Why I Believed The Lie That Black Men Are More Homophobic Than Everyone Else » VSB

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Why I Believed The Lie That Black Men Are More Homophobic Than Everyone Else

Black people are made perpetual victims of confirmation bias.

If you’re black, I don’t need to tell you this. But, if you’re not or you just don’t know what it means, confirmation bias is that thing you do when you swear every fat person in the world eats at The Golden Corral every day and then ignore the hundred and fifty skinny people you see in there in order to point to the one fat one and scream “I told you so!” Confirmation bias is not a joke, though. It ends lives and then reassures the person who possesses it that they were right all along making them all that much more stupid. All black people are on welfare in the confirmation biased mind because it will subconsciously ignore the millions of white people on welfare in order to point to the black ones who are. See how that works? Confirmation bias is the way that dumbshit people make sense of the world and make themselves feel comfortable in it. Because if the complexity and arbitrary nature of cruel reality was ever made clear to them, it would be too far too much for them to handle. Tiny brains can only handle so much information before they freak the fuck out and put Trump in office.

I have, myself, fallen prey to confirmation bias and I swear on Shirley Caesar’s wig that I didn’t mean to. The information that I was given was false, misleading and designed to turn me against my own people and I swear on every fake follicle of Shirley Caesar’s wig that even though I believed it for the longest time, black men are no more homophobic than white ones.

The very first person to ever straight up ask me if I was gay was an enormous heterosexual brother, six foot million and three thousand pounds; he was made out of granite with shoulders that would take a Sherpa to get across. Big muscles and a shiny bald head and a shiny bald Buick sedan that he blasted rap music out of. I was young and we were coworkers at a grocery store. I tried to act “manly” around him so as not to give myself away and greeted him with all manner of “Sup’s” and minimal hello head nods throughout the day. One day, we were on break together and I was regaling him with stories about how drunk me and my “roommate” had gotten the night before while carefully omitting where we got drunk.

“Are you together?” he asked.

“What?”

“Are you together?” he asked again.

“Yeah, we went there together.” I think I know what he’s asking. But, I can’t believe he’s asking it so casually.

“No, fool. I mean, are you together as in is he your boyfriend?”

Never in all your born days have you seen a man stutter so hard and then try to lie as ineffectively as I did. It didn’t hit me then that he was just asking conversationally as one would. What hit me then was that my act wasn’t good enough to fool him and I was ready for the onslaught of “faggot,” “batty boy” and “punk” that he was sure to rain down on me. Eventually, I just stammered so much that he figured it out on his own.

“So, he’s your man. Cool.”

His candor and his acceptance blew my whole world apart for a day or so until I went right back to believing that black men are more homophobic than white ones because black people are where other races store their most shameful attributes. Their hate and self-loathing. We have been given the job of being the wretched of the Earth so that other races can just get on with it fully justified in the idea that they can do absolutely anything to us and that it doesn’t matter.

Where there is laziness, we are the most indolent. Where there is violence, we are the most brutal. Where there is libidinousness, we are the most lustful. Where there is danger, we are the most threatening. Where there is dirt, we are filthy and where there is homophobia, we are the worst purveyors of it. Your church choir director aside, black people in general have been saddled with this stereotype that we are relentlessly backwards when it comes to gay issues and, black men, violent when it comes to gay men. So white preachers send for the most bigoted of us when they want to attack gay people and I’ve spent the better part of my gay ass life avoiding straight, black people and that’s a lotta black people to avoid.

No matter how many times heterosexual black men have proven to me that they didn’t give a shit whether I or anybody else was gay or not, I still clung to the believe like Shirley Caesar’s wig cling to her head. I would avoid offers of hanging out, friendship and collaboration. I would instead run back to gay clubs and surround myself with nothing but black women and white people. But, let me tell you the damn truth. No black man has ever threatened me as I walked my ass out of those clubs into the night by myself. White men have. No black American man has ever written up legislation to strip gay people of human rights, require that they participate in “ex-gay” therapy or remove sexual orientation from being a protected status free of discrimination. The most black straight men have ever done to me was holler “Sashay, Chante’!!” at me when I was swishing out the grocery store with a little too much sugar in my tank.  

