Why Some Women Seem To Have All The (Dating and Relationship) Luck…And Others Don’t Seem To Have Any At All

looks can be deceiving

We’ve all heard the scenario:

Girl A is physically attractive, smart, sexy, fun, fit, well-rounded, active, engaging, personable, eager to oral (and anal after five Mojitos), likes baconburgers, sports, sweatpants, regular showers, and would be willing to consider liking Mobb Deep if in the right mood. But, despite the fact that Girl A has read every relationship book ever written by any fledgling male comedian, caught each Paul Carrick Brunson matchmaker show, and has attended so many parties, single’s bowling nights, speed dating events, and professional happy hours that her friends have started calling her “The Ticketmaster“, Girl A has worse luck with finding men than Antonio Cromartie has with finding condoms.

Girl B shares many of the same traits as Girl A. But, while Girl A wouldn’t even find a man if a man named “Aman” was doing jumping jacks on her bedroom dresser, Girl B can’t walk two blocks without tripping over “sincere and persistent male interest”. In fact, “sincere and persistent male interest” follows Girl B around so much that it even rubbed off on her pet poodle Jackie, who can’t even take a walk around the block with Girl B anymore without a bunch of big-d*cked Great Danes following her around and sniffing her ass

To be honest, out of all the dating and relationship issues/dynamics Panama and I have heard about and discussed, this—some seemingly attractive women just never seem to have any relationship luck, while others seem to have all of the luck—is the one that continues to completely perplex both of us.

Even while the (real or perceived) eligible man-shortage is making the dating game even more difficult for many women, some women just never seem to have a shortage of desirable male suitors. And, while the easy answer seems to be that these women are probably just more physically attractive than most other women, this is rarely the case. In fact, I’m sure everyone reading this can probably name a few women who aren’t “dimes” or perfect catches by any stretch of the imagination, but still never seem to have the types of perpetual man procuring difficulties plaguing many of their peers (even the more traditionally attractive ones).

Anyway, while trying to wrap my brain around this phenomenon, I thought of five possible (and possibly connected) reasons why this occurs.

1. Some women seem to have all of the luck because, well, they’re lucky

If you were to randomly read any relationship-centric magazines or books, watch any relationship-centric talk shows, or visit any relationship-centric websites (including this one) on any given day, you’d probably encounter dozens upon dozens of lists, guides, rules, regulations, mores, maxims, dos, don’ts, and decrees, all telling you exactly what you need to do (or stop doing) to improve your relationship lot.

But, even though this advice is (usually) completely sincere and agenda-less, it tends to dismiss exactly how much of a factor luck is in finding compatible, interested, and available partners. Seriously, just think about how many people have met their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives while in the produce section of Costco or on the train to work or after accidentally tripping into them at the airport after finding out that they just missed their flight, and think of how these people never would have met each other if a train was a couple minutes late or a line at lunch time was a little longer than usual or they happened to be wearing an Ipod that day and weren’t completely aware of their surroundings.

Sure, there are things you can do to increase the chances that you might possibly be lucky (ie: shop at a high-traffic supermarket instead of the one down the block from you), but you can’t control sheer serendipity, and it’s disingenuous to not admit that some women just seem to be a bit more serendipitous than others.

2. Some personalities are more conducive to compatibility

If you’ve been around here long enough, you probably know that I frequently make jokes about how (some) women love to experiment with different foods just for experimentation’s sake. It amuses and annoys the hell out of me, and I take every opportunity possible to kid women who seem to need to try to eat food from a different continent every day of the week.

Why do I this? It’s simple: I’m jealous. You see, I have acid reflux and frequent bubble guts, and I kid women who always seem to need to try “new” foods because I genuinely envy people who can do that without having to first map out a plan to reach the nearest working toilet. While having a weak stomach hasn’t made my life any better or worse, it does severely limit my options. I still enjoy food very much, but I have to be extremely particular about the food I choose to eat.

The women who never seem to have a shortage of male suitors also seem to be more likely to have “strong stomachs“. While they have their preferences and standards like everyone else, their personalities allow them to be compatible with many divergent types of people, and they just don’t seem to clash with others as often as “weak stomached” women (and men) do.

It doesn’t matter if they happen to meet an athlete, artist, entertainer, engineer, introvert, extrovert, jock, nerd, intellectual, or (in some cases) idiot, strong stomached women have enough demeanor dexterity to be able to find commonalities and build a relationship around them. If you could feasibly be in a romantic relationship with 24 different types of men, it stands to reason that you’d have more opportunities for “success” than a woman who’s only compatible with 4 different types of men.

3. Some women do need to have men around

If you look again, you’ll notice I titled this “Why Some Women Seem To Have All The (Dating and Relationship) Luck…And Others Don’t Seem To Have Any“. Including “seem” twice was no accident.

It’s perfectly understandable that Girl A’swomen who haven’t had much recent dating success—would envy Girl B’swomen who always seem to either be in relationships or have a steady stream of men interested in them—but some Girl B’s are s0 dependent on having a man in their life that they’ll stay in bad relationships and/or ignore obvious red flags just to have some testosterone around. From a Girl A/outsider perspective, it seems like Girl B’s have all of the luck, but with some Girl B’s this “success” is an illusion, a mating magic trick fooling everyone into thinking their grass is greener when it’s really just spray-painted dirt.

4. Some Girl A’s have a tendency to underestimate how attractive Girl B’s are to men

“In fact, I’m sure everyone reading this can probably name a few women who aren’t “dimes” or perfect catches by any stretch of the imagination, but still never seem to have the types of perpetual man procuring difficulties plaguing many of their peers (even the more traditionally attractive ones).”

I’ve touched on this before, but one thing I’ve noticed with some Girl A’s is they underestimate and downplay how attractive a Girl B is to men, and they’re genuinely surprised when she has more “success” because they don’t think men should find the qualities they’re attracted to in her attractive.

While these women might not be what other women would consider “dimes” or perfect catches, they’re in possession of qualities many men put a premium on. So while their “success” is sometimes dismissed as “luck”, it’s usually a bit deeper than that.

5. Some women are walking, talking, self-fulfilling (and self-pitying) prophecies

In keeping with the “things aint always what they seem” theme, there are some women (some of whom who are probably reading this right now) who have convinced themselves of a certain narrative of relationship hopelessness, so they allow themselves to be defined by their lack of relationship success so people will pity and pay more attention to them.

These are the women who’ll complain about not getting approached by any men…until you remind her that you actually witnessed four different men approach her the last time you saw her at the club. Then, when she it flips to “Well, they approach, but nobody is trying to take me on any dates“, you remind her that she just sent you a “Don’t you know that this wack n*gga tried to take me to Dave and Busters last night?” text 45 minutes ago.

