Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

Why Is “Slut” Still A Bad Word?

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock or one of Eddy Curry’s areolas for the past week, you’ve undoubtedly heard about the controversy involving Rush Limbaugh and Georgetown University student Sandra Fluke.

(Abridged version: During an unofficial Congressional hearing about contraception last Thursday, Fluke argued that birth control should be covered by health insurance at religious institutions, testifying that students at Georgetown pay as much as $1,000 a year for contraception. Limbaugh spoke about this on his radio show the next day, and referred to Fluke as a “slut.” Predictably, the hundreds of thousands of different angles you can take on this news story has given everyone associated with media a never-ending hard on since it broke.)

Now, Limbaugh is an disgustingly wealthy man (seriously!!!) who’s amassed his fortune by being very good at being a syphilitic chickenhawk, so him saying nasty things about a young woman is about as “dog bites man”-ey as a story can get.

Yet, in the past couple days, as I read Limbaugh getting publicly pimp-slapped by President Obama and clicked on several different articles written by several very serious people accusing him of “slut shaming,” one question kept popping up in my head: Why is “slut” a bad word?

Now, this question is (obviously) rhetorical. I know exactly why slut is considered to be such a pejorative term. I also don’t mean in any way to suggest that Fluke shouldn’t have been offended, angered, hurt, and saddened by Limbaugh using a word like that to describe her.

Thing is, my question isn’t about Limbaugh or Fluke or the contraceptive controversy. (Please re-read that). It’s not even about the term itself as much as what it’s used to describe: a person (woman or man) who has (or had) many sexual partners.

If, as many progressive, open-minded and liberal people say they believe, having numerous sexual partners isn’t a thing that a person needs to be ashamed of, why is there still such a negative connotation attached to the words commonly used to describe people who fit that definition?

I know that words like slut and ho and skank are used to shame, but if the acts themselves aren’t shameful, how are those words still given that power, and why haven’t we thought of any replacements?

You can argue that the mere act of creating a word to describe a person’s sexual activity is judgmental in itself. That argument breaks down, though, when you realize that not only do we have words to describe all human activity, we have also have considerate (and occasionally condescending) euphemisms for any terms that may have any type of negative connotation. We all know that “seasoned” means “old” and “plus-sized” means “fat,” but we still regularly incorporate the code words because they just sound less derisive.

Promiscuity, though, has no such euphemism. There’s no generally accepted “kind” way of saying “slutty.” Perhaps someone reading this can, but I can’t think of a way a person can reference someone having a much larger than usual amount of sexual partners¹ and it not come across as potentially (and likely) incendiary. I’ve heard people ironically refer to themselves or their friends as “slut” or “ho,” but once you remove the irony and the tongue-in-cheekness, it always stings (or is meant to sting).²

I wonder if this is because, despite what we might publicly say, we — men, women, liberals, conservatives, feminists, womanists, and bigamists alike — all still kind of feel that there is something off with a person who sleeps around. I don’t know. I do know, though, that it looks like I have no answers to that rhetorical question.

Maybe one of you might. if promiscuity isn’t a bad thing, why do you think that every single term used to describe a promiscuous person has such an unquestionably negative connotation? Basically, if being a “slut” isn’t a bad thing, why is “slut” still such a bad word? And, since it’s still a shitty word, why haven’t we thought of a word or even just a euphemism to replace it?

¹”Much larger than usual amount of sexual partners” is definitely relative. 

²There’s an obvious parallel here between “slut/ho” and “nigger.” No further thoughts, just pointing that out

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://www.twitter.com/chellziswinning Chellz

    But promiscuity IS a bad thing. so all words associated with it are bad and there (and likely will never be) soft euphemisms to describe tramps, scip scaps and scalliwags. lbs

    • LadyMarin

      What makes promiscuity a bad thing? And how do you even define promiscuity anyway?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “But promiscuity IS a bad thing”

      why? (and, i want to hear your answer, not an answer you’ve heard)

      • http://www.twitter.com/chellziswinning Chellz

        IMO (female) promiscuity is physically, emotionally and mentally damaging: physically it takes a toll on her lady parts. prob effects her ability to have healthy relationships emotionally and mentally it screws with her mind…and she’s likely promiscuous because of some emotional deficiency or psych issue from childhood.

        If you’re asking me what’s bad about promiscuity, What’s good about promiscuity? (and, i want to hear your answer, not an answer you’ve heard)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          perhaps it’s neither a good nor a bad thing. maybe it’s just a thing.

          • http://www.twitter.com/chellziswinning Chellz

            we don’t agree and that’s fine. i think promiscuity is a bad thing, not because i’m judging but because of the examples I listed.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              Chellz, you forgot to give your definition of promiscuity.

            • Adonis

              Agreed @Chellz… It is different for men… But the idea that it is just a thing, especially as it pertains to the Black Community, is laughable

        • Iceprincess

          “Physically it takes a toll on her lady parts”. Seriously? Im sorry chellz but thats just not true. So u mean to tell me my p*ssy knows the difference if i hav sex with a million different men, or a million times wit one man? Your logic is flawed baby.

          • Tori

            +1

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            +1

          • http://www.twitter.com/chellziswinning Chellz

            you may not agree but the snatch gets affected from a lot of bangin. whether you banged the same dude 1000x or 1000 dudes once isn’t really my concern. you picked one of 3 things i listed and missed the point.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              Chellz,

              I’ve never heard a gynecologist speak of damage to the vagina from multiple consensual sexual intercourse.

