Why #ByeElizabeth Needs To Replace #ByeFelicia » VSB

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Why #ByeElizabeth Needs To Replace #ByeFelicia

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I don’t know how things that become things become things. I just know that one day, something is not a thing. And then, the next day, that thing is a thing. You can argue that the surest way to make a thing a thing is for it to have a celebrity shout out. We can list dozens of things that became things — Evizu, making “young” a prefix before everyone’s name, marrying a Black woman, etc —  just because Jay-Z made them things. But, celebrity shout outs don’t always work, hence Shonda Rhimes’ failed attempt to make “bitchbaby” a thing a couple weeks ago.

Anyway, #byefelicia has become a really big thing in the past year, despite the fact that the movie the catchphrase stems from is 20 years old. It will never be more popular than it is right now. Which means it’s the perfect time for it to retire. It would be a shame to see #byefelicia pull a Kobe and hang on for two years too many just to break a couple records and perfect an underbite face. Instead, #byefelicia needs to pull a Barry Sanders and unexpectedly disappear somewhere in Kansas, only to reappear for occasional commercials and to restock on texturizer.

If #byefelicia does decide to retire, #byeelizabeth — in honor of Elizabeth Lauten, the GOP staffer who went at the Obama kids, apologized, and resigned today — should take its place. Don’t agree? Well, here’s three reasons why you should.

1. “Felicia” and “Elizabeth” have close to the same amount of syllables.

2. It took approximately 17 minutes for Lauten to write the original statement, receive the social media pushback, apologize for it, and resign. That shit happened quicker than a crackhead’s heartbeat. You’d be hard-pressed to find another example of someone saying “Hi everyone, I’m here!” and “Shit, I’m leaving now.” as fast as she did.

3. Right before Bill and Beatrix fight in Kill Bill Vol 2, Bill reminds Beatrix he is a murdering bastard and that there are consequences to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard. I am not a murdering bastard, but there are consequences to attempting to direct shade in Malia’s and Sasha’s direction — especially when your ass got arrested as a teen for shoplifting. Your name becoming a popular hashtag should be one of them.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Meridian

    Speaking of murder, the Walking Dead supports this message. #ByeBeth

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNo_IeZfAPA

    • Darryl should have burned that hospital down after that.

      • Aly

        I was more moved by Daryl and Maggie’s reactions than Beth dying. It’s weird though how Maggie didn’t ask about Beth the entire time she was missing.

        • Meridian

          Word. I gasped when the shot went off because it was unexpected, but her death in and of itself didn’t move me too much. Maggie has always been the shut down type so to watch her feel that loss is what resonated with me.

          • Aly

            I just didn’t really connect with Beth that much. She’s been kind of a minor character up until this season. Now if Glen or Daryl or Carol died? Man…

            • Meridian

              I thought she was sweet but I didn’t really care about her. It’s the same as when Lori died. I recognized her as part of the unit but I ultimately didn’t care when she died. Watching Rick fall to the ground though? Man, look. And if Daryl or Rick died I wouldn’t even like the show anymore. I hope Glenn doesn’t go the same way he does in the comics. I love him as a character.

              • Rachmo

                I was so over Lori. So so over Lori and welcomed her death. However I did cry when Rick fell to the ground.

        • I noticed that she didn’t think about Beth until they got back to the church. I kind of assumed it happened off camera.

          • Aly

            True about it being off camera. I think the writers should have at least made some mention of it though.

            • I think they handled it like the Wire’s scribes handle Rawls being in the gay bar. You saw it now move along.

              • He who thinks before he speaks

                I thought that was a plot hole they should’ve explored. It could’ve been used to facilitate is undoing or something.

              • Aly

                I’ve seen exactly one and a half episodes of The Wire, but I get your point :-)

      • Meridian

        That whole scene shocked the h*ll out of me. SO many things happened in a span of like 2 minutes at then at the end of it you had Maggie weeping over the loss. I thought it was gonna be another Terminus but they switched it up and just fell apart.

