2 to 1
8 to 5
3 to 2
10 to 3
4 to 1
although meaningless without context, trust me when i tell you that you’re much more acquainted with these numbers than you’d like to be.
they’ve been read in pretty much every article about any PWI, HBCU, and attractive metropolitan area you’ve ever seen, watched on every news show and documentary focusing on your particular demographic you’ve ever taped, and recalled at every lounge mixer, happy hour, networking event, game night, house party and any other place where not-really-all-that-young-anymore blacks gather at night when they want to avoid gunfire you’ve ever attended.
they all tell tales of the black male/black female ratio monster terrorizing the black community, a lurking behemoth no man, woman, or child can escape from. it’ll find you at the dorm or while you’re hoping for a date, at the corporate boardroom and the bar, and at the cookout and the club. its growth has no end, its menace knows no bounds, and its power has no limits.
but, while these tales are (mostly) true, they’re told with the implication that the ratio monster creates an all-you-can-eat gourmet p*ssy buffet for any and every young black man with an occupation and an appetite. and, since the math makes sense —if there are five or six eligible women to every man, of course every man will have a smorgasbord of options— this feeling is accepted as true.
this widely accepted “fact” is a bullsh*t falsehood, though, and here’s two reasons why.
1. the food-chain conundrum
as anyone who’s ever lived on a college campus where women outnumber men can attest to, the female-male ratio usually plays out the exact same way, with the exact same hierarchy:
(for arguments sake, lets say there are 100 women on campus and 70 men)
group a) 10 percent of the men (7) and approximately 30 percent of the women (30).
***comprised of the top of the food chain dudes and the women who’ve given them exclusive providence.***
group b) 20 percent of the men (14) and 30 percent of the women (30).
***comprised of the guys who’ve grown bitter that they don’t have access to the same women that the top 10 percent do, and the women who’ve grown bitter the top 10 percent dudes aren’t checking for them. the only difference between them is that while the guys might get into half-assed relationships while still holding out hope that one of the “top 30 chicks” will give them some love, the women won’t even date at all.***
group c) everyone else
***comprised 70 percent of the men (49) and 40 percent of the women (40)***
anyway, while my math may be a bit off, the same basic dynamic occurs in every place where the ratio monster exists. basically, although it may seem like every brotha with a pulse and a penis should be bombarded with numerous options, only the top of the food chain cats are able to truly take advantage. and, when you combine this with the fallout created by the top ten percent and their “choices”, the ratio evens out (and even sometimes flips!)
***there’s a perfect opportunity here for an analogy about market share, the upper class, the recession, and reaganomics that i’d probably be able to create if i hadn’t slept though stats class.***
2. following the (mis)leader
“well, even though they say there’s 2.5 women to every 2 men in atlanta, once you separate the gays, the cats on house arrest, the guys under 5’9”, n*ggas with bad credit, the nissan altima-ass n*ggas, cats with degrees from clark, and the men my girls have already dated, the ratio is like 9 to 1″
—overheard by everyone, everywhere
a rather telling graphic makes its way across the screen one minute and 30 seconds into the recent nightline piece about successful and single black women.
using wedding cake figurines, the piece initially shows 100 female figures and 100 male figures, and then begins to cite reasons such as “unemployed” or “incarcerated” to subtract male figures from the screen until they’re left with 54 (as in, only 54% of black men are “eligible marriage material”), leaving the impression that every black woman is marriage material but only half of black men are
although nightline’s tactics may have seemed a bit sensationalistic, exaggerating the ratio by eliminating “eligible” candidates in any way possible is a common practice people use when speaking about the ratio monster, and a little hyperbole is sometimes necessary when getting your point across.
with that being said, what makes the nightline piece (and others like it) dishonest is the fact that they don’t even attempt to even the playing field by eliminating “ineligible” women from the ratio. and, while there may not be as many black women incarcerated or unemployed as black men, from “she doesn’t want any kids” to “avon barksdale used to beat a couple years back, and i aint trying to get shot over her ass” i bet that a roomful of single brothas could create a list of perfectly valid categories detailing why a seemingly eligible sista might not be “marriage material”, and why he still hasn’t received any ratio reparations checks.
you know, i guess it makes sense to think that if one side is “losing” the ratio game (black women), the other must be “winning” (black men). it makes perfect sense actually, at least until you remember that we’re on the same team.
—the champ
I live in Metro Atlanta. Some of what is said about the men in Atlanta (and the surrounding areas) is very true. I like your point that women need to be eliminated too. There is hyperbole about the ratio monster. I thank you for making the point. However, I have always said only in GA will you have “the most broke down negro” with 3 (plus) women fighting over him. he would not be able to get away with it any most cities in the US. These men can in or out of jail, wanted by the police, a mama’s boy, with various amounts of children and baby mama’s, no job, no job prospect, no car, no money to take public transportation, with a bad eye, missing teeth, cannot spell or speak well, have a limp and digits missing from his hand(s) and STILL pull several women at his will. I have lived here since 1985; I have seen it all.
@It Figures!,
I actually agree with this post but the “stats” on ATL are definitely disturbing. Just like there’s some truth in stereotype, there’s got to be some truth to the numbers people throw around about the lack of eligible men there. I’m about to move to that area and all my friends including my homeboys there have warned me that I better not be looking for love once I get there…
I was trying to be hopeful but your firsthand tale has reinforced the hype…
@Ashleyg,
“I was trying to be hopeful but your firsthand tale has reinforced the hype…”
Never give up hope. There are good, decent guys here too. God can do anything. You do not want to end up with a “broke down negro”.
@It Figures!,
lol, you got that right
@Ashleyg,
Just like there’s some truth in stereotype, there’s got to be some truth to the numbers people throw around about the lack of eligible men there
well, i do love watermelon and chicken so this might be true
@It Figures!,
Are you referring to Jermaine Dupri?
(note: I almost said T.I., but women all over the world would have been ready to kill me)
@chaoticdiva,
(note: I almost said T.I., but women all over the world would have been ready to kill me)
or t.i. himself
@It Figures!,
However, I have always said only in GA will you have “the most broke down negro” with 3 (plus) women fighting over him. he would not be able to get away with it any most cities in the US.
thing is, whenever i read about something like this, i just think “damn, atl must have a ton of homeless women”
@The Champ, they not homeless they just settle.
@Yeah…SO?!, Quality women don’t settle all that much. Quality women may be with a guy who’s homeless, got warrants, 4 kids by 6 different women, etc., but there’s ALWAYS *something* about that cat that turns her on. He might be funny. Might put her to sleep with his member nightly, might give her thrills, etc.
I’ve found that what women claim they find importnat frequently is bologna, and there’s a sub-surface “real” set of things lots women actually find to be important in a man.
Now, if we’re talking about women who are less-than-appealing..yeah, lots of them settle.
@Scipio Africanus, “Now, if we’re talking about women who are less-than-appealing..yeah, lots of them settle”- whaaa
To your other point- While I meet guys all the time (and by all the time I mean hardly ever) that have a certain “je ne sais quoi” that makes me pucker (down dhere), all that extra drama (you mentioned) that a lot of chicks I’ve heard of (cause I don’t know any of deez chiks or somebody lyin) deal with blows me… so yes no matter how “appealin” you are, to deal with bs is settling ESPECIALLY when they ain’t makin any efforts to correct their faults- that goes for men and women
@YS,
“to deal with bs is settling”
I respectfully disagree with this.
I think settling is when you violate your own internal and honest standards and desires, for the sake of being partnered. Whatsen’ever those desires are.
