse than when i left, or if i thought life would be different once i switched my tassel and walked across the stage, but i’m beginning to feel as if college was the easy part and this ish after is for the birds. i feel like the entire world is flying by me and i’m… here. watching. i don’t know why but this situation feels so permanent. is this normal? has anyone else been through this?
oh and although i’ve been lurking for some time… this is my first post n sh*t
Girl…..you just described the first 4 years of my post grad life (I graduated in 2006). Due to the profession (and company) I chose I was basically an indentured servant. Working long hours for months on end….there was no joy in sight. The only reason I survived is liquor and keeping my goals in mind. I knew that this situation was going to be short term but was going to pay off in MAJOR dividends later. So I did my time, bounced and I’m enjoying the fruits of my sacrifice.
That being said….your ‘goals’ don’t make it easier when you’re in the trenches. You really have to be committed to achieving your goal(s) and stick it out. Don’t stick it out to the point that you’re on the verge of a mass murder….but don’t jump ship at the first signs of discomfort either. It’s a balance and sh*t
*sigh of relief* i needed that
****VSB welcome glitter****
*saves a little VSB welcome glitter as a keepsake*
BTW, this is my second comment, so pardon me if I’m a bit nervous.
These are just a few observations that I’ve made or suggestions that I have after having navigated through my mid 20′s:
1. For some reason, perhaps it’s because I’m a public employee, no one expected much of me when I first started working. This could hamstring you or work to your advantage.
2. I should’ve saved more money!
3. If you’re thinking about going to grad school, just go now.
4. It took me a good three years to get adjusted to how much it sucked to go to work everyday. I still think that work gets in the way of my free time.
5. Once the daily suck that is work became normal to me, I realized that my life was actually better, in my opinion, than it was in college. It’s funny how much not being broke anymore can change your life.
6. Thinking you are smarter than your boss will get you into trouble. Just do what you’re told. Sometimes they actually know what they’re talking about.
7. Get used to vaguery in the workplace, it’s inevitable.
8. Don’t be one of those people who talks about work outside of work, especially in bars/clubs. No one cares. I’ve gotten to a point where I just make up a fake job because I don’t want to bother wasting your time and mine explaining what I do. Plus, you wouldn’t understand anyway.
9. Get used to not seeing sunlight for several hours at a time.
10. Show up on time.
11. Manage your work relationships well. Networking and reputation are important.
12. Do not start up a work email chain with your friends. It will kill your productivity.
13. It’s probably best that your coworkers not know what you are REALLY like outside of work.
I could go on for days, but this is enough for now.
13. It’s probably best that your coworkers not know what you are REALLY like outside of work.
Yes! People cannot run off and FB friend all of their new co-workers on the 2nd day..and if you absolutely must, USE FILTERS WISELY
Great list!
- I did #3 right away (& it paid off) so I can vouch for this.
- #5 too
- #10 too (1st impressions count A LOT)
> 6. Thinking you are smarter than your boss will get you into trouble. Just do what you’re told. Sometimes they actually know what they’re talking about.
I’m not sure about #6 though. I think being in public service may be different. In corporate America, it pays off (sometimes) when you suggest a better way to do things (cut costs etc.).
But a lot depends on how you do it. a 1-on-1 with your boss maybe better than bringing it up in a meeting (unless he/she asked). Depends. But I think its a good way to differentiate oneself.
It pays off in the public sector too. I can’t tell you how many meeting I’ve been to where the department head asked a question and nobody responded. I’m gonna ask a question just to be seen (so it will at least show that I was listening).
You have to speak up, but you also have to realize that the people that have been there 10 years may just know something you don’t know. Instead of calling people out in public, sometimes it’s better to discuss things privately. Also, people can take being wrong quite personally, especially if they are older than you or have been there longer. Sometimes you just have to ask a whole bunch of questions instead of flat out telling people they’re crazy.
I definetly would have to agree with 5.
Everyone so far makes college sound really great (it is sometimes) but honestly more than likely you will be broke, with a roommate (hopefully you like them), and many people dont have a car (none of this stuff is that great). Also most of my friends still owe thousands in tuition and credit cards afterwards (might be a good idea to have a part time job while in school)
Make sure to have fun but not to much- you dont want to flunk out like many people due to too much “fun”
Wear condoms (having a baby at this point would not be a good idea and noone wants the monster)
Make sure you are sure about your degree and know how much money you are likely to make with this degree and what the job entails (because if you dont you will be myserable for sure after graduating and getting a job you hate and/or a job that doesn’t pay much- it will leave you wondering what was that all for). And I can’t stress enough to look into the amount of money you will make- noone wants to have to struggle after college and when your done you will enter the real world of paying rent, car payments, ect (but it won’t be that bad if your making enough money to cover it all- so what im saying is don’t get an art degree (lol jk- kind of)
Don’t expect to be best friends with people you meet in college- these people usually move, have kids and everything else and many of them you wont ever see again (which is strange to me to realize how close I was to some people and now i barely remember their names)
Editing- I meant for that to read Dont expect to be best friends with MOST people you meet in college afterwards
#1- Yes. When I started with my ‘gubment’ job, I was told ‘why are you working so much? you’re trying to make us look bad.” ….Nope, if you look bad, that’s your own fault. I’m trying to get these promotions if y’all don’t want them.
#4- Often work is what you make it. Making decent money can blur your vision a little. Imagine if you didn’t have that killer health insurance. Sometimes in the monotony, we forget how much our jobs actually kick a$$.
1)in 6months sallie mae/dept of ed will be tracking you down for student loan payment arrangements!! SMH
2)obey the “2 year rule”: you are only allowed to goto college parties/events for 1st 1-2 years after graduation, after that you will be lame. If you’re 2 years removed from undergrad there is no reason for you to be at every campus party/open mic. also applies to spring break, I personally don’t think you should schedule work vacations around college spring breaks after a certain point
3) homecoming/alum events are now about networking: its cool to get your party on at homecoming, but now that you’re in real world take full advantage of you alum networking
4)watch the post-grad weight: just like there us a freshman 15, there is post-grad weight(sorry couldn’t think of fancy/catchy name for it lol). when ppl get their 1st good job w/decent pay they tend to indulge on food now they not surviving off ramon noddles. so picking up weight from eating good is easy. you don’t want to be person at homecoming thats gained 30+ pounds
5)keep mid week late night partying to a limit: partying on wed night and going to 1.5hrs class is TOTALLY different than partying on wed night then going to work for 8hrs
6)be patient and realistic: freshman year we all dream of graduating and immediately getting dream job w/banging pay and living life happily every after. that rearely happens, especially in today economy. that means you might have to take less pay or job you don’t like or even job now in your desired field. so you have to be patient, but keep you dream/goals alive, its not how you start its how you finish. so if you hv to work retail/sales job even though you have degree in education, just know it will get better if you set gals and be persistent
7) don’t fall for the grad school swindle: alot of times if jobs don’t come thru or ppl aren’t ready for “real world” they will go bck to school just because or to buy more time, don’t do it. if you have no defined plan to go back for post-grad and just going to go, i would advise against it. you end up wasting time and acquiring more debt. if you hv a plan to utilzes a post-grad degree go for it, but if you going just because you can’t find job u want and think any masters will make it easier, please think it thru thoroughly!
your #4 is the TRUTH. I got out of undergrad in ’09 and moved to Atlanta with my cousin….too many nights at Blue Moon Pizza and 15-20lbs later, something had to give.
@milesfan79
I like your #7 and would also add that you may be in the same position as before of still not knowing, owing more debt, and worst of all STILL having no significant job experience in which you can see a return on your degree. For those who want to go into business calm your eager @$$ down, the MBA is better leveraged after you have had significant job experience. Otherwise you are the most over-qualified still entry level employee.
@coldsweat3
“the MBA is better leveraged after you have had significant job experience. Otherwise you are the most over-qualified still entry level employee.”
(nodding head in agreement)
im loving all this knowledge being dropped right now! please keep it going! *continues ironing graduation gown*
1) When you do find that job, especially if you are going into the corporate world, FIND A MENTOR. Be proactive about it, and pay attention to find a couple of people a couple of levels beyond you who is winning in your place of employment. Seek them out and see if they will mentor you. And this person does not have to be a black person.
2) I know someone else has probably said it, but I’ll say it again because it’s so important, strive to live below your means, and get your 401K, savings, stocks, etc. built up. If your credit is jacked, start rebuilding NOW. If it’s great, then DON’T EFF IT UP. Don’t use your nice new credit limits to buy bottles at the club every weekend…
3) Pay attention to the things that really make you happy on a daily basis. Figure out how to incorporate this into what you do for a living. There is nothing worse than hating to get out of bed to go to work every day.
4) Don’t freak if your relationships with your friends change. If you have a crew, some of you may take off immediately, some may take some time to get things together. Your everyday actions might change, but the love you have for people doesn’t have to. Don’t be afraid if your daily convos go to weekly emails then to “man we need to schedule to hang out this month”..it happens to the closest of friends.
4b) Don’t be afraid to let friends go who don’t hold up their end of the relationship. All types of relationships take everyone involved in it to be succesful.
5) Be fearless. Even if you have responsibilities (i.e. children). If there is something you want to go after, go for it! If you success, then that’s awesome. If you fail, you get a valuable lesson.
6) Have fun! Travel, go out on the weekends, date, date, and date some more (especially for the ladies)..
7) Also, don’t be afraid to invest in yourself. If you happen into a job that isn’t paying for post undergrad education/professional credentials, get your plan together on how you will pay for it yourself. AND weigh the options of grad school vs. certifications if you are in an industry where professional credentials hold weight (i.e. IT certifications, PMP, CAPM, etc.). Make sure that you feel the investment into grad school is a better one that earning a certification or two.
“4) Don’t freak if your relationships with your friends change. If you have a crew, some of you may take off immediately, some may take some time to get things together. Your everyday actions might change, but the love you have for people doesn’t have to. Don’t be afraid if your daily convos go to weekly emails then to “man we need to schedule to hang out this month”..it happens to the closest of friends”
yea money and title/status can change ppl for the worst, some folks get hollywood and act like they never struggled/asked for loan before.
Also pride can destroy friendship, just bc you have entry level job while your friends got middle-management jobs shouldn’t make you feel embarrassed. if yall are friends they will/should accept you regardless of job status/pay
I must co-sign this well-written list. I wish I had figured out the intern-mentor-networking game earlier.
The get and keep your money (ahem, financial portfolio) right thing cannot be repeated enough. I didn’t have it all figured out after I walked, but my money and credit score were ready to serve when I got a clue. Funny money will slow you down a lot.
The have fun thing is major because a work/life balance is always important the late 20s energy drop is real. I’m not saying you can’t do some of the same stuff later, I’m saying it will be even more fun now.
I’m currently an undergrad (3 years in), and boy oh boy have I been stressing about what to do afterwards. I constantly look at my peers and see how much a lot of them have accomplished since we’ve graduated from hs, and I feel like such sh*t and like I’m far behind. I know, I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I can’t help it. Hopefully I’ll loosen up a bit and just enjoy life as it is, but until then I’ll be wallowing in my despair *sighs*.
Instead of continuing to drink from the cup of despair, get out and experience as much newness and novelty as possible. Do as many different types of things as you can squeeze in and keep it together. Talk to a lot of different types of people. Ask them what everyone they know does. It’s difficult to aspire to something you don’t know exists. When something sounds interesting, follow up and get the WHOLE story about how they got there. Even if something sounds common and familar get the details. I know a few of lawyers but the way they got there is totally different. What each is doing with the JD is pretty far apart. I know a lot of educators but they all got there on different schedules. Some are schoolteachers, some have moved beyond t he classroom to continue educating in divergent ways.
Some successful people took the long, winding road, but that was the only way for them to get to their niche. Some people have to create their own space and they do it successfully because of the variety box of skills they picked up on the winding road. Everybody’s got their own path and you can’t navigate yours while staring down someone else’s.
“Hopefully I’ll loosen up a bit and just enjoy life as it is, but until then I’ll be wallowing in my despair”
I don’t think you need to wallow in despair, but there are some simple things you should be thinking about, but most importantly- look at the job advertisements for job you may want when you graduate. Do you have what they are looking for? If not, get it. Harrass every counselor and professor in your department to find out about every assistantship and internship available. IMO, This isn’t the time to loosen up LOL
Youngins,
Surround yourself with people who’ve already attained what you want! Not on some “Keeping up with the Jones’” type thing (as Naturally Alise mentioned upthread) but in a mentoring capacity. If you’re constantly/only around ppl who are in the same situation as you, it’s hard to consult them for advice because most of you can’t see the forest for the trees.
Someone who as achieved goals that fall within your individual definition of success can be a great mentor, coach, sounding board, etc.
Basically…Don’t re-invent the wheel!!! Oh, and have fun!
Also (and particularly for those who’ll be in school for a bit longer), I advise that you take at least a basic Business course! As a Med major and now a doctor (chiropractor) my focus was on learning the skills of my profession. There was little emphasis on running my own business!!! Even if you plan on being employed by someone (i.e. not self-employed) the skills you’ll learn may just set you above the rest, therefore making you more upwardly mobile than you colleagues/coworkers.
as i’m sitting in the movies waiting for fast 5 to start i figured i’d comment on the post. 2 words: graduate school. i found that it’s an easy way to not have to deal with a lot of “real world” hassles while still attempting transition into an adult. plus let’s face it a bachelor’s degree isn’t worth what it once was.
besides that i would just say that 80% of what you learned inside the classroom is pretty much useless. doesn’t matter what your major is. sorry to break it to you.
on a more positive note, congratulations and good luck on the transition.
3 words: graduate school debt.
Make that choice carefully. Please dont hear about average salaries and think that ish will be yours. Accumulated interest is not a game…
However, pursue your dreams and dont let money stand in your way(but keep in mind debt/income projections).
Please say it. Folks think grad school is leverage in this crappy economy, but the RIGHT degree is king. You could get a 2 year nursing degree, become an LPN, have your hospital pay for the BA degree and be making upwards of 100K (with all the overtime and such) in the same amount of time it takes folks to do undergrad and grad school.
Debt is real in these streets
not to brag or anything but not only am in school for free, the school pays me to attend. my undergrad mentor told me if you’re a black grad student and you’re paying for school then you’re at the wrong school.
I’ve heard a couple people say this and I know some folks in that position. It depends on your program and your mobility though. I know in my case I fell into the loan trap because I didn’t seek out opportunities outisde of my area. I ended up with free money, but there was a small amount that wasn’t paid- so I was able to get the loans. And grad school loans are big. It was too much temptation LOL.
This also depends on your course of study and the school. Harvard, Wharton, Columbia, etc don’t give a rats arse if you’re black trying to get an MBA w 2 years work experience as Manager of the Gap (no shots fired) and a 500 on the GMATs
-Realize that time moves much faster after you graduate, 3 years of real world time equals one year of undergrad time, so don’t waste it.
-Realize that you wont regret time lost spent trying to achieve your goals, but you will regret not putting in enough effort.
-Don’t go hard in the Gym like you did in undergrad. Heavy lifting catches up with you and your joints and tendons will pay for it.
-Don’t get into an e-situation with Yeah…So, she will abandon you without warning.
-Get financially literate quick. If you can’t pay your rent and knock out a good portion of your bills with one paycheck, move.
-Don’t take on a car note unless you have to. Ride that 96 Civic till the rims fall off. And if you end up dating Mo-VSS, DO NOT let her know where you park. If she changes her hair, you wont know who set your car on fire even if she does it in front of you. Role playing should be fun with her though.
-If you go to grad school, try not to think of loans as free money, each unnecessary dollar you spend will cost you a little piece of your soul when you’re paying it back.
-Realize that the overwhelming majority of the people you date will end up not being the one. Going in with an agenda and viewing every relationship that doesn’t result in marriage as a failure will only make you miserable and wont allow you to see a person for who they are while you’re dating, you’ll only see them as a goal.
Also, Mexicans from Puerto Rico or Cuba or other vacation spots will get upset with you for calling them Mexican for whatever reason.
lmao!
OMG and don’t get me started on the ones from Hawaii… Ugh! Rude!
Hilarious! (and true – that sh*t will get cha cut – literally)
I’m EVERY woman!
LOL
Gonna change my AVI again and flip folks out for real. LOL
“-Don’t get into an e-situation with Yeah…So, she will abandon you without warning. ”
LMBO.
these polyamorous e-men, i swear. lol
i don’t even know how that got in the prenup, I think Liz put it there as insurance policy for your E-mortal souls just in case the Mormons are the last ones standing after Judgment Day roulette.
All EXCELLENT points ex-e-boo… especially this:
Don’t take on a car note unless you have to. Ride that 96 Civic till the rims fall off.
-Cars are not investments (at least most)… realize that money you put in, unless you’re buying low and without interest/#NoNote, is Never.Coming.Back.
and this:
Don’t get into an e-situation with Yeah…So, she will abandon you without warning.
-I couldn’t agree more!!! *hi5*
*Sidenote* Why don’t people know this? Get financially literate quick. If you can’t pay your rent and knock out a good portion of your bills with one paycheck, move.
