Between the shoddy stats (I want to see proof that 55% of the black men in Chicago have felony records), the strange criteria (ie: The assumption that a black man who has dated white women before wouldn’t be interested in black women), and the latent message that every single black woman is, in fact, flawless and completely relationship-worthy, there’s much to hate about the “Where Are All The Good Single Black Men?” infographic posted at BestBlackDatingSites.org earlier this month.
As the homie Jamilah “Don’t Call Me Mario” Lemieux points out, this set of meandering statistics fails at one of the first things any preschool math teacher will tell you. It’s understandable if you’re not sure if 27+27 equals 44 or 54, but you definitely should be certain that the answer isn’t 167,000. Basically, if your answer is completely off-base — and the conclusion of there being three eligible black men to every 100 eligible women is completely off-base — then your methodology sucks.
But, with all that being said, there was a question asked. And, I wouldn’t be much of a crime-fighter if I didn’t attempt to answer it. I don’t know exactly where every missing goodsingleblackman happens to be at the moment, but I can make a few educated guesses.
At the barbershop, waiting for the barber to just cut his damn hair and stop talking about how Lebron’s new shoes are the handmaidens of the Illuminati
While we all look forward to going to the shop, between your barber pausing your cut so he can run across the street to play the lottery, you waiting for him while he barters with Joe Crackhead and tries to get him to accept a trade of a pack of socks, a steak, and a set of drills for $1.79 (and succeeds!), and the ubiquitous (but hilarious) arguments with other barbers in the shop, I’d say that the average black man spends approximately 85% more time there than he plans to.
Any woman looking for the missing good black man just needs to stick her head inside of Raheem’s Cutz, and she’ll probably find anywhere from 7 to 37 of them hiding out in there, silently steaming while reading old issues of Hunting Illustrated, The Final Call, and Black Tail
Hiding from uber-aggressive white women
This isn’t suggesting that all (or even most) white women are aggressive when pursuing men. This isn’t even suggesting that all (or even most) white women interested in black men are overtly lascivious. But, the few who happen to be aggressive tend to be extreme with their aggression. Basically, if the typical white woman is a non-orthodox muslim, these broads are the coital Al-Qaeda, and they’ll stop at nothing until we’re all dead. (And by “we’re all dead” I mean “we agree to a truck party“)
Good black men know this, and most will try to hide at the one place where these Lisa Lampanelli’s will never be: Tyler Perry movie premieres.
At some gym or wherever the hell they go to do chest exercises
As Lady Champ pointed out to me last week, it seems like every young professional black man has the same mental checklist.
Get a well-paying job? Check
Buy a nice car? Check
Join a gym, and start doing bench-presses, push-ups, dips, and whatever else is necessarily to reverse the pec atrophy caused by sitting at a computer screen 14 hours a day everyday for 10 years and ensure that my chest starts to puff out of my dress shirts? Check
Seriously, there are so many “FedEx diesel” — “FedEx” because that shit happens overnight — accountants, lawyers, Verizon salesmen, and taxidermists walking around nowadays that it sometimes feels like I’m on the set of one of those contrived plotline pornos; you know, one of those flicks with a title like “Teacher’s P*ssy Pet” where Wesley Pipes is cast as an unassuming school principal and rocking a suit and some prison-issue bifocals on the DVD cover. It’s like grad schools have begun passing out Creatine coupons whenever they grant MBA’s.
It’s easy to spot them, too. Just look for the black guy with the college ring, the Audi, and Dwight Howard’s chest on top of Kate Moss’ legs.
Since this is true, I’d advise anyone looking for a good, single, black man to try Bally’s. But, be advised that even if you do find him there, you’ll probably have to wait until he’s completed his 56th set of incline bench presses before he talks to you.
Looking for their missing testosterone
If studies such as the one recently published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences have any truth to them, there’s a correlation between pretty much every “domestic” activity involving men (fatherhood, monogamy, marriage, etc) and decreased testosterone. And, if the long-held theory that black women are disproportionately attracted to hyper-heterosexual men has any truth to it, it stands to reason that while the high-testosterone, anti-monogamy men (the “bad” ones) are cleaning up, the safe, low-testosterone, pro-monogamy men (the “good” ones) are striking out.
Now, I don’t know exactly where one would find some spare testosterone. (GMC? The Greyhound station? A whale’s vagina?) But, wherever that place happens to be, I bet you’ll also find a gaggle of goodsingleblackmen huddled around a makeshift flame, shivering and ready to trade anything — their shoes, their watches, their anal virginity — for another vial of testes juice.
Anyway, people of VSB, that’s it for me today. Can you think of any other places where one could possibly find these missing goodsingleblackmen?
—The Champ
***It’s that time again. The third installment of REMINISCE is happening this Saturday, October 1, at Liv Nightclub in Washington, DC. It’s one hell of a time as we spin the best of 90s hiphop, r&b, and dancehall. It’s FREE before 11PM ($10 after), OPEN BAR FROM 10-11PM, and no dress code. Come party with Panama Jackson since Wu Tang is here forever, MOTHERF*****S. See you then!! Here’s the Facebook invite with all the details: http://www.facebook.com/event.
Goodsingleblackmen are wherever goodsingleblackwomen are not….
*shrug*
I tried =\
“Goodsingleblackmen are wherever goodsingleblackwomen are not….”
inside of white women?
or perhaps inside a badblackwoman?
LOL.. you need to quit.
Go on… turn in your whatever card you hold against white women and check out a book. I hear Harry Potter is full of fantasy magical fun.
BYE, Champ. LOL
dead.
Goodsingleblackmen are wherever goodsingleblackwomen are not…
SMH
I feel like you need a hug.
But I’m a good black man…so I can’t give you one. Of course this assumes you’re a good black woman and by your own math then we’d never be in the same place at the same time so you just might have to get a hug from a rapper or non-violent offender…which can sometimes also be a rapper.
I’ll take the hug lol but I know there are a plethora (read handful) of good single black men walking the face of this Earth. Now the real question for the women out here searching for these men is are they ready to receive said man? Ain’t no point in having a good black man if you’re just going to be a sub par black woman.
I just want to first say, that i am so sorry to all of the beautiful african american women out there that feels like they have to move to another race because brothers act like they don’t have any sense. I know you women struggle in finding that man, but please don’t focus on a man (i don’t care how lonely you are). Focus on Jesus, seek him first and believe me, he knows your heart and desires, but if you try to get in a relationship that’s not a Godly one… then its possible that it wont last, a Godly one will. Make Christ you EVERYTHING, fall in love with him! My heart desires for that companionship too, but i have to continue being patient and wait on the Lord and thats real talk. That woman of God will come when God says we’re ready for one another. Anybody have any questions on how to put it in God’s hands, contact me on facebook under the name: Pat Gaddy Jr. It’s time for real man to love these women God bless us with like Christ loved the church. God bless and hold on sisters
Hmm. I may believe that infographic. 3 for eery 100 black women makes sense. But I am willing to bet if you took those 100 black women and whittled them down using the same criteria (job, in shape, not in jail) the numbers would look much better for them. well, better than 3 out of 100.
My solution is to date outside the race. I am all about it these days!
So, I should take my melanin to the melanin deficient? hmmm
yup!!!
“But I am willing to bet if you took those 100 black women and whittled them down using the same criteria (job, in shape, not in jail) the numbers would look much better for the”
the criteria that makes a woman ineligible (ie: “is a delta,” “dated lil wayne,” etc) would be much different too.
LOL RIGHT!
No one just DATED Lil Wayne. You either have never met him in his life, or you’re Baby Mama #17.
honestly, i was just trying to be Lauren London’s boyfriend #2 til she got knocked up by him.
LOL. She does have the dimples the men love. All cute and cuddly until you realize her vajayjay is the inspiration for the song “Pu$$y Monster” LOL. You can’t be Lil Wayne’s sloppy seconds.
Wha? I did not know of this. Now I am deeply sad.
Not “is a Delta!”
So 200,000 plus women are just ineligible? Dang, you didn’t have to come for my Sorors like that. LOL
b-b-b-b-but black women is perfect Missus Liz!
#ThaTwittahTaughtMeSo
So, it’s come to this. I guess the writing was on the wall and now it is in the literal sense. Yeah…So tried to warn me but I didn’t listen. I’m keeping the VSB friends.
LMAO!!! Awww Meechy Pie you know I wouldn’t leave you!!!!!
These statistics are all wrong! For example, non-graduates are likely to be unemployed and therefore likely to have a jail record! Yet, these factors were all treated as if brothas only have one issue apiece. Yeah right! And considering the multiple issues I find myself wading through, as I try to find a decent sista in today’s dating scene… I can guarantee the 100 available black women are not 100% suitable for dating. What if I were to factor in: children, education, obesity, etc… How many of the 100 sistas are left??? Exactly.
Love yall dearly… but the lack of eligible black men is largely a myth!
I dunno if it’s a myth. There are no eligible black people period is the problem. the man has got us down as a people.
I personally know a lot of black men who are more or less good dudes (many of they are a mess emotionally). but i tend to think i am an exception as my other black female friends don’t know as many of these kinds of dudes (these chicks are in diff income brackets). i just think the numbers for blacks requiring the same things are not as harsh as 3:100. It might be 3:50 but thats much better than 3:100.
I dunno if it’s a myth. There are no eligible black people period is the problem. the man has got us down as a people.
Well if we all got problems then we just need to hook up with someone with the same problem.
Not a myth … but it can seem worse than it is. I meet eligibile black men all the time. After I eliminate those who I have no interest in (by looks, employment status, dating status, # of children); emotional issues are the single largest disqualifying factor that removes men from the eligible category. No VSS care that a man is great on paper if he is an angry, bitter, insecure dude. Or a misogypig.
what if you have to factor in common sense and “won’t get you killed in the streets-ness”
that reduces the numbers by at least half.
New college graduates are likely to be either unemployed or under-employed in this economy. Just saying!
Liz I like where you’re going with the whole date outside of your race suggestion. I actually think all black women, who’ve found themselves having trouble finding a VSSBM (SeeWhatIDidThere) should date out of their race but be sure to raise your kids with the understanding that we’re black people. You need to feed the kids a steady diet of “Like It Is,” Ralph Ellison, Marvin Gaye and TV One.
It’s actually revolutionary. If black women would date white guys and Asian guys and Latino guys and Indian guys, and have babies with said guys, but raise those children to identify themselves black people and have a deep appreciation for all things black, then we not only solve the problem of ‘what to do with all the awesome single black women’ but we also stand to increase our population percentage from the paltry 13 we’ve been stuck at the past couple decades. And by raising these kids right, with an appreciation for black men and women, we insure that other generations of VSS’s don’t have to go through what this generation is going through in looking for VSB’s.
