Adulthood has taught me two indisputable tenets about women
1. Most women possess a ton of unnecessary sh*t.
Some of this sh*t is somewhat practical (layers of expired coupons, Thai cook books, etc), some is understandable (dozens of bottles of overpriced oils and lotions and sh*t all doing the exact same f*cking thing, pictures of Santonio Holmes’ wang, etc), and some is so hilariously frivolous that you start to wonder if they rob Tuesday Mornings in their spare time (pink couch pillows with the names of the entire cast of Grey’s Anatomy monogrammed in Arial Narrow, candles with scents like “depression mahogany” and “Oprah at night,” etc).
2. If you ever happen to be somewhere where your girlfriend is going to meet up with a few of her girlfriends, be prepared to witness an extended period of compliment cunnilingus when they see each other.
Now, it’s possible that all women don’t do this and that the women in my sphere of influence are just a little nicer than most others. But, from a completely anecdotal perspective, it seems like women are completely unable to see each other without devoting the first 10 to 25 minutes of their conversations to complimenting each other about anything.
Yes. Anything. Seriously, it’s really not that far-fetched to overhear some sh*t like “Wow, Jane. Ever since that pitbull bit off your nose, I couldn’t help to notice how pretty your eyes are. I’m so jealous. I’d definitely let a pit bull bite off my nose and eat my nephew if I could have eyes like that!”
Anyway, I’m bringing this up because of a statement Lady Champ made a few days ago. (Actually, it was more of smart-aleck tease than a statement. But, for the sake of the discussion, it’ll stay a statement today.) She made notice of the fact that I have a tendency to turn into a slobbering bastard when a woman other than my mom gives me a compliment, and she followed that by saying that most men are the exact same way.
My initial reaction was to dispute this, but then I remembered that just that day I got all verklempt when I accidentally overheard a Starbucks barista matter-of-factly say “…see, I’d definitely date him. But, black guys like that don’t like me.” to another barista. Never mind the fact that she didn’t actually say it to me, and never mind that I had no idea what a “black guy like me” actually was, she gave me an indirect compliment and I almost choked on my orange juice when hearing it.
Why did this affect me so? Well, the answer comes from that barista. You see, although she complimented me…she didn’t give me the compliment. She didn’t just come out and say “Hey, young black sir, I think you’re attractive and I wouldn’t mind sharing a cinnamon rice cake with you” because, well, women very, very, very rarely give direct compliments to random men.
If fact, not only do men rarely hear compliments from random women, most of us rarely hear compliments from women we’re actually sleeping with. Seriously, aside from the usual mid-coital kudos (ie: “Your d*ck is on some American Airways sh*t tonight, baby! Damn! You got the magic motherf*ckin touch”), most men reading this can probably count the number of compliments their girlfriend has given them on one hand.
When you combine this with the fact that you’re probably going to see Casey Anthony giving the headline speech at a CYS conference before you see the majority of men freely, easily, and directly complimenting other men, you understand why the compliment is a man’s kryptonite — the one thing that can turn goons to goo and thugs to ticklish teddy bears.
Now, it’s completely understandable why women — most of whom are quick to compliment each other about anything, remember — are reluctant to freely compliment men. Something as innocent as “Hey, you always have the nicest pencils.” could (and probably would) be interpreted by most men as “Hey, I have some space in my vagina that I need for you to fill.”
But, maybe that leap is due to the fact that we just aren’t used to hearing them and don’t know how to react when we do. Maybe more experience with receiving them would stop us from automatically thinking “She wants my meatloaf” whenever a woman says something nice to us, and maybe we’d be nicer people. Maybe “more female to male compliments” would = “less crime.” Who knows?
I do know, though, that I’m officially “not allowed” (Ha!) in that Starbucks anymore. Moral of the story, ladies? Be careful. More female to male compliments just might get you cut.
—The Champ
***Speaking of compliments, the homies at Jenesis Magazine ran a pretty complimentary profile of The Champ and VSB on Friday. Check it out if you haven’t already***
I’m a compliment giver (when its necessary), but I HATE receiving compliments. I think this is because of my social anxiety. “Thank you” sounds so arrogant sometimes. Like you were expecting a compliment and ignore a compliment is just rude. So, I smile and change the subject quickly.
I never compliment guys. I’ve learned my lesson.
I hate compliments too especially if they are about my looks. I don’t have much to do with that. I compliment guys I talk to if they’re looking especially nice. *shrugs*
+me…compliments about my looks make me feel uncomfortable, especially if the person keeps going on and on. I know women are supposed to love compliments so when i get them, I also say “thank you” with a smile and move on to the next subject.
I’m also uncomfortable with compliments, but being self-depricating when someone says something nice or acting too shy (like what they said is totally invalid) is probably ruder. I just say “thank you”- whether I agree or not and that’s all the other person is really expecting.
“I never compliment guys. I’ve learned my lesson.”
and this is exactly why your city’s overrun by crime
I am sure there is a way to prove this. However, the last time I told a guy “nice hat” he decided to give me an open mouth kiss…on my face. I am still in recovery. I haven’t gone back to U street since this incident.
where were you? The Islander? LOL
HAHA! No, I was visiting my friend working at Patty Boom Boom. I wasn’t even upstairs in the dancehall, where people do all types of ratchet ish.
First of all…*Dead*… because I know the owners of The Islander. and for reasons of my own that’s hilarious!
Second..what’s the subtext there. I mean, is there some stigma on The Islander that I don’t know?
naw…I’ve just just seen some interesting sh*t at the Islander. lol. it seems like the most “local” spot on U Street for some reason.
I am sure there is a way to prove this. However, the last time I told a guy “nice hat” he decided to give me an open mouth kiss…on my face. I am still in recovery. I haven’t gone back to U street since this incident.
I had a guy tell me he had feelings for me and I said “Thank you”. Daaaaaamn, that was ice cold. You brought up a good point. I too have a hard time accepting compliments from men. I question the intention of it or sometimes, certain things lose value like “pretty”. What does that mean? N*gga, I’m SMART. lol
don’t feel bad. i’ve done this. had a chick call me to meet her out somewhere once and then spill her feelings…all i could muster was “thank you”
she went her way and i went mine. ain’t seent her since.
“I question the intention of it or sometimes, certain things lose value like “pretty”.”
Co-sign this. I have issues with accepting excessive or repeated compliments from people in general within like a 30 second-5 minute time frame. I feel like there’s only so many ways and so many times within that time slot that you can say thank you before it starts sounding a)fake b)presumptuous or c)awkward because you run out of things to say after you say thank you and end up standing there in awkward silence…lol.
“Something as innocent as “Hey, you always have the nicest pencils.” could (and probably would) be interpreted by most men as “Hey, I have some space in my vagina that I need for you to fill.”
That pretty much sums it up. Guys take one compliment like women take 2 compliments when we feel our outfit/hair/new shoulder pads/elbow implants warrant 20 instead. Neither gender knows how to act.
TRUTH.COM! You pretty much summed up my reasoning why I’m wary on giving compliments to men. Some men hear what they want to hear and ANYTHING can be perceived as a greenlight to pursue a woman. It’s a slippery slope. Not to get too serious but there are men raping women out here just for smiling at him and making small talk. Women should really be careful when talking to strange men.
first?
Nope.
So what to do in the meantime when I tell a guy that his haircut looks especially nice and he attempts to immediately hump my leg. Do you know how much dry-cleaning costs?
Do you know how much dry-cleaning costs?
probably less than what it costs you in taxes to house all the criminals who are in jail because they didnt get enough compliments
LMAO!! good point.
LMFAO!
I know for a fact that I own more crap than God himself, smh idk how or why I’ve amassed so much but I still think that I’ll put it to use one day.
I do my part to lower urban crime all the time but yeah men do often take it as an open invitation.
Hoarders.
HA this is so true and because men get all beside themselves I have stopped doing it. I remember telling me co-worker I liked his cologne one day. He wore it EVERYDAY for like 4 years LOL. Men are hilarious but you gotta love them!
This! Lol
The same thing happened to me. And not only did he wear it every day, he upped the dosage, like loud enough to choke a horse! From this point forward I keeps me mouth shut.
EXACTLY!
I remember telling me co-worker I liked his cologne one day. He wore it EVERYDAY for like 4 years LOL. Men are hilarious but you gotta love them!
well, good thing you didnt tell him you liked his underwear
Now this really got me laughing this morning.
This was funny but uhhh… are you supposed to change your perfume/cologne on a regular basis? I mean… I have one that I love and that’s what I buy and wear. Is that wrong?
I wouldn’t say its necessarily “wrong” I am a seasonal perfume wearer. I have different scents that I wear in the spring/summer and some in the fall/winter. I even have some just for evening wear. But I do think perfume goes out of style, but people should where what works for them.
In this scenario he didn’t wear cologne daily but after the compliment he did.
that goes both ways too. i told a co-worker once that i thought a particular color combo she had on looked really nice. she hit the ground running with that one. every damn day she rocked the same color combo for like 2 weeks. she must have bought out Forever 21 or something.
I told this girl she looked nice without her glasses she aint wore em since…i catch her squinting at things from time to time #myfault
Now that you mention it, every time I give a man I am dating a compliment he looks at me in utter disbelief. This always leads to my questions I ask most dudes, “Who are these evil b*tches you are dating?” I guess you figure what you do is the norm, I didn’t realize so many men didn’t get that kind of acknowledgement. Now I see why I got such props for simple observations and basic sweetness. The More You Know and sh*t.
“The More You Know” *cue the NBC Rainbow from the 80′s and early 90′s
Now, it’s possible that all women don’t do this and that the women in my sphere of influence are just a little nicer than most others. But, from a completely anecdotal perspective, it seems like women are completely unable to see each other without devoting the first 10 to 25 minutes of their conversations to complimenting each other about anything.
Well, actually from my experience…you’re dead on. This happens all the time. I’ve even seen it between girls who don’t like each other. Heck, I don’t watch Basketball Wives, but I bet you they even complement each other when they see each other and sh**.
I think most guys will verify your claim that when a bunch of women get together they tend to compliment each other excessively….excessively being at all, since us menfolk don’t really do the complimenting thing.
they do. I specifically noticed on some show last night (Southern Belles?) and on all the Real Housewives. Like I mentioned below, I don’t know why we do it though. Maybe it’s to disarm each other. Since we often say women are competitive, with friends, complimenting each other says “I’m not competing with you”- maybe?
I’m the same way. Complimenting isn’t the norm?? Before we broke up…I was working on a flip book for my ex of 100 things I loved about him…I’m super corny like that. That and I talk too much. I say whatever is on my mind…so I’m always sayin dumb stuff like “Wow? Your face is perfectly symmetrical! I love it!” or “You have such a cute nose”. Lol
I’m like that too….I compliment at random ALL the time & I always say what’s on my mind. I tend to see the beauty in people and this throws men especially off balance. I notice everything from lovely lashes, to the new haircut to a change of cologne to the new tire rims. My female boss hated me for this coz my desk was the HQ for virtually all my male colleagues and superiors. Methinks when one genuinely cares and take the time to comment on the beauty (nature or nurture) and successes of others, people will gravitate towards you. People have enough stress factors in their daily lives, why not help alleviate it even if said alleviation is just 0.02%.
But then again, I notice when I’m being complimented by the same person a lot, I get paranoid…”Does he want something?”, “I’m I giving out a vibe that I want compliments?”….then I breathe and tell myself I’m just awesome, other people see it too (giggles!)
LOL @ your face is perfectly symmetrical. How about “That line-up makes your eyes pop. Rawr”? No? Oh. -_-
Lol. Try “Your head is perfectly *insert shape here*”
I was working on a flip book for my ex of 100 things I loved about him
I do corny ish like this too. I will be stealing this for an anniversary gift. This is GOLD!!
My mother is a player from way back. When I was growing up, she told me that the first thing you do to win a man over is compliment him. It’s been the secret to my game for the longest. You see, I am one of the women who actually compliment random guys on a regular basis. Yes, most of the time, dudes immediately think I wanna let them get it when I compliment them so I also have to make sure I settle them down before it goes too far.
“My mother is a player from way back. When I was growing up, she told me that the first thing you do to win a man over is compliment him.”
this is true. there’s actually a passage in our book about this
I do give guys random compliments all the time. Don’t know why, if i like something, i just say it. I guess that is why i am labeled as a flirt, but that is not it at all. I love nice hair cuts. I seem to all ways notice when the guys in my work place get fresh haircuts (that is because I am hair obsessed).
