Why Being A Single Man Is Kind Of Overrated

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Pic only chosen because I thought it was funny that this image was the first thing to pop up when googling "single black man"

While most will probably remember 2012 as the “Year Of The YOLO” (and by “most” I mean “like seven people“), it holds special significance for me because it’ll likely be the first year since 2002 where I spent the entire year single. I haven’t completed a full calender year yet — May will make it seven months since the former Lady Champ and I decided to go our separate ways — but because I seem to enjoy doing random anthropological experiments on myself for absolutely no reason (and because I’m an INTJ and INTJs apparently suck at relationships), I’m confident that I’ll make it to 2013 without having to change my Facebook relationship status again.

Anyway, if I could sum up my seven months of singledom in one word, it would most likely be “interesting.” I’ve met some “interesting” people, done some “interesting” things, made some “interesting” decisions, and, most importantly, thought some “interesting” thoughts. The most “interesting” of these “interesting” thoughts? Being a single man is kind of overrated.

Now, as I stated on the day where I wrote about orgasms, “overrated” doesn’t mean “bad.” In fact, as the careers of Tupac and Derrick Rose continue to prove, something can be very, very good — even great — and still be overrated. I’ve enjoyed being single, and will likely continue to enjoy it. But, while it seems like many assume that being a single man (a single Black man, at that) is nothing but an utopic stream of easy popsicles, cold pancakes, and syrupy p*ssy, there are a few downsides.

1. It can be very lonely

As a person who wanted to be single, is a natural introvert, and generally enjoys doing things by himself, I’m surprised by how, for lack of a better term, “noticeable” the solitude and loneliness of singledom can be. Even when seeing multiple people and/or having tons of friends, being single means that you are…single, by yourself, and there may be times when you want to have someone around but there will be no one that you want to be around readily available to be around.

Then, to add insult to injury, if you’re an angsty motherf*cker like me, you’ll start thinking things like “Wait. I’m a single man. A single Black man. My dad named me after Dolemite. Shaka Zulu is my second cousin. People who’ve never even met me call me “Champ” for chrissakes. Why the f*ck do I feel lonely right now?” which’ll make it even worse.

2. You have to wear condoms. And, wearing condoms sucks

If you’re one of the 137 people left on Earth who always has protected sex — even if in a long-term, monogamous relationship — just skip this section and move on to #3. Also, I’ve left a plate of gotdamn sugar cookies at the end of this post as a reward for your duty. Please eat them with a gotdamn smile.

If you’re not one of these people, you should be able to relate to how frustrating it’s been to go from condom-less sex to having to worry about having gotdamn condoms all the damn time. And, even if you’re not actively having sex, “Do I have condoms?” and “Since I don’t have condoms, is there somewhere close where I can buy them?” always has to be on your mind.

Also, from a logistical perspective, they’re a hassle to put on, they smell like a pack of slutty balloons, and “sex with condoms” will always be the Mike Conley of coitus.

There is always the alternative — just don’t wear condoms while single, either — but I think one Cromartie per generation is enough.

(Btw, is it just me, or has the price of condoms spiked dramatically in the past four years? I was last single in 2008, and I don’t remember a box of condoms costing as much as it does to fill a gas tank. Does this qualify as a “first world problem?” If a Black blogger bitches about condoms in the woods, would Kanye’s missing draws make a sound?) 

As much as condoms suck, they don’t suck as much as…

3. Having to participate in the dating game

In a paradox so annoying that I almost didn’t mention it today because I plan on spending an entire day on this sole topic soon, I love meeting new, interesting women but I hate the process that usually goes along with meeting new, interesting women.

I understand (and appreciate) the purpose of the process, but knowing why it’s necessary doesn’t mean that you have to enjoy it.

4. The superficial romantic connections synonymous with singledom gets old

Ironically, the best thing about being a single man — possessing the ability to have myriad short, commitment-free relationships AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!!! — ends up being one of the worst after enough time has passed.

This actually hasn’t happened to me yet. I guess I’m still in the single honeymoon phrase. But, I’m certain it will, and the thought of this happening is already depressing me.

Actually, this entire list is getting depressing. ***Making note to self to make sure tomorrow’s post is about the playoffs or strippers or something***

5. You start to realize some, um, “unpositive” things about yourself

I’ve been in three long-term — “long term” = “monogamous relationship lasting at least a year” — relationships as an adult. Each of these relationships failed, and my wanting to be single was the main catalyst behind each of these failures. Now, because I’ve always been a guy who did all the “right on paper” relationship things — I’ve never cheated, never physically or verbally abused any girlfriends, always followed the chivalry handbooks, etc — I’ve always assumed that I’m good at being a partner. But, these last few months have made me realize that I have some real deficiencies in the relationship department — personality quirks that have subtly sabotaged each relationship I’ve been in.

I wouldn’t quite call myself a trojan horse — the sabotage isn’t intentional (at least it’s not consciously intentional) — but I’m just not very good at this relationship thing right now, and I intend to spend the rest of 2012 trying to figure out why.

That’s it for me today. Fellas — single or coupled up — how do you feel about the concept of singledom? Is it all the beer commercials make it out to be, or do you agree that it may be slightly overrated? Also, ladies, are the “single man problems” expressed today at all similar to any “single woman problems?”

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

883 thoughts on “Why Being A Single Man Is Kind Of Overrated”

  1. I agree with most of this (number 3 is as questionable as it is vague). However, it still doesn’t effectively equate to single life being overrated. Perhaps relationships could be underrated….but then again it’s all about timing and what stage in life you’re at.

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    • “However, it still doesn’t effectively equate to single life being overrated”

      it does, though. if being a single black man with a job and a passport and shit is touted as being the best thing ever, anything proving it’s not actually the best thing ever makes it overrated

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      • I commend you for taking the time to figure out why you’re not good in relationships. But I hope that you take the time to really evaluate, and not become an asshole or male whore in the process. I’m sure that you don’t want to bring even more unnecessary baggage to your future relationship. I took an entire year off of dating to figure some things out… Hope it works for you!!

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      • Nilla! I’m good, and I have to admit that Kema currently does has me intrigued. I’m over that siren MJoy though smh… It doesn’t matter about the others though, you know I remember who it all started with. Then I found out you were from down South too?! My heart started singin ;)

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        • It’s all good. Now you tryin to holla at JMTG? What’s up wit dat? He ain’t got no dreads! You actually need Corey. I think y’all would do better. But, let me warn ya… he’s straight up black coffee no sugar, jack no chaser, medicine no honey… get the pic? Mane can be brutal, but you know exactly where he’s coming from. ;)

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          • Nilla, she wasn’t talkin bout my bald @ss she was talkin bout my sexy new companion Kema. Corey and Mami would be an interesting pair together lmao! I ain’t tryna sabatoge my homie Jay though. She and him have a very peculiar relationship lmao!

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            • oh mi gosh—-> peculiar?! Please expound on that point?!
              and also expound on why Corey and I would be interesting?! I’m always open to more options, but my heart will always be stagnant on he who shall not be mentioned.

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          • @ Queen,

            errrm, I hollad at my girl crush KEMA!

            Thanks for Corey, but my heart was only meant for he who shall not be mentioned. I can handle black coffee! I’ll put the cream in it. :)

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    • #3 has got to be the WORST thing about being single. Can’t wait for you to go in on that one later, Champ. Many of us have stayed in dysfunctional relationships just to avoid #3. At least from my perspective, this is what men and women have in common when it comes to being older (over 30) and single.

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      • I agree that #3 sux! I do not enjoy dating at all. However, being single has given me the opportunity to learn more about me and do so much needed work on self.

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  3. Lol, I do agree with all of these especially number 3. I feel like a lot of the outside noise disappears in your life when you’re single so you have more of an opportunity to think and you tend to realize some things about yourself

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    • ” I feel like a lot of the outside noise disappears in your life when you’re single so you have more of an opportunity to think and you tend to realize some things about yourself”

      But that’s what I love about it though. I’m a big fan of myself as well as reality. I don’t need nor want distractions from either….

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  4. Wish you gave a few more, concrete reasons… but the effort is appreciated. :o ) I’ve been curious about if guys ever get a little ‘tired’ of the 3 P’s (lol…pancakes) without a C in there… for well-suited companionship.

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    • This worries me. I’m an INTJ. I’m in the middle of building a business and, will have a few employees soon. Seriously, why worst bosses?? This whole post also worries me because I’m currently at the end of a 6 year relationship. Yall are depressing the sh*t out of me right now.

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        • Yeah. Its pretty rough. Mostly because of my AMAZING, in the truest sense of the word, AMAZING 4 year old son. I’m proud of myself for being mature enough to INSIST that it be amicable an uphill battle due to her immaturity . Being single again is one of the things I’m looking forward to. Impeccable timing Champ. Thanks for taking a hot and steamy all over my silver lining.

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      • I don’t think you should take the comment probably experienced with one person so seriously. At the very least, go read up on your personality type and learn about the idiosyncrasies. Whatever could be seen as “bad” could be remedied if you are made aware of it and can do things to counteract it. I learned a whole lot about myself by reading about my personality type in the workplace, in the dating world, etc.

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        • True. Some of the good and bad things about my type rang true and others untrue. But thats why I’m interested in learning how one would come to the conclusion that INJT’s make bad bosses. So I can draw my own conclusion.

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          • Probably the dry sense of humor, depending less on emotions, and being very impatient with emotional people. If anything, (and this is my personality type and I manage 100+) we are extremely fair and reasonable. However, on all of my performance reviews (which i score above average on every year) my boss has always mentioned that I can be abrasive in my dealings with immature employees. This is something that I will constantly need to work on. My patience level for emotional people in the work place is at a 2. I probably say “man up” either out loud or in my head like 20 times a week.

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            • Don’t depend so much on personality types but simply learn about what you may need to work on. Pretty much what Liz said.

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  7. I want to go back to the kamakula days of writing an entire post response in my comment, but I think I will hold back for today.

    Singledom can be very contradictory. As a single man who doesn’t want to be single, a couple things that dominate my thoughts when they turn to women is “why are the women who I want not interested” and “what is it that draws unavailable women to try and befriend me”. In the past, I’ve tended to continue chasing after the former and ignore the latter.

    Now (well, I started two weeks ago and it’s already yielded some. . . unforgettable experiences), I’m going to take a step back and deprioritize trying to find/start a relationship and actually make friends and try to learn more about myself. I may also start taking Krav Maga just to be safe. . .

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    • “Singledom can be very contradictory. As a single man who doesn’t want to be single, a couple things that dominate my thoughts when they turn to women is “why are the women who I want not interested” and “what is it that draws unavailable women to try and befriend me”.

      i dont see how these things are contradictory

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      • They are not. At least, not directly. I made that “contradictory” statement, then did not follow it up with any examples of what I meant.

        So examples (applicable to me, your mileage may vary) is that I’m deliberately not trying to pursue relationships in order to help me pursue relationships. Another, the more I get reconcile (with myself) what went wrong with ex-gfs, the more they find reasons to contact me. The times when I’m loneliest are the times where others are busiest.

        Some of them seem cosmic, synchronicity, or coincidence. Others are likely not contradictions, just things I need to understand.

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        • “So examples (applicable to me, your mileage may vary) is that I’m deliberately not trying to pursue relationships in order to help me pursue relationships. Another, the more I get reconcile (with myself) what went wrong with ex-gfs, the more they find reasons to contact me. The times when I’m loneliest are the times where others are busiest.”

          ok. makes sense and sh*t

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        • Well, the thing is that you don’t really have a belief system…that’s why you have all these contradictions. You see, women have a default belief system from birth – p**sy is power, and men are dogs, act accordingly. When you have a belief system, you end up having principles, and that makes you more confident, because you always have a foundation to go back to when things get complicated in relationships. The problem with women’s default belief system is that it’s secondhand, and they didn’t create it for themselves, thus when it’s under great stress, it crumbles.

          You don’t need to find out more about yourself, as much as you have to take a look as to what has been true about your life with women, what has worked and what has not worked and apply it and create a belief system. A belief system takes away the contradictions, it takes away the uncertainties in your mind, and let’s you be more focused in the moment, which is essential when dealing with women. And the more organic the belief system, the more solid and easier it is to use. If your belief system is wrong, you will either fail and no woman will want to be with you, or a woman will come around and make you want to change the original belief system you had.

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          • Hmm, I feel you but I don’t feel it is for me.

            Success for me is minimizing the number of future romantic relationships that I have (ultimate success being that my next LTR is my last). So for me, what I want does not have the space for lots of trial and error. So for me, I’m better off taking time to learn more through self study and reflection, than an exhaustive search of what I should hold as the ultimate importance with respect to women.

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            • But how does self-reflection guarantee that you will get what you want, unless, you’re saying that in all your relationships that failed in the past, you were the culprit and the women were victimless?

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              • No guarantees. Self reflection doesn’t mean I was completely at fault and it is more about learning what went wrong in my relationships. I want to understand their beginnings as well. Understanding is perhaps impossible, but I want a better grasp of it.

                There is no guarantee the other method will work as well. But I know without a doubt I’d be a much happier person my way than the other. Trying and discarding different things, especially if it fails and I go through woman after woman would feel like I was just casually pursuing relationships. I’d end up unhappy, bitter, and hate myself.

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    • Your post reminds of the movie “Hitch.” He helps men get out of their own way to attract the woman they desire.

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      • I wish it were that simple. To use a fishing metaphor, Hitch helped guys from the point after they’d already hooked the catch, but would always fail at reeling them in. I’m still figuring out why certain fish seem to prefer my bait, but never when I’m out actually trying to catch anything.

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        • Do you mean you caught fish when you were in a relationships? As in, women tried to pursue you when you weren’t looking (i.e. in a relationship) but now they don’t?

          Um, because I can tell you the answer to that.

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          • @ Editgirl- I don’t think he means that. I think he means that the women he’s not attracted to tend to be more attracted to him, while the women he wants don’t seem to be into what he’s bringing to the table.

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            • He’s doing something… He has to evaluate how he treats the women he is not interested in and then begin treating the ones he is interested in the same way.

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    • Finally a man admitting that he doesn’t want to be single and that getting a relationship is difficult. SO, proved my point about how arbitrary dates are stupid.

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      • No, 4 months ago. But it was only about a month ago that I truly felt ready to “date” again and then I decided that perhaps I needed to change things up and spend time being single figuring some more things out about myself if I wanted to do a better job in the relationship search.

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    • “Singledom can be very contradictory. As a single man who doesn’t want to be single, a couple things that dominate my thoughts when they turn to women is “why are the women who I want not interested” and “what is it that draws unavailable women to try and befriend me”. In the past, I’ve tended to continue chasing after the former and ignore the latter.”

      I’m not a guy and this is what permeates my mind every single day, to the point of obsession and depression.

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  8. Well find you a nice ENFP type girl, lol. I’m an ENFP and I’ve found my INTJ….lol, while I am not the crazy person who made him take a personality test, but coincidentally his personality is the exact match for mine….plus other things in common, faith, movies, and sarcasm, but no personality clashes here. Or even major arguments. Go, and find the yang to your yang!

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  10. I can agree to all three but I would like to add one; being single, especially as a Black man, is not that challenging. As a result, it can be seen as overrated because its the easier thing to do with no real satisfying results.

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  12. umm… cause you’re an apathetic asswipe. duh.

    that, or a robot incapable of constant intimate human interactions and connections for too long.

    mystery, solved.

    :)

    *hugs*

    good post though. whenever i’m single, i am always initially absolutely PSYCHED about being emancipated and going out for free meals with men who will tell me how pretty i am and act all “best behavior-y.” it gets old fast though, so i understand. condoms suck. but babies are far more inconvenient. lol. fix your assholeness and you’ll be fine. i won’t even charge you for that priceless advice i just gave, either. lol

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    • “that, or a robot incapable of constant intimate human interactions and connections for too long.”

      honestly, i think this might be it. i just have trouble “going all in.” for instance, yesterday I went to church for the first time in a few months, and all i could think about while i was there was how i just don’t seem to “feel” church the same way other churchgoers seem to. i enjoy myself, but i don’t feel the same connection.

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      • I’ve been having this same problem… Like I missed that “special communion” that got everybody so hyped… Nother story for a nother day

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        • Totally another story for another day but I’ll say this… Maybe its because you guys are “very smart” **whistles and walks away with hands in pockets**

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          • “Totally another story for another day but I’ll say this… Maybe its because you guys are “very smart” **whistles and walks away with hands in pockets**”

            please expound

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              • I would love to read a VSB post that adresses this topic.

                And I completely understand what you’re saying. I haven’t been to church since July of last year, and even then, I only went ‘cos I went home to visit my parents, and I wanted to keep the peace. For all intents and purposes, I’m done with it all.

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                • I went to a Pentacostal church and was literally ALL IN for a long period of time. As I got older it got harder for me to suppress the ENDLESS unanswered, unanswerable questions that I have/had. And I started to believe that suspension of reality should not be precursor to the maintenance of my beliefs… Anyway, I don’t want to disrespect anyone because I know how serious of a topic this is. I’m the same way though. I NEVER want to have a discussion with my mother about my beliefs (or lack thereof).

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                  • “And I started to believe that suspension of reality should not be precursor to the maintenance of my beliefs”

                    AMEN ====> hahaha

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                • Also nodding my head @ Jay’s well-articulated and lucid post. It’s the only thing I CONSTANTLY get annoyed with Southerners about. People in cities like DC and NYC tend to “get it” more when it comes to that topic. I keep it respectful though, so I’ll leave it at that. You said everything that needed to be said already anyway

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      • Ah, the reason I stopped freakin’ going to church. The only place I felt like not a complete failure was rolling with the Unitarians, and that’s not really “church”.

        But that’s another post. :)

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      • ” i just don’t seem to “feel” church the same way other churchgoers seem to. i enjoy myself, but i don’t feel the same connection.”

        “I’ve been having this same problem… Like I missed that “special communion” that got everybody so hyped”

        @Champ & @MJoy

        Y’all have pretty much described my relationship with church too. I keep getting “the did I miss something” feeling.

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        • That is why you have to continue to go, to read the Word, etc…. If you stop going you lose the connection to that “special communion” that got everybody so hyped”…it’s called the Spirit of God.

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          • Continue to go after 30 some years of not getting it? It’s not that I don’t believe, pray, or have faith but like the others said the wave of emotion doesn’t hit me with the “umph” that those around me in the pews have.

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            • I think many people feel that way but the you don’t have to have that “wave of emotion” and shout, dance, jump and holler to have a relationship with God. Being raised in a pentecostal church I think many of us felt like we had to do those things but it’s not necessary. You don’t have to react the like the man/woman standing next to you. Just know what you know.