        • I actually think Darryl was going to die. I noticed how Rick silently judged all of the cops for “going bad”.

          • Meridian

            The rapey and abusive cops all got killed and then Dawn ultimately died as well. No one even cared and Rick was just like…Welp! He was ready to take them all out.

      • Rachmo

        I was soooo mad. I think Daryl may have lost a future #bae.

    • niksmit

      I do not watch this show, but I support this revision based on character count alone (conserve your 140!).

  • GemmieBoo

    “Anyway, #byefelicia has become a really big thing in the past year, despite the fact that the movie the catchphrase stems from is 20 years old.”

    20yrs??? who knew “bye felicia” would be a hashtag AND a phrase used by white liberals?? damn i feel old.

    • And ByeFelicia’s son is a starting QB in college sports. We ARE old.

    • I haven’t watched Friday in about ten years. #old

  • Elowwole

    I support this message.

  • nillalatte

    You know what I despise? The same thing you guys despise; when a person commits a crime in their teens or early adulthood, and then folks try to use that misstep against them, like, forever, to form their opinions of a person. It’s like no one ever pays their debt to society anymore, even though they went through the court system, technically their ‘debt to society’ for their crime never ends. Think I’m wrong? May I remind folks our country has registries where people are required to post their name, address, etc., so their ‘debt’ is never paid. Seriously, a lot of folks are not too far from reverting to tribal clan mentality.

    Anyway, how did I stray from this post, the link to her being arrested for shoplifting. WTF does that have to do with her hateful and disrespectful post of the President’s children? Nothing.

    • Everything since she wants to point out something as insignificant herself. Also I have no issues with child molesters/rapists being required to have the name and address put into a permanent data base.

    • Damon Young

      “Anyway, how did I stray from this post, the link to her being arrested for shoplifting. WTF does that have to do with her hateful and disrespectful post of the President’s children? Nothing.”

      It matters in this instance because she was a politician’s aide who publicly denounced the behavior and attire of two teen girls who did absolutely nothing wrong. When you do things like that, your own behavior as a teen becomes fair game.

      • nillalatte

        This is exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not trying to be mean or disrespectful or start any shyt, but let’s reflect on the Trayvon Martin case as an example (only because we all know it well).

        The media made a HUGE deal of him being kicked out of school/suspended because he smoked weed. Did that have a damn thing to do with him being pursued and attacked? No. He may not have been criminalized (I don’t remember to be honest), but this is how folks use such information to degrade another. It’s a behavior that just makes me feel some type of way. I think it’s often because my brain doesn’t make those same connections and/or assumptions (someone did X back when so that makes them guilty of Y now). Maybe I should? But, then, it just feels wrong.

        Don’t get me wrong… I posted her comments when they hit the net and expressed my disgust with her post for going at those children. She’s not very mature and her hatred (racism) was on full display. I’ve seen time and time again people’s entire careers decimated because they posted their (dumb azz) opinions. I guess that’s better than in countries like, say Saudi Arabia, where you’re just murdered. On the other hand, the net has given so many imbeciles to put on display their ignorance/hatred. H3ll, maybe I’m one too. :(

        • Damon Young

          “This is exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not trying to be mean or disrespectful or start any shyt, but let’s reflect on the Trayvon Martin case as an example (only because we all know it well).

          The media made a HUGE deal of him being kicked out of school/suspended because he smoked weed. Did that have a damn thing to do with him being pursued and attacked? No. He may not have been criminalized (I don’t remember to be honest), but this is how folks use such information to degrade another.”

          Yeah, I think you should probably sit this one out. Trust me. You really don’t want to make that comparison.

          • nillalatte

            You got it. C’est la vie.

    • Animate

      Because criticizing children for APPEARING, by your weird opinion, to do behavior that you have in fact DONE makes you fair game.

      That and they are children. Make policy criticism all you want, I don’t think anyone advocates going after children.

