Much like everybody else, I found out that the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) was looking for translators with proficiency in Ebonics via Twitter. Like most people I also didn’t pay it any mind. But I kept hearing people jokingly talk about it and I decided to look it up myself and sure enough, the ACTUAL DEA was looking to hire people to help them translate conversations picked up on wiretaps a la HBO’s The Wire.
Sonofb*tch.
“DEA’s position is, it’s a language form we have a need for,” Sanders said. “I think it’s a language form that DEA recognizes a need to have someone versed in to conduct investigations.”
The translators, being hired in the agency’s Southeast Region — which includes Atlanta, Georgia; Washington; New Orleans, Louisiana; Miami, Florida; and the Caribbean — would listen to wiretaps, translate what was said and be able to testify in court if necessary, he said.
And Ebonics is no longer spoken only by African-Americans, Sanders said, referring to it as “urban language” or “street language.” He said he is aware of investigations in recent years in which it was spoken by African-Americans, Latinos and white people. “It crosses over geographic, racial and ethnic backgrounds,” he said.
You know, I realize that a lot of people might think this is absolutely ridiculous. And to them I say, pishtosh. I think its absolutely ridiculous to NOT have people who are fluent in urban language translating these tapes. Think about this. The ONLY person who was thru and thru from Baltimore on The Wire was Snoop. Do you know how many episodes it took for me to understand just what the f*ck she was saying? And I speak fluent ATL, a language that has baffled many a ninja. Now imagine a bunch of tapes FULL of people who sound like Snoop. And then add the myriad slanguages and dialects that we as a people are known to employ. I, myself, have said that some of these ninjas are speaking a different language.
So go you, DEA, for being an innovator in law enforcement. And think about all of the jobs (well 9) it will create. And think of the potential it opens up to other people of non-conventional skill during these tough economic times. No longer is that thing you do just a “thing”. It’s a possible resume talking point.
Such as?
Glad you asked.
Along the same lines of understanding and translating Ebonics…
1. The ability to be…ya know…Black
In the 70′s and 80′s our enemy was mother Russia and Germany and Italy. Not anymore. Now the people we have beef with look a lot like…ninjas. Have you ever wanted to play cops and robbers except in a situation where you DIDN’T end up in jail? Espionage might be right up your alley. Them Pakistanis, Afghans, and Middle Easterners in general look more like Black people than they do Ken dolls. Somebody call the CIA stat. You telling me that Freeway can’t fit in over in Saudi Arabia as a spy?
2. The ability to “bust” on demand
Look, Montana Fisburne has taught us that turning to pr0n isn’t a bad thing. Especially during a recession, special chex-related skills have to be at premium when people are paying less. If you have a marketable skill like the ability to bust on demand – a skill I heard some guy say he was making his living on – you might want to call Vivid Films and get an interview. Bang Bros ALWAYS seems to have a need. Not that I know anything about that.
3. Being one of those folks who could store large amounts of narcotics in odd places in their bodies with limited physical detriment
You know what I mean. I’m talking drug mules who’d store cocaine in their anus or swallow drugs and then regurgitate them once they reach a locale. What with all of the biological warfare countries are employing, you could sneak that crap into an airport in Yemen and let it loose undetected by everybody and win one for the gipper. Of course, there’s no way in hell you could get any insurance since you’re drop description would be “biological drug mule for the greater good of America” but you win some you lose some.
4. Nicki Minaj fans
I believe we could check the mental defectiveness of America’s youth by determining how much Nicki Minaj average people could take. Once we toppled her, we could move to Ke$ha and then Justin Bieber (who I actually like) to determine which one’s make the greatest torture tactic. Face it, Eminem’s getting all inspirational and sh*t now. Even our Muslim brothers don’t hate him anymore.
This one is gonna be abtract so follow me…
5. Shiny ninjas
You know the folks who are always just greasy and shiny? What if the government started using them to refract sunrays in order to create alternative energy sources. Take all that sunlight and beam them off a shiny ninjas skin into a storehouse for solar energy. You don’t think Vaseline wouldn’t get in on this? I’m sure they would. Just for being greasy as f*ck.
Deep.
Anyway, I think the DEA has the right idea. But my good VSB bredren and bredreness’, what are some other odd skills that could be marketable in these economic times?
Talk to me, Petey.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka KING JACKSON aka GO KING BEEF aka 40 P aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
AND PS TO MY DMV FAMILY, DON’T FORGET THE BLOGGER HAPPY HOUR BEING CO-HOSTED BY MYSELF, BIG SNOOP DOGG PANAMA JACKSON AND OTHER BLOGGERS OF NOTE AT THE PARK AT 14TH STREET TODAY FROM 5-10PM. IF YOU’RE COMING, HOLLA AT A PLAYA ON TWITTER OR ON THE STREET TRICK SO WE CAN KICK IT OLD SCHOOL.
Ladies, it’s 12 o’clock. Do you know where your headwrap is?
lmao.
most of them know, except for that one chick on Twitter who refused to go to sleep until she found hers. it was amazing to watch the drama unwrap thru my timeline.
Log off.
laugh at me all you want but i do not want naomi campbell hair syndrome. #edgesftw
My name is Mr. SoBo, and I’m here to say,
I’m first on VSB and I came to play.
So all you sucka posters tryna take my crown,
Stop jocking my style, step off and bow down.
Peaaaace.
Thundercats!!!!! Very tight… l
ook at Mr. SoBo comin at these sucka MCs… oooooooooooohhh
damn typos! that should say “look” smh
Congrats on getting first!
@ SoBo, LMAO! You are hilarious! I see you reppin’ Thundera! *cues victory beat boxin’ since you rappin* Why did I imagine that rap like it’s a scene from House Party when Kid and Play were battling each other? Yep! *dancing all hard like Groove B. Chill (props if anyone remembers them and that scene in the movie) and hitting the DJ booth* Congrats, sir!
Ladies, it’s 12 o’clock. Do you know where your headwrap is?
Hilarity.
Another skill: finding random loopholes in the EBT system. This makes no sense http://tweetphoto.com/40506193
*horrified gasp* *_*
For the record there’s no food in that shoe store right?
How…is that possible? They selling milk and eggs in that joint? Like 20% off a loaf of bread when you buy 5 tops for a dollar?
really, how did they even come up with that? I was surprised enough at the fish fry thing.
Obviously none of you have ever been on welfare before! LOL! The EBT card is not only the card that you recieve your food stamps on, but it is the same card that you would recieve your welfare money, which unlike food stamps, welfare money can be spent anywhere, and could also be used to retrieve cash from an ATM machine.
I thank KATRINA for that lil piece of knowledge i just DROPPED on yall! I have proudly been able to recoup some of my tax paying dollars by having the oppertunity to become a reciepient of an EBT card. My benifits were $280.00 a month in food stamps $420.00 a month in welfare, and $290.00 a week in unemployment benifits! That is a whole lot when you have NOTHING.
