Why Some Men Are So Damn Upset About Ciara’s Relationship With Russell Wilson, Explained » VSB

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Why Some Men Are So Damn Upset About Ciara’s Relationship With Russell Wilson, Explained

Olivier Douliery/Getty Images

 

Who is Ciara?

You ever watch Step Up or any other movie made in the last decade featuring unrealistically competitive street dance tournaments? You know, the movies where dance-offs inexplicability result in stabbings, shootings, and random appearances from a seasoned Omarion? Well, there’s an 87% chance Ciara was somehow featured on the songs the people in the movie danced to.

Who is Russell Wilson?

Do you know who Joel Osteen is?

Yes.

Imagine if Joel Osteen was a 27-year-old NFL quarterback. And Black.

Ok, well why are they in the news now?

Ciara and Russell Wilson were dating each other for over a year. And then, last week, Wilson proposed to her. And she accepted. So now they’re (presumably) going to get married.

Oh. That’s great news. Congrats to them! Still, though, it doesn’t explain why this relationship seems to get talked about so much. At least on Twitter, Facebook, and at my barbershop; basically every mostly Black place I frequent. I don’t think White people care very much.

Well, this relationship has upset quite a few people. And by “quite a few people” I mean “people — mostly men — who live in their aunt’s basements and write their names on milk cartons in their aunt’s fridge so no one will touch Antwan’s milk.” Because Ciara, who has been famous and (presumably) rich since she was a teenager, has done what rich and famous people tend to do. Date other rich and famous people. She’s been romantically linked to Bow Wow, 50 Cent, Amare Stoudamire, and superstar word marbler Future. She also had a child with Future; which is another thing adults in relationships tend to do. Have children. She also happened to be engaged with him at some point.

The relationship ended, however. And she moved on, and began dating Wilson.

So…? Am I missing something? I still don’t get why anyone would be upset about any of this.

Because of her high profile relationships and her child with Future, Ciara has been branded by them as damaged goods. Therefore, she is someone who is not worthy of the type of love and respect Wilson has apparently been giving her. She, in their minds, is the girl who wanted thugs and ignored “good guys” until she was past her prime and all used up. Which, in turn, makes Russell Wilson a simp. Or something. Also, they’re reportedly celibate. Which is insult to injury, because “What’s the point of even dating a single mom,” they also say, “if you aint fucking?

Wait…a 30-year-old woman with a Victoria Secret’s Supermodel’s body (and several millions in her bank account) is “used up” because she had a child? This makes no sense.

I didn’t say it was going to make any sense. I’m just explaining why the audacity-to-put-your-name-on-the-milk-carton-even-though-you-don’t-pay-any-bills-here crowd is so upset by this.

Also, it has to be said that they’re not specifically mad at Ciara. She’s receiving the attention right now, but she’s just a proxy for their larger frustrations with women. (Black women, specifically.) In their minds, this is what most Black women tend to do. Be attracted to the athletes and thugs and ignore the “good guys” while they’re young. And then, after they’ve been “ran through,” they finally want the “good guys.” Their reactions to Ciara and Russell Wilson are just manifestations of frustrations boiling since the final season of The Fresh Prince.

Why do you keep putting “good guys” in quotation marks?

Because their definition of what makes a man a “good guy” is arbitrary and shifts to fit whichever narrative they’re attempting to push. In this instance, a “good guy” is ultimately a “guy who pines over beautiful women and expects the women to want to be with him, despite him bringing nothing to the table except that entitlement.” These are the guys who, for whatever reason, weren’t able to date the homecoming queens in high school and college, so they’ve carried that resentment with them through adulthood. Now, any time a pretty woman — or any woman, really — receives some form of comeuppance (which, in this case, was Ciara having a child with a man who wasn’t devoted to her) it becomes a source of vindication and validation. A “Ha ha!” moment for them.

Russell Wilson, a super rich and famous and attractive and (presumably) “nice guy” professional athlete, treating her like he wants to spend the rest of his life with her — and also apparently enjoys spending time with her son — ruins that moment for them.

Also, you can’t dismiss the intra-racial element here. I wonder if Wilson would have received the same type of criticism if he happened to date and propose to Taylor Swift or Katy Perry or Ariana Grande or any other famous and non-Black woman who’s been romantically linked to other famous men. But Ciara is a Black woman. And Black women have to be perfect. (Or, more specifically, have to fit their conveniently arbitrary standards of “perfection.”)

So what happens next?

Ciara and Russell Wilson will get married. And the guys upset that Ciara and Russell Wilson are getting married will be at Office Max, looking for new dry erase markers because the fridge condensation keeps melting their names off the milk.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • It’s also safe to remember, that the internet is systematically oriented towards trolling.

    That being said, weren’t these the same group of guys who were losing their minds over the “fictional existence” of Olivia Pope?

    • Illumina

      If it’s not the same group, I’m sure there is a lot of overlap.

    • fxd8424

      That group was salty.

      • Mochasister

        Yes, Black women are not allowed to date white men either. We’re not allowed happiness with any man.

        • fxd8424

          Yep, an acquaintance of mine fit right into the group that lost their minds over Olivia Pope. I could always look for a text when Scandal was on. A man that has dated all over the rainbow mind you. I asked if it’s okay for you to date any and everyone, why can’t BW do the same? He says he looks at it as don’t do as I do, do as I say. I couldn’t help but notice the paternalistic double standard. Like he’s someone’s daddy. Sounds like something a parent would say – don’t do as I do, do as I say. Their sense of entitlement to all women is mind boggling but heaven forbid a BW finds a little happiness with someone other than BM. All h#ll breaks loose. SMH

          • Mochasister

            You would think they would be happy with Black women going else where. Kind of like taking the heat off of their own interracial dating.