To me, dealing with bs, or accepting bs, is usually unfortunate, harmful, unhealthy, irresponsible, etc. But sometimes some people *want* things that others describe as bs. (This was always one of my beefs with Economic Thoey – the assumption that all actors are rational and have their full set of best interests in mind at all times.)
@Scipio Africanus, But dearheart aren’t we saying the same thing? I mean really who wants “a guy who’s homeless, got warrants, 4 kids by 6 different women, etc”?… you’re smarter than this. I mean all these fall right into the “usually unfortunate, harmful, unhealthy, irresponsible, etc.” category, do they not? – sorry I’m really into using my dissenters’ words against them
@Yeah…SO?!,
“they not homeless they just settle.”
***filed under “things republicans say about homeless people”***
@The Champ, LOL
@It Figures!,
But how many of those women would be considered “desirable” or marriage material in your eyes?
@DeuceBravado,
One issue involved in these conversations is whether it’s an issue of serious relationships or men exploiting the numbers for more play. They may not be marriage material, but perfectly legitimate targets for the smashing.
@DeuceBravado,
“But how many of those women would be considered “desirable” or marriage material in your eyes?”
Of course, not all women are desirable to all men. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder when it comes to desirable and being marriage material. All women do not want to get married. I am one of them. So, my observation is not out of bitterness. The Advocate named Atlanta the gayist city in America. It was all the talk on the radio here this morning. Hmm.
@It Figures!,
Oh, girl you have me CRYING over here…and I’ll leave my current city out of it but trust, it’s on and poppin’ the same way in many other cities around the country….Whew….girl, that was tooooo funny!!!
@It Figures!
I have to disagree. I live in Philly, and these broads will SHOOT each other over Junebug, the toothless hustler with 5 kids by 4 different women. And what’s really upsetting is that you can’t make him believe he is not the Holy Grail of black men, nor that all women shouldn’t be falling at his feet. SMDH.
I feel it necessary to mention, I ain’t from here. LOL
It is both too late and too early for all these numbers!
However I don’t believe all these stats being thrown around anyway because how do you explain 1 woman (who is not in the top percentage or whatever it was called up there) that has like 4 or 5 men out of that 54%? wait I think I have an answer to my own question
@Naomi,
However I don’t believe all these stats being thrown around anyway because how do you explain 1 woman (who is not in the top percentage or whatever it was called up there) that has like 4 or 5 men out of that 54%?
this is called “sh*t happening”
“while the guys might get into half-assed relationships while still holding out hope that one of the “top 30 chicks” will give them some love, the women won’t even date at all”
This is true. I have a lot of friends who refuse to lower their standards where my guy friends are a lot less picky about who they go on a date with……I live in Seattle and the ratio is in favor of women, black men outnumber black women here. I moved here from NY and the dating scene has been an improvement. There’s a lot of good men here – educated, they treat women really well, humble, and I’ve met really attractive guys here. I’m not saying this is true for all men in Seattle, but in my experience, I’ve met really good guys who are looking for a commitment (even though some rush too quickly). I have 11 friends engaged right now and most are black women to black men.
@Leila,
your comments are always a breath of fresh air and sh*t. you’re like the anti-turd in the punchbowl
@The Champ, “you’re like the anti-turd in the punchbowl”
lol!
@Leila, So yeah…if that’s true, I’m thinking Seattle should be my next move (wink wink)
***Sorry for the double post at the bottom of the page, it’s early and I am still learning to work this reply posting sh*t.
@Leila,
“I have 11 friends engaged right now ”
Wow.
@Leila,
See that’s what people forget. Outside of the East Coast, the numbers are in women’s favor. From the South to the Midwest to the North to the West, men outnumber women. The East Coast is the lone exception.
I wish I could find the link that showed the data.
@Stank-0, “From the South to the Midwest to the North to the West, men outnumber women. The East Coast is the lone exception.”
Co-sign! The big cities on the west coast except for LA are really in favor of women! I’ve been to Phoenix, Vegas, Portland, Vancouver, and meet a lot of great guys.
@Leila,
So what is rent like there and how is the job market?
*Pulling up Craigslist as we speak too excited to even wait for Leila’s reply*
@empirestategirl, lol! The whole west coast (except LA) is great for women! I would highly recommend coming.
@Leila, wait, where are these fellas at? Maybe I’m just not in the right part of town, because eligible black men out here are like unicorns to me. Feel free to point me to the spot where you meet all these men. Maybe I just give off some sort of vibe that only broke ninjas on parole and owing the state money for child support for their four kids can approach me.
@SaneN85,
Then again “eligible” varies wildly from one person to the other…
@Sula, one thing I am not is picky. As long as he’s respectful, has a legal source of income, hasn’t been with any of my sisters, takes care of any kids he has, and isn’t rocking gold teeth/grill (the thought alone makes me shudder) then I will damn sure give him a chance.
The problem is I haven’t met any in the last couple years that would fit into that criteria. Even if we get past all the rest, it’s the first one that keeps tripping me up.
Then again, I haven’t really been looking like that, so maybe therein lies my problem. *Shrugs*
@SaneN85, “where are these fellas at? Maybe I’m just not in the right part of town, because eligible black men out here are like unicorns to me.”
lol! I meet them through work, get togethers, friends. The selection is great here. I go on dates with great guys who are looking for commitments and marriage. The complete opposite of my experience in NY…
@Leila,
I will have to co-sign on Seattle. I loved my little sting there!
@Leila, Really? Darn….I was out in Seattle for work last year maybe I should have gone out and checked out this ratio for myself.
“i bet that a roomful of single brothas could create a list of perfectly valid categories detailing why a seemingly eligible sista might not be “marriage material””
This right here is the truth. I’ve been in that room. Once they cancel out the chicks who are obviously crazy, look like Lil Wayne (or have babies by him), have babies, can’t read, are over-weight, smoke, have bad credit, have obvious daddy issues, etc. the numbers don’t look so great. But it’s funny to see young men lean on the stats cus some (not all) of those same men end up in the room a decade later at 40 talking about all the disqualifying attributes later in life and how it’s so hard to find a ‘good’ woman.
@Ms. Smart, “some (not all) of those same men end up in the room a decade later at 40 talking about all the disqualifying attributes later in life and how it’s so hard to find a ‘good’ woman”
I’ve been hearing this same argument from men in their early 30s. I know some guys that have given up on finding a good woman that they can trust. I hear this over and over about how most of the women that they meet aren’t faithful….
@Ms. Smart,
“Once they cancel out the chicks who are obviously crazy, look like Lil Wayne (or have babies by him), have babies, can’t read”
hilarity…
@Ms. Smart,
But it’s funny to see young men lean on the stats cus some (not all) of those same men end up in the room a decade later at 40 talking about all the disqualifying attributes later in life and how it’s so hard to find a ‘good’ woman.
when is nightline going to do a special about them?
@The Champ, “when is nightline going to do a special about them?”
That’s not a secksy story right now. Give it a few years.
I like this! HMMMMM
@RunBabyRun,
if i had a dollar…
This is exactly what I told my sister a few weeks ago(well, not exactly. I used Morris Brown instead of Clark). We are all in the same boat… a boat we are allowing others, like Nightline, WaPo, CNN BIA1&2, etc, to drive, and steer us into thinking there are only a few marriageable men, and plenty of marriageable women.
My biggest pet peeve about the ratio monster is that it assumes all single black women desire marriage, or even want to be with a man. Once you take out the lesbians, our incarcerated sistas, and the Samantha Joneses, then the numbers are pretty much even. However, that story isn’t as juicy, and doesn’t perpetuate the popular meme that black men ain’t shyt, and black women are undesirable shrews.
