Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Featured, Pop Culture

Why Some Men Are So Damn Upset About Ciara’s Relationship With Russell Wilson, Explained

Who is Ciara?

You ever watch Step Up or any other movie made in the last decade featuring unrealistically competitive street dance tournaments? You know, the movies where dance-offs inexplicability result in stabbings, shootings, and random appearances from a seasoned Omarion? Well, there’s an 87% chance Ciara was somehow featured on the songs the people in the movie danced to.

Who is Russell Wilson?

Do you know who Joel Osteen is?

Yes.

Imagine if Joel Osteen was a 27-year-old NFL quarterback. And Black.

Ok, well why are they in the news now?

Ciara and Russell Wilson were dating each other for over a year. And then, last week, Wilson proposed to her. And she accepted. So now they’re (presumably) going to get married.

Oh. That’s great news. Congrats to them! Still, though, it doesn’t explain why this relationship seems to get talked about so much. At least on Twitter, Facebook, and at my barbershop; basically every mostly Black place I frequent. I don’t think White people care very much.

Well, this relationship has upset quite a few people. And by “quite a few people” I mean “people — mostly men — who live in their aunt’s basements and write their names on milk cartons in their aunt’s fridge so no one will touch Antwan’s milk.” Because Ciara, who has been famous and (presumably) rich since she was a teenager, has done what rich and famous people tend to do. Date other rich and famous people. She’s been romantically linked to Bow Wow, 50 Cent, Amare Stoudamire, and superstar word marbler Future. She also had a child with Future; which is another thing adults in relationships tend to do. Have children. She also happened to be engaged with him at some point.

The relationship ended, however. And she moved on, and began dating Wilson.

So…? Am I missing something? I still don’t get why anyone would be upset about any of this.

Because of her high profile relationships and her child with Future, Ciara has been branded by them as damaged goods. Therefore, she is someone who is not worthy of the type of love and respect Wilson has apparently been giving her. She, in their minds, is the girl who wanted thugs and ignored “good guys” until she was past her prime and all used up. Which, in turn, makes Russell Wilson a simp. Or something. Also, they’re reportedly celibate. Which is insult to injury, because “What’s the point of even dating a single mom,” they also say, “if you aint fucking?

Wait…a 30-year-old woman with a Victoria Secret’s Supermodel’s body (and several millions in her bank account) is “used up” because she had a child? This makes no sense.

I didn’t say it was going to make any sense. I’m just explaining why the audacity-to-put-your-name-on-the-milk-carton-even-though-you-don’t-pay-any-bills-here crowd is so upset by this.

Also, it has to be said that they’re not specifically mad at Ciara. She’s receiving the attention right now, but she’s just a proxy for their larger frustrations with women. (Black women, specifically.) In their minds, this is what most Black women tend to do. Be attracted to the athletes and thugs and ignore the “good guys” while they’re young. And then, after they’ve been “ran through,” they finally want the “good guys.” Their reactions to Ciara and Russell Wilson are just manifestations of frustrations boiling since the final season of The Fresh Prince.

Why do you keep putting “good guys” in quotation marks?

Because their definition of what makes a man a “good guy” is arbitrary and shifts to fit whichever narrative they’re attempting to push. In this instance, a “good guy” is ultimately a “guy who pines over beautiful women and expects the women to want to be with him, despite him bringing nothing to the table except that entitlement.” These are the guys who, for whatever reason, weren’t able to date the homecoming queens in high school and college, so they’ve carried that resentment with them through adulthood. Now, any time a pretty woman — or any woman, really — receives some form of comeuppance (which, in this case, was Ciara having a child with a man who wasn’t devoted to her) it becomes a source of vindication and validation. A “Ha ha!” moment for them.

Russell Wilson, a super rich and famous and attractive and (presumably) “nice guy” professional athlete, treating her like he wants to spend the rest of his life with her — and also apparently enjoys spending time with her son — ruins that moment for them.

