Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

Words Of Advice For A New College Grad

Between WorldStar spam, the dozens of daily requests to promote premieres of movies starring people you thought were dead, and the 125,000 times per day that people ask us how to create avatars, most of the emails we receive at the VSB account are somewhat anti-climatic.

Every now and then, though, something thoughtful and unique will find our inbox.

My name is **** and in 6 days I’m graduating from college and being
forced to go be an adult or whatever. I am excellent at being a
semi-responsible youngin but not really sure how I’m supposed to go “be
grown” the day after that cap and gown come off. I was wondering if you
all could do a post with your own advice for a fresh-out-the-classroom,
young VSS and invite your hilarious readers to add their own.

Of course I had to oblige.

1. There will come a time in the next year or so when your life is going to feel exactly like the first half of the chorus in Drake’s “Over”…

“I know way too many people here right now
That I didn’t know last year, who the f*ck are y’all?
I swear it feels like the last few nights
We been everywhere and back
But I just can’t remember it all

What am I doin’? What am I doin’?”

…and that’s perfectly ok.

You will doubt yourself. You will experience angst. You will be wondering if you went to the right school, chose the right major, chose the right job, slept with the right guy(s). And, worst of all, you’ll see other people your age who are seemingly unaffected by these types of thoughts, and it will frustrate and maybe even depress you.

Thing is, despite their perpetual self-fellating tweets and Facebook status messages (“OMG! I’m so sh*ttin on life right now!!!”) they’re all feeling the exact same way you are.

My point? We all went through it. Sh*t, some of us still are. Don’t get allow yourself to get too discouraged and defeated if you haven’t quite figured your plan yet, and don’t forget that you’re far from the only one who’s going through this.

2. Be prepared for the fact that every guy your age that you’re interested will be an asshole.

Thing is, since you and every other 21 to 23 year old woman is an asshole too, this shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

3. Don’t allow yourself to be guilt-tripped into keeping certain people around/in your life just because they’ve been around/in your life.

While I’m not saying that you should just start rocking a pair of shorts that says “Deuces” on the back and tell all your old friends to “watch my ass, bitch” when they try to talk to you, you’ll find that some people just aren’t built to be able to accompany you on this journey. Discarding them (or, even better, letting them discard themselves. If this doesn’t make any sense now, it will shortly) doesn’t make you a sell out.

4. Still haven’t figured out that plan? Go back to school

In fact, even if you have figured out that plan, go back to school and think on it some more. Trust me, if you do plan on continuing your education, the longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be for you to get back into “school” mode.

With that being said…

5. It’s true. Your degrees definitely won’t keep you warm at night.

But, they do have a funny way of keeping gas in your whip, food in your fridge, hot water in your shower….

Basically, so the f*ck what if you don’t have a (wo)man right now. If it happens it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Either way, don’t allow the pursue of the p (penis, p*ssy, women who smell like patchouli, etc) to hijack your entire being. Plus, think about your friends that are in relationships. Now, think about how many of them are actually happy. (Real happy. Not Facebook happy) Do you really want that relentless God-awfulness in your life?

I didn’t think so.

Anyway, people of VSB, that’s it for me. Can you think of anything else you’d say to a 20 to 22 year old doe-eyed VSB or VSS right now?

Also, if you happen to be one of those snot-nosed youngsters, take this time to pick the old-ass brains of the old-ass regulars. Do you have any questions about “life” that you’d like answered?

Lastly, old-ass VSB-ers, is there anything you wish someone would have told you when you were graduating from college?

The carpet is yours

—The Champ

If you haven’t purchased the paperback or the $9.99 Kindle version of “Your Degrees Wont Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime” yet, what the hell is stopping you? (No, seriously. Tell us and we’ll send Chuck Norris or Liz to fix it)

Filed Under:

online dating

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Jessica

    #3 is so true, but I’ve been following that sht all my life. For some reason it was much easier to do then, than now as an adult.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      to be honest, ive been pretty lucky in this regard. other than a college teammate, ive never had to really cut anyone off as an adult ***knocking on wood***

    • rnic

      WOW. Great read! @Jessica, I agree. I definitely needed someone to paint #3 on my bedroom ceiling so I could have read it every night when I first got out of undergrad. This was such a good post!

