Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

Why Women With High Sex Drives Scare The F*ck Out Of (Some) Men

Before careful what you wish for...

Be careful what you wish for…

As I type this, the San Antonio Spurs are a quarter away from winning the NBA championship¹. Aside from the fact that they basically play perfect offense—and aside from the fact that someone obviously injected Danny Green with shark blood before the series started—much of their success is due to the style of defense they’re playing on Dwyane Wade and, most importantly, Lebron James. There are quite a few complexities involved, but it basically comes down to crowding the lane and forcing Wade and James to beat them by shooting semi-contested jumpshots. They’ve struggled (at times), and (at times) the Heat’s offense has struggled with them.

From a logical point of view, these should be relatively easy shots. There are instances where the Spurs are playing a half-dozen feet off of James and Wade when they receive the ball, and anyone who’s watched either of them play have seen them each hit hundreds—thousands even—of much more difficult jumpshots.

But, as someone who has played before—and is prone to somewhat streaky shooting—those “easy” shots can actually end up being the hardest shots you can actually take. You’re so used to having to work to even get a decent look at the hoop that when someone basically says “Go ahead, shoot. I won’t even bother you. Be my guest” it can mess with your mind and make you uncharacteristically passive. Basically, it flips the dynamic you’re used to and have spent countless hours preparing for.

Some players welcome this change. Some adjust quickly. Some are slow learners. And, some never learn.

Anyway, watching Wade and James take turns trying to solve this “easy” defense makes me wonder if some men really know what they’re asking for when they say sh*t like they “wish more women approached” or that they want women to have the “exact same types of sexual urges, desires, and drives as a (stereotypically) typical man.” (They actually already kinda do, but that’s another topic for another day.)

Just as the shots attempted by Wade and James seem easy and more attractive, I’m sure they imagine an “easier” navigation through the dating and relationship morass as women adopt certain roles traditionally held by men. But, a shift in that dynamic results in other, less attractive shifts, including the fact that if women were to collectively wake up tomorrow morning and start acting more like “men,” men would have to start to fulfill certain duties traditionally expected of women.

These duties include:

Seeing our mate value disproportionately tied to how physically attractive we can stay for the first, I don’t know, 60 or so years of our lives. No more couch-potatoing. No more letting ourselves go. No more hanging around and hoping she eventually grows on you. No more being a 4 or 5 and still having a somewhat realistic shot at locking down a 7 or 8.

Learning how to deal with being relentlessly approached, propositioned, pulled, whispered to and hollered at by women you’re not attracted to (…and not being approached by the ones you actually are attracted to)

Of course, many men don’t think about this. They think that a women being more “male-like” sexually means that the woman they’re currently involved with will want to have more sex with him, not considering the fact if she were more male-like—and was turned on by the same things he’s turned on by—she may have never even given him the time of day. Just because she’s more open about wanting it doesn’t mean you’re the one she actually wants it from.

Also, as I’ve stated numerous times before, we (men) tend to talk a pretty good game. But, as I’m sure many women with higher libidos will tell you, possessing that level of sexual drive/confidence has a tendency to make men passive. Not all men, obviously. But, for all the sh*t we talk about putting it down and breaking backs and laying pipe, encountering a woman who’s a bit more aggressive than we’re used to can trigger an anxiety that passifies instead of arouses. I remember the first time a woman told me that she wanted to sleep with me (Her exact words: “I’m going to f*ck you tonight”) and I honestly had no f*cking clue how to react to that. I think I might have even giggled. And farted².

I know evidence based on personal experience doesn’t really count. But, although anecdote doesn’t really count either, stories I’ve heard from women and men both tell me that type of reaction is more common than we (men) let on. There are a couple possible reasons for this passivity, but I think it has more to do with performance anxiety than anything else. Basically, instead of the main effort being “getting her in bed,” when meeting a woman who possesses the same type of sexual aggression we tend to associate with men, there’s more implied (and, occasionally, just outright demanded) pressure to perform well.