@N.I.A. lovesthekids….,
who’s samantha jones and sh*t? (no, i dont know how to google)
@The Champ,
Let me help you out…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samantha_Jones_(Sex_and_the_City)
@miss t-lee,
i didnt know that the sex in the city chicks had last names
@The Champ,
*giggling at you*
I’m sure most kats didn’t know that either.
@The Champ,
lol. Yeah, I had to look it up.
@ champ… are there no bounds to your genius..
talk about zeitgeist/synchronicity/whatever…. i too was talking about this with a friend last week..
thankfully i go against the widely spoon fed/swallowed stereotype of being a woman who is ‘afraid’ of the math… *thanks daddy in her head* and broke down a few perceived/spoon fed facts for her..
my beautiful, accomplished friend feels so much better and is happily getting back on the dating horse again with self esteem and aspirations intact… and is steering clear of those ‘moaning sistah’ interweb articles..
@london,
talk about zeitgeist/synchronicity/whatever…. i too was talking about this with a friend last week.
we’re like the borg and sh*t
“you know, i guess it makes sense to think that if one side is “losing” the ratio game (black women), the other must be “winning” (black men). it makes perfect sense actually, at least until you remember that we’re on the same team.”
I completely agree with this sentiment. Instead of fostering an us against them mentality to sensationalize the plight of the black woman, why not show the reality behind the statistics? I’m afraid of the new generation of desperate women who forgot that they can “do bad all by themselves.” Loving anyone is never worth your dignity and the one who you are supposed to love will never ask you to compromise it. Wow, that’s a lot of Tyler Perryesque preaching out of me tonight and I’m a lurker … its gotta be because I’m up past my bedtime.
@Tha Management,
Instead of fostering an us against them mentality to sensationalize the plight of the black woman, why not show the reality behind the statistics?
wheres the fun in that?
@The Champ,
My mind is always stuck in a random place so my immediate reaction (which is totally irrelevant in everyway) is “it ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none.”
Once again it is past my bedtime and I shouldn’t be held to any normal rational or intelligence standards.
Whoaaa taking shots at Clark are we!!!
I agree with what your saying, especially in ATL (and about CAU, even though I did attend school there 0_o). Dating there is pure hell, and the men know they have the upper hand when it comes to the ratio. They definitely play off of it too. Like many others stated, the most unworthy men are the ones that have 3 or 4 women fighting over them smh. Ri-damn-diculous. The DMV ain’t that much better when it comes to dating, I don’t know what the ratio is here, but I think it has better potential then ATL any day.
@GEELA,
“I agree with what your saying, especially in ATL. Dating there is pure hell, and the men know they have the upper hand when it comes to the ratio. They definitely play off of it too.”
wait, i’m confused…how exactly did you agree with what i said?
@The Champ,
I was like, “Uh?”
@Sula,
Oh wait… your right lol its was like 3am when I wrote this. LOL I should just wait till the next day to post.
So embarrassing….
*hangs head in shame*
going to bed now smh
@GEELA,
Fellow alum…lets not join in on the CAU bash fest! There are enough people talking isht about CAU, please don’t co-sign regardless of personal opinion.
i don’t feel like writing something that’s rational and makes sense, but all i know is somebody eligible better at least TRY to marry my a*s by the time i turn 28. hell, i grew up not even wanting to get married or have kids like that, but these white news people and all my d*mn married, hood a*s facebook friends, and these fast a*s little teenage girls that were born in 1991 and sh*t are starting to freak me the h*ll out.
okay….i kinda think 28 is too early. but i’m just sayin. don’t leave me hangin like soledad and nem said you would!
@charli skipper, LOL @ Soledad and nem
@charli skipper,
“don’t leave me hangin like soledad and nem said you would!”
You know Soledad and ‘nem need material for their next “_______ in America” special. I can hear her now: “Join me for the Single, Skanky, Chicken eatin’, loud mouth, smart, crazy, big bootied, natural hair, weave wearin’, professional, educated, ugly, foine, childless, pole dancin’, religious, 5 kids havin’, gold diggin’, mean, nice Black Women in America special. Tonight at 8pm.”
@Ivyette,
See…you’re joking but it’s probably already in production…somewhere. LOL
@charli skipper,
okay….i kinda think 28 is too early. but i’m just sayin. don’t leave me hangin like soledad and nem said you would!
hang deez
wait, nevermind. that sounds painful
@charli skipper “but these white news people and all my d*mn married, hood a*s facebook friends, and these fast a*s little teenage girls that were born in 1991 and sh*t are starting to freak me the h*ll out.”
OKAY!?!? Ain’t nuthin worse than seeing that chick that was 5 months preggers in the HS graduation photo married with three kids flashing her wedding RANG in her FB pic! GRRRRRR
Eh, regardless of ratio it’s about people. I just live, and torture my college friends by refusing to date frat dudes by pointing out the ratio, so I’ll see where life takes me. Again, I’m military so my viewpoint is skewed
@Siobhan, My brother in-law actually told me that the military skews many social stats. I thought he and his boys were just making conversation while they were deployed.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
Nope…we’re a mess. All over the place. It’s probably why I can’t get a handle on some of the issues out there like marriage.
Some cats in the military marry 3 times before 30 LOL
Great post. The situation at most white schools are just as bad. When I graduated in ’02 the total pop of my school was approx 11,000 of which 2,000 folks were black. 1,500 of the blacks were female. If you cancel out the known town bikes, the uber-pious, the crazy, and the ones with daddy issues things weren’t exactly idea for anyone.
*Long ass sidenote* (I did find one thing out from white cats my age (I’m 30) many of them are married and can’t stand it. Not sure if this a grass is greener thing, or if the 2520 dudes just got married b/c of pressure from family. I think people who are married, but hate it skew the over all marriage issue.)
I would love to see a post listing what makes both black men an women ineligable. That’s a convo that could go on for days.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
I would love to see a post listing what makes both black men an women ineligable
this post was already written. it was titled “slavery”
@The Champ,
::snickering::
@The Champ,
LOL! dang…
@ the champ, I am so proud of you today! This was some straight genius sh*t right here! The Food Chain Connundrum blew the lid off! I am getting ready to move to ATL and I have of course heard all the rumors, but I never thought about it the way you just broke it down. It all seems so ridiculous now.
@BigBuck,
It all seems so ridiculous now.
wait, we talking about the ratio or lastarya’s ass?
@The Champ, HAHA!
Well said Champ.You broke that down very well! That ratio monster is why too many men think they can be players all their lives and why too many women think they need to glom onto any man.
The “well the numbers favor men” or ” the ratio of women to men is 653 to 1″ statement is old and tired.
And most of us are on the same team. We need less hostility and friction between our men and women.
@Ivyette,
We need less hostility and friction between our men and women.
this is exactly why i hate condoms
@The Champ, this is exactly why i hate condoms
LOL…is it the “friction” or is your wwm theory not really a theory anymore?
@Ivyette,
wwm deez
Indeed, you are living up to the blogs name on this one, and I must say you’ve been on a roll – I’m not gonna swell your head (really, your collars couldn’t take it) but you and P-Man have been coming with the fire lately. Kudos.