      I’d add:

      1. Consider the source: Everybody’s “advice” may not be applicable to you.
      Coming out of college, everybody from the “self-employed” Aunt who “doesn’t know what you need a degree for anyway” to the church usher with 3 degrees, a wife and a husband on the side will try to offer advice as to what your next move should be. It’s good to seek advice but be cautious not to let things freak you out OR get you excited that don’t necessarily apply to your situtaion or your goals.

      2. Compromise when needed, but don’t settle.
      A misconception coming out of college is that it’s so difficult to get the job that you’re looking for that many new college grads take on the “take whatever you can get” mentality. Go after what you want and adjust your expectations accordingly as you begin to get a feel for what it is the job market has to offer you, but don’t ever completely settle just because you get frustrated or because people tell you you need to jump at the next thing that comes regardless of what it is. Be (professionally) honest with prospective employers about what you’re looking for. If you present yourself well and there’s a mutual interest, they may hear you out and be willing to compromise if need be.

    • rnic

      WOW. I definitely needed someone to paint #3 on my bedroom ceiling so I could have read it every night when I first got out of undergrad. This was such a good post!
      I’d add:

      1. Consider the source: Everybody’s “advice” may not be applicable to you.
      Coming out of college, everybody from the “self-employed” Aunt who “doesn’t know what you need a degree for anyway” to the church usher with 3 degrees, a wife and a husband on the side will try to offer advice as to what your next move should be. It’s good to seek advice but be cautious not to let things freak you out OR get you excited that don’t necessarily apply to your situtaion or your goals.

      2. Compromise when needed, but don’t settle.
      A misconception coming out of college is that it’s so difficult to get the job that you’re looking for that many new college grads take on the “take whatever you can get” mentality. Go after what you want and adjust your expectations accordingly as you begin to get a feel for what it is the job market has to offer you, but don’t ever completely settle just because you get frustrated or because people tell you you need to jump at the next thing that comes regardless of what it is. Be (professionally) honest with prospective employers about what you’re looking for. If you present yourself well and there’s a mutual interest, they may hear you out and be willing to compromise if need be.

  • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com SouthernBelle, esq.(almost)

    No relevant comment, just wanted to shout out my fellow c/o 2011 grads!!! ::slithers back into the kingdom of lurkers::

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      Class of 2011??? I feel old as hell!

      • Mo-VSS

        Girl who are you telling! 31 never felt so damn old. LOL

        • Sea Jay Bee

          Real talk…I tell people I started undergrad in ’97, I get the big eyed stare and the sympathetic head shift.

          At the Chicago VSB event, I almost had to break out the birth certificate (long form because the short form just ain’t doing it for folks these days). Remember Cheekie?!

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            YES. You need a plethora of people AND Donald Trump to notify your birth certificate because you need so many more people it ain’t eem funny. Young buck lookin’ self. Even MY regressive sized eyes were buck when you said that.

      • theeclectic

        Right…you do realize folks in college now were born in like ’91….*goes to wal-mart to pick out casket*

        • Starita34

          You didn’t need to say all that though, just mean and spiteful for no d@mn reason! One of you whippersnappers grab this old lady a cane.

          #WalMartDoh?

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          LOL…get mine in Mahogany

        • Sea Jay Bee

          I’m a bit uppity so I’ll get mine from Target

        • http://twitter.com/#!/fiveisthenumber fiveisthenumber

          That is crazy…and to think that I will actually get to give a commencement speech in a couple weeks at a JuCo in Texas…I’ll try not to corrupt the youth and the second-chancers #havmercyonmysoul.

      • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com SouthernBelle, esq.(almost)

        Its my second graduation. I’m riding this sucka until the wheels fall off too. Working to take the (almost) off of my esquire and shamelessly accept grad money for the last time. Still a bit of a tenderoni though -_o (wink)

        • Esq-in-training

          I’m with you 110% I’m taking that grad money with my head held high! :)

        • MrExcelsior

          Good luck on the Bar. Which one are you taking?

          • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com LegallySouthern1

            FLAWDA!!!

            P.S. testing my Gravatar, my other name was taken :-(

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “the kingdom of lurkers:”

      this sounds like the title to a very disturbing fetish p*rn series.

      • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

        Yep.

      • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com LegallySouthern1

        Oh you haven’t seen that one? Boats and heauxxs aplenty.

    • Pass The Popcorn

      Do high school grads count?
      *graduation glitter*

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        sure why not. Congratulations!!!!

      • Medium Meech

        I really don’t feel right knowing that High Schoolers might be reading these posts and some of the things I wrote.

        • k-steez

          exactly…

          • WIP

            LOL, as long as they’re over 17- what’s the R-rated age?

      • Yeah…So

        O_o… you need to go!!!! Out with you!!!

        • Yeah…So

          Not to mention… uh, if you ARE in high school… why aren’t you at school RIGHT NOW!!?! It’s a school day!!! *foot tapping, arms crossed*

          • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

            Things ain the same as when we were in school. They got phones now.

            • Yeah…So

              *tear drops while listening to Gil Scott Heron*

            • Negrodamus

              lmao

          • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

            Girl, they’re probably in class with their smartphones ignoring their teacher.

            I used to read magazines, but that was way back in the 90′s..

            • Yeah…So

              You right… now I gotta be censoring myself… UGH!

          • Pass the Popcorn

            I have study hall 1st period, and it was supposed to be Senior Skip Day, so not too many seniors were at school…

            • Yeah…So

              So what you’re saying is YOU weren’t at school… don’t try to run one past me boo boo. Anyway, as an elder I don’t like it. I SUPPOSE there are things you can learn here but I’m worried your little innocent mind won’t be able to decipher the good from the bad.

              Words to live by: Do as I say, not as I do… now scram!

              • Pass the Popcorn

                No I was at school, sadly….

    • CaribbeanQueen

      yes finally graduating!

    • Lina

      Woohoo! (should be) Graduating 2 weeks from Sunday!!

    • Ashley

      2011!!!! We made it!!!! #leggooo !!!!
      3 weeks till graduation…

    • VSSenorita

      *ghetto horray* i thought this year would NEVER come!! *sits down and thinks about Sr. of HS when they would chant 07/11*

      • VSSenorita

        i thought about it… May 7, 2011… I’m still 07/11!! woooo….

        ok I’m done.

  • http://lifeofalibra.wordpress.com L Boogie

    Amazing how relevant this is even though I’m 2 years out of undergrad and 3/4 of the way done with an M.S. Degree…

    I think the only thing I’ll add is to remain patient, and take the time after college to explore and/or reassess your passions…the job market still sucks, so it might be a while before work shows up, so take that extra “free time” to also explore the things you’ve always wanted to do but may not have had the time or the inspiration to do…it just might create a path to work that you may not have considered otherwise…

    • Starita34

      “3/4 of the way done with an M.S. Degree”

      *drops “You’re Almost There!!” banner*
      *throws diploma confetti*
      *slices the “so close you can taste it” cake*

      You rock!!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “3/4 of the way done with an M.S. Degree”

        *drops “You’re Almost There!!” banner*
        *throws diploma confetti*
        *slices the “so close you can taste it” cake*

        lol, talk about jumping the gun. can i get some glitter too for the dream i had about getting a phd last week?

        • Starita34

          There was no glitter…but here’s some wet blanket, stop trying to stifle my encouragement soot for you!
          *evil eye* I know Boogie’s good for it! *humpf*

          • Life of a Lush

            *Picks up thrown glitter like a stripper picks up dollaz*
            *throws strippa glitter at champ for phd toughts*

            My list

            1. Its ok not to know exactly what you want to do believe it or not you still have time. And don’t get frustrated when people say “what did you major in?… Oh what, you wanted to be a teacher?” (oh thats just me who gets irritated by that question)

            2. Dont eff up your credit you may think “I can pay this off 2 years from now” no you won’t. You will miss out on job opportunities because you messed up your credit

            • Their_child

              Exactly! Hopefully the only debt you graduated with is from your student loan. You have a year of freedom before you will be saddled with that for the next 10-30 years so make sure that you pay off any and all credit cards. The less financial debt you have the happier you’ll be. Oh and when you get your new job set up a retirement account and a savings account that cant be accessed for 5 years. Who knows where your life will be in 5 years. You may need that money to get you through after a layoff or you may want it for a lavish vacay in Brazil.