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              • Exactly….its all about a personal relationship. Alot of those people you see running and jumping and laying on the floor in church…once they get up and sit down go ask them what just happened and what changed in their lives…and the answer is probably NOTHING. Its about you and Him and however that honestly manifest it’s self…

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                • Oh I do my best ignore the over the top folks. As for the personal relationship I actually love that part of it. However, when I explain to folks that I don’t feel as if I fit in “church” proper but do my best to make my relationship stronger I get looked at as if I have a horns and told “Well you need fellowship.”

                  What if I don’t want the fellowship? That’s my issue. I like the one on one aspect of it. It’ll make sense one day.

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                  • “What if I don’t want the fellowship?”
                    this is the issue that I am currently having with my mother. I was raised in the church, I love the church, but more than that I love God and I don’t necessarily believe that I have to go sit in the pew every week while sister Berniece stumbles through the announcements and Deacon Hill snores so loudly you can hear him over the organ.
                    I DO enjoy the fellowship SOMETIMES, but these days, I much rather prefer watching service on the internet and reading my devotionals privately.
                    Every time I say that though, my mother always hits me with the “The Bible says ‘Forsake not the assembly’.

                    I want to ask her to find me the scripture, but she’ll probably tell me its only in the Bibles, on the pews, AT the church. Meh

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                    • As far as the fellowship issue goes, I don’t think there is one scripture in the Bible that actually commands fellowship. However, I do believe there are some that suggest it. See 1 John 1:6-7, Philippians 2:1-2, 1 Corinthians 12:13 and probably the most turned around scripture Matthew 18:20. I also like the way it is described here –> http://www.victorious.org/felwship.htm

                      I agree that lately I have not been feelin church like I used to but I have been for a long time one of those people who reaches an emotional level while at church. No backflips or cartwheels or anything of that nature. But I might cry if I am touched or moved by the spirit. I do enjoy my private devotional times but I actually enjoy church service more. I am one of those types that attend every week so for us, you would think that it gets old. I always wondered why those who aren’t going that much have something to gripe about. I mean for those of us who attend a lot – I mean how many sermons can you hear about being single, what to wear, having faith of a mustard seed – wouldn’t it get old? I have found that one of the main reasons that I start to lose that emotional connection at church, or sometimes even in my personal devotions, is when I start to concentrate on me. Worship is just that – worship. Its not about what you get out of it – its about what you put into it because its supposed to be about God, not about you. When I try to focus more on giving to God during my worship, I end up receiving in my worship. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone but me but that’s how I view it.

                  • I totally get where you are coming from because I was once like that too. But eventually you will release that there is strength in numbers. I don’t like to many people around me either and am usually very quite until I get to know you (so that test on Friday is way wrong) but you have to be apart of the tree in order to grow…a cut rose will not grown. You may last for a while but eventually you will die. You need to come together with others that believe what you believe and who can uplift you….that’s my opinion and how I look at it….

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        • it’s not so much that i’m detached, is just that connecting takes a shitload of energy for me. because of that, i’m very particular about who and what i connect with

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          • “t’s not so much that i’m detached, is just that connecting takes a shitload of energy for me. because of that, i’m very particular about who and what i connect with.”

            typical INTJ comment. as a fellow INTJ, I find that relationships (of any kind) seem to tire me, as opposed to give me energy. that’s why I’m very particular as well. you can call it arrogance but that’s not it at all.

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            • “as a fellow INTJ, I find that relationships (of any kind) seem to tire me, as opposed to give me energy.”

              Yes!! This is the reason I do not have many friends. Its just too much work. I dont really feel like calling people up to talk about nothing. UGHHHHH!

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              • OMG! Story of my life. After you have certain conversations there’s just not much to talk about. This is why I think relationships are actually what’s actually overrated and not single life.

                ” Yes!! This is the reason I do not have many friends. Its just too much work. I dont really feel like calling people up to talk about nothing. UGHHHHH!”

                Let the church say amen! It’s a chore. I’m actually going through this as we speak. To paraphrase the voicemail I just got less than an hour ago “Is everything ok? Haven’t heard from you since Friday. We haven’t really talked in a while”
                I’m rollin my eyes tryna find a way to let her know I’m good and that I appreciate her checking on me, but I just don’t feel like communicating with her like that, and it’s nothing personal either. I’ve told her this before, but I guess I wasn’t blunt/hurtful enough smdh. People are masochists.

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          • I need a little bit of this problem. I’m too much of a people person and really can’t stand shallow interactions. I get deep with EVERYONE… but then end up too attached too soon b/c well, we got all deep and close and sh*t. Then I’m attached and want to take it further and they don’t… or, I get way too personal with someone I have no interest in and they’re all in love and stuff. It’s hardly ever mutual.

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      • my life.

        i’ve been feeling that way when i go to church for the last few years. i keep saying it’s because i’ve gotten out of the habit/ rhythm of going regularly and so my fellowship spirit is off. or something.

        i pray everyday, read my Bible, etc. but something is missing. and i feel like such a heathen for it bc of how i was raised–heavily involved in church and happy to be so.

        i honestly think as i get older my logical and highly analytical brain is hindering my spiritual growth. seriously.

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        • I’ve gotten so used to online communication and working alone that the idea of going to church makes me tired. I still go but I have to psych myself into it every time.

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          • oh mi gosh!! Ms.Bridget

            Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, I psyche myself up for church too! I do the following:

            1.)turn the radio real loud and start sanging at the top of my lungs
            2.) while imagining about the fine brotha that I saw, the Sunday last….and hoping he will return, sigh!

            that’s it, and I’m good to go!

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        • @Muze,

          This is precisely what is happening to me. I’ve been a Christian for 16 years and have never doubted my faith, not once, until recently. Then suddenly I looked at everything I believe and just thought, “wait, hold up. Whaaaaaat?” I wonder if my analytical side cannot coincide with my spiritual walk.

          Then the more people I talk to about it, the more we all sound ridiculous in all of our beliefs, like my friend who is a pastor who told me there is no hell.

          So, I took it to God. Told him to show Himself to me without me hootin and hollerin in a church. I knew I wasn’t supposed to test God but I did anyway. I just couldn’t take it… I sat back and said YOU show yourself to ME without any effort on my part (otherwise how do I know it’s You versus just my emotions?) and, low and behold He did! Came to me in a dream and everything. Completely reaffirmed my faith in God but also made it very clear to me that is silly for any of us to think that we know anything close to everything. I believe in God, I chose to believe in Jesus but the majority of it is a mystery which makes it hard to believe (as an analytical person) but we’re merely humans, our brains couldn’t handle that type of understanding anyway.

          Reply ↓

      • I’ve had this experience before too. People were shouting and the pastor could have said something like, “Jesus went to the well.” Maybe the Lord revealed something to them…then again, maybe he didn’t. In either case, I found a new church…where the pastor was more of a teacher. All the shouting and stuff is okay as long as it’s not for show. When I ask what the sermon was about, I don’t want an ,”I don’t know, but it sure was good!” type of answer.

        Reply ↓

        • Yeah, I need to learn in church. I have a church journal (I take notes from the sermon). I shouldn’t leave without at least a page full of notes to study later on in the week/day. And I can’t stand it when pastors solicit a verbal response from the congregation. I will say “amen” when I feel moved to do so, not upon your request, and i’m not touching five people to say anything, thanks.

          Reply ↓

          • AMEN to that…lol. I take notes too…it bothers me when I sit through a sermon and don’t have any verses written down or substantive points.

            Reply ↓

    • a robot incapable of constant intimate human interactions and connections for too long.

      I feel like that movie, BladeRunner, where the robots are only programmed to last 5 or so years before they shut down, so that they dont develope human feelings.

      Please dont trip on my sci-fi geek soapbox on your way out…

      Reply ↓

    • FREE MEALS FTW! One thing I love about being single is all the pampering I get. In a relationship, we would dutch or alternate who pays. Being single, male friends actually like to take me out to eat, regularly and I can’t say I mind it. I do the fake reach for the check but he WINS and pays. :-)

      I’m not proud to admit, I’ve gone on a few dinner dates knowing I didn’t like the guy just because I wanted to go out to eat. I hit them with the back pat, booty out hug afterwards then screech off in the whip. Ok, just joking. Maybe. I love to eat out. Judge me.

      Reply ↓

      • Ha ha…this reminds me of a chick in my office. She is subscribed to every dating site (see: Plenty of Fish.com) and brags about how she gets at least 2-3 free meals a month.

        Reply ↓

          • ^ But doing it to friends is WORSE! Not that I’m mad at you though. Them dudes put themselves in that situation by following these silly traditional social rituals.

            Reply ↓

            • How so? They know I’m not interested in them like that. I’m very honest with my feelings. If they still wanna kick it, ok. lol It’s just food. It’s not like I’m accepting gifts or anything.

              Reply ↓

              • @ SFG- I guess. If they’re ok with that it’s not an issue. People will treat you however you allow em too, so I don’t feel sorry for them lol
                I’m half kidding, maybe they are cool with friends without benefits. I realize these men do exist…

                Reply ↓

      • Hm, now that is an interesting perk that I had not thought about that deeply. Male friends get “access” to you, and you have “access” to them…in an “it’s okay to be seen out in public with you” kind of way. You aren’t banned from casual dinners like you would be if you were in a relationship. No one is in your life to complain about your spending too much time with guys who potentially might be trying to sleep with you.

        Reply ↓

    • #ManLaw Violation. Happy, KB?

      *puts on helmet, bullet proof vest, and riot gear*

      Are condoms really that bad? I like the peace of mind personally. And the overrated-ness of being a single man has to be better than that Baby Mama Drama life (from what I’ve observed).

      Reply ↓

      • Seriously right? Perhaps I just don’t trust someone enough to not use a condom (unless we were married). For me, until I marry you, I will minimize the chances of you carrying my child. Now, the easiest way would be to not have sex at all. But that’s crazy talk. So, I go for the second choice on that list. (hmm, now that I think of it, reversible sterilization would be second, so perhaps I’m going for the third on that list).

        Reply ↓

      • Hey, agreed on the condom front bruh. Hell, there’s also that peace of mind of knowing that Magic Johnson test came out OK. I had a HIV scare in college (with regular condom usage, no less) so I don’t play that. Besides, the nani that feels good enough for me to ride bareback should probably be under government control as a national security threat. If it can make me do that, it can make do a whole lot of stuff I don’t want to do.

        Reply ↓

  14. #1 – Maybe this is the introvert that I am, but the longer I’m single, the easier is is to be single. I actually get anxiety about starting a new relationship. Maybe it’s because I get in the ‘single’ rut and get lazy

    Reply ↓

    • This is exactly how I feel. I’m very comfortable w/being single & I hate the thought of having to be exciting and/or engaging when in a relationship. Oh well *shrugs*.

      Reply ↓

        • You’re right about that; I don’t like having to change my routine for others unless I absolutely have to.

          Reply ↓

      • I can understand this. The effort of having to consider someone else in all your decisions is work. Being single can get very comfortable if you are not really interesting in dating.

        Reply ↓

        • Party over here in the singles corner! I knew I wasn’t the only one. I actually feel that being monogamous is extremely overrated. I liked this statement from WIP

          “I can understand this. The effort of having to consider someone else in all your decisions is work. Being single can get very comfortable if you are not really interesting in dating.”

          That’s yet another reason that I won’t be doing relationships for at least another 3-5 years

          Reply ↓

    • real talk…..
      i’ve been a lone wolf for so long, that it just feels natural. and the longer i go, the easier it is….

      Reply ↓

    • I just had this same conversation earlier today. While I like the idea of being in a relationship, they do take a lot of work! First you have to meet someone, decide you want to be together, honeymoon stage, real life- working out differences, etc…which can last a while. :-/ Who really has time for all of that? It really is easier to just be friends…you can be you, I can be me, and neither of us have to live up to each other’s expectations. It makes life easier…at least right now anyway.

      Reply ↓

      • yall have been dating the wrong people! You shouldn’t have to worry about all this stuff so much if you’re with the right one. Obviously it’s work, but it should be work that’s worth it and that sounds way better than being without that person.

        Reply ↓

  15. Trust me Champ, nothing is wrong with your relationship apptitude!!
    I think our faults and strengths seem to be magnified when they’re not complimentary to our mate’s strengths and faults. Relationships are an art not a science, and spending time trying to ‘get it right’ can keep us from a meaningful connection and being romantically inspired when time and space presents itself. Your energy will attract what it needs and expel what it has no use for-I truly believe that.

    Reply ↓

  16. “Pic only chosen because I thought it was funny that this image was the first thing to pop up when googling “single black man”.

    You should see the crazy ish that comes up when you go0gle search for a pic of an African American woman or women. And that’s with the filter on. I don’t even want to see what comes up with the filter off.

    Reply ↓

  17. Everyone who isn’t married is single.

    LOL.

    “Girlfriends,” friends with benefits, etc. don’t really count.

    There’s really no commitment. No one has papers on you. You’re really not ride-or-die. “For better or worse” is what takes a person out of the single category. Anything short of that is “I’ll hang with you until it’s no longer convenient.”

    Reply ↓

      • ” Marriage is more than just a legal institution.”

        Is it though?! Or do we just tell ourselves this and believe in the hype just because we need the extra motivation and sense of pride in such a grave (pun intended) decision?

        Reply ↓

        • Marriage is much more than a legal institution. It gets viewed cynically by people like you because it is abused and misused so often. Marriage is the greatest gift you can give someone (if you actually obey your vows) and still allow them to be an individual. It can be everything.

          Reply ↓

          • Nah, I have to back my boo on this one. Marriage is a legal institution. You can have a full on secure “ain’t nobody coming between us, I want to grow old with you” relationship WITHOUT a legal contract. In fact, knowing that the other person is free to leave sometimes encourages a greater commitment than someone saying “yo, I got papers on you dogg.” WTF?

            And, sometimes folks who have papers on another think that those papers afford them the right to mistreat the other person. I’ve been in the court room for legal dissolution. Marriage (legally speaking) is all about assets, debt and child custody. Period. The part that a court can’t dissolve is the emotional attachment. That takes time and work to detach from one person to another.

            Tell me what benefits do you receive from being legally married other than the legal benefits of survivorship?

            Reply ↓

            • Nodding head with much enthusiasm @ Nilla’s post. It’s also quite noteworthy that Nilla has actually been married before. Lawyers and judges make a KILLING off of people believing that marriage is anything more than a legal contract too. It’s quite the spectacle to observe from the outside looking in. I would agree with MJoy about a long term relationship in general, but NOT about marriage. Nilla made an EXCELLENT point about the cheaper to keep her phenomenon and how ppl (especially men) get more resentful when they feel that they are trapped by obligation. You should stay because you want to stay, not because of kids, not because of papers, not because of fear of losing your assets etc; however setting up the marriage dynamic sets your relationship up for many failures that you wouldn’t face otherwise…Stay because you want to stay, not because you’ll lose half of everything you own if you leave.

              Reply ↓

                • I hear you MJoy about the ‘greatest gift’, but that ‘gift’ is hell to get out of if it doesn’t fit right. It can be like a straight jacket – all tied up and no where to go! I’m glad you and others feel that way about marriage. However, I just can’t, not after my experiences with the legal system. I wouldn’t be opposed to marrying someone on their death bed tho… lol ;)

                  Reply ↓

    • “Everyone who isn’t married is single.

      LOL.

      “Girlfriends,” friends with benefits, etc. don’t really count.”

      thank you for dropping a turd on the entire premise of my post

      Reply ↓

  18. Yo Champ, waiting for my sugar cookies. JK or am i? I agree with your points, I have found out whenever I am single that being single is overrated. I always wondered if something was wrong with me for not swimming in constant amazonian glory when I was single. Its funny how sometimes when you are in a relationship, you want to be single and when you are single you….not necessarily want to be in a relationship more like you want to sow you royal oats in everything from soy milk to chocolate milk and half and half.

    Reply ↓

    • i think the problem is that many of us — myself included — want it all. (the connection and intimacy of a relationship while having the freedom of being single)

      Reply ↓

      • ” i think the problem is that many of us — myself included — want it all. (the connection and intimacy of a relationship while having the freedom of being single)”

        Yet only a few people ask for exactly that. And seek out people who want exactly that too.

        I say this knowing of husbands & boyfriends who date/sex/hit on women with their wife/girlfriend’s full knowlege and permission.

        Reply ↓

        • Hmmm… I’m too jealous for all of that. I want all of my men to be faithful.

          I do have a friend who is currently in an interesting relationship. She has 2 hubbys and a wife. Everyone is not getting it in…. but they have the option to do so.

          Reply ↓

          • @ MJoy- We don’t believe you, you need more people.

            LMAO @ Kema- You’re about as close as a virtual stranger could be to being the female version of me lol. Except I’m getting over that jealousy slowly but surely. The way I see it now is, as long as them ninjas have to do all the listening to complaining/venting, and taking her out on dates, spending money constantly etc; I think I could make it work lol

            Reply ↓

          • I get mad and jealous if I find out you lied about stuff but I LOVE to think about my theoretical man with another woman. It’s turns me all the way on….

            I’m crazy. This I know.

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  19. The grass (or azz) is always greener, Champ. Being single looks interesting from inside a long-term relationship (sometimes) and being in a relationship looks interesting from a being single vantage point.

    I think the trick to it is to become comfortable being alone so that you won’t get into relationships just to not be alone. And conversely, it’s important to learn the difference between wanderlust and just being in an unsatisfying relationship.

    Reply ↓

    • “the trick to it is to become comfortable being alone”

      +1. I read a lot among other things, but being alone is cool as long as you do keep yourself occupied. A lady friend and I talked about this once and she finally came to the conclusion that she should become her own best friend to escape that lonely feeling. I think that’s true. I like spending time alone. Funny, for someone who is ENTJ, huh?

      Reply ↓

          • You what’s even more annoying? People tell me frequently, “but you’re so beautiful/pretty, you don’t have a man?” Not exactly. I don’t have a FT man, but the point is I don’t want a committed relationship. Folks keep trying to push me into one. WTF is that about? argh…

            Reply ↓

            • I hate that “you’re so pretty, why are you single?” I don’t really see how the one has anything to do with the other, I mean I KNOW there are no shortage of unattractive people in relationships.

              Reply ↓

              • Best answers to: “You’re so pretty, why are you single?”

                I don’t like sleeping on the wet spot.
                I don’t want to share my food.
                I won’t ever be legitimately accused of cheating.
                My friends with benefits and I have a no-relationship agreement.
                Because I want to be.

                Reply ↓

                • ” I won’t ever be legitimately accused of cheating.
                  My friends with benefits and I have a no-relationship agreement.
                  Because I want to be.”

                  See she gets it!

                  Reply ↓

              • Exactly. If unattractive people didn’t get into relationships, all the ugly people would have been bred out by now.

                Reply ↓

            • “People tell me frequently, “but you’re so beautiful/pretty, you don’t have a man?””

