Theory & Essay

Why Women Are Smarter In Relationships Than Men

If I cheat on my fiancee with one of Shaq's jumpoffs, my girl will NEVER EVER know. Gossip blogs NEVER cover Shaq.

Somewhere between the time a man decides to commit to a woman and the time she accepts, a significant power shift seems to take place between the two. While the mainstream media would have everybody believe that women are effectively powerless boobed gnomes waiting around for Prince Charming to show up and sop them up with a biscuit, they stopped discussing what happens after a woman amazingly finds a Black man who can read.

In the pursuit stage, women lose all sense of common and are at the mercy of the too cool brotha who is playing his percentages and not trusting big butts, smiles or women who are a little too overjoyed whenever an India.Arie song gets played. Women question every action the man makes. He just took a shower, does that mean he’s going to propose? My last girlfriend said her man proposed RIGHT after he got out of the shower.

IT’S MY TURN!!!!!! *tinyhandfastclap*

It’s not.

But right after a man decides that he wants to lock a chick down (not marriage here, but even just exclusivity) it seems like all that common sense shifts from man to woman. There’s a reason why all of the TV shows are staffed with the bumbling defeated husband and the witty, somewhat self-assured but definitely more often than not voice of reason. I’m not saying this is always the case, but I’ve witnessed this with my own two eyes before and I’m sure I’ve fallen victim to this a time or two.

I’m man enough to admit that men do and say some retarded sh*t. It’s the reason we get caught up so often. We lose focus. We get a good woman and somehow she get’s focused, realizes how to and we start paying attention to the wrong sh*t. Which brings me to something I witnessed which crystallized the whole idea. Creep with me.

I’m a gangsta of gangsta proportions. I drive a big black car. I be bumpin’ my music. I’m driving down a famous PG county thoroughfare, bumpin’ my music, and I see a couple. Now, I was peacocking. And of course, ole girl peeps whose in the car because she obviously does hoodrat things with her hoodrat friends on Saturdays. So she’s peeping me…and so is her dude. This is how men get caught up. Plain and simple. We get caught looking at other women because our women look at us looking at the other women. Mostly because we’re slow on the cease and desist. But they catch us. Men? What do we do?

We also peep the guy the chick is looking at. Because we’re looking at the same sh*t she is and thinking, man, what is he listening to? So she manages to peep another guy, do a full cavity scope…while we’re doing the same thing. There’s no way in hell a man could pull this off. We’d get caught mid drool and catch a convo we’re going to fumble. Women don’t mind us looking. They mind us looking too long. But women can stare for a solid 10 minutes at another dude, because our dumb arses are looking too.

“Man, those shoes are dope.”

“Oh my god, that’s Idris Elba…I’d bone him like a Brontosaurus fossil.”

Not exactly reinventing the wheel here. But it speaks volumes about why women stay winning once she gets a man to commit aside from that whole cheating and infidelity and thing. Of course, this is a loose definition of winning and basically means, “doesn’t get caught slipping as much”. Us menfolks get caught slipping because we just move in the moment whereas women are playing longterm strategies. And I for one couldn’t be happier about this. I mean think about it. For every batsh*t story crazy we have about a woman, there is a man out there who loves her to itsy bitsy pieces. Hell, half the time it’s us.

Nobody writes about that in the Washington Post. But somewhere along the way, those women learn how to make quick and pointed observations that we start having to concede. A lot. Heckynaw, for every purely insane comment we get here at VSB, we’re met with 100 from extremely levelheaded women in relationships who are dating men who get caught up. Usher. Maybe not caught up cheating, but caught up doing man things like having inappropriate convos for NO good reason. And in some fashion to get caught. We ain’t even gonna cheat. We just get roped into those convos because women know how dumb we can be and will test the waters with some dude who never figured out how to say no or avoid trouble without throwing the laptop out of the window. While we’re just dating, the right hand has no knowledge of what the left hand is doing. As soon as we get committed, men start getting sloppy and lazy.