Yea it’s called TCA… or Temporary Cash Assistance, it’s like a monthly allowance for things other than food. I’ve seen it in action. However, I must say that I have never seen it combined like so…
I didnt get the unemployment on the same card… That one was a Chase Debit card. But the Food stamps and the Cash assistance came on the same card… In Louisiana its called the “Louisiana Purchase” lol! I tell yall what, I collected all of those benifits for almost 9 months, and nothing will piss you off more than never having the chance to get government assistance… getting the chance to get government assistance…. and then having to give up your government assistance. I still get upset when i have to purchase groceries. THEN, when you have a foodstamp card, they dont even charge tax, so not only do you get free groceries, your food stamps go further than your cash.
Oh, they don’t charge tax either. That is kinda nice. Although when thinking about it, it makes sense cuz the benefits are tax payers money to begin with.
Actually, it’s because we call it the Link Card here…I ain’t even hear bout no EBT card until the internets lol. I thought the ish was the equivalent.
yeah, as Lanieanna said, you all need to step your welfare game up.
i’m sorry, government assistance game. i wouldn’t want to offend anybody.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronic_Benefit_Transfer
Maybe it’s like a uniform for ‘job training’?
How about ur every ninja full of b*tchassness he could guilt the enemy into giving up good info…
“What..so you sayin you not gonna tell me where Bin Laden is…maaan you so fake for that….you know if I knew where he was I would tell YOU…C’MON SON…I THOUGHT U WAS MY BOY”
Naw son snitches trump bytchazzness on the hood scale.
I would snitch to save my tail anyday. You mean you have me on tape? Saying what? If I tell you where them ninjas at, I’ll walk?
C’mon son…dey went datta way —–>
…and I’ll be in court testifying in my pastel colored cardigan and glasses. Play with it.
Note to self: Remove Smart Fox Girl from my list of candidates to be a part of my cruise ship heist ring,.
RE: Snitch trendencies
The saying in the legal world is “he who talks first, walks first…”
Anyone who’s watched “The First 48″ knows that negros snitch ALL THE TIME! Folks walkin ’round talkin ’bout how they “keeping it real” until the po-pos show up and suddenly folks tap into that inner b*tchassness and start talking.
And ladies and gents….that would be the FIRST thing I did. I’d sing like a bird, which is why I don’t dabble in crime. I’d be the Hank Hill of my syndicate and would feel NO shame in doing so. HA!
@Mo
Haha. The first 48 is painful to watch man. Dudes be about to walk if they just SHUT. UP. I can’t even watch it without yelling at the TV. 99% of these dudes get locked up because they told on themselves. It’s crazy.
It takes me back to the ‘Stop Snitchin’ campaign Baltimore had going on awhile back. Ironically, a lot of guys that were on that DVD are now in jail.
In middle school, a friend of mine put his coat in my locker (because it was closer, of course) and later I was pulled out of class with them saying they found a stolen coat in my locker. I didn’t snitch, and I got suspended for 3 days (mini-vacation and ish).
It’s this experience that leads me to believe that I would never snitch. I say that under the assumption that I’d never be threated with several years of prison (or death (or death of a family member/friend)), of course.
@Dash
Cruise ship shmuise ship…I don’t care. Blah…and you’re not invited to my True Blood party..so there!
@Mo
You feel me! I get heart attacks watching first 48. I realize that cops have almost nothing and get majority of their cases from people snitching. It’s sad how they trick these people into telling on themselves and others when they aren’t even in any real trouble! Either way, I’m not doing jail time for anyone.
@SFG I will show up to your True Blood party with a head wrap, a jersey dress as a shirt, and some boot cut jeans. There is no way you can turn me away.
#DEAD!! LOL
you know, that is a good one. a lot of simpleminded individuals do give in with enough of, “i though you was my boy?!?” statements lobbed at them.
i’m pretty sure that’s how most crimes come with accomplices.
If I saw this before I ended up in grad school, best believe I’d be back home right now working that DC Ebonics job (and thus gotten the jump on my career path that will inevitably lead to me working for the government anyway).
And not even gonna front on the Snoop tip, sometimes she even threw me and my peoples for a loop. Although whenever it happened, it was always because we were trying to figure out what she actually said rather than what it really meant.
I’m not gonna even front, when I Netflixed ( if twitter is a word, Netflixed should be) the seasons, I put the caption on for Snoop. Speaking of Snoop, do any of you remember when she was dressed all girly, in a midriff, riding on the back of the motorcycle with a gun in the early episodes when they did a drive-by on Omar and his mom (wearing her best crown) on Sunday? (I think I am remembering it correctly)
“Speaking of Snoop, do any of you remember when she was dressed all girly, in a midriff, riding on the back of the motorcycle with a gun in the early episodes when they did a drive-by o”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veVVY332lH8 (at 1:50)
Probably the most attracted I’ve ever been to her, the rest of the time she just looks like my little brother and his friends.
LOL, yup, that scene is kinda epic. I’m like…wait, that’s SNOOP?!
he did not get as much screen time and definitely not as memorable, but prop joe is all bawlmer. he is actually a real cool cat off screen.
I was just gonna ask if Prop Joe was from Baltimore in real life too. He had a distinct accent.
“Buy for one, sell for two.”
Wasn’t the pastor (the one that would help out Cutty by telling him about jobs before he got the boxing ring) a former drug lord and from Bmore as well.
yeah little melvin. i forget what is character’s name is tho.
Damn, I knew that dude looked familiar. I was watching American Gangster on BET one night and didn’t put the two together. The Wire is the sh!t.
Yeah, at the end of the episode of American Gangster they talked about him acting on “The Wire”. Side note, on the DVD extras they speak of Prop Joe being a very accomplished actor (theater and all that) and helping the kids on “The Wire” hone their skills. Also, atleast one of the cops was a real Baltimore policeman. He met with Anthony Bourdain when he did a “Rust Belt” episode of “No Reservations”. Anthony met with him and Snoop in Baltimore. I love “The Wire” and “No Reservations”.
I saw that episode of No Reservations. Bourdain kicks it with everybody. I read that Sonia Sohn, who played Kima, is over the program that Prop Joe and Snoop help run in Baltimore for helping kids get into the arts. Finding out stuff like that made me like the show even more.
Yeah, I think Avon’s character was loosely based off him.
Little Melvin is somewhat of a legend in the area.
I’ve heard. Big ups to David Simon an’nem for getting him on the cast.
actually, Avon’s character was was based largely on Nathan Avon “Bodie” Barksdale, a westside baltmore drug dealer.
Little Melvin definitely had the bigger cache though, nationwide anyway.
According to most of what David Simon says, he was indeed based on Little Melvin. However, Nathan Barksdale does tell a different tale. He says that Avon is based on him and even had a cameo or two on the show before having a falling out of some sort with David Simon. That’s when they started with this whole “Un-wired” idea. It’s hard to tell which story is true. *shrugs*
LOL, thanks Sane! I knew I heard it somewhere. It was definitely that Unwired joint you noted below. *dap*
But, I did read that Avon is based on a conglomerate of different folks…
Not according to “Legends of the Un-Wired: The Avon Barksdale Story”. Tee hee.
Also, I just wanted to share that I picked up “The Corner” from the library yesterday. I’m excited to read it.