              My answer to that is, “oh, plenty of guys want to sleep with me, even married ones…what does that have to do with a relationship?” That works well as a reality check for the hopeless romantics. Ish is real out here in these streets.

              Reply ↓

    • I’ve got to disagree. I’ve never been in a relationship and wanted to be single. The advice about being comfortable being single is actually applicable to those who are looking for stable, productive relationships. If you have a hard time being single, you can find yourself making bad relationship decisions. If you just want to be single, entering relationships that are doomed to fail doesn’t really change much for you.

      Reply ↓

  20. “Niggas that are married don’t wanna go home
    We look up to them, they wish they were us
    They want some new trim, we lust for some trust
    Now the both of us are colorblind
    Cause the other side looks greener” – Andre 3000

    I think this sums up relationships in general. I wouldn’t call be single overrated, just….unpleasant. This coming from a guy whose relationships “usually” last about 3-4 months. I’m young, sue me. My last relationship was the first one to make it past the 3 months period and it actually lasted 17 months. Yay.

    I feel like, once you’re in a relationship for a while, you kinda start wanting to be single, you just want something different. You get jealous of all your homies telling you about some new chick they just hallway’d a few days ago. But once things are reversed, and you see your homies all coupled up, now all of a sudden you want that special someone. Just one person you can trust. Someone dependable. When you’re single, you’re the one who wants a steady relationship.

    Reply ↓

    • Oh and as for why dislike being single at the moment:

      1. Sh*t that was fun/cool becomes tainted after a bad break-up, making it a pain to interact with when you’re single. I love Watch The Throne. Behind Take Care and Camp, it is my favorite album of 2011. My ex and I used to listen to it all the time. We drove to it, ate to it, did everything to it. Now, I don’t listen to the album as much because it brings back memories.

      2. Ok, someone explain this logic to me. If I’m the only one out of my group of friends that is single, my homies often invite me to hang out with them and their girlfriends. To make me feel better. Big group of 9 people, and I’m the only person without a mate. How…the F*CK…is making me watch you cake it with your girl, while I don’t have one, supposed to cheer ME up? It happens everytime. I swear I feel like the guy who gets picked to play basketball only to even out the teams. He’s not really needed. He’s just there so everyone else can have fun. And not feel guilty about it.

      Reply ↓

      • about 2. that is pretty weird, I mean I can see if there were a couple other single people that it would be nice for them to not leave you out, but..

        Reply ↓

      • I’m kind of with you on #2, but only because couples can be super lame. Always having to ask each other permission to do every d@mn thing. And you can never ave a frank conversation with couples. Most of the time one is trying to hide their true opinions from the other or else a fight might break out.

        Reply ↓

        • And you can never ave a frank conversation with couples. Most of the time one is trying to hide their true opinions from the other or else a fight might break out.

          +1. The lamest sh*t ever. What sucks is that its usually not only when you’re hanging out. In a lot of relationships you spend YEARS like this. Tiptoeing around certain things. Such a weak, unauthentic way to live.

          Reply ↓

          • This is crazy. I swear I must be the best girlfriend ever. I hate pretending. I think people in their raw, real mess is beautiful. I’ll tackle any issue with you, whether it’s serious or you want to rate girls passing by. Your SO should be your best friend not your warden.

            Reply ↓

            • AMEN to that MJoy… I will wade through the mess with you… i’m down for whatever, when i am in love i am balls to the wall, all in, blood, sweat, tears, laughter, sorrow and joy….

              Reply ↓

        • I just hate the insensitivity of it all. Like, I could’ve sworn you said we were all getting together to cheer ME up. And now you’re sitting here slobbing your annoying little piss-ant of a girlfriend (interesting fact: With the exception of one girl, I hate ALL of my homies’ girlfriends. All of them. And the only reason why one girl in an exception is because I only met her once, for like 5 minutes.) right in front of my face. Then when we all go back to whoever’s house, all the couples dip off in seperate rooms and I’m sitting alone, on the couch, in the dark playing with my phone pretending like I just got a text.

          Then, THEN the next morning these n*ggas have the audacity to come up to me and be like,

          Him: “Man, last night was f*cking awesome. Wasn’t it, bruh? We got it crackin, didn’t we?”

          Me: “……..Aye….aye, Corey?”

          Him: “Waddup, joe?”

          Me: “See that car in the driveway?”

          Him: “Yea. So?”

          Me: “Go lay down in front of it. Ima grab the keys and I’ll be out there in a sec…”

          Reply ↓

        • @ Royale W. Cheese- OMG YES! A microcosm of why being in a relationship is actually overrated. I don’t want pleasant lies. I don’t want you dancing around my feelings making my ego/feelings more sensitive. I want that real, raw, uncut reality. Decorating a fantasy with fluffy pillows and selling it to me as truth is condescending and problematic for my manhood as well as my sanity/perception. Then you’ll get mad later at me for not “manning up” or for getting jealous. Well, this is because you’ve confused me by playing to my ego for the sake of reciprocity and peace/comfort. It’s why I’ll NEVER buy into the hype about being in relationships. If I choose to go that route again, it’ll be because I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to, and find said woman THAT amazing that I’m willing to give up my freedom and sanity for the sake of going there with her. I don’t see it happening no time soon though

          Reply ↓

      • being single can be mind numbingly boring at times and makes me look creepy when i’d show up solo at the movies or jazz club. but when in a relationship i wanted nothing more than to have my freedom back. damned if you do….damned if you don’t.

        i feel you on #2 i just want to dragon uppercut my friends when they manage to drag me outta the blackcave only to have me sit up and watch them swap spit all night.

        what’s worse is when one of my dude’s women, ambushes me with one of their fat friends with the personality of a fruit fly, and i’m supposed to act like i’m having a good time as to not appear to be an a hole!

        Reply ↓

        • I can’t…I just can’t go to the movie theatre alone. It’s looks sooo lonely to me. But at the same time, I kind of envy that person’s ability to not care how people perceive them and just go to have a good time. Like we I went to see Green Latern with my ex and it was this fat dude by himself. I felt sorry for him, but in all honesty he was probably happier than I was, so I applauded him for it.

          But I can’t do public places alone, it’s embarrassing to me. I have a very strong fear of embarrassment. I don’t know if they have an official name for that phobia, but I know I have it. Bad. This is why just yesterday when me and my dad were fixing my jeep and he told me to go get a tool I’ve never heard of, I ran in the garage, stood around for 30 seconds and told him I couldn’t find it. Just so I didn’t have to tell him I had no clue what the f*ck he was talking about.

          Reply ↓

            • i had never gone to the movies or dined alone for fear of embarrassment until i moved to new york and realized…yeah. people really don’t give a fcuk. i will go to the movies or dine with a book without (much) hesitation now. just make sure you look cute and that fear tends to subside. (now that said, no matter how cute i look, you probably won’t catch me eating out alone on a saturday night. lol)

              Reply ↓

          • Maybe I’m weird, but I don’t actually mind going to the movies by myself. I go all the time and I guess I’m just used to it.

            Reply ↓

            • Same here. I think I got used to going to the movies by myself because I worked overnights, so it was a pain in trying to coordinate my schedule with my friends’ schedules. Now, I don’t like dining out by myself. I did it once…it reminded me of that episode of “Eve” when she was dating herself and dined alone…only to feel really weird.

              Reply ↓

              • Going to the movies alone is def not a big deal. Plus, it’s dark. Once the movie starts, really, who cares? As far as eating out alone; Wendy’s or other fast food is not a problem, but eating alone at a real restaurant is something I don’t think I’ll ever want to do.

                Reply ↓

                • I recall this last Valentine’s Day night, we went to this very small restaurant and there was one women, sitting right by the front door, table for 1. Ate all alone. I actually was impressed. That’s ballsy as it gets. She wanted something and didn’t wait around for somebody else.

                  Reply ↓

                  • Didn’t wait around, and didn’t care what other people thought about it, which I think is the key. Eating out alone (other than fast food) is past my IDGAF threshold…

                    Reply ↓

                  • Dinner alone rocks! You get to chat up the waiters/ waitresses. They treat you better because they don’t feel like they are interrupting a date or an awkward couples moment.

                    Reply ↓

                  • Maybe it’s the fat girl in me, but when dining alone I’m usually too enthralled by what’s on my plate or what I’m sipping on to notice or care about couples watching/pitying/judging me *shrugs*.

                    Reply ↓

              • Been single since 2009… I gave up dining out for a while then discovered the bar. (not for drinking purposes) it’s where all the people who came by themselves sit. Still can enjoy my favorite restaurant without sitting in a booth alone with other couples looking at me with pity.

                Reply ↓

          • ” I have a very strong fear of embarrassment. I don’t know if they have an official name for that phobia”

            It’s called still giving a f*ck. I feel bad for you. It’s a tough disease to cure. I’ll pray for you. Oh wait, you’re an atheist, so nevermind lol

            Reply ↓

          • “But I can’t do public places alone, it’s embarrassing to me. I have a very strong fear of embarrassment. I don’t know if they have an official name for that phobia,”
            ……..it’s called agoraphobia……..

            learning to roll solo takes time. since we are pack animals by nature.
            i,ve developed some “quirks” from being a lone wolf. i avoid huge crowds, i’m always near an escape route. i went to a improv comedy club a week ago and although there were plenty of seats. none were near an exit, so i stood by the fire exit where i could see the whole venue…..also seen transformers dark of the moon in 3D solo and had a blast! so what if i was the only person in the front row!

            Reply ↓

            • I’m agoraphobic. I don’t embarrass easily by myself, but when I’m around others, anything that I perceive as rejection humiliates the hell out of me, which is why I prefer going to public places alone.

              Reply ↓

          • I LOVE going to the movies by myself and do so b/c i am picky (b/c i enjoy the experience my way) when i go to the movies. You need to get over this one. No one cares that you are there alone, I promise.

            Reply ↓

        • Why the unwanted chick gotta be the fat friend? As the spokesperson (founder/president & cfo) of Hot Fat Chicks International LLC, Inc I’m offended hmpf..

          *leaving this thread in a haughty huff*

          Reply ↓

          • lol @ Yoles- Love how you’re comfortable in your own skin.

            Big girls be winnin way more often than ppl think. Don’t mess around and let em have a bomb @ss shape and a pleasant personality. It’s a wrap. They just tend to have a much more awesome approach to life…shrugs

            Reply ↓

          • @ yoles,
            i wasn’t talkin about you ….or jill scott…..i meant them other chicks…the ugly ones…
            also i miss spoke i meant PHAT chicks….. did that make it right?…….no?
            *plants own foot firmly in mouth*

            Reply ↓

    • He DESTROYS that verse! Really brought me into the mind of a man that has what most of us want, but isn’t enthused about it anymroe due to the downsides. So real, so well articulated. As usual for 3 Stacks.

      Reply ↓

      • I’m with him until he says “bitches got the rabies” … and then that’s it.

        I’m like “whaaaaat?”

        I’m sure you men get it tho.

        Reply ↓

  21. You make me feel sad for ya Champ. Not just you, but all the single men out there that for whatever reason can’t/won’t hold it down with a lady. I have a single male friend (a few of them actually) but this one guy told me one night (we talk on the phone sometimes way too much and way too late) that he sometimes get’s the lonely feeling and he’ll spend hours in a Walmart just walking up & down the aisles doing nothing just to be around people. Yet in the next breath says that he’s content with not being a relationship. One night he tells me that relationships are work. When we talked recently and he seems to have adopted my view… if it’s work it’s not a good relationship.

    But, you know what is highly annoying? Seeing someone change that shyt on their FB “to in a relationship” with so and so and like 4mos later change that shyt back to “single.” I swear this one girl on my FB, she must have gone through at least 3 guys in 2 years and every time she changes her relationship status back to single everybody starts writing shyt like, “Are you okay? Call me.” Drives me insane. Why even announce your relationship status on FB? I put shyt on mine to phuck with people (evil grin), but she’s serious!

    Personally, I cringe when I even think of being tied down in another relationship to the point that I put up those walls and road blocks to keep guys from getting to close, and they tell me. But, it is what it is. I’ll spend downtime with those I enjoy, but I just can’t do the full time bf/gf thing.

    Reply ↓

    • Wow, that walking around wal-mart business is a little extreme, maybe he should like go to the movies or join a gym or something? I’m single too, but I have sole custody of my young child so I actually wish I got some alone time (that didn’t come at the expense of sleep time).

      Reply ↓

      • You know what’s interesting is he asked me what I’m going to do when my kids are grown and didn’t I think I would be lonely when they are out of the house. I’m like “ARE YOU SERIOUS???” There are so many things on my bucket list that actually being without children (men included) to take care of will be AMAZINGLY awesome! And, whose to say that I can’t invite friends or family members along? But, I’m kind of an odd bird. I mean how many women do you know that will do cross country road trip alone? Most people look at me like I’ve lost my mind when I set out on adventures alone.

        Reply ↓

    • “that he sometimes get’s the lonely feeling and he’ll spend hours in a Walmart just walking up & down the aisles doing nothing just to be around people.”

      Why did I think of Robin Williams’ movie “One Hour Photo” when I read this?

      Reply ↓

    • “I have a single male friend (a few of them actually) but this one guy told me one night (we talk on the phone sometimes way too much and way too late) that he sometimes get’s the lonely feeling and he’ll spend hours in a Walmart just walking up & down the aisles doing nothing just to be around people”

      i actually think this might be why I went to church yesterday

      Reply ↓

    • ” But, you know what is highly annoying? Seeing someone change that shyt on their FB “to in a relationship” with so and so and like 4mos later change that shyt back to “single.” I swear this one girl on my FB, she must have gone through at least 3 guys in 2 years and every time she changes her relationship status back to single everybody starts writing shyt like, “Are you okay? Call me.” Drives me insane. Why even announce your relationship status on FB? I put shyt on mine to phuck with people (evil grin), but she’s serious!”

      OMG! I do that too! We’re made for each other! I get annoyed when ppl take facebook so serious that they actually put personal business like that up there. Nilla- We have the same perspective on relationships. Be my FWB for life! :)

      Reply ↓

      • Anytime, but you have to know something… I like it on the regular. Didn’t you read my personality characteristics on Friday? No? Go back and read about my needs. :D I think the ENTJ and the ENTP you are just might be an interesting combo. But, that Virgo-Leo thing… eh… might be a bit bumpy. I think you might need a woman with a bit more perceived sensitivity. But, we can kick it for a while. ;)

        Reply ↓

  22. Being a single woman, most of the world thinks you are cursed after some time. I’ve been single most of my adult life and it doesn’t mean a damn thing to me. When I was in a relationship I realized how much I was willing and unwilling to accept from another person. It was fun but, not meant to be. If there is something between extrovert and introvert than that’s me. I love being around people but sometimes I need my own space to breathe a̶n̶d̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶h̶o̶o̶d̶r̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶d̶i̶f̶f̶e̶r̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶c̶i̶t̶i̶e̶s̶.

    Two things I hate about being single:
    1) I only have 2 close friends who live in the same city and most groupons I find are for 4. Having that extra person would be so convenient.

    2) From September to April when the gets cooler I star wishing someone was there because Ice Bed is real. :(

    Reply ↓

  23. I think these points can be true for anyone regardless of gender (except #2; seriously, who are you people who don’t like wearing condoms?) As a single young woman and an introvert, I’ve come to realize that I have many a issue w/commitment and opening up. The thought of putting myself out there on the market and approaching people frightens me like you wouldn’t believe. The only thing one can do is try & work on their issues and try not to get too down in the dumps about things.

    Reply ↓

          • Umm. . .I don’t dislike it. And I honestly don’t understand what there is to dislike. Unless you have some allergy or something, I can’t see the issue. Do you dislike wearing an oven mitt to grab a metal dish at 500 degrees Fahrenheit or gloves when spending extended time working in the snow?

            Reply ↓

            • Horrible metaphor. Like seriously….

              A metal dish at 500 degrees Fahrenheit= Absolutely unpleasant feeling upon my flesh that I will do a number of things to avoid.

              Moist, soft, warm labia minoris and majoris= Absolutely heavenly feeling upon my tumescent flesh that I do countless things, against my better nature, to pursue

              Any questions??

              Like I said I wear protection when I’m single. But not in long term relationships. Sue me. If it all feels the same to you then kudos. You’re the one guy that we’ve all heard about. Good job.

              Reply ↓

              • I GOTTA strap up with someone I’m casually dating…all the time. I’m sorry, the fear of catching something I can’t get rid of terrifies me. Like more kids.

                Reply ↓

              • “Moist, soft, warm labia minoris and majoris= Absolutely heavenly feeling upon my tumescent flesh that I do countless things, against my better nature, to pursue”

                **looks around to make sure African Mami’s not watching
                Umm, that was kinda chexy ;)

                Reply ↓

              • +1 Jay- There’s no way a MAN can front like it doesn’t feel significantly better to have NO BARRIER between you and the warm womanly moisture. We’re not saying we don’t or arguing that it’s a smart idea, we’re just keepin it a 100. Condoms are a noticeable inconvenience…thank God and capitalism for their existence though :)

                Reply ↓

                • “We’re not saying we don’t or arguing that it’s a smart idea, we’re just keepin it a 100″

                  And on behalf of the women who want to keep it 100….we don’t care much for them either. The feeling is definitely better! Yes, I use them all of the time now that I am no longer married (because I MUST). But, I can see where you guys are coming from.

                  Reply ↓

              • ” Moist, soft, warm labia minoris and majoris= Absolutely heavenly feeling upon my tumescent flesh that I do countless things, against my better nature, to pursue ”

                This makes me want to pull out my Erotique Noire book on the Kindle…

                Reply ↓

              • @ Jay,
                Moist, soft, warm labia minoris and majoris= Absolutely heavenly feeling upon my TUMESCENT FLESH that I do countless things, against my better nature, to pursue

                *I blushed like turned beet rood red, upon reading this by of all people YOU!!!!*

                Now, my cray factor for you has been heightened to unfathomable levels. Your own doing, not mine!!!! Your sexy factor has also since reading this post quadrupled to the nth power of infinity!!! Now, I will help you develop your erotica novel entitled:

                Pomegranate Love Story: Jay LOCKS African Mami
                It all started with a query of the strange fruit she held in her hands. “It’s a pomegranate. You, know the ancient fruit of love!” she said with a chuckle. There was something about her aura that was mysterious, yet inviting at the same time. Her green afrocentric bohemian dress with chunky earth tone bangles, midway up the length of her right hand sleeve were something else. She’s probably one of those, “humbra humbra feel the universe, light incense and do ancestral chants, meditating type of chics” he thought to himself……to be continued!!!

                Reply ↓

              • So your point is that because you’ve experienced something that feels much better, even though it feels great with a condom, you actively dislike it.