The flaming black queens who live in my black neighborhood strut around in hotpants unbothered like African peacocks screeching, screaming and hissing like teapots. Unafraid, because they’re not worried that six white gay bashers like the ones in Philadelphia will break their jaws requiring them to be wired shut and then get a slap on the wrist. The reason they can strut is not just because them bitches can fight. It’s also because the vast majority of straight black men don’t care.

Don’t get it twisted, please. There are some homophobic black motherfuckers out there and we know who they are. Rappers have not done themselves any favors in this area nor have Jamaicans. But, Jamaicans move slow in general not just with regard to political issues. There are homophobic black dudes out there and they scare me to death. But, I’m not gonna be more scared of my brethren anymore because of the persistence of confirmation bias.

Homophobia is the product of an adolescent mind. If you have gotten to be an adult in this life and you’re still homophobic, you are thinking like an adolescent in the sense that you are thinking about how everything that is not you supposedly affects you. You are still thinking about whether or not someone thinks you a sissy or not. Your image. You’re still thinking about what other people say and do. You may’s well be covered in acne and masturbating nightly and watching the VMA’s. I refuse to believe that most black men are like this and my experience has borne out the fact that most straight, black men don’t give it shit. Either we can kick it or we can’t. I was lied to by forces that are determined to keep black people separated and it don’t take long to figure out what those forces are. Black men are undoubtedly affected by toxic masculinity. But, it’s a different kind, not necessarily more abundant. All in all, homophobia is just the natural byproduct of a weak mind or a too tight wig and I’m not willing to stand here and say that most black men are afflicted with either.

 

Brian Broome

Brian Broome is a Creative Writing/English major at Chatham University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He has been published in Creative Nonfiction, The Ocean State Review, and Delta’s Pride Magazine. Brian's work explores the topics of racism, masculinity and the African American male.

  • Kat

    As we grow, we learn. Isn’t that life…or rather what it should be about? If you over 30 and worried about another man or womans sexual habits, you are one sad puppy. Seriously. It ain’t really even that interesting to watch.

    On a more personal level I do prefer the company of other gay women over anyone else. Just my preference. Mainly because it’s simple. No explaining is needed, no hiding of any truth..no shading. I love. Be loved.

    • “If you over 30 and worried about another man or woman’s sexual habits, you are one sad puppy”

      Yep. Minding your business is generally a stress free undertaking.

      • Jae Starz

        One of my favorite things to tell people, “it costs nothing to mind your business”.

        • miss t-lee

          FREE99

        • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

          Indeed.

      • Gibbous

        This, one million fifty gillion times!

      • Melanie Evankovich

        I often heard from my parents, “Is what he/she’s doing bothering you? No? Then mind your own business.” That can be bad advice when action is needed, but it’s served me well. Embarrassing, but I swear I did this just today–quoted to my fighting kids, “Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing,” attributed to Will Smith’s character in Men in Black. A nerdy reference, indeed, but effective! Ha!

    • Me too. I always feel like I have to put on a masculine performance when I’m around straight people. Even though that might not be true, the thought still floats arround in my brain. Conversely, being around gay women I’m just able to relax in a way I otherwise never can. Looking back it’s probably because I’m genderqueer / non-binary.

      • Kat

        Straight women are either uncomfortable or too comfortable around me…lol One thinks I want them, the other wants me to want them. I’ll pass on both. Fish is plentiful.

  • King Beauregard

    Part of it is, white progressives are always looking for traitors in their ranks, so if LGBT measures aren’t being passed (as used to be the case) it must because of Betrayal By Secret Enemies. White progressives are a lot less willing to face the obvious: the biggest problem is white bigots who, for the most part, fly the Republican flag.

    • Gibbous

      When folks blamed the passage of Proposition 8 on Black Churches, and then we find out it was the Mormons from Utah . . .

      You know there are not enough Black churches or Black people in CA to blame them for anything the state does!

      *Except for gun laws when a few black people exercised their 2nd A rights.

      • AJACs

        The gay clergy I know who were involved at the time firmly blame the “gays in charge” of being church-o-phobes and absolutely refusing to do outreach to black churches, totally ignoring a populace that could commiserate with any kind of prejudice. Where is the wisdom of Harvey Milk when you need it!

