Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

Why You Can’t Break Up With A Drunk People

She ain't remembering sh*t in the morning.

She ain’t remembering sh*t in the morning.

Some many years ago, must have been like 2003 or 2004, I was back home visiting my family. Well, at this point, I had four nieces and nephews all ranging in age from 4 to 18 months. Well, two of the kids got into a toddler pushing match which looked a lot like Rock-Em-Sock-Em, a whole lot of action but nothing even close to an injury.

But I didn’t like it. I went into the belly of the beast, separated them, and gave something similar to one of the prisoner of the mind speeches that AshTrey gave in Don’t Be A Menace…when Keenan would come behind him and say message. It was moving. It was so moving that my audience, both 3 and 4, were speechless. They looked at me with respect and allegiance. At that moment, if I had asked for their loyalty as we traversed the Seven Seas, they would have been down. I’m good at speeches.

Or so I thought.

I finished my attempt at reasoning, along with the requisite, “do you understand? Will you play nicely now?” query. They both nodded yes.

I stood up and began to walk away when the 4-year-old combo’d the 3-year-old in a way that made my little sister (mother to one of the kids) say, “daaaaaaaaaaaamn…P, what’s wrong with you? You really just tried to reason with toddlers? For real??? You just got (insert kid name) knocked the f*ck out.”

We love Friday in my house.

I parallel that story to being pissed at your drunk girlfriend or boyfriend. I’m one of those people prone to not let an argument go. I will fight it out until we’ve fought so long that nobody agrees to disagree (the p*ssy way out) we just change subjects and move on. Nobody gives in, we just pivot.

Point is, there’s no resolution, just continued noise and disagreement. This is like arguing with a drunk person. There was a time in my life where I had a girlfriend whose drunken shenanigans truly pissed me the heave ho off. Every time. So much so that I wanted to give her the heave ho (no asthma). But I realized something, you can’t break up with somebody when they’re drunk. For one, they won’t remember it, so you’ll have to do it again. For b, have you ever actually tried to break up with a drunk person. Drunk people are the most extra people on the planet. Drunk women?

We’re talking Jupiter.

You tell a drunk women that you’re done with her she’ll do one of two things: 1. cry, scream, yell and beg you not to leave her and make a scene for anybody with in a 2 mile-radius; or 2. cry, scream, yell and attempt to embarrass the living f*ck out of you for anybody within your time zone. There’s very little middle ground. Now the problem is that drunkards tend to vacillate between the two which, admittedly, can be confusing. If somebody is begging you not to leave, you tend to try to keep them calm so they’ll hush.

You can also try to leave but drunk people have tremendous foot speed, torque, and agility – something in clear contrast to a drunk person having a regular ole drunk person good night. The point here is that engaging a drunk person in an emotional endeavor is not the move.

Again, you’ll have to rehash the entire convo again the next day anyway, except you’ll be so emotionally spent you likely won’t close the deal unless they boned your best friend (who is hopefully also drunk) or murdered a slew of kapuchin monkeys (or is it monkies?) – because who does that – since well, after you’ve slept it off and they have as well, you’re faced with the person who was unlike the drunk person that stood before you a night before.

If drunk people don’t know any better, and short people can’t reach the moon, then how can you, in good faith, conduct any transaction with a person who can neither reach the moon or know any better?

The main bullet point in this PSA is that you shouldn’t break up with with a drunk person because ultimately you’ll have to go through the motions twice. You can however drop a drunk motherlover off at their house and take their keys. A little light kidnapping and “holding against their will” never hurt anybody.

This has been a PSA brought to you by Panama Jackson Against Breaking Up With Drunk Ninjas Everywhere, or PJABUWDNE. The next day is fair game though. Just wait.

Thank you.

What are other times you just shouldn’t break up with somebody?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. MOTHER*CKERS AGAINST DRUNK DRIVING aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • Dignan

    So now we know that not only does Panama have someone in his life, but he tried to break up with her last night.

    Interesting…..

    • IcePrincess3

      Ha!

    • nillalatte

      and apparently drunk AND broadcasting they business in them streets. smdh…. after all the best relationship advice from the VSB experts &he still ain’t learned. I want my membership fee back!

      • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

        AND he attempted to break up via Gchat. All over fail

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

          But, his gf didn’t know what the heck gchat was….

          • IcePrincess3

            Shoooot, neither do I. #shruglife

        • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Farouk

          Over gchat, damn that’s cold. that’s so happened to me before. I got the “Its best we dont keep in touch anymore” and then she faded to black…

          • Kema

            Oh so that’s how you do it! I like

            • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Farouk

              I wasnt even mad, it was so diplomatic that I just logged off and went about my business.

        • h.h.h.

          “AND he attempted to break up via Gchat. All over fail”

          i saw the screenshot over Instragram, thats how i knew…i just didnt wanna say nothin’…

          *looks around*
          *shrugs*

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        ME TOO!

    • http://obsidianraw.bravejournal.com Obsidian
    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I do enjoy the leaps everybody makes. LOL. I truly do.

      • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

        me too! lol

      • Dignan

        I was just funnin’ ya. I have no idea if you write autobiographically or not.

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      ROTFLMAO Sounds like some mess!

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

    “What are other times you just shouldn’t break up with somebody?”

    - The day before or on any major holiday (especially Valentine’s Day and including Super Bowl Sunday) or birthday
    - The day or day after someone gets fired from their job
    - The day before, day of or day after a close friend’s wedding
    - Within 60 to 90 days of losing a close loved one
    - Within 30 days of someone having their cable TV cut off
    - On November 1st, which is the official beginning of cuffing season

    • nillalatte

      c

    • nillalatte

      I don’t have a problem with any particular day. I don’t think folks really think like that *shrugs*

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

        Really? I wouldn’t want a break-up to become a recurring memory by happening on a holiday of a special event.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

          *holiday OR special event*

        • nillalatte

          yeah it might be a memory 4 a minute, but it fades. most of the time people that want out & they don’t care about the day no matter what it might be. them some cold hearted bastards.

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

            Well, I had a break-up in high school just before xmas and to this day I think about it on xmas. I don’t cry or anything crazy like that but, it still crosses my mind.

            • http://saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

              You and me both, Val. I was dumped right before Christmas one year – worst Christmas ever. Thanks for reminding me, sheesh!

    • IcePrincess3

      Great list Val. U nailed it!

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

        :-)

    • hehe

      I broke up with my boyfriend 2 day before Christmas. I don’t give a f*ck.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

        Were you with him a long time before you broke up?

        • hehe

          Yep 4 years. If I’m done and you’re an a$$hole I have no qualms about breaking up with you no matter if it’s the holidays or not.

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

            Wow.

          • Rewind

            That would have been an awesome present on Christmas Day. You could have woke up, put on a sexy Christmas time outfit with misletoe on your body, and right before he comes close, you stop the music and tell him “I AM DONE WITH YOUR PUNK ASS”.

      • YeahSo

        Hold-up…

        Girl at least wait until you get the Chri-muh gifts… smh.

        I cannot co-sign this loan.

    • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Farouk

      that’s way too many rules, if you delay breaking up with someone because its some special day or the other. I say this because what if all these um days kinda keep happening and before you figure out you’re still in a relationship you want out of 6 months later? Arent you a douchebag for not breaking up with them and just tearing the band aid and walking off? Riddle me that

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

        There’s plenty of time during a calendar year to break-up with someone without doing it on a holiday.

      • Rewind

        True.

        Some people have an extreme stretch of bad luck, and then it seems there’s no perfect time to do the deed.

        However, no matter what, the longer you wait, the worse of a person you are, because pain only magnifies with time.

    • Kema

      I can get with day before or day after an important day but waiting more than 2 days when you KNOW is doing a bit much. Plus after a few days you’re just gonna do more harm than good.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

        Yep, two days after is reasonable. I don’t think you have to torture yourself by waiting any longer than that.

    • h.h.h.

      The day/week after a birthday.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

        I don’t think you have to wait a whole week after. Waiting one day is good, two is better.

    • Dignan

      On another website where I hang out, people were saying that you should try to break up with someone before Halloween. Party season and family time is basically Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and Valentine’s. So if you have an inkling that you want out, best to do it before Halloween, and that way they have time to meet someone new and salvage the holiday period, or at least time to get over you so that their holidays won’t suck so badly.