In the mini-series of “The Corner” it’s nice to see which characters from that show are used in the Wire
I never read the book, but the miniseries was my sh*t back in the day, I swore I was like the only one who watched it lol. I didn’t even realize David Simon did that until a couple years after the fact. I remember when I first started watching The Wire I was just like “Man this reminds me of The Corner.
i can’t lie. the job intrigues me. like i’d get to sit around and listen to wiretaps all day and tell the cops what is being said…
it’s the job that pays twice.
i just need to find the dudes who are ON the tapes and be like, “yo homey, i’m transcribing shit…what’s it worth it to you for me to transcribe some nincompoopery and throw them off”?
Double dippin’….LMAO I can dig it.
Your mind intrigues me, P. Like, that is a fantastic idea.
Ninjas have the ability to find at least 5 random kids, pets, homeless people, welfare recipients to claim on their tax returns, thereby getting the largest return possible! A career in budgeting, perhaps!
hmm….this is also a good one. or possibly start an H&R On Yo’ Block.
I LOVE this one. My cousins an’nem would never be hard up. My ninjas, my ninjas…we have so many opportunities to start our own ish.
I’m asked to claim at least one kid (usually a niece/nephew) every year. It’s soooo damn tempting.
i am interested in knowing how they will measure proficiency, considering the fact that this is a new project. who will be the “expert”, so to speak on whether you are a beginner, intermediate, or fluent speaker of said Ebonics dialect. i wonder if they already have a workbook with Ebonics sentences like the ones we used in 3rd grade where you fill in the blanks and circle the nouns and verbs…
RIGHT! I’ve been thinking the same thing. Who is the Ebonics expert of the world?
@Hawaii,
“Who is the Ebonics expert of the world?”
You. lol! Just kidding…no shots.
Seriously, they need to look no further than OJ Da Juiceman, Wacka Flocka, and Gucci Mane.
E-40 gets my vote. I know he planned on publishing a dictionary, but I don’t know if it’s out:
http://www.vh1.com/news/articles/500244/19980811/e_forty.jhtml
I have been waiting for that dictionary for over a decade now. People don’t realize how much slang that rappers use come from the Bay Area.
Agreed! I had to post this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rq0ZDnshYkU
@legitimate_soul
Your post made me post this:
Big L – Ebonics (with lyrics)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMeFcVHNT1Q
@ CNotes, that was cool. Sad he’s gone. I still miss Kid Hood from Scenario Remix II. We lost a lot of lyricists that were just startin’ to bubble.
Nah, Monk… you meant to diss me.
I see how it is. *pout*
“Who is the Ebonics expert of the world?”
What if it’s somebody no one woulda expected like Dick Cheney or Joel Osteen?
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the first and only times those two will appear in the same sentence.
Olsteen does post up in Houston, Texas Benz and Lexus, so I wouldn’t be too surprised.
LOL, yeah I thought about that, but it’s not so much that it’s him…it’s just me imagining him doing it with that voice.
LMAO @ Joel Osteen. That would be a trip!
& do you hold the interview in Ebonics or proper English? I would assume Ebonics… but then that would certainly confuse the interviewer.
I mean what do they even ask you on that interview… for a certification? Proof of your Ebonic savvy?
i don’t know, but i’m getting excited just thinking about it. this sh*t is a comedy sketch just waiting to happen.
i actually think that the interview process should include the ability to translate and transcribe a song from your choice of an Atlanta, Miami, or New Orleans rapper. You become manager if you can make Lil Wayne lyrics make sense.
this would be way too fun! we did this in many of my undergrad English courses, rap songs of course. but trying to figure out an ebonics-laced conversation on some wiretap, way more fun.
When I lived in ATL, I was baffled by the ability of the locals to complete DISMANTLE a word and then look at you like you a fool for not understanding what they said.
Case and point? The locale “east pointe” in ATL is prounounced by thru and thru ATL folks as “est purnt” I kid you not! WTF is that…how is “point” suddently “purnt?”
I need to apply for said job for the sheer laughs alone.
The fact you were able to phonetically spell out that phrase exactly how it said makes you a top candidate for that job. Hilarious.
first off, you can fall back off the shots at the A, homey. we do it big time ya dig. so what we call it ee purnt or collipar.
or dekaytuh (where it’s greatuh).
buddynem know what it iyah…
nowhutimtalmbout?
@Mo, you ain’t neva lied. Another classic Atlanta example. The locale College Park becomes “collapar.” You know the song (but if you’re not from The A, you prolly didn’t know what they were saying):
Ninjas in my face
damn near every day
aska million questions like Joc where you stay
tell ‘em collapar
where they chop cars
“…if you can make Lil Wayne lyrics make sense…”
Which is why I do not own any Lil Wayne’s albums. The man could be rapping in Cantonese and I couldn’t tell the difference.
I don’t think this is a new “project.” It just so happens that the media picked up this story. Slow news day I guess. But linguists have been studying “Ebonics” or Black Vernacular English as it is called. Now, “Atlanta” (the language/dialect, not the city) is on some whole different ish (well… the city too).
I’m surprised that job announcement is still out. That has been out for what has to have been over 6 years! Has anyone ever admitted to holding that job? Does it pay well? Can you carry a gun? Do you get a badge? Can you talk your way out of a ticket if stopped?
Man, i’d do this job in a heartbeat if if paid enough. It actually sounds fun to me.
I agree. I want to apply for sh*ts and giggles, secretly hoping I would get it. My work life would be HILARIOUS listening to that mess.
I think I found my calling in life. I need to apply for this job ASAP.
slow down Paco. not sure if you remember our little IM convo yesterday where you JUST discovered Rick Ross’ song “BMF” and realized why everybody, including myself, kept referencing Big Meech and Larry Hoover.
i think you are disqualified off of GP.
I’m seriously considering it…lol
i sooo thought the jobs for those fluent in Ebonics was another twitter farce… oh the signs of the times…
& Vitamin P i may swing thru the Park, i still owe you a bday drink afterall…
works for me. i’ll be the one who looks like he just hopped up out his bed and turned his swag on.
pretty boy swag that is.
Number 1 was perfect!
awww…you’re so sweet.
Odd, yet useful skill.
The ability to ‘tuck’
All skinny jean wearing males can utilize their skinny jean wearing talents on a nuclear test site to see if they can survive the bomb blast.
Lmbaoo!! You are a fool.
I have no clue what this post is about.. O_O
i’m sorry to hear that.
“I’m not gonna even front, when I Netflixed ( if twitter is a word, Netflixed should be) the seasons, I put the caption on for Snoop”
“Do you know how many episodes it took for me to understand just what the f*ck she was saying?”
Damn, I know people say Baltimoreans have accents but is it THAT noticeable? I’m still in denial about it. I do admit we have our own little calls…AYYYEE YERRP!
As for the topic at hand, if you believe some scientist, us black folk have better developed “quick-twitch” muscles allowing us to run faster and stop on a dime better (i.e. runningbacks i.e. Chris Can’t-Stop-Jerkin-My-Head Johnson.) So I’m assuming that would gives us the advantage if we were to have a job requiring Chicken-Chasing.
It’s all in where you’re from I guess. Even being from Baltimore I recognize that Snoop has a VERY pronounced accent (but I didn’t have any trouble understanding her). Even in Bmore, I’m more proper than most, so it took me living out of state for awhile to realize just how “weird” I sound.
Chicks love it though.
So……yea.