This generation just has to take one for the team. It’s all on y’all.
This just hasn’t ever seemed like an option. I need brown skin in my life ala India Arie. I can’t tell where yours begins and mine ends type of sh*t.
See Ms. McSelfish, that’s why you single… lol. J/K.
LOL!!!
No don’t deny the fact that she is being selfish. It’s black women like her that makes it hard for us blac females in general to be approached by non blck men. Sigh, thank God I have an open mind. That’s why I’m engaged to asian american man.
I’m brown. My father is Caribbean and my mother is Panamanian.
TOE-TAH-LEE AGREE!!!! Even though the one that has my heart is a light bright, he still a kneegro. LOL
I’m with you WIP.
But I’m wondering…
I’m down. In fact, I am the poster child for said dynamic (half navajo). Well, sorta. You see me trynan tip out on negroes already!
Imagine that! An entire generation of good hair! Amazing!!! Get that going and we will stay winning. I call that the browning of America! Atlanta would look like . . .. idk Rio de Janerio, Brazil!!!
please tell me you didn’t.
Agreed! Be willing to explore men of different hues.
@ Liz. I agree. If you whittled down the population of women based on men’s criteria, you would see that the competition’s really not stiff at all.
At the end of the day, if you’ve got the goods, your product is going to move. The statistics arguments are for sore losers.
3 for 50 is still stiff. pause. I gotta say, its not easy being in that small population, there are just too many women out here. Which in itself is not a bad thing, but you never know what you will get when you take one out… like the angry chick with the chip on her shoulder, the chick that wants to step in and be your mom, the chick that wants to argue every point, the chick that doesn’t cook, the chick that …
you get where I’m going with this…
Sigh. If only I knew the answer to that age-old (since I started looking for one) question.
you’re at the right place
…where everybody knows your naaaaame!
steps to the piano and starts playing the theme song.
….and they’re always glad you caaaaaaame….
You won’t find them in Borders or Blockbuster.
*zing*
actually, that’s where they go to hide from the uber-aggressive white women. you just blew their cover
Since both of those places are bankrupt…those must be some zombie type cats
You got the joke. Lol.
well, they are black men, so it’s better that they hide in dark buildings
Do they also hide in kitchens? Because if they do, and they can cook, I can has kidnap some.
How they hiding when both companies folded this year? I know, they were my 2 hiding spots. Now I just duck behind bouncers at bars. Damn…I wasn’t sposed to tell that…
They’re not on online dating sites either
The ones on dating sites aren’t looking for sisters, in general.
I just saw a Blockbuster commercial.
I saw a picture of a sign on some site about the Blockbuster bathroom being out of order, and them telling customers to ask Netflix if they could use theirs. lol.
I saw the same with Borders – go pee at Amazon
That has got to be a unicorn ’cause it’s like seeing a Circuit City commercial = twilight zone
SN: Where the f- can a person walk in and buy movies now? Wal-mart, Best Buy, etc.- the selections are small. There are no more video stores. I think there’s still a market need.
Online. No one carries a large selection of DVDs anymore. I mean Barnes & Noble usually has a decent selection, but that’s it.
All the cyber heads have ruined the brick and mortar establishments. Technology will be the death of all things tangible, I tell ya!
We still got video games (even tho thats the one thing i wish u can just download)
You can try your local grocery store, the stop and shop and walgreens near me has the Redbox movie rentals for a buck, yay ^_^
I miss Borders…that Afro-Am fiction section >>>
If you find anyone in “Blockbuster” you need to run anyway.
Can’t knock Blockbuster. It was the only way we could get a copy if the original Tron.
Hmmm we still have some BBs where I live… I go often.
They forgot the category of brothas that are too busy readin up on W.E.B. DuBois on our kindle app on ipad… after watching a riveting documentary on marijuana via Netflix while sipping fine wine and listening to big band jazz and/or hip hop on Spotify?
Chart is cute but apparently whomever made it doesn’t believe there is any overlap in any of those categories.
Where are these good single black men? Right in front of black women. But as all (generalization, yes you are the one special flower that looks at everyone whoever the hell you are that is making herself as the exception) women behave, if they’re not attracted to you then you do not exist.
“if they’re not attracted to you then you do not exist”
Doesn’t that work both ways?
No, men actively avoid women they deem unattractive.
“No, men actively avoid women they deem unattractive.”
I read this thread three times, and I don’t get how this is any different than acting like someone doesn’t exist
It was a very bad joke.
You have to acknowledge someone exists in order to actively avoid them.
That was deep! (TWSS)
Is this not the same thing? lol. If women don’t think ur attractive then they think you don’t exist. If men dont think a woman is attractive then they avoid them. Bottom line is there is nothing going on here between parties so what is the problem?
I think he means that men make the proper qualification. A man walks into a room, doesn’t see any women he finds attractive, and says “I don’t see any attractive women here.” A woman walks into a room, doesn’t see any men she finds attractive, and says “There are no men here.” As a practical matter, it makes no difference. But as a matter of principle, I think his beef is that men will at least acknowledge an unattractive woman’s existence.
And I wouldn’t go so far as to say that men “actively avoid unattractive women.” I would say that men are more or less indifferent to unattractive women just like women are more or less indifferent to unattractive men.
A man walks into a room, doesn’t see any women he finds attractive, and says “I don’t see any attractive women here.” A woman walks into a room, doesn’t see any men she finds attractive, and says “There are no men here.”
That was interesting…
@Malik @Kidsister @Champ
Malik is on-point with that statement… Not only do not exist, you are dehumanized until you are needed as a wallet and/or role model for a child
I avoid women who might be bad for my health… (Women who have huge a$$hole/edgy needs)
part of that deal is, dealing with a woman who doesn’t make little Adonis come alive… I can’t do that to a poor girl (yet)
I owe it to women not to just use them without enjoying their s*x
No. Because ‘some’ guys are too dumb to get that someone is ignoring them. Its how the term ‘stalker’ came to be.
Women are actually far worse and more frequent stalkers than men. I know women like to believe that men are sweating them out all the time, but when a woman finds “that” guy, she may go so far as to (a) jump in a chimney and suffocate or (b) wear an adult diaper and drive halfway across the country for him.
LMAO @
“a) jump in a chimney and suffocate or (b) wear an adult diaper and drive halfway across the country for him.”
I’ll also add that the term “stalker” has different applications to men and women.
If a guy is a “bugaboo,” he’s called a stalker. Keep in mind that the standard for a “bugaboo” is only one telephone call or interaction beyond what the woman desires.
If a woman shows up at a guy’s house unannounced and confronts other women involved with that dude (assuming the relationship was non-exclusive), she’s not considered a stalker. Instead people will dismiss it as simply “the way women are.”
I get what you’re saying, but there are the guys that get crazy controlling obsessive and will start getting violent. I guess it does go both ways.
I was thinking the same thing. I think that not considering that possibility of overlap is the major flaw in this diagram/ “study.”
Chart is cute but apparently whomever made it doesn’t believe there is any overlap in any of those categories.
yea, this is true. i’m sure the last six things listed have a ton of overlap
I agree that there’s probably a huge overlap in jail, unemployed, less than 30K, kids. Maybe even interest in a white woman (kidding). But not the obesity category- I’m thinking these guys are probably the ones who are in the best shape.
“I agree that there’s probably a huge overlap in jail, unemployed, less than 30K, kids. Maybe even interest in a white woman (kidding). But not the obesity category- I’m thinking these guys are probably the ones who are in the best shape.’
nah. gym memberships are expensive, lol. some of them even do credit checks and sh*t now
Gym membership? Don’t they work out in their from yard a la The Game’s recent music video? Or do pull-ups on the corner stop lights *I’m looking at you Brooklyn, NY!*?
Planet Fitness is only $20/month, and that’s with the ultra-exclusive, BLACK CARD. LOL.
$20 a month? I was only paying $10. Of course my gym membership is now like $75 monthly in my new neighborhood. Planet Fitness isn’t good enough for these uppity folks here.
Hahahahaha. Malik’s preaching. I’m not an econ/finance/stats major but I noticed that those stats were getting skewed even before reading the proposterous conclusion.
This is why we need Venn diagrams to show the overlaps if we want to get a truer picture of these “good men” traits.
exactly,
we are in an age where women don’t _need_ men like they used to.
as such, the choice to “not choose” is an option, and they are a bit more picky.
Thus some of the shallow criteria we all use to pick a mate start whittle away at the pool of possibles.
(ok – some criteria isn’t shallow, but for real, it should be all about love and compatibility, everything else doesn’t matter)
So I hear that one can meet them at places such as the library, grocery store, or church but I’m finding this to be flawed. One doesn’t have to be a good guy to hang at those places. Is this still true? I know I shouldn’t be taking my behind to church just to meet a man…
The men at church….there are easily 30 women pining after them. It makes it almost not even worth a try. Or you know, it will require many talks with God before progress is made.
GOD has jokes. He’ll probably put me with some reformed player for one who is celibate. *shudders*
LMAO. Yeah if you bring God into the equation srsly then you gotta be cool with celibacy. Anything else is not really what God has intended for you.
I’ve learned that I am just not ready for the real church dudes. I have too many skeletons and things I am trying to clear up before I am ready to mess with a church dude’s heart. So for now, I look longingly from the sidelines. SMH. I’m so pathetic LOL.
if you bring God into the equation srsly then you gotta be cool with celibacy. Anything else is not really what God has intended for you.
Wow….. this msg really struck a chord w/ me. Very eye-opening & something I needed to see/read.
Thnx, Liz
“The men at church….there are easily 30 women pining after them.”
i didn’t believe this to be true until I actually started going to church and saw women put panties in the collection plate
I already know you’re lying when you claim to be anywhere near a church!!
I walked past a church last Thursday. Does this count?
I’m glad I aint the only heathen.
If church is where they hiding, I’ll never find them.
@Champ
I swear to Jehavoh, I can find that believable…
If someone told me, that the pastor is pouring holy oil on a woman’s panties to find a good man, I would believe it…
Sidenote: I watched Madea’s Family Reunion… And the biggest red flag is Boris Kodjoe working as a bus driver (and avoid a higher paying GQ model position)
Tyler Perry was cruel to BW for that one…
Lmao, I’m amazed at the thirst of some of these women , some look like they’re going to a club right afterward (or just coming from there). Do we really need to all that cleavage???
i obviously go to the wrong church then…lmao
I would think the pickings would be even lower for you at church. After you take into account for the gay musicians, DL/diva dudes.