      I dunno. I can see the logic. *YeShrug*

      • http://saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

        Hmm, yeah that’s good advice.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        I agree with the message! :) Good idea. I would say the sweet spot is between Labor Day and Halloween. Summer is over, so you’re less likely to have trips planned. Plus there aren’t a lot of events scheduled. Even though my birthday is in that period, I’m usually having a good enough time that I’d doubt I would sweat the breakup stuff.

    • LMNOP

      I agree with all of this except Nov. 1. I think if you want to break up with someone in November, earlier is better.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      So basically never?

    • http://dominicanabanana.wordpress.com Asiyah

      I broke up with a guy about a week before my birthday. Kind of had to since he was in love with the ex. That definitely ruined my birthday lol

    • Rewind

      My birthday is the official start of cuffing season?

      Really?

      Usually that’s Pregnancy Begins day around my way.

  • IcePrincess3

    Yea, drunk ppl are impossible to deal with, especially if the person is me! Back in like ’07, before I was a mom, I used to go out & get sh*tfaced like 4-5 nights a week. I had a borderline drinking problem smh. Then I would come home & verbally abuse the living sh*t out of my bf at the time. He would tell me the next day like “yo, I can’t take this. When u drink you are the DEVIL.” Lmao. This post is so hilarious cuz it’s so true.

    • nillalatte

      Ice, no offense, but what ur describing is exactly why I NEVER party with white ppl. Last time I was in the club, white folks got shyt faced & stupid. I was the one yelling SECURITY! I’m da chill & feel my buzz kinda drunk. U might need more smoke to chill ur azz down! later

      • IcePrincess3

        Girl, I’m much more chill now. I only drink maybe once a week. Motherhood mellowed me big-time. Plus I was going through depression @ the time; acting out. I was jus like Rihanna when I was her age: excessive partying, promiscuity, the whole bit. I’m in a much more positive place now, I’m good.

        • Kema

          Girl! Who are you telling!

          • IcePrincess3

            Yea. Like with Rihanna, that girl has issues. It’s so clear to me, cuz I used to be the exact same way. But folks just wanna bash her cuz she famous. They can’t see that she is lost, or either they jus don’t care.

            • Dignan

              She’s famous, yeah, but she also went back to the man who damn near killed her, and now she wants to have his baby. smdh

              • http://saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

                Like Ice said… issues.

              • LMNOP

                The famousness almost makes it more sad to me, because she actually has real options, but just can’t see them.

            • Rewind

              No people are mad at her because she’s famous, proud to be stupid and unwilling to take responsibility for the things she does but has no problems singing in front of someone’s kids…yet still saying “I am not a role model”.

              I agree, she’s just got issues. But when she chose to be singer to made a lot of songs tailored to teenagers and continues to do so despite being older now…she put her foot on a mine and now she can’t take her foot off no matter what she says.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          So you’re a cute, not particularly shapely West Indian chick who looks like they’d leave you shivering in a corner after a night of relations with you.

          Cool. :)

          I do see your point though. Acting out is not a game.

      • Em.

        ^^This^^

        Once upon a time, I went out with my colleagues. The only chocolate child in the vanilla mix. We all had access to our company’s campsite so we hung out there one weekend. They got rip-roaring drunk and nekkid. O_o

        • LMNOP

          Wow. That’s awkward.

        • Dignan

          If I send you my resume, can you get me an interview? :D

        • camilleblue

          lol…yes…pilgrims will do somoe strange sh!t like that…one time me and hubby attended a function held at a co-workers house and towards the end of the evening, the hosts husband turned on a porno flick….ummm…aaawkwaard….

          • camilleblue

            give me free!!!

            • Breezy

              Probably did that because ninjas dont be knowing when to leave and go home….LMBO! Oh ok so ya’ll still here *insert bowchickabowwow*

              • camilleblue

                lol…u stooopid breezy!!

                • Dignan

                  “Pilgrims?” I’ve never heard that one before.

                  That, obviously, means that I’ll be using my new buzzword all weekend long. :D

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Hey! You just described my apartment Junior year of college! The alcohol that flowed was incredible. I *really* enjoyed White privilege, because they didn’t raid our place once, despite the drunks streaming in and out. LOL

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      It is interesting how different some people can be when they are drunk. They can go from nice and sweet to full on asshole. And not remember a thing after.