        • Gibbous

          I don’t go to church, but I remember feeling outrage when black church folks felt that the fight for Black Civil rights was more special or better than the fight for LGTBQ rights.

          I’m Black and straight, but the thought that a black person could be OK with anybody else’s oppression, was mind boggling to me. And not only OK, but unwilling to share the words and tools of their own “liberation!”

          • Kas

            I’ll play devil’s advocate. When the fight for black people’s rights hasn’t been won and LBGT (typically led by white people) equates the two, I don’t completely agree.

            • Gibbous

              I wouldn’t equate the two, but I feel like it’s another way of creating hierarchy – as if black gays don’t exist, or if they do, there is an order to enfranchisement. (blackness first, LGBTQ later, maybe)

              Also, even though LGBTQ GROUPS may typically be led by white people, that’s not to say that LGBTQ black people should be put on the back burner. Groups don’t get liberated, people do.

      • Ray Jefferies

        And I ask myself, “why was it believable and who propagated the idea that it was Black People?”

        And I am wondering if there is hesitance to say “who” because folks don’t know (because they’ve never thought about it) or that they do know but it’s creating some cognitive dissonant discomfort to admit.

        • Gibbous

          I don’t know who. I just know that black people are a convenient scapegoat for whatever is wrong, even if it’s statistically improbable/impossible, not to mention highly unlikely!

      • Brown Rose

        Exactly right. I said that below with the Dan Savage blaming Blacks. It made me so angry. Black people are a small percentage of CA, therefore why were they blamed. It disgusted me and why I have a hard time trusting progressive and liberals and I am liberal.

        • Gibbous

          I do not like Dan Savage. I feel he does actual violence with his words sometimes. He’s actually kind of scary.

          • The thing with Savage is that he falls into the cadre of a**hats like Maher, Penn, and others who seem to be openly acknowledged as a**hats but get a pass for being white and somewhat liberal.

            • Gibbous

              Nope, no pass from me. Maher? I can’t even!

          • Brown Rose

            I loathed him even more after his racist outburst.

        • Gibbous

          Interestingly enough, I never associated Dan Savage with being a liberal, or even progressive. I guess I identify the behavior as problematic or not, without attaching a political label. I usually only attach the political label after they’ve said what they are. Same with religion. I don’t practice a religion, but when the KKK says they’re a Christian Based organization, how can I refute that? I can’t.

          • Brown Rose

            I believe that is how Savage identifies. I agree that you should only identify those by what they say. I am always leery of White liberals and progressive. Often times–I am right.

        • conlakappa

          We got blamed for Feingold losing in Wisconsin, where we are an even smaller percentage. And I had to check someone on FB who tried to deflect blaming white women for voting for the dolt at 1600 Penn. Ave: the person said it was the fault of black women in Michigan. Not enough side-eye in the world to express the depth of I’m-not-here-for-your-BS that I lobbed back.

          • Brown Rose

            Holy H*ll. I’ve read it all. Are you kidding me. Black women was the one demographic that voted for Clinton the most out of everyone in the country and they still found a way to blame us?! And Wisconsin?!? Aren’t they just like 3 people in that whole state? *shakes head*

            • conlakappa

              According to this fool on FB, not enough of us in Detroit voted. I wish I were kidding. Once the crumbs from cracking the person’s face were swept up, a mealymouthed “I am just saying we shouldn’t blame any one group…” followed. Yeah, we can most assuredly blame one group for voting against its self interest. A guy on Daily Kos tried it about Feingold. I was like you. C’mon, outside of Milwaukee, where are the legions of black folks? I gave a population and demographics lesson that day.

              • Brown Rose

                *powerfist* Good!!

          • thasamiam

            Black folks in WI got blamed for Feingold’s loss? Are they fucking serious? No mention of the voter suppression efforts that kicked out 200,000 voters – the majority of them from places like Milwaukee? They should blame Bernie Sanders for failing to deliver the win for Feingold, since he’s supposed to be the “progressive” white working class whisperer.