At the end of the day, women keep that same focus they had to get into the relationship and men…go play basketball and forget to pick up the water crackers (I don’t know either).

Funny this lil’ relationship thing, huh?

So people of VSB, truth or fiction? Nickels or dimes? T or A?

Choose your own adventure. Then talk to me.

Oh, and #GOBULLS

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka ALOYSIUS PIMPHANDS aka TICKLE ME EMO P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

 

Filed Under: ,
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is a co-founder of VSB and co-author of Your Degrees Won't Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    Firstly, duh.

    Secondly, I’m just gonna kick my feet up and enjoy the fireworks this post is sure to set off.

    (pops some movie butter popcorn and puts some Dr. Pepper on ice)

    • WeGottaDoBetter

      This will be deleted. They ain’t having it no more.

      • Lina

        you noticed that first post is gone now too lol

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        oh theyre not deleted. just relocated LOL.

        also anti-cools post was a comment about the post, not about being first.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      between Katy Perry and Drake featuring Alicia Keys, and 4th of July fireworks have been having the best.two.years.ever.

  • http://twitter.com/ronbronson RB

    The more I read here, the less I feel I have the problems I thought I had.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      there’s much depth in your words, grasshopper. illuminate.

      • http://mssnglnk.com RB

        Hahaha…I didn’t really have the right words at the time. I’m not sure I do. I think I just recognize a fairly significant disconnect when I read here and see what folks deal with on a fairly regular basis, compared with say…what I deal with on my own in my life. Not that it doesn’t come fraught with drama at times, it’s just…interesting to see “what I’ve been missing” I guess living far away from where I grew up for so long, because a lot of what I read is endemic to city dating, life and so forth.

        Still not putting the right words together. But there’ll be a post someday for that, I’m sure.

    • TellyLongLegs

      I co-sign this statement. VSB always assures me that I’m not 100% crazy when it comes to relationships.

      • Mr SoBo

        No, you’re crazy. VSB just lets you know that you have company.

  • http://iamyourpeople.com/ I Am Your People

    Why women are smarter in relationships is simple – women are looking for long-term stability, men are looking for short-term T&A.

    Agreed #GoBulls
    On that note, random story: my co-worker was in Vegas during NBA rookie camp Joakim Noah’s rookie year. She said he was literally grabbing ANY random chick (cute, ugly, fat, skinny…anything with a v@gina) piled them in his limo (yup, she went – geeky white chick too) and said he got in all the various club doormen’s faces like “look, I have girls now.” She said he was socially awkward as h3ll and didn’t even really talk to the girls, he just wanted to prove he could pull chicks. But then it was like ‘um…now what do I do with ‘em?”

    • Cali

      LOL, so weird…

    • Aisha

      Athletes are usually socially awkward. A lot of the athletes at my school could barely put two coherent sentences together

      • DanceHallKing

        I can personally attest to this. I was an athlete and got absolutely no play from girls. Though that was probably because I was a nerd who just happened to run really fast.

        • Corey

          I was an athlete that got some love. I was still kinda shy at the time but it was the beginning of the emergence of the fool that I’ve become. Most of them have NO mouthpiece though. They just get chose up on because of campus status.

        • B. Brown

          This right here. Women aren’t checking for guys who run. We don’t have the refrigerator-sized muscles that were discussed ad nauseum at length Friday. I will say that I have been able to use the endurance aspect (I ran cross country) to my advantage.

          • http://twitter.com/#!/legitimate_soul legitimate_soul

            Not true. One of my favorite sports to watch is Track & Field. Shoooo…..

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        LOL. So true. I dunno if their lack of speaking properly means that they’re social awkward or if they’re just….not smart. #FormerScholarAthlete

        • Corey

          Usually it’s a nice blend of both

  • Simba.Africanna

    I think get caught slipping less often because a) they cover up their tracks much better/faster & b) they’re better at managing/containing their instincts than us menfolk (in part because they’re not tempted/pushed as often….but that’s another story).

