While it’s common knowledge in the hood that disrespect will get you killed, us bougie ninjas don’t always get those memos. Somehow, upon reaching a certain degree’d status in life, many of the rules of common decency go out the window faster than Ron Browz channeling Donny Hathaway.
Ouch. No pun intended.
While privelege and education have a way of turning anybody into a total douche, the flagrance that occurs in places of common frequent is disturbing. I’ve seen more straight up disrespectful behavior inside people’s homes for house parties and visits. Look, there is just some sh*t you do not do inside other people’s homes. There just is…or isn’t. Whatever it is, just don’t do it. It ain’t Nike. It’s the opposite of Nike. Disrespectful behavior is Asics. Or Sauconys – a shoe that somehow had a small resurgence in like 1998 for no good reason other than that they were cheap. Like 2 dollar hoes.
Confused yet?
Good.
Back to disrespectful behavior and sh*t you just shouldn’t do when going inside somebody else’s home:
(By the way, this entry was inspired by Toya’s brother Walter on Tiny & Toya: We Got a Show and We Still Don’t Know Why)
1. Not speak to the owners of said house
If you walk in you speak to the owner. You do not wait until they speak to you. It’s just like AIM/Gchat decorum. If you log in, you speak first. It’s like you came into their house. It’s just disrespectful to not speak to somebody up in their house…or even acknowledge that you’re in their house. Walter, I’m looking at you. Or I would except you kind of scare me. Like, if I saw you in the street, I’d cross the street. I think it’s the teeth.
2. Not wipe your feet on the rug on the way in
To quote the great Big Gipp from the soothsayers Goodie Mob: “…that’s disrespect like coming in my house and not wiping yo’ feet on the rug…” You know why? Because maybe, you’re going to be the one who saves me. After all, you’re my wonderwall.
3. F*ck up the bathroom…and then trying to sneak back to the party…
…and then be an active participant in the “who f*cked up the bathroom?” quagmire. It’s just rude. I realize that a broken toilet on your squat is embarrasing and feels much like a breached contract. It’s simple. Use toilet. Flush toilet. Contract complete. So when there are problems it’s a quite vulnerable spot to be in. But (pun), you still did it. Fess up. Plus, when you’re gone for 25 minutes, everybody KNOWS you lit it up. Just light a match and pass the dutchie on the left hand side.
4. Bonin’ in the owners bed
I think lovin’ in anybody else’s bed is just nasty. Unless you’re in high school when it just seems exciting. At some point, you’re supposed to respect the 1000-thread count Polo Egyptian cotton sheets and just get it in on the floor if you absolutely MUST get it in. Plus, grown folks have expensive ass comforters and it isn’t like you’re carrying around a Tide stain remover pen or anything. And even if you do…ewwwwwwwww!
5. Smoking
All respectful people know that you smoke OUTSIDE. Only a true douche would roll it up, light it up, smoke it up, inhale AND exhale indoors in somebody else’s house. You got to be on some Grade-A douchery to do such a thing. Stop it.
BONUS:
6. Having suspect ass “dating experts” tell suspect ass single women why they can’t get a man
Steve Harvey, Hill Harper, and Jimi Izreal? Really? Sherri “my hips are too gone to box with God” and Jacque “How’d I End Up On this Panel” Reed? Overmarried, undermarried and overmarried? Oversingle and Ovaries on fire? Really Nightline? You gonna tell Black women they can’t find a man by having a bad comic, a gay dude, and a dude who’s shirt hates women chop it up with two women who can’t find a man for good reasons? That right there, ninja? That sh*t right there?
Is just disrespectful.
Anyway, those are just a few of the disrespectful things you can do in somebody else’s home. I know quite a few of you are some disrespectful mofos. Share the knowledge and pass the wealth. Or something.
F*ck it, pass the peas like they used to say.
Panama has spoken. You are better today.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
Don’t be a guest in my house and make yourself super comfortable by opening up the fridge and helping yourself to whatever is in there.
this goes hand in hand with making a to-go plate mid soiree… ummm this is not ur lunch spread for the wk. sorry.
@JessKnowsBest….urgh! that will take me from 0 to 60 in 2 sec…can all the guest have seconds before you fill up the tupperware bowl you brought with you
Putting your feet on the couch, with or without socks or shoes, @ someone else’s house is the ultimate disrespect. That ish makes my eye twitch. I’ll come up with all sorts of reasons why you gotta leave my house if you do this.
I wont come up w/ excuses. I’ll just kick you out
yeah, thems fighting words. i dont even understand why anybody thinks this even remotely okay.
Ohh and dont bring a guest when you didn’t even RSVP… So now i have to cater to 2 people i wants even expecting.
I am quick to take my shoes and shirt off at people’s homes. Even if we aren’t that familiar. I won’t drink the last of your KoolAid, but best believe that I will make myself a glass.
Note:No one has every whipped my ass, and because I am an affable DBag, I get away with my flagrant behavior.
If i do not come to ur home disrespecting it ,and u, then don’t do my home like that. STAY THE HELL AWAY.
do NOT finish the last of my drinks… esp without permission.. also do NOT leave a lil drip-drop in the bottom comprised of sucrose and saliva.
do NOT eat the leftovers i’ve been anticipating all day… THAT will get ya cut… quick,fast&innahurry.
Ohh and dont bring a guest to my house when you didn’t even RSVP… So now i have to cater to 2 people i was not even expecting.
do NOT finish the last of my drinks… esp without permission..
word?
—> do NOT leave a lil drip-drop in the bottom comprised of sucrose and saliva.<—
How is it possible to leave something in the bottom unless one drinks from the mouth of the carton therefore not pouring a desired amount into an individual cup?
Does this mean it's normal for someone to drink out the main carton of the main drinks available to those entitled to enter your fridge?
@Panama, this–>Sherri “my hips are too gone to box with God”–>made me guffaw outloud. It’s too late for that.
he is so wrong for that!
Wrong lmbo!
iDied at that too. smh & lol
i’m not wrong bc its true. her lack of hips has always bothered me. it makes me violent.
You might not be wrong that she lacks hips, but to make fun of her for it (you can’t control these things) and blame her singlehood on it is part of the problem. Everyone wants a 10 when they’re clearly a 3 anyway…
POW!
Please add changing the channel on the tv w/o asking the owner. Ughhhh!!! Also answering the phone in the owner’s house.
Oh yeah and is the gay person on the panel Hill Harper?
Please add changing the channel on the tv w/o asking the owner. Ughhhh!!! Also answering the phone in the owner’s house.
So so so disrepectful *50 cent voice*
yes. Hill Harper is the gay person. He might tell you otherwise, but I just don’t believe it.
i know a dude who will come in your house and attempt to commandeer the remote b/c he has something he wants everybody to see b/c he likes it. except his selections always blow.
okay. i really love that you used the word commandeer. hilarious.
Also answering the phone in the owner’s house.
And by extension (no pun) this:
Callin’ MY mickeyfickin’ house talking about, “Who is this??”
My response:
“This is the person who pays half the bills up & through here!!!”
“6. Having suspect ass “dating experts” tell suspect ass single women why they can’t get a man”
How did I KNOW that this would be mentioned? Because I’m psychic (no Miss Cleo). And because it needed to be. I can’t with a nicca in a smedium shirt who tells chicks not to look for a Denzel prototype when he brought himself on TV lookin’ like the other end of the spectrum. I mean, he shoulda at least looked like the middle ground. Po’ Po’ shirt. #freejimiizraelssmdiumshirt
“3. F*ck up the bathroom…and then trying to sneak back to the party…”
3a. If available, please use the boo-boo bathroom (aka the .1 bathroom that hardly no one uses) for such purposes.
Other disrespect in my crib:
- Not using coasters. The only ring I wanna see is on my finger (I ain’t Beyonce so it don’t gotta be the ring finger, but it would be nice), so don’t be blinging up my coffee table with water rings. That ish IRKS the hell outta me.
That’s just one. Because I need to take my cheeky arse to bed. See ya’ll later!
lmao this reminds me of the last season finale for Curb….
i too dislike when a ninja doesnt use a coaster. why do you think i have 3 sets of coasters laid out on the table, huh?!?! for decoration?? NO KNEE GROW, –O PROTECT MY TABLE AGAINST WATER RINGS!!! sorry for the caps, it really gets me upset when ppl disrespect my furniture that i paid good money for.
lmao this reminds me of the last season finale for Curb….
You had me at Curb…
“i too dislike when a ninja doesnt use a coaster. why do you think i have 3 sets of coasters laid out on the table, huh?!?! for decoration?? NO KNEE GROW, –O PROTECT MY TABLE AGAINST WATER RINGS!!! sorry for the caps, it really gets me upset when ppl disrespect my furniture that i paid good money for.”
coast deez
I take it from your “deez” response that Gem must have cussed you out for leaving a water ring gift on her table?