              Good luck youngin!

    • http://kineticculture.com NubianEmpress

      Co-sign. And don’t be so quick to run back to grad school. Work experience is CRITICAL, and grad school is EXPENSIVE so make sure its A. something you want a grad degree in and B. they are WILLING TO PAY YOU TO GO.

      Student loans are not a joke…these Doctors and Lawyuhs (and Arts Management Master’s Degree Holders) outchea busting ass just to pay that b*tch Sallie Mae.

      Oh yeah, and keep hope alive and ish.

      • The Law

        CO-SIGN!!! 3 degrees (BA, MA and JD): $175,000 student loan debt. After consolidation, that’s $1,000.00 per month for the next 25 years. That’s a helluva nut to make every month, on top of living expenses. Get that experience, become indespensible to your employer, then have THEM pay for your graduate degree(s). If I knew then what I know now…

        • Time Doesn’t Matter Sometimes

          Wow!
          I guess I need to shut the f*ck up about my lil $350.00 a month.

          Student Loan Payment = Mortgage?

          This is some suspect math.

          • http://kineticculture.com NubianEmpress

            exactly. let someone else foot the bill…besides going straight through isnt the advantage people thing it is unless you go to a big school and get recruiting at a big company. even still, them stu loans are nothin to mess wit

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Congrats L Boogie!

  • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

    *sighs, taking out the notepad again*

    • TheQueenWithTheNappyHair

      I’m with you Tes…Even though I’m not graduating until next spring- I’m gonna be one of those famous (or infamous) 5 year-ers lol I am already starting to feel stressed about what im supposed to be doing next lol.
      Im all ears!

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        I’m a freshman, 50 or so credit hours from an Associates of English in a society where English is subjective at best…I need all the advice I can get :) lol

        • DG

          Don’t stop at the associates…keep going (I’m sure you know that already, but it’s worth hearing, tho)

          • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            I’m going for the Masters #noTiger. I don’t know what a Masters of English is good for, but it’s what I love. Watch me end up in Thailand training elephants and not using it at all as apparently that’s how life works lol

            • DG

              Depends on what you want to do…just because you love English (language, literature, history, etc.) doesn’t mean you have to pursue a Master’s in it (if at all). Unless you’re trying to go into teaching, there may be other degree programs that would satisfy your love for English in addition to being more marketable (you can also pursue a Master’s degree in areas such as Communications, Journalism, Education w/ specialization in English lit., etc.).
              A worthwhile suggestion might be to find/talk to folks who actually do what you see yourself doing, pick their brain(s), see what degrees they pursued/actions they took, and act accordingly.

              • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                …I don’t know what I wanna do. Is that bad? o.O

                • Rogman

                  No. Its normal really. And here’s the kicker. What you want to do may change at different points in your life as an adult. It has for me.

                  .The best advice I can give a young person is hold off on the kids till you want it, be smart about money, and travel as much as possible

                • http://www.nicklodeon.wordpress.com Nick@Nite

                  Ain’t you a freshman!?
                  some people do liberal arts until they purchase the cap and gown..

                  #DeniseHuxtable
                  take the time to figure out what you wanna do and BE SURE.. because if you start something, then change your mind.. some a them credits don’t cross over and you gotta start all over.. (translation: more $$$)
                  #TheyBePimpin

            • Kema

              I felt the same way Tes. I graduated with a MS in Math and had no idea what that made me qualified to do. I spoke to my professors and that helped. Yea for many jobs your degree will not really be relavant. It shows employers that you are able to commit to something for at least 4 years. lol!

            • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

              “Masters of English is good for..” -Maybe you won’t get a Masters in English.

              It’s good to have plans, but be open to the idea that your plans may change. With an English BA, there is so many things you can do *cough*blogging*cough. You could go into marketing, communications, write a book, write a sitcom, become a journalist, write hallmark cards, create an iPad app (..in 2014 voice *what’s an iPad??), Tyrese’s professional spell checker..the possibilities are endless!!

              Keep your options open and be creative. That’s my advice.