    If you’re drooling 5 times a day, you _will_ more get caught with the spit all over the place than she who drools once a every other day. #justSayin

    • Kema

      “b) they’re better at managing/containing their instincts than us menfolk (in part because they’re not tempted/pushed as often”

      I do not agree! We are approached more so I think we about the same if not more.

      We may not drool 5 times a day but thats because we express that emotion differently.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        are you all confronted with actual temptation as often…or just opportunities you don’t really want. there’s a muchos grandes difference.

        • http://lizburr.com Liz

          Do you all have lower standards and higher desire to smang? That’s also a very big difference.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            i dont think we have a higher desire to smang. i think we have the ability to act on it more without consequence. this site proves how many straight up horndog chicks are running around. also, when women get into relationships, they let the beast loose. the desire is there and intense, you all just either repress or avoid it altogether publicly.

            • http://lizburr.com Liz

              but you have lower standards tho? oh.

          • Simba.Africanna

            >Do you all have lower standards and higher desire to smang?
            every guy runs into a but-her-face on a daily basis & its a question of what will triumph: instinct or reason. The “desire to smang” is there but you can’t be smanging but-her-faces on the regular. So one nees to up the standards.

            But the point is, it’s temptation…and its there. Daily.
            For chicks though, yeah you’re approached a lot more but most of the time there’s no temptation really & so there’s nothing to be contained/truimph over.

          • Kirk Lazzarus

            lower standards to smang. the average man will smang 90% of female population

        • http://eboneeyes.wordpress.com Eb

          the actual temptation as well as the undesired opportunities are presented. Women can sniff out men’s intentions long before they say anything. We dont pounce on it cause we know what they want, gotta make them sweat a little of course. Men aren’t subtle creatures and when faced with competition they WILL make their presence known. Cat and mouse? maybe…*shrugs* the temptation to say yes and the opportunity to say no sometimes lie within the same situation.

    • DQ

      They get caught less because they’re scrutinized less, are more risk averse, and thus are more deliberate in their planning. Men are scrutinized by default and assumed to be cheaters, are seemingly driven to take risks (the more unnecessary the better), and do almost NO planning whatsoever in taking those risks.

      I suspect most men cheat like they drag race. No dude gets in their car expecting to race anyone else, but it a chance presents itself, he’ll take it. He runs the risk of crashing his car, in the grand scheme of things, winning the race would mean nothing, but he’ll still take that risk. He won’t wait till he’s on a road without traffic cameras where he can be caught racing, he’ll just “live in the moment” and race.

      • DQ

        Oh and to add… when ninjas start planning and scheming (much to our discredit) we are every bit as calculating, conniving, and evil as women. That’s how dudes end up having 2 families that don’t meet until he dies. We by no means, occupy any moral high ground when it comes to planning “Tom Foolery” .

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          ya know, i’m always amazed when i hear stories like that. mostly b/c who has that kind of time? that has to be some kind of tiring.

          • DQ

            I know a dude who got married, had a kid, and had another kid on the way, a house, a thriving business who still had a chick on the side that had NO clue about any of it. She thought she was his girlfriend, that he had no kids, and that he lived in an apartment. And I don’t think that she was necessarily dumb, it was just that this dude was a legitimate evil genius (like some real life James Bond Nemesis).

            Truth be told, I thought she was his girlfriend and that he lived in an apartment and didn’t have kids. I didn’t know he had a house let alone a family until me and my brother went to visit him for a Christmas party. When I showed up to his house and met his wife and kids it was all I could do to maintain my poker face. I mean this is planning and strategy straight from the Adjustment Bureau, and moreover it is bat$h!t insane. How you gon’ have 2 separate lives like that? That is insanity.

            • http://eboneeyes.wordpress.com Eb

              mine eyes haveth beeneth opend..eth….O_O

          • Squeak

            My grandfather had that kinda time.