LOL. i dont think diva dudes go to church. church requires too much humility if youre doing it right. and by “too much” i mean “a little” but thats still too muh for a diva dude. diva dudes are too arrogant to box with God.
I think he was referring to the pastor (as far as DL/Diva dudes)
I really like the library, it’s a good place to go get books, but I would not recommend trying to meet someone there. I am usually one of the 5% of people in the library that’s not talking to themselves.
People have pegged those as nice guy havens as if all the good men congregate to those areas and I’m just missing out. Not really
Truth. Maybe my hometown library is ratchet but a good percentage of the men in there aren’t socially acceptable. There is always a homeless guy checking his twitter and as @Green Afro Diva stated the crazies are out talking to everyone and no one at once.
#iJustCant with the homeless dude checking his twitter…LOL!!!
right. no psychos allowed please. Is that asking for too much?
The ones at the Library will probably get you at least 10 in prison. Darn youngins’.
Mmm……..youngins…..
“At the barbershop, waiting for the barber to just cut his damn hair and stop talking about how Lebron’s new shoes are the handmaidens of the Illuminati “
First..nothing of, belonging, or related to Lebron shall prosper. For I have spoke it, so is it written. 2nd..I’d just like to add how much it sucks to be the young out of place single mom at the barbershop. It’s like living in a fishbowl. You spend the whole time looking at your phone- when you ain’t got no phone calls, just trying to not make eye contact. Then..there is the rise from the chair. When your son is finished. You know soon as you get up, they’re lookin at your arse, they know you know, and you both know that they’ll talk about you when you leave, much as they did “subtly” when you were sitting there. So then you gotta figure out what to wear that does not highlight the back end to much, but you don’t wanna go out looking scruffy because that will be the time that you either A) run into the heffa you didn’t like in high school entering the same barbershop, looking quite spiffy B) Encounter the rare specimen in the barbershop that you might be interested in.
Share My World. Feel My Pain.
Just thought I’d share that with y’all. Far as where all the good black men are hiding?
Fcku if I know.
“First..nothing of, belonging, or related to Lebron shall prosper. ”
Well damb! Can his seeds be great?
No! For it is written!
DIES…..well there are two more black men in the world who shall not have good black women on their arms for it is written that they will ultimately fail and spend 4-8 life sentences behind bars.
So…it was Misty that cursed his hairline. #NowYouKnow
lol
“You know soon as you get up, they’re lookin at your arse, they know you know, and you both know that they’ll talk about you when you leave, much as they did “subtly” when you were sitting there.”
I actually don’t mind this because it happens to me all the time. It’s a great conversation starter
See..I’m not sure how I’m supposed to convert this into a conversation.Without saying something to the effect of “Umm-hmm I see you lookin at my booty” that might work in a E40 song if your Khandi Burress, but real life?
a smile and a hello works for me everytime
Yeah, that’s not really my kind of conversation either. “Oh you like my @ss? fascinating, I care deeply.”
Dead. Yeah I don’t think I could do it either, not DURING or shortly after the blatant viewing.
besides, if men are staring at your best physical asset, why not use that to your advantage?
But why neglect the Significant components of my being? Like my boobs? Better yet them thighs?
because black guys like arse. If you want someone to look at your boobs, head to the white barbershops, otherwise known as stylists lol
@Misty Knight
“But why neglect the Significant components of my being? Like my boobs? Better yet them thighs?”
This comment is a violation of VSB rules.
I dunno. Get over it. We like asses.
and y’all got em.
Don’t understand women that don’t like being admired/ogled
WIN… Now you can do a seminar for black women, using their A$$ as a convo starter…
I just want a 15% after you put it together… Just send it to my paypal
@Green Afro Diva
“I actually don’t mind this because it happens to me all the time. It’s a great conversation starter”
And how do these conversations start?
Yes, do tell. *grabs notepad*
You spend the whole time looking at your phone- when you ain’t got no phone calls, just trying to not make eye contact. Then..there is the rise from the chair. When your son is finished. You know soon as you get up, they’re lookin at your arse, they know you know, and you both know that they’ll talk about you when you leave, much as they did “subtly” when you were sitting there
This just CRACKED me the hell up….Very accurate assessment of reckless barbershop eyeballin. Seriously, why do women avoid eye contact if they might be interested?
Whether I’m interested or not, rampant eye ballin just makes me uncomfortable. And it’s not like it’s just one dude doing a subtle look back, it’s like a mass arse observation. And then you know ni**as in barbershops cluck like a couple church hens, some of them can’t even wait till the door swings closed to start cluckin. The few times guys have approached me in the barbershop on the “open floor” was very awkward. I didn’t wanna give em the complete brush-off because I knew they’d never hear the end of it, but it’s weird reciprocating the flirt cuz everyone is staring at you.
“…it’s like a mass arse observation”
this made me laugh aloud
[full stare] that must be quite the (m)ass!?
i usually avert my eyes just slightly so as(s) not be distracted from the remaining (de)tails and such…either that or i’m starin’ at the damn clippers and wondering why/how it takes longer to groom the 20″ circumference of a dudes head than it does to landscape an entire yard. but it sounds as though you may be endowed with one of those rare tractor beam models…thusly, there’s not very much that can be done to downplay it.
but it sounds as though you may be endowed with one of those rare tractor beam models…thusly, there’s not very much that can be done to downplay it.
I don’t think I’m holding like that, I’m proportionate, for my height, its just being the new, unfamiliar, female face at the barbershop will always garner attention, and extraness.
but it’s weird reciprocating the flirt cuz everyone is staring at you.
true. I can understand that…
sh*t, just be thankful that they don’t start the ass discussion while you’re still there.
But THEY DO! not as open, but I hear those little comments. They just think I can’t hear them because I’m on my imaginary phone call, with my hilariously engaging girlfriend.
“Just thought I’d share that with y’all. Far as where all the good black men are hiding?
Fcku if I know”
we’re like Cheshire Cats…
you see us grinning in Ebony Magazine when they do that issue on the 6 single black men in america, and the rest of the time, we don’t exist.
#KeyserSoze
“you see us grinning in Ebony Magazine when they do that issue on the 6 single black men in america, and the rest of the time, we don’t exist.”
I cannot with you lmao
them dudes seem like total douchebags too. also seem unattainable. like they went and found 6 models to put some words together or something.
Well, real talk, I actually know a single dude who was involved with that…and he has a girlfriend now. LOL
I hate when my dad asks me to take my little brother to the barbershop. As soon as I walk in the conversations halts. Ninjas just grin and/or stare at me. Then it takes the barber 50-11ty hours just to give my brother a fade and a tape while trying to engage me in conversation that always start with “You 18 now? You got a man?” Someone’s daddy holding on to a ashy child with a Boosie fade asks me for my number. And then the get-up, which involves everyone doing the booty stare. Even the ashy child.
Why is it on those days everyone in your contacts list is busy?
“Why is it on those days everyone in your contacts list is busy?”
Cuz they ain’t shyt! I swear to God it’s like the barbershop puts out a DO NOT ANSWER, DO NOT CALL signal on your phone.
Try this, slowly stare each man in the eye and stick your middle finger up your nose until he gets embarrassed and looks away. I’ve perfected the anti stare. I will do it till I own the room and have them staring at their cell phones.
You should try this next time….go into the barbershop all busted in sweats, a white tee and a fitted.
Seems to me like that would be more of an attention grabber. It’s been my experience that when I go out of my way to be incognito, there is a flashing neon sign that says TALK TO ME.
oh, how i hate that!!! whenever i wear my DO NOT TALK TO ME outfit (sweats, flops, tees, cheerleading ponytail/bun thingy) men FLOCK to me. i’ve heard it’s because we look less intimidating that way AND if a woman looks good in sweats she looks good in anything. BUT, this outfit is purposeful. i’m running errands and have little time for your BS. please sir, don’t sliiiidddeee up next to me rubbing your hands, licking your lips and eyballing me like a thick juicy steak (insert joke here). in the words of nicki minaj “EW”.
*puts on sweats, heads to B&N, gets back to this pharmacotherapy book*
This happened to me recently. I was outside with a rattty lumberjack flannel and some jeans (all be they snug) some ashy hat, imo looking like who dun it & why, and it seemed like everything with a paynus was staring at me. I kept on checking my shirt to make sure my blouse hadn’t popped open and my boobs weren’t hanging out.Baffling.
*puts on his Michael Jackson gear*
” Hey pretty baybee with the flip flops onnn…
You’ve got me feeling like I’ve nevver evvver known”
*yells into a fire hydrant*
This made me laugh out loud…for real. LOL (<–is that redundant? it's a habit; i can't help it.)
” Hey pretty baybee with the flip flops onnn…
You’ve got me feeling like I’ve nevver evvver known”
i. am. weak. LMAOOOO! maybe if a man did that i would give him the time of day hahahah! no panties but at least the time of day….
Yup, this has been my experience as well. I thought I was alone in that one.
I’m so glad you brought up the barbershop because I came in here at this late hour just to cry BS on that point.
I’ve been a regular at my shop for almost two years now and in that time I have yet to see one dude who was worth my smile. Every time I roll up, every last kneegrow seems all too pleased to be watching the bootleg edition of whatever just came out- even AFTER their cut has happened. I can’t help but think that these dudes must not have enough to do because I’m on some GTL typeness on my saturdays. Hair cut, gym, nails, groceries, laundry. I can’t get all that in with a hangover if I spend two hours waiting for Big Ray to get his forehead lined and his beard trimmed even on both sides. So now I call ahead to see what the wait be on and save my spot in line because my Dude thinks I’m sweet and cute. (Ha!)
I wish! some dude with real swag would come for me in the shop. But what usually happens is this: Dude walks in looking like its laundry day with a two piece, biscuit, and strawberry cheesecake. Dude’s barber is on his way out and is not cutting anymore hair. Dude spends next 20min staring at me and doesn’t bother to say anything, eat his food, or pull that other pant leg down. ‘Milla gets up to leave. Dude asks my barber if I’m single. Barber affirms my availability. Dude follows me out and starts next sentence at me with “Eh, yo.” ‘Milla starts lying her ass off about her availability and wishes him a good day. Dude looks forlorn at his takeout container muttering, damn. Young kneegrows loitering the block point and laugh.