1+1 will always =2… if you only got .5 and owe 2, how exactly do you plan on making-up the other 1.5? People make sure you got at least 3 cause whatever is costing you BEYOND you means ain’t eeen worth it. #trustme
Most importantly (I should add)… know what your means(financial abilities) ACTUALLY are!!!
Glad you’re happy about the abandonment. Do you know how much e-therapy I had to get from Panama and how much ebitching he had to listen to (read)?
Poor Panama…
OK, you’re right. I’m a jerk. You deserve better and by-golly you’ve found it! You and Liz and all her #celibacywatch2011 thing she’s doing (that you NOW get to do too) is gonna be awesome… I mean, look at me and all my wanting and needing the “e-D”… why should you be subjected to oblige? Clearly, I’m no man but busting man-glitter all over must be overrated as you’ve chosen a life without
dat good good… so you enjoy that… oh wait, my bad… we’ll enjoy, you can watch.I’m butthurt… how you gon’ dump me infront of erbody like dat?!!?! *kicks trash*
Stop trynna throw e-salt in my e-game
What we have is REAL! Real I tell you!!!
@Meech: e-Therapy from Panama? As the e-boo who has to e-deal with him… hope you kept your receipt.
Meanwhile, Liz’s new avatar is winning! Cute, lady!
Ain’t it though? I’m liking the Blog Avi over here.
DAMMIT it is cute…
… way to throw a wrench in my throwing a wrench in your game game, Liz. UGH!
Lmao!! Aww thanks guys
Realize that the overwhelming majority of the people you date will end up not being the one. Going in with an agenda and viewing every relationship that doesn’t result in marriage as a failure will only make you miserable and wont allow you to see a person for who they are while you’re dating, you’ll only see them as a goal.
LOVE IT!
I did too. I wish I had figured this out sooner.
1. All that accumulated academic knowledge from your college career? You probably won’t be using it ever again. Accept it.
2. You probably won’t get training on your job. They won’t explain stuff, they’ll throw you in and expect you to swim. It’s not a special punishment for you, that’s how they do everyone.
3. The guy/gal using a bunch of confusing buzz words in the meeting has NO clue what they’re talking about. Identify these people quickly and ignore them summarily.
4. Don’t assume because they’re managers that they’re subject matter experts and know better than you. They often aren’t and they usually don’t.
5. If they will gossip with you in the office, they’ll gossip about you in the office. Dead that.
6. If you need some sort of record of your transactions, communicate through e-mail, if you need there not to be any record, visit people in person. Trust me on this.
7. Get a mentor, one that’s been there awhile, someone who doesn’t substitute buzz words for intelligence or gossip. Why? because…
8. No one is going to give you an award for “just showing up”. The reward for doing your job is called a “paycheck”. If you want more than that – take on more job responsibilities.
9. Don’t brief your superiors about a problem without also briefing them on potential ways to fix it
10. It’s business. They will downsize you if it makes financial sense for them. Don’t be afraid to leave if it makes financial sense to you. You don’t owe them any more than they owe you.
along with #10, because it is a business, do not give your entire life to your job. Best believe that if you fall over and die at that bish, they will roll you out of the way like Mrs. Blakenship on Mad Men and replace you before your body gets cold. . .
Don’t take it personal **a la Jermaine Jackson**
10. It’s business. They will downsize you if it makes financial sense for them. Don’t be afraid to leave if it makes financial sense to you. You don’t owe them any more than they owe you.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. And I’ll also suggest that when you leave, whether it’s voluntarily or involuntarily, leave on the best terms possible. You never know who you will run into again. The world is much smaller than we think it is…
I got written up for not complying with number 6 LOL…haaaaard lesson learned
People stay claimin things like:
- I didn’t say that
- I didn’t know about this
- I didn’t approve of this
And that’s when I reproduce the e-mail
- yeah you did say that
- yeah you did know about this
- yeah you did approve of it
Also….
Don’t have full blown e-conversations with someone you can chop it up with after work…
cuz then when said e-buddy gets fired and management looks at all emails and suddenly decides to try to decipher nicknames you and previously mentioned buddy created for every co-worker, which includes management, …well..then..you’re screwed…
Real talk, that was the reason I got fired from my first job. Not documenting stuff and then folks laying blame.
So, now, I email E’RRTHANG. And if it’s on some “I don’t trust this shady co-worker” type person then I BCC folks so there’s no confusion.
I will NOT lose.
oh yea lol….
and if we have a face to face conversation, best beleive you can expect a follow-up email from me stating everything we talked about and asking confirmation….i’ve had too many you didn’t get what i said moments all in an attempt to successfully make you look crazy
LOL, email clients these days are BEASTS.
“Oh you didn’t get the appointment?”
*click, click, clack
“Well here is says you accpeted it and deleted it.”
No defense.
YES, YES, YES @ DQ’S #6! I call it CYA (Covering Your Azz). Always have a CYA file.
All of THIS^^^!
great list, especially 7, 9, & 10.
This is all so true! Especially number 2- they will throw u to the wolves
your list is excellence. simply excellence.
i’m copying and pasting and emailing to my Littles. i’d send them here but they’d get lost among the 6932738 comments.
Ooooh… too bad you’re e-taken… I wanna drip honey all over this post and slowly dip it in my… Great advice!!
To this If you need some sort of record of your transactions, communicate through e-mail, if you need there not to be any record, visit people in person… I’ll add: Bump that!!! Always have a papertrail (FREE T.I.)… you see them in person, you send a follow-up email… you talk on the phone, you send a follow-up email… you smoke signal, you… get it. Will.Save.Your.Life… Serious.
Yo, this is real. That paper trail is no joke – has saved many a person from being written up/terminated. Keep records of EVERYTHING.
if i was an emo chick, I’d fall in love with you off this list…
But i’m not….
thank you for #10, I suffer from an obscene sense of loyalty and struggle with leaving a job.. H3ll, I’m struggling with it now.. and I’m in my 30′s..
#1- I was very excited the first time I created a database for my job. One of the few times something I learned was used a work.
#3- Yessss. People that sound smart usually have just a small amount more grasp on what’s going on than you do. Better yet, they probably know because there’s some newsletter or something you don’t know about yet and all the information is in it.
#8- Yesss. Simply doing your job doesn’t entitle you to a raise.
#9-10- Gospel
This list is the truth. Might I add as grad level advice that once you become familiar with your work environment that you might want to take note of the CC and BCC etiquette and strategy. It can be your best friend and a WMD. You will be surprised at who gets up upset if they find out that they are excluded from an email stream, and it’s also an efficient way to get e-face time and show that you’re on point. Don’t think of it as inundating people with useless info. But don’t be the person that CCs the whole department or the whole company with unrelated trivial crap.
A BCC can be a great preemptive CYA that doesn’t anger the other recipients. If you need to motivate certain people you might want to CC their supervisor or their supervisor’s boss. Please believe that people look at who else is included on an email and that their level of commitment is directly proportional to the rank of the most senior person on the email chain. But you want to use this one carefully and you should know the personalities of the people involved and culture of the firm.
Well said… there’s definitely a social awareness to the use of corporate email, however rule of thumb of mine… know your motivation? If (like Meech noted) you want to light a bit of a fire under someone’s @ss, yeah CC their superiors or team members… but also know when that is not appropriate. The corporate/work game is much like the high school/college popularity contest game. Actually let’s go here:
-Never send an email when you’re angry
-Don’t use sarcasm… it can work against… I’ve seen some ill isht play out in that regard.
-Never be an email snitch (BCC is not for snitching, actually just don’t snitch at all it’s lame in the hood and office)… which you’ll learn this gets tricky because there’s a thin line between putting someone in their place in-front of others and snitching…but there is a line nonetheless… respect it.
-Never delete work related emails… NONE, not ONE!!! Create a filing system that works for you… but organize them so you can access them quick.
Good luck kiddos!
This is a good addendum, especially about not sending emails while you’re angry. And sarcasm really doesn’t read well virtually.
This is a good addendum, especially about not sending emails while you’re angry.
-Thanks, homey… I live by it… and y’all already know how smart this mouth gets, it can be a real problem. Sometimes tho I can’t wait to send it, like an answer needs to be sent immediately, so I should also add (once you identify them) get a co-worker you can trust to proof-read your angry responses and let you know if it’s inappropriate before you hit send. I also try to type my angry responses in a separate blank (no contacts added) email altogether, get someone to proof it, then copy and paste the clean version into the reply… it’s crazy in corporate America, gotta protect yo’ neck nah mean.
Corporate world = Cut throat Agree with all that
Man, this list is winning. Even though, accepting it may feel like losing… we gotta man, we just gotta. lol SO the real deal in corporate-topia (without the topia).
There is no such thing as a mistake. Any job you take or experience you have (whether it’s cleaning bathrooms, editing documents, or curing cancer) is an amalgamation of all of your previous jobs and experiences. Those difficult people you call “haters” now? They will be helpful later on when you come across a boss with the same temperment and have to know how to handle said boss.
Try to be around people who you want to be or want to be like.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
Show up to work early and leave late. You have to “earn” rolling up into your job when you want to.
Don’t move from your Momma’s house to your spouse’s house. Enjoy being young and single. BUT, date at the same time. Have fun!! Every guy/girl you date is not supposed to be your husband/wife, so don’t take dating so seriously!
YES! I strongly believe everyone should live solo prior to marriage!
Long time lurker but I had to say something on this post! May 8th will mark one year of me finishing my undergrad degree. And in this year I don’t know that I’ve accomplished much after my plans A, B,C, and D fell through(sigh such is life) and on top of that I’m still living with the man(parental units) and now I’m paying the man and his b*tch(dept of ed and sallie mae) a lot of my paycheck. This post and the comments just breathed so much life into me and re motivated me to get my ish together quick and stop settling for just a career to pay bills but a career that fulfills my passion and pays bills!
My advice although I doubt I’m qualified to give advice
Take a semester or year off to give your brain a break. I definitely needed it.
find out how much ur going to owe a month and you can start taking it away from yourself asap so in 6months its not such a shock of how much you’re losing
Lastly enjoy it-my parents gave me a year to “get the mess out my system.” After the year is up the parents start wanting a return on their investment, atleast mine do and they are already talking about it! Shoot I got a week to go! Lol
Thanks again for this post needed to hear this or read it
Welcome…and hang it there.
welcome!
…and I’m back. Advice from a grad 2xs over: Take the time out to travel and see the world. Once you start your career you can’t ditch work for a week to go to Carnival in Brazil but you can skip a few classes and see some beautiful people shake what mama gave em in barely there bikinis without a care in the world. Just make sure you still do your work because if you dont, you will dread returning from your vacay even more. For those graduating and considering grad school, I say take time off and find a job. It doesn’t have to be something involving your major but it will give you time to get your thoughts together. You might find a job you love in the mean time and save yourself the angst of 2 years in grad school and $50k in loans. While you’re at it, look into graduate assistantships. They can save you money and many of them cover your tuition so you dont have to worry about Aunt Sally calling you 6 months after graduation. Toodles for now!
You might find a job you love in the mean time and save yourself the angst of 2 years in grad school and $50k in loans. While you’re at it, look into graduate assistantships. They can save you money and many of them cover your tuition so you dont have to worry about Aunt Sally calling you 6 months after graduation. Toodles for now!
Piggybacking on this: co-ops in grad school (for you youngins, you can get them for undergrads as well) Basically you go to school a semester, work a semester, etc. It takes you longer to graduate, but with much less (or no) debt
SERIOUS co-sign! traveling is one of the best things you can do once you’ve graduated. better still if you can find a job or post-grad degree track where you can go overseas just to see life beyond the U.S. be a tourist; be a backpacker; whatever – just be safe & have fun & LEARN as much as you can.
“Once you start your career you can’t ditch work for a week to go to Carnival in Brazil”
Sure you can. Annual leave like MF.
4 weeks vacation is great. The fact that we don’t track it and I really take 5-6 is a blessing…
Do NOT stalk the job. I don’t care how qualified you are, 50 people are applying for one opening (as I said up thread, I got a million crazy stories.) Yes, you should show your interest. But do NOT flood them with emails, calls, etc. If you aren’t qualified for this job, there is a chance you could get hired for another job, or later if the candidate falls through. But not if you scare your potential employer.
Crazy story this is based on: a woman applied to work where I did starting about 2 years before I worked there. She was constantly emailing, calling, sending letters, etc. You know when you call a business and the prompt says “if you know your party’s extension, dial it any any time.” This woman would punch in random numbers, leaving messages on anyone’s box (in offices WORLDWIDE) saying “I’m Jane Doe, applying to work in this position in this city…” My 1st week on the job I got her (didn’t know that back story, yet) and she said, “oh, you must be new. I remember when Sally (who just left) and Mary (who left a year ago) were there. Can you help me out?”
I transferred her to HR, and the HR guy called me back like “NOOOOOOOO!!! Not her!”
Just realized I wrote an Obsidian post! *claps for myself* *goes to bed before too many shots get fired* *pulls bullets out of pillow*
Not quite. Needs to be at least a page and a half longer, use 12 dollar words and equate everything to game. Then and only then will you have reached Obsidian absurdity
Don’t forget about Angry Black Women *lol*.
Can I be great. Will you let me be great? Hey, wouldn’t it be neat if I was actually Obsidian and Sage and I was expressing my split personalities by having them attack each other over the message board on VSB?
Wouldn’t that be an amazing twist. Like, maybe I was using a cousin’s photo for the other profile. That would be amazing. Oooooh….so much fun in here.
Your story is hilarious…
“Discarding them (or, even better, letting them discard themselves. If this doesn’t make any sense now, it will shortly) doesn’t make you a sell out.”
I’m no college grad, but this is definitely something anyone who has achieved anything experiences. Be it graduating form college or moving to the center stage at the Sugar Shack.
Make the money, don’t let it make you (in my Diamond voice)
@ SNESChalmers are you in healthcare? i cosign all of that!
Keep your work and your play separate..coworkers are mostly denied on fb unless we actually hang out outside of work not talking about work.
Dont worry so much about starting a family..folks will ask why you’re not maried where are your kids? B i”m happy and free!! and am in no rush to procreate and or get married.
Have fun!!! Enjoy your twenties! As i am in my 30′s now I can honsetly say I enjoyed my twenties thoroughly bottle poppn, traveling, events, coming home the next day it was all great! but i’s tied now ..been there done that got several tshirts..
Take care of yourself! workout and women get that yearly pap!!! You want to age gracefully and stay healthy!
Give back Big brothers/Big Sisters is a great way to help out and occupy your time..I moved to a city where I didnt know anyone I had a lot of time on my hands and volunterring helped and gave me so many other connections my calender stays full!
Go with the flow…sometimes that’s all you need to do…
One piece of advice to all of my science majors (i.e. biology and chemistry)…..if you are not going to be a teacher, GO TO GRAD SCHOOL! Me and my peeps got a rude awakening when we graduated from college that the only jobs out there for us are working in a lab for pennies (not sexy when u work your @ss off for this degree)! The only peeps that I see that make a decent amount of money with the same load of classwork that I had were engineering and architecture majors (when the economy was decent). Get a masters or apply to professional school (dental, medicine, optometry), it will be worth it!
Amen to this, I graduated with a BS in Microbiology degree some years ago and when I returned to the real world they were like your salary is going to be $30,000 being some funky lab tech. Good thing I never planned on stopping at the Micro degree though or else I probably would’ve burned the lab down.
Militant much?
Try to consider what you want to DO for work as opposed to what you want to BE. I think people too often limit themselves by thinking in terms of job titles instead of job characteristics. When you consider the kinds of activities you’d like to do in your career, the number of job options and settings can expand. Also, whenever possible, do not limit yourself to existing positions. If you can convince an organization that they need you to do whatever it is that you do well (negotiate, harlem shake, catch the Holy Ghost), do it.
1. You have NO game – Yeah yeah, I know, you were pulling MAD dimes in college. Yeah yeah, I know, you’ve been reading/hearing/watching all this media coverage about a lack of educated young black males on the market and so by your calculations, once you get on these streets with your impressive “bachelor’s” you should be SLAAAAAAAYING b$tches…..umm…..NO….the media is on some bullsh*t. All you’re going to find on these streets are some grown *ss women with very little time for your weak *ss game. So remember, when you find yourself thinking ‘damn….she’s a b$tch’….naaaaahhhh fam….she’s only a b$tch TO YOU…BECAUSE YOUR GAME IS GARBAGE!!. It’s very important you fully realize this fact and take appropriate action (classes, ask friends, read books, join a support group, adjust the HIGHLY inflated numbers you believe you’re entitled to), lest you risk ending up like some of the bitter kneegrows posting comments up in here.
2. You are no longer a man…you USED to be man. You are now a certified b$tch with several pimps the two major ones being.
a) Uncle sam – Remember that day you never told anyone about…when you saved up for those new Jordans, but in all your excitement forgot to take the back routes and ended up bumping into Tino who met you with one of those – Yo my man….I like your kicks – and you knew at that moment those joints were GONE and there was nothing you could about it? Yeah…at least Tino made the effort to look for you….this new goon MAKES you go to them.
b) corporate america – Yeah, there will be none of that ‘as long as I’m smart and do my job well I can be myself’ college b*llsh$t talk over there, you will laugh at their jokes, you will eat the disgusting cookies and pretend to like them, you WILL contribute $10 to some gift fund every two weeks because [insert name of punk you don’t care about] got knocked up/married/whatever…I repeat contrary to what the email said, it is NOT a suggested donation, you need to pay that ish!
