- I’m smiling now, but reach for my steak and you just might lose a finger.
I’m a nice guy.
Not nice in a pandering for panties way, or even nice in a “Well, I haven’t been incarcerated since Easter of ’07, so that must mean I’m a pretty nice guy” way, but genuinely nice. Seriously. I’m a true point guard. I’m conscious and considerate of other’s feelings. I’m loved by animals, kids, cops, and 40-something cougars. I’m so rarely angered that sometimes, I’ll even pretend that I’m mad just to show a person they’ve done something most people would find upsetting, even if I personally don’t. I always tip. Generously. Random mousy white women ask me for cigarettes and directions. Middle aged men at basketball courts ask me for advice about their sons and make plans to introduce me to their nieces. (I usually decline. Nicely, though) I share and I care and sh*t.
But, although I’ve been blessed with this avalanche of unusually consistent (and relatively useless) niceness, there are a few things (prunes, the month of October, the moon, Entourage, etc) I unabashedly hate, and nothing draws my ire more than when people ask to eat food off my plate.
My girlfriend likes to eat food off of my plate.
As you’ve probably inferred, this presents quite an issue for me. Our relationship is great in pretty much every other way, but when we’re eating together and she asks for a bite of my pizza–despite the fact that there are six perfectly healthy slices of pizza sitting in a box five freakin feet away–we might as well be Kat Stacks and Carmelo Anthony. Luckily, I’ve recently learned a bit of subterfuge. You see, she hates when I ask for a slip of whatever she’s drinking. (The nerve!!!) Now, whenever she asks for a bite of my burger, I calmly grant her request, and then mentally giggle two minutes later when I ask for a slip of her Vitamin Water and watch her reluctantly appease. Sure it’s not a win, but a lose/lose is better than nothing.
Although I still probably would have decided to pursue a relationship, I wonder how much different things would be today if I asked “Will you ask to bite my burger even if there’s still food on your plate?” when we first met. If anything I would have had a bit more time to plot a counter strategy and attack.
Anyway, while the burger biting situation is relatively insignificant, there are a few crucial, yet somewhat ignored, questions every man should ask before entering a relationship, typically unasked questions where the answer can be the difference between persistent headaches and perpetual happiness.
1. “Can you make yourself climax?”
Why this is important to ask: As flaky and indecisive as the female orgasm already is, entering a relationship with a grown and sexually active woman (virgins are excused) possessing a less than fisher-price understanding of and/or level of comfort with her own parts is like trying to bake a chocolate cake in a DVD player: It sounds like a good idea, at least until you start attracting mice.
And, since her lack of enjoyment probably ensures that she’ll start to look at sex as just another mundane relationship duty to be fulfilled, you’ll probably start to hate it (and her) too.
2. “Do you have good looking friends?”
Why this is important to ask: Actually, since we’ve already established numerous times (Yes. Numerous times) that women aren’t to be trusted when gauging the physical attractiveness of other women, you probably shouldn’t ask this question. Still, you need to do your own reconnaissance work to determine how attractive her friends are, just so you know in advance which ones to be nice to and befriend, and which ones you’re supposed to greet with a handshake or a one-armed deacon hug.
3. “Are you crazy?”
Why this is important to ask: If she immediately says “No”, she’s a liar and a gotdamn nutcase. If she immediately says ‘Yes”, she’s honest and a gotdamn nutcase. If she answers your question with another question (ie: “Why? Are you crazy, n*gga?“) or an adverb phrase (ie: “Only after the lights are on“) she’s a keeper.
4. “Where do you see yourself five years from now?”
Why this is important to ask: Even if she has no freakin clue about the answer to this question, most women worth their salt would will give you the same elevator speech they’ve been perfecting for a decade now.
“Well, first, when I’m done with my MBA, I plan to found my own Afrocentric container store company called “Kinte Cups“. I haven’t quite decided where I’m going to relocate though. Right now, I have it narrowed to either Richmond, VA or Jakarta, but…”
Again, even if she has absolutely no damn clue where she’s going to be 5 days from now, she’ll usually still give you that answer because she wants to give off the impression that she has all of her sh*t together, and isn’t planning on waiting on any man. Even if this is a lie, it’s a good sign that she’s willing to at least give the impression that she has and will continue to have a life outside of you.
But, if she says anything even close to “Hmmm, I don’t know. I’m kind of taking things one day at a time, playing it by ear, you know? We’ll see.”, run!!!!!!!
5. “Who is your ex?”
Why this is important to ask: Some acts are hard to follow. And some, well, some you just don’t want to follow.
That’s it for now, but I’m sure I’m missing a few. Guys, help me out here. Can you think of any other crucial (and usually unasked) questions you should ask before deciding to commit?
Also, ladies, you’re not getting off easy today. Are there any questions you should start forcing guys to answer before you agree to commit to us?
The carpet is yours.
—The Champ
Good post Sir Champ! I was just having a conversation with my youngest brother about this. Here’s my question: Do you have any exes with undiagnosed mental health issues? Because you’re cute, just not that cute.
Do you have any exes with undiagnosed mental health issues?
i think every man would give the exact same answer: “yes!”
kfjdfaadl
Just checking, had difficulty trying to post on yesterday.
Is your mother cute?
The old belief is that looking at your girls mother is like looking at your girl 20-30 (or 15) years into the future. If her mom looks like who-dun-it than…….
Got a lot of family drama?
I know they say when your marry her you marry the whole family, but sometimes you have to gauge how much drama they have along with how involved your girl is.
Any crazy ex-boyfriends? (or girlfriends from your experimental days)
see. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Any crazy tattoos or piercings (also from your experimental days)
I mean nobody wants to surprised by a tattoo of Jerome and that nipple ring you got in Cancun…………well maybe the nipple ring isn’t too bad.
Is your mother cute?
The old belief is that looking at your girls mother is like looking at your girl 20-30 (or 15) years into the future. If her mom looks like who-dun-it than…….
lol, this is another question you probably should figure out for yourself. no one’s going to give you an honest answer. luckily, i’ve been fortunate in this regard
yeah you can’t ask this question. you just have to see for yourself. also if her mother is a hound or weighs like a million pounds see if you can somehow get old pics of her mom. if her mom was bad back in the day but now looks like madea then she may have faulty genes.
You do not need to ask this question…lol…So now we have to be obsessed with what we look like now and 10-15 years from now? I am not saying I am going to let myself go, but damn…lol
“Is your mother cute?”
LOL, who is gonna say no to this question? I mean other than folks that hate their mother? And even then, a decent person still gonna be like “She aiight.”
The “what does your mother look like” line bothers me for a few reasons: 1) B/c I look exactly like my father. No BS…my whole family is skewed to one side, looks wise, and if you ain’t a Davis and you procreate with one, don’t count on your kids looking anything like you. Seriously…so this question does not apply to me. (But how weird and random would it be for a dude to ask “what does your dad look like”….)
2) Me and my mom don’t have the same standard for, well, anything. LOL. I love my mom and I think she’s beautiful. We just don’t look alike at all ( I really may want to do a DNA test, ha!) and we do things differently. I like to work out and she never has. I like to do outdoorsy stuff…she never has. So we just aren’t similar in any way so any comparison to her is really like apples and oranges, despite the fact that she raised me.
*shrugs…what can you do?
I think that line of thinking just tells how many Biology teachers have failed their students…
We get sets of genes from both parents… So if the aging “sets of genes” come from your daddy, I don’t know how helpful the “how does your mother look?” thing is going to work…
Guys would be utterly misled if they go by mi madre… who has never weighed over 135 lbs soaking wet all her life… even after mothering 4 kids… And no, she doesn’t work out either… At 60, her pants don’t fit on my (father side) thunder thighs. So, yeah, I don’t know how well of a predictor that would be for me…
So if the aging “sets of genes” come from your daddy, I don’t know how helpful the “how does your mother look?” thing is going to work…
How your Mom looks can still be helpful, cuz if tu madre carries herself well, looks late 40-ish even though she’s 60, and is just a nice-looking, cool-a$$ woman, then there’s a good chance that you will be too (as you age) because of how she raised you. It’s along the lines of saying that a Claire Huxtable will likely raise future Claire Huxtables, per se’.
Now if a woman looks exactly like her father, most of us guys don’t know how to visually process that anyway, so we just use the mother as the default model.
I think I can appreciate what you’re saying… I’m just not sure how true it is…
I have 3 younger sisters… and we have vastly different personalities… We are all interesting mixes of both of our parents… so I don’t know… while nurture is def important (we are all extra ambitious and believe in brains over beauty), I think nature also plays a great role in whether we age gracefully or not…
But I totally get your point and agree somewhat…
p.s: To confirm my point, Claire Huxtable did raise a Denise Huxtable.
Touche’, touche’…lol. It’s def not an exact science, as no one can predict the future. But much like this whole post, the purpose of looking at your mother is that is serves as a another way to (hopefully) gain some insight into what kind of person you are/will be…similar to how many women judge how a man will treat them based upon his interaction w/ his mother. It ain’t perfect by any means, as there are many other factors at play…but such is life.
pss: Denise was played by Lisa Bonet’…who was basically being herself onscreen, so she doesn’t count…lol
pss: Denise was played by Lisa Bonet’…who was basically being herself onscreen, so she doesn’t count…lol
Point well taken and agreed…
What I want to know is…why do people always have feet like their daddy? Like everyone I know always talmbout how their baby got their daddy feet? I have my daddy’s actually lol.
Lol People I realize that this question would be better answered by sneaking a peak at a family photo, I was just semi-joking.
Well, as a woman, if you’re gonna have some physical trait like your father’s, you’d rather it be your feet than some other typically feminine area…you’d hate to have masculine hands, real broad shoulders, or some other manly features. You’d be getting all kinda second looks from guys, but not in a good way (they’d be checkin’ out your neck for an Adam’s apple and sh#t)
@Mo
I definitely agree with your entire comment. I’ve always been told that if you gave my dad (may he rest in peace) hair and boobs we’d be twins. the only people who say I look like my mama are those who have never seen a picture of my daddie. But once they see his picture they agree with the rest of the world. I love my mother to death but we really don’t have that much in common. We both love children and wear glasses and that’s pretty much as far as the comparisons go.
lol why do you hate Entourage? As for the food biting, I’m guilty of this. It’s a family thing, when we go to restaurants – we eat communal style. You’ll try everyone’s meal at least once. When I tried to sample a boyfriend’s fettiucini and he tried to stab me with a fork, I realized this wasn’t normal for everyone….
Hmmm my list of normally unasked questions?
- Are you a cat person o_O?
- Do you eat anything green with leaves on it?
- If you could have any job in the world period, what would it be?
- What do you do to decompress?
Entourage is tragic! I still watch like a fool, but it’s really awful.
Andi this list is perfect!
I’d only add, Are you a Lakers fan?
If so, HE MUST GO!
I’m a cat lady so any man dating me already knows about the cats.
“lol why do you hate Entourage?”
lol, i don’t hate it, i could just never get into it.
I feel you. I didn’t get sucked into until it was relevant to me. It’s basically hw for us now. Speaking of which, I’m pitching you guys in my development class
Now that I’m reading other folks responses, I’m confused. You were asking for questions that don’t normally get asked right? Some of these i.e. do you have an STD, do you have a faith/how do you practice, what’s your relationship like with your mom, etc. I feel like are de rigueur…
Questions I would ask/have asked:
1. What is your credit score? (can’t build a future with someone who can’t even get an apartment in their name)
2. What’s your family like? (so I can steer clear of the crazies)
3. Why did you and your ex break up? (this is a toughie since most people tend to lie or stretch the truth)
Big co-sign on #2! I steer away from the ones with crazy families because their family becomes your family. This is the reason that I meet the family up front, so I know what I’m dealing with.
On question #2, it depends. Some folks know their family is crazy and they are just as crazy. But, when you have a person who knows their family is off and they don’t condone it or stand that drama coming their way, then they’re dateable. Otherwise, they aren’t. You can’t fault a person for their family, but if they can at least acknowledge that no one sane would want to be around them, thus that is their reasoning for staying away, then I’d consider dating them.
YESSSS to “What’s your credit score?” If your score is so bad that you don’t even qualify for a PayDay Loan, there’s a problem. You may bring down my property value.
You may bring down my property value.
how is that possible?
#shots?
I’m sorry, but my credit score is not up for discussion until we’re at a point where it directly matters to you.
I concur with B.Brown at this one.
