Why I Laughed At My Best Friend For Crying At His Wedding (And Then Cried At My Own) » VSB

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Why I Laughed At My Best Friend For Crying At His Wedding (And Then Cried At My Own)

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#RelationshipGoals mentions were at an all-time high last week due to this viral video of a crying groom that gave everyone all the feels. If somehow you were actually living life and missed it, here’s a quick rundown: Gabriel Deku burst into tears at the mere sight of his bride-to-be Annabelle walking down the aisle. The sob fest got so intense that Gabriel’s best man (aka the real MVP) had to G-check the big homie and make him stand up straight and look at his wife like she’s the captain now. A few quick sniffles later and the UK-based couple got on with the ceremony.

Once Black Twitter got wind of the video, it (collectively) got their Keith Murray on and dubbed the scene the “most beautifullest thing in this world.” Comment sections were flooded with broad-stroked declarations from women that their bae—both real and fictional—better cry them a river at the altar or his love will forever be questioned. Guys, for the most part, took to roasting Gabriel for shedding thug tears.  

I can see both sides of the proverbial coin here.

When my best friend got married some 10 years ago I, of course, was his best man and was prepared for everything from the Advil after the bachelor party to the rings on the big day. One thing I didn’t plan for though was this fool crying. Bruh, I could not believe this typically cocky alpha male was up here bawling. I swear if we weren’t in the house of the Lord I would have bust out laughing in his face right then and there. Instead, I snickered under my breath and saved the jokes for another day—which there were plenty of.   

Fast-forward six years later and I was now preparing to jump my own broom. I was cool throughout the entire morning leading up to the ceremony. But as soon as the strings on my entrance song, Kanye’s “All of the Lights (Interlude),” came on the waterworks started. I had no idea what was coming over me but I couldn’t stop the tears from coming down my eyes no matter how hard I tried. Finally, I just said, two tears in a bucket—fuck it—and walked out to the altar with my head held high. I even shed a few more by the time my bride made her way down the aisle.

The question remains: Why do (some) men cry during their wedding?

I’d be hard pressed to come up with answer for every single guy on the planet so I’ll just speak on my own personal experience. I wasn’t mourning the loss of my singlehood or feeling like my life was somehow over. In fact it was the complete opposite. As cliché as it might sound, I was crying tears of pure joy. Second to the birth of my first child or finding out that Chick-fil-A was coming to New York, this was the happiest day of my life.

Coming from a broken family and all the commitment issues that go along with that, I was embarking on a journey that I didn’t always think was possible. I was defying the statistics about Black folk and marriage and starting something my own parents couldn’t finish. Plus, I was getting the opportunity to put a ring on the finger of one of the most beautiful women I had ever known. If a Jordan crying face was the price I had to pay for all of that then sign me up.

As boys we’re often taught that crying isn’t cool and not what “real” men do—unless somebody died or you just won the championship game—because it’s seen a sign of weakness. Well, in that moment I didn’t feel weak but free. I was letting go of all my childish ways and doing the manliest think possible—pledging my allegiance to a Black woman forever ever.

Now that’s some #RelationshipGoals for you.

Anslem Samuel Rocque

Anslem Samuel Rocque is a Brooklyn-based writer who previously ran the popular relationship site, Naked With Socks On. He’s currently wearing way more clothes while working on his debut novel.

  • I saw the pic for the article and I was like, dang, VSB is big time now; they got Draymond writing for them?

    Great article though; I always carry Zyratek or Claritin to weddings, especially when they’re outdoors…just in case.

    • You ain’t right.

    • brothaskeeper

      Ragweed can get in your eyes and make then sweat. Even in’does.

  • MissMiamiHeatNation

    The guy I am currently dating has pretty much planned out our whole wedding. I asked did he think he was going to cry, he says “Yeah, I already know i am. You’re going from just being my girl to my wife. That is something I been waiting on.” I was in shock and thought he was lying, lol. (He doesn’t cry for anything) Reading this,now I can’t wait

  • As I’ve gotten older, I come to tears much more easily. However, I’ve ALWAYS cried at weddings. I always just though it was all so beautiful. People in a moment of love, sharing it with their family and friends. I hope I get to know what it’s like to be in the driver’s seat of that one day…I’ll probably end up ruining my overly expensive makeup job.

    • Tee

      Same. Once I hit 30 I learned I can no longer control my emotions. I legit cried at the movie Hook. I’m balling my eyes out because Peter Pan just wanted to get back to his kids, yo lol.

      I cried at my younger cousins bridal shower a few weeks back. Something about them getting married was so beautiful….just had me all in my feelings.