Fcuk. Now I’m dreading my turn in the chair this weekend. What I really need is to date a dude who will cut my hair for me. Where are those dudes? I’d be sure to give him his $15 worth after.
this whole comment kilt me! thanks for the visuals.
“What I really need is to date a dude who will cut my hair for me. Where are those dudes?”
Beauty skewl. Or the barbering program at the local community college.
“What I really need is to date a dude who will cut my hair for me. Where are those dudes?
We can’t have it all, God don’t work like that. The one straight guy I found that did hair (well) and was interested in me, was about as chexually arousing as Steve Harvey..and he wore those obligatory black men over 40 casual shirt, wide leg pants w/gators outfit too..
The thought of Steve Harvey thrusting away in some unfortunate woman’s love box made me throw up a little in my mouth.
+1 double vom
“What I really need is to date a dude who will cut my hair for me. Where are those dudes?”
giving blow jobs
*spits coke all over my keyboard*
Dayum you, Champ, I have on a white sweater today.
+10000 I don’t even take my son to barbershop anymore… My dad or brother does.
The next monument erected in D.C. should salute Cynthia Latrelle Jackson, the first woman to take her son to the barber shop and get eye-f**ked on the Saturday before Easter of 1832. Cynt, as she was known to her close friends and family, was truly a heroine. There was no phone to play with. She simply had to endure the rants of Leroy “Cooter boy” Greene (Who was himself a legend in black history. He was the first Negro with all of the wrong information but talks the most in the barbershop.) talk about how Andrew Jackson ain’t sh*t. (Jackson was in fact not sh*t but Leroy did not have the correct facts to prove it.) We salute you Cynthia Latrelle Jackson!
Dies*
I salute this comment!
And I’m done. *faints*
LMAO I so know that feeling. Very awkward being one a maybe two females in the barbershop and there is clearly no competition for you. And you are really hoping that that would be so all eyes are not glued to your assets. She rolled out of bed with a silk scarf on her head and you decided to TRY and dress down while still being socially acceptable. Rules for exiting without getting stalked>>>>keep your head down, and either start a conversation with your son that just cannot be interrupted or call your mom. lol So glad I’ve only had to go to the babershop a handful of times. Thankfully my son’s dad takes care of those trips for the most part.
Black woman problems.
if you got a donk it you just have to get used to it.
and fret not…they’re talking about your thighs too.
“and fret not…they’re talking about your thighs too.”
I _knew_ it.
Dayum.
you’re scared of the barbershop? lol
All the “good black men” I’ve ever met have always had a likkle quirk in them so I guess where ever quirky ninja’s go.
Comic Book Convention
Harry Potter Screening
At home watching Awkward Black Girl hoping no one finds out
Knitting???
Playing Madden
Other than this I’d have to guess anywhere involving a car mechanic. No one goes to a mechanic and gets out of there in the necessary time. They always charging you for extra ish you never even heard of. What is a “coolant” sir?
All the “good black men” I’ve ever met have always had a likkle quirk in them so I guess where ever quirky ninja’s go.
Comic Book Convention
Harry Potter Screening
At home watching Awkward Black Girl hoping no one finds out
Knitting???
Playing Madden
the first three things you listed were cool. the last two make you sound like a stalker
Whaaaa??? Me a stalker? How? Fug yo couch!
Because those last two things occur in a person’s home when they are all by their *lonesome* – so if you’re meeting a guy there, it must be by peeping through their windows which equals stalker – unless of course he invited you, then by all means play on!
lol, knitting. They are probably all sitting somewhere knitting and talking about how it is so hard to find a goodsingleblackwoman who accepts them in all their sweater-makingness and won’t tell them to man up and stop knitting.
Agreed. I like a lil quirk. I’ve got a little quirk.
PS – I just put my older brother on to ABG. He watched all 8 episodes in one sitting.
If I met a good black man who didn’t already watch Awkward Black Girl I’d try my best to change that.
I like the Awkward Black Girl series. Issa Rae’s body is one of the main reasons to watch it..
her body aint that great…funny series tho
LOL, there do seem to be available, seemingly nice men in the waiting rooms of automobile repair shops.
Hmm, [note to self]. Make appointment to get transmission fluid flushed. Pretend I don’t know what a transmission is.
NO! The last one I met there had 8 kids. Ages 11- 29. Maybe I should have asked him to introduce me to his 29 yo.
NO! The last one I met there had 8 kids. Ages 11- 29. Maybe I should have asked him to introduce me to his 29 yo.
That’s cuz everybody, normal people included, has to get an oil change, lol. Of course this excludes those who can do it themselves….hmm *ponders*
My guess is they’re hiding under their GFs.
or BFs
they don’t count
LMBO!!
My thoughts exactly…and sadly the boyfriend part is very true too
It’s not sad for them or their BFs.
It shouldn’t be sad for you either.
*Let the (somewhat) pity party and rant commence*
It’s to the point where when I see posts/signs/flyers/you name it like this, I immediately go into *sigh” mode. It all comes down to: there are a lot of good Black men out there, you just aren’t special enough for them to want you; there are a lot of good Black men out there, but you are insecure and don’t think you are special enough; there are a lot of good Black men out there but you are too independent; there are a lot of good Black men out there, but you aren’t independent enough. There are a lot of good Black men out there, but you have a stank attitude. There are a lot of good men out there but, you don’t have enough attitude. There are a lot of good Black men out there but, you need to lose 20 lbs. There are a lot of good black men out there, but your booty isn’t big enough. There are a lot of good Black men out there but….wait, there aren’t any good Black men out there. All the advice/books/articles always contradict theirselves…so, it’s like what do I believe. You can’t win for losing sometimes. Anyway, it’s late, I’m sleepy, I got class in the morning, I need to finish studying. If this doesn’t make since or even really relate to the post, please forgive me. I know this post was meant to be kinda funny, and not so serious. I feel better, though. *deep breath*
Thanks for listening…..
Nite Nite Sunshine
therein lies the paradox. F*ck it, I quit…..
+1
i’m sorry you feel that way, and i hope you feel better in the morning. i also hope they catch the guy who put those rat droppings in your punchbowl
“If this doesn’t make since…”
yeah, you should probably get some sleep before class
*snickers*
…even though I shouldn’t because I always have typos….:(
You know what? I agree with you. This discussion is depressing because that IS what’s being told to us. “Black men ain’t sh*t” then someone else comes along and says “well some of them are but you’re not cute enough in the face to deserve or attract one.” The list goes on. wth? don’t let me find a post in the vsb archives saying the same thing…
i like to sum it up quit succintly by just saying, “people suck.”
i think that covers all bases.
That’s so uplifting.
If you want to cover even more bases, you could expand it to “people suck and so do puppies. even the cute ones.”
Awwww =( Shucks. Can I offer a bit of uplifting wordiness? (Is ‘wordiness’ a word?)
Fcuk the media/articles/discussion/etc that constantly contradict themselves. Remember- folks gotta pay bills and relationship talk ALWAYS sells. Considering the state of Black American, of COURSE they’re gonna capitalize off of random discussions about how we VSBs, VSS, and all other fitting kneegrows simply can’t seem to get it together when dealing with each other. Something tells me that there are plenty of good Black men out there having the same discussion we are- “where are all the good Black women?”. It’s just a sucky situation because we’re practically passing one another in hallways complaining about the same thing.
All in all, both good Black men and women exist. Where are they? I’m guessing BW3s (Buffalo Wild Wings) or Kroger. But hey….you’ll be found by a quality guy when you’re ready to be found. Until then, I suggest finding a biologically clean weekend jumpoff for those lonely nights, LOL….
*mumbles under his breath ‘thiss***tagain’*
uhm, i offer up another place to find good black men…
at their house, on their couch, playing Madden 2012, Gears of War, etc.
cuz they probably get more for their money than paying for drinks+dinners
*snickers at the funny he made*
*sees no one laughing*
No? too much?
*heads to the corner*
*for what it’s worth, since i’m not a good single black man, by definition, i’ll say that i can be found at work…at work, urban league young professional events, at work, church stuff, hooters…oh wait, i mean at work.*
That new Gears goes in….
where u work?
“where u work?”
At the Coffee Shop – http://youtu.be/4nzMS_YrgFk
Y’all know the motto…
for a popular chain restaurant, hooters does have the best wings.
and a hooters just opened up down the block from my job too…
#MightBethatFridayMove
They have buffalo shrimp!! I like!
“at their house, on their couch, playing Madden 2012, Gears of War, etc.
cuz they probably get more for their money than paying for drinks+dinners”
Woooord. That new Madden is the business. Great return on investment.
Woooord. That new Madden is the business. Great return on investment.
Think so? I’m already tired of it. Same game from last yr and the yr before…and before. Hope EA releases those rights to NFL2K
I’d be sitting right there with him on Gears of War…whaaaaatttt!
And why don’t you consider yourself a good black man by definition?
Well mainly the whole ‘needing to make 75000+’ thing…
But there smaller reasons….
I listen to cam’ron instead of anthony hamilton…
I zone out whilst in conversations more than 5 minutes, and start hittin folks withthe ‘uh-huh, yeah’
And of course, there’s the whole ‘mutual attraction’ thing that hasn’t happened yet…
But its all good…soon as I make president of the u.s., ill see if ill be date-worthy…lmao
Sooooo….hang out more at GameStop or the games section in Target???
I think you could find a lot of the missing goodsingleblack men at work.
That ish takes up a lot of your time.
not working takes up even more time
This would be a perfect time for the big reveal. Instead, it feels like wack-a-mole
So true…LOL
“I think you could find a lot of the missing goodsingleblack men at work.”
‘Tis true. Ya know, I thought I had found me one when I later realized that the “single” part didn’t apply, which is important apparently. WOMP.
I’mma keep on keepin’ on, doe…
Hmmm which technically means you can find ‘em online because, clearly, that’s what they’re all doing when at work, lol.
“if the typical white woman is a non-orthodox muslim, these broads are the coital Al-Qaeda, and they’ll stop at nothing until we’re all dead.”
Ummm… eh… LOL… okay. Odd comparison. I know a few good black men, but I don’t want to chex them. We have good relationships/friendships. I think the term ‘good’ is subjective. It means different things to different folks. That’s all I have right now. Have a huge headache… and I don’t think a black man caused it.
nilla, you’re spot on. What’s good for lisa, isn’t necessarily good for amanda. Good is always subjective. I know girls who could find a guy who met all the criteria spat out by the offbase infographic up top, and they still wouldn’t date him.