                Sounds like a recipe for a very dissatifying life. So once you drive an awesome car, you will dislike your own until you can afford it. Once you’ve been inside a great house, you will dislike yours until you can reach that pinnacle. Or once you’ve held a huge wad of cash you dislike banks. . .

                This is why I never believe people who say they dislike condoms. That statement feels like it is just for show.

                Reply ↓

              • “Moist, soft, warm labia minoris and majoris= Absolutely heavenly feeling upon my tumescent flesh that I do countless things, against my better nature, to pursue”

                Damn. That was kind of soft p0rn for me. Almost makes me want to shower now. Phew…

                Reply ↓

    • If you’re single, c0nd0ms are a necessity but I don’t enjoy them either. There is a difference to me. Bare-back is definitely a benefit of the LTCR in my opinion.

      Reply ↓

    • “Who are you people who don’t like wearing condoms?”

      Women who want to be close to their man and FEEL everything he’s doing with no barriers. When I wrap my legs around my boo’s back, the last thing I wanna be thinking is “I hope this thing don’t break.” Just being honest.

      Reply ↓

      • Are you saying you can’t feel what he’s doing with a condom? Or is it that you don’t trust condoms for some reason?

        Maybe I’m blessed to have functional nerve endings in my genitals and somehow only hook up with others similarly blessed. . .

        I have never had someone say “you know what would have made this better, if we did it without the condom”.

        Reply ↓

        • “Are you saying you can’t feel what he’s doing with a condom? Or is it that you don’t trust condoms for some reason?”

          I am saying I can feel what’s he doing with a condom, but I cannot feel it as much with one. My nerves function very well and I want him to make my nerves function even better and I don’t want to feel like I’m at the doctor and the doc is sticking a rubber gloved finger all up in my good-good. I want the friction and the feeling and not some darn latex separating us. The experience is a lot different and much better IMHO. Besides I think I’d be torturing my husband if I made him put a condom on. Five kids do make a difference.

          Reply ↓

        • It’s not that we “can’t feel” when dude’s wearing a condom. It’s that the intensity of feeling is muted. Condoms may be as thin a material as it’s possible to manufacture, but they’re called a “barrier method” for a reason. They impose a barrier between his body and mine. So those veins that get all engorged with blood, those ridges, the fact that I can feel his blood rushing in a lovely pulsatile beat… Those sensations are still there, but they’re not as strong. They’re not as defined. And as someone said up above, latex has a bit of a drying effect (if you’re not using lube).

          Reply ↓

          • “those veins that get all engorged with blood, those ridges, the fact that I can feel his blood rushing in a lovely pulsatile beat… ”

            *fans self* WHOOOOOO!

            Reply ↓

          • Ah, see that right there, the blood vessels and all that? That’s the way not having control feels. That’s the way it feels after the fifth drink and I’m pretty sure I probably shouldn’t drive. That’s danger winking at me saying, maybe I won’t get you this time, but maybe this ones the one where you pay.

            That right there fcuks with my groove. Can’t get off like I like so I don’t like chex without the latex.

            Reply ↓

            • ^^^^^ Agreed. Plus, I’ve experienced both raw & protected chex & it feels the same regardless. Eh, whatever I guess.

              Reply ↓

          • See – drying effect of latex – actual reason to dislike condoms

            A guy telling me that the condom robs him of sensation and he can’t enjoy sex – GTFOH.

            Reply ↓

  24. One of the naive 137 pulling a chair up and smacking on her free cookies. Say what say who, people doing what out there? Egads :| … no seriously, I didn’t know.

    Anyhoo, to respond to your questions, I don’t know what my 4-letter make up is but I know I’ve always been ok at relationships. I’m currently married, been with dude for 11 years. Prior to that I was only single when I chose to be and, at times I did. I know I’m not a fella, but I definitely think unchosen singledom can suck because … well … obviously you want something else. I never had much issue with it when I actively chose it though, but maybe dude’s are different. As you can tell my my intro comment I don’t know what the “single man/woman problems” are that you’re referencing so on that note I will chuck the chuch finger and exit this post…

    Reply ↓

  25. I don’t know about being a single black an, but being a single woman is great. When I get a little lonely, I look over the fence, see nothing but astro turf, then go about my merry way.

    Wanting “a relationship” is pointless outside of the context of a person you actually connect with. If that person does not exist, there is absolutely no point in wanting “a relationship.”

    Sure, freedom can be mundane. But it’s freedom, man. Celebrate that ish. You don’t have to throw a party, just enjoy the peace.

    I hope ths makes sense. I’m on my second…third glass of wine.

    Reply ↓

    • When I get a little lonely, I look over the fence, see nothing but astro turf, then go about my merry way.

      Playa Playaaaaa!! BTW your post just made my night.

      Reply ↓

    • “Sure, freedom can be mundane. But it’s freedom, man. Celebrate that ish. You don’t have to throw a party, just enjoy the peace.”

      See, I can’t do this. I need to be busy at all times. If I have time to think to myself, I think very bad thoughts. Then I either get sad or angry, or both. I hate peace most of the time. I need chaos. And I can’t share most of my hobbies because no one else in my circle does them to the extent I do. Like, I play basketball a lot. None of my friends do. I watch sports a lot, they don’t. Well, the only one we all watch is MMA, other than that they don’t watch sports. I used to write and draw my own comics, only one of my friends to that. Etc, etc.

      Point is, I hate peace and solitude. I’d rather be out with a group of friends tearing sh*t up. I ain’t got all this youthful stamina for nothing…

      Reply ↓

      • That ‘s where being an introvert can get you into trouble. If you interacted with strangers more, in the context if those activities you enjoy*, you wouldn’t have to rely on intimate partnerships so much. Meetup.com is very handy.

        *I’m not advocating chexual activities with strangers. For that, intimate relationships are the right context…so I don’t know what to tell ya.

        Reply ↓

      • “See, I can’t do this. I need to be busy at all times. If I have time to think to myself, I think very bad thoughts. Then I either get sad or angry, or both.”

        Same here, only that I hate chaos. If being single means being sad or angry by myself, I can take it, for I rather cause my own chaos than have others do it for me.

        Reply ↓

    • ” Wanting “a relationship” is pointless outside of the context of a person you actually connect with. If that person does not exist, there is absolutely no point in wanting “a relationship.”

      spoken like a true jedi, master froda……….

      Reply ↓

      • ” Wanting “a relationship” is pointless outside of the context of a person you actually connect with. If that person does not exist, there is absolutely no point in wanting “a relationship.”

        Very dope quote…perfect way to avoid physical/emotional baggage.

        Reply ↓

        • but isn’t the “someone you connect with part” a given? Otherwise everyone who wanted a relationship would be in one. Obviously it has to be the right person.

          Reply ↓

          • People who long for relationships almost always yearn for some fictional person. “Mr./Mrs. Right” and “soul mate” often refer to someone that a person has never met. Single people who are pining for a relationship hardly ever refer to someone they actually know.

            It often gets so deep that single people are afraid to face the reality that *their* soul mate is a fiction. They tap-dance around this by saying “I haven’t met him/ her YET.” It’s a superstitious practice…to hold on to hope for something that is completely out of your control.

            My point is that wanting a relationship without having in mind a specific person who you already know is like buying wedding pictures with a blank spot that says “insert spouse here.” Putting the cart before the horse, so to speak.

            Reply ↓

      • ” Wanting “a relationship” is pointless outside of the context of a person you actually connect with. If that person does not exist, there is absolutely no point in wanting “a relationship.”

        i understand the sentiment here, but i disagree.

        so in that case, wanting to someday be married is pointless because i haven’t connected with my future husband yet? people want to be married, or want relationships, or want kids because of our understanding of that paradigm. just because i don’t have the context of a person yet, doesn’t make my want any less valid.

        Reply ↓

        • “just because i don’t have the context of a person yet, doesn’t make my want any less valid.”

          It means you want someone who does not exist and that you are okay with wanting something that you don’t have, even if it might not make your life any better.

          Reply ↓

        • ” just because i don’t have the context of a person yet, doesn’t make my want any less valid.”

          I’ll have to respectfully disagree with that. A pet peeve of mine that many women partake in is being more attracted to ideas rather than people. You’re already doing your theoretical future husband a disservice. Women kill me with these expectations

          Reply ↓

    • Rwc
      You make the most sense. I was telling my bff this the other day. Why do you want a relationship when you haven’t found someone worth being in one with. You have to crawl (or scoot) before you walk in most cases.

      Reply ↓

  26. The list is the same for women (who don’t want to be single) except I’d add the constant thought of “I’m never getting married. No one will ever want to marry me. It’s apparently just not in the cards for me… But I’m ok with that. No, really I am. No. Like really.I’m just up past midnight commenting on a blog instead of making love to the man I was supposed to marry but seriously… I’m ok…”

    Reply ↓

    • “I’m just up past midnight commenting on a blog instead of making love to the man I was supposed to marry but seriously… I’m ok…”

      What if he does not exist? Then aren’t you just lamenting over a fiction and wasting your life being sad about nothing? Then before you know it you’re 80 years old, barely able to use yor legs any more, cursing your younger self out for wasting so much of your youth being sad about nothing.

      Reply ↓

      • I don’t know, I am definitely not sad about being single, but I could relate to this. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve realized I will very likely be single either forever, or for at least the next 15-20 years, and I try to tell myself I am okay with it, but honestly the idea of never getting to experience being in a happy relationship and (this might be “shallow” but its true) a two income household sometimes does make me feel a little sad and like I’m missing out.

        Reply ↓

        • i get you..i just got out of a four year relationship..its been three months..at times am totaly bored and want to just quit on love.. but after really thinking about the many emotional highs i got out of being in love with some one and they in love with you….nothing beats that for me..:-) not even chocolate…..standing as you are with out any pretenses..and some one takes you as you are….for me its the full circle..and am some one who some pals think i love me too much

          Reply ↓

    • As someone who was married for four years and has been divorced for two, I can say that (most of the time) I prefer being single. For me, marriage was not all it’s cracked up to be. When we weren’t fighting about money, we were fighting about in-laws or other stupid stuff. Then there’s the merging of two households… he’s messy, you’re not, etc.

      I think if if you took a poll, a good number of married people probably wish that they were single. I will say there are times that I miss being in a relationship. But, I doubt that I’ll ever have a desire to get married again.

      Reply ↓

    • ““I’m never getting married. No one will ever want to marry me. It’s apparently just not in the cards for me… But I’m ok with that. No, really I am. No. Like really.I’m just up past midnight commenting on a blog instead of making love to the man I was supposed to marry but seriously… I’m ok…””

      I got teary-eyed at work.

      Reply ↓

          • Oh boy, I was hoping that would go unnoticed since he’s all over some nilla/kema. But, in true form of today’s topic let me just get all real and raw and stuff.

            1. I love every Malik comment I’ve ever read which led to flirting but “this ain’t no love thang”

            2. I’m head over heels in love with jmtg (hence the craziness and eventual f-you ness)

            3. He called me a siren and I almost cried

            4. I’m way too honest. I need to take notes from Jay and just pretend I don’t care. Damn my ENFJ personality….

            5. Seriously though, someone teach me the cross out feature so I can eliminate everything I just wrote and let jmtg continue flirting with his groupies ( I kid, I love you ladies :) )

            6. http://youtu.be/WpSDDULcT6M

            7. That’s enough honesty, heartache, and rejection for today :) carry on!

            Reply ↓

            • awww femmmmboooo!!! That’s why Jesus died on the cross. Take all your jmtg heartache woes to the Calvary cross!!!! Because as your bestie, I’ve tried everything….this boy is HARDHEADED!

              @jmtg,
              What really is the matter?! This girl is NOT Malik’s woman?!

              Reply ↓

                • Wow…ok, 3 confessions.

                  1) I almost cracked last week while ignoring MJoy. (African Mami gave her awesome advice about teasing me with the double Ds. I wouldn’t have been able to keep up my act lol. But then yall changed your mind and I sighed in relief that I wasn’t forced to give in)

                  2) I was kidding when I called you a siren. (Even though in my twisted world, that’s somewhat of a compliment) You do seem to be very flirty though, and I don’t like to be sitting there waiting as my lady flirts with other men. Not much good can come from that.

                  3) You’re starting to win me over with this psychotic behavior. I’m a sucker for moderately crazy women. Yall know that’s the female version of thuggery lol

                  Reply ↓

                  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ACKNOWLEDGMENT NEVER FELT SO GOOD! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU! KISSES ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND BALD HEAD *MUAH*MUAH*MUAH*MUAH*MUAH*MUAH*MUAH*MUAH*MUAH*MUAH*MUAH*MUAH YOU GET THE DOUBLE Ds AND SO MUCH MORE IF YOU WANT IT! I WILL NEVER FLIRT AGAIN! DID I MENTION I LOVE YOU? BECAUSE I DO!!!

                    Reply ↓

                    • ♫Reunited and it feels so goooood…♫

                      It’s like a daggone soap opera in here…AS VSB Turns.

  27. …and could somebody please attempt to explain to me why “I’m single” = “I need to fix myself”? As far as I can see, not being in a train wreck relationship = winning at avoiding bad situations.

    Reply ↓

    • It’s not necessarily “I need to fix myself”. But when you get lonely and pine for non lonely times, you start thinking about what went wrong and assuming you’re a reasonably intelligent adult, if you’ve been in a relationship that lasted at least a year, no matter why it ended, you know that you weren’t perfect and some of it can be traced to you.

      And regardless of how little that may be, given that you’re not doing anything (cuz you’re lonely thinking lonely thoughts in your lonely apartment), you may as well think through how to fix those parts of you (or accept them as unfixable and figure out how to job-interview them into strengths).

      Reply ↓

    • It’s not. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Don’t listen to that foolishness. However relationships are not train wrecks. I read that a lot. Is it something single ppl tell themselves in order to justify being single? Cause a good relationship is satisfying.

      Reply ↓

      • My situations have been averted train-wrecks. I just assume that for anyone, if they escaped feeling relatively good about their exit, they probably avoided an impending train wreck.

        Reply ↓

    • @RWC

      It seems like you never found “the one” and you should be open to it. And I will never naively argue that there’s literally just one right person out there for you but man “when that love jones comes down”…. well, you know the rest (or you should)

      I was in a very successful relationship for five years (even tho it ended) and yes it’s work and sometimes you’d give your kidney to be single but overall, if it’s with someone that’s really right for you, that ish is the bomb yo! You don’t lose your freedom at all, b/c you usually just want to be with that person anyway and do things together (even other people. Go on, have a threesome!)

      It can be very much worth it with the right person. If you have the right one it’s not a question of wanting to be in a general relationship or wanting to be single. It becomes about wanting to be with THAT PERSON. I think that’s what people want to find, that right one and trust me… HE’S OUT THERE. Out of 6 bill plus people in this world… shiiiiid, he better be.

      Reply ↓

      • I had a serious connection like that with somebody. He’s married now.

        You can find true love, but there’s no controlling what your true love does. I think the love -> relationship -> marriage process is a naive assumption. Sure it happens, but it isn’t a given. When it doesn’t happen that way, it doesn’t mean that anything is “wrong.”

        Reply ↓

      • I was reading MJoy’s entire post with the Charlie Brown voice (womp womp womp womp womp) until I saw the “Have a threesome” line then my eyes lit up and I re-read the entire post…she got a point I guess….lol

        Reply ↓

  28. I’ve been single for so long I’m not sure I know or can tell how great a relationship would be compared to my single life. I’m okay with that. I don’t miss being boo’d up that much. I do think about being boo’d up in a more serious capacity could be fun. Sometimes I think I feel lonely and other times, I know I haven’t really met that guy who made me wanna get off the bench, so it’s moot.

    You know, I was in a Target here in LA recently and I swear to gawd walking through the home decor sections made me wanna give up my career and Manhattan apartment all for a husband and kids tucked away in the LA suburbs. And then I remembered I’d miss my apartment. And my roommate. And my happy hours. And my super fun career. I feel like God has His own time for me when I am ready to have the gift of marriage bestowed upon me. I’m single for a reason right now (save your jokes), and this serves its purpose for now. I’ll stop worrying about trying to hurry HIm up. *kanye shrug*

    Reply ↓

  29. Being a single black man can’t be that overrated. In this point in my life (23, just about to be the 1st person in the fam to graduate from college) I think I need a little bit of time to myself to get everything together and in motion to get to this next level.

    On the relationship front, I see you Champ. I’m a dude studying to be a family and relationship therapist and I’m my own worst enemy in relationships. Me trying to out think the girl I’m with on every situation kinda sucks.

    Plus that lonely ish gets to me sometimes. Like no joke it does! One of my biggest fears is that I will be alone. And not alone in the sense that no one is near me who I care about but in the sense that I pushed them all away. ENTJ that I be just makes small errors like time bombs to me G.

    Reply ↓

    • “Me trying to out think the girl I’m with on every situation kinda sucks.”

      Danger, danger, danger!!!!!! This is one way to guarantee you end up alone! Relationships are not a game of wits (well, not always)

      Reply ↓

  30. Well, your problem is the same problem most men have and is the reason more times than not that men are losing in this relationship game, and women who you’d think would be winning are actually losing, because all the men they find are losers, and they want a winner so they don’t have to deal with the burden of uplifting a guy, which few women can do for an elongated period of time.

    You see, I just finished watching “Think Like A Man” and it was a good movie, however, the ending of this movie kind of left me unfulfilled the same way the movie “Hitch” left me unfilled. The deeper I thought about it the more I realized that what really was bugging me, was the utter lack of justice when it all comes down to it. In both movies, the ladies do something effed up to the guys, the guys find out, they get payback and then the same guys apologize and basically become everything the women wanted him to become in the first place, in other words the men legitimize the effed up things the women did to get them where they are at the end. In reality, things don’t work that way at all, and even when they do, resentment and anger are usually the side-effects as far as men are concerned.

    I believe as men, we really want justice. You see, we as men, we all know we want to have sex with women before we get into relationships with them, in our minds we all get it and we all understand it, however in the minds of women we’re a*sholes for wanting that and they’re not going to give us that satisfaction of giving us what we want without getting what they want first. So we go out into the world and we develop a lot of things with the purpose in our minds that we’re going to make a woman change her mind about giving us sex, and many times we just end up giving them the relationship in order to get the sex, and after that we want to leave, but because of guilt, we stay. However, if the rules of justice apply, are we not justified in leaving them after we’ve done all the work we needed to do to give us what we wanted in the first place?

    If there’s one goal I have as a man, is to rob men of the guilt of wanting what they want out of life: whether it’s one night stands, sex on the first date, threesomes etc if they’re willing to do the work to get those things, why should they feel guilty of being satisfied from getting them and moving on to other adventures? You see returning back to the idea of justice, it’s probably more accurate to say reaping and sowing: If I reap in energy and time to get sex, why do I get penalized with a monogamous relationship? I would really like to know, and if I’m wrong, why don’t you try to make me “think” different, rather than make me feel guilty about feeling how I feel?

