Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

“White Lie Leeway” and More: Things Men Appreciate Much, Much More Than You Think We Do

***Check out “The Charger and The Nerd” — The Champ’s latest at The Good Men Project. It’s worth the read, just so you can tease Champ for eating pheasant.***

"Since no one bothered to compliment my new tie, I'm just going to sit here and keep farting"

After yesterday’s discussion shed light on how much we (men) truly love the rare and elusive unsolicited compliment from a woman, I decided to take it a step further.

Besides the usual (steak, morning blow jobs, porn stars with Flickr accounts, etc), here’s four more things we appreciate much, much more than women think we do.

1. White Lie Leeway

What exactly is white lie leeway? Lemme explain.

Ok, so imagine that it’s nighttime, and you’re laying in bed with your girl. She’s dead asleep. You’re feeling a little restless, though, so you get out of bed, scoot over to the next bedroom, and start messing around on your laptop. You check the local news, ESPN, Twitter, etc, but while you’re on Facebook, the page of an old high school classmate with a striking resemblance to Roxy Reynolds puts the “maybe I’ll go check out my favorite porn message board” bug in your head. You go to BGOL or ASR, one thing leads to another, and now you’re sitting in your computer chair, lube in hand, ready to rub one out.

Yet, despite the fact that you tried to make as little noise as possible, you managed to wake your girlfriend up. (I don’t know how they always manage to do that. Seriously, I think KY serves as a female smelling salt after 1am.) She notices you’re not in bed, gets up, and walks into the spare bedroom. You hear her coming, so you stop tickling your Elmo, but even Ray Charles could see that you were just masturbating.

Of course she asks “What are you doing?”

Now, she knows you were just masturbating. You know she knows you were just masturbating. In fact, she knows you know that she knows that you were just masturbating.

But, although there’s an open bottle of Astroglide on your desk and your left hand is greasier than Shawn Kemp’s face, of course you say “Nothing. Just chillin.”

(Why do we lie in this situation? I have no f*cking clue. I mean, it’s not like we’re doing anything wrong. There’s absolutely no reason to be dishonest. But, I do think “Nothing. Just chillin” rolls off the tongue a bit better than “Fantasizing about an electric razor, a stack of corn, the planet Jupiter, and this (hopefully) 19-year old WorldStarHipHop stripper, that’s all“)

White Lie Leeway” is her ignoring the white lie, saying “Okbabe,” and going back to bed.

Now, I know some women absolutely abhor the white lie. In their minds, a white lie is nothing but a gateway to bigger and better lies; weed to the serious lie’s smack. But, while that might be true with women, with men, a white lie is just a white lie, and we need to keep em in our pockets to keep us sane.

2. Hearing “Thank You”

The context of the thank you doesn’t even matter. It could be sex-related. (“Thank you, babe, for that amazingly eclectic orgasm.“) It could be serious. (“Thank you for saving me from that pack of rapey-looking meth addicts.”) It could be sappy. (“Thank you for being the sweetest boyfriend I’ve ever had.”) It could be sappy and backhanded. (“Thank you for being the sweetest boyfriend I’ve ever had this month.“).

Either way, like the compliment, the thank you is so rarely heard that a man might just start bawling uncontrollably when he hears it, so make sure you thank him in a private place.

3. Space

Now, I know that wanting occasional space from your mate isn’t a gender-specific concept. There’s a reason why y’all spend five to seventeen hours at a time in the hair salon, and it aint got nothing to do with texturizer. What (usually) separates man space from woman space, though, is the fact that we (usually) let you have as much of it as you want. We (usually) don’t take it personally when you decide that you want to hang out with your girls all night, and all we ask is that you extend us the same courtesy.

Also — and I think this is an important point — “space” doesn’t mean “extended separation.” Sometimes it could just be us hanging out undisturbed in our man cave for a few hours while you’re still in the house. Sometimes it could just be a 15 minute drive to the store. Sh*t, sometimes it could just be us being “allowed” to channel-surf during the commercial breaks. We need those mini-vacations to survive, and we need you all to give us enough room to smell our own farts sometimes.

4. You

Yup, despite us needing space, never receiving compliments, never hearing thank you, and lying to your face about our midnight jerk sessions, we (usually) do appreciate you presence and sh*t much more than you (usually) give us credit for. And, we’d appreciate it even more if you closed the door when you go back to bed so we can “play our piano” in peace.

Anyway, men of VSB.com, did I forget anything? Can you think of anything else that we appreciate much, much more than women think we do? How about you, ladies? Is there anything you all appreciate much, much more than we think you do?

Also, I’m sure some of you will disagree, but is white lie leeway really such a bad thing?

—The Champ

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Corey

    Hey please don’t hit me with the 404, but I’m in southeast CT and I REALLY need to get something done to my locs. I haven’t been able to locate any non-flaky folks up to now. So if anybody knows somebody that knows somebody or whatever, please tell me SOMETHING. Thank ya kindly.

    • CurlyTop

      Have you ever tried doing your locs yourself? That is what saved my broke ass in undergrad. Youtube it my dear.