It is noticeable. My four years away from home at college were riddled with “You don’t sound like you’re from here…” or “You sound like the guys in The Wire!” Even my cousins from Virginia would talk about it.
When people come up and explicitly ask me to say “do” or “to,” I say it without the accent. And then I backhand them.
Yea we drag the O’s and U’s like none other.
LMAO @ And then I backhand them.
I get that too & I’m not eeem from Bmore. People always assume I am… then they get confused b/c I add on the darling, sugapie, sweetheart of the southern states.
I LOVE the way ya’ll pronounce the hard O sound. “tew” not “to”. lmao
@Rog
“Damn, I know people say Baltimoreans have accents but is it THAT noticeable?”
Yes, it is THAT noticible! When my family moved to Bmore 10 years ago, I had the opportunity to hear it for the first time. See how Keys pronounces “Youtube” and “Blues Clues” (extra emphasis on the “oo” sound). Love it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4S6q1HrImQ
Whats funny about the pronouncing the “oo” is that if you go to an Orioles game, during the National Anthem at one point everybody in the stands say “Ohhhhh”, its a Baltimore thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIFJT0humr8&feature=related
At Orioles games? We do that everywhere in the state. O’s, Ravens, Capitals, Redskins, Nationals, high school games. No lie, they played an instrumental version of the anthem with the “OH” at the 06 state basketball championship. I remember them asking us not to do it during my high school graduation. We did it anyway.
I still do it; it’s just a habit.
“At Orioles games? We do that everywhere in the state. O’s, Ravens, Capitals, Redskins, Nationals, high school games. No lie, they played an instrumental version of the anthem with the “OH” at the 06 state basketball championship. I remember them asking us not to do it during my high school graduation. We did it anyway.
I still do it; it’s just a habit”
True, True lol We did at high school events (every football game especially). Its funnier when you go out of state and do it and people look at you like o_O
lol basically. I had a passing thought that the people at Ohio State might even bite it…
But instead I just got the o_O
You would think with the O-h-i-o! Thing that it’d be a no brainer lol
Damn, I know people say Baltimoreans have accents but is it THAT noticeable? I’m still in denial about it. I do admit we have our own little calls…AYYYEE YERRP!
it is absolutely that noticeable. now Snoop is an extreme, as she’s pretty non-distinguishable in general. but the B-More accent is quite distinct and you almost know immediately if somebody is from BMore by the way they say Tuesday. Or “to” or or “do”.
@Rog, Truthfully, it isn’t anyone. Snoop was a trip because of her voice volume and pitch, the accent, and her way of speaking.
“anyone” should be “everyone”
if got that translator job i would single handedly revive the nations cd sales. i would be buying albums left n right. old rap albums, new rap albums, don’t matter. i’d cop that new 50tyson, i’d buy antoine dodson’s song, brand nu, that new fat joe. everything. all white. quo, king sun, yz, smooth the hustler, trigger the gambler.
i’d buy a crazy expensive bose sound system too.
and i’d write it all off as business expenses. research an all that.
i’d go to concerts and say they were professional development conferences.
…off to edit my resume’ and find the link to apply…
and to do something about this dang laptop. that sure wasn’t posed to post there. *headdesk*
Maybe i should apply.
maybe…you should.
I’m too busy wrapping my hair up to think of something…will be back when I do…
Hair wrapping – it’s got to be a marketable skill. It’s not like Beyonce or Mariah wrap their own hair. Ooh…I should apply for that gig
I pity the poor hair wrapper in charge of Tyra Banks Dome.
DEAD
it should be that bad… just don’t get her “baby hairs” THEN you might unleash the fury.
http://cdn.sheknows.com/celebsalon/2008/11/tyra-banks-long-wavy-highlighted-hairstyle-nov-08.jpg
Dead at # 5
Turning over in my grave at those tags
Add Diva Dude to the list! All that narcissism and ego could be used as a torture tactic to draw confessions out of people. Plus, if there’s ever a need to lay the diva dude off, you can just pop in Ye’s latest video.
Shots.
Fired.
Buenas noches mi gente!!!
hmm…that is a good one. everybody hates a diva dude. even diva dudes. can you imagine putting a cat like that in a jail cell with a hardened criminal who COULDN’T touch him at all but had to listen to dude rail on about how his end of hte jail cell is better than the other end.
…or dude’s never ending hissy fit about not being able to maintain his waves/skin care regimen/mani-pedi schedule/other b*tchass trendencies…
That jail cell would probably have a high suicide rate now that I think about it… :-\
Buenos dias VSBs/VSSs!
I was so thrilled when I received an “I just saw this on CNN” in my inbox relating to the DEA FINALLY looking to hire folks with a proficiency in ebonics. Who better than the #1 snowflake that everpne already assumes is an under cover cop because I ask so many questions! I am just concerned That the DEA is just considering the idea. Try really missed the ball when Rayful Edmonds was running the DC streets….. pig Latin was really not that scientific. … yet used to drop large deals!
yeah, but back then pig latin was the new hotness. law enforcment was just slow on the take. but also, they could’nt nail rayful just with that alone. or at least according to that DVD that EVERYBODY in DC owns. its like the WORST most informative documentary ever. like they spared every expense in making that sh*t.
it’s supposed to be set in the early 80s except everybody is wearing all daz gear. in 2002 vehicles. and they show Dunbar high school numerous times since he went there…except the current dunbar was built in the 2000s. they could have used armstrong tech or something…its great comedy that DVD.
I wonder if I did this avatar thing right…
But #5 can be expanded to include shiny-suit ninjas and those who wear a gang of jewelry like Baby n em…
true indeed.
Panama, you already have an innate job skill and that’s being a three. You know when stores hold up signs with prices? You can stand there instead of them having to paint it on the window if there’s an item for 3 bucks. Or you when they draw lottery numbers and they happen to pull three, you just step onto the TV set…they’ll save one of the little balls that way. Threes are used everywhere, so take advantage.
#DEAD
this might be the best use of a non-talent talent ever.
Lol. Yall are killing me!
I’d consider myself pretty much on top of “urban slang”, but the issue is, seems like every hood/region has their own terminology for different things. What happened to using context clues?
For the life of me though, I don’t always understand what E-40 is talking about.
This is very true, alot of slang changes with the region and then some terms are universal. You can catch on quite quickly tho just by observation in these different regions.
I know and use quite a bit of slang but outside of terms for marijuana and some general coke terms, Soulja Boy, I might be at a loss, LOL but like I said if you in those types of environments, it ain’t hard to tell. Nasir.
E-40 doesn’t understand what E-40 is talking about b/c he intentionally creates new slang…on the spot. there’s a reason that a lot of that bay area slang doesn’t catch on. cuz a lot of it is retarded. and i don’t care if E-40 gets the title of king of slanguage (which i dont actually buy), most of that sh*t is just stupid.
i’m all about legit slang, like calling everybody shawty. yeah, that’s way better.
^Boooooooooo! Just kidding, but I’m biased and I don’t agree
. See my link on the Rafael Casal song…Oh ne’rmind. Here it is again: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rq0ZDnshYkU
Being from Cali, I never understood a man calling another man “shawty”, or a woman calling a man “shawty”…It’s just…strange. Thye word is kinda feminine to me.
