While it’s common knowledge in the hood that disrespect will get you killed, us bougie ninjas don’t always get those memos. Somehow, upon reaching a certain degree’d status in life, many of the rules of common decency go out the window faster than Ron Browz channeling Donny Hathaway.
Ouch. No pun intended.
While privelege and education have a way of turning anybody into a total douche, the flagrance that occurs in places of common frequent is disturbing. I’ve seen more straight up disrespectful behavior inside people’s homes for house parties and visits. Look, there is just some sh*t you do not do inside other people’s homes. There just is…or isn’t. Whatever it is, just don’t do it. It ain’t Nike. It’s the opposite of Nike. Disrespectful behavior is Asics. Or Sauconys – a shoe that somehow had a small resurgence in like 1998 for no good reason other than that they were cheap. Like 2 dollar hoes.
Back to disrespectful behavior and sh*t you just shouldn’t do when going inside somebody else’s home:
(By the way, this entry was inspired by Toya’s brother Walter on Tiny & Toya: We Got a Show and We Still Don’t Know Why)
1. Not speak to the owners of said house
If you walk in you speak to the owner. You do not wait until they speak to you. It’s just like AIM/Gchat decorum. If you log in, you speak first. It’s like you came into their house. It’s just disrespectful to not speak to somebody up in their house…or even acknowledge that you’re in their house. Walter, I’m looking at you. Or I would except you kind of scare me. Like, if I saw you in the street, I’d cross the street. I think it’s the teeth.
2. Not wipe your feet on the rug on the way in
To quote the great Big Gipp from the soothsayers Goodie Mob: “…that’s disrespect like coming in my house and not wiping yo’ feet on the rug…” You know why? Because maybe, you’re going to be the one who saves me. After all, you’re my wonderwall.
3. F*ck up the bathroom…and then trying to sneak back to the party…
…and then be an active participant in the “who f*cked up the bathroom?” quagmire. It’s just rude. I realize that a broken toilet on your squat is embarrasing and feels much like a breached contract. It’s simple. Use toilet. Flush toilet. Contract complete. So when there are problems it’s a quite vulnerable spot to be in. But (pun), you still did it. Fess up. Plus, when you’re gone for 25 minutes, everybody KNOWS you lit it up. Just light a match and pass the dutchie on the left hand side.
4. Bonin’ in the owners bed
I think lovin’ in anybody else’s bed is just nasty. Unless you’re in high school when it just seems exciting. At some point, you’re supposed to respect the 1000-thread count Polo Egyptian cotton sheets and just get it in on the floor if you absolutely MUST get it in. Plus, grown folks have expensive ass comforters and it isn’t like you’re carrying around a Tide stain remover pen or anything. And even if you do…ewwwwwwwww!
All respectful people know that you smoke OUTSIDE. Only a true douche would roll it up, light it up, smoke it up, inhale AND exhale indoors in somebody else’s house. You got to be on some Grade-A douchery to do such a thing. Stop it.
6. Having suspect ass “dating experts” tell suspect ass single women why they can’t get a man
Steve Harvey, Hill Harper, and Jimi Izreal? Really? Sherri “my hips are too gone to box with God” and Jacque “How’d I End Up On this Panel” Reed? Overmarried, undermarried and overmarried? Oversingle and Ovaries on fire? Really Nightline? You gonna tell Black women they can’t find a man by having a bad comic, a gay dude, and a dude who’s shirt hates women chop it up with two women who can’t find a man for good reasons? That right there, ninja? That sh*t right there?
Is just disrespectful.
Anyway, those are just a few of the disrespectful things you can do in somebody else’s home. I know quite a few of you are some disrespectful mofos. Share the knowledge and pass the wealth. Or something.
F*ck it, pass the peas like they used to say.
Panama has spoken. You are better today.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3