See this is the reason why I have a hard time compliment men. I don’t want to send off the wrong signals like player, thirsty, you can hit this, etc. Unless I’m really comfortable with the guy or he’s a friend.
See this is the reason why I have a hard time compliment men. I don’t want to send off the wrong signals like player, thirsty, you can hit this, etc. Unless I’m really comfortable with the guy or he’s a friend
ALLADIS.
A dude I know? Cool. I can (strikethrough) flirt (strikethrough) compliment til the cows come home (where they went…im unsure..but alas)..
But a stranger? nah.
Funny enough, giving black WOMEN a compliment is just as hard. Some ladies have been burned back and take compliments from other WOMEN with disdain or worse!
I’m trying to get better though. It’s easy at things like festivals or something to say, hey cute dress, love your hair etc.. but for some reason…randomly on the train? nah. i dont want to get cut.
Yep! There’s a time and place for everything.
I try to give guys compliments when I can b/c I know they don’t get the kind of compliments we women get. We compliment each other so much (and receive compliments from men) that we kind of take it for granted everyone gets that type of recognition and appreciation.
It’s tricky, though. Telling a man you like his cologne could lead to him thinking you want his scent lingering in your sheets and pillows, lol. So, I’m careful not to toss compliments out all willy-nilly.
I wonder what the twins willy and nilly did to always become associated with something bad…
LMAO @ Willy & Nilly twins!!
LMAO!
CTFU!
HA! We’re >>HERE<< on that cologne tip
It’s really funny that your post was about compliments. This guy that I’m kind of “talking” to always makes statements that are almost like backwards compliments. For example, I wore a pink razor back shirt grey workout capris and pink and black Nikes when we worked out. And he said, “You almost look too cute to be working out.” He made some other statements about how I was matching before this. It’s like why not just say “You look sexy” or something. Another time after a workout he said I put on a lot of deodorant. And I made him smell my wrist and it turned out to be my perfume. All this irritates me because I know he’s joking but I wish he was more direct.
He interested in you, trust me. Whether it’s strictly sex or relationship. He’s just not going to put his self out there first. Thus the reason for the backhanded compliments and fake disinterest for fear of head swellage. You’re probably gonna have to make tha first move!
*rattles tip jar labeled “advice”*
*drops a five in the tip jar*
Thats for back advice-age
Truth.com! I notice certain men do that with me, give me back handed compliments. I can almost sniff out the type. They’re usually
alphasimmature. Why not just say how you (not you) feel? No backhand necessary. I don’t get that at all. To me, it shows insecurity.None of what you described were backhanded compliments. You are just apparently “talking” to him while you work out. Not really the time or place to call someone sexy. You want those compliments, take him out for drinks at happy hour while you wear something else.
And not that this is exactly what is happening, but until I’ve either seen a woman in sexy lingerie or some other attire deserving of that compliment, she will not hear those words out of my mouth with respect to gym clothes. Workout sexy is only for women with whom you are already sleeping with, or making an attempt for the one time after workout delight.
Dang, tell em how you really feel. lol I’m assuming this is for Amarie but I want to respectfully disagree with you. Guys do give women compliments at the gym, grocery store, gas station, etc. As a matter of fact, I get more compliments at the gym than the grocery store. It really doesn’t matter the time or the place. Either way, I don’t think the setting was her issue but what he said. Most women are smart enough to read a back handed compliment for what it is. I don’t care if a man said it to me at dinner, it’s not nice and he should do better.
That is my point. There is a difference between the comments you would get if a guy was making an honest approach versus not. “Hey sexy girl” at the gym belongs to the latter.
Isn’t that what they teach in the whole “game” thing? I think it’s called throwing negatives or negs at a woman. You single out the prettiest one in the group and sort of bring her down a peg to show that you’re interested, but not that “interested”. It also shows you have a higher value than she does. I’m 1/2 reading this book and it’s completely soured me on the dating/club thing for good I think.
That chit doesn’t work with me. To each his own. The back handed compliment may get my attention but it doesn’t keep it.
The Neg needs to die. Violently. Does higher value mean she just happens to get your attention because of her makeup and the way her b0obs look?
I agree about one thing. “The Club” is a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Get at women in everyday life, I say.
@ Eddie- IMHO the Neg needs to die. Violently. Part of the problem is that men make women the queens of their worlds within 5 seconds of meeting them based on their looks…and pursuing them based solely on that. They can smell it. Negging says more about the man doing it and his need to take her down and how he sees his own value relative to hers (Do I have what it takes? Does she think she’s better than me? Let me take her down just in case). I submit that it demonstrates lower value.
I agree with you, though. “The Club” is a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Better to get at them in everyday life.
“Thus the reason for the backhanded compliments and fake disinterest for fear of head swellage.”
I used to hate that ish, but I’m up on that jedi mind game now so I just give a o__O face and KIM.
“Yeah okay ninja you can downplay your disinterest if you want to” hmph
“for fear of head swellage”
exactly! i think some dudes throw out compliments to anything with legs, hoping that it sticks for a specific return on investments.
others are backwards, so not to ‘gas’ up a chicks head.
but isn’t the WHOLE point of a compliment to boost someone self of steam and make THEM feel good?
Thank you for the advice. *drops imaginary $20 in the tip jar*
He might think being more direct will be too aggressive; he’s probably a self-proclaimed nice guy. Men are mind readers. Either enjoy the gentility or you be direct (“how my a$$ look in these capris?”) LOL
Men *aren’t* mind readers.
you know what i learned about compliments…you know what? f*ck it…example.
many moons ago, my girl at the time and i were going she was clearly not happy with any thing she was putting on. i go to check on her (as she was making us late) and i get yelled (amazing the abilities of women), “I LOOK TERRIBLE!”
me, perplexed, looked at her and was like, “baby, you don’t look terrible in the slightest!”
her: THANKS. that’s what EVERYGIRL wants to hear, her man say that she JUST doesn’t look terrible.
lesson learned, even if you’re just undoing the negatvity a woman espoused, never use negative words even if she just gave them to you. lol.
after being dumbstruck at what i did wrong…i mean, i DID do something wrong, right?…i just chalked it up to being from Mars and realized…just tell her she looks beautiful at all times. no matter what she says.
“DAMMIT TO HELL MAN, I BROKE A NAIL!!!”
“that’s okay, baby, you look beautiful.”
works like a charm.
I’ve learned that men don’t know how to take compliments at all -____- A simple “you smell nice” quickly get’s turned into some lewd remark about the scent of my lady parts on his face…. (0_o)
Really tho? What kinda ninja live near you!? And where did this conversation occur?
At Barnes and Noble (of ALL places). The man in question walked past me and he smelled heavenly so I took the time out to compliment him on whatever it was he was wearing. He decided that this was a #greenlight to inform me that we could ‘scent swap’ whenever I was ready.
Some men just have no manners. My mouth dropped open just reading this. Poor AfroPetite… we gon’ have to get you to a new B&N hotspot where them men actually have manners.
On second thought, in what part of B&N were you reading? I mean there is a difference between the cooking aisle, self-help books and the adult section.
LOL wink,wink
LMAO
Nillalatte I was definitely in the Religion & Inspiration section when all of this ratchetness took place. Adult Section? Me? I buy all my erotic novels online
Ninjas are really on another tip these days.
D@mn, is that how it is now?? Some ninjas are extra with it nowadays…
You should’ve farted and fanned it in his direction….
#smellmenow
on some #girlyoubekillingem ish….lol
*Lmao*!!
*falls out chair* bwahahahahahahahahaha!
DEATH by Blizzard
“scent swap” is definitely getting added to my lexicon
Real talk…I complimented this man in line at a Starbucks and he went into how his last girlfriend said the same thing….how I looked like her….how he wondered if sex would a person who looked the same would be the same o_0 All I said to him was his tie was nice and most men don’t wear pink and I liked it…and that was his response.
Soooo…unless me and AP live in the same city/region, I think there are more dudes out there than we’d like to believe.
smh some men just have no couth about them WHATSOEVER.
COUTH!
YES!!!!
#wordnerd
*Taking notes* … no complimenting men in a Barnes & Noble and no Starbucks. Where else do I need to avoid? LOL
o.O
i don’t know why but, the fact it was at Barnes & Noble makes it soo much worse!
Bookstores have become the place you go where you dont want to meet someone but you hope you accidentally do. Dudes be there waiting for a cute girl to drop her books or something.
Why didn’t anyone send me this memo?! I thought only well read ninjas frequented the bookstore =(
for every well read brother theres a ordinary ninja just looking for a well read female
My fam and friends always joke that that’s where I’ll find my soulmate – at Borders [I guess B&N will have to do now since Borders has about 3 actual stores left in existence]. Our eyes will meet over the tops of our respective novels while I sip my latte, and the rest will be history… Ahhh, if I only dare to dream.
#Iheartnerds
LOL very true.
the other day i told the manager at Wendy’s he was awesome for fixing my order after one of his highschoolers botched it and he literally started blushing. hilarious.
it’s cute though, seeing the goofy smile that forms from a simple “thank you, you rock.”
the other day i told the manager at Wendy’s he was awesome for fixing my order after one of his highschoolers botched it and he literally started blushing. hilarious.
yeah, if he’s managing a wendy’s he’s probably not used to getting compliments from women. he’s probably stalking you now
Dead ! lol
LOL so wrong.
Yeah, that type of thank you is nice. I say thank you alot to service folk because I know they hardly hear it. It means alot.
yeah i’ve never done fast food, but i’ve done retail and i always appreciated the folks who bothered to say thank you. in general people just don’t. smh
These’s (yes, I made up word) are absolutely hilarious:
“Wow, Jane. Ever since that pitbull bit off your nose, I couldn’t help to notice how pretty your eyes are.”
“Hey, you always have the nicest pencils.” could (and probably would) be interpreted by most men as “Hey, I have some space in my vagina that I need for you to fill.”
and the latter is sooooo true. I compliment men often enough, even strangers. Men often either look at me like a deer in headlights, smile earnestly, or tell me I’m giving them a line and am too slick. Funny how unbelievable something so simple like that is.
“Funny how unbelievable something so simple like that is.”
funny in a depressing sort of way
I can believe this.
I am pretty free with my compliments. Male or female. Back in college I used to be known as a flirt, and I could not understand why at first… it’s because I complimented the hell out of everyone. LOL
I also smiled a lot and laughed at jokes. I can’t help it. I laugh at everything.
It didn’t mean I was interested, and I stayed single until I met the real special someone. But now I see the effect it has on men, and I only compliment dudes who are my friend and know good well I am not interested. (or at least they should know)
..btw..I am not with that special someone, so if someone wants to compliment me, feel free to do so.
And I think that’s the issue with men. If you compliment men in general they either think you’re into them or you’re a teast/flirt. You can’t be nice to some dudes without them thinking it’s more than JUST A COMPLIMENT. It ain’t always about getting it in…
“If you compliment men in general they either think you’re into them or you’re a teast/flirt. You can’t be nice to some dudes without them thinking it’s more than JUST A COMPLIMENT.”
This isn’t true for women as well?
It is for me. And it’s something I feel I need to work on.
Nope. Or else women wouldn’t compliment each other. It just means the person noticed something special about you. That’s it.
So you’re saying that you take compliments from men the same as compliments from women? I think you’re in the minority on that front.
No, my friend and I came up with a very simple way of analyzing compliments from men. There are three types:
1. “Those are some nice shoes” *head nod, or something amicable to follow*
This means this is a guy in a relationship or a guy that isn’t interested in YOU per se but is complimenting the good taste, or if in a relationship they’re thinking, “Those would look nice on my gf”.
2. “Damn girl you lookin gooooood in them shoes” *elevator eyes or hungry wolf eyes to follow*
Self explanatory….
3. “Damn girl, you are WEARIN them pumps!” *snaps to follow*
This means, he probably wants to WEAR your pumps.
Sincere compliments are possible. I think people just need to deal them out more often so that we can ALL get better at reading them and ALL get better at receiving them for what they are.
Cosign on the last part. I would give compliments more – and I think quite a few men would – if we didn’t have to worry about being accused of having ulterior motives. Life is not a Chris Rock joke (“Would you like some [stick] with that?”).
The part about complimenting the shoes, though? Noted. I might have to conduct a small-scale social experiment and see how that works out.