I know a few good black men, but I don’t want to chex them.
typical siddity black woman, pining for the massa’s peen
You’s in a rare mood tonight aren’t you! LMAO! I see you wanna play. Okay… Massa can take his reparations out on me all he likes as long as I’m diggin what he’s got and he ain’t just riding the white horse to whip it.
Massa can take his reparations out on me all he likes as long as I’m diggin what he’s got and he ain’t just riding the white horse to whip it.
why did you all of a sudden start talking like a character from a blaxploitation movie?
LOL…. cause you went there and I followed. I’m done.
but did a white woman cause it? Maybe one of the al-qaeda kinds?
I thought I read that Nillalatte IS a white woman, which makes this entire thread…odd.
Luv… if you come back… I am. I think Champ forgot that or over looked that lil fact. I was just playing with him since he called me a “typical siddity black woman.” Hey, I just ran with it. Your comment cracked me up tho.
And, as for LMNOP… a white woman didn’t cause my headache last night, but the white woman had it- me. LOL… things get really screwy on here sometimes.
Where Are All The Good Single Black Men?
Right here…dammit.
you don’t seem….convinced
lol. very convinced.
They’re aren’t many women I’m truly interested in either a) getting to know or b) seeing myself in a long term relationship with. So when I KNOW I’ve found that person 9 times out of ten they on some “friend” sh*t or they don’t think believe I’m ready for a LTR or they’re not ready blah blah blah. But they’re yellin from tha roof top they can’t find a single good man. #B.S
the friend zone is a mofo, most def.
sometimes i shrug, cuz i figure that i won’t get that “mutual attraction” thing until i make more money, or hit the gym more often…soooo
*shrugs*
You need more people.
I actually got word from a very reliable source that Beyonce’s womb is where all the good single black men are hiding out.
I need more people?? Whatchu talkin bout Willis?
Whatchu talkin bout Willis?
What am I talkin’ ’bout? I wasn’t even involved in this thread! But I’ll reiterate what I mentioned in a comment farther down: women in America in general are looking for good men. It’s not a just a Black issue.
Interestingly enough, China has the opposite problem: it has too many single men! (source: http://www.forbes.com/sites/china/2011/05/13/chinas-growing-problem-of-too-many-single-men/)
Maybe the US should have a giant speed dating party between its surplus of single women and China’s surplus of single men! Now those would be some foreign relations…Za-za-zing!!!
And if China footed the bill, it could lead to US economic recovery. Right? Right?!?
Wow, that is some creative problem solving there
Yeah, ummm Willis? I was channeling my Gary Coleman there homie…preciate tha input though!
Ha ha, please excuse my zeal: being a Warrior of the Order of the White Durag, I’m accustomed to being at the ready to fight the good fight!
Invoke your inner Arnold Drummond all you want…just don’t be surprised if I show up!
Women in America in general are looking for good men. It’s not a just a Black issue.
I’ve been saying this for the longest.
There was a study done awhile ago…I can’t remember where it was from, but it basically said that Asian men and Black women are the least married race/gender.
Ya’ll better get your passports ready!
*nods head*
Sometimes it seems as if men (regardless of race) are holding all the cards in this rat race for marriage/committed relationshipdom. It’s as if women are expected to come “ready to wed” while men can dibble and dabble around until they decide they’re at a point in life to take the step to fully commit or what have you. Not that this is the case 100% of the time. We coloreds can’t win for losing out here at any rate though -___-
we are, ahem, #winning.
ok, not really,
it’s cause we aren’t so picky (read: we are shallow)
if you list a man’s criteria for a woman, its quite short.
a woman’s criteria though….well er ah..
I disagree, men are particular about who their wife and mother of their children will be. Albeit they probably don’t care if she enjoys long walks on the beach with the sun at a 37 degree angle above the horizon with the wind blowing at 5.2 mph in an easterly direction, but the list that requires one to be “wife material” has a good number of items on it (at least it should) lol
*starts studying chinese*
Thanks for the tip
Good Black men I would sure like to know where they are…all the individuals I run into either have gold teeth, aspiring to be a rapper,no goals…..or they may meet the minimum qualifications, (degree, good job, etc etc) but they are and a** hole your regular old Lil Wayne the I would like to have every girl in the world type because they no they are a good catch so to speak….but I’m not having that so they have to kick rocks…I just stop looking, I’m contemplating a change of city…
yeah, i think it’s time to move out of newark.
Don’t go. We here. H-town still reppin…
Maybe you should check out that VSB dating site Champ and Panama were putting together last yr. Oh, wait….neva mind.
I was just bout to say something. I’m sitting here like maybe we VSS and VSB should just start dating each other using that dating site el Champ and PJ put together… oh yeah them ninja’s hate happy colored folk.
#whymustIcry
Why are y’all acting like you haven’t already attempted to make connection’s with other VSB folk without the manifestation of the Single File Thingy?
Besides, the VSB Files will be unveiled at the Great Collective Negro VSB BBQ!
Duh.
yeah, but at least tha single file way errbody ain’t hiding behind avi’s.
That should be like a New Years Eve party with teleconferencing from each VSB town across the country. Link up, ogle people and eat chicken.
“Why are y’all acting like you haven’t already attempted to make connection’s with other VSB folk without the manifestation of the Single File Thingy?’
LOL, exactly. I have a spreadsheet and air-thang.
Ooooooh you should share the blank spread sheet with me.
Why?
Ummmmmmmmm.
It’s invisible.
Lol I sure wish I would run in to those in Houston….sadly few and far apart. Lol at Newark I guess every city has the same type of scrubs….
They can’t have a dating site where all the good black men and women get together because then they couldn’t do any more post like this one.
TRUTH.
LOL, this sounds like we live in the same city. For a while the guys I met were either unemployed* or h0s. It was really that stark.
(*not laid off unemployed, but prospect-less unemployed)
all the individuals I run into either have gold teeth, aspiring to be a rapper,no goals
first off, we ONLY met once and i was acting out a parody dammit. plus, my album is being held up. I TOOK THE GOLD TEETH BACK!
LMAO I didn’t know you could take back gold teef LMAO
Isn’t this more than just a Black phenomenon? There was an article about how finding a good man is an issue for women of all races: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704409004576146321725889448.html
In the Black community, the numbers are more skewed, but Blacks not alone in this issue.
just wanted to say that you have an awesome screen name.
Thanks. I’ve posted here before, but I previously wore a mask that had…um…quite an influence on me.
In this case, Ghostface’s words are quite appropriate:
The day I took my mask off
My face was missing for two days
For the record, G, came back a year later
A whole new identity, Toney Starks pedigree
My money green like my nickname was celery
I like the weird guy.
Danger Doom reference FTW
I was thinking that too actually. I have no problem with interracial dating, but somebody will always suggest that as the solution to the black men “shortage” and it just makes me wonder where exactly all the good single white/hispanic/asian men are?
For real? I think just by sheer volume numbers it’s easier to find good white men. Even if they had the same percentage of goodness as black men among the race, theres still more of them to go around. i knwo good white dudes, good asian dudes. plenty. and yeah i find them at church. cute and about their business too.
hmm. i need to make some phone calls.
Yeah, that is true about the numbers thing. I guess I just don’t get out (or to church) much, but sometimes people will be making it seem like white men are all over the place like stinkbugs or something.
This is mad off topic, but where are TAC, Gem, SFG, Andi, etc. I miss many of my VSS.
it’s the ebb and flow of VSB. every 12 months or so we get new blood. i guess we truly are the vampire crew
I think SFG took some time off. I was just thinking about Gem the other day while reading. She completely fell off….COME BACK TO US GEMMY!!
Probably still reading but not interested enough to comment.
Aren’t they all down at the courts shooting hoops or watching the game with their boys or something?
Good black men are everywhere I think…It’s all about being open to something different. I think women, black or otherwise, have these “types” in their minds that they go for (that usually end up being totally different from what they need and what they want simultaneously so she’s never 100% happy) that holds up the process.
Stop looking for the man with Tyrese’s body, Michael Ealy’s eyes, and Common’s mind and notice that cutie with the glasses who smiles at you whenever you’re on the elevator together. He’s black isn’t he? Employed apparently. 50/50 of being single so…?
Personally it worked for me; I stopped thinking about dudes as these abstract, deep ideas and starting thinking of them as people. Its tough, but it’s working for me
I stopped thinking about dudes as these abstract, deep ideas and starting thinking of them as people.
I wonder whether everyday men and women thought about each other in such abstract manners 100 years ago. My suspicion is that pop culture makes us over-romanticize and over-idealize interactions with the opposite gender.
And it’s a vicious cycle: people watch “romantic” comedies because they don’t have “romantic” lives; watching these flicks inflates their relationship expectations, so they don’t get into relationships.
Of course, when wasn’t this the case? I’m guessing that these questions were always issues of the literate classes, but now, within our post-industrial society, almost everyone is literate (on a basic level).
Personally speaking, thinking of dudes in abstract ideas was a way for me to kind of compartmentalize my insecurities in myself. I’d place all these projections of what I felt of myself onto the idea of that person to the point where I’d sabotage myself. Vicious cycle indeed.
However I do suppose romanticizing the opposite sex also sets up a person for disappointment as real people aren’t perfect and perfect people aren’t real; maybe it’s the same thing that I do with placing these expectations of myself on these men before they even square up. We’re just getting in our own way one way or another…
I know exactly what you mean. Being a very insecure mid-20s man, I had these abstract ideas I wanted in my women, and it hampered my dating. When I let go of my insecurities, I found my dating prospects go way up, and actually found the love of my life.
It is a vicious cycle. And looking for this perfect mate is never gonna happen. And when you have these unrealistic expectations of what you’re looking for, that’s just a reflection of your issues. And also, you have to be real with yourself. If you don’t look like Taye Diggs or Megan Good, then you should have realistic expectations. Not saying settle, but if you’re a 6 or 7, and you’re trying to get a 9 or 10, then you’re just setting yourself up for failure.
Because of my insecurities, I always went for 9 or 10s. I hated rejection, and my thinking was if I got rejected by 9s and 10s (which was 99% of the time), I didn’t feel too bad. But when I let my insecurities go, then I didn’t give a shit about rejections, that’s when I started to date a lot more.
Great post. I think more men do this than they would like to admit. Women too.
Rejection sucks, indeed. But its a part of life. I think of it as someone making way for something that you’re supposed to have.
