Some many years ago, must have been like 2003 or 2004, I was back home visiting my family. Well, at this point, I had four nieces and nephews all ranging in age from 4 to 18 months. Well, two of the kids got into a toddler pushing match which looked a lot like Rock-Em-Sock-Em, a whole lot of action but nothing even close to an injury.
But I didn’t like it. I went into the belly of the beast, separated them, and gave something similar to one of the prisoner of the mind speeches that AshTrey gave in Don’t Be A Menace…when Keenan would come behind him and say message. It was moving. It was so moving that my audience, both 3 and 4, were speechless. They looked at me with respect and allegiance. At that moment, if I had asked for their loyalty as we traversed the Seven Seas, they would have been down. I’m good at speeches.
Or so I thought.
I finished my attempt at reasoning, along with the requisite, “do you understand? Will you play nicely now?” query. They both nodded yes.
I stood up and began to walk away when the 4-year-old combo’d the 3-year-old in a way that made my little sister (mother to one of the kids) say, “daaaaaaaaaaaamn…P, what’s wrong with you? You really just tried to reason with toddlers? For real??? You just got (insert kid name) knocked the f*ck out.”
We love Friday in my house.
I parallel that story to being pissed at your drunk girlfriend or boyfriend. I’m one of those people prone to not let an argument go. I will fight it out until we’ve fought so long that nobody agrees to disagree (the p*ssy way out) we just change subjects and move on. Nobody gives in, we just pivot.
Point is, there’s no resolution, just continued noise and disagreement. This is like arguing with a drunk person. There was a time in my life where I had a girlfriend whose drunken shenanigans truly pissed me the heave ho off. Every time. So much so that I wanted to give her the heave ho (no asthma). But I realized something, you can’t break up with somebody when they’re drunk. For one, they won’t remember it, so you’ll have to do it again. For b, have you ever actually tried to break up with a drunk person. Drunk people are the most extra people on the planet. Drunk women?
We’re talking Jupiter.
You tell a drunk women that you’re done with her she’ll do one of two things: 1. cry, scream, yell and beg you not to leave her and make a scene for anybody with in a 2 mile-radius; or 2. cry, scream, yell and attempt to embarrass the living f*ck out of you for anybody within your time zone. There’s very little middle ground. Now the problem is that drunkards tend to vacillate between the two which, admittedly, can be confusing. If somebody is begging you not to leave, you tend to try to keep them calm so they’ll hush.
You can also try to leave but drunk people have tremendous foot speed, torque, and agility – something in clear contrast to a drunk person having a regular ole drunk person good night. The point here is that engaging a drunk person in an emotional endeavor is not the move.
Again, you’ll have to rehash the entire convo again the next day anyway, except you’ll be so emotionally spent you likely won’t close the deal unless they boned your best friend (who is hopefully also drunk) or murdered a slew of kapuchin monkeys (or is it monkies?) – because who does that – since well, after you’ve slept it off and they have as well, you’re faced with the person who was unlike the drunk person that stood before you a night before.
If drunk people don’t know any better, and short people can’t reach the moon, then how can you, in good faith, conduct any transaction with a person who can neither reach the moon or know any better?
The main bullet point in this PSA is that you shouldn’t break up with with a drunk person because ultimately you’ll have to go through the motions twice. You can however drop a drunk motherlover off at their house and take their keys. A little light kidnapping and “holding against their will” never hurt anybody.
This has been a PSA brought to you by Panama Jackson Against Breaking Up With Drunk Ninjas Everywhere, or PJABUWDNE. The next day is fair game though. Just wait.
Thank you.
What are other times you just shouldn’t break up with somebody?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. MOTHER*CKERS AGAINST DRUNK DRIVING aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

So now we know that not only does Panama have someone in his life, but he tried to break up with her last night.
Interesting…..
Ha!
and apparently drunk AND broadcasting they business in them streets. smdh…. after all the best relationship advice from the VSB experts &he still ain’t learned. I want my membership fee back!
AND he attempted to break up via Gchat. All over fail
But, his gf didn’t know what the heck gchat was….
Shoooot, neither do I. #shruglife
Over gchat, damn that’s cold. that’s so happened to me before. I got the “Its best we dont keep in touch anymore” and then she faded to black…
Oh so that’s how you do it! I like
I wasnt even mad, it was so diplomatic that I just logged off and went about my business.
“AND he attempted to break up via Gchat. All over fail”
i saw the screenshot over Instragram, thats how i knew…i just didnt wanna say nothin’…
*looks around*
*shrugs*
ME TOO!
@Dignan:
Just in case you missed it:
http://verysmartbrothas.com/google-red-dots-and-love/#comment-557338
O.
I do enjoy the leaps everybody makes. LOL. I truly do.
me too! lol
I was just funnin’ ya. I have no idea if you write autobiographically or not.
ROTFLMAO Sounds like some mess!
“What are other times you just shouldn’t break up with somebody?”
- The day before or on any major holiday (especially Valentine’s Day and including Super Bowl Sunday) or birthday
- The day or day after someone gets fired from their job
- The day before, day of or day after a close friend’s wedding
- Within 60 to 90 days of losing a close loved one
- Within 30 days of someone having their cable TV cut off
- On November 1st, which is the official beginning of cuffing season
c
I don’t have a problem with any particular day. I don’t think folks really think like that *shrugs*
Really? I wouldn’t want a break-up to become a recurring memory by happening on a holiday of a special event.
*holiday OR special event*
yeah it might be a memory 4 a minute, but it fades. most of the time people that want out & they don’t care about the day no matter what it might be. them some cold hearted bastards.
Well, I had a break-up in high school just before xmas and to this day I think about it on xmas. I don’t cry or anything crazy like that but, it still crosses my mind.
You and me both, Val. I was dumped right before Christmas one year – worst Christmas ever. Thanks for reminding me, sheesh!
Great list Val. U nailed it!
I broke up with my boyfriend 2 day before Christmas. I don’t give a f*ck.