Let me know how those results turn out. I’m a scientist, so I am always eager to see how the results stack up against the hypothesis. *pardon my geek*
That is a cute t-shirt you’re wearing.
AWWWW… *blush*. Thank you. <3
You have a cute nose
THANKS!! This is the first time I’ve every been complimented about my nose. Except from my grandpa, who then takes the opportunity to grab it between two of his fingers and squeezes.
*mental note..need to call grandpa..
*looks @ word… tries to sound it out…*
Com-pli-ment?
*adds to word-a-day calendar*
Actually, I have received compliments, but mainly things like, “you’re smart” or, “you’re sensible…”
Will it get me a loan? Probably. But Laid? not so much…
but girls like smart guys
…and men with loans.
…and men who can walk into a bank without getting the “Oh Lord, this ninja here” side-eye.
Truth. Sometimes I swear it’s one of the reasons my wife married me. Of course, she tried her damndest to change that for me with certain, ahem, “money management habits,” but a brother is still winning at the bank. Less so than before, but not completely jacked up.
Definitely can atest to having a lot of stuff and so hard to let stuff go b/c feel like so will need it. Men and women’s necessities are totally separate things, which explains men’s attitude. Compliments are so hard to accept and definitely only talk about how good men look with my friends or other females in close proximity.
This is generally true. I don’t know if I could function in a relationship with a woman if I didn’t receive an average of 10 texts each week that I’m beautiful/gorgeous/etc. I know that’s really terrible of me. And I don’t enjoy being that type of guy (excluding when I’m getting the compliments), but yeah.
And before anyone asks about how many compliments I dole out to said women. I proudly wear my double standard Eagle Scout badge when I see you get what you get. I have a powerful aversion to women fishing for compliments.
So could I get some feedback on my situation. I want to know if I am reading too much into this. Lol
no.
j/k. lol. response upthread.
I personally think a mature human shouldn’t give backhanded compliments. It smacks of insecurity and makes everybody uncomfortable so why do it? I don’t think you’re reading too much into it but it’s something to pay attention to. Why not just say : “you look cute”? I don’t know I just don’t like backhanded compliments .
It doesn’t sound like he’s giving backhanded compliments to be. It sounds like he’s joking around and putting himself in friend zone- saying “dang, girl, you are always matching” instead of saying “you look really beautiful today” or whatever men say when they are attracted to a woman.
She looks beautiful in gym clothes? I’m guessing you havent dated as many women as I or him. Guys learn quickly not to make that mistake with women they are not in relationships with. You have to be careful about that even when you are already dating.
“She looks beautiful in gym clothes?”
She may, LOL. My point was instead of clearly stating that he likes the way she looks, he’s just making off-hand remarks. I’m guessing she’d just like to dude to say he finds her attractive instead of beating around the bush with it.
“She looks beautiful in gym clothes?”
She may, LOL. I’m guessing she just wants dude to come out and say he finds her attractive, take ownership of his apparent interest, instead of acting nonchalant.
OMG I said the same thing upthread Sula. lol Truth.com!
I agree with Sula. I think the guy will turn out to be more trouble than he’s worth. If he’s too insecure to give a direct compliment, he will be showing self esteem off you the entire relationship. Imho.
No guy, unless they are trying to get you home immediately after the workout, is going to give a compliment that is more appropriate for a different scenario. Frankly, I’m surprised at the comments from women about this. I thought you’all world know better given that you are the ones who dislike such.
I agree with Sula. I think the guy will turn out to be more trouble than he’s worth. If he’s too insecure to give a direct compliment, he will be siphoning self esteem off you the entire relationship. Imho.
Haha… I pass women in the hall at work and we’re always telling each other that’s a pretty dress/skirt, compliment the color of a blouse, or you’re looking so happy today, love those shoes, where did you get them? Yup, we’re always doing it. As for the guys, some of the guys I work with wear really vibrant color shirts and a few of them I’ve told them, “Wow, I really like the color of that shirt.” Some just say thank you and move quickly in the other direction. Others, that are married, attribute their good taste to their wife. LOL
For men that I’ve dated, I give them compliments all the time and, you’re right, they melt. But, I think it’s important to show them I appreciate them. I’ve read that the best thing you can say to a man is “I’m proud of you.”
What about that VSB’s? Is the “I’m proud of you” a good compliment or would you rather hear “I love your eyes/smile?” or “I think you’re a good man/father/etc.” What is the ultimate compliment to you (out of the bedroom of course…lol)? Just curious.
As Champ said, men are so sporadically complimented by women that when we hear them, we think its because they like us for more than our math skills, ability to edit an email, or capacity to fix that spreadsheet. If they were more common, we wouldn’t take to them the way we do.
That being said, if you go the direct route and tell a man that you like his eyes/smile, he’s immediately gonna think you’re into him. For an out of bedroom compliment, personally, I like good man/uncle/friend or such and such. Makes me feel fulfilled for trying to be a fairly decent person.
Is that what the issue is? Well let me start complimenting more men on their subject/verb agreement skills lest they assume that they are not appreciated.
Ha. I’m quick to compliment a man with good grammar. Sadly, it’s a rare occurrence, so when I hear it, I get excited. If he can put a complete, coherent thought together and express himself in an eloquent way… Oooh chile.
Nothing gets me quicker than an educated man. #SWOON
+1 the ability to articulate in complete sentences a coherent thought gets the top credits
The man that can match my ability to slide up and down the vocabulary scale (speak on topics with some intelligence) while being able to also play with language (go hood)… it’s always pleasurable to be in their company.
=T
Where do women of your type live? lol
Ahhh, we are rare creatures indeed. Fortunately for you, this forum provides ample opportunity to meet such a woman as many of the sisters here possess such a quality, and I have seen it in action.
side note: never really considered myself a ‘type’, just real. LOL I’ll have to think on what ‘type’ of woman I project being now.
Behind a computer screen is one thing….
Actually meeting such women in real life would be more believable. (And uplifting.)
lol
Ikr. I have so many interesting, intelligent conversations online with nice, attractive, respectful, well read men who live clear across the country…
In real life, interactions that start with, “Hey gul, come sit on my face,” happen more often than they should in any lifetime. #Jadedinthisdatinggame
Ha. I am about to start complimenting men on grammar and spelling. When did men forget how to spell. I got a text from an ex a couple of days ago that read: ” I apologises for how I treated you. I have changed allot.” What the hell?! I ignored him and deleted that s*@t.
Damn, forgot my question mark!
Lawd, don’t get me started on texts! I hate them with a seething passion, especially when there is NO punctuation whatsoever and the spelling is atrocious. And if what you need to say comes through in 5 texts, just pick up the dayum phone and call!
“hey grrl how u ben i aint talked 2u in seem lik 4ever i wanted u 2 no i wuz thinkn bout u n cud we get 2gthr 1 day and catch up i fel lik we wuz made 4 each other n im a diffrent man now so if u just give me the chanse to show u i no u wont be sory”
ugh.
I despise that ish with a passion! I just read what you wrote and it came to me so slowly I thought I was in the remedial reading class in second grade.
remedial reading class… lol
LOL @ miss_sheri, The same thing happened to me, my ex texted me a few weeks ago and asked me if I was avoiding him “agine” because I haven’t called him ever since I graduated from college…. what the heck is “agine”?… I know people misspell words all the time, but that boy has an Iphone and I know the first time he typed that in, it MUST’VE tried to replace it with “again”.
Let me not even get into how this one guy was trying to impress me by saying that he “works in the corporate world” and decided to play me his voicemail greeting to show me how “professional” he was. The greeting went like this: “Hi you’ve reached [insert nickname], I’m not available but I’ll reach you at your earliest convenient”… lets just say that was our last convo.
Can’t wait to try the “I love your eyes/smile” to the next guy I find remotely attractive to observe that reaction.
I told a dude I liked straight up that I thought he was a good man, that I liked him and was attracted to him, but I didn’t want to sleep with him. Does that sound like a mixed message? I thought it was a straight forward compliment. Too much? We were friends— or so I thought. *shrugs*
I told a dude I liked straight up that I thought he was a good man, that I liked him and was attracted to him, but I didn’t want to sleep with him. Does that sound like a mixed message?
Yeah, you might be friends, but that can change. Men always seem to leave a ‘lil room for the possible smang.
In a perfect world, it would be fine to say that and go on about your day. But men [maybe not all, but the ones I've run into at least] can’t understand that sometimes we just don’t want to have sex with them.
Being attracted to someone and not wanting to have sex with them are contradictory statements. For a dude, if a woman is attractive to him on some level, he’ll be willing to have s.ex with them. This doesn’t mean that they’ll hit it THAT SECOND if offers, but they could see a scenario where such schmanage could happen. On the flip side, if they don’t want to have sex with a woman for whatever reason, NOTHING THE WOMAN CAN DO WILL MAKE HER ATTRACTIVE. This includes literally dropping your drawers and laying out spread eagle with the man’s preferred brand of condom right below the punani.
That is why what you said was a mixed message.
It’s a clear message. What’s mixed is a man’s brain when he gets a whiff of any possibility of gettin some. Dude logic takes over.
real talk…a running joke amongst my boys is that if a chick says she loves our eyes, she’s trying to hit. lol.
cuz i be in the mirror and i see them sh*ts…THEY’S JUST EYES SON!!!!! you just want my doggystyle!!!! you ain’t gotsta lie.
quits PJ for life.
(or until tomorrow.)
I’ve read that the best thing you can say to a man is “I’m proud of you.”
That’s something I’d expect to hear from my parents/elders than a woman I’m dating….just sounds a bit too matronly for me. As far as compliments go, I don’t necessarily take them too well….but one of the most flattering compliments I received came from a woman who came up to me while I was eating and asked me how old I was (late 20′s at the time)….after I told her, she looked kinda disappointed as she mumbled “so young” under her breath….then simply said “such a good looking guy”, and then walked away. The directness of it all caught me off guard, but I told her thank you…if it wasn’t for this dark skin and the presence of testicles, I’m sure I would’ve blushed a lil’.
LOL… that’s cute. Yeah, I kind of thought the same when I read it, but I was like, “really?” I’d much rather say to a man that I was happy or excited for him for whatever reason to share in his joy.
if it wasn’t for this dark skin and the presence of testicles, I’m sure I would’ve blushed a lil’.
CTFU!!!
Stop it!
“I am proud of you about how you……….” works so much better
You’re on to something here Champ. While I won’t drool over any chick and give unnecessary compliments….I am more likely to compliment a woman before I would a man. In fact just this past Friday after getting my hair done, I received a few compliments from the women in the salon waiting and for each one I found something nice to say about them as well. But the hot Asian or multiracial looking guy standing and posted up on the corner is who caught my eye. And as much as I wanted to go tell him how handsome I thought he was, I didn’t.
I think what happens is the fear of looking crazy to a dude or the guy actually being crazy. As hard, rude and non smiling as females can be sometimes, we can be personable and we know when the chick next to us out in a little effort to look her best. You can tell she’s open to compliments and so giving one won’t get you cut or hurt. But guys are so hard to read, so you may not get openly complimented by strangers as much.
I think everyone likes and would appreciate compliments, even men. It just men have a way of being so goofy with compliments that if you do things that are considered nice next thing you know you’ll have the janitor at your desk divulging personal info about his problems and trying to strike up “friendship” type convo for 20-30 minutes at day, every day. Then you’ll be forced to transfer offices because this man doesn’t take a hint and isn’t responsive to outright, “I have work to do, so please excuse me,” requests.
Yeah…so if men want more compliments they’ll have to get more adept at handling them with grace.
Just a theory of mine….but not being used to something might make it a bit harder to deal with.
Truth. Why didn’t I think of that. Gonna try to remember that one.
I’m laughing at your comment because it’s so true. Hot guys rarely shell out compliments. They want you to compliment them first. lol So DON’T. If he’s extra fine, say nothing to him. Trust me. lolol j/k I have a fear of complimenting men. It’s too easy for women to get the thirsty label, or fast, easy, etc.
Delivery doesn’t play a role? I’m sure men can tell the difference between “I love your shirt” while batting eyelashes and staring at the pecs beneath the shirt and saying, “That’s a nice suitcase”.
True, delivery plays a part but you leave it up to perception. Some people perceive things wrong because they’re looking for something. For example, I can tell a random guy, “nice shirt” but because he wants to hit it, he could perceive it as “yeah bruh, come and holla at this, I’m ready for you, greenlight, GO!”