            • conlakappa

              I refer to when he lost his Senate seat, not the recent loss. Of course, it was due to Barack Hussein Obama’s policies and/or not campaigning early or often enough. And then black voters. Suppression and gerrymandering has been real but, you know, them ungrateful black people. Not having President Obama to blame this last time and certainly not throwing shade on TheBern, I would bet money that black folks were blamed this time as well. Saying something about voter suppression might then, ick, lead to having to do hard work.

  • miss t-lee

    Great article.
    I’d never given much thought to confirmation bias, but after reading this I’m thinking.

    • I’ve always seen this topic go both ways. I know black dudes who are wild homophobic and I’ve known black dudes who know gay guys from the neighborhood and never say a harsh word to them.

      • miss t-lee

        I literally just had to check a guy I”m talking to the other night and he acted like I was out of line. And, like you mentioned, I’ve know more folks who are live and let live than anything.

        • Now this isn’t necessarily pointed towards black men but black people. I think the levels of homophobia are greater in churches or certain spiritual arenas. Even then I’m not sure if all of the faces in the crowd buy into that.

          • miss t-lee

            That’s a good point.

          • Lamar Latrell

            church choir aside…

            • cedriclathan

              I was just thinking the same thing. I only go into a church for the choir. That’d be some boring azz siht if not for the great gay choir director.

              • conlakappa

                I knew a choir director who wasn’t same-sex oriented. And he put his slippers under many beds, which was awkward for me–I knew his wife and kids as well.

            • RL McGruder

              “Your church choir director aside…”

              When I read this I about flatlined!

          • Also include level of homophobia in fraternities and sororities!

        • Kas

          *A guy you are talking to, not was talking to. Raises eyebrow

          • MissRosé

            You caught that too?

            • Kas

              The interwebs don’t miss anything. Now waiting to cross-check with BlackMamba complaining that a woman he is talking to misinterpreted something he said to be homophobic.

              • MissRosé

                Kas on the CONNECT line!

              • miss t-lee

                That dog ain’t hunting.

          • miss t-lee

            Hush.

        • MsSula

          BM!!!! There is an emergency. That guy she is talking to needs to be undermined. *evil laughter*

          • miss t-lee

            Nope!

    • JennyJazzhands

      Thinking real hard, girl.

    • Sweet Potato Kai ?

      Yea, I’ve done it. I’ll have to be more conscious going forward.

  • mr. steal your costco samples

    I’m glad you feeling good about this man. do you.

  • Where there is laziness, we are the most indolent. Where there is violence, we are the most brutal. Where there is libidinousness, we are the most lustful. Where there is danger, we are the most threatening. Where there is dirt, we are filthy and where there is homophobia, we are the worst purveyors of it.

    we are our own worst enemies; we consistently believe the worst in black males and females, based on our experiences with 10 (out of 40 million)…we do it even here in the comment section.

    Good point to reflect on, sir. #Salute

  • What I hate is when people say “I don’t care who you date, straight or gay. It’s all love to me.” This is the #alllivesmatter version of sexuality and it’s dangerous.

    Little Rock is a fairly enlightened town. But my wife and I need to care about the sexuality of our friends. We are not going to take them to a bar or restaurant where a gay couple will be unsafe. In parking lots, we scan for the blue and yellow equality sign when out on a double date with a gay couple; we look for ice creameries and wine bars with pride decals on the awning so my wife’s best friend, a gay man, can enjoy his cab save in peace. We have to remind ourselves to care about our friends and to use our heterosexual privilege to create safe spaces and to endanger zones of bigotry and homophobia.

    • THIS!

    • Kat

      We can hang…cause I know gay folks who aren’t this diligent.

    • Brown Rose

      This is an excellent point. Truly excellent. Being gay is part of one’s identity.

    • raul

      And an underappreciated upside to this is that gay bars are generally awesome. Cheap drinks and some of the most friendly, welcoming folks around.

      I would have never known this had my friends not asked me to come hang with them at their bar.

    • MissRosé

      *Upvote times a thousand!

      “We have to remind ourselves to care about our friends and to use our heterosexual privilege to create safe spaces and to endanger zones of bigotry and homophobia.”
      This is the black a$$ bottom line from any position of privilege, be it your gender, sexuality, race – the onus shouldn’t lie on the oppressed.

