There are few things I’m more proud of than the eclectic collection of books I’ve accumulated in the bin next to my toilet. A Bible, Save The Cat, Bitch Is the New Black, a pamphlet for a near-by methadone clinic, Afrodisiac, a sheet with the lyrics from “Talk Show Host“; seriously, my bin of E-Coli ridden reading materials kicks your bullshit living room bookcase in the nuts.

Included in this library is Chuck Klosterman’s A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas — a collection of essays and interviews that’s both my least favorite Klosterman book and the one I’ve read the most times — and included in this book is “Monogamy,” an essay where he theorizes that “…cheating begins the moment anyone decides that it’s unreasonable to be sexually committed to one person.”

Basically, even if a person hasn’t technically cheated yet, if they truly believe that monogamy is unreasonable, they’re already unfaithful because they’re either just waiting for an opportunity to confirm this belief or they’re just scared of getting caught.

Now, I don’t know if I quite agree with Klosterman’s view on cheating. Calling someone who hasn’t quite cheated yet a cheater rings of the pre-crime unit from “Minority Report,” and I’m not trying to f*ck Katie Holmes. But, although I’ve written about my feelings towards cheating and monogamy numerous times (Short version: I’ve never cheated and I have a tendency to get holier-than-thou when speaking to people who have), I have to say that reading his essay against this weekend raised a few questions. Most notably: Why do I feel the way I do about monogamy?

Yes, I’ve been faithful to every girlfriend I’ve had (and I strongly presume that this fidelity has been reciprocated), but am I monogamous because it’s the right and moral thing to do, or because I’ve been taught that it’s the right and moral thing to do and I blindly trust my teachers?

I guess this question is applicable for everyone. Or, at least, everyone who believes that monogamous relationships are the right choice. Sure, we argue that monogamy and being committed to one person is right — sounds right, looks right, and, most importantly, feels right — but how much of that is confirmation bias — us looking for evidence, any evidence, to confirm a belief we wish to be true?

And yes, it’s true that our wish for something we want to be true to be true, our need to know that we’ve always been doing the right thing, has a way of superseding rational thought. Being right becomes more important than the truth.

I don’t know where exactly I’m going with this. I mean, I don’t have any personal qualms with the idea and/or practice of monogamy. And, as far as “proof” goes, the people I know who are in (presumably) monogamous relationships seem to be on average a tad happier and more successful than those who aren’t. I guess I’m just wondering if we (the pro-monogamy people) are irrationally holding on to a concept that we all already recognize as being imperfect…and just might be wrong. Do I feel this way because it feels right for me to feel this way, or do I just desperately want it to be right?

Anyway, people of VSB.com, I’m curious: If you believe in monogamy, well, why do you believe in monogamy?

What role have your “teachers” (your parents, the Bible, etc) played in constructing this belief….and what would you do if you somehow found out that they were full of shit and monogamy was, in fact, completely irrational?

(Also, to be clear, monogamy and fidelity aren’t the same thing. Cheating is always wrong. Monogamy, on the other hand, might not always be right. Big difference.)

—The Champ

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Pjuls

    “love is cursed by monogamy…”

    • Uneducated Formally

      Kanye. and i guess that depends on how you define love. romantic – you want the person. (posess monagomously etc.) or unconditional – self explanatory…

    • http://cocktailour.blogspot.com CocktailJay

      Perhaps we should stop quoting rappers and start thinking for ourselves.

      I do believe in monogamy…simply because I’m accosted daily by men, just like every other woman, and I still have no struggle with staying committed to the person I’m with. If I can do it, my partner should be able to do it. My sex drive is just as high, and they get on my nerves just as much as I do theirs. So if I don’t stray, why shouldn’t I expect the same?

