Why I’m Not Participating In “A Day Without A Woman” » VSB

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Why I’m Not Participating In “A Day Without A Woman”

Today, millions of American women will exercise their right to protest by participating in “A Day Without A Woman” — a strike aimed at highlighting the “value that women of all backgrounds add to our socio-economic system–while receiving lower wages and experiencing greater inequities, vulnerability to discrimination, sexual harassment, and job insecurity” as is noted on the Women’s March website.

I will not be counting myself in that number. Not because I don’t believe in economic, social, and political equality for my gender. (Not for nothing, but next on my book list is Chimamanda’s Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, after all.) It’s also not because of the current and very valid discussion around how many of the women this protest is intended to uplift are not in the position of privilege to take a day off, paid or unpaid, or refrain from consuming and retain their jobs or provide for themselves or their families.

It’s not even because of the oft-revisited talking point of White Feminism needing to do the work the Black Women have already done time and time again. I discussed it after the election; many people touched on it just six weeks ago around the Women’s March. I’m sure that continuing to call out the toxic ignorance of White Women will be a frequent exercise, especially in the light of all the post-Get Out Allison Williams memes.

The real reason I am tapping out of this moment is because I am tired of couching my humanity in the value I provide to the others around me. It is wearing and insulting, and just the latest in a wave of activist moments that are well-intentioned but ultimately embed people’s empathy as a condition of what I have to offer to society-at-large.

First there was the #WeAreAllImmigrants moment, which is not only a remarkably silly edict considering the history of Native American/Indigenous People’s genocide and the Transatlantic Slave Trade, but also completely trivializes and minimizes the current fight faced by millions of immigrants every by acting like everyone’s lived realities are one and the same.

Then there was #IAmAMuslimToo, a misguided attempt at solidarity by co-opting a faith system and linking it to some ass backwards patriotism to a nation that has historically marginalized the community you are claiming to defend or advocate for. You do not need to insert yourself into a community to empathize or advocate for their rights, nor should their narratives need to be tied to some sort of longer arc of American nationalism to provide validity to their humanity.

I’d be loathe to forget #ADayWithoutImmigrantsanother well meaning but still personally frustrating exercise of people patting themselves on the back for going without stopping by their favorite tapas restaurants for a day and not complaining too much about it. Ignoring the troubling underlying narrative of immigrants being most directly tied to the service work industries of America (which runs contradictory to the never-ending “stealing our jobs” story that is pushed ad nauseam by MAGA hat owners), it is again tying advocacy for underrepresented and misrepresented demographics in America to the value they provide for others and not simply promoting their inalienable civil rights without condition.

For me — an immigrant, a Muslim, and a woman — this is all a precursor to the strike planned for International Woman’s Day, the most recent in a series of initiatives that are meant to advocate for me but seem to intentionally or unintentionally base my right to participate in American society in the quantifiable worth I provide to the people around me or in their ability to empathize for various parts of my identity, by not only walking a mile in my shoes, but claiming those shoes for themselves. Neither of those circumstances are ones that I am interested in participating in.

By no means does this mean that participating in these moments makes you a bad person — there are millions of immigrant, Muslims, and women who have been active and personal participants in these initiatives, and have chosen these paths for themselves as their preferred route to the ultimate goals of rights and equality in the United States and worldwide, and I understand the choice, even if I don’t agree. For me, however, civil rights shouldn’t be measured by manufactured camaraderie. And in celebration of International Women’s Day, I will continue to advocate for the communities I am a part of and amplify the voices that I can, but with strong reservations on continuing to quantify my value as validation for empathy.

Shamira Ibrahim

Shamira is a twentysomething New Yorker who likes all things Dipset. You can join her in waxing poetically about chicken, Cam'ron, and gentrification (gotta have some balance) under the influence of varying amounts of brown liquor at her semi-monthly blog, shamspam.tumblr.com

  • Lisss

    Thing is though…even if you did take the day off in protest, would you call in to tell your boss thats the reason you’re not showing up today? And if not, doesn’t that negate the very reason why you’re protesting in the first place?

    • I think a lot of women are getting fired today

      • Sweet Ga Brown

        And when they do it won’t be because they are women.

        • I don’t see why I’d stand in solidarity with women in this country when over half of them voted for the guy who came after President Barack Hussein Obama

          • Sweet Ga Brown

            Truth. That’s because they have a set of priorities. Wytness comes first.