Come to my place uninvited!
That’ll pretty much get you shot w/ me…. and I’m the sweetest person there ever was.
Co-sign!
Straight up!
I learned that from my mama. She would make you feel saltier than Jimi Izrael’s greasy back if you just up and showed up to her crib. She’d even have her own kids standing out there defending themselves for not calling first. How can you be so cold (no Maxwell). I’ve adopted said principles and will make you look like a dipsh*t standing outside if you just up and come to the crib? Oh, you waitin’ for me to buzz you in? Yeah, you’ll be waitin’…
Yeah, I don’t like that either….
I grew up in the back woods of Mississippi. Round those parts, showing up unannounced was just a way of life (i think everyone has phones by now though). It wasn’t until I moved to the city and adopted the ways of cityfolk that that became unacceptable. Even so, it doesn’t really bother me now, but rest assured I’ll be armed (and possibly in my boxer briefs) if I choose to answer the door. Otherwise, I’ll just pretend I don’t hear the door bell.
I went back home once and was riding with my dad when he, at 7:30 a.m. Saturday morning, rolled up to his barber’s house, knocked on the door, and had dude’s girlfriend wake him up to cut his hair. I was in disbelief. That scene would have played out a lot differently in Houston.
He tried to do a pop up trip to Houston one morning. He called and said he was on his way. Good thing he called because I was in Dallas at the time.
@Caballeroso
“I grew up in the back woods of Mississippi. Round those parts, showing up unannounced was just a way of life ”
I was in Louisiana a few months back, and this was running rampant. I told my homegirl “dayum, folks just fall through whenever huh?”
I could not get used to it…lol
“I grew up in the back woods of Mississippi. Round those parts, showing up unannounced was just a way of life”
What is it with country guys and this?!!! My SO will drive to Beaumont, then act all disgruntled when fam isn’t there to herald his unannounced arse with trumpets and snacks…
Then hop BACK in the whip…go all the way to The Boot and STILL not pop open a phone until we’re within shouting distance…
I couldn’t cosign more on #4 if I tried. Same goes for my couch or the kid’s bed (for those that have ‘em). Also, don’t go to a person’s house and be all up on their SO. Another one is don’t come to my house to chill and be on my computer all night (using me for my internet and ish) or steady on your phone. What you even come over for? Don’t start asking to borrow all my CD’s/DVD’s/video games/PS3/etc. and then get mad when I won’t let you.
I’m watching that Brandy and Ray J (who knew there’d be a rerun) and I forgot how entertaining Ray J’s stupid a** is.
#1~ I remember I was in the 6th grade and my friend was visiting my home. My grandfather was in the living room watching TV. My friend passed my grandfather without saying hello first. Why the hell she do that?! He went off on her for being disrepectful and me for letting her be disrepectful lmbo! I learned at 12 don’t let nobody disrespect your house!
#6 I could not watch the show Panama, as soon as the show comes on the reporter starts stating facts about how black woman are single blah blah blah. Then the panel, I LOVE Steve and Hill, but if we are going to heal it has to be behind closed doors. I am over it!
I had company one time and this dude took himself on a tour around my apartment. He went in my room, he pulled back the curtain from my tub to look inside and looked in my fridge WTH?! Where they do that at? That was sooo disrepectful!
P.S. I co-sign Brandy and Ray J’s show!
Speaking to the owner of the house? That should be home training 101. My grandmother will cuss you out for walking up in the house and not speaking-that goes for family and non-family…lmao My contribution:bringing food/drinks with you, and then trying to take them back home, just because they were unopened. You will not be invited back, trust and believe. *oh yeah Sherri is so unfortunately built, and that panel was madd wacktacular.
@miss t-lee….Speaking to the owner of the house? That should be home training 101. My grandmother will cuss you out for walking up in the house and not speaking-that goes for family and non-family…lmao
lmao…and you have to say it loud enough for everybody in the house to hear you but not so loud you sound “disrespectful”
it’s a then line (no h-town)
sorry thin line
@thatchic
It’s a fine, fine line…lol
@miss t-lee….Speaking to the owner of the house? That should be home training 101. My grandmother will cuss you out for walking up in the house and not speaking-that goes for family and non-family…lmao
Yea, I done got hit with “I ain’t sleep with you last night” plenty of times walking into my best friends house.
@Kirk Lazarus
My grandma will look you up and down and ask “who is you? You live here?” Total deadpan delivery…freakin’ hilarious!!!
“Mad wacktacular” Love it
the phrase, not the utter wackness of said show that I didn’t and won’t watch.
@KayBeezy
Use it, embrace it!
DO NOT…and i repeat DO NOT visit my room and sit ur nasty ass on my pillow or the head of my bed. That will get a bish slapped up!
*takes blood pressure medicine
YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! *clapping* i am sooo with you on this!
i really dont understand what possesses ppl to do this. like, does it even seem logical to sit where ones head lays? i mean come on dude. who authorized that?
Major Co sign, signed sealed delivered… do not put your raggedy behind (literally) where i lay my head.
Yup. I remember that being the root of some fights in the dorms in college. You really see some disrespectful things then.
exactly! and that should not be something i have to tell you. don’t sit your country a*s down and get all comfortable on my bed while you in street clothes!
I instituted that rule freshman year in college and people would look at me like I was asking too much! I still for the life of me can’t figure out why anyone would want to sit on someone’s pillow.
Word! My hubby got cussed out for this ish just 2 days ago. Seriously even if the pillow is in your way on the sofa..relocate said pillow & then proceed to sit ur a$$ down!
Or your feet!!! *I have a white roommate whose friends think its ok to put their feet on my bed/pillow* UGH!!
FEET DON’T BELONG ON FURNITURE; and in the event that there is furniture made for your feet to be propped up on, TAKE YO’ SHOES OFF NINJA!!
“DO NOT…and i repeat DO NOT visit my room and sit ur nasty ass on my pillow or the head of my bed. That will get a bish slapped up!”
YES. This is tabernacle holy trinity of latter day saints for Brandy’s lacefront right here.
What makes it worse is that folks that are so hellbent on placing their rump on your pillow are usually the ones to fart on it. #notcool
Oh yes I hate that!!!! Or sit on my kitchen counter…or the cushions on the couch! Damn I have visions of punching peeps in the throat for that.
-I have beige carpet in my apt. Don’t give me no bullshti about you don’t want to take off your shoes. Especially b/c there are brand new socks in the closet by the door that you can put your raggedy feet in.
Also if your shoes stink, in that same closet right next to the bag of socks there is always a bottle of Febreeeze. USE IT!
-Don’t snoop around my place. If you want a tour ask. The BBQ is in the backyard, why are you in my roommates room?
this was going to be my number 1!! i’m always facinated when I do a site visit to rich ppl homes and they tell me to keep my shoes on.
somewhere my moms spidey sences are tingling that im walking around INSIDE SOMEONES HOUSE with SHOES ON. wth is that?!?!!
Don’t eat food at my house and not clean up after yourself. Take your damn bowl/plate/saucer/or whatever the hell else kitchen item you’ve used and put that shit in the sink. But not before scrapping the remains in the trash and then rinse that shit out.
I ain’t ya mama, I’m not cleaning up after no grown-ass folk. Hell you ate my food. Act like your ass is grateful.
Sorry, had a flash back. Dude ain’t welcome here no more for that mess.
1. don’t use my master bathroom..that is my own sanctuary for me to use only that’s why i have a guest bathroom.
2. don’t sit at the head of my bed…i don’t mind you sitting on my bed (sometimes) but do not sit your a$$ where i lay my head. disgusting.
3. don’t go in my kitchen without washing your hands…i don’t care if you’re in there just watching me cook. if you’re going to touch anything i.e. countertop, fridge, paper towel dispenser etc…wash your hands first.
4. don’t go in any other room but the living room unless i invite you first…self explainatory.
5. don’t invite other people over…i’m a single woman with a kid. don’t want the ninja you met at the gas station last week over my house. i don’t care how cool he sounds via text.
6. don’t ask me why i haven’t cleaned up (i’m looking at you momma)…i’ve been working all week, helping with homework, im tired, it’s saturday and i want to sleep in. i’ll do it tommorrow, thanks for the visit, go home please. p.s. i do love you momma.
thank you
I definitely have to co-sign on #5!!
I stopped talking to a friend because she gave some dude that I don’t even know directions to my home at 2 in the morning (all in the name of getting some!)!!!! I didn’t let him in and I put her a** out!
When I called her out on her stupidity, she didn’t seem to understand why I was so upset… 12 years of friendship ruined over one disrespectful act!!!!
@More is More….awwww woo woo woo
Criticize my neighborhood/decor/electrical accessories or lack thereof.
Do you live here? pay rent or property taxes? hook me up with free cable?
Then stfu and deal with my color scheme.