      The problem isn’t monogamy. The problem is that people get into monogamous relationships knowing that they have no intentions on being monogamous. They find a catch, and don’t want to run the risk of losing it. So they try to put a leash on their partner, but don’t want to stay on their own. It’s selfish. There are plenty of people who will be in a non-exclusive relationship with you. So why sucker someone who you know wants monogamy, but fail to give them what you promised? If you don’t want a relationship…don’t get into one. It’s that simple.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I do believe in monogamy…simply because I’m accosted daily by men, just like every other woman, and I still have no struggle with staying committed to the person I’m with”

        i agree with what you’re saying, but I think the idea behind it is flawed. i don’t think “well, if i can do it, you can do it too” is a good thought process when trying to convince someone to do…anything

        • http://cocktailour.blogspot.com CocktailJay

          You’re right. How about “Because I said so”? You think that will work? I’m gonna try it. I’ll be back with the results.

          • Intelligentleman

            Nope…that won’t work either (I know you’re being sarcastic tho).

            Seriously though, since we are all wired differently, it’s generally difficult to make something work with another person if your logic is that they should just simply ‘see it your way’. People tend to resist that approach just on G.P.
            I know I do…

        • http://twitter.com/_boron Boron the Negromancer

          Let us consider things this way. A society topples when it is unable to supply the energy to support its complexity. Overextended, it is vulnerable to outer and inner forces that eventually tear it apart.*

          In a similar way, intimate interactions beyond the bounds of monogamy can build up complexity within an individual and within a relationship to the point that neither is stable. You want to bed a different person every night? Go ahead and make your life more complicated!

          With children in the equation, taking such liberties is even more detrimental. In societies where polygamy is accepted, not only is the practice a display of wealth, but also it is an impossibility for the poor: Upon one’s passing in rural South Africa, it is quite difficult to divvy up your sole cow between the nine children that you have had by three wives!

          Open relationships and non-monogamous arrangements are luxuries of the affluent. And like extravagant candies that give you cavities, these luxuries are not quite beneficial.

          …which is to say that I heartily encourage you to seek intimacy outside the bounds of monogamy!

          *Trust me, I was at Tik’al when Maya civilization was collapsing.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    First! Haha!*

    *Just wanted to see how it felt to do that. Carry on.

    • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

      SmH…

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        Jealous much?

        (does the Thirsty Firsty two-step)

        • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

          *trips AC…walks away whistling*

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

            That was mean, Tessikins. But I can’t stay mad at you. :)

            (steals Tes’s phone and uploads all the pictures from it to various “adult” sites)

            • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

              Ha! Shows what you know! No camera on my cell :P

              *picks AC up and gives a pouch of Sour Patch Kids* :)

              • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                (wipes nose on sleeve)

                Thank you. I knew you still cared. Unlike Nilla. HMPH.

                • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

                  *huggles*
                  ^_^

                • nillalatte

                  I don’t give away my cookies for nuttin! :D LOL

                  Consolation prize: Pick any VSB you’d like to share a pack of skittles with. Choose wisely. :P

                  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                    If it’s an actual pack of Skittles, you. If it’s actually something dirty, I’ll have to get back to you. ;)

                    • nillalatte

                      LMAO! Just the colors of the rainbow Skittles dear. Wow… guess I need to tone it down a bit. :)

    • nillalatte

      LOL… you were the first at a monogamist relationship? :D Congratulations! I knew you could do it!

    • nillalatte

      Oh, wait, forgot… here’s your cookie. :D You’ll have to hit someone else up for the milk! LOL

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        Thank you. I might could get used to this.

    • http://thatdamnafrican.wordpress.com/ That Damn African

      I expected this from the others, but not from you. *shakes head and walks out of the room*

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        Don’t go TDA! I’ll share my cookie with you! :D

        • http://thatdamnafrican.wordpress.com/ That Damn African

          But what kind of cookie is it? Choose wisely.

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

            A peanut butter cookie made from genuine gubment peanut butter, of course.

            • http://thatdamnafrican.wordpress.com/ That Damn African

              *The Price Is Right fail horn*

              I’m sorry, the correct answer was ‘oatmeal raisin’. Thanks for playing. Don’t forget to help control the pet population by having your Nicki Minajs and Lady Gagas spayed or neutered.

              • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                *Dead*

    • nillalatte

      Looks like I am taking my cookie back! You weren’t first! You lied to me in this relationship. (takes cookie and walks away grumbling (she said she was first!))

