who’s afraid of the big, black d*ck?

i didn’t become aware of the idea that black males are supposed to have bigger than average d*cks until a coed gym class wiffleball game at st. bricks –a predominately white private school in the pittsburgh suburbs– in sixth grade. to keep things fair, there was an equal amount of boys and girls on each team, and the batting order was also sequenced by gender (boy, girl, boy, girl, etc).

directly behind me in the batting order was lisa donahue, and after lisa predictably¹ struck out, i asked her to pass me the bat; a black louisville slugger model similar to the one pictured above.

lisa, who was a bit mature in the “never wore spandex underneath her uniform plaid skirt” sense, joked: “i didn’t think you would need a bat”

after i replied “huh?”, she smiled, said “nevermind“, and shared a giggle with her bff, the equally lascivious kerry becker.

it took a couple moments for the “wait…she’s implying that since i’m black, my d*ck would be a suitable wiffleball bat” realization to dawn on me, and, to be quite honest, it made me a bit self-conscious. nothing scares a 12 year old more than the idea that the opposite sex doesn’t consider them to be “normal”, and being made aware that (at least) two girls thought i might have abnormal parts bothered me.

this self-consciousness eventually subsided once i grew older and learned that having a wiffleball bat in your pants was actually supposed to be a good thing, and that this particular popular stereotype of black men put us at the top of the sexual food chain, but this new found knowledge opened another can of neurotic worms: what if i don’t measure up?

if i’m supposed to be “big”, that also means that once i get around to actually having sex, i’ll be expected to be big. what if i’m not? what happens then? will i ever be able to have kids? will i still have a shot at rudy huxtable or one of the girls from the “warm it up” video? and, how the hell is big or even above average defined?

you see, unless you’re at an extreme (so small that you can pee on your own balls, or so big that you can’t keep it from splashing in the toilet water when you’re taking a sh*t) a typical black teenager really has no idea of knowing. i mean, it’s not like you’ve seen a bevy of penises that allow you to compare and contrast, and this can lead to a awkward and self-perpetuating paradox where you take advantage of the esteem boost and puffedchestedness the “positive” stereotype gives you even though you’re not even sure if it applies to you.

as an adult, you still see how this paradoxical state of mind created by the positive stereotype affects our mental/sexual subculture and common culture in general. and, from the implication that black women must also be “abnormal” if they’re physically equipped to handle these giant black d*cks to the assumption that lighter-skinned black men aren’t as manly as their darker brethren, most of these effects are decidedly negative.

this point was expressed even clear in a hip-hop concert to promote a brand“, a new york times article covering the magnum condom brand’s first adversing campaign (racialicious also spoke on this). blacks account for 40 percent of all magnum purchases…despite the fact that magnums are basically the exact same size as regular condoms.

“The Magnum brand is viewed as a positive lifestyle badge and positive symbol,” Mr. Daniels (vice president of marketing at trojan) said. “And people are proud to show they have a Magnum condom — the large size really connotes a sense of ‘above-average prowess,’ let’s call it.”

For all the connotations, however, it turns out that Magnum is not so large. It is the same length as standard condoms, with the same circumference at its base, Mr. Daniels said. “Some people feel more comfortable with that width, but you don’t have to be an overly endowed man to use a Magnum and enjoy it,” he added.

basically, you have a company that has made millions of dollars off of our particular brand of d*ck neurosis. lisa donahue would be proud.

i guess none of us are really that afraid of the idea of the big, black d*ck and what it means to us. but, then again, maybe we should be.

¹not predictable because she was a girl, but predictable because she made it known that she didn’t want to run and sweat and “go to 6th period smelling like sister jackie”

—the champ

  • legitimate_soul

    Dang…Am I the only one that thinks that was a whole lot of sexual innuendo for sixth graders? Them girls was “hot in the tail” (really fast).

    • IVR

      “Dang…Am I the only one that thinks that was a whole lot of sexual innuendo for sixth graders? Them girls was “hot in the tail” (really fast).”

      Man, I remember being on the cheesebus back in the days listening to some of my classmates talking about what they were gonna DO when they got back to their block with such and such . . . I dont know if it was bull or not but I didn’t DO any of that till College . . . and it’s just getting crazier.