      • Val

        A bunch of people were fired for not showing up on A Day Without Immigrants.

        • Losing my job isn’t worth these half baked protests. Ever. The job market is doing to poorly for me to chance that.

    • miss t-lee

      I’m sure most who called in took a sick day, or PTO.
      Again, that speaks to the privilege aspect.

  • HouseOfBonnets

    Thank You!

    I’m starting to feel like although a lot of these “protest” have good intentions the execution only really serves as a way for many to pat themselves on the back/ mark it down in their I’m not privileged/racist/problematic bingo card. So because of that I have personally decided to sit out. You would think retooling or a different approach would be taken given the valid criticism but wear red I guess…….. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0b3179336bd8a2bd87de49d522c54f1b396a59a9eb7e2e79cb6786ad4f0afb26.gif

    • Diego Duarte

      If I had a penny for every contact on my facebook list congratulating women on International Women’s Day, who spends the remaining 364 days oppressing, sexually harassing, diminishing, insulting and belittling women, I’d put Gates and the Kochs out of business.

    • pls

      They literally wanna be able to tell their kids they were out “in the streets protesting” as if it were 1960 again. eff em! We can’t even have oppression to ourselves, they just gotta have a piece of that as well. annoying

    • Minx

      I’m just waiting to see them start re-directing all these Protestin’ Patties to all the other direct actions that aren’t marked as white/”safe”,

      • HouseOfBonnets

        This! I would also like to see if this will even last to 2018.

    • Michelle

      I’m guilty of hearing about a protest/hashtag/a new “movement” and judging on whether or not a white person had created it. The last one was that “Safety Pin” thing that was going around. I thought that it was dumb, due to the fact that they “gave themselves away”. Then I heard a few days later that Neo-N**is were wearing safety pins and trying to lure non-white people. Then there was the “Free the Nipple” campaign…

  • Wild Cougar

    I agree with this but also the idea of boycotting so people see your financial value and change to behave in ways that benefit you just doesn’t work unless you’re boycotting a particular company to change a particular policy. I mean, who exactly is supposed to come to this realization, and what exactly are they supposed to do about it? Starbucks is going to say “wow, we lost 768k in revenue on Wednesday so let’s make sure we put more women in management”? The only way that happens is if they wanted to make an announcement anyways and used this for PR.

    • Unrelated but related, what’s the hype over Starbucks? Do you have to have some impeccable palate to know the difference between them and a coffee from the McCafe at McDonalds??

      • There isn’t really one unless you want that fru-fru sh*t. I’m a coffee attic so I eff with them because I like my coffee strong and black as f*** . They are also right across the street from the plantation so that helps when I”m not home to make my own.

        • I don’t see why I’m supposed to pay $5 for a small cup of coffee when I can get an entire meal with that same $5 at Taco Bell or something.

          • $5 though.

            • You focused on the wrong things Wu

              • I usually get a med cup of regla -a** coffee for $2. I don’t get how people buy that other foolishness. I know why they do but I don’t get it.

                • Keeping up with the Jones’

                  Everyone wants you to know they got enough coins to waste on whatever. I keep it one hunnid. *posts pic of me balling in the Dollar Store*

                  • I shop at Dollar General and Family Dollar all of the time.

                    • THUMB THROUGH THE CHECK!!!

                    • miss t-lee

                      I prefer both to Wal Mart and Target, which I hate…lol

                    • Walmart is awesome even though they terrible, but they awesome!

                    • miss t-lee

                      NO, they are not.
                      I f*cking hate walmart.

                    • Walmart keeps their employees poor, makes sure that they can’t get health care and thus have to rely on gov’t assistance to get by – so they are very much the devil.

                    • I acknowledge they’re terrible.

          • Val

            And on top of that they try to force you to call it a grande instead of what it is, a large coffee. Annoying.

          • miss t-lee

            At least the coffee is real, at Taco Bell I’m sure you’re not eating actual beef.

            • mssporadic

              88% beef!

              • miss t-lee

                Is it even that much?
                I remember my homegirl worked for them back in HS and told me never to eat the “beef”…lol

                • mssporadic

                  yes, that was revealed during the controversy. It’s 88% beef and I think the 12% is preservatives and other junk so that it lasts longer.

