Are you a dog person? I’m not. I’m also not not a dog person. I like animals. I like dogs. I’ve had cats and dogs. Animals rock.
You know what doesn’t rock? Animals running amok through work hallways. But that shit has happened at my place of employment before. Somebody thought it was okay to let motherfucking Fido run through our motherfucking work hallways without ANY thought of the fact that some people might be afraid of dogs or perhaps allergic, or more importantly, not want to walk into a common hallway and run into a random ass golden retriever lookin’ around like, “what up, nigga?”
Actually, I don’t think that’s what a golden retriever running around my hallways would say. I think it would be more like, “ howdy, kiss me in my mouth you European descendant you!”
Every single time I see a dog in my building or some person clearly walking to work with a non-service dog, I wonder just why in the fuck they’re bringing Mr. Peabody to work. And as much as I want to call this a white thing, and thus, I wouldn’t understand, I can’t because I’ve seen white, black, brown, yellow, Puerto Rican, and Haitian, rolling up to the trabajo with some accessory ass dog in a caged bird ass purse like thing with VERSACE VERSACE VERSACE written all over it.
In the words of Luvvie (and Blackness everywhere, though Tupac was a lie for I am not God), I’m judging you.
What gives though? Why for come do dogbringers bring their damn dogs to work? Yes, I’m looking at you. I know some of you people have done this. Listen, unless motherfucking Mr. Smittens is going to help me bust a move on these cost estimates, what is your dog doing here? Half of you niggas work in cubicles AN-T-WAY. Who authorized this? Bueller?
I love me some animals. I like going to the zoo when the weather is nice and while I’ve had a quiet 20 year war with squirrels (I’m technically losing because I swear I see squirrels trying to Geico commerical my ass and I can’t in good faith kick squirrels), I kind of appreciate the rats with bushy tails for their absolute arrogance. In my mind, I think all squirrels are really Black people come back as animals exacting vengeance and payback on motorists and roof insulation. Real spit, end of days, fam? Squirrels, roaches and Wall-E are all that’s left.
Back to Clifford Goes To Work, I’ve really tried to think of logical, reasonable reasons, for a dog to hang at the jay-oh-bee. And honestly, I can’t think of any good reasons. Most people leave their dogs at home during the day while they’re twerking for a check. Now, if your home is being fumigated, okay. Chances are pretty small that’s happening, but I mean, I do have a heart. Other than that I have almost nothing. I guess maybe if your AC goes out and your dog would be stuck at home in the summer heat all day long, that’s no bueno. So maaaaaaybe. But I’m really mostly at a loss. I think people think that shit is cute and it.is.not.
Listen, I get nervous bringing my KIDS – well, only my oldest ever comes to my job during workdays – to work and I keep her out of the way of the general population. She comes into my office, chills with pens, paper, books, and sometimes an iPad or tablet of sorts so she can Netflix and chill while I get my Excel on. And I don’t even like doing that because I feel like once or twice is okay, but too many times and it becomes unprofessional. We’ve got work to do at work and shit, b.
But animals? Pets? Puppies? Doggies? What in the name of Lassie makes that shit okay or make sense.
I’m a reasonable man and my home is full of many leather bound books (it actually is, my Godfather had a collection and he willed it to me when he passed, take that bitches) so I’m willing to try to understand, but it’s a hard sell.
Inquiring minds would like to know, why the hell do (you) people bring your dogs to work?