    All that being said, the only reason why being single is overrated is because as a man who’s grown up in a society that encourages men to be “responsible”, as a single man you don’t feel responsible. You don’t feel like you’re “providing” or putting all your energy in the right place, especially if you’re a guy who buys into chivalry. Which isn’t a bad thing, we are providers, but we should be providing for women who we feel are worthy, we shouldn’t be providing because that’s what what we’re supposed to do, we should be providing because we want to, and there are few women, who make men WANT to do things for them and that’s why there are so many commitment phobes nowadays.

    As guys we want to feel like we get paid for all this contemplation, for all the sacrifices we make to get p****. All the money we spend, all the times we endured, the blue balls, all the flaking etc we want women to want or have to work just as hard for what they want from us – quality time. And we want them to sweat and endure what it’s like to feel the frustration of doing all that work, and still having to deal with the possibility of rejection (which a lot of them are dealing with, but they have no idea why men are doing it to them) and then get up off their feet, and have to deal with that all over again, trying to learn from their mistakes and stepping their games up in order to get better at convincing men to give them their heart’s desire. However, the truth is most women who rather die, alone and in a nunnery taking a solemn oath of charity, than have to work as hard as men have to do, just so they can have a man commit to them, and really that’s why it’s so hard for them to get and keep the relationship that they dream about.

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    • church…… the payoff is not worth the effort put into it. if only someone would have told me this back when i was 19…..i’d be living like eddie murphy in boomerang now

      and i liked think like a man until the ending. the shameless p***y pandering.
      i couldn’t help but think to myself “weaklings” especially how Michael ealy went out at the end. that was disappointing…..

      Reply ↓

    • How would all this change if men sought out women/a woman who only wanted sex, and nothing but the sex?

      I ask this because being single allows me to quickly identify that what I feel is lust, not love. I want to get my rocks off. I don’t want a man to feel obligated to be in a relationship with me — which is why I don’t and have never played games in order to get into a relationship.

      Being single allowed me time and space to identify that the moisture in my loins is lust and not love. And I don’t have to justify my lust by making a man my boyfriend or husband, just so I can show my face to the world for being a sexual being.

      Reply ↓

      • I am waiting for the man’s retort but these women you speak of are as rare as hobbits, big foots and unicorns. Sure they exist (and many a woman truly believes that she is one of these hidden treasures) but only in special places and harder to find than untouched terrestrial spaces.

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      • There’s no such thing, which is why hookers and stripper have jobs.

        Perhaps, it’s the terminology which is confusing, but you have to understand what it means to hunt for women. If you were ever a Lesbian, preferably a dyke (no offense) you’d get it a little bit better. Women always feel they have to get something out of their p**sy, whether it’s relationships, money, humor, seduction etc, it all comes from the same place. They never give it on a “I want d**k, you want p***sy, it’s a fair exchange, lets do it” kind of thing.

        So you can’t just go out there and find a girl who’s just like that. Even hoes and sluts need sweet talk, I mean for crying out loud if you put a dollar the wrong way in between a strippers butt cheeks, you can offend her. So if a woman as low on the dignity scale can get mad at me simply trying to stick a dollar in her crack, how much more do you think an average girl with much more dignity is going to feel if I come at her, basically saying straight up, that I want to stick my thing in between her legs?

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        • False.

          There are women out there like this – but I do agree that they are rare. (Point: my stint like this only lasted from about 22-25). Its the shame from everyone else that does the woman like this in.

          I can say right now that most people I know think I am a good girl, unexperienced, damn near virginal. But that’s because when I chose to play that game, POD (P*ssy on Demand), I kept another thing tight – my lips. Women don’t get respect for that in any way shape or form.

          I have said it a million times. There are women out there looking for what some single dudes are looking for – “hello, nice to meet you, see you at my place.” But it is gonna seem rare as all get out b/c the smart ones are NOT talking about it. Trust and believe that. However, when I was 23 if dude was fine enough to catch my eye and get me moist on sight (I might of been scandalous but I still had some standards), if he said let’s go – I might have done him and his friend. Real Talk.

          Reply ↓

          • Keyword is “might”

            I don’t need no girls with “mights” I need girls who did, and are willing to risk isolation and ostracism from the sisterhood to admit it. I’m not going to buy into vagueness, I want y’all to step up and confess! You know how many virgins have convinced me and other dudes that they were freaks in bed, only to find out that you have go through a whole bottle of bleach just to clean your sheets the following morning?

            If you ain’t willing to admit it and talk about it, then it might as well never had happened. That’s like ninjas going up to space, and not having no video of them walking on the moon. Make me into a believer sweetheart.

            Reply ↓

            • Why do we have to broadcast it? I don’t want to face the shame and/or side eyes of being “that girl.” We all know the stigmas attached to it. I actually get with dude, his best friend, and the best friend’s roommate but when I actually say all that I sound like a ho and maybe I was but I for damn sure don’t want anyone to know that. And your future guy doesn’t want to picture you as one either. It might be a double standard and all but I’m smart enough not to fight it and just fly under the radar.

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              • Well, here’s the thing.

                What you call a double standard, is really a way of you trying to evade the fact that you’re scared of being ostracized. You see, you are a freak, that’s simply what you are, and you enjoy being that, but because you think like a typical girl, you don’t know how to just live like that. However, like @Asiyah, it’s not completely your fault. You need a man to come into your life and teach you how to be free, and not care what other people, especially the sisterhood, think, so men don’t have to be all phony and lie when they deal with you.

                You need to free yourself, and risk the short-term shame for the long-term happiness that you deserve as a freak. Your hiding and lying have consequences, that you’re not even aware of, and in the long run they hurt you and society. You become repressed, repression becomes frustration, men end up having to deal with that, and you worsen your chances of keeping a man even more.

                Reply ↓

                • But why do I have to want to be ostracized? or not want to be for that matter? Could I just be wanting to say that my business was just that, my business. And I was lucky that none of that has come back to bite me. I will never become famous b/c truth be told I don’t think my rep could handle it if dudes started coming out of the woodwork proclaiming my freakdom. I am happy in my “lies” as you call them. I like the benefit of having both worlds – dudes being mad surprised when I really am “the lady in streets and the freak in the bed” is still for me huge turn on. I don’t hang with a lot of women so basically, I get to hide from the known ostracism. Its a win-win in my book.

                  And another thing, why do dudes have to lie to anyone? basically that’s the point of this post, be up front about what you want. At that point in my life, I was because that’s what I wanted. There were no extra games or anything. I was like “you ready to smash or not dude” and “don’t call me to hang out either.” Either they are gonna be the woman who wants the same thing or they are gonna tell you to carry your behind. Maybe ya’ll just trying to avoid the many times you will be told to carry your behind or you’ll have to do a little extra work to get it. And b/c I wasn’t shouting it from the rooftops then, I can reap the benefits now of trying to find the dude I want to settle down with. Yes I realize that when we have “the talk” I will have to let him in on my secret and that could come back to bite me then but hey I’m still willing to take that risk.

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                  • Why do men have to lie? Great question, you ever try to f*ck a girl?

                    I mean look, I don’t think men should lie, however, lying gets you a lot more p***sy than being honest, even though it screws you up, if you ever decide to be with a girl after you f*ck her. Most guys want to f*ck and then if you’re a real soldier, and loyal, they want to add you to their army and eventually promote you to being their general. However, women don’t want to wait, they want it, and they want it right now.

                    As for you being happy about your lying that is fine, but just like Bush lied about going to Iraq and we’re still paying for it, lies come with consequences. You reap what you sow. Plus, just like you lose respect for a guy after you find out his lies, the same way men lose respect for you when they find out that you’re a ho. And even though, women are better at covering their lies than men, people still talk. And the more men you have sex with, the more you set up yourself for being found out. but hey if it’s working for you, keep doing what you’re doing till reality strikes.

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                    • I don’t have to see why I have to be lying just because the first thing I say to a guy isn’t “hey I used to bang guys without wanting a relationship.” I seriously don’t see that as lying. The same way that I don’t expect him to say that to me off jump when I start seeing someone. We all know its pretending. Mind you I try to avoid as much pretending as possible but I don’t hate the game or the players in it. When you are getting to know someone, that’s what it is and the first thing you find out about them does not have to be that they were sexually promiscuous. I will own up to any and everything I did w/o question because its a part of who I am but that doesn’t make up the whole me.

                      I do and I don’t take exception with being called a ho. I think that is part of what this spin off convo is getting at. If a woman likes to have sex, she has to be called something derogatory. Henceforth, that’s why “hos” aren’t out there taking the women’s AND APPARENTLY THE MEN’s ostracism and hating. That’s why noone knows who the real “hos” are.

                  • Actually, in retrospect, I apologize. Let me not eff up opportunities for the brothas. I could say some reckless sh*t and then a bunch of ninjas would be missing out, because some loud mouth ninja couldn’t stop talking.

                    All I’m gonna say is you could be a better ho, more like a courtesan, but you would have to step your game up for that. But hey you’re better than 80% of the b**ches out there, and I can’t really complain about that.

                    Reply ↓

                    • And why does the idea of being a courtesan appeal to me? lol……. Sometimes I gie myself the side eye lol :-) it has been a pleasure.

          • WMCutie04 is right though. They’re out there, and it’s more of them than most men think. We GOT to stop slut shaming though. How are we gonna get what we want then shame those who helped us get it? We’re f*ckin it up for ourselves when we do that…

            Reply ↓

            • Look I like hoes, because hoes bring down the value of p**sy. The more hoes there are, the more women have to become better than their p**sy in order to get what they want out of men. And I do agree, that men need to start treating hoes better, because they’re doing us a great service.

              All that being said though, women need to learn how to say “f**k other women.” A lot of women don’t want to step their games up, and develop something valuable to men outside of their p***sy. So they make sure to ostracize and shame other women who make things far more difficult for them. These women want to rely on p***sy privilege till they have white pubic hair.

              However, if you’re a hoe and you’re wise enough to know how to leave the SCB (Sisterhood of the Crabs in the Bucket), please leave. And not only that, teach other women how to be free minded and not fearful of actually being the individual that so women claim to be, but rarely are.

              Reply ↓

              • ” All that being said though, women need to learn how to say “f**k other women.”

                I wholeheartedly agree with that statement. And yes the more h*es there are out here the more the idealist/naive women have to step their game up and realize how much of a sacrifice being in relationship is for an attractive man. They would most likely bring more to the table as you said.

                I also totally get why she wouldn’t just broadcast that information though. It’s not like she’s lying about it, just not putting it out there without the topic coming up. It’s a solid approach. Why not get the best of both worlds if you can? It’s the same concept (just a lot more ethical) as when men get in relationships and cheat….ya kno?

                Reply ↓

                • But men don’t go into relationships with the intent of cheating, it’s not planned, neither is it manufactured. She wants to go into relationships hiding the fact that she’s a ho and that one of his boys probably got a picture of her ass on his cellphone jk. The thing is if she’s hiding it, she’s hiding it because she still thinks it’s a bad thing…she’s in the closet basically. We constantly ask gay people to come out the closet, why should it be any different from hoes. Don’t you wanna know where all the hoes at?

                  Reply ↓

                  • ” Don’t you wanna know where all the hoes at?”

                    YES!

                    I like the comparison to gay people in the closet though. Point taken

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      • If there’s one person I can count on to “take it there” (besides Obsidian of course) it’s Black Medici lol.

        ” church…… the payoff is not worth the effort put into it. if only someone would have told me this back when i was 19…..i’d be living like eddie murphy in boomerang now”

        That’s where I’m at. They really think it’s worth the effort, mainly because the ratio is often times inverted for them, so it IS worth the effort.

        However even though they are in the minority (but not as small of a minority as you think) I feel where A Woman’s Eyes is coming from. There are women out there who are with it and get where we’re coming from.

        Reply ↓

        • @ jmtg,

          Obsidian does NOT take it anywhere, especially NOT today…….I can vouch for Black Medic, but Obsidian NEVER!!!!! I have MAJOR issues with him, today and forever more after what he said today! We have been reduced to nothingness!!!

          Reply ↓

          • @ African Mami- Obsidian makes great points at times, and head scratchers at other times. I think he does “take it there” usually, but today he took it too far. Can’t get behind what he was saying today (except for the nerds’ “swag” being naturally handicapped and black women not liking this). I love black women and don’t need to go that route. I’m doing well enough with the lionesses

            Reply ↓

      • There are women like that, but there aren’t a lot of them out there. Not as rare as hobbits, but not super-common either. I definitely appreciate their existence out there. :)

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    • “Well, your problem is the same problem most men have and is the reason more times than not that men are losing in this relationship game, and women who you’d think would be winning are actually losing, because all the men they find are losers, and they want a winner so they don’t have to deal with the burden of uplifting a guy, which few women can do for an elongated period of time.”

      I normally don’t pay attention to your freaking rants but I will to this one. I’m the one person who uplifts every single guy in her life–friend or lover. And guess what I get? SHIT. That’s what. I get “I never fell in love with you.” I get “I never saw you that way.” I get “Thanks for everything Ana, peace out.” I get the “I’m in love with someone else.” I get “I never saw you in that way.” Do you know what I’ve been doing for the past 2 years? Helping a convicted felon get his life back on track. Uplifting him to continue going to school, follow his probation, think before he does things, get a job, etc. I fell in love with this person and guess what happened? HE DIDN’T! And no, I didn’t do any of those things for him so he can fall for me. I did it because when I believe in someone or something, I stand by them. Don’t give me this crap about how women don’t want to spend time uplifting men. Such freaking bs, I swear. Shut up. I’ve had plenty of guys that I’ve uplifted and treated well tell me to my face, “You never inspired me to fall in love with you.” I uplifted one guy and raised his self-esteem to the point where he started calling me “ugly” and said he was more attractive than me. The problem is that women spend too much time uplifting men and not enough times uplifting themselves or each other. And no, I didn’t say this to make you feel sorry for me. I don’t need anyone’s pity. I’ve made decisions that led me to this current path and I accept full responsibility and don’t blame anyone else but myself. Sitting here blaming women like “oh they don’t want to spend time uplifting men.” Go suck my dick.

      Reply ↓

      • It’s ok it’s just medicine.

        You see, I never talked about “uplifting” a guy, in fact I never used those words in any of my so-called rants. I’m talking about doing something that a man considers valuable. As Dave Chappelle, once said a man wouldn’t buy a house if he thought he could f*ck a girl in a cardboard box. In other words, men buy houses so women can be comfortable giving men what they want. You wanted love, relationships, companionship etc, but you didn’t know what the men wanted, so you just assumed that men wanted to be uplifted, and have their self-esteem risen, when in reality they probably just wanted a chick who could throw it down in the kitchen and suck a d*ck like her soul depended on it.

        You’re kind of like a virgin dude, who doesn’t understand why women don’t want him. He writes them poetry, he tells them they’re beautiful, he laments about how all the a**holes get all the girls, but he never accepts the fact that what he’s selling to the women, isn’t what they’re buying. You don’t know what men are buying and instead of trying to figure that out, you’re caught up in how you feel and how wronged you were by men who used you and dumped you, like every dude in the friend zone feels. However, you’re wrong though, it’s not your fault.

        You see the problem is that out of all those guys who fu*cked you, and left you out to dry, no guy actually went out there and really told you why you were losing and weren’t getting what you want. When you were out there putting all your energy uplifting your man, your man should have told you go take a Salsa class and work on your hip action. Those dudes should have told you, you were wasting your energy, because all the good intentions you have, were leading you straight to hell. It’s men’s fault for not giving you this honesty, the honesty that you need.

        It doesn’t help that I’m the one giving you all this medicine though, it’s not going to be very effective. It’s the dudes who you allow to f*ck you and get pass your defense system who are supposed to help you towards becoming a better partner to a guy. They failed, that’s why you’re talking about uplifting and self-esteem. Every man wants a woman who wishes to be led by him, how can you respect a leader, who you feel you have to uplift or raise his self-esteem?

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        • “You see the problem is that out of all those guys who fu*cked you, and left you out to dry, no guy actually went out there and really told you why you were losing and weren’t getting what you want.”

          Actually, that’s all I get. “Advice” or “tips” on where I failed. Or why they didn’t like me. My self-esteem wouldn’t be so low if I didn’t hear all the time the many ways I’ve failed.

          Reply ↓

          • Nah you still don’t get it. A dude is supposed to tell you and stay with you as long as you comply. You got a lot of dudes who told you lies, so they could get rid of you without hurting your feelings…which they did anyways. Guys who try not to hurt women’s feelings, are always lying. I go out of my way to hurt your feelings because I’m trying to tell you the truth.

            A dude is supposed to say; “look if you want to be with a man, you gotta do…” You want a man to stay with you, you gotta learn how to be a disgraceful ho, you gotta be a Janet Jacme or a Belladonna in real life and give you no other alternative but to become that! That’s the sh*t no man who’s been with you told or did for you. They ruined your ass for other dudes and now every man who comes into your life, is going to have to deal with the fact that no dude in your life has redirected you towards the path of freedom.

            Hopefully, the next ninja who comes by, loves women enough to see you in your awful state and give what you need, which is honesty for your own betterment, tough love. You’ve picked up a lot of bad habits, and you now gotta work harder than other women who were lucky not to deal with the dudes you dealt with. You gonna have to work like a Star Wars geek and get some game if you want to find what you want. Or you can go thru the Self-esteem/The Secret route, and we’ll see how that works out for you, even though I don’t see how you’re gonna positively think your way into convincing a man to want to commit his life to you.

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            • “You want a man to stay with you, you gotta learn how to be a disgraceful ho, you gotta be a Janet Jacme or a Belladonna in real life and give you no other alternative but to become that!”

              *sigh* that’s sad. not disputing it, just saying it’s sad.

              Reply ↓

              • It’s sad that it took Laura almost 10 years to figure out that she was in love with Urkel and not Stephan, and I’m not even suggesting you work that hard. A relationship, is really a man and a woman fighting against their innate urges to go seek something better than what they already have, and if you want a relationship to survive you have to give your partner gasoline to keep on going. You’ve been giving Regular gas, to a Beamer, and you’re wondering why the car keeps failing.

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      • ” I did it because when I believe in someone or something, I stand by them. ”

        I read this as your being promiscuous with your love. You give your love to people who don’t have to do anything to earn it. You seek out ain’t shyt men so that you can feel loved and valued. Changing (cross out changing) Controlling their life trajectory gives you a purpose, a reason for interacting with them. You put forth a lot of effort for men who put forth little effort to be with you. And I suspect you have sex with them then get disappointed that they’re still not into your heart and efforts.