Were you with him a long time before you broke up?
Yep 4 years. If I’m done and you’re an a$$hole I have no qualms about breaking up with you no matter if it’s the holidays or not.
Wow.
That would have been an awesome present on Christmas Day. You could have woke up, put on a sexy Christmas time outfit with misletoe on your body, and right before he comes close, you stop the music and tell him “I AM DONE WITH YOUR PUNK ASS”.
Hold-up…
Girl at least wait until you get the Chri-muh gifts… smh.
I cannot co-sign this loan.
that’s way too many rules, if you delay breaking up with someone because its some special day or the other. I say this because what if all these um days kinda keep happening and before you figure out you’re still in a relationship you want out of 6 months later? Arent you a douchebag for not breaking up with them and just tearing the band aid and walking off? Riddle me that
There’s plenty of time during a calendar year to break-up with someone without doing it on a holiday.
True.
Some people have an extreme stretch of bad luck, and then it seems there’s no perfect time to do the deed.
However, no matter what, the longer you wait, the worse of a person you are, because pain only magnifies with time.
I can get with day before or day after an important day but waiting more than 2 days when you KNOW is doing a bit much. Plus after a few days you’re just gonna do more harm than good.
Yep, two days after is reasonable. I don’t think you have to torture yourself by waiting any longer than that.
The day/week after a birthday.
I don’t think you have to wait a whole week after. Waiting one day is good, two is better.
On another website where I hang out, people were saying that you should try to break up with someone before Halloween. Party season and family time is basically Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and Valentine’s. So if you have an inkling that you want out, best to do it before Halloween, and that way they have time to meet someone new and salvage the holiday period, or at least time to get over you so that their holidays won’t suck so badly.
I dunno. I can see the logic. *YeShrug*
Hmm, yeah that’s good advice.
I agree with the message!
Good idea. I would say the sweet spot is between Labor Day and Halloween. Summer is over, so you’re less likely to have trips planned. Plus there aren’t a lot of events scheduled. Even though my birthday is in that period, I’m usually having a good enough time that I’d doubt I would sweat the breakup stuff.
I agree with all of this except Nov. 1. I think if you want to break up with someone in November, earlier is better.
So basically never?
I broke up with a guy about a week before my birthday. Kind of had to since he was in love with the ex. That definitely ruined my birthday lol
My birthday is the official start of cuffing season?
Really?
Usually that’s Pregnancy Begins day around my way.
Yea, drunk ppl are impossible to deal with, especially if the person is me! Back in like ’07, before I was a mom, I used to go out & get sh*tfaced like 4-5 nights a week. I had a borderline drinking problem smh. Then I would come home & verbally abuse the living sh*t out of my bf at the time. He would tell me the next day like “yo, I can’t take this. When u drink you are the DEVIL.” Lmao. This post is so hilarious cuz it’s so true.
Ice, no offense, but what ur describing is exactly why I NEVER party with white ppl. Last time I was in the club, white folks got shyt faced & stupid. I was the one yelling SECURITY! I’m da chill & feel my buzz kinda drunk. U might need more smoke to chill ur azz down! later
Girl, I’m much more chill now. I only drink maybe once a week. Motherhood mellowed me big-time. Plus I was going through depression @ the time; acting out. I was jus like Rihanna when I was her age: excessive partying, promiscuity, the whole bit. I’m in a much more positive place now, I’m good.
Girl! Who are you telling!
Yea. Like with Rihanna, that girl has issues. It’s so clear to me, cuz I used to be the exact same way. But folks just wanna bash her cuz she famous. They can’t see that she is lost, or either they jus don’t care.
She’s famous, yeah, but she also went back to the man who damn near killed her, and now she wants to have his baby. smdh
Like Ice said… issues.
The famousness almost makes it more sad to me, because she actually has real options, but just can’t see them.
No people are mad at her because she’s famous, proud to be stupid and unwilling to take responsibility for the things she does but has no problems singing in front of someone’s kids…yet still saying “I am not a role model”.
I agree, she’s just got issues. But when she chose to be singer to made a lot of songs tailored to teenagers and continues to do so despite being older now…she put her foot on a mine and now she can’t take her foot off no matter what she says.
So you’re a cute, not particularly shapely West Indian chick who looks like they’d leave you shivering in a corner after a night of relations with you.
Cool.
I do see your point though. Acting out is not a game.
^^This^^
Once upon a time, I went out with my colleagues. The only chocolate child in the vanilla mix. We all had access to our company’s campsite so we hung out there one weekend. They got rip-roaring drunk and nekkid. O_o
Wow. That’s awkward.
If I send you my resume, can you get me an interview?
lol…yes…pilgrims will do somoe strange sh!t like that…one time me and hubby attended a function held at a co-workers house and towards the end of the evening, the hosts husband turned on a porno flick….ummm…aaawkwaard….
give me free!!!
Probably did that because ninjas dont be knowing when to leave and go home….LMBO! Oh ok so ya’ll still here *insert bowchickabowwow*
lol…u stooopid breezy!!
“Pilgrims?” I’ve never heard that one before.
That, obviously, means that I’ll be using my new buzzword all weekend long.
Hey! You just described my apartment Junior year of college! The alcohol that flowed was incredible. I *really* enjoyed White privilege, because they didn’t raid our place once, despite the drunks streaming in and out. LOL
It is interesting how different some people can be when they are drunk. They can go from nice and sweet to full on asshole. And not remember a thing after.
Real talk…it took me a long time to understand why females have this issue and to stop the slut shaming.
Once you get to the truth of the matter instead of just focusing on the bad deeds, it’s really not fair how harmful people are about it.
when she tells you she’s pregnant.
*goes to sleep
oh damn… u right tho.
*turns lights out*
Don’t worry. I’m here doe. *strokes hair gently*
Thanks TUK…
Pffffft! News flash, it’s 2013. A pregnancy/baby don’t keep a damn thang. It don’t “trap” nobody like it used to. Plenty of folks broke up during pregnancy; Nas & Kelis come to mind, & I’m sure there’s more. I’m not saying its right, but that’s jus what it is now. Pregnancy is fair game imo.