Nah sah lol
Very true. And even on a lighter level, I think everyone has been a victim of the imaginary crush -easily turned stalker- syndrome. People see what they want to see.
True that! This is also related to why men get excited (and/or “excited”, heh) when a pleasant looking/sounding woman just says: “Hello!”. Its not so much that we run into evil women a lot (although that does happen), its moreso that we just don’t see or experience that so often, and when we do its “Hallelujah!”
Question: So if an unpleasant looking woman says “Hello!” do men still get as excited?
No.
But it’s a compliment to you regardless lol
Again, No…
SN: Do you get hot and bothered when someone like this says hello to you?
http://gothamist.com/attachments/nyc_arts_john/022808beetlejuicedwarf.jpg
OMG… heeeeeeeeeeeell no! LMAO!… *exits stage left*
FLAT LINE……
Point made
Bothered, yes. Hot? No. Poor little guy.
He ain’t never had a chance. I remember him on Howard Stern. I wonder what he’s got going on now.
i’m pretty sure that’s he’s dead now
: (
I literally gasped out loud. smh you gotta warn folk before posting links like that….
SEEEEE????
THIS IS WHY WE DONT DO IT!!!
HOW THE HELL are we supposed to know if you find us unpleasant looking or not?
I think I’m cute enough, but glasses and curly hair aint for everyone.
If you think we don’t approach you enough, can you imagine getting a compliment turned down?? (yes..this has happened to me).
*runs out of room in search of kleenex
Stop being dramatic…you have nothing to worry about (I’ve seen your pics).
I didn’t say that men don’t/shouldn’t accept the compliment gracefully, I just said we likely don’t get excited about it. Her looks shouldn’t prevent a man from exercising good ol’ fashioned home training. Personally, I tend to take compliments at face value…nothing more, nothing less. I don’t read too much into a “hello,” “you smell nice,” or any other compliment…. I just say thanks and generally keep it moving.
wait. what?
you’ve seen my pics???
whowhenwherewhathow?????
*looks around with shifty eyes..who is snitchin’??
*tones down dramatics…but point still remains the same doe…
(anxiously awaiting to see how this unfolds)
*pops popcorn and cues Shaggy “It Wasn’t Me”*
LMAO @ SFG…
i minuswell have some of that popcorn too while waiting for DG….
KB, you well known in these e-streets (in a good way). I know I saw some pics of you at ThreeDeez somewhere, doe.
As for your point, I can’t say I fully understand. Several of your sistren have said that they don’t generally compliment dudes ‘cuz they 1) don’t know how to deal with said compliment, or 2) don’t want ‘em to turn around and try to holla. If that’s the case, your looks shouldn’t matter if you compliment him ‘cuz you’re giving compliments for the sake of giving compliments, right??. His opinion of your attractiveness should be irrelevant…he should say thank you and that should be that.
Now, if you’re complimenting him as a means of flirting, then it depends. If you compliment dude and he thinks you’re cute, he’ll probably return the favor and possibly ask for your #….but he could (as I stated above) just take it as a compliment…nothing more, nothing less…and keep it movin. Doesn’t mean that he thinks you’re unattractive per se, but he may not be stimulated enough to holla (just like every woman a man compliments isn’t stimulated to release the digits)….should still accept the compliment graciously, tho.
Ruh Ro *Scooby voice* that may have been me posting 3Deez pics on twitter. You was lookin fahn doe. You fahn gurl.
hm…
alrite then…
*still keeps eyes all shifty. carry on.
as to the actual point. lol. you are right..if a dude smells nice, he smells nice.
if i find the dude attractive, then whole different can of worms.
but i will say again that i’ve had a simple compliment rejected. (mind you he was an NBA player..but that’s besides the point!).
LMAO @ “candles that smell like Oprah at night.” Like…still laughing as I type this.
I give compliments to men all the time…well, not all the time. But, I’m not scarce with them even for men I don’t want to sleep with. Nothing wrong with saying “that suit is on-point, I like your shoes, etc,” to a man. It’s just that y’all are so dumbfounded when it happens that y’all (well, some of y’all) don’t react well at all. GIve a man too many compliments and it will result in stalking.
Men being so thirsty in their reactions to compliments is what keeps ugly girls winning. The ones who find the guys who just cannot say no to compliments and they secretly enjoy getting their ego stroked by that chick…eventually that chick will be stroking something else given enough time and proximity to said dude.
That’s why when I’m dating a dude, if even the ugliest of chicks is “really nice and complimentary” to my dude, I have to keep an eye out for her. If it’s really bad, I might have to shank her. Men are too weak to resist that over time and women (some of us) know it.
“If it’s really bad, I might have to shank her.” 0_o
You must be a part of Gem’s good squad…or Waka’s briiiick squad. In any case, I disagree with the men being thirsty thing. Some guys have standards regarding women they hook up with…True story
But there are a lot of dudes making y’all look bad. The unthirsty of your ilk need better PR.
You’re a man (I assume, if not I sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding) so you may not think that men can be thirsty for compliments. And you’re right to a point. Not all men lose their mind when women say nice things to them. But, some do. And the ones who do make it bad for the ones who don’t.
In my experience the ones who don’t have any sense are so far off in left field their responses to compliments are offensive at best…somewhat scary at worst.
But, honestly those are the bottom of the barrel, no-manners type dudes who act that way. For the most part, dudes just don’t know how to take compliments well. But, I’d venture to say that most folks don’t. General rule of thumb…say thanks, smile and keep it moving.
I thought most of my comments reflected my maleness but I’ll start doing more masculine e-actions to make this clear…lol
But yeah, I’m a dude. Yeah our thirsty ones or bad ones make it harder for the rest of us. I just wanted to say that some of us won’t hear a harmless compliment and respond with a nasty look in our eyes and the time honored phrase “wat dat hit like?”
“Men being so thirsty in their reactions to compliments is what keeps ugly girls winning”
Thirst Ugliness Corollary. There has to be some sort of equation for that, lol
“LMAO @ “candles that smell like Oprah at night.” Like…still laughing as I type this.”
Yeah, the candle line got me, mostly because it’s a perfect description of Oprah. Like, she’s one of those folks that look like they smell like unicorns and flowers, so of course she’d have a candle scent named after her. See also: Patti Labelle. They just have that “welcoming auntie with elegant perfumes” smell.
You ain’t wrong. From my observation, women that openly let men know they’re attractive stay winning. I guess it makes dials the ugly down a couple notches. It just goes back to some study I saw (and I keep repeating) the biggest factor in attraction is feeling like the other person finds you attractive.
Preach! Compliments for women in dating are like special teams in football. They won’t make someone all messed up in the game into a champ, but they can take a mediocre team into the playoffs, where anything can happen. If women would get that and use them wisely, there would a LOT less crime.
YAS! I see this all the time! Anyone saying otherwise is just getting defensive. I’ve seen men cheat on dime pieces with nickels because homegirl was strokin that ego HARD. I’m not going to hate on any woman’s game but this right here is the truth. Men are a sucker for a woman who strokes the ego.
In somewhat fairness, it’s not JUST compliments, but having a welcoming and open personality. It’s amazing how few women get how much that matters, only to find their man running off behind some broad they think it’s on their level. Yeah, men do just go for the easy lay at times, but all things being equal, the friendlier, more open girl wins everytime.
it’s on their level == isn’t on their level. We need comment editing…PLEASE!
LOL I knew what you meant and yes I agree with your points. Stroking the ego is broad and can be anything from a compliment to a literal stroke of the “ego”.
I think I have a problem with gracefully accepting compliments, whether they come from a male or female. I always have to respond with something kinda self-deprecating =/. I don’t want to seem like I have a big head and just say “Thanks.”
Random chick: Girl, I love your hair. It’s so cute. I like that cut.
Me: Oh, really? I didn’t even do it today. I need to dye my roots. Etc, etc…
When guys compliment me, I automatically get all red-faced and shy. Maybe it’s because I blossomed kinda late and went to a HS with nothing but 2520′s who didn’t give me the time of day, but I just can’t just outright accept a compliment. I’m still kinda shocked, like “Who, me?”
Now, I do like to give compliments, though. They make people feel good. Sometimes I say things I don’t even mean, just because everybody likes to hear something nice about themselves. It’s all for the greater good and whatnot.
I think I have a problem with gracefully accepting compliments, whether they come from a male or female. I always have to respond with something kinda self-deprecating =/. I don’t want to seem like I have a big head and just say “Thanks.”
Random chick: Girl, I love your hair. It’s so cute. I like that cut.
Me: Oh, really? I didn’t even do it today. I need to dye my roots. Etc, etc…
+1
I find it hard to respond appropriately to compliments without seeming like I’m full of myself when i’m really not. I just flash a huge smile and say thanks sheepishly.
I used to do that. I think you make people feel awkward when you do that though; what are they supposed to say when you tell them, no, your hair really sucks? LOL
what are they supposed to say when you tell them, no, your hair really sucks? LOL
Lol. Yeah, I had someone stop me in the middle of doing it like, “Just say thank you, dang.” o_o
Compliments are free and no one ends up pregnant or with an std. lol!
I think there should be an annual give a dude a compliment day or maybe a half a day -like from 8am-12pm or something to get them acclimated…
Seconds this motion…
not a bad idea; i bet the crime rate would be lower that month.
As a worker for H&M, I have to hand and receive many a compliments. I USED to love to see reactions from men though, its always very funny until it got disturbing when taken the wrong way. Example:
“I love this shirt, the pocket is so clever.”
“Oh…really? [insert perverted smile ..now] Well. what time is your break?? No break? 15? what time you get off?? [ogles my breast size] I’d really enjoy if we could ________ later.”
I have also seen my coworker followed by a man for 20 mins. whom she complimented on his sunglass choice in the fitting room. I have also had men come out in underwear towards me.. so I have now learned to just shut the hell up and tell people their totals and what room is avail for them to change in.
lol I was showing a guy a jacket at Macy’s, it was suede or something, and he was like “Oooo I liked the way you rubbed that. Do it again.”
o.O oh, Lord.
I couldn’t read past “As a worker for H&M”. Are you taking friend applications? lol : )
always taking!!
You might be right! When I’m out with my friends, we do spend the first few minutes complimenting each other. When I think about it, I always compliment women when I’m greeting them, “Hey! I love your hair! Did you cut it!”. But I think we’re not as easy to accept compliments. Cause they usually respond with “Really?? I thought it was too short”.
Plus I read that proper etiquette when someone compliments you is to compliment them back…maybe that’s why it turns into a compliment fest.
I dated this one guy a few years ago who would tell me I was beautiful whenever our eyes met. It was really sweet…until it got annoying. I wouldn’t even say thank you at some point. I think the problem is that men think that compliments have the same effect on us, so they feel like if they lay them on thick, they’ll get the goods. No, lay them on thick, you’ll get my voicemail
I thought about that too, when I see my female friends, the first thing we do is start the compliments. “You look good, you look cute, I like your hair, you dropped a few pounds?” Watching reality shows, I see women do that too. The first thing they say when they see each other “oh, you guys look beautiful, you look so pretty.” I’m not sure what that’s about!
Giving compliments is my daily thing, I can’t help it. I just love the thought, whatever I put out, will come back to me double. But sometimes it backfires. Case in point. I gave a female a compliment on her outfit, and she felt this was an open invation to dinner and a ” quick sneaky shag” 0-0. So it’s not only men that are thirsty for compliments.
Favourite compliments I love getting are ” Your smile is beautiful” ” ” Sunshine is in the building” and my favourite ” Auntie you make the best cuppa EVER”
+1
I get the smile one a lot. Makes me proud of my pearly whites. =)
u do have a pretty smile btw
aww shucks, Thanks.
**is gonna start complementing random dudes**
Right? We need a control group tho so we can measure the response.
*tabs over to FB to throw some random compliments out there…lol*
In fact, I think all the VSSs should dedicate to the cause of making at least one today in honor of the post. And report back with results. lol
Considering there’s roughly 10 men in my 17-story building, my report will be rather short.
i take this CHALLONJ!!!
wait. does electronic (bbm) count?
i think how these compliments are delivered play a role as well…
*oh well. too late. continues to school through my bbm list…
Nope. If the dude is in your BBM list, then chances are, he’s not a random dude, right? lol
well…
you would be surprised.
so wait. the challenge is to just compliment a whole bunch of RANDOM dudes I dont know??
hmm…i dont know about that…i do not want to be known as sprite…..