I have NEVER told anyone my credit score/salary information until just recently. I told him because he keeps hearing me say I don’t want to be a liability to him. I’d rather be an asset so I explained my situation and I feel a lot better.
But to just tell people all willy nilly… uh no.
Agreed.
“1. What is your credit score? (can’t build a future with someone who can’t even get an apartment in their name)”
YES. Like, these days I’mma have to sing the freecreditscore.com song to folks to get this point across. My credit score is effing fabulous and I ain’t tryna have no nicca bring me down when I could brought my own dayum self down in college.
@Cheekie…Word! Credit is crucial to finances. Finances are crucial to everything else. Your credit rating is a window into your overall credibility and reliability. If you are going to enter into a relationship that will be full of debt, you should know as soon as possilbe. If your credit is jacked, you should at least be able to explain what you are doing to fix it.
To answer the first question, I won’t ask for a bite of anyone’s food (male or female). I gave my female friend the side eye when she straight took some fries from my plate without asking. I mean we’re close but I wouldn’t say that we’re like sisters. She always offers up her food though so she isn’t completely inconsiderate. *shrugs*
She always offers up her food though so she isn’t completely inconsiderate. *shrugs*
that’s a ploy. don’t fall for it!!!
I like this post.
It’s a good look. I’ll say that I want to know what the person thinks on a very unique level. My favorite question is to ask is “If you could be anywhere in the world, doing anything with anyone.. where, who, what?” Oftentimes it gives me great insight into the type of person I’m dealing with at the moment.
I also wanna know if you are Christian and whether or not you’re a family person… That’s a big one.
You can eat off my plate, have crazy exes but I will say m@$turbat!on know how is a must and please please have some form of a five year plan (depending on age it might be 10).
As many twists and turns as life can take, the five-year plan isn’t a consideration for me…certainly not at the beginning, and most likely by the time I really feel like that’s important I should know you well enough to have an idea.
I just got asked an odd form of this five year plan question.
I just bought a car and he asked me what kind I wanted in five years?
Uhh… not what I’m driving now
and I think he asked that in relativity to what I saw myself doing at that point.
My answer…. a nice car… that holds kids.
I’ll say that I want to know what the person thinks on a very unique level. My favorite question is to ask is “If you could be anywhere in the world, doing anything with anyone.. where, who, what?”
this is unique?
welcome and sh*t, btw (i think)
Yes Champ… it’s unique because it generally catches them off guard.
And I always get “No one has ever asked me that before”
If he answers I’d like to be with you on an island walking under the moon… Stop with the game….
Sometimes the answer is something realistic and genuine… Sometimes it’s an ode to tryna drop the panties… I like to see what I’m dealing with.
The last time I asked… I got the best answer … and hey… he’s still around
And thanks for the welcome back!
A unique question is “if you could be a cartoon character, which one would you be and why?” I’ve asked folks that because a) it catches them off guard, b) makes them recall their childhood and c) I can get a pretty good gauge of what I’m in store for when they answer the question.
Like if a guy smiles and says “Optimus Prime” and goes into a story about how when he was little such and such happened and he loved that cartoon for xyz reason, I stand to conclude that he was happy, loved and safe at home…thus a relatively stable person to get to know.
But, if he answers with a semi frown or burrowed brow and says some “yo, when I was little I couldn’t watch cartoons cuz xyz…” or some “all I did when I was little was watch cartoons cuz my parents didn’t do much with me.” then the red flags go up cuz they have some unresolved issues there.
Trust…that question sound innocent, but it’s not. That’s what I like about it.
Do you read VSB?
That’s the only question I’m asking.
lol, thing is, if they say no, you can’t bounce. it’s your duty to put them on
You hate the moon?! *snickering*
I didn’t know we could hate planets now.
I personally like Uranus…..
Here lies INFJgurl. Kilt dead by Mr. Gundam and Uranus.
You hate the moon?! *snickering*
definitely. it’s very smug and condescending sitting up there all bright, you know?
Pure silliness.
Just a few questions that get to the heart of the matter:
Kirk or Picard?
Vampire or Werewolf?
Ninja or Samurai?
Connor or Duncan McCloud?
Froot Loops or Apple Cinnamon Cheerios?
Top or Bottom?
Journey or Destination?
Burn Out or Fade Away?
I’m so confused as to all of these. I’m just say “Yes.”
In a strange way, that’s alright too. You never run out of adventures with people who are down for anything .
You’re such a nerd like myself. I love it. He better say:
Picard. Cause he’s a G. ST:TNG>ST
Vampire. Eff a furball.
Ninja.
Connor was better with the swordplay but Duncan knew kung fu. Tie.
Froot Loops.
You better be versatile.
Journey. You learn more about yourself getting there than just arriving.
Um….fade away? *looks for backup*
Big nerd who loves being in good company. LoL at “Eff a furball.”
H#ll, I like your list…let’s see:
Kirk…gotta go w/ the pimp (although Picard is pretty cool, too)
Werewolf, I guess (ain’t into the whole Twilight/True Blood ish)
Ninja
Connor, I think (he was the original, right? The one w/out the pony tail)
Cheerios…honey nut tho’
Why not both?
Journey
Burn out
Twilight/True Blood? I’m old school with mine, love was sparked by Stoker and Rice on the Vamp end and by The Howling and Werewolf (the TV series) with the fuzz. Also, ewww. I’m not into the whole teenangst fanboy Twilight scene. Too much melancholy not enough gore. True Blood? Can’t stomach Sookie and crew.
Props on the Questions
Kirk (KHANNNNNNNNN!)
Werewolf (Outside of blade what black vamps get love nowadays)
Ninja..Duh
Connor
Cheerios
Top or bottom? You mean right now
“Dont Stop Believvvveeee in, Hold on to the feeeeliiiin” …..Wait what was the question???
Burn Out
Top or bottom? You mean right now…
I always mean right now.
My Question to the opposite sex: If you were stranded on a deserted island and the only other intellegent being you could interact with was a meriman (or merimaid if you like that sort of thing), which half would you prefer to be human,
@Buck Naked,
*looks at your screename*
Reading your comments make me feel like I’m intruding on something.
Picard(Sisko>both)
Vampire(Werewolves have always been weaksauce)
Ninja(Samurai’s reliance on honor made their presence impractical when they encountered Western forces)
Connor
Froot Loops
Journey(Destinations tend to always let me down)
Fade Away(I would rather be Mick Jagger than Kurt Cobain)
Never got into Deep Space 9. Maybe I’ll have to see if I can’t find it in re-runs. Because anybody who is better than Picard is worth watching.
I’ll play:
Picard
Werewolf
Samurai
Duncan
Fruit Loops
Depends on the day, honestly.
Journey
Burn Out
Sidenote: I’m an INFJ too. We’re rare.
We are the rarest of the rare. No surprise that an INFJ would pick Samurai. They seem like a natural fit.
Kirk
Vampire
Ninja
Duncan
Froot Loops
On the Side
Journey
Fade Away
Because c’mon, Duncan was gorgeous.
picard
werewolf (vampire’s suck)
samurai
jello
cheerios
neither
dont stop believin
fade away
Neither?
Please expound…
@Champ
wow…your list looks almost exactly (excluding jello)like the one I planned to post…
scary
don’t stop believin
hilarious! this was a great post.
To answer my own questions:
Picard
Vampire (who wants to be a cranky she-beast twice a month?)
Samurai
Ramirez was sexier than both, but I’d take Duncan
Cheerios
Ummm….both.
Journey
Burn Out (I don’t know any way to go but hard. Win or go home . 100% or don’t bother).
kirk (picard just didnt do anything, kirk was handson)
vampire
Ninja-stealth always wins
DUNCAN McCloud for the mother effing win! there can be only one (screamed from the mountaintops)
Neither
Bottom
Destination (if i worry abt the journey i get all super caught up in details and nothing gets accomplished)
Burn out
*goes back to semi lurkdom*
Absolutely love these. Good stuff.
kirk (picard just didnt do anything, kirk was hands on)
vampire
Ninja-stealth always wins
DUNCAN McCloud (for the mother effing win! there can be only one just googled it, Queen did the soundtrack for the movie. how awesome is that!?)
Neither
Bottom
Destination (if i worry abt the journey i get all super caught up in details and nothing gets accomplished)
Burn out
*goes back to semi lurkdom*
Picard all day, every day. That man knows how to run a tight ship! Ain’t runnin’ around chasin green tail all the time….
Ugh, they’re both doing thee most right now, but I guess I would reluctantly say vampire.
Samurai. Ninjas are just assasins on speed. Samurais are warriors. I dig the code of honor.
Is this a Highlander thing? If so, pass.
Both, but if a gun was to my head, the cheerios.
This is a choice?
Destination
Fade away gracefully, with dignity.
Werewolf FTW!
In most lore, the vampire is aristocratic and in most cases white and racist, even if they have since gotten with the times. Werewolves are the working class, more in tune with their humanity and concern for people even though they wolf out, sometimes servant to vampires, thought to be beneath vamps, but ironically has the power to overpower a vamp. See any parallels?
Picard (Make it so, Number One)
Werewolf
Samurai (I’d rather die with my honor intact)
Duncan
Cheerios
Both
Journey
Burn Out (Go hard or go home)
“I haven’t quite decided where I’m going to relocate though. Right now, I have it narrowed to either Richmond, VA”
For the record, I’d just like to state that there are some cities that people don’t willingly move to: Richmond is very, very high on that list. So are Baltimore, Detroit, Cleveland, and Newark. Moving on…
- What do you like to do/do you have any hobbies?
Read: Can you occupy yourself? Do you have some kind of depth? Are there things that you’re actually interested in?
- Do you harbor any ill will towards and/or are you on a speaking basis with your father/brother/uncle/nephew/[insert male family member here]?
Because you are not about to equate me to that f-ed up ninja for every little bump in our relationship on some “you ain’t sh*t just like my punk-ass daddy/brother/whoever” type stuff.
while i didn’t willingly move to bawlmer i did/do willingly stay. does that count?
For the record, I’d just like to state that there are some cities that people don’t willingly move to: Richmond is very, very high on that list. So are Baltimore, Detroit, Cleveland, and Newark. Moving on…
man, i personally know like 3 people who migrated there after college. also, they’re all quadroons. i don’t know if these things are related
Biggie Smalls or Two Pack Shaker?
Who would win in a fight between Batman and Superman?
Lakers or Celtics?
Cowboys or anyone else?
Would you buy me Star Wars LEGOs?
Mac or PC
Would you let me eat bacon off that bootay?
Batman
Celtics
and you can have alll the bacon you can eat.
“…and you can have alll the bacon you can eat.”
get a room
What she said.
Dun dun dun dun dun dun…. Biggie
If Superman was grounded, Batman. Other wise he could just fly off like the b*tchmade douche that he is.
Celtics
The Deathstar, I want.
Mac
TBD offline.
Pac
Heat
Batman owns enough Kryptonite and Red Sun Weaponry to drop Supes but Batman’s unwillingness to kill will allow Superman to recover and come out victorious.
Star Wars sucks, so I will not cop dem Legos.
PC
Bacon off the bootay is a no go. I am sure you nah wan do that anyway.
“Star Wars sucks, so I will not cop dem Legos.”
Mmmph.
So we meet again…I still believe there is only one good Star Wars film. The Empire Strikes Back was great, the others were meh at best.
“Biggie Smalls or Two Pack Shaker?”
My cousin STILL pronounces it as Two-Pack.
Ugh who is Two Pack? lol
If Bats got the drop on him, definitely Batman. Bruce Wayne is a genius. But he would have to be quick, because Superman is sheer force of Kriptonian will.
Neither, Hawks baby
Anyone else…
Yeah! I’d buy the Star Wars LEGO game too
PC, but I’m not that loyal.
o_O I don’t eat pork…. Turkey bacon maybe
1. Both are cool, but my album collection says Biggie and I’m from California.
2. Superman. Anyone saying otherwise is lying to themselves and forgets that part of him being Superman is high intelligence along with his power.
3. Lakers. I’m from California.
4. Anyone else. I have the team biases of those that taught me the game. *shrug*
5. Sure!
6. PC. For a computer, PC. have worked on both and the cost of a Mac is ridiculous. But for music and fun stuff if you have the disposable income to indulge in it, Mac.
7. I don’t eat no hog. You can though.
Batman can only win in Gotham City. Too many environmental resources and he knows where the lead is to hide from the xray vision.
Before thinking of other questions, I’ll have some fun and say which of my past girlfriends I should have asked each of the four questions.