*during* pregnancy maybe, but right when someone tells you they’re pregnant? that is COLD.
I got dumped when I was pregnant, now I know it’s for the best, but it was really ugly at the time.
Um…news flash not every unplanned pregnancy is an attempt to trap/keep a dude.
It may be fair game to you – til you find yourself there.
I will say though….it does still work on a few dudes. Someone I was dating is now married to because him dumb a** laid up with his ex after they broke up. Honorable, I suppose, but probably not the way you want to get the guy.
That’s messed up, Keisha Brown.
*plays Rell – That’s My Baby*
You’ve got homies. Far and wide. Don’t ever forget that.
junior mafia…
i do. we’re both very lucky.
yo! i sent you an email doe!
I have no idea what this phone is typing. IT must be drunk!
cosign ur list doe.
“What are other times you just shouldn’t break up with somebody?â€
Any time s/he starts a sentence with “I have something to tell you…” I just think of that commercial about the guy who dumped his girlfriend as she was trying to tell him she won $30mil lottery
Bwahahahaaa! That is easily one of the funniest commercials of all time. Thanx for reminding me of it
it really is.
My experience is that if she ever says “I have something to tell you,” or, better yet, “we need to talk,” then you might as well break up with her, because she’s going to be breaking up with you sometime in the next 30 seconds.
Yeah, “we need to talk” is rarely ever followed by something good.
Last time I heard those words I ended up with a fuggin cat, yeah never ends with something good.
NEVER.
The problem is that my wife uses that phrasing for anything other than the weather, asking for food or leaving the house. At this point “we need to talk…” has become meaningless in my household.
“I just think of that commercial about the guy who dumped his girlfriend as she was trying to tell him she won $30mil lottery”
What’s funny is that something similar like this happened fairly recently- albeit with the gender roles reversed:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGbbuj5VPdQ
I read about that…and she tried to get back at him!
I bet she did, LMAO!
ANYONE would try doe!
This actually happened though…
Dude’s girlfriend broke up with him and right after he won 30M
http://totalfratmove.com/1063950
sh*t reading is fundamental
When she is on her period.
( Ask Jazmine Sullivan and why she bust the windows out his car. )
Hiya, AM!
*waving*
hEYY!!
*waving*
but that’s like every month though…come on!
Wait til she’s ovulating.
BOL
On their birthday, perhaps?
(Apologies to L.C.M. in September 2008. I really didn’t want to, but I didn’t have much of a choice…)
You DIDN’T!!
Yeah, I did. I didn’t want to do it, but I had to.
ummm…those are my initials….and my birthday is in september…I knew it!! YOU SOM-MA-MA-BYTCH!!!
lol…j/k…but those are my initials and my birthday is in september…
Ruh roh! *in Scooby Doo’s voice*
I broke up with someone at their job, oops. Apologies n sh*t
Omg! You were trying to make that poor guy go postal! Looool
teehee, no. I tried calling him but when that didn’t work I showed up at his job during the Friday closing meeting. I left happy.
That awkward moment when you realize that something could have popped off at any given moment…
Ok, PA, I wouldn’t pry, but you opened yourself up to the following question:
How is it that you didn’t have a choice? You couldn’t have waited another day or two?
Nah, I couldn’t. I was dealing with a lot of stuff and I didn’t want her involved in it.
So you just not gon’ tell that story?
I could…but it’s a rather depressing one, and being that everyone’s in a festive mood, I don’t want to be the Debbie Downer of VSB.
And why did I say the date was September 2008? It was September 2005- that’s what I get for trying to type and fend off sleep at the same time, LOL!
urrrrrrgh, just TELL THE gotdarn STORY already! wHY do you do this?!?!?!!! *screams*
In a nutshell, I had to deal with severe health problems as well as major financial problems that caused me to move back to my hometown that was over a hundred miles away.
I didn’t want to do the long distance relationship thing again. I did that twice before and neither ended well. So I felt it was best for us to go our separate ways so I could deal with my personal issues. It wasn’t the best decision to make at the time, but as far as my situation was concerned it was the only decision.
thats fair.
I know right! Just rude and disrepectful.
Out with it, Think2Inspire. Change the names but VSBs wanna know.
When NOT to break up:
1. When she’s on her…you know…
2. After she’s just popped a Molly.
3. While she’s watching Scandal – Do this and you will scar this poor woman. She will then proceed to only date rich white men for the rest of her life.
4. During the Winter. You know, for cuddling and sh*t.
5. After she just watched “Waiting To Exhale”. And “For Colored Girls”. In the same d*mn day. – Break up her with at this point and congrats, you’ve just created a man-hating Lesbian.
“3. While she’s watching Scandal – Do this and you will scar this poor woman.”
I don’t think most women would notice if you tried to break up with them during Scandal. People who watch that show don’t even brev during that hour.
So true.
also.
I agree. That’s like breaking up with them while they’re drunk. They won’t remember it anyway and you’ll have to do it again.
When TO break up:
1. After you’ve just won 10 million + dollars in the lottery.
2. After she tells you Twilight was a great romance series.
3. If she can’t play Chess. – Fact: B*tches who can’t play Chess, aren’t very good at keeping their vaginas clean. Don’t ask how the two are coorelated, just know that they are. Cause I said so…
4. If she eats all the Cinnamon Toast Crunch. – If you eat the LAST bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, the greatest ceral ever, then you gotta bounce.
5. If she tries, more than once, to stick her finger in your azz during chex. Yes, I’m fully aware that there’s a spot in the male anus that intensifies our orgasms. And I don’t give a f*ck. My azz is an exit, not an entrance.
6. After she’s told you she’s taking you on Jerry Springer because she has to tell you a secret. – She’s really a man. Rock Bottom his/her azz then run.