To the post – I agree. Every “eligible” bachelor I’ve known in the DMV has claimed that there are fewer women to date than it appears. Especially if they’re trying to do more than just the physical. I’m part of the “everyone else” segment you mentioned earlier – not really checking for the top 10% of dudes and they’re not really checking for me. And it’s funny, but in the end I always have just as much male attention as the “cream of the crop” chicks and usually have better experiences with the men. The only thing missing is the “lookie me!” element that some of those folks crave.
@Lil’T,
And it’s funny, but in the end I always have just as much male attention as the “cream of the crop” chicks and usually have better experiences with the men
thats how it usually plays out. the people in category (c) are usually the ones who end up in happier relationships and sh*t
@Lil’T,
I must be retarded/slow…so please help me. Was group a for superficial people (negative) or the best all around people (positive)?
NUMBER 2….“well, even though they say there’s 2.5 women to every 2 men in atlanta, once you separate the gays, the cats on house arrest, the guys under 5?9”, n*ggas with bad credit, the nissan altima-ass n*ggas, cats with degrees from clark, and the men my girls have already dated, the ratio is like 9 to 1?…..While this is making me laugh uncontrollably at work, I think this is one of the smartest, yet entertaining posts I’ve read!!!
I’ve often heard my friends (females) say, there are no good brothas who are not “see above”, but I always push back and say WHOA, all the sistas are not battin’ 1000. The ratio must die!
@NYLegalDude,
do you literally push someone and say “woah” whenever you hear that argument? if so, that would be one of the awesomeest things ever and sh*t
@The Champ,
LOL would love to to push them, but given my record as a brotha against domestic violence (friend or otherwise), I push them in my head. Well, maybe a playful mush in the face every now and again for breathing such foolishness.
@NYLegalDude, I have to agree with your not batting 1000, and not to sound effed up but women need to remember age plays a factor in meeting men. I date older men on a regular basis, I’m 25 and the average age of the men I date is 34/35. These mid to late 30 year old women need to know you are competing with smart, beautiful, non-crazy, 20 somethings. So while champs ratio recalculation may even things out in general, its still bad for women in there mid to late 30s and just horrid for the women in their 40s.
WIth the numbers thing I try to keep in mind, ONE is the magic number, as in NEO, as in THAT Negroe for THIS Negra..most don’t fit that bill so *kanye shrug*, just as I am not designed for any and every ol thing LOL……..
@OrangeStar616,
reading that just made my eyes crossed
@The Champ, LOL
I’m glad you spoke in this Champ. The stats always assume that the all women not married are marriage material. If you are a good dude in any form then you know that the options are not as great as people say they are. If you are a guy on some BS then it’s open season.
@Humble_One,
yeah, i forgot to add the “dudes who are just trying to run through any and everything” to the equation
@The Champ, isn’t that like 99.9%? :/
“well, even though they say there’s 2.5 women to every 2 men in atlanta, once you separate the gays, the cats on house arrest, the guys under 5?9”, n*ggas with bad credit, the nissan altima-ass n*ggas, cats with degrees from clark, and the men my girls have already dated, the ratio is like 9 to 1?
this made me soooo weak! ok. I have to keep reading but I truly did guffaw at this.
@Reecie,
“the nissan altima-ass n*ggas”
What is that?
@Reecie,
That quote had me too…especially the “Nissan Altima ninjas”…why !?!?!?
@miss t-lee,
what’s wrong with driving an altima?
@atltx,
Nothing.
Nothing at all. If you like it, I love it.
@miss t-lee,
no…for real…i truly don’t understand.
@Reecie,
what’s wrong with clark?
@atltx, o_O
@Yeah…SO?!,
I really don’t understand…
@atltx, people die there
@Yeah…SO?!, Ok, call me sensitive, but GEEZ, are people really going in on my alma mater???
Have people been shot on CAU’s campus? Yes, but you have to understand that there is an open campus and its located in the West End. If you had your facts together, you would be blaming the lazy ATL Police for their inefficient and ineffective practices to keep local yokels off of the campus. The offenders in these shootings are NOT CAU students.
If you wanna take it there, there was a Spelman student on trial for murdering her boyfriend a few years ago. Over at Morehouse, there were students that tortured and killed another MC brother over $20. So don’t come for my institution if you aren’t going to call out the ENTIRE AUC.
With a brother (c/o 06) and three cousins (c/o 07) at Morehouse and my host of male friends at CAU, there is no difference. If people actually took the time to meet people at CAU, they would see that there are more similarities than not.
@iSo14below
You mad huh? LOL
***comprised of the guys who’ve grown bitter that they don’t have access to the same women that the top 10 percent do, and the women who’ve grown bitter the top 10 percent dudes aren’t checking for them. the only difference between them is that while the guys might get into half-assed relationships while still holding out hope that one of the “top 30 chicks” will give them some love, the women won’t even date at all.***
This partly explains the Black men that don’t want Black women. They want a Beyonce or Alicia Keys type but, those type of chics aren’t checking for them. It also partially explains the professional Black woman that dates out of her race for revenge, use to being single, and can’t settle for any man not in the 10 percent.
@Humble_One,
“avon barksdale used to beat a couple years back, and i aint trying to get shot over her ass”
I have dated a few of ex’s of avon barksdale-type dudes and I am straight on them. They are cool but can be major headaches at the same time.
Just popping in to rep the 46% of ineligible bachelors.
@Legendary Dash,
how do you find energy to type with all that f*cking you must be doing?
@The Champ, I actually posted this during sex.
Champ,
Well done and great analysis. I’m gonna save this post as another rebuttal reference when this issue comes up, because a lot of people are drinking the purple kool-aid.
@AkShone,
With the lemon?!?
*snickering*
@miss t-lee,
The lemon gotta be in there. lol
47% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Words to live by.
@Caballeroso, P.E.,
“and 99 percent of your fans don’t exist”
@The Champ, yeah that was a good one
@The Champ,
Ahhh, but the other 1% makes it all worthwhile (shots out to mom and dad).
@Caballeroso, P.E.,
good comeback and sh*t.
Thank you for FINALLY putting this down on paper…maybe folk will stop being ridiculous and hopping on everything that crosses their path. I’ve been shaking my head at this for forever!! Living in DC I’ve always thought this was some bullshiggity.
@Smiley Face,
maybe folk will stop being ridiculous and hopping on everything that crosses their path
someone should tell that to liz
““avon barksdale used to beat a couple years back” HAHAHAHAHA I love this site..
I think that ratio monster is full of sh*t too..The groups totally make sense…Now time to spread this article to all those that will listen
@Ricky,
Now time to spread this article to all those that will listen
and, if they don’t listen, just ball it up and hit them in the face with it.
actually, on second thought, don’t do that. just ask nicely
Sup y’all. New fan of VSB.
This article was:
a) SO on point
b) had sooo many hilarious moments.
I also LOL (literally at)..
“Once they cancel out the chicks who are obviously crazy, look like Lil Wayne (or have babies by him)…”
I think one of the key problems in the SBW (Single Black Woman) argument is that Black Men are rarely involved in the conversation. Enter The Champ/this post/this blog in general. So imporant to have both points of view heard and represented.
Like @ N.I.A. lovesthekids said: there are women out there who don’t WANT to get married (for a myriad of reasons). So the ratio monster is definately deceiving.
I work as an event planner, events which include weddings. I do have to say, I get immense joy when I am helping a black couple get married. It’s first hand proof that it does/can/will happen.
Off to share on FB!! EVERYONE needs to read this.
@Keisha Brown,
welcome and sh*t
@Keisha Brown,
“I think one of the key problems in the SBW (Single Black Woman) argument is that Black Men are rarely involved in the conversation.”