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        *gasp*

        But Nilla…I swear…You saw…My cookie…Noooooo…

        (collapses in a heap of tears and broken dreams)

  • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

    I believe in a connection between people and the fewer people in that connection, the deeper it can be. Be it friends or lovers, I always feel myself the most when I’m one-on-one (no Kyla Pratt) with a person and thus I feel like there’s less of a pretense. With a group of friends/people, consciously or not, I have a role to play and take on that role where with one person I can let that veneer go.

    I’m a romantic and sh*t; romance and monogamy in my idealistic view go hand-in-hand.

    • Mo-VSS

      I do think the more people you deal with, the less of a connection you have with each. It’s hard to establish an intimate connection with one person, so more than that has to be extremely hard, IMO.

      • Uneducated Formally

        I hope you have lots of children to test your theory with. Oh that’s right you can only have an intimate relationship with someone that you have a romantic and sexual relationship with. My bad never mind.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          “I hope you have lots of children to test your theory with. Oh that’s right you can only have an intimate relationship with someone that you have a romantic and sexual relationship with. My bad never mind.”

          tu motherf*ckin shea

        • Mo-VSS

          So, I’m guessing you didn’t like my comment. And, I thought about including children in that theory, but I don’t have any so I can’t speak from experience. If you can, share. Simple as that.

    • Dee

      Agreed. If I believe I’m the only one I won’t be afraid of subconsciously trying to act out a role…

    • whyaskquestions

      I feel the same way except in reverse. One-on-oneness doesn’t make the feelings deeper for me. Deep feelings make it hard for me to do anything other than a one-on-one. When I really feel someone its hard for me to get into someone else. Attracted..of course. I’m attracted to people all the time but real whole actually like…thats difficult. I’m not saying impossible, just extremely hard.

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        This

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I feel the same way except in reverse. One-on-oneness doesn’t make the feelings deeper for me. Deep feelings make it hard for me to do anything other than a one-on-one. When I really feel someone its hard for me to get into someone else. Attracted..of course. I’m attracted to people all the time but real whole actually like…thats difficult. I’m not saying impossible, just extremely hard.”

        good point

  • The Other Jerome

    Because that’s what my Mama told me?

  • The Other Jerome

    Dangit, i thought i would have been first with my second only post here! All well….. back to lurking lol

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

      ^^This^^ is why I called firsties today.

      • The Other Jerome

        Is there like a prize or something? Like an official autographed VSB Swatch?

        • tgtaggie

          I think its a vip invite to the upcoming VSB BBQ.

          • naturalista88

            *Lmao*.

  • Reka_Baby

    There is no need for me to comment because you said exactly what I was going to say.

    Co-Sign 100%

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      are you talking to me or another commentator?

  • Yoles

    Damnit.. No electricity & can’t waste all my phone battery for this but i WILL be back!!
    I believe that monogamy is only for those that truly want it and non-monogamy is for the rest of us.. People are so busy saying what is right and wrong for other peoples lives.. If adults consent and are happy in that consent.. Mind yours…

    I’ll be back #no arnold

    • Todd

      First, come to Queens…we got power here. :)

      Seriously though, I think that people NEED to be monogamous. Asking for polygamy before monogamy is asking to walk before you can crawl. People have a hard enough time establishing intimate contact with just one person. To be able to have that connection with multiple people, and for the other people to be able to handle that on some level, takes a lot. So many people are so focused on themselves that caring one other person, let alone multiples, is a huge challenge.

      • Uneducated Formally

        Tell your momma and your daddy and your sister/s & brother/s. Oh & your children if and when you have any. Again my bad because romantically & intimately you can only love one person because sex is involved. Thanks for clearing that up. Higher learning.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “People have a hard enough time establishing intimate contact with just one person. To be able to have that connection with multiple people, and for the other people to be able to handle that on some level, takes a lot.”

        how important is having that much of an intimate connection, though? I mean, i’ve seen it referenced several times already today, but is it another one of those things that we think are right because we’ve been taught that it is?

        • Todd

          Are we talking about sleeping around? Or are we talking about maintaining multiple relationships. Sleeping around just means being physically present with someone who is willing and having the right body parts ready to rock. Then there is being present with someone. A lot of people in monogamous relationship can’t really do that, and that’s a problem.