Some men welcome this change. Some adjust quickly. Some are slow learners. And, some never learn. All, though, need to be mindful of the same quote.

“Be careful what you wish for, cause you just might get it.”

¹I started typing this when the fourth quarter started, thinking that I’d be able to write while watching the game (Ha!) and not realizing that I was about to witness the most nerve-wracking 17 minutes of basketball I’ve ever seen. 

2. We did eventually sleep together that night, so I guess I did manage to redeem myself. Either that or the fact that the only thing that scared me more than she did was word of me being scared getting out on campus. 

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Guest

    Welp, looks like I’m first. I would like a black and white brownie, please.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      Lol. How did my comment become a guest comment? Disqus is freaking me out.

      • AfroPetite

        you can delete it you know…

        • Sahel

          Nah,they just delete the user name but the post remains as guest

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          I tried. But it’s under guest, so it wouldn’t give me access to the delete function.

      • LMNOP

        you want a Post-racial baked good? Seriously what is that, is it like brownie mixed with cheesecake? Which sounds SO good. Has anyone ever had coffee cheesecake? I am convinced that would be amazing, but have never seen it, so I might have to learn to bake cheesecakes.

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          It’s one layer white chocolate brownie and one layer chocolate brownie.

          • LMNOP

            White chocolate brownies? I can’t believe there are kinds of brownies I haven’t even heard of yet…

        • SweetSass

          Brownie on bottom, cheesecake up top.

          • LMNOP

            that sounds so good.

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

    Welp, looks like I’m first. I would like a black and white brownie, please.

    • Sahel

      Thats what you get for filing petty reports

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Forget that. Where is my brownie?

        • Sahel

          How about an Oreo

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            How about a likkle bleach, just on gp.

            • Tentpole

              Here you go

              • Asiyah

                oh! this is marvelous! this brownie made my day!

              • LMNOP

                OH MY GOD! We can put pictures of food in the comments now!!! This is amazing. That looks so good.

              • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                Thanks, TP. (smiley face)

  • Kema

    All hail KING James!

    Anyway the last paragraph says it all. Y’all dont really want it.

    • Sahel

      Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft

    • Tristan

      ive yet to meet my match…

    • Todd

      The proper response is to acknowledge that fear running through your mind, let it go, block out everything mentally except the woman in front of you, and get to it.

      And oh yeah, all hail King James….and Chris Bosh for finally showing up these playoffs. It was only Game 6 of the Finals. LOL

    • Tentpole

      You want to put that to the test?

    • JayIzUrGod

      I have now seen you back that thang up in person.

      You’re right…we ain’t ready

      • Kema

        Lol! *waves* hey buddy!

        • JayIzUrGod

          What’s up girl? Got home all safe and stuff?

          • Kema

            I did!:-)

  • CollynIndustries

    I know a lot of women that you describe already like this (myself included). Has nothing to do with sex drive.

    Not sure how I feel about this post. Most of the posts that attempt to dissect feelings and interests based off of gender typically miss me.

    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      This is true. It’s about taking charge of your life. Being a subject rather than an object.

  • CollynIndustries

    Also. This game thooooooo. Bosh gooned DG. And Manu… why.

    • TheOtherJerome

      Ginoblli was fouled on that last drive. B.S man……

      • Sahel

        No,the call was correct. Did you see how many no calls the heat got

        • TheOtherJerome

          Correct? Oh i forgot, the hand, forearm, elbow and shoulder are all part of the ball right? :-/

          • Sahel

            Its the Finals man.

          • Sandpaper

            Ray Allen gets the benefit of the doubt. He gets to play that Boston Celtic old man defense (more hand movement than foot movement).

      • h.h.h.

        you mean that Ginobli drive where Duncan took down Bosh like the calm waves of the Caribbean?

        yeah…let it play out lol

      • Madlark

        He took like 8 steps. What are you talking about?

      • WIP

        He was clearly fouled but that no-call right there- it was the championship

  • Sahel

    Game 7 thats it. Bosh and Ray if this championship dsnt remain in Miami then only Thor knows.