Anyway, E-40 is from Vallejo and most Bay slang comes from Oakland and the “pimp” and anti-police/outsider cultures here. It’s meant to change often and be hard to understand so you don’t get 2520s (no offense to anyone) using it rampantly like they use “bling”, “yo” and “-izzle”. However, ya’ll do have the bay to thank for what is currently the most overused word on the internet…”hater”. That word and it’s variations make me wish words could be officially banned! *no hate*
Well said, LuvRain.
I’m sure Marion Berry wished the FBI and D.C. police, or at least his attorney, had been able to employ someone who speaks proficient Ebonics. When he was caught on tape saying that ole girl had his “nose wide open”, prosecutors and the media took that as an obvious sign that he was indulging in cocaine use. Those of us who are Ebonically knowledgeable knew that he was saying he was in love. Go DEA!
Other jobs created:
Ebonics instructors,
Ebonics Dictionary/Thesaurus publishing and manufacturing,
Proctors for Ebonics proficiency exams,
Researchers hired to study trends and changes in the Ebonics Dialect(these are the people who would be able to explain how the statement “brain so good you’d think she went to college” evolved from giving head, or why “getting that white girl” evolved to “getting that Becky”.)
The possibilities are endless with Ebonics alone…I should have hung out in the hood more to improve my Ebonics proficiency.
@Caballeroso
“nose wide open”
LOL! We use this saying all the time where I’m from. Hilarious!
@Caballeroso
“nose wide open”
Yep….means you are head over heels crazy about somebody. I have used this phrased my entire life! LOL!
while his “nose wide open” statement did mean he was in love…IT was his double entrendre cuz everybody knows that Marion Barry was tootin’.
Holding down the Ebonics gig, would be like holding down an IT job… Constant never ending education would be the only way to stay employed. I mean do you have any clue how many dialects there are to “Ebonics” ( that is such a dumb phucking word! ). It is also constantly changing, and there are many words that have multiple meanings…
Let’s take the phrase “ON FIRE” for example. This word alone can be
1. a loose young woman
2. an attractive person, or thing that one finds exciting and attractive
3. the police are in the area
4. very popular
5. an STD
I mean the word “Ebonics” is some dayum ebonics….. Its a word that some dummies made up to say “NIJJAS GOT THEY OWN LANGUAGE” Like we are the only ones that make up shyt and are not capable of speaking proper english. Helloooooooo.. anybody ever seen them Appalation folks that are always on Feed the Children? Or how about the German/Aamish folks they have in PA? Hawiians? PPL from Wisconsin? AND THE QUEEN OF CAUC-ONICS SARAH PALIN! She ran for V.P. and even still I can’t understand what the hell she says.
You know, I always wondered if the origins of the word Ebonics was coined from the combination of the following:
Ebony(black) & phonics
Ebo(Nigerian language) & phonics
“AND THE QUEEN OF CAUC-ONICS SARAH PALIN! “
Cauconics sounds like something a d*ck expert would teach.
Technically Ebonics (I do think that’s a kind of dumb word) as it was originally intended referred to language constructs that were likely passed down from some African languages. Ebonics has rules, and structure and is relatively constant. Unlike slang that changes every year.
What the DEA is looking for is someone versed in a combination of street language, slang, and Ebonics, but mostly street language and slang. They just couldn’t state it like that on the job listing lol.
I had to read this post twice to follow and I’m on work time. No bueno. All I know is I hate cops…not all but most. I hated them as a child and I hate them now so I probably wouldn’t have any talents they could use. I will say some of them are d@mn sexy but that’s about it. They profiled my dad and my family for years growing up and harrassed him and his friends with no cause except being Jamaican with money. Dem caan suck mi raas claat!!! Not all but the FBI and DEA in particular, can’t stand them. I would tell you what my family went through but my blood pressure would shoot through the roof!
*My CBG impersonation*
*ehem*
@SFG
Girl, you are a trip. But I understand your feelings towards cops. It must have been tough dealing with what you and your family went through while growing up. Profiling is wrong. The injustices that police exhibits oftentimes gets me upset and I feel your pain. Especially knowing that it happened to you enrages me. But don’t worry girl. I know you are strong and beautiful. If I were there, I would defend your honor in front of the cops and sacrifice my own safety to ensure yours. Can I give you an ehug?
*claps*
And the Emmy goes to…. Mr. Sobo. That was actually pretty funny. Good try but you can’t beat the original, buddy.
*falls out laughing*
LMAO!!!!!!
LMAO…that’s not funny. How dare you make a mockery of my eboo like that! *empties guiness bottle* …you waan two tough lick inna yuh head bwoy. Besides, you are the biggest punny panderer on here. HA!
L
M
A
O
wow, that was the best shots.fired. we’ve seen in at least two weeks.
Wow….indeed.
*fell out*
I’m so done w/ ya’ll over here.
Just silly.
Ok, I honestly laughed out loud.
Bwahahaha! Y’all are tew much.
*Pushes Mr. Sobo, cracks knuckles, bout to show him how it’s done*
I’m not a big fan of the cops, either. The only cop I like is my cousin who is a US Marshall and actually goes after people that deserve to get caught. Every encounter I have had with cops, BS has been involved. My mom wanted me to apply for the FBI when I was in college. I honestly thought about it, but then I realized some of the things I was into at the time would not mesh well with the feds, plus half of my friends are knuckleheads and do some illegal stuff, so I’d be walking around with a guilty conscience. Actually, there was this one bad chick that worked for the DEA that I knew but her @ss was crazy.
Oh, and no need to defend me. I’m used to it. My friends from high school still ask me if I bake cookies for girls. Besides, imitation is the best form of flattery, plus we know Sobo can just be as bad a panderer as I am. That sh!t was funny, though.
man, did you just call mr. sobo a p*ssy?
see i just highlighted ANOTHER job. a distractionist. you know the folks who come in, instigate a beef between other people in a way that makes everybody forget what the issue was in the first place. imagine how many wars could be avoided if we had well placed Distractionists littered about agencies worldwide. nothing would ever get done b/c everybody would be so amped up and sensitive folks would spend all day saying, “i wish a motherf*cker would” as opposed to “yo, can somebody please George Bush the button”
LOL You are a fool for this one. That actually would be a good job. This is normal anyway. I say something that is considered pandering, Mr. Sobo throws jabs at me, I laugh at jabs, SFG threatens Mr. Sobo with a sharp object in patois, and we all laugh about it.
It’s all in good fun. I am known to get really silly at times.
Seriously, I actually have a ton of respect for CBG. I usually am in agreement with the brothers points of view. Afterall, I’m a recovering panderer myself, so I can relate. Been clean for 15 years now.
LMAO. I respect Sobo, too. He really reminds of my friends that say stuff with reckless abandon. Congrats on your 15 years of recovery. I’ll get there one day. It’s pretty hard for me not to be nice to women.
This is where Champster says, “Get a room.”
Man, I am getting popped with slugs today.
wow this entire exchange b/w the two of you is about 98 percent gay.
also, nobody would have to transcribe it at the DEA. they’d shut it off hoping not to fall into a saccharine-induced coma.
*POW* Ow. Damn, that one actually went through the vest. That was a good one, too.
it’s a recession. you don’t waste bullets.
