Why The Hell Do People Bring Dogs To Work? » VSB

Featured, Theory & Essay

Why The Hell Do People Bring Dogs To Work?

Are you a dog person? I’m not. I’m also not not a dog person. I like animals. I like dogs. I’ve had cats and dogs. Animals rock.

You know what doesn’t rock? Animals running amok through work hallways. But that shit has happened at my place of employment before. Somebody thought it was okay to let motherfucking Fido run through our motherfucking work hallways without ANY thought of the fact that some people might be afraid of dogs or perhaps allergic, or more importantly, not want to walk into a common hallway and run into a random ass golden retriever lookin’ around like, “what up, nigga?”

Actually, I don’t think that’s what a golden retriever running around my hallways would say. I think it would be more like, “ howdy, kiss me in my mouth you European descendant you!”

Every single time I see a dog in my building or some person clearly walking to work with a non-service dog, I wonder just why in the fuck they’re bringing Mr. Peabody to work. And as much as I want to call this a white thing, and thus, I wouldn’t understand, I can’t because I’ve seen white, black, brown, yellow, Puerto Rican, and Haitian, rolling up to the trabajo with some accessory ass dog in a caged bird ass purse like thing with VERSACE VERSACE VERSACE written all over it.

In the words of Luvvie (and Blackness everywhere, though Tupac was a lie for I am not God), I’m judging you.

What gives though? Why for come do dogbringers bring their damn dogs to work? Yes, I’m looking at you. I know some of you people have done this. Listen, unless motherfucking Mr. Smittens is going to help me bust a move on these cost estimates, what is your dog doing here? Half of you niggas work in cubicles AN-T-WAY. Who authorized this? Bueller?

I love me some animals. I like going to the zoo when the weather is nice and while I’ve had a quiet 20 year war with squirrels (I’m technically losing because I swear I see squirrels trying to Geico commerical my ass and I can’t in good faith kick squirrels), I kind of appreciate the rats with bushy tails for their absolute arrogance. In my mind, I think all squirrels are really Black people come back as animals exacting vengeance and payback on motorists and roof insulation. Real spit, end of days, fam? Squirrels, roaches and Wall-E are all that’s left.

Back to Clifford Goes To Work, I’ve really tried to think of logical, reasonable reasons, for a dog to hang at the jay-oh-bee. And honestly, I can’t think of any good reasons. Most people leave their dogs at home during the day while they’re twerking for a check. Now, if your home is being fumigated, okay. Chances are pretty small that’s happening, but I mean, I do have a heart. Other than that I have almost nothing. I guess maybe if your AC goes out and your dog would be stuck at home in the summer heat all day long, that’s no bueno. So maaaaaaybe. But I’m really mostly at a loss. I think people think that shit is cute and it.is.not.

Listen, I get nervous bringing my KIDS – well, only my oldest ever comes to my job during workdays – to work and I keep her out of the way of the general population. She comes into my office, chills with pens, paper, books, and sometimes an iPad or tablet of sorts so she can Netflix and chill while I get my Excel on. And I don’t even like doing that because I feel like once or twice is okay, but too many times and it becomes unprofessional. We’ve got work to do at work and shit, b.

But animals? Pets? Puppies? Doggies? What in the name of Lassie makes that shit okay or make sense.

I’m a reasonable man and my home is full of many leather bound books (it actually is, my Godfather had a collection and he willed it to me when he passed, take that bitches) so I’m willing to try to understand, but it’s a hard sell.

Inquiring minds would like to know, why the hell do (you) people bring your dogs to work?

QTNA.

Filed Under: , , ,
Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • BM, President of Fuckery

    Sounds like a RUFF situation. Might be BARKING up the wrong tree on this one. Let me PAWS with these puns.

    Its been fun, y’all can ban me now.

  • Junegirl627

    Sorry never learned how to dogsplain or understand fuckshit. But I can’t wait to discover the answer.

    BTW I want to shank everybody in the back who takes their dog into the supermarket. Fight me!

    • You better be all sorts of fucked up for me not to be mad at that.

      • Junegirl627

        Yo that irks my soul!!!!!

      • Brother Mouzone

        Folks are doing this ROUTINELY now. Also, for some odd reason, Best Buy, Lowes, and Home Depot have become “take your dog to shop” stores.

        • Yeah, nah.

        • Junegirl627

          But I’m wrong if I step on the lil flicker right

    • Malik

      People who bring their dogs to the supermarket deserve a smooth dropkick. Nobody wants Fido drooling on the produce.

      • Junegirl627

        I walk out and make sure to tell management why I won’t be back.

        • Brother Mouzone

          I actually made a manager remove someone and their wiener dog they had riding in the grocery cart and told him he better toss the food that was in that cart…true story.

          • Junegirl627

            good for you.

      • Emily Harris

        Thank you!