It not that these women don’t have any luck, it’s that they’ve added so many qualifiers to the luck they do have that it eventually ends up not counting. As stated here earlier in the week, some women don’t know what they want, but won’t be completely happy until they get it (I guess this can apply to men too, but we’re not talking about us today)

Anyway, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has noticed this phenomenon. Can anyone add any more insight about why it seems like some women never, ever, ever seem to have any trouble finding (and keeping) a man, while other women—women who are perfectly good catches on paper—never seem to have any luck at all?

The carpet is yours.

***Also, I just want to make clear that today’s entry isn’t about every woman, just women who fit categories “A” and “B”***

—The Champ

  • coldsweat3

    ay

    • coldsweat3

      Some women just smile and look approachable or look more interesting or perhaps just came outside without a headwrap on…

      • ivanna

        “Some women just smile and look approachable” : Truth. I used to hear guys say (years ago) “you look mad at the world” (still kind of hate that phrase) but I wondered if I really did. I started smiling a bit more, turning off the inner dialogue and the approach factor increased.

        • StawberryPoptarts

          I refuse to smile when walking down 125th street or even look remotely pleasant. It’s like those dudes are paid to say “hollahollahollaholllaholla…”

          Ice grills all day.

          • http://www.nicklodeon.wordpress.com Nick@Nite

            LMAO!!
            All I saw was that guy on Chapelle Show..
            “hollahollahollahollaholla….”

          • Kellee Terrell

            @Strawberry, I LOVE THIS. I leave the gym on 125th looking like I got evicted–Just straight mean. Cause anything other than that, just invites the fuckery..lol

            • http://mdwright212.wordpress.com Mr. Esquire212

              And that stops it? If anything, you completely shut off any chance of a decent dude approaching (and yes, I be on the strip and see you and your ilk whenever I’m leaving home to get on the 2 train!) and the few that will still try to holla are gonna be the worst of the worst!

          • Pattie

            LMAO!

            • http://lizburr.com Liz

              **VSBGlitter***?

  • http://twitter.com/naimasmanifesto TheTalentedMs.Fiasco

    I think Girl B types don’t try so hard and thus find love easier. My friends transition from Girl A to Girl B when they give up their boy hunt and just are themselves. Lot of times women focus so much time on trying to be perfect and be at the right place at the right time that they just don’t end up with anything. They went fishing and they got a dirty boot caught on their line.

    Also, telling guys you don’t want a relationship or want to date makes them more eager to date you. Interesting no? Yeezy taught me.

    • WIP

      This is so true. doesn’t it seem like when you get into a relationship, it’s like the floodgates open and every man you walk past be trying to holla?? I think it’s because without the pressure of wondering who’s into you and if you look a certain way, you just have that I don’t care vibe which I guess is attractive.

    • http://www.thefriendraiser.com jenifer daniels

      same boat. i stopped being Girl A after the 9th grade. i had a crush on a few seniors and that turned out very sour for my rep on campus.

      skip ahead to my junior year and low and behold i run into one of the said crushes down in daytona…all on my team (i’d become girl b by then).

      flash forward to my 30s…i’ve had more dudes interested than i care to remember and some still “find me” on Fb with notes like “if your husband acts up” or “if i would’ve known back then”.

      so picture me puzzled everytime i hear my single friends complain about not being able to find a good BM. just follow me on Fb and you can have my leftovers. :-)

      • JessicaL

        Lol, Type B girls stand up. We’re getting bashed hard in here.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I think Girl B types don’t try so hard and thus find love easier. My friends transition from Girl A to Girl B when they give up their boy hunt and just are themselves. Lot of times women focus so much time on trying to be perfect and be at the right place at the right time that they just don’t end up with anything. They went fishing and they got a dirty boot caught on their line.”

      there might be some truth to this. it seems like women who cast wider nets are more likely to find what they want

      • MostCatsThatIBumpIntoCan’tCatchMeThatOften

        I’ve been reading VSB for a few months now, but this is the first time I’ve been inspired to comment.

        I agree that giving up the man hunt allows you cast a wider net, but I also think that Type-B girls, by letting men come to them, just let men hunt, for lack of a better term.

        Yeah, men will go for a woman who makes it easy, but the ones that really grab us are the ones that make us do some of the work. And a lot of times, we can tell the difference during that first conversation. My fiancee let me know that she was interested, but at a certain point, she made me come to her. That’s part of what made her more appealing that any other woman I’ve dated.

        And Champ, I’d like to know which album is the best hip-hop album you’ve heard since “supreme clientele”,

      • MostCatsThatIBumpIntoCan’tCatchMeThatOften

        I’ve been reading VSB for a few months now, but this is the first time I’ve been inspired to comment.

        I agree that giving up the man hunt allows you cast a wider net, but I also think that Type-B girls, by letting men come to them, just let men hunt, for lack of a better term.

        Yeah, men will go for a woman who makes it easy, but the ones that really grab us are the ones that make us do some of the work. And a lot of times, we can tell the difference during that first conversation. My fiancee let me know that she was interested, but at a certain point, she made me come to her. That’s part of what made her more appealing that any other woman I’ve dated.

        And Champ, I’d like to know which album is the best hip-hop album you’ve heard since “supreme clientele”.

    • Sula

      My friends transition from Girl A to Girl B when they give up their boy hunt and just are themselves.

      Ding ding ding!

    • Believe the Hype

      You try to break down the science of dating and simply be “Happy by yourself” and no wants to believe you. They just think maybe they can change this ideal and you’ll jump at the chance to date them.

  • http://emdottie.com EmDottie

    It is really aggravating to be one of those who really don’t have luck with men, then watch my girlfriends get ran down by dudes trying to get their attention. I don’t even know what the hell to do to even change my demeanor so I can have the ‘luck’ which you speak of. I’m not even downplaying it either. I’m really serious.

    Not to sound bitter but this shit is for the birds…
    :/

    • 90sgagirl

      @EmDottie; I feel ya girl! I’m not crazy like Chilli’s list or nothin’ like that, sometimes i think it’s location/environment or timing/destiny maybe Gods like your not ready yet or it’s not time, or the fact that I don’t think every ninja is fine/cute..My friend stays gettin’ dudes numbers and flirts with them, she tried to play matchmaker, and all the dudes in my opinion were Grenades/Landminds(jerseyshore lingo..smh) I don’t care if you’re personality is awesome but you look like Wayne FlavaFlav or Jayz or some other cryptkeepin’ ninja, I’m a lil’ shallow, #imjustbeinhonest/#notpoliticallycorrect

      • 90sgagirl

        oops i mean (your)

      • http://emdottie.com EmDottie

        HA! You are a trip!
        Ok I’m a lil shallow too but if I get to know the guy and I like his personality then I’m willing to look past his looks, but that’s only if I enjoy his company.