Well, I’m glad somebody noticed this. I just shook my head when I saw
a woman that I know pretty well onthat Nightline special. You mean to tell me you couldn’t round up a few straight, “successful” brothas in Atlanta to give the story more balance?…y’all need more people. Nightline was on some ol’ Faux News sh*t for that report.
@AkShone, pure laziness on their part… I’m sure they didn’t 2 sh*ts about doin that d@mn report to start with.
@AkShone,
Oh word?
*really wondering which chick you know…I’m nosy…lol
@miss t-lee,
Lol, I can’t put her out there like that (or me), but let’s just say the circles she runs in…those expectations are pretty high and that’s not to say she’s not worthy of them, she’s a great woman and I’m sure she’ll find him
once that perfect ni99a is created in some lab of utopian blissone day.@AkShone,
*giggling*
Never hurts to ask.
I hope it does work out for her one day.
“with that being said, what makes the nightline piece (and others like it) dishonest is the fact that they don’t even attempt to even the playing field by eliminating “ineligible” women from the ratio.”
“you know, i guess it makes sense to think that if one side is “losing” the ratio game (black women), the other must be “winning” (black men). ”
With your first statement, can it really be said that men are “winning” since they are the ones that are usually poked, prodded, and tossed into the “aint sh*t” pile?
@D-weezy,
With your first statement, can it really be said that men are “winning” since they are the ones that are usually poked, prodded, and tossed into the “aint sh*t” pile?
what i meant to convey was that no one group is “winning” or “losing”. some individuals just play the game a bit better than others
@The Champ – GREAT post. Makin the Burgh proud lol.
I don’t believe in ratios, I think theyre all a bunch of hogwash. But as Champ said in a post a couple weeks ago, if you live in a super competitive city like NY, DC, LA know that the bar is set much higher. Not only are you “competing” with other black women, but white and latina women as well.
I honestly feel black women limit themselves too much. I’m all for black love and have a black SO but if you’re not satisfied with your selection of brothas, then keep it moving. Too many sistas say ig-nant a$$ BS like “I just like black guys swagger” “White dudes aint packin” and “a white guy just won’t understand me” GET OVER IT. Were all human beings at the end of the day. So called “swagger” aint paying the bills or putting food on the table, ya heard. Black men these days aren’t limiting themselves, so why do black women??
@BKSweetheart,
@The Champ – GREAT post. Makin the Burgh proud lol.
i doubt that the burgh’s black community is even aware that things called “blogs” exist, but thanks anyway
@BKSweetheart,
Another myth…that there is a huge crew of white men in the world that secretly desire black women and are fine with interracial dating..
I went to a singles event in my city attended by singles of similar age both black and white and watched as the black and white singles broke off into same-race groups. I see that all the time. Maybe it’s not the case everywhere, but around these parts, it is. Might be better online, cause I do get checked for much more by the 2520′s on dating sites….but I also socialize mostly with black folks by choice. I like the music, better, sorry!
@empirestategirl,
“Another myth…that there is a huge crew of white men in the world that secretly desire black women and are fine with interracial dating..”
Word? From what I hear there is a utopia of relationship bliss waiting for Black women in dealing with 2520 men. I thought 2520 and other men were chivalrous and worshipped Black women they way they are supposed to be.
@Humble_One,
“From what I hear there is a utopia of relationship bliss waiting for Black women in dealing with 2520 men”
*sniggling*
It’s so rare when I agree with you.
“Something New” has sold some chicks a dream.
@miss t-lee, @empirestategirl
I’m not saying there’s a utopia or there’s a secret gang of 2520 dudes seeking blk women but I’m just saying we should expand our circles and not be so close minded when it comes to dating.
Blk guys are freely dating whomever they choose. And yeah it may be true that there are a lot of 2520 chicks who may be ok to date or f**k a black dude, but they wont bring him home to mommy and daddy yadda yadda yadda.. But is that stopping black dudes? Nope. And who knows what you could have in common with somebody until you get to know them.
One of my best friends is a damn near fresh off the boat serbian guy i used to work with. And when we met he could barely even speak english and never even saw a black person until he came to the US. But somehow we hit it off and were inseparable ever since. The best part was teaching him all this black slang and hearing him say it in his heavy accent. Pure comedy. Just sayin that at the end of the day people and people and have the same innate desire for companionship and the same emotions, issues, struggles, etc. regardless of skin color or background.
@BKSweetheart,
I don’t think there is anything wrong with dating interracially.I’ve dated outside of my race before, and maybe I will again.
My problem lies with ladies, who act like non-Black men are superior to Black men. Like all Black men aren’t ish, and all of a sudden all 2520 dudes are stand up guys because you found love with one. I know more than a few ladies like this and it’s just sickening to me.
Anyone can date interracially until the cows come come, just don’t put down an entire race of people because you found happiness on the other side.
*This goes for dudes too.
@Humble_One,
Yes because somehow despite their rather disturbing penchant of murdering their wives (as I know via the numbing numbers shared with us via Dateline and Lifetime) they apparently, despite being of the male persuasion have no interest in hogging the sheets or remote, enjoy intellectual stimulating phone conversation in the middle of their work days and are masters at two-hour foreplay, in other words, being a white male somehow means you have no male qualities whatsoever that you will ever show in your relationship with a black woman.
Still salivating over the garden dude created in “Something New” however.
@BKSweetheart,
Too many sistas say ig-nant a$$ BS like “I just like black guys swagger” “White dudes aint packin” and “a white guy just won’t understand me” GET OVER IT. Were all human beings at the end of the day. So called “swagger” aint paying the bills or putting food on the table, ya heard. Black men these days aren’t limiting themselves, so why do black women?? .
Why we always gotta get pawned off to the white guys?!?! I don’t think black women need permission to date “Something New”. I would hope that if they wanted to date a white man they would. And if they didn’t want to, they wouldn’t. And out of all the races, why are white guys the default?
@V Renee, @miss t-lee
Despite being bi-racial myself, I’m all for black love and have always had black SO’s. But I’ve dated outside my race before and not to put 2520 dudes on any pedastal – but I must say I’ve never been treated so well in my life by ANY of the blk guys I dated. But the dude ended up being on some stage 5 clinger sh*t so he had to go, lol.
I’m not saying 2520 dudes are the only way to go. Of course there’s Hispanic, Middle Eastern, Asian, etc. I’m just saying blk women should be more open minded when it comes to dating. I personally just think they aren’t. Like I recall being in a hair salon w all blk women working there and they were all sitting around bashing 2520 guys like “Oh they just don’t have that swagger, they’re not attractive, they’re corny, etc.” That sh*t sounds stupid to me.
I’m not here championing 2520 dudes by any means I’m just sayin everyone should just be a lil more open minded and not limit themselves…. that’s all
So yeah…if that’s true, I’m thinking Seattle should be my next move (wink wink)
“with that being said, what makes the nightline piece (and others like it) dishonest is the fact that they don’t even attempt to even the playing field by eliminating “ineligible” women from the ratio.”
-this right here is why i don’t listen to studies like the ones done on nightline. as far as marriage material not every women makes the cut so in reality i think the numbers aren’t as outrageous as the media would like us to believe. instead people (mostly women) buy into the hype and it only makes the situation worse.
as far as the college campus would go and the break down i wondered which tier i would have fallen into. probably the top 10% #onmycockyshit
good post though.
@Tunde,
I agree with that Tunde, cause you got a pretty smile….
Do you like cougars sweetie LOL or does that put me into that (c) category?
LOL
@empirestategirl, thanks.
wait, what category is that?