  • AfroPetite

    Men always assume women with high libidos will automatically result in more chex for them. In reality, insatiable chexual appetites can spell trouble for folks who aren’t readily available to serve the peen. Women with this carnal hunger definitely have a starting line up on call. If boy toy A is at the gym then boy toy B is definitely getting that “so you busy?” text message

    • Kema

      See how they respond when they get a

      “I was just fuckin’ them (dudes), I was gon’ get right back”

      from the love of their life.

      • Sahel

        This post is going to be the one to watch. And who says such to the love of their life

      • AfroPetite

        I actually had an experience like that with a FWB. He was down for the arrangement until it dawned on him that someone else might be putting it down better than him. It was then that he decided he wanted to get righteous and wife one of the other girls he was chexing. Fast forward 2 months later and he wants to get with me “one last time” before he gets “off the market”.

        LOL

        Sir, you made the choice to cut ties with me. You can’t renig on the puss.

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Seen this happen.

        • The Champ

          “You can’t renig on the puss.”

          another great t-shirt

    • TheOtherJerome

      True. I’ve been “option 2″ on that list with a high libido woman before. Once i realized it, it saddened me……… I mean, i still had sex with her lol, but it did make me sad.

      • Tristan

        ive played that role as well it didnt dawn on me until after we fell through that apparently i wasnt quite good enough to get a call up to the majors but during i was content with the nsa smanging and ego boost of satsfying her in ways he couldnt

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

    Actually, I think the more interesting question is; what if men become more ‘woman-like’? Would that mean an end to misogyny? No more street harassment? Would women suddenly receive equal pay for equal work? Would all of these restrictions being placed on abortion disappear? Would child-care become free? Would hip hop suddenly become pro-woman? Would Yeezy commit suicide?

    • Sahel

      Would child support laws be abolished. Alimony. Brave new world lol

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        No, because men would think more like women and understand the need for it. The laws would just be made more fair and less harsh.

        • Sahel

          Why not just cancel it out for good

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

            Kids still need monetary support, right.

            • Sahel

              Shared custody for all

              • nillalatte

                Stop Sahel. Just stop. I had a hearing today with the ex and have another in 2mos. I’ve been doing this for 10 freaking years! He is not a father that children need, and H#LL to the NO, custody is not for all people. Some folks that can make kids do not have a clue how to raise them.

                On the child support issue… that was a state enacted legislation because fathers, and I assume a percentage of mothers, were abandoning their families and those families were ending up on state welfare for care. In an effort to curb welfare recipients, the states decided to mandate child support.

                • Todd

                  The problem is that some women abuse the system by naming random dudes as fathers…and they can’t use DNA to get out of it. In order to keep one group from being screwed, another group ends up getting screwed.

                  Gotta love the government. :)

                  • Yoles

                    well even though it might cause beef in the beginning any man can request a paternity test at the birth of a child if he is the “alleged” father. He can wait to sign the birth certificate until after the results come in (usually a few hours after the birth maybe even less)— BAM

                    • Kema

                      Yes! And you better do it early. My cousin found out his 5 year old wasn’t his and still has to pay child support. Apparently many states have a 2 year statute of limitations if you sign. Smh!

                    • LMNOP

                      you know that is rough for your cousin, but I get it. After a certain point you ARE a child’s father just because you’ve been the one acting as a parent and who the kid calls “daddy.” Those are some tough situations all around.

                  • SweetSass

                    They can absolutely use DNA/paternity testing to get out of it. You don’t know what you’re even talking about.

                    • LMNOP

                      Yeah, I think you just pulled that out of your a.ss Todd, because a DNA test to get out of child support/ establish a child support order is pretty standard. The only exception is some states consider a man who is married to a woman to be the legal father of all children she has while married to him, even if he is not the biological father. But in the overwhelming majority of “But I’m not the father” situations a paternity test clears that up.

                    • Kema

                      He actually had a DNA test and still has to pay.

                    • Camilleblu

                      Was the statute of limitations from when he signed the birth certificate already expired? That can make all the difference.