LOL, I mean, only if it’s genuine. Like, I’m sure you’ve walked around plenty of times and saw a dude wearing something you like. Or smelling like something you like.
Or packing something you like.LMFAO @ packing.
so hit on a ups/fedx or canada post carrier?
*snickering
ok.
here are my results (i did it on bbm beforer TRL said not to). lol
me:
you’ve got lots on your plate and commend you for keeping balance and your positive outlook!
dude: thanks
me: btw, nice avi pic! looking hot, hot, hot!
(tells me when he took it)
dude: thanks
one i will omit, cuz i told him about the experiment and sent him a link to the post. HA!
but his reaction was like..um that was random. please note there was no actual thank you. and it was the nicest one yet!
me: complimented the dude on his attractiveness
him: LOL! (no thanks or bbm embarassed face)
me: i am so proud of you and love you lots
him: thanks! and returned the love.
me: i miss your writing, you were an amazing one!
him: that was totally outta nowhere…you’re so sweet! and im missed too. ha!
me: you’ll be great!
him: thanks
i got bored and busy at work. plus as TRL said..these aren’t random dudes. 2 are exes and 2 are really longstanding friends of mine.
but they are still mens! so it still counts to me!
so there! lol.
*Blows whistle….throws Penalty flag*
Doesn’t count….lol. Not random dudes. But we’ll let you replay the down since you at least got out there and tried.
=)
LOL.
Thanks TRL.
this is totally a great run back called for a stupid illegal block in the back. ugh.
Yeah, that’s what Cali said above.
will take the challenge, but I gotta start slow – 1 a week & move up from there, LOL!
(coming out of the woodwork for this one)
But seriously, I think mostly I get these because I smile a lot so I come off as approachable. Either way, it’s always a surprise, and I can’t help but blush, but “thank you, I really appreciate it” seems to work as a response, as long as I’m in a position to keep walking.
I’m fairly average looking, but I get a lot of compliments on a regular basis – from homeless guys, bus drivers, teenage boys, and guys at the clubs.
On the flipside, I tend to easily dole out the compliments to my friends and am especially extra complimentary to someone I’m involved with – always sincere, just open about what I like. But I’ve actually been wondering if this is contrary to the whole “chase” thing (the thing about guys needing to feel like they’re doing the pursuing). If I’m complimentary to a guy I’m interested in or involved with, will this lead to disinterest because he no longer has to “chase” me? How much is too much? If there’s a mutual interest will it become disinterest if a woman expresses props on the regular?
welcome and sh*t.
oh, and about your question…
“If there’s a mutual interest will it become disinterest if a woman expresses props on the regular?”
…no. any guy who becomes disinterested because of compliments wasn’t all that interested in the first place
I disagree, I’ve seen it happen. Over time the guy can lose interest. I even had a guy tell me this. And he was 24/7 fishing for them, so I doled them out. Then he said it made him lose interest. It’s happened a few times. Be careful and don’t do it too much. If they start getting jerky, you gotta put a pin in their heads with a little real talk about how they’re not all that.
“I disagree, I’ve seen it happen. Over time the guy can lose interest. I even had a guy tell me this. And he was 24/7 fishing for them, so I doled them out. Then he said it made him lose interest.”
eh. him saying that sounds like an easy “this is why i’m not interested in you anymore” out instead of a sincere truth. it’s like a guy breaking up with a woman because she gained too much weight, but instead of saying that, he’ll say “your clothes take up too much space in my closet. i’m feeling smothered”
LOL! I see what you did there.
LMAO! This reminded me of Friday when Smokey was like, “My mama don’t like a whole lotta people in the care when I pick her up from work…” and it was just one person, lol.
http://www.thedoghousediaries.com/?p=2769
I think I’m fine with compliments, I smile (or grin), say thanks and move on. Most times I don’t even feel that awkward need to reciprocate immediately.
For a guy looking for an opening though, a smile and a compliment is the ultimate green light. If a smile and a look can signal interest, then in his mind, a smile and a compliment is a sign of a sure thing.
LOL @ that link. So true.
It’s a sign of a sure thing? This is dude logic and the reason women don’t generally compliment men. Um…..no, its not a sign of a sure thing. It’s a sign that she likes your tie, or whatever she said. You need more information before you can come to the conclusion that she wants to get naked.
by “sure thing,” i think he was referring to the idea that the women was/is somewhat interested (and that interest can go from very slight to whatever) in the man she complimented
“Hey, I have some space in my vagina that I need for you to fill.”
What a noble, chivalrous act…
I was out at the Blogging While Brown conference in LA and I can cosign this post on women complimenting each other about any and everything. I was befuddled and confused by the amount of pleasantries that were flying through the air betwixt chicks. It was unlike anything I’ve seen before. I took no less than 30 pics of chicks wanting to get pics together and since I was the only dude nearby…well, who else they gonna give the camera to? Was that real life? Apparently so.
Timely post. I was just talking to someone about accepting compliments as well. When I think someone’s saying something nice just to say something nice, I’ll rebut or shrug it off. If I perceive it as genuine, I prolly get the anime eyes. I say prolly because I can’t see what my eyes actually do.
“I was befuddled and confused by the amount of pleasantries that were flying through the air betwixt chicks.”
Mmmhmm! It’s funny how a lot of guys (hell, women, too) have this impression that all chicks are a bunch of haters of each other. Maybe folks like to THINK that… but in actual reality? Naw.
Mmmhmm! It’s funny how a lot of guys (hell, women, too) have this impression that all chicks are a bunch of haters of each other. Maybe folks like to THINK that… but in actual reality? Naw.
i dont know about that one, cheekster. i have a comment below proving that women are in fact a bunch of haters
LOL, what comment is that? And yes, while some women are haters, some men are too. I just think we get an unfair label that we can’t genuinely compliment each other (hence why ya’ll are surprised when we actually DO). It’s not always a competition.
now my fair cheeks, you know good and damn well that women are generally a bunch of haters. peerrid.
Get off my cheeks!
I mean, only if you ask nicely.Annnnyway, I’m just saying that we can be nice to each other, too. I know some sincerely supportive and complimentary chicks. They exist. Plus, whenever we say something glaringly not-glowing about a chick, we’re haters. So um… grade us on a curve, nicca!
I agree with Panama and Champ. Women (read Black women) are the biggest haters of all time. lol
can def can be. no doubt about it
BUT
my e-life, gchat list and twitter timeline proves otherwise.
(and the fact that im hosting people in my house 10 days from now)
Mmmhmm! Folks need more supportive chicks in their lives, yo. And hugs. To quote PANDA.
Funny thing is, 99.9% of my friends are women and are Black and the best friends OF ALL TIME…you included
I still stand behind my statement though. Btw, I’m sooooo mad I won’t be in the Tdot. *thug tear*
2 questions: Where can I get this t-shirt? And do the sizes run XXL?
Can I rip off the arms?
O_O The shirt’s or mine? *realizes Dexter is filmed in MIA and backs away expeditiously*
duh!
the SHIRT!
*stands by with lotion.
Thank you…slow arse ninja. *pops top on Lavendar baby oil*
You know what’s nuts? If we womens call other womens haters, we’re deemed as haters for that as well. #mindblown #dramaticchipmunk
LOL so true. We can’t win.
As long as a man is not in between them, women get along fine….
This really got me thinking. So i’ve only given like 2 or 3 comments to any guy i have ever dated but weirdly enough i find it totally easy to give compliments to random strangers. I just approached this guy in the bus like 2 days ago & told him how totally hot i thought he was & walked off. That’s all i wanted to say but he follows me & asks for my number which i decline to give, sometimes a compliment is just that…a compliment. Say thanks & keep it moving, i don’t necessarily want to get in your pants.
This happens to me ALL the time!
This happens to me ALL the time…some people just don’t get it! SMH
This happens to me ALL the time…some people just don’t get it! SMH
P.S: I just read the profile (Jenesis Magazine)…I’m just so proud of you guys! Turning this to a show would be AWESOME!!! Can’t wait!
^”Uuh, did I do that?” (Frank spencer’s voice)
My bad! Blame it on bad network
More proof that women like to torture men.
i think this is more a classic case of men and women communicating differently.
i can find you attractive, but not want to date/eff you.
frankly, i assume you already have a harem of girls or at least a girlfriend already. (which is usually the reason why i dont approach hot dudes).
so it wasn’t with malicious intent to torture BUT i can see why he interpreted it the way he did.
sigh.
dammed if we do. dammed if we dont.
OF COURSE, he’s gonna want your # if you tell him that you think he’s attractive. You just expressed direct interest in him. Why wouldn’t he want to follow up and get your number? What you said was more than a regular compliment.
You can’t say things complimenting a man’s looks then get surprised when he wants to holla; you just made it clear that you’re attracted to him so why wouldn’t he want to follow up?
This post is indeed timely for me as well. I received a compliment from a rather attractive nurse I work with a few days ago and was caught off guard by it.
It was at that time I realized that I don’t even receive compliments from my own wife. Lol.
Needless to say, I smiled sheepishly, said “Thanks” and walked away.
“It was at that time I realized that I don’t even receive compliments from my own wife. Lol.”
smh. his own WIFE!
“smh. his own WIFE!”
It was like you were repeating that to a studio audience who would reply with “awwwwws.”
Yeah, i don’t compliment random men for exactly the reasons you gave…dudes take it to a whole other level (in both the positive and the negative direction)
I once gave a dude a compliment and he hit me with “well im not looking for a relationship right now”. N!&&a, all i said was you had some nice shoes!
And of course there are the dudes that all you have to do is glance in their direction and they think you’re giving them the green light.
I know right…what’s up with that???
I once gave a dude a compliment and he hit me with “well im not looking for a relationship right now”. N!&&a, all i said was you had some nice shoes!
lol, this made me laugh aloud
So yeah, the new boyfriend-but-not-quite-boyfriend-limbo-state-person and I just had this conversation after I mentioned to him how sexy it is that he can cook his arse off. It’s crazy because I guess I’m always one to speak my mind and give random
drunkencompliments to both men and womenin an attempt to either kiss ass or get on.But yeah. I guess I like to see people smile.
the new boyfriend-but-not-quite-boyfriend-limbo-state-person
AARRRGGHHH!!! I’m there too. I HATE it!!!
(but mine is going on 4 years…)
Isn’t that commonlaw marraige in some states?!! 4 years does not qualify as new, and the only limbo you guys should be in is on a cruise.
i’m with Righteous…4-year limbo sounds more like self-imposed confusion
+1
i was thinking the same thing. 4 years + “not quite boyfriend” = no boyfriend. IJS
A girl at work once had me lose all my cool when she complimented on my smile, sense of style and locs. Even though it wasn’t done with any sexual innuendo….I still felt like smoking a cigarette afterward. It’s definitely a dangerous skill set if used the right way….
Even though it wasn’t done with any sexual innuendo….I still felt like smoking a cigarette afterward.
random compliments from sexy women usually make me want to rob banks
Wait, I thought the compliments were meant to help fight crime! #Confused…
Cosign…you have a nice smile, NICE dreads and excellent style.
thanks miss…;)
*maintains and resumes gully*
Much of the discrepancy in compliment-giving probably has to do with the rules of engagement. We pretty much have to start with at least one compliment (not saying they’re not deserved). There has to be some reason we approach: if nothing else, it’s good to let you all know what it is so you all know we’re observant. And of course we can’t ever slip in any area after initial approach, so the compliments keep coming.
I’ve been known to give a compliment or two in my day, but receiving them? Oh, that takes a long time. In my lifetime (volume one) I’ve gotten ‘other things’ from women long before I’ve gotten compliments. It’s like the Smash Factory is on the way to Niceville (for those not in the know, there really is a city called Niceville not too far from here).
While I was home I got a compliment from a woman I met that I’d never heard before. I’ll refrain from mentioning what she actually said, but I almost asked her what she said (it came up in a conversation two days later: I reminded her and she expanded on it).
There are the compliments I’m accustomed to hearing and those that I’m not. Probably the case with most VSBs. If someone tells me I’m smart or a good dancer or a good listener (or something else), I mention my appreciation – or give a return compliment, if applicable – and keep it moving. Someone says something else, the ears perk up…but all that “she must love me” stuff has to depend on the guy, because I don’t go that far with it.