And lastly, when you’re sitting in your cubicle counting down the minutes to 5:00pm on Friday (henceforth your favourite time of the week), just remember, this isn’t for the next 4 years….IT’S FOREVER!!!!
Welcome to the layer cake son.
lest you risk ending up like some of the bitter kneegrows posting comments up in here.
#shotzfired
LMBO!!!!!
Your B reminds me of one my shows The Life and Times of Tim
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nzyf8dQ0ONs <—–bwahahahha
Addendum 1) You have no game, so just be honest. You think she looks good? Tell her so. You think she sounds sweet? Say so. Let her know what you’re about up front so that she can see you and not your occupation/degree or lack thereof.
Addendum 2) You’re still a man; you’re now a grown @ss man that handles his business. Proceed accordingly.
Addendum 3) It’s forever only if you wish it. If it’s not what you want, find something that is or create something that is. We’re all unique and sh*t, but I can guarantee that you won’t be the only one on earth thinking it and therefore, more folks will flock to it.
LOL All of this is HILARIOUS!! But I agree w/ Tes on her Addendum 3–to invert the old adage, if it’s broke…FIX IT. There are too many opps out there to be counting down to 5 at a job you hate forever lol…..LEAVE. I’m a big proponent of quitting jobs–with a plan.
LOL!! I love it.
But this:
“it is NOT a suggested donation, you need to pay that ish!”
The devil is a liar. I have passed many an envelope with nary a contribution.
ugly truths. but truths nonetheless. tell ‘em VAB.
I see there was a discussion about joining the military after college and I agree that the military isn’t for everyone. A lot of people join with unrealistic expectations of what being in uniform actually means. Depending on your job title you could be in a mail room, pushing papers and getting fat. Or you could be in Afghanistan a year after being commissioned. Choose wisely. For me though joining has been a blessing. I had no idea what I wanted to do after graduating. All I knew is that I was into working out, travel and an experience. I’m an adrenaline junky and love challenges. Mondays we are rucking 10 miles, Tuesdays we are running 10 miles and a halo jump could be from 25K feet or higher. Now the pay isn’t all that great compared to what civilian contractors get but it’s decent. I thought after graduating I’d be making the big money but the humble pay of the military has made me a more frugal person I believe.
For the dependents above who voiced their concerns I understand completely. Children usually take the hardest blow when it comes to the sacrifices of a parent who is in uniform. It’s a tough life but a rewarding life and a job that has to be done. Thank you for your contributions.
In the dating game I truly believe military men have a bad rep. I blame this on the Navy in Virginia Beach and the Army at Fort Bragg. lol
Yes, we do have a bad name for some reason. It’s really bad when Army women don’t even want anything to do with Army dudes. As if the majority of them are angels themselves. lol
no it’s the women. Them chicks is crazy and they want to get married so damn much that as soon as they meet someone in their unit, they expect a ring. It’s pathetic
Blame it on ALL Navy stations. I think I met the one real man out here. And I say “real man” cuz there are many, many, many diva dudes and those who cater to and exude bychassness on the regular.
*welcome*
#5 *nodding in agreement*
#6 While talking to a JAG lawyer today, he admitted that Facebook was a factor in a lot of cases. Be careful what you post especially your pictures.
These are your best years, don’t waste them pining away for Tyrone or Cletus, nor waste your time trying to figure them out. They won’t make sense.
Stop badmouthing me….I ain’t doing nothing wrong. Besides, somebody’s gotta teach these young tenderonis something….might as well be your boi…
Yep yep…
LOL
One more:
12. You may want to pursue a career that pays high when you first enter the field with the salary flattening out after a few years (like some sort of engineering), then switch careers to a field that pays higher over time (like finance). Look at them salary trajectories, get yourself behind some good curves, and find a mix that you can get with.
Great advice, Liz.
Coincidentally enough, accounting (or straight-up mathematics) was always my #2 option behind civil engineering. But I still want to design a subway system for Detroit, since somehow we don’t have one.
And once you do, bring it to Cleveland and every other major midwestern city.
My folks in “the Land” stay losing. LOL
Please and thank you.
LOL! Yes it is a must to have a car in “the Land” smh
I hope I can. No reason why Detroit, a city that once had 1.3 or so million residents, doesn’t have a subway system.
#11- I notice this with my boss. She goes out of her way to give people credit and give praise. I try to take note of the traits I see in others so that when I am a boss I can emulate that.
Girl, you
ain’t right for stealing my e-mandid that… nice list!!!Actually men want 3 things so it’s appropriate that this was your number 3. I agree wholeheartedly with the rest of your list, except Number 8 applies only to women. Trust, a black man that shows confidence and assertiveness in the workplace can be a very threatening thing with ENTIRELY different reactions than those garnered by his black female counterparts.
Also, thinking about Grad school early is key. But people should realize that going when the economy takes a downturn is a suckers move. You have much more competition for fewer jobs. That means more money for what is probably a lesser education all things being equal and less opportunity and probability of that degree paying off. You have your advanced degree for life, but you aren’t just paying for the degree. A big part of what you’re paying for is the opportunity the interview with corporate recruiters that most people don’t have access to. If you pay for that when those recruiters aren’t looking then you could be wasting your money. Finding a job with a degree and outside of the on campus recruiting cycle is exponentially harder.
what are the 3 things men want?
yeah i think grad school is for career change or enhancement. i know i only got my master’s because it was (partially) free, and I was looking for a great internship so I could get experience in that industry. the classwork itself was negligible.
The 3 Fs? Let’s just say that 1 involves satisfying a biological urge, another a biological necessity and the last favors a minimalist approach to the art of communication. This applies to men in general and not me of course, especially when talking about my e-boo.
*Family Feud contestant clap* GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER!!!!
This is awesome, Liz–GREAT list.
aw thx
If they weren’t down to date you in college….don’t totally dismiss them if they come around now or in the future…..but be really leery of them should they show interest now that you’ve graduated.
Just going to cover the bases from my perspective.
To the fresh steppers:
-All that studying wasn’t just for grades, it was to teach you to look deeper and to be resourceful.
-In being resourceful, sometimes you must conjure half-truths, outright lies and other forms of ingenuity to navigate the self-righteous-ness & insecurity *EXPERIENCE* work-forcers will throw at you. Protect ya neck.
-Nobody will respect your degree…almost no matter what you got it in and almost no matter how great your grades in. Lie if you feel the need because it doesn’t matter anyways.
Try and day dream a contingency plan for your contingency plan because things go haywire…quick and in a hurry.
I’m west coast, always have been, so I have had to renegotiate transportation systems when experiencing mobility issues. Rural living…gotta love it.
ok
now for some more positive things.
Wake up and look yourself in the mirror and smile and greet yourself, tell yourself the good things, the stuff you want to improve and how you will succeed. (it isn’t necessary but it helps balance you out for all the BS people will throw at you- Self love and acceptance is the greatest!)
Maybe you got your diet hashed out but maybe not…breakfast is the MOST important. Start it out right.
Drink a lot of water.
Treat yourself don’t cheat yourself.
Money comes and money goes….So do jobs, don’t rest on your laurels too long. Take breaks and keep grinding.
What Champ said about the people around you…MUY IMPORTANTE!!!!
Thats all I got.
Good Luck
Drink a lot of water.
This may be the most important thing anyone says all day.
Drink lots of water and eat breakfast. 50% of the battle conquered.
Travel – by yourself. Going with five girlfriends will be like hanging out in the dorm. When you travel alone you’re forced to meet new people. You won’t have to compromise on where you want to go. You’ll learn more.
When I graduated a group of girls was going to the Caribbean. They couldn’t understand why I would want to backpack through Europe alone for three months and I couldn’t understand why they’d want to hang out on the beach when AC was just an hour away. I saw, learned and experienced more than I could have imagined traveling. I had an absolute blast. I still carry that wanderlust in my heart. Black folks, especially, I think need to travel and see the world differently.
Invest your money. Don’t lend to family. You can cry poor, “Student loans.”
Pay back those who helped you. Take Grandma out to a nice dinner. Remember: She slipped you some case to pay for that calculus tutor. You wouldn’t have passed without her help.
Don’t necessarily follow the corporate dream. Find what you love. It may seem like a low-paying career now, but your dream can and will pay off in the end. (Just make sure that you’re living as a starving artist not an I-banker.) My biggest regret is that I did what made sense and I was always miserable. The happiest folks I know didn’t follow traditional careers.
all this right here….
we eye 2 eye
Travel alone GG!? Now I’m scared of that LOL.
don’t be scurrred Ms. WIP!!!
Traveling solo is safe so long as you do your research and remain aware of your surroundings. as black women, we tend to be able to spot/avoid danger and survive! go ‘hed and go somewhere new. there’s a wide world out there, and it can be really life-changing to hop on a plane and land yourself somewhere really different.
It is hard waiting for others to get their finances together. There are many places I want to go.
Pay back those who helped you is gospel…
I’m two years removed from undergrad and I was gone in May, started work in June (high school football never stops apparently) so here’s a few things I’ve paid attention to since I’ve become a professional.
-Life is so much easier when you stay to yourself in the workplace, I like the fact that my co-workers haven’t seen or heard from the entire day.
-Fix your credit IMMEDIATELY, that number hangs over your head like the amount of brews you used to could kill at phrat parties.
-If you have the opportunity to stay at home with mom and pa, do so…at least to make the financial transition easier and to handle fixing the aforementioned credit issues
-When you cross the stage, your circle shrinks from 400 to 4…choose wisely.
-Don’t apologize for having to be an a-hole sometimes, although you’re the low man on the totem pole (especially for teachers, they hardly respect anything we say), if you believe passionately in something, let it be known.
-Be very picky in who you date, your margin for error shrinks with every passing year, those small things you overlooked as a 19 sophomore, you can’t keep the blinders on as a 25 year old.
-READ!!!!! Education doesn’t stop.
-Enjoy your money, Do the things you always wanted to do that your broke arse couldn’t do with that refund check…just plan what you’re gonna spend so you won’t kick yourself later.
Hope it helps, Good Luck Out There, I need to be going back to sleep…21 Days of School Left!!!!
-MCW
hold the hell up…….checks calendar…i know it’s friday up in this joint….
I come here to get my laugh on and yall up on the serious tip………………d.a.m.n.
since i might be one of the old ass folks up in here….imma add my two bits
1. know thyself – spend time findin out who your true reality devoid of all the media influence. can’t stress this enough.
2. travel like a mug anywhere and everywhere you can. the more you see, learn, taste, smell, touch, breathe – the better person you become. america is not the world.
3. education is the essence of life. degrees don’t necessary equal education – remember that young jedi. never confuse knowledge, wisdom and intellect with a degree. never. a degree just proves you can follow directions and work in a system.
4. save your gita…you’ll hear that time and time again. spend less than you earn and bank the rest. i didn’t say 401k either…i know plenty of folks at retirement age right now that will be working for a hella long time and they did everything they were *supposed* to too. Keep that saving account topped up and your assets liquid.
if you ain’t careful, they’ll put you on a yacht – it’s really a slave ship.
“checks calendar…i know it’s friday up in this joint….
I come here to get my laugh on and yall up on the serious tip………………d.a.m.n.”
Right?!?!? LOL it’s all serious and ish today.
VSB is what you make it.
(*in my serious voice.)
Send some bluebell ice cream and a dozen whataburgers with bacon north I need my texas fix stat!!
Happy. Friday y’all
LMAO!!!!
Let me go get the dry ice ready…so I can ship ya some.
Right?!?!? LOL it’s all serious and ish today.
4real doe! Lighten up. And i know it’s friday, but would I be safe to say Champ mailed this one in? (no shots doe) just sayin..
I think everyone pretty much covered everything. One thing I don’t recall seeing: help someone else (particularly someone coming up behind you, but it really could be anyone). I say this for three reasons:
1. It will help you grow as a person.
You’ll see the world outside yourself, which will help you put things in perspective really quickly. It’ll help you figure out your role in ways that have nothing to do with an occupation and give you just a little more focus, if needed. This will be especially important if you go to grad school.
Personally, I have felt no greater satisfaction than with what I’ve been trying to do re: raising awareness for blood donation. To make a long story short, my cousin needed a kidney transplant and I initially went to donate blood so I could find out my blood type and determine whether I could be a donor. I couldn’t (although he found one), but then I thought about it all and am an avowed blood donor. A more detailed account is visible when you click on the name. I think it’s the second post down.
2. It will help other people get to where you are.
This is mainly true if you help younger people, but it can also apply to people in your age group or older who aren’t comfortable with their station in life for whatever reason. You never know what could bring people to a point where a kind word or action could really help them. At the same time, you never know when you could be the person who provides that kind word or action…and going back to #1 a bit, sometimes the best way to elevate yourself is by picking someone else up.
3. It helps increase your profile.
I’m not necessarily talking about your resume, but it could help there too. It will increase your networking opportunities. Suddenly people will know who you are, and assuming you keep your profile above water this can only be a good thing. You never know who might be watching you (well, not you in particular), but a potential employer or partner in a future endeavor might see or hear of you – and depending on the situation, that could give you a real leg up.
(Page break – can’t be all pretty like Yoles, so I just have to say it)
This one’s a bit biased, but if you go to grad school – and especially if you enroll in a doctoral program at a PWI – get involved with your student’s black graduate (or professional) student group. PhD programs have a way of isolating you from…really, from everything else in life. It’s up to you how much you let that happen. Joining your school’s group – or another organization, or even just keeping up with a hobby – will help you keep a balance in your life that you’ll need at some point. Many a black doctoral student has an “I’m the only one” story. You’ll have one too. Just make sure it’s short.
One last thing before time and my battery conspire to make me press submit: take time to find out who you are – and make sure you’re the only one who comes up with any part of the definition. Start from the inside and work your way out.
Yes on Black grad groups!! Sometimes you want to talk about academia, real life, or that f*cked up thing that so & so said in your class about Black folks while looking in your direction. And, though you should definitely establish relationships in your program, you need others OUTSIDE of your program who know what you are going through to be a soundboard. Being an “only” sucks some times. . .
Adding to that, make sure you have a couple of folks (family, close friends) outside of the academic world to b*tch to as well. Sometimes you have to vent to someone who may not know wth you are talking about, but has your back regardless.
B.Brown
I think that was a compliment… Thx
Excellent list sir
Good stuff!!
I think I got to comment 164 or so and had to stop, so if I sound a lil’ redundant I apologize. I usually play on the humorous side, but since my younger sister is in this category I will pass on some of the #realtalk she just got from me.
1) F*ck what you see in the movies: This is 2011 and the economy is not in the greatest of places right now. There is a possibility that in 6 months when Aunt Sallie Mae calls for her first payment, you still won’t have a job yet. Don’t let your pride keep you from doing a job that may have NOTHING to do with what you just got your degree in.
2) You might be a grown-ass (wo)man living with your parents: This is kind of an addendum to #1, and statistically speaking, it’s likely it will happen to nearly 60% of new grads. Again, don’t let pride tell you “I shouldn’t be doing this”. From what I can tell, quite a few of us on here are 28+ y/o. It’s likely that though we’re not that much older, it was easier for us to find jobs closer to what we wanted.
3) Even if you do find a job relatively easy, don’t expect it to be perfect and DON’T expect what you learned in school to translate perfectly. There is a disconnect between academia and real life. Whether you studied business, communications, or healthcare, what you learned in school will only serve as a foundation to what you’re about to learn. Strap in, it can be a very bumpy ride for some.
4)Trust your gut: No one knows you as well as YOU. Don’t think that you have to act a certain way now, be at a certain level, etc. Set your goals, and don’t let anyone dictate your life to you. THIS is the first step to being grown.
5)Network, network, network: Get a Linked In account, join professional organizations, keep in touch with professors that wrote you recommendations. You can never know too many people. Everyone loves the self-made person or the overnight success stories, but in reality, this is very rare. Some of the best opportunities of your life will come via the connections in your life.
With that, remember, life is what happens while you’re busy making plans. So stay agile and learn how to roll with the punches. #thatisall
#2- That is something I refused. I know for many it’s common, in other countries it’s expected, but I couldn’t imagine being “grown” and living at home. For me that independence meant a lot. It probably helped me focus more on what I wanted to do.
#3- I agree. It’s easy to become bored with the “work life’ but sometimes it’s just what you make it. If you come in, sit in your cube all day, and leave then you’re gonna be bored. If you come in and get involved in groups at work, bug your boss to teach you sh*t, ask for extra work, you’ll usually end up more fulfilled.
gotta disagree with number 4…well sort of. Don’t become a professional student…too many folks can’t figure out what they want to do with their lives and say, “ah, hell! I’ll just go back to school and that will be enough to justify to society why I have no job.” Dudes are 30 years old getting a Masters degree and using it as a reason to not work. If you do decide to go back to school, make sure you work while attending. And I’m not talking about working at the mall. Work experience outweighs Masters degrees and PhD. When you get that big job interview with that fortune 500 company, they aren’t going to be impressed that you have all these letters behind your name, they are going to be impressed that you actually know how to do some work!