Free me. Now. I ain’t eem say nothing bad.
fun nerd fact: I went to Chess nationals in middle school. twice.
“…you’ve just created a man-hating Lesbian.”
What?
He didn’t mean nun by it Val. He talkin bout like when a woman jokingly (or not) says, ” I’m sooo sick of men; I’m finna be a lesbian!”
Yeah, IP, maybe you’re right but, I have to keep my eye on TUK. He’s a trouble maker.
Why I gotta be a trouble maker, Val? Cuz I’m Black? Das racist!
Yall ain’t nun but a bunch of racist homophobes! Ugggh *walks off with my nose in the air*
“Cuz I’m Black? Das racist!”
For some reason you reminded me of Wayne Brady when he was on 30 Rock and Liz wanted to break-up with him but she couldn’t because he kept saying she was breaking-up with him because he was Black.
Uuhm, since when is Wayne Brady black? Lmao
Lol! He’s Black on Fridays and Saturdays.
wait, you speakin’ on Wayne Brady?
i was riding along with Wayne and Dave one time #BlackActorsUnite …and man, he a O.G. with multiple stripes…i ain’t saying anything about that time tho.
I saw that chapelle episode. Pure hilarity!
Yo…Wayne Brady is awesome. Yall let that squeeky clean image of yall fool you. When he does a laid bakc interview though…you might as well write N-I-G-G-A on his forehead. You should hear some of his stories.
See, you understand my struggle, Ice.
I like your list better, definitely hilarious. Lol @ creating a man-hating lesbian
“5. After she just watched “Waiting To Exhaleâ€. And “For Colored Girlsâ€. In the same d*mn day. – Break up her with at this point and congrats, you’ve just created a man-hating Lesbian.”
This sounds like half the women in the Auburn-Opelika area…
*shots fired*
More on that later…much, much later…
I’ve got a buddy of mine who grew up in Auburn and now goes to grad school there. He would most definitely cosign your opinion.
And yet, he won’t move.
Can’t say I blame him. After all, it’s great here!
” Break up her with at this point and congrats, you’ve just created a man-hating Lesbian.”
or a Clutch writer…
or a twitter feminist…
-h.h.h. uses SHADE-
-it’s VERY EFFECTIVE!-
LOL at twitter feminist.
I love your #5. On that note, I shall forward it to the Lesbian Recruiting Committee. Think of all the toasters members will get.
“What are other times you just shouldn’t break up with somebody?â€
Three days before or after Valentine’s Day
Their birthday
During sex
If he/she is holding a gun/bat/knief
Whilst they are cooking (hot grease doe…)
DURING sex?! Is he asking to be MURDERED?! That’s just WRONG.
I do actually know of somebody who broke up with his girlfriend during sex. It was the story heard ’round the AUC while I was in college. Hell I still remember both of their names.
Na, 3 days BEFORE valentines is aite. That way, you don’t have to buy a present. If you do it 3 days after, well, you’re just a dumbazz. Unless you were the recipient of said present, then you’re #winning
Yeah during sex, is that before or after culmination? Would anyone really break up with someone in the heat of passion? I doubt it, how you gonna do that before you create nut juice? Riddle me that
LMFAO
Who breaks up with a person during sex?? I can understand after sex but not during…thats a mood killer.
I was thinking immediately after you’ve finished also.
Surely, no one would do that unless he/she wanted an at home vasectomy/hysterectomy.
Ikr just stroking like I think….we….should….see….other….people…..
*dead*
It should only be done if you feel forced to bang someone you don’t really want to bang and you know for sure that you won’t be cu-mming anytime soon.
“Three days before or after Valentine’s Day”
Depending on their motives, I’d say this one’s kinda justified.
Ask me how I know…
Nope, I will not take the bait!
Oh, but you will. I won’t, but you will *snickers*
*forces bait down Ice throat* Take it!!!!
I can’t do it. It goes against my moral fiber!
*gives bait back to Breezy and runs*
During sex?!? Just the idea of that is cracking me up.
I once broke up with a guy after he told me he was homeless. Pls don’t judge me but his lack of ambition irked my soul.
Dude that’s brutal!
Was he newlly homeless during your relationship? Were you dating him not knowing he was homeless? No judgement, I seek understanding.
I didn’t know he was homeless until he just told me outta the blue. He just didn’t wanna live with his family but squandered his money on clothes and the car he was living in. His excuse was that his folks had too many rules. So man up and get your own place. When I realized that wasn’t the route he wanted to go I let him go….quick!
That’s a good reason, that wasn’t bad.
Oh the humanity!
Judged!
Man, I just said “ouch” so loud somebody brought me a bandaid.
This is exactly when you break up with someone..
Don’t do it on April Fools Day.
And I disagree about memories of dates of events fading. I still remember the dates of most of my first dates, both breakups and the three most memorable kisses.
Dang, you have a mind like a steel trap! Lol. The only actual date I remember is when I lost my virginity. Columbus Day weeknd, 1995
Ahhh yes, those were good times. We had fun, right, Ice?
Lol!! Boi stop, you like weren’t even born in ’95. Go sit on the children’s rug; take Tristan witchu. Breezy will be in shortly to sing ABC’s to yall & serve yall’s snack. Today it’s animal crackers & Capri sun.
“…you like weren’t even born in ’95″
Lol!
always picking on me tho….lucky Capri Sun’s are pouches of greatness
actually I think TUK would have been about five. That is not a comfortable thought :/
*school bell rings and kids run to class assigned lines*
Come on TUK and Tristan today we are working on adding and subtracting and the word of today is N. BTW, N stands for “Ninjayoarseistechnicallystillafetus” in my eye sight
You’re right Nilla. I was 5 years old. Ice was 14. I had THAT much game.
Child molester calculations.
I see you.
ahahahahahaha @ IcePrincess!
x_x
Ha! St. Patrick’s day for me. I’ll keep the year to myself! LOL & no I wasn’t drunk!