    • Rewind

      Real talk…it took me a long time to understand why females have this issue and to stop the slut shaming.

      Once you get to the truth of the matter instead of just focusing on the bad deeds, it’s really not fair how harmful people are about it.

  • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

    when she tells you she’s pregnant.
    *goes to sleep

    • nillalatte

      oh damn… u right tho.
      *turns lights out*

    • That Ugly Kid

      Don’t worry. I’m here doe. *strokes hair gently*

      • Keisha Brown

        Thanks TUK…

    • IcePrincess3

      Pffffft! News flash, it’s 2013. A pregnancy/baby don’t keep a damn thang. It don’t “trap” nobody like it used to. Plenty of folks broke up during pregnancy; Nas & Kelis come to mind, & I’m sure there’s more. I’m not saying its right, but that’s jus what it is now. Pregnancy is fair game imo.

      • LMNOP

        *during* pregnancy maybe, but right when someone tells you they’re pregnant? that is COLD.

        I got dumped when I was pregnant, now I know it’s for the best, but it was really ugly at the time.

      • Keisha Brown

        Um…news flash not every unplanned pregnancy is an attempt to trap/keep a dude.

        It may be fair game to you – til you find yourself there.

        • SororSalsa

          I will say though….it does still work on a few dudes. Someone I was dating is now married to because him dumb a** laid up with his ex after they broke up. Honorable, I suppose, but probably not the way you want to get the guy.

    • http://dominicanabanana.wordpress.com Asiyah

      That’s messed up, Keisha Brown.

    • Rewind

      *plays Rell – That’s My Baby*

      You’ve got homies. Far and wide. Don’t ever forget that.

      • camilleblue

        junior mafia…

      • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

        i do. we’re both very lucky.
        yo! i sent you an email doe!

  • nillalatte

    I have no idea what this phone is typing. IT must be drunk!

    cosign ur list doe.

  • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

    “What are other times you just shouldn’t break up with somebody?”

    Any time s/he starts a sentence with “I have something to tell you…” I just think of that commercial about the guy who dumped his girlfriend as she was trying to tell him she won $30mil lottery

    • IcePrincess3

      Bwahahahaaa! That is easily one of the funniest commercials of all time. Thanx for reminding me of it :-)

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        it really is.

    • Dignan

      My experience is that if she ever says “I have something to tell you,” or, better yet, “we need to talk,” then you might as well break up with her, because she’s going to be breaking up with you sometime in the next 30 seconds.

      • http://saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

        Yeah, “we need to talk” is rarely ever followed by something good.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

          Last time I heard those words I ended up with a fuggin cat, yeah never ends with something good.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          NEVER.

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        The problem is that my wife uses that phrasing for anything other than the weather, asking for food or leaving the house. At this point “we need to talk…” has become meaningless in my household.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “I just think of that commercial about the guy who dumped his girlfriend as she was trying to tell him she won $30mil lottery”

      What’s funny is that something similar like this happened fairly recently- albeit with the gender roles reversed:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGbbuj5VPdQ

      • Rewind

        I read about that…and she tried to get back at him!

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          I bet she did, LMAO!

        • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

          ANYONE would try doe!

    • AfroPetite

      This actually happened though…

      Dude’s girlfriend broke up with him and right after he won 30M

      http://totalfratmove.com/1063950

      • AfroPetite

        sh*t reading is fundamental

  • Charcoal Burnt Brother Lover

    When she is on her period.
    ( Ask Jazmine Sullivan and why she bust the windows out his car. )

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

      Hiya, AM!

      *waving*

      :-)

      • Charcoal Burnt Brother Lover

        hEYY!! :) *waving*

    • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Farouk

      but that’s like every month though…come on!

      • Kema

        Wait til she’s ovulating.

        • IcePrincess3

          BOL

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

    On their birthday, perhaps?

    (Apologies to L.C.M. in September 2008. I really didn’t want to, but I didn’t have much of a choice…)

    • IcePrincess3

      You DIDN’T!!

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        Yeah, I did. I didn’t want to do it, but I had to.