LOL. D@mn CBG. If you and Sobo wanna get naked and hug, I’m not against that…especially if I’m in the middle.
@SFG
What do you mean by, “especially if your in the middle”? You would HAVE to be in the middle. Not “especially if”, it is “ESSENTIAL THAT” you are in the middle.
@Mr Sobo,
Even though I am not down for the scenario at all, I agree with “ESSENTIAL THAT”.
@SFG,
You can’t blame me for getting you started today.
Okay fine…*erases homo-erotic daydream from head*
…I will be in the middle…just as long as you two are on salute.
The Distractionist jobs are filled by the Tea Party. I think we all know who the top earners are too.
“Oh, and no need to defend me. I’m used to it. My friends from high school still ask me if I bake cookies for girls.”
So, do you…bake cookies for girls, CBG?
no cupcakes? that’s what I usually ask….LOL
CBG, you know you’re all good with me, you’re from my state. We roll deep.
No cupcakes, but all these damn cupcakes show on cable are starting get me into making them. I know me and you are cool, especially since you can quote Pimp C as much as I do.
“You say that you a boss, I ain’t believing that s**t, You got the funny Geneva watch, with the Ferrari kit, Take that monkey s**t off, you embarrassing us,I got the wet promenthazine, thick orange and yellow tuss”
You still owe me my birthday cake.
I know I am going to pay for this later on, but I might as well say it: If I own you a birthday cake, you own me some birthday “cakes”. *dives in foxhole for cover*
I stay ready…and I’ll even put the whip cream on it for ya. lol
Yeah, I do, but I haven’t done in awhile. That was my thing in high school and college. Women like sweets. This is fact. I grew up with my college roommates so they knew I did it in high school. If they saw me with a girl around campus, and they saw me in the kitchen baking cookies a few days later, they would be like “Aw man. He baking cookies again. Is it for the girl we saw you with the other day?” My pandering wasn’t even at its precipice at that time either. Now I bake cookies for myself. It takes skill to cook them at the right time, when they are perfectly soft. Damn, I might have to run into the mall by the job and get me some Mrs. Fields or Great American Cookie at lunch.
“Women like sweets. ”
We shole do. Just not in our mates. Anywhere else is cool beans.
I’m hungry.
*sends CBG a drink for being a cool dude, a good sport, and of course, a comic book fan!*
@CBG
I used to work for an airline and air marshalls were the worst. They would cut in line and show me their badge like I gave a fu. I feel sorry for their wives because they travel so much and are away from home so much that they flirt in the open…ring and all. I just find that it’s not really a false stereotype when people say cops are jerks because they usually are. Nevermind Sobo. I know peeps on here hate on us. It’s flattering.
You’re right about it not being a false stereotype. You can’t put it on television, people base their opinions on actual experiences. I know I have.
I’ve translated Gullah/hood for the attorneys in my office when they get assigned criminal cases. Naturally they assume I understand the combo of geechie and drug talk but I don’t get any extra pay for it. (Trust me you haven’t had fun at work until you tried to explain what was said on a drug transaction to someone from Zimbabwe.)
I can’t prove it but I still maintain the Ke$ha has an odor… a wretched, terrible odor.
so for YEARS my grandmother told me she was Geechie… I always gave her the e_O face until I got to undergrad and did some research… lemme find out G-Ma wasn’t actually sleep talkin. LOL.
@So Flyy
Where was your grandmother from originally? It’s funny because the Gullah accent can vary along SC’s coast. It’s slightly different in Beaufort, Charleston, and Georgetown. I’m also going to guess it’s different in Georgia too. It is a distinct accent. Combine that with some drug talk and the lawyers in my office were lost.
i used to date a chick with a Gullah accent from Charleston. i used to love that accent. her on the other hand i wanted to drive into a lake.
yo, speaking of driving ninjas into lakes why is that such a popular way of offin’ folks in SC?
Ehhhh lets not bring my school hometown into this.
***Still embarrassed***
My first semester at South Carolina State I swore up and down all the folks from Charleston had family from the West Indies. Took me a min to figure out geechie, I luv it tho!
@NicoleN
I’ve lived in Charleston since 97 and the folks in Charleston still say things that sound like a foreign languages. I laugh my a** off when they turn the sound of the letter “i” into a “u” so that you hear things like fush, butch and shut.
i love hearin them say fush and butch!!!
aye boye i gun cook me up some fush in this butch!!!!
@Wu so you intentionally moved and stayed in SC?? I left as soon as my three years were up (college, not parole) I have family and alot of friends in Cola and Orangeburg and I still wonder why they stay.
@Phildelity15
I’m from Allendale and graduated from the College of Charleston and I’ve been hear every since. I like SC but this isn’t my last stop.
Where did you go to school?
@ Phidelity15
Cuz its the trap!!!!! Once yo go its hard to get out!!! What you know about Oburg?? Where did you go to school?
@Panama Jackson
“yo, speaking of driving ninjas into lakes why is that such a popular way of offin’ folks in SC?”
A-hole answer to this question is driving folks into lakes is cheaper than ammo these days.
Real answer: SC is populated with a lot of people who shouldn’t reproduce and thusly take it out on their innocent children instead of manning and womanning up and acting like responsilbe parents.
“A-hole answer to this question is driving folks into lakes is cheaper than ammo these days.”
Dayum…lol I see ya WuYoung, I wanted to say something last week, but SC has been having it hard as of late, didn’t wanna pour salt in the wound.
@miss t-lee
There’s a wound? I don’t feel the pain anymore. It’s just our turn to suck. Hey, the alternative is us starting another Civil War.
“Hey, the alternative is us starting another Civil War”
Well dayum.
@miss t-lee
I’m just saying that first one didn’t go so well. Outside of emanicaption and Denzel getting and Oscar the cw was some f***ed-up s**t. Just let us ride the wave of stupid until some other state steps up.
I gothcha WuYoung…ya’ll have had a tough year in the f*ckery dept. One can only take so much.
@Wu unfortunately/fortunately I went to Benedict.
just saw this ummm le boo Benedict……..
@Nicole Thats wrong… I saw you wrote u went to State and I didnt even say nothing about how you went to a school thats on a dirt road to nowhere. Its cool though…we still win the basketball games. you know what it is..we lose, we fight!
Interestingly enough my grandmother is from Mississippi but I think her mom migrated there from SC. I’d have to ask again. Grandma STAY falling asleep in the middle of a family heritage talk.
In an art class (how random) we talked about the geechie/gullah culture. If my memory is correct, its basically an english form of patois. Its a mix of dialects from the southern slaves and the slaves who were bought over from the west indies.
The closer to the coast you get, the stronger the dialect it seems.
@Phidelity15
You’re correct. The first Anglophile 2520′s who came to SC were planters from Barbados and they brought their chattel with them. The next group of slaves then came from Sierra Leone and West Africa so the dialects from that area got thrown into the mix.
Yay! VSB, specifically Panama this time, keeps making my dreams come true. Hall and Oates.
I really did a double take when I read this. Here I was in undergrad studying French like a lame, when all I needed to do was learn Ebonics.
hell yeah. especially since you spent 4 years studying something that rosetta stone can teach you in 24 hours. all for like 100 bucks.
*i actually have no clue who much a rosetta stone program costs.