1. Last girlfriend. She was so basic it was ridiculous. I stuck with her out of love, but it was difficult dealing with that at times. I’m almost positive her answer to this question would have been no, and she surely did treat the activity like a chore at times. She wasn’t bad, just boring…so at least to me there’s more than just the DIY factor: there’s also a (insert Luda voice) “how much do you know” factor.
2. This one’s actually “none of the above”. None of them had attractive single friends. Well, the last girl had one…but said friend lived out of town and wasn’t my type anyway.
3. Anyone who read my initial comment yesterday knows the answer to this: the one who blew up at my two-step with another girl. Of course, there’s a lot more to it than that one incident…but I could have saved myself a year and a half – and some other things.
4. All of them except the one from #3 and the ex-fiance, for varying reasons. First and last because I’d have clearly seen that I didn’t have a place in their lives, third and fourth because they probably didn’t know.
Now for other questions…actually, I believe there are a lot of these as I’m a proponent of talking out as much as possible in the beginning. As such, I’ll try for a fairly representative sample of questions.
1. Do you love me? (Pretty self-explanatory, other than the fact that me committing isn’t going to happen without this)
2. Do you drink? (It’s my idiosyncrasy and I’m sticking to it)
3. Do you believe it’s alright to hit a man? (I absolutely abhor the idea of hitting women – actually can’t even type it without getting an uneasy feeling – but that doesn’t give you carte blanche to wail on me)
4. Is there anything I need to know about your past or anything you need to know about mine? (The stuff one should tell but won’t will come out later anyway, so it’s good to give one free and open chance to be forthright)
5. How do you feel about my friends? (This one’s inconsequential, as I’ve had ex-girlfriends and friends who hated each other…but it’s an FYI for me)
6. Is there anything about me you’d like to see change? (I know a few VSSs may say “improve”, but I’m quick to say that’s a matter of opinion)
7. How do you solve arguments/issues? (I don’t go to sleep angry, so if you like to let stuff linger there could be problems)
8. Can we both make each other better as individuals? (If not, what’s the point)
That’s all I can think of now. Shoot, I need to write these down so I can remember to actually ask them if/when.
1. Do you love me? (Pretty self-explanatory, other than the fact that me committing isn’t going to happen without this)
lol, this isn’t exactly a soup question
Of course not…that’s just something I need to know before I commit. It’d be the last of the eight I’d ask, chronologically speaking – and as is the case with all of them, I should be able to figure out the answers from spending time with a VSS.
(If I have to ask, the order would probably be 2-3-7-8-4-6-5-1)
I don’t expect a VSS to go all Juliet Capulet before I’m into my second Cheddar Bay Biscuit, though. I know I’m an acquired taste, so if she goes “love at first sight” with me that’s a red flag.
“1. Do you love me? (Pretty self-explanatory, other than the fact that me committing isn’t going to happen without this)”
I say ‘no’ to Panama’s variation of this question all the time and he still effs with me. I think it’s because he thinks I’m lying or something. Pshaw.
1) What’s the longest relationship you’ve been in?
If a guy has never made it past the one year mark with any woman, that ain’t a dinner thing. If he says this in a bragging way, run. Fast.
2) What is your relationship with your parents?
How he discusses/treats his mother is a direct line to how he will treat his spouse in 10-20 years. How he discusses/treats his father mirrors his views on masculinity and himself. Extra points are given for self-awareness and resolution on how the lack of one/both figures has affected his human development.
3) What’s your favorite book/movie/song?
if he has a favorite artist (visual, literary, cinematic) and can passionately discuss his views of art theory (a la Denzel v Wesley in Mo’ Better Blues) at great length <–see what i did there?
This is *probably* kinda messed up, but I totally judge a guy’s level of depth based on his answer to this question. And whether or not there is even the *slightest* hesitation during the book portion. Extra points (and leverage
4) Do you travel?
Men who have taken the time to see other cultures and societies, specifically in their adulthood and *not* as some pre-planned pre-packaged trip/cruise tend to be more open…more willing to try things, to question the structure of, well, everything. That's hot.
And now, I think I'm gonna add another that I may have overlooked…
5) What are your views on the female orgasm?
^^
@brownivyx
Great questions…especially #4 and tha Fif…Workin on gettin to Canada by next year…
and female orgasms are like speed bumps at tha mall…theres a lot of them, so take ur time.
and female orgasms are like speed bumps at tha mall…theres a lot of them, so take ur time.
haha!
GREAT list of Q’s!!
Ummm…. really on 2, 3, & 4 I can’t see where you’re coming from:
1. Agree
2. Not all of us were happy-go-lucky middle class kids. Some of us come from broken homes and really screwed family relationships, and it would be imprudent to discuss family politics on a ‘casual’ meeting. I.e. if you were more mature than your parents as a child, do you think you would have a good relationship with you parents? Also, I have yet to find scientific evidence for the pop-psychology you’ve utilized in coming to that conclusion. Care to explain?
3. Hesitation may come from actually considering your favorite movie/book/song. I read prodigiously, but don’t necessarily have a favorite book right now for whatever reason.
4. So what if my favorite artist is James Cameron? Or someone just as thought provoking (read: not very sophisticated)? What if I tell you that my favorite artist is some obscure, independent filmmaker or Banksy in a fit of unintended pretentiousness?
5. LOL. What guy is going to have bad views on the female orgasm?
2. Not all of us were happy-go-lucky middle class kids. Some of us come from broken homes and really screwed family relationships
Ummm…actually, I am *not* a happy-go-lucky middle class kid. *Those* kids often made fun of me. By no means was I poor, but I often had less than most of my classmates, and my single mother had to work for every single thing she gave us (and I likewise once I turned 17 and left for school). As far as broken families…I’ve got more than a few ongoing stories in that department. And I’d be a fool not to think that these things didn’t carry over into my adult relationships, or to even consider the possibility. I’m not condemning anyone for having a screwed up family…I’m weary of anyone who hasn’t done any self-examination in this dept. I am curious to hear how you think it possible that familial relationships exist in a vacuum of behavioral patterns.
3. I read prodigiously, but don’t necessarily have a favorite book right now for whatever reason.
Granted, but there is a *definitive* difference between a thoughtful pause while you mentally (and verbally) rolodex some writers and a doe-eyed, confused blank stare before stuttering “I can’t really think of one right now.” or “I like Maxim”…or, as is often the case, change the subject.
4. So what if my favorite artist is James Cameron?
It’s not about who it is…it’s about how you describe how you feel about it. I’ll be the first one to admit I like sh*t and cutting edge in the way of art. I enjoyed “Radiant Child” AND “Takers” equally last w/e, for very very different reasons. *shivers and loses train of thought* But I can discuss both in a way that is not boring. I’ll take a guy who will make me rethink Cameron’s “opus” over someone who mentions “Exit From the Gift Shop” and then describes it as “cool” or “awesome” 10 times out of 10.
5. LOL. What guy is going to have bad views on the female orgasm?
Oh, it’s not so much “bad” views that’s a problem…it’s the lack of discernible, informed views or interest. This is really just a gateway question to figure out if one’s sexual views/practices/politics align with mine though.
You are the bomb.
Thanks! *blushes*
2. Familial patterns don’t exist in a vacuum of behavioral patterns, but your making the assumption that someone’s behavioral patterns were the cause of a bad relationship with mother or father or that said bad relationship, whatever the cause, will be a sufficiently large enough influence to negatively affect you or your relationship. I think that’s a very large assumption.
Jus Sayin’.
For the record, I never said you were from a happy-go-lucky-middle class family, but you should realize that your criteria skews whom you deem “dateable” or “relationshippable” towards those that do come from happy-go-lucky middle class families. Also for the record, I have a personal history of moderate penury and have only a tenuous relationship with most of my immediate family precisely because they do/did things as adults that they should be mature enough not to do. I’ve really been looking after myself since I was 14/15, put myself through undergrad, and also am about to finish a grad degree. If I say I have a tenuous relationship with my parents, does that mean I haven’t conducted any introspection on the subject, or does it mean I didn’t have the best parents?
3. Agreed, just making sure. Also, sorry I meant 3 and 4 to be the same and the previous 4 to be about your actual 4. So to answer your response to the mistaken 4: I know many people who can talk rings around anything and make it sound amazing (they’re called coffee shop poets) and one of the deepest guys I know would describe one of the deepest most ethereal thought provoking films I’ve ever seen with something simple and unassuming. Are you sure this question isn’t an attempt at appealing to some innate pretense?
4. There are some who have not the time or money to travel. Not all of us can backpack through Europe on a shoestring. Not all of us can be that care free. Another question that skews toward the middle class.
5. Lol, I like this one, we are agreed.
BrownIvy said –> How he discusses/treats his mother is a direct line to how he will treat his spouse in 10-20 years. How he discusses/treats his father mirrors his views on masculinity and himself. Extra points are given for self-awareness and resolution on how the lack of one/both figures has affected his human development
NomadaNare Interpretation –> your making the assumption that someone’s behavioral patterns were the cause of a bad relationship with mother or father or that said bad relationship, whatever the cause, will be a sufficiently large enough influence to negatively affect you or your relationship. I think that’s a very large assumption.
I think you probably made the assumption of what was meant rather than understand what was meant… From my understanding, whether a person had idyllic childhoods or not is not what BrownIvy is talking about but rather HOW did the person deal with/ managed said childhood… whether it was happy-go-lucky or troublesome.
My own answers to your questions/concerns… Everybody has a choice as to whom they date… And as choices go, there will always be someone/something left out… and that’s ok.
Let’s take the traveling bit (as it tends to be somewhat of a non-negotiable to me)… Not having money and/or time to travel does NOT prevent someone from liking the idea of traveling… And believe me, if a person really likes to travel (read it is a burning desire for them), they will eventually find a way to do so… And traveling does not necessarily equate backpacking through Europe… It could be going to explore the Blue ridge mountains of West Virginia… or discovering the mangroves of the Key West region… See where I’m going with this? If something is not your cup of tea, it’s ok for it not to be your cup of tea… Now you can’t blame another person for liking what they like.
2. …If I say I have a tenuous relationship with my parents, does that mean I haven’t conducted any introspection on the subject, or does it mean I didn’t have the best parents?
If I came across as implying this, then this was definitely an error on my part. I believe that sometimes horrible people and/or @ssholes can have children who are not so. I believe having a tenuous relationship with one’s parents can be mutually exclusive from having a lack of introspection or resolution. I consider myself to be a prime example of this (sometimes). I know many likewise people. All I’m saying is that I would rather not deal with anyone who has these issues and has not even *begun* working through them yet. Not a judgment, just a preference.
3. …Are you sure this question isn’t an attempt at appealing to some innate pretense?
It’s not that innate unfortunately, lol, but I blame my liberal, middle-class education on this pretense fetish I have. And I def agree that volume and vocabulary do not an eloquent conversation make. “Simple and unassuming” does not mean lack of depth…quite the contrary really. Mostly, 1 )I just really enjoy men who know how to take control of a conversation (too often I find myself in the driver’s seat); 2) like the feeling that a man is speaking to me as an equal in every way, not as some object he is trying to appease and/or extract something (ie sex) from; 3) hate getting bored in the middle of a conversation.
4. True, but when I was a kid…way before I had ever been anywhere further than Decatur, GA…I had a hunger for something else, something more or different than what was directly in front of me, etc etc schmaltz blah. I STILL have that, and I need that in the person that I’m with. And the kind of person who has this quality….well, I’m not sure what class they would belong to-maybe it is middle class…but I’ve found that this kind of man tends to not just be sitting around saying “Woe is me. I don’t have the time or money to blah blah blah.” I don’t do this…why would I want someone who does?
Excellent questions…
I am particularly biased to this one 3) What’s your favorite book/movie/song?…
I have been known to drop people who have poor artistic tastes.
I try really hard not to discriminate…but if a dude *only* lists mainstream artists, there’s a part of me that thinks he hasn’t done a lot of digging or searching, that he’s only taken what’s been spoon-fed to him based on the culture from whence he came.
I can’t lie…it worries me a bit.
You are reaching with 3, 4, and 5. And be for real…we know you want 4 because you want someone to sponsor your trips.
lol, how can I be reaching on my own personal preferences?
4. Listen to me now (believe me later on). Bringing a dude (particularly one I’m not in a serious relationship with) on holiday with me is the female equivalent of a man bringing his lady to the gentleman’s club. It could be fun, but most likely it’ll be weird, and you won’t know what the verdict is until its too late to do anything about it.