      • Jai

        I agree…(scares the crap out of me because I have a sixth grader)…smh. I didn’t have thoughts like that until junior year of high school

    • http://wheresana.blogspot.com/ Intellectual Hedonist

      um in sixth grade we nicknamed one of our classmates. “BMSP=Bulgeman (his initials)” we were so creative… yeah cause in the brown uniform dickies he wore he had a weapon of mass destruction… whatever that was because clearly we didnt know, we just knew we could she his bulge and not that of his counterparts

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Dang…Am I the only one that thinks that was a whole lot of sexual innuendo for sixth graders? Them girls was “hot in the tail” (really fast).”

      lol, obviously you’ve never been around white catholic schoolgirls.

    • http://www.grownfolkstalking.wordpress.com jaidevivre

      LOL, that was my first thought too. I used to say all the time that we, as in the kids I grew up with, were so busy with exracurriculars that we weren’t even on that level. But actually, I recently reconnected with someone I know from those days, and apparently it was just me. To hear him tell it, the whole old neighborhood was getting it in…

  • http://HUSLToday.blogspot.com This message will self destruct

    We had the same kind of girls at our school. My mom pointed them out and made sure I stayed away from “them.” I didnt understand why until I went home to discover they were all unmarried, with blonde hair, blue contacts (we’re all black) and were certified baby mama’s.

    *Thank you mom*

    Now as for you “well hung” gentlemen that dont know how to use your blessings, I curse thee!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I didnt understand why until I went home to discover they were all unmarried, with blonde hair, blue contacts (we’re all black) and were certified baby mama’s”

      you could say the same thing about the catholic girls now, except, of course, they’re all married

      welcome and sh*t, btw

  • miss t-lee

    Those definitely were some fast tail girls you were dealing with Champie …LMAO I’m really trippin’ on the whole magnum thing. Who knew?! :-)

    • Pretty Cute

      I knew! what a let down that was…

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I knew! what a let down that was…”

        what a letdown what was?

        • Pretty Cute

          It was a let down that just anyone could slap on a magnum and think they’re doing big things

    • its2010dammit

      You can see the real condom sizes at the link below. They have specs and pictures.

      I like the Magnum thins. I add a little warming gel just inside the head of it. Any more than that and it would slip off. Its almost as good as raw.

      http://www.condomdepot.com

      • miss t-lee

        Niiiice. Lol I knew about doing that w/ lube, but I hadn’t thought about the warming gel. 10 pts for creativity!

      • IET

        All condoms are not created equal. The idea that the “Golden Ticket” is exactly the same as average condoms is interesting to me. In the “study” Did they measure all condoms at the same place( top middle base)? Cause condoms do vary, especially now that they have different shapes and sh*t. (Note the differing width and lengths at different parts on these examples condom.)

        They called me BBBC in middle school. I don’t refer to myself as that and never did. I’m not huge, but I aint no punk though.

        Magnum condoms are slightly bigger and longer than the average traditional condoms. I would argue the fit on an average, is like wearing a smedium-*ss shirt. It fits- its tight though, you could, and do rock it, sometimes regularly. (dress shirt maybe?) But sometimes you want more comfort.

        That is all.

        http://www.ripnroll.com/trojan-ultra-ribbed-ecstasy-condoms-trojan.htm

        http://www.ripnroll.com/lifestyl1.htm

        http://www.ripnroll.com/trojan-magnum-thin.htm

  • Aceklub

    Magnums sales are gonna get a bump if these DC students get their way. These students get free condoms in school but they made a request to admin to provide Magnums for free because the regular condoms are not comfy enough. Oh the public health dilemma. I will try to find the link to the story unless someone can post it.

    • #1Snowflake

      http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/05/20/AR2010052003980.html

      Please see my rant and rave below– that I am about to write : )

      • MsEsquire77

        This Post article is ridiculous! However, DC does have the highest new cases HIV rate in the nation (with Baltimore as a close second) so if buying them Magnums will increase the likelihood that they’ll have protected sex I’m on board with that plan. Too many of our kids are getting sick from bad decisions. **smh and contemplating becoming a teacher**

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        lol, i’m just mad that the first person quoted in an article about high school and college students was a 30 year old

  • Fallen Angel

    Afraid? Who? I got 99 problems but a (big black) d*ck ain’t one.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      thanks for sharing

  • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

    Without reading the post, the title is 93.7% gay. NTTAWWT.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      it is a rather pause worthy title. but, i thought “wishing on a wiffleball bat” would have been too confusing (and even gayer, nttawwt)

  • Tx10inch

    who’s afraid of the big, black d*ck?

