Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

Why Praising Someone For Their Brain Is Just As “Shallow” As Praising Them For Their Beauty

"What's wrong?" "I know you were online when I tweeted that story about Jason Kidd. Why didn't you retweet me?"

“What’s wrong?” “I know you were online when I tweeted that story about Jason Kidd. Why didn’t you retweet me?”

While it was generally well-received, yesterday’s guest post from Chris E. garnered some pretty pointed criticism. Some I anticipated (a young and attractive newlywed making any complaint whatsoever about married life is going to feel some pushback). And, some caught me by surprise. I had no idea that some people think that wanting some form of validation from the opposite sex—and feeling weirded out when it’s not there—made a person (at best) insecure or even (at worst) mentally ill.

This left me with two conclusions:

1. VSB has somehow managed to collect some of the most grounded, unflappable, and self-assured men and women who have ever existed. 

Or…

2. Some of you are full of shit. 

While I (obviously) can’t speak for everyone, I think we all seek validation in some way or another. And, sometimes this validation is from strangers. Perhaps we don’t all desire to continue to be hit on after we’re already married or told we’re sexy, but really how is that any different from tweeting something especially insightful and anxiously waiting to see how many retweets you get or telling a small joke at the end of a staff meeting and smiling to yourself after making a few people laugh? In each case, you did something to garner an insignificant response that made you feel a little better about your day. Why is one “better” than the other?

Oh yeah. Because seeking and receiving brain-based validation is “better” than seeking and receiving beauty-based validation. Beauty-based validation—basically, validation based on something completely superficial and completely out of your control—is shallow, while brain based validation means you did something that anyone could have potentially done, but you just did it better.

Makes perfect sense until you realize this is bullshit as well.

Just as some people were born with more beauty-related gifts that others—natural curves, defined cheekbones, symmetric faces, clear skin, perfect teeth, etc—some of us were born with more brain-based gifts. Maybe you were born with an above average IQ. Maybe you learned to read at two. Maybe you’re able to do complex equations in your head while others need calculators. Maybe you’ve always had an advanced verbal intelligence, and you’ve always been the funniest and wittiest person in the room.

Either way, these are positive traits you really had absolutely nothing to do with. Sure, you went to school and read books and shit to enhance what you were already given, but all you did was enhance what you were already given. Your hard work didn’t give you those talents. Your mommy and daddy did. In this context, taking an architecture class to maintain and build on an already advanced spatial intelligence is no different than staying fit and using a skin regiment to maintain and build on your natural looks.

Obviously, there are people who managed to make themselves smarter through hard work, persistence, and will. But even they started somewhere and were more equipped to grow intellectually than someone born with even less intellectual gifts. Everyone has a range. Some ranges are just more expansive than others. (For instance, I was born with a decent amount of smarts and natural athletic ability, but regardless of how many books I read, games of 24 I played, or weights I lifted, I had no chance of being Stephen Hawking or Lebron James.)

I’m not saying we should stop praising people for their brains. Just that praising a person who was already born smart for their wit is really just as “shallow” as heaping blessings on their booty.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Yoles

    i totally agree…. people always want to seem i don’t know better/different/above or whatever the things that most feel/think… its like reverse hive mentality… battle of the “i’m so different” break-dancing gangs… yesterday i was very surprised at the downright mean responses that chris got especially seeing that as an attractive woman the way she looks is her most valuable assets (as told to human females by society) so why the extreme push back because she reacted the way we have been socialized?

    compliments are compliments and we are all ladies of the evening for them whether it be about how you look, think, feel, act, achieve or actions caused imo

    • Tristan

      this comment made my day

    • Todd

      I don’t think it’s the looks per se as much as the obvious thirst for attention. I think people have a sense for neediness, and get turned off in a hurry by it. And I like the idea of break dancing gangs. To they still make those iron-on letters like they did back in the day? I need one of those with my name on them, some black shell top Adidas, a Kangol and some leather pants. *Starting popping and locking to Din Daa Daa*

      • Yoles

        so what if she exhibited “*thirst” thats honest and her truth and isn’t thirst subjective or the masses decide when someone is “thirsty” or not?

        nowadays, its so hard for someone to speak their truth due to the push back, even when that person’s truth harms no one

        *i have officially added thirst to the “terms i hate”list which includes:
        it is what it is
        i ain’t saying but i am saying
        irregardless
        and many other gems…
        :(

        • LMNOP

          Irregardless of your feelings on the word thirst, it is what it is.
          :)

          • Yoles

            Noooooooooooooooooooo

          • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

            Well played.