    • Yoles

      first as someone who is non-monogamous let me say that cheating IS cheating and no one likes being cheated on at all!!!!!

      after reading all the comments.. yes every last one of them (YAY FOR ELECTRICITY) i’ve seen a few themes repeat themselves over and over again

      1- cheating is mean—- cheating is dishonesty, lying and manipulating a situation to look innocent… why is that being lumped in with people that are self described as non-monogamous????

      2- of relationships i’ve seen with men that had more than one woman, the women were unhappy—- these situations i read below never seemed like something the woman actually choose for herself, just circumstances for her locale, religion etc… and the women were made to be monogamous when the men were not, which is polygamy just ONE form of non-monogamy and that form is completely one-sided!!

      3- disease— as a former social worker and current nurse i can tell you that many women that are infected were in “monogamous” relationships and this really goes back to cheating, lying and deception… and men have a 12% chance of being infected with HIV when engaging in unprotected intercourse with a woman… i’m leaving that hanging right there.. Safe s.ex is truly SAFER…

      secondly.. how many people here actually, literally and personally have ever spoken with a honest non-mongomous person?? seems like not many…

      i believe in ALL forms of adult romantic relationships— monogamy, polygamy, polyandry, polyamory as all as everyone involved agrees wholeheartedly and is enjoying themselves… love is something no one else ever has to right to tell someone how much they have and how much they have to give, love in itself is selfless, boundless and beautiful…

      • http://twitter.com/#!/_chunk_ chunk

        Between you and Malik, I get to be lazy and just sit back and co-sign all day long!

      • Todd

        I agree with you on the 2nd and 3rd points. However, there are plenty of non-monogamous people who cheat. It’s amazing how an agreement can have secret exceptions when people are afraid of their own needs. In order for non-monogamy to work, there has to be a radical acceptance of self and one’s own needs. How many people YOU know have that?

        • Yoles

          @Todd

          i know honest and dishonest people in every type of relationship i listed… cheaters are cheaters regardless of which faux relationship they get into…

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        ” love is something no one else ever has to right to tell someone how much they have and how much they have to give, love in itself is selfless, boundless and beautiful…”

        I cosign! +1

  • Mo-VSS

    If you’ve never cheated or been cheated on, then you don’t know what the whole “unrightness” of cheating feels like. Basically, I’m saying it could be hard to say that monogamy feels right if you’ve never experienced the alternate. However, that’s not something I entirely believe. Just as I don’t have to be a crack smoker to realize that something about that sh*t seems terribly wrong, neither does a person have to be a cheater to realize that monogamy feels right.

    People (men) always want to come with the nature argument. But, if you believe that we’re more than animals based on our intellect, then you should reason that because of that, we are set apart. Now, one can give into their animal like nature and spread their seed until Jesus comes to smite them Lil Wayne style. That’s cool. But for those thinking men/women, if you can hold a job, drive a car and do other things that are deemed higher function (as compared to animals) then you can certain be monogamous.

    And as someone who has cheated and been cheated on, it sucks. The feelings of jealousy and possession that arise from being with someone isn’t a byproduct of manufactured conditioning by society either. It’s innate. It can be controlled but the bottom line is it’s there. If monogamy isn’t what we’re supposed to do, then why the feelings of intense jealousy and rage when we find our beloved has been loving another?

    Anyway, the men will come in and argue against it and the women will have their say. Bottom line is this: If you don’t want monogamy, don’t be monogamous and find those people who think the same and have a good time. What kills me is when people portray one thing and fully intend to do another. So in some regards, that author is right. Once you believe that monogamy isn’t right/natural/for you, you are just waiting for the opportunity to make that are reality.