Agreed. I have a lil ol BS in Finance and there are people who work for me with MBAs who prob think they’re more qualified than I am but with 0-5 yes work experience, you haven’t learned as much as I have in 10 years in this industry. There’s a reason your resume starts with experience and ends with education. That being said, I am about to go back to get my MBA but it’s the icing on the cake, not the flour, eggs, or sugar.
exactly, as long as you know the reason why you are going back to school. People go back to school because they think more degrees means more salary. but actually, more degrees means more student loans to pay back. I have a Masters Degree, but I wanted to get that degree for personal fulfillment. Not because I thought it would get me a better job. when you sit in a boardroom with a bunch of 2520s, no one cares where you went to school or what degrees you have. you prove yourself worthy by knowing what the heck you are talking about and being a master in your field.
If this here ain’t the truth…I was considering leaving school and getting a job, but 90% of the jobs I saw required an amount of experience I had yet to gain due to my time in school. If you don’t plan to work in academia or research, it’s likely better to get some work experience before going to grad school (if you even decide that it’s best to go).
“Dudes are 30 years old getting a Masters degree and using it as a reason to not work.”
Yes! Once you’re over the age of 25, “going to school” is not a reason to not be working. LOL. I know there are situations where people are older with families and stop working to go to school; that’s understandable to me. I can’t do single, living with parents, “going to school” and no job. Especially when I’ve worked two jobs when going to school. Automatic fail. You have to do something else besides “go to school”, internships, jobs, volunteering, something- just for the sake of your resume.
I been in this game for (10) years…it made me an animal, it’s rules to this ish…I wrote me a manual, a step by step booklet for you to get, your game in tact, not cho wig pushed back…
Rule nombre UNO…never let no one know how much dough you hold…seriously, don’t talk about how much money you make or how much you’re ballin…or conversely broke you are… It’s tacky and no one really cares. Def don’t talk about money with your co-workers…
Rule #2…. Dat gawd dag credit, forget it…u think a crack head paying u back, forget it….don’t lend money…any exchange of money between you and friends/family should be considered a gift…if you can’t afford to give it away, don’t even consider the ‘loan’. Don’t cosign for anything for anyone and please, please, please pay your bills BEFORE THEY ARE DUE.. if you must, don’t pay anything late that impacts your credit score – if you’re habitually struggling, it’s time to reassess your spending habits.
Ok enough Biggie….
- work hard – Do your job WELL…better than anyone else…get to work before your boss, leave after him or her…go above and beyond…take those extra projects, go on those business trips to Podunk, Nebraska, attend those boring happy hours (know your alcohol intake limit)’ work crazy hours as needed even though there’s no overtime….those seeds I sowed 21-25 helped me climb the corporate ladder and never have to interview for a single job my entire career. I’ve always been ‘tapped on the shoulder’ – today, I get to “work” from bed….literally.
- play harder – on your vacation time…not sick days. If you don’t already have one, get a passport, visit places you’ve only seen on the travel channel, learn another language…HAVE FUN!!!!!
- love hardest – I dont mean that fine arse kappa you met at that rotational program mixer that STILL hasn’t called (he has texted you tho)…when you find someone worthy of being called your husband/wife…understand no one dies wishing they’d spent more time @ work. invest time, effort and energy into the right relationships… On the flip side, know when to cut your losses.
- know that the most powerful people in your office are the admins, the security guards and the mailroom people. Be nice to them. Know their names. say hello. Ask about their weekend.
- Shut up…it’s one thing to have an opinion and it’s ok to share it but you really don’t know ish yet. Fall back and listen more than you speak. Keep learning. don’t be argumentative. No one likes a know it all or someone that is perceived as being difficult to work with.
- do you! If you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to do what you love, do it! The money will come. If you aren’t making enough to support yourself now, either reduce your expenses or get a side hustle to pay your bills… Now if after 10 years you still haven’t made it as a rapper/actor/video vixen, perhaps it’s time to look into a different dream
- it’s ok to make mistakes! They are sometimes the best learning experiences
- dress well. Thrift/consignment shops, a good tailor and dry cleaner are all your friends
- speak well
- have manners
- give back. To whom much is given, much is aboslutely required.
- learn to pray to more than the porcelain God
definitely agree with getting to know those who people consider as “lowers”– the admins, janitorial staff, mailroom etc. Those are the most important folks around! Admins & janitors know the office gossip (which is crucial to get a feel for the environment). Mailroom folks hold weight too! There have been many times I popped up in the mailroom when they were closing with a document that had to be across the country by the next morning or my arse was grass!
Also, you hit it right about speaking well. Never to late to take speech classes at a community college or something. You won’t get respect making up words, and talking like Fantasia.
I’ve had admins squeeze me onto execs calendars, book me into “unbookable” conference rooms…the list goes on and on…just because I say hello, know their name and take 5 minutes to ask about their day.
I should’ve also said learn to communicate well. There is this whole other part of communicating called listening that people seem to forget…
I like this list. I’m not sure if I’d totally “shut up” though LOL. You have to speak and let people know you have an opinion and you do know *something*. But I agree, don’t argue with people who probably really know what they’re talking about. You may be right but there are ways to communicate without coming off as an young jerk.
and YES on the passport!!!! Get outside of your comfort zone and learn about different cultures. It will make you a better person and more reflective about the larger world you are part of.
You’re right. Shut up is harsh… Thoughts/opinions are valued in the workplace… New grads just KILL me with their know it all attitudes and sense of entitlement issues… I spot them a mile away… Cause I was one of em. I really thought I was the ish for some dumb reasons… Luckily I learned quickly and avoided any career land mines… If I only knew @ 20, what I now know @ 30…
Dang Yaaadgyrl, you set me straight on that one!
I remember when the black admin clique pulled me to the side when I was new to the game and they gave me “the talk”. They let me know that they had my back and kept me in the know on things.
I also agree that it is important to bust your buns on work but it is important to make sure that you are working hard for the right people and not folks who will have you get your charlie hustle on and take credit for your work. I have had to walk in to people 2 levels above me just to point out that I designed a particular solution and that they can discuss it with me, not the person who asked me to do it.
Why thank you…and great point about working hard for the right people.
Where were ya’ll when I was leaving school!?!?!
Instead of my mother whispering in my ear, “please don’t move, just give me one more year..”
#YallAlwaysLate
Here’s my two cents…
When you do acquire a job:
1. Dress appropriately for your environment! Don’t roll up to work with your cleavage waving to everyone or with a dress that would fit in just fine with every other woman’s at the club! This rule includes footwear too! Do not come into the office with your house slippers or UGG boots on if the office dress code doesn’t call for it! Take notice of the culture of the office attire and then follow it!
2. You may have to take a job that you don’t like simply because it can take you where you need to go in the future. For example, if the Vice-President offers you a job to be his flunky (even though your college degree is not a Bachelors of Arts in Flunky Studies), take it! It’ll provide you the opportunity to network with numerous high-level people that you probably never would have had access to.
3. It never hurts to ask for something. I once was given the opportunity to spend an entire day with the Top person at our agency, simply to ask questions and learn their craft. Everyone kept asking me how I got picked… I simply asked the person if I could spend a day with them and learn what they do! The worst the could have said was no. And at the end of the day, our head honcho and her staff at least knew my name!
I like this list. #2 as well. I’ve seen people avoid jobs because they didn’t think they would like them- *while they were unemployed*. You never know where one position could lead.
3. It never hurts to ask for something. I once was given the opportunity to spend an entire day with the Top person at our agency, simply to ask questions and learn their craft. Everyone kept asking me how I got picked… I simply asked the person if I could spend a day with them and learn what they do! The worst the could have said was no. And at the end of the day, our head honcho and her staff at least knew my name!
I’ve had to learn this the hard way. There were things that were in my grasp if I had only asked, but fear of rejection/looking bad/etc. is serious. The worst thing someone really can say is no.
Yeah, folks take “casual friday” to the nth degree sometimes. I have seen e-mails go out from HR reminding people of the dress code….
I think my experience will be different than most here because I was a commuter student and held a full time blue-collar job most of the time in college.
1. DO NOT feel the need to be “out there”. Live your life. Stay in school as long as possible to get a clear understanding of what you want to do.
1a. If you choose to stay in school may sure you are getting some work experience in what you want to do.
1b. Pick a lane and stay in it. I made my life harder and school longer than it should’ve been b/c I had one foot in school and the other in the streets.
2. Don’t feel pressure to be in a certain place in your life in your 20s. Don’t let these baby boomers put their expectations on you. Times have changed and those of us in Gen X, Gen Y, and Millenials don’t have the opportunities they had.
2a. Don’t feel pressured to have “something”.
Most ninjas are broke. Don’t be fooled. And those you see at your age with money are exceptions to the norm.
2b. There is nothing wrong with being normal
Nowadays people make you feel inferior if you aren’t hyper-competitive, rich at 23, super exceptional at everything you touch, and a Type-A personality on steroids. Don’t buy into this.
3. DO NOT enter into a long term serious relationship until you have completed your educational goals and experienced life a bit. For the men – a serious relationship shouldnt be considered. Have fun and be safe at this time because later on every woman you meet wants to be in a serious relationship. (stupid disclamer: yeah, yeah, there are exceptions to the rule) For the women – You shouldn’t be concerned with having a boyfriend period.Don’t waste time on any man under 27 years old. He isnt serious. (stupid disclamer: yeah, yeah, there are exceptions to the rule)
4. Don’t buy into the “good job” working for corporate america way of thinking
Corporate America is not for everybody and working in it when it’s not for you will make you sick literally and figuratively.
5. Don’t take a job just to get a check unless you really have to.
6. Keep your responsibilities to a minimum. Make no commitments. No car note, mortgage, etc. The less responsibilities you have the more freedom you have to choose your own path and tell others to kiss your @ss.
7. Be a Pioneer (Especially for young Black people)
I see too many young Black people following the go to college and get a good job path. Make your own way. Think long-term. A lot of movements, neighborhoods, businesses, etc. are started by a group of like minded people coming together. Look at hipster culture for example. It’s not about money until it’s about money. As long as your basic needs are met do you.
#7- I like. We are frequently advised to go to school to get a good job. And while entrepreneurship isn’t for everybody, I think too many of us never consider it.
I do think if you don’t know what you want- work and make that money while your figuring it out.
@WIP
I agree. Find a job that you can deal with that can support you until you find out what you really want to do. Unfortunately those jobs are hard to come by nowadays.
I saw the military discussion going on up there and I’ll honestly say it’s a bad decision if you’re only reasonably intelligent person. Not someone who’s exceptionally smart or average (or below). Because if you belong to the latter community whatever job you get is likely to be a massive upgrade from whatever the hell you most likely would have been doing for the rest of your life. If you belong to someone in the former category than you’ll be great because you’ll get offered jobs that in civilian life would have taken you at least 7 years to get plus probably over 100k in study loans.
Things like the Nuke program for the Navy offer 12,000 signing bonus. Or if you get assigned to a sub you can get 3 pay checks (1 normal one, 1 for being on the sub, and a third for at sea pay). Those military commercials are FAR more truthful than the recruiters. Do your research beforehand. If you’re signing up without already having any job offers or having a job offer but you never signed anything, they’ll put you wherever they need you. The military is quick to take advantage of the ignorant, you’ll do fine if you know what you want to do and have you’re smart enough to get the job prior to signing anything.
In addition to them paying for school, during or afterwards, you also get far better loans for pretty much everything, retirement benefits, job experience, and a few societal benefits for being in the military (thirsty women, employers more readily entrust you, etc.). But yeah, if you have no idea what you want to do, but you have OTHER options I would strongly advise against the military.
Third generation Navy guy here. Dropped out of college because it bored the snot out of me.
I’d say if you’re relatively smart, go MI because it opens you up to more opportunities such as getting a security clearance that you’d have to wait about a year or so with a civilian agency and not to mention a intensive background check. I’ve encountered people from all backgrounds such as lawyers and even those working on their PhD’s to say that not all people are idiots or marginally smart when they join. It’s about doing your homework and research and not allowing your recruiter to give you any job because they have a quota to meet
I’ve had a lot people I knew in high school grow up/smarten up because of it. Obviously not everyone is, but if you’re genuinely open to it there is a high possibility that it can help mold you into a better person. Too many people lose a sense of self though, which is, contrary to a lot of claims, not what the military wants from their best and brightest. They keep lowering the damn bar though. Being in NYC I’ve seen some very qualified immigrants not being able to come through because their Engrish (jokes) wasn’t perfect at the time. While some homegrown Americans are only about one stage of evolution past caveman get put right in.
Things I wish I knew when I graduated –
Realize that this is just a transition period. It is not the end.
When I graduated, I thought that my life was just going to start. I was going to get married, ( I was in a longterm relationship throughout college) my career was just going to happen, etc. etc. It was a rude awakening, but I have to remind myself even now that it’s not going to always be this way. This is just a transition.
You have to work harder to keep friends (and learn quickly which friends you want to keep) and learn to love making new friends. This was not me at first. I was so used to the same people around. I love meeting new people now.
Also, co-sign not comparing your experiences with your friends. Remember they have no idea what they’re doing either.
When you start your first job, know that you belong there. You will most likely be the youngest one there which can allow you to become intimidated. But even if you don’t know what you’re doing, fake like you do. You belong there.
Basically, an “everything will work out in the end” mentality is good for every situation.
“You will most likely be the youngest one there which can allow you to become intimidated. But even if you don’t know what you’re doing, fake like you do. You belong there”
To this I will add try to talk to and emulate the people that are where you want to be. People, usually, love to talk about themselves. Ask your department head about his/her career and what you can do to get where they are. Just asking will make you stand out. As will speaking up; even if you’re wrong you will be noticed for not being afraid to give your insight.
(Class of 2008) After lurking for about a month I finally emerge from the shadows. The two best pieces of advice I ever got were “work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt and dance like no one is watching” and “the secret to true happiness is to see the castle but not lose sight of the two drops of oil”.
The second one is from “The Alchemist” my all time favourite book, and basically it means take chances, do wild things but always keep your eye on your priorities. Spend money on fancy things but also keep your eye on your bank statement. Live life for the moment with an eye on building a lasting future. For me that has so far meant find a way to do something you love, even if it means working a part time job that doesn’t allow you to live a fabulous life but gives you 4 hours a day to write/draw comics/take a dance class/practice the piano/save up for airline tickets and go travel. It’s also meant learning to love hard – I’m notorious for being closed off so this has been a 3 year process of opening up. And it has also meant taking every opportunity that has come my way to travel (25 countries across 4 continents and counting) without going into a single cent of debt. I’m working on the book. I’ll let you know when it’s out.
Greetings from across the pond.
“Can you think of anything else you’d say to a 20 to 22 year old doe-eyed VSB or VSS right now?”
1a. Take the job- Ya, you may have dreamed about becoming a Sociologist for the US Census Bureau after you graduated, but they haven’t called you back yet. Don’t skip that interview for the Business Analyst position- even though you’re not exactly sure what Business Analyst is. In these days and times- go where the money is. *Opportunities lie where you’d least expect.* Additionally, your plan to take over the world is easier to foresee when you have money in the bank.
1b. Don’t be disheartened if you realize you hate what you went to school for. Although the time committment was great- life ain’t over! You can go back to school; you can change your mind. You can always try something new and move on. Don’t feel locked into something because you have a piece of paper.
2. Young ladies, all I can say is don’t let na’an one of these dudes waste your time. If you want to have fun, find a guy that wants to have fun. If you want a relationship, find a guy that wants a relationship. Don’t waste your time with the back and forth.
3. Don’t play games with your birth control.
4. Always try to keep a little side hustle.
“Lastly, old-ass VSB-ers, is there anything you wish someone would have told you when you were graduating from college?”
Spend as little as possible. I know it feels good to be out of that povertous tax-bracket (no more tortillas and barbeque sauce!!), but if you can live with a roommate for a while, do it. Skip the car payments if possible and just buy an “A to B”. You may not have any bass in your speakers but you’ll have a strong emergency fund.
I’m about to finish my 3rd year in a 5 year MBA program (which is equivalent to my first semester as a senior) at an HBCU. It seemed like a great idea when I was under the impression that the full ride scholarship they gave me was going to cover at least 4 and possibly all 5 years of this education but I have now been informed otherwise. Leading to this two part question:
(1) If I know an MBA is something I want to pursue should I keep going straight through (I have meaningful work experience via winter, spring and summer internships)?
and
(2) is there anyone out there trying to help me pay for a graduate degree other than Sallie Mae?
Thanks!
My humble opinion-
1) Yes, this is the time when you’ll be the most motivated.
2) Do you work? Most larger companies and government jobs have tuition reimbursement. Around here it’s 6 hours a semester but it may be more other places. That would pay for some of your classes. If you have a strong resume, I don’t think a small amount of student loans would be the end of the world. (Does your department not offer any work study or assistantships?)
thanks
I will definitely look into tuition reimbursement this next week when i get back to work.