I’m guessing the goodsingleblackmen are
-watching the Cowboys game out at sports bars
-out shopping for old cd’s at a local neighborhood resale music spot
- perusing the aisles at GameStop
Who knows?! I like Farmer’s Markets, boutiques & clubs so I wouldn’t really know
watching the Cowboys game out at sports bars
See..I call into question the character of all Cowboys fans. Theirs is a brood, that is not ripe with “good people” let alone good men. I’m not saying all Cowboy fans are bad…just that there are only a handful of them that barely meets the criteria of “good” or even tolerable. It’s as rare as finding a ..Scholarly Raiders fan, or …a non-rabid Raiders fan, or a non-felon Raiders fan, or an adult of average cognitive development Raiders fan.. they are far and few between.
“It’s as rare as finding a ..Scholarly Raiders fan, or …a non-rabid Raiders fan, or a non-felon Raiders fan, or an adult of average cognitive development Raiders fan.. they are far and few between.”
I am one of ten Raiders fans who fit your description.
And I shall call him Mr. Anomaly
hmm…marry me?
Ouch. Screw you. I’m a scholarly rabid Raider fan. So you can’t date a guy that yells at the screen and talks like he’s on the team?
Oh wait. I think I’ve lost a few women after Raider games…
I’m guessing the goodsingleblackmen are
-watching the Cowboys game out at sports bars
Misty wouldn’t say it…I will……
If he’s doing that…..he’s probably not good.
Hilarious! Now I do agree with the Raiders comment…they hardly every win. Like, really though but have some die hard fans!
(with country accent) But don’t you dare talk about America’s Team!
has anyone listed strip clubs or subways between the hours 7am-9am?
More women in strip clubs in ATL than men.
this could be true. i wouldn’t know. i don’t frequent strip clubs.
The progression in those stats is so badly done to make almost anything said entirely meaningless.
They start with 100 black men. Say something like 10% have records so remove 10% of that number to get 90. Then 10% don’t have GEDs / HS diplomas so remove another ten percent to get 81 available men.
This ignores any occurrence of men who have BOTH records and no GED.
All of the person who put together the chart’s math teachers should be taken out and shot. Followed by the editor who let them publish it, followed by everyone who ever referenced the chart as containing meaningful, accurate, or relevant data. While all of these people are being shot, the author of that chart should be forced to watch, clean up the mess, then sent back to school to get a GED.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who caught this.
“It’s easy to spot them, too. Just look for the black guy with the college ring, the Audi, and Dwight Howard’s chest on top of Kate Moss’ legs.
Since this is true, I’d advise anyone looking for a good, single, black man to try Bally’s. But, be advised that even if you do find him there, you’ll probably have to wait until he’s completed his 56th set of incline bench presses before he talks to you.”
I see that collegiate athlete background showing itself, Champ. As someone who attends the gym often, I see these dudes all the time. You have to build strength through out the whole body, not just in the upper body. I know they’re getting workout tips from somewhere but who the hell is telling them just to lift upper body?
Anyway, where are the good black mens? Yes, some of us are in the gym-and if it’s a bougie gym (see NYSC, Equinox) then you know he has a job. Speaking of jobs, some of us are at work, cuz 8hr+ jobs pay well and no one’s tryna lose their job right now. Some of us are pursuing passions that make us feel alive outside of the workplace. Some of us are actually outside, but you walk by with that scowl or hitting the lookaway so hard that we don’t wanna waste time and approach. Some of us are writing snarky comments on VSB, but I wouldn’t be able to help you spot em.
But seriously, some of us are looking for “good” single black women, just as much as you’re looking for us. And I mean good in two ways; good in the sense of being educated, employed, etc. but there are other things that factor into this “good” as well…and they vary from guy to guy sometimes.
But seriously, some of us are looking for “good” single black women, just as much as you’re looking for us. And I mean good in two ways; good in the sense of being educated, employed, etc. but there are other things that factor into this “good” as well…and they vary from guy to guy sometimes.
This is the very reason I think we should all work together on this. If I know two people who I think would be a good match, I get to work ASAP. Referrals are great because (typically) the person is already vetted. If it doesn’t work out, kool…on to the next.
Church!!!!
Seriously though, I understand why women walk around with a scowl or a lookaway. There are a lot of guys out there that are jerks. But Ladies of VSB, I’m going to tell you a secret that will have you put away that scowl FOREVER!!!
1) The jacka$$ dude is going to talk to you no matter what you look like. He’s just looking for his next victim to take out his rage at his mama neglecting his a$$ or for his 8th grade crush rejecting him. YOU AND YOUR BEHAVIOR HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!
2) No dude worth anything is going to try to fight through a scowl. He has better things to do with his life…like work or pursue his passions after work.
Understand this, and we will definitely fight crime.
The doors of the Church are now open.
Men do the lookaway, especially if they are nicely dressed. On my walk from the cheaper parking lot, I pass a lot of black men. The shabbier ones try to get my attention. Even the homeless dudes try to holla. But let me walk by a brotha in a suit. He will suddenly be very interested in his phone. Happens a lot and I know he’s not getting accosted by women in the street. Diva dudes.
Hello my feral feline. Have you gotten in your stretches today? It look like you got a good one in just now.
Also, could it possibly be true that the “diva dude” you mentioned could have a good woman? Or even if he doesn’t, could it be that you’re not his type for whatever reason? I’m just saying that it MIGHT be true.
Seriously though, it seems like you have some jacked-up self-esteem if you’re so worried about how guys aren’t into you. After all, you’re the Wild Cougar right? Or are you still the 3 you were before marriage when dudes were using you as a jumpoff? After all, any quality woman would marry someone 11 years their junior who because of their life situation was looking to marry to get away from some BS, right? And any quality woman would cry and be depressed for months, only to bury her pain in booze and young dudes who she assumes have no real issues, right? Or, and any quality woman would only decide to get in shape and get decent clothes only after being rejected by a husband who looked at her like a plan B and got when stuff got real, right? And any quality woman can pop off at dudes who left her for a better option while getting friend-zoned by a dude young enough to be her child while she was pining for marriage, right?
Yes, you are truly a quality woman, and those diva dudes were being jerks looking away from you. I would so love to marry you, especially since a woman with perfect, upstanding parents with no flaws usually has no issues whatsoever, right? I might just leave my wife to marry you, because you seem like the best possible woman a man can have.
Oh, and I definitely appreciate being misread. It’s great to know that one’s words are so versatile that they can be used for any purpose!
Wow, um….dude? You been saving up for this rant, ain’t ya? Have a cup of coffee and set yo over analyzing azz down. \__ I knew this was coming. I even commented to another vsb about the way you are behind every comment I make, lookin hard for something to say “I’m so sorry that happened” about. He thought I misjudged you, but I knew you were a hater in a passive aggressive “I’m concerned” disguise. I knew if I kept repeating that I’m fine, the aggression would surface. Soo…I’m doing me and I’m happy. Get it? No? Too bad. I’m immune to passive aggression. Go find someone else to stalk. And get back on those meds.
I’m not even going that deep, and I could go in with the “behind every comment you make” thing. Someone is projecting a bit, since you seem to answer half the stuff I write, often times on some “how I blame women for everything” stuff. I’m half-awaiting you saying that I blame women for the Cold War, traffic and the mismatch between hot dogs and hot dog buns in a pack. I don’t get passive aggressive thing. Notice that I went in on you. If I’m coming for you, you WILL know it. All the other stuff was expressions of legitimate concern. If you took it the other way, that’s your opinion.
My milkshake brings all the loons to the yard…
And they’re like ” It’s curdled an charred…
You can tap that, but betta stay en garde..
Watch them claws, before you get scarred”
Too much?
*swings hisself into the corner*
If you need to enter a comment thread between two people to hate, you are probably desperate, and possibly obsessed. Definitely trying too hard. In any event, it merely feeds my ego and makes you look bad.
youuuuuu are correct!
i’m desperate, obsessed, and hating!
anything to feed the ego of the imperial Goddess Black Woman I shall do whatever is necessary.
*half bow*
????? Did I miss something???
Naw, you only missed him sending the sympathy dm every other day about the miserable life he likes to believe I have. But other than that….?! I have a way of making certain types of men go batshit. Out of the blue. I’m still trying to figure it out.
Let me know when you find it so that I can understand as well.
Maybe he has a Significant Other?
Could be, might be gay, not attracted or just got a phone call. I was just noting a phenomena, that it doesn’t only happen to men. But I do think some of them are diva dudes.
Not just you, whatever Todd might think or opine.
Maybe the nicely dressed bruh isn’t like the shabby dudes that you just passed, and already got a good glance at you, and respecting you by not staring you up and down. So we can’t win I guess.
Amen, Todd & WayUpThere!
What in blue hades? Not cool, Todd. Wild Cougar is her own woman. Not your woman to publically dress down as if you know her personally.
Thanks for that. I was sitting here in some kinda twilight zone wondering if anyone saw that. I saw Classy and Men said something, but this ish was truly overboard. Beyond anything I’ve seen on this board. Unprovoked, unwarranted, plain wrong. Then PP feels it appropriate to add onto it. I can handle it, but looking at it objectively? It’s effing crazy. And you are the only one who says something. Thank you for being decent.
I don’t know…
Church and the gym SEEM like a good idea – until you realize all the men there are either gay or married
The good men are at the barbershop, but they’re there to get a respite from women. Hanging out there is some shameless groupie isht
The grocery store – a good man goes to the grocery store (rather than 7-11 or Circle K) for his groceries. It’s a crapshoot if you’ll find a single guy, though
Lol I have to agree I live at the gym part -time (it feels that way at least) but in my observations yea…most the guys there are three snaps and a circle or married…but that does not keep them from trying to holla…the married ones that is…
Church is a terrible idea. Last I heard, black ministers were controlling the flock by pandering to women.
grocery stores are like the bookstores (places you go not intentionally to meet someone but u really hope u do) women dont even rock scarves n sweats to stop n shop no more they get dressed
“women dont even rock scarves n sweats to stop n shop no more they get dressed”
Man I’ve noticed this! I’m like, really?!? It’s 7AM on a Sunday… you don’t look like you coming from the club, but maybe I’m wrong? Really, to grab some milk and eggs?
o_O
But I digress so that I don’t become a “hater” *sighs*
Sorry, but church is full of hypocrites. I will never date a churchy person.
if black men used the same criteria as black women, we’d be dead even. its been damn impossible for me to find an attractive, educated, in shape, employed, 30 yo black woman with no kids
RIghtchea! But, now the question is, would there be mutual attraction, compatibility, and all that other jazz that makes for a relationship?