          • nillalatte

            That was just… wrong. LOL

          • panamajackson

            If you had tossed in the, “i aint saying but im saying” (something I say often now to annoy the hell out of people…i aint saying…but im saying), you’d have gotten a years worth of hi-fives from VSB.

        • h.h.h.

          so you pretty much hate my vernacular.
          thanks, Yoles. lol

          • Yoles

            but i love talking to you KJ… love it :D

            • h.h.h.

              it is what it is tho. you no love my words. *shrugs*

        • Dignan 2

          I am incapable of hearing “it is what it is” without having a strong visceral response that usually includes the desire to slap the person who said it.

          OF COURSE it is what it is! I defy you to find me anything in the universe that ISN’T what it is!

          Sheesh!!!

          • Yoles

            that is always my response… it can’t be what it isn’t! so basically you are just speaking and inhaling extra air to say nothing… hmpf

        • The Champ

          “i have officially added thirst to the “terms i hate”list which includes:
          it is what it is
          i ain’t saying but i am saying
          irregardless
          and many other gems…”

          No “at the end of the day”?

          • BreezyX2

            You can only add “at the end of the day” to the list IF it comes with the HAND CLAP.

            • The Champ

              tu shea

            • AfroPetite

              That’s that Grade A Bird status hand clap.

              *clapping simultaneously with each word* At the end of the day bish……..

              • dmcmillian72

                “That’s that Grade A Bird status hand clap.”

                I am HOLLERING in laughter at this comment!!! Thank you, AfroPetite !

          • Shamira

            point blank, period.

          • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

            “off the strength of”

        • WIP

          May I add:

          “feeling some kinda way”
          Folks are wearing these words out.

          • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

            May I submit: “Girl/boy bye”

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              Yes, you may. And I agree. And, “This!” is getting a likkle old too.

              • Oshun

                *waving*!!! :)

                I quite much like, THIS, because it saves me from typing out a response.

                • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                  HIya, AM!!

                  *waves*

                  So nice to see you!

                  *BIG hug*

                  I know, but, “This!” has become kind of overused.

            • BreezyX2

              *holds onto “Girl/boy bye” tightly* Noooo Aly…..I need this in order to live!!!!

              • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

                * gently pries girl/boy bye from Breezy * It’ll be ok, hon.

              • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                i just reversed it, made it a “BYE girl” and tada, brand new catch all phrase…isnt upcycling and renewing fun??? :-)

              • h.h.h.

                “*holds onto “Girl/boy bye” tightly* Noooo Aly…..I need this in order to live!!!!”

                it is what it is, yo. at the end of the day, you gon’ give up that phrase. lol

                • BreezyX2

                  LOL…Silly wabbit.

        • Kema

          @yoles… This is why I <3 you! I feel the same way about 'thirst'. I dont get whats so wroing most of the time its used. Plus I like 'thirst' more than I like nonchalance.

          • Yoles

            nonchalance needs to die… even Jesus doesn’t like it

            <3 back at you sweetie!!!

        • BreezyX2

          Yoles…or anyone can you please explain what “turn down for what” and “turn up” mean? Both make me feel ill when I hear them used and I just want to know if I am right to feel this way. Thanks!

          • 321mena123

            And where did it come from? This one works my nerves. What are you talking about “turn up?” The volume is just fine.

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Harms no one? I beg (on my knees) to differ. A lot of ish that is technically not violating your marriage actually does a great deal of harm. Why don’t you disrespect your husband by letting all the men in the area know that his attention is not enough and you want to be hollered at. Let that simmer in their minds and let their imagination run wild that Mr. Pastor isn’t hitting it right in the bedroom. Let it simmer in the minds of the women at the church that Ms. First Lady has wandering eyes and Mr. Attractive Pastor might not be getting his needs met at home. Let Ms. Church Secretary plant a few rumors or missplace a few messages. Now try to stop the flaming ball of fire from destroying everything when you have evidence of the basis of the whole thing posted by Ms. First Lady on the internet. Don’t care what people say? It’s harmless? It’s OK to be honest and put it all out there?

          No it ain’t and anyone who thinks it is needs to grow the fcuk up.

          • Yoles

            my statement about harming no one, was about people speaking their truth not specifically about the post per say… as for harming no one i stand behind that statement, the harm is not in that person’s truth but in the vile, malicious and evil things people do to other people which are typically done based on truth and lies…

            do i think her post topic was a wise choice for a public forum, no i do not but i know i would not be one to punish her for her legitimate feelings… people spend so long covering up their real selves and real lives that the lies they live eventually kill them…

            maybe he reading the reactions of some, or receiving understandin and support will allow her to see something that she wasn’t seeing before, maybe it will give her a different kind of validation maybe it won’t do anything but she gave of herself and i refuse to punish someone for doing that… not in this lifetime

            • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              When you marry a pastor, you take on certain responsibilities. Censoring your behavior should be one of them. You are responsible for the souls of others. If you don’t want that responsibility, don’t marry a pastor. Or a prominent man.