Also, you can’t dismiss the intra-racial element here. I wonder if Wilson would have received the same type of criticism if he happened to date and propose to Taylor Swift or Katy Perry or Ariana Grande or any other famous and non-Black woman who’s been romantically linked to other famous men. But Ciara is a Black woman. And Black women have to be perfect. (Or, more specifically, have to fit their conveniently arbitrary standards of “perfection.”)

So what happens next?

Ciara and Russell Wilson will get married. And the guys upset that Ciara and Russell Wilson are getting married will be at Office Max, looking for new dry erase markers because the fridge condensation keeps melting their names off the milk.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • miss t-lee

    This was summed up nicely. Even wrapped up with a pretty bow.
    Kudos Champie.

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      Yes it was.

      • miss t-lee

        It also needed to be said by a man, this fu*ckery needed to be addressed.

        • TJ

          Agreed. All the articles I’ve read about this have been written by women. The fuccbois will receive the message better from a man.

          • Lea Thrace

            those bastids aint receiving ish. That’s wishful thinking. Champie is NOT the first to try to set these people on a better path. They revel in their willful ignorance.

            • ChokeOnThisTea

              It’s a start though. We need other black men to be vocal about these sort of things. We need their alliance.

          • miss t-lee

            Exactly, because when it comes from us we’re seen as “hating” “bitter”, etc

            • Kellygcruz4


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          • HuskerBrotha

            I gotta admit, I’m pretty salty at both of them! Is that bad?!?

          • Mochasister

            Yeah, men pay attention to other men. I think many men just tune women out when we try to talk. It’s like when the adults used to talk in a Charlie Brown cartoon. Waawaawaa is all some men hear when women talk.

        • ChokeOnThisTea

          “It also needed to be said by a man”

          Yaaaaaaassssss! A black man at that. Any black man that acknowledges mysogynoir and intra-racial bigotry is alright in my book.

        • Griffin LaChere

          Exactly!

  • ChokeOnThisTea

    And there it is. You hit every major point with this one, Damon!

  • Courtney Wheeler

    Or plainly put…these dudes are F**k Boys….

    But good for Ciara..she has a good man apparently.. And that’s all we want in life..to be around good people.

  • mochazina

    welp.

  • Glo

    This is still my favorite reaction to their engagement:

    • AquaTeamV3
      • Charles Johnson

        you beat me to it!

      • brothaskeeper

        “….you are too strong and virtuous…and you might make me a better man!”

        • TK

          I literally died at that line LMAO!

      • Mochasister

        I am SO glad I am not out in public right now. I laughed so hard I had tears come to my eyes. Aaron McGruder is a fool and you are too for posting this!

    • Cleojonz

      This is comedy gold.

      • sasha

        Madea at the end tho ??

    • crystal colon

      but he aint light skinned

      • SAS

        He got light skinnededed hair tho

        • Anonymous

          That seems to genuinely confuse my people.

        • Amaryllis

          lol nooooooooooooo

        • Guest

          What on earth is light skinned hair? If you had said mixed race hair, it would make more sense even though that is also problematic. But light skinned hair? Since when does your skin shade dictate your hair type? Smh.

          • SAS

            Jokes boo. All jokes. Lighten up (excuse the pun).

            • Hot Tea

              Seriously! Take it all hahahahahaha

          • Guest

            Relax. I’m lightskinneded and I approve that message.

        • Tamara Jeffries

          We all know exactly what light skinnededed hair is. And we know that if you have light skinnededed hair, even if you are brown skinnededed, that puts you in the light skinnededed category. (e.g. Tatyana Ali)

        • Hot Tea

          You win the internet. Forever.

    • Guest

      Almost….he has to be a guy with not alot of money, but alot of love to give. The rich guys are always evil, cause I guess evil has a tax bracket.

      • SororSalsa

        And they need to be dealt with using a pot of hot grits…..