                  • miss t-lee

                    Blegh.

        • Valerie

          “I like my coffee strong and black as f*** ”
          Agreed. I only drink black coffee with two packs of sugar.

      • Lol! I don’t get the Starbucks hype anymore either, now that I discovered small local coffee shops. The locals do coffee better than the big chains. ??People just like it because it’s easy to find everywhere, I suppose.

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          Easy and consistent same as why McDonalds is popular.

          • True! But those Starbucks drinks can taste different depending on who makes them…even today, for example, I’ve been getting the same drink all week and they were starting to get my trust again, so I walked off too quick today when I they gave me my order and by the time I noticed it tasted terrible this time, it was too because of course, I was to lazy to walk back to get it fixed. ?

      • Alessandro De Medici

        It’s the same thing with Priuses, Whole Foods, Macbook Pros, Lululemon etc.

        They’re all products, that imply artistry, progressive politics and upper middle class (usually white) tastes, which usually explains the exorbitant prices such goods go for. Advertisers pimping irrationality and envy.

        • Now I feel bad, I just got my little MacBook Air and I’m having the time of my life.

        • BT

          I wonder if I could get play in a Prius?

          • Val

            Hipster chicks would be chasing you down.

        • I have a conflicted relationship with Whole Foods. On one hand, it’s White and Upper Middle Class. Plus what they did to collard greens with the recipe they shared is a sin. That said, they’re really great at having clean eating food available without me having to triple check everything, and they’re owned by a libertarian. Sigh..

          • Alessandro De Medici

            I just think it’s a matter of who the main market is. Clearly whole foods isn’t marketed toward a majority black audience, but hey, the good things about that green is you can enjoy it for what it’s worth, rather than what people think of you for having it.

            • healthy food? for black people? This isn’t Wakanda sir.

          • “M”

            Whole Paycheck

        • mssporadic

          If I need to eat out quickly, I’d rather go to WF than get fast food. Worked for me when I was in school. I took salmon, orzo, and a vegetable to class once.

      • HouseOfBonnets

        not really.

      • God Shammgod

        Funny thing is, when it comes to pure black coffee, McDonalds is better lmao

        • Wow.

        • It sure is. I’m just not near a McDonalds.

        • Nicholas Peters

          Dunkin Doughnuts

          • I hope you don’t eat their actual donuts as well.

            Krispy Kreme >>>>>> everything

            • Nicholas Peters

              No…just the coffee

            • Val

              Krispy Kreme = Way too sweet azzed doughnuts.

              • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                Why are you fighting with everyone?

                • Val

                  So you are everyone now? Lol

                  • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                    I’m not Ruby

                    • Val

                      Lol You should use that as your next disqus moniker.

                    • No the fugg he shouldn’t!

                    • Val

                      I’m hoping that’s what he’s doing now. Lol

                    • I’m going to sue for product confusion and dilution or whatever fancy law term there is for stealing my name

                    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                      I would but I’m afraid of her

                    • Val
                    • Chickens are great pets

                    • Val

                      They stink and make too much noise.

                    • Dogs stink too and bark all the time. They’re still great pets.

                    • Dogs are nice

                    • You can wash a dog. Try that with a chicken.

                    • They are nasty as heII.

                    • miss t-lee

                      Absolutely disgusting.

                    • People STAY claiming they don’t eat pork because hogs are nasty but will go to town on some chicken.

                    • Please expound

                    • Chickens are rather filthy yet tasty animals. They stink to high heII. They may dabble in cannibalism but will eat their own feces. I’ve seen a hen drop a hot one and turn right around and eat the turd. Hogs don’t eat their own droppings.

                    • So pigs are healthier than chickens! Who knew!!!

                    • Lex

                      Why did I read this!!!!! Re-thinking Chick fil a for lunch…

                    • miss t-lee

                      Make it plain.

                    • miss t-lee

                      They run a neck and neck race

                    • In that vein, I have some fun reading for you about the history of Black Northerners avoiding pork. Thoughts?

                      http://southernstudies.olemiss.edu/study-the-south/how-to-eat-to-live/

                    • Outside of health concerns I always chalked that up to attempts at separating themselves form southern culture.

                    • That’s the broad gist of the writing: the creation of an identity that is separate from the South.

                    • miss t-lee

                      Clearly you don’t know chickens.