    • GrownAzzMan

      Right in the produce aisle.

      • Emily Harris

        Shedding and drooling and all!

    • raul

      What super market allows anything but service dogs in them? Or even retail store? The only place that I’ve ever seen that is the occasional bar/restaurant with outdoor seating.

      • Junegirl627

        If you have the dog in the carry case you can enter and other times people just don’t care if it’s against the rules or not

      • Brother Mouzone

        Walmart and Kroger.

    • Marlene Allen

      Just saw this nonsense over the July 4th weekend!! WHY are you bringing a non service dog in the grocery store! Ugh!!?

      • Junegirl627

        They have a delivery service so u and your flicking service dog can kick rocks

    • The market, the mall, the pharmacy…
      Leave his azz home.

      • Junegirl627

        And bank! TD bank keeps doggie treats like what the Fluck!

        • Our bank keeps a fresh bowl of water and a bowl of years by the door.
          Smh

          • Mochasister

            That’s ridiculous. Some people have more empathy for animals than people.

            • Brother Mouzone

              Some? A LOT (majority) of wypipo. I have long said that wypipo would have more outrage over a golden retriever being accidentally shot and killed than they would a Black child.

              • #truth

              • Mochasister

                Any animal. Remember how outraged the wypipo got in Cincinnati over that damn Harambe? I was sorry the animal had to be put down but between his life and the child the child wins. I hope they left that child’s mother alone. I was scared for her.

        • Joelle

          I laugh at this because I worked in a branch for TD Bank in Toronto and I used give treats to any of the dogs that came to my desk. There was one dog that loved me for that and she used to drag her owner to my desk because she knew she was going to get a treat. I miss that pooch :(

          • Junegirl627

            Do you know how much side eye and cursing would go on if I was standing online and you was playing with the customer dog extending my wait time? And I feel bad for saying this because you seem crazy cool.

            Don’t get me wrong when I worked at staples this customer would walk his golden retriever named Winston and stop in to buy them both some water. I would pet and play with Winston until a customer came so I get it ,but nah man dog owners are doing too much and companies are bending over backwards to accommodate them

            • Joelle

              LOL!! I totally get what you’re saying. Luckily when the customer would come in with her dog, it wasn’t busy and there were no customers at the Welcome Desk. I agree with you about companies and customers with their dogs. I’ve had people come to me and complain about other banks not allowing them to bring their dogs into the branch. If TD didn’t allow dogs, people would make a fuss. I had people complain about the branch not having coffee. Thankfully, I no longer work in a branch.

      • Brother Mouzone

        Cumberland mall food court, Atlanta.

    • Mochasister

      I hate that ish. Unless it’s a service dog Fido needs to be at home.

      • Junegirl627

        And by service I mean Stevie Wonder blind.

    • Brother Mouzone

      I got your back in THAT fight.

    • FarbissinaPunim

      Or the Starbucks! Why I got to potentially have doggie dander in my latte because you and your dog have co-dependency issues? I complain every time. I hate that.

      • Kim

        they serve pupuccinos now

      • rahshedah

        Okay, I get it, but what about people ‘dander’ though. How much of that are you ingesting everyday from your local barista?

        • FarbissinaPunim

          I hear you. I guess you can file this under “lie to me.” I would be just as furious if I saw pet hair on my barista’s/ server’s clothes.

    • Tlholohelo Makatu

      French people go almost everywhere with they dogs, even into brasseries. I don’t remember (my family used to live outside Paris so I got a slice of ‘la vie des banlieues francaise’ every July) if I’ve actually seen some dogs in a Carrefour supermarket, but I wouldn’t put it past them.

    • Guest

      Or brings them on the train in NY without a carrier during rush hour. They should be fined!

  • AKA The Sauce

    I didn’t know this was a thing. A dog can take my place anyway..just send me my check.

    • panamajackson

      Oh, it’s a thing, famo. I see SO many damn dogs on the jobsite. It annoys me 60 percent of the time every time.

      • AKA The Sauce

        That must be a creative work environment thing. Y’all get away with murder compared to us corporate folks.

        • I’m in corporate and it is a thing. Thankfully our building management company banned dogs from the premises this year.

          • AKA The Sauce

            I would flip out if I saw a dog in the building.

            A. I’m on the 13th floor and no dog should be this high up
            B. Who made this a thing…we need to have a long chat.

      • RaeRae

        I worked with a professor that would have his TAs watch his dog while he taught class. To be fair, the dog was nice, but still…

        • KeciB

          There’s a partner at a large law firm here in Chicago that literally rented out a whole apartment for a cat and had his secretary go by and feed it everyday.

          • Love Heals

            Whaaaat????!!!!!!

            • KeciB

              Yep. It was a stray cat too. Apparently he didn’t want to upset his kitties st hone by introducing this new stray. White people with money do strange things.