CLOSELY followed by: adjusting my thermostat. You can try, but some digits may come up missing (no IPAD-jack-o). You better learn to dress in layers or get with some ice water. My peoples are from the tropics.
im with you on the thermostat check. unless you are gonna hand over some $$$ to pay this gas bill, please maintain a proper distance from any controls. besides the fact that im a very sensitive to temps. what my temp is set at is whats right for ME. if you have a problem, you can see yourself to the door.
cosign…that’s why i have throw blankets all around my house…if you’re cold use one or go home.
Exactly. Climate control is out of your domain as “guest”. In fact, that same exact thing irritates me about people riding shotgun in my car.
@browniyvx,
ITA about the thermostat. My sis be doing that mess. She’ll come over in the dead of winter and turn my heat up, but I go to her house and she’s sitting in one room with a space heater wearing a swear suit wrapped in a snuggie. GTFOH!!!!!
lmao! That’s just wrong on multiple levels lol.
@T.April & thatchic
After reading about your feelings about folks who sit towards the head of the bed, I realized that that also ticks me off. There is something disguisting about having Eau de Booty near where I lay my head.
1. Not speak to the owners of said house
Yea I’ve seen dudes get at it about disrespecting the woman of the house and speaking to her!
2. – I fux with Cell Therapy, but I don’t know how it goes with the wonderwall reference? But 2 hits none the less!
Now the 1 thing I can think about right now is getting stumblin’ bumblin’ drunk! Cuz not olny are you putting the owner of the house at risk if you go out and get in an accident. But if they got any secrets on anybody, they bound to come out!
OMG- Ironic that I’m reading this as my ish is being disrespected. Maybe the rules are different in 2520 land, but I’m boiling right now. Two of my classmates are over putting the final touches on our group project and this chick that I DO NOT KNOW LIKE THAT went straight in my bed room (with the other one cause that’s where the printer is) and sat on my bed. DO you NOT realize that this is a $100 embroidered comforter???? Your jeans will cause snags! And now you wanna stretch out on said comforter WITH YOUR STREET CLOTHES ON???? Talking about taking a nap? GTFOH!!!! Like yesterday.
(sorry needed to vent)
would you have preferred it if she just got naked?
Unless I invite you to dinner, don’t “casually” drop by at that time.
When you use the bathroom don’t rifle through the closet or medicine cabinet. Just because I have big bottles of stuff doesn’t mean you can have half of what caught your eye.
welcome and sh*t (i think)
Thanks and some junk.
Dayum! The coasters! I always slip on coasters. I grew uo with plastic table coverings
And the lace doily coasters where just decoration so I have to get use to using them.
You don’t have wrecklessly eyeballin a pimp! That’s the ultimate disrespect lol
But forreal. A key issue for me is underhanded or backhanded comments about the
Host or her home. Bougie ninjas love to criticize…
Damn. Ya’ll are an
extra sensitiveinteresting bunch. I might as well hang a holiday inn sign infront of my crib. I don’t trip much..but I’d appreciate it if you’d not smoke in my motherf*cking crib. I can’t count how many times some ignant fool took it upon him/herself to light a flipping cigarette!! WTF?!?!?!Officer Ricky,
I was thinking the same thing, but I think men come over for specific purposes, ie the game, to play video games/Texas hold ‘em/to go somewhere.
I’ve never gone to another guy’s house just because so there’s no reason to be meandering throughout the house. I’m where the activity is (read: HDTV)
Do not use my perfume, lotion or baby oil gel while visiting my rest room… How do you come out the bathroom smelling like me? That’s just disrespectful….. keep your hands to your self….
Do not take a book or anything for that matter without asking…..(especially my books, i will chop you up)
Do not come to my house making special requests. You knew you were a vegetarian before u got here, don’t wait until you get here talking about by the way i don’t eat meat. I cooked stew Chicken and that’s what i have….
@JamaicanGirl,
Looks like I was typing mine out right when you were posting yours.
Needless to say, I agree!
Can I at least use the soap?
I’m Jamaican too girl…and 90% of our dishes have meat…we no rasta and no ital food here
Do not detour from a bathroom trip into a person’s bedroom, closet, or drawers and dayum sho’ don’t come back smellin’ like a special lotion, oil, or body butter from that person’s room or personal grooming stash.
I also gotta add that outside the house: folks all up in your personal space when you handling your money will catch a bad one. Don’t be all up on a person at the ATM or when they are making a purchase.
When I tell you to have a seat, that’s all that I want you to have. Do not even think of following me into the kitchen or take it upon yourself to start roaming around my home. You’re not in a museum: SIT DOWN.
If you use my bathroom and I don’t hear any water running (to wash your hands) after the toilet is flushed, rest assured you will never cross my threshold again.
After dinner is served, at least offer to help me clean up (I will always refuse this as you are a guest in my home) if you don’t, please believe that will never be offered so much as an M & M the next time you visit. I’ll meet you at the door and we’ll be out. Ok? Now you know.
Oh thank you for that bonus!! I knew, I just knew in my heart that you would say SOMETHING about this.
Amen.
1) Do not bring your kids to my house and let them tear sh*t up. It’s not fair.
2) Maybe I’m from the south and this is how we do it, but you can’t come to someone’s house and leave it MESSIER than before. Like pick up your paper cup and throw it in the trash.
And wash a dish if you staying till the lights come on. Don’t sit in my house until the end, and not offer to at least bag some trash.
3) Showing up looking better than the party host is disrespectful, so I’ve learned. (I got cussed out for this one.) Apparently, that sh*t right there n*gga?? That sh*t right ther n*gga????
Disrespectful.
2)Amen to washing a dish, or at least offering to. I was always taught by my mum to offer to help ,if it’s a close friend or whatever I don’t offer I just do, but you at least have to offer
3) I can’t even see apologising for greatness. Someone got mad because you styled on them? Not your fault.
LOL….hilarious.
I’ll come back.
OH MY GOD… I WISH MY FAMILY MEMBERS DID SOME OF THOSE THINGS… BUT UNFORTUNATELY.. THEY DON’T HAVE EVEN –THAT– much class.
Try some of my families list…
1. DURING A FAMILY DINNER… DO NOT TAKE A DUMP IN THE LITTLE BATHROOM IN THE KITCHEN (INTENDED PRIMARILY FOR WASHING HANDS) AND IF YOU DO… PLEASE DON’T TURN ON THE VENT WHILE WE ARE ALL SITTING 1 FEET A WAY EATING GREENS. TRUST ME.. THE LAST THING ANYONE WANTS TO SMELL IS SHIT WHEN THEY EATIN’
2. TRY NOT TO LEAVE WITH MORE LIQUOR THEN YOU BROUGHT. WE ARE NOT THAT DRUNK. EVERYONE CAN COUNT.
3. AT A FAMILY FUNERAL… DO NOT TAKE PICTURES OUTSIDE IN FRONT OF THE LIMO… THEN FIGHT OVER WHO GETS TO RIDE BACK HOME.
4. DO NOT… SPEND HOURS PRACTICING YOUR HOLYGHOST MOVES BEFORE CHURCH… IN A RUSH TO BE THE FIRST TO INFUSE THE “SOLDIER BOY’ IN YOUR MOVES..
5. AFTER CHURCH… DO NOT CALL IN SICK TO WORK ON MONDAY.. CLAIMING THAT YOU CAUGHT “THE SPIRIT” AND THREW YOUR BACK OUT AGAIN..
6. DO NOT LAUGH ALOUD WHEN YOUR GRANDMOTHER ACCUSES HER RELATIVES VISITING FROM ALABAMA OF ‘STEALING HER FAKE TEETH” AND THEN CHALLANGE THEM TO FIGHT IT OUT IN THE FRONT YARD.
7. DO NOT SEND YOU 6 YEAR OLD SON JAYVAREZ TO SCHOOL WITH ROLLERS IN HIS HEAD.. THEN GET MAD WHEN PEOPLE ASK IF HE’S A GIRL. BTW… WHY DOES YOUR SON HAVE OPRAH’S 1986.. “GET WITH THE PROGRAM” SNATCH BACK ANYWAY??
8. LAST BUT NOT LEAST… PLEAZZEEEEEE DO NOT BRAG THAT YOUR 6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER JARQUEETA CAN’T SPELL HER OWN NAME YET… BUT KNOWS 5 DIFFERENT WAYS TO “MAKE IT RAIN”…
GUYS… WELCOME TO THE HELL THAT IS MY FAMILY HAHAHA
OH NO!! Not practicing you ‘shouting!’
the end is here.
@ Brettinthecity
I can’t even be seen reading this blog anymore…
I’m sitting here with TEARS streaming down my face, hand clapped over my mouth trying not to HOWL…(and the sad part is: I work from HOME!) Not worried about losing a job due to excess merriment, but I don’t know if I should laugh so hard based on a similar dysfunctional family background…
*Don’t call yourself not eating something unless you have allergies or religious motivations keeping you from trying something new.