Much of the discrepancy in compliment-giving probably has to do with the rules of engagement.
i imagine that obisidan has a 10,000 word dissertation about this somewhere
“i imagine that obisidan has a 10,000 word dissertation about this somewhere”
bwhaha you know, reading his mini theses keeps me mentally sharp while I’m trolling the internet for foolishness.
i imagine he’ll be sharing it with us soon.
Speak of the debil. They told you not to say it thrice. Managed to make a swipe at Champ in the process. Hateration to the Nth power. I imagine no feathers are ruffled, tho. We are accustomed….
oh no!
im slipping as an e-boo???
*wallslide…
You are not slipping at all, e-boo. I don’t get a lot of compliments because I’m an acquired taste. Nothing I said had anything to do with (or was a reflection on) you. I’m sorry I said something that made you feel that way.
*E-hugs Canada’s greatest national treasure on the way out the door*
I’ve tried on a couple occasions to pay random guys compliments. I figure, I like to be complimented; why not pay it forward? I even try to preface it with a statement of some kind to the effect of letting him know it’s not code for “Hop in my bed, you stallion”. 98% of the guys freak out and damn near go into apoplexy over it. Then they run like I’ve mentioned rope, knives, and garbage disposals. Even the guy I’m with has a problem with compliments.
What kinda scary-ass clowns came to y’all’s birthday parties growing up?!
Maybe it’s a maturity thing.
Maybe it’s a maturity thing.
maybe it’s a maturity thing, and maybe it’s a “men expect women to be assholes and are surprised when they’re not” thing
Maybe some men surround themselves with a**holes/ won’t give the time of day to a nice girl cause shes not enough of a challenge cause she tells you upfront that she likes you? Hmm? Possibility?
Nope, that’s not it.
Don’t front TRL, I told you we could smang. TWO TIMES! And you friend zones me and went back to bishin about bishes. Am I not hot?! I got references.
Actually, I presumed you weren’t serious about all that. Hence the response.
Hmph!
Men complain so much about their need to be appreciated and when you try to harmlessly brighten their day, they run?
I do think Wild Cougar may be onto something. ‘Cause sometimes men only seem to respond if you’re a bytch to them *sigh* I see girls I KNOW dog dudes out changing men like they change drawls and I’m like, o.O?! There’s a challenge. “Who can tame her” kind of thing. But just being nice doesn’t seem to cut it sometimes.
“What kinda scary-ass clowns came to y’all’s birthday parties growing up?!”
LMAO, I died. I am now using this as a the reason for every effed up thing about niccas.
*buried right beside cheekie
I love compliments! In fact, feel free to compliment me right now. LOL. But seriously, I have a HUGE ego, and compliments will get you everywhere with me. I will say that I don’t give them to women as much as I could. I especially have a problem with giving compliments to people who feel like they are owed a compliment. Fish for compliments with me and I won’t bite. I usually respond to comments such as, “my shoes are tight aren’t they?” with a “they aight”. I have no idea why I do this.
I give out compliments generally very sparingly, which is usually why most men I come across are very taken aback when I give them. But I find their reaction quite cute.
I can’t stand fishers. Especially the people who try to emphasize to me how young they look. Like “Can you believe I’m almost 35? I know I don’t look it.”
o_0
(Like how are you going to tell me how old you look to me?) The lady in the appliance store tried that with me; I think I hurt her feelings.
My sister and I were at a MAC counter with my niece (who is 8 mo) and this woman and her daughter complimented on how cute my niece was and couldn’t believe my sister was almost 30, since she could literally pass for 17. She then proceeded to ask us (rather forcefully) to go ahead and guess her age. We looked at each other and through our sister telepathy were like, “This broad looks helluh old, like late 50s. Let’s say 50 to end this awkwardness.”
After much hemming and hawing, I say “um, 49?” and my sister blurts out “53.” She was 41! I immediately started tending to my niece while my sis pretended to check out new eyeshadow. [Btw, this chick's daughter was 19 lookin' like an easy 30] They finally sashayed to another part of Saks, while my sister and I sat there trying to figure out WHY someone would do that!
DO NOT fish for compliments, as you may just end up getting your feelings hurt.
Colby, you’re the greatest _______! <—-fill in for yourself. I couldn’t limit it to one compliment.
OOPS! POW! SURPRISE!
I learned from the last guy I dated that flattery works on men too. I will compliment men more…only the nice guys though…the ones I’ll consider dating…
“I do know, though, that I’m officially “not allowed” (Ha!) in that Starbucks anymore.”
*as you not only not go into THAT Starbucks, you don’t go into any… Dunkin Donuts will be glad to have ya*
Hee. Anyway, here’s a compliment: Really enjoyed this post, Champster!
I wish compliments could be like a**holes (everyone has one), but it’s true that if we give compliments to a certain dude, he takes that as an invitation to said a-hole. Ew.
All (semi) jokes aside, I do love giving compliments to dudes. My favorite is (a variation of) “you smell great” since it’s one of the qualities I value most in a guy. And yeah, it acts as flirting as well, but giving a guy a genuine compliment (regardless of intention) is just a generally nice thing to do. Ya never know, you can make that guy’s day.
Oh, and would the VSBs in here blush and stammer if I said ya’ll were the sexiest eBrothas in the history of the internets? Because ya’ll is. Aw. Group hug. Cop feels.
I think the scent usually catches me off guard. I’m standing around minding my own business and I smell something good, I’m turning around and looking for it. So I have to say something when I end up nose-first if someone’s chest, LOL
cheekie stole my idea..
i was gonna start dishing out vsb compliments…but…
meh. im lazy.
LOL, I was finna do that too, but I already did it way back when. Double Jeopardy.
Just so you know Sir Champ, those different oils and lotions are for different parts of the body. You don’t use the same lotion for your face that you use for the rest of your body. Some areas require more moisture like feet, elbows and knees.
I agree with the men shutting down after compliments. I sometimes compliment men that I don’t know or have had few interactions with just to see them fumble. lol! I complimented my bf good friend’s haircut just last week. He didn’t even know what to say afterwards. He started telling me useless info.
“He didn’t even know what to say afterwards. He started telling me useless info.”
OK, this cracked me up. I imagined a guy spouting off random Wikipedia knowledge about a honey badger.
I’ve tried to explain the lotion game to men and they just don’t get it. *sigh* It’s a science.
Just so you know Sir Champ, those different oils and lotions are for different parts of the body. You don’t use the same lotion for your face that you use for the rest of your body. Some areas require more moisture like feet, elbows and knees.
i wrote an entire post about this before and the difference b/w mens and women’s lotion regimen. bascially, women are ridiculous.
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/the-man-vs-woman-series-the-great-lotion-debate/
I love that you know this.
I love complimenting guys and it is hilarious to see some of their reactions. When me & my friends are out and we see a nice looking, nicely dressed, or fantastically built guy, we.clap it up for him as he walks pass. They always turn around with a look in their eyes like ‘for me, are u clappin for me’ then they blush. It is a wonderful skill set, when used properly. I notice scents, eyes, eyelashes(guys always get the good ones), shoes, etc.
LOL, we would do that too. Especially my friends who are very outgoing; they love to just compliment a good looking guy when he’s walking by like “we see you.”
I saw this guy on the bus with beautiful hazel eyes and long eyelashes and tried not to stare at him the whole time. And wishing I had his lashes.
I notice male beauty period, and don’t let him smell good too, underneath the smell good(phermones that attract) and yessssss some men have the most beautiful eyes, the shape and lashes.
“we see a nice looking, nicely dressed, or fantastically built guy, we.clap it up for him as he walks pass.”
This reminds me of a game called “No not you” that a friend of mine was telling me she use to play when she was in undergrad. When attractive men would walk buy, they would speak out loud in detail about how attractive the man was and when he would turn, they would say “no not you.” Kinda cruel, but it was undergrad and anything is fair game in undergrad.
I’ve given random men compliments and I can definitely tell they feel really special about it. Especially when I’ve complimented guys on their shoes or their cars. One day at the gas station this man had the most beautiful cream-colored F250 I had ever seen. His whole face lit up when I mentioned it to him. Now whether it was a female compliment or just love of his truck, iono.
I enjoy giving compliments when they’re due. I find compliments somewhat awkward because they make me feel like I’m being watched, LOL. In relationships though, I think it’s nice to give my man compliments. It lets him know that you notice him and you still find him attractive; men seem to like that acknowledgement.
This post is very true. It made me laugh and made me sad at the same time.
It is now my mission to compliment some random guy and give him a hug.*
*When they find my body floating in the Chicago River tell the world that I died like I lived. Trying to fight crime in the name of VSPs everywhere.
LOL, you might stop someone from ending up in the river.
“*When they find my body floating in the Chicago River tell the world that I died like I lived. ”
And they probably gonna think the river itself kilt you. Ol’ dirty whore river.
LMFAO!
DONT DIE THE ANTI COOL!
IT AINT WORF IT YO!!!
I have to agree with The Champ, but apparently from the posts, many women don’t do it and many men, when they get them, don’t know how to take them.
However, in a committed relationship, why not? Why not let the compliments flow? Why not teach and tell each other how to do this? There is one relationship book I read that couples should try to outdo each other on acts of kindness. This would be one of those things you can do for each other.
I have to disagree with compliments being kyrptonite for men. Maybe they are more like Green Lantern’s ring or Captain America’s shield for me. When I get them from my grilfriend, especially after being beat down by this world, I feel like I can get back out there and re-enter the fight. And maybe win this time.
“I have to disagree with compliments being kyrptonite for men. Maybe they are more like Green Lantern’s ring or Captain America’s shield for me. When I get them from my grilfriend, especially after being beat down by this world, I feel like I can get back out there and re-enter the fight. And maybe win this time.”
ITA! Support, respect, encouragement, admiration all mixed with a dose of sincere flattery goes a long way.
“women very, very, very rarely give direct compliments to random men.”
i don’t know about this one champ. i get random compliments all the time. i just accept them and keep it moving. i get complimented on everything from my smile to my height. actually it can get a little weird. quick story.
this past weekend i went to my friend to her line sisters birthday dinner at this mexican restaurant here. we got there a little late. everyone had started drinking already (at the bar before they were seated) but hadn’t ordered yet. while we were seated at the table (of about 20 people) my friend’s other line sister introduced to me to yet another line sister who i hadn’t met yet. this is her exact introduction. “hey have you met you tunde? you have to see his body.” now i will say she was a little tipsy and add that to the fact she’s very outspoken and you have this present conundrum. my jaw just dropped as i couldn’t believe she said that at a table full of people. now everyone was probably thinking that we’ve seen each other naked (we haven’t).
I have to say I’m comfortable around extremely tall guys and fat guys. I don’t know why but I view them as big teddy bears. Maybe it’s because there are alot of tall men in my family. When I go out with them, random people feel comfortable to go up to them and say something.. Women will walk by and touch them or say something like “climb that tree”, etc. It’s funny.
yeah i get the “climb that tree” thing a lot
Midway through this post, you had me thinking that I should drop what I’m doing, get up, go find my husband and give him a compliment. Then I ready the rest of the post and changed my mind. Was that the intent?
IDK Champ maybe that’s just in Pittsburg but in my experience *IF a man warrents a compliment*, he gets plenty esp in this climate. I have never had a problem giving or receiving them
With all due respect, watching Champ trying to “rewire” the way Woman are made is like watching someone trying to iceskate uphill. All these questions have been answered, though it is clear from his recent “Good Men Project” that he is in need of a refresher. GAME, is THE solution, gents – Learn it, or Die.
And as for today’s topic, there’s a very simple reason why Women don’t “compliment” Men anywhere near as much as it happens the other way around –
Because they – they, meaning Women – simply don’t have to. Just like they don’t have to learn what makes Men or themselves, for that matter, “tick” in a sexual sense – so long as they’re relatively young and hot (looking), all they have to do is show up.
Remember this, all of you: it is the Men that do the heavy lifting and gruntwork of Seduction – always have, and always will. Please note that the Kama Sutra was NOT written for Women to read. It is a Manual of Sexual Instruction written for Men to read, study and apply.
My job is done here.
Further suggested reading: The Flowchart & The Loose Booty Theory
http://obsidianraw.bravejournal.com/entry/69299
Now adjourn your asses…
O.
Well-said. Women are born with whatever it takes to get a man, while a man have to earn or learn what it takes. Good point.