            • fxd8424

              You would think, wouldn’t you? I think they want our attention just to have everyone in the fold, because of ego. They consider it an affront if we date men of other ethnicities because they consider it a personal rejection of them. That’s my take. They can give you killer looks if you’re with a man of another ethnicity even as they have a WW on their arm.

        • GirlMelanie86

          I mean, basically.

  • vader

    you lost me.

  • Skegeeaces

    ::Applause:: Your dissertation has been accepted by the Dean of Snark Arts of the University of Read. We hereby confer upon you a Doctorate in the subject of Reading F*ckboy Individuals with a double minor specialty in Petty Arts and Shade. Congratulations to you, sir!

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      Hear! Hear! ??????

  • Siante

    This was poetry. So well written.

  • Me

    So is it safe to assume these same dudes are secretly hoping that Russell is an undercover dog of the mangiest kinds?

    • TJ

      Some of these dudes would love to see this relationship end and/or Future drop a mixtape solely about this. Or both. Who knows.

  • Tambra

    I hope the sour grapes these dudes have been chomping on not only set their teeth on edge but turn to vinegar. Jealousy is be-yatch.

  • marwilli

    And give Russ some credit too, he divorced his white wife right after he signed a new contract, and then promptly got with Ciara……

    • Illumina

      I thought he divorced his ex in 2014. He got his contract extension last year when he was already dating Ciara.

      • marwilli

        No you’re right, I didn’t even give him full credit. He split with her before he got the new contract, thus keeping all that new money for his-savvy self.

        • tgtaggie

          Then dude signed a Nike contract a couple of months ago. He’s rolling in the dough. lol

    • miss t-lee

      Yeah, but there was also rumblings that she’d cheated on him with one of his teammates.

  • BK37

    Russell Wilson has already made negro history by being the first black man to divorce his white wife and marry a black woman. LMAO!!!!!

    • TJ

      HISTORY I tell you! Russell went backsies on all of us!

      • BK37

        If only he had done it during Black History Month! LMAO!!!!

        • Lea Thrace

          Nah. This past Feb was already the Blackest on Record. That might have broken the space time continuum or something.

          • #facts

          • Shea

            hilar.

          • Mochasister

            But you have to admit it would have been sweet. Kind of like putting the cherry on top of your sundae.

    • SirKnows DevoidofPunk

      Yall keep forgettin’ that Russell’s wife (supposedly) cheated on HIM with one of his teammates. The team ended up trading that teammate once they decided Wilson’s Pro Bowl year wasn’t a fluke.

      So yeah, he got divorced but it wasn’t like he got drafted and decided to upgrade ‘just because.’

      • Guest

        He could have got another white woman. But he didn’t. He got this fine as wine azz woman.

      • BK37

        Wow, I didn’t know that about his first wife.

        • Tamara Lee

          Golden Tate formally of the Seattle Seahawks now with the Detroit Lions.

          • SirKnows DevoidofPunk

            I wasn’t gonna say buddy’s name, but… yeah DAT’S him.

            • Hot Tea

              lol! The pettiness in this post. I live

          • Mochasister

            Yeah, I don’t really follow sports and I knew about this. It was a scandal. Wasn’t Ashton supposed to be friends with Golden’s wife/fiancee as well?

      • PDL – Cape Girl

        Let hi be great. LOL

      • PDL – Cape Girl

        Let him be great. LOL

      • FOH

        Dude corner which is probably why the first chick cheated..

    • Baltzell

      Nope… Barry Bonds divorced his first wife (who was white) in 1994, and married his second wife (who is black) in 1999.

      • BK37

        Ah, that is true. Thanks for the reminder.

      • iByron

        Okay so he’s the first Black athlete *who the media likes* to divorce his white wife and marry a Black woman…

      • Mochasister

        Whaaat?! I didn’t know that.

    • Baltzell

      And Sammy Davis Jr. divorced his first wife (who was black) and then married a white woman for his second wife, but his third and final wife (the last 20 years of his life) was black.

      • Mochasister

        Ahh, he went and saved the best for last. Sings this line a la Vanessa Williams from the 80s.

    • Simone-Elise Charles

      What?!? Mayne the ish I learn on here! Negro History fr. *heart VSB*

    • Catherine

      WHAT???? A black man divorced a white woman and is now engaged to a Black woman??? Uh oh, we’re in bizarro world, down is up,up is down. OMG, I need to take a nap.

      • Mochasister

        I know. Things keep getting stranger and stranger.

    • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

      Truly born again hard…

    • Kinsmankid

      lol

    • Mochasister

      I know, right?! What Black man does that? I wonder if white women are scratching their heads in confusion at this. “How did we lose him to a Black woman?” Did Ashton have some ‘splainin to do?

  • KB

    You’re description of Russell Wilson being the black qb version of Joel Osteen is spot on, not to mention the fact that he has a punchable face. He irks me. He seems like the type of person who would snitch on you to the supervisor if you took an extra 15 minutes on your lunch break. Other than my superficial reasons for disliking him, I’m happy that Ciara seems to be in a happy/stable relationship. Still side-eyeing naming her baby future tho.

    • Cleojonz

      LOL@ punchable face. It’s something about his strange smile.

    • dmcmillian72

      And for me, Joel Olsteen comes off like a snake oil salesman, soooo… #Shrug I hope that doesn’t also translate into this Wilson person’s likeness to that guy. I also find Wilson irksome for some unexplainable reason. But also like you, I’m happy for Ciara! I’ve always liked her even thought I can take or leave her music.

  • Brooklyn_Bruin

    *walks into post*
    *reads carefully*

    *not touching this one*

    *walks out of post*

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