If there’s truth in stereotype, there must be some truth to the stats in ATL. Every time I hear about this ratio madness, ATL ALWAYS comes up.
A word to the wise is sufficient. I predict a move to Seattle. *winks at Leila*
@lulu,
Every time I hear about this ratio madness, ATL ALWAYS comes up.
thats because atlanta is the devil
“with that being said, what makes the nightline piece (and others like it) dishonest is the fact that they don’t even attempt to even the playing field by eliminating “ineligible” women from the ratio. ”
Also, they didn’t make room for overlapping in the Black male percentages. A lot of those categories tend to overlap and they disregarded that in order to make the percentages more overwhelming.
@Cheekie,
Yes! Some of these bammas are like 3 in 1 – no job, lives with his mama and sneaking Tyrone in the back door…
but those numbers don’t make Black women look totally desperate and Black men look total losers so they won’t be sharing.
Great post!
on half a cup of pitiful work coffee that’s all I got right now…glad this is being discussed and stats are being put in perspective though…oh, I had more after all
@Andrea Morgan,
oh, I had more after all
if i had a dollar…
What is wrong with driving an altima?
@atltx, since nobody is gonna answer this upthread either LOL , I will….. its more of a females vehicle, on a male its rather “pedestrian” if you will almost soft, but soft is a strong word, too strong here
@OrangeStar616,
ohhhh…ok…thanks
@OrangeStar616,
Oh ok. I get it. An Altima is a woman’s car. They are more wack when they put rims on them.
@Humble_One, LOL exactly
@atltx,
What is wrong with driving an altima?
nothing. i just include that as a satire of what some women might say when “eliminating” cats from consideration
@atltx, I asked the same thing, which made me laugh even harder. Actually, I see a lot of dudes pushin’ Altima’s in NYC (no rims, base model S) lol.
@NYLegalDude, Yeah an altima is like a b*tch car. Like driving a prius or a smart
@BKSweetheart,
Lol, I’m picturing every dude reading this that has an Altima looking at his screen like, “It’s an economical buy and it’s low on gas…I didn’t even put rims on it…man, f*ck this!”
::: Slams laptop and runs to his Altima, peeling off in the parking lot while almost running over pedestrians in the crosswalk :::
…see what y’all dun did.
@AkShone,
*snickering*
Yeah..this post did nothing for the male Altima owners.
@AkShone, LLS
Other people have already hit all of the bases (that I can think of right now), so I’ll just say Well Said.
@Helagramki,
Other people have already hit all of the bases
thats what she said (if she was a ho)
It’s amazing that any of us ever get together.
I too would love to see the Nightline special about the “ineligible” women. How come no one ever talks about that? I’ll tell you why … because the perception is that all women are just dying to be Mrs. So-and-So. So just the fact that she is willing to walk down the aisle makes her eligible. That mess pisses me off.
@Michele, or that men aren’t the ones that want to get married in the first place – so who gives a f*ck if a woman is inelligible, men ain’t tryna get married noway (so “they” say)
@Michele,
Or maybe it’s a plan designed by “the man”. He missed out on all that “sneaking into the slave quarters for some chocolate treats action” in the early 1800′s, so now, he’s trying to make it more fashionable for black women to seek him out by filling her head with myths about how black men ain’t sh*t and what not. Don’t fall for it sistas, don’t be bamboozled – stay strong.
@Caballeroso, P.E., I don’t agree with the statistics but try telling this to all the woman that are told the same statitistics by black men… when it’s time to put up or shut up (in the bedroom)- been there and for the record ninjas are crazy!
@Caballeroso, P.E.,
This made me chuckle.
Y’all niccas is fucking hilarious on this site! Best post ever. And SO TRUE……..
Nightline and that ilk are part of the divide adn conquer illuminati that conspires to keep black love down by pitting us aganst each other….
Yeah, and I don’t even consider that a conspiracy theory …it’s fact.
I had to check MYSELF recently when trying to uh, figure out my own relationship issues which have been in full view lately oh, because for once, I’m actually dealing with a live person instead of my lofty relationship ideals the set of bullshit that single women are given by the likes of Steve Harvey and other so-called relationship gurus. Single ladies it’s not about settling – it’s about realistically assessing where you are and finding the best possible mate for what you need even if he’s maybe under 5’9 or even a WWM because maybe there are things more important to YOU than the ability to wear high heels and a nicca that blow your back out.
Now, those two things happen to be important to me as a I have a high libido and I’m almost six feet, but hey, I might be able to compromise on a few other things. Some of you and I don’t say all because I don’t want to demonize my sisters or brothers, but some of you are prematurely balding with a paunch but think that your low-level Civil Service gig entitltes you to a Halle Berry lookalike and some of you have a bad weave, twenty tattoos and three babies, but are checking for Will Smith. C’mon, son.
@empirestategirl, I’m sorry you lost me at “maybe there are things more important to YOU than the ability to wear high heels and a nicca that blow your back out”… nope, I can’t say there are
@Yeah…SO?!,
ROTF (in my high heels)L
Girlllll….I hear you! And I am currently experiencing both but with some caveats that I’m SURE other people woudn’t deal with. Shit, I’m about not to deal with it, but I was in dire need of some black blowing ya feel me? But there are some things more important to SOME people. Michelle Obama gave up the 4 inch heels didn’t she? However, methinks that she did not give up the blowing out the back part….
@empirestategirl, “However, methinks that she did not give up the blowing out the back part”
Oh I feel yah, it’s a doozy (no pun)- lol
@empirestategirl, Jada was straight hood in case the polish has made a few forget….
and all I can to say your entire post and to what alot of others are saying is equally yoked = a true counterpart
ohhhh…ok…thanks
Great mental floss this morning. Since I’m in the 2nd decade of my 30′s (40+), ratios aren’t that serious to me anymore. I’ve reached a point in my life I’m just shopping not buying anything.
@Neigborhood Hussy,
Well, I still want to buy..or at least long term rent…so glad I’m not the ONLY person in the second decade of their 30′s on here
@empirestategirl,
who let ya’ll asses in here?
@The Champ,
I’ve snickered at like all your comments today, but this made me literally lol … smh! I’m gonna get docked points because of you. lol
I think that this post finally explains a lot of the bitterness that exists with the unhappily single. It also breaks down why my cousin is so mad at the world, lol. She’s what a lot of guys would consider “top tier” but she was square in the middle of that 30% of women who only wanted the top 10% of the men. So her advice sounds something like: 1) All Black men want a woman who is not visibly Black and 2) All Black men cheat.
Did I mention she’s 36, single and still playing dudes while she waits for some rich man to scoop her up? Sheesh.
I use her as an example, but I kind of get this vibe from a lot of blogging brothas as well. Any time somebody comes out with that whole, “You weren’t checking for me before, so I’m gonna play you now” mentality sets off my radar. There were probably some good girls checking for you, but you were too busy trying to get the Paula Patton doppelganger to notice. Now you mad cuz she’s been run through by the top 10%, gained some weight and is now willing to give your 27th percentile azz a try, lol.
@Lil’T,
Love that whole last paragraph.
@miss t-lee,
ditto
@Lil’T, She’s at percentile 27 now? I’m percentile 31.234, so maybe I’ll have a chance before Mother’s Day. i can bring Paula’s doppleganger to the after church dinner at Outback Steakhouse in Landover to meet mom (FINALLY!)
@Scipio Africanus,
I used to moonlight at that Outback. If I see you there with the look-a-like Paula I’ll be sure to call you out, lol.
