Lists, Theory & Essay

Who I’m Iz In 5 Karakters Or Less…

1330010904_35icj4It’s Friday. And on Friday at VSB we try to have a little bit of fun around here. Well, a few days ago I made a few references to the movie Class Act which starred Kid and Play. I’ve long been associated with Kid. I always get told that I look like him, which I’m totally on the fence about. But real talk, I can totally associate with Kid’s character in the House Party movies. I didn’t have an overbearing comedian father who died and went to heaven in part two of my life story, but we are both lightskint.

Well, this got me to thinking, what five characters in movies or television shows, or whatever, would encompass the greatness that is Panama Jackson. And there’s a lot of greatness here to encompass.

So here’s my shot at picking characters that I think would best make up moi, Panama Dontavious Jackson.

1. Harper Stewart (The Best Man)

Minus admitting to be a b*tch a**, Harp was an ole writing arse ninja who put too much of his business out there for world consumption and paid for it dearly.  He almost got thrown from a roof. That’s never happened to me as I’m not Vanilla Ice (even if it is a myth I find it hilarious), but the writing and putting it all out there is similar. I’ll take the Oprah shoutout but you know she ain’t caaaaaaallll me? Anyway, Harp’s on my list.

2. Andre “Dre” Ellis (Brown Sugar)

I promise I won’t make this a Taye Diggs-a-thon. But Dre was the hiphop dude who got caught up in trying to keep it real while trying to keep it profitable. Hello, VSB? Constant struggle. Granted, I feel like his hiphop knowledge was a bit fugazi and mine is extensive as a ninja rocking Extenze with a Swedish penis pump, but thats just splitting hairs.

3. Preston Meyers (Can’t Hardly Wait)

I was the quintessential guy everybody knew who was pining away for the girl who had no clue I existed back in high school. Though thats not completely true. I had a girlfriend. I just shouldn’t have. But I did have a crush on a girl back then. And she ain’t care. But I was a cool kid and everybody knew me. The stoners loved my theories. The skaters loved my wheels. The black folks were my friends and the white folks respected my intellect. I was cooler than you. Word to the guy who sings that song.

4. Steve Urkel (Family Matters)

Hopeless romantic with a good heart extraordinaire. And the killer glasses and suspenders set. Not in 2013. But in 1995? Awwww…that’s me.

5. Will Smith (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)

I was never really a Theo. I was more Will. But Will who applied himself in class and school. But even now. I’m cool as a fan but goofy as all get out. Goofy in the…well I don’t know how to describe it fully, I just know that in my own estimation, I feel like i matchup well with Will Smith from the Fresh Prince. I could be lying to myself, but now I’m lying to you all too.

So those are 5 characters that I feel help make up the essence of Panama Jackson. Who makes up the essence of you? And why? Share with us like you are Brother Numpsey.

It’s Friday. Happy weekending.

Somebody’s birthday is Monday.


Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at

  • Breezy


    • wild cougar


      Why am I up this late?

      • nillalatte

        Tharaththa… en arabie… mu takilum espanie. ana asif.

        • Todd

          ?. *cackle*

      • IcePrincess

        Both of yall go to bed! Don’t yall work jobs & sh*t? Looool ;-)

  • Who am I in five characters? These people:

    Rob Gordon (John Cusack in “High Fidelity”)- no surprise there…
    (Although for some reason, certain folks think I’m more like Barry (Jack Black’s character)

    Danny Ocean (Frank Sinatra/George Clooney in “Ocean’s Eleven”)

    Tom Stall (Viggo Mortensen in “A History Of Violence”)

    Newbomb Turk (Robert Wuhl in “The Hollywood Knights”)

    And finally…drumroll please…

    Steve Stiffler (Seann William Scott in “American Pie”- I know, I know…)

    • Sahel

      I was expecting you to claim Pootie from Pootie Tang.

      • Nah, I saw about 30 minutes of that movie- and that was all I needed to see. The only thing that was good about “Pootie Tang’ was Louie C.K. directing it.

        Fun fact: That’s Metallica’s favorite movie- no lie!

        • KID VIDEO

          Have any of u guys who like the Pooty Tang movie, seen his skit on the Chris Rock Show when it was on HBO…”Pooty Tang for Senate”.

          • Best. Sketch. Ever.

            • dmcmillian72

              I’m curious… Do people really understand what he’s saying? Because I couldn’t even watch 30 minutes of the movie, but I have friends who quote the movie ALL.THE.TIME! And crack themselves up! I NEVER understand what they’re saying. *sigh*

              • You got me there. I think “Sa Da Tay” might mean “Sho ya right”…I don’t know..*shrugs*

        • I couldn’t get past 30 minutes of Pootie Tang. And y’all know I love a bad movie.

