Where The Hell Is Panama Jackson, Explained » VSB

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Where The Hell Is Panama Jackson, Explained

Panama Jackson

 

Who is Panama Jackson?

He’s the lightskint half of VSB. You may remember him from such luminary documentaries as “The Other Splash Brother” and “I Know You Hear Me Looking At You: A DC Gentrification Story”.

Okay, well, where the hell has he been?

As you can tell, he cares about DC’s gentrification problem, so he has decided to singlehandedly try to keep DC as Black as possible by having as many kids as possible.

Huh?

Well, on May 13th, Panama’s third child, and second son was born.

Three kids? Who does that anymore? He’s fertile. 

Yes. Yes, he is.

But, what does having another kid have to do with being absent from VSB for so long? He’s just writing posts. How hard can that be?

Harder than you might think. See, Panama is on “paternity” leave, which means that he’s been at home doing his duty to help mommy out as much as possible because there now exists one hell of a full house over there in SE DC. Not only that, but “paternity” leave is more of a symbolic thing because he’s been doing his DAY job along with his home job for the past 3 weeks AT HOME. It’s hard to sit down and focus on writing when you’ve got screaming babies, screaming bosses, and household duties that need taking care of. He might be as handsome as Superman, but Panama is only a man.

Sounds like a lot of excuses to me.

You’re right. It does.

So you’re saying that Panama basically just took a flier on VSB-related work since his son was born. Not cool, man. Not cool. He should be used to this baby life by now.

This is a fair point. And what you’d be surprised by is that while he hasn’t been writing, nearly every single day has been full of OTHER VSB related activities. He and Damon have spent more time on the telephone talking to people about VSB’s future than you can shake a stick at. When he’s not writing, he’s editing and posting pieces from other writers and sought out new writers between diaper changes and handing the new baby off to mommy and saying, “I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m going to Taco Bell.” He also managed to get in an appearance on a podcast hosted by the one and only, Obsidian. The entire 2.5 hours that I was on the show can be found here. And no, you didn’t read that wrong. I was on for almost 3 hours. Believe it or not, it’s not because Obsidian was talking the whole time. He was probably the least talkative person on the show, at least on this particular show.

And he’s been planning the VSB Podcast series: “VSB + Friends” and “Conversate With P”, which will be coming soon to your earbuds and computer speakers. So as you can see, he’s not been totally shiftless.

Okay, okay. So he’s not totally full of shit. At least he’s been doing something. Anything else worthy of note? All we know around here is that he’s left Damon with all of the heavy lifting. Truth be told, we thought Damon kicked him out of the group but still let him stay around on the official stationary and shit to be nice.

I’m sure Damon was annoyed with the absence but he’s aware of what’s happening and when he’s not throwing an errant curse word into a post, he’s a pretty understanding fellow. Luckily he and Damon were able to have a drink together to commemorate Panama’s aint-shit-ness during his birthday shenanigans this past weekend. Panama turned 37 (!!!!) on June 3rd and had a big ass happy hour on the 4th in DC that ended with Panama literally going to sleep in the venue because of too much Bulleit bourbon consumption. They took a few pictures and it was pointed out that they always take the same picture in the same poses no matter where they go. They need a new schtick.

Well, this was all well and good and shit, but is Panama back from his bullshit baby hiatus?

He thinks so. He’s finally started going to back to work at his day job where he does all of his writing because his home is full of babies who love him and require all of his time and attention.

He should do better.

He will try.

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Niecy

    Congrats on the new squishy human in your life and happy belated and all, but can we get an ETA on that VSB podcast??

    • nillalatte

      Niecy! Don’t take this the wrong way ’cause I gets excited at some crazy things, but

      *nilla yells to VSB fam* We have a Niecy in the house!!!!!!

      (Article Damon wrote)

      Please, please let the innanets bless us with a Junebug! My VSB days of old will be fulfilled! ???

  • NonyaB

    Dayyum, well congrats on the baybeh! #3 though? You been puttin’ in that sheets work and you financially brave. I’m always in awe of anyone in this generation having more than 1-2 kids.

    You were on a podcast by the dude who often almost single-handedly polarized your brethren’s chitchat here, kept legions more as lurkers (cause who’d want to enter poisoned wells of conversation)? That dude? That’s nice. I’ll take word for it that you had a good time and wait for your podcast instead.

  • Brass Tacks

    Fuckin awesome, Bro!

    Congrats on being a third time pappy. Happy belated Bday! And cant wait to see what you have planned for the upcoming weeks.

  • Karine1976

    Congratulations!

  • Vanity in Peril

    Congratulations on the chirrens. Vanity lurve da kids.

  • skinnynow

    Congrats!

  • Kas

    Congratulations on the addition to the family.

    • Tambra

      You think your gf Aggie is on the opposite of paternity leave?

      • Kas

        One, I don’t have gf’s. Two, what is the opposite of paternity leave? Maternity leave is not the opposite by the way.

        • Tambra

          I did not want to go with that word, but you are right.

          • Kas

            Hate is also not the opposite of love.

            • Tambra

              It is not?

              Edit: Can I ask you not to engage in a philosophical debate today?

              • Kas

                Apathy is the opposite of love.

                • Tambra

                  I would have loved to engage but not today.

        • L8Comer

          I’m not a man and I don’t have kids leave?? Lol idk

  • Betty’s Babygirl

    Congratulations to you and your wife being out numbered by chirrens! Welcome to da club. It may seem overwhelming now but it gets easier. Trust me. I know from where I speak. I have four. Fortunately, only one is technically still a minor. Enjoy the ride…it goes quickly.

  • 3hours is a long podcast. I have to tap out after an hour.

    • Brass Tacks

      Ricky! Where you been, bruh? I had a question you could’ve solved for me.

      • Attempting to spend less time on the internet. What’s up man?

        • Brass Tacks

          Respeck fam. Ill keep it brief.

          AP and I are at odds because she seems to think she’s not that pretty. By her own words, her avi is a product of: “Smokescreens and filters and lies.”

          *rolls eyes* I know.

          I think she’s lying before God, and H.H.H. agrees with me. She considers you a great friend, and I value your opinion on these matters.

          So my question is: Is she lying, or Is she lying?

          She’s lying isn’t she?

          • SHE LYING

            • Brass Tacks

              Thanks, Bruh!

            • How you just gone come up here and slander my good name like this????

          • Mind ya bidness

        • ChokeOnThisTea

          I’m gonna start doing the same. The stuff I read online isn’t good for my emotional well being. Lol ?

    • miss t-lee

      For real.

    • Cleojonz

      I can’t even give that long. You better have a quick 10 minute dialogue, 20 tops. I got kids man, and they talk all the time. Headphones do not work.

  • cyanic

    Tell the truth you get off on people mistaking you for Tom Morello. Which leads to opportunities to celebrity hobnob while also picking up his groupie love.

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