        Yeah when my friends try to play match maker it ends up in disaster. I learned a long time ago my friends don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

        And yeah I don’t have the list like Chilli but I DO have some requirements that are non negotiable. Like an education, or doing something positive with your life. Stuff like that.

      • stopplayingonmyphone

        You aren’t shallow because you are attracted to who you are attracted to. I honestly believe some people are more “attractive” than others, in the sense of their ability to be attracted to others. In other words, some girls are just naturally attacted to a wider range of men, physically, mentally–in any way you can be attracted to someone. I’ve gone on dates with men where literally–ON PAPER–they’re my type (I don’t really have a type but they hit the most basic requirements–educated, have plans for themselves, physically attractive, approached me the right way, and more interesting than a wall. That’s about all I ask for a first date.

        BUT….with all of these things checked off and more (usually more), the attraction isn’t there. I guess some call it chemistry or whatever, a spark, fireworks, etc. I’m just not feeling it. I definitely don’t think I fall in either of these categories–I’m not a chaser by a long stretch, but I’m not tripping over “sincere and persistent male interest” either. But I’m saying….pure attraction or lackthereof makes a big difference, and some girls like damn near everyone, and other don’t like anyone.

    • MzPW

      Duuuude (or dudette….whatever), you are NOT alone. I COMPLETELY feel this way as well! I cannot, for the LIFE of me, figure out what’s “wrong”. Trust, you and I are in the same boat right now…

      Sometimes, I get uber-annoyed when I go out with my girlfriends and see how they are literally stalked by the fellas. To me, it’s so interesting….especially since these ladies tend to be a little on the “looser” (if you know what I mean) side, seriously crazy, or pretty lesbians. Then, I talk with these fellas trampling all life in front of them to see about their interests in my girlfriends, and they list many of the qualities I know I have! Makes me wanna ask “WHAT the eff is up??”

      But then, I feel extra weak and desperate trying to get different perspectives….which leads to giving up, heading home early, and watching college football game reruns on ESPN2 for the rest of the night. Sigh….

      • http://emdottie.com EmDottie

        Yeah ESPN has accompanied me on a few lonely nights. Lol. That and TV One’s Living Single.

        Dead.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “Sometimes, I get uber-annoyed when I go out with my girlfriends and see how they are literally stalked by the fellas. ”

        are these typically the types of men you would be interested in?

        • SeriousWoman

          MzPW, I used to be the girl who would never get ANY attention from the fellas whereas my girlfriends would seemingly get all of it. I should mention that this was back in my clubbing heyday.

          Now 8 years later…I’m the one who’s married and theyre not. Figure that one out.

          You only need 1 decent guy who’s into you, it makes no difference how many guys are trampling around.

          • http://happinessisme.tumblr.com sharay

            Interesting. A lot of my female friends who have guys falling all over them don’t have the best relationship track record. Usually those guys are ATTRACTED for one thing. A lot of the women I know in real relationships or marriages we never like that. It only does take one to change the game.

        • stopplayingonmyphone

          I was wondering the same thing when I read MzPW’s comment and I think this is where the “sincere and persistent male interest” comes in….I really liked that phrase. B/c 90% of what I get is probably “insincere and fleeting male interest b/c I’m sharing the same sidewalk space and have a vagina” kind of attention. I suspect the dudes at the club all over her friends are probably are more like this kind of guy, particularly if they appear as loose as she describes them to be.

        • MzPW

          honestly, most of the time they aren’t. I don’t know if some will consider me uppity, but there’s just something about fellas wearing sunglasses in a club, bar…basically anytime after dusk that really rubs me the wrong way. After watching some fool literally walk into a wall at a joint because he wouldn’t take off his shades, I pretty much gave up hope….and laughed my *ss off.

          I’m more of the type that would rather just allow a tight friendship develop into something more, y’know? But there are just sooo many things….eh, nvm. There’s a replay of a game on.

        • Tasha

          I’m wondering why you asked this question? I find it to be potentially insightful for someone in this situation but don’t see the follow-up comments.

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Look at what the other women have about them that is drawing men in. If it’s body or revealing clothes than you don’t want that type of attention anyway. If the woman is extra flirty, then yes men will come but literally cum and leave her so that you don’t want either. Sometimes getting ran down by dudes is a bad thing. Maybe ask a male friend or just look your behavior. Or maybe it’s your area. There could be so many reasons.

    • Caballeroso

      “It is really aggravating to be one of those who really don’t have luck with men…”

      @EmDottie: When I wear a t-shirt with a mantra on it, that mantra is typically something that I at least somewhat agree with or buy in to. The purple T-shirt you sport on your webpage seems to say either “I only date” or “I only date…”.

      If it says “I only date” then perhaps you are in a “dating only” mindset, whereas, at least subconciously, you only seek opportunities that would not lead to something long term. If it says “I only date…”, then maybe on some level you limit your dating pool to whatever “…” represents. That mindset could be the source of your woes. Changing your fortune could simply be a matter of changing your mindset and changing the information about yourself that you feed to your subconcious via a t-shirt slogan. Just a thought.

      • CNotes

        @Caba

        “The purple T-shirt you sport on your webpage seems to say either “I only date” or “I only date…”.

        Good eyes!

      • http://emdottie.com EmDottie

        Lol I see what you’re saying. (I just thought it was a cute shirt. Plus it’s old I don’t wear it anymore)
        I don’t limit myself, or at least I try not to. I’m a very open minded person, I just have bad luck dating. But I appreciate the advice :)

    • Sula

      As trite as it sounds, just try being EmDottie and focus on EmDottie… Usually, that’s the best way to meet people interested in YOU…

      • http://emdottie.com EmDottie

        Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind :)

  • http://aWordorThree Crystal Marie

    And some women are lucky enough to realize that being single isn’t a death sentence. Or something to feel unlucky about. But I don’t know any of those women.

    -Crystal Marie
    Awordorthree.com

    • 90sgagirl

      true true, #LivingSingle is not a death sentence, but I don’t wanna get old and gray like Oprah/other $uccessful single sista, and be lonely..she may be content, but I’ve always questioned women over a certain age who have never been married or had churrens, not even adopted kids…….SN: I think on the final episode Oprah will have a Big announcement to make about her sexuality, I’m not startin’ ish but lately a lot of the episodes have been about people coming out or somethin’ to that extent. I know her and GAYle are besties, but that Campin’ trip looked like somethin’ else..I’m taking Oprah’s negative experiences with black men, I was surprised she backed Pres.Obama, oh yeah he’s half white…I love Oprah but I’m ready for the Steadman tell all, wait he may have been forced to sign a contract or somethin’ like that….