      • Todd

        Radatay….Sepatown! :)

        • Baby, I’m going to sine your pitty on the runny kine! Ain’t come one, but many tine tanies!

    • PA;
      I just realized you and I both picked Stifler as a character lol… *shrugs* we are who we are lol

  • Malik

    Cal Trask (played by James Dean in East of Eden)
    Duke (played by Hampton Clanton in The Cool World)
    Zorg (played by Jean-Hugues Anglade in Betty Blue)
    Orphée (played by Jean Marais in Orpheus)
    Cleo (played by Corinne Marchand in Cleo from 5 to 7)

    Just varying shades of moody, sensitive, odd, and often times erratic characters. They differ in shades as far as worrying about where I fit in within the community and the things I feel I must do to be part of it (Duke), how I relate to my family and peers in terms of expectations and worrying about perception of others (Cal Trask), being consumed with VERY emotive and sexually forward women who demand I be great (Zorg), someone obsessively consumed with his work often to the detriment of his interpersonal relationships (Orphée), and someone who consistently worries because so much of my life is in other people’s hands at the moment (Cleo).

    • Wild Cougar


    • SweetSass


      The sound of your references flying past me.

      • Malik

        John Steinbeck? Orpheus?

  • IcePrincess

    Ginger from Casino (in the beginning, not after she was cracked out). Martin from “What’s the worst that could happen?” J-Lo from “Enough” (that’s what i will do to the next muf*cka that tries to put hands on me. I’m soooo done with domestic violence!) Liza Minnelli from “Authur,” Janet Jackson from “poetic justice.”

  • Val

    So”Who makes up the essence of you? And why?”

    01. Clarke Betancourt (Mo’ Betta Blues) – Witty, stylish and hard to hold on to.
    02. Soraya (Salt of the Sea) – Idealistic, militant, adventurous, angry at injustice
    03. The girl version of Drew Tate (The Ink well) – Shy, imaginative, Sincere
    04. Whitley Gilbert (A Different World) – A bit spoiled, smart, sweet
    05. Lanisha (Our Song) – Focused, loving, independent
    06. Alike (Pariah) – Learning to embrace myself despite what my family thinks of me.

    • Malik


      • Val

        It’s one of my top ten all-time favorite films.

    • “06. Alike (Pariah) – Learning to embrace myself despite what my family thinks of me.”

      Yeah…I think I know where this one’s going…

      • Sahel


      • Val


      • Todd

        Mmmhmm… :)

    • Sweet GA Brown

      After you mentioned a few flicks to check out, I saw Pariah. I didnt know what it was about so after the first 5 mins I was like oooh. Lol. But it was a good movie with a important message about self acceptance. It didnt hurt that ol’ girl from Unwritten Rules web series was on there. That was the first time I’ve seen her act outside of the web series.

      Just like Alike, you’ll get there.

      • Val

        I’m glad you liked the film.

    • Asiyah

      Soraya! Love her character. She is fierce!

      • Val

        That’s one of my new favorite films. I hope Suheir does more films, she was great!

  • nillalatte

    Who am I in five characters?

    Madea, Madea’s Family Reunion
    GRIT BALL, baby, grit ball… I have a cast iron pan too! :D

    Penelope Garcia, Criminal Minds

    Mary (Charlize Theron), Hancock

    Susan Calvin (Bridget Moynahan), The Recruit

    Isabel Fuentes (Salma Hayek), Fools Rush In

    • nillalatte

      STRIKE Susan Calvin.
      Replace with: Layla Moore, (Bridget Moynahan), The Recruit
      Character confusion. LOL

    • Val


      • nillalatte

        hell yeah girl. Madea corrects them children, keeps da peace with her piece, & well has her run ins wit da poe poe, PLUS she always crackin on people. Yeah, girl, lots of Madea in me. can’t deny the truth.

        • Val

          Yeah, that seems to describe you pretty well. I’ve just never seen a Madea movie. So, all I know is from film trailers. And, they don’t exactly portray her in a positive light, IMO.

          • I may have to think more on this b/c its something I’ve pondered but…if Tyler Perry wasn’t Madea…if Madea was played by a woman, like Loretta Devine, I wonder if folks would hate that character so much. Yes, TP movies suck due to the writing, but in nearly all the movies, she’s actually the most developed character. She’s extra as hell, but she’s wise and compassionate, etc. She gives a f*ck.

            I wonder about that…

            • Val

              I’m not sure, PJ. I think that many Black women are just tired of the same old portrayals of us. Does it make it worse because a man is playing the role? Yes, it seems like the worst kind of mocking. Would Madea be less offensive if a Black woman was playing her. I doubt it.

              • SweetSass

                Madea is an endearing character.

                • Val

                  It’s amazing how so many people see that character so differently.