                  • dtafakari

                    It comes down to whether or not child support is a punishment or a child-targeted benefit.

                • LMNOP

                  And child support is ONLY mandatory if you are receiving benefits, in some states it is only mandatory if you are receiving cash assistance, and there are usually exemptions if going after child support would endanger the child and/ or mother.

                  + a million on not everyone who is biologically capable of making a child being able to be a good parent.

            • h.h.h.

              if both mother and father are paying for the care of the child, then no one should be ‘paying’ anyone…ergo, “canceling it out for good”

              • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                In a perfect situation, where both parents are contributing as needed, then the court’s intervention wouldn’t be necessary. But, you and I both know that there are a heck of a lot of non-perfect situations when the court must step in.

                • h.h.h.

                  but if men thought more like women..and empathized more with a woman’s situation in raising a child, then the overwhelming majority of non-perfect situations would be remedied, because the male would be taking on more of a responsibility.

                  but…eh.

                  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                    I get your point but, sometimes it’s not totally about gender. It’s about how two people get along.

          • Kema

            Why should it be cancelled? I understand alimony reasons but you don’twantto take care of our kids either? Smh!

            • Sahel

              Hold up,they are MY kids and i have the be a father to them. All am saying is shared custody and i get direct input in their lives. Not this crap where the mum takes off with my children and demands monthly payments

              • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                That’s not usually how it happens though. Most of the time the father is unable to provide the kind of care the kid(s) need(s). That’s why the mom gets the kid(s) and the child support. But, there are instances where the man gets custody and in that case he receives child support.

                • Todd

                  Um, in the real world, most people assume the woman is more capable. I know from painful experience. Part of me wants to carry a dossier of my wife’s mental records to throw at people to shut them up. But anyway…

                  • LMNOP

                    This is completely true, but on the flipside people will give you insane bonus points for taking on the primary parenting duties associated with mothers if you are a father. People think it is extra hard for men to do this, and basically treat you like you won the marathon with only one leg.

              • Kema

                Fair enough inthat ssituation. My ex and I have never beento courtso i get it. But whatabout the guys that ainain’t really trying to share responsibility?

                • Sahel

                  I dont know about them but i was brought up to handle what i create. Sometimes women make it seem like a fathers input dsnt matter and this causes men to walk away i suppose

                  • Kema

                    That seems weird to me cause I wish my mother would have acted as if my father’s input didn’t matter. But then again he didn’t sit around waiting for her to ‘let’ him be a man.

                    • Sahel

                      So you would have preferred not knowing your dad

                    • Kema

                      Shut up! I’m saying it wouldn’t have happened.

                    • Sahel

                      Aha,my apologies then. I misconstrued

                    • Todd

                      Well, some women (and emphasis on some) are bitter and/or insane. The same population that creates worthless dads also creates worthless moms as well.

                      Maybe we should have a dating site where they hook up, and keep the rest of the population safe. :)

                    • LMNOP

                      But think of the children they’d produce! Who would take care of them?!? This is the worst idea I’ve heard all day.

                  • Tentpole

                    …..and you make up the minority. Most male go into fckin thinking their semen is ineffective and seem very suprised when the opposite is true.

              • nillalatte

                dang. I wrote a whole response and it was eaten. If it shows up, oh well. No Sahel, shared custody is not always a good thing. I just attended a hearing today and have another in 2 mos. I’ve been doing this for 10 years! The ex gets nothing from me and there’s a long history there as to why. Our children do not benefit from his contact. He only causes heartache and hurt. I put a stop to that. Not no damn court or anyone else. If he had one bit of concern for his kids he would have left me alone. But, as it is, he continues to this day not focusing on his kids, but being a bitter loser that I left. I completely oppose shared custody UNLESS the parents can have some sort of amicable relationship that benefits the children.