              • Rachmo

                I disagree to a certain extent. Mi madre married my Dad pre-minister. So there are many women that marry a regular dude and then they become a pastor/prominent man and have to deal with the fallout. And that’s probably why they don’t want to change themselves.

            • Todd

              I see where you’re getting at Yoles, but on the particulars WC is right. The dynamic for church gossip is real, and with something like this, all of a sudden the Good Reverend is going to be invited to “counsel” single women way more often, and there will be a surprising amount of food dropped off at the parsonage by “supportive” parishoners.

              Simply put, a situation like this can get really wrong really fast. All it takes is a few women who are hot for the Good Reverend, and it’s away we go from there.

          • TheWidowerSpeaks

            “A lot of ish that is technically not violating your marriage actually does a great deal of harm.”

            There is a lot of truth in your comment, but this statement really sums it all up. It is easy to know that cheating on your spouse will cause problems, but things that seem harmless at the time can really cause a lot of issues.

    • LMNOP

      I don’t know, Yoles. I think when it appears that someone’s entire self-worth is built on being hit on, and they don’t have an internal sense that they are a valuable human being, that is really sad to me.

      • Yoles

        i didn’t get that…. i just read and tried not to infer anything else… she has always enjoyed the attention of men and now she is not getting as much… its a loss and she is mourning it… but her entire self worth being built on that? i didn’t read into it that far…

        • LMNOP

          Something about it seemed really sad to me (and also kind of nonsensical, because HOW is any of this male attention going to stop now that you’re married?), but it is completely possible that I just read too much into it and reacted overly emotionally. Some days commercials and youtube videos make me tear up…

          • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

            i went to her blog for context before i commented. it really helped me see Chris E. with greater depth. that helped me see her desire for attention fit into a larger worldview and while i think it may be indicative of other unresolved matters, i can appreciate the pathological conditioning of wanting street harassment from an objective point of view.. which is not a sentence i’d ever though i would write, but to each their own ~*~

            • nillalatte

              “pathological conditioning”… don’t we all have that in some sort of way? Isn’t there something we all crave and really don’t know why? *Hi esa!… **waves

              • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                hello lovely lady ~*~

                ohh yes we all have pathological conditioning in some shape or form. it’s in inescapable reality of being human. this is what makes me empathetic to other folks saying and doing things i do not fully understand or agree with; once i have a sense that it comes from an unhealed wound, i have compassion for the way in which it manifests itself.

                at the same time, these pathologies can really rub folks the wrong way. without the depth of context people react to the surface of things, which i suppose is a place to begin. peel back the top layers, and it gets even more interesting ..

            • Todd

              THIS! Once I read her blog, I realized that I went WAY too hard in the paint knowing her rap sheet. There’s a lot there, and I wish her the best in working it out.

          • Yoles

            she moved to a totally different state so there just aren’t as many men making it they days goal to tell a woman what they think about her and how she looks… that coupled with the recent marriage and who she married equal a severe decline in her usual… at least that is what i got from it

        • The Champ

          “…she has always enjoyed the attention of men and now she is not getting as much… its a loss and she is mourning it..”

          i’m still kinda puzzled why this was such a hard concept to grasp

          • blackphilo

            The “concept” wasn’t hard to grasp–and no one exhibited difficulty grasping it. Some readers took issue with the substance: a recently married person’s strong enough need or desire for sexual attractiveness “validation” from persons other than the spouse, unaccompanied by much reflection.

            You happen to disagree with the critical responses. But why resort to a far-reaching comparison and drive-by dismissals? The critics thoughtfully, if toughly, spelled out their rationale. If you can’t be bothered to engage them in a semi-serious discussion, why bother responding at all?

            Maybe you are still recovering from the Martin/Zimmerman verdicts and your remarkable posts about that case.

            • The Champ

              “The critics thoughtfully, if toughly, spelled out their rationale. If you can’t be bothered to engage them in a semi-serious discussion, why bother responding at all?”

              my 700 word long response today doesn’t count as engagement in a semi-serious discussion?

              • blackphilo

                “… Oh yeah. Because seeking and receiving brain-based validation is ‘better’ than seeking and receiving beauty-based validation….”