        • Quirlygirly

          We call the gritball..Throw it and swat..throw it and swat

      • Jennifer

        This is not to be confused with the Gabrielle Union movie archetype of the “strong, siddity black woman who has to learn how to keep it real through the love of working class black man.” This is pre-Being Mary Jane, of course.

  • I’m mad that nobody on the Seahawks has told that dude to find a decent barber. Now that I think about it, Jimmy Graham has the only crispy hairline on the team and he might be an incognegro.

    • porqpai

      Some of his suit cuts are not extra flattering either, but as a NoLa native I must salute you for the Jimmy Graham shade.

    • Siante
      • Thanks for that education.

    • Mayborn7

      Might be?

    • Nicole

      I happen to like his hair. I see nothing wrong with it.

      • He has bangs, which is something I don’t approve of.

        • Jay1

          Says the man with no hair. You haven’t seen bangs since kindergarten. Enough with the nit picking. He has extremely curly hair and a personal barber to maintain it.

        • Nicole

          I don’t approve of men going around approving an other man’s hair.

          • Look up Trick Daddy’s mug shot.

          • GirlMelanie86

            Don’t we do the same with each other’s hair though?

            • Nicole

              I don’t. I don’t care what your hair looks like to the point where I take the time out of my day and spew hate on a blog post about somebody’s hair. I wouldn’t even stop and talk about someone’s hair if I’m out in public. I might look but I keep it movin’. Why? Because it has nothing to do with me and what I am trying to do.

        • Mochasister

          I have bangs and I love them. But I am a woman so maybe you’ll give me a pass.

    • NoGames

      I agree… His hair stresses me out.

      • tequilatax

        Why? There are worse things to be stressed out about. Like the possibility of having Donald Drumpf for president

    • RhetoricalReverie

      LMAO! Apparently, his hair has some solid defenders.

  • Amen

    Nursing L’s taken in HS and college way into adulthood is a sad, sad way to live.

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      Except most of the dudes complaining about Ciara haven’t been to college. Lol. Just saying.

      • Everest College

        • Julian Green

          It’s the dudes that put “University of the Streets” under their “Education” tab on Facebook.

          • PhlyyPhree

            “school of hard knocks”

          • TJ

            Real Ninja Agricultural & Technical State University.

            • ChokeOnThisTea

              Staaaapphhhh it! ??? lol

            • Cleojonz

              CACKLING!!!

            • i quit. LMFAO

            • Mochasister

              Ya’ll killin’ me this fine Sunday afternoon!

        • ChokeOnThisTea

          Lol. :/ I kind of feel bad for “liking” this since there really isn’t anything wrong with Everest…

          • Me

            Except that it’s now defunct

          • Lea Thrace

            There is a SH*TTON wrong with Everest bruh. Mega F*cktons wrong

          • TJ

            We should talk about for-profit colleges and universities one day. I want to hear what more bougie black people think on the topic.

            • Kas

              Overpriced, WAY overpriced for the value add. My not so humble opinion.

              • TJ

                From my understanding of for-profit colleges, the ROI is LOW.

                • Kas

                  As in negatively

            • miss t-lee

              If you’re wanting a certificate or trade, local community colleges are a much better option.

            • Me

              My thoughts: I wish I had thought of it, then IPO’d it, then sold all my shares before folks started asking for refunds. But my nefarious genes are always late to the party. :(

            • Guest

              Cost 10k, I paid it off in five years. Got some good jobs. Had some great teachers. I work at Sony. Not sure how that worked out for everyone else. I suppose not that well LOL.

            • Kas
          • miss t-lee

            You should watch College, Inc.

            Plennay wrong.

            PLENNAY.

            • ChokeOnThisTea

              Lmao! I know, but my bougie/fancy educational background makes me feel guilty about looking down on other schools.

              • miss t-lee

                I don’t have a fancy educational background, and I don’t look down on the schools at all, however you’re better off just going to a junior college, or community college, than get saddled with debt for a degree that isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.

                • Kas

                  Junior college, transfer to a four year. Cut your costs and get a piece of paper that carries more respect in the job market.