    • Corey

      I’ve been here since November and that’s how it’s been going down but i’m lazy, I have a ton of hair, I can’t see my whole head and I’m not particularly skilled with the whole hair thing. It’s done but it never quite has the extra crispy look that I know and love. The barbers around me ain’t really hittin on sh!t either so that’s not really helping out much.

    • http://twitter.com/GGBanger Phidelity15

      Why dont you take a trip to NYC and get your hair done? I’m not saying thats an easy excursion (depending on where you are in CT) but its better than not having it done at all.

      Thats just my suggestion…

      • Yoles

        +1

      • Corey

        Any suggestions on places? I’ve been to BK a few times but I’m not familiar with the city at all.

        • http://twitter.com/GGBanger Phidelity15

          My best friend gets her hair done at a salon on Washington Ave in Brooklyn. The name of the salon is Nu Wave Kultural Kreations. She’s been going to that salon for years now and they do an array of styles that last a long time.

        • http://mdwright212.wordpress.com The Esquire212

          There are 10 places on the strip (125th) in Harlem alone that you can go to. And I’m not joking. Take the Metro North down, if you’re along the New Haven line and just make the 5 minute walk.

      • Corey

        It’s a nice little drive too. I’m up by the casinos waaaayyyyy on the other side of the state.

        • D

          When we used to live in the Hartford area, my wife used to get her hair done at this natural salon:

          Baswa
          761 Blue Hills Avenue
          Hartford, CT 06002
          (860) 242-7711

          She says that they do locs and they do good work too. I do not know exactly where you live, but driving to Hartford takes roughly the same amount of time as driving to New Haven and you do not have to take the train.

  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

    when a woman takes the time to cook my favorite meal. bonus points if she’s not too fond of that particular meal. i really appreciate that.

    i also appreciate unsolicited coitus. that one was a little bit obvious though.

    • HIMorHE

      Agree 200% on both counts but especially the last one. I know it’s obvious but having your woman initiate sex really makes you feel like “the man” gives you a little boost of confidence too.

      • LA Red

        “i also appreciate unsolicited coitus.” – do you give us a chance to do that? Really, tell the truth.

        • http://www.twitter.com/drrdb TWIsM

          Maybe I’m being naive, but how do we NOT give you the chance to do that? What dude is like, “Damn, I hate it when my girl tries to get it on for no reason.”?

          • miss t-lee

            “What dude is like, “Damn, I hate it when my girl tries to get it on for no reason.”?”

            bwahahhaha

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            “What dude is like, “Damn, I hate it when my girl tries to get it on for no reason.”?”

            LOL, I hate that I love you, man.

        • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

          i do. i’ll give a woman plenty of chances to initiate sex before i do. most men (i know i do) want to feel like women actually enjoy sex and it isn’t a chore for them. initiating sex is one way of showing this.

          • bumilla

            i can’t think of a single female friend of mine that feels like sex is a chore. that sounds blasphemous.

            unless it’s bad. then you are being stupid.

            • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com MadScientist7

              there’s a difference in actually feeling like that and portraying that to your man. if you never initiate it then we have to wonder how much you enjoy it. i know i like to do things that feel good to me.

              • bumilla

                well, i think i am pretty good at being a portrait of come and get it. lol. but i will note it moving forward to be consistently clear AKA grabby.

            • LA Red

              Yeah if she feels like it’s a chore someone isn’t doing it right…

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 herbetteroption

      Cosign on favorite meal part….bonus points if she makes it for my birthday, using the oven in June #thatslove

    • http://www.theleftsidepoets.wordpress.com MicTheMessenger

      YES. I used to be able to smell my girl cooking dinner from down the hallway…and she can cok her arse off. My soul got happy. And THEN she gave me my man space.
      By then, i was good and ready to give her all the face time she wanted.

  • Corey

    LMAO @ Shawn Kemp’s face!! Funny all by itself!

  • Queen Elizabeth

    this is probably something that’s heard over and over, but all that gentlemanly stuff. i love it when a guy puts me on the inside of the street, or puts his hand in front of me if i step off the curb. things like that i really appreciate.

    • notsurey3t

      THIS!!!!

      been coachin my son on this 4 the past few years (he’s almost 12) — not that i’m really ready 4 these fast girls 2 show him any appreciation – but i guess that’s anotha topic

      #notready4thoselilhoes2callmyson

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        #IFightFastGirlsAndTheirMamas

        No Maury show for us. No ma’am.

        • http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com/ Jay

          lol You should be a superhero.

      • http://www.twitter.com/MOTRenaissance Adonis

        LOL… Mothers can see it all from a mile away

    • http://twitter.com/queennaima Naima

      I am the complete opposite. Last guy I dated would always do that and it kind of weirded me out. I did appreciate him saving me from walking into streets without looking at the traffic lights. I do that a lot. Its very troubling.

      Anyway, I think the gentlemen stuff is cool, but I don’t really need any protection. I don’t see how standing on the outside of the street is going to hurt me.

      • http://www.theleftsidepoets.wordpress.com MicTheMessenger

        …And she just messed it up for ALL of y’all.