Girl I was drunk & high as hell when I lost it. Remember boone’s farm strawberry hill wine? That’s what did it *face palm* I was 14. We were @ this huge house party. You ever seen that 90′s indie movie “Kids?” Well, we were kinda like that growing up. The good ol days smh *sigh*
Ice…i saw that movie and ummm…d@mn…they were spreading aids all up and thru that flick….
Lol! That was us, minus the aids obviously rotfl
That scene where Rosario Dawson speaks on giving great, uh, “knowledge”? Priceless…
whew!!! ok…we back cool again..LOL!!
How was that movie Kids even legal to show? I never got how they were able to work around child pr0n laws for that one. LOL
Wouldit be bad if I told you I didn’t lose my virginity for another 4 1/2 years after that despite being older than you? LOL
Lol! No, it wouldn’t be bad, considering you MORE than made up for lost time with all that swinging! Once you finally did it, you were off to the races! Lmao
Yeah. I have issues with the concept of moderation in my sex life. Someday I’ll have it.
“Don’t do it on April Fools Day.”
Or else, you’ll end up singing a song like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vCMzCh7l7g
Oh yeah, and this one too:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IP4V3TTC3fw
but actually.
my first bf did this, and he called it “taking a break.” i was EXTRA confused.
cause u didn’t know if it was a joke or not..cause “taking a break” is always a joke…except when it’s actually said on the holiday of jokes…yeah…i’m confused now…
Never break up with a person in private if you’re 50% sure they may try to kill you. Do it at Dennys instead
You listening, Rewind? Dont you let that girl kill you in yo sleep!
lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo @ Ice.
She always says she doesn’t care what people think about her, but then when she starts fights in public, she talks me to keep my voice down, because she don’t like people staring.
If I mention what I did to her lately, I might really get killed.
Oh no! What did u do? And don’t be p*ssy footing around like PA. Tell me!
Say huh? Say what?
or always have an out…..have a friend on they way to scoop u or something
I feel like Denny’s breeds violence though.
And yet, it’s still a step above Waffle House.
Never break up with someone after you took their virginity…*drops mic*
*picks mic up and gives it back to Sir F and pushes him back on stage*
Anecdotal evidence suggests that when people lose their virginity they get broken up with immediately after about 90% of the time.
Really? Ouch! And that, folks, IS what she said
90%!!! Every time I was with a virgin (not very many), I stayed with her for several months afterwards. You mean I’ve been doing it wrong all this time?
This one may or may not be justified…
I was only with one virgin, ironically enough we didn’t have sex until AFTER I broke up with her, felt a lil guilty that we never got back together but we still cool n sh t
Interesting. Though ironically, I wasn’t “together” with the girl I lost my virginity with. FWB FTW!
You mean right after right? Cuz I’m saying…sh*t happens.
Worst time to break up with someone… After they’ve been evicted or diagnosed with terminal illness.
Rite!! “Um, yea, so this whole lupus thing you got going on, it’s kind of a buzz kill. So I’m breaking up witchu now. No hard feelings, mmkay?”
I think the only possible way out is if they had been a total azz to you just before the diagnosis.
Yea, then you can tell yourself it’s just his/her karma. I’m pretty sure you & I are still gonna burn in hell for thinking like that tho.
co-sign!
“Worst time to break up with someone… After they’ve been evicted or diagnosed with terminal illness.”
Also known as the Newt Gingrich approach. He served his first wife with divorce papers after being on her death bed with terminal cancer!
Didn’t George Lopez do something like that? I’m too lazy to look it up. I know Newt Gingrich did it.
Yep, lopez’s wife gave him one of her kidneys to save his life. Then he dumped her! Could u freakin imagine?? Omfg I would take my kidney rite on back with a dull knife.
Nah, a rusty spoon would be better.
Justifiable homicide. lol
Word.
“What are other times you just shouldn’t break up with somebody?â€
–When her brother or father just got out of prison.
–When she’s Taylor Swift.
lol
Here’s one that happened to a friend of mine.
Him: “I’m breaking up with you.”
Her: “If you break up with me, I’ll kill myself.”
So he broke up with her, and she was in the hospital that night with a pill overdose. He felt guilty and took her back. Their relationship continued to be rocky, but he was afraid to break up with her. They were married a couple of years later. They have a daughter now.
They still have a dysfunctional relationship, mind you. I think they’ve been married about seven years.
Damn, she really played him. Sucks for him, but he shouldn’t have gone back.
Easy to say, hard to do.. Especially because women scare the shyte out of us when we think something horrible they did is our fault.
It’s impossible to describe how to be responsible for a woman’s actions against herself when you’re her partner….even though you technically don’t have to.
That’s just sad. A relationship built on guilt. Hopefully, some happiness is there because resentment could easily come into play.
SMH
Damn. That’s messed up. I had one chick threaten to kill herself if I broke up with her. She attempted to run into traffic. I guess she ain’t realize ninjas had brakes.
“I guess she ain’t realize ninjas had brakes”
LMBO!!!! Boy you are stoopid!
Was that that stripper or whateva who used to stalk u?
huh??? what??? oh PLEASE tell THAT story….
Darwin is shaking his fist at dude…
I’m shocked, SHOCKED that their relationship is dysfunctional! You mean marrying someone after they effectively forced you to do it could cause issues? LOL
Some of y’all are just evil. EVIL!
Muahahaaaa *mr. Burns hand steeple*
I don’t understand why people prolong agony. When it’s over, it’s over. *sings there must be 50 ways to leave ur lover… *
Was in a similar situation I ain’t turn back like Deniro in Casino, in my. eyes she was already gone to me, once i learned she was ok, i immediately turned to anger, one she knew how I felt about suicide in general, two I just think it’s cruelest thing you could do to someone you love.