Women still blaming they 9 year old for their lost figure :/
“Women still blaming they 9 year old for their lost figure :/”
Lol I am a strong advocate of men letting their women know they need to hit that good ole gym…word on the street is its good for the soul mind body(literally) and it makes your arse firm. I get tired of sitting in restaurants almost upchucking my food because Keisha decided to walk in with a short skirt and the craters on her legs to match it….no maam…
I happen to fit the bill of educated, attractive, in shape, employed, 30 yo old with no kids.
Hard to find? Sure. Not out there? Myth
I, too, hold a membership to that club and have been a proud member since ’06 (although I’m 26). See? We exist.
I think the thing that keeps most women in this country off this list is “in shape” especially depending on what it means to a person… because sometimes “in shape” has nothing to do with physical fitness, and everything to with physical size/shape.
You a lie. Every single one of my single friends fits that criteria.
In the friend zone, Lol
#truth!
Sigh. lol!
boom.
Maybe sees just not that into you
*flatlined*
It’s funny because it’s true.
“While we all look forward to going to the shop, between your barber pausing your cut so he can run across the street to play the lottery, you waiting for him while he barters with Joe Crackhead and tries to get him to accept a trade of a pack of socks, a steak, and a set of drills for $1.79 (and succeeds!), and the ubiquitous (but hilarious) arguments with other barbers in the shop, I’d say that the average black man spends approximately 85% more time there than he plans to.”
Y’all get sh*tastic service in the barbershop, too? Okay, I’m having a moment. I can relate, as a former customer/ victim if the part-time stripper hair stylists who always manage to find some reason to run across the street while you’re in the chair. Wow, men experiencing something I can relate too…who would have thought?
Dang. This post put its audience on blast like no other… Good black men are flipping’ everywhere. I’m with one now and have only ever dated them. My closest male friends are them, my family and coworkers are them.
They are HOT men who know how to keep a promise, say I love you, take care of a woman and keep her safe, chase his dreams and follow his heart, admit when he’s wrong and check you when you are… I could go on.
As Katt Williams said (I paraphrase) if you’ve got a bunch of no good men around you, instead of assuming that’s all the world has to offer, you need to figure out what it is about you that attracts no good men.
Good men are where good women are. It’s in their best interest, duh.
I remember that joke. Classic! But that would require women to ask questions about themselves, and we know when it comes to relationship, Black women are sweetness, light, kitten with flowers, rainbows and singing puppies. There cannot be anything possibly wrong with a Black woman…and if you do find something wrong, it’s because you did something to her to bring it out, like being born.
Yes, some of us get a giant #FAIL at self-reflection but there are some of us that look in the mirror and say “WTF, something ain’t right” after we’ve been through enough shenanigans to make us want to change teams or join the nunnery. You and your judgement are the common denominators.
And that leads to my other crime-fighting tip for today. Men of the world should not give the tool to any woman who they wouldn’t consider wifing. A lot of the reasons behind the lack of self-reflection, not to mention instances of women hanging on to THE. BITTER. END. ™ are a net result of this phenomenon. Sadly, the fact that a man is willing to give a woman the tool makes her believe that said tool owner thinks highly enough of her to make her a girlfriend at some point. For a man, said use of tool is irrelevant to whether he wants to wife her or not.
Since the vast majority of women are too confused by this point, this leads to a lot of women thinking they’re a lot higher on the totem pole than they truly are, thus leading to a lack of self-reflection. After all, that baller dude broke you off once, so you must be a high class chick, right? Who cares if he only calls you at 3 AM.
Seriously, if men kept their guns holstered until they found someone worth being in a relationship with, women wouldn’t have their heads blown up like that, and the amount of crimes (esp. property crimes involving damage to cars) would decrease dramatically. 
Tabernacle.
this is soooo true,
doesn’t mean don’t have chex, just don’t have it with erbody and anybody.
chex is much more than a body function -> treat it as so.
“Sadly, the fact that a man is willing to give a woman the tool makes her believe that said tool owner thinks highly enough of her to make her a girlfriend at some point. For a man, said use of tool is irrelevant to whether he wants to wife her or not.”
Yes!
@Todd: That and esteem of yo m—-n self! are my favorites.
“But that would require women to ask questions about themselves, and we know when it comes to relationship, Black women are sweetness, light, kitten with flowers, rainbows and singing puppies.”
Let me know on that quote.
The response to this deserves a whole blog entry. Can I quote you? Seriously? ‘Cause you’re absolutely right, not enough women or men do this. Speaking for one of the many exceptions (me) like I only I can, I am sweetness, light, kitten with flowers, rainbows and singing puppies… But also the product of a dysfunctional family. Wowsa. Have done plenty introspection and fixin’ and I’ll be honest, I thought I was pretty awesome before.
“Seriously, if men kept their guns holstered until they found someone worth being in a relationship with, women wouldn’t have their heads blown up like that, and the amount of crimes (esp. property crimes involving damage to cars) would decrease dramatically.” Well yeah, but blame is no fun. Yes men need to do that, and ladies need to stop giving away the goods like its an 80% off sale at Barney’s: By definition the buyer can not afford it so why bother?
You have my permission to quote me. I can wait until I read the blog you base this off of.
@Todd: Here’s the blog, my apologies for citing you as source. If there’s a publisher or someone I should consult let me know.
http://tinawatkins.wordpress.com/2011/09/27/good-my-tushy/
@Cherayla, I guess the fact that maybe only a handful of us commenters refuse to accept the no good men myth proves Champ’s point? Sigh. United we stand!
@Sula, cheers to good men everywhere. Halleluyer.
I am so surprised no one responded to your message!! I live in Harlem, am from Missouri and I know nothing but good dudes-some I would date, some I wouldn’t. (I’m kinda picky) I assumed that more women would give you a “right on!” and since noone did, I stand in solidarity with you sista.
Signed,
I just bust my VSB commenting cherry woohoo!
welcome. *vsb glitter*
My closest male friends are them, my family and coworkers are them.
Word.
@cherayla, congrats on your first comment! And yes, there are far too few commenters who refuse to buy thenogoodmen myth. United we stand!
@Sula (waves) Hey! Cheers to good men everywhere.
In my pants!
Actually, no, not at all
Classy.
*raspy voice* You know it sweet hawwt *extinguishing cigarette butt*
The barbershop rant was epic… And somebody needs to teach me the art of negotiation with dope feens & crackheads, cause apparently I have been pretty sheltered…
I have no idea where to find goodsingleblackmen.com… I don’t check for them… Nuff Said…
I have no problem with black men gettin’ thrown under the bus, an hell I don’t have issues with black women getting tossed under their either… But after seeing black women’s insecurities getting pimped out with no sick days… Modus Operandi is huge elephant in the room… And it makes me think twice now, before I toss any black person under the bus…
As a black man, black women need to open themselves to good committed men period… And I am not trying to sell books (maybe I need to become a crime fighter too)….
And if you are Western Black Woman, whatever man you pick, 90% of you are going to have to re-brand, re-invent & repent away from the internalized stereotype that keeps alot of BW involuntarily single…
SSTTE
P.S. As a young black man, I have never felt so dissected & broken down by non-blacks… It’s like the black man is a very polarizing figure in America… I feel like I am a harmless human being, but the world sees me as a legitimate nebulous threat… Or at least that is the impression people give me…
Hey, you never got the Young Black Men handbook? Our presence is supposed to scare the bejesus out of poor and working-class White guys by generating a viable alternative to their existence while simultaneously destroying their culture merely by not being their clones.
Jussayin’.
“The assumption that a black man who has dated white women before wouldn’t be interested in black women”
How ’bout Black women wouldn’t be interested in dating a Black man who has dated white women? Seriously, Black men are not that special, as they so think they are. Find someone else, quick, before they ruin your mentality.
ruh roh. we got a live one here.
and my mommy thinks im special.
“Black men are not that special, as they so think they are. Find someone else, quick, before they ruin your mentality.”
When comments like these are typed, Morgan Freeman cries. Please don’t make Morgan Freeman cry.
“How ’bout Black women wouldn’t be interested in dating a Black man who has dated white women?”
Interesting. I’ve heard the same thing about white men wouldn’t be interested in dating a white woman who had been with a black man. You know what I think? Get over it. If one has that mind set who the hell wants to date you anyways? People kill me getting hung up on skin color. If someone has what you like and what you are drawn to, run wit it! Do what makes you feel happy and screw the rest (figuratively of course) LOL
The infographic lost immediate credibility with me when it claimed that black male unemployment is at 35%. Knowing that black unemployment is at 17% (sadly the highest in 3 decades), there’s no way that could be true. A Sep 2 2011 CNN Money article then quoted 19.1%.
This topic is growing tired in the media, but I appreciate your attempt to flip the script into a more humorous “Where’s Waldo” sort of discourse. Good single black men are in the office, in the club, in the barber shop, sometimes in church, often in some guts (non-committal of course), and most importantly…right under the noses of good single black women.
I’d be curious to see how the numbers shake out if black men are searching for good single black women with the same criteria?
“the strange criteria (ie: The assumption that a black man who has dated white women before wouldn’t be interested in black women)”
I read on Wikileaks that if a good black man so much as gets on an elevator with a white woman his tamper-proof, freshness seal is broken.
LOL! As someone who has dated White women and Black women in equal numbers, I’ve been “saved” from the White woman so many times, I mind as well have friended Jesus’ personal FB page.
Kilt dead
ROTFLMAO
LOL.
I found myself (accidentally) in a sista circle once, where it was announced that I had started dating a guy who had dated mostly/ exclusively white women up until that point. You’d think we were in church they way they were praising the salvation of the “lost” brotha. Strangest thing I ever saw. They had all interacted with thus guy before, smiling in his face, which made the moment seem like some super two-faced ish.
Not surprised.
“gettin’ laid…coolin’ in the shade, drinkin’ a lil’ bit of lemonade.”
[drops mic and does the original dougie]
“Ya see, we’re the type of brothers that can’t be stopped and no matter what…we’re gonna….*cuts/scratches in*..keep, keep, keep rrriiiiisssssiiinnnn; to the top!!!” lol
The good single black men have been kidnapped or brainwashed by the Man, woe to women looking for single black men because hood conditioning, emo-ness, downlow culture and all round self hate have successfully brainwashed the pool of men who could propagate knowledge in the black community. The sky is falling people! take cover!
My ten cents is this though, if you go around with the mentality that there arent any good single black men out there, you wont meet any. simple as that.
Clutch magazine already talk on this subject.
http://clutchmagonline.com/2011/09/since-we-have-to-ask-where-da-good-men-at/comment-page-1/#comments
Somebody did not read the post.