@ a_metaphor
“If I know an MBA is something I want to pursue should I keep going straight through (I have meaningful work experience via winter, spring and summer internships)?”
Absolutely go straight through since you’re past the halfway mark. But, hopefully you are working while getting your MBA. Experience is essential in maximizing this particular degree.
“is there anyone out there trying to help me pay for a graduate degree other than Sallie Mae?”
Sure. But if you’re not already with a company that does, you will likely have to work at least a year before they would pay/reimburse. Also, their assistance may obligate you to remained employed by them for a year or two upon completion of your courses. So make sure you don’t mind being at the corporation for a few years if you take advantage of the benefit.
*remain*
thanks!
I speak from my perspective – 10 yrs in Fin’l Svcs….
What do you want to do and what’s your meaningful work experience? If it’s a few internships, don’t be mad if you’re doing the same thing as folks fresh out of undergrad. An MBA w less than 3 years consecutive (not internships) work experience is still entry level @ my company… I have no MBA, yet folks with MBAs work for me and are 3-4 titles below… Experience trumps MBA IMO. Experience + MBA is definitely what’s up… Look @ job postings for things you are interested in, most that say MBA required is reserved for more senior positions requiring 5+ years experience.
moderation
Think really hard about what you want to do afterwards especially in terms of grad school! Took me three years to decide on a field, pick out a school! Especially if you go back to get your masters the only way I survived my program was b/c I was genuinely interested in what I studied and wanted to know more.
Don’t be afraid to talk to people who are in the career field, school or industry you are interested in. They love to tell you their journey! Plus its good networking they can usually put you in contact with others. I know I reached out to a friend of a friend (who I didn’t know) and she gave me the best insight into my current field.
Don’t feel like you have to work your first job for the rest of your life , I got sucked into that and after 6 years I finally worked up enough nerve to get the heck out of here!
Get working experience, and don’t be afraid that you are not super qualified ….. Usually it works in your favor b/c people rather train you than untrain you from your previous work!!
GET OFF Facebook! Well don’t deactivate your account but don’t waste time looking at others life wishing yours was that great or exciting. Facebook is all as shame lol ppl only post what they want you to see ….. your life is just as cool as theirs just keep it private!!
Don’t stop learning ……advancing… we need more of “us” in higher education, upper mgmt etc! Keep it moving I need some ppl to keep me company when I reach the top!
Signing off as I just completed my Master’s Program! Master of Information Science!!! Woohoo class of 2011!
Congratulation Stacy!
We might be in the same field; mine was “Library and Information Studies.”
@ WIP
YESSS! It’s not that many of us! I went to a LIS school but I did the Info Science side with a focus on health sciences!
@WIP Is your current job related to your MLIS? What do you do? What kind of company do you work for?
@Stacy What do you do (or planning to do) with your MIS?
Hell no. LOL, well kinda. My school had a technology track more IT focused; that’s what attracted me to the program. I work for a university/state gov. My title is ‘analyst’ but I troubleshoot, do training and testing for a specific program in my department. I had a background in public admin and training so that played a big factor in me working for government now. Most of the people in my program worked for libraries and were going into library-specific jobs though. There is money to be made for those with the years experience.
Thanks for answering. This was helpful because I’m personally interested in the Info Science/technology track part more than the library part.
I work right now as a clinical data manager. My first job was sort of as a assitant to the data manager and i kinda worked my way up. My degree was more so as a salary boost honestly and I went to a top school so that always helps. But I would like to get more into data standards and working with large hospital clinical research departments.
Thanks for answering! I like to hear all of the job titles because they vary so wildly in your field.
Understand the difference between good debt and bad debt (good debt = appreciable assets such as a house or an additional education…that which puts money IN your pockets ultimately, bad debt = depreciable assets that which ultimately only costs you money). Try to live debt free, and if you can’t do that, live bad debt free.
Credit cards are the devil’s formal invitation to a life of financial hell; however, life is no fun unless the devil is lurking nearby. Have at least (and at most) one credit card (a rewards type credit card), but pay it off monthly…no, seriously EVERY month pay it in full. Adopt the mantra of “If I can’t pay for it in full by the end of the month, I can’t afford it.”
Took the words out of my MOUFFF! To both posts actually. *applause*
Agreed. Don’t use it unless you can pay it off every month OR you have a low interest rate and are using it to obtain true assets IMO. I’m loving my gas card right now. If you wouldn’t take cash out the bank to buy it, you probably don’t need it.
I got wrapped up in the credit card games before I even had a job. All I will say is this- it’s not the end of the world. People get so stressed out over debt. If you’ve already crossed that threshold you have to make a budget and stick with it. You can come out of it. It can seem overwhelming but paid off my past foolishness and my credit is now gorgeous.
Enjoy your youth while you still have it.
If you can swing it, take some trips, even little short trips to cool parts of the next state over.
Once you get a job, try not to let your job consume your thoughts and eat away at your emotional capital.
If you’re not already, volunteer. Pick something that you enjoy doing, and volunteer doing that.
Asking someone to decide what they want to do for the rest of their life at the age of 21 is a lot. What real experience could you possibly have? I agree with point number 4 (4. Still haven’t figured out that plan? Go back to school) When I graduated from undergrad, I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. Instead of wasting my time working jobs paying me no where close to what I needed to sustain the lifestyle I wanted, I decided to go to graduate school. I’m still poor, but not for long. Maybe I won’t be a bench scientist or head my own lab, but getting a PhD will give me options that I may not have had with just getting a BS in Biology/Neuroscience. I can leave science and still have a good job.
Some people can work and go back to school. I’m not sure I am one of those people.
My advice: Do some research into what careers are sustainable and have the most security at least over the next 10-15 years. I don’t think you have to love what you do. Don’t go into a career that will make your miserable just because the pay is good. There should be a happy medium out there for everyone. If you still can’t decide, go to graduate program that will pay you, so that even if you decide to change your mind, you are getting paid while getting an advanced degree. Student loans are the worst! Sallie will find you, even if you move to Antarctica. Sometimes it isn’t what the advanced degree is in, but the fact that you have one.
“I don’t think you have to love what you do.”
I agree with this. I wondered how some of my coworkers stayed in their positions for 20 and 30 years, not even promoting. But the truth is, they just liked coming to work, knowing what to expect, and getting great benefits and leave time. There was not too much responsibility but somewhat loose rules. Government jobs often have this appeal. I don’t think it’s where I want to be forever, but damn, I see why people stay. Convenience, familiarity, and friendships are important elements to a job too. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with finding a sweet spot.
My brother used to say that he worked to make money so that he could live his passion/enjoy his life outside of work. It didn’t make sense to me at the time, but I understand now. Not many folks LOVE accounting (no dig at those in accounting, just the first thing I could think of), but if you are great with numbers and it comes easy to you, that degree can write your ticket in any job sector you want. Every business needs an accountant!
“but if you are great with numbers and it comes easy to you, that degree can write your ticket in any job sector you want.”
Exactly!
Very logical advice and as a woman I dig it!
Thanks, Yeah. . .So!
What I wish I’d done:
- SAVED, SAVED, SAVED!!! I graduated from college broke and moved back in with my mom. Got my first gig within 3 months and a part-time gig, and didn’t take much advantage of saving my ducats for when I was ready to move out. I spent like crazy on stuff I don’t even have anymore. By the time I did get my act together finally moved out 2 yeras later, I had money in the bank but not nearly as much as I would’ve had if I’d been smart enough to save.
What you should do:
- STAY. AWAY. FROM. RELYING. ON. CREDIT. CARDS. I learned this lesson the hard way my freshman year (all for a stupid T-shirt). After spending that summer paying it off, I vowed to never do that to myself again. It’s okay to have at least one for emergencies, but if you know you’re not in any position to pay it off as you spend it, DON’T. DO. IT.
- BUDGET!!!!! If you need a roommate, get one. I live alone, but honestly I’d have a roommate now if I could, since I’m single with no children. Don’t feel like you have to attend every happy hour, every party, every function. Work on your budget and stick to it.
- Take the job. Like someone mentioned before, it doesn’t have to be your dream job, but let it be something you can tolerate, that you don’t mind doing. But don’t feel like this is it for you. This is it FOR NOW. If you want something else, keep striving toward that.
- Take it easy. Someone said this earlier, but she’s absolutely right. Don’t worry about what others are doing, you have your own path. Don’t stress yourself out. It’ll be okay.
Congrats and good luck!
A lot of great advice up in here… my only advice is that you take this isht to heart because isht gets real after school… PJ, excellent post topic!!!
Grads, remember what you’ve read here… you won’t fail if you do.
Methinks Champ wrote this…
I’ll never tellllll No, actually Champ would say something like… speculate deez!
*slaps forehead*
Sh!t… I have a confession…
I only read the main ideas!!! I KNOW IKNOW… I feel awful! And so, when B. Brown had said… and I was like… I was really…
.
You know cause I had assumed that since PJ wrote yesterday that… cause I ain’t eeen look at the picture… cause uh… never mind.
If you’ve already become enslaved to the credit card monster and have amassed CC debt out the azz, pay them off. I know, easier said than done, but try this:
Call each company who issued the cards, especially the one with the greatest interest rate, and ask them to lower your interest rate (yeah, sometimes it’s just that simple – especially if you always pay on time, btw, always pay on time.)
Transfer balances to one major credit card (the one with the lowest interest rate) if you can do so without fees or penalties, then focus on paying that card off (in full).
Once transferred, stop using the ones that you transferred the balances from (cut up those cards if necessary). You could call and cancel them if you want, but there will be a short-term negative impact to your credit score if you call to cancel them. Usually if you just stop using them they’ll cancel you after a year or two.
If you are not able to place it all on one card, pay the minimum on all cards except the one that you are paying the highest amount of interest on (stop using the cards you are paying the minimum on). Focus on paying off the one that costs you the most in interest every month by paying as much as you can afford to pay on it (oh, and stop using it unless absolutely necessary). Apply most (75%), if not all, of any tax return, annual or quarterly bonus, or other win-fall income towards paying off the highest interest card. Once this one is paid off, divert all the monies you were paying monthly on that card to the remaining one with the highest interest cost of those until it’s paid off. Wash, rinse, repeat. Note: if student loan debt exists in addition to credit card debt, make paying off the credit card debt a higher priority since tax credits are available for student loan debt. Once the credit card debts are terminated, make paying off the student loan a priority by diverting all monthly payments formerly going towards credit card debt to student loan payments. Ensure that payments in excess of the amount due go towards the principal balance.
Consult a financial or tax advisor for more specific or tailored strategies for your specific scenario.
Oh, one more thing, debt consolidation services are also evil. Avoid these because you can usually do it yourself at no additional costs.
Oh, one more thing again. Fast cash/Payday loan type establishments are legal loan sharks. Stay away…just in case you didn’t already realize this.
I want to buy a payday loan franchise one of these days. One goal at a time though…
If you are so in over your head that you want to jump off a building, think seriously about filing for bankruptcy. If you are young and you can change your ways, stop living off credit, then it can be the best thing for you. Seven years to get it together. Then your credit score will be clean. But if you don’t have the discipline to get off the credit card habit, then do what Caballeroso says. Pay it off.
“Basically, so the f*ck what if you don’t have a (wo)man right now. If it happens it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Either way, don’t allow the pursue of the p (penis, p*ssy, women who smell like patchouli, etc) to hijack your entire being. Plus, think about your friends that are in relationships. Now, think about how many of them are actually happy. (Real happy. Not Facebook happy) Do you really want that relentless God-awfulness in your life?”
This paragraph is simultaneously the truth and a lie. True, you shouldn’t let your pursuit of a meaningful relationship hijack your happiness (and I’m guilty of this), but no, I don’t look at relationships and think oh, they’re God-awful and if they don’t happen, I don’t care. I DO care. I DO want a fulfilling meaningful relationship. If it doesn’t happen NOW, so be it, and I should keep myself busy with work and other pursuits that make me happy. But if it NEVER happens? Hmmm….I don’t know how I’ll feel if that’s the case.
But yeah, this post is lovely. And I think you might want to extend that a$$hole range just a bit. Like say 21-32. And there’s a small pocket of people this doesn’t apply to, but you’ll never run into them, unless you’re one of them. And even then…
“And I think you might want to extend that a$$hole range just a bit.”
I can’t tell if this is a “that’s what he said” or a “that’s what she said” moment.
Kappas… smh #heehee
My advice is as time passes, so will your confidence and knowledge of what you want to do/be. This pertains not just to school but adulthood in general. I was a different person at 25 than I was at 23, etc. I’m different now than I was at 28, etc. As we grow, so does our experiences. It’s all a part of getting to know yourself and your path. I believe we all have a path and purpose on this earth. It takes a long time to know yourself and your purpose so don’t feel bad if you’re alittle lost at 23. That’s perfectly normal. Most people don’t settle into their lives until around 28-30 and sometimes even later. We’re supposed to make mistakes and trip up a few times so we can learn. Adversity builds character and so on.The best thing you can do right now is go with your instincts because we all have them. Trust your gut, ask LOTS of questions and find a mentor.
As far as friends go, you will lose 80% of your friends after college. Expect it. Everyone is forced to be together in school but that doesn’t carry over into life. You will go your separate ways and follow your own individual paths. Not everyone is made for college and the corporate world so you will lose some friends as you make sacrifices to follow your dreams. Basically, some will ride with you, most will not. Love should be on the back burner. Right now your focus should be setting up your career path, personal path and living life along the way. These are the most critical years in building your character.
Agree with all of THIS.
At the ripe age of 29, after completing my master degree a year ago, I’m just starting to realize that I don’t have to get it all done NOW. Those things that seemed so urgent, that life race I was tryna sprint, is starting to level out into a pace that is sustainable. One that doesn’t leave me feeling either exhausted, oblivious to life around me, or in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction at not getting “there” yet.
OH, and I also learned that what I thought was so important, my definition of success at age 21 is COMPLETELY different now and it’s ok. It doesn’t mean I’ve failed or given up, just means I’m gettin’ grown.
Great advice Champ. I would add take risks. Two things I wish I was told in college:
1. Don’t accept “no”. Ever. Keep going…it’ll come in handy when you get your first “we don’t want you” after applying for a job. Just brush your shoulders off and keep moving.
2. If you don’t know what you want to do, join Americorps, PeaceCorps, Teach for America, teach English abroad, etc. You get paid (modestly in some cases…well in others) and you get time to “discover” yourself. It’s cheaper than grad school especially if you have no idea what you want to study. Your loans are deferred so no worries. I did Americorps and it definitely made a difference.
*comes out of lurking*
this post was right on time for me. i’ll be graduating next spring and have already felt all of what was mentioned in the post. college has been one hell of a journey for me. i’m on my 3rd instituion, and i wanna say 5th major. but i think i finally got it right this time. and my grades show it. i went from a 2.5-2.7 student at my first two schools to a 3.7 at my current institution.
u couple my college hopping with my military time, i’ve often felt like “the old guy in the back of the class” and wondered when i finally do finish this here degree, will i be able to keep up and be as marketable as those who picked one school and one major and stuck with it?
but i’m slowly starting to realize that i shouldn’t worry about that. i’m good at what i do and when i leave school my portfolio will show that. i hope.
i appreciate all the advice the “old heads” have given. i know fellow undergrads are having the feelings i’m having but it’s nice to be reassured that everyone does indeed go through this phase.
*goes back to lurking*
1. Just because the rental agent at your first apartment tells you that you can afford $1000 a month rent payment does not mean you actually can. I lived in this trendy loft apartment downtown with furniture (bought on credit) from Crate and Barrel and still ate like a broke a** college student (i.e. Ramen noodles and bologna) for the duration of my lease. And speaking of credit…
2. Remember those guys with the free bags of toiletries and pizza in the student commons with the credit apps who told you that no credit was worse than bad credit? They lied. Now, I’m not saying that you don’t need credit because you most certainly do, but it’s easy to go from no credit to great credit. It’s nearly impossible to go from collections agents and bankruptcy to sorta decent credit.
3. Network, network, network. I wish someone had told me this. After leaving school I cut communications with just about everyone. My old friends have these vast networks of people to link them to so many potential opportunities. It doesn’t always matter how qualified you are… sometimes it is about who you know.
“It’s nearly impossible to go from collections agents and bankruptcy to sorta decent credit.”
Sooooo true! Right after hs graduation, I moved out of my parent’s house and into an apartment I couldn’t afford and enrolled at a school I didn’t even want to go to. To pay for tuition/books, living expenses, and so forth, I got credit cards. The part-time job wasn’t enough & financial aid was a joke, so at the time I didn’t think had a choice. If I could take that YEAR back….
Even though now I know what I want to do, it is extremely difficult and frustrating to get back in school. & damn near everything goes back to credit. Not to mention the sense of unaccomplishment. At this point, I’m just taking it step by step while taking advantage of every learning opportunity in the field I aspire to be in.
Great advice. I needed this post.
Champ is right on all counts. I think I will quit procrastinating and get you all’s book now.