              • LuckBALady

                You said, “Tyrese’s professional spell checker…”

                iDied

      • http://lifesentenced.com Chris_Advocate

        I was one of those 5 year-ers. After that I took two years off then went back for a Masters, got that and now I still have no idea what to do. I will say this, if you have anything that you just LOVE to do (cook, travel, write, bodybuild) take this time and do it. Real talk, I’m thinking of quitting my job and riding the rails like Water For Elephants (yep, I read the book and I’m still a gangsta). Or at least doing something that I want to do. You only get one life, dont let folks trick you into thinking you have to do this or that. (Just for the record those last couple of sentences were prolly directed more so at me than anyone else in particular. Very cathartic)

        • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

          This is really good advice…if you already have money to sustain your life while you play. :) I’ve always been that “time is of the essence” type of people but I envy those who can do both. I wanna be in Hawaii right now. :-(

        • k-steez

          i loved water for elephants!

          but big co-sign on doing what you want while you can. i’m 30 and going back to school has always been easy for me (i don’t really see why that should be that difficult, unless you have children- i’m in a mba program now, and no i’m not paying for it), but getting back to what i love has been very difficult. now that i have a decent salary and bills/mortgage to match it, it’s really hard to leave that steady money and pursue something else.

          • WIP

            Yes, getting paid is addictive. Pulling out that insurance card and paying 15 bucks gets addictive. It’s hard to jump out of comfort into the unknown when you actually have stuff to lose.

    • Andi

      lol hey pres!

      *pulls out laptop for more efficient note taking*

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        ;) Hey there VP. We gonna be taking notes all day today, I feel it. lol

    • Anastasia!!!

      I had to come out of lurkerdom to co-sign – I’m two years out of college and still trying to figure it out!!

      Woo, I love yall$

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        <3

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      *sighs, taking out the notepad again*

      does “thats what she said” work here?

      • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

        Only if it’s so terrible that she has to take notes on what he does wrong, or he wants her to learn some pr0n tips. Otherwise, not quite.

  • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

    1) Use condoms. They’ll be plenty of time for risky sex when you get into your mid-30′s.

    2) Pay your bills. That credit score will ride you for years.

    3) Live way beneath your means. Let the other folks aim for big-pimping life. You get comfy at not-pimping and…

    4) But as little as .5% of your pay into your 401K

    5) Don’t try to beat a drug test. Just don’t do drugs. It’s the best way to NOT lose a job because your hair (they’re beyond asking for urine) came back dirty.

    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      4) But = Put

    • tezzybaby

      bwahahahah @ your #1…..@ least I hope it’s a joke

      • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

        Except it’s really not. There will be PLENTY of opportunities for unprotected actions in your 30′. Maybe even more. But that doesn’t mean you have to do it. But trust me, they’re there. It’s probably because 1) men think if you haven’t had a kid by 30+, it’s only because you’re been having protected action in your 20′s. Wrong. But they also don’t seem to care if they get you pregnant at that point because they are probably in a position to financially care for you and the child.

    • NinaFontaine

      LOVE IT!

    • miss t-lee

      #3 is great advice at any age. Gold!

      • Mo-VSS

        Ain’t it. I learned that THEE hard way.

    • Hawaii

      Excellent additions *hi-five* :)

      I stayed on my sisters a§§ about watching her damn credit throughout her college years.

    • http://shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

      i love all of these.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “1) Use condoms. They’ll be plenty of time for risky sex when you get into your mid-30?s.”

      ***nodding head***

    • http://GenevaGirl.net Geneva Girl

      Well said! I regret not putting money into my 401k earlier. I advised a friend’s nephew to do it when he was about 23. A few years later, he’s still thanking me for that advice.

    • http://www.twitter.com/estebancharles estebancharles

      Co-sign numero three.

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      BEST advice so far!

    • GirlSixx

      Great Advice!!!

      Especially number 2

    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      One more:

      6) Become friends with the IT department at every job you have. Watch your online presence. Do not blog/comment under your real name or using your real address. Set up Google Alerts for your name and any variation of your name. Trust me completely on this one.

    • Luvbug

      Love this list!!

    • Yeah…So

      Ri-i-i-ight r-i-i-ight.

  • http://tbl2.wordpress.com brran1

    Infrequent commenter, long time reader.