@Lil’T,
I use her as an example, but I kind of get this vibe from a lot of blogging brothas as well. Any time somebody comes out with that whole, “You weren’t checking for me before, so I’m gonna play you now” mentality sets off my radar.
lol, i’ll buy you some punch at the next vsb bbq if you name names
@The Champ,
Oh, I could. But I think they read your blog for future theft, er, ideas.
@The Champ,
i’ll buy you some punch at the next vsb bbq if you name names .
there was a first vsb bbq?!?!?!?!
@Lil’T
“ny time somebody comes out with that whole, “You weren’t checking for me before, so I’m gonna play you now” mentality sets off my radar. There were probably some good girls checking for you, but you were too busy trying to get the Paula Patton doppelganger to notice. Now you mad cuz she’s been run through by the top 10%, gained some weight and is now willing to give your 27th percentile azz a try, lol.”
MURDERED!
Here lies MzDevyneOne. She led a happily sinlge life.
in the past 5 years i’ve lived in Minneapolis, Philly (twice), Dallas, Boston, and you can throw in Harlem since i was there every weekend for about a year. I moved to Atlanta in early 09.
here’s what i’ve learned in my short time here in the A compared to other cities:
- being a guy in atlanta you score in one of two ways: 1) be allen iverson, you might score 30, but you took 30 shots to do it, luckily everyone else on your team sucks so coach doesnt care that you actually suck offensively…these are the guys you hear about most often or 2) just don’t f*ck up and realize you’ll be an all-star if you stick to the fundamentals…it’s like having chris paul on your team
- atlanta is a city full of kappas and akas…think about ones that were/are on your yard and you’ll know exactly what i mean. #noshots
– you’ll never get an accurate assesment of the dating dynamic here because so many people a) just moved here and have *reinvented* themselves or b) just visit all the time because there’s lots to do and flights are cheap
champ you’re right, the ratio means squat.
@Carver The Great, that first point went right over my head.
@Yeah…SO?!,
he’s basically saying that atlanta is good for dudes who either want to indiscriminately bone whatever’s in their paths (the iverson) or take a more practical, fundamental approach to p*ssy procuring (the chris paul)
@The Champ,
thanks for the clarity.
i enjoy throwing iverson under the bus publicly so i avoided any and every attempt at brevity
@The Champ, ahhhhh thanks! … now this Chris Paul type you speak of, is he classified with like leprecons and wizzards or is he more of a mythical creature type like a mermaid or centaur? I’m just sayin
Don’t you feel like the ratio monster is actually approaching senior citizen status! And the food-chain conundrum is even older. Damn interlopers. I often wonder how much longer they have.
O btw, a dirty little secret I learned later in life: the black men/black women who used to be in Group A and Group B all grew up and moved to Group C.
@divalive,
the black men/black women who used to be in Group A and Group B all grew up and moved to Group C.
not all. some stay in group b their entire lives
@The Champ, good point. I overlooked those few group b diehards who live in “bitter” city. Or maybe I have wiped them from my consciousness at this point in my life. Something for me to think about… thanks!
Champ you hit the nail on the head with this one.
And the whole atl thing… Too many people go down there trying to find love or the black Mecca or ti etc but everyone goes to the same “young black professional” events hosted by the same folks attended by the same folks and expect different results. Step out of the ordinary mundane social scene and try something new. Never know who you’ll meet. That’s what I did and that’s how I found the boo piece. I’ve also since escaped atl thank gosh but if you’re there don’t abandon hope and thro in the towel but also don’t be surprised if you’re still lonely if you only frequent events attended by thirsty arse negroes and negrettes
@A plus,
Step out of the ordinary mundane social scene and try something new
what do you suggest?
@The Champ, well, in atl in particular, there are tons of outdoor festivals and things of that nature, especially in the spring and summer; also recreational sports teams like kickball, softball, etc. that are good ways to meet people. i dunno, i just noticed that a lot of my associates of one particular circle would ONLY go to the same type events over and over but expect to meet new / exciting people. and i understand not everyone is willing to step out and try new things, but…
One more thing as it relates to ratios:
I do think that we place a lot of emphasis on group A – and their supposed attractions/stats. As someone who has spent a good majority of my career working around wealthy, entitled former C’s who hustled their way to A’s there is a lot of b.s. that comes with the so-called “good on paper” folks. Yes, there may be money – but with control/infidelity issues. Yes, there may be good looks, but people so used to being under the favorable gaze of others that they feel they don’t have to work sexually or who feel entitled to material things solely on their arm trophy value. I think we need to do more work on what it is that we truly bring to the table as well as what we really need. If its love or devotion or support, than how do those manifest to you? If it’s money or financial security then what are you willing to give up (the time it takes to maintain finances, a less ideal look, less sex, whatever)
I just feel like we are sold this ideal of what we’re supposed to get out of relationships that’s totally erroneous. For those under 40, who get that, kudos to you, cause it’s taken me SOOO LONG to realize it. Also be clear about what issues YOU bring to the table. You could look real good in that suit and in that BMW with that good job/career, but could be a mess emotionally. I know of what I speak peoples and if I wasn’t afraid that some folks I know might read this site, I’d provide case studies….
@empirestategirl,
You are 100% correct. I realized this in my late 20s. People equate stats with the quality of personality. I have accepted that what I like is not going to be what I need or what works best for me.
@empirestategirl,
most folk gotta bust that head wide open to the white meat a many times before being able to truly understand the wisdom you just provided.
what’s wrong with Altimas?
@sho,
good question
CHUUUCH!!!!!!
This is my single favorite post from you guys ever.
For some weird reason, it’s 2010 and the points you raise here still have not crystallized within our aggregate consciousness as black people. For some reason, those of us black men who are *not* that top-of-the-foodchain group has been unsuccessful in pointing out that stuff really isn’t that easy, nor breezy for us in the dating game.
@Scipio Africanus,
For some weird reason, it’s 2010 and the points you raise here still have not crystallized within our aggregate consciousness as black people.
its rap music’s fault
ok…it seems that there really is no top 10%…everybody has an issue that somebody can take points away for. Having said that…it’s almost like erbody is a fixerupper. I’ll take a woman that is cute, fine, funny, down to earth and employable…spit shine that azz until she blings like a solid “dime”…that way…i get erthang but the “drawbacks” of a “dime”.
I expect a woman to do the same to me…
We’re all growing and changing…is it mentally healthy to believe that a person can find “exactly” what they want? I’m leaning more towards the idea of selecting based on a solid foundation being present.
@atltx,
yup put some paint on that bad boy, get a few window treatments and some rodent control and you’re good to go! LOL
@empirestategirl,
you already know…
@atltx, yeah but then you hear that argument that we’re “trying to change you”… I mean it’s great you’re cool with that but you’re a part the what .01%
I messed that up… how do I italicize?
@Yeah…SO?!,
you gotta be patient…for instance…i don’t stick my entire finger in a woman’s booty the first time she let’s me get close to it (unless she asks me to). you gotta take shat in steps. maybe…blow on it from a distance at first…then a kiss…then a little tounge (no penetration)…then an extremely light tounge penetration…move to finger tip…next add lube…viola!…finger in booty and most don’t complain. I apply that same patient process based spit shining technique to a number of different areas as well. That’s how you get from koolaid designs with weave to nice natural afro (with s-curl…can’t win em all.)
@atltx,
I quit you. Lol
@atltx,
I like how this was just on the edge of vulgar…lmao
@atltx, :-O
@atltx, I want to comment on this but I’m speechless
@atltx,
ey…i try to give examples that make it easier for folks to relate.