                    • I’ve literally had to stay on a chicken farm.

                    • Were you blind folded the entire time because those f***ers are nasty.

                    • All animals are nasty when you think about it. I’m not saying chickens are top 5 pets people should own. But they’re cool companions if you’re on a farm.

                    • You live in NY Malik

                    • miss t-lee

                      And you still want one as a pet? HOW?

                    • I know right.

                    • miss t-lee

                      I’m so confused right now.

                    • It’s got to be a Brooklyn thing >__>

                    • miss t-lee

                      Bwaha

                    • Good. Don’t let Val get you dragged in these e-streets. She won’t save you. She’ll record it all and sell it to WorldStar

                • Val

                  Your taste buds can;t be trusted.

            • mssporadic

              The glaze is gross. I don’t know how y’all eat them when the Hot sign is on.

              • BLOCKT

                • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                  Who is letting all the trolls in?

        • miss t-lee

          Indeed.

        • Val

          7-11 has better coffee than Starbuck’s.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          I don’t eat there but I applaud McD for going hard at Starbucks. Who remembers this ad aimed at Starbucks?… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2a56fffce422abd1dfe97737da755834ad7b76acdb147ee003faf9fa34e29b20.jpg

          • miss t-lee

            Try as they might, their drinks ain’t never gonna be on Starbucks level.
            They can’t even make a consistent drink from one location to another, much less across the country.

        • Wild Cougar

          The espresso is better too. Starbucks used to have high quality beans till they decided they make more money off mixed drinks and people who don’t care about bean quality

        • mssporadic

          I liked Mickey D’s coffee before they initiated McCafe.

      • Val

        Starbuck’s coffee tastes burnt to me. So me no know.

        • I don’t understand the nuances off coffee to know what bad coffee tastes like. It all tastes like a s s unless I add 5L of cream and sugar.

          • Val

            Lol Burnt is burnt though, AP.

            • I’m adding 5L of sugar and cream so by the end of that it tastes like vanilla milk.

          • miss t-lee

            You’re really not a coffee person.

            • Not at all. People claim it helps them wake up and I’m over here passed out after one.

              • miss t-lee

                I’m definitely not a nice person without mine.

                • Nichole

                  I would be unmarried and unemployed without coffee.

                  • miss t-lee

                    hahahahah

              • Aye Bee

                That’s me. One cup and 30 min later I am sleep. If I ever can’t sleep, I just drink it and I am out.

              • mssporadic

                Me too. However, once I wake up then I’m woke.

        • Pike definitely tastes burnt.

          • Val

            Never heard of Pike. Must be a regional company?

          • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

            It does, but now anything else tasted like water to me.

        • miss t-lee

          It’s just bad all around. I never get their coffee.

        • Try the blonde roast.

          • Val

            If I’m ever in Starbuck’s, which isn;t likely, I’ll remember that.

            • I like Starbucks a lot. Call me and I’ll walk you thru it.

              • HIPSTER

                • Hipsters get their coffee from Central Perk, Ricky. We’ve been through this.

                  • The 1st time I went to Central Park was when my homie from LA took me there actually.

                    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                      ??? You never hit any of the free summer concerts?

                    • Negative

                    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                      I actually saw Celia Cruz one summer.

              • Sigma_Since 93
                • Not that Val’s not shot-worthy, but you guys need a new hobby.

                  • Sigma_Since 93

                    “Not that Val’s not shot-worthy, but you guys need a new hobby.”

                    NOAP!

                    Stirring the VSB pot keeps me out of trouble and entertains me at the same time.

      • Nicholas Peters

        Pumpkin Spice Lateas?

        • Wtf is that? Is pumpkin spice just plain ol’ nutmeg??

          • Nicholas Peters

            Ask your closest white friend…all I know is that it looks like quicksand

      • miss t-lee

        Their coffee is garbage, their espresso drinks are where it’s at.

      • Valerie

        McCafe is better lol

      • Sigma_Since 93

        After my visit to a Seattle coffee shop not named Starbucks, they opened my eyes to realize Starbucks is trash.

        • Coffee is nasty though.

        • Valerie

          Seattle got some bomb coffee. I love visiting there and getting coffee from local coffee shops. Plus the atmosphere is better.

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          How’s the new environment treating you?