      • Hook.
        Tee, hilarious.
        Sorry.

        • Tee

          Sadly.
          It’s okay. Lol.

      • Michelle

        This is how I felt this past weekend. On Saturday, I had attended a dance recital and quietly bawled while watching a toddlers perform a ballet routine to “When You wish Upon A Star” and “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”. My cousin told me to take my sappy-azz back to the car.

        • Tee

          I’m hollering!!! I would have been crying right there with you, girl. We cry together.

      • I cried at Bey’s “Freedom” performance at the BET awards lol

      • Oluseyi

        …just had me all in my feelings.

        Semi-random digression. Last week I took my kid to the park, but told him we’d go to the restaurant first. As I pull over to park right across the street from the playground, he starts insisting we go now, saying he doesn’t want to go to the restaurant. We had company, though, so I told him what was gonna happen was gonna happen. He starts bawling. (He’s four-and-a-half; they cry for everything.)

        I’m trying to reason with him, then I get fed up and go, “Listen, we are going to the restaurant, and you’re going to act right and stop being all in your feelings!” And this little rugrat goes, “I don’t want to be all in my feeeeeeelings!”

        Yall, I’m still laughing. ???

        • Janelle S

          Oh, baby boy… Sometimes you can’t help but laugh.

    • L8Comer

      The older I get the more I cry too.

  • MsKeisha23

    Seeing tears of joy is a beautiful thing. I did attend the wedding of a friend several years ago, and the crying groom….started out as ‘awww.’ Then….he wouldn’t stop. Throughout the whole ceremony he’d just start HOLLERIN, full on wailing, couldn’t/wouldn’t stand up straight, doubled over….boo hoo CRYING. Then it was….COME ON ALREADY!!! They are divorced now (not so sadly). It seemed like once the rings were exchanged, he went all Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde on everybody, including said HS sweetheart /bride. BUT….I still see him….and it’s hard to keep a straight face.

    • Proverbs31WIFE!

      Now c that….Its too much emotion. I would rather he save the tears for every day of the marriage. Or bottle it up and send to areas of drought.

    • I can’t do overly emotional people in any capacity unless they just won the NBA championship apparently.

    • Amber

      I can’t stop laughing at your story. But how unfortunate for her.

    • NonyaB

      LOL. Das tew murch. In the couple of instances where I witnessed bawling grooms, they also turned out to be ain’t sh~t in their marriages.

    • PDL – Cape Girl Shero

      I wonder if he would admit today if all the wailing was about something else. Maybe wishing he could back out….maybe?

    • Oluseyi

      Seems uncannily similar to this video, to be honest.

  • Proverbs31WIFE!

    Mine better thug it up.

    • NonyaB

      LMAO.

    • “I thought I told y’all to stand up when she comes down the aisle!!!”

  • Timothius

    I didn’t cry at my wedding, so I’m not allowed to cry EVER AGAIN (according to my wife).
    The day itself is highly emotional, and the cry for some guys, or me – had I been crying, is because of happiness and relief and damn-she-looks-beautiful and “we’ve been planning this for x months and it’s finally here”
    So guys, do your wife a solid and shed tears. Stare at onions if you have too. Watch game 7 of CLE/GS. Watch the Mufasa die in Lion King. Trust me, it’s worth it.

  • Lego

    I understand why a man would cry at the alter and I am also am one that have to be given the evil eye because I will embarrass my partner and myself for laughing inappropriately at emotional moments.
    But more importantly, I respect a man that embraces those emotions in the moment, more men should to embrace their full range of emotions more often. I wish those feelings weren’t so closed off to me.

  • Jennifer

    Yea, black love!

    Crying aside, can I just say the wedding fashion in that video was flawless. Mama led the bride down the aisle in that gorgeous dress and fascinator combo. The bride was so secure in her fierceness (she should be) that she outfitted her bridesmaids in flattering and beautiful WHITE dresses. I was a little distracted by the fashion and missed half of the crying. Sue me.

    • Tee

      Love black love. Gotta get me some.

  • RaeNBow

    all the collective feels are happening right now. :-D what a great post to start the weekend, #cheers!!!!!

  • Tee

    I love to see men cry at their weddings. To see that level of emotion come from a man is so beautiful to me. My older cousin cried immensely at his wedding. We could not get him to stop. My younger cousin also cried at his wedding. He was so overcome with emotion we had to stop the wedding, get him a cup of water and some take him outside for some air cause he nearly passed out. Let’s just say the men in my family have no problem with showing their emotion :-)

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