                “Makes perfect sense until you realize this is bullshit as well….”

                No, length of response doesn’t count toward seriousness–at least coming from you (which is a compliment). I think you’re jesting.

                • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                  I am beginning to believe that since she is an attractive blogger that some VSBs and VSSs seem to know personally, she gets a pass where others would not.

                  • AfroPetite

                    You know, whenever people begin to point out good qualities about themselves others jump at the chance to tear that down.

                    Chris E: I’m a pretty First Lady
                    Commenter: Actually your teeth are yellowing slightly and your nose could stand to be about 0.0000000001 cm closer to the left side of your face.

                    I’ve done it before *shrug*

                • To’Mas Que Fuego

                  Yeah, he knew he was being disrespectful and dismissive to the opposing viewpoint. People here are smart enough to tell when you’re not being serious or respectful when you address their perspective. Why be disingenuous with your “engagement”?

        • nillalatte

          You and me Yoles, we are right >>> here <<< on that. My take away was about the same.

          • Kema

            I’m right there with ya’ll. I just thought she was mourning the loss of attention. Not feeling like her life was over. lol

      • panamajackson

        I don’t know her personally, but I totally didn’t get that either. It read to me like a thought somebody has at some point. A realization. Nothing to cry about but one of those things you dont realize is different after you get married, etc. A small curiosity explored.

      • Rachmo

        I may be going a little too deep with this but she just got married. That takes some time to sink in after you’ve just been you your whole life and are very good at it. Once a ring is on your finger it’s going to take sometime to settle in. She seemed to be verbalizing a concern even though she knows she made the right choice and prob wouldn’t write this same post a year from now. When I get engaged I have asked my girlfriends if we can throw a boozy mock funeral brunch for Single Rachel bc she was awesome and I’ll miss her. Hopefully with hats.

      • GemmieBoo

        because a woman wants to be seen as attractive and desireable her ENTIRE self worth centers around that?? oh. ok.

    • Michelle

      Based off of some experiences, whenever an attractive woman states that she is physically attractive, the negative reactions come from other women instead of men.

      • Yoles

        me thinks you may be on to something michelle

        • Michelle

          With the exception from what occurred here on yesterday’s post, according to Mena, my experience has been different. As soon as other women hear another woman state that she is attractive, quietly (& in some cases, not so quietly) her buddies start to evaluate her.
          I skimmed through the post and I didn’t read the comments. I was in Brooklyn and was about to take a city exam.

          • 321mena123

            I definitely wanted to see a picture. If you are going to boast then provide the evidence that backs it up. And i did. And she is an attractive woman.

          • Yoles

            ALL THE BEST on the exam results michelle

            *i will also be submitting the paperwork for you to join the vsb in the flesh nyc meet up WELCOME

          • WIP

            I think its just human nature to respond to something you have an opinion about and everyone is qualified to give their opinion about what’s beautiful.

      • 321mena123

        I think if a man said this yesterday, the board could have actually been bad. The one comment i saw go hard on her was from…a dude. The women were trying their hardest to sympathize.

        • Yoles

          there was more than one insultive comment… and plenty of snarky/flippant not so bad but clearly passive aggressive comments

          • 321mena123

            I’ll go back and read through.

            • Kema

              Yea… she got called a bird a little later by a woman. I was shocked and slightly amused.

              • Yoles

                me thinks some chicks slips are showing… i saw plenty of side eye worthy comments… plenty

                • 321mena123

                  Some of the things that people are talking about though are somewhat the norm around here. Digs are taken but to say that all of them were harsh is something i don’t see. Maybe i am remembering how VSB was last year and the comments were completely mild compared to how that post would have gone down months ago.

                  • Yoles

                    maybe… i do remember nuclear negative energy VSB and i stopped commenting… i got enough real life problems, F online ones…

    • Yoles

      COMPLETE AND TOTAL THREAD JACK ALERT

      some posts ago ppl were asking about various birth control methods and what may be good for them… i present all with bedsider… a website that takes you through all the methods and helps decide which is best for you based on your needs/lifestyle…

      HAPPY HUMPING :D

      http://bedsider.org/methods

      • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

        and this is why youre my starship, Yoles. :-)

        • Yoles

          thats my favorite song from 1976!!!!

          so now i know its serendipitous kismet even, we are one bunni

          • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

            You are me and we are you **tenderly motorboats you**

    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      At least where I am concerned, I’m not trying to be different or above anything. Of course women want to be seen as attractive by men before and after marriage. To write that post shows a great deal of narcissism and a lack of judgement to blast that on the internet when you’ve just married a pastor. The way it was written was screaming insecurity. I still have concerns about how that church is gonna deal with a first lady who is an insecure attention whore. It is terribly irresponsible, shows no concern whatsoever for the disrespect, gossip and who knows what shenanigans will ensue to possibly tear apart the marriage and the church based just off that post.