“I can’t go for that. No. No. No can do.”
Ehhhh Im mad this is legitimate.
I wonder if there could be a job for someone to break in new shoes………
Dag on Fire alarm…….
Anyway as I was saying ummm Im mad Im just finding out abt this Park event!!!! My friend just changed her bday celebration from the Park to U street…….maybe I can get her to change it back…………
Anyway as I was saying ummm Im mad Im just finding out abt this Park event!!!!
signs you don’t do twitter OR read entire posts.
lol no i dont twitter at all and Ive been distracted with trying to buy a house so I might have missed it. I cant talk her into switching venues
Have some mac n cheese n jerk chicken for me. Their appetizers are the best!
- The Park tonight: I don’t do Twitter so I’m letting Panama know now that I will be there. : )
- DEA: I actually posted this article on my FB page yesterday. Like someone mentioned previously, “how will effectiveness be measured?”. Not even calling in E-40 will not help translating wire taps in New Orleans. Plus, I wonder what sort of response they will receive being that this would be considered snitching.
yay for happy houring.
Panama:
I’ll be there too (my twitter page is private).
Its not snitching. Its translating. Big difference.
@Mr SoBo
“Its not snitching. Its translating. Big difference.”
Technically you’re correct, but it isn’t viewed that way by many. Really.
So a spanish to english translator employed to listen to taped conversations and translate them is considered a snitch by many? Thats silly. But perhaps you are correct.
Anyway, CNotes, *in my Lumberge voice* did you get the memo that I am back on the emarket?
@Mr SoBo
“So a spanish to english translator employed to listen to taped conversations and translate them is considered a snitch by many?”
Think about it from a hood ninja’s point of view. (specifically in this case because we are talking translating ebonics, not spanish) Those hood ninjas will not sit around rationalizing what the job is based on its definition. Street code will play a huge part in their viewpoint.
Now onto that memo: I didn’t know. What happened between you and your ex e-boo??
@CNotes
I have to agree with you.
Re Memo:
Apparently, she already had an ongoing e-boo affair unbeknownst to me. But that darkness came to light.
Anyways, enough about that. So CNotes…..I want to be the ball in your volley. Sup?
@Mr SoBo
“Anyways, enough about that. So CNotes…..I want to be the ball in your volley. Sup?”
LOL!!!! The ball in my volley, huh?? : ) Now….let’s see! (CNotes thinking) Mr SoBo is e-smart, e-sexy and e-funny. OK, let’s make this happen!
*stretches out arms to hug her new E-Boo*
@Cnotes – “Mr SoBo is e-smart, e-sexy and e-funny.”
Don’t forget I’m also magical-e-delicious.
*hugging back firmly and tightly*
Now, sweetheart. CNotes, honey. Um,…. my sandwich won’t make itself. So ah….yeah…run along.
*snickering*
Just a little newl-e-boo’d up humor.
You know I’m watching this…since you wanna hate on my eman. I’m calling Nick. You in trouble ninja…I’m snitching!
Aw, CNotes and Mr SoBo.
*flings glitter*
The meaning of snitching is all messed up these days.
The way I was taught, and what I still believe, is ratting someone else out to save your own neck is textbook snitching. Or telling on someone as a method of getting revenge. Or to just get them out of the way.
But according to Cam’ron (who I don’t think would ever lie about anything for any reason), snitching is also alerting the authorities to a serial killer living in your neighborhood:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxdqC8kZlQo
Discuss.
@Mr SoBo
“That sandwich is coming right up, sweetie-kins!”
*snickering with a side-eye*
(CNotes fills a bowl with ice-cold water)
(Splashes it on Mr Sobo)
(Gives him a big kiss and his sandwich)
Likewise: Just a little newl-e-boo’d up humor ; )
e_O @ Camron *calling Miss T-Lee for throat punch reinforcements* Now if the Pink Panther AKA Camron’ was really gangster he’d just Dexter the serial killer, but naw…..
@BDot
I’m with you on “textbook” snitching. That is how I view it as well. It’s crazy though because seeing as I still have hood connects, I often hear how they feel about snitching. They think just like Cam’ron (basically….say nothing to no one about anything……regardless if you are affected or not). Sad, I know.
@legitimate_soul
“Now if the Pink Panther AKA Camron’ was really gangster he’d just Dexter the serial killer”
That’s right! Now Dexter….he’s the realest. : ) (Obvious Dexter Stan)
@Soul
Maybe the murdered and “Killa Cam” could get on a track together. I’m sure he’d prefer that instead.
@CNotes
Same here. I got a few homeboys that are still out there in the street and that’s how they feel. You don’t talk to the cops for any reason, period.
Personally though, I think that’s all bs. Because (and like I asked them), if a dude murdered someone in your family, and knew where he was but couldn’t physically get to him, what would you do?
Damn near all of them said “call the boys.”
@CNotes,
^Girl, you know E-feezy did go to Grambling. I think he played football. Saw some old pictures and he had a different build back then.
@legitimate_soul
“Girl, you know E-feezy did go to Grambling”
Really???? (although northern Louisiana and southern Louisiana are TOTALLY different animals) But, his going to Grambling explains while we were bumpin “The Click” (E-40 and B-Legit) hard back in the day.
Yeah, Girl. I think 40 and B-Legit did a Grambling talent show, then went back home to Vallejo to work on rappin’ (and possible other grinds) full time. I used to be surprised at how The Click resonated with so many folks outside of Cali. I met a dude from St. Louis and when he was asking about them that let me know.
Yeah, his group was popular in the south for sure.
I grew up on 40 and The Click. 40 shouts out Oak Cliff, the area of Dallas I grew up in, all the time. Like I said before, I grew up on Bay Area music. E-40 has major love down in Texas.
@CBG
Oh, yeah….Texas even more so had love for them.
This entire exchange has “Sideways” in my head from the “In A Major Way” album.
@legitimate_soul
My song was “Mr. Flamboyant” from the Down and Dirty album.
“Captain Save A H*e” will forever be a classic. I need to download “Rapper’s Ball”. I ain’t heard that in a minute.
@CBG
“Captain Save A H*e” will forever be a classic”
Yep! (singing) I wanna be saved!!!
@CNotes
*ehem*
Singing you wanna be saved?
Am I not wearing my cape for your right now woman?
Did I not just come and swoop your @$$ up?
@Mr SoBo
“Did I not just come and swoop your @$$ up?”
Of couse you did. : ) I’m merely quoting lyrics from the musical rolodex in my head. I’m good with you, e-boo!
(wraps up in Mr SoBo’s cape giving neck kisses)
@CNotes
*standing valiently staring off into the distance, receiving neck kisses, while gently caressing CNotes nice fat @$$ under my cape.*
Yep. I’m feeling pretty good today. Got the hottest chick in the game wearing my cape. I. Am. The. Man.
Ooooh I get it now. You hate on CBGs pandering cause you want an eboo to pander of your own! You were jealous. Well now you have beautiful Cnotes. I’m still telling Nick though.
@SFG
“Well now you have beautiful Cnotes”
You too are beautiful!