                  • Mochasister

                    I know many people who did this and they’re doing just fine.

              • Kas

                If you are feeling guilty about looking down on other schools, you are doing bougie wrong.

                • ChokeOnThisTea

                  Lmao! There are levels to bougieness. I’m older and more politically correct now, so gone are the days where I PUBLICLY look down on other schools (behind closed doors is another story, lol)

                  • Kas

                    I work at a large bank which is the combination of a bunch of mergers. I am quick to look down on someone that isn’t from the heritage organization with which I started. Immature and silly, I know, but I can’t help myself.

              • Lea Thrace

                Looking down on GP I get. But you should look down on Everest specifically. Those as$holes stole money from people who could barely afford it and fed them false promises. Ugh.

                • ChokeOnThisTea

                  Ahhhh. I see, I see. Didn’t know that. Well in that case, to he ll with Everest.

                • miss t-lee

                  Yup. Leaving folks thousands of dollars in debt, and then they aren’t even able to work because the education they received was substandard.

                • Guest

                  I went to a Corinthian school. Got some great jobs. I guess I got lucky though. I have charisma. That and I worked at a huge computer company right out of college, so maybe all the great companies I worked for ignored my education and just substituted it for my first job lol.

          • Me

            Everest is the school that makes Marco Rubio a hypocrite for calling out Trump University. The parent company of that school was fined something like $30MM, had to file bankruptcy, and had to close doors.

        • AquaTeamV3

          This college?

          https://youtu.be/3bbFmZIdlBw
          I used to hate this commercial, dude needs to calm down lol

          • Why was this shot in a motel parking lot at night?

            • Mochasister

              See, what happened was Jamal didn’t pay the city permits to film on account he had a situation with his baby mama and her mama Miss Jackson (ooh, I am for real) and wound up using that money for something else. So he came up with the bright idea of waiting until everyone was gone and the police were on their donut break to film.

              • I think he was upstairs doing something wildly inappropriate and thought to himself “We should all change our lives and go to college. I know, let’s put the pipes down and shoot a commercial on my phone.”

                • Mochasister

                  Well, the pipes would explain the frenetic rambling.

        • class of february! lol

        • Mochasister

          Hey, it’s got college in the title. That has to count for something.

      • Amen

        Thats what I thought, but my fb feed (since cleaned out) says otherwise

      • Mochasister

        Lol!

    • Kas

      L’s are to be used to drive you to greatness (mediocrity in my case) not petty bitterness. I am who I am today because I was voted Senior Class Bookworm instead of Most Likely to Succeed.

      • Amen

        THANK YOU! The L’s are Mr. Miyagi. You get mad at waxing on/off all day initially, but at some point, you crane kick your win into some wins. It gets better. lol

  • Julian Green

    I wonder if we’d even be having this conversation if Ciara had dated and gotten engaged to Marshawn Lynch instead of Russell Wilson.

    • PhlyyPhree

      No. Because no one would expect Marshawn Lynch to even know what an engagement ring is, let alone how to use one.

      • Ohm Tomorrow

        You Win!!!! I just cackled-snorted in my office! ROTF!

      • Cleojonz

        Not true he is Mr. Money man. If anything he would think an engagement ring was a waste of money lol.

        http://www.businessinsider.com/marshawn-lynch-saves-nfl-salary-lives-off-endorsements-2016-2

        • PhlyyPhree

          Lol. No no. I KNOW better. I’m just saying that based on his general public perception (read: what wypipo think of him) (and some of us too) they wouldn’t expect him to be proposing to anyone. They’d think he’d be the Future in the situation

          • Cleojonz

            I definitely underestimated him for a while lol. I’m actually really glad for him knowing this. Too often you hear the opposite.

          • Bware113

            IDK. Marshawn seems to come off as a really smart dude, to me at least. Kinda rough around the edges, but indeed a bright individual regardless of perception. Perception will lie to you every time.