Oh, and one last thing on your point. If you know how to do it right, you’ll have women asking YOU how to, ahem, work it on you. I’ve gotten to that point a few times by chance, and boy is it fun. *cackles*
OK, wrong about the Kama Sutra first of all. It’s not just for men. There were literally school that taught women how to do it.
Second, the majority of women are not ‘young and hot.’
What is really annoying and extremely dismissive is that you talk of ‘women’ as just meaning these small group of conventionally attractive women… ignoring and dishonoring the bulk of women out there.
I won’t pretend to speak for Obsidian, but here’s what I think he’s trying to say. Just as women tend to prefer the same set of “eligible” dudes, men should have the right to change their behavior to go after the women they find “young and hot”. People try to maximize their options, and Obsidian is trying to make life easier for those men who wish to do likewise.
Take it for what it’s worth, but it isn’t a lie.
Nailed it.
*Gives Todd fistbump*
O.
I think the reason compliments resonate so deeply with men is the reason why they don’t resonate deeply with women; men get genuine compliments in the moment that are based in an actual observation whereas women have a hat full of compliments to give other women at any given time.
I do compliment men for the simple reason that I know they don’t hear it. They hear what they do wrong all the time. They hear what they need to work on. They hear everything about them but the good things, even if it is just a great choice in cologne or shirt.
HOWEVER,
Just cause I say something nice doesn’t mean you put your hand on my ass son. That ain’t how it works.
***theory #123 about women and compliments***
women compliment the hell out of each other to their faces — “that dress is hot!” — but once she’s out of earshot, it becomes “OMG. did you say that dress tammy had on? did she get it at burger king or something?” on the flipside, guys tend to get the gas face while we’re around, but the minute we leave, it’s all “damn. when did jake get all sexy and sh*t?”
LOL, I don’t know about anyone else, but it’s really not like that. I’d be silent before I gave a fake compliment. I think we just like complimenting our friends. “Mean Girls” was over in high school.
(Is it just me, or are kids in the high school movies way meaner than IRL? The kids at my high school were relatively friendly.)
exactly I don’t give brawds fake compliments WTH for, but depending on a guy’s arrogance level I will withhold certain info, like if I know he got racks of brawds on his scrotum, I won’t be one more.
“Word” on that arrogance level. Like, I’ll WITHOLD a compliment based on principle (gassing folks up who is already a walking BP? Nawl, the gas is too dayum high), but give a fake one. *snort*… ok.
LLS!
“(Is it just me, or are kids in the high school movies way meaner than IRL? The kids at my high school were relatively friendly.)”
Nah, they can be that mean in real life. I was on the receiving end of some of that back when I was a lowercase G. Montell.
Then again, I went to high school in Detroit….
(Is it just me, or are kids in the high school movies way meaner than IRL? The kids at my high school were relatively friendly.)
That’s what bullies always say.
LOL @ the flipside, especially.
Champ, you’ve been watching too many Tina Fey-penned movies, doe.
Tammy always dresses right and lookin tight. Don’t degrade that beautiful name.
I’ve done that. This woman here at my job is going natural and cut off ALL of her hair. I instantly complimented her like a reflex or something but in my head I was thinking “Gah DANG da hell?!!”
But usually, if a female friend is wearing something hideous or has a hideous hair do, I’ll say “WOW, look at you!” It’s my universal neutral compliment for busted folk.
when someone does something drastic to his/her appearance, you feel like you have to say something because you can’t act like you don’t notice LOL. Since it’s rude to be like “what the hell?” you just gotta go neutral. “Look at you” is a good one. I like “I see you! Okaaay…”
every time i hear the name Tammy, I automatically say, “but hoes gon’ be hoes so i couldn’t blame Tammy”
I’m a random complimenter. I love that confused, mind boggled look guys get when strange women tell them something nice. It’s like a power trip. I have this odd fetish for a protruding ooccipital bone. AKA hook head, when the back of a guys head is shaped like a ?. For some reason mostly black men have these. I love going up to a random guy and telling him he has a sexy head. He always touches his head and gets this really confused look. Then I walk away. Cracks me up. I do that for sh*ts and giggles at the club.
But I’ve had this problem with commenting men, though. It makes me very happy when I see their confidence raise, but their heads get so big, they start to think they are God’s gift and I’m dangerously in love and turn into a**holes. That usually happens with guys who had low self esteem. So gotta be careful and ration those things out.
your second paragraph, Ive been there. I do think I may have helped create a monster in my time. smh.
Shoot, girl, I’ve created a few, unleashed them on the world and then they got confused when other people didn’t confirm their status as the second coming. I am still working on holding back on the positive reinforcement. It always bites me in the ass. I do it so much, people think I have low self esteem, and nothing could be further from the truth. I gravitate to the guys who need it the most, but those are the ones who don’t know how to handle it. Working on that. Still.
The question is why go for dudes with low self-esteem. Hmmm…
Your guess is as good as mine Dr. Todd.
Welp, I thought about it on the way home and I’d have to say that I enjoy watching a man grow. Get his mojo on. Go from insecure to secure. Little man to big man. Big men do big things and I love being the spark that started the engine up. I might end up getting dumped when he grows so big he thinks he’s better than me, but its still worth it.
Remind me that when I upload new avis on this site to always face the front or to always have a fitted on….I have that ‘hook head’ you mentioned. lol
Scuured
Not skurred, Growing up, I was the recipient of more than enough head jokes to know better than to bring unwarranted attention to it.
Show that sexy head! Me like. You know I found an article that connected a prominent occipital bone to a big libido….
I love giving men compliments! they do always look surprised when you do, even men that you know like that.
my friends and I definitely DO NOT do the compliment cunnilingus. its so extra to me. I love giving genuine compliments but when its in excess I just tend to think its fake. at my former place of employment I noticed a lot of the 2520 women would make a compliment as part of their “good morning” greeting and its like, I’ve worn this blouse 20 times already, you can just say GM, I don’t need you to gush over my clothes. Seems like its embedded in them and I question the sincerity with that.
With many of my girls we don’t see each other often so there may be something new worth complimenting–hair style, shoes, earrings, but I don’t think we overdo it. I love my chicas and I think they are fab, its kinda implied lol. In general I love giving out genuine compliments to total strangers and receiving them as well. they are so unexpected at times that it can totally make you day!
2520s LOVE giving compliments, even men. The one thing I notice they always compliment names. My government is not common but its not particularly unique to start “wow, where’s it from” conversation.
The only time I can remember complimenting a guy (that I wasn’t involved with) is if he has on some killer scent. I normally tell him that it smells nice, and then ask him what it is, for future reference…lol Other than that, I’m not too free with the compliments.
I am a frequent compliment giver to men, mostly random. I just told a man on the bus that I liked his shoes this morning. I like when my effort to look good/dress well is appreciated in this harsh, cruel world – so why not share a little love with crazy old man with the good looking loafers on the way to work. But same goes for guys that I know – even if we all know we look good, the verbal reminder is always nice.
You rockin’ the h-e-double hockey sticks out of that t-shirt in your avi, Champ.
See it wasn’t that bad.
I’m not sure how to take compliments. I never know what to say when someone gives me a compliment. Do I have to compliment back? Or do I just start acting juvenile bc that’s how I feel inside?
I think women are used to getting compliments. I’m still on the fence. Not sure how I feel about getting them still.
Just say “thank you.”
Funny this is the topic as i just came into work with a fresh cut and got mad ccompliments and then recieved more about how i look when im “blushing”. A woman’s compliment is like a Facebook poke, sometimes you just dont know what to do with it. Sure i could just presume the compliment means she’s feeling me or she could just be nice or just simply like whatever she’s complimenting.
Reading this over again, am I the only guy that doesn’t care about ‘chex’ compliments? I mean aside from my jokingly putting it down as a ‘reference’ they don’t really do anything for me.
women very, very, very rarely give direct compliments to random men.
This is untrue. Women give men compliments, both directly and indirectly, all the time. I think we should distinguish between types of men and the type of compliment before making such a statement. (both you and Panama frequently receive compliments on this site).
Having said that, many women are uncomfortable with giving compliments, but not enough of them to the point where men can say they don’t receive compliments.
I think we should distinguish between types of men and the type of compliment
A salient point good sir.
“This is untrue. Women give men compliments, both directly and indirectly, all the time. I think we should distinguish between types of men and the type of compliment before making such a statement.”
Hmmm, good point. Like, what do ya’ll TAKE as compliments?
Not sure. Depends on circumstances.
For example…My current avatar. I got quite a few compliments on this pic when I put it up a couple months ago. Normally, I don’t really believe too much people say online unless I’ve seen it happen in real life. But since I had also gotten numerous compliments on the outfit itself in real life already, I figured…”Why not make this an avatar, especially since I’m smiling in the pic for a change?”
And there we have it.
Baddabingo!
Hmmm, interesting. I feel like everytime I go out, I compliment at least one man. They do seem a bit bashful when I do. So I guess you have a point.
I complement people frequently, men included and it always gets me into trouble. When I compliment a man he always thinks I’m flirting and asks me out or starts paying extra attention to me OR his wife/girlfriend starts looking at me sideways thinking I’m trying to get into her man’s boxers. I still do it anyway.
I dish out alot of compiments…like ALOT. But they’re always to girlfriends and women in general. I’ll compliment a woman on her outfit, shoes, hair,
her bangin bodyetc. I compliment women all the live long day because I’m committed to fighting crime (like you guys) and uplifting my sistrens. We need positive reinforcement in the form of words. We like words. I especially do this with Black women because we don’t get compliments. Our people are allergic to saying nice things about each other…but that’s another topic for another day.Compliment men? Naaawwwwwwww. Mostly because I’m afraid. I can’t even make eye contact with a man. I’m that scary. There could be a hottie right in front of me and I’ll avoid looking at him…even though I see him in my peripheral view. I never holla at, compliment or go near men. I’ve had guys be upset when they find out
yearslater that I was attracted them like “Why didn’t you saying thing? You never showed it?” D@mn, now that I’m typing this, I realize it’s pretty bad. I’m not shy. Maybe I’m stuck up? Maybe I don’t want him to know I notice him. Maybe I’m afraid of getting harrassed. (Ninjas in the south be ridiculous on that holla at every female tip) Yeah that’s it. I’m afraid of the consequences of complimenting a man. A woman will tell me thank you, compliment me back then be on her merry way. A man is more likely to turn around and try to engage in some sort of convo. I know from experience. Not to sound conceited or anything. I need to man up and complimenthot guysguys more.“Ninjas in the south be ridiculous on that holla at every female tip”"
SPEAK! They stop at nothing to get your attention and once they do it’s all downhill from there smh
Yes, yes, and yes… especially on the “complimenting
hot guys” thing. Although I rarely see any of those… =/im going to conduct my own experiment and start giving random guys compliments that are sincere of course. If i get humped i will be holding you responsible Champ. ill let you know how it goes.
My hypothesis: you can not give a man a compliment without them thinking that you want them or their wang.
Null hypothesis:man can accept compliments and move on
Ladies with strangers yes one must always be mindful so you drop the compliment and keep moving, shrug, say it in passing, while you are already in motion, that way you are not “in place” to be harrassed, talked to beyond that point, or anything else.
Relationship compliments are a completely different monster. A million strangers can compliment me but if my girl doesnt notice, i’ll be taken aback. With my last girl her compliments were ass backwards though, she would get mad when i looked “too good” (she was really insecure and territorial, thus it not really working). I try to compliment the girl i’m with even if its something as simple as a lip gloss
“If fact, not only do men rarely hear compliments from random women, most of us rarely hear compliments from women we’re actually sleeping with.”
This may be because we have seen all of the outfits you have and seen them repeated at least once. I at least compliment my bf’s haircut, since he gets this done weekly. As a scientist, I understand the importance of positive reinforcement.
I’m only going to compliment a shirt once. I don’t expect him to compliment my outfit every time he sees it unless it is new to him or I have switched it up some. I say all this to say, I think like with most relationships, we get comfortable and use to seeing the same person everyday. I don’t purposely not compliment, my bf. Sometimes, I don’t say anything because I’ve already complimented that outfit and so I feel he knows I like it already.
Champ, did I tell you that I think you are a GREAT writer? That’s real chexy.