            • B. Brown

              I dated a girl (I have friends who lurk, so it’s probably best for me to not make a more specific reference) whose father did that. Had a completely separate family in another city. They didn’t find out until they checked her father’s financial records and noticed tuition payments for a “Michael” at a university.

        • tezzybaby

          I’m always really incredulous when I hear stories like that because im like really ninja? How does a man have a family for over 20 yrs and you know absolutely nothing about it until he dies. I’m not saying they’re dumb but come on, they in denial like a mutha’.

          • Yoles

            tezzy

            from what i have seen in those lifetime movies (based on true stories you know) all it takes is an affectionate man, loving and caring, not broke with a traveling job. the wives are always taken for a loop because the husband is kind and caring, provides, treats them well etc… you never see this story with any ole bum dude? NOPE these men have TWO families that they take care of and live with sporadically. they just seem to have so much love (and $$) to give

            • Kema

              Yup! Women will ignore a lot when things are taken care of.

            • Squeak

              @yoles

              That’s pretty much what happened.

          • DQ

            I share your incredulity except I’ve actually seen it happen. Had to suspend my disbelief that I was actually witnessing it, but it happens (though in the example that I’m talking about I can’t help but believe that he’ll be caught sooner rather than later because really… that’s just a bat$h!t crazy thing to try to do. We’re not talking about a dude smashing two chicks living in dorms on opposite sides of the campus, we’re talking about a dude having basically 2 families. That’s just insane).

          • http://twitter.com/fixedwater fixedwater

            I don’t know how dumb it is, b/c even now my family whispers that I have a missing sibling, overseas somewhere.
            And my grandfather apparently has other children somewhere, but this is all rumor and he’s been dead for 15 years.

            • Squeak

              Yeah, i had a great-uncle(grandfathers brother) also that left a whole family (lady and two kids) in Vietnam.

  • http://invisiblemannakedcity.wordpress.com InvisibleManNakedCity

    Co-sign.

    I can think of a point in every relationship (usually after about a month or so) when I realize the woman has suddenly wised up and taken the upperhand in the relationship. At that point, I learn how to practice saying “I’m sorry baby” a whole lot more than “No babe, you’re just not seeing it right.”

    • Simba.Africanna

      Yeah, but when most guys say this, its not really “I’m sorry” is more of a rational decision. “If I shut up & let her win, I get peace of mind & maybe some. If I insist on using reason & logic to demonstrate how waaay off base she is….1) I’m not getting any. 2) I am not going to win (i.e. it’s going to be about a hour before this is convo over) “

      At least I know that’s how I sometimes rationalize it. Everybody wins :)

      • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

        Basics.

        • Rogman

          I must be different. There is no way in hell I am apologizing for something when I did not think I was in the wrong.

          We can have a discussion/argument/standoff at high noon. If you can persuade me I am wrong I am willing to apologize. Otherwise #kickrocks

          • http://www.hotbiscuitsandgravy.com Bengemin Grehe

            I understand what you’re saying about apologizing, and I think I agree with you.

            However, being smart is not about proving to the world, or your loved one, how intelligent you are. Sometimes you gotta be smart and diffuse the situation appropriately. It all depends on what it’s worth to you.

            • WIP

              Sounds like what Dr. Phil says, “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” LOL

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                and there it is folks…LOL. right lasts for a short time. happy can last forever.

              • Mo-VSS

                Me and you were righthere with that. I was gonn post that too.

            • B. Brown

              There’s a part of me that wants to agree with Rogman – and my exes would probably say that I do – but discretion is the better part of valor for a reason. Sometimes there are bigger battles. Sometimes you’re liable to be proven right later. Sometimes it just isn’t that crucial. Sometimes you’re just wrong. There is a certain calculus (not arithmetic: calculus) involved in deciding when to argue.

              Besides, arguments are based on one of two things: differing facts or differing opinions. It’s silly to argue differing facts, and it’s stupid to argue differing opinions. The fact that we do it does not negate that.