              • Love Heals

                Oh. My. Goodness. I’m talking aloud to myself right now.

              • NonyaB?

                You know that ninja’s gon die and bequeath his estate to cats and zero to relatives.

                • KeciB

                  You already know.

              • Junegirl627

                I would’ve secretly moved in and when I got caught I would’ve said I was talking initiative by giving the cat round the clock care.

                • Yahmo Bethere

                  Sounds like promotion material.

          • NonyaB?

            What in the entire fxck?! Cray cray, wypipo style.

      • Junegirl627

        There’s a guy at my job who has major anxiety issues so instead of psychological drugs the tried service dog. Why the day after he brought his service dog to work 2 other people brought their dogs to work! They thought it was a new thing! ???

  • because there obviously ain’t enough b*tches there. obviously. (I’ll see myself out)

  • Queen@

    Serious ish…. My office voted to change “take your child to work day” to “bring your pet to work day.” Please guess how many POCs are in my office…. annnnnd their generation.

    Fucking late millennials.

    • I’m just waiting on that “take your side piece to work” day.

      • Queen@

        At least side pieces, like kids, can actually do work. LOL

        Dogs can’t file papers, get coffee, polish my desk…

      • Cheech
      • RaeRae

        Come on now…you know many side pieces are already at the work place. A former coworker was sleeping with on of the deans. They would be in her office for the longest times! He was also at her house late one night for some “cookies” and his wife did a search for his iphone. She drove out to my then coworker’s house and straight rolled up on them. Wypipo…

        • Gibbous

          I had an executive vice dean’s wife call me at work. I had to tell her her husband didn’t work there anymore. I understood that he’d taken another job in the Midwest with his sidepiece from the office, but it was not my place to spill that tea!

          Admin, thy name is discretion!

          • RaeRae

            Yikes!!!!

            • Gibbous

              Zactly!

          • NonyaB?

            Wait, he left town without his wife knowing? Did they not live together?

            • Gibbous

              So, my understanding is, that in the South, there is a certain type of affluent-ish older white ladies who prefer to remain married and live separately from their husbands instead of being divorced or single at an older age. For them, being married is where your social status comes from, regardless of the type of marriage it is.

              She didn’t seem upset or anything. Also, the side-piece was Black, which she may not have wanted to know about – or maybe she didn’t care.

              • NonyaB?

                Dayum. I woulda mentioned something, just to be messy. At the very least, I would have very pleasantly and professionally asked her to hold while I transferred the call or got his new office# for her, with the understanding that she must have forgotten. ?

                • Gibbous

                  He didn’t leave a new office number. I felt safest getting off the phone ASAP!!!

        • You gotta respect her gangster, though.

          • RaeRae

            The coworker was shook! She was so simple. She came to work the next day telling folks all she did was invite him over for cookies and his wife git all bent out of shape.

            • Yeah, my wife ain’t playing that if I was Martha Stewart’s house.

      • cdj

        A lot of people’s side pieces are already at their job.

        • It must be nice to be at work and not hate at least one person.

          • cdj

            LOL! Must be. I wouldn’t know.

    • MakesMeWannaShoopShoopShoop

      These people need hard work to do

      • Queen@

        We were in the meeting and they were talking about being “triggered.”

        “There are many people who aren’t parents of actual for various reasons…” Ummm ok? That’s a true statement. I can’t bring my fish to work, so now I’m triggered, too.

    • Michelle is my First Lady

      brings the children back…. you can easily put the children to work. my coworkers used to hate me cause i’d always have their children doing something.

      • Queen@

        I have the children doing everything. Lol. Especially filing. I have hard copies gathering dust now, since the chillen are gone.

        • Gibbous

          I’d actually bring work home for my child to do with her friends. They though it was fun! Sorting and labeling the fifty million colored file folder tabs that had been dumped in a single drawer. Some Fun!

      • Yay Radley

        Chick at my job legit claimed a coworkers daughter as her “copy rat” for the day. She was six and it was her job to retrieve prints from the group copier. She was barking orders at her like an actual intern.

    • Love Heals

      Speechless.

    • miss t-lee

      Chile…

    • NonyaB?

      What bullsh*t. That’s when you shoulda popped up with the “got allergies, therefore I’ma need a private office henceforth OR you can just reverse the rule change”.

      • Queen@

        I have a private office, lop. Still don’t want the dogs.

        • NonyaB?

          I hear you; they don’t belong there at all. I’d assumed a cubicle/open workspace setup.

  • Queen@
    • LMAO

    • Amen

      I see we’re trying to get people fired today.

      • Carolmperry


        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pf22d:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !pf22d:
        ??
        ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash312ShopNowGetPay$97Hour ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????:::::!pf22l..,.