        • camilleblue

          ummm…those are my initials….and my birthday is in september…I knew it!! YOU SOM-MA-MA-BYTCH!!!

          lol…j/k…but those are my initials and my birthday is in september…

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            Ruh roh! *in Scooby Doo’s voice*

    • Think2Inspire

      I broke up with someone at their job, oops. Apologies n sh*t

      • IcePrincess3

        Omg! You were trying to make that poor guy go postal! Looool

        • Think2Inspire

          teehee, no. I tried calling him but when that didn’t work I showed up at his job during the Friday closing meeting. I left happy.

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        That awkward moment when you realize that something could have popped off at any given moment…

    • Dignan

      Ok, PA, I wouldn’t pry, but you opened yourself up to the following question:

      How is it that you didn’t have a choice? You couldn’t have waited another day or two?

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        Nah, I couldn’t. I was dealing with a lot of stuff and I didn’t want her involved in it.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      So you just not gon’ tell that story?

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

        I could…but it’s a rather depressing one, and being that everyone’s in a festive mood, I don’t want to be the Debbie Downer of VSB.

        And why did I say the date was September 2008? It was September 2005- that’s what I get for trying to type and fend off sleep at the same time, LOL!

        • Charcoal Burnt Brother Lover

          urrrrrrgh, just TELL THE gotdarn STORY already! wHY do you do this?!?!?!!! *screams*

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

            In a nutshell, I had to deal with severe health problems as well as major financial problems that caused me to move back to my hometown that was over a hundred miles away.

            I didn’t want to do the long distance relationship thing again. I did that twice before and neither ended well. So I felt it was best for us to go our separate ways so I could deal with my personal issues. It wasn’t the best decision to make at the time, but as far as my situation was concerned it was the only decision.

            • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

              thats fair.

      • http://www.twitter.com/SoulaPowa Soula Powa

        I know right! Just rude and disrepectful.

        Out with it, Think2Inspire. Change the names but VSBs wanna know.

  • That Ugly Kid

    When NOT to break up:

    1. When she’s on her…you know…
    2. After she’s just popped a Molly.
    3. While she’s watching Scandal – Do this and you will scar this poor woman. She will then proceed to only date rich white men for the rest of her life.
    4. During the Winter. You know, for cuddling and sh*t.
    5. After she just watched “Waiting To Exhale”. And “For Colored Girls”. In the same d*mn day. – Break up her with at this point and congrats, you’ve just created a man-hating Lesbian.

    • Think2Inspire

      “3. While she’s watching Scandal – Do this and you will scar this poor woman.”

      I don’t think most women would notice if you tried to break up with them during Scandal. People who watch that show don’t even brev during that hour.

      • LMNOP

        So true.

        • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

          also.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        I agree. That’s like breaking up with them while they’re drunk. They won’t remember it anyway and you’ll have to do it again.

    • That Ugly Kid

      When TO break up:

      1. After you’ve just won 10 million + dollars in the lottery.
      2. After she tells you Twilight was a great romance series.
      3. If she can’t play Chess. – Fact: B*tches who can’t play Chess, aren’t very good at keeping their vaginas clean. Don’t ask how the two are coorelated, just know that they are. Cause I said so…
      4. If she eats all the Cinnamon Toast Crunch. – If you eat the LAST bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, the greatest ceral ever, then you gotta bounce.
      5. If she tries, more than once, to stick her finger in your azz during chex. Yes, I’m fully aware that there’s a spot in the male anus that intensifies our orgasms. And I don’t give a f*ck. My azz is an exit, not an entrance.
      6. After she’s told you she’s taking you on Jerry Springer because she has to tell you a secret. – She’s really a man. Rock Bottom his/her azz then run.

      • That Ugly Kid

        Free me. Now. I ain’t eem say nothing bad.

      • http://twitter.com/inomallday Shamira

        fun nerd fact: I went to Chess nationals in middle school. twice.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

      “…you’ve just created a man-hating Lesbian.”

      What?

      • IcePrincess3

        He didn’t mean nun by it Val. He talkin bout like when a woman jokingly (or not) says, ” I’m sooo sick of men; I’m finna be a lesbian!”

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

          Yeah, IP, maybe you’re right but, I have to keep my eye on TUK. He’s a trouble maker.