Break up with her at a concert. The concert will drown out the crying and the noise. Plus you can disappear into the crowd. You should be able to lose her if she’s drunk. If not at concert, break up with her and then stand completely still. I hear if you stay really still she won’t be able to see you. Wait, that’s for escaping a T-rex. Try it anyway. I’m not sure if this works on drunks, but if she smokes, you can try to confuse her. Here’s what you do: Let her puff a while, then say, ” I can’t break up with you because….we were never together (pass the blunt and simulate the sound of wind going through wind chimes). That’s all I got.
I’ve heard that they will leave you alone if you wave your arms above your head and yell as loud as you can.
No, wait…..that’s grizzly bears. Nevermind.
This was a hilarious comment. Good damn job.
You seriously put a lot of thought into that.
You probably thought of that while you were high one time right?
can’t break with her
when you have no back up, on her birthday, on her birthday again when you know her ex left her on her birthday before, within a week of a parent dying, after receiving an extravagant gift, while snowed in together….I might could almost be speaking from experienceas the breakup-ee I never win.
By the way, the title is brilliant. Sh!t made sense to me until I looked at it again. Then I wondered if I was drunk for a moment. Look at PJ tricking me into empathizing wth my drump-offs (drunk jump-offs). You a clever MF.
Lol @ “drump off!” Stolen.
I was wondering how many folks couldn’t decide if I did that on purpose, or if I just forgot to take out the “A”. Both are totally possible.
A.ong with drunk people never try to break up with someone within two weeks of a funeral. If you are mourning they won’t believe you and think your distraught and continue to call you to comfort you. This will necessitate you breaking up with them at least 3 times or more. If they are mourning it kinda makes you seem like a jerk for breaking up with them while they are grieving their Nana. Plus they will call you to cuss you put after they finish crying. So wait 30 days after any funeral for a break up.
I dont even like drinking with my girl/boobookins. I can deal with wine buzz but full on drunk, is never a good time. I immediately sober up and have to enter protection mode, while she’s stumbling and sounding like Kesha….I can’t yo
RE: iceprincess way up yonder
This ended a relationship:
Had a bf tell me while leaving in bed that his d!ck was sore from doing another chick…needless to say that ended the relationship.
This ended a potential friendship/relationship:
Had a dude tell me he likes me but he doesn’t do ldr but we are still hella cool…rejection is a bsh!
*runs away sobbing*
That first one though…wow! Talk about balls of titanium!
Todd: In the end it was ok because it needed to end. He had a MAJOR p0rn0 and alcohol problem in addition to being the worst lay in the history of mankind.
Thinking back on that day, he actually saved me 4 mins and 37 seconds of my life that would have been given up to him doing his signature “poke it to the right side†move… O_o
“poke it to the right sideâ€
–
that shyt just tickled me to death…i know, i know – THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID!!! lol…..
That N-I-GGA stole my move!
Rewind: Maybe you got the MOVE and technique down pack but if you are doing like homie did, you might want to drop that from the line-up. All am saying is for me with him…that MOVE = DRYNESS.
Oh nah. My move packs a punch. Otherwise there would be no point in washing the sheets.
*dead*
A pr0n problem? I never quite got that. You mean you literally can’t stop polishing your knob for more than 10 minutes? There’s nothing else popping in your life right now? I never got that crowd, but I know it’s a very real phenomenon. *shrug*
I’ve only had one really bad brea kup, and that break up was destined to be bad whether it occurred on a “special” day or any other time. There is no bad time to break up with someone. Life is too short, if you know it’s over then end it. You really not doing anybody any favors by waiting a few extra days. Can’t do it on their birthday, what if their birthday is mid week and they not celebrating till the weekend? Do I have to wait until after the party? Do I have to give them the obligatory birthday sex too? What if a string of birthdays, holidays, family tragedies, weddings all fall together? Now I’m with you 3-4 months longer than I wanted to be. Nope, ain’t nobody got time for that.
don’t break up with somebody while they are down on one knee with and open ring box….in front of friends and family…
don’t break up with somebody while on vacay – especially if not on american soil…
don’t break up with somebody the day they get out of prison…
don’t break up with somebody the day they get back from their 2nd tour in iraq…
don’t break up with somebody the day their dog dies…cats are ok tho – well, maybe not – cat owners can be a lil strange…
don’t break up with somebody after they walk in on you having chex with someone else – *you cheatin’ AND you gonna tell me to leave and him to stay??? oh, somebody gots to die!!*
ALWAYS break up with somebody that leaves a 4 minute off-key rendition of ‘always & forever’ on your voicemail at #toodamnearlyo’clockinthemorning on valentine’s day – yeah…….
“don’t break up with somebody the day they get back from their 2nd tour in iraq…”
Shout out to all the military wives that hold their men down until they get home
*shots fired*
shout out to all the military wives who hold down their husbands until they come home…. to find out she’s banged half the town AND the homie.
shout out to the military wives who hold their husbands down until they get home…….in order to provide the proper can of whoop ass after recieving that video of him being a man whore while on tour.
Military wives- the gift that keeps on giving…and giving…and giving *snickers*
“don’t break up with somebody while they are down on one knee with and open ring box….in front of friends and family…”
Lol. I know, right. But, it seems to me if you are going to do one of those high-profile proposals you should have done your due diligence to make sure you are going to get the right answer.
I see much drama in these comments & I have to admit that now I understand why folks just go ghost rather than dealing with all the potential drama. I can’t say I haven’t faded on someone, cause, yeah, I’ve done that then explained/made it official later. I think fading for a minute kind of gives them space to regroup with themselves (& myself) to center & bring clarity, unless they just flipping crazy, yeah, then ghost is best & at any time.
After graduating professinal school where she held you down.
Right after the pregnancy test puts you in the clear.
Right after your ex breaks up with her boyfriend…
While she’s driving.
While you’re driving.
At your engagement party for your other girlfriend.
11am.
Chemo.
While she’s on twitter/facebook
During a Snapped marathon.
At that waffle house. Don’t ruin the magic.
W-O-W!
“During a Snapped marathon”
—
yeah…don’t give ‘em any extra ideas…
“After graduating professinal school where she held you down.”