        Reply ↓

          • I don’t think she meant sexually promiscuous (though that was an awkward turn of phrase). I think she meant that you just offer your all to people who don’t offer you much. Trust me, in my other online life, I see this a lot, and it’s sad every time I look at it.

            Reply ↓

            • Ah, that makes sense. I’m not emotionally promiscuous either. I’m not a very open person. I don’t do well with that feelings stuff, so the few times that I do open up and give it my all, I don’t want to have someone say, “I care about you, you’re a great friend, but I never saw you in that way.” I hear it all the time: you get what you give, but if I give my all, shouldn’t I get more than just the bare minimum? That’s all I’m saying.

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              • ” if I give my all, shouldn’t I get more than just the bare minimum? ”

                Giving your all doesn’t mean you’re owed anything. If anything you should not give your all when a person isn’t giving anything.

                No man has ever gotten in a relationship with a woman because she gave her all.

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      • You know what it is though, Asiyah? People, irregardless of gender, have an uncanny way of picking up people who don’t care about themselves. It seems that the neediest people only appreciate help from people who have established themselves as not needing anyone or anything. I give you much props for keeping it 100 with yourself, because that’s the only way you’ll get help. Women get less heat for being Captain Save-a-Ninja than men do for being Captain Save-a-Ho, but it doesn’t mean it’s a positive dynamic for anyone. Here’s to hoping you find a way to uplift yourself sister.

        Be well.

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      • My sister, this is coming from a black woman. This will be the best advice you will get. You “uplifted” those black men because you were trying to earn their love, it may come from a good place but see it for what it is. Understand that a man is not in a position to really love you if his life is f’ed up. He needs his woman to see him as a leader, a provider , a protector. Should you be the woman who helped uplift him, believe it that once he gets there he will find a woman who can now see him as the finished product, not the loser on the struggle bus who needed his woman to write his resume, loan him money, deal with his bs….so don’t be mad , beat yourself up, just learn from it. A man wants a woman to love and support him, nurture him meaning be a listener, be a supporter, be in his corner, be his lover, but NOT be his mama.. so even though you thought you were doing something good you essentially are the culprit in your own demise.

        Reply ↓

    • You seem to be overlooking the fact that p*ssy isn’t something you earn due to your “work”. P*ssy is not a paycheck.

      Reply ↓

    • @ Black Medici

      forgive me, but my niche is not intellectual discourse, rather foolishness. I found the “blue balls” reference, hella schmegzy!! are they really blue?!—–>I’m not going to google, I want to create an intellectual discourse out of blue balls, ooya go!

      Reply ↓

  31. I agree with B Sweet. And I’d like to add…. Hats off to you “Champ” for giving yourself a break to be alone. I would suggest you stay single till you discover deeper reasons why being single is overrated. Those four you listed are just minor inconveniences and are probably why you haven’t been that great in relationships. You don’t seem to appreciate the true value in being in a relationship. The true value in being in a committed relationship goes deeper than the four things you listed.

    Get to know yourself first and get to like and love yourself first before you try your “Champ” at another relationship. I realize that sounds cliche, but it’s the truth. This is the only way you will be able to be alone and not feel lonely. And, if at the end of this discovery expedition of yourself, you realize you don’t want to be in relationship – that’s ok. Relationships are work. Even if you are madly in love and perfect for each other (if there is such a thing) relationships are work. That statement only sounds like a bad thing because most people look at “work” as bad thing. Work is not a bad thing, work is great. And I’m sure the millions of people in the unemployment line looking for work would agree in the importance and value of work.

    Save your time trying to figure out how to make relationships last – there is no one formula. So you your task has to always be – how to figure yourself out. How to make you work? How to be and do you? Once you get those answers, everything else will fall in to place.

    Now, stop bitching about having to put on a damn condom and go out and have some fun.

    Y

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  32. As a man who was married for 12 long yrs…now divorced, being single has its ups and downs. I think the biggest issue for me is once you’re tired of “playing” around, all the extra energy and emotional investment you go through to really get to know somebody is exhausting! 2, 3 hour talks at night, doin things you wouldn’t normally do in your singleness when you really just wanna stay home, get it in and watch movies. The process could take months before it settles down to a solid foundation of routine. lol. And if it don’t work out, on to tha next and tha next and doin this crap all ova again…smh. It’s a vicious circle of wasted energy if she’s not the right one…

    Reply ↓

    • ” 2, 3 hour talks at night, doin things you wouldn’t normally do in your singleness when you really just wanna stay home, get it in and watch movies. ”

      But Tx-10 inches,

      Whyyyyy won’t you just say “I want to stay home, get it in and watch movies” ?

      I am finding that in being single I can ask for exactly what I want and receive it from the person who wants to do the same thing with me.

      Reply ↓

      • Hmmmm…good question but can we really say what we want? I can be more honest with a man I trust and love than I can with a stranger or someone I barely know. If a guy I’m only dating says he wants to “get it in”, I’m out or I may think that’s ALL he wants from me.

        Reply ↓

        • Its a blessing when he tells you what he wants. He wants to get it in? You know you don’t want him.

          I’m talking for men and women who want to get it in, then watch a movie.

          Mind you I never said that strangers had to do that…yet we do know people.

          But people who ask for what they want, get it.

          Reply ↓

              • Any woman who thinks she’s as sexually free as men, should have no problem answering that question. You think if I asked any dude on her, has he ever had a threesome with two chicks, if he would say…

                “*WHAT.IN.THE.SAM.HELL*”

                Reply ↓

              • *spits out water at BM*

                See! This is a prime example of why I can’t say what I want to men I barely know. I might get met with replies like that. If it’s one thing commenting online has taught me, I have to be careful what I say to ninjas who don’t know me. lol

                Reply ↓

                • LOL…

                  But you gotta get out of that though. Believe it or not, I and most men like hoes, we just like hoes who ain’t trying to hide that they’re hoes. To many of you women are hiding what you really are, because you know girls are gonna look at you with shame like Oprah does to plagiarist authors. My meanness is designed to make you uncomfortable hiding and realize that whatever you do, you’re gonna get criticized, might as well come out, and be who you are, rather than try to make the sisterhood comfortable.

                  Free yourself from typical female mentality, you don’t need those crabs in the buckets who want you to be a loser, so they can feel better about themselves. Free your mind, embrace reality.

                  Reply ↓

                  • ” whatever you do, you’re gonna get criticized, might as well come out, and be who you are, rather than try to make the sisterhood comfortable.”

                    He ain’t spoke nothin but the truth with that statement though.

                    What Luda say? “H*es don’t feel so sad and blue. Cause most of us n*ggas is hoes too.” lol

                    I don’t think it makes em h*es though. Just means she’s a freak like me….and Adina

                    Reply ↓

                  • My good sir, I don’t believe we’ve formally met, I’m SmartFox aka Cuddles Booski aka Ratchet Goon aka leader of the H0e Sh*t committee. Once upon a time, I encouraged VSSs to be free in their h0edom around these parts. Sadly, I haven’t been commenting like I used to but yes I agree, you’re preaching to the choir. :)

                    I do see a trend of women who don’t own their h0eness or get mad when others don’t agree. That’s unrealistic. If you’re going to be a h0e, know that many don’t like nor can they trust h0es. So if a woman is to own it, she has to own all that comes with it…one of which is nuccas asking if she got trains ran on her. :-) I love the idea of trains but I’ve never conducted one in real life. I am not really a h0e, I’m a freak…and there is a difference. Carry on.

                    Reply ↓

          • @ A Woman’s Eyes- I like how you think. You’d love Alan Roger Currie… He actually advocates the exact same thing you’re preaching. It works more than most men think it would (certainly it will run a lot of women off too though). Being real is a lost art. That’s why it’s so refreshing to other people who aren’t as fond of bullsh*tting and participating in subtle acts of manipulation

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  33. I agree. I am in a new relationship after being single for 7 months, and before that, being in a 6 year relationship.

    The dating pool is shallow, and unfortunately, so are many of the people in it. You know, in the good ol days (whenever that was) it seemed that you simply needed to show a lady you were a good dude and you had no issue having a girl–if you so chose. Now, you gotta worry about if YOU are getting played by women.

    Does she have multiple dudes on the side? Does she have a husband for that matter? Is she just using you because you are somewhat successful and looking for a meal ticket? Or, is she really hood and less ambitious and just looking for a meal and using your free Friday night to get her Friday night meal (with leftovers for Saturday afternoon before her next date saturday night)? I knew I was over multiple dating when I asked a woman (used loosely) to meet me in a neutral place for our 2nd date and she asked me for gas money! In her defense, gas is high, but she drove a Lexus! C’mon.

    Now, this isn’t an indictment on all women. There are some good ones out there. Again, I am new relationship and she is friggin awesome. She sent me think to this blog even, but I can honestly say its divine intervention that she and I reconnected.

    Ok, now there are some perks to singletude (made up word) of course. you can sleep with multiple women–sometimes at the same time, in the same room. But for me, I’m always worried that if she is getting freaky with me tonight, was she sexing another cat just yesterday? Maybe he paid for her oil change. Just not worth it. Even strapping up isn’t 100%. Some diseases are condoms can’t stop, and Lord forbid you look down and you are rocking the dreaded “O” ring. You know, where you bust the condom and all that’s left is an “O”… And your first thought “O sh*t!” You run to the bathroom and start scrubbing down like you just had sex with the spider monkey from Outbreak. Just not worth it.

    I leave by saying, good luck fellas. It’s tough for us out there for sure. Happy hunting. But having to have lived both lives the last year, the older I get, the more and more I realize I’m domesticated now. I like knowing where my next meal is coming from–and who prepared it, if you know what I mean.

    Reply ↓

    • “I asked a woman (used loosely) to meet me in a neutral place for our 2nd date and she asked me for gas money!”

      BOL! That is IT. She was real bold but I’ve seen many dudes pay up.

      “I like knowing where my next meal is coming from–and who prepared it,”

      Perhaps predictability is the spice of life. :)

      Reply ↓

    • Yeah, that 2nd date sounds shady as hell. If times were that real, how come ol’ girl didn’t just ask you to pick her up? Also, sometimes there are legit reasons for meeting at a neutral location. After all, people have jobs, lives, family, etc. But to ask for gas money in a spot like that? Nah homey!

      Reply ↓

    • “I knew I was over multiple dating when I asked a woman (used loosely) to meet me in a neutral place for our 2nd date and she asked me for gas money! In her defense, gas is high, but she drove a Lexus! C’mon.”

      I actually get pissed off when I hear stories like this. SMH Why couldn’t she just say, “Nah, I think I’m staying in tonight”? *Sigh* Maybe I just have too much pride. I’m glad you know that many of us are not this way.

      Reply ↓

  34. Your relationships failed because you wanted to be single? Why did you want to be single? There has to be a reason.

    Reply ↓

            • ^ YES! AWE I take back what I said about Royale W. Cheese. You get the slight edge for best comments today. I noticed that about Champ a few months back. I get that calling things overrated is a good strategy for a writer (and a realistic conclusion to come to as a thinker) but this is coming from a guy who also tried to make the argument that orgasms are overrated. Gotta take his list of overrated things with a grain of salt. How hilarious would it be if he also thought being intentionally controversial was overrated lol

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              • ” How hilarious would it be if he also thought being intentionally controversial was overrated lol ”

                LMAO

                Reply ↓

              • “How hilarious would it be if he also thought being intentionally controversial was overrated lol”

                lol, it’s funny that people think i’m being intentionally controversial. i actually make pains to be as uncontroversial as possible with the why i word things, but perhaps my tone and the subject matter makes that an inevitability.

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              • I agree….he is like the person who deep down really really cares but always blows stuff off like it ain’t ish….last week I suggested maybe PJ needed to lay down on someone’s coach. I think Champ needs to as well and also.

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      • SMH. So you shouldn’t be dating either. Well, unless you’re just looking for a sexual relationships because no one in a two person ANYTHING can do what they want when they wanted.

        I’m sad for your breakup. It’s such a bad reason to me. You’ll have regrets, for sure.

        Reply ↓

        • “I’m sad for your breakup. It’s such a bad reason to me. You’ll have regrets, for sure.”

          i doubt. regardless of the reasons behind it, it was the right decision. (my ex agrees as well)

          Reply ↓

          • I’m sure she’s agreeable because she wouldn’t want to waste more years but not because it was a good reason. That’s a horrible reason. I’m sorry. Particularly if you ever want to be in relationship. If you’re saying you never want to be in a relationship, then I totally believe with you and your ex.

            Reply ↓

            • “I’m sure she’s agreeable because she wouldn’t want to waste more years but not because it was a good reason. That’s a horrible reason. I’m sorry. ”

              interesting. i agree and disagree with you AT THE SAME DAMN TIME about the same thing

              Reply ↓

              • because you know unless you were moving to Dubai, and she refused to come along, and you didn’t want to do a LDR, then that wasn’t a good reason. When your next relationship ends because she’s a cheater and/or a liar and/or you’re not compatible… You’ll think back, “oh, but me and WHOMEVER, broke up because I wanted to do what I want when I wanted.” As if there’s no room for compromise in that regards. OK.

                Keep and mind, I also strongly disagree with you on your arbitrary age to get married post, which also demonstrates to me that you’re not being really real with yourself.

                However, you’re right that it’s good that you broke up because your ex doesn’t deserve to be part of the waffling. But, you’ll have regrets, home boy.

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            • I always felt like any reason to break out of a dating relationship is a good reason. If you are not feeling it anymore that should be reason enough.

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              • No one in a LTR breaks up because they’re just “not feeling it” anymore. That’s why people who are “dating” break up. And, there’s a difference between dating and being in a relationship. ANd, saying “any reason” is a feel good way for us to feel good about our decisions. But, sometimes we’re running from things. Mainly, connections. If that’s why one breaks up, then that’s not very good.

                I speak frequently on people needing therapists. Folks in relationships really need ‘em. We’re forced to deal with so many issues that we never acknowledge that we race to escape to avoid them.

                I was single for many years because I wanted to be. I was focused on my career. I wanted to be single because I was focused on my career and because a relationship would require self-discovery.

                Anyone that says you learn about yourself only by being outside of a relationship is a liar. Anyone that says you learn about yourself by only being in a relationship is a liar. You learn about what you want outside of a relationship. You learn about what you tolerate inside of a relationship. You can *only* learn about how you communicate by being in a relationship. In practice.

                You make hypothetical plans of how you communicate by being out of relationship. You only learn how to compromise by being in a relationship.

                You should be working on yourself whether you’re in or outside of relationship. If you stop once you’re in a relationship, then you’re going to repeat all your mistakes again. Your partner needs your whole self.

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                • with Kenyadigit.

                  If the other person refuses to accept that you are breaking up with them cuz you are not feeling it, there’s a stalking situation coming up.

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  35. First, Champ, you need to start investigating the condom market. A year and some change ago, my wife “lost” her birth control, and I re-entered the condom market. What a wonderful place it is! All the new varieties they got out there are fun. Plus, to me, there isn’t that much of a diff between raw and strapped-up. Then again, my regular career requires wearing latex gloves on the reg, so it’s not a big deal to me. :)

    In terms of being single, I don’t mind. I can be that dude chilling in the movies solo or going to hang out with various groups with couples. What makes my current situation ironic is that I’ve always been a dude who was comfy with going months, and a few times, years without relationships. My thinking has been that if I somehow effed up a relationship, why get back? Go have fun, recover from your emotional wounds, and get back to life. The only part that sucks is that when you go out to a restaurant, they tend to stick you out in the colored section. Even then, I’d rather cook than go to a restaurants 9 times out of 10, so that’s not a major burden.

    I think Royale with Cheese said it best above: don’t have a parade; just go out and enjoy your life. If you do need someone to enjoy your life though, it’s probably a good idea to keep your sad a$$ single. Being that emotionally needy will only lead to disaster.

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  36. Prepare for a tangent.

    Let me start first by referencing why most relationships that result in committed relationships last: because people are tired are being single.

    The revolving door of 1-2 year relationships are no longer thrilling. You’re looking for someone to build a life with and not someone to pass the time with. You’re looking for someone that knew Champ pre-VSB and after-VSB because they will know you like no one else will know you. They’ll know your insecurities. They’ll know your greatest achievements.

    But, sometimes that’s why relationships fail. Egos get big. (I’m not saying this in your case Champ because I don’t know you.) Suddenly, that grass looks mighty greener on the other side and the constant knocking of Lil Wayne’s “Every Girl in the World” makes you want to experiment a little. Find different pootytang. So, then you tell her “it’s not you, it’s me. I want TKTKTKT.”

    And, really, there’s a 100 percent truth to that statement because you give up the girl and then your chances of ever getting that back are slim to none. So you DEFINITELY have to start over. This time when you start over age is the percursor. It’s no longer just the love and the feelings. Now, it’s, “omg, I want to be able to play basketball when I have kids.” So, like a job, men start meeting women with a goal. The role of auditioning for the wife. Of course, he doesn’t say that but he is.

    Perhaps eventually he finds the girl that he decides to put a ring on it. If so, they date for less time than his previous relationships. Perhaps 9 months… That way they’re at a high. There’s no real problems in the relationship because it’s the one year honey moon period. The wedding and the kids follow, which means they never experience life after that high together until it’s time to raise children.

    Then, they think, occasionally about ole girl that they essentially played house with but let slip away but by then both she and he are taken. And, that’s that. They read a bunch of “no regrets” blogs and think that’s life.

    Reply ↓

      • I know how it goes. I know how people play this game of how they have no regrets about breakups. And, really, it’s all a lie. We make these “time heals” everything comments as if that makes it the perfect reason to “just do it.” I mean, yeah, time will heal broken ribs and broken hands, too, but that doesn’t mean I’m going out jumping out of planes with no parachute. Or, that it was worth the experience.

        I’m in the middle of a breakup. To be honest, the relationship ended because of lack of maturity on both our parts. We’ll both regret it. I’m not going to lie to the people. We both, I’m sure, have our regrets. There’s a possibility that despite us being good for each other that we might not ever be in relationship again because of one simple thing: Timing.

        BUT, we both need to be a man and woman. We can’t help each other be those things. Our limited experiences have us both thinking we need more experiences. That could be our downfall. And, unfortunately, knowing the realness of that makes it all the worst. We’ll repeat, rinse with whomever and get the same results because the real issue is us being a MAN and a WOMAN.

        We don’t learn how to be in relationships. It doesn’t matter if mommy and daddy are still together. Mommy and daddy don’t share how relationships have their ups and downs. Mommy and daddy never got real.

        They don’t tell you that having someone care about where you are ultimately means that you won’t die alone in a hospital bed and that’s a GOOD THING.

        Reply ↓

    • “Then, they think, occasionally about ole girl that they essentially played house with but let slip away but by then both she and he are taken. And, that’s that.”