That awkward moment when you repeat an outfit…
is that awkward or normal?
for me by time i repeat an outfit, me n her must’ve been talking for a while and then it gets to that awkward relationship or not limbo stage
normal unless u dispose of your clothes after you wear them once which is so rude to mother nature.
i don’t repeat outfits…i basically rock a uniform in the summer…
black v-neck tee, fitted, jeans/shorts/chucks. lol i change up the color schemes…but the foundation is straight rapper/dopeboy chic.
So you doing an “Albert Einstein” hip hop edition..interesting LOL
“dopeboy chic”
I heard through the grapevine (where else would I hear it, TMZ?) that this was the original name for FUBU.
———->
girl. bye.
HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Well over a year ago, I’d complimented this man on his clean bathroom. “Wow, this is a rather clean bathroom. I normally hate the way men clean bathrooms but I’d let you clean mine.” I was genuinely surprised by how clean his bathroom was…I had no issues sitting on his toilet seat. And, here we are chatting about this over a year later, and he informs me that he interpreted what I said to mean, “Wow, you could get it!” LOL! That was my introduction to this concept, lol…
IMO, if a woman isn’t flirting with you WHILE giving you a compliment, she’s probably just giving you a compliment.
Maybe I’ll try the compliment thing….it’s been my experience that men really didn’t like it, but maybe it’s just that they didn’t like me doing it.
And stay out of my spare room/Tuesday Morning annex……
Compliments? Krytponite? I don’t know about that.
I agree that we rarely get them. I agree our general response (not my response but men in general) is to assume that the woman complimenting is trying to holla. But kryptonite? *Scrunches up face*. I guess I don’t see it.
I think what is krytponite, what turns men into slobbering b@stards…
…breast-es-ses
Concerning VSB, we’re in negotiations with a production company in LA who wants to buy the rights to the book and create a show. <-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????
VSB (& NATION) ROCKS SOCKS!!!!! (even those creepy weird toed ones).
BIG TINGS A GWAN!
*goes back to reading comments about the actual post…
Where is this? Did I miss it?
in the footnotes article of this post.
I don’t see that in my footnotes. It must be in one of the links? (I’m scared to click on links around here.)
@WIP
http://www.jenesismagazine.com/interview-with-damon-young-of-verysmartbrothas-com.html
When people cannot in a simple response, accept a compliment, a presence of insecurity is denoted. Women are well-known for their insecurities- especially when they logically should have none.
Men filter insecurities in a much more aggressive way and not necessarily physical either. There is much to read into these thoughts and perhaps I’ll begin linking the excerpts from the books I read(or thinking back to how successful that was for another vsb-er I’ll simply say my piece somewhat succinctly, hope the bug was planted and leave you to your devices).
I still have a hard time accepting compliments from women I admire because it confuses me. Outside I’m stoic but inside I’m bouncing off every wall. Pause. I know you see that. Pedo-smile….
The last ‘compliment’ I got from a woman was months ago, and she said that, as a person, I was “above average.”
O_O
Excuse me while I go die over here… –>>
Sir…
I mean, you coulda just drop-kicked her in return. I wouldn’ta been mad. lol
The hell kind of compliment is that? That’s like saying that an NFL team is the best 9-7 team in the league.
“As A Person” aka “Your Personality”
Translation: I’m not attracted to you physically. But you can reside in the friend zone.
“Above Average” aka “Play up to let down”
Translation: I will play up your personality (to be nice because I don’t want to hurt your feelings), but I’m not physically attracted to you. But you can reside in the friend zone.
Yeah, I agree with all of this. Hence my drop-kicking suggestion. lol
*snickers*
True.
Other compliments that aren’t really compliments:
“In terms of beauty, yours is visible in less than 3 shots of Patron”
“On a scale from 1 – 10, you’re what a “5″ wants to be when it grows up”
“I think you could be even more attractive if you had someone else’s face and body”
“I knew when I first saw you that you’d be intelligent and witty. I knew God had to balance things out somehow.”
See…..those last two would definitely cause WWE-inspired tactics against the person that said them.
I mean, we were dating at the time, and I still had skin in the game (pun intended). It wasn’t malicious, just didn’t give me the warm and fuzzies.
B4 I speak on the post, there is a possibility for a real VSB BBQ in NYC this summer? Miracles do happen. Please let us know as soon as it is set up as my summer social calendar is filling up fast.
Now I wouldn’t day I would automatically think that a woman I’ve never met giving me a compliment means she wants the “experience” but it probably crossed her mind. J/K.
I just appreciate it more when they come from my gf, friends and family. They just make a day better.
Now if we could just get the womenfolk to believe us that when we give them compliments we really believe them? Lawdhavemercy, that will be a day for fighting crime.
This is something we can all get behind. Soula Powa has good ideas.
When you are interested in a man, do you compliment him less or more than a man that you have absolutely no desire to get to know? I know I give them more to strangers, male friends, or random dudes than to a guy of interest until I know that the interest is mutual. Perhaps it should be the other way around. IDK
A male co-worker recently told me that women do not know how to stroke a man’s ego. He may have even prefaced that with, “black.” I’m curious if women of other races are more apt to offer up compliments.
Some men only want to except compliments from women they deem as attractive…when you give a nice compliment to a guy and he comes back…”I don’t want your ugly ass”…that will shut down all compliments you give to men from here on out. Its not worth it.
I LOVE to give compliments to a man I find attractive. Otherwise how he is gonna know I’m interested in more than just his body? lol
If I don’t dig the dude I’ll just say “thank you” if he compliments me. And if he’s over-eager with it, I’ll then say “you’re very observant. It was nice to meet you” and just leave.
I’m comfortable with compliments. The way they are given tells me if the man has potential in these categories: date/boyfriend/f*ck buddy or isn’t worth my time.
Ideally I’d want a boyfriend to think I’m hot as you can best believe a boyfriend of mine is someone I find to be very sexy, intelligent and is a good dude.
If I can’t accept compliments comfortably, then how am I gonna be in the dating game successfully?
A compliment and how it is given tells a woman what his agenda is, as a man gives himself away by how he talks to a woman.
The compliments issue comes down to two things with guys. 1. When we give women compliments, it is a precursor to us trying to ask them out. 2. We know that we often miss the signs that women are actually interested in us.
This is very discouraging when you find out weeks, months, our years later. So, when you get what seems like such an obvious message from someone you find attractive, you would be incredibly stupid not to follow up. Also, it stimulates the rewards centers of the brain. You have managed to do something that caused a random woman to express her approval and likely attraction.
And everyone knows that reward center stimulating actions are actions that get repeated. Unlike snorting coke, there isn’t always an easy link between what you did and why she gave the reward. After all, you wear those shoes or clothes or cologne regularly. That’s why you women sometimes end up with weird responses from guys. They have incorrectly isolated the behavior that they think leads to the reward.
“That’s why you women sometimes end up with weird responses from guys. They have incorrectly isolated the behavior that they think leads to the reward.”
LOL, so dude has been spending money on expensive jackets and and has to totally reevaluate his game when he’s complimented on his gorgeous eyebrows.
I compliment men for giggles sometimes. I do agree most of them don’t know what to do. That can take the fun out of it.
I’m a little late, but hopefully people are still commenting. I have a question for the ladies…
When you compliment another woman, do you expect her to compliment you back? And if she doesn’t, do you find her rude/b!tchy? I ask because I get lots of compliments from women, and while I do give genuine compliments when there is something especially compliment-worthy about a person, I think it’s disengenuous to compliment someone just because they complimented you. So, in the moment, I usually just smile and say thank you. But sometimes I get the feeling the complimenter might be a little miffed that I didn’t say something nice back. Feedback?
I don’t expect a compliment back and I don’t compliment- unless it’s genuine and I was going to say something in the first place. When I get compliments, I just smile and say “oh, thanks.”
I don’t say things unless I mean them.
I never expect a compliment back but I will side eye if I don’t hear any acknowledgment like a thank you. I’m always polite when people give me compliments and take the time to say thank you unless it’s in reference to the booty or something like that.
“When you compliment another woman, do you expect her to compliment you back? And if she doesn’t, do you find her rude/b!tchy?”
No.
I only give compliments if I truly mean them. Therefore, I don’t look for compliments in return.
Thanks ladies
Based on these responses, it’s nothing to worry about. Cool.
Oh, my most common compliments are: “You are different!”, “Your honesty is refreshing.”, “You are really smart”, “You are handsome”, “You leave me breathless/make me think/you’re deep/you’re too much for me”, “I wish more men were like you”, and “What are you doing hanging out with these jerks, you are actually a nice guy.”. I get these compliments in what seems to be a cycle. Before that happened so much, I’d get all caught up in the moment and think about the future. What could be. Though, it is unnecessarily hard to contextually cement what I am saying, you will either jump that bridge with faith or decide I need more people.
Let’s them know that you were paying attention even if you weren’t. Default compliment? Take note of whatever they notice and briefly explain why they were special for noticing. It is true. Unless you on the bs….but then again. B*ch samurais and real samurais don’t think the same…the same is for ninjas oh and n*ggas too.
Once you become accustomed to the compliment, you can take a moment to step aside yourself and dissect what the person is really saying to you. Take the compliment with ease while issuing a sincerely observed one of your own and move on effortlessly with ‘nary a wave. That impresses people.
I compliment my guy all the time (he also returns the favor)…it makes him turn blurple… and i love it… and he deserves it. we practice giving each other the big head so it works, i inflate his ego, he keeps mine up in the air. so i do my part to fight crime *giggles* btw, when i was single, i complimented random guys too, unlike the chick at starbucks, who cares if he was into me or not, i was just browsing anyway. ( :
I give guys compliments sometimes, just as I do random women, and its funny to watch them trying to formulate a response. Typically it’s about something like shoes, how nicely a suit is tailored, or how a certain color compliments their skin tone. Honestly I usually smile when I give people compliments, so it could very well come off as flirting, I haven’t had any bad experiences with it though.
I also noticed that apparently men like it when you have a conversation with them, allow them to talk and actually listen and appear interested in their opinions. Sometimes when I talk to guys, and “give them the floor” it’s kinda like someone giving Latavia Robinson a solo while in the 1st season of Destiny’s Child, they’re not prepared for that.
wait…aren’t…nvrmnd…ijdgaf anymore….grrr
Just spit it out Sagey! What do u need clarified?
+1
As a black woman, I find my fellow sistas to be less complimentary to me than my white girl friends. In fact, I’m usually verklempt when a black woman compliments me because I don’t hear it nearly as often from those friends.
Wah? We Black women gots to do better…you are purty Miss Patty cakes.
I can confirm this.
I agree with this, which is another reason I started compliment Black women in public too.
Good Post!! Rings close to home!
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I was never very good at taking compliments and since I started working in retail, I’ve become extra jaded towards strangers complimenting me. I like giving men compliments and as previously mentioned, this earns you the label of *flirt* etc but that’s just how I am. Unfortunately, if I’m at work, too many customers take a simple smile and turn it into *lets get to know each other better* or some creepy ish.
I’m known for being someone who always has a smile, bubbly, etc so usually when I compliment a random they just tend to get flustered like “…um, ok…um”.
Something I have also noticed is how guys handle hugs. I mean some of them act like they’re never gotten one in their life. I like to get and give hugs. If I feel comfortable around someone, regardless of how long I’ve known them, I will hug them. I do it for fun, if I’m having a bad day or if they’re having a bad day and it amuses me when some get scared and confused like “…what is this girl doing?”
1. Well, men are the movers of the world, the leaders, the thinkers, the writers, the speakers. Females make great consumers, their inferiority to man isn’t bad, no, not at all. But when they become liberated with an ignorant base, that is when they become a threat to society. So really there is nothing wrong with them having 10 different brands of the same overpriced lotions.
2. They feel the need to compliment, because they are insecure about themselves. Either that or it has become such protocol as their dreded small talk. Yes, those 15-20 minutes of complimenting are all small talk. It’s in their nature.
Hilarious. I agree women tend to compliment men less. I think it’s because we don’t want to be taken out of context. Sometimes a compliment is mistaken for flirting or more than just a compliment. I think we all need reassurance and compliments sometimes no matter what sex or race we are. Women, especially black women (in my experience) just don’t like to compliment anyone else. Guess that’s why I don’t have many female friends!
I give my guy heartfelt, honest compliments all the time and he simply CAN NOT handle it. Sometimes I find it funny and give him “mushy” talk just to watch him crumble and fall apart like a wet piece of cheap toilet paper.
I will start to compliment more strangers in the street. Only if they dont look like arrogant bastards.
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