*Don’t, well try not to, be on the phone the whole time.It’s disrespectful and stupid.
Definitely annoyed by the cell phone thing. Did you need to be on the phone the whole time? Going home is an option, please believe.
DO NOT under any circumstance recklessly eyeball the lady of the house or give any indication that you want to “touch her on the inside part”. That movie doesn’t have a happy ending.
Some may not view this as disrespect but I do: keep all Buzz Killington type comments to yourself. If you are a vegan, republican, puritan, or whatever keep all of your tired “I don’t agree that chickens are forced into slavery before their killed” type comments to yourself.
This is what I was going to add…YES. Don’t eye ball me or any of my female friends…and don’t talk about any sensitive subjects. I don’t know why people do that!
Ninjas are just to comfortable now a days.
Lol that’s why I tell my brother and cousins “Don’t bring any goons to my house and leave them outside”…cause you know all they’re doing is plottin
#Shoutout to Panama for the Oasis reference…Loved “Wonderwall” back in the day.
1. One of my pet peeves.. Don’t lay across or sit indian style (or PC crisscross applesauce) my couch/bed and still have your shoes on.. You mean to tell me that you gonna put your nasty ass outside ridden ass shoes on my furniture and comforter?? GTFOH with that no home training mess!!
2. How somebody comes to someone’s house and not speaks to the homeowner baffles the sh*t out of me…Suspect ass family members have done that during family gatherings. So, you gonna eat all my tasty baked three-cheese macaroni and cheese, eat half of my collard greens cooked in smoked turkey, take a slice of my caramel pound cake that I made all from scratch and not speak..to..me?? GTFOH!!!
3. The house is not a museum. If someone wants you to look around the house, you can. But don’t end up in my bedroom looking through pics in my drawers and you know dayum well that the door was closed and the light was off.. That should mean something.
Which brings me to something else…
4. Some parts of the house are a museum. If you had good home training you would know that the living/dining room (not the “den” and “great rooms” don’t count) are a no-play-in-children-should-be-seen-and-not-heard zone.. I mean, we’re basically one generation removed from having plastic on the furniture and that plastic follow the clear brick road runners in the living room. Tell yo’ kids to satttdown and act like they can read a coffee table book if they come in there. ‘Cause if you break one of my African-American porcelain knick knacks, a vase, if a nicely framed print falls, or if one of my elephants that I worked hard to obtain all of a sudden has no trunk…It’s gonna be some smoke in the city!!!
“It’s gonna be some smoke in the city!!!”
LMAO. Thank you!
I don’t understand why people have to touch or rummage through stuff that does not belong to them in MY home. Like, if there’s a box somewhere on the floor, somebody will say: “What’s in the box?” Cobras from India, fool! put your hands in there! LOL!
Go lookin’ for stuff in my house and you’ll always find ME, ok? LOL!!!
Now, let me say this one last time: SIT DOWN.
“2. How somebody comes to someone’s house and not speaks to the homeowner baffles the sh*t out of me…”
Help a brotha out. I’ve seen this a few times so apparently it’s a big deal. In small settings it’s no big deal, however, on occassion I’ve been invited to functions as a guest of someone and have no idea who the homeowner is. With the number of people there and no one looking like the photo on the wall, I don’t have a clue. Then, when I figure it out two hours in…do I make a bee line to where they are, or do I continue to hold down my perfect seat in the corner that my introverted ass managed to stake out so that I can people watch? Do I really have to loose my seat now or can I just stand up and say hey if they happen to walk by?
You take yourself over to the homeowner and say, “I wasn’t aware that you were hosting the party. I came with so-and-so and just wanted to introduce myself. Hi, my name is ____________.” If convo ensues, then great. If not, at least you did your part. End.of.story.
Cosign and hallelujahamous!
Look, I’m not all “Judeo Christian” and whatnot (despite the pics of my mom, dad, uncles, brothers and cousins all up in the pulpit callin’ down hellfire)…so what you may consider “bric~a~brac”, is actually an ALTAR (you disrespectful, inbred, “never-saw-a-documentary-or-read-a-book-outside-of-the-Bible” nincompoop!!! I digress, as I’ve probably vented in this manner before).
The food isn’t meant to be sampled.
The incense is not a “take a penny leave a penny” suggestion.
The pictures are NOT for your openly ugly comments and skeptical perusal.
Don’t come to a bbq and take two slabs of ribs and a whole bunch of other food home and you didn’t even bring anything to said event. This is not you personal grocery store. Usually you can bring home a plate which is the amount of one meal for one person, not an amount that will feed a family of 6 for the whole week. Just greedy and disrespectful.
^This right here is what really gets me! Why do ppl come to a potluck or other event where there’s gonna be food, not bring anything (not even napkins or plates) and then expect you not to give them the side eye when they take food for them and 10 other ppl plus TWO gallons of homemade southern style sweet tea?!
Chuuch. At bbqs, I don’t get why ninjas always feel like they can bring back multiple food plates to multiple people.. I made food for the ninjas that CAME, not for everyone invited. They ain’t shut-ins and this ain’t sunday service. unless they laid up in the hospital, or watching the kids, if they can’t make the ‘cue,. then they can order take out like every other hungry person in America who doesn’t feel like cooking..
How do you not bring any food/drinks/an effin napkin but manage to bring your own personal tupperware?!
Can’t co-sign this more. That irks the HELL out of me. You tacky as hell for that, and DEAD wrong. Get yo hands outta my pocket!!
Do Not come to my house & ask me why I DON’T have *insert any random a$$ thing here for eg.(red kool-aid, pepsi, henny, white-zinfndel), ummmm, ninja, this is MY house , I don’t have it cause I don’t……NUFF said, if you think I should have it then maybe you shoulda brought it wicchu….*this aggravates me more than I can even convey….just disrepectful
My bestfriend always does this. “Him: Man, why you aint got no juice? Me: Negro, I dont drink juice!!”
Someone came to my house asking for kool-aid, and got indignant when I told him I don’t drink kool-aid. GTHOH!!
I don’t need someone to tell me how to find a good black man. I need someone to tell me how to have a successful relationship with one the one I’ve got.
@SexyCool
:highfive:
And how many times has Steve Harvey been divorced? O__o
@Cheekie
“#freejimiizraelssmdiumshirt” & “She would make you feel saltier than Jimi Izrael’s greasy back”
I’ont know but me thinks Jimi Izrael might wanna watch his back. Lol! Not that I blame you for wanting to roll up on his misogynistic a**.
Yeah, I can’t with him and I’ve been roasting him since reading about his “expertise” re: The Denzel princple.
Please don’t use my washcloth. When I was younger and my cousins would sleepover my washcloth would always end up wet. Sometimes it would be damp from someone drying their hands and sometimes it would be soaked from someone bathing with it. GROSS! I mean do you know where I just had that thing! I was so traumatized by this that I keep matching sets of guest towels (washcloth, hand towel, and bath towel) at the ready and highly visible at all times just in case…Also, do not dry your hands on my decorative towels! That nice tray that with the individual paper towels is not decoration!
Don’t expect me to crate my dog, he’s at home and you’re not so get over it. Don’t correct him or tell me how to discipline him, I’ve got this. And don’t be afraid of dogs! You knew I had a dog before you got here, again, he’s at home and you don’t have to be here.
Please don’t use my washcloth. When I was younger and my cousins would sleepover my washcloth would always end up wet. Sometimes it would be damp from someone drying their hands and sometimes it would be soaked from someone bathing with it.
What kinda foolishness?!!!! And then they couldn’t even ring it out?!!! The nerve!
At least by leaving it sopping wet I could tell that I didn’t use it last and that way I knew not to use it again!
eeewwww….why would someone do some nasty ish like that. That would be like using someone else’s toothbrush.
True, true. But damn!!!
Don’t expect me to crate my dog, he’s at home and you’re not so get over it. Don’t correct him or tell me how to discipline him, I’ve got this. And don’t be afraid of dogs! You knew I had a dog before you got here, again, he’s at home and you don’t have to be here.
I’m so with you on this one. I try to be understanding because my dog is a spaz and put her up when company comes over but dang, it is her house, too. She’s as excited to see you as I am. She’ll calm down in a minute. If you don’t like her being out, we can always meet somewhere else.
Exactly. I kind of understand my guests POV since I have a pit bull, but it’s not like I’m Michael Vicking him outback when no one’s around. He’s more afraid the people than they should be of him!
The most recent ex used to finish with a washcloth and just drape it across the sink. Ninja I got TWO towel racks, you need a class on it? I tried to be tactful about it at first…I really did. SMH.
As far as these decorative towels in the bathroom go…please feel my pain. I done flushed, I done washed. I see towels hanging, they’re pretty and all, but where are the paper towels? I don’t see any other towels either. I’m not about to go through your cabinets looking for ish unless I ran outta TP (then I just gotta) so my only option is the decorative towels…your fault, not mine.