      • Marieddietz


        our co worker’s mom makes $94 every hour on the internet and she has been out of work for 9 months but last month her pay-check was $20129 just working on the internet a few hours every day… ?go here? to this? site
        ???http://www.GoogleFinancialCashJobs408MediaFinder/Home/Wage….
        ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::an18..

      • Jeff

        You can’t be for real with this bullshit.

        • Sirx

          Umm…yes, she can. It is for real. An “ally” isn’t an ally unless that “ally” is using their position of privilege to fight for the oppressed. The onus is NOT supposed to lie on the oppressed to gain basic social/economic equality–the fact that it currently does, just shows how sick our society/culture is.

          Sure, a starving child should scrounge and beg and ask for something to eat. That don’t make the m*therf*ckers wrinkling up their noses at her while throwing away entire meals of food, any less of m*therf*ckers.

          • Jeff

            Ridiculous. If you can’t face the world, stay in your house and wait to die.

            • a meanie

              you’re down to oppress people to the point they can’t feel safe enough to leave their house? nice

              • Jeff

                I’ve never oppressed anyone and nobody has ever oppressed me.

              • Love Heals

                I believe that fool was trying to tell you its plan for the rest of its pathetic existence. Even a mature adolescent would look askance at such despicable trolling.

                • Tlholohelo Makatu

                  Jeff is a troll. There’s no use. “I’ve never oppressed anyone and nobody has ever oppressed me” I have no words and shall waste none.

                  • Love Heals

                    Thanks for the heads up. “I have no words and shall waste none.” Potent. Succinct. I’ll be quoting you.

      • Floridallewis


        our friend’s mother makes $78 each hour on the internet. she has been fired from a job for two months, the previous month her check was $12769 only working on the internet a few hours. ?check
        ???http://www.GoogleFinancialCashJobs316HomeCube/Home/Wage….
        ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::am26..

    • Kelly Kell

      Allllll of this!

    • iByron

      Thank you, brother!

    • cedriclathan

      Interesting. Never even have to think about that in the SF Bay Area.

      • Maiku Braxton

        Um people are gay bashed in San Francisco in the castro… don’t be naive.

        • cedriclathan

          Maybe the emphasis should have been “I’ve personally never had to think about it.” Being born and raised here and going to many “mixed” events and working in the arts, being hastled while with a gay person or couple has never been my experience. That’s not the same as saying, “I’ve never been murdered so murder doesn’t exist.”

    • IPC

      I love your comment so much! Thank you

    • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

      Exactly.

    • CrankUpThe_AC

      Wow. I didn’t even ever stop to think about this. I have a couple ride or die white friends and after the umpteenth party where I was looked at like Suge Knight, I stopped making moves with them. Duly noted.

      • Yeah. Those people aren’t your friends if they keep on taking you to places where you stand out or are in danger.

        • DizzyLizzyGyal

          I would never take my friends to a place where they would be threatened/uncomfortable but a white “friend” didn’t return that understanding. I don’t rock with them anymore.

    • Jeff

      Lol. Wah, always a victim.

    • Maiku Braxton

      THIS comment is problematic, safe spaces notwithstanding, just take your friends to where ever you want to go… live your life, let them live theirs support them in any space, location
      .be an example in all locations. KUDOS though. Great foresight compassion, and empathy

  • Janelle Doe

    truer words – “Black people are made perpetual victims of confirmation bias”
    Looks like VSB post(ers) are ending this run before their new home completely unbothered and I am all the way here.for.it
    *ok, back to read the article
    :-)

  • Penelope

    Buy that man a drink ’cause he earned it for this column. This, this, this. Thank you!

  • Great post!

    “The reason they can strut is not just because them b*****s can fight.”

    This reminds me of a classmate. By the time we got to high school dudes stopped stepping to him.

    • miss t-lee

      The dudes I grew up with had hands. Make that mistake if you want to…lol

  • JennyJazzhands

    “because black people are where other races store their most shameful attributes. Their hate and self-loathing. We have been given the job of being the wretched of the Earth so that other races can just get on with it fully justified in the idea that they can do absolutely anything to us and that it doesn’t matter.”

    ^^that I will never forget. That’s powerful and true.
    Can we let Shirley Ceasar’s wig make it, though?

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