              • Squeak

                I agree with u B.

            • http://www.shift88.com/cha SpottieOttieDarlin

              agreed! You always have to pick your battles.

              • Rogman

                Yes I understand picking battles but I think caving in for happiness sakes sets a bad precedent and can reinforce bad outcomes

                In my defense, I generally do not prolong arguments unless I truly felt strongly about a situation. I consider myself for the most part easy going.

                • SpottieOttieDarlin

                  Rog, of course I’m not suggesting caving. Not all the time, anyway. That’s why the key word is to *pick* your battles. Even when you know you’re right there’s no need to beat a dead horse just to win an argument.

                  Story: My ex was convinced that not ALL chick-fil-a’s were closed on Sundays. We placed a $10 bet and he never paid up, or admited he was wrong. It frustrated me like hell because I know he knew he was wrong. Did I press it? No! There’s biggger fish to fry so I let it go.
                  but….
                  If you’re reading this CM….run me my money.

                  • WIP

                    “If you’re reading this CM….run me my money.”

                    I know that’s right.
                    (You just made me remember I won $20 on that last college basketball game.)

                    • SpottieOttieDarlin

                      I think I should send an invoice.

            • Kema

              Yes! and it works both ways. I have seen my mother let my father get away with being an a$$. Once his tantrum is over she acts like nothing happened and dinner can be pleasant.

              My aunt, cousin and I would often wonder how she could just let him get away with that behavior but then again we are all single.

              • B. Brown

                Are we siblings? My mom does the same thing with my dad.

                • Kema

                  LOL!

          • http://www.twitter.com/Stank_0 Stank_0

            I’m witchu homey, might also be why I’m single. Who knows.

      • WIP

        “If I insist on using reason & logic to demonstrate how waaay off base she is….1) I’m not getting any. 2) I am not going to win (i.e. it’s going to be about a hour before this is convo over)”

        I cannot cosign this. I find it $exy when my man out-logics me.

        • http://headedintherightdirection.blogspot.com Riley

          Sometimes a good debate is needed.. it adds spice to the relationship..

          If you know you’re right don’t just walk with your tail stuck in b/w your legs, fight for your cause.. any sensible person can see reason and logic if given strategically

          • Corey

            I hate fighting. As long as it’s not some major issue I really don’t give two sh!ts what color the drapes are.

        • Simba.Africanna

          I didn’t word that correctly. I *will* defend my opinions with vehemence & conviction. But I choose whether or not to relent depending on whether or not its a big/meaningful issue or some issue of principle that reflects my character/identity.

          The ex & I had a debate about vaccines because she didn’t want to get a flu shot (she works in the E.R. …. and is often has a cold..etc.) because “the hospital shouldn’t force us so I’m gona opt out…. That sh!t don’t work…. yada yada yada.”.
          Of course I tried cost/benefit analysis approach, what’s-the-worst-that-could-happen, the-government-isn’t-out-to-get-you /its-a-public-health-concern etc. & nothing worked.

          Voices were raised, my sentences were interrupted & eventually I relented not because she was right but because it had been took 3-f^*king-hours! (we were driving to a weekend getaway) and I was getting tired.

          Now if it was a debate about moving-up-&-cuttin’-loose-old-friends or whatever…..shoot, I prolly wd’ve let it slide too & picked it up on our way back. If we’re spending a wkend @ a hotel out of town, I’m trying to relieve tension.

          • Squeak

            Yeah. I state my point. She argues. I counter. She argues. I #kanyeshrug and let it go. Most times, she eventually comes back and sees my point, or in cases when only one of us can be right, we’ll see when the time comes. If it’s just a diff of opinion that escalates into a full blown argument. That’s for the birds. I’ma tryna live happily ever after. Eff bein right about trivial things. And trivial is a matter of opinion as well because if it’s something she feels passionate about, i can respect that, even though i dont agree. So i guess the key is respecting each other’s position.