@Caballeroso
I’m actually with you on the decorative towels. I had to have a pow wow with my mom when she was mad at my brother for drying his hands on her “good” towels. My thoughts are that decorative towels (aka….towels that serve no purpose) are kind of old school (just like a formal living room that is forbidden to be “lived in”). Many people have adapted their parents and grandparents style of living and it doesn’t really make sense to me.
Oh using the washcloth is just nasty!!! ewww!
You’ve known me long enough to know you don’t wear outside shoes IN my house. I’m Guyanese don mek mi eye pass you. That slipper bin that is clearly marked “SLIPPERS- TAKE A PAIR” is ‘specially for you
.
You are not allowed upstairs unless I take you up there, everything you need is on the 1st floor my dear.
If you bring your children please know that there is a special room for them and they are not allowed to run around my house and please know that if you are not comfortable with me telling them to sit down somewhere, do not bring them with you.
This has been a Public Service Announcement
co-sign -don mek mi eye pass you….*chupes
*kiss teet cuz i want to include myself in the West Indian Connection of this comment! LMAO!
Welcome sistren, tekaseat …:-)
1. Not speak to the owners of said house
I def. have to cosign this one. This really irks the hell out of me. However, I think what irks me just as much is when your family member that you ain’t seen in a minute brings some new gf/bf over your house says two words to you and your SO and then proceeds to stay up under the new gf/bf for the rest of the night.
DO NOT sit on my bed w/o your outside clothes on. I don’t even do that crap. I don’t want my comforters smelling like jeans and your day’s activities.
I know this SHOULD be common knowledge, but DO NOT sneeze or cough w/o covering your mouth. ESPECIALLY when eating. Not only do I not wish to breathe in your germs, I don’t want to be baptized in the greens and turkey wings your eating. Wanna see me flip out? Do that. I remember one of my students was talking while drinking chocolate milk. I asked her to stop because I knew what was coming. All that milky…saliva…concoction was going to come out. And it sure did…right on my bottom lip *shivers*
I almost lost my job that day.
DO NOT over stay your welcome. If I say I’m tired and start yawning, that does not mean it’s okay for you to chill w/ my rommate (whom you don’t know) and for me to excuse myself and go to bed. It means it’s time to take your arse to home.
DO NOT come your hair anywhere other than over the bathroom sink. I am repulsed by hair. At least if it’s in the sink,you can take some tissue…wipe it up…and dispose of the tissue. Don’t go coming your wig, playing in your dreds, crimping your hair…or anything like that in ANY area other than the bathroom. I hate wigs now b/c of my rommate. I wanna burn that sythentic crap.
*comb your hair
Or when they go to use your bathroom to comb the hair…and it falls all over the floor and they don’t pick it up.
I totally agree with the “outside clothes”. I got into a fight with one of my friends in college because she sat on my PILLOW. I don’t want your butt on anything I put my face on….
@LaBakir
“I know this SHOULD be common knowledge, but DO NOT sneeze or cough w/o covering your mouth.”
This bothers me so much. Why are you spreading your germs to everyone else? How hard is it to cover your mouth and take other people into consideration? We don’t want that ish. Keep it to yourself.
Word! It takes minimal effort to cover your mouth or turn you head into the sleeve of your shirt.
Aside from the home, folks on public transportation are NOTORIOUS for this foolery. It’s bad enough it’s so crowded we are basically painted on each other, then you have the nerve to cough your SARS on me? #nopeacebeuntoyou
#6 made me spray powerade in my keyboard. I’m gonna have to remind myself to not drink anything while reading your shit.
But to add on to #5, smoking outside near the bbq, deck, or kids is still disrespectful. So when i tell your azz to go behind the garage or end of the property, don’t give me the ‘damn, it aint crack?!?!’ line. No one wants your cancer.
One more thing, having locs does not mean that you should come up to me and ask if I have ‘something to roll with’ , thats just rude
I hate it when ppl that don’t live with you decide to shave or do their hair in your bathroom and not clean up after themselves. My house does not have a Motel 6 sign, meaning I will NOT clean up after your nasty hair!
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot O_o
motel six don’t clean that up either, so what are you saying…..:-)
Energy suckers need not step one foot in my humble abode.
Coming thru plugging up your lap tops, charging your cell phone, connecting your Xbox, using my WiFi, washing a load of clothes, making a pot of coffee, popping pop corn & ish…WTF!!!
Whew…gotta love family…I think.
my home is a sucker free zone!!!!
@Alovelydai
“washing a load of clothes”
Someone did this to me months ago without asking and I’m still in pissed that she did not find this disrespectful in the least. SMDH
1) coming into my house and not taking your shoes off.
Why is it so hard for people to take their shoes off when entering someone’s house? You’ve walked in all type of ish outside and you want to track that on my harwood floors and rugs?
2) laying or sleeping in my bed with street clothes of or shoes.
You have no business in my bedroom. Secondly you have no business in my bedroom with shoes on. I sleep there and I don’t want you laying on my bed in the same clothes you rode the bus or wore to work.
3) eating off my plate.
It’s mad disrespectful to eat off my plate without asking while I am eating. If you want to taste something just ask. But to just grab something off my plate? It’s even worse if they use their hands.
4) clubbing, tricking on women, and jacking off bread when you owe me.
If I have loaned you a significant amount and you never seem to have it but you got money for women, drinks, clothes etc. we have SERIOUS problems.
5) coming in my house and commenting on and touching my ish.
Leave my home theater system alone. Do not touch my CD’s, model cars, or stand on my scale with your shoes on (you were suppose to take them off at the door). Don’t ask me why I have so many of this or that. Cause I can that’s why.
6) throwing me under the bus to save your own @ss or to make yourself look better
Why can’t you assume responsibility for your mistake? Why do you have to put me out there to help you look good in front of the manager? This happens on jobs, relationships, etc. I’ve had so-called friends and girlfriends do this.
I forgot one more
7) Downloading porn and other ish on my computer. I don’t need a virus that wipes out my hard drive because you want that free Luana does Brazil, Cherokee, or new Gucci Mane.
3) eating off my plate.
It’s mad disrespectful to eat off my plate without asking while I am eating. If you want to taste something just ask. But to just grab something off my plate? It’s even worse if they use their hands.
THIS RIGHT HERE!!! Why do people do that??!!! My future in-laws do that and then wonder why I just give them what’s on my plate and go fix me another one…leave my food alone please. Then they say, “there’s more,” yes I am aware there’s more but I only wanted what I put on my plate (in my glass, on my napkin, etc.) thank you.
@Huffy_One
“5) coming in my house and commenting on and touching my ish.
Leave my home theater system alone. Do not touch my CD’s, model cars, or stand on my scale with your shoes on (you were suppose to take them off at the door). Don’t ask me why I have so many of this or that. Cause I can that’s why.”
Why not use red velvet ropes to form a cordon around all the restricted areas of your home? Don’t forget the DO NOT TOUCH and NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY signs. (smile, it’s Thursday)
promise this was my comment.
don’t touch, don’t look, don’t comment. dang. might as well put a “closed” sign on your front door. lol
@Ivyette & Muze
I don’t like when people come to my house and explore. My house is small as hell there is nothing to see. People fiddle with your electronics when you have it set a certain way and it throws everything off. And the comments? People have come over and asked why do you have this? Why do you do this? Why do you have so many shoes? I’ve even had people ask me for a pair of shoes and they were dead serious. I don’t want to hear all that. When you come to my crib just enjoy the “bachelor ambiance” and chill.
CO SIGN TO #4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate when people come to your house to visit..then they get a call on their cell and proceed to carry on a lengthy conversation…that is really disrespectful…oh and please, don’t take your shoes off and lay down on my couch..its not a bed.You can ruin my boxsprings. If you’re sleepy go back home and go to bed…disrespectful…and why do you always have to use the bathroom when you come over here…its not disrespectful its just annoying..like what are you looking for in my bathroom? are you on drugs..Ionno..maybe, thats just me…lol
the phone thing drives me CRAZY. even when i go out to dinner with a girlfriend and as soon her boonapolis calls, she’s on the phone until our entree’s come? so rude. you aren’t the only one with testosterone calling that wants to talk to you chick. gosh. he can wait an hour.
That exact thing happened to me…so effin disrespectful. I’m really enjoying watching/listening to you talk on the phone…SMH.
Do not touch my CD’s, model cars, or stand on my scale with your shoes on (you were suppose to take them off at the door).
LMAO!
LLS!!!!
1. Thats just wack, some folk just don’t have manners and/or are just pyscho.
I’d also like to add, for the owner(s) to act anyway other way than cordial to guests, they never met before is also bad etiquette, like being jive salty with someone based on their looks, throwing shade on the humble to guests etc is, equally WACK!