The places I’ve been. Better yet, the places I want to go…I am not a woman who wants someone’s receipt hanging over my head like a black cloud.
Plus, I would be *way* more impressed/infatuated with a guy who shoestrings his way through the continents than someone who dropped a small fortune at a travel agency. He (shoestring guy) and I can go Dutch on a trip to Amsterdam.
can go Dutch on a trip to Amsterdam.
Ok, let me say a quick “Love it!” before The Champ tells us to find a room.
What are your long term investment goals? (stocks/IRA, etc)
Do you like children?
Does mental illness run in your family? Are there any other genetic diseases that run in your family?
Does anyone in your family look like they’ve been slapped with a brick?
Do you believe in religion/Do you have faith?
Do you have a library or at least more than 10 books in your home?
“Read: Can you occupy yourself? Do you have some kind of depth? Are there things that you’re actually interested in?”
YES! I can’t be with anyone that cannot be alone with themselves or their thoughts. I don’t need you to talk to me all the time nor should I feel obligated to speak to you since you’re there. If I can be in a room with you and not have to talk to you (you watch the game, I read/do a crossword puzzle for example) where we’re comfortable knowing each other are present, I’m golden.
If I can be in a room with you and not have to talk to you (you watch the game, I read/do a crossword puzzle for example) where we’re comfortable knowing each other are present, I’m golden.
The ability to be silent together is SO important. This was a good point.
“Do you believe in religion/Do you have faith?”
I like this question. I would answer that one by saying yes, I believe in religion and know quite a few people who engage in the practice. Yes, I have faith in science.
When that question comes up from now on i’m using this response.
What are your long term investment goals? (stocks/IRA, etc)
do people really ask each other these types of questions on dates?
do people really ask each other these types of questions on dates?
Like seriously? What does that have to do with you and this date… Until we decide to share financial burdens, my financial life does not concern you…
“Are you wearing a push-up bra?” I say this because as a woman with a smaller rack, I reamin honest in the midst of the flurry of breast-enhancing bras with 2 cup-sizes worth of padding, and stick to the basics. At most, perhaps a standard push-up, because honestly, no matter how big your funbags are, they ALWAY look better pushed up and in.
…but I digress. My point is I avoid FALSE ADVERTISING. And if you wear a bra that makes it look like you have canteloupes when you really have apricots, you’re a LIAR. 1. You’re just one more large-breasted (so it would seem) woman for me to compete with, and 2. you will be SO embarrassed when you get to the business with a guy and his face drops because the decrease in size hurt his feelings.
i’m done. *drops mike*
This is just… rude. LOL, I don’t think there’s anything wrong w/ smaller breasted women wearing push ups & pads. It’s the same concept as a thicker chick wearing Spanx to hide their lumps & bumps. & I say this as a very full C cup (sometimes D if I’m over my goal weight, LOL)…
And if you wear a bra that makes it look like you have canteloupes when you really have apricots,
is this really possible, though? I mean, unless there’s extra padding in there, i doubt a bra is really fooling people like that
Good point, they can only add so much. Even those things that look like chicken cutlets – I’m guessing they don’t even add to cup size, just make them spill a little @ the top. *shrug*
Need to know right off the bat questions:
Are you married?
and…
Do you still live at home with your parents?
You’d be surprised at how many well dressed, clean shaven, nice car-havin’ men over the age of 35 still live in their mama’s basement.
SAY… THAT… ISH!!! So true, so sad…
LOL @ are you married or Engaged.
I have a few friends that should have asked this question. It’s funny that you have to ask someone that is out and about dating, whether they are in a relationship already.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Smothered Pork Chops
“You’d be surprised at how many well dressed, clean shaven, nice car-havin’ men over the age of 35 still live in their mama’s basement.”
This is real talk (especially in NYC). Although some of them really were saving to buy a home, I just have difficulty with the thought of living with a man whose only experience living on their own was while they were in college. *shrugs*
Lol me and my hubby are the same way with food/drink sharing..
I would ask are you a planned food sharer? I hate when the hubby goes anf gets
The 2 for 3 big macs and 1 large fry. Damn ninja you know you want some buy 2!!
Have you been tested for HPV? Trick question. There is no male test. A ninja should say not suire but I have been
Tested for STDs. If that ninja says yes? Run that nigga a lie and probably got that package
Ppp package!
How many days will you wear a pair of jeans before the wash?
How many days in a row?
do you use febreeze frequently?
How often do you see a dentist?
What kind of soap do you use? (If a ninja can’t tell you off top someone else is buying it) lol
“The 2 for 3 big macs and 1 large fry. Damn ninja you know you want some buy 2!!”
Yes! I am so with you. my bf orders 2 chicken sandwiches and a large fry and claims he will only have a few. Since he eats his food one at a time, he starts with the fries and ends up eating MOST of them. What’s an extra 1.50?
“Have you been tested for HPV? Trick question. There is no male test. A ninja should say not suire but I have been
Tested for STDs. If that ninja says yes? Run that nigga a lie and probably got that package
Ppp package!”
LOL
I loved all of these questions. lol this is important information…
LOL cute post. i can actually imagine you asking your gf about the burger biting and the courtship going nowhere. its a good thing you kept that to yourself since yall are in bliss now–yay!!!
why does your avatar look so pissed now?
LOL, she looks pensive to me. Now I feel like that psychology experiment they did somewhere in Asia where they asked several folks to describe folks as they made several faces like “smiling”, “frowning”, etc and compared results…
The eating off the plate thing gets on my nerves. My mom used to do it all the time when she was on a diet. At the end of the night, she only had a salad *side eye*
The 5 years from now question is important to ask, also with do they plan to have kids, settle down, etc.
You need to ask their HIV status. (And if he’s slept with Kat Stacks)
“And if he’s slept with Kat Stacks”
from a woman’s perspective, is it worse if a guy has slept with a ton of women, or has only slept with like 5 women, but each of them were known hoes?
Hell whats the difference?
My only question is: “Do you love Jesus?”
Anything else, I can deal with after I know about that.
In other news, Champykins, this post was ace in the hole. You really are a nice guy. Redemption for the next podcast episode!
“My only question is: “Do you love Jesus?”
My name is SouthernCharm, and I approve this message. Good one, Liz!
For the life of me, I can’t understand black peoples infatuation with Christianity. Can’t a brother be a good, moral, jew, muslim, atheist, buddhist, agnostic, taoist, etc. etc. and get a date with a sister?
A black man can do whatever he wants, but I have my own right to choose to be with someone who loves Jesus.
Aside from that, I didn’t say Christian, I said someone who loves Jesus. There is definitely a difference in how someone who truly loves Jesus lives their life, hence why everything else that follows isn’t such a dealbreaker.
That’s true and especially true here in the South (Bible Belt) where there is a church on every corner. Down here, church is really just a way of life and somewhere to go on Sunday. Big difference between going to church and living or being the church.
“A black man can do whatever he wants, but I have my own right to choose to be with someone who loves Jesus.”
this sounds like something kimberly elise would say in a movie i wouldn’t see
LOLOL
“A black man can do whatever he wants, but I have my own right to choose to be with someone who loves Jesus”
Thank you!!! Cosign to the nth degree!
Now Liz, you and I both know many a fella proclaims his love for many a thing and how he acts may not necessarily belie his beliefs. Bush, Reagan, Rappers, etc, etc. all love to proclaim their belief in god, but watch how they act. I can say I love Jesus all I want and apparently still enslave people, start wars over oil, shoot bros. in cold blood, starve millions, etc, etc. Why must one be tethered to some religion to do good in your eyes?
@NomadaNare
” Can’t a brother be a good, moral, jew, muslim, atheist, buddhist, agnostic, taoist, etc. etc. and get a date with a sister?”
Unfortunately not. Good thing is that if you proclaim your love for Jesus and go to church you’ll get mad opportunities to meet women. Whereas if you don’t believe you’re subject to never being taken serious or even looked at.
Is there something wrong with having some conviction about your faith?
You can date outside of your race. You can also find plenty of Black women who aren’t that serious about their faith, the Christian faith, or no faith at all.
Don’t blame us if you find yourself attracted to a woman who goes to church. This really does sound like a personal problem.
There is nothing wrong with having conviction in your faith. I’m not Muslim, Atheist, Hindu, etc. I was born and raised Christian. So I’ve never had a personal problem being accepted by Christian women.
Get em’ Liz.
If the goal is to have a serious relationship, and we don’t share the same faith, well there are going to be some serious issues down the road if either of us is truly commited to our beliefs.
Seems like something to get out of the way up front, in my opinion.
Yeah, exactly. Might as well cut to the chase in the beginning. Plus, I know too many Christian women struggling with their unchurched or unsaved boyfriend/relationship to REALLY believe Christian Black Women are a threat to the Black Family, all on their own. Put the violins away.
Thas real talk. Why brothas wanna date Christian women and then want them to act “un-Christian” is beyond me, lol. Go get wit someone who sees eye to eye with you on your beliefs.
Hey I’ll date a nice agnostic, jew, buddhist, _______, fill in the blank…. as I have eastern philosophies tendencies my dang self.
*thumbs up*
Looks like I’m gonna get to have some fun today.
Questions Monk would ask before committing:
*When did you fall in love with Hip Hop?
Although I love a woman with an extensive knowledge and appreciation of other genres of music, historically, I mesh well with women who are particularly fond of Hip Hop. Also, the defining moment on when she fell in love with Hip Hop bet not be any song or artist that has came out in the past decade. (SideNote: Yes, I’m watching “Brown Sugar” right now.)
*What would you like your legacy to be?
Although similar to the ‘five-year’ question in which you may get a regurgitated BS answer, I think it gives a little more insight to their character by how they answer the question. You probably can decipher whether they’re all about changing the world, having the best family life ever, or all about themselves and their personal goals.
*Are you willing to be submissive?
I’m old fashion in my belief that the man of the house is the head of the household. We both work together when it comes to everything, but if there’s a situation that we may not agree on, I have the final say. Trust me to make the right decision for us.
@Monk
I actually like all of your questions (well maybe with a slight tweeking to the third one).
- You would probably ask me to pump my brakes on the response to the first question because I am a TRUE hip-hop head. (I’m sure everyone on this blog knows this) : )
- The legacy question is great because it forces someone to think beyond the typical career oriented responses. Good question!
- I am old fashion in my belief that the male is the head of the household. The only thing that I would challenge is always allowing you to have the final say; only because if I have a solution to an issue that is actually better for the both of us……why not trust me sometimes? Ya know?
Good questions! Love the first one?
OFF TOPIC: Di anyone see “My Mic Sounds Nice” last night?
@legitimate_soul
I didn’t see it, but I’m hoping to catch a rerun.
On the DVR… set for a slow news day.
*sad face* I was born in October lol
sucks for you. welcome and sh*t, btw (i think)
lmbo at this list, awesome questions/suggestions..and aww Tamia, doesn’t she have ms or somethin?, she’s so underrated I pray she’s gettin’ better
she does, and i do (hope she gets better). i actually heard she was coming out with a new album
1.) Do you have any STD’s that a shot won’t clear up?
2.) Any outstanding warrants?
3.) Do you have any ex-boyfriends who don’t yet know or won’t accept that he’s an ex?
4.) How close are you and your father?
5.) Are you a virgin or are waiting until marriage?
6.) If the lady getting into her car 30 steps ahead of you dropped a $100 bill, are you more likely to say “hey you dropped something” or “ooh I’m ’bout to get my hair done”?
7.) If I go bike riding/hiking/skiing/snorkeling/jogging/shooting/camping or to a Dave Matthews Band Concert will you join me?
8.) What’s your credit score? Are your utility bills in your daughter’s name?
9.) Do your kids all have the same dad?
10.) How active is your kid(s) father(s) in his/her/their life(lives)?
DAAAAAMN! Sad you have to ask some of these, huh? But they’re necessary… & LOL @ #6 – you know a heffa gon’ LIE!! lol
Your #7 is the TRUTH!!
I can’t tell you how many times I get the “Black people don’t do that” speech when I mention something like white water rafting. No, “I’ll think about it.” No Nothing! I’m like, “What does life mean to you!? You don’t want any experiences that make your heart pound?” It’s annoying. I’m an outdoorsy person, why do you want to stay inside and watch “In Living Color” on DVD!?