    • randomeffery

      i don’t think feelings of possessiveness are innate, or make a good case for why monogamy is “right”. i’m not jealous or possessive, and i totally believe in monogamy (for myself & whoever i’m with–i acknowledge that other people may have different needs).
      but for me…i may have a rare flare up where i feel like ” let me make sure this nukka know what he got at home” and get extra cute, extra freaky, or extra nice…or times arise when i may need some extra attention from him…but other than that…it feels really good to me to be with a guy who has his own social support network outside of me, and know that i can trust and believe that he’s where he says he is, doing what he says he’s doing, but that he’s still available if i need him, and that likewise, he’s not trippin when i’m having fun w/out him or having some “me” time.

      but i agree w/your end point…don’t say 1 thing when you want another. i have seen a few people that were happily polyamorous. but in most cases i’ve seen, it was an excuse to not commit or to keep up emotional barriers for fear of being hurt.

      • Mo-VSS

        Being jealous and being destructive, belittling and rude aren’t the same things. I guess I should define further. Jealous over your man greeting the waitress is a bit off. Jealous over your man getting another woman’s phone number in the club seems justified and totally normal. On the flip side, if that’s not your style to feel jealous, then so be it.

        I think most folks are jealous within reason when it comes to their significant other and that’s “normal.” That’s mostly what I was saying.

        And I agree that for the most part people want what they want and use the “I can love you, you and you” lines to not commit.

    • JustForToday

      Been cheated on, tried the “open relationship”, tried the player mode.

      After all that, I am very,very clear that my nature is to be with only one at a time. Add to that how your chances of “infection” multiply exponentially with the more partners you have, and it tends to push me to be with only one person, especially at the intimate level. And furthermore, I found it way too difficult, expensive, and stressful to try and “juggle” more than one gf/lover/fwb.

      It just ain’t in me.

      But I will have to admit, after years in the AME church, especially bible school, initially in my younger days my monogamy was based on the teaching of the church, along with observing how monogamy was the only choice and how cheating totally destroyed the nuclear familes in my social circle.

    • Uneducated Formally

      ok so you convict (men) of using a “nature” argument but then you say that feelings of jealousy and posession are “inate” and not conditioning from society. Hypocritical. I’ts prolly something I misunderstood being formally uneducated and all. School me with that VSS learning.

      • Mo-VSS

        Didn’t “convict” anyone.

        And if one innate trait can be kept in line (whatever that trait be…relating to monogamy, jealousy, etc) then so can others. I said that innately men want to be fruitful and multiply and will more than likely argue that point. However, I said that can be controlled. Just like I said that jealousy and being possessive over one’s mate is innate…and can be controlled as well. So, it’s not hypocritical at all. My assertion is if you can control one innate trait, you can control others. It’s about choice..which I summed up in my last paragraph.

        Consider yourself schooled.

        • Uneducated Formally

          It was also your assertion that “people (men) always want to come with the nature argument.” Well it seems that people (woman) is doing a good job of “coming with the nature argument.” And, if you believe that we’re more than animals based on our intellect, then you should reason that women “always” (also) come to this discussion with the “nature argument” just like i feel you convicted men of “always coming to this discussion, with the “nature argument: When it’s convienent. But if that is not what was in your heart in the 1st sentence of your second paragraph, then I beg your pardon. Feeble. Remedial. Are your degrees keeping you warm at night?

          • Mo-VSS

            I explained. If you disagree, fine.

            Done with the debate.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Basically, I’m saying it could be hard to say that monogamy feels right if you’ve never experienced the alternate”

      thing is, cheating isn’t the opposite of monogamy. cheating — breaking an implicit relationship agreement — is always wrong. no exceptions. i’m just raising the question as to why we individually feel that monogamy is the ideal.

    • http://overthestory.blogspot.com overthestory

      “The feelings of jealousy and possession that arise from being with someone isn’t a byproduct of manufactured conditioning by society either. It’s innate. It can be controlled but the bottom line is it’s there. If monogamy isn’t what we’re supposed to do, then why the feelings of intense jealousy and rage when we find our beloved has been loving another?”

      I got lost at sea. Hopefully, this will post. Those feelings of jealousy are generated by our beliefs about what’s “right” or “good” or what “should be” i relationships. Our feelings may be very real, but if we were socialized differently relative to monogamy and relationships, those feelings of jealousy would mostly not exist. Now, back to lurking….