              I have heard them speak and give medical lectures on vaginal prolapse from childbirth including if she was fully dilated and told not to push or not yet dilated fully and pushing. I’m read discussion on the damage that can occur during childbirth that involve cutting (doctors) and tearing (hers). The damage from sexual assault. But not with the vagina doing it’s job as a muscle that has layers that stretch to accommodate the penis. (And peni are not as big as full term babies)

              I think you underestimate vaginas, Kegels and regular health screenings and good health for keeping the vagina in good physical and sexual health.

        • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

          Hmmm this kind of reminds me of my last comment on VSB, where I talked about women’s incapability of accepting their negative nature because it makes them feel lesser than women.

          If a person eats a bunch of Big Macs and Chinese Food every week, there is definitely not much benefits outside of the fact that that person certainly enjoys every meal that they eat, however, on the flip-side, the person is setting their self up for a heart attack, high blood pressure, obesity etc. However, when we see that individual, we don’t automatically presume that that person either has a f*cked up childhood, has psychological issues, or has emotional issues – we just assume they don’t have discipline.

          However, when it comes to women, by default, we presume that any woman who enjoys a bunch of d*cks between her legs, got screwed up somewhere along the lines. I mean is it farfetched that when the girl first got sexed up in her teenage years, she was like “Damn, I need more of this in my life?” Why can’t
          it simply be the girl lacks discipline, not so much that she didn’t get love at home, or that she felt her uncles stuff tickle her while she sat on his lap as a child? I mean what, you think you’re too good to get addicted to some d*ck diversity?

          • Deeds

            we just assume they don’t have discipline.

            That is an assumption that we all make, but there are many obese people that do have psychological issues and turn to food as a result for a myriad of reasons.

            Also, for the woman that has a lot of chexual partners maybe some people assume something psychological by the way the woman confronts her chexuality. I’ve noticed that women that are more in control of their chexuality and do things on their terms prob just like s.ex. On the flip side I’ve seen women have s.ex with a lot of partners that didn’t seem like they were doing it because they wanted to. It’s hard to describe but something seemed off.

            • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

              But which one shows more respect towards their humanity – assuming that they lack discipline, or assuming that they’re f*cked up?

              • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

                Good a$$ question.

          • http://www.twitter.com/chellziswinning Chellz

            lol at d*ick diversity.

          • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com weethomas

            If all you do during the week is eat those Big Macs and Chinese food, then yes, you are setting yourself up for problems down the line. But as it is, I could have one of each every other day of the week and it be part of a very healthy diet.

            Excepting alcohol, there is virtually no such thing as bad food. Just food that can be bad for you depending on the context. Which flawed as your example may be, I think still works in the context of this discussion.

      • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

        It’s bad because no birth control is perfect, and I’ll be dambed if I’m in a Maury situation and not sure who knocked me up. I am not the one

      • http://twitter.com/kjnetic King Jordan

        and for the reasons given, people see the actions that define a ‘slut’ as OK, but don’t want to be called that.

        some folks don’t want to see shame in their actions, whether or not others see it as detrimental in the long run.

        The Reason why man, i don’t know. #ItTakesTwo

        • http://www.twitter.com/chellziswinning Chellz

          i can dig that. Sluts don’t wanna be *called* sluts and the dirty kid at school doesn’t wanna be called the dirty kid. I’m no one’s judge, if it didn’t exist, there wouldn’t be a name for it.

          • Yoles

            ‘Perfect/Perfection’ a word commonly used for which no concrete example exists

            • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

              Great example Yoles!

            • kickandasnare

              Yoles!!! Where you been girl!

      • http://Facebook Poppa

        Two reasons. It’s a bad word because we as a society place a value on a woman being selective about her mate. Secondly, men, who make the rules, want some degree of certainty that the baby they are caring for is from their seed. Although, contraception changes the balance in both of these realities of a time gone by, core human sensibilities have not progressed nearly so far.

        • brayim

          yes and plus almost all known societies thru out the world are patriarchically oriented n families are ruled by males, although the Family term has a female root(family/female), yet, female has been marginalized and no equality seen since religions enhancing father’s leadership so far.

    • Jax

      Just gonna say that….. Since when did Slutty behavior become accepted. In my book all those Jersey Shore types have herpes.

    • http://genxaestheticism.com eve

      exactly. promiscuity IS bad.

      i think folks who ask how it could possibly be bad miss the point that sex isn’t just a physical act. if it was, then it’d be just like doing anything else a lot of times with a lot of partners. and then we could leave it right there.

      sex relates to reproduction (otherwise why would we have to “prevent” reproduction while engaging in that lifestyle?), emotional attachment (otherwise why do dudes KILL men who bang their wife in “crimes of passion”?), responsibility (in that those old enough to do it aren’t always mentally old enough to do it responsibly, which is why girls believe anything a man tells them to have sex, there are STIs they don’t understand the consequences of, and having it outside of a committed context results in all kinds of drama people aren’t really prepared for), and many other factors.

      it’s not just physical.

      so promiscuity is bad because it by nature compounds the effects of sex. and most of the time most of those effects are beyond folks’ capacity to deal with in a way that benefits their quality of life.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        No one said sex is just physical. But your comment brings up another thought…that promiscuity is assumed to also involve a belief that sex is just physical….which isn’t true. You’d be surprised the promiscuous people who experience sex as intense, psychological, physical, emotional and even spiritual.

        Also not everyone who fucks freely is able to reproduce. I have known responsible people who got themselves sterilized or who use multiple forms of birth control with their multiple partners.