I went to see Dave Matthews a couple months ago. Since he isn’t touring next year, I had to make sure I went this year. Listening to Dave live, laying on the grass.. There’s few better ways to spend a Saturday.. It’s not exactly the same without Leroi, but it was great anyway. Crash is my favorite and when the guitar started, I lost my mind!! Good call on the Dave Matthews Band.. You get 5,000 cool points today.. Lol
I didn’t know he isn’t touring next year. I’ve been debating whether I would get tickets to see them here on Sept. 10th so I guess I’ll jump on ticketmaster tonight. I put the Crash CD in the dash and listened to it non-stop for the better part of two months one summer. I know damn near every vocal inflection on damn near every song on that CD…that and Lenny Kravitz’ “5″ CD. Great minds…
As far as that whole “Black people don’t do that” speech goes, my biography and the title song to the soundtrack of my life would have that very title! So difficult to meet VSS’s who’re ok with not fitting the profile of the stereotype. Stay thirsty my friend. I’ll try to use my points wisely.
You see my ex over there in the bushes with binoculars? Yeah he knows his place. My std only flares up during halloween so you straight. I already made my last punny payment so my warrant gonna get cleared up next Tuesday. We good now?
Sidenote: you been missing? cause I swear I haven’t seen you on her in a while.
What up SFG!? Between taking vacation and faking like I’m working around here, I’ve gotten outta my routine and fallen into a semi-lurker status – reading mostly at night. Trying to make a come back though. That post by Mr. Sobo to you while imitating CBG was hilarious!
BTW, yeah, we good now, but I’mma be hanging with my momma ‘nem during Halloween though since, as of your post, I hang out with her every Halloween. It’s been a yearly tradition for about an hour now.
LOL @ your yearly tradition starting an hour ago. I need a vacation too. smh and need to get back to work as my finger is going to break off from all this delegating I’m doing here.
Btw, don’t encourage Sobo. He aint right.
@SFG
You know, you’ve been really trying to dogg me out lately.
Sup, you wanna fight? Do I need to get my belt, my whip, my paddle, collar, leather mask, and…er .. um… what were talking about again?
@Mr SoBo
“Do I need to get my belt, my whip, my paddle, collar, leather mask, and…er .. um… what were talking about again?”
Oh OK…Really??
@CNotes
Naw, not really.
I mean, who needs a collar when you have hands.
I do have a mask, blindfold and an extensive collection of belts though.
But seriously, what up e-boo? Nigerian.
Lmmmmffaaaooo! What he did to Nick, he will do to you. lol j/k. Sobo is all kinds of wrong. lol I actually got a matching leather whip/bound set you can borrow if you want. I’m a giver. And if you need a camera man, I’m free between 11-12midnight.
@Mr SoBo
I think you missed what I meant by “Oh OK…Really?” We need to lay some E-Boo ground rules. LOL! You can’t “fight” any other e-chick but me (especially when it comes to whips, leather masks and what nots). : )
@CNotes
In CBG pandering voice*
Yes dear. What I did was wrong, and I wholeheartedly apologize.
I did overstep my boundaries, and in doing so, I violated you and our e-lationship. As the e-man, I should be more sensitive to your needs. You are beautiful and deserving of all my glory and respect. If I were there with you now, I would scatter a bouquet of rose petals and candy at your feet, so that symbolically you will know that I kiss and worship the very ground you walk on. I vow never to do anything that will result in you feeling you are less than a queen to me. The only fighting I will be doing from now on, is for your e-love.
@Mr SoBo
OK e-boo……I forgive you. (Gives an e-kiss to Mr SoBo) Gotta admit though, the CBG pandering voice did help. LOL!
@CNotes
Well, it aint pandering unless it has the CBG brand on it.
No bootleggin’.
Question #3 is the busines! It’s a variant of the question I ask folks when I’m determining whether or not to get serious with them. That question is: Is there anyone who thinks they are dating you?
If you ask someone if they’re dating someone, they could say no and firmly believe it. But, if their actions are giving off a different vibe to folks, then it’s conceiveable that someone out there is thinking “that’s my man” when really, they’re just friends who date. And it gives me an idea of how honest a person is….
First off, why do you hate Entourage?
Considering that a lot of qualities are things that you cannot as, you just have to get to know them and see, these are questions that I’d ask before getting in too deep with a potential husband:
1) Have you traveled abroad? Do you want to? Where? Are you open to living abroad for a few years?
I won’t hold it against him if he hasn’t traveled abroad. Maybe he just hasn’t been exposed to that kind of thing. If he says he doesn’t want to, that’s a problem. If he says he wants to go to Italy and Rome and he’s never stepped foot on The Continent, that is also a problem. I don’t know if I want to live abroad for a year or two when I’m partnered up (I’m living abroad right now), but I’d like to have that option.
2) Could you see yourself adopting a child?
This is taking for granted that we’d have our own children but adopting is just something I’ve always seen myself doing. My ex shut it down early on in the relationship. No discussion, no “I’ve never thought about it but I’m open to discussing it.” For the rest of the relationship I felt like I was giving up something so major right off the bat just to be with him.
3) Do you pray consistently outside of mealtime and bedtime?
How do I explain this one? I know that you shouldn’t only turn to God in the case of a crisis, and I don’t. But, having said that, I need to know that in the case of a crisis (a real test of our relationship, the death of a child, an incurable illness) when our own humanly efforts are not enough, that we will have something bigger than ourselves to turn to.
I meant, things that you cannot “ask”
I love the adoption question. LOVE LOVE LOVE. I most definitely see myself adopting a child in the future, I’ve always wanted to. I would want to know that he is there w/ me. In the past I dated an adoptee, and when we got really serious we were excited about the potential future & our adopted munchkin.
First off, why do you hate Entourage?
it’s just extremely boring to me.
Why adopt a child? I doubt you’d find many men eager to adopt children.
“Do you know how to wake people up properly?”
That is the essential question.
If you don’t know how to wake someone up without making them feel like they’ve just been slammed by a tonne of bricks or dropped from the top of the CN tower, you’re fundamentally an a$$hole.
“Do you know how to wake people up properly?”
That is the essential question.
well, if she’s laying on her stomach…
“Do you know how to wake people up properly?
My mom has always been pretty adamant about this… Maybe because she is a light sleeper, but how we wake each other up was an art form growing up. Lol.
Do you know who your biological father is?
How is your relationship with your mom?
Do you even like your family? :-/
these are serious and sh*t
Dag. I thot these were first date questions????
Lots of great questions here, but the most baffling is “what’s wrong w/ Entourage??” LOLOL, it should have been cancelled 4 seasons ago!!
I am sincerely failing to understand people not liking Entourage…that show is greatness exemplified! Unfortunately from what I’ve read, next season will be the final season and will consist of half as many episodes.
Yeah, but then they’re gonna do an Entourage movie.
@Caballeroso
Entourage is GRRRREAT!! Tony the Tiger #thatisall
Agreed! I love me some Entourage….
Well, dudes tend to get much more out of it than women, but I’ll define “bad” for you – it’s corny, full of hacks (besides the occasional Ari rant), plots are always thin, & (my personal fave) Black people are strictly sprinkled in as celebrity cameos/thugs/hoodrats (yet we’re ALWAYS providing the music to up the “cool” factor). Seriously – who can be out & about in LA w/o seeing any Black people around (except in certain situations)?? LOL, it’s just a weird show. Glad they’re putting it out of its misery… & the movie will SUUUUCK (worse than Sex & the City)! Sowwy
A few questions for now. I’ll have more later.
1. What is your expectation of a man in a relationship?
2. Do you expect a man to make you happy?
3. You have to pay for school and you want to get your hair done, but you only have enough money for one. What do you do? You can’t get the money from your man or anyone else.
4. What is your opinion of world politics or social issues in general? Do you feel you don’t have to be informed because it doesn’t concern you or are problems in the world too depressing so you just ignore them?
I don’t think your questions will garnish honest answers.
Most women will say they don’t need a man to be happy, but most do, they just don’t know it or acknowledge it. Women expect men to be nice, stimulating and so on but settle for less all the dayum time.
@Ivy St.
So basically what you’re saying is that my questions are asking for too much. If so that’s really sad.
No I’m saying they aren’t asking anything at all. Each question already has a standard or acceptable response. No woman is going to admit to the fact she might get her hair done over paying tuition or student loans even if she would. Everyone puts their best face on at the start of courtship.
Your first questions 2 are vague but still there are only a few acceptable (answers that the average person wouldn’t run from) answers and I guarantee you, you will get them unless the woman is crazy and needs a straight jacket.
So that we can get on the same page, what are good answers for questions 1 and 2?
@Ivy St.
For question one there is no right or wrong answer. Knowing what she expects from a mate will give me an idea if we are on the same page. All women don’t blatantly say or show what they expect in a LTR.
For question 2 the right answer would be yourself. Happiness is found from within not by a mate. You can be happy with a mate but a mate is not responsible for your happiness. If your happiness always involves someone else that tells me there are problems.
@Humble_One
‘Ivy St’ is right. Your questions are well intended for your purposes, but they will garner textbook responses, which will not necessarily be an accurate representation of the woman in question. So you may want to reconsider refining your question list and instead rely more on behavioral observation than any answer a chick will give you.
I do agree with you that it is sad.
Questions period will get textbook replies. That’s why I don’t ask “what will you be like if I date you” type questions because you will rarely get the truth. Like a cheater is gonna say they’re a cheater. Just observe them and you will get your answers in time.
There are some questions one can ask and get genuine responses that tell a lot about character and personality. A Lakers fan and more specifically a Kobe fan will be a jerk.
For example, you can ask about things they like to do? This suggests how adventurous they are.
I think there are plenty of creative and non-creative questions one can ask to learn about someone and actually get real answers.
True True…i hate kobe lol
@SFG
Not true. You can get some pretty honest answers to certain questions depending on the timing, phrasing of the question, and general tone of the conversation/interaction. Many times, its about the level of comfort in answering. If someone is made to feel comfortable as if they will not be judged for their response, they may give an honest response. Granted, many people will just lie regardless, but I have found some success in the following approach.
I find it best to inquire during the most casual and jovial of conversations because the atmosphere is relaxed and there is no pressure. It is helpful to come across as if you have a very casual attitude about life. The other person will interpret this as being nonjudgemental. Bait them into being honest by giving some form of encouragement that even the potentially ‘wrong’ answer is perfectly cool and okay in your book. Ask the question, guage their reaction (body language and hesitancy). Then follow up your question before they answer by saying some sh*t like, “it’s okay, everybody has done that at some point in their life. Aint no big deal if you did. Its all good in my book. Who cares. Life is all about experiences and we all have experiences.”
Usually the chick will giggle/smirk girlishly and say something like, “Well, there was this one time….”
Yes and No. Somethings I don’t waste my time in asking, especially if it’s pertaining to how they conduct themselves in relationships. But what you said above about baiting random questions to find out what type of person they are? BINGO! Everyone who knows me knows that I am a judgemental person. As much as it’s not polite to do, I usually end up being right about people which is why my friends bring people around me for me to “size them up”. I’m usually spot on. However I always pretend to be laid back. I will make you feel so comfortable, you will tell me all your secrets…the whole time I’m gathering data in my head and know exactly where to place you in my life if at all. And I’m not even the type of person to tell you about yourself. I’ll just nod my head and you won’t hear from me again. People always give themselves away. I swear Sobo we are like the same….that’s why I keep you at arms distance. lol
The more I read your comments, the more you lend credence to the first adjective in your name. I was certainly thinking the exact same thing.
Thanks!! *edap*
Church! Which is why I don’t settle down with anyone until I have observed all I need to…both good and bad.
This ain’t 7th grade and I will not be your girl after 3 good days and a kiss. Negative homie. I need to know who your friends are, how you speak to your family, what you’re like on your days off from work and sh*t….important stuff that can’t and won’t be determined in a month.
@Mr. SoBo
Behavioral observation always ranks first but asking these questions doesn’t hurt. I like to see what’s going on in the head. If she gives a textbook answer and doesn’t go deeper than you know you need to KIM.
I agree with all the above comments, but regarding this one, “3. You have to pay for school and you want to get your hair done, but you only have enough money for one. What do you do? You can’t get the money from your man or anyone else.” – what are you expecting?
Obviously any rational person will say school loans, whether they mean it or not. The thing is are you really going to talk to the educated sister with messed up hair? Really? Right. Good thing we can have both….