      • Patsylrobinson


        my co worker’s ex wife gets $74 per hour on the laptop. she has been out of work for 9 months. last month her revenue was $12597 just working from home 4 hours every day. ?check
        ???http://www.GoogleFinancialCashJobs314MarketRight/Home/Wage….
        ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::sw24….

      • Emilyjdavis


        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pk24d:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !pk24d:
        ??
        ??;?? http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash314MarketTouchGetPay$97Hour ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????:::::!pk24l..,..

    • cysinblack

      Wonder how he feels being an online meme?

    • miss t-lee

      Exactly.

    • Well-played!!!! lmao

    • Tlholohelo Makatu

      dog: “she don’t know me. I’m not promising anything.”

  • browngirlgonebourbon

    I have yet to meet one human (especially one that I work with!) who I tolerate, let alone enjoy, as much as my dog.

    Homegirl is quiet, clean, doesn’t bother anybody and doesn’t like to be bothered. She even asks for food by just…sitting quietly.

    Honestly, if she and I were the ONLY ones in the office, that would be ideal.

  • D-Nice

    Like Panama, I like (some) dogs, but context matters. Dogs make me VERY nervous. Everyone is convinced that their dog is perfect and won’t jump on you or bite you, or won’t urinate or defecate where they’re not supposed to, but that’s not always the case. I’ve had “friendly” dogs jump on me at the park. I was once running and a woman’s dog lunged at me, attempting to bite me. Didn’t break skin, but I had a pretty bad bruise where it tried to bite. They’re animals and who knows how they’ll react to certain environments or people. In the workplace? I’m gonna vote “no.”

    • MsCee

      This could be used to our advantage. Let that one coworker you can’t stand dog “accidentally” bite you…then you can kick the bark our their lil fur baby and possibly even whoop their a$$ with no consequence. Lmfao

  • Jae Starz

    Folks around here stopped bringing in their dogs. Now if we can just get a handle on people bringing their kids in and letting them roam freely through the office. One lady legit had her son come here every day after school. Like this is not a daycare!

    • miss t-lee

      I don’t really mind if you bring your well behaved child to the office. If they can sit, and entertain themselves–no problem. What I can’t stand is when they bring the ones who are holy terrors, jumping on the furniture (true story) and tear up the lobby (another true story) and expect someone else to watch them while they work.
      Then…it’s a problem.

      • Jae Starz

        Yea, if they can sit and I don’t really know they are there then that’s cool. But I don’t want to see your teen daughter making out with her boyfriend in the kitchen (true story). Also, if we can set a limit. Only 3 employees can bring their kids in at a time.

        • miss t-lee

          Making out in the kitchen? Lawd…lol

      • Gibbous

        One time, back int he day, I had to bring my niece to work. We had a TV/VCR unit and I parked her under my desk with some earphones. 3 hours later, I was in a meeting and something made her laugh and folks thought there was a ghost! They’d totally forgotten she was there.

        • miss t-lee

          That’s perfect.
          My one coworker brings his daughter in periodically when daycare is closed. We never even know she’s here. He sets her up at his desk with her tablet and headphones, and the only way we know she’s here is if we walk by his desk.

      • Jae Starz

        This literally just happened. Walked out of my office to grab stuff from the copy machine and BOOM! Little kid sitting at a desk. Don’t know who she is, how she got there or who she belongs to. This place has no rules.

        • miss t-lee

          See.
          I can’t.

    • Regina

      I love kids spending the day in the office. I have a set of tasks I save just for those turkeys! hahaha.

  • MsCee

    wheredahell you work P? I did NOT know this was a thing…and that’s saying a lot considering my jobs molded its employee life around Google. I’m talking full game room, free fancy coffee etc etc. Jay Z “Can I getta” is the background music for the CEOs weekly video chats but not a nan day have I ever seen a dog hopping around this bih.

    • Queen@

      So ya’ll have that whack “open concept” thing going, too? My office underwent redesign and people were asking for “open concept.” Bruh, I NEED my door. NEED.

      I change in my office all the time… open concept can’t handle that.

      • MsCee

        We still have doors, thankfully.

      • miss t-lee

        We have open concept. It’s terrible. Luckily I have a nook though.

        • I’m waiting for that part of the office to turn into Bosnia circa 1992 at any moment. One spark.

          • miss t-lee

            My nook is awesome. No one even comes over unless they need something. The rest of the folks gotta look at each other everyday all day.

      • When we remodeled they put all of the secretaries in cubicles. I’m shocked those women haven’t torn each other apart yet.

      • Gotta have a door.
        Period.
        Did the cubicle life once, hated it. No privacy ever.

    • miss t-lee

      Girl yes. It’s a big thing here. Like it’s advertised in job ads and everything.

      • MsCee

        Chile, never in life have I ever.

        • miss t-lee

          Things are a changing.

    • IPC

      sounds lit!

More Like This