Why I Laughed At My Best Friend For Crying At His Wedding (And Then Cried At My Own) » VSB

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Why I Laughed At My Best Friend For Crying At His Wedding (And Then Cried At My Own)

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#RelationshipGoals mentions were at an all-time high last week due to this viral video of a crying groom that gave everyone all the feels. If somehow you were actually living life and missed it, here’s a quick rundown: Gabriel Deku burst into tears at the mere sight of his bride-to-be Annabelle walking down the aisle. The sob fest got so intense that Gabriel’s best man (aka the real MVP) had to G-check the big homie and make him stand up straight and look at his wife like she’s the captain now. A few quick sniffles later and the UK-based couple got on with the ceremony.

Once Black Twitter got wind of the video, it (collectively) got their Keith Murray on and dubbed the scene the “most beautifullest thing in this world.” Comment sections were flooded with broad-stroked declarations from women that their bae—both real and fictional—better cry them a river at the altar or his love will forever be questioned. Guys, for the most part, took to roasting Gabriel for shedding thug tears.  

I can see both sides of the proverbial coin here.

When my best friend got married some 10 years ago I, of course, was his best man and was prepared for everything from the Advil after the bachelor party to the rings on the big day. One thing I didn’t plan for though was this fool crying. Bruh, I could not believe this typically cocky alpha male was up here bawling. I swear if we weren’t in the house of the Lord I would have bust out laughing in his face right then and there. Instead, I snickered under my breath and saved the jokes for another day—which there were plenty of.   

Fast-forward six years later and I was now preparing to jump my own broom. I was cool throughout the entire morning leading up to the ceremony. But as soon as the strings on my entrance song, Kanye’s “All of the Lights (Interlude),” came on the waterworks started. I had no idea what was coming over me but I couldn’t stop the tears from coming down my eyes no matter how hard I tried. Finally, I just said, two tears in a bucket—fuck it—and walked out to the altar with my head held high. I even shed a few more by the time my bride made her way down the aisle.

The question remains: Why do (some) men cry during their wedding?

I’d be hard pressed to come up with answer for every single guy on the planet so I’ll just speak on my own personal experience. I wasn’t mourning the loss of my singlehood or feeling like my life was somehow over. In fact it was the complete opposite. As cliché as it might sound, I was crying tears of pure joy. Second to the birth of my first child or finding out that Chick-fil-A was coming to New York, this was the happiest day of my life.

Coming from a broken family and all the commitment issues that go along with that, I was embarking on a journey that I didn’t always think was possible. I was defying the statistics about Black folk and marriage and starting something my own parents couldn’t finish. Plus, I was getting the opportunity to put a ring on the finger of one of the most beautiful women I had ever known. If a Jordan crying face was the price I had to pay for all of that then sign me up.

As boys we’re often taught that crying isn’t cool and not what “real” men do—unless somebody died or you just won the championship game—because it’s seen a sign of weakness. Well, in that moment I didn’t feel weak but free. I was letting go of all my childish ways and doing the manliest think possible—pledging my allegiance to a Black woman forever ever.

Now that’s some #RelationshipGoals for you.

Anslem Samuel Rocque

Anslem Samuel Rocque is a Brooklyn-based writer who previously ran the popular relationship site, Naked With Socks On. He’s currently wearing way more clothes while working on his debut novel.

  • FromTokyo

    Reminds me of that Eve episode, except the best man was the one crying.

  • HouseOfBonnets

    Your entrance song is wedding soundtrack goals. If i ever find Mr. Bonnets I hope he knows our wedding day playlist will one for the ages. :)

    Also thanks for having me in relationship goals feels for the weekend lol

    • NWSO

      Thanks. The interlude was for the bridal party and then when the drums on All of the Lights came on I came in tears and all… lol

  • will definitely be crying buckets if I ever get married.

    • I was okay until my brother gave his toast at the reception. After that…

    • Andie

      I might ask that person to pretend cry…It would be a nice gesture lol

      • Amber

        I bet quite a few women are going to be asking that after this video.

  • grownandsexy2

    Whenever I see a groom cry at his wedding I always wish that he could just hold onto all those feelings of joy, love, and happiness always.

    • Gbadebo

      That’s usually the plan….but sometimes it’s hard, so hard, ha

      • grownandsexy2

        Ain’t that the truth . . . .at least for some. Then there are others where it’s business as usual.

  • Somewhere there is a picture of your boy trying to wipe that thug tear at his ceremony. Only holding the kiddo made me so happy.

  • MsCee

    Welcome to the fam Anslem…

    • NWSO

      Salute and thanks

  • This post is too sweet.
    As a wedding planner – I’ve seen many a groom in tears.
    It’s an emotional day so I always chalk it up to that.
    I wish it didn’t take a wedding, funeral or winning the NBA finals for it to be OK (and clearly still not really) for men to emote.

    • I haven’t cried at a funeral in adulthood. Once I hear someone is gone, I let it out and K.I.M. I wish it was more acceptable for me to be angry in public. I have to hold that mess in far too often.

      • I didn’t really cry at my parents’ funerals but the days leading up to it I was a mess.

        • I had a bad 16 hours after my dad. I blame that on the copious amounts of Crown i drank.

          • *Nods*

            You know I started drinking as the week went on but never got drunk.

            • That’s weird. I never felt drunk. Just numb for a while.

              • CheGueverraWitBlingOn

                I was cried at my father’s death bed. Missed the funeral and cried when visiting the grave. I’ve never been much of a cryer, but I am finding that I am more inclined to do so with age.

      • Andie

        I find it easier to cry at funerals when I’m not “working”. I haven’t been to one of those in awhile. But I find when you have to give a eulogy, organize, give directions, speak to all of the guests, take care of the cards, check on the repast arrangements, make sure the body looks okay,…. you don’t even have a chance to cry.

        • This is so true. When someone close dies, it isn’t just sad, it’s a hassle.

      • cakes_and_pies

        It is more acceptable. Crying is considered a woman’s trait. Y’all are expected to swing wildly in the air like Tre from Boyz N Da Hood.

    • crying is mad cathartic

      • L8Comer

        The vulnerability of it is so secksy to me. I just wanna bring him into my bosom and then pounce

  • Glo

    My fave part of every wedding I’ve been to is watching the groom’s reaction to seeing the bride. Gets me every time.

  • PoetrysTruth

    I cried thug tears watching that groom take her in and become overwhelmed. That right there….whew…wasn’t ready. I don’t see myself getting remarried, if my current one goes off the tracks. This kind of love would make that resolution a bit shaky for sure. LOL

    • Yeah, I told the wife the same thing. 1 and done, boo.

  • MsCee

    This article just saved some weekend thottery that I had planned (don’t judge me I’m single and in the midst of a several months long drought) but alas, my journey towards fulfilling all my #blacklove goals prevails -___-

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