Funny, while a chick can satisfactorily answer #3 to prove she’s a keeper, there’s no answer to prove she’s NOT crazy lol. That’s because well, all women are gotdamn nutcases but some are just better at hiding it than others.
Lmao @ ‘gotdamn nutcases’
sad, isn’t it?
What is wrong with October??
My questions: What was the last book you read? How many children do you have? Do you have your own place? Do you have good credit? Do you have a relationship with God?
“What is wrong with October??”
people born in that month usually ask too many serious questions
Serious questions don’t come from people who were born in October. Serious questions come from people who are over 40.
I was gon hate. Cuz i was born in October. BuT…..I ask serious questions all the damn time. o_O.
Do you have any children?
Are you banned from any clubs?
Do you have a history of substance abuse?
Do you believe in the power of Retail Therapy?
Are you a fan of Gucci Mane?
Do you have sexual fantasies that involve emasculating me(n)?
I make it a point to steer clear of emotionally scarred, strap-on wielding breeders.
Bur Bur…now go make me a sandwich and hurry back cause this strap on is getting cold.
*Crosses SFG off*
@Dasher of The Newport Dashers
*Crosses SFG off*
This made me snicker. Mars
LOL he aint ready
@SmartFoxGirl
“Bur Bur…now go make me a sandwich and hurry back cause this strap on is getting cold.”
*Does not envy ComicBookGuy one bit*
VSB Man Law Warning Alert
CBG I think you need to have a talk with your e-boo or sleep with cast-iron draws
Awww c’mon, wimp. All he needs is some @nal ease or orajel to loosen that sucker up.
@SmartFoxGirl
I’ve never heard of @nal ease and I thought orajel was for your mouth? Being a wimp? Nah how about being a man and not getting violated. You can’t walk with your head up if your girl is wearing strap-ons to bed.
You’re right. I wouldn’t respect you any way. That’s where the drugs come in. lol
I hope CBG does not sleep on his stomach. If he does it is curtains for his manhood.
Cast iron would be to heavy. A set of lightweight Kevlar draws should provide adequate cornbread protection.
I hope CBG does not sleep on his stomach. If he does it is curtains for his manhood.
Cast iron would be to heavy. A set of lightweight Kevlar draws should provide adequate cornbread protection.
“Are you a fan of Gucci Mane?”
I’m a fan of the GMLCF*, if that counts.
*Gucci Mane Lip Chap Foundation
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Yep.
NOPE.
Is bondage emasculating?
Is bondage emasculating?
It depends on what the safety word is.
lmao @ chex w/ a safety word. i just heard about this like a few months ago.
Safety words are for punks lol
LOL. I won’t be doing anything that requires a safety word. Just tormenting you to the point where either I untie you so you can use your hands or you rip off my bed posts.
I am not ready for ya’ll…
Ugh, all these questions… too early in the morning. Lol. I’ll just keep it on the single tip until I feel like I have the energy to even engage in any of these conversations… *runs away without looking back*
My questions are the usual ones, pretty much:
-Do you have any kids? If so, how many (and the “one that’s on it’s way” counts)? I have no problem dating a single father, but if he is one of the dudes that is spreading his seed around more than a farmer on a field, then he is not the guy for me.
-How close are you to your family? This is one of those questions that I pay attention. My last “victim” was a mama’s boy and a severe one to boot. I can appreciate a man who loves his family, but I cannot tolerate a man who involves his family in every aspect of his life.
-This is a weird one: Where do you live and if you have a roommate, can you manage to get some privacy, when it’s needed?
@ Mimi
Mama boys are the worst! I dated this guy who told me that he wanted to be his mom’s “Knight in shining armour”. I was like are you kidding me? She has lived her life and made her choices. It is not your fault that she does not have a man!
I have not called him back ever since.
The one that I dealt with…the best way I can describe him is:
He was a great guy (he was the holy trinity of Mr. Right: Sweet-natured, humorous and attractive), but as we delve deeper into our relationship, I realize that he involved in his family in everything! It wasn’t just his overbearing mother, but his spinster sisters also stuck their noses in our business. After dealing with Mama’s Boy for about two years, I called it quits.
But I do miss the chex though…
Was his family non-western by any chance?
His parents (in particular, his mother) is a second-generation born in the U.S.
I see… because what you describe is pretty common in non-western cultures… especially mine (doesn’t make it right though…). It’s just something you learn to live/deal with.
Do you have any kids?
Funny enough, this is not really a question I remember to ask because most of the guys I’ve met/interacted with/dated in the past decade were childless. Only one (off the top of my head) had 2 kids from his previous marriage. And I’m 31 and I usually date people who are older than I am…
Hmmm… This might somewhat confirm The Champ’s theory about people with no kids hanging out with each other… as most of my single girlfriends don’t have kids either…. Interesting.
Do I need to be in constant communication with you?
i.e. will you go apesh*t if your text/call isn’t returned in 5 minutes or or go crazy if you text me in the middle of the night and I don’t respond til morning cuz I’m sleeping.
How do you respond to bad situations?
Do you immediately flip out and cuss out anybody within a 1 mile radius. Do you keep quiet and not mention why u are angry, but behave in a passive aggressive way.
Do you have kids and if so how many and how many BMs?
Are you the type to just spread your seed around all willy nilly.
How are you with money?
Do you spend spend spend without any thought about how this will affect you, are you careful with money.
Do you have bad feelings towards women in general?
I don’t need you taking out your issues on me or do I feel like dealing with any of your views.
@Dee
“How are you with money?
Do you spend spend spend without any thought about how this will affect you, are you careful”
These question were going to be in my next comment. I’ve met too many woman that were irresponsible with money. What’s even worse is that they expected you to give them money for important things while they jack their money off on BS.
Question for the men:
“Have any of my homeboys seen you naked?”
I met someone that had a statute of limitations in his whole group. Even though me and his friend got down after watching Jason’s Lyric in high school, he said that had it been within 7 years I wouldn’t have gotten my toe in the door. Men like to “p*ss on trees” for lack of a better phrase, and no dude wants to think his prospective girl and his homeboy shared the “O” face…
That’s all I have for now…
I think men would more than likely directly ask their homies that question rather than ask the girl if she smashed the homies. And from my experience, friends will usually volunteer that information if it is determined the girl is ‘familiar’ to him,….or the block.
Despite being in NYC for three years, I’m a rookie in the dating scene here. I hang with pros and, from what I can tell, guys don’t seem to care if a dude has been with a girl he’s been with. I don’t know if that changes when it’s time to get serious, but I’ve DEFINITELY seen girls get passed around between guys and their friends. I’M personally not down with it and any guy that’s been with one of my girls is off limits to me (and vice versa), but it happens.
Just recently, my hairdresser and I realized that her story about hooking up with a musician and my story about flirting with a musician and wondering what was going to go down were about the same person. Mind you we’re in one of the biggest cities in the world. But it can be quite tiny at times, so be careful people.
Questions I should ask:
1. Are you allergic to cats?
2. Are you a Lakers fan?
3. Are you willing to try different foods. Chinese food does not count!
4. Are you willing to try different activities? Rock climbing and white water rafting are high on my list of fun activities.
5. Can you kill a tree bug or any bug/spider without crying?
6. Can you make pancakes and at least on entree?
7. Do you enjoy leaving the house? the state? the country?
1) Do you have an arrest record?
Are you broke?
2) Will you/have you ever choke a woman? while chexing?
3) have any baby mamas?
4) What is your size and how is your stroke???
5) Do you use “converse” or “conversate”?
6) You wanna hit it raw? Do you have papers? J/K!!
7) How crazy are you on a scale of 1-10?
9) Does Elvis talk to you?
10) Do you live with a woman?
11) Do you wear thongs? (it has happened)
12) Do you perm your hair?
13) If you were gay, who would you sleep with? (trick question)
14) Do you wipe your bottom properly?
15) Do your farts sound like air or do they make noise? (trick question)
16) Are you bow legged?
17) Is your middle toe bigger than your big toe?
18) Do you have gingivitis?
19) Have you ever raped a horse?
20) Do you wear a wave cap to bed?
These are just a few I like to knock out in the first couple of convos. I don’t have time to waste.
Sidebar: ComicBookGuy where are you?
@SFG -“Sidebar: ComicBookGuy where are you?”
Probably pandering on another blog.
LOL! He’s a cheater!
On the road this week. It feels good to be missed. Your line of questioning is hilarious, especially the trick questions and the papers part. I know women that won’t let you hit until they see papers. Hilarious.
Hi babes!! Papers are only as good as the day they took the test. lol Happy travels!
Hello dear lady. You are so wrong for that comment. The question should be have you been tested in the last 30 days and if so what was the reason for said testing. lol
“…2) Will you/have you ever choke a woman? while chexing?…”
::whistlng nervously (about the second part of that question) while not trying to look you in the eye::
a) is fail…b) is ding ding ding Correct! Collect 20 points. C’mon Mimi, you know you like a good choking and hair pull.
My ex (the mama’s boy) was known to do this from time to time, which shocked me (in a pleasant way) the first time he had done it.
It’s sad that #14 must be asked, but I have heard horror stories. It must be asked.
Gurl I don’t care what that ninja says. I’m not putting my mouth on it. Men don’t deal well with the sanitation clean up.
i gotta disagree with #1. only because this does not apply to me. i don’t wanna be all tmi…but while i can’t do it myself i in no way have ever or will ever view the act as a chore. it is unfathomable to me.
i’ve heard this argument before and it makes sense in theory but when i apply it to my situation it doesn’t work. someone asked me this once and i had to turn around on him and say “the question is can YOU get me off”? he took that as a challenge and completely forgot his line of questioning.
“i’ve heard this argument before and it makes sense in theory but when i apply it to my situation it doesn’t work. someone asked me this once and i had to turn around on him and say “the question is can YOU get me off”? he took that as a challenge and completely forgot his line of questioning.”
again, how can you expect someone else to get you off if you cant do it yourself? in this regard, sex is exactly like love and sh*t
nope, not true. cant speak for others only myself.
don’t wanna get all psycho analytical so i’m keeping it extremely brief. but me by myself it just ain’t happening. not for a lack of effort tho. and its not like i don’t know what i like. and i don’t have any problems communicating what i like and how i like it to my partner.
and its not even like i can’t do it to myself, i just can’t do it to myself while i’m alone. probably should’ve said that. so yeah i can get myself off, just not by myself. i guess i’m a showoff. *kanye shrug*
I think the question is “Can you LAST long enough for me to get off?”
Negative homie, that is never the question. Because when you can do it yourself, you learn that you have to keep an arsenal of ways to get it going…the quickie, the session, the repeat offender. If we only have fifteen minutes in the morning, then dammit, I want to maximize that. And because I know how to do it by myself, then I’m gonna guide you to making it happen within that time frame.
Not being able to make yourself orgasm is like growing up on a street all your life, but not having any idea how to direct others to your home…
Questions I’ve asked:
1. Have you ever been married before?
Except, there was this one guy I started dating who told me no when I asked him this question (he was actually married and going through issues with his wife)…less than a week later, I started getting calls from her. Now, I make sure to follow up with “By definition of US law, are you legally married?” even IF I don’t see a ring or any indication on his finger that he used to wear one.
2. Why didn’t your last relationship work out?
I learned this the hard way, but if all the blame is on the ex, without any introspection for why things went south, then we’re likely to have issues in the future.
3. What do you do?/Where do you work?
It doesn’t really matter where he works, I just want to know if he’s legally employed. If he isn’t, I want to know how he’s spending his time from day to day. I know these are rough times, but he has to at least be volunteering his time or getting his ducks in order for future ventures.
4. How’s your personal relationship with God?
Superficial and cliche answers don’t work for me anymore; I’m looking for personal accountability and a willingness to grow. If I expect it from myself, why wouldn’t I expect it from him?
5. Do you have any children? If yes, how many? How old are you?
Unfortunately, I’ve had men lie to me about these just to reel me in; however, honest answers to these questions (no matter how bad they may seem) leave me respecting him more. Give me the chance to determine what I will and will not tolerate in my relationships.
Ditto to question number five…
Three years ago, I once dated a guy, who didn’t tell me that he was a father of seven kids (and he’s only 26). His mother was the one who told me.
I love mothers for this! I remember this guy tried to holla at me when I was in high school, and he seemed nice and respectable… Well, when I called him one day, his mom picked up the phone and told me “Sweetie, don’t waste your time with this fool. He ain’t up to no good.” I gladly bowed out of that one with no further questions
Do you now or have you in the past been prescribed any anti-depressants? That usually disqualifies around 50%.