        I think the gist of it all is that people who have multiple partners are not neccessarily disconnected from and and blase about sex.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          free my comment again pls

    • http://www.3sizesin10minutes.com Mary

      I agree… Promiscuity IS bad!

      That.Is.All

  • Stars

    Think of someone saying this to you…….I just got through wiping the come off yo mama’s back! She’s the best SLUT I’ve ever f$#ked. THAT’S WHY IT’S A BAD WORD. Unless you VALUE a woman, that word is bad. It’s socially acceptable for men to this but not women you want to marry or display in public as important to you.

    • DQ

      Question: Do women want a man who they know has been promiscuous? Do they want a man who has slept with every woman they can get their hands on?

      I’ve heard often that it’s socially acceptable for men to do it, but to the women I have asked this question, most of them have said no (actually all of them have said no). Not a scientific poll or anything, just wondering where the disconnect it.

      I have a theory

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        I think the inequity comes from men. Based on your statement I think we could assume that many women view male and female promiscuity similarly. Do men judge male promiscuity the way they judge female promiscuity? I don’t think they do.

        • DQ

          I think men and women judge promiscuity equivalently. Men AND women are more harsh on women and more forgiving of men (though I would contend there are consequences for male promiscuity as well – again all anecdotal evidence on this one).

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            Really? I haven’t found this to be the case at all. If anything, men glorify other men who can get a lot of women, but both women and man want to shame women for engaging in the same activity.

            • DQ

              I have seen women do the EXACT same thing. Around the places I used to frequent they even had a name for it, GDR (Good D!ck Report). Let a dude get one of these, from a few women, and many more women would pursue him (despite knowing that he had a high body count).

              Of course a dude could also get a BDR and get the opposite effect. But my point is that the high body count for a dude (for some women) was irrelevant, which supports my contention that men and women are more forgiving of men’s body counts and more harsh on women’s body count. But again, it is only a contention, not a fact, not a study, just a belief of anecdote.

              • GypsyCurl

                I agree with you DQ. Your question immediately made me think of lil wayne. Before any says that celebrities dont count, i know reg’lar folks (girls) who would fight over one dude was screwing both of them and other girls. And this was in high school!

        • Jax

          But who cares how men judge it. Ultimately slutty behavior/ promiscuity is more heavily critiqued and judged by women.

          …and Yes, women except fast men because its says something about his sexual prowess- that is until you actually do him and realize he’s not that good in bed at all. I prefer a man who has quality over quantity. Better Sex almost never equals A Lot of sex. Just my opinion.

      • Deeds

        I don’t think women want a man that has slept with every woman he got his hands on but more likely that women will overlook it.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          Women want to have pleasure and orgasms with the men they chose to have sex with. No matter if he has a low, high body count or is a virgin. Women want to get off from sex just like men do.

      • http://www.twitter.com/chellziswinning Chellz

        I don’t want to date a man that’s known for his promiscuity anymore than a guy would. and don’t get me wrong, i’m not a virgin and I know whatever dude i end up with won’t be one either. but that takes me to a whole ‘nother subject of who KNOWS that a person is promiscuous. but that’s another topic.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          ” I don’t want to date a man that’s known for his promiscuity anymore than a guy would. and don’t get me wrong, i’m not a virgin and I know whatever dude i end up with won’t be one either. ”

          So he can be promiscuous and be discreet and have a chance with you? :)

      • Adonis

        @DQ

        Two thoughts…

        Women SAY what they THINK, but DO what they FEEL…

        &

        “Men believe the lies that women tell themselves…”

        If you want to know the truth about what women go for… Check the h*e-fax…

        Women love men with high body counts

        • DQ

          “Women SAY what they THINK, but DO what they FEEL…”

          Well ladies? Is this true? Do you concur or do you disagree? I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts.

          • Kidsister04

            I feel like somebody just put me on front street….While I can’t officially speak for all women, I would like to officially speak for all women and say this is 100% true.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            The statement implies that what women think is not the same as what they feel. Because I don’t believe that, I disagree.

    • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com weethomas

      Straw man argument. That sentence feels bad because it references your mom. You could have removed the word slut and hardly changed how people would react. If you change mom to “random woman that I picked up at the bar and will never see again”, I bet every single person reading it would have had a much less negative reaction to it. Much less than if you had kept everything and just removed the word slut. Hence the straw man.

  • @1SouthernGirl

    Who’s to say that young woman has/has many partners??

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      yeah, Limbaugh crossed the line with this one. last i checked he’d lost a few big sponsors already.

      • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

        Michael Moore shaded Rush SO BAD on Twitter. Rush ‘apologized’ after losing a bunch of sponsors. So Moore replied with ‘you’re saying what the people who pay you want you to say? Who’s the prostitute, now?’

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          what is it about uber-opinionated white men either being very fat (moore, limbaugh), very short (bill maher), or both (glenn beck)?

          • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

            *creates Venn diagram* *adds a short & Jewish intersection for Jon Stewart*

        • Yes

          Not only did he choose to apologize AFTER sponsors started to pull back, he also apologized on his website and NOT on the radio show where he slammed this woman.

  • Maximillian

    America willfully neglects almost anything related to sexual-type education of ANY kind. Damn near every institution is responsible for this, therefore a system of confusing beliefs and misinformation take the place of a halfway decent health class and common sense.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      therefore a system of confusing beliefs and misinformation take the place of a halfway decent health class and common sense.

      i don’t disagree with that. i think we (america and americans) have a ton of sexual issues. basically, we’d be freud’s dream patient

      • Thai

        LOL. Freud would have his own talk show…

      • esa

        Freud saw us coming (cumming?) when he said .. “America is the most grandiose experiment the world has seen, but, I am afraid, it is not going to be a success.”