I’m 23 and last year I decided to leave my bank. Salary is nice, but isn’t fulfilling. Now I will be going to the Univ. of Miami (FL) for law school this fall. It is extremely expensive but worth it for my career aspirations. To all new grads, like Diddy told Chris Wallace, “chase the dream, not the money”. You didn’t pick the wrong major if you can get paid to do what you genuinely like. Money is a bandaid, but fullfilment is a cure.
Good Post.
Some really good advice here, some I wish I’d had when I was coming out of school:
I do take issue with this one though:
4. Still haven’t figured out that plan? Go back to school
More education is wonderful, but also expensive and not something to be jumped into lightly. I know far too many people who went to law school because they had a liberal arts background and thought, I don’t know what I want but you can do so much with a law degree. No. You can’t. You can do law and law-related things with a law degree and it doesn’t really prepare you for much else. So really think about what you want before you’re 100k in debt to the government. Also explore other options. There are certificate programs and additional training and courses you can take to either improve your skills or test out a field before you dive into that expensive degree. Also the economy is not going to go back to what it was and with many people taking jobs they are overqualified for, your extra degree will not immediately give you a pay raise.
On that same subject, with few exceptions (i.e. you want to teach) you should work between undergrad and grad school. People give much more credence to work experience than education. And someone with a master’s and little experience tells many recruiters that they’re going to expect to be paid more without being a proven ability to do the work.
1) Many people have said travel, and I’d repeat that and add travel with an open mind. And don’t just go to Europe.
2) Read. Read. Read. Read fiction, nonfiction, news, international news (from other sources). Constantly educate yourself.
3) If you have an idea of the kind of work you’d like to do in 2-3 years, look at those job announcements and the skills they want. Then use the interim time to make sure you have those skills.
4) Learn a second language: There were so many classes I wanted to take in undergrad that I thought, “I can learn a language any time.” But the truth is, the older you get, the harder it is to learn more languages, so do yourself a favor and do it now.
5) Don’t compare your insides with everyone else’s outsides ~~by that I mean, people put a front on in public, and you comparing what you’re feeling with what they’re projecting isn’t helpful or fair to you.
6) Don’t be afraid to move for a job. You’ll have to work at staying in touch with people–but you’ll have to do that anyway.
7) You have time to make mistakes. Yes you need to be saving and thinking about the future, but you won’t learn anything without making a few missteps.
7)
I like the point about working between undergrad and graduate. If you don’t have work experience until graduate school and discover you don’t like what you have all of this certification (and debt) in, you are seriously stuck between a rock and a hard place. Working first, even if you hate it gives a good view of what you want in the future. Number 6 is good as well. In an international society you can’t be afraid to domestically relocate.
Exactly. A friend of mine was just saying that her cousin spent 7 year in school for architecture only to graduate, tell his parents (who paid for it all) that he actually doesn’t like architecture and is now going to move to the country and be a farmer??
You Have A Degree? Ok, Take A Number And Have A Seat.
Everybody and their mama has a degree these days. To set yourself apart, customize yourself with certifications (keep learning) and a diverse skill set. Unless your field requires a Master’s to begin working, its ok to hold off for a year or so to gain work experience. The experience can help you find your niche.
If You Can’t Sell Promises, You’re Not There Yet.
Your degree (and experience) will get you a call back. Your interview will get you the job. Be confident in your abilities, but humble enough to be teachable.
What Have You Done For Me Lately?
You know how companies check your education and work history? You should be doing the same thing to them. Before going on the interview, research the company; (if a public company) read their financials; ask people about the reputation of the company. Revolving Door? No Bueno! You will spend the majority of your time in this place. No sense in being miserable there.
I Trained Her And She Got The Promotion?
Occasionally this happens to newbies in the workforce. Don’t sweat it too much! Just make sure you add that to your resume. ; )
When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong!
You cannot…under any circumstances, be 100% comfortable at work. Don’t tell all of your personal business. The snakes in the grass can use that against you later. Be careful who you frequently associate with at work. You can become pigeon-holed by association. Ride solo.
Fresh Dressed Like A Million Bucks
Invest in business attire now. You will be surprised at how seriously you are taken based on how you look.
If you don’t take heed to anything else I’ve written about work, remember this: Experience is EVERYTHING. That and tenure (Skip around jobs if you want to. Good companies will 86 your resume in a heartbeat).
Moderate Deez!
Sidenote: Ms. CNotes…you look really pretty
Awwww….thanks Tes! You have made my day! : )
O_O… she ain’t got no shirt on!!! YOWW!!
@Yeah…So
I have on a shirt, girl! : ) Yesterday it was “bottoms-up”, today you think I have not shirt on. What am I going to do with you? LOL!
Don’t mind me, girl… I just like to get the guys excited. #tease
why for you tease at us mens-iz?
rocks off at our displeasure?
youse a meanie, Yeah…So.
Oh, I think I get it now. and in a proactive response, I didn’t have a point…I just wanted to say “Hi”:-)
Hey boo!
Dammit LIZ!!!! I know this is your doing!!! Turn us back into normal commenters having a convi-say-she-on!!
there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home lol
You may have won this time Liz but vengance is MINE!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!
LOL!
Don’t look at me I dunno what ya’ll did! lolol
btw….
Is the other half of your name….whats your point?
Finally out of purgatory!
Ms. CNotes,
Is business attire all skirts and pant suits? Is there a bit of variation there? Also, how do you gain experiencce in a place where no one is really hiring? How to you explain the gaps in employment?
@Tes
“Is business attire all skirts and pant suits? Is there a bit of variation there?”
Not necessarily. But you should have a couple of those in the closet for interviews and/or in case you get hired into a conservative company. For instance, my job is business casual on a daily. But, when I travel to a conference or attend a board meeting, I wear skirt/pants suit. (Sidenote: I hate the stuffy matchy-matchy suits for women. I usually build my own, like pants from Banana Republic and jacket from H&M)
“How do you gain experience in a place where no one is really hiring?”
Use your school’s career services department or your advisor. Typically there is a list of companies that participate in internship programs at your school. If not, you can always volunteer. The key is getting something of substance on your resume.
“How to you explain the gaps in employment?”
If you’re a student, then that is always your excuse. Companies are ok with that. However, once you are done with school, all gaps need to have a reasonable explanation (e.g. moved, marriage, sought better opportunity for my career).
I’m now adopting you as my e-auntie.
You rock lol
@Tes
(signing adoption papers)
e-auntie/e-niece e-lationship official. : )
*Adds addendum that declares Meech as seedy uncle.
…
Based on my experiences I would tell a new graduate to hold out for the job that is as close to what they want, if not what they want. If the job is close to what you want it will put you on the path to the dream job. I know that this is a hard concept given the economy. So go with #4-GO BACK TO SCHOOL if the above advice doesn’t work.
I did not hold out for that job and now have 10+ years of experience that is pretty far off my dream job goals. I’m “working” it now, but it takes persistence to make it work
Oh, hey, Champ. It’s like I just saw you here the other day.
Anywho.
“You will doubt yourself. You will experience angst. You will be wondering if you went to the right school, chose the right major, chose the right job, slept with the right guy(s).”
Ain’t this the truth ruth!
‘Cept I was thinking maybe I should slept with that one dude just to get it over with, but then slapped myself in the head like “think, woman! he’s a Kappa!”But yes, I definitely felt that way. I mean, luckily, I had a job at the place I interned but it wasn’t paying me the money I needed to move out. Thank Gawd for Mama Cheeks for letting me stay as long as I did to save money, but ninjas, lemme tell ya’ll I was ready to GO.
When I finally moved out and bought my condo was when I truly felt like a grown-up. But, funny enough, I still feel that angst. And it’s mostly because I’m not doing what I want to do. I’m doing what I HAVE to do by working in Corporate America, but my heart is in screenwriting. Not til’ I’m actively doing that for a living will I feel actually “complete” and totally satisfied of my college experiences.
Oh and by the way: Much luck to you, VSS! Congrats on the graduation. Keep your eyes on the prize. No, for real, actually plant your eye on the prize of your choosing. Does wonders for the spirit…
my # one thing is have high goals but realistic expectations, the likely hood your bachelor’s degree is going to translate into a six figure job off the wham is…. umm,,, unlikely.
you still need experience, figure out what path you want to go and develop a plan. so many people kind of wonder around aimlessly and then you look up and you’ve invested 5 or more years in some bullshyt.
resist the urge to prove yourself or your degree…
dont rush out and get a job and then immediately buy a house and a “big boy” car.
stay at home as long as you can, stack up and save.
“my # one thing is have high goals but realistic expectations, the likely hood your bachelor’s degree is going to translate into a six figure job off the wham is…”
YES. A bachelor’s degree isn’t anything uncommon or special anymore. In fact, it’s been that way for a few year’s now. There is much more competition and folks are striving higher to reach that level… soon it’s gonna become so common that it’ll have the status of a high school diploma. It’s fast reaching that now seeing as how you even need a h.s. diploma to get a gig at Mickey D’s.
i’m giving advice for the spirit, so many times we graduate and the anxiety sets in, plans that were made aren’t coming through etc… to that i say
1- have a plan but don’t be so rigid that not following your plan will have you breaking out in hives and breathing into a paper bag. enjoy the journey and the view of the unplanned and unexpected
2- sometimes you have to take jobs/offers that seem “beneath” you… remember that each experience in life is a stepping stone/building block, you never know how this may lead to something wonderful that you couldn’t see from your vantage point.
3- stay healthy, studies have shown that today’s youth are lacking in vitamin D -so go outside and take in some sun- as well as being malnourished (not to be confused with not eating enough) take a multi-vitamin and eat your vegetables!!!
4- try to still have fun and keep your spirits up. when things are not going your way keep in contact with your friends and family for support and remember to be that person for your peers as well.
5- don’t be afraid to ask for advice or help.
Best Wishes & Much Success
e-Aunty Yoles
Buy a house/townhome/condo (appreciable asset) instead of helping someone else to pay for their appreciable asset (that’s what you’re doing if you rent or lease).
Your first home doesn’t have to be one to impress anyone but you and your wallet. Besides, few people nowadays remain in their first home. Buy something that you can comfortably afford. When you start pulling major pay later, you can pay it off sooner and maybe use it for rental income, or sell it. And, if you move out because you get married, if you don’t sell it, you can always have it in case of divorce since 50% of marriages end in divorce (#justsayin).
What follows is based on the Houston market so it may not be entirely applicable to your area, but feel free to take the gist of what follows to see how you can apply it to your area:
I know of no decent apartments for less than $600 per month. In the Houston market a $600/month payment equates to a $60,000 home (monthly note plus property taxes, school taxes, homeowners insurance, and maintenance fee/homeowner’s association dues combined). If you can afford more, then a rule of thumb is to assume 1% of the home value as your monthly cost, (i.g.: a $150,000 house would be roughly $1,500/month). (Those of you in higher priced real estate markets may frown upon a $150,000 home, but you’re not making an apples-to-apples comparison. See HAR.com to see what you could by in the Houston market for that cost.) Any down payment made will lower the monthly cost. Do not over extend yourself because you will have other expenses (gas, power, light, furniture, living expenses, etc.).
The interest paid on a home is usually tax deductible, rent is not. In some areas, such as Texas, property taxes are tax deductible.
Let’s say you only live in the house you buy for 5 years, then sell. If we assume that you can only sell for what you purchased for, you have essentially lived there for 5 years for only the cost of property taxes, interest, and insurance. But, chances are that your home will appreciate which means you will sell for a profit – not to mention you’ve already saved on the income taxes you’ve paid via your tax deductions that the home allowed (you wouldn’t get the profit or tax deductions by renting). Otherwise, let’s say you have to move, but decide not to sell….
Keep your first home after you move. Rent it out for an amount that will cover your mortgage note and taxes plus a little spending change. This way, someone else pays for the home on your behalf and you ultimately end up with the asset. Once paid for you could sell it for profit or use it as a continuing source of rental income, especially since once paid for, 100% of the rent will go to you, not the mortgage company.
If you pay an additional amount monthly towards the principal, you can pay it off sooner and reduce your interest costs.
What if I intend on moving around to a different housing market, say Raleigh, NC. Should I start looking for homes there or should I just stay where I am until further notice? Also, I was thinking of buying a home with my best friend sometime in the next 5 years, would that be a good plan?
Friend me on facebook and we can discuss it further. Caballeroso Machala
Was that your plan all along?
Already did it
Naw, no hidden agenda here.
Well shoot, I was kinda hoping it was
My opinion, don’t buy the house if you don’t intend to be involved in real estate investing and/or don’t plan on staying in the area a significant amount of time. A home is usually an asset but it can become a liability at the same time. There’s nothing wrong with paying cheap rent and stacking cash. There are more expenses with a home besides the mortgage.
I bought my home about 6 years ago. The market is slow so it could sell- maybe not. If I want to move I would need to rent it out, probably using a property management company. The rental market here is strong but nothing is a guarantee. I would need to have money set aside for that mortgage no matter what. All that to say, it’s a big responsibility. Don’t purchase unless you’re prepared for it to become a part of your life.
Buying a home with a friend- tricky business. I would suggest creating a company of somekind, if you weren’t doing that already. What if friend decides they don’t want the house anymore? What if friend gets married and something happens to friend? Taking the business approach should outline all these contingencies clearly.
/$0.02
*takes notes*
I’m going to consider alladat WIP, thank you
*STANDING OVATION*
I was just about to respond to this and honey-sister-girl… thank you for saying what I wanted to say for me. May I just stress the business approach with the friend home purchasing… get them contracts straight, Tes. Do not go into this one without one. To protect yourself and them as well. Partnering up on home purchases gets sticky (interest/split of ownership has got to be determined and that breaksdown in many ways)… why do you think divorces take so long when there are assets involved, that split got to be ironed out babe ahead of time (this is why prenups are major… just ask Meech and Liz #shotfired). Creating a business like WIP suggested = very smart move. Trust me, no matter if the intent is to purchase as an investment or not… a home is always an investment #knowthat… If I were in the position to advise you, WHICH I’M NOT… I wouldn’t advise you to move forward with purchasing as individuals.
So no house for Tes? I’m cool with that…I don’t think I ever want to be a home owner per se…but it’s a good asset, supposedly, right?
Thanks for all these answers by the way
Right, just answers… NOT ADVICE! And yes, it has its perks but also it has a downside… My pleasure babycakes… plus, you got your whole life to plan when to buy a house… don’t stress it unless it’s really important to you like that.
<3
I was going to reply with this answer too but you summed it up perfectly. You can create a LLP for the home and have your lawyer draw up a contract stating the stipulations of ownership and should one move out, or pass away, the rights of ownership should be established. I definitely would wait on this decision because the friend may have bad credit or a shady payment history that hasn’t been disclosed
*raises hand*
Hi…uhmm…what about jobs? As a full time student who lives with her mother, I’m always looking for jobs and she’s always nagging me about it, but next semester I plan to be a full time and a half (18+ credit hours) student and I’m not sure if I’ll have the time or energy for a job. What should I do about that?
Also…are the guys my age really that bad? :\
@Tes
What are you studying? What are your career aspirations?
English is my major, philosophy is my minor. I don’t know what I want to be, but I’m looking into editing.
@Tes
Its ok if you’re not sure. It takes the majority of people many years to figure that out (so don’t sweat it too much). As for getting a job, that part is ultimately dependent on your financial situation. However, for your career, you should be taking advantage of internships at the very least.
I had an editing internship for a newspaper during my senior year of undergrad and the experience opened a door for me to be a (paid) writer for another local paper. These things will build your resume and open doors to preferred jobs as opposed to jobs outside of your field.
Just something to think about.
Was the internship hard to get and that’s why you waited or did you wait because you wanted to focus on your education
and partying endeavors
?@Tes
Actually, I worked the entire time I was in college. The only time I did not was when I became a senior. I wanted to use that year to do multiple internships in my field (Print/Broadcast Journalism). The internships were not difficult to get because I expressed interest to ANY and EVERY one who could possibly help me. Get the word out that you are looking. My Communications Law professor ended up helping me to get my internship.
Oh, and I was great multi-tasking! I was a full time student (12 hours), a full time employee (36 hours/week) and went to Hip-Hop night at Club Dreams (Baton Rouge, La.) almost every week. : )
My sister was an English major and was full-time, she interned with a publisher for a community paper. So I would suggest that you try to find a paid internship with a magazine or local paper. Any job that you can work freelance or with a flexible schedule is great..that way you can kill two birds with one stone; putting your collegiate knowledge to work with real life experience.
We don’t have those kinds of internships here; there’s admin internships, janitorial internships and things like that, but nothing for people with my exact major. What do I do then, Ms. Phi? o.O
Look outside of your school (because it seems you’re mentioning whats available on your campus). Send out your resume to companies and papers in your area. I believe there are templates for students with little to no experience and just throw that line out there and see who bites.
Once you send out your resume, check in with them every once in awhile to see if any internships or part time positions are available. I would suggest getting started now also as summer internships get locked in pretty quick.
Also I would think about other places where language and writing is important. You said you’re minoring in psych (correct me if I’m wrong)…you can try to be a grant writer for a non-profit org. That’s putting all of your college edu in one position.