            • B. Brown

              So i guess the key is respecting each other’s position.

              B. Brown

              Truth be told, this is all I ever look for in an argument. She doesn’t have to agree with my POV, but as long as she understands where I’m coming from I’m cool. We don’t have to see eye-to-eye on everything. I just don’t want my thoughts and/or feelings to be invalidated (unless factually incorrect: if that’s the case I can, will, and should take that L).

              • B. Brown

                *Was trying to go for the underline to represent co-signage. Ah well.

            • Masiotso

              Right I’ll argue the essential issues but you won’t see me stressing on the non-essentials. This applies to all relationships…friends, s/o, family, sorors, and co-workers. I love life to much to to be stressing over something that isn’t critical to anyone’s well being. That said, I’ll engage in healthy debates for entertainment.

        • http://invisiblemannakedcity.wordpress.com InvisibleManNakedCity

          You’ve never dated a lawyer then!

          I realized that after two years of law school that I’m not content to just argue a point, I actually need to completely destroy what the other person thinks (and I sometimes will do this even if I know the other person is right). That’s not a good look in the relationship to relish in winning a point, so I try and be careful.

          • WIP

            No, I haven’t. And yes, I can see how that strategy probably wouldn’t nurture your relationship LOL. I’ll concede before I get crushed though.

            • B. Brown

              From someone who’s dated a lawyer…don’t. Well, not unless you have a whole lot of patience – or find the rare one who doesn’t require a lot.

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    Hmm. I might agree with this theory. I am starting to think more short term tho. Short term strategies are gonna get me to long term payoff. That’s the idea, anyway.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      P.S. this post sounds particularly panty pandering. You’re up to something. o_O

      • bumilla

        agreed. maybe he’s trying to get to 2000 comments?

        • http://lizburr.com Liz

          Nah. he doesnt comment pander (unless maybe its a friday and all bets are off on fridays). plus i KNOW he has a different post in him that he could have posted if he was all about the comments lol. hes after some pannies. I just know it.

          • bumilla

            are those as yet elusive pannies literate?

            • http://lizburr.com Liz

              One can only hope, for Ps sake.

              • bumilla

                one day soon, you will have to write a VSS ~holiday~ post. pls and thx.

                (we can just filter TRL, O, and Sage out.)

                • http://lizburr.com Liz

                  LOLLLLLL!

                • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage jr

                  I didn’t like this comment at all.

                • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                  this comment is a hater. sponsored by haterade.

                  • bumilla

                    indeed. patent pending.

                • TheRealestLeo

                  Filter deez.

                  (I know…not quite the same “Zing” factor as yesterday, but applicable all the same.)

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            lol…so wrong. i’m not after any panties. i quit y’all. i’m studying to be whatever Martin was gonna be on the episode where Martin jumped the shark.

      • http://www.twitter.com/tmcydame Dame

        Liz,

        I was gonna say it read very “God is a Woman, Darius Lovehall trying to impress his date”-like…

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          lol…perhaps it’s all a setup.

    • http://www.divinetranquility.wordpress.com Miss Patterson

      haha. panny wants pannies.

  • http://naturallyalise.com/blog Naturally Alise

    Yes, we are way smarter but somehow sometimes this s a detriment. Sometimes we are so smart that we over intellectualize the wrong sh*t and end up in bed with our degrees…. le sigh…

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      Gawddayum, this was some sadly poignant ish.

    • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

      Guess you should define your prize before you claim to be #WINNING. #RealTalk

      • Squeak

        thas deep bruh.

    • DQ

      I think I might agree with this statement, but I wonder if I agree for the same reasons as you would say. Are you suggesting you are snuggling up with your degrees because your smartness made you single or because it keeps you single?

      Does your smartness drive your man away, or does it keep a man from ever being your boo?