    As a VSB that graduates in 3 weeks myself, this post is definitely right on time.

    • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

      I see you boo! <—I've been quietly waiting for an opportunity to say that all week. :-)

      • http://tbl2.wordpress.com brran1

        Lol. Glad I could be of assistance. **tips hat**

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “As a VSB that graduates in 3 weeks myself, this post is definitely right on time.”

      got any questions?

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Lil’ man in the avi is a cutey pie. :)

      • http://tbl2.wordpress.com brran1

        @SFG: Thank ya. Not too shabby for a pic that was taken 19-20 years ago. Lol

  • http://naturallyalise.com/blog/category/laughs Naturally Alise

    Don’t try to compare your experience to others at your age. Things happen at different speeds and different paths. Don’t t think your life is bullsh*t just bc you haven’t reached some “Keeping up with the Joneses” benchmark. There is no manual nor rules to this sh*t, do’t be discouraged, just keep it pushing and it’ll happen how it is supposed to and sh*t.

    • JusMe

      Ugh I been dealin with this… :-/

      • Essence

        *creeps outta my lurkdom as well.

        I try to use the Keeping up With the Joneses mentality as my motivation to work harder and to obtain the best I can out of my life. I like to surround myself with positive people that are working hard to be successful in their respective careers. You have to mutually push each other to be the best you can be in this world and not be around people that will bring you down with their crab in a barrel mentality .

        *steps off of pedestal.

        SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE GRADS. I graduate with my MBA on May 14th.
        *starts running full speed to reach that finish line

    • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

      *writes that down*

      It’s hard, especially when I see my friends and former classmates surpassing me in so many areas. I get a little hard on myself about that, and I don’t know how to change that other than to try and do what they do…but it never ends up right. So what you’re saying…makes a bunch of sense :) Thanks Alise.

      • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

        “Surpassing” is so subjective, tho. You get to define growth for yourself, which I believe is what Naturally Alise is saying and what Champ alluded to with #3. Do you, bebe.

        • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

          I meant #1, not #3

        • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

          I don’t know what doing me entails >.< lol. I like to read, I like to write and recite, I like to cook, clean and eat. All that other stuff (i.e clubbing, going out) never makes sense to me as it's usually with people I don't really like, doing things I don't really want to do, with money I don't want to spend.

          And I know surpassing is subjective, because the truth is, a lot of them tell me I'm surpassing them . I don’t know how, but I always take that with a sprinkle of salt and try to keep it moving.

    • DQ

      That there is the truth. Compare yourself to yourself. You are your standard.

    • Lina

      It’s hard. Especially when all your friends have jobs or are going to prestigious grad/med/law schools. Ugh. I’m just trying to make sure I pass my classes, so I can graduate.

      • Yeah…So

        So do that… by the time you graduate (AND YOU WILL GRADUATE, say it with me) and get a job, the time before that they were working and you were in school won’t even matter… no one remembers that isht. Stay focused on YOUR objectives.

      • Book2

        @ Lina baby….everything that GLITTERS ain’t GOLD

    • miss t-lee

      Yeah, great advice. You’ll run yourself crazy comparing your life to others. Just don’t even do it.

    • Hawaii

      If this ain’t oh so real! Heck, I have to remind myself of this as 30 year old in just my day to day living.

    • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

      THIS. RIGHT. HERE. You’ll just get discouraged and not focus on your goals. Do you.

    • http://www.nicklodeon.wordpress.com Nick@Nite

      I’m 32 and dealing with this….
      Thanks Alise, I needed that one…

    • Sea Jay Bee

      Yeah, the whole “I’m 25 and have achieved so much” thing is extra tired. Working to be the young prodigy at an organization makes you a ripe target for exploitation by the more “experienced” people who will happily bury you in their work so they can go home at decent hours. When time for review comes, you expect that they will hand you Willy Wonka’s golden ticket but really, it will be managerial Jedi mind tricks making you feel like you need to work harder.