          • Sigma_Since 93

            I haven’t moved; that’s Mr Steal Your Costco Samples.

            • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

              Yep, maybe I should have more coffee

        • Yes, the local small biz coffee shops are the best!

      • mssporadic

        I spoke to someone that travels throughout the US, and they liked that Starbucks is (1) everywhere (so it’s reliable), and (2) it’s the same everywhere. Very convenient for them.

        I’m not a coffee drinker, so I mostly drink tea and lemonades there. When I want actual coffee, I go to a local coffee shop here.

      • DomiMami

        You can tell by the bubble guts you get later. Starbucks is my body’s kryptonite.
        The sh!ts I get should come with warning labels on that dayum white n green cup.

    • KNeale

      I think something like that could work but it would have to be a coordinated effort like you said. Targeting specific places. Starbucks wouldn’t be my first choice. Lol.

    • esa

      this doesn’t occur as a strategy to address or change policy so much as a branding and marketing ploy. once again, it’s a matter of catering to appearances.

      • Alessandro De Medici

        They’re based off nostalgia to the 1960’s, where small and local businesses had more leverage and political clout over local and state policies. in our modern times, this is far less effective, against multi-nationals and foreign direct investment focused organizations.

        • esa

          it’s vapid. to think of what people had accomplished in the past and to be reduced to this ..

        • Brooklyn_Bruin

          Right, Starbucks et al look at declining revenue and turn to automation instead.

    • miles b

      I was just about to post this. These types of things are only effective when they’re tied to something specific, like a change in company policy or pushing for a particular piece of legislation. Otherwise it’s pretty much an empty exercise that won’t change minds or move the needle on anything.

  • Amen.

    I got money to make. The rent is due. Nothing happens after these “marches” or “wear XYZ to show solidarity” events occur. Kudos to those of you who are fighting the good fight however you know how though.

    It’s still fugg feminism as it relates to who feminism actually helps. You white women so selfish and short sighted.

    • Yes! Like Trump and his possé of “dumbs and dumbers” will still be “Trump-ing” right along, as usual, after this protest. The results of these marches and protests since Trump won haven’t been significant at all. It all seems to be just a “feel good,” trendy thing for those organizing them and posting about them on social media.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      And don’t want to acknowledge said flaws within it (white feminism).

      • I think today, women everywhere should consider telling white women they are the sole benefactors of feminism.

        • HouseOfBonnets

          Very true.

      • Lisss

        Ugh! Especially them working in academia.
        Instead they want to tell you how it was feminism that allowed women to work. Meanwhile, the last time black women sat down was in Africa.

        • Eri Cad

          Touche

  • Valerie

    I agree. Ironically I took off today because I was invited to a panel by Microsoft which I’m waiting for it to start. If it had not been for the panel, I would probably be at work. I really think the some of these protests are more an ego thing than solidarity for the participants.

  • Megan Blanchard

    Thank you, I am also frustrated by false sacrifices of the privileged: case in point, Vogue “silencing” its instagram feed in honor of women. When privileged women pay lip service to women’s equality instead of taking meaningful action, they undermine the cause.

  • Rewind4ThatBehind
    • Valerie

      See this is why I say if I ever want a child (cause no more than one) I would want it to be a son for cute little moments like this.

      • And then you wake up and realize that kids require untold amounts of wealth, they annoying, they lie to you, they are always sticky, and they fart all the d a m n time.

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          You say that like it’s a bad thing.

          • You say that like you already $400K in debt raising some of your own.

            • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

              Why you gotta be so mean?

        • fedup

          And, when that cute lil boy hits about 15-19, all they do is eat, sleep, cause a ruckus, have the hallway outside their room smelling like all kinds of nonsense, want all your money, and barely wanna kiss you goodbye as they walk out the door!

          • Puppies don’t ever treat you this way.

            • LMNOP

              They pee on and chew your things though.

              I actually even have a defiant houseplant with an attitude problem. All I ask it to do is stay alive and not lose leaves all over the place, but it does what it wants.

              • My snake plant has to be dead. I know it is. I don’t water her ever.

              • “M”

                Do you water it on schedule? Re-pot when it gets rootbound?

                Play it the music it likes?

                If you can’t handle your plants, you can’t wonder why your humans keep leaving you …

                • LMNOP

                  My humans don’t keep leaving me lol. I think my little plant probably doesn’t get enough sun, I’ve only had it for a month or so.