      • brandi

        oprah isn’t single

      • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

        “she may be content, but I’ve always questioned women over a certain age who have never been married or had churrens, not even adopted kids……”

        No offense, but it’s ideas like this that make it hard for women who are single to be okay. Being single does not mean there something wrong with you.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “And some women are lucky enough to realize that being single isn’t a death sentence. Or something to feel unlucky about.”

      good point (although this post isn’t really about those women though)

  • Leila

    I know a lot of Girl A’s. They have everything, but can’t get a date. I know one girl who’s Girl B. She’s pretty, but not a dime. She’s a sweet southern girl and very friendly which a lot of guys like. She also talks to every guy with a lot of interest, smiles a lot, and doesn’t dismiss guys who usually wouldn’t have a chance.

    • Girl Kanyeshrug

      VSB just did an article about this type of girl calling her the flirty/ friendly girl. VSB said no guy wants to date this type of girl because she knows all the guys in the club!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “VSB just did an article about this type of girl calling her the flirty/ friendly girl. VSB said no guy wants to date this type of girl because she knows all the guys in the club!”

        panama wrote that, not “vsb”, lol. but, like he alluded to in the post, there’s a different between a friendly/flirty woman and a cocktease

    • Caballeroso

      “She’s a sweet southern girl and very friendly which a lot of guys like. She also talks to every guy with a lot of interest, smiles a lot, and doesn’t dismiss guys who usually wouldn’t have a chance.”

      FYI…this is the solution for the Girl A’s right here.

      • Tasha

        This is me to the “T”…yet, I’m still treated like girl A.

  • http://brotherspanky.bandcamp.com brotherspanky

    similar to item #4, i’d also like to add the “perpetually self-fulfilling prophecy” woman. she has become a veritable eeyore of the dating scene, and although she may be a dime to most on the outside, a few unfortunate experiences and cold nights have led her to believe that the scarcity of good black men is an irreversible and universal truth.

    these are many of the women i went to [predominantly-white] college with; who alleged that there were “no black men,” while in the presence of actual black men. they’s black mens, they just aint none for YOU, witcho sullen a$$.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “similar to item #4, i’d also like to add the “perpetually self-fulfilling prophecy” woman. she has become a veritable eeyore of the dating scene, and although she may be a dime to most on the outside, a few unfortunate experiences and cold nights have led her to believe that the scarcity of good black men is an irreversible and universal truth.”

      lol, it looks like we were writing the same thing at the same time (i made an edit at like 12:15 and changed #5 to “Some women are walking, talking, self-fulfilling (and self-pitying) prophecies”)

    • Missluna

      I have always been the Girl B with the Girl A type of girl friends. For the life of me, I don’t understand why they don’t take my advice (@_@) they even shoot me down when I offer proven solutions… so I can only imagine the glares and ammo they aim towards the men that approach them. I believe they have great potential I love them like sisters but they can be a bit shallow… I think its their demeanor that speaks volumes of “there aint no good men out there” I don’t even know any Good Men that will vibe with that notion anyways. With that attitude they’re gonna have the same “luck” 20 years from now with REAL slim chances. My gf’s are good women that you’d take home to Mom & then over to Big Mom house for sunday dinner…but they needa get they confidence up and learn that no one wants to tread shallow waters. I’m not saying be easy, I’m saying become pleasant… (really) learn who you are figure out what’s NOT working and work on that. Use that mirror for more than self pity on them cold lonely nights…& STOP saying “you’ve done that already” because you haven’t done it right if your having the same issues.

      Sincerely Girl B (that nobody listens to)

  • http://www.tessism.com Tessism

    First, I want you to stop publishing posts when I ought to be sleeping. They are caffeine stimulating when I need to be unwinding. And what I mean by that is “don’t stop” (I specialize in the mind-boggling ninja-nese that women are taught straight outta the womb). Anyhoo, I wrote about the relationship shortage months back at madamenoire.com/3450/happy-black-women-would-be-bad-for-media-business/.

    I really believe that relationships are ruled by our perception of the world. There is no shortage of incredible men to date of all hues who are interested in your very flavor. There is however, IMHO, a shortage of faith and diligence that causes Girl A to be alone and Girl B, if she’s unhappy, to be unsatisfactorily matched.

    We love being right about things, especially miserable. Girl A tends to be someone who doesn’t believe she’ll ever make it in the relationship arena and does everything in her power to battle the unbeatable sense of doom she feels. No amount of tap dancing will convince you or anyone else that you’re happy.

    Well-adjusted Girl B tends to just be happy and faithful or at least open to it in some way. Even if she’s as messy as Girl A in the believe area, she still has hope. Hope conquers all.

    One day I’m gonna do a study on Black women and relationships for real with no comedians on the research team and I swear the answer will be bliss. Those that are truly blissful continue to attract bliss and those that aren’t will continue to miss.

    • http://www.tessism.com Tessism

      I hate typos!
      *misery
      *belief
      Ugh!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      First, I want you to stop publishing posts when I ought to be sleeping. They are caffeine stimulating when I need to be unwinding. And what I mean by that is “don’t stop” (I specialize in the mind-boggling ninja-nese that women are taught straight outta the womb). Anyhoo, I wrote about the relationship shortage months back at madamenoire.com/3450/happy-black-women-would-be-bad-for-media-business/.

      it’s funny that you mentioned this. i did an interview with colorlines.com about the “single black woman” meme and i basically said the same thing: the media focuses on this because we’re the ones driving the interest (buying the books, watching the specials, visiting the websites). it’s no conspiracy, just good business

      • http://www.tessism.com Tessism

        Good business to them. Harmful to Black women because it heightens a sense of scarcity and attacks well-being. We need more voices saying to disregard statistics since they create and perpetuate the alarm and crisis.

  • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

    “Can anyone add any more insight about why it seems like some women never, ever seem to have trouble finding (and keeping) a man, while other women—who are perfectly good catches on paper—never seem to have any luck at all?”

    Maybe. Maybe not. Who’s ta say?

    • WIP

      One of my favorite lines!

    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      *as Champ takes a knife out the turkey and slams it on the table*

      Now LOOK what you done started, Luvvie!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      this whole thread went over my head

      • CNotes

        @Champ

        The Color Purple. See how important it is to know this movie?? : )

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    You ain’t sayin nuthin new. While us generally-good-women-on-paper may complain about being dateless that’s not what we really mean. As one of my best friends once said, “when I say ‘I can’t get a date,’ what I really mean is, ‘I can’t get a date with a guy who doesn’t work at the airport.’ ” There’s always options. We’re just not desperate. We’d rather be sittin at home with our cat watchin SVU than go for some weak “let’s hang out” date “request,” even if the guy is cute and fairly suitable in other ways.

    *kanye shrugs out of this thread*

    • 90sgagirl

      “thanks to Kanye’s workout plan I got$ me a man”…j/k I randomly thought about this as I read “*kanye shrugs out of this thread*
      I’d rather watch SVU than go on a date..that goes: “A Juliyuh I’ll Neva Make a Fool of Ya….Gabby Union says: Check PLEASE!!!!