It’s 9:30 am. You have just been given the day off. What do you do?
When was the last time, if ever, you were in a fight?
Tell me about your friends.
Do you have kids? If yes, how long have you been divorced?
This short list is usually enough.
OMG Beta!
I dated a guy who was taking Anti-depressants and it was the worst experience ever. First of all, the Anti-Depressants suppressed his libido. Secondly, his dreams would be violent as hel, once i was awakened in the middle of the night to him cursing somebody out in his dreams! And when he tried to get off the A.D. his mood swings were very violatile, one minute he was extremely happy the next he would be damn near in tears because I frowned at him
Beware of Depressed kneegros!
Thats why I think every one should check a potential mates medicine cabinet. I do it in full view of the suspected crazy chic. It really does disqualify about 50%.
Since I’m over 30 and won’t date kids(27 and below) the ones with kids and no divorce decree boots another 40%.
I gotta change my requirements! I may never find a woman I can respect.
Damn!!!
Come to Atlanta Beta, there are sure to be some women that meet your requirements. It’s a Hoasis down here
you gotta have faith.. i know TONS of women who are respectable and hott and not medicated all over the country.. they’re out there.
Tell me about your friends.
That’s a good one… Especially for guys. I want to see how they see their relationships with their friends… if any. I usually don’t date the social guy (I’m enough of a social butterfly myself) but I like my guy to have a good solid set of friends… even if it’s just one or two. It’s important.
1) Do you have HIV, Herpes, HPV, etc…
Who is your all time favorite musician/singer/rapper?
2) When is the last time you took a blood test for STD’s? Can I see the paperwork?
3) Do you have any children?
4) Do you own or rent your house?
5) Are your parents still married?
6) Do you want children?
7) What church do you attend?
9) What college did you attend? Did you graduate?
10) What is your full name and DOB? (so I can have my friend who’s a Secret Service Agent pull up his record to see if he’s ever been arrested and for what).
My Questions Pre-Commitment:
- Have you seen The Wire? Do you like it? (If the answer is no to the first one, we’re gonna do like the Catholics and do pre-counseling…only our pre-counseling will consist of The Wire marathons. I just got my boxset! *fist pump*; If the answer to the second question is no…I will slap you with a squirrel and chuck up some deuces)
- What kind of shoes am I wearing? (You better not know)
@Cheekie
“- What kind of shoes am I wearing? (You better not know)”
LMBO!!!!
I have never been able to get into The Wire. It is probably because the situations and characters are not remarkable to me as I grew up with more interesting versions of The Wire characters.
You are rocking Karl Malone L.A Gears Mids non/light-up edition.
NOT L.A. Gears!!!
*falls out giggling*
Once again, Dash: I quitteth you.
[IMG]http://www.formatmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/la-gear_cover.jpg[/IMG]
That is probably one of the most obnoxious kicks I’ve seen in a while. It resembles a seizure.
Have you watched “Mad Men?”
That is my new show. Seeing your question about The Wire makes me think I should add Mad Men to my list.
I absolutely love Mad Men…. I usually DVR the whole season and watch it in one fell swoop…
Don Draper… *swoons*
“If she immediately says “No”, she’s a liar and a gotdamn nutcase. If she immediately says ‘Yes”, she’s honest and a gotdamn nutcase”
- I almost lost a bowl of cereal from laughing at this.
01. Do you watch anything besides BET regularly and HBO on Sundays?
02. What’s the last non-magazine/pamphlet/milk carton you’ve read?
03. McDonalds Dollar Menu or BK’s Value Meal?
04. Do you any songs by A Tribe Called Quest besides Bonita Applebum & Electric Relaxation?
I cosign on all of Champs list except the item that the post is named after. I mentioned this the last time this kind of thing came up but unwillingness to share food is a deal breaker. I had never encountered a guy who didn’t share his food until my most recent ex. He straight kirked out on me because I wanted a fry. Most guys offer me food…if nothing else because they secretly wanted to thicken my skinny tail up a little. Should have taken the reaction to the food as a red flag and bounced immediately.
So I must now ask:
Will you get upset if I ask for a fry even if I said I wasn’t hungry when you offered to buy me my own?
Other questions:
How’s your relationship with your family?
Did you watch Sesame Street as a kid?
Good questions…
1) Yes, I may be a lil’ perturbed initially if you tell me you don’t want anything then proceed to eat 1/2 the fries (youze a lie with that 1 fry biz…I ain’t never, ever known a VSS that was content on having just 1 fry…lol). Once I know your MO, tho, I’d just make sure to get a large fry with the expectation that we’d share anyway.
2) Love ‘em dearly.
3) Didn’t watch much Sesame Street. If I was gonna watch some muppets talking, it was gonna be Nickelodeon (ie. Pinwheel, Today’s Special) or the Muppet Show.
I mentioned this the last time this kind of thing came up but unwillingness to share food is a deal breaker
I agree. The unwillingness to share food when we are not in the middle of the desert starving tells me a lot about what someone is willing to do… Mind you, I don’t like to eat off of people’s plates but I can’t fathom someone being mad because I want a piece of their food. GTFOOHWTBS.
And I didn’t watch Sesame Street as a kid…
… I watched Chantal Goya’s specials… In other words, that is a very American-centric question… unless all the people you date hail from here, you might not necessarily get what you want from this question…
“Why this is important to ask: As flaky and indecisive as the female orgasm already is, entering a relationship with a grown and sexually active woman (virgins are excused) possessing a less than fisher-price understanding of and/or level of comfort with her own parts is like trying to bake a chocolate cake in a DVD player”
Wait, wouldn’t we virgines be experts actually? I mean, other than the ones that just don’t believe in pasterslation, I’d say if you meet one that doesn’t do it and do it well (LL Cool J), then she probably an angry person that kicks kittens fresh out the womb.
Wowzers Cheekie…I’m terribly allergic to cats, and have a mild case hatred towards them for being so adorable and yet taking me through such pain…but that visual just broke my heart a little…demonic virgins!!
1. How is your relationship with your family/ what are they like?
2. Do you have any STD’s and are you opposed to getting tested again, and sharing the results? While I’m presently celibate, I don’t want to start investing time only to find away that you have a “gift that keeps on giving” and now I have to battle feelings of being shallow when I throw away the past year and a half because I don’t wanna have to use protection in my marriage.
3. What is the longest you’ve been in a relationship and why did it end?
4. Do you have children and if so how many mothers are we talking about?
5.Is getting married during football season an issue?? (major issue previously, I’m pretty dead set on a fall wedding…it’s just ONE day!!!! geez)
6.If you could be anything, do anything as a career, and money is of no value, you’re rich, what would it be??? Nothing, play video games, be in the NBA or any other job that you aren’t realistically capable of is not an answer. This is one of the most important of all my questions to me. The answer can give so much insight.
7. Do you have any close female friends, have you dated any of them?? If so, what happened? If not, why, because I feel friendship is a huge basis of any relationship that’s equipped to last.
8. Do you believe in God, are you religious/spiritual? If so, do you tithe?
9. Have you ever been addicted to any drugs, experimented with the same sex, been locked up? Okay, that was actually three questions, but they all serve to give me the same type of information about you.
10. Do you like cheese, onions and mushrooms?
11. Do you drink? How often, how much and what?
12. Also, are you put off by the idea of a relationship/marriage, where we give each other a weekend apart every month or so??
13. What are your thoughts on marriage? i.e. why do people get married, what it takes to make one last, shared or separate accounts, roles, can I stay home with the kids until they’re school age -_o, …
14. What is your ideal lifestyle?
I could go on, but I feel like all of these should be addressed in the first trimester of dating.
Aight, had to stop readin real quick and respond. How in the HELL do you hate Entourage?????
*back to reading*
1. Have you ever pictured yourself as a stay-at-home mom, and what do you think that job entails?
2. Do you see work as an integral part of who you are, or just something you do for now?
3. Do you see cooking and cleaning as chores to be avoided as much as possible, or reasonable responsibilities to be divided amongst spouses based on available time and inclination?
4. What’s your relationship like with God, and where would you like it to be eventually? ( Should have been number one to me..)
5. What do the words “relationship” and “marriage” mean to you?
Dead @ the “one arm deacon hug.”
My questions:
1. Are you family oriented? Are you opposed to family get togethers, cookouts, and Sunday dinners over my mama ‘nem’s?
2. Do you wash your hands after using the restroom? I still can’t fathom how some guys don’t think this is neccesary.
3. Are you cheap? When was the last time you bought ketchup and napkins rather than taking a few extra from McDonald’s.
4. Can you cook?
5. Have you ever cheated on an ex? If so, why and what happened during the aftermath?
6.What’s your definition of a gentleman? Are you one?
I ask questions to get to know a person, but there is no real set of questions I ask every time to guage to determine if I will continue to see that person. The only question that is important is the one I’m asking myself, “Do I like this man?”.
Great article…No, I won’t eat your food because I can barely finish a plate of my own food myself…but here’s a question a woman should ask a man:
Are you a mama’s boy?
If he says yes, then ladies walk run away…because you will NEVER come close to his mother, you will never cook as good as her, clean as good as her, or be a nuturer like her..No, it’s ok if you love and respect your mother, but if she gets more then 2 phone calls every day and she’s in perfectly fine health, then I may rethink dating you. Why? That tells me that already in the relationship your mother will have some say about me and she may have some hold over you. And seeing as how down the line I plan to be married, I can’t be married to a man AND his mother…I refuse
1. Have you ever been incarcerated?
2. Do you like or have a good relationship with your mother/father?
3. What is your view on traditional male and female roles?
4. Are you more religious or spiritual?
5. What is your favorite type of music?
6. What is the last book you read?
7. How do you handle conflict?
8. What is your communication style? Do you have one?
9. Do you want children?
10. Do you believe in marriage (Only asked when appropriate, not he!!a early, and not even in the hopes that dude wants to marry me. Just do you believe in marriage with ANYONE, period.)
The sharing food reference is funny to me because I am notorious for only wanting a chicken sandwich and a drink (no fries) at a restaurant and ALWAYS asking my boo for a few of his fries. I can’t help it : ) Why?
- Because some exes have thought it was cute
- Because I will Never eat an entire order of fries
- Because it’s not that serious.
- Because its one of my quirks
As for the questions I ask men:
-What was your last girlfriend like? (some guys are reluctant to answer because they don’t like to discuss exes. (respect) but I will still ask because if his response includes saying disrespectful things about her, my red flag will go off. men like this turn me off completely. i have been hurt by someone before, but i don’t feel it necessary to call them a punk a** muh*** to people)
- What kind of music do you like/listen to? (this doesn’t determine if I will date them or not, but depending on if they are into a wide variety of music or not, it will let me know if I will have company at a show or not)
- (I would ask their feelings on a current event) e.g. How do you feel about immigration laws?
- What turns you off? (i like this question because i certain responses lets me know if this person may be a little too shallow or nit picky for me)
@CNotes
Huh? Oh, who me?
– Well, my last girlfriend was wonderful. Unfortunately, timing was not on our side, as we were in two different stages of life.
- I listen to soul, r&b, jazz(smooth and traditional), reggae(roots/culture, dancehall, lovers), some hip-hop(underground and old school)
- Being a foreigner myself, the immigration laws didnt do a good job at stopping me from crossing the border.
- My turn offs include SFG and also not having visual confirmation of your self-described stallionesque, brickhouse, volleyball playing self.
@Mr SoBo
“Being a foreigner myself”
…and what foreign land would that be? Although I have a hunch. : )
“and also not having visual confirmation of your self-described stallionesque, brickhouse, volleyball playing self.”
: ) Interestingly enough is that at least you have seen my face. Er..um..a..duh…can I get something here? LOL
@CNotes – …and what foreign land would that be?”
I’m surprised SFG didnt answer that for me since she seems to love being all up in our business spreading hate. I’m from the land of wood, water and sunshine. Look it up.
@SFG
LOL!
*in response to your comment the below*
I guess that would explain why you’re still single. If you remove it, they will come.
@Mr SoBo
“the land of wood, water and sunshine. Look it up.”
No need to look it up. That was my hunch : ) Most of the guys I have dated are from there.
@CNotes – “Most of the guys I have dated are from there.”
And so the magic begins.
@Mr SoBo
….and let’s start that magic with a little cabbage, saltfish and boiled dumplin for breakfast!