2., not wiping feet or removing shoes when thats the house policy. yes
3. LOL thats just foul, unless I am sick or something . I don’t do #2 in others folks homes.
4. concur very nasty, ewwwww!
5. Yes please take that outdoors, unless sadii owners indulge and its permissable for guests.
6. *LOUD APPLAUSE*
I’m sorry but if your ass ain’t married or even has a man( in a steady relationship), you really cannot advise me. Anyone with some sense can give common sense advice from an outside perspective, but is everyone an expert, I think not LOL and a few other folks come to mind.
Like the black Carrie Bradshaw, I don’t mean no harm but it is what it is or ain’t in this case.
Jacque Reid is still fine!
…as you were
To the fifth power.
I’m still working under the assumption that Jacque’s inability to find a man or have an orgasm is karma for rocking chokers for eight years to long. She is still getting it done however.
LMAO!!!!
nodding head. i’ve always had a thing for her and her boobs
@Brotha Tech
“Jacque Reid is still fine”
Cosign. I’ve had a thing for her since her BET days. She has that “wife” look to me. Plus (if I remember correctly) her body is dumb crazy.
Co-cosign…and yes, you remember correctly, folk…her body is pretty sick.
6. Having suspect ass “dating experts” tell suspect ass single women why they can’t get a man
Steve Harvey, Hill Harper, and Jimi Izreal? Really? Sherri “my hips are too gone to box with God” and Jacque “How’d I End Up On this Panel” Reed? Overmarried, undermarried and overmarried? Oversingle and Ovaries on fire? Really Nightline? You gonna tell Black women they can’t find a man by having a bad comic, a gay dude, and a dude who’s shirt hates women chop it up with two women who can’t find a man for good reasons? That right there, ninja? That sh*t right there?
Is just disrespectful.
THIS!! I’m avoiding twitter today b/c I know some the so called experts in my timeline are going to be talking about this.
to me you can’t really be an expert if your ass is not married, and don’t have a man and is going thru the process like the folks you are advising LOL
anyone with some sense can give common sense advice, does that you an expert, I think not.
“to me you can’t really be an expert if your ass is not married, and don’t have a man and is going thru the process like the folks you are advising”
you know, i see what you’re saying, but i dont agree. i do think its possible to be an expert in something without actually doing it yourself. i mean, neither of the coaches of the last two super bowl champions ever actually played in the nfl, but they both seem to know what they’re doing
Let’s say the Superbowl = marriage. Both coaches have had proven success in past relationships, and were in good relationships before. So, even if they hadn’t won the super bowl, they can still give advice b/c they are proven good coaches. The problem with a lot of relationship experts is that many of them haven’t been in quality relationships, and they currently aren’t in quality relationships. They attempt to help others in an arean where they themselves haven’t had any real success. They haven’t proven to be good coaches even without winning a super bowl, so their advice rings hollow.
and what makes them more of an expert than say Big Mama nem???? It is because they are published etc.
“to me you can’t really be an expert if your ass is not married, and don’t have a man and is going thru the process like the folks you are advising LOL”
I half agree with that point and half don’t. I mean, in theory, that IS true. Like, how you gon’ tell me to get a man, and you can’t keep one. But on the flip, if they have been perpetually single, then that DOES make them an expert on how NOT to get a man (which, in turn, can be advice on how to get one). They can preach about the mistakes made on both sides because they have a lot of dating experience.
@ Orange Star Happy Hunting
“to me you can’t really be an expert if your ass is not married, and don’t have a man and is going thru the process like the folks you are advising”
Actually, IMO those people can be experts as well. They know exactly what NOT to do if you want success in that area.
“You gonna tell Black women they can’t find a man by having a bad comic, a gay dude, and a dude who’s shirt hates women chop it up with two women who can’t find a man for good reasons?”
Like a big girl tellin’ me I don’t need to “do all that exercising and eating right…just have some lemon water with your meal”, I cried BULLLLLLL when I realized they said Jacque Reid.
*in my decidedly condescending voice*
Honey, you can’t even manage to have/find/enjoy an orgasm…sit down in the corner and hush while the other dysfunctional grown ups are talking.
Disrespectful shat….
7. Opening closed doors/going into rooms where the door was closed.– When I invite guests into my home, I keep my bedroom door closed. If you are a new visitor, I will show you around. But after that, the door will be closed, and the room is now off limits. My bedroom is my sanctuary, and unless I invite you in my boudoir, I prefer you not hangout in there.
8. Using hand towels to dry your hands instead of the nice disposable, expensive shat I provide for guests. Those real towels are for decoration. You use the disposable ones. I paid good money just so you can have soft, sturdy napkins for your hands. Use them!!
1. Ninjas Using my face towel to wipe your hands and then asking me which towel should they have used
2. Using the last of the toilet paper and NOT putting that ish back
3. Wearing my house shoes outside cuz u aint wanna scuff up your stiletos
4. Taking a large plate of my Curry chicken and then throwing that shit out cuz it was too peppery
5. Effin up my toilet when I dont have a plunger in my house
6. Snooping around my Greek para and books…even if its in plane slight
7. Reading my prescriptions and asking what these Meds are for.
Whoa! Some of ya’ll have more rules and regulations than the EPA! I am pretty basic:
1. Don’t smoke in my home
2. Don’t wander around
3. When I say I don’t need help in the kitchen, I mean that. Don’t stand in the entry way hawk eyein’ every move I make.
@Ivyette
“When I say I don’t need help in the kitchen, I mean that. Don’t stand in the entry way hawk eyein’ every move I make”
I just want to make sure you put enough basil in the chitlin loaf
“I just want to make sure you put enough basil in the chitlin loaf”
LOL and YUCK! I can make meatloaf without you eyeballin’ errrythang
The most disrespectful thing that has happened to me in my house was when one of my boys walks in my place, then (1) doesn’t wipe shoes off/take off shoes (i have hardwood floors), (2) goes to my kitchen and spits a huge phlegm ball into my kitchen sink!!!
Who does that???
goes to my kitchen and spits a huge phlegm ball into my kitchen sink!!!
*eyes grow wide* What kinda f*ckery is that?!!!!! That’s disgusting to me (on a normal basis) but in my kitchen sink!!! I almost knocked my nephew’s head clear off his shoulders for doing that in the bathroom sink while brushin his teeth.
GROSS, dayum
i would have died.
@Al
“goes to my kitchen and spits a huge phlegm ball into my kitchen sink!!! ”
A loogie in the kitchen sink? disgusting. I hate spit loogies in bathroom sinks and garbage cans. It is so unsanitary. I checked my homegirl a month ago about spitting in the garbage can.
“(2) goes to my kitchen and spits a huge phlegm ball into my kitchen sink!!!”
O___________O
This ish just ruined my day.
@Orangestar Happy Hunting @thatchic @Humble_One @Cheekie I know guys, I felt thoroughly disrespected and was so off guard that I had to tell him just to leave.
Sometimes unexpected situations show your true character because I know other folks would have started WWIII and had good reason to do so but I didn’t flip out like I thought I would…
“Sometimes unexpected situations show your true character”
some would say all the time….. you never how you’ll react to something FOR SURE til it happens young, life is for learning, yourself more so than others, learning and doing better, all along the way especially when situations illuminate.
O___________O
Cheekie. This face should killed me!!!!!! I’m am dead from laughing. Thank you.
@Al
“(2) goes to my kitchen and spits a huge phlegm ball into my kitchen sink!!! ”
Oh heylls naw!!!! It woulda been straight up do not pass go, do not collect $200. They would be outside before they knew what had happened.
Effing disgusting! Were they raised in a barn?
I just wanna say…….THANK YOU FOR NUMBER 6!!!!!
It is so disrespectful to women like me who don’t have a ring and may not have a man all the time but are FAR from single and unhappy, honey. I really wish the media, disgruntle black women with no man, and whoever else would give this sh*t a rest!!
O yea, I like “Wonderwall” by Oasis too. So catchy!
And by the way..
Steve Harvey an expert? C’mon, can we really listen to a guy who wears Dolemite suits?
@Ivyette
“Steve Harvey an expert? C’mon, can we really listen to a guy who wears Dolemite suits?”
Once your suit passes the 2 or 3 button mark you lose credibility with every button you have on your suit.
@Humble_One
“Once your suit passes the 2 or 3 button mark you lose credibility with every button you have on your suit.”
LOL!!! Somebody better tell em!
I love kids I really do , but bringing your child to the GROWN FOLKS party is all kinds of Fkd up! especially if they misbehave and YOU have to tell them to stop tearing up your good ish cause their momma and daddy somewhere sucking down fre food and gossiping!
Or they touch your walls and leave smudged hand prints all over them.
Can the Very Smart Brothas please change the way the post are numbered? A person’s post number is constantly changing because each time a new person posts or responds to a specific entry, it moves the entry further down. Go back to the old system…an entry is numbered and remains that number, regardless of how many people reply to that entry or previous entries.