          • Valerie

            Hmm and just like that I’m going to continue to wait on the raising a child journey. I’m having trouble dealing with my cat and I only have one cat lol

          • BrothasKeeper

            You break a lot of blankets, too. I heard.

          • TheUnsungStoryteller

            LMAO. That sounds like a disaster. Why would anyone want kids?

        • Rewind4ThatBehind

          So…………………no play time in the boom boom room?

          Gotcha.

          @h.h.h, you’re in for the long haul.

        • Valerie

          My rule is if I ever decide I would want a child (currently still in the no kids ever boat), I could deal with one. Preferably I would be married by then but if the relationship/marriage were to end, I could see myself being able to handle just one child.

          • Kids only sound ok in theory to me. Watching my friends have them strengthens my resolve to stay on birth control until I hit menopause.

            • Valerie

              Yeah @IzUp2U:disqus post to me had me to reconsider. They don’t stay cute forever lol.

          • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

            Two is actually easier because you can make them play with each other when you are too tired to deal with. Granted I say that with the luxury of not having to go through childbirth.

            • Valerie

              Already got that covered. He could play with the pets or perhaps I could put him in a fun after school program?
              Out of my element with this topic, never considered wanting a child until Rewind’s gif lol

            • I want 4-6. Not from scratch tho. Maybe that will be easier too.

              • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                I wanted 3 – 4. I had to settle for 2.

                • Yours are super cute tho. You done good. Make 2 more and ship them to Philly please.

                  • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                    We are a wrap on the baby making.

                    How does Rh sensitization affect the fetus during pregnancy?
                    Problems during pregnancy can occur when Rh antibodies from an Rh-sensitized woman cross the placenta and attack the blood of an Rh-positive fetus. The Rh antibodies destroy some of the fetal red blood cells. This causes hemolytic anemia, where red blood cells are destroyed faster than the body can replace them.

                    Red blood cells carry oxygen to all parts of the body. Without enough red blood cells, the fetus will not get enough oxygen. Hemolytic anemia can lead to serious illness. Severe hemolytic anemia may even be fatal to the fetus.

                    • Aw, I’m sorry.

                    • One and extremely done by the way.
                      She had tons of young kinfolk her age. She will be fine.

                • Valerie

                  Daycare is expensive right? Sigh so many factors when it comes to raising kids, it’s really scary for a single gal like me to think of the future/costs lol

                  • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                    If you worry about money, you will never have them.

                    • Valerie

                      Lol this is why I sometimes hope the good Lord blesses me with twin boys, I’M DONE. No more kids after that. He got a sibling.

                  • Think of what you could be doing with all the money you save on not having one!

                    • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                      Honestly, the biggest sacrifice is personal time. If you aren’t ready to put their needs first the majority of the time, I would advise against having children.

                    • Preaching. To. The. Choir.

                • Cheech

                  I wanted 2. Had to settle for 1.

                  • BrothasKeeper

                    I have 168 kids.

                    • Cheech

                      One for every hour of the week.

                    • I think I have close to 5,000 kids. Let me check this website and confirm.

            • LMNOP

              It’s harder financially though.

              • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                True.

          • fedup
            • Valerie

              I’m terrified of the possibility of divorce and having to raise two kids by myself. That’s why I’m not really sure if I want kids in general.

              • LMNOP

                They can help with each other at a certain age too.

                • Valerie

                  They can. I see what you mean, my brother always looked out for me.

              • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                You think being married means you won’t be raising the kids by yourself? Guffaws in selfish man!

                • Valerie

                  Future husband gonna have to put in some work with raising our kids. And until I get married, I’m not thinking about having little ones lol

              • fedup

                If you build yourself a super support system, it won’t be as hard.

                I have a friend who actually hand picked (from among the people in her life) a love circle for her daughter, and had them sign agreements as to how they’d play in a role in the daughter’s life, since she is a single mother to an only child. I didn’t meet this woman til my kid was in middle school. If I’d known her earlier, I would have followed her lead.

              • It doesn’t even have to be divorce. Your spouse could just up and die and boom, single parent.

                • Valerie

                  Relevant, however it is my fear. Perhaps one day I’ll reconsider.

            • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

              Disqus doesn’t accept the contraction of “he will”

              • fedup

                Ah! Thanks Kas. I was scratching my head for a cool minute tryna figure it out.

            • yup!
              i come from a small nuclear family…and i want there to be enough siblings to look out for each other.

              • Valerie

                So if I were to have twin boys, my problem would be solved. He would have a sibling and that would be it lol

            • I only have one kidlet and have been on the fence about having another one. I come from a big family (six kids) and I do think it would be better for him to have a sibling but I really like just having one kid. *sigh*

              • Valerie

                I see what you mean. Did you always want kids? I really can only see myself maybe wanting one son.

                • LMNOP

                  You get what you get, gender wise, so hopefully you could see one daughter too, since there’s a 50 50 chance.

                  • Valerie

                    I know. They say speak the things you want into existence so that’s why I keep saying I want a son. If I get a daughter well then I’ll have to hope I get a son next try lol

                    • LMNOP

                      Girls are great, they pee right in the toilet.

                    • Valerie

                      I’m a bit of a tomboy, so you’ll have to pray for me if I get a daughter. Poor girl LOL

                • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

                  I have a friend who is an only child and when me and my wife were discussing having kids, he insisted we have at least two because he hated being the only one.

                • I always wanted three…until I had the first one and now I’m like cool with just having one person to be responsible for.

            • That’s an awesone point.
              They can at least comfort each other, and bounce plans off of each other.

            • Mary Burrell

              I don’t understand why your comments are stuck like that there is no profanity in your post.

          • Nichole

            I’m my mom’s only (Daddy is another messy story) but it definitely has it’s pros and cons. The biggest downside was after my mom died. Once all the chicken and green beans are gone and everyone goes home, being the only child can be really hard.

            • Valerie

              Thank you, I’ll consider this for the future. I still have time to figure out what I want.

              • Nichole

                Only child life can be pretty fun though. Having very good relationships with cousins and friends that are like siblings helps a lot.

        • HouseOfBonnets

          Accurate, also double this in my case.

        • LMNOP

          They really do fart a lot lol. And it makes them so happy.

        • Catfish Jenkins

          C’mon Ms. Woo Woo. You and your VSB love (unsure of the VSS/VSB love connection tings g’wannin’) don’t wanna go halfsies and end up with 2 like these?

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/93b7cad3431a5e2114dbfd9b64a5020b0cf63c524060a97734494da9cff848f6.jpg

          • Valerie

            UGH so cute. Too much cuteness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            • Catfish Jenkins

              We need some lil Valerie’s. Make haste with the reproduction!

              • Valerie

                Nope I’m in no rush especially since there is no ring on my finger.

          • For what? I have plenty of cousins, nieces, nephews, etc.

          • TheUnsungStoryteller

            I’d only want kids for 2.5 hours. My services include walking around the park, swinging on the swings and buying them Chick-fil-a with their parents money. Then, they go back to their owners.

      • Rewind4ThatBehind

        He’s saying everything that needs to be said.

        Works for me.

        • Valerie

          He’s so cute. That jacket, those cheeks!!!! So this is what baby fever feels like, never experienced this before lol

    • fedup

      This is just so damneed cute!

      • Rewind4ThatBehind

        It is but it’s also befitting.

        Sometimes you don’t need words. You just need a sign of appreciation.

    • HouseOfBonnets

      I’m already dodging the pregnancy bug like the plague……this cuteness isn’t helping lol

      • Rewind4ThatBehind

        He’s just showing love.

        • HouseOfBonnets

          I know but still….that’s how it starts lol

      • Valerie

        I know right!!!!

    • Stole. Thanks

      • Rewind4ThatBehind

        hahaha

  • Deeds

    In honor of National Women’s Day, I’m gonna find a black women’s business and spend my coins there. That would seem to make more of a difference. There is no point in me calling out of my salaried job, wasting leave, just to have one less day to get work done that needs to get done anyway.

    • fedup

      My sentiments exactly (as I multi-task on spreadsheets, at work)!

    • HouseSublime

      Isn’t shopping at women/minority owned businesses one of the main directives of the Woman’s Day? I think the ‘call out of work’ issue (if it’s even and issue) is kinda overblown by people.

    • Val

      Sounds like a plan.

    • SoonToBeMrs

      Love it.

    • blue_lite

      It’s Black Restaurant Week here in Memphis. I’ll gladly spend my coins supporting my sisters and brothers today.