      Sounds like my story, except he got married and I didn’t, and he is not only occassionaly thinking, but calling and and trying to convince me to meet up with him. *If* he’s being sincere, that must really suck. It is what it is.

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    • *slow clap*…Well said!

      It reminds me of that 80/20 rule. People get greedy. Greed can hurt you. Plus constantly wondering what’s out there isn’t good because there is ALWAYS better but can you find them and is it right for you? My granny told me that most marriages end in divorce now because ppl are not marrying their soul mates. They met that girl at “the wrong time” and now they’re marrying in a rush.

      Reply ↓

      • I think the biggest problem is because are entering marriage with one foot out of the door. If you agree that a marriage is worth fighting for and are a couple that only want one marriage, then you will work harder to make it work. That’s the person of that legal piece of paper. On the other hand, if you go in, like, “oh, I can always get a divorce if he/she…” Then, you’re automatically starting on the wrong foot.

        Reply ↓

        • TRUTH!! I’m old-school. My parents have been married 35 years. All of my aunts/uncles, etc are married. Marriage is a priority in my fam and they ride til the wheels fall off. I wanna do the same. If he cheats, we’ll just have to kill homegirl and keep it pushing. :-) jokes

          Reply ↓

    • “Perhaps eventually he finds the girl that he decides to put a ring on it. If so, they date for less time than his previous relationships. Perhaps 9 months… That way they’re at a high. There’s no real problems in the relationship because it’s the one year honey moon period. The wedding and the kids follow, which means they never experience life after that high together until it’s time to raise children.” I’m wondering about this even though i see your point. It has been my understanding that older people date in far shorter periods before marriage b/c they know what they want and don’t want and what they will and won’t compromise on. I would even say that the older you get and if marriage is what you want, that you have less patience to deal with someone who just wants to “chill.” You seek out those who want these same things as you.

      I don’t think it has anything to do with being at a high as much as you actually have a goal in mind and either the person walks with you towards that goal or you both keep it moving.

      Reply ↓

      • I believe, regardless of age, you don’t know anyone that well after a year of dating. Sorry. You’re still showing your game face. Well, unless you move in with each other a month later. In that sense, you’re still at a “high.” Relationships don’t get really real until at least 2 years in. That’s when you have to test many things, including the role friendships and etc have on your relationship. And, let’s not lie, our friendships and other outside factors have an impact on our romantic relationships.

        Reply ↓

        • Again, i see where you are coming from but i just don’t agree with dating someone for an extended period of time. You either are going to go in for the long haul or you arent. People who date for over 2 years, after a certain age, i’m like either “$hit or get off the pot.”

          Reply ↓

    • So, thanks for letting me know how the rest of my ex’s life will play out. This seems to be a lot of people’s situation. Men are so frustrating. Letting the right one (possibly, very possibly) go because of timing and not being ready. I mean, if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. But know that your azz IS gonna regret the hell outta this and start delivering flowers to my job, and trying to take my kid out for ice-cream, tryna win everybody back and ish… ooooooooooooh life.

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  37. The biggest baggage of a long-term-relationship is knowing you too well. You can’t play Batman any more because you’re LTR knows you’re afraid of ants or that you don’t shower everyday. But, new boo doesn’t know that. New boo won’t know that for at least 2 years and that’s if she makes it around that wrong.

    The number one reason LONG TERM (not to be confused with ANY) relationships fail is because being vulnerable is all consuming. It hard. We as humans don’t want to be exposed. No one, I repeat, no one sticks around for a good long term relationship if there is nothing there. Things might get patchy at the end but generally there’s a reason for it to go south. There’s outside factors. When I read “I didn’t want to be in a relationship,” I see, I didn’t want to expose myself anymore. I needed to cover up.

    Anyone in a LTR is so exposed.

    Reply ↓

    • You remind me of this C.S. Lewis Post

      “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

      Reply ↓

  38. My theory for men and/or women that ended long term relationships of someone that may possibly be the one due to internalized issues of commitment: Figure out how to keep that person in your life. Fight tooth and nail to keep that person around.

    Yes, it’s not completely fair to the other person but here’s the kicker… Most marriages fail because “people grow apart.”

    So if you’re relationship falls apart because you don’t know how to properly do relationships and you’re taking some time to figure out how to do that… Don’t give the person that may be the one the chance to grow apart from you.

    I’m being serious, too.

    Reply ↓

    • Editgirl…ALL of your comments are what I am living RIGHT NOW!!! I am very recently single, (1 month) from a 2 year r-ship, and a lot of the issues were that, for whatever reason, things were just not working out. From my point of view, he wants to do what Champ wants to do = whatever he wants, whenever he wants to do it, with no accountability to anyone. But he still wants all of the trimmings of a happy relationship (love without the glove, loyalty, reliability, someone around when HE WANTS them to be around, and generally and honestly ME, as he told me). On my end…I tend to be a little (ok, a lot) clingy and depend on him for all of my emotional stability (don’t judge me). I know this and I am making some SERIOUS efforts to deal with this. But it is strange bc he still contacts me, we still see each other, and contrary to popular relationship advice where you are supposed to cut people off and “do you” entirely…it doesn’t feel the least bit strange to still communicate in this way. I think we are doing what you mentioned…growth without stupidity. And no, I don’t think it is hindering me bc if I get to the point when I want to start dating again, or to see someone else, then that is what will happen, and it won’t be an issue if he was the one for me or not.

      Reply ↓

      • The real test always comes when someone starts dating someone new. My ex and I sound a lot like your situation. We’re best friends but once one of us starts dating, or starts a new relationship I should say… then, who knows.

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    • The tricky part is convincing them to stay in your life. Learning that the person you are completely committed to has some commitment issues they need to work out while having you on some obscure back burner is a tough pill to swallow that not many are willing to do. Because when/if they finally get it together and realize A) They want to be with you… it doesn’t feel as special or B) don’t want to commit… you feel like you’ve wasted even MORE time waiting for them to figure it out.

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  39. I’m one of those people who is rarely single single, i’m always talking to someone, dating someone, or smashing an ex in between (yes reading this aloud i sound horrible lets move on). Probably for the reasons you stated. Being single is too overrated, but they are a necessary stage in life. I’m sure theres those people who married their next door neighbor/high school sweetheart and never had chex with anyone outside of themselves or each other, but they also miss out on your #3, the reflection phase. A failed relationship is a mistake one must make if they hope to learn something. And yes condom prices are cray.

    Reply ↓

    • Untrue. When does that end? Next it’ll be, you need 50 failed relationships to truly learn yourself. You think people don’t reflect by just being single? I.E. a person single for, say, 23 years might know more about themselves than someone always booed up.

      Reply ↓

      • “a person single for, say, 23 years might know more about themselves than someone always booed up.” Truth. A lot of practice doesn’t always make perfect. In fact, it just means you aren’t that good at it to begin with so try something new.

        Reply ↓

      • a person single for, say, 23 years might know more about themselves than someone always booed up.

        Agreed. Often times, the person who stays booed up is usually running from some other issue in their lives that being in a relationship allows them to avoid. People can literally be addicted to relationships. It’s a lot easier to get involved in someone else’s issues than to call yourself out on your own.

        Reply ↓

        • “Agreed. Often times, the person who stays booed up is usually running from some other issue in their lives that being in a relationship allows them to avoid. People can literally be addicted to relationships.”

          indeed…. i kicked it with a girl like this. she stayed in one long continual relationship….but the dude changed every couple of months

          Reply ↓

        • ” People can literally be addicted to relationships. It’s a lot easier to get involved in someone else’s issues than to call yourself out on your own.”

          Ding ding ding! Todd I swear you have a PHd in common sense my brotha. That’s the elephant in the room if you ask me, and I’d MUCH rather handle my own issues than be drained by someone else’s while being allowed to avoid mine out of dependency and soothing convenience/ ego stroking.

          Reply ↓

    • I thought the same thing when reading that. One year is long in middle and high school.

      Reply ↓

    • Agreed on the length thing. With my wife, a lot of the bullshit didn’t come out until roughly the 2 year mark. Problem was that we had been married a year. LOL

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  41. I think it’s funny that this is one of the realest piece written on this site (at least your last point about facing your own deficiencies, whoch deserves its own post), but it’s only gotten relatively light comment love. If you mentioned Think Like a Man or something, we’d be like 500 comments deep. This post is the real Think Like a Man.

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  42. And this article right here is what is happening due to the trickling effects of that daggone movie THINK LIKE A MAN. I don’t know one single person who went to watch it that hasn’t come away feeling some kinda way, all soft and wanting to be in a relationship. The relationships in that movie where so REAL and it just made single people feel even lonelier!!!!! UGRRRRH. And that damn John Legend song “Tonight”…really pure torture of singles.

    *Walks into Singles Conference room and pulls up an uncomfortable chair*

    My name is Breezy and I have been single for 2 years.

    Reply ↓

  43. I want my cookie, Champ. I’ve been coupled up for sometime & use condoms each & everytime. Plus, It’s my birthday so don’t be flaunting sugar in my face!!

    I think what you’re going through women go through to while mulling over the “what do I do” phase of a break up. It sounds like your questioning your motives & mindset & that bit of introspective can help you if you want to be in a relationship or not.

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  44. “Also, ladies, are the “single man problems” expressed today at all similar to any “single woman problems?”

    I think they are similar.

    Your #2- I’m not sure women are so vexed about c0nd0ms, but birth control is an issue when single. Spending money on pills, rings, etc. seems stupid once you’re single and don’t see any prospective candidates for the goodies. But things happen and you don’t want to get caught slipping. It’s annoying to a frugal person like myself to spend money on products that aren’t being put to use.

    Your #3- Agreed. Hearing the same old line, getting hit with the same old moves, being on guard against people trying to touch you and manipulate your emotions- constantly playing defense is exhausting. It makes one consider joining a convent or the Peace Corps just to get away.

    Your #4- we are constantly reminded that if we don’t have a man, there’s probably something wrong with us (because it couldn’t be by choice.) So it’s easy for a single women to get pulled into the “I have to work on me” meme, picking themselves apart and trying to be perfect when perfection has never been required.

    Reply ↓

    • “Your #4- we are constantly reminded that if we don’t have a man, there’s probably something wrong with us (because it couldn’t be by choice.) So it’s easy for a single women to get pulled into the “I have to work on me” meme, picking themselves apart and trying to be perfect when perfection has never been required.” *sigh* Why are you speaking such truths this early in the morning?

      Reply ↓

    • “So it’s easy for a single women to get pulled into the “I have to work on me” meme, picking themselves apart and trying to be perfect *when perfection has never been required.*”

      And let the church say amen.

      Reply ↓

    • I don’t think “I’m working on me” necessarily means seeking perfection. There is a pattern to, and a reason for every action we make. No one is perfect in any relationship. Self awareness is super important if you want to make sure you don’t repeat the mistakes that ruined your last relationship(s). Understanding yourself, and the (sometimes) buried motivations behind your actions will make you a better partner, and help you become better at identifying people that complement you as you go into new relationships – platonic or otherwise.

      Reply ↓

    • stupid birth control! I’m not even gettin any but I just get all paranoid if I’m not on that pill. All a man has to do is look at me to knock me up…

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  45. I (like) how he made sure he clarified that he is single because he wants to be. Let a woman say she is single because she wants to be and no one (mostly men) will believe her.

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  46. I’m not single and haven’t been for quite some time, but I’ll tell ya, there are some days I wish I could wonder again how it felt to be married :) . As for condoms, I don’t remember what they look like, where to find them in a store, or if they still make the sheepskin kind. At times, I do wonder if my husband married me so he could “ride out” (as he says).

    I’m an INFJ. I like quiet.

    As for your loneliness, when you find an extremely extroverted Libra husband (wife, in your case) and have five Leo children – like me, you will rescind that statement. I find that even when I lock myself in the bathroom to get some peace and quiet, my husband will come and talk through the door for the ENTIRE time I’m in there (add five talkative, extroverted children to this equation) and you’ll never miss being lonely again.

    But the romance is real – so I can’t help you in that aspect. Sorry :( .

    Reply ↓

  47. I’ve been single for over three years and honestly, I’m kind of happy about it. When I see what’s going on with the opposite gender in my age group, I’m like “Er…no thanks”. When you’re a 30-something year old man like myself, being single is the best thing to ever happen to you. I wanted to go out there and try to date, but all I see and hear from the opposite sex are issues and bad choices…I mean really bad choices. I did want to have a Mrs. Alchemist at one point, but as of now, I’m content with being by myself and not having to answer to anyone.

    Reply ↓

            • I didn’t state you should be with someone just because. That wasn’t anywhere close to what I stated. You referenced going as far as avoiding dates. I call to question your avoidance of human connections. That, my friend, would be referenced if you went to see a therapist. Seriously. I mean, there is something there. Believe me.

              Reply ↓

    • “When I see what’s going on with the opposite gender in my age group, I’m like “Er…no thanks”. ”

      Please expound on seeing what’s going on with the opposite gender in your age group. Since I fit the bill, I’d really like to know :) .

      Reply ↓

      • I’ll explain it to you like this, Rattlerpride. There is one thing I noticed as I entered the dating scene again in my mid 30′s. A lot of women in our age group have this nasty habit of bringing emotional baggage from their past into new relationships or going out dating.

        Reply ↓

    • I can see what you’re thinking. If someone is in their late 30s and single, there’s usually issues or drama going on. Unless you run into the rare one that was married and had someone die on them or just come out of the closet without any sort of cheating, people are single for a reason. Also, there’s the whole young-girl-on-the-come-up syndrome. I feel your pain man.

      Reply ↓

        • There isn’t a guarantee. It’s just odds. I don’t care how great you were, being with a lame dude is a huge risk, and most men resent having to be the dude that has to pick up the pieces.

          Reply ↓

          • As I have mentioned before (and I can’t talk for anyone else) I never beat another man with the stick I have for an ex. It’s a waste of time, energy, and everything else. Baggage is one of those things I never understood. Everyone is not the same so why treat someone as if there are the same as that previous douche….

            Reply ↓

            • Baggage is one of those things I never understood. Everyone is not the same so why treat someone as if there are the same as that previous douche….

              Agreed! If ish is that real, be single for a moment, and holler at the maintenance man for your needs.

              To your larger point though, I do think that there are plenty of women who’ve been through stuff who are otherwise OK. The thing is that it’s hard to tell the groups apart, and the consequences for guessing wrong are major. Personally, I think that people (and women in particular) like the idea of having baggage because it means they don’t have to open themselves up during the course of the relationship. Their man deals with all their baggage, and they get to have the social value of having a man without actually opening themselves up to the potential of emotional intimacy.

              Reply ↓

              • Opening up completely and freely is one of the things I enjoy MOST about being a relationship! I love the idea of being able to trust my S/O to share everything and vice versa. This whole carry around baggage like its a damn Purple Heart badge of honor is so stupse!.

                Reply ↓

      • This thought process is almost strictly applied to women. Heck, if a woman is 25 or older and is not in a relationship and/or doesn’t have children, people think something is wrong with her.

        Reply ↓

    • At the risk of throwing my own demographic under the bus, I can think of several reasons to back up your decision to lay low. I admit that the number of female friends I have has dropped significantly recently, and it’s because I can’t stand some of the stuff that comes out of their mouths.

      If you ever decide to go on a date, just make that the goal, to share dinner with a nice woman. If she’s down with that, you both win. The active pursuit of booty, be it super smooth or an awkward travesty, just makes everyone miserable. Not even Marcus from Boomerang could escape the tragedy of the booty hunt.

      Reply ↓

  48. I only get lonely when people tell me that i should be lonely. Allowing for others to get into your head sucks. I then get the whole, it’s not natural to be alone speech which is then followed by some metaphor about the earth and antelope which then makes me spend more time thinking about the metaphor than what the person was actually saying. Other people telling me I am lonely always makes me question myself.

    Reply ↓

  49. Was this your personal ad for a new woman? :-)

    To have sex without condoms, go get tested together. And again 8 months later. Use condoms in between the 2 tests. After the 2nd set of tests are clear, go buck wild without condoms.

    This only works with a FWB you trust who wants the same thing you want.

    or date women who are very pro-female condoms.

    Reply ↓

    • “Was this your personal ad for a new woman? :-) ”

      I think so too. Tomorrow’s post will be about how he likes long walks on the beach, listening to music and his favorite meal….:)

      Reply ↓

    • It’s interesting you mentioned the testing with a FWB benefit you trust because I had something like that going for a year. On top of that, she had her tubes tied.

      Good times. :)

      Notice, however, that she’s the only one I’ve been with. The other two I’ve been raw with are my wife AKA the mother of my child and another girlfriend in the past who had gotten tested and did the pill. Of course, once ol’ girlfriend cheated on me, that was a wrap.

      Reply ↓

  50. I’m also an INTJ. I would add that one of the problems of being Black, single, and introverted is that dating can be a tiring/draining exercise. Dealing with people, particularly new or unfamiliar people, takes energy. So not only do you have to work up the nerve to talk to women and ask them out (all while concealing your social awkwardness and inner nerd), you have to expend a lot of energy just getting to know them to see if you want to hang around them. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

    Reply ↓

    • This is very true! I’m also an introvert and can attest to the fact that it takes a lot of energy to meet and date new people.

      Reply ↓

    • I’m also an INTJ. I would add that one of the problems of being Black, single, and introverted is that dating can be a tiring/draining exercise. Dealing with people, particularly new or unfamiliar people, takes energy.

      good point

      Reply ↓

      • What’s up with this “dating new people takes a lot of energy” comments? We do the same thing when we meet new people who become our friends or hang out buddies.

        I think the truth is we don’t want to do the work of getting to know the person. We just want to skip to the sex and relationship.

        I do think that there is no point in dating people when there is no spark. If there’s no spark, I don’t stick around to get to know people. Shoot, I don’t do that in potential friendships either. All my friendships happened because we clicked right away. If you click right away with someone, they could become your great sexual experience, your man/woman, your FWB, your one night stand, your future spouse etcetera.

        I think we sometimes have to get over ourselves in order to be with anybody for anything in any capacity.

        Reply ↓

        • “What’s up with this “dating new people takes a lot of energy” comments? We do the same thing when we meet new people who become our friends or hang out buddies.”

          it does for certain personality types. meeting/making new friends takes up energy as well

          Reply ↓

        • There is added pressure that isn’t there when you want to make friends. I don’t go out looking for friendships. They just happen. But people search for romantic relationships which adds a whole new dynamic.

          Reply ↓

          • Searching for romantic relationships without any semblence of friendship, admiration, spark there isn’t going to be productive.

            Reply ↓

            • When you are dating someone, the first thing on your mind isn’t, “this person would make an amazing friend.” You date someone looking for something different which adds a different level of…pressure, i guess.