        • Yoles

          :(

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          LMAO. If she do that, then I don’t wanna hear no mo’ “Don’t let the last man ruin it for me” ish. ;)

      • Justmetheguy

        The funniest thing is she said she often walks out in the middle of the street without looking or paying attention, then in the same breath she said she doesn’t need any protection…smh, damn chick logic lol

        • http://medschoolfashionista.blogspot.com/ sunsh1ne_md

          “dang chick logic” lol rofl. u got me weak over her lol

          we do have our own logic, completely illogical at its core but yet so rational lol

      • keisha brown

        LOL.
        *throws tomatoes

      • http://www.nicknotnikki.com NicknotNikki

        Insert Sad face (here)…

      • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Mr. Wee Thomas

        You could get hit by an errant car not having enough time to get away. Someone running the David Carradine death race could slice off your head without losing points by running up on the sidewalk.

    • Aisha

      Yes!!! I always look for those little chivalrous acts.

    • bumilla

      agreed. a little chivalry will get you a regular morning bj. #themoreyouknow

    • http://twitter.com/bsquared86 BSQUARED86

      *applause* I love that stuff!

  • Mo-VSS

    When White Lie Leeway goes wrong….

    1. When your girl asks if you used condoms on that bender you went on back when you and her were mad at one another and you say yes…but the child on your doorstep says, “maybe not.”

    2. When we ask how we look and we have on an ensemble pairing yellow with purple (not gold and purple…but like big bird yellow). You need to speak up cuz the little white lie will piss her off when she goes out and gets heckled.

    When it’s okay though….it’s great.

    Things like “yeah baby, you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever dated….or seen for that matter”…”no sex tonight? I’m not tripping..it’s only been 3 days so I’m good”…”naw girl, that chicken wasn’t dry at all. I just used the olive oil to coat my sore throat.” Those all fall into the category of “female approved white lies.”

    • Corey

      1. Maaan that baby don’t eem look like me! He got gray eyes!

      2. If your dude can put an outfit together better than you, it might be time to check the front of his draws and not the back #IJS#

      • Mo-VSS

        LOL@ your number two response. In all seriousness though, I’ve seen some ratchet females out with dudes who seemed somewhat put together and the first thing that crossed my mind is always, “why didn’t he tell her that looked a hot mess?”

        There’s a difference between “hey babe, I don’t know what it is, but that shirt is not doing it for you today” and a man coordinating an entire wardrobe…right down to the toe rings and sh*t. The former is what men who care might say…the latter is what men who are gay might do.

        • Corey

          Half the stuff women wear I don’t particularly care for. At the same time I don’t really feel the need for my nonfashionista azz to be coaching on wardrobe choices. I don’t do interior decorating either.

      • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

        Damn you Corey!

    • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

      LMAO mo you crazy!!

      • Mo-VSS

        :D

    • scorpio?

      all of this had me LOL’ing for a straight minute and a half… still laughing right now…

      • Mo-VSS

        The fact that your avi has on shades is amusing…

        :)

        • http://medschoolfashionista.blogspot.com/ sunsh1ne_md

          how do u even get an avi on here??

          • http://twitter.com/GGBanger Phidelity15

            go to gravatar.com and upload a pic

        • scorpio?

          :-D

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          “The fact that your avi has on shades is amusing… ”

          Agreed. It may be my favorite avatar.

    • keisha brown

      Things like “yeah baby, you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever dated….or seen for that matter”

      what females are looking for a man to say these things?
      they need beaucoup plus de personnes!! (aka need WAY more people).
      and a kick to their low self of steam

      • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com Mr. Wee Thomas

        I guess you missed yesterday’s comments. . .

        • keisha brown

          @mr wee…
          i was in there..but sometimes its hard to catch everyone.
          clearly i need more people. or more reading…

      • Mo-VSS

        Girl, they are out there. Otherwise known as college freshmen. LOL

    • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

      Mo has slain me today!!!

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

    I very much appreciate these things too. Especially the space one.

    • Mo-VSS

      I need space…but if he’s gonna be gone all day, like not coming home until 2am when he left at 3pm, he better let me know he’s alive. There’s space and then there’s “let me smell your balls” type space that no one wants to deal with.

      #NoCountryForDiscourteousMen

      • http://twitter.com/sweetdivalove Mia

        DOA at “let me smell your balls type space that no one wants to deal with” hahahahah
        wasn’t there a ratchet song along the same lines “let me smell your d***”?!

        • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

          LOL yes. and it is HORRID. my 2520 labmates used to play that stupid azz song all the time!!

          • Mo-VSS

            OMG…link? I have NEVER heard this song. Never even heard of it. LOL for real on that one!

            • Corey

              Trust me. You don’t really want that!

            • http://TalentedGeneration.blogspot.com LegallySouthern1

              Posted this a few posts ago. Enjoy :-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgWgEoaAYDY

              • WayUPThere

                how did i miss this? oh well. sorry for the repost

                • http://TalentedGeneration.blogspot.com LegallySouthern1

                  Its ok. Each 1 reach one.