      • Jax

        Agreed. We condemn promiscuity but promote the images of promicuous people and behavior in out entertainment. Then we cut sex ed but expect our children to reach for the condom. Then our children have raw sex and we get mad about that and make them pay for expensive drugs to treat disease. DAMN YOU Pfizer!!!

        • GypsyCurl

          WoooSiiiiii Jax! LOL But I agree. There is too much hypocrisy going around and capitalism, money and power-hungry mofo’s are the culprits.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      +100

  • A Woman’s Eyes

    I do not recall Sandra Fluke saying she had many sexual partners. She could very well be like I was in my college years….tons of sex with one partner.

    Having said that, feminists are the ones who use the term “slut shaming” as it would beh

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      behoove them to say Limbaugh is a big, fat, misogynist idiot who has forgotten that unless he is gay or asexual he may want to not disrespect and insult the human beings with a vagina lest any one decide that he’s never ever gonna get it.

      I see how easily you assumed she had multiple partners in order to wonder what’s wrong with her being called a slut. You aint slick
      Champ. You forgot that sex that requires protection ain’t the kind that’s had by herself.

      To answer the question, what’s wrong with the use of slut is:

      If it ain’t true & is said to her for benefit of an audience watching him use the word to “check” her

      If she is a minor whose same age or older boyfriend, date or sex
      partner called her that on
      Facebook or Twitter, then it
      becomes fighting words and a decision on whether or not to dole out a verbal and/or physICal beatdown.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I see how easily you assumed she had multiple partners in order to wonder what’s wrong with her being called a slut. You aint slick. Champ. You forgot that sex that requires protection ain’t the kind that’s had by herself.”

        i didn’t do that. limbaugh was 1000% wrong in calling her that name. this entry is basically about semantics and us being somewhat hypocritical.

  • jennifer

    It’s worth pointing out that the word slut rarely if ever just means “one who has/has had many sexual partners.” It often implies that one is indiscriminate, lacking control over baser impulses, possessing bad judgement, possibly disease ridden, unworthy of anyone’s commitment both now and in the future, you could go on and on.

    I think all those things put that extra stank on it that makes it pejorative.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      It’s worth pointing out that the word slut rarely if ever just means “one who has/has had many sexual partners.” It often implies that one is indiscriminate, lacking control over baser impulses, possessing bad judgment, possibly disease ridden, unworthy of anyone’s commitment both now and in the future, you could go on and on

      this is true. there are many people who assume that people with multiple sexual partners have serious personality defects.

    • Nikki

      This. I don’t equate ‘someone who has/had many sexual partners’ with the word slut. Some people love chex and make mindful choices about who/when/where they get busy.

      Some will let everybody ride the ride, just open for business….for some or all the reasons above..

    • Royale W. Cheese

      I like this explanation.

    • Dos Pesos

      100% agree. The word has a qualitative component that goes beyond the quantity of partners.

      You could have Girl A and Girl B–both 21 year old women with 10 partners. If Girl A started at 16 and had chex twice a year with a different boyfriend she’s dated for several months; most folks would not consider her a slut for having 10 partners. In contrast, if Girl B went to NBA Allstar Weekend as a virgin but has chex with both the East and West’s starting line-ups that weekend, she’d probably be labeled. They’d both have the same number of partners, but the nature of the experience gets one labeled.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        I agree with all these responses; s!ut is a word with many meanings. Some people wouldn’t classify a single women who sleeps with many man men a s!ut but would classify a woman who sleeps around on her boyfriend or husband as such. Some characterize it like you just did. Rush associated it with being a pr0stitute. Some folks just put a number on it, no matter what the situation. But the term is always associated with a lack of self-control and discretion.

  • http://www.kinkythought.com Dani

    Promiscuity as a concept is subjective. Even before you get into the value judgment you have to define what number puts you into the realm of promiscuous. 20 plus? Is it even a number? If you’ve had sex with 8 dudes, but in two trains of four, where does that put you?

    Sure, there are a lot of people who believe that it’s no big thing to pull triple digit partners, then again a lot of people really DO see that as kind of icky. You read all these studies about how women are hard wired for monogamy and to “attach” to sexual partners, so there’s a view that anyone who doesn’t have that kind of emotional connection behind sex is that way because something is wrong with them. (Although reality kinda supports that in a lot of cases. Of say, 10 women I know personally who could be considered promiscuous, 7 of them have some history of abuse that they’re working through and working in.) The value judgement stems from assumptions on where a woman’s mind is behind the decisions she’s making, which is a double standard. Men can just be driven by a sheer desire for sex, but women who do the same are “abnormal.”

    But then I self-identify as a hypocrite. I don’t think of any of the aforementioned friends as “slutty,” outside issues or no. However, the acquaintance of a friend of mine who screwed a random stranger old enough to be her father in the bathroom of a hotel suite while the rest of us watched TV at a party… that’s the only sexual partner I’ve known her to have, I know nothing of her life before or since, but she’s a slut for that off sheer principle. It’s all relative.

    And “social butterfly,” “free spirit,” and “wild” are all non-incendiary euphemisms I’ve heard. I prefer to use “she’s about her sh*t”/”she gets it in.”