                • Sahel

                  True,but all i advocate for is a situation where the child gets to know both sets of parents. Divorcing couples put so much bitterness in that they eclipse what the kids need

                  • nillalatte

                    I had no problem with that. I wanted that for my children. I also wanted a father in the home for them. But, there are just times when that can’t happen and it’s for the good of the child. The statute for my previous state is for what is in the best interest of the child, and I think that is true for many other states. However, one must stop and think… if you take this kind of stuff to court, you already have an adversarial situation and emotions run even higher when someone else (i.e. a family court judge) is deciding the fate of your children and adult life based on THEIR opinion (background, how they were raised, etc), and hopefully guided by law. To hand that kind of control to someone NOT of your family, not knowing the day in and day out struggles, is crap.

                    The man I was seeing recently, had much restraint with his baby mama. There were, however, a few times he put his foot down like when she wanted to move out of state to go live with some man she barely knew. Other than this, they both attended their son’s birthday parties, went to movies together, he knows her new man, etc. He has verbally stated that he hates her, but he restrains himself to be there for his child. That is an admirable trait to me.

                • LMNOP

                  I completely agree with this. As a parent, your child’s well-being is your number one, two, three, four and five. What is good for your child trumps the “feelings” of a grown man, as it should.

          • nillalatte

            Because not every parent is a parent. Child support was established by the states to get mostly women and children off of the welfare of the state and hold people accountable for supporting their own children.

        • Todd

          And the sound you heard was women crying at their money machine going bye-bye.

      • SweetSass

        You clearly don’t understand how child support or alimony works.

        Most cases far and away do not award alimony. Alimony is going the way of the dodo bird. Mainly because women work outside the home. Alimony was a product of stay at home wives in the 1950s-1980s.

        Child support…. REALLY DUDE, are you now arguing you don’t owe YOUR CHILD the responsibility of taking care of it?

        You would be SHOCKED to know that some women have to pay child support to the father when the father gets custody.

        Why do most fathers not get primary custody? BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T THE PRIMARY CARETAKER BEFORE THE DIVORCE… SO THE COURT REASONS THEY WON’T BE AFTER THE DIVORCE.

        There is logical reasoning behind all of the court decisions regarding custody. You actually have to go into court and make a logical argument about why you should be able to have the child in your home as opposed to your spouses. And as it turns out, most men have a hard time proving that. Most men don’t know the name of the kids pediatrician, or can name the staff people at the daycare, or can prove they have taken the majority of breaks from work to tend to the sick child, etcetera. And at this point many of them acquiesce with the decision of the court because they know they barely changed a diaper or two while the kid was growing up. You can’t make factual arguments out of thin air.

        For those who didn’t wait to be active father until a custody battle… the court usually will overwhelmingly award joint custody. Or the whole court system can be bypassed by two parents just agreeing how to take care of their kids. Many people do not even get to the point where child support payments need to be court mandated.

        For every man who whines about the court screwing him over… you can just replace ‘judge’ with ‘him’ and ‘him’ with ‘his kid’… because if a judge rules you don’t even get to see your kid… it’s for a damn good reason, like you were/are an incompetent parent.

        And it doesn’t matter about gender it matters about WHO TOOK CARE OF THE KID. Many women who have substance abuse problems, etc, are denied custody. There is no inherent bias. There is only a preference for the parent who took care of the child most….. DUN DUN DUN… that usually is the mom. It doesn’t have to be, if you have a kid in the future you can and should work out a equitable system whereby you also wake up late nights to feed the kid… you do the doctor visit thing… you alternate days taking the kid to daycare or activities. You know where all the kid supplies are in the house, etc. In that case you would have something to prove in court… but if you don’t do those things, don’t be surprised when the judge calls you out for suddenly wanting to be a parent (to get back at your ex, as if your child is some sort of possession to divide.)

        • Todd

          Though of course a man can’t be a primary caretaker, right? We ALL know what you think of the subject. I can meet all of those tests you’ve mentioned right there, with no problem…to the point where I’ve had to actively fight people over calling my wife over something she didn’t arrange multiple times.

          Maybe you and Serena Williams should go hang out together. I’m sure she’d take care of you, right? ;) We ALL know what she thinks about certain women’s issues. *cackle*

          Oh, and I can have you meet someone who reported their mother as smoking crack in front of their child and still losing custody despite having a clean record himself, so shut the F up.

          • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

            She didn’t say they can’t be, she said they aren’t. I don’t know that I agree, just clarifying.

            • Todd

              Um, me and her have a history about this. Apparently, in her world, it’s OK for women to mistreat my daughter when I’m the one with her because of their own issues with the men neglecting kids in their life.

              I wish she would say this crap to my face. I’d end up like Chris Brown treating her like Fine China. I know that’s wrong, but ANYTHING for my daughter’s safety, ya know?

              • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

                No, I don’t know. I actually have no idea what you’re talking about.

              • SweetSass

                You are cuckoo for cocoa puffs. So you have no argument and you’re resorting to violent threats?

          • Yoles

            Todd in reading her post, as someone that worked for ACS and Family Court for years i honestly didn’t see much that wasn’t true… also she did not say that fathers are never the primary caregiver… it is true that they are typically not the primary caregiver. it is also true that its about who has cared for the child more, its more so true that its often very easy to see who is using the child as a pawn and lastly.. no man (that is a citizen w/o a violent criminal history) can ever tell me that a woman with the assistance of the court kept him away from his child/dren… Nah bruh tell someone else that story… petitions and requests for mediation etc don’t have a gender attached to them… of course there are exceptions to this but its very rare and usually has all kinds of crazy things involved.

            sidebar: as for the person reporting the mother smoking crack… are you honestly saying BOTH parents took a drug test, the child testified to seeing mom smoke rocks AND the court awarded custody to the drug abuser?

            • SweetSass

              THANK YOU. I am tired of these people who have no actual basis of knowledge in the law making these spurious unsupported claims the court system is ‘out to get them.’

              The majority of judges are men. They have no motive to screw men over. They don’t get a yearly bonus for how many fathers they separate from their children. They operate with only one directive:

              Best interest of the child.

          • AfroPetite

            I just read that article on her views of the Stubenville rape case. If there were ever a time where I was disappointed in someone that I thought was a decent all around person, it is in this moment.

            • 321mena123

              I read an article once (wish i could find it) but it was written by a woman and a lot of women blew up at her. She was stating that white women seem to have a mentality that they don’t have to be vigilant about their safety the way that Hispanic and black women do. It’s not something that is taught to Hispanic and black women from a very early age. The article was written by a white woman. Take of that what you will.

              As for Serena’s comments, it reminds me of the post that shall remain nameless. I don’t think she meant to come off as heartless at all.

              • AfroPetite

                Just for the sake of her name as a brand, she would’ve been better off just saying it was unfortunate situation and the boys in question deserved said sentence for their unjust actions. Not saying anything is better than saying the wrong thing.

                • 321mena123

                  Yes. I wonder why she was even asked the question or did she just bring it up? I saw a piece of the article yesterday and can’t remember.

                  • AfroPetite

                    We may never know. Idk how long ago this actual interview took place so it’s possible it was a relevant question.

                  • Asiyah

                    It came up on one of the newschannels on TV while she was being interviewed for a magazine, and she commented on it.

              • The Champ

                “As for Serena’s comments, it reminds me of the post that shall remain nameless. I don’t think she meant to come off as heartless at all.”

                You know, I think people who have a background filled with sports tend to be a bit more pragmatic than most other people. Most sports are just contests to find the most efficient way of doing certain tasks, and when your entire life revolves around thinking that way, it can lead to a lack of empathy for certain things. Not saying all athletes are like this, but knowing how I process things, quotes like the one from Serena don’t surprise me.

                • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                  And also, a lot of athletes are great at what they do but pretty ignorant about most things in general.

                  • LMNOP

                    This makes sense. If your’e job is to be a professional athlete, it’s not like you can be reading the news online while you’re at work.

                • Maharaja Misty

                  It was pragmatic for her to say the boys who raped the young girl ‘made a dumb mistake’ , was excessively prosecuted, and then question the girls virginity? Oh..