                  • SweetSass

                    She is problematic but entertaining.

  • esa

    ~ Norma Desmond, Sunset Boulevard .. people ask about my accent, and it is this.
    ~ that chick in the Warriors .. also the accent. i got facets and ishh ..
    ~ Grace Jones in Vamp .. i got some Transylvanian blood, fa real tho ..
    ~ Claire, The Breakfast Club :: fixes lipstick ::
    ~ and Rosie Perez for everythinnn she eva does. one love ~*~

    • Val

      Warriors is so classic and so camp. I love that film.

      • esa

        i love where she’s like ~ cmonn cmonn ~ and he’s all NO. reminds me of this guy i love/d ~*~

      • Todd

        Every so often, I quote the opening speech because it’s so over the top. Can you dig it? CAN YOU DIG IT?!

      • Malik

        Warriors is a legitimately great movie. Not in a wink wink nudge nudge type of movie either.

    • “~ and Rosie Perez for everythinnn she eva does. one love ~*~”

      Even her role in “It Could Happen To You”?

  • Tes

    1. Meredith Grey – Grey’s Anatomy: Most people think I’m the Izzie because she’s all light and sunshine and making people happy but I’m dark and twisty. Not really an overachiever or a slacker but somehow doing exceptionally at the job I have. Also with a best friend who I call “my Christina” and a boyfriend I think is “McDreamy” so…there’s that.

    2. Jane Smith – Mr. & Mrs. Smith: Unassuming in her day to day life, except to those who really know her. Those who really know her knows she’s sort of a badass with a bit of kink about her.

    3. Rose Nylund – The Golden Girls: Say what you will about Rose’s smarts, she was the funniest one there. Full of stories of her hometown and colloquialisms that a lot of folks didn’t understand, she was always the one to bring it on home. Plus, she was sweet and fiercely competitive. Sad to say, that’s all me.

    4. Scarlett O’Connor – Nashville: Scarlett is one down chick. For the two men she’s dated throughout the show she’s been right there with them at shows, bailing them out of jail and helping them however she can. Super supportive and talented in her own right, she’s one of those shy, slow to really warm up type people. That’s me.

    5. Rudy Huxtable – The Cosby Show: -_- Cause y’all treat me like the baby and sh*t.

    • 3. Rose Nylund – The Golden Girls: Say what you will about Rose’s smarts, she was the funniest one there. Full of stories of her hometown and colloquialisms that a lot of folks didn’t understand, she was always the one to bring it on home. Plus, she was sweet and fiercely competitive. Sad to say, that’s all me.

      I had to post this, LOL!

      • Tes

        -_- yep, that’s me. lol

    • I love Rose.

      • Asiyah


      • Tes

        I love you too Uncle Panama ^_^

  • The Other Jerome

    Irwin “Fletch” Fletcher (Fletch) – I’m a smart @$$. I can’t help it. My childhood made me cynical, i don’t respect authority to a degree and i have a habit of getting myself into trouble when trying to help others. And just like the film, it all usually works out.

    Spock/Picard (Star Trek) – During a crisis or tension filled environments i get like this. Very helpful during an emergency as i usually take charge, keep a cool head and stay focused on the ultimate goal. Drives women crazy during arguments however. I can’t help it though; they often ARE being illogical.

    Lee Plenty (Hav Plenty) – My filmatic and thematic twin

    Seth (Superbad) – “You know when you hear girls say ‘Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn’t have fucked that guy?’ We could be that mistake!” All through high school i never was invited to, or went to, anything….. until prom, senior year. I tried to plan prom perfectly and use it to transform me from “king of the nerds” to “king of the herd”. Unfortunately it went more like a comedy. One which my family and friends still laugh about. At least it made them happy i suppose :-( :-)

    Jack Spade (Im Gonna Get You Sucka) – I always want to rally folks to try to make a change…. and i might be a bit naive about it

    • The Other Jerome

      Just realized why this is in moderation lol. Serves me right for copying and pasting a quote!

    • “Irwin “Fletch” Fletcher (Fletch) – I’m a smart @$$. I can’t help it. My childhood made me cynical, i don’t respect authority to a degree and i have a habit of getting myself into trouble when trying to help others. And just like the film, it all usually works out.”

      Fletch is that dude, man!

  • The Other Jerome

    Man i STAY in moderation :-(

    • nillalatte

      that’s cause you bad. see you only get a pass on bad, correctly spelled words if your name is AfroPetite!

      • Sahel

        Man,she must be part of the matrix because moderation be on me like agent smith

        • mena

          You crack me up daily.

      • Afropetite

        Haters they gone hate *shimmies shoulders*

      • Afropetite

        Ughh you jinxed me. My comment is in jail :-(

        • Malik


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