  • tre

    i think that the S word used to describe women is just as offensive as the F word used to describe gay men. now with that said…is the term used to always describe a particular behavior? i would say no. it is bad bc it is a derogatory term used to de-value women. glad you fellas are discussing this over here. thats why i luv y’all!!

  • brendadc

    Did I miss a memo….because the last time I checked, promiscuity is considered a bad thing…but it’s applied to women. I don’t hear it associated with men, who are encouraged to “sow their wild oats” and play the field until they’re ready to settle down. I feel when a woman takes on that attitude, they’re at risk of being labeled a “slut” or “ho.”

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      hmmm. i hear that — that men are allowed to do whatever while women aint allowed to do anything — thrown around quite a bit, and I don’t think it’s very true. yes, men do have more leeway, but, aside from rappers and pro athletes, men thought to be “hoes” do have a tougher time pulling quality adult women.

      • Manny

        Not sure what you mean. What does quality have to do with men being allowed to sleep with many different women without being negatively judged? I think this concept is VERY true. If you meant to write quantity, then I don’t know when the # becomes alot. But I’m pretty sure men that aren’t rappers/athletes have managed to sleep with 10+ women. The men wojuld be applauded and a woman in that situation would be a slut.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        ” men thought to be “hoes” do have a tougher time pulling quality adult women. ”

        So not true. There are tons of married men, boyfriends, steady dating men who end up in relationships with quality women. The woman may or may not know about his past.

        • Adonis

          @A Woman’s Eyes

          Thank you… Women love men with high body counts…

          Now if a particular chexually experienced man is immature… Then that is a different ball of wax

          • Deeds

            There is a difference betweeen loving the high body count and either overlooking or not wanting to think about it.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            If a sexually experienced man is immature but brings her orgasms she will put up with his immaturity for as long as she wants to continue to have sex with him.

      • Sharay

        really? Somehow I don’t believe you.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          I have no idea if you’re married, formerly married or know a high number of married couples to discuss their history with….

          ….My point is that many men sow their oats before they marry and then choose and marry a quality woman in the end. Just because a man has whorish pre-marriage history does not mean his wife shares that history also.

          I find that whorish men may seek out and marry quality women as their cover and to have someone to take care of home, and have the babies while he has affairs. Or he may quit the whorishness then meet a quality woman and marry her.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        i address this a bit more in a comment further down the page

    • Iceprincess

      It urks me to no end when folks use the words “slut” & “hoe” interchangably. 2 different things people! A slut runs around f*ckn for free for no apparant reason. All she gets is hard d*ck & bubble gum. Hoes CHARGE for their services & wouldnt dream of giving it up for nothing. Its a grave insult to call a hoe a slut. Jus sayin….

      • Todd

        Sounds to you for the Big L reference. Hard d*ck and bubble gum indeed. :)

    • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

      Ummm scenario:
      Part 1 –
      Man: You’re a slut
      Woman: How dare you attack me and call me a slut

      Part 2 –
      Woman: You’re a slut!
      Man: So what?

      Sometimes, women accuse men of things and you have to step back behind all their rage and anger, and see how baseless their argument is. Under what law, are men given the freedom to smash around, and women are denied that same basic right? If there is no law, that means it is individuals, you and I who are more accepting of a man sowing his wild oats than we are of a woman. Why is that? Because y’all don’t know how to live with the possibility of men and women looking at you with little respect.

      What is a bunch of men called a woman a slut, and her response, was “Yeh, so what?” What would men do next, would we rally to ensure the she gets exiled from the town? Would we rally to ensure she never get married or that she never had children? When you take ownership of what you are, and you accept it, the word has less power over you – however, when you yell and complain about the offensive word, you’re revealing a weakness that is opened for manipulation and deception.

      • http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com Jay

        EXXXXACTLY! +100,000. Honestly, I was scrolling through the comments to see if anyone had made the same post, if not, that was gonna be the gist of my post. There was a big elephant in Champ’s original post: Slut is only a bad word when its referring to WOMEN. Men don’t care. This is of course due to the discrepancy between the way that society treats a promiscuous man as opposed to his female counterpart. But as much as women rail against this, I think its fair. Women, generally, are desired, some less so than others, but I’m sure that every woman reading this knows that she could walk outside of her door and get laid within 5 minutes if she were so inclined. It takes a lot more for a man. He has to put in some work, some effort. He has to look nice, smell nice, and have some type of game about himself. I’m speaking hypothetically of course but it is the truth. Women constantly have to deflect sexual attention. Men have to seek it out. So for a woman to have many partners suggests that she simply stopped deflecting the attention. Not saying that its right but…

        • Todd

          There’s a difference between just passively not deflecting attention and actively allowing certain kinds of dudes to come and meet whatever needs you have. Once is a sign of poor judgment. The other is a sign of just doing them. Can you tell the difference from JUST a body count? I can’t.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            Todd I don’t understand the difference in the two examples you used. In both cases you are responsible for who you chose to have sex with. The power of choice is always ours in both scenerios. I don’t care if the woman has a passive fetish, she’s still running the ship of who she decides to share her body with.

            • Todd

              If you’re being passive, you are NOT running the ship. That’s the point. Active and passive are antonyms for a reason.

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                Now I’m confused.

                If a woman is passive, and a man pursues her, all it means is that the man pursued her and she said “ok” versus her pursuing the man and him saying “ok”.

                Are we thinking of the same thing behind “being passive”??