                  • The Champ

                    ***See reply to Asiyah***

                  • Asiyah

                    yeah like wth did her virginity (or lack thereof) have anything to do with this? uggh!

                    • Maharaja Misty

                      I just couldn’t believe how incredibly unaware and stupid she is to say that on record. I hope she loses just as many endorsements as a male athlete would lose had he said the same. Misogyny is not exclusive to men.

                • Asiyah

                  Her comments weren’t pragmatic, Champ. She called what they did a “dumb mistake.” That’s not pragmatic. That’s moronic and insensitive.

                  • The Champ

                    I think excessive pragmatism can lead to insensitivity and make you arrogant and completely myopic. I’m not excusing what Williams said in any way. Just inserting a bit of personal experience to say that I understand what could allow an otherwise intelligent/aware person to hold an opinion like that.

                    (Edit: Ok. After leaving that comment I just read Williams’ entire original quote. That went past a pragmatism-based insensitivity and veered into reckless stupidity. There’s no defending or explaining anything she said. That was just…dumb. Damn.)

                    • Maharaja Misty

                      I get where the source of her confusion as to how a young person can make poor decisions that leave them vulnerable. Seeing as how she’s an athlete who’s been training since she was a kid, and raised as a Jehova’s Witness, focused on a singular goal, reckless behavior like underage drinking, disobeying your parent’s and partying may be foreign for her. But that other shyt she said? Just because she looks like an Orc, does not mean she has to display the humanity or lack there of , of one.

                    • Asiyah

                      Word…

                    • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

                      Glad you had a change of heart because your original comment was giving me the sads.

          • Negro Libre

            Smh, the horror stories are out there if you’re simply willing to listen. My brother and I went to a high-school with a boy whose father was a businessman and his mother was a housewife. He caught his wife cheating with his secretary who happened to be a lesbian, and they both railroaded him in court. He, being the man with all the dough, of course had to pay for her lawyer first, before he paid for his own and thus she got the better one and that’s why he lost.

            The secretary moved in to the house and became “the man” of the household. The business got sold, and the man lives in the hood now after abandoning his home in one the best real estate locations in the state of Massachusetts for his wife and her paramour to raise his kids. He used to visit at first, because he had half custody, but he eventually lost it, because the mother claimed she was scared what he would do to the kids, and of course, she had the secretary to back her up.

            His son usually hangs with him, and tries to help him out, because the dad is now an alcoholic who can’t keep a job because of anxiety and depression (which he didn’t have before the divorce.) His sister, now a weed-head, was the reigning class s!ut, who was encouraged by her mom and other mom to be free sexually and to express herself, which one would easily see if they saw the trail of d!ldos left on the floor, that these charming adults didn’t have the decency to pick up.

            But then again, the mother was the primary care giver after all…

            • SweetSass

              Your anecdote is cute but false. You are not legally obligated to preemptively pay for the opposing sides counsel. So no way that happened by force of the law… if he voluntarily did that he is a dumbass and I have a bridge to sell him.

              Interesting that all these ‘horror stories’ come from the losing party… I’m pretty positive they don’t include the opinions of everyone else in the courtroom like the judge or the counsel, etc. And many details about WHY the person who lost are left out in their narrative to make their plight seem egregious. But if you were really a fly on the courtroom wall you probably would not be as sympathetic if you saw their real case…

              Not their story they shared over drinks at the bar about how their ex is a hateful harpy who made off with their kids. Do you really believe everything a drunk alcoholic tells you in earnest? Are you not aware that he may have (and probably did) fabricate 80% of that tale? And a man who calls his own daughter a slut? Really dude. You’re taking this guy’s word?

              I have a bridge to sell you…

              • Negro Libre

                Well, it was the son who told us his father was an alcoholic, my brother and I never met the father (sorry if that wasn’t clarified in my above comment). This is all a second hand story after all coming from the guy we knew. This is an old story, and not to mention that divorce laws back then in Massachusetts were viewed as ridiculous, they just reformed them recently. But, look you can dismiss it, if that’s what you want to do, and marginalize it as simply loser-speak…I would expect nothing less.