And if all else fails…UPS is hiring. (But seriously they have like 4hr shifts and you get a lil change in your pocket and a free workout all at once!!)
You mean paid editorial internships? They are hard to come by. However, if you have any type of local publication contact them even if they have no internship listings. Alternatively, intern with an online publication. I think Ed2010′s Ed on Campus lists some that aren’t tied to a location sometimes.
Missy, you will be in a world of hurt if you don’t get some job experience NOW.
English and philosphy plus a dollar won’t get you a cup of coffee. Work those connections while you are living with mom and dad. You need to spend less time in class and more time getting in good with the right people so you can eventually move out of mom and dads. You will regret your 18+ hours if you don’t get at least an internship.
That might sound harsh, but you have NO idea how hard it is out there right now. You must get a clue.
I understand that it’s hard out there, and I understand that the degree is really only a way of telling people I commit to sh*t. However, if it comes down to trading education for experience, you say I should pick experience? o.O That’s a little confusing…
I’m not saying drop out of school. I’m saying that taking more hours and not working might end up biting you in the rear end. Because with an English degree in 2011, unless your parents have some connections or you do, you might as well have a HS diploma.
You MUST get an internship nowadays to be able to get a real job after. Its not so much the experience as it is meeting people who will get you in. In 2011. Its ALL about who you know. There are too many unemployed people with degrees running around. You HAVE to know somebody who will do you a solid.
Believe that.
o_o that sounds harder than school actually.
My opinion- Looks for jobs now. If you find a good position, take fewer hours. If you don’t, you’re in the same position you’re in now anyway. The college isn’t going anywhere. Good jobs are. You have the time to look. You may have a great job waiting for you when you finish- and if you don’t at least you won’t be unemployed.
I’ve been on Monster all day actually. That’s what I do on my no class days; a lot of them are great but require so much experience or for me to be 21 and just all these contingencies
I’m getting discouraged.
Going to school and not working is a luxury. If your parent (the person paying all the bills) is telling you they want you to pay some rent (or whatever), you should do that. Take fewer hours if needed.
-_- yes ma’am… lol
This is mad late but here goes. I suggest getting a work study job if you want some spending money. Internships are important but I suggest getting a summer internship. I know it is late in the year, but you might be able to find something for this summer.
I never had a summer during undergrad, I usually had a paid internship. That sucked when everyone could go to the beach or six flags. However, I’ve paid my tuition myself for 7 semesters (my parents might have paid 1st semester freshman year, but I think I paid them back), and will graduate with maybe 10K in student loans.
Idk about the guy situation. This blog makes dudes seem crazy…
Coming out of Lurkdom becuase I just had this conversation with my little cousin. I will say this, Im probably stretching the VSS demographic a wee bit as I have been out of college for a minute. So I can truly say that while Im old enough to know better, I still clearly remember what being the newly graduated felt like. Two pieces of advice
1. Listen to things – and not that half an ear listening that we tend to do when we think folks are talking out the side of their neck. Seriously, sometimes folks are trying to tell you good shyt so you wont make the same stupid mistakes. ( not just talking shyt for the sake of riding you)
2. Pay yourself like you pay a bill. For real. Break yourself off a few dollars whenever you get paid or your sugar daddy/momma comes through w/your token. Saving will pay off.
That is all, back to lurking
My semi-wise advice to the youngins…
1. If possible buy don’t rent (unless you KNOW you will be moving to a different state fairly quickly) I say this because before I started buying my house I asked myself, “Self…would you rent a car monthly like you are doing with this apartment gaining no benefits from it…no equity…nothing?” The answer was he** to the naw. You can find houses that are as cheap if not cheaper than rent. Renting=throwing money away. I’m just saying…
2. Remember that if you decide to pursue grad school it doesn’t have to be for the same thing you went for undergrad for. I’d say that it’s not a bad idea to go for something totally different because that gives you more qualifications. I did that and am pursuing a M.S. in Mental Health Counseling…totally different route from undegrad. Definitely don’t do grad school for something that won’t benefit you ex: If you get an undergrad degree in illustration a Masters in it probably won’t benefit you to the point that it’s worth it…Grad school is too expensive to go if you’re not greatly benefiting.
3. Try to stay away from having a car payment…if you can afford to get a decent car in cash do it. You will save sooo much money and then you can buy the car you want a few years later…IN CASH.
4. It really is WHO you know not WHAT you know. Go to local mingles and networking events in your city because you can meet sooo many people at these type of events that can benefit YOU! Actually I got my current job because of who I knew…that’s how it typically goes these days.
5. Enjoy your life because you are only young once…like Champ said, you aren’t the only person that doesn’t know where your life is going. Just make sure you keep some decent goals and most likely different life events will lead you to the right career path. I JUST figured out what career I ultimitely wanted to pursue 6 years after getting my undergrad degree. I was just working to make money in a totally different field.
Well…I think that’s it for now…I do agree with an above comment that you should be sure to get a 401k…I’d speciffically suggest an IRA because it’s not taxed. SAVE money and live you life and It will all come together in due time…oh yea and don’t worry about finding a man/woman…like Champ said, it’ll happen when it happens…in the meantime DO YOU!
I would say on #1, for the very early part of the mortgage, you are just renting money (interest) with very little principle down. Unless you plan on staying in the 2/1 or 3/2 for 15 more years, buying may not necessarily be what you want to do.
(consult a certified financial planner, bank, or just some dude before actually taking LSQ’s advice. There is no implied or explicit guarantee to LSQ’s musings. Past performance is not indicative of LSQ’s future performance)
LSQ is right though, not to mention that owning a home is a lot more risky.
Somewhat… I’d have to disagree to an intent… TheOpinionated1 has a great point… purchasing a home is a great move in many ways. It only really gets risky when:
1. You haven’t honestly assessed your payment capability. I’ve seen too many people underestimate the financial burdens of a home and overestimate their ability to suffice such burdens… however, when individuals have planned out there BUDGETS (get one) well… they are golden.
2. Not having the proper protection. Make sure your home is insured properly any insurance ain’t good insurance… ask questions. RESEARCH.
3. The market is killer right now… buying low CAN POSSIBLY (there is no guarantee in home purchasing) make it more likely you will be able to get a profit later… can’t with an apartment my friend.
4. Apartment rents do increase yearly, right? I’m not sure. There is something called a FIXED rate mortgage I’ve heard about. I know nothing about giving home purchasing advice nor am I licensed to give mortgage advice either, so don’t take the info in this comment as advice in any regard.
Just do your research people and make sure it’s for you… mostly stay within your means.
Whenever you purchase an asset you own the risk associated with it. A home inspection can only tell you so much, and when something goes wrong, you are responsible for it. If you need a new roof or if the basement floods or if the furnace breaks or if you have termites, or if you discover mold that’s all on you. You are also subject to tax increases, tax benefit changes, property value fluctuations, interest rate fluctuations (you are still subject to this risk if you lock it in). And it really is hard to know what fair value for a home is. Being able to afford it financially is only the beginning. People really shouldn’t look at homes as investments because if you factor in everything you spend on it outside of the Mortgage you rarely come out ahead.
I agree with every point you’ve made… however, while we are speaking to new grads I also pointed out the importance of researching buying for yourself. I don’t believe in rushing into making MAJOR investments like this quickly, but I’m not gonna say you shouldn’t do it ever. Plan that isht out. While increases do happen in some regards there are exceptions and info out there on it… make sure it applies to you. I’m just saying if you’re gonna do it be an expert on it FIRST! But, you can do it and be successful if you’re patient, honest about your abilities, well-educated on those finance and housing opportunities that relate to your situation and you plan it out.
Yes, it is risky… we’re agreed on that, but my point is with risk can come reward when it’s evaluated properly.
I’ll just make this point… It took me TWO years of planning before I bought first home… TWO!! So new grads consider that… otherwise stay at home (and save) or get an apartment… there.
@Yeah…so
Exactly…it took some planning and saving for me too (about a year) and I was a bit stressed. I wasn’t even sure I was making the right choice at first but it turned out to be.
“when something goes wrong, you are responsible for it. ”
I would have to disagree with this comment for the most part. There is a thing called home owners insurance that is awesome. I have it and it costs me very little yearly (less than a months rent). I have gotten a new roof because of hail damage, the heater/air unit fixed, even got the fridge fixed! (all for a copay of $40) You just have to make sure you get a good plan. I also have termite insurance which is very cheap. Property taxes on a moderaltely priced house is not bad, plus there are tax cuts that you get by owning a home and you can use that to pay those taxes.
They key point that I’m trying to make is that if your finances are secure and you can affored to buy then it’s a better choice…so what if only a small portion is going towards equity at the beginning…you’re making more than you would with renting. There are always gonna be negatives and positives to buying and to renting and clearly buying isn’t for everyone, but the individual that looks up at 40 years old and they are still renting would have wished they have bought years before. That. Is. All….
Well you definitely live up to your name in this one. If you feel that strongly about owning a home and that secure about how static your employment situation is after graduation then by all means purchase. But if you look at your primary residence as an investment, chances are you will lose. Even if you sell your home for more than you purchased it for after 10 years, you probably still spent more money on your home and the accompanying expenses I previously mentioned plus the fees associated with buying and selling than you would have if you rented, and that’s not even considering the time value of money or the difference in potential gain if you invested that extra money in your 401k or an IRA or a brokerage account.
Taking on debt that is probably a high multiple of your entire savings is inherently risky, especially when you consider the potential returns are not that great. I respect your choice to buy a home, but you shouldn’t give people advice to treat their primary residence like an investment because it is a losing proposition.
Med Meech is on it.
As my father broke it down for me, what Meech says is very much closer to the reality of the World we live in.
I hear miss Independent and she is OFF-ICE-SHAL but she is the exception rather than the rule.
Rule is buying property is expensive, time consuming, disorienting and distracting on top of being a huge risk.
Its just like any other relationship, romantic, business or platonic except if this one goes bad it can be hard to get rid of and move forward.
Matter of fact, the first 15 years of a 30 years loan is likely to be all interest. BUT DON’T QUOTE ME THERE…loans do vary and I’m by far out of my knowledge base. Foggy recollections.
May ask this… Do you regret buying a house?
I take my own advice, I rent and save.
Not to say one is better than the other, to each their own… but basically what your saying is that this advice doesn’t come from experience? … I see.
Sure, if you don’t consider an advanced understanding of Real Estate valuation, asset valuation and portfolio theory experience. I understand profitability of investments and the risks associated with them, which is the only aspect of home ownership I spoke to. If you want to talk about putting a price tag on the warm and fuzzies that come with being handed the keys to your very own property then I wouldn’t be the one to go to.
Advanced? Really? I didn’t realize there were advanced licenses or degrees in Real Estate… I thought you either graduated or you didn’t. Interesting. Nonetheless, since you boast about being “advanced” in investing than I’m sure you’re also aware of the ideology that “scary money don’t make money” and anyone worth their grain of salt in financial advisement will tell you buy low… sell high. Real estate is pretty d@mn low right now bruh… I’m just sayin. And yes, that warm fuzzy feeling is a muthafukka when the only noises you hear in your house are coming from IN YOUR HOUSES…
Noisy Neighbors in an Apartment < Noisy Neighbors in a House
And I've had both.
Does it need to be from “experience” of owning a house or the “experience” of investing, or just in being realistic in knowing that anything you own has to be maintained and the cost of maintenance are not without sacrifice.
A copay of $40???? Oh hell, what insurance company are you with? Do you live in Florida?
“owning a home is a lot more risky”
Agreed. I wouldn’t advise anyone fresh out of college to go into home ownership. Looking at the big picture, buying makes financial sense, but learning how to purchase a home is crucial to the process and takes time to learn (e.g. how the market works, neighborhood appreciation/depreciation, condo vs. single-family home, association fees, special assessments, etc.). Plus, I don’t see renting necessarily as throwing money away. You get a place to stay and someone else gets to bear the responsibility of ownership. *shrugs*
Cosign on the car payment. It sounds hard to save up for a car., but life will suck so much harder if you are broke and you gotta do ungodly things just to pay for transportation to get to a job interview.
My point exactly…referring to people buying these expensive cars one of my friends always says, “You have an expensive car and no house….GTFOH You can’t live in your car!” (With her Philly accent lol) At the end of the day, It’s all about priorities…some things are more important than others to each individual…it’s all about choices. YOUR choice…
“Lastly, old-ass VSB-ers, is there anything you wish someone would have told you when you were graduating from college?”
Yes. As a matter of fact there is. I wish someone would have said,
“Mr. Sobo…….here is a Delorian. Here are the keys. Here is the flux capacitor. When you reach 88mph, you will be sent back in time to the day after your high school graduation. At that moment, walk into the University of your choice and apply for employment. That way, you can work full-time as a janitor, stack your chips,
be able to bone students AND members of the administrationand take night classes earning your degree for FREE. Sure it’ll take you 6 years to attain your bachelors, but by that time the economy will be so royally f*cked up anyway, it won’t even matter(Thank you Bush Administration). So while all those other folks that paid for their four year degree are now laid off with debt up to their eyebrows, you’ll have 6 years of resume work experience to boast, while sitting pretty atop your savings with your middle fingers tightly pressed against Sallie Mae’s forehead ’cause you don’t owe that b*tch sh*t.”Mm hmm. Yep,….thats what I wish someone said to me when I was graduating
best advice ever.
That was very depressing… thank you.
on the for real – no jokes aside – that ish is true. the time value of money that is lost by incurring debt (school) instead of earning some (janitorial engineering) is quite large (where my finance folks at?)
something to consider.
*snickers*
You win SoBo.
Gold star!!!
Yeah, what he said.
Mr. SoBo…You STAY WINNING for this insightful writ….
Well played, Sir…well played.
All the advice is wonderful so far.
I’ll just add to take the best attributes from people and filter out the rest. Don’t get lost (angry) trying to correct and judge and persecute folks who gone be who they gone be anyway.
Appreciate the good and try to channel it into making your life better (whatever that means to you).
I haven’t read the comments on here, so if I seem redundant I sincerely apologize.
I think The Champ gave some excellent advice. Look, you’re going to read people’s statuses on Facebook or their tweets and it’s going to seem like their lives are awesome and yours sucks. That’s BS. Nothing is ever quite as it seems. Cliche, but true. They may be on top now, but they won’t always be. And you may be down below or in the middle, but that won’t always be the case. Nothing in life is permanent, not joy, not pain, not a job, not a relationship. Yes, that’s right, not even the bad lasts forever. Understand that while you may not be shining now it doesn’t mean you won’t ever shine, and understand that just because you’re shining now doesn’t mean you won’t ever lose your luster. Be grateful for what you have. Be patient in attaining the things you do not have.
There is a saying in Arabic that when translated means, “Trust in God, but tie your Camel.” Have faith that everything will work out for the best, but make sure you work for it as well.
Another piece of advice is.
Facebook can truly BECOME THE DEBIL when job hunting. Clean up your profile page or set up anthor politically correct profile because some employers are checking for you now through facebook.
Done and done. Besides, who puts all their biz out there on facebook? That’s crazy! That’s what blogs are for
Right, but there are people holding a a bottle of ciroc, doing booty poses, throwing up signs and their interests are getting paper by any means, getting it in, and they wonder why they can’t get a job
I was hip to that aspect of facebook for a long time which is why I don’t add family members (if we ain’t cool enough for you to have my number and call me…?) or random people. Also, everything is friends only, and friends within those friends and within those friends. My Facebook game is basically inception
Plus I ain’t tryna show my @ss on the innanets. If I wanted to show it, I’d go out and do that
and leave no evidence.Yep! All of this!!!
No Bueno. Big Brotha (Corporate America) is definitely watching
@Tes -“who puts all their biz out there on facebook?”
The better and less mathematically strenuous question is, “Who doesn’t?”
An average facebook page details practically every aspect of a person’s life via regular status updates, and 12 photo album uploads totalling roughly 653 photos to browse through. Not only can you see what foolishness one got themselves into last Friday, you can also see how well she looks in bikini in her Las Puerto Miami Republic pics. That way, a hiring manager can guage how well she wil look in that pencil skirt around the office.
So I guess for us more saavy people they’re just going to have to wing it? o.O lol
Say that Again!!!!!
“Don’t get allow yourself to get too discouraged and defeated if you haven’t quite figured your plan yet, and don’t forget that you’re far from the only one who’s going through this..”
This is such important advice and something that no matter how many times you hear it, you forget about sometimes. I just finished my second year in a PhD program and people assume that means I have it all together when in reality I feel just as confused and unsure of myself as anyone else (impostor syndrome is real). Everyone goes through it at every level.
Real Rap Regarding “Education” – For The Brothas
Good Afternoon Champ, Everyone,
As always interesting topic, and rather timely, in that I was just discussing the same topic elsewhere on the Internet. My full remarks (and attendant discssion) can be seen there: http://traditionalcatholicism.wordpress.com/2011/04/25/the-higher-education-bubble/#comment-11265 Below I share an excerpt:
”Boosting their income as married couples would have meant being honest about racism in the job market. Instead, radicalized white people offered the devil’s bargain of sin-promoting welfare (subsidy primarily to unwed mothers) and government employ (decent paying government jobs, but mostly to black women) and black America took it…Black women, being ‘twofers’ in the affirmative action sweepstakes, were always going to pull ahead of black men if merit was a moving target. And now the black community has the specter of black women earing middle-class incomes but supporting 5-10 people (themselves, kid/s, extended family, boyfriends), which of course destroys wealth formation. And black guys increasingly GTOW…Racism has had huge impacts on patriarchy’s usefulness in the black community and support of patriarchy would mean being much more honest about those impacts.”