      • Lola’s Mambo

        Sea Jay Bee – This right here is my life right now. I’ve never had the ability to just go to school. It’s always been work and school full time. Yes, it’ll take me longer to graduate, but my mentality has always been slow and steady wins the race. I’ve always been grateful to have a stable job with health benefits, 401k, and all those bells and whistles. However, I always get stuck with massive workloads and really low wages. The excuse at every evaluation is that I need more experience and – wait for it – a degree!!! You were willing to work with me while I get this degree, doe?! MIND GAMES! I am 23 and burned out. I really just wanna quit this place… but I’m thisclose to being vested in the pension… Life’s a b. Seriously.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      some of the realest advice ever. i know folks 10 years out of school who still haven’t learned this lesson and its dogging their social lives, their economical growth, and frankly their attitude.

    • Nell

      Approaching 30 and this still applies. I’ve learned to be happy where EYE am on my journey.

    • Masiotso

      This is some straight goodness Naturally Alise.

      I’ve seen peers who started out making way more than me (and I thought I was sitting good) end up on the recession unemployment line while I’ve been blessed to receive steady raises and promotions in my first 6 years.

      You just never know what life has in store you versus the next person.

    • SpottieOttieDarlin

      Very good advice!!!

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      TRUTH.

      Alise. (Naturally) dispensing that knowledge since way back when.

  • IsOurChildrenLearning?

    I think #3 is a great tip and an important part of adulthood. People have to keep that in mind during the course of their life. Not everyone that is placed in your life is meant to stay there. Sometimes you have to go your separate ways even if there wasn’t any official falling out. People can pull you down without intending too, and you can be pulled down without realizing it.

    Likewise, surrounding yourself with people who want the same things out of life can really motivate you and keep things in perspective.

    • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

      “I think #3 is a great tip and an important part of adulthood.”

      It is. But I wonder, and this is jus me being skeptical, but what happens if you (the general “you”) ends up being the one that is left? Like, other folks that you’re cool with decide they’re moving on without you. Jus a curious thought is all.

  • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

    - You can’t eat pride.
    There will come a point where you’re going to have to work a job that you know damn well didn’t require a college degree. Don’t sleep on said job, because most employers won’t hire you without experience, despite the fact that you’re looking for experience. (That last sentence is known as a “contradiction”.)

    Either way, know that you need (any) type of money in your pocket, and you may live with parents who will charge you rent. Or at least make guidelines as long as you continue to live in their house rent-free.

    • http://www.greenafrodiva.com Green Afro Diva

      This is so true. A lot of these jobs require a degree AND experience. Bets to just start at the bottom and work your way up

    • Mo-VSS

      Let me tell you that I’ve seen folks on my job go from intern to opening the next branch of the expansion…in less than 2 years. So get your learn on in that internship and parlay that into a J-O-B that pays.

    • Hawaii

      Okay, y’all handing out some truths on this here and I’m sending baby sis over to read it. THIS is soooo real and I feel like she’s not getting it. :|

      • http://twitter.com/TheHumanSp1d3r The Human Spider

        Shoot, I’m learning as well. There’s a saying that a smart man learns from his mistakes, but a wise man learns from the mistakes of others.

        • Enginegro

          torpedo of truth

    • GirlSixx

      Either way, know that you need (any) type of money in your pocket, and you may live with parents who will charge you rent. Or at least make guidelines as long as you continue to live in their house rent-free.

      Amen!!! I know quite a few of my peers who have relocated back to their parent’s house and downsized from a queen back to a twin size bed just so they could regroup and get their ends back up.

  • BlackGirlWhoReads

    Hmm, what advice would I give?

    1. Take chances- This is the best time to make mistakes since the loans don’t kick in for six months

    2. Don’t let people, see: parents, rush you into a decision that you might regret. This is not the 70′s. Things are [a little] better now.

    3. Your life will not miraculously change after you cross the stage. Addendum: And no one is waiting on you at the other end of the stage with a job, so I hope you have a plan.

    4. He who fails to plan, plans to fail.

    4A. He who plans to fail, fails to plan.

    4B. If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.

    I say all of this nothingness to say, go out and do something. Anything. It’s okay to keep working at the same job if you don’t have another one lined up. You have two years to sort things, and figure things, out. Take your time but not too much.

    • SpottieOttieDarlin

      ALLLLa this!!! I loved it.. I just tweeted some of this stuff on my ‘other’ twitter. @ccquotequeen

    • Book2

      Yes, yes, yes and yes…