@SFG
Girl puhlease. Jealous of what? I didnt pander my way into CNotes e-bosom of love. I straight hollared at that with the rawness. No cotton candy fluffery going on over here. Peep thread homie. Now that she’s my e-boo, I can compliment her as I see fit. I leave that cupcaking teeth rottening sweetness to you and your e-man. Let me and mine breath, so fall back. Now run tell dat, homegirl.
what is up with you all today? lol. is it mating season? y’all done turned mr. sobo into a recidivist panderer and got cnotes all mushy and stuff.
forget a room, all y’all need a brothel.
@Cnotes thanks gur!
LMAO! @ Sobo…u stoopid. that was funny though.
@Panama…we nasty huh? I reserved a room for you and Cheekie too.
“explains while”
meant to say, “explains why”
1 Scary ninjas. Everybody knows one. He could teach crisis management. if you think about as soon as ish goes down he is ghost. Scary has cased all possible means of egress and quickly methodically got the eff out of dodge.
2.hood mcguyver aka illegal cable hookup guy aka my uncle tim at the mechanic shop aka the guy who hooked up my stereo with some foil and a coat hanger giving me hd stations. He could hookup all the wiretaps and never be questioned or cover blown. He will also service gov vehicles for beer and 30 dollars.
3. Death row inmates in the military tell them al quaeda members are the parole board and denied their requests. You know they are capable.
You could pay them in hookers and cigs
4. Boosters Why are we buying weapons when there are girls carrying 50 inch flatscreens out of best buy. Send those chicks to germany or wherever they make that stuff. Or send them to north korea to take thier nukes.
5.big mamas. Those sweet cornbread and curling iron scented old ladies could get anyone to spill their guts and get on the right path.
6. Dudes that wear steve harvey suits. Think of how many pockets you could sew into those jackets for surveillance equipment. Also these guys have amazing attention to detail and ability to locate obscure items. How else do you explain matching canary yellow suit, shirt, gatorrs, socks, pocketsquare, cuffliks, tiepin, and earrings.
7. Welfare moms. If you can feed kids, keep uti,lities connected, keep the hair done, and name brand shoes on the babies feet, and gas in the whip you balance a budget better than the standard gov agency.
8. The nosy bi@ches from my old apt complex. “Where you been? You haven’t got yo mail for 3 days. Sheeit, we was starting tothink that dude who picked you up in the grey explorer kilt you or somethin. He looked kind of ay-rab and you know they crazy. So anyway can you borrow mw 20 dollars cause I know you get paid on Friday and I don’t get paid till Wednesday like kesha ?”
well done.
Thank you. (Fans self and blushes. Yes we high yellas do blush)
“Yes we high yellas do blush)”
Chocolate Milk?
lol, right…swindle-a*s name. Obviously, DEA.
Hahahahaha. That’s funny.
Have you ever had banana milk, it’s disgusting.
@Chocolate Milk-“Have you ever had banana milk, it’s disgusting.”
Maybe, but Egg Nog is delicious. I think you should change your name to Egg Nog.
Maybe I’ll try it on for size my next post. Chocolate milk came from childhood. My dad is black. Mom is white. Having just learned about secondary colors I was curious and confused to why I had not turned out grey. Mom gave me the whole black people are actually brown speech. My mind mixed a glass of chocolate milk and the rest is history. Not actually since unlike a 70s souls singer nobody wants to write my life story.
Maybe I’ll try it on for size my next post. Chocolate milk came from childhood. My dad is black. Mom is white. Having just learned about secondary colors I was curious and confused to why I had not turned out grey. Mom gave me the whole black people are actually brown speech. My mind mixed a glass of chocolate milk and the rest is history. Not actually history since unlike a 70s souls singer nobody wants to write my life story.
I agree. Especially if that joint is ice cold…actually, that’s the only way I can drink egg nog.
*grabs some Baileys*
Definitely a fan of egg nog, but I have to cut it with skim and liquor cuz it’s a bit too thick for me. #thatswhatshesaid
My favorite joke on egg nog:
“I don’t understand egg nog. It’s like someone said ‘I want a little buzz…but I want some pancakes too.’”
–Denis Leary
@KitKat,
I feel you on the nog being thick and rich. Sometimes getting the nonfat or lowfat version helps thin it out.
*thinking as I type this someone has a dirty mind*
@Chocolate Milk,
*APPLAUDING*
Excellent!
Ok, I am spent. OMG!! Bwahahahaha.
This paragraph? v v
6. Dudes that wear steve harvey suits. Think of how many pockets you could sew into those jackets for surveillance equipment. Also these guys have amazing attention to detail and ability to locate obscure items. How else do you explain matching canary yellow suit, shirt, gatorrs, socks, pocketsquare, cuffliks, tiepin, and earrings.
Pure perfection.
Love it. 2, 4 and 7 are spot on.
Lmao! Ok, I think its hilarious that u actually made an argument for shiny ninjas! And if u include them u must include the chicken greased looking lipchap chicks too!
I also found it hilarious that Freeway was who I immediately thought of before reading any further.
I also giggled at “king beef” only cuz that’s my friend’s line name. I don’t ask…ever.
Funny post! Thx and sh*t.
o_O @ you liking Justin Bieber, King Beef.
Justin Bieber ? Gangsta
For real, though, that little white boy can sing.
No.
Agreed. I was doing some shopping for my niece in Limited Too and they were playing his CD. Some of his non-singles on the albums are really good songs. I’m ashamed to admit I’m planning to buy it on iTunes.
LOL, seriously though…he’s ok. I just don’t like the straining he does with his voice.
Am I the only one who thinks it’s he!!a acne under those heavy-a$$ swoop bangs of his?
*dies*
Like, when he lifts them up, his fo’head look like Chippy D’s a*s.
*falls out*
I haven’t even seen the video but I have heard ’nuff talk about her posterior. I think I heard a local disc jockey refer to her as “Chippy Bootie” yesterday morning. As in spotted up like a chocolate chip cookie. Cold-blooded. Rick James.
LOL @ Chippy Bootie. Nice.
OMG I never made the connection between Montana Fishburn’s stripper name Chippy D and the condition of her posterior…..very chocolate chip like
She named herself after the way her a$$ looks! This is freaking brilliant!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!
They also want Jamaican patois as well (i have Jamaican heritage) they would have a hard time understanding my grandma because that lady has one strong JA accent she isn’t a yardie either , but at least it gives black people jobs in these hard times then im happy
Bup bup! dang we’re just everywhere on here.
if got that translator job i would single handedly revive the nations cd sales. i would be buying albums left n right. old rap albums, new rap albums, don’t matter. i’d cop that new 50tyson, i’d buy antoine dodson’s song, brand nu, that new fat joe. everything. all white. quo, king sun, yz, smooth the hustler, trigger the gambler.
i’d buy a crazy expensive bose sound system too.
and i’d write it all off as business expenses. research an all that.
i’d go to concerts and say they were professional development conferences.
…off to edit my resume’ and find the link to apply…
you are so smart. lol. like for real. add that to my double dipping plan up top and we could make millions.
why thank you kind sir!
“you are so smart. lol. like for real.”
I read this in Antoine Dodson’s voice.
haaa!
i’d like to add that half of my collection would consist of mixtapes. like all the no limit and cash money mixtapes with the really bad terrible no good photoshops.
just for the record it’s sistren not bredreness. Thank youuuuu