              • ChicagoCutie

                As a long-time lurker, I had to come out of the “closet” for this….this video right here!! LAWD…..I’m mad that I can neavh, evah, un-see that hot-azz piece of mess. :(

                • keisha brown

                  @chicago cutie
                  you need to stay lurker free! esp with an awesome avi i approve of!

                  • ChicagoCutie

                    *blushes* Thanks! I’ve been using this across all my social media since right after the lockout began…my own personal protest. :)

              • Yoles

                ok why did i click the link waiting to see some ole rough spartan style deep bass music with a stripper like chick acting like trina & ish and then saw this stiff young girl in a denim pants suit singing soft and slow?!?!?! i get confused sometimes

                • Corey

                  I TOLD Y’ALL!!! Black fok just don’t wanna listen….smh

                  • http://TalentedGeneration.blogspot.com LegallySouthern1

                    You should have known telling folks “you don’t want to see that” will only make them WANT TO SEE THAT lol

                    • LastMohican

                      ROFL!

            • WayUPThere
            • http://twitter.com/#!/legitimate_soul legitimate_soul

              *singing* “…in the club with dirty foot bishes…..”

              • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                Who done let Fantasia ass in a club?

                • http://twitter.com/#!/legitimate_soul legitimate_soul

                  Awww, Fannie…..TAC kicked you out the club…

                  http://pics.livejournal.com/meangirl33/pic/00006d06

                  *whispers to Fannie before she is escorted out* I know. She got clout like that doe’. Don’t trip. Just meet us at Chicken and Waffles aftah da’ club…

                  • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

                    DEAD

              • miss t-lee

                “dirty foot bishes”

                You do know this is my new favorite insult right?
                *snickers*

                • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

                  Mine too. I’m gon be wearin bishes out with this one for the rest of the summer.

            • CurlyTop

              Damn, Florida!! We always give the world the ratchetness it could not conceive. But its so ignorant I love it :)

              • http://TalentedGeneration.blogspot.com LegallySouthern1

                Do you recall the Plies search for Bussit Babies? I ADORE my state but sometimes…

          • http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com/ Jay

            Totally off subject but this reminded me of the quote(can’t remember where its from… Boondocks maybe): “It seems like the black mans true revenge has become to make the white man as ignorant as he has made him.”

        • Qozmic

          Ok…what is “ratchet”?…

      • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

        No.. I don’t approve of the flipping the channel = I need space, ruse.

        If you are trying to get rid of me, then just say so. Making me mad..only succeeds in making me mad.

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        I expect at least a courtesy call to let me know you’re not dead or arrested but other than that, I ain’t worrying about grown ass dudes. Do what you do. Just don’t bring that sht back to my doorstep.

        #NoCountryForBallSmelling

        • Mo-VSS

          LMAO…I feel you. I’m just saying…be courteous with the space or risk dealing with unnecessary attitude that a text saying “i’m good” would have prevented.

          • Andi

            So simple. If they only knew….

            • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

              They know. Somewhere deep down they know. And some even care enough to admit to themselves that they know and act accordingly.

          • Righteous

            See, we get that, but that message always gets followed up with 1.6 million questions. If we could just text you “I’m good” and that be the end of it, we would do that. However, rarely is that text followed by “ok, see you when you get home”, it usually turns into an episode of the Closer.

            • Qozmic

              The Closer… that’s funny.

              And you’re right. Women need to know that less is sometimes more with the questions.

          • bumilla

            basically. craziness CAN be prevented.

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

      Something else I appreciate is knowing that I’m appreciated period. I’ll pretty much do anything for you if I you show me that you understand the value of what I do and who a I am.

      • Yoles

        +Yoles

      • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com Gem Jones

        Something else I appreciate is knowing that I’m appreciated period. I’ll pretty much do anything for you if I you show me that you understand the value of what I do and who a I am.

        yep. this sentiment is partly why my primary love language is words of affirmation.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        “Something else I appreciate is knowing that I’m appreciated period. I’ll pretty much do anything for you if I you show me that you understand the value of what I do and who a I am.”

        Girl, yes. The Lioness in me is growling just thinking about a man who knows how to let me know (verbally or otherwise) he appreciates and adores me.

      • Sula

        I’ll pretty much do anything for you if I you show me that you understand the value of what I do and who a I am.

        Gospel.

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      “I very much appreciate these things too. Especially the space one.”

      Same here. I found myself nodding along to all this myself… well except for the pastormating situation. I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t happen to me because he’ll be eagerly watching.

      • RG

        Reason #1,898,345 why we (men) are lower mainteance across the board. We have no problem with you “pastormating” (was dead at this). No awkward late night conversation..*cue Old School scene with Mitch*…let’s go with this..

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          Yeah, I’ll agree ya’ll are lower maintenance in that aspect. The way ya’ll drive us crazy, doe? Not so much? ;)

          But yeah, I kinda love how “pastormating” has another meaning, too. I hate it as well. I’m a walking (and running) contradiction.

        • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          No they are not. Men need constant ego maintenance. Them things are delicate and need stroking and boosting and feeding 24/7

  • Corey

    As bad as it may sound STFU is frickin awesome. I’m one of those people who can’t constantly hear buzzing in my ear or I start ignoring EVERYTHING. Even the important ish. Women who know when to turn it off are always going to be in good standing with me. Sometimes silence really is golden. Get your Mr. T on.

    • miss t-lee

      Just as long as you realize this works both ways.
      Thx
      ~Mgmt.

      • Corey

        But of course. I’m quite judicious in my handing out of STFU’s. I don’t typically recieve them cause I don’t talk enough.

        • miss t-lee

          Gotcha…LOL

  • Rog

    This pretty much goes along with space but

    Letting me and my Xbox 360 have some alone time together W/O the “Whats happening now?” questions or the “Why do you have to shoot that person?” inquiries.

    • Corey

      Lol “Why do you have to shoot that person?”
      Because if I don’t shoot him I’ll have to shoot you!

      • http://wewereninjas.wordpress.com/ Jay

        Dead.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        Hilarious

      • keisha brown

        x__x
        LOL

    • Andi

      Ok I’m totally guilty of this. In my defense, it’s because my lack of hand eye coordination makes me an inept gamer, but I LOVE watching other people play.

      I really appreciate when a guy explains to me what’s going on if I’m not familiar with the game.

      And isn’t that better than complaining about how “what grown a$$ man stays playing video games” and “why don’t you ever want to spend time with me”???

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        I know when I’m playing a game I don’t want any distractions. If you want to know what I’m doing and/or why I’m doing it, let’s set up a time for me to show/explain it to you. Don’t just come interrupting me with questions I don’t feel like answering right then and there. Please and thanks in advance.

        • WayUPThere

          A sense of humor and a video game player? you’re alright…*nods head approvingly*

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

            (accepts head nod graciously)

            You don’t seem so bad yourself.

            • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              e-boodom blossoming?

              • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

                I’m saving myself for Obsidian. :D

                • WayUPThere

                  *kicks rocks and walks away sadly*

        • bumilla

          i’m actually surprised that you are a gamer given your stance on smartphones and other such mainstream forms of entertainment and foolery.

          TAC, you are an enigma wrapped in a tortilla covered in bacon.

          • keisha brown

            TAC, you are an enigma wrapped in a tortilla covered in bacon.

            LMFAOOO
            The Anti Cool sounds tasty tho! ;)

            • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              I bet enigma tastes like chicken.

            • RG

              What’s going on here ladies? Direction of conversatio?…melikes

              • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                You do?

                *watches RG head on over to computer to “play the piano”*

                • RG

                  *Editorial revision*..RG stores thought for later. Door to office doesn’t lock…;)

                  • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

                    Damn! This was getting good…

                    • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                      The Man always has a way of ruining ish.

                    • RG

                      Putting in for the corner office with locks..Tuhday…andI’mgone.

          • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

            Is it turkey bacon? I think TAC is off that swine.

            • keisha brown

              mmmm….
              (chicken/turkey/pork) baconnnn….

              wait. what were we talking bout?

            • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              *asks this same question for myself*

          • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

            Mmmmmm…(Turkey) bacon-wrapped tortillas…

            (snaps out of it)

            I’ve been playing Ninetendo systems since I can remember. And I can lose hours playing games online. But I like that I can keep y’all guessing. ;)

      • WayUPThere

        ” And isn’t that better than complaining about how “what grown a$$ man stays playing video games” ” Yes, yes it is. In the spirit of the post, thanks for not being that girl

        I don’t get women who throw out this question, though. For a few reasons:
        A. Its cost-effective
        B. Said grown man could be doing 100 other things that are so much worse
        C. Its not even close to the ridiculous habits that some grown a$$ women who pose this question keep
        D. Its pretty harmless…unless he’s turning down nookie to play videogames. Then it’s a problem.

        • Aisha

          I had this convo with a guy who said there are no “acceptable” hobbies for men & also added that a man playing video games is viewed as obsessive by women. Instead he was gonna start goin to the gun range & buy a gun. I’d rather the gamer than the chance of an accident with a gun. And he did make the point that anything men do too often raises eyebrows if not from his girl, friends will plant seed. Anyway, I ask questions when watching someone play video games, but I’ll stop if you sound annoyed.

        • http://www.nicknotnikki.com NicknotNikki

          I would watch my former dude play video games till I fell asleep.. And loved the fact that when I woke up, he was still in the house….

          yeah, invite the homies over.. that way, no one’s callin you to go to the club.. Nooo Problem, I’ll even make the pizza run!!
          Play on Playa…

        • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

          We grew up on video games and the video game industry grew up with us. On-line gaming is the Wednesday night poker game/ Monday night bowling league of our generation. I would much rather my husband come home after work, go to his cave and decompress over a game of Madden than be out there drinking at happy hour and getting a DUI. Hell, some nights I just wanna relax and cut it up with a lil DJ Hero myself. We are the children of technology. Video games know no age.