                • Todd

                  I think we’re talking past each other. There’s a difference between a woman choosing to allow a man to pursue her (which is an ACTIVE choice) and a woman just offering it up to anyone who asks just because they ask. Playing the passive role in a relationship doesn’t mean a woman has given up the choice to actively be in a relationship.

                  • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

                    Right I see the difference- the chick who do it with anyone who tells her she’s cute as opposed to a woman who proactively picks the men she wants- not just taking anything she can get.

                  • A Woman’s Eyes

                    Ok I got it now! I was confused for a sec. Thanks for explaining.

        • That Ugly Kid

          I’m one of the few people that think that “slut” being a negative term when referring to women is actually, consistantly fair. Let me explain. In our society when you put someone on a pedestal, like say a celebrity, that person receives harsher criticisms for doing seemingly normal negative things that other non-celebrity folk do on a daily basis. People yell at and threaten kids everyday, but when Mike Epps does it, look what happens? This is because he is a celebrity, he is in the public eye and as such, he is held to a higher standard.

          It’s the same with women and their bodies. The female body is d*mn near universally considered as WAY more special than the male body. After all it is the “Give of Life” and yada yada. On the other hand, no one gives a f*ck about the male body. Hence why a topless man in public catches no shade, but a topless woman does. Her body is seen as sacred, special, and that she should treat it as such.

          • That Ugly Kid

            But since we (society) put the female form on this grand pedestal, like everything else, it faces a harsher criticism. Which is why earlier, I said this was consistantly fair. Important people always catch shade for doing bad things that occur daily by us “non-important” people. That’s all there is to it. The only way to stop it, is for society to treat the male form as equally important as the female’s (which will NEVER happen) that way they both share equally harsh criticism, or treat the female form as equally “non-important” as the male’s (again, which will NEVER happen) so that their sexual actions aren’t seen as a big deal.

            The old joke, “Why is it at baby showers, everyone rubs the woman’s stomach and tells her congratulations, but no one cups my balls and tells me ‘Good job’,” speaks volumes about our society’s views towards men/women. So, this might sound harsh, but to all the woman complaining about how unfair this is, it’s not. You’re special. Rejoice.

            • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

              “Why is it at baby showers, everyone rubs the woman’s stomach and tells her congratulations, but no one cups my ba!!s and tells me ‘Good job’”

              Do men attend baby showers? :) I’ve seen and heard many men gets pats on the back and congratulations when they have a baby on the way. I recall the big cheers and smiles for jayZ when Beyonce showed her big belly. I saw Juno this weekend and I’m thinking about the dad saying (about Bleeker) “I didn’t think he had it in him.” I remember Seinfeld “my boys can swim!” IJS, men get plenty of props for making babies; it’s like a symbol of manhood.

              • That Ugly Kid

                Lol, I know men get congratulated and such. The point of the joke is that men don’t get as much praise as the woman gets. The attention a man gets is dwarved by the amount a woman gets in the same situation hence the “caressing of his balls” to put that attention on equal footing so to speak.

            • CNotes

              I agree. Great way to explain.

          • Deeds

            Huh…the woman’s body is considered more special. Somehow that’s not the message I get when I was catcalled and disrespected at 12 or any age. When I hear guys talk about who’s attractive or who they’d want to smang special is not the message that I get. Disrespect seems more accurate.

            Also, in terms of congratulations with new babies. Fathers do get congrats. That whole custom of fathers passing out cigars and everyone congratulating the father comes to mind. Also, people rub the mother’s stomach at the shower because the actual baby is in there. It would be inappropriate and probably s.exual harrassment to grap your nuts and say congrats.

            • That Ugly Kid

              Right, because the individuals who catcalled you represent our society as a whole. Catcallers are, after all, a majority. My point stands that a woman’s body is seen as delicate, special, even sacred. Hence why women get called out for wearing revealing clothing, being promiscuous, etc. Because by doing these things, they are seen as disrespecting themselves (see what I did there?), their bodies included. Disrespect? No. Not as a society. Unless we’ve forgotten how society favors women in domestic disputes or any other legal matter in which gender is a factor (rape accusation, etc).

              The funny thing is, women often complain about double standards when it comes to things of this nature. However, when discussing women and domestic disputes, and other areas that BENEFIT (see where I’m going with this) them? Crickets. Here in this post we’ll see people (mostly female) bashing double standards. But in another one (try the recent Chris Brown one), you’ll see those same people supporting one (again, females).

              • http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com Jay

                Dude you make TOTAL sense. I hadn’t even looked at it from that perspective. Points. And now I see this discussion getting dangerously close to other controversial ones where individuals take their personal experiences, copying them, and pasting them on a discussion of society as a whole. Of course men get congrats when they’re gonna be fathers. The kids point was that its not directed at THEIR BODIES. A pregnant woman is a marvel, and pointing out that its because the baby is actually in there just goes more to the point. Women’s bodies are put on a pedestal because they BRING LIFE… and because they are more beautiful, a fact that I think both men AND women can agree on. Attraction isn’t just about aesthetics. Aesthetically I think that even heterosexual women and homosexual men, groups attracted exclusively to the male form, can at least agree that aesthetically the female form trumps the male.

                • That Ugly Kid

                  Exactly.

              • Deeds

                Aesthetically more pleasing sure, but somehow put on a pedestal I don’t think so. In movies full frontal nudity is probably much more likely with women than men. Also, men can disrespect themselves s.exually as well not just women. Nobody would look to kindly on a male prostitute or if a man came walking out of his house naked or in a g string. Also, most if not all women get catcalled in this society. Why else would there be websites that women go to lament it. I’m not some anomaly this is a part of society. Another thing in many societies and this one too at times many people would rather have a male child as opposed to a female child. Regardless of the reason why I’m trying to figure out how makes women considered so much more special than men even though women have the babies.