      • WIP

        I think she’s saying the smartness drives the man away because we get so analytical we forget the basics (like someone mentioned below)- being $exy and affectionate, being caring, cooking- all things that you don’t need degrees for. We try to apply what we read in relationship books to our men when we really should be reading Hustler and Betty Crocker Classics. LOL

        • DQ

          Ok I think I can agree with that as well. Is there any significant possibility (significant meaning >10%) that the smartness might drive a man away if it manifests as a woman who is less apt to compromise because she just believes that she is right most of the time?

          In your experience is this a phenomena or is it best characterized as an isolated incident?

          • WIP

            I think anybody can be turned off by someone who thinks he/she is smarter than everyone else. I imagine that to be a conversation killer (if you know everything, what we talking about?) so it would be pretty tough to even get to the relationship point with a person like that.

            I’ve heard of women waving their education and accomplishments over a man’s head- never seen it in real life- but I’ll assume it happens. I see why a man could be intimidated by a woman that’s accomplished more than he has; but what I’ve seen with my eyes are men that are proud of the things their women have done, not scared. Not sure I answered the question (*rereading…)- yes, there is a possibility but I feel it’s pretty unlikely that “smartness” could drive a man away.

            And to that I’ll add, there’s intelligence and perceived intelligence. Men seem to like smart women, what they dont like are women act smart when they have no sense at all.

            • Squeak

              @WIP

              I don’t think it’s intimidation at all. It’s a matter of whether or not this woman will let me be the man or am I gon have to fight for the pants every morning. A woman with accomplishments is attractive. A woman with accomplishment who knows how to pull back and let her man, whether he’s a lawyer, doctor, or mechanic, be the man, is a keeper. U might be the CEO in the boardroom, but u can’t be bringin that mentatility to the bedroom. It’s a different dynamic.

              • DQ

                I think Squeak is kinda getting at what I’m getting at. If you are a VSB and you’re looking for “that one”, it’s going to be a VSS. But I acknowledge that the life of a VSS in a relationship with a VSB is not an easy one.

                Specifically because the methods, tactics, and approaches that you are forced to use to survive in the world, can (emphasis on “can”) be some of the most detrimental in a relationship.

                In the world, a woman has to be hard charging, assured, and forceful… to be successful (yes I know that’s true of everyone but I’m sure women are acutely aware of this). These characteristics are not always or often useful at home. Relationships are like a never ending negotiation, and if you are used to being a person that simply says how something should be done, and other people comply, making the adjustment to conceding an idea (especially one that you think is better) can be difficult. You feel like if you could just argue your point differently, he’ll see that what you’re saying is right and agree – when really what he sees is that compromise means “doing things your way” – and no one tolerates that for long.

                (p.s. so I guess there is something to be said for good ol’ compartmentalization isn’t there? :) )

        • http://naturallyalise.com/blog Naturally Alise

          yup, that is exactly what I was trying to say!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        well if EVER there was a perfect setup for what i had intended to write about today but the Bulls game got in the way.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          Ok, Dr. Seuss.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      are those degrees…keeping you warm at night?

      RIMSHOT!

      • Deviant

        shameless plug ftw.

        Go buy the book people.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          *waves at Deviant*

    • Mo-VSS

      Over-analyzing stuff to death is the peril of every woman, no matter race, creed or color.

  • Lady in Red

    Just want to co-sign #GoBulls! This game has left me too incoherent to form any intelligent thoughts.

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      Agreed. Make me want to actually take the L (when I don’t have to) just so I can give Derrick Rose a non-chuuch hug.

      • Sea Jay Bee

        Whut? No front lean shoulder-tap hug?

        The Bulls almost gave it away…again. Thibs is gonna get in their behinds so they can come correct in game 3.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          Yeah, it was a close one. But Rose’s adorability trumps everything. Even close-calls. Monsieur Thibodeau can’t stay mad at Rose unless he has no heart and eats babies.

          • Jai-B

            For some reason whenever i look at Derick Rose that mustache make me think he has a future in the p0rn indusrty.