@atltx, “you gotta take shat in steps”… literally (hee hee)
@atltx, of what???
tossed salad techniques (throws head back and LLS) goodness
@atltx,
hee hee hell..
Reading this post, it occurred to me that not too much has changed since college… or high school for that matter.
(Group A) Top 10% guys:
High School – athletes/d-boys
College – frat guys/athletes
Real World – athletes (lol)/cats with degrees, good salaries, no kids
(Group A) Top 30% ladies:
High School – cheerleaders/drill team, residential “baddest chicks in school”
College – cheerleaders/sorority chicks/models/residential “baddest chicks on campus who soon may or may be sorority chicks”
Real World – models/actresses/chicks with degree(s), good salaries, no kids
And in reality, everyone in Groups B & C compete for Group A. In this case, 90% of the guys are competing for 30% of the ladies, and 70% of the ladies are competing for 10% of the guys…
And that’s not even factoring in Group A. Factor in Group A, and:
You get 100% of the girls competing for the same 10% of guys…
And 100% of the guys are competing for the same 30% of ladies…
Too much emphasis is placed on the label, status, or what looks good on paper. Not enough emphasis is placed on quality.
But, yeah, it’s hard out here for pimp lol
@SouthernCharm,
SO much math!!! lol
And yet.. made so much sense.
@Keisha Brown,
i agree and sh*t
@Keisha Brown,
i know! i went back and read my comment like, “did i just type that?” lol… the caffeine is strong in me!
@SouthernCharm,
I can’t agree, simply because I was never taken in by the “top 10%” guys and I know too many attractive, quality women who were either hip to their game in high school or figured it out soon after. Usually it’s only people in group A or B that care – group C has been quietly kicking it, getting married and having kids while Group A is wondering how their next s.o. will make them look to the rest of the kids in Group B.
@Lil’T, Group C cares, as a whole they care LOL, whether they have been kicking it or whateva………
@SouthernCharm, This is great! The question this raises for me is what happens to the C’s that are now B’s and the B’s that were C’s?
Secondly, are they less appealing? Or do they not take advantage of advancing in the food chain because they knew how it was to have to the less appealing of the bunch?
So in high school, The D Boys and Athletes go the attention, while a straight “A” student like myself rendered marginal attention; and not from the women in the top 10 %. Now in real life, I can say I look better on paper and may be considered to be in the 10% but I can’t say I relegate myself to the women who look good on paper.
@xave,
In my opinion… the former C’s that are now B’s are the ones who habitually play the side-piece role of A’s and people who have been in Group B all of their lives. lol. Might be the chick who has a kid or two but earned her degree and worked hard to get a nice job… The short, 5’7 guy who was fat in high school but hit the gym in college… the well-known slore who everyone knows is a slore, but she got saved lol… etc.
@SouthernCharm, you were dead on w everything u just said. Cosign dammit, cosign.
@SouthernCharm,
Seriously – none of us VSS’s had a crush on the editor of the school paper? No Clarke Kent take-yo-glasses-off-and-show-me-yo-cape action? Was I a nerd herder? Where de HELL are Overit and Eif Wondra?? They’d feel me on this one.
Lord.
@Lil’T,
I’m not saying it didn’t or doesn’t happen… just not the norm.
@SouthernCharm,
the only nerd i’ve been interested in was Betty’s old love interest in Ugly Betty.
Lol.
Wait!
The last guy I dated. He’s hard to identify though. Perhaps another post he’ll come up.
@lulu,
An actor playing a nerd? That would fall under Group A lol.
Well I agree with this post 110% and thank goodness for being in the 90th percentile!
I haven’t read the comments so I don’t know if someone else has already said this, but the other reason that the Nightline stats are bull$hit is b/c a lot of their categories would likely overlap. There is a high probability that someone who doesn’t have a high school diploma is ALSO unemployed and ALSO has a criminal record. But they never take this into account and then come up with their dumb ass conclusion that only 46 (or however many) out of a 100 Black men are dating/marriage material and thus, proof to the rest of the world that BLACK MEN AIN’T $HIT!! And that is the underlying message in all this MSM coverage – something is wrong with Black women, no one wants to marry them and there are no good Black men to marry them anyways. I think its a situation worth looking into, but I’d rather keep it “in house.” All this national coverage is quite demoralizing.
ey…i try to give examples that make it easier for folks to relate.
Great post!!! I love stats and data and all the fun ways you can manipulate them to tell the story you want to tell…which is why I agree wholeheartedly that the stats on black men and black women, just like all other stats, are mostly BS. You have to dig a lot deeper to get the real story and most people aren’t going to do that because it takes a lot longer to explain the factual breakdown than it does to spout a statistic.
The way these stats are used is definitely destructive and devisive….two things the black community does not need.
However, there has to be some numerical way to account for the fact that I’ve got droves of single female friends most of whom barely even meet “eligible” guys…and when they do meet them little ever materializes…..
I blame the people touting the stats! and all the guys in DC who believe them!
@klysha,
Girl you gone have to get out of DC to find some quality men. The last guy I dated who actually lived in the city was running from the law and didn’t tell me. I found out when they arrested him at the hospital, where he was recuperating from being shot in the face at a club. And he was the nicest guy I’d met all summer. Lawdamercy.
@Lil’T,
Your entire reply has caused irreparable comical damage.
*shaking with laughter*
@Lil’T, Oh my! thankfully I haven’t met any guys actively running from the law yet…although I have met two guys who upon our initial conversations I learned they were recently released ex-convicts….
@klysha, lol @ all the guys in DC who believe them. I think DC is a lot like the Atlanta quote.
This makes me want to sing…
I’m a soldier of love…everyday of my life!
I feel like I fit into the category of women who are eligible, but guys my age don’t want to date right away. My guy friends don’t want me to date because they say don’t want me to be corrupted. Maybe my friends are strange? Maybe I am seen as easily corruptible? No idea!
LO-Effing-L
Ok, call me sensitive, but GEEZ, are people really going in on my alma mater???
Have people been shot on CAU’s campus? Yes, but you have to understand that there is an open campus and its located in the West End. If you had your facts together, you would be blaming the lazy ATL Police for their inefficient and ineffective practices to keep local yokels off of the campus. The offenders in these shootings are NOT CAU students.
If you wanna take it there, there was a Spelman student on trial for murdering her boyfriend a few years ago. Over at Morehouse, there were students that tortured and killed another MC brother over $20. So don’t come for my institution if you aren’t going to call out the ENTIRE AUC.
With a brother (c/o 06) and three cousins (c/o 07) at Morehouse and my host of male friends at CAU, there is no difference. If people actually took the time to meet people at CAU, they would see that there are more similarities than not.
Great post!
I hate the ratio monster…and I read the comments above, and I don’t think anyone mentioned it…
Is anyone else’s FAMILY going in on them with this? My granny threatened toKICK ME OUT THE WILL if I didn’t produce a hubby and some offspring soon! WTF? Like, I’m not out here trying to find myself a Mr. VSB of my very own…SMDH.
Granny says I better “hurrup and get me a man, cause the stats ain’t in my favor and I’m the next oldest so I should be brangin a family to the next reunion”.
I wonder if I emailed this to her, if I ‘d get some slack…
@MyzDevyneOne, Yep…Granny hasn’t threatened me with the will but she always has some pointed questions about when I plan on finding me a Mr. right. I’m like it’s not like I’m out here turning down marriage proposals left and right or anything Grandma.
I came late to this party, and I’m still trying to figure out, what’s wrong with Altimas?