(and no….i won’t post deez or number deez!)
maybe because i treat my place like a glorified hotel, but i dont really have many rules other than don’t smoke, don’t break anything, don’t steal anything i’ll miss, and don’t cum on my white couch. you follow these four and everything’s good with me.
i do have a question, though: ok, p brought this up in the post, but if you’re a guest at someone’s house and you have a gastrointestinal emergency, after returning from the bathroom, are you really supposed to say anything? i mean, it just seems like blurting out “my bad for leaving four pounds of liquid sewage in your toilet” makes things even more awkward.
It is awkward. Just do the courtesy flush and hope they have air freshner!
@Champie
You should at least say something, and pray they have air freshner and a fan.
Just don’t let them discover it on their own, I’m sure that will go over much worse…lol
@The Champ,
I agree that would make it awkward, but the person could/should at least say Pop’s classic line from Friday: Don’t nobody go in there for about 35-45 minutes!
@lawchick
LMAO! Agreed. At least everyone knows what it means!
When I have guests over, I have prepared a myriad of comforts for them to indulge (stocked fridge with various beverages, food and snacks, placed handsoap and papertowels in the bathroom, cable TV, etc.). When they arrive, I ALWAYS offer something to drink (and food if I have it). (bonus: I don’t make guests take their shoes off) Also, (in winter months), I take their coats and hang in a coat closet….on wooden hangers!!
Now….the fact that I mentioned that I have wooden hangers (yes….not one wire hanger in the closet) means that I take pride in details. I LOVE to decorate! And, I’ve been told my 99.9% of my guests that I have a nice apartment.
I said ALL OF THAT to say: Why in the WORLD would you prop your feet on my table???!!!!!! What I have provided isn’t enough for you to be comfortable?
(stopping now before I get mad all over again)
1. If it is a cookout I think it is disrespectful not to bring something, now I don’t mean the meat and stuff, that’s disrespectful for the host not to have, but I think you should bring a bottle of wine, 2-liter, or 6-pack, or something to that effect…. or at least ask… times are hard and you should appreciate someone feeding your punk a$$ some hamburgers, hot dogs and lackluster potato salad.
2. Leave you raggedy ill-behaving heathen offspring somewhere else, especially if it is expressly NOT a kid’s event. If you do happen to bring your hellions give them some Nyquil or a Benadryl before you get there. (Alise don’t love the kids during drinking/debauchery time)
dannng some of y’all have pretty strict rules. and while these seem to be common sense/raised right rules, i’m not all that specific.
this post was hilarious. and THANK YOU for saying something about that Nightline special. ergh. i’m so sick of steve harvey and co i don’t know what to do.
anyhoo…
my thing is this… i own a lot of products. smell goods, infinite hair products, lotions, potions, beauty bars… all that. and just because i have all of this, does not mean i don’t use each and every product at some point or another. and i will add that the majority of my products cost a pretty penny. so NO, you cannot have this bottle of shampoo because i have 2 more. they were $30 bucks each… please, unhand. you can’t use my perfumes if we aren’t about to go out somewhere, this is not the spray and sniff counter at Macy’s. please, just don’t.
other than that… smoking isn’t allowed. and my dog was here first, so no i’m not going to put him outside in the cold bc you’re worried he might bite you when he’s not thinking about you AT ALL. i’ll tell him to go towards the back of the house, but if you can’t deal with him being under the same roof… well you can leave.
i think mud tracks, sitting on ones pillow, using an obviously special type of bar soap and leaving nasty sud bubbles on it w/o rinsing it off, when the hand pump and paper towels are right there… are also disrespectful. and just downright nasty.
and don’t turn my heat down. i’m cold. i will notice.
and my dog was here first, so no i’m not going to put him outside in the cold bc you’re worried he might bite you when he’s not thinking about you AT ALL. i’ll tell him to go towards the back of the house, but if you can’t deal with him being under the same roof… well you can leave.
It’s good to see someone else is on the same page with me with the dog thing. You’re nicer than me though, cause I’m not telling my dog to go anywhere but on his pillow or to not be under people’s feet and that’s it.
Try some of my families list…
1. DURING A FAMILY DINNER… DO NOT TAKE A DUMP IN THE LITTLE BATHROOM IN THE KITCHEN (INTENDED PRIMARILY FOR WASHING HANDS) AND IF YOU DO… PLEASE DON’T TURN ON THE VENT WHILE WE ARE ALL SITTING 1 FEET A WAY EATING GREENS. TRUST ME.. THE LAST THING ANYONE WANTS TO SMELL IS SHIT WHEN THEY EATIN’
2. TRY NOT TO LEAVE WITH MORE LIQUOR THEN YOU BROUGHT. WE ARE NOT THAT DRUNK. EVERYONE CAN COUNT.
3. AT A FAMILY FUNERAL… DO NOT TAKE PICTURES OUTSIDE IN FRONT OF THE LIMO… THEN FIGHT OVER WHO GETS TO RIDE BACK HOME.
4. DO NOT… SPEND HOURS PRACTICING YOUR HOLYGHOST MOVES BEFORE CHURCH… IN A RUSH TO BE THE FIRST TO INFUSE THE “SOLDIER BOY’ IN YOUR MOVES..
5. AFTER CHURCH… DO NOT CALL IN SICK TO WORK ON MONDAY.. CLAIMING THAT YOU CAUGHT “THE SPIRIT” AND THREW YOUR BACK OUT AGAIN..
6. DO NOT LAUGH ALOUD WHEN YOUR GRANDMOTHER ACCUSES HER RELATIVES VISITING FROM ALABAMA OF ‘STEALING HER FAKE TEETH” AND THEN CHALLANGE THEM TO FIGHT IT OUT IN THE FRONT YARD.
7. DO NOT SEND YOU 6 YEAR OLD SON JAYVAREZ TO SCHOOL WITH ROLLERS IN HIS HEAD.. THEN GET MAD WHEN PEOPLE ASK IF HE’S A GIRL. BTW… WHY DOES YOUR SON HAVE OPRAH’S 1986.. “GET WITH THE PROGRAM” SNATCH BACK ANYWAY??
8. LAST BUT NOT LEAST… PLEAZZEEEEEE DO NOT BRAG THAT YOUR 6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER JARQUEETA CAN’T SPELL HER OWN NAME YET… BUT KNOWS 5 DIFFERENT WAYS TO “MAKE IT RAIN”…
GUYS… WELCOME TO THE HELL THAT IS MY FAMILY HAHAHA
LMMMMAAAAOOOOOOO…you got me in tears
y’all are KILLIN me with these rules.. I have two questions/comments. 1. why are us black people so much more (and irrationally) afraid of dogs!?!? i mean, i would understand if it were the ’50′s and its a police jawn, but i’ve seen grown a$$ men cross the street to avoid having to share the sidewalk with a bichon.. always perplexes me.. and (probably a lil more controversial) 2. how realistic is it to expect someone to announce that they’ve just blown up the bathroom?!!?! i mean, i don’t tend to deuce it up in other folks home, but in the rare emergency that i got work to put in, you can best believe that I will not announce to the body at large that I just dropped off the cosbys at the pool. I mean, its a bathroom. people are gonna do nasty sh*t in there thats why it’s its own dedicated room and not just part of another room, feel me??
Cause we’re picky and say what others won’t lol
This might be taking is straight hood but don’t use a cup, go up in my kitchen and put it in the sink…MO FO! Take a second and rinse that sh*t out!
People coming to your home and not checking their children. Your parental duties are not on vacation while in my home. Do not let your kids go buckwild and break up and destroy my place why you keep talking and sippin’ your wine as if nothing happened.
my current top ones:
Number 3: with a myriad of ways to communication (call, sms, mms, pin, bbm, im etc).. DONT BE LATE and then have the nerve and GALL to be mad at me when IM VEX @ you. Time is money! All my friends know me and my nature..so why they are shocked when my face is stone cold I have no idea.
Yes, emergencies, volcanic ash eruptions and traffic jams happen..but im looking at the drivers who claim to be on their way when THEY DAMN WELL KNOW they are still @ their house. *insert me growling like DMX)
Number 2: Lying. People who BLATANTLY lie to my face..won’t get a chance to see my face again.
Number 1: Disrespect my momma. I’m a suburban raised girl..and have never been in a fight ever..but last week when my co-worker compared my mom (whom he’s never spoken to) to a Muslim man.. I nearly got a kitchen chef knife to stab him up in his eye. I was truly heated that day and while HE thinks I’ve gotten over it… Still waters run deep and so does my plan…
I mean shouldn’t this go without saying??? In all cultures and languages..isn’t this universal??
Now that im heated all over again.. must go re-read the post to catch a laugh. lol.