    You’d be surprised…

  • Dig

    Some brothas don’t know when NOT to purchase the gold wrappers. Making us more than dissapointed and less than Fiji like down there…horrible. Men should know their size and not be ashamed no matter the girth/length or lack of.

    • its2010dammit

      Depending on the woman, her skillset and her enthusiasm, my thang-a-lang can be different sizes. If I think she is subpar, she won’t get the full kidney-shifting experience.

      No Bullsh*t

      • Mrs. Dr. Evil

        “Kidney-shifting”? (giving the cool two thumbs up like Bill Clinton)

        • Jai

          LMFAO @Mrs. Dr. Evil

      • http://wheresana.blogspot.com/ Intellectual Hedonist

        I dont ever want my kidneys shifted thank you, the thought of that screams failure.

  • Pretty Cute

    Actually, statistically speaking it is Indian men who have the largest d*cks. Black men are average and compared with white men in size. I believe the stats b/c I’ve experienced black men from every range including those so small that you can pee on your own balls, or so big that you can’t keep it from splashing in the toilet water when number 2ing. Sorry, but black men don’t have the largest but I still love y’all anyway!

    • keisha brown

      exactly! i co-sign on this invalid personal survey called my sexual relations history. lol.
      i’ve had from deep throating is a joke to deep throating is a choke! ;)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      i think you need to change your avatar, pretty cute. its just weird seeing your obviously female comments and looking over and seeing a pic of (i think) nick cannon.

      • Pretty Cute

        wait a minute…that is NOT nick cannon it is PHARRELL!

        • http://nicknotnikki.blogspot.com/ Nick_L_Odeon

          i thought i was gonna have to let him know…!!! i’ma need Champ to never confuse nick cannon with pharrell again…

          #newprescriptiondotcom

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          wait a minute…that is NOT nick cannon it is PHARRELL!

          lol, same difference

      • Hawaii

        You said Nick Cannon and I just finish cryin laughing for 6 minutes. Golly, I needed that laugh!

    • Sula

      statistically speaking it is Indian men who have the largest d*cks.

      Actually, that is not accurate… Unless you mean Indian feather (Native American).

      According to this article, there have the smaller ones… I remember teasing my Indian friend mercilessly…

      So yeah no, they don’t have the “biggest” one… Sorry.

  • keisha brown

    1. i now understand how by the time i usually get to work and get to open a post, it already has 100′s of comments. the posts are released when my a** is in bed!! however it’s a holiday in Canada tomorrow (woot!), so now i get to ruin my sleeping pattern and read vsb in bed!!
    2. i gotta give SUPER props to Trojan. ha! all these dudes thinking that using Magnums is because they are large…when in fact.. it’s the same ole size.
    3. i too curse the dudes who due to having an above/longer than avg sized di*k never took the time to LEARN how to use his power for good rather than evil. and by evil i mean bad sex.
    4. how long did it take you to find the pic for this post? ha!
    5. i also blame porn for continuously perpetuating the black male/giant mandingo penises. some of dem tings just look PAINFUL. i hope they pay some of these actresses EXTRA danger pay. o__O
    6. i’ve never really thought about the light skinned vs dark skinned thing in that way. makes me think of my girl who finally decided to sleep with a dude that was after her. she called me the next day to tell me that she would have been better off with an hb number 2 pencil. he in fact was a light skinned dude. i’m going to have to give this more thought…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “4. how long did it take you to find the pic for this post? ha”

      lol, longer than i feel comfortable admitting

    • n

      *waving* commenter #31 from racialicious.
      are y’all readers too?

      I assure you, there is not a proportional relationship between the amount of melanin a brother has and the size of his penis.
      Read any black gossip blog or talk to black folk and after a while you notice a whole lot of talk about light skinned men being inferior sexually and lacking in masculinity.Its BS.

      @Dresden Doll

      Flaccid penis size and erect penis size aren’t neccessarily the same. A small flaccid penis may grow 100%, from 3″ to 6″ while a larger flaccid one may grow less, from 5″ flaccid to 6″ erect. When white males first encountered African and other) men in their homes, the size of their penises boggled their minds. But the flaccid penis of a naked man in a hot climate isn’t going to look like that of a man in a cold climate.

      Tall men and penis sizes? If you’ve ever looked at photos of random naked guys online (usenet binary groups can be your friend) you will see a lot of TINY Mexican and South American men with HUGE members.

      Who has so much sexual experience that they have a truly representative sample size? Cmon.lol Myths and BS