          • Jai-B

            This is so true. My wife understands that sometimes I need an hour of playtime to relax and get my mind right. Afterwards I’ll cook dinner, give the kid a bath, help her with her homework, whatever needs to be done just give me a few minutes to get my head right. She watches me play games like Uncharted or Call of Duty and leaves the room when I play Madden butI love watching her try to play Guitar Hero though. Also, when she plays Zumba I find it sexy as hell.

          • Sula

            On-line gaming is the Wednesday night poker game/ Monday night bowling league of our generation.

            Yup. Although I am not a gamer (to the annoyance of the dude), I have no problems with his gaming.at.all. I have my hobbies that I enjoy (alone) and if you found one you like without me being involved? Win win.

        • Justmetheguy

          “I don’t get women who throw out this question, though. For a few reasons:
          A. Its cost-effective
          B. Said grown man could be doing 100 other things that are so much worse
          C. Its not even close to the ridiculous habits that some grown a$$ women who pose this question keep
          D. Its pretty harmless…unless he’s turning down nookie to play videogames. Then it’s a problem.”

          @WayUpThere- Well played. Couldn’t have said it better myself. ESPECIALLY B. and C.

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        LOL, me too, Andi. Watching a dude (and ESPECIALLY a group of dudes) play a video game is easily in my top 10 of most fun activities. It’s like watching sports on TV… hell, some sports can’t even MATCH the suspense, drama, entertainment of a bunch of reggins playing some dayum NBA Live.

        • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 herbetteroption

          NBA 2k*

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            Either one. I just pulled one outta a hat and went from there. Freestylin’. Get like moi.

            • http://twitter.com/#!/legitimate_soul legitimate_soul

              I like the sh!t talkin of a bunch of men playing against each other or watching a game. Once any dude starts talking about another guy is “his bish” because he gettin’ whooped on so much….it’s on. Good times and lots of laughs.

              • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

                YES. The shat talking is definitely the number one thing I love about it. Comedy platinum.

      • Justmetheguy

        Lol, @ the questions when playing video games. It’s ok Andi, I’d explain the game as well as all its internal algorithms for you sweetie ;)

        • Andi

          *giggles*

      • Qozmic

        Yeah, but Andi… that should be known by any intelligent woman to NOT be an option. If you EVER come at a man like that…about his video gaming??….. there’s gonna be a misunderstanding.

        That’s like a dude sayin “Why do you have to waste so much money on shoes!!.. You only have two feet!”… or ” How come your girlfriends can’t mind their damn business?”

        Some questions are just… outta bounds. And some shyt you just have to deal with… because it’s part of who your partner IS …not just what they are doing.

      • bumilla

        we really must be related on some level because i agree with ALL of this. :)

        i’m happy as a clam being a spectator but lord help me if i actually try to play. which makes me mad because in real life i have pretty decent hand eye coordination. why can’t i do it virtually! hmph.

        • Yoles

          bumila i am with you… i am so horrible at any and all video games… no matter what from Ms. Pacman to Socom to whatever LARP sh!t is hot… i wanna play, i have decent hand eye coordination but alas all i do is get killed and get others killed… some things just aren’t meant to be..

        • The Possum Hill Kid

          These modern day video games are easy. I can get any woman up to speed in any game in a matter of hours.

          Be advised, however, that if you’re a woman who’s currently in a relationship, you might not wanna become an accomplished female gamer. Most women who develop decent to above average video game skills will have LOTS of male suitors–from the extra nerdy to the Alpha males.

          The only thing men value more is a woman who loves to cook and is a sports fan..

      • keisha brown

        @Andi,

        Im with you. Some games are like watching Christopher Nolan movies!
        I’d be there with popcorn (and a book in case i get bored).
        I dont ask alot of questions, but I root-root-root for the home team! ;)

        • Andi

          THIS!!!!

          x a trillion

    • Around the Way Girl

      “Letting me and my Xbox 360 have some alone time together W/O the “Whats happening now?” questions or the “Why do you have to shoot that person?” inquiries.”

      See, my bf likes when I hang around him while he’s playing his video games. He never wants me to leave the room (or acts like it anyway). I don’t ask a ton of questions, but I do feign interest in his games by asking one every now and then lol. And I’ll kind of cozy up to him and sometimes mess with him while he’s playing, like kiss on him and massage him and touch him down there (if it distracts him, he doesn’t seem to mind that much). This scenario is what I immediately thought of when the Champ talked about how yall enjoy our presence.

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        I’m coming to the conclusion that if the man is asking for space and STFU, then I should give him that peace and quiet. And plenty of distance. And keep giving it to him till he learns how to show some appreciation for my voice and presence. It has been working pretty well so far.

        • Qozmic

          That’s the wrong attitude…

          His request for space and …ahem, ‘quiet’ is legit. Respect that. And he’ll respect you in return when you need the same.

          • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            Logically, you are correct, but if a man is saying that a lot, it means he has lost some appreciation for my presence and voice. It works better for me to deny him those things until he remembers why he wanted them to begin with.