I didn’t read the comments so forgive me if this was mentioned but it’s HUGELY disrespectful to ask someone for a ride from point A to point B and NOT EVEN ATTEMPT TO OFFER GAS MONEY. I cannot stand that. Even if you can’t pay, at least say that. But, to ask for a ride and hop your happy a$$ in my car and not offer gas money…might get you stranded.
Also, if you ask me to drive from point A to B and you fail to mention that someone else is coming along, it’s an automatic fail! Do not bring other people if you haven’t asked me if that’s cool because you have no idea if I’m bringing someone and you’re not driving so common courtesy says ask before you offer a ride to someone else.
Hate it!
I’d like to add to this:
You ask me to take you from point A to point B and you have NO CLUE how to navigate from point A to point B. So not only are you not offering gas money, but you’re using up even more of my gas by having me driving in circles!!! And yes, I have a GPS but you don’t have an address, telling me “I just know it when I see it”!
I’m done venting….
- Leave the medicine cabinets ALONE. I got in the habit of putting marbles in them during gatherings so I could tell when someone was creepin.
- USE THE TRASHCANS/RECYCLE BINS.
- Sit down or leave the room if you can’t/won’t sit while everyone else is. (Exceptions made for bigger gatherings when seating is limited.)
- Bring pets ONLY with advance clearance. (WPs are particularly bad w/this.) Same goes with kids.
@Darth Paul
Boy!!….what I would have given to be at one of your gatherings as a spectator; seeing how long it would have taken the person in the bathroom to come out after marbles hit the floor. *sneaky laugh*
Don’t eat in my family/living room without permission….and leave crumbs on the floor…and your cup on the floor by the foot of the couch.
Don’t do a #2 in my bathroom then walk out without spraying or leaving the fan on w/ door CLOSED behind you.
Check your kids when in my house
Don’t leave the sliding glass door open…CLOSE it behind you. (I live in the south and mosquitos don’t play)
Handle my electronics and nice things with care…in another words…don’t use my wii and drop the controller 5011 times, don’t SHOVE cd’s/dvds in my stereo…etc
And if your breath is stinking up my house…I may ask you to leave.
Sorry
“Don’t leave the sliding glass door open…CLOSE it behind you. (I live in the south and mosquitos don’t play)”
This took me back…I’m of/in the south too…still remember when ppl used to say this…couldn’t get nothing cold to drink (Kool-aid, water, none of that) ’til the sliding glass door (or, if the air wasn’t on/working, the sliding screen made of wire) was closed…lol.
good times, good times…
Outright disrespect:
1) Going into somebody’s refrigerator or liquor (pronounced ‘likka’) cabinet without asking…unless you technically aren’t a guest anymore because you’ve been over there so many damn times.
2) Eating food that you didn’t put in on (not referring to party situation…I’m talking about 4 ninjas deciding to order a couple of pizzas but random ninja #5 and #6 show up and go hard at the pizza before the 4 payers get theirs.)
3) Letting another barber cut your hair in YOUR barber’s face.
AND Jacquie Reid looks like a hornet. I’m just sayin’…
*channels Chapelle’s Show character “Tron”* But she got some big-azz tit-taaays! lol
Truth in all that has already been said!
My 2 cents: If I cooked an awesome and expensive pot of Gumbo and I invite you to partake, do not proceed to dig out all the tasty crab and skrimps ONLY!!! SO disrespectful!!
At every family gathering that we would have at my grandparents house, my granny (R.I.P. Mrs. D, we miss you!) would make an announcement in the kitchen to all gathered:
“Errybody got ta eat, so don’t pile your plates up with food you know you ain’t gon’ eat bein’ greedy! And AIN’T NO to go plates or fixin’ something to take home to your husbands, boyfriends or kids that didn’t come! If they ain’t here, they ain’t gettin’ none!”
@Rikkola
“If I cooked an awesome and expensive pot of Gumbo and I invite you to partake, do not proceed to dig out all the tasty crab and skrimps ONLY!!!”
(Louisiana girl co-signing)
@ CNotes & Rikkola…and since i only eat the chicken in gumbo don’t go and the pot and get all the chicken out and pile it on top of your sausages, mudbugs, and skrimps leaving me only the juice you big tata (sp?)
Long time lurker, but I was DEAD at #6, so I had to log on to send y’alll my funeral bill. The rules on dating experts are def. too lax. There should be some sort of catchall such as, if you aren’t currently married, (Shepard, Reed), literate/sane (Jimi), dressed in accepted male heterosexual colors/ clothes that fit properly (Harvey), if your number of combined marriages and baby mamas is higher than you can count (Harvey and, in case they had aspriations, Lil’ Wanye), and most importantly if you aren’t human, which is verified by appearence and generally suspect comments (Harper, who is clearly from Planet FABULOUS and Jimi, who is just too ugly to be human), you can’t be on the panel. And you will be shot at noon behind the chemical sheds.
LLS, whatcho know bout V for Vendetta?!?!,
I was hoping someone would get that! Us poli-sci ppl like to go extra with the movie quotes.
P (May I call you P?),
Just for #6 alone you get smooches (No Regine). I always wonder why they have a ton of talks explaining why Black women “Can’t get a man” and the people on the panel aren’t equipped to tell me anything that I’m willing to heed (at lest from them).
*1. Not speak to the owners of said house*
Did that to the parents of an ex-girlfriends one time, got cussed out too smooth OVER the phone DURING a conversation being held by me and GF…Not a good experience..
Awready..
@RePHresh….awready…you must be from somewhere around these here southern parts?
After reading the various and sundry rules and regulations some of y’all have I’ve been wondering about my place and if/how people should respond if and when they need to drop the kids off at the pool. I have 2.5 baths, my master bathroom is on the ground floor and the half bath is off the kitchen. An earlier poster said people shouldn’t do a number # in the small bathroom by the kitchen so that knock out the half bath. Then others have said that the master bedroom is off-limits so that rules out the master bathroom since it’s inside. Someone else said people shouldn’t go upstairs unless they’re touring the place or have prior permission. Since I really don’t want a bunch of grown folks asking my permission to go upstairs to take a dump I’m really at a loss and I’m trying to figure out what the proper protocol should be.
Suggestions anyone?
ATL – it’s mad easy.. people shouldn’t go in rooms with closed doors without permission. Everyone should know that. Also, one’s license to venture away from the group is directly related to how tight he is with the host.. if im at one of my close friend’s spot, best believe, imma use his lotion, borrow some adderrall, see if he got any new magazines, etc. If I’m at a friend of a friend’s, I won’t even go in the fridge w/o permission.. like most things, its a sliding scale.
as far as deucin it up 5 ft from where heads are about to consume food.. number one, thats bad house designing by the architect, and number two.. thats just nasty (maybe this order should be reversed?) let that man use your master bathroom, if you don’t want someone in your personal space THAT bad just don’t host parties. ain’t noone make you have the fight at your house..
sh*t somewhere else, *kanye shrug* seriously either that or they will have to use the lil bathroom and thats only in emergency cases……
Duly noted. Thanks
Its your home, people wrote what they don’t like… do you care? What do you care about? Make your rules based on your peeves.
If people are not staying with you ( like overnight) this should not be a big problem all the time, but maybe it is with others
DO NOT!
- Go in my kitchen with your bed clothes or any clothing on that you just slept in!!
- Wash your hair at my kitchen sink!!
- Wash any type of clothing at my kitchen sink!!
That’s just nasty.
“- Go in my kitchen with your bed clothes or any clothing on that you just slept in!!”
Wow… really? So if your SO decides that he needs something to drink in the middle of the night, are one of you going to remove your pjs and put on your street clothes just to make a trip to the kitchen?
Yeah, i was wondering that same thing too – So you want them to do what?? And if you’re sleeping in… You want them to do…. what?
@Anastasi & More is More
I strongly believe in slipping on what I call a house coat or any type of over garment used to lounge around in over your pj’s.
@Caballeroso-
If I go to a gethering and I don’t know the host, I specifically ask my friend to introduce me so that I can say thanks…and then I ack like I belong there.
Carrying your stash of weed to roll and smoke in my house. Why?
I have only broken on eof those cardinal rules and I keep which one o myself. My kiddies dad use to have an annoying sign on his door for folks to take off their shoes, but when he went to your house he wouldn’t bother saying he didn’t understand why he had to. Trust I never took my shoes off again in his house. Tracked dirt and water all up in there!!!
Peace, Love and Chocolate
I am a female. I live by myself. Males, do not come over to my house, use the toilet, and leave the toilet seat up. Who the hell you leaving it up for? You don’t live here!
Never…& I mean never should you invite yourself to…let’s say
1: My family reunion or any other out of town experience…if I want you to come, I will ask you to come.
2: To shop with me….I gets down when I shop & it can become an all day event. I’m not tryna hear you complaining about feet hurt or tired…I don’t wanna hear it!
3: On a date with me & my nonexistant man….nuff said