Indeed, “A Lady” hits on a series of powerful points that are almost wholly absent from any conversation coming even remotely close to the topic of “the Black family”, and I suspect that is not by accident. It is not cricket to note that the single biggest “winner” of the Women’s Liberation and Civil Rights movements have been Black Women, hands down, and I have spoken about these facts previously, both at my own blog and at the Men’s online magazine The Spearhead. Black Men, again in aggregate, have really taken it on the chin as a result. There are all manner of academic studies to bear this out, which includes the fact that Black Men are often deliberately overlooked and neglected in terms of access to social services and the like; see University of Chigago and the Univeristy of Pennsylvania’s studies on all of this for starters…
For example, and Jamila and I have discussed this before (and no surprise, come out disagreeing, LOL), take the educational system. At present, nearly half of all Black boys nationwide drop out of highschool. While she and others may argue that this is due to Black boys being inherently less intelligent than their Black sisters, we also have evidence that this is beginning to happen to White boys both on the highschool and more particularly the college levels – which suggests that something more than mere grey matter or the lack thereof is afoot here. Those who have studied these matters, like Christina Hoff Summers and Kay Hymowitz and Andrew Hacker – the latter being a lifelong academic and classrolom college professor – suggest that what has changed is the very nature of education itself, into a more female friendly atmosphere, one that sees natural boyish behaviors as maladaptive and needing correction. This explains why, for example, Black boys in particular are suspended at higher rates than anyone else, are remanded to Special Education classes, and are prescribed behavior modification drugs such as Ritalin more than anyone else in the school system. That we, as a society, have failed to turn out a high number of Black Male highschool grads, is an indictment on us all.
Then there’s the question of the realworld worth and monetary payoffs of a college education for Black Men. as Hacker and others have proven (see: Two Nations, Money), it simply doesn’t payoff to the same degree that it does for Black Women. Black Men are able to make more money as a college grad than his non-college educated counterpart, but that’s where it stops. At just about every other level up the chain in the professional world, Black Men in aggregate make LESS than their White Male colleagues, EVEN WHEN controlling for college majors, GPAs and on the job experience (on the other hand, it is not at all unusual for Black Women to match or exceed her earning potential with White Women and even some White Men). And then there’s the infamous University of Chicago’s “Black Name/White Name on Resume” study – which was mentioned again last year in a story in the NYT about Brothas who took to trying to change their names on their resumes so as to prevent it from winding up in the trash baskets of the country’s HR departments. All of this adds up powerfully to college and the like being a nonstarter in the eyes of many Black Men and boys. We have failed to address this, and again, A Lady’s insightful comments points strongly in the direction of why that is.
One could speculate as to why all of this is; for my part, I think what Brendan has said on the previous thread applies: simply put, there is no interest in seeing that Black Men are empowered. It is too threatening in sociosexual terms to White Males. Sounds simplistic I know, but I don’t think I need to remind anyone here of the sociosexual history of the United States and what frequently happened to Black Men and boys on the mere suspicion that they cast a glance in the direction of White Women. And then there’s the highly sensitive nature of the (White) Manosphere along these lines, which has been noted by others in this conversation. It all fits. Occam’s Razor, strikes yet again.”
I do not think it is possible to have a full-throated discussion along these lines without taking up honestly, that which I have just laidout.
Comments?
The Obsidian
well said man
havin a phd wouldn’t do me a damn bit of good money wise. I see too much discrimination right now among white phd folks to even consider puttin up with that sh!t for a paycheck.
no knock against education…just the bs that goes with it.
you know…academia does look like a pain in the butt. there is so much ego involved and a lot of racism (yall dont even know, you think driving while black is a problem?). I was honestly thinking about it a few yrs ago and….I dunno. I don’t know if I could do it without cursing somebody out. I barely made it with my master’s.
i hear you Liz…..
lol @ dwb smgdh
sometimes you gotta laugh just to keep from cryin.
I AGREE WITH ALL OF THIS! Esp. the one about not feeling guilty about keeping friends in your life just because y’all have been kicking it for 4 years.
EXCEPT…the one about going back to school if you don’t know what you’re doing….eh. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Because going back implies a master’s, in which you get an even narrower focus on a given area. Which, if you’re trying to see what’s out there, is a bad idea. I think you should work: work at nonprofits for environmental issues, work at a government agency for education, work at a private company doing advertising or PR…..get experience and learn what you like, what you don’t like. Conduct interviews with people just to see what they do every day–people LOVE talking about themselves. Really apply yourself to just learning what all is out there and available to you. Don’t go back to school–then you just have more debt and another degree in something you won’t use–both of which you don’t need.
Imagine yourself as a mid-50s retired person and do what it takes to get there.
Save your money! Sometime in the next few years your car is going to give it up and you are going to switch jobs. You may have to take an emergency trip home. Something cool might come up like a cheap cruise. Be prepared. Save until you have three months income in the bank and that should cover these short-term issues. Once you have that buffer, start funneling money into long term investments.
Don’t co-sign for anybody. If you absolutely have to, keep an eye on the payment history (everything can be accessed on line) and be prepared to kick in a payment or two to keep the account current. You will still be able to get a loan with crap credit, but you’ll have a $400 car payment instead of $320 and all those $80 per month extra funds could be applied to the stuff in the above paragraph.
Whatever your company matches for retirement, make sure you are saving at least that amount.
Once you know that you’re funding short term and long term savings then have fun with the rest of your money.
UMmmm, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT go back for another degree just because you can’t figure out what you want to do and you are scared you won’t find a job fast enough to pay rent. Better to move back in with the folks and get a job at Starbucks till you figure it out.
Unless you want to carry 100k (or more) of debt (increasing every year with interest) around with you for the rest of your working life. Because if you can pay for that master’s yourself, then you probably don’t need it. Do you know how much money a month in payments it will cost? Do the math. You think you are scared because you don’t have a job and can only eat Top Ramen? Imagine how scared you are gonna be when you have the equivalent of a mortgage payment on you for that education. And the Government is like the mafia. They WILL find you. There is not student loan protection program. You can run but you can’t hide. They will get their money.
I do have advice to add…
I would say don’t focus too hard on that “dream job”… it will come. Starting out tho, take EVERY opportunity to get work experience as possible. I turned down some minor opportunities out of school that now would be MAJOR cause I was feelin myself too hard, like my isht smelled like some straight rosemarry and lavender glaze. Smh… *tear*… Damn, I’m still hurt over that and I’m 100 y/o.
Know that life is not a race and you are not in competion with anybody else, so just run your own race. Don’t compare where you are at a certain point in your life with where someone is at the same point in life.
& everything here is still relevant to me (& I’m sure it will be for a while). I think the advice that stuck out the most for me last spring was finding a job BEFORE going to grad school. However, this advice depends on what career path you’re taking (I work in communications, so starting out experience > education). A lot of people I know are afraid to hunt for jobs, so they hurry to pursue higher degrees without realizing it’s very possible to have a PhD and end up waitressing without the right plan. After school I treated my job search like it was the job. It was 4 long & scary months, but eventually I found a great start to my career.
I have a job in the field I want to work in & have plans of pursuing a higher degree within the next year (I was blessed enough to come out of undergrad with no loans, so the thought of putting myself into debt for a grad degree TERRIFIES me … I’ve been holding off on applying for that reason only). I wish someone would have told me to prepare for the monotony that is working a 9-5 … the routine is a killer & I’m still adjusting to it.
The second piece of advice that has always stuck with me was from my mom. She always reminds me to have a side passion from your career/ friends/family/etc. Something that’s your own. It’s easy to get caught up in your different roles in life that you forget yourself. It’s scary looking out into the unknown, but the options are kind of exciting. I’m starting to become okay with the fact that I don’t have all the answers for my future. I get so caught up in planning my next steps that I’m not enjoying right now.
I loved this post & all of the advice included in the comments. Great stuff!
The debt can be large if you choose to accept loans. I had been working in a steady field since undergrad so I couldn’t see myself taking a low paying internship or work study to pay for school. Eventually I found an assitantship I could work at night. This will probably depend on your school and program, but if you do well on the GRE you should be able to get a scholarship or a tuition waiver for most or all of your fees. Also like I mentioned above, many big companies do tuition reimbursement. Your job probably offers something, even if it isn’t full reimbursement, especially if it’s related to work.
As a Class of 2011 graduate I appreciate all of this advice.
I just wish that there were more items on the list!
The best piece of advice is #4. While a bachelors degree is a nice stepping stone, it is not enough for us to live those lives that most of us want to live. I plan on taking one year off then going right back to school.
#4 IDK, the guys in college are assholes too. Nothing new.
I meant to say “where you are at a certain point in your life with where someone else is at the same point in there life”.
If you can, surround yourself with people that have gone through the same struggle and are now succeding, a smart (wo)man surrounds his/herself with smarter people.
Great advice Champ. I graduated last May and I felt (sometimes feel) like a loser. Since I’m a planner, not having things go my way after graduation is/was rough. I’m going back to school soon and I’m seriously thinking about going for my doctorate. One of the many things post grad life has shown me is to be resilent in every aspect of my life. I thought I had a grasp on that prior to graduating but then I got tested by unemployment…that ish is tough.
My piece of advice is to not worry about what other people are doing or where other people are in their lives. As your friends start to get married and have kids and buy houses and nice cars, you’ll panic and think “WTH am I doing and why don’t I have that?” Stop yourself. Everything will come in due time and you just have to be patient. Those that aren’t patient usually end up in divorce, foreclosure and/or bankruptcy (or some other precarious situation) and it’s not worth it.
I am getting ready to turn 24 and in the fall I will be returning to undergrad to finish. I intially went to a expensive school which caused me to accrue unnecessary debt and as a result; I had to take some time off. Do you have any advice; for the adult who is passed normal college age?
There’s no such thing as a “normal” college age… everyone is in school right now, just finish. #mypeace
Agreed. Stay focused. I assume you’ve already determine this is what you need to do to achieve your goals. Don’t forget to participate in career planning and counseling at the school. Many events tend to target students of a certain age; make sure you don’t miss out because you’re not spending as much time on campus as younger students.
Try online courses at a good school. Not knocking those that attend Everest or Univ of Phoenix, but I’ve heard horror stories, even coming from my own brother about being saddled with so much debt from those schools. But online course like those from UMUC allow you to go to school and work at you own pace.
Dear Champ,
Where were you in ’03? This post alone should get you on the commencement speaker short list at several HBCUs for December ’11 and May ’12 ceremonies. A week from today I’m getting my Master’s and even though I’m 30 I can apply a lot of the advice from this post (and the comments, of course) to this stage of my professional path. Thanks for sharing, sir.
I’m finishing up my first year of law school and I definitely didn’t question where I was in life, my purpose, goals and or visions until this year. I think sometimes when you make a plan for your life and go on checking the boxes and finishing the tasks, its good to reflect on how far you’ve come. Especially for people of color, there is so much pressure to succeed that you never feel like your getting anywhere because you are always chasing the next level. I think this is a great post and it really resonated with me. Even though I have been reading this blog for a while and never commented I felt compelled to add a little to the mix. So here it goes:
1. If you are that type A personality, like me, who is about being the best you, while being the best in general, remember that you are your best barometer and sometimes you gotta stop and check the temperature.
2. Be confident enough to say well done when you have accomplish a goal, but be smart enough to acknowledge when you’ve got a little more to go.
3. Don’t ever stop dreaming, even when you know what you wanna do, don’t close you self off to other avenues. Sometimes the most unexpected experiences and people can enrich your life is not always your pocketbook.
4. Be genuine. Its true, our society places a premium on superficial things. However, while you may be able to fake people out to get where you are, or want to be, trust, when they find out what you’re about (and they don’t like it) you might find your self back to where you started.
5. Never give up on yourself because if you do, there is no guarantee that someone else will and it would be sad that the world will never see the wonderful contribution you will make simply because you couldn’t commit to you.
6. Last of all, believe in something. When life has you down and your loved ones just aren’t saying anything you want to hear or that is relevant in a way you really need, prayer, or reflection can some time bring clarity to a severely foggy situation.
1. Do not, do not, do not…be afraid to make mistakes!!! I am one of the few ppl in the world who doesn’t like to learn the hard way. I suffer from paralysis by analysis and like to look before I leap…(and half the time, I don’t even leap). Because of this, I was very hard on myself and allowed other people to ‘get in my head’ and mess with my confidence. Some things, professionally and personally, you can only learn the hard way. And that’s okay.
2. In keeping with #1, if you see someone who is successful, watch what it is they do and ask how they got their success. I call them “informational interviews.” They can be formal or informal. Seek out mentors and have more than one.
3. This is something I didn’t do until I FINISHED grad school…..I should have done it much sooner…..take the Myers-Briggs personality test. I say this, assuming that you arent’ sure what skills/abilities you possess naturally or what jobs you would like. Changed my life! I figured out why I act a certain way, my strengths and weaknesses. Of course, every human being is unique and no one personality test can describe you 100% but my results were 80% accurate. Now my job is tailored to my personality and it cuts down on SO much stress to be in an environment that I like, where I can do good work.
4.PRAY This should be first. Seek his counsel in all things. Ask for wisdom and insight into situations, even if he shows you things you don’t like. That’s part of growing up.
Prepare yourself for the inevitable quarterlife crisis. I’m 3 years out of graduate school, in my late twenties, and about every 6 months feel like I’m having an crisis of identity, etc. I’m comforted in knowing I’m not alone–so just know that you’re not alone. And agree 1000% with what Champ said.
shoot, i’ve been having quarterlife crises since I turned 22 in the fall, lol.
If only this topic would have been done about six months ago….lol
*vsb Glitter*
Rock, steady. Good luck!
*vsb glitter**
I can say that one of biggest misconceptions of becoming an “adult” is that just because you finished university, you have to find instant direction and walk up that corporate ladder with the 25 year Gold Rolex in mind. I found the following 2 things to really be the truth for me:
1) In this information age, you can be 7 different things very well – In my case – blogger, Wedding DJ, graphic designer, fiction writer, 8-4 working stiff (major corp cubeville) and mentor of young people in your area of interest. Mind you, I could never draw but I gave graphic design a try and it turned out to be one of my favorite things to do. Stay open to anything, especially things you thought you could never do. Chances are, you are carrying someone else’s insecurity about that very same thing. Everything is difficult when you first try it but to find the things you love, it will all be worth it.
2) Money gets spent on people because you think you are helping them, well you can’t. Help yourself first and foremost and then when you are in the position to pass on the good deeds, do it in knowledge and direction. Volunteer with boys and girls club, help educate the next generation, help out an old people’s home or a shelter. Money will only go so far, but your being an influence in someone’s life may change the course of the future or it may just be the only thing that person really needed.
Just my 1 cent!
The best advice I could offer up is to solidify your networks. Hopefully, you have been volunteering/helping the community/interacting with folks who ball hard, so they are free during the day to donate their time/money to good causes. Most folks get jobs off of their networks, not those expensive pieces of toilet paper called degrees.
It makes sense though: If you had a job to give, and were looking to hire someone-wouldn’t you want someone who woudl work for free? That’s one of the perks of volunteerism.
YAY! I finally get to stop lurking and post!
I graduated in 08 and I still feel like I’m just going through the motions sometimes. I agree 100% with the advice here. Friends will fall off. People will get married/have kids. Sometimes you may feel like everything is rushing by you while you’re just standing still. But I’ve found that If you follow your instincts and passions and truly trust in God or Your Higher Power everything will be fine.
Welcome!!
My friends went from cheering last night to quoting MLK today. How did this quote go viral?
”I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that” — Martin Luther King, Jr.
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I just graduated from college two weeks ago and this article is just what I needed! I am studying for my nursing licensure exam which I will take at the end of June so Im back home with my parents. It is hard to go from being at a predominantly-white university where the community is safe to home with my family on the dangerous southside of Chicago…its definitely an adjustment. Any advice for college graduates, who have to move back in with their parents temporarily?
I think everyone feels super-confused after college … there are entire websites dedicated to the angst and indecision you experience after four years of relative bliss (see http://confusedcollegegrad.weebly.com/)! I graduated in May (it’s now October), have been (pathetically happily) unemployed for three months, and am looking for a job, which I’m sure I will reluctantly take. Regretting my major? Check. Missing being an irresponsible youngin? Check. Oh, well. People all over are unsure about what to do with their future. I’m sure it all sorts out eventually…
Such people are chromosomally male (one X
and one Y chromosome), but they are resistant to androgens,
the hormones that are responsible for male sexual development.
Such kind of program is known as audiences. While taking in green
tea has become too boring for a few people, these days, people are bending toward the pill form
to allow them in their weight reduction endeavor.