      • Julian Green

        Which is a shame, because of the few times I’ve actually seen him speak, Marshawn Lynch sounded like a pretty sharp guy. I mean, he’s no Fulbright Scholar, but he doesn’t come across as an idiot.

        • LaTanya Sothern

          Especially not since he saved ALL of his NFL earnings and has not spent one thin dime of it. Living on endorsements …

          • Quirlygirly

            Yeah that sounds like a smart person to me at least a person who cares about his future and wants to stay wealthy

    • marwilli

      “I could understand if you lost yo bitch to a real n***a like T.I. I’d be like hey that’s T.I.” -Riley Freeman describing the problem with Russ.

      • Illumina

        That quote tells me all I need to know about Riley Freeman.

        • Brass Tacks

          Riley Freeman is The Black Male’s Id.

      • KB

        RIP to The Boondocks.

      • Jay1

        T.I., is that all you could come up with? T.I. is a major part of the problem. He instigated this whole mess about Russell being around Ciara’s baby. Which future had no problem with until T.I. suggested that he should be mad about it.

        • CamCamtheGreat

          It’s literally a quote from a cartoon TV show.

          • Jay1

            No shade, I don’t watch cartoons.

    • I’d be shocked if it was Marshawn because he seems like someone who hates the public eye and being with Ciara is constantly being the public eye. I get what you’re saying though and if she wasn’t with a cornball like Russell no one would care as much.

      • Nicole

        He is not a cornball.

        • Brass Tacks

          No hate, Nicole. Dat nicca is a cornball!

          • Chaveevah Banks Ferguson

            “Cornballs” are okay–they’re good men, great lovers, and they WANT to marry you and make a life together. I choose a ‘cornball’ EVERY. TIME.

            • Brass Tacks

              That’s not the description of a cornball, that’s simply a family man. He could be the bus driver, A pro athlete, the garbage man, CEO…etc. Nothing corny about any of this.

              Russell is a cornball in the same way Carlton from Fresh Prince was. He’s going to get joked on because he’s a walking Stepford Husband.

              • Chaveevah Banks Ferguson

                Don’t misunderstand: I don’t think there’s such a THING as a “cornball”, especially when it comes to describing what I consider a good man with potential…every man isn’t going to be “cool” or have a little bit of “street” in him [or whatever “it” quality that’s currently popular]. That has little/nothing to do with who he is inside.

                • Brass Tacks

                  I dont think street necessarily equates to less of a cornball.

                  Just because you may be in/from the hood doesnt make you any less corny.

                  Again, corny is subjective. Whats corny to me may be the bees knees to someone else. And Vice Versa. I can respect what you like and still find it corny.

              • Mochasister

                Aww, is he really as bad as Carlton?

                • Brass Tacks

                  Here’s my thing. I don’t equate his corniness to anything detrimental. I mean, Carlton in all his lameness still lost his V-Card to one of the baddest Cougars evar. In addition to having a litany of other victories of the non chexual “variety” he accumulated over the course of the show.

            • Mochasister

              And he got a nice body! Ain’t nothing wrong with that!

          • Tamara Lee

            What exactly is a cornball? I need to know what the public opinion of a cornball is. Please list the characteristics

            • Brass Tacks

              It spans the gamut.

              Russell “Ima need a helmet before I ride this bicycle” Wilsons cornball. Is different from P. Gunz and Kirks pushing 50 with wife and kids but ima still act like a juvenile delinquent, cornball.

              Its all corny, just opposite ends of the spectrum.

            • Mochasister

              Enquiring minds want to know.

        • Mochasister

          I was just about to say. Russell seems like a nice young man.

      • Mochasister

        Why is he a cornball?

  • Miss Mles

    Happy for them. They found something worthwhile in this world we live in. All single moms should not be classified in the same category just like all black men should not be stereotyped as trifling.

    • Guest

      I think Unmarried Mom is a better term.

  • YeaSoh

    Russell doesn’t usually make my box hot… but he’s cute in that pic hmmm

    • Cleojonz

      It’s the look of lurrrrve!

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