Sad to say, but a lot of you ninjas don’t know how to act. I’d love to say that’s an opinion, but really, that is more factual than anything you’ll find on Wikipedia. Well, it seems that some locales in New York City have come to realize this very fact, namely, Chuck E. Cheese. To wit:
Harlem’s Chuck E. Cheese is now a maximum-security play penitentiary.
As they enter the arcade and pizza parlor “where a kid can be a kid,” parents and their young children are given a list of prohibitions more stringent than Rikers Island’s.
“No gang-style apparel, including but not limited to hats, shirts, buckles, bandanas, towels,” reads an enormous sign installed last month.
“No gang-type conduct or behavior, including verbal slogans, greetings, hand signs or intimidation. No weapons or tools or any sort whatsoever; including knives, chains, screwdrivers, glass cutters.”
By comparison, visitors to Rikers Island are not banned from wearing gang colors, but skimpy or “see-through” garments are prohibited.
Oh, the places we will go. Of course, I’d love to call racism (it is, I mean it’s only the Harlem branch), but I’ve been to the Magic Johnson’s theater in Harlem when folks started acting a damn fool on some gangbanger stuff. Not to mention the Applebee’s in Bed-Stuy on Fulton that required me to remove my hat as it could be construed as a gang-symbol. Or the Ruby Tuesday’s here in DC that doesn’t sell dark liquor since that’s what usually incites ninjas to act like, well, ninjas. They do still serve light liquor though.
Common sense be damned.
Either way, I figure for the sake of argument that you know what, there are some places where rules are necessary because face it, we all have family members who just don’t know how to act. And some ninjas just can’t HELP but be ignant. I’m convinced it’s a gene. So I brainstormed some other places some ninjas just shouldn’t be able to go unless rules are instated. Follow me.
1. Church
You remember the scene from Colors where the Crips shot up the funeral where a Blood was being buried? You can’t stop that, but you can stop all the insane church hats that impede the view of anybody sitting behind Sister Bigdo and her hat garden. Or pimp attire. I’m looking at you Creflo. And the jheri curl. If we outlawed the jheri curl, how many church slip-and-falls (outside of the Pentecostal church, ain’t no stopping those) could be avoided? It might put GEICO out of business. Oh, and God too.
2. Bank
If banks instituted a no-ghetto-attitude policy (only banks located in the hood), do you realize how much faster you’d get your money? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been waiting in line behind some woman who is convinced that the bank is stealing her money and then the neck-snap and roll comes followed by a loudcapping and security guards inching closer to my locale.
3. Place you pay your cable/power bill
You already know we don’t like paying the bill. Folks walk in ready to light them b*tches on fire. But what if you required all people inside to read like, O Magazine, or something, or Purpose Drive Life while waiting in line (lines long enough to finish the whole book), the world might be a better place. Heal the world people.
4. Grocery store
If you forget an item and your ass is paying, consider that item official Black history. No “oh, I forgot my pickled pickles and toe jam, I’ll be right back.” You know you don’t know what aisle that’s in and now I have to wait on your slow, bumbaclot ass to return ONLY to pull out coupons and coins. Die.
Whew. Had to get that one off my chest.
I’ll stop there. Good people of the VSB fiefdom, what are some other places ninjas shouldn’t be able to go unless there are rules in order to maintain peace and order?
Ta ta now, we’re (mostly) all Black here. Speak on it.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3