    • Lisa Harris

      Glass houses. It isn’t that anyone wishes to disparage her for her youthful indiscretions. It’s that before a person decides to get all “mean girl” on social media about people she doesn’t know, she should expect that people will dig into her past and use it to make her look bad.

      Glass houses.

    • PunchDrunkLove

      I see what you’re saying…sorta kinda, but don’t necessarily agree. We all have a past or have been teenagers. That’s “past” enough. But when you criticize just for the sake of bringing down pretty good kids, then you set the wheels in motion for scrutiny and criticism and backlash. If being able to guide and direct the youth or our kids was based on stuff we did…..or not, none of us could teach We don’t put them down, rather we teach from mistakes made and lessons learned. Her attack was nothing constructive. She was mean spirited, a coward for saying that to children rather than the parents and deep in jealousy. HATER! She’s mad she’s gotta sit around and watch a breautiful, loving family…..a black one at that. They’re not perfect, but they try to live above reproach. Why the attack and criticism??

  • Aly

    Mmm, not really feeling #ByeElizabeth. Doesn’t flow.

    When I read Lauten’s comments all I could think was, “this b!tch.” Happy to hear about her resignation.

    • Damon Young

      yeah, it’s not a perfect fit. but, it’s not like elizabeth is Va’Shaundya Karlette

      • Aly

        Lol.

    • b sweet

      Reminds me of Redd Fox’s heart attacks on Sanford and Son. It could work.

    • Katrina

      BYE LIZ. see!

  • Fun fact about Ms. Lauten! She was arrested at age 17 for stealing from a Belk store in North Carolina! So much for class huh? LOL

    • miss t-lee

      She must have suppressed that memory.
      all sarcasm intended.

  • PunchDrunkLove

    “I get you’re both in those awful teen years, but you’re a part of the First Family, try showing a little class,” lectured Elizabeth Lauten, congressional schoolmarm — oops, I mean, communications director — for Rep. Stephen Lee Fincher (R-Tenn.). “Then again your mother and father don’t respect their positions very much…so I’m guessing you’re coming up a little short in the ‘good role model’ department,” Lauten continued, venturing deeper into failing-to-practice-what-you-preach territory. “Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar. And certainly don’t make faces during televised public events.”

    Copied this from an article on the net. So typical. Yellow bellied, self righteous white woman, infiltrating her fear of what others think onto these kids. Just because she lives in a box and looking around her, please don’t expect others to live by that same dumb train of thought. Since she felt that strong about their morals and decorum or the lack thereof, she should have gone to the right source…the parents. That would have been the perfect platform to address bad parenting. I think Michele would have brought the snapback…lol

    Go sit down somewhere and leave those kids alone. They both seem like pretty sweet girls. Folks irk me measuring other folks up against what they would do. Honestly, I saw a clip on Thursday on the news, and thought the skirt on the oldest daughter was a bit short, but the parents purchased (likely), apparently approves, she’s wearing tights, she’s a kid/teenager, and it’s what they wear. My kid does THE SAME THING!! I don’t bother her too much (long as she ain’t nekkid), because….well because.

  • Lisa Harris

    I’m just waiting for her sex tape to be leaked. That would be AWESOME!

    • Damon Young

      I think you’re the only person in that line. Maybe even the only person at that mall.

      • Lisa Harris

        Probably. But I find the idea of her complete humiliation and downfall so appealing right now. I’m not always very nice.

    • miss t-lee

      no.

    • LJK
  • miss t-lee

    ” It would be a shame to see #byefelicia pull a Kobe and hang on for two years too many just to break a couple records and perfect an underbite face. Instead, #byefelicia needs to pull a Barry Sanders and unexpectedly disappear somewhere in Kansas, only to reappear for occasional commercials and to restock on texturizer.”

    This whole paragraph has me freakin’ weak.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    Social Media became Luther and checked ‘ol girl. Made my heart grow two sizes today.

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