@CNotes
*insert male equivalent of swooning here. Oh yeah, its called ‘swinging’. Mint Condition*
So if thats for breakfast,…..what was for dinner?
@Mr SoBo
“So if thats for breakfast,…..what was for dinner?”
(CNotes thinking) Maybe some stew chicken with rice and peas, callaloo and yam. (Thinking I should make a run over to Caribbean Delight STAT!)
@CNotes
Now that sounds as delicious as your attributes. Both of which I would devour without angst.
“- My turn offs include SFG”
Bwah hahahahaha! If you hate me then you hate yourself because we are the same person except my d*ck is bigger than yours.
Damn SFG, you go HARD!!
*slain*
Okay SOBO, I apologize and call a truce as I almost never talk to men this way. I retired my razor tongue years ago and use my powers for good and not evil…(unlike you) *cough* But yeah I call a truce. I’ll forgive you for having edreams about me and bashing my man if you forgive me for kicking you below the belt. pun.
@SFG
Truce accepted.
For the record, I do not bash your man. CBG is my vsb. He’s the role model I try hard not to emulate. And if kicking me below the belt was your aim, you need not raise a leg, for what lies below my belt would easily greet your toe in a slight breeze. Now e-dream about that.
Dueces.
LOL!!! You’re just jealous of CBG…I can’t be everyone’s eboo and this blog couldn’t handle both of us. So keep on hating on my man…we love haters.
Side note: Are you coming down in October? Not sure if Nick is still having anything. I have to check with her because we have to meet. ::chucking up the middle finger and the index finger follow::
Great post Champ! I have a few to add….
1. Have you ever hit/beat a woman up?
2. Do you have kids that you don’t take care of?
3. Do you have any STDs, especially ones you can’t get rid of?
4. Are you bipolar?
5. Are you an atheist?
Hello! First time posting so be nice to me or…Ion’t know just be nice.
BTW, prunes are good for you and they are tasty! There is nothing wrong with the month of October. The moon is awesome! It controls the tides and it gives off just enough light to make everyone look sexy when skinny dipping at night.
My Top 5 questions:
What is your relationship with God?
Are you married or in a relationship?
Is your wife/girlfriend married or in a relationship?
Do you have any children? How many? How many baby mommas? How old?
What is your relationship with sports?
I am nosey so I’ll find out everything else as time progresses and we get more involved. But those first 5 are first date questions for me. Heck, I ask the children and BM question BEFORE the first date.
“Hello! First time posting so be nice to me or…Ion’t know just be nice.”
Welcome to the VSB fam! *pinches cheeks*
Thank you, Cheekie!
Love the shoes!
I would ask: do you like women?
not the obvious men or women or both preference, but do you actually like being around women and get along with them?
i’ve never asked it though.
champ….
can u kindly pls explain the kat stacks and carmelo anthony reference. the only connection i can think of is that they are latino and i can’t really understand what either of em be saying.
and what happened to the tamia and grant picture…. ?
http://clutchmagonline.com/newsgossipinfo/why-twitter-spells-trouble-for-some-pro-athletes/
I’ve thought of another question.
-What do you think of marriage? Are against with the sanctity of marriage? Or do you support it?
The reason why I need to know because a lot of people do not agree with the institution of marriage and consider marriage to be nothing but a piece of paper.
You’re right. And if they think this, then move on. I don’t care if we ARE just “having fun”, if I mess up and catch feelings, I don’t want it to be with someone who’s falling for all the anti-marriage propaganda out there.
“…if I mess up and catch feelings, I don’t want it to be with someone who’s falling for all the anti-marriage propaganda out there…”
Which is why a person shouldn’t bite their tongue (if they are against or supportive), when the topic does come up. I know a lot of people who lie to their significant others, in an effort to appease them.
…and how can i forget…
DO YOU HAVE ANY KIDS? and
HAVE YOU BEEN CONVICTED OF ANY CRIME?
yea for some reason, dude didn’t think he had to tell my cousin that he has a child (and it was just one!) and then when she saw his picture, he said it was his nephew/cousin. he changed his mind often. i told her run fast. usain bolt.
and the last question is not a guaranteed dealbreaker, it is just important that i know.
Are you married?
Are you prejudice against anyone for race/ethnicity/religion/etc?
Have you ever cheated? (Not sure people can overcome this character flaw…)
Do you have your own place?
Do you have your own car? (Not a minus if you don’t but DEFINITELY a plus if you do.)
Do you have your own CELL PHONE? (It’s happened, people.)
Do you have any kids? If so, what’s you status with them and their mother?
Are you employed?
If you were down on your luck and needed some money, would you have a problem borrowing it from your woman? (Not doing THAT again.)
Have you ever suffered from substance abuse issues? If so, how long ago, and what led to your recovery?
Have you ever been convicted of a felony? Violent or non-violent?
Ever done felonies you weren’t caught for?
Are you violent? Towards women?
Ever had a three(or more)some? (If dude has done this and Chris Rock is right, he’ll be expecting this from me all the time and I’m not sure I’m down.)
What’s you relationship like with your family?
Are you STD-free?
Are you STD-free?
As a former medical secretary who knows just how easy it is to fake test results let me tell you the way I ask it:
Do you have a problem going to my doctor for an STD test and having our results read to both of us by my doctor?
although the probability of getting an honest answer is probably only 50% (for those who it really doesn’t affect) I still think I need to know:
Are you bisexual/attracted to men/on the DL/receiving chexual favors from men that you don’t think qualifies you as ghey?
I thought of another question that I haven’t seen yet, so here it is…
“Can I be your FB friend/follow you on Twitter/connect with you via (insert name of social networking site here)?”
I honestly can’t see myself making such a friend request unless we’re right at the point of commitment, but if she requests me that’s cool. I figure I’ll find out everything I need to know during our interaction. Your answer, though, will tell me a couple of things.
Ah, another one: “What do you think of ‘The 48 Laws of Power’?
If she swears by it, I’m running for the hills. If she’s never heard of it, she’ll see my surprise and probably a People’s Eyebrow (I don’t hide my feelings well, nor do I try to). If she gives an answer anywhere in between, that conversation will tell me almost half (about 40-45%) of what I need to know about her.
Is that what’s going on lately? Women are living by “The 48 laws of Power”?
I’d like for you to expound on that story. Sounds hilarious.
I hadn’t heard of it. I just Googled it and those rules are a little serious. I only follow one rule and that’s the one my dad always says:
“Play your own game.”
@Betamale: I dated a girl (if you’ve read commentary of mine from yesterday or today, this would be the crazy one who got mad at me for two-stepping with another girl on the dance floor) who swore by it. She could probably recite half of it verbatim. As much as she talked about the book at the beginning, I didn’t think much of it. Then I noticed how she tried to use it to gain power in our relationship. If one wants to apply those to professional life (especially in politics, business, or law – and in her defense she was/probably still is an attorney) that’s one thing. I’m of the opinion, though, that relationships are about two people working toward a common goal of shared and interdependent existence. Stated another way, we’re on the same team. So her trying to beat down her own ‘teammate’ was bad for “us”.
@KitKatCuty84: That seems to make the most sense to me. I don’t know where people come up with the time and/or desire to play Jedi mind tricks with people they’re attracted to and possibly want to make an investment in.
Sounds like fun. She sounds like the type to push buttons just for the sake of pushing buttons. I can’t stand folks like that. LOL.
“Can I be your FB friend/follow you on Twitter/connect with you via (insert name of social networking site here)?”
I always say no… even to friends… My FB is solely for re-connecting with old friends and keeping in touch with family… The new friends do not get to know that much about me with no friendship sweat equity. Nope. Negative.
Um, why come you changed the post pic, Champ? The first one was funnier. And it made me think it was a new post today. I’m already having an off day and you just effed up my world with that one.
Well Damn! According to this I’m screwed cause I HATE when people ask me a where I wanna be in 5 yrs. I always wanna say Alive and well I hope, haaaaa! But seriously I’m a carpe diem kinda girl, I’ll deal with the future when I get there. I NEVER discuss ex’s because I have dated a Preacher and an “O’Dawg” kinda Thug and everything in between, but don’t judge me….yeah right you reading this right now saying this chic is crazy but I prefer eccentric…..hence the reason I don’t discuss ex’s. I have a very eclectic taste in music sooooo naturally I’m that way about men too, haaaaa!
^ This.
And I don’t think you’re crazy at all…I just think you feel that you can handle whatever comes your way. Most people would do well to have a similar sense of liberation.
Thanks! I started to add that because of my ecletic taste in men, I’m never single, unless I wanna be. I think women should really date out of there comfort zone, they may not only discover something new in terms of men but they may even discover something new about themselves. I know I have over the years!!
“… I’m a carpe diem kinda girl, I’ll deal with the future when I get there…”
Co-sign! I am the same way too, which is why I have been labeled with the “slacker” label by my ‘Type-A’ friends.
After dealing with homelessness and a few unsavory experiences, my outlook of life is different from the majority of people.
ARE YOU HAUNTED BY ANY EVIL SPIRITS? This wasn’t always a concern for me, but ever since I saw “Paranormal Activiity” I’ve felt the need to check before getting serious with a girl.
I’m late as the dickens but my questions to ask..
1. Do you LIKE your mother? We all love them but do you LIKE her? Made the mistake of dating a man who didnt like his mother, the first time I met her she apologized for any future drama I would have with him. Told me it was a result of the issues in her relationship with him. You would think I would have ran then..Hard headed @$$.
2. Tell me about your oldest friend? If he is in his late 20s or 30s and his oldest friendship only extends back about 5-7 yrs. I’m out! Men deal with a lot more BS and do so with a lot less drama. So if he cant keep male friends…he’s on some BS and I’m out!
3. What postion does he play in his circle of friends? Everybody has a role. I had an ex who was the prepetual Eff Up of his crew. One night of drunken club hopping his two best friends told me, ‘You really are the best thing that has ever happened to him. He’s lucky. But watch this ninja yuck it it.’ Of course I sung his praises. One month to the day they said that we began out demise.
4. What have you completed in life? Lets you know if he’s a quitter and will walk out when shyt gets hard. If he never finished playing rec ball, quit AAU, gave up the drums after 4 lessons, never had a promotion at work, dropped out with 3 semesters to go and has a divorce under his belt the second things get hard he will walk out on your @$$ too. So dont bother.
“…What postion does he play in his circle of friends?…”
I had a girlfriend who was dating this guy, who was the doormat/punching bag/human ATM for his friends. Even though I wasn’t dating him, I found it to be so unattractive.
Where did my comment go?!? Crap I have to type that over again?
I ask any man I date when’s the last time he’s been to the Dr. for a physical. If the only time you visit the doc is when you have the whoopin cough or something akin to the plague… we can’t date. period.
Oh yeah…October is the greatest month! Especially the last week.
You hate the month of October?! *pouts*
Man, these questions are OC. I hope y’all are playing. I hate to go out with someone and he plays 20 questions. My brother, this is not a job interview. I am not about to tell you my hopes, dreams, fears, credit score and favorite color. All you need to know is what I’m allergic to, so we can eat somewhere that does not include that food group.
Hopefully along the course of the relationship (or the date), a bunch of these things will come up naturally. Do you all really think your grandma asked your granddaddy about his credit score?
I do have one question that’s pretty important. I ask menfolk if they could live anywhere in the world, where would it be. (Not via 20 questions though, just as it comes up naturally in conversation). If he says somewhere south of the Mason Dixon, I cain’t go. (Yes, I said cain’t). The south is not for me. #nodiss
T obe perfectly honest, I answer every question with “Why? Are you crazy, n*gga?”
“What did you have for lunch?” “Where is the last place you vacationed?” “Would you like to go out this weekend?”
I like to keep them on their toes.
1) Do you watch the boondocks?
2) Do you watch Tyler Perry?
Both answers must be in the affirmative.
According to my friend:
1. Do you have hoe-ish tendencies?
2. Did you used to be a woman/man.
1. Are you a Christian? Lol
2. Do you bake?
3. Is your house clean?
4. Do you text message? (Beware of women who text msg a lot)
5. Do you speak any other languages? (She might be a secretive person; watch em)
6. When was your last STD & HIV/AIDS test?
7. Are you close w/ your father? (Very important guys, she might have some issues b/c of her father)
8. How do you feel about Kanye West? Lol (She might be uptight b/c of Kanye)
9. Do you listen to 2Pac or Biggie. (Either one is cool, she got a lil G in her)
10. How do you feel about oral sex? (Need to know, don’t want some stuckup chick)