          • That Ugly Kid

            Why I gotta be a trouble maker, Val? Cuz I’m Black? Das racist!

            • IcePrincess3

              Yall ain’t nun but a bunch of racist homophobes! Ugggh *walks off with my nose in the air*

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

              “Cuz I’m Black? Das racist!”

              For some reason you reminded me of Wayne Brady when he was on 30 Rock and Liz wanted to break-up with him but she couldn’t because he kept saying she was breaking-up with him because he was Black.

              • IcePrincess3

                Uuhm, since when is Wayne Brady black? Lmao

                • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

                  Lol! He’s Black on Fridays and Saturdays.

                • h.h.h.

                  wait, you speakin’ on Wayne Brady?

                  i was riding along with Wayne and Dave one time #BlackActorsUnite …and man, he a O.G. with multiple stripes…i ain’t saying anything about that time tho.

                  • IcePrincess3

                    I saw that chapelle episode. Pure hilarity!

                • Rewind

                  Yo…Wayne Brady is awesome. Yall let that squeeky clean image of yall fool you. When he does a laid bakc interview though…you might as well write N-I-G-G-A on his forehead. You should hear some of his stories.

        • That Ugly Kid

          See, you understand my struggle, Ice.

    • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Farouk

      I like your list better, definitely hilarious. Lol @ creating a man-hating lesbian

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “5. After she just watched “Waiting To Exhale”. And “For Colored Girls”. In the same d*mn day. – Break up her with at this point and congrats, you’ve just created a man-hating Lesbian.”

      This sounds like half the women in the Auburn-Opelika area…
      *shots fired*
      More on that later…much, much later…

      • Dignan

        I’ve got a buddy of mine who grew up in Auburn and now goes to grad school there. He would most definitely cosign your opinion.

        And yet, he won’t move.

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          Can’t say I blame him. After all, it’s great here!

    • h.h.h.

      ” Break up her with at this point and congrats, you’ve just created a man-hating Lesbian.”

      or a Clutch writer…
      or a twitter feminist…

      -h.h.h. uses SHADE-

      -it’s VERY EFFECTIVE!-

      • http://www.becauseimwrite.com Muze

        LOL at twitter feminist.

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      I love your #5. On that note, I shall forward it to the Lesbian Recruiting Committee. Think of all the toasters members will get. ;)

  • Think2Inspire

    “What are other times you just shouldn’t break up with somebody?”

    Three days before or after Valentine’s Day
    Their birthday
    During sex
    If he/she is holding a gun/bat/knief
    Whilst they are cooking (hot grease doe…)

    • Charcoal Burnt Brother Lover

      DURING sex?! Is he asking to be MURDERED?! That’s just WRONG.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        I do actually know of somebody who broke up with his girlfriend during sex. It was the story heard ’round the AUC while I was in college. Hell I still remember both of their names.

    • IcePrincess3

      Na, 3 days BEFORE valentines is aite. That way, you don’t have to buy a present. If you do it 3 days after, well, you’re just a dumbazz. Unless you were the recipient of said present, then you’re #winning :-)

    • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Farouk

      Yeah during sex, is that before or after culmination? Would anyone really break up with someone in the heat of passion? I doubt it, how you gonna do that before you create nut juice? Riddle me that

      • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

        LMFAO

    • msdebbs

      Who breaks up with a person during sex?? I can understand after sex but not during…thats a mood killer.

      • Em.

        I was thinking immediately after you’ve finished also.

        Surely, no one would do that unless he/she wanted an at home vasectomy/hysterectomy.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        Ikr just stroking like I think….we….should….see….other….people…..

        • Kema

          *dead*

      • Rewind

        It should only be done if you feel forced to bang someone you don’t really want to bang and you know for sure that you won’t be cu-mming anytime soon.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “Three days before or after Valentine’s Day”

      Depending on their motives, I’d say this one’s kinda justified.
      Ask me how I know…

      • IcePrincess3

        Nope, I will not take the bait! :-)

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          Oh, but you will. I won’t, but you will *snickers*

      • Breezy

        *forces bait down Ice throat* Take it!!!!

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          I can’t do it. It goes against my moral fiber!
          *gives bait back to Breezy and runs*

    • LMNOP

      During sex?!? Just the idea of that is cracking me up.