            • http://twitter.com/#!/NewYork2VA NY2VA

              That may not be completely true. My husband and I are both only children and we have a 5yo child who talks CONSTANTLY! We both have jobs in which we are talking to and listening to em effers ALL DAY LONG! We both enjoy having time at the end of the evening, when our son is in bed, having a minute to not speak to or hear from anyone including one another. A half hour of STFU every night actually helps us appreciate one another a lot more.

            • Qozmic

              True. It’s a matter of quantity. You can’t expect to always put your woman on pause, …and come back later when you ready to hit ‘play’ like she’s a Tivo.

              … or you might find yourself with your cable cut off.

              HAHAHA!….

        • Around the Way Girl

          “I’m coming to the conclusion that if the man is asking for space and STFU, then I should give him that peace and quiet. And plenty of distance.”

          I agree, I feel this way too. It’s just that my bf actually does like for me to be around when he plays video games. When I get up to leave, he asks me not to. I guess it depends on the guy.

  • http://TalentedGeneration.blogspot.com LegallySouthern1

    I appreciate when a man compliments me especially when I KNOW i look a mess. I may act all verklempt and sh*t but I appreciate compliments much more on my grungy days. I thank all the fellas in the Giants across DC for making a sista feel hot in some sweats & a messy bun :-)

    • Around the Way Girl

      I feel you on this.

      Another one is when you’re lounging around the house with your man wearing sweats and a ponytail, and some bad chick like Kerry Washington or Zoe Saldana is on the television screen, all glossy and made-up and half naked and sh!t, and he goes “So-and-so is BAD…but not as bad as my baby though.” Lol I don’t necessarily need him to do all that, but my bf does this all the time and I love him for it. All men should do it…trust me, your girl will appreciate it even if she knows you’re lying. It’s one of those white lies that make the world a better place.

      • http://TalentedGeneration.blogspot.com LegallySouthern1

        I should add to my list “receiving compliments when the person doesn’t want anything else in return.” He walks up and says, “Excuse me beautiful, I know you’re busy picking out the perfect watermelon for your boughetto summer bbq but I just wanted to take the time & tell you that you are very beautiful” and then after you thank him he floats away in his shining armor lol

        • Yonnie 3000

          DC men are good for this. I’ve had more of this type of compliment in the 6 months that I’ve lived here than I have in the last 10 years. I’m only exaggerating slightly.

      • Qozmic

        Wait… how did this become yet ANOTHER conversation about how to make women happy… or at least keep yal from feelin some kinda way…???

        • Around the Way Girl

          Oh my bad, I thought this was a post about what we all appreciate. I didn’t realize I was so wildly off topic to bring up what makes women happy. Or that men aren’t interested in what makes us happy. Sorry bruh.

          -_______-

          • Qozmic

            I was mostly kidding…

            But since we went there…I think sistahs could find it really informative to focus, for a minute… on what brothas perspective is on what makes us apprieciative.

            women have no problem makin it known what they want. Instances where dudes speak up and say honestly what we want… less so.

            • Around the Way Girl

              Wtf dude, am I missing something? Allow me to quote from the original post: “How about you, ladies? Is there anything you all appreciate much, much more than we think you do?”

              The post included us in this conversation, so why are you trying to exclude us? And why are you jumping to the conclusion that we aren’t paying attention on the men are saying? These are rhetorical, I don’t really need an answer, because frankly I find it ridiculous that I’m defending a comment I made that was completely benign and on topic.

    • http://twitter.com/bsquared86 BSQUARED86

      Yes. All of this. But more so from a guy I actually know than strangers.

  • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

    Also, I’m sure some of you will disagree, but is white lie leeway really such a bad thing?

    Given the scenario you just gave? No. As a matter of fact.. I think some women know good well what you were doing, but wanted to just put you in the awkward situation of having to answer. If it was me, I would have let you keep going, and kept on dreamin.

    I think a commenter had said that before in terms of women catching men in a lie. Sometimes we ask, just to confirm what we already know and to see if you would tell the truth.

    I believe some white lies are okay. As long as you both know one of you is lying about something that isn’t that serious, so you let it pass because you need to keep the peace. However, if that is not the case, there is some validity in wondering just what else you are lying about..

    • Mo-VSS

      Iono…white lies about the type of work one does, past relationships and family ties may make me give the side eye unnecessarily for a minute. Because I feel if a person lies about those seemingly insignificant things, they could lie about other stuff. Not a dealbreaker at first, but definitely something to keep my eye on.

      But yeah…things like compliments when a person looks a mess because you know they need a confidence boost is fine.

      • http://tdlove.wordpress.com Tonya

        Yeah..see stuff about work, or family, or your past relationships..THOSE white lies shouldn’t be tolerated.

        I’m talking about stuff that’s an agreeable white lie, that both of you accept and let pass.

        ie: “Baby what you doin?” “Nothing” (Masterbating)
        “What you get me for my bday?” “Nothing” (diamond ring)
        “What did you and your girls do during your Bachelorette party?” “Drink Tea.”
        (Made it rain)
        “Did you have a stripper?” “HE** NAW!” (HE** YES!!)
        “Do you like my chicken?” “Of COURSE!!” (..well at least the dog does..Got my
        Chic Filet stash in the car)

        You know..lies that keep the peace!

        • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

          I’m all for keeping the peace. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies…

      • Yoles

        lies about the type of work one does, past relationships and family ties? white lies… those are equal to blood red, burgundy with a brown tinge full blown lies…

        her: omg i cut my finger, look do you think i need stitches?
        him: i don’t know, damn it looks bad though
        her: your an emt do triage or something!!!
        him: oh i’ not really an emt i said that i saw that emt classes were going to start downtown and i told my best friend he should look into it
        her: O____0

        him: oh there comes your uncle
        uncle: girl you looking good
        her: *blushes* thx
        uncle: you should give me a call, we need to go out and catch up sexy
        her: ok *exchange numbers*
        him: your uncle ever used to touch you?
        her:who? uncle
        him: isn’t that your uncle
        her: oh no i used to call him that b/c he was like an older cat daddy pimp in the neighborhood
        him: wtf was that??!?!?!

        the above mentioned scenarios are NO BUENO

        • CurlyTop

          Your second scenario reminds me of that scene in “Dead Presidents” when dude is kissing ol’ girl in the car and the pimp roles up next to them.

          • http://www.theleftsidepoets.wordpress.com MicTheMessenger

            HELL. YES.

        • Victoria Concordia Crescit

          As a medic, I feel your first scenario wholeheartedly! (and sadly, I’ve arrived on more than one scene with something like this taking place. Smh @ our people…)

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        Yeah, white lies that are only part of a bigger lie are just as harmful (if not more so because you’re just prolonging the inevitable and the pain). A white lie that Champ described is harmless because it doesn’t lead to much than more “piano playing” later on down the road, but white lies that are part of keeping a BIGGER lie? Mannnn…

      • Qozmic

        Those ain’t white lies… those are damn lies. The definition (at least my definition) of a white lie… is when you tell a small untruth FOR SOMEBODY ELSE’S BENEFIT.

        If you are lying to save yourself some discomfort…you’re just lying.

        • Yoles

          PREACH

        • keisha brown

          If you are lying to save yourself some discomfort…you’re just lying.

          isnt that in the end..what they ALL are?
          keeping the peace = reducing stress = avoiding a fight/discomfort?

          im just asking…

          • Yoles

            to be honest ALL lies are for selfish reasons whether it be to protect yourself from harm -physical, emotional or otherwise-, to not hurt someone else’s feelings, make things go smoother, avoid what you deem unnecessary confrontation etc.. white lies to me are lies that the other person knows deep down are really not true but they give a fresh coat of paint to the ego or peace…
            i.e. you’re the smartest person i know, you look much better than *insert person* any day of the week, this is the best *insert food* i have ever had, i like that nail polish color, yea i’m tired too and so on and so forth… its a moving target but we all know major deception when it comes out in the wash…

          • Qozmic

            I don’t really see it that way.

            Sometimes your intentions are totally pure, and it’s all about the other person and what will save their feelings. If you really care about somebody that is…

        • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          “Those ain’t white lies… those are damn lies. The definition (at least my definition) of a white lie… is when you tell a small untruth FOR SOMEBODY ELSE’S BENEFIT.”

          This is the real defintion as far as I’m concerned. But it seems folks use it to mean a “small lie”… meaning a lie that doesn’t have much negative impact, if any. Ah well… dayum evolving language.

          • Justmetheguy

            ” “Those ain’t white lies… those are damn lies. The definition (at least my definition) of a white lie… is when you tell a small untruth FOR SOMEBODY ELSE’S BENEFIT.”

            This is the real defintion as far as I’m concerned. But it seems folks use it to mean a “small lie”… meaning a lie that doesn’t have much negative impact, if any. Ah well… dayum evolving language.”

            Yeah, the concept of a “white lie” is just too subjective. A lot of women think faking an orgasm is a white lie. Meanwhile most men think that’s the most condescending, insulting, and idiotic thing a woman can do. If you lie to assuage someone’s ego then you may consider it a white lie, while that person may take it as a bigger insult than telling the truth about it. And yes some people consider a “small lie” to be a white lie. At the end of the day changing the subject and or just being quiet or making a joke to settle the tension tends to work better in the long run than lying. People tend to remember what you say. Esecially when it’s:
            A. About them
            B. Dealing with their ego or vanity
            C. a lie or controversial claim/statement
            and ESPECIALLY!
            D. All of the above

            Not saying these “white lies” can never work, but they sure as hell can give you a lot more trouble than you bargained for or intended when you fudged the truth for what you thought was peace lol

            • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

              Yup, totally agree in that a “white lie” is subjective. I mean, sure the person who TELLS the lie thinks its harmless, but shouldn’t it matter more what the other person thinks (who is actually affected by the lie)?

              • Qozmic

                Both of yall are on point. Especially the fakin orgasm thing. Tell me the truth, instead of robbing me of the opportunity to up my game.

      • Sula

        white lies about the type of work one does, past relationships and family ties may make me give the side eye unnecessarily for a minute

        Maybe we need a standing definition of “white lie” but all that you listed above are definitely NOT white lies… they are lies, plain and simple.