      • Red October

        Fellow Memphian! I am spending all my monies to help too.

    • Michelle

      I’m pissed because the hags, who did take today off to “protest”, I am stuck with their work. Just because they are off, doesn’t mean that the machine stops working for today. “Coincidentally”, the other co-workers (who are also working today, in my unit) are non-white (four black women and two South Asian women). And I know those a**holes are going to come in tomorrow with bagels and the reject donuts from the nearby Dunkin’ Donuts and talk about this is “consolation” for leaving their work (work for twelve women) on us.

  • It seems as though “We Are the World” was very influential to people who grew up during that era. People are really big on this idea of truncating parts of our individual identities in order to appear as one. As if they only way we can see each other’s humanity is be our commonalities and not by virtue that we are all people.

    • I don’t believe we are all the same. White people are evil. I bet 90% of the tragedies and issues on this very planet stem from them as a people.

    • miss t-lee

      “It seems as though “We Are the World” was very influential to people who grew up during that era”

      I hated this song.

      • I can see directing some cynicism its way, but hating the song?

        Stone cold.

        • miss t-lee

          I don’t like a lot of things folks think I should like…lol

        • Kas loves Jamaican Breakfast

          Got way too much play. I despise it as well

          • A song’s popularity is never indicative of its quality tho.

          • miss t-lee

            …and the video?
            Basura.

        • I mean they didn’t even have Prince on the song…

          • AlwaysPi7

            Prince declined, he didn’t want to do that song lol

            • Proving it sucked.

              • AlwaysPi7

                Yep.

            • I was gonna say it, lol

            • Because Michael was doing it and getting that money.

            • miss t-lee

              I completely understand why.

          • Think you’re thinking of Heal the World?

            • miss t-lee

              Nah.

              • Oh riiiiight. Oh, well I don’t care about the benefit song one. It’s the Michael one that gives me the warm and fuzzies.

                • miss t-lee

                  *whispers*
                  I hate that one too.

                  • Lol ugh :(

                    • miss t-lee

                      HEE HEE

                • Mary Burrell

                  Heal The World is a beautiful MJ song.

                  • ‘Yerzus

                    Agreed. His voice is so beautiful.

          • Cheech

            He was invited; didn’t show up. They sang it over his tape mark on the floor.
            Guess he wasn’t willing to check his ego at the door. (NTTAWWT.)

            • God Shammgod

              He said it was because the song sucked. (Which it does lmao)

              • Cheech

                Yeah, I can see that.

              • Mary Burrell

                And it did but I forgot MJ wrote it and I forgot MJ and Prince were rivals.

      • Cheech

        I mean, you can say the song sucked. But it’s not like raising $125M to try to feed starving people was such a bad idea.

        • miss t-lee

          Definitely not against the cause sir.

          • Cheech

            I feel like they’re kind of hard to separate. I mean , anything involving that many people, trying to appeal to that many people, is gonna be mediocre. But appealing to everybody was the point.

            • miss t-lee

              Point taken.

          • Mary Burrell

            I hated the song too and i was cynical about it back then but I have a change of heart today.

      • Kylroy
        • miss t-lee

          I haven’t heard this name since HS, at least.

          • Kylroy

            And this album cover is probably from a decade before *that*.

            • miss t-lee

              Wow.

    • Valerie

      This song was so cringe worthy.

  • KNeale

    FIRST- Need to read more writing from you just in general. Glad you’re here on VSB and gonna make sure I follow your writing other places as well.

    I have recently been thinking about and haven’t yet been able to articulate how the conversations around the “value” of black women has been largely about capitalism or patriarchies requirements. And somehow we are valuable because we meet those requirements in the ‘best’ way meaning we do large loads of that work with the least amount of support and appreciation. And while those things are true, is that what makes me ‘valuable’. I hope not. At least not solely. I hope I’m not only valuable because I do jobs for other people for less money, and because I cook and because I’ll be a strict parent. I do think being a black woman is its own experience that has value. Value in our perspective, in our interpretations, in our complex identities, in our strength, in our mulitfacetedness, in our compassion, in our ability to learn and understand. But all these things can and do exist without being in service to someone else in some way. And while caring for or being in service to others is neither unavoidable or inherently bad, I know I have value outside of that.

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