      • http://emdottie.com EmDottie

        I can NOT with you. I’m dying right now.

        HA!

        And ok I see your point @Liz. You’re right about the being desperate part. I just feel like (unless I’m bored) I want a date to turn into something more serious in the long run. Yeah sometimes a girl just wants to have fun but nobody wants to sit across the table from a 30 some odd old dude tryna rap and shit.

        No go.

        • http://lizburr.com Liz

          LOLOL

    • Asia

      There’s always options. We’re just not desperate. We’d rather be sittin at home with our cat watchin SVU than go for some weak “let’s hang out” date “request,” even if the guy is cute and fairly suitable in other ways.

      You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I get some of the most undesirable guys that take interest in me and pardon me if I decide to take a pass. Unlike some females who love having that male attention and don’t mind wasting a man’s time for that free dinner and movie, I personally don’t go out on dates with men I am not the least bit interested in.

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        I personally don’t go out on dates with men I am not the least bit interested in.

        This is pretty much my issue. It’s a waste of my time to go for a “free meal” with a dude I know i don’t like. Time is money.

      • pretinha

        Yes, but how do you even know if you like him if you don’t go on a date with him? Besides obvious “no-can-do’s” (i.e. no degree, more than one baby mother, no real career aspirations, questionable heterosexuality, looks like Grimace from Sesame Street), why not a dinner and a movie? You may just make a guy friend that ends up introducing you to his other guy friends, who may or may not be your match.

        • TheRealestLeo

          Grimace was from McDonald’s….lol

          So not having a degree is an automatic no-go for you?

          • pretinha

            LOL…My bad. I go in a McDonald’s at most 2-3x per calendar year.

            In 99.87% of cases, no degree is an automatic no-go for me. I’m in my mid-20s. Unless you were a child actor/played professional sports/Olympic athlete/renowned musician/etc., I don’t understand why you don’t have a BA by 24.5 years of age…

            I’m about to finish up my MD, so I don’t think I’m asking too much if I want a guy to at least have a BA.

        • JessicaL

          You may just make a guy friend that ends up introducing you to his other guy friends, who may or may not be your match.

          This

        • http://lizburr.com Liz

          I mean some guys sure I might give the time of day. But honestly you’re perating under the assumption that these guys are 1) awesome and 2) awesome to date. Some guys are really good and worthwhile, but don’t know how to court a lady if their life depended on it (ie CALL and PLAN a date). Sometimes these good guys might just be bored with life and do this halfway effort out of their boredom. Doesn’t mean they’re good guys, but it also doesn’t mean we need to spend time “working with them” to meet them halfway. Too many relationships fail because women are doing too much and not letting the man step up to be the man.

          I’m all about saving people’s time these days!

          • Medium Meech

            Your alpha is too high so you might be getting too many type II errors. Rejecting guys before you could possibly know what they’re about can be dangerous if you’re only truly looking for one.

            • Shortie McShortStuff

              BWAHAHAHA Yes. to. Stats. So you’re saying if I changed my alpha from .01 to .05, two tailed, I could finally find a dude? Well, damn.

              • Medium Meech

                Yup. As long as your remember to change the sign on your null hypothesis. That easy.

          • WIP

            LOL, I feel you so much on this. If one more man says something to me about “hanging out” or “coming over to watch a movie” after we just met. I don’t think this is dismissing guys as much as it is acknowledging a big red flag. You can’t waste time on that; you gotta save your time for the men that come at you right.

            • TheRealestLeo

              Uh….a smart man is probably not going to seriously DATE a woman he just met in the first place. It should be more of a hang-out session doing something inexpensive yet enjoyable to both parties. (I agree, however, that “coming over to the crib to watch a movie” is NOT advisable in this scenario.)

              I mean…..it sounds like a woman wants the man to pull all the stops and plan out an elaborate (read: expensive and risky, low return on investment) date with a woman within 35 nanoseconds of getting her phone number.

              • WIP

                No, I think like most women a simple date is all I’m expecting. Meeting up for drinks, maybe dinner. I don’t expect more than that because it really isn’t warranted anyway. When I hear “hang out” it means the same to me as “come over.”

        • Asia

          Trust me there are certain guys that get a pass from me before I even waste my time going on a date. How you approach me is very important, I don’t have time to try to get to know any man that doesn’t know how to approach a female in a respectful manner. I don’t have to go out on a date with someone to know whether we are going to hit it off or not.

    • TheRealestLeo

      Is where a man works THAT important? If a man is handling his business, able to pay for a date with you, and not flat-the-hell-out broke….Why is where he works that important?

      I think if more women opened up their eyes to the opportunities in front of them, they might realize they have a diamond in the rough in the making. Hell, Jay-Z started off flipping chicken at KFC. (But ironically enough, he didn’t get Beyonce’ until he was already a billionaire. Go figure.)

      • Asia

        I understand where you are coming from, but for some females it is a big deal. For me is more of do you even have a job and do you have a main chick (this is the type of stuff I deal with). Everyone has their thing and standards I won’t knock anyone for that.

        • TheRealestLeo

          I swear women eliminate possible men right out of their lives because of the most trivial BS. While is it perfectly normal to expect a man to HAVE a job…..it is ludicrous (IMO) at best to judge a man on where he works, especially if he is self-sufficient and happy there (or trying to do better if he’s not).

          I mean….for example (I discussed this in another VSB blog)….some women like tall men. Statistically speaking, something like 10-14 percent of men are actually ‘tall’….Tall is a recessive gene according to simple biology. So 85-90 percent of men are already eliminated off jump…..I can’t get with that lack of logic.

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            You’re silly if you think women are calculating the male population like this to determine our odds of success.

            And sorry to burst your bubble, but some jobs are seen in this country as being stable while others not so stable. So yes, your profession is going to be judged. I can see a situation where women judge men based on their jobs because duh–we are interested in knowing how stable our life will be with you in the future. Don’t sit here and act like we’re trippin off something trivial like shoe color. This is related to our livelihood as well as the livelihood of our future children.

            • TheRealestLeo

              I can understand wanting to look out for the livelihood of you and the (future) kids. No problems there. But there are women out there that will judge men by the trivial things I have mentioned in here and other posts.

              I could see if the dude was a garbage man with DPW or something….or flipping burgers at Burger King….but I would think that working for the TSA is a lot better off than some dudes I’ve seen getting women with NO JOBS AT ALL. Or the guy in college trying to get that engineering degree that is having a hard time finding woman because he doesn’t have the degree yet. Or because he’s in college. Or because he’s Black.

              But I digress.