      *taps mic* Any adults in the house? Anybody ever attended church regularly? You don’t need much experience to know that a first lady who will post the seeds of the possible demise of her church and marriage online so soon after being married just because she wants to be told she’s hot ———is a freaking red flag.

      No I’m not a hypocrite for saying it either. Because it is something I WOULD NEVER DO. EVER. Its disrespectful and asking for trouble.

      • Ms Butterfly

        Prizzzeach.

      • ForeverCC

        I was talking to a friend about this topic the other day. I am married (my friend is single), and I argued that I didn’t give up my identity when I got married. She argued that when a woman marries a pastor, she has to give up parts of her identity that could possibly cause issues in a church (that wouldn’t necessarily cause issues elsewhere).

        I get it, but I’m not sure how comfortable I am with the idea. I’m still thinking about it days later. lol

        • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

          Doesn’t it depend on the church, denomination, etc. as well? Some churches are very conservative and would expect a First Lady to behave in a certain way, while more liberal churches may not expect her to conform to any strict code of behavior.

  • minxbrie

    I read yesterday’s post, but fell asleep before I could comment. It was actually a little ironic, because I had been wondering lately about #hotgyalproblems and what it would be like to be ridiculously attractive.

    I think she was very brave to admit to herself that she needed male attention. There’s a lot of people out there who will make you feel ashamed for being honest with yourself, but humans don’t live in bubbles. We all crave acknowledgement from others and there’s nothing wrong with that. And if being hot is your thing, than I can understand why she would be worried that she lost some of her appeal (even though, I would think most might find the rock on her finger to be a challenge if they don’t know who her husband is…)

    What’s worse, a good looking woman who knows she’s attractive and owns it or a good looking woman who thinks she’s ugly and refuses to believe otherwise?

    • Dignan 2

      Well, I have a chance at smanging the good looking woman who thinks she’s ugly and refuses to believe otherwise.

      so there’s your answer.

      • Tristan

        she way out my league and she aint eem know it

        • Dignan 2

          I had a short relationship with one of those. Unfortunately, so many guys started hitting on her that she finally figured out that she was out of my league.

          • Yoles

            there is not out of your league dignan… NONE

            • Dignan 2

              Thank you, Yoles. I wish that that were true.

              • Yoles

                it is true… if you believe, you achieve…

                be careful of how you designate this “leagues” though… a persons real truth is not always seen in their visage hence their value is much less than originally perceived… food for thought

      • The Champ

        “Well, I have a chance at smanging the good looking woman who thinks she’s ugly and refuses to believe otherwise.

        so there’s your answer.”

        this is known as the “ugly duckling corollary.”

  • Oshun

    If you are a human being (even goats seek validity, I swear!), with emotions, believe you me, whether you admit it or not, at some point, you do want/need validation, for whatever that may be. Your cute toes, your superbig brain, your weight, your genitalia, God knows what else. Ma pippoz stop fronting. Currently I’m seeking validation for my nails that look like who did what, where, why and how. Validatedeez!

    • Dignan 2

      Girl, those nails are looking TIGHT! How would you like to run. them up and down my back?

      Holla back!

      • Oshun

        Oh honey, if you was dark like the night, mmmmmh, mmmmh, mmmh…..but since you ain’t….noooo noooo nooo.

    • chocolynne

      This is why I make it a point to give at least one random compliment to someone per day – as an exercise. Nothing more than telling a stranger on the street “nice shoes” or “your hair is really cute” and keep walking. I’m not looking for conversation, just trying to put some good energy out there.

      And nice nails, btw.

    • Todd

      Here’s a stamp. It’ll give you a day’s worth of free parking anywhere in the Boston area. Happy? LOL

    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

      hey mami ~*~ lookinnn good !

      • Oshun

        ~my lilies and chimes~ :)

    • The Champ

      Thanks for letting me know about your goats

    • panamajackson

      What about Lil Wayne? He is not the same, he is a martian.

      • Oshun

        I totally agree with you, like TOTALLY!

  • h.h.h.

    i kinda didn’t understand yesterday’s post, and i kinda didn’t understand the shots taken.
    i’m a man, so i “get rare morsels of” attention. *shrugs*

    Whether is more attention, or no attention…careful what you wish for…cuz ya just might get it and stuff.