          • esa

            who puts women on the pedestal ?
            i never asked for it. i am always jumping off.
            better to be humble, to know that you belong on and of the earth than to anger the person who put you up there and have them try to toss you off.

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          I cosign this sentiment. It’s really funny how when you take a “so what?” Attitude to the side, people are at a loss of what to say next. I’m an unapologetic happy heaux. Cause I enjoy chex. Very much. I also like variety. I’m liberal with my affections.
          So what?

          *skips down the avenue*

          • http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com Jay

            I’ve been to your blog and I dig your outlook. I personally take the same outlook on the N word. If you call a white person a slur they would laugh at you and not feel the least bit offended (in most cases). I think the dynamics are similar.

          • Adonis

            Now if only we can get @WC to film her exploits & post it on one of her articles

            Ninjas wanna see… Ninjas wanna see

            • http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com Jay

              HEY-OHHHH……!

            • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              It ain’t about what ninjas want.

        • Royale W. Cheese

          “but I’m sure that every woman reading this knows that she could walk outside of her door and get laid within 5 minutes if she were so inclined.”

          Now getting laid by a smangable man is a totally different feat.

    • naijaglobetrotter

      You expressed my thoughts exactly!!! The slut word is a derogatory word that most of us use to identify the so called “abnormal women” that are not wired for monogamy as they should! When it comes to men, this double standard does not apply. If its a guy, he’s a player and that is seen in a good light compared to slut.

  • http://www.lifeofalibra.com L Boogie

    “if promiscuity isn’t a bad thing, why do you think that every single term used to describe a promiscuous person has such an unquestionably negative connotation?”

    Here’s the thing. This notion of promiscuity being “ok” only applies to men from my vantage point. As its always been, if a man says he’s been through 10 women, it’s shrugged off and not a second thought is given. If a woman says she’s been with 10 men, she’s automatically called a slut, whore, and whatever else you can think of. It’s such a bad term because it’s pretty much EXCLUSIVELY reserved to describe a woman, regardless of her actual sexual behavior. All someone needs is the perception that a woman is engaging in “slutty” behavior, and she’s immediately labeled as such. Terms that use such a broad brush to paint a group’s perceived behavior will always have a negative connotation, similarly to how “ghetto” is almost universally negatively used to describe Black people…

    • DQ

      If a man runs through 10 women in 10 days, is that shrugged off by women? Is a guy that sleeps with any woman he can desirable to women?

      If a woman runs through 10 men in 10 days, do other women judge her activities? Do they have a negative view of that woman?

      I’m noticing a lot of comments referring to how men and women’s promiscuity is viewed differently (and I have no quarrel there) but what I’m missing is the acknowledgement that if there is a double standard it is men AND women enforcing it.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        If a man runs through 10 women in 10 days, do other men judge his activities? Do they have a negative view of that man?

        I’ve rarely (read: never) heard a man condemn another man for sleeping with a lot of women, especially if those women are particularly attractive.

        • DQ

          But have you heard women condemn them (men) for doing such a thing?

        • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

          I have and I have done so myself. (I think we agree though; I was misunderstanding what you were saying before). Men and women are more forgiving of men for promiscuity, although I think men take it a step further by praising other men for it while women disregard it.

          • DQ

            I think I have some anecdotal evidence to support your last statement (that both and men women tend to be forgiving of men, but men tend to take it further than women). I think I also have some evidence to suggest that both men and women condemn men, but women tend to take it further than me.

            As a species, human kind is lucky to have even made it this far considering how contrary we are to one another in almost every single way.

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        The double standard is applied BY both, yes, but the double standard is in favor of men if you weigh it equally. You’re using the number 10 in 10 days but the point is, if the SAME number and SAME instance was applied to a woman and a man, best believe the woman would be judged harsher. That’s the point.

        • DQ

          Do you not find it odd, that a double standard is being actively enforced by a group of people most adversely affected by it?

          Can you think of another example where this happens? It took me 10 minutes before I could even come up with 1.

          • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            “Do you not find it odd, that a double standard is being actively enforced by a group of people most adversely affected by it?”

            Odd in general, yes. Odd in the sense that I’m surprised it happens? Nope. for example, it happens to Black folks all the time. Colorism anyone?

            • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

              I was just coming up here to say the same thing, Cheeks. In any situation where the is a power differential, the oppressed will begin to internalize the negative perceptions of their oppressors. Black folks talk worse about “ni99as”, “ni99ardom”, “ni99ardry”, and every other type of “ni99arism” than white folks ever could. We have natural hair vs permed hair wars. We have light skinned vs dark skinned debates. As an oppressed people we are constantly trying to find a way to seem more valuable than one another because somewhere along the way we have subconsciously internalized the idea that we aren’t as as good as our oppressors. We wee the same thing occur with women in patriarchal societies such as ours. As women we are not nearly as valuable as men, men have historically used sex and sexuality to define our value forus and we subconsciously seem to have the need to do the same thing to ourselves. Internalized oppression folks.

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                +1 NY2VA, Exactly!