  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

    women aren’t always smarter than men in relationships. dumb men make dumb relationship partners. smart men can also make dumb relationship partners. it’s really how a man approaches a relationship. me? i’m smart.

    • tgtaggie

      +1. I’m smart too. lol. I’m more a pragmatic person and I really don’t make rash decisions. And that is very important in relationships.

    • bumilla

      say what????

      if you approach a relationship “smart” then you will be a smart relationship partner? why does this not really make sense to me? pls define smart bc i feel like there has to be more to it than one’s approach.

      • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

        Because it’s logical, and speaking logic to a woman is like discussing rainbows with Stevie Wonder.

        LOL. I’m playin’. No I’m not What I take from the comment is if you approach a relationship with long term goals in mind then you’ll take smarter steps and not self-sabotage. Meaning, you won’t put yourself in a position to get caught up.

        • bumilla

          your lower face is losing a lot of points just now.

          smart = no self sabotage = not getting caught up? is that a man decree?

          • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM81

            LOL. Wolf in sheep’s clothing, bumilla. I think smart is relative, which makes it more opinion than fact (or decree).

            • bumilla

              I think smart is relative, which makes it more opinion than fact (or decree).

              and that is the whole point of this blog. it’s also why men still get SideEye when they think they are being “smart.”

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

                i feel like you need a lot of hugs.

                • bumilla

                  hugs get me in to a lot of trouble. i’m trying to evolve past them. lol.

                  • http://jouromeo.blogspot.com/ Sage jr

                    I, too, feel like you need a lot of hugs.

                    If I may; there are plenty of abstract concepts that we typically define as absolutes(i.e. intelligence, love, etc.). I however believe them to be as sunlight is and ever present if only obscured by (and this is complicated) something bigger than the thing we are focusing on.
                    The only thing I can use to explain what I’m thinking is something @Liz said to @TheRealestLeo yesterday and it is this, “you are not separating you as a person from your behavior…”

                    All I’m trying to say is that one word can conceptualize so many different aspects of the same thing that its not nearly the same thing but often in conversation it becomes the same thing time and again with no disambiguation being offered. This leads to intelligence becoming limited to a gender/sex constraints when it really is just individuals that decide to follow stereotypes rather than to forge an independent path.

                    To sum it up, trying to define intelligence or say it only matters at a particular time is irrelevant and is akin to saying, “I’m just going to keep changing the rules until you agree to do what I tell you to do and like it.” Because at least from the trauma I’ve endured, it always boils down to who is right. When in my head, it should be about what is best for us…(the funny thing is that I believe the two are different).

        • WeGottaDoBetter

          Ribbon in the Sky?

          • coldsweat3

            “Because it’s logical, and speaking logic to a woman is like discussing rainbows with Stevie Wonder.”

            *deadddddd*

          • WIP

            And discussing rainbows with Stevie Wonder becomes quite logical.

            • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              I’m of the firm belief that my boo Stevie can HEAR rainbows.

        • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

          my man. *denzel washington voice*

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          this is so wrong but i have a jacked up Stevie Wonder joke:

          Why does Stevie Wonder have so many piercings?

          because he keeps answering the stapler.

          curtains.

          • tezzybaby

            I guess I’ll be joining you in hell cuz that was bwahahahahhahahahahahaha!

          • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

            wow. lol i laughed though. does that make me a bad person?

  • http://shesoflyy.wordpress.com Muze

    i’m going to try again in the morning because i understood exactly 3.67% of this post, and that was the title. lol. goodnight. #ineedsleep.

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      I thought I was the only one.

    • MsMelissa!

      It is now 8:57 am and I had to go back…maybe I need a lil coffee lol

    • WIP

      LOL! I just tried to address what I found to be the theme.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      first off…you and your following of women dont try to pretend that i’m slow b/c you don’t get it. all y’all!…boo and hiss.

      • MsMelissa!

        @Panama

        Kisses and ((hugs))