    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

      ~ i’m a man, so i “get rare morsels of” attention. *shrugs*

      (smile) with all due respect i saw you not hear some of those rare morsels you speak of so ima suggest, you probably gettinn more suga than you realize ~*~

      • h.h.h.

        you know…i get this. a lot. lol

        i guess i just need to keep staying sleep lol

    • Rachmo

      I’m a fan of your avi. BOOM

      • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

        *Whispers to Rachmo. Please don’t say “boom”. That word is like the Bat signal to a certain commentator, who has been giving us a break from his comments for the past few days*

        • Rachmo

          *Whispers back to Val, Girl my bad you right * :)

          • BreezyX2

            *ques Black Eyed Peas* BOOM BOOM BOOM

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              No, Breezy, Noooo!

        • h.h.h.

          *does Naruto-style hand signals*

          Obsidian Summoning no Jutsu!!!!

          http://gifninja.com/animatedgifs/39016/summoning-jutsu.gif

          • Guest

            • http://twitter.com/ktemjin Kaname

              Argh no image edit!

  • Trip

    What went down wasn’t serious enough to spill my drink, but as a guy I admit to feeling some sort of way about Chris E’s needs. Yes I need validation, but I keep that close to the chest. How do you think it would’ve went down if some dude put up a post about how he just got married but needs all this extra female attention to feel validated? It comes off a bit narcissistic, humor or not. Admittedly I don’t know her whole back story and frankly we all could use a bit more context when we judge and are being judged.

    • chocolynne

      If he were my man, I would not be amused.

    • Tristan

      i can see that, like no man wants his wife to be on the innanets like tell me im pretty, like i told all these chicks i hate to see them frown but i rather see you smiling, aint that enough

    • Asiyah

      “It comes off a bit narcissistic, humor or not.”

      true.

    • GemmieBoo

      lol yall still showin how full of IT you are. i see men on VSB, twitter, FB, IG daily looking for validation in what they say and how they look. are they as blunt and honest? not always. but it shows.

      and what many of you ASSume to be true, isnt. i know for a fact Chris’s husband isnt nearly as upset about this as you wish he was. he gave his wife MANY props for this post which he promoted on FB. i guess he’s mentally ill too huh?

      • Kema

        ” he gave his wife MANY props for this post which he promoted on FB”
        This makes me happy. He gets her and thats all that matters.

      • Trip

        My reply was so boss it got put in moderation…hows that for validation?

      • Todd

        I didn’t expect him to be upset, because if I’m in his shoes, I wouldn’t be upset either. I just would think more “wow…it’s that deep, huh?” and move from there.

        • GemmieBoo

          the thing is – youre not him. while you sat there and went IN on her, her character, and her mental state of being, Mr. Chris is singing his wife’s praises for writing this article. and making jokes about all the ppl who felt it necessary to judge his wife.

          if it wasnt that deep to you, you wouldnt have had so much venom to spit in your post. so please spare us the BS nonchalant attitude you claim you’d have *if* you were her husband.

      • 321mena123

        So you know her. No wonder you are defending her post to the death. If you didn’t know her, could you not see how her post would be taken out of context?

        • GemmieBoo

          if i didnt know her i still wouldnt have a problem with what she said. i understand the sentiment and har had similar feelings. i like being attractive to ppl and i enjoy being told as much.

          so maybe that has less to do with knowing her as it does knowing how she feels.

  • nillalatte

    awww… I missed some drama? :( Just so y’all make no mistake, I’m in category #1 on Champs list. :D

    • Tristan

      by saying ur number 1 that makes u a number 2

      • nillalatte

        muwah… *kisses Tristan on the cheek* You so sweet.

  • Madlark

    There’s nothing wrong with seeking attention. You just need to decipher what’s GOOD attention and what’s BAD attention along with healthy ways of seeking/obtaining it.

    I also disagree about brains and beauty when it comes to limits. Unless you have a physical ailment that affects your brain making it near impossible to retain or think at a higher level, you can always get smarter. The trick is figuring out where your strengths lay when it comes to how your brain interprets things and increasingly more dedication to the subject at hand. Looks? I’m short, skinny, babyface. Unless I get plastic surgery or have an extreme unhealthy change in eating habits there’s nothing I can do to get taller, bigger, and as grizzled as say Idris Elba (GO SEE PACIFIC RIM).

    • Trip

      +1. I find myself having more respect for people who don’t rely on their looks like a kickstand. So I take it you’re saying Pacific Rim is more than Godzilla+Transformers? Or is it that Idris is just grizzled in the movie…

      • Madlark

        I wouldn’t spit in del Toro’s face by comparing it to Transformers. If you love/grew up with giant monster movies and mech shows/anime/comics/manga like I did it’s a necessary watch.