              Reply ↓

              • Without friendship or even friendly feelings for each other, romantic, sex, or any combo thereof of a relationship can’t exist and be truthful.

                Reply ↓

                • I definitely feel like you and I talk around each other to basically disagree on one tiny point.

                  You asked why do people feel like getting into a relationship requires more energy and then you said that friendships require energy as well. All that i am stating is that wanting a friendship with someone and a relationship with someone are 2 different things. And for some (myself included) the anxiety around getting to know someone for a relationship requires more energy, in general, than it would for a friendship. There are also 2 different sets of expectations for a relationship than a friendship even though some may parallel each other.

                  Reply ↓

    • “you have to expend a lot of energy just getting to know them to see if you want to hang around them. It makes me tired just thinking about it.” I so feel you on this as an ISTJ.

      Reply ↓

    • “I would add that one of the problems of being Black, single, and introverted is that dating can be a tiring/draining exercise.”

      I’m not Black or male but I cosign this!

      Reply ↓

  51. “This list is getting depressing. ***Making note to self to make sure tomorrow’s post is about the playoffs or strippers or something***”

    Go wif skrippas. Because if you mention the playoffs, you will inevitably have to give SOME thought to Rose tearing his MOTHERLOVING ACL with a little over a minute left in the MOTHERFRICKIN OPENING game of the playoffs and that would be depressing like a mug.

    *runs away crying*

    …

    Wait. *stops*

    I do have to admit that a smile tugged when you made a “AT THE SAME DAMN TIME” reference which has tickled me in beaucoup ways every since I’ve heard the “song.”

    K.

    *runs away crying with arms flailing*

    Reply ↓

    • Look on the bright side. You didn’t get blown out because the refs mistook your team for an edition 20 years ago, called a tight game and enabled an Academy Award winning flop performance.

      And they say Tim Donaghy was the only crooked ref.

      Reply ↓

    • “Go wif skrippas. Because if you mention the playoffs, you will inevitably have to give SOME thought to Rose tearing his MOTHERLOVING ACL with a little over a minute left in the MOTHERFRICKIN OPENING game of the playoffs and that would be depressing like a mug.”

      i feel your pain. i really do

      Reply ↓

  52. Being single as a woman rocks because:

    We have options after being clear on what we want.
    There are no obligations to relationship rules when we are single.

    If a single woman builds it (through the appropriate behavior to receive it), he/she/they will come.

    Need just dyck? check
    Need someone to cuddle with? check
    Want a threesome? check
    Want a travel buddy who tells us we’re beautiful and won’t try to get some? check
    Want someone to take you out to dinner then eff you? check
    Want a relationship? check

    Being a single woman means we can make the world our oyster.

    Sidenote: If a woman wants one or more of the above, but doesn’t have it, it is because she hasn’t been behaving her way towards getting it. It is possible for a woman to cock-block herself.

    Appropriate actions yield results.

    Reply ↓

  53. Quick heads up: I made a couple additions to the list since last night. Instead of three reasons it’s now five, and it may be up to 10 by the end of the day.

    Reply ↓

  54. I totally agree with this from the single ladies viewpoint. Im hitting my ten month singledom after four year relationship. Singledom is very over-rated its all great until that moment you want someone that YOU want around and there is no-one there. Suprisingly its never one of those people you are dating at the time either.

    Im like you, I have definitely took this time to re-evaluate somethings because this is the longest I ever been single and I actually learned some things who would have thought The most awesome person (at least in my eyes) had more to learn overall about what the world of men and women.

    Im with you on this….
    “Then, to add insult to injury, if you’re an angsty motherf*cker like me, you’ll start thinking things like “Wait. I’m a single man. A single Black man. My dad named me after Dolemite. Shaka Zulu is my second cousin. People who’ve never even met me call me “Champ” for chrissakes. Why the f*ck do I feel lonely right now?” “which’ll make it even worse.”
    I have a similar statement and just makes things worse when I think about lol.

    Or maybe the awesomeness is just too much for one person? who knows.

    Reply ↓

    • The best question in the world is:

      ” Why the f*ck do I feel lonely right now? ”

      Being single, having sex won’t kill the lonely if you’re not doing what you need to be doing to no longer FEEL lonely.

      Maybe you need a gym membership or a book club membership, a trip to a tropical island or something to evaluate why a person would feel lonely while single and lonely while in a relationship.

      Know thyself!

      Reply ↓

  55. I object to the cold pancakes. You need to cook better or date someone who knows how to time the pancakes just so they are piping hot. Just sayin’!

    Reply ↓

  56. Nice Champ. Your #2 and #3 are truth.com. I could go on and on about the perks of getting consistent, trustworthy booty but I think I’ve already done that here. Ya’ll know my story. I’m a relationship girl. From like junior year of highschool, I’ve always been somebody’s girlfriend with the exception of a few months here and there.

    I’m not a man but I FEEL like men’s dating problems are different from women’s in many ways…

    1) Ya’ll have a much better pool to select from. Honestly, there are so many good single women out there. I have a lot of female friends who are pretty, nice, educated, good jobs, etc who are single. I can’t say the same for my male friends. When a woman finds a good man, she holds on to him with a death grip (read kegel) however I know a lot men (read black men) who waste a perfectly good woman with shenanigans. Sorry for the generalization but it’s true. As a result, I know so many women trying to make a man settle down only to be left single and scornful.

    2) Predators. I’m not sure how many scandalous women are out there but from my perspective, I deal with a lot of scum bag men on a daily basis. When a man is seeking a woman, I feel it’s pretty clear what she wants…to date you. Sure, there’s a few women who only want s.ex but I find these women are very upfront with it. How many women are out here scheming and plotting for booty? Few because we don’t have to. HOWEVER, as a woman, I come across a lot of wolves. It makes the dating process very difficult. Men will put an entire front up, trying to win my trust only to WHAM! offer up his ding dong because he bought me dinner. Nah.

    All in all, I’m sure both genders have their issues with dating but I feel men have it easier. Either way, being single is not my goal. I congratulate those who love it but I am not one of those ppl. It’s been tough for me and a bit overwhelming. I will say that I know a lot of great men so I’m lucky I guess. For now, it’s a matter of settling down with the right one.

    Reply ↓

    • #2- Yes, I found this to be the most draining part of being single. You meet this guys who really have no other motive than trying to get laid. You’re trying to engage, find about him, you think he seems OK and then you get the premature “offer.” Eyeroll, number deletion, back to the drawing board.

      Reply ↓

    • “1) Ya’ll have a much better pool to select from..”

      i dont know if i can agree with this. obviously, i don’t know what single women out there have to deal with, but i think everyone struggles to find available people you actually like, are compatible with, and actually want to be around.

      Reply ↓

  57. i’ve been single since may of 2009 and while it has it perks (not having to answer to anyone mainly) it also kind of sucks. i also have a lot of friends and associates but those people can’t bring you the type of companionship that a significant other brings. sometimes you just want to relax on the weekend and do couple things instead of hitting the club. not that i’m a club head anymore. also, the feeling of building and nurturing a relationship from the ground up is something i also miss. i’ll stop there because this is starting to sound real “woe is me”…

    oh before i go the consistent sex is awesome.

    Reply ↓

    • “also, the feeling of building and nurturing a relationship from the ground up is something i also miss.”

      Yes! This weekend as I watched TLAM alone I thought to myself…it would be really nice to have a S/O to snuggle up to after watching this movie. But instead I got to turn on Pandora, grab a few pillows and deep sigh myself to sleep.

      Reply ↓

  58. “I want the truth!”
    “You can’t handle the truth!”
    - A Few Good Men

    Good morning mr champ, everyone,
    Now todays topic is much more like it! Lets get right to it shall we?

    As i begin, it is worth noting that of the nearly 200 comments posted thus far, the vast majority have been made by women, not men; and of the men who have commented, less than half have actually addressed your topic. My comment then, will be truly unique in this regard.

    I should like to propose the following dear sir: that your problem isnt quite what it seems; rather, it is the result of your being something of an ill fit for what black women-and here i am talking about those “bougie girls” which youre enamored-actually wants, longterm.

    Why do i say that?

    Because it has been proven time and again, that nerdy brothas have in fact, very little cache amongst the sistahood. I can hear the howls of denial and personal attack coming a country mile away, but any brotha with at least one good eye knows that what im saying is true. Simply put, sistas-again we are talking about the whitleys of the world, not the laquishas-just dont have that much interest in the more quirkier guys like you.

    In his book “is marriage for black people”, ralph richard banks devotes an entire section to what he calls “the blue collar brother”; he argues that the meme has such powerful cultural force that it has made tyler perry the most successful black man ever in hollywood history. Much of banks’ book proceeds along these lines, usually in the “see i told you so it wouldnt work!” vein-but as i was reading his words, two burning questions came to mind:

    1. Why DO so many sistas identify with the blue collar brotha theme (to the extent that theyve made perry a very wealthy man!); and

    2. Why DONT these sistas find the reed richards type brothas interesting at all?

    I think the answer to both, comes down to some of the things you hinted at in your post, champ-and which brings us to the brink of yet another very ugly truth:

    That the very things that makes one brilliant makes them also a bit ill-suited for relationships; and heres the real kicker:

    That brilliance and what the sistas have come to call “swag” are quite indeed, *negatively correlated*.

    None of this should come as too big of a surprise or shock-after all, it is widely acknowledged that everything else in life comes with its tradeoffs-yes? Well, when it comes to things like IQ-which is what youre really talking about here champ, lets not mince words-the tradeoff is a reduced ability to “read” social cues; to be socially adroit; to possess a kind of “social intelligence”; and so on.

    The higher a male goes in terms of IQ, the more difficult it is for him to be able to socially relate to others. All of this is well documented-what hasnt been as rigorously studied, is how it applies to black folks. Which is truly unfortunate.

    But that doesnt mean that we dont have anything to go on. The very fact that an entire cottage industry of articles, blogs, books and films featuring the “blue collar brotha” not only exists, but thrives, while the reed richards type brotha barely gets a mention at all from the sistahood says loud and clear what they find more desirable-swag. Which, when you really break it down, simply means social intelligence.

    Now then-lets take things one step further…

    The solution to your problem, assuming you want to be mated, is to find women who appreciate more raw brainpower than the vast majorty of sistas have aplty demonstrated in myriad of ways. Therefore, i recommend that you seriously consider dating white, specifically jewish women, and/or asian women. Both types of women come from long and established histories where guys like you were highly valued; they understand the tradeoffs that come with such men; and have no problems making the needed adjustments. Since it is clear to me that you have little interest in learning game to the extent that it would enable you to compete in any meaningulf way against the diva dudes, what i suggest is a most prudent strategy-and one that has proven successful. Many “brainy brothas” go this route either sooner or later; among them, one john mcwhorter, and even obamas brother who currently resides in china.

    Yes, it may put a dent in your cred as a black blogger/writer-especially since your bread and butter is black women-but it all comes down to whether you wish to live out the rest of your days in a futlie effort to give those same sistas something that you do not have and dont wish to be bothered with-or, if youre willing truly think outside the box.

    Time, will tell…

    Now adjourn your arses…

    O.

    Reply ↓

    • “…find women who appreciate more raw brainpower than the vast majorty of sistas have aplty demonstrated in myriad of ways. Therefore, i recommend that you seriously consider dating white, specifically jewish women, and/or asian women.”

      long sigh…

      Reply ↓

      • @Ms. WIP:
        Interesting – your “response” that is.

        Actually, the book I referenced – “Is Marriage For White People?” – is an argument for Sista Spinstas to seekout non-Black mates, something that, while I’m not against in theory, completely falls apart for reasons that Banks fails to take into account in his book.

        For example, his book is drenched in the “eligible Black Man shortage” canard – while not understanding that, per evolutionary history, there always has been, and always will be, a shortage of desirable mates, be it male or female, anywhere you go on the planet. This is not the problem for Black Women; the problem for Black Women in our time, is that they are in an evolutionarily novel mating market – that is to say, that in our ancestral environment, it was rare to impossible to find Women who had blonde or red hair, blue or green eyes and so forth. Given the human male’s tendency towards sexual variety (novelty), and the ability to satiate this the higher in socioeconomic status any Man goes, the problem is simply that most Black Women cannot compete on the open mating market that is the United States. Evidence has proven time and again that the most desirable Black Males can and will choose Women who do NOT look like the Sistas Banks discusses in his book. So long as we remain in a polyglot society where more than one type of Woman is the norm, desirable Black Men can and will seek them out, or, failing that, Sistas who are nominally less ‘Black’ (Beyonce comes to mind here; there are many other examples.)

        I’m just sayin’…

        O.

        Reply ↓

        • LOL, I suppose that was my “howl of denial.” I was more sighing about your premise that there are all these wonderful brown-skinned “nerds” who are simply being passed over by us narrow-minded black women because we are fascinated with swagger and unable to appreciate raw brain power.

          You also seemed to have separated “blu-collar” and nerd into two different groups- I’m not sure why. I simply don’t believe in this mythical population of black male nerds who are relationship ready but constantly getting a hand to the face from black women because they’re too smart.

          Reply ↓

          • Thank you! I’m like, “hold up, where are the nerds everyone is passing on, I want one!”

            There’s just too much to say to O but he won’t actually listen. Just plan his next cerebral attack.

            Reply ↓

          • @Ms. WIP:
            “LOL, I suppose that was my “howl of denial.” I was more sighing about your premise that there are all these wonderful brown-skinned “nerds” who are simply being passed over by us narrow-minded black women because we are fascinated with swagger and unable to appreciate raw brain power.”

            O: Then I invite you to bone up on the excellent read, “The Evolution of Desire” by Prof. David M. Buss. In it, he makes it clear, that it is not at all unusual for entire cohorts of males to be completely shutout of the mating game altogether – nor is this something at all unique to human beings; it is true throughout the animal kingdom. I say again: there are, and will always be, twice as many Men consigned to bachelorhood, as there are Women doomed to be Spinsters.

            “You also seemed to have separated “blu-collar” and nerd into two different groups- I’m not sure why.”

            O: I thought I made that clear in my initial post on the topic; moreover, I make the demarcation because that is what is true and ever-present. Again – explain Mr. Perry’s fortune? I’ll wait…

            “I simply don’t believe in this mythical population of black male nerds who are relationship ready but constantly getting a hand to the face from black women because they’re too smart.”

            O: You are more than welcome to believe whatever you like (I can’t help thinking of that classic “Red Pill/Blue Pill” scene from The Matrix” – but it won’t change one iota what I have presented here. I can back up what I say with hard evidence and peer reviewed researches.

            Ducking our heads into the sands won’t change anything.

            O.

            Reply ↓

          • And I realize I didn’t really address your point about men looking for “Beyonces.” I have my own beliefs about that and I understand your explanation. I was offended at the idea that black women don’t value intelligence as highly as our Asian and European counterparts. My observation is that white and Asian women are just as likely to *choose* scrubs, valuing style over substance, as black women are. [My observations: "Teen Mom", "Is She Really Going Out with Him?" :) ]I wonder what evidence there is that black women, specifically, dislike intelligence more than other women.

            Reply ↓

    • I am amused that Obisidian pretty much said that Champ has the social intelligence of Steven Q. Urkel.

      Obsidian, how is Champ’s social intelligence off the mark? How does he miss social cues?

      Reply ↓

      • @Ms. AWE,
        I think the answer(s) you seek can be found right here in this thread, not to mention many other of Mr. Champ’s writings, both here and elsewhere on the web. For one thing, he refers to himself as something of a nerd, which is a kind of shorthand for a whole host of behaviors, interests and the like that many Sistas find….problematic, for the longterm. He also mentions that he’s an introvert, an other area of difficulty when it comes to dealing with Sistas in aggregate.

        To quote NaS: it ain’t hard to tell…

        O.

        Reply ↓

    • i actually agree with maybe 60% of the stuff you post here, but today your “assessment” is 100% off. perhaps it’s a pittsburgh thing or a “they’re intrigued by the unusual shape of my head” thing, but meeting attractive black women who are interested in me has never been a problem.

      this isn’t a post complaining/bitching about “ways i’ve been wronged by black woman” because, well, that post wouldn’t have any words. while i do recognize that some brothas out there are having a rough time, that hasn’t been my experience.

      I’m just saying that single life so far gets a b+, not the a+ many assume it does.

      Reply ↓

      • Can life ever be an a+ all the? Let ME know… I need that… always been an over achiever and I nowhere near a 4.0 right now.

        Reply ↓

      • Well, I see the gang’s all here. ;)

        Let’s begin our discussion with the founder of the feast, shall we? I promise to respond to as many of you as I can…

        CHAMP: i actually agree with maybe 60% of the stuff you post here, but today your “assessment” is 100% off.

        OBSIDIAN: Only “60%”? I was hoping for something more along the lines of 80; but 60′s a good start, I suppose.;)

        C: perhaps it’s a pittsburgh thing or a “they’re intrigued by the unusual shape of my head” thing, but meeting attractive black women who are interested in me has never been a problem.

        O; Nor did I suggest otherwise; one of the main points of your post, please correct me if I was wrong, wasn’t in your attracting a mate, so much as keeping one – yes?

        C: this isn’t a post complaining/bitching about “ways i’ve been wronged by black woman” because, well, that post wouldn’t have any words. while i do recognize that some brothas out there are having a rough time, that hasn’t been my experience.

        O: Nor was my comment in reply to your post one that contained a “ways i’ve been wronged by black woman” theme; I was merely again, responding to what you wrote. Interesting you have yet to actually address what I’ve actually said. Hmm…

        C: I’m just saying that single life so far gets a b+, not the a+ many assume it does.

        O: Which is by no means news to any guy reading this, Champ. Which then begs the question: to what end are you writing this? Because surely, your male readers know this. I can only conclude the point of the post was to somehow put it across to the ladies that life for single Brothas ain’t all it’s cracked up to be; and if my surmise is anywhere near correct, here, let me save you the time:

        THEY DON’T CARE.

        Nor should they.

        As far as most Sistas (and Women in general, I might add) are concerned, “guys” are living the life of Reilly, like they just stepped out of Hef’s mansion – and in a manner of speaking, they’d be right! Of course, what they mean by “guys” are the most desirable Men they wish would actually invest in them longterm; the vast majority of dudes out there grinding it out? They don’t exist.

        Looking forward to the discussion on what I actually said this time… ;)

        O.

        Reply ↓

    • @ Obsidian,

      seriously consider dating white, specifically jewish women, and/or asian women.

      He should consider these women, because apparently they have a long history of appreciating nerdy, educated men. I swear to the heavens above, your WHOLE POST, irked me!! Like really made me angry, like we are talking about, in real life I am hella pissed by your mambo jambo! What the hell?! You are throwing us under the bus and generalizing us, as all being lanquisha ponquiqui…URRRRGH!

      YOU need to adjourn your ass, this time around!!!!!

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