              • http://lizburr.com Liz

                lol you’re really hung up on the TSA. I don’t really know any chicks who say I can’t date him cuz he’s still getting his engineering degree and he’s broke.” This doesn’t mean those chicks don’t exist tho. I’m too old to be dating students anyway.

              • TheRealestLeo

                I’m too old to be dealing with students as well….but as a former engineering major, that is what I personally went through with women. I wonder how those football players and _____s (insert fraternity here) panned out for those women?

                Now here in the military, it’s “Oh, I don’t deal with military men.” Same ish, different toilet. I have discussed this on other boards, so I won’t go into details here.

              • pretinha

                Dude, if you’re a lawyer, doctor, businesswoman, advertising exec, etc., what you look like dating a baggage handler? Pause, man…

              • TheRealestLeo

                I never said date THAT far out of your league. My concern is that women won’t even consider a man that is IN THE SAME AREA OF LIFE as she is. What happened to unity and togetherness? When I was in college, I was running into nothing but bougie-ass women that wanted their man to be a millionaire already. The only 18-22 year old millionaires I know of all dribble, catch, or throw round/oval shaped objects for professional teams.

                First off: How many actual doctors, lawyers, or business execs do we have on these boards?

                Second question….You didn’t know he was a baggage handler when you saw him…..handling your bags?

                Third question: If women are that uppity about a man’s job, why did Ms. Baller even LOOK at Mr. 9-to-5 in the first place?

                I’m surmising that some of these women out here are DELIBERATELY messing with men with what they consider “subpar” jobs (maybe it’s their ‘swag’…whatever) just to see if they can mold the guy into Clark Kent himself.

              • WIP

                @Pretinha
                I think in that situation, it’s pretty unlikely you would end up with a baggage handler because that’s not who you would be around the most. But if your goal is someone to love you for the rest of your life, that baggage handler might be a good man that will treat you right and love you unconditionally. I worry about whether a man is independent, not specifically what his job is.

              • TheRealestLeo

                @ WIP

                Say that one again….I want a woman that loves me for who I am, not what I do or how much money I make. If I was living in my mom’s basement working the fry machine at McDonald’s, I wouldn’t be asking very many women on dates in the first place.

              • JessicaL

                @Therealestleo

                First off: How many actual doctors, lawyers, or business execs do we have on these boards?

                Is it safe to say shot’s fired?

                @WIP

                That’s what I’m saying.

              • TheRealestLeo

                @ Jessica

                No, I was not firing any shots. My point in asking that question was because people always name THOSE THREE JOBS as if they are the only successful jobs out there. I am quite comfortable doing what I do, and I am none of those three things.

                And since the general assumption is that doctors, lawyers, and business execs are *somehow* better than us normal folks…..I drew the conclusion that they are not likely on these boards mingling with us *mere peasants and shanty-folk….*

              • pretinha

                @RealestLeo…College aged women who throw shade at college aged men b/c the men are not wealthy/rich by the age of 22 are foolish, IMO. Women need to be able to recognize potential.
                @WIP…I feel you that this man may be a good man, but, to me, unless you are bag handling to gain experience to open your own private bag handling service, then me and you probably wouldn’t meet eye to eye on a lot of things.

                I am not super picky, but career/career goals and your point in meeting said goals are important to me. I’m a type A person. Need a man with some type A-ness.

              • http://earsandlps.blogspot.com LaBakir

                @TheRealestLeo

                Here in NJ, sanitation workers make MONEY. I know a lot of dudes who would snatch that job up in a heart beat. Being a longshore man ain’t bad either.

                I think some women equate jobs with ambition, and that’s not fair. My friend’s dad was a mechanic. Eventually got his own shop and does other work on the side: doing over bathrooms, installing flat screens. He’s done well for himself and his family.

                If my friend’s mom judged Ricky by his job, well…she wouldn’t be living the life she has now b/c his a d@mn good one

              • http://earsandlps.blogspot.com LaBakir

                I’m surprised at some of these comments.

                So if a dude is a baggage handler, he has no ambition? I can see if he was there 20 years in the SAME position…different story. But what if he’s in his mid to late twenties and accepted that positiong because he wants to be a Federal Air Marshall…or something else with in the TSA?

                Lots of judging around these parts

              • pretinha

                If you were born in the US and grew up here, I don’t understand why’d you be a baggage handler unless this position was part of a plan to lead to bigger and better things. Yes, a baggage handler can have ambition, but to me I’m thinking “where’d your life go that at 29, you in Newark slinging bags and have no plans to turn this experience into something more lucrative?”

                Just like I can’t throw shade at a male friend who tells me he doesn’t want to date a chick who is a cashier at the supermarket or who works retail. I don’t want a guy who just has a job. I want a guy with a career. I don’t think that’s being judgmental or asking for too much. :shrug:

              • TheRealestLeo

                @ LaBakir

                “But what if he’s in his mid to late twenties and accepted that positiong because he wants to be a Federal Air Marshall…or something else with in the TSA?”

                This….right here….

                I don’t know if people ever look this stuff up or not, but here in the military, if you do your time and get your rank up….first sergeants and sergeant majors make BANK. And let’s not even get on the officers’ side of things….I know some captains my age making $60-70K a year on top of the benefits and such.

              • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

                I must say I am also a little shocked at the pickyness on this issue. Only because as I read more and more about relationships the most common complaint among black men about black women is that they have too high standards. If the goal is to eventually find man, wouldn’t it be prudent to broaden your horizon?

                Maybe finding a man is not your goal in life.. however, since this is the topic of discussion (why some women get more men than others)..TheRealestLeo is sincerely giving helpful suggestions that are being shut down. Interesting.

                My opinion is this: of course we all have our preferences and attractions, but to outright deny someone without getting to know them over ‘details’ I think is counter-productive. Black women can’t afford to paint every Black man with the same brush stroke.

                Being a 30 yo without a degree does not mean a man is incapable of taking care of you and your kids. Bill Gates did not get his degree until 3 years ago..and I am sure his wife did not regret letting him find his way.

                As someone who had to take her time, and struggle towards completing her degree from an ivy league school, I can attest that a person’s path in life is never straight forward.

                I’m not suggesting that anyone ‘settle’ or take what they can get. Just to be a little be more open-minded. There are always options- snuggling up and taking in the latest SVU..or going out and meeting new people.

                Whether either suggestion is a waste of your time is a personal preference.

              • GAW

                Ok – I know I’m late as hell, but I just have to add my pennies here. I agree that women are too hung up on occupations and degrees…dang – the garbage man is now frowned upon? Dude can be making a stable income with good benefits AND be good to you. I think a lot of women are so caught up on stuff that is ridiculous – but I also think…based on what I’ve read so far…that a lot of these women (who WANT a man) are younger (20s/30s). LOL wait til they reach them 40′s and still single – see if they ain’t singin a new song then.