        • Trip

          Yea man I grew up with all that. I saw the preview when i went to see Man of Steel but I wasn’t sure if it was going to have that special touch. I’ve been hearing a lot of good things though so I’ll add it to my list.

          • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

            Don’t do it! It’s a trap, Trip! (ha) The special effects were excellent but the story kinda sucked. Favorite part though? When Idris told me that the apocalypse was “cancelled” with such authority! *swoon*

            • Madlark

              You aint bout this Otaku life.

              • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

                Yeah you’re right because I had no idea what that even was til I Googled it.

              • http://twitter.com/ktemjin Kaname

                I’m going to see it *just* for the mechas :)

            • Trip

              Haha thanks for watching my back Aly #thatswhatsup

        • Tristan

          i initially brushed it off as godzilla v transformers but i keep hearing good things about it

        • h.h.h.

          i guess this means within 10-15 years, we can get a real live-action Gundam Wing movie…

          *fingers crossed*

          • http://twitter.com/ktemjin Kaname

            It’ll probably get white-washed and I don’t have time for that >__> Look at what they did to Avatar and Dragonball Z as evidence.

    • 321mena123

      That movie was not good. Saw it last weekend.

      • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

        Not to stereotype, but it’s a guy movie. (Yes, I’m sure MANY women enjoyed it, too. Just a general observation)

        • 321mena123

          This is true. I couldn’t believe that del Toro directed it.

          • Epsilonicus

            I can. He is a HUGE fan of those Japanese Godzilla-esque movies.

            • 321mena123

              Most of the work i know about him is for his imagery and costumes that’s why i loved Pan’s so much. That movie was visually beautiful.

              When my friend and i left the theater, we both said the movie should have had subtitles because it felt like it was made for an Asian crowd. I read an article how some movies don’t do well here but are huge over in Asia and so more films made in Hollywood will start to appeal to their overseas audience more. This movie was a representation of that.

              • Epsilonicus

                I watched on tv where studio execs say they do sequals because while they do not do well in the US, sequels always sell more thank the original overseas.

      • Madlark

        No one needs your hate mena.

        • 321mena123

          Not hating it just wasn’t good. But i only went for Idris so…

    • The Champ

      “I also disagree about brains and beauty when it comes to limits. Unless you have a physical ailment that affects your brain making it near impossible to retain or think at a higher level, you can always get smarter.”

      you can get smarter, but there is a limit to how smart you can get, and that limit is often set by how smart you were to start. same thing with attractiveness. there are things you can do to enhance you looks. maybe you won’t go from a 4 to a 10, but you might be able to go from a 4 to a 6.

      Btw, I heard pac rim was good as well. I like del toro (pan’s labyrinth is one of my favorite movies) so I’m looking forward to seeing it

      • 321mena123

        Pan’s is one of mine as well. This will disappoint. Pan’s was on a completely different level though.

    • nillalatte

      Movies like Pacific Rim must really be a guy thing. I took my son, who from when he first saw the trailer, just HAD to see that movie. Godzilla and giant androids didn’t get me excited at all. And, I don’t particularly like 3D movies either. But, to each his own.

      • Madlark

        THERE IS A NEW GODZILLA FOR NEXT YEAR AS WELL THEY JUST SHOWED A FIGURINE OF WHAT HE’S GOING TO LOOK LIKE AT COMIC CON!

        • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

          Settle down.

          • h.h.h.

            Turn down for what????

            *does the Godzilla Roar in his cubicle*

          • Madlark

            I’ve been an enthusiastic geek my entire life. No reason to sit back and act cool now that all my childhood figures are getting sincere and passionate treatment but other talented enthusiastic geeks.

            • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

              Yeah, but, we’ve never seen you type in all caps before. We were a bit worried you may have been a bit over-excited.

              • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

                Yeah, it scared me a little.

              • Madlark
                • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com/ Val

                  Lol. I wish I could make that my morning alarm. Or if I had a smart phone that would be my morning ring tone.

          • Asiyah

            BOL!

      • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

        My son said it was the BEST MOVIE HE’S EVER SEEN IN HIS WHOLE LIFE (!!)

        • nillalatte

          LOLOLOLOLLLLL … right? I looked at my son like he’d lost his marbles! My son also LOVED After Earth. Boys. :)

      • AfroPetite

        3D films aren’t even what a real 3D experience is about. The best 3D experience I’ve ever had was at Disney world and various other amusement parks such as Six Flags, Kings Dominion, etc. Shoving 3D technology into full length films is distracting and makes me physically ill. I already have astigmatism paired with near sightedness so to hayle with all this new fangled technology effectively dragging my eye sight further down to the pits of Hades.

        • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          idk why its making such a comeback when its the OLDEST trick in the book…and if my chair isnt shaking and moving with the movie, dont bother making it 3D lol

          • AfroPetite

            THANK YOU! I saw this alien 3D razzmatazz thing at Disney World and I promise you I went into cardiac arrest at least 5 times.

  • nillalatte

    okay, y’all made me go back & read the post. Chris E… you are a free spirit, that’s all. from ur writing it appears u do enjoy the attention from random guys. Whoever up in here doesn’t that’s on them, except maybe some of the guys in here…lol. anyways, most of my male friends compliment women be they wearing a ring or not. I compliment random good looking men too. it’s fun, light hearted, & makes ppl feel good. there are periods of marriage where u have those types of thoughts u wrote about, and those are normal thoughts. ur married, not dead. u can admire & be admired. enjoy our life.

    • Todd

      I think the difference between what you mentioned and what she wrote is the neediness involved. You’re right about the being married not dead part. Giving and receiving compliments can be a part of harmless fun. It’s when you need to be told you’re hot all the time that it becomes an issue.

      • gem

        I think you’re blowing it out of proportion Todd, just as you did yesterday. She never said she wants to be told she’s hot ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. Nothing wrong with a holla when you’re looking and feeling good and not wanting to lose that feeling after marriage is normal and harmless IMO

  • chocolynne

    That whole post turned fiasco reminded me so much of Samantha Brick in 2012 and the enormous universal smackdown she received for writing about her self-diagnosed “pretty girl problems”. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html Old girl had it coming but it just went on & on & on. My guess is that she still just assumes we’re ALL just jealous. Anyway…

    Seems there are some places where we are not allowed to tread. Be it for decorum or just simply checking yourself before the denizens of the internet check you. It’s brutal out here.

    • Tristan

      the innanet smells blood and they will attack, even though their insight never goes beyond so and so is insecure, racist or misogynist

      • chocolynne

        Like Goldilocks dancing through the woods singing “I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!” It’s too easy.

    • Shay-d-Lady

      seems there are some places where we are not allowed to tread. Be it for decorum or just simply checking yourself before the denizens of the internet check you. It’s brutal out here.

      eh, you can tread anywhere, but you have to be prepared to deal with the traffic you bring after you open that road up.
      some comments were harsh some were not. as Yoles hates.. It is what it is.

    • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

      bwahahaahah! omigah, that comment thread on Samantha Brick was AWESOME. And I will shamefully admit, when I saw her picture, I thought, “She just aaaight.” Sigh. Why do we think some peoples’ physical appearance has to match their self-esteem? Isn’t it, as Katt WIlliams said, “Esteem of your mutha#%@$^ self!?” What’s the line between conceit and self-esteem: needing more people?

      • AfroPetite

        I just checked the link. I’m glad she’s super confident and all but she does not qualify as “pretty” to me. Good for her though.

      • Kema

        I was definitely ‘prettier’ when I was in my teens to my early 20’s than I am now 30+ but my self esteem wasn’t anywhere near where it is now. People watching can sense it and I’m treated prettier now. So I totally get why she is treated the way she is.

        • Rachmo

          Mmmm Kema snap judgment from your avi I’m going to go with you’re treated prettier bc you’re really pretty. I’m not going to put you and Mrs. Brick in the same box here.

          • Kema

            *blush* Gee thanks! I meant I was prettier when I was younger but wasnt treated as such because I didnt really see myself as pretty. Im treated prettier now at 30+ than I was at 21.

      • chocolynne

        She was invited to do the morning show circuit after that and she continued with the “everyone hates me and says I’m delusional because they’re so jealous of my astounding beauty.”

        I just can’t see how that would help my cause to walk around telling everyone how beautiful or intelligent I think I am. It just doesn’t seem quite right, you know?

  • HRH Prince Farouk I

    I dont think heaping praise on someone for their wit is shallow, why? because a big booty is evident from afar. I dont need to go all up in a person’s backside to recognize but wit and intellect require you to actually get to know someone or talk to them beyond the cursory hello to find out that they’re smart. Plus given that at a point in some lives smart people were castigated for being smart, it feels good to be praised. Now wanting to be praised for your god-given wit might be shallow in itself but we all need to appreciated.

    • Tristan

      fair point….theres a difference between being impressed and intrigued by someones intelligence or just assuming their smart because theyre on a certain channel or is lupe fiasco