      • Mo-VSS

        Nope, ask anyone who’s a product of a polygamist household and they’ll tell you jealous does exist. For some more/less than others, but it does exist. It’s not something I believe is socialized in or out of us. It just is part of who most of us are. We can all be capable of it, but to what extent does depend on other factors.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      ” If monogamy isn’t what we’re supposed to do, then why the feelings of intense jealousy and rage when we find our beloved has been loving another?”

      Finding out a partner has been loving another isn’t the same as knowing that your partner (and yourself) has made it clear from start of relationship that you are not the only person they love or will love. In the earlier, monogamy is assumed what the relationship is and in the latter, nonmonogamy is what the relationship is agreed to be.

  • ro

    Keeping up with more than one side just seems like work and i already need to make more money because my current job isn’t sufficient.

    Monogamy is hard enough…why make things exponentiallly harder by adding polygamy to the mix???

    I have never experienced it…first hand so I have no idea what its like to have feelings for more than one person. Or maybe I’m better at compartmentalizing than i realize.

    • Sameera

      So, if you had all the money you needed, wanted and thought only existed in dreams, would you still consider monogamy right for you?

    • Todd

      +1

    • Sid

      After being married 28 years my wife came out to me as polyamorous. And in fact she already had other partners. I was devastated, not because of the infidelity, but because of the lies. But we worked that out, and we gave open relationships a try.

      We both read “The Ethical Slut” and I think there is a lot of good stuff in there. Although I would like polyamory or open relationships to work in my life, it didn’t. Multiple relationships require A LOT of time. Dating multiple partners requires multiplied expenses when entertaining new partners. And probably most significantly, it is difficult to find partners who are willing to have open relationships.

      I’m out of that marriage now and I’m open to a poly arrangement, but my partner isn’t interested — and I don’t miss it. I’m getting the love I want without it.

  • randomeffery

    have you ever read “the ethical slut?”

    i’m not convinced that just like homosexuality, monogamy is not for everybody…and some people may have a more “natural” inclination for it than others. but i agree with your klosterman dude…if you believe monogamy is unreasonable or unnatural, you’re gonna act on that belief, whether it’s by cheating or being real resentful that 1 person expects you to tie yourself down to them…unless you like the idea of being a martyr for love.

    but this is why i don’t date people who have actively expressed qualms about monogamy.

    i wouldn’t say i “believe in it”, in any moral sense, it just makes the most sense to me.

    i’m too grown to lie, and i think lying and being lied to are completely disrespectful and insulting to one’s intelligence.
    i would say i believe more in “fidelity” than monogamy. i haven’t been in any lifelong relationship, but it seems reasonable to me that when i do find my lifelong love, maybe we might need to spice up our lives after 5-10-15 years. i’m definitely open to working out other arrangements, as long as we’re communicating honestly, and willing to compromise.

    the only times i’ve even thought about other people when i was with my dude, it was b/c i already knew the relationship was going to end b/c of real serious problems.

    i’ve been completely monogamous thus far, b/c it makes the most sense to me, especially as i get older. if we really have a bond, are really attracted to one another, both putting in work…then you add on things like sharing a home, sharing bills, rearing children together…it just seems like no other side things would be worth messing that up. relationships take work, random side pinga is really not a priority.

    • randomeffery

      *i’m convinced that like homosexuality, monogamy is not for everyone* –that’s what i meant to say.

    • Mo-VSS

      I feel what you’re saying. It’s about choice. And that’s what most of life is about. The thing that angers me is the lies. No matter what/who I’m dealing with, if lies are present then I can’t do it (might feel homicidal as well). LOL

      • randomeffery

        agreed…being lied to is so insulting. and i don’t understand how some people think that as long as there’s no concrete evidence, then they haven’t been “caught”…
        no motherfreaker, if you are lying and i know you’re lying then you are caught…smh.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “have you ever read “the ethical slut?”

      i haven’t. should I?

      • http://www.weirdasianews.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Ziona-500x316.jpg randomeffery

        only if you’re interested in knowing more about polyamory, although i found it gave insight into romantic/sexual relationships in general.

    • http://www.ifiruled2011.wordpress.com Mahogany Princess

      The power to choose. I agree monogamy is not for everyone but allow me to choose what type of relationship I want to be in.