So you mean i can’t leave her a** for a white gurl at that point in time?
thats what #YeezyTaughtMe (pause)
Dammit, you stole my comment! *shakes fist*
But did you reupholster her p*ssy first? Then it’s OK.
Also…..10 minutes before she recieves the results to her HIV test.
10:59am has always been my break-up deadline *dap*
“After graduating professinal school where she held you down.”
This happens all the time. Especially after med school.
I want to add:
Don’t break up Before, During, or Right After Graduation, Labor, Vacation, or during Evaluation-Performance/Promotion Period for Work
Those times will make people go into Assassin Mode, especially the Labor one
Whatever happened to “All’s fair in love and war”? I broke up with my girl three days before Thanksgiving. #americangangster
That’s not gangsta. Gangsta would’ve been ON thnksgving, AT dinner. “I don’t want you no more, tired of yo sh*t. Pass the gravy?” Rotflmao
Ha! Ice, you’re such a nut.
Nah gangster would have been if HE ASKED HER TO COOK THANKSGIVING DINNER…then broke with her.
I would have personally come to visit him with dap, a car ride, AND bail money.
yeah dread…as my son huey & riley would tell you “you can’t say that and be in the gangsta club..that’s not gansta…you out the gansta club”….
*sons*
lol I didn’t wanna play anymore anyway
Ehhh… was it her birthday?
I wish I could relate. I can’t recall ever breaking up with someone. Wait. Once in college. I was dating an ugly guy to prove to myself that i wasn’t shallow. Didn’t work. It wasn’t hard to break up with him after listening to him talk about how we needed to compromise. But he pronounced it com PROMISE. he sounded like an idiot and soups makes me mad. Add that to ugly and he could be mourning, it wouldn’t make a difference.
But usually I’m the breakup ee.. I don’t know why. Maybe cuz once I commit to something, I stick with it. Don’t like to go back on my word.
Wusup dub C! Real talk, I was jus thinkn bout u yesterday. I think I want to become a cougar, but I’m conflicted. I’ve never dated dudes younger than me, ever. Women mature faster than men as it is, & young dudes’ convo jus never seems to be on the level that I need. I like dudes my age or older, cuz I like smart ppl that I feel I like can learn something from. But, they just can’t seem to hang wit me in the sack. I need someone who can really go beast mode, namean? You seem like a smart, classy lady, as am I. So I wanted to ask you, should I take the plunge into the cougar pool?
Da hale?!?!? Ice: I swore you were in your 20s…are you a 70′s baby too or 60′s?
She’s an 80s baby. 80 or 81.
1880, or 1881?
ZING!
Wait that makes her a vampire.
*eats garlic*
*hands u a whole case of altoids*
Thank you Blue.
Otherwise font is the closet you’re going to get to me.
no problem my ninja *daps*
Asiyah’s rite. I’m 32 lol.
You’re not really a cougar until you hit 35.
Until then, you’re just a MILF.
Hmmm, sounds about rite.
All hail Ice the MILF
Girl, I can’t hang with younger dude’s either. Just not a lot of substance… VSB excluded.
Phew… that was a close one.
“I was dating an ugly guy to prove to myself that i wasn’t shallow. Didn’t work.”
haha, what a reason to date someone.
A bad time to break-up with someone is in 2004. Results: horrible song.
A bad time to break-up with someone is the day of your wedding. That should have happened a LOOOOOONG time ago!
It’s also bad to break-up with someone at a funeral or at a hospital. Unless the break-up is mutual. But are break-ups really mutual? Hmm…
It’s also bad to break-up with someone on a mountain in DR. He’ll just throw you off the mountain and then kill himself.
What? You don’t like Ruben Studdard? He was hot back in the day!
sorry 2004!! thanks todd b/c i couldn’t think of that song to save my orange juice!!
I usually avoid all of the awkward times of year for breakups. I’m the master executioner when it comes to relationships. Every breakup I’ve done, I’ve managed to do with the skill of a ninja.
Now, with my wife…well, I get “left” like twice a year. Maybe one day she’ll actually leave. I know this time, I had to get lawyers just in case. Of course, I knew she couldn’t do what she said because she lacked the resources to pull it off. So of course, I got the dramatic “I’ve decided to stay” speech. I was thinking to myself that unless she low-key won the lotto, she couldn’t pull off what she said anyway. LOL
“So of course, I got the dramatic “I’ve decided to stay†speech. I was thinking to myself that unless she low-key won the lotto, she couldn’t pull off what she said anyway.”
BOL! I’m so sorry to laugh but I’ve heard a similar speech. “If I left, you’d be alone, so I decided to stay.” LOOOL
Me a de don-don, de don-dong, de dong-dong diggide
De dong-dong, de dong-dong, de dong-dong diggide
Remember the name of the crew is called B.P.D.
Remember the name of the crew is called B.P.D!
Sorry, I had to flip that KRS-One hook for this one. It’s good to know you understand that one. After hearing it for the eighth time, it kind of loses its power. It’s like OK now, here’s the suitcase, and lemme know where you move to. LOL
Oh, and to Camilleblue, I wouldn’t have the fattys come to my house. I would go to them. Remember, I have a daughter. There’s so much cleaning up a brother can do in his house after a set like that without a kid discovering something that would require…a Very Special Conversation. LOL
of course…how rude of me to forget about baby girl…duly noted…babysitters will be on hand so that you may attend the next set to be thrown at *insert name here* lounge, club/strip club, or the basement of your boys crib…..
LOL one day I said to him, “You know what? I won’t believe you’re gone until you’ve signed a lease to another place and given me your keys.” Never heard “I’m leaving!” ever again after that LOL.
So of course, I got the dramatic “I’ve decided to stay†speech.
–
to which you responded by picking up the phone and cancelling the orders for the locksmith, movers, cable company, and all yo boys and the fattys they was bringing with them that was coming over to throw a set that night….