              • DQ

                Not for nothing but the examples you are talking seem more like examples of “sensitive issues” and “touchy issues” but not examples of us reinforcing double standards established by others that hurt us. Example, while the light skin vs dark skin might be an inherited artifact of racism, but I’d wager a bet that white people do not generally treat or view light skinned people better than darker skinned people. They treat black people nominally the same (that is to say all of y’all some ninjas). The light skinned vs dark skinned is our own dysfunctional monster, not an example of a double standard, that they enforce that we have adopted. I would say the exact same thing about straight vs natural debate. It may be an artifact of the institution of slavery, it may even be internalized, but it is far from an enforced double standard, because by and large I don’t think white people care about black women’s hair as much as black women do (nor castigate you as some of you have done to one another, because of choice in hair style).

                There is perhaps a case to be made “on the job” (is a perm more acceptable from a corporate view point than a a really kinky fro, or a low cropped fade is better than braids? And isn’t it possible that black people might take the view that the perm and the low cropped cut are better?) But there still is no double standard if the view is that corporate bodies value conservative hair cuts across the board. If black people think EVERYONE should have conservative hair cuts, including white people – there is no double standard.

                None of these examples seem to parallel, “the oppressed” (for lack of a better term) being held to one standard, “the non-oppressed” being held to another, and both “the oppressed” and “the non-oppressed” enforcing both notions. Maybe I’m just not seeing what you’re saying here. I’ll keep mulling it over.

                • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

                  The thing is, in my book, racism is the ultimate double standard. Thomas Jefferson penned the words that “all men are created equal” but then a very short time later in Notes on Virginia stated that black men were inferior to white men. The notion that all men have equal value… but wait maybe not those men… that says double standard to me.

                  “Example, while the light skin vs dark skin might be an inherited artifact of racism, but I’d wager a bet that white people do not generally treat or view light skinned people better than darker skinned people”

                  Bruh, there is SOOOOO much educational research out there regarding the way light-skinned children are treated in school in relation to the way dark-skinned children are treated in school. Research indicates that darker skinned children are the recipients of harsher punishments, lower expectations, and fewer academic opportunities. It seems ridiculous but if you do a little research, you will see that I’m telling you the truth.

                  When the shit hits the fan, yeah, we’re all ni99as to them, but in our day to day interactions, colorism is DEFINITELY in effect.

                  • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

                    Moderation? Word?

                  • GypsyCurl

                    To add to your point on colorism…. I’ve heard non- blacks (including foreigners who swear up and down America has racial issues but their home country does not), as well as black folks, say that “mixed children/babies are cuter than “non- mixed” children/babies. My point: our society/world promotes a certain type of beauty and non-blacks are not blind or impervious to colorism.

                    On one last note, I will say this: More non-blacks seem to appreciate/envy/love/etc. the natural hair of blacks. I am always asked (bc I am natural) “Why don’t more black women wear their hair like yours?”

                • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                  DQ, the situations may not be exactly identical but we’re talking concepts here. As a whole. Like NY2VA said, internalized oppression. I mean, I was directly answering your question in terms of “women using insults they are directly affected by against each other” in comparison. I didn’t mean to compare the two instances step-by-step, but more so on that one concept you questioned.

                  • DQ

                    Gotcha. I’m going to try to look up some what NY2VA is suggesting is shown in the studies (I’ve already learned one thing today, I’m certainly not opposed to learning 2 things). But the examples didn’t ring true to me initially because the shade I’ve seen thrown back and forth between black people doesn’t at all mimic (in my opinion) how some white people would view us (i.e. as a monolith).

                    Even the kind of shade we throw is not the same. I’m actually getting to the point where I’m starting to feel like, there is equal if not greater shade, tossed towards light skinned people than in reverse. I’m not saying there is no reason for this, but it would certainly defy the notion that this is an artifact adopted from white people and perpetuated by black people.

                    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                      Well, to be fair, I think the shade thrown at lighter skin tones is in retaliation from them always being viewed as superior by society. It’s an interesting relationship, really.

              • Deeds

                +2

      • CNotes

        “If a man runs through 10 women in 10 days, is that shrugged off by women?” “If a guy that sleeps with any woman he can desirable to women?”

        It’s a crap shoot. Depends on the woman and how it is presented. If he’s dealing with a woman who is insecure, passive and seeks attention from men (regardless if it is negative) for validation, she may shrug it off. If he’s dealing with a woman who has high self-worth and sees his behavior from a logical standpoint, she will probably not be interested knowing that he is likely undisciplined and unfaithful. Sometimes she can have these attributes and still deal with him if his changed behavior has convinced her that he will no longer choose to be promiscuous (most of us can be forgiving).

        “If a woman runs through 10 men in 10 days, do other women judge her activities? Do they have a negative view of that woman?”

        Absolutely! And many women will voice their judgements to anyone who will listen…..especially men. And although many VSBs may likely disagree, but most men listen to and believe women….even if those women are not credible. So, all it takes is a convincing women who want to pass judgement to get the streets listening and believing.

        • DQ

          I have actually experienced your last paragraph, (i.e. being told by one group of women, that another group of women were of ill repute).

          However if we put it context, maybe that was more of a reflection of “hurting the competition” than a real evaluation of the other women. Like, I don’t think they may have meant it to be as pernicious as it sounded, they just felt like, these women shouldn’t be rewarded for their sexual liberty (or maybe even the opposite, that they who chose not to be sexually liberal, should be rewarded for having done so).

          A lot of interesting dynamics potentially at play there.

          • CNotes

            That’s just it. It’s important to view the messenger because there could be a number of reasons (justified or unwarranted) why she chooses to pass her judgement on to others.

            • DQ

              Absolutely agree.