          • SweetSass

            You must have some reading comprehension problems because RIGHT THERE I stated, no, it doesn’t have to be that way and yes some dads do their primary caretaker thing and they usually don’t have a hard time of it in court like present but inactive dads do.

            Reported doesn’t mean anything. Proof is needed. If you have proof.. .you win, if you just hurl accusations… you lose.

            • 321mena123

              I have a friend who has full custody of his son. Before he even went to court, he sat down his ex and explained to her all the proof he had on her (she cheated on him, he had the emails, mental ward stays on her part, the fact that he did most of the child rearing, etc.) She knew that he would win and thus she pays him child support and she still sees her son on weekends. He is also in law school. He was being nice. She is a trust fund baby and he could have taken her for everything but he cared about their kid and nothing more.

              I am going to agree with SS here. When you have proof, it is much harder to have the judge go against you than when you don’t.

              • Camilleblu

                Proof helps, but its not the end all to be all. God forbid that you get a judge that just simply DOESN’T LIKE YOU. Your shyt can get fukced up off of nothing more than that. The out system is not a game.

                • SweetSass

                  The issue here is… there are tons of guys saying the judge had it out for them when in fact they did not have a case.

                  Judges cannot rule based on their personal feelings. They actually have to write a brief stating all the reasons for their opinion at the end of cases. Do they judge from the gut? In rare cases, yes, but is why the appeal system exists. You get a new judge on appeal. And that judge who was overturned gets in hot water if he or she had no basis for their ruling.

                  • Camilleblu

                    I get what the issue is with what you are saying about guys complaining about the court system. I’m saying – speaking from experience – it’s not always as cut and dry as what you are stating. The appeals process is not always an option for most people mainly just based on the expense of it. And even in the appellate process, they do not always get it right, and you have to decide if it’s worth the additional expense to petition to be heard at the state Supreme Court level. Most of the judges do not have it out for people, and it really is a case of having no case. But, sometimes, they do, and it makes it difficult waters to tread.

        • Kema

          I knowa few women that pay child ssupport.

    • Todd

      Yeah, misogyny would end…to be replace with more virulent classism. People find new reasons to hate every day. Same with equal pay. American politics would much more resemble Europe’s in as much as the Left would be more prominent, and economic policies would be more at the forefront. And hip-hop would be more militant, if not anti-woman.

      Though why would an end of abortion necessarily be connected with the end of misogyny? History shows that abortion politics don’t necessarily follow neatly along with feminist movements.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        I’m not sure what the Feminist Movement has to do with it, Todd, most women don’t even identify as Feminists. And, men make up the majority of legislators in this country. Which means they are the ones behind all of the restrictive abortion laws of late. As a matter of fact Congress just voted on a bill yesterday restricting abortion.

      • SweetSass

        You don’t think hip hop is already militant and anti-woman?

    • Tentpole

      Val, spend more time in the deep Ghetto. I have walked pass a pack of females who would embarrass sailors.

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        Lol. Yeah, TP, but, that’s not the norm, even in the so-called “deep ghetto”.

  • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

    As for the game. How in the hale did the Spurs blow that?! #lebronsucksbeattheheat

    • AfroPetite

      Leonard’s corn rows are to be blamed. It’s 2013 who is voluntering to braid your sh!t back? I called it that he would miss one of those two free throws which basically would’ve secured the win. Corn rows always spell out poor decisions for the whole.

    • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

      Okay, AP, I’m going to answer your comment before it even posts. *it’s magic*

      Lol@cornrows and bad decisions!

      I was so mad when he missed that free throw. I think that gave Miami some momentum.

    • Msdebbs

      Don’t hate….the better team won.

  • veryaveragebrotha

    I’m sitting here and I just realized that the most anticipated hip hop album of 2013 is from a 43 year old rapper worth half a billion, with one daughter by his first and only wife whom he’s still happily married to…..hmm……

    • SweetSass

      Do the lyrics reflect that or hearken back to the criminal endeavors of his youth? That would be surprising.