I love you Liz cuz I was about to reply “FAIL.org” but you’re better with words than I.
*real tears* at Liz giving this the 404.
LMFAO… was this a first comment or was it just because they didn’t noticed it was linked? Is there ANOTHER 404 guideline? “Not Reading The Post” violation. Which… would be funny since it happens a lot.
It wasn’t first. It may have been second or third. It got moved to 404 cuz it was just dumb.
Gangsta… keepin ‘em in check.
why am I picturing stanley from “the office” saying this to me?
With his lips pursed.
All the good single black men are in the beds of women who said yes the first time because all the “good single black women” were too busy thinking they could better because their homegirl has a better man and they are playing the one up foolishness.
LOL, that’s pretty tough
It’s funny, because it’s true.
Very true.
Welp.
The hardware store. Gotta have a house to park my Audi and the house will need repairsor maybe we were inspired after watching Man Caves.
Good brothas are everywhere. Women just bypass them or put them in the friend zone. So instead of dismissing the janitor, garbage man, or a good male friend, give them a shot. They may be the guy for you.
Also, not being compatible w/ a guy doesn’t make him a bad guy, so women need to stop this “there aren’t any good brothas out there” argument. Sometimes things just don’t work out.
Then there’s the term “good.” It’s not the same for everyone, although I noticed in some of the comments (and on other blogs/social media/etc.) that “good” referred to things that had little or nothing to do with a man’s character. Find out who a man is before you judge him.
Lastly, what makes you (i.e. women) so sure that you’re a good woman and that you deserve a good man? Take an objective look at yourself. You may find out that you have some improving of your own to do.
“Good brothas are everywhere. Women just bypass them or put them in the friend zone. So instead of dismissing the janitor, garbage man, or a good male friend, give them a shot. They may be the guy for you. ”
for what it’s worth though, guys put in the friend zone, probably just aint that attractive to the women they desire. i mean, you can’t force attraction…
can you?
*if you can, can we make it into a drug? and sell it? lolol*
No, you can’t force attraction. And you have a point about guys put in the friend zone. But my main point was that the issue is more compatibility rather than availability b/c the men are out there. They just might not be attracted to them (like you said).
Um, yeah, duh. If she was attracted he wouldn’t be in the friend zone.
she can be attracted, he can just be shy or suttin. Shy ninjas always get friend zoned
Word. Sentences. Paragraphs. Tomes. And sh!t.
*one corner of my lip turned up at both of y’all*
Home Depot. Men of all colors love to hang around a home improvement store and be helpful. Women: just wonder around looking lost and some knight will try to rescue you.
OMG this KILLED me: “At the barbershop, waiting for the barber to just cut his damn hair”. I have to BEG Mr. G to go to the barbers. He can’t stand the wait and the nonsense. He’d rather get out the electric sheers and do it himself. I finally got him to go last week because he’d taken a day off and had the time to wait. Funny thing, there’s no line on a Monday. Mr. G got some extra loving for his professionally-cut hair.
Around here Home Depot is NOT the spot to meet men unless you actually need a contractor. Nobody there but family men and older (50+) construction workers- (and women looking around for men like fools)
Yup…Truth…Home Depot Cascade Rd…Girl was in there at 4:30 in the afternoon lookin like she just fell off the pole…still had her stripper shoes on…WTDTA????
All the day laborers are at the Depot nearest me. I guess that could work if I were interested in going outside my race but I prefer a legal citizen…just a preference, though. LOL
my barber told me i need to make appointments with him now…barbers acting like salons n ish now
lol this reminds me of a time one of us asked “where on earth do i go to meet men?” and my bff casually answered: “Game Stop”.
I have become fed up with NYC. The statistic may be “completely off base”, but that hasn’t negated the fact that, despite fairly frequent dating, none of the men I’ve met have panned out into anything more than a third date (at best), or a horrible, emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive relationship (at worst).
I have become so fed up that I told myself, after five years, I wouldn’t ring in another year in this city if nothing had panned out by then. Queen Latifah in “Just Wright” is a pretty good indicator of how I tend to fare with dudes, in the best case scenario.
Anyway, my mother and father, who’ve been happily married since they were 22 and 23 respectively (met in college, run a law firm together now, basic fairy tale scenario), suggested ways to meet men who were more on my level:
1.) Do a new activity. Something NOT what you’re currently doing which, however varied, isn’t garnering the results you’d like.
2.) Do said activity DURING THE DAY. The night and the dark and the clubs are just some of the many ways people hide their less than honorable motives.
3.) It can’t involve ALCOHOL. Something where people are just themselves, natural, not inebriated and ridiculous is best. Plus, I’m not a heavy drinker, and don’t want a dude who is.
4.) It has to be GENDER NEUTRAL, but, if necessary to go one way or the other, has to SKEW MALE. Back before I had sex with men and was just everyone’s tomboy homegirl, I knew PLENTY of nice guys. Then sex enters the equation and all I’m meeting are men happy to abuse the system in place that now takes advantage of most women’s low self-esteem. Go somewhere where the guys are, basically, and not guys trying to get women. Just GUYS.
5.) It can’t be COMPETITIVE. Once again, when people are competitive, they’re not being their true selves. It also becomes about showing off and bravado, not about just enjoying yourself.
6.) Bonus points if it’s OUTSIDE. Something in a park. Something like hiking, or canoeing. Just something that’s completely not the regular and again, I like the outdoors, so that’d be a common interest.
They came to these rules because I don’t enjoy the arrogant, obnoxious men that seem to be at these Ivy-League mixers (and if they’re your demographic, the chart above might actually make sense), but I also am tired of dating people who are so much below me socioeconomically, that they might be trying to use me for a green card (HAS HAPPENED).
Anyway, my father said give it THREE MONTHS, a FULL QUARTER, and see what happens. If nothing pans out, then I can finish my stint in NYC in peace, and then move somewhere like Philly (close enough to the city, but thankfully, NOT the city, with a music scene vibrant enough that I can still continue my music career, and with a solid Black population and an urban yet more real feel).
My first attempt into this was last weekend, at a board game Meetup featuring Spades. It was a smashing success. One cute guy flirted with me significantly (even touching the tattoo on my wrist), and I just had an AWESOME time playing Taboo with some funny, interesting people from all over. No pretense, just fun.
I challenge every girl in my situation to try a similar challenge, wherever they are. Take control of the situation and be smart about your social activities. And then maybe things will at least END like “Just Wright” too, LOL.
This is good advice. When I felt like I just kept meeting the same types of guys I decided I had to switch up my routine and try some new stuff I never had done- going to different events, playing pool, calling up friends more, basically getting out and being open.
I thought moving to NYC would increase my dating chances. And while there are more Black men here who seem available, men in general here are on some slower maturity trajectory than the rest of the country. I think they’re like 10 years behind: if an NYC man is 30 yrs old, he might as well be a 20 year old. His mindset is pretty much the same. They’re not really interested in settling down either, but that’s an NYC thing in general.
As a NYC native, I think that’s a NYC thing in general regardless of gender. I think SATC hit the nail on the head when they talked about the modelizer phenomenon. Men in most of the world can only look at that super-hot dime chick in some magazine. As a result, they’re more realistic about who they can get and settle. However, in NYC, men get to check them out in their natural habitat, so they check for that super-hot chick, ignoring the regular women around them. Keeping it real, women are doing the same thing checking for that wealthy dude more so than other cities because they can, not because they should.
Simply put, the plethora of options, and the availability of top-notch options not available anywhere else, has people swinging for the fences when they need to stay in their lane. An interesting side effect of this phenomenon is that regular dudes often date women outside of the metro area, where a regular dude from NYC goes from complete lame to someone worth talking to. I’m surprised women haven’t followed suit and go on the road for some men. Maybe some outsourcing in the dating market will get the Modelizers and Golddiggers of the world to come to Jesus…and check for the nice girl or guy right next to them.
THIS!!!
“I thought moving to NYC would increase my dating chances. And while there are more Black men here who seem available, men in general here are on some slower maturity trajectory than the rest of the country. I think they’re like 10 years behind: if an NYC man is 30 yrs old, he might as well be a 20 year old.” – Liz
AND THIS!!!!
“Simply put, the plethora of options, and the availability of top-notch options not available anywhere else, has people swinging for the fences when they need to stay in their lane.” – Todd
My father recently told me black men aren’t any good until they are close to/over 40. I’m from northern Jersey which suffers from that NYC mentality of stunted male maturity and their unlimited access to a buffet of vajayjays. It’s basically a single, reading ninja’s playground. And chasing a reading ninja that doesn’t want to get got puts miles on a chick. No thanks.
So, I don’t know if my pops was right, but 1 year into dating a non-ninja, reading dude who is not from the NY/NJ area has worked wonders for my pressure.
And no, I didn’t set out to purposely date someone with a melanin deficiency, but he did win me over with a “hey girl” and a good Teddy Pendegrass story.
Oh and hey Todd! Up stream, red team!!!!
“…chasing a reading ninja that doesn’t want to get got puts miles on a chick. No thanks.”
Cosign. Everyone keeps mentioning the non-Black option. I have friends who do this, and I’m still on the fence about it. I’m fine with interracial love, and there’s a lot of interracial love in my family, but I’m not often approached by White men, and the blatant racism I experienced when I was younger has conditioned me not to really consider them as an option. I suppose if something comes up, I won’t discourage it, but I’d be lying if I said Black wasn’t my preference. We’ll see what tune I’m singing in a few years…
Rah Rah Rutgers Rah!
Also, it’s good to see that some women are getting the hint as well. Perhaps we all need to come to Jesus that even though something is available for dating doesn’t mean it’s available for YOU.
Well NY has the highest age of marriage in the country for men Liz. Well behind DC, but that’s not a real place.
http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/GRTTable?_bm=y&-geo_id=01000US&-_box_head_nbr=R1204&-ds_name=ACS_2009_1YR_G00_&-redoLog=false&-mt_name=ACS_2005_EST_G00_R1204_US30&-format=US-30
http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/GRTTable?_bm=y&-geo_id=D&-_box_head_nbr=R1205&-ds_name=ACS_2009_1YR_G00_&-_lang=en&-redoLog=false&-format=D&-mt_name=ACS_2009_1YR_G00_R1204_US30
This looks like good advice for a new activity. I would just have such a hard time figuring out something to do that encompasses all of those things.
That’s what I was thinking, WTF do people do outside during the day that’s not competitive and doesn’t involve alcohol? Hiking? Landscaping? Work out boot camps?
Correct to all three of your suggestions. For instance