Another bad time is while they are writing their manifesto. Don’t upgreade a suicide into a Murer/Rampage-suicide.
Right after she did that filthy thing you had been trying to talk her into doing for forever.
When your in a YMCA in connecticut with nation wide TV coverage.
Apparently while on vaccation in Aruba.
Alone in the car when you’re scheduled to perform at the Grammys in half an hour.
Before she drops off your insulin.
After Kobe puts up the do not disturb sign.
At her family reunion, in Oakland…
ROTFLMBO…you are in rare form today.
Honorable mention: Right after her younger sister and or best friend just got engaged.
You are clowning today Meech…lmbo..
Other honorable mention:
A few hours after she has a bad experience at the salon and her forehead has her looking like LeBron Jame’s fated lover.
lol
“Alone in the car when you’re scheduled to perform at the Grammys in half an hour.”
-hee hee
Aruba… smh
“Before she drops off your insulin”
- To this I’ll add “or right before/during an asthma attack”
*oh…what?? what u trying to say? spit it out…oh, u ain’t have no problem telling me u wanted to break up with me just a few minutes ago, but now allofasudden u can’t breath – or talk?? byllshyt! imma need u to tell me exactly what u want from me right now*
“Right after she did that filthy thing you had been trying to talk her into doing for forever. ”
BOL! So true! I’d be all “Snapped” after that loool
The night before they have to drive you to the airport because you flew out to visit them.
That experience itself is worth my own TV show.
shyt…u actually got them to still take you to the airport??? ninja…u knew u was breaking up with me…u on your own…and u betta think reeeeal hard about having another woman come get u….
In my defense…she was a real c*nt and I had no idea until I spent those two weeks with her. Phone/computer chats did her personality no justice, it really took seeing her everyday life for me to quit the fantasy.
Plus….it was that last day that the final straw came from how much shyte I was going to take from her. I did something equally f*cked up back as a response and then I realized..nah..this isn’t going to work.
ok….imma give u some very sound advice…cause you my new found e-boy and all…don’t EVER spend 2 weeks with somebody the FIRST time you meet in person. EVER. EVER-EVER. ain’t no gchat, echat, facetime, phonesex THAT d@mn good. u hear me? Oh! and since u swear that your girl is gonna kill you in your sleep i’m also gonna tell you not to break up with her when u sleepy as hell and wanna take a power nap….
Well this was years ago in my “I’m a depressed black nerd with low self esteem, health issues and I think the world hates me, so I’ll act like a leech if anyone shows me an ounce of attention” phase. I honestly just didn’t know any better but that situation sparked the flame and I never looked back since.
lmao @ a power nap.
Knowing her she’ll drug me. which is why I make fun of her not cooking.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *cough* *cough* BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
A great time to break up with someone should be St. Patrick’s Day.
You get to be Irish for a day, you both get to be drunk so maybe sex is a trade-off (the angry kind too, what’s a better farewell than that?), AND you get to wear green, which should help hide the blood from your broken nose.
Attention VSB.
After yesterday’s talk of Gchat and all that crap, Breezy has come up with the ingenious idea that we should have a VSB chat group.
Since there’s already an e-mail list for NYers when we do our meet up group, I wanted permission for everyone on that list if we could add everybody else on it, so we can all talk.
Your choice people, your choice.
I’m down. And hey, I’ll see everyone tomorrow!
im down
umm…so..wait….are u saying that y’all gonna open up the ny clique, clique, clique, clique, clique to all of vsb?? or did you just play us like a bratty-@ss middle schooler that just announced they having a big-@ss party over the school intercom, but it’s invite-only, so YOU may not get to bring yo @ss???
You can add me. It’ll be my first time *blushes*
Cami: Nah, just give Rewind your gmail address so that he can add you. For that matter anyone who wants to join the side bar VSB gchat group just post your email address and Rewind will take it from there.
Please note, that according to the post yesterday…en nobody care if your status is RED!!! LMBO!
thanks breezy…was gettin ready to be like fo-get rewind and his ‘ol funky nygchat club!! – but i wanna join so – thoughtsfromavirgo@gmail.com
—
*holdin on to the “professional” address with all my might*
Here’s mines: mschelly920@gmail
My sister is celebrating her bday tomorrow night. I can’t make it
This clique, tho…she’s lucky she’s my sister!
I’m in. ballerinagyrl@gmail.
I’m in. TravellingIncog2520@gmail.com
first off you are messing with bad drunks
i am in most cases a wonderful drunk
I am fun loving, wild and a great dancer.
i also have an amazing karaoke voice when im drunk and an amazing almost fireman stripper poll twirl down pact.
(unless i drink to much cheap vodka then i do tend to paint that “S” on my chest and buff up from time to time )
otherwise
im pretty awesome so this leads me to believe that regardless of what drunk shenanigans transpired and pi$$ed you off its still your fault for choosing the wrong type of drunk to deal with and then there is no need to worry about breaking up with them. #Message.
“first off you are messing with bad drunks
i am in most cases a wonderful drunk”
Almost everyone who’s a drunk says that. Their acquaintances say otherwise.
How do I know this? Let’s just say I’m in the know…
Almost everyone who’s a drunk says that. Their acquaintances say otherwise.
the only acquaintances that dont say this are non drinkers.
and they suck and are therefore bad going out partners unless they serve the purpose of being designated drivers.. but he.ll i damn near will just pay the cab fare
After you’ve made the chex tape… smh
Ladies- Before he pays for dinner… just hang-on, another 10 minutes isn’t gonna kill you (twss)
Fellas- In YOUR house
“Fellas- In YOUR house”
–
truth…because we gives not a #goodgatdamn about the shyt in YOUR house….
Boy! This girl on “cheaters” caught her bf with his buss-down at his house. She took a baseball bat to the flat screen, laptop, errthang!! It was NOT pretty smdh
BTW, Panama, when I first read the phrasing of the title of this post (“with A drunk people”), I was expecting a post about breaking up with the Russians — all of them.