              • JacksonJacks

                Yeah, a degree is not going to keep you warm at night. And don’t end up being a statistic, like the many minions of black women that turned down all kinds of good brothas in their 20′s who didn’t have degrees, only to end up in her 30′s, single, with a wall filled with diplomas and not a single wedding photo. A man with a “good job” is not a guarantee of security. When I was in my 20′s, I wanted a man with the good job with benefits and the degree. In my 30′s, the most attractive man to me is the one who can be self-employed and find ways to make money even in a recession when nobody can find work. (like bloggers) I work for myself, and it’s a freedom I can’t describe.

                THERE ARE PLENTY OF GOOD, MARRIAGE MINDED MEN WITHOUT DEGREES. ONLY 15% OF THE U.S. POPULATION HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE. That number drops for black men, unfortunately. You are eliminating a lot of good men. By the time you’re 35, you’ll have watched all of your friends married and happy with kids to MEN WITHOUT degrees, and you’ll learn that a man does not need a degree to be a good dad, to love you, to appreciate you and to take you to Disney World. Don’t paint yourself into that corner…

            • Intellection

              Exact-amundo!! No one wants a man who can not, in the foreseeable future, get out of a minimum wage or low-level/paying job!

          • A Plus

            I don’t think it’s ludicrous at all to judge a man on where he works. But, I don’t like to say that I judge a man on where he works, I think that based on my background, how/where I was raised, educated, where I am in my career now, I would like to have someone that is of similar ilk. I absolutely don’t think that there’s anything wrong with a man that works at an airport, for example, but I don’t think that’s the man for me. We more than likely don’t run in the same circles, have the same interests, or goals (not to say that one is better than the others, just different). But I’m sure that there’s a girl out there that would be a much better fit/match for said airport employee.

            Very rarely do you see a woman of any other race facing this same criticism.

            • Leila

              “do you see a woman of any other race facing this same criticism”

              There’s definitely a double-standard. I’m not picking on any race, but Asian women get away with this the most without getting called out. I have a lot of Asian friends and they only date men with a lot of money. It’s a must because they want a man who can take care of them.

              • Kimmy

                You can’t always do what the next woman does. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have standards because we certainly should, but you have to decide what is most important to you. I, for one, don’t intend to die single because I only wanted to date a man with a lot of money.

            • JacksonJacks

              *sigh* It’s like looking at myself in my 20′s. Harsh cold reality is gonna smack you in the face at 35 when you’re still single and airport dude is gonna start looking really attractive. But he won’t be looking at 35 year old you. He’ll be looking at the 22 year olds…Ugh, the lies they feed black women…

        • WIP

          Thank you! (I really think it’s my location but I can’t move right now). Where the dude works??..How about IF the dude works, if he don’t live with his “people”, IF he has a car, LOL. 50% of the men I met were in the “oh hell naw” category.

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        The statement is not literal. It’s a euphemism, and more importantly, a joke. The point is, we can get a date with several men but we may not be interested in them because they don’t meet one of our standards. My second example speaks to not wanting to date a man who goes out of his way to try to ask you out on a date but won’t actually ASK you OUT anywhere, just send an email or text with a “let’s hang out.” We ain’t got time for the BS, especially when ya’ll are the ones making the first move.

        • TheRealestLeo

          Again….I took it literally because I’ve seen these things happen to myself in real life, and I have a quite stable job (the military).

          As far as men not being specific on asking women on dates….I don’t personally have that issue because I’m always specific whenever I plan a date. But I will admit that I have seen men less specific and less qualified still win at this game, so I sometimes wonder if it’s a conspiracy or just an aberration of normal women out there?

      • brandi

        Well Beyonce was like 9 when Jay was at KFC, but I get your point.

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          “Well Beyonce was like 9 when Jay was at KFC, but I get your point.”

          I’m just gonna go ahead and die right over here >>>>

          • http://emdottie.com EmDottie

            Ditto

            But wait, I though Hov was cookin’ something other than chicken at the time?
            No?

            Ok. Just kidding, I’m over here with Cheekie then,

            • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              LOL, there ya’ll go, killing me again!

      • Constance

        About diamonds in the rough:
        I know a lady in her mid 40′s that is very accomplished, but very single. She has recently lowered her standards because she’s starting to understand that there are few attractive (to her) guys that will be as accomplished as she is. She said that she spent her younger years holding fast to her “accomplishment rule” and it got her nowhere. She wanted her fine white collar, close to six figure making honey, but couldn’t find him. She was, like most young women, looking for a man that could (not would) take care of her (and any future children), but now she realizes that she can take care of herself just fine and so that is no longer a factor.

        • TheRealestLeo

          What people (men and women) need to realize is that all the degrees, six-figure salaries, and company jets in Earth won’t make up for being a lousy PERSON. And it doesn’t make one person more eligible than the next.

          And throwing one’s accomplishments/titles around like that’s all they have going for them will only land one the kind of people that think that’s what a man or a woman is made of.

          Looks like your friend smelled the Folger’s.

          • WIP

            All this. Income doesn’t make a man. I think it’s important for any adult to be independent. I think many women try to hold men to these standards because it looks good on paper and sounds good to their friends. Truth be told, what matters is how the man treats you and values you. It’s important that he can support a family if that is what you want, but don’t automatically assume that a certain dollar amount is needed for things to work out.

            • TheRealestLeo

              Exactly. And from my experiences, women have a way of sh*tting on the men who treat them the best.

              My parents raised seven children on a much less than optimal income, but so far, we’ve all turned out great. Can’t nobody tell me that Jay-Z (or whoever the hell women are secretly fiending for) would make a better man than me just because he’s got cake.

              • Constance

                “…(or whoever the hell women are secretly fiending for)…”

                Let me tell you now: It is NOT Jay-Z!

            • Constance

              I agree completely. As long as the man isn’t using your credit card to buy you flowers and you’re not all spending all your money wining and dining him, then it should be all good. Oh and as long as he’s not dropping you off at work in your car (a la Baby Boy) or shacking up with you “until he can find a place”, then it should be all good.

              • http://lizburr.com Liz

                Yall can smoke the crack if you want to. Income does make the man LOL. But, where that line is drawn is nebulous. I’ll tell you what tho. I am not dating or marrying man who makes 30K a year, no matter how great of a person he seems to be. There are some bare minimums you need to meet.

              • CNotes

                @Constance

                “Let me tell you now: It is NOT Jay-Z!”

                You…Constance….Just made me laugh out loud at work! : ) Thank you so much for providing the truth of the matter.

              • Constance

                I’m sure this is one of the reasons why so many women are still single. No shots fired. #justsaying

                There are lots of men that love working with their hands, doing jobs where degrees are unnecessary. There are lots of men that do not ever want to be in some office with a suit and tie on. Are these men to be excluded just because they don’t fit into someone’s perfect little life picture?

                My husband is definitely not the office type. Tried it though cause it made me happy. It made me have a better story to tell my family and friends, but he hated it the job. Two years ago he joined the Army National Guard and his job there is working on the aircraft. He fell in love with that and now he works a dirty, sweaty, outside job with an energy company. My father was the same way. He worked an outside job for the phone company his whole life. He had the opportunity to become a supervisor and move on up through the ranks, but he turned it down multiple times because he thought being in the office was too boring. And don’t let the nature of the jobs fool y’all. My mom ONLY shopped at Lord and Taylor and similar stories.

                But I believe that God definitely has a way of bringing people together cause my husband is definitely not “my type”, but now, I swear I’d kill him dead fo I let him leave me.

            • SaneN85

              @WIP I couldn’t agree more with everything you’ve said.

              @TheRealestLeo
              I was with you all the way until…
              “I could see if the dude was a garbage man with DPW or something….or flipping burgers at Burger King….but I would think that working for the TSA is a lot better off than some dudes I’ve seen getting women with NO JOBS AT ALL.”

              Aside from the likely pungent odor (had to stop dating a painter because his smell literally made me sick to my stomach), I don’t see why a hardworking garbage man would be any less dateable than a hardworking baggage carrier. Also, I think when woman rule out dating Navy men, it’s more based on the assumed behavior of Navy men than their income. I live in a Navy town and will never date another man in the Navy. Aside from the cheating I’ve seen in every single last relationship with a Navy guy, there’s a large number that are alcoholics (if not violent alcoholics).

              You may not fit in this bubble (it sucks that you’re judged based on them), but when someone rules out Navy folks, it’s rarely because they’re being bougie and picky.

              • TheRealestLeo

                @ Sane

                For the record, I’m in the Army, not the Navy. And I am not a cheater or an alcoholic.

                “You may not fit in this bubble (it sucks that you’re judged based on them), but when someone rules out Navy folks, it’s rarely because they’re being bougie and picky.”

                And when I rule out lesbians….and women with kids…..and stupid women…..and women without jobs…..it’s not because I’m being bougie or picky, contrary to what people think. I’ve dealt with all of those women, and it wasn’t pretty. At all. But if a woman comes along and shows that she is an exception to my rules/experiences, I will at least entertain the thought of us maybe going on a date. (Except for the lesbians….They gets no love from me.)

                What kills me is now, we have women in the military that won’t date a military man….as if their shit smells better than ours.

              • TheRealestLeo

                @ Sane

                I replied, but my comment is in moderation purgatory. lol

              • sanen85

                I don’t know why I assumed you mean Navy, but while those characteristics (cheaters, alcoholics) are far less common in the Army, they still exist more than in civilian professions.

                I wasn’t in any way implying that it was a fair to the individuals who aren’t like that, I was just offering an explanation of sorts. As for your examples, there are perfectly rational explanations for all of those and don’t really fit with counting someone out based on their job. Most people wouldn’t imply that you’re being picky or bougie with those choices, and I got the impression you were implying that’s what is going on when women rule out military men. There are also a large number of possible logical factors there. Time away from home (and whether they could handle it) being a huge one.

              • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

                Interesting. My first thought of why a woman wouldn’t want to date someone in the military is out of fear of losing them to the job (so to speak), not because of job status or being a cheater.

                I personally would never thumb my nose a cop, firefighter, or military as being beneath me. Their jobs seem too selfless..

    • MzPW

      Hmmmm…y’know, now that I think about it, you juuuust may have a point. Although I wouldn’t necessarily classify many of my girlfriends as desperate or anything along that line, it is kinda interesting to think about how many of those girls deal with crazy bullish but are so proud to flaunt their “abilities” to pull men.

      OK, I feel better. Off to bed now. =)

    • http://Www.divinetranquility.wordpress.com Miss Patterson

      I’m with Liz. The way I see it, it’s all luck and timing. There’s no magical way to meet available men. Doesn’t even matter about daddy issues, your tease tendencies, your lack of sports know how, rap lyric abilities, your openess to low-scale dudes, love of kittens, experimental s3x, poppin’ the pepsi can Sadie Hawkinsness, pop-culture battle know how, or how soon you go to bed with the brotha. It’s all luck and timing. Luck and timing. Ok, I’m saying something different than Liz, but whatever…I agree. Now right something about timing. Now write deez. #wudamanVodkaTonicNonsense

      • http://Www.divinetranquility.wordpress.com Miss Patterson

        Did you catch that homophone remix I just did? I did that on purpose. Bye. #FosseFoot

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        LOLOL!

        I honestly think the Girl A types ain’t super lonely nor are they unhappy about being single. All they’re really looking for is some insurance that a man will be ready and waiting when they finally feel prepared enough to be committed to someone. We are good on paper for a reason–we’re BUSY being productive contributors to society.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I’m with Liz. The way I see it, it’s all luck and timing. There’s no magical way to meet available men”

        ummm, liz didn’t say that. i did. it was #1 on the list.

        reading is fundamental, pattiecakes.

        • http://www.divinetranquility.wordpress.com Miss Patterson

          i hate you. and yes, i SAW that. but you also later implied that it may only appear to be luck, and went on to point out a number of variables that could be enhancing said luck. but, if we’re talking about simply stumbling into relationship-ready males that are persistent about wanting you to be their girl– that is luck. none of this other stuff matters. girl B could be a picky b*tch with an unapproachable veneer, a trunk full of daddy issues singing, ” I am woman hear me roar”, but if dude is relationship-ready, he’s going to pursue. i seent it happen with my own eyes. this idea that there’s a list of things that need to be tweaked in order to woo relationship-ready men (aside from being attractive in his eyes) is untrue. it’s luck, pure and simple.

          p.s. -read deez

    • Cali

      **would seriously give airport dude a shot right about now, 4 real** LOL!

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        LOLOL. Ah man. No diss to airport dudes. They need love too.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “*kanye shrugs out of this thread*”

      liar!! i bet you’ll be back.

      ***looking further down thread***

      yup, i was right

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        LOL

  • http://naturallyalise.com/blog Naturally Alise

    I completely agree with the point that Girl A does not know what she wants… Also, she may think she knows what she wants UNTIL you ask her. Then you get *crickets*. How do I know this? I was Girl A(lise). When I really figured out what I wanted and made it reasonable/realistic/healthy, I had no problem with finding and attracting guys who wanted to keep me as much as I wanted to keep them. Tabernacle.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Also, she may think she knows what she wants UNTIL you ask her. Then you get *crickets*.”

      yeah, “what do I really want?” might be the hardest question for a person to answer

      • weethomas

        Yeah, this is the hardest question to answer. Possibly impossible to answer. People get caught up trying to get a single all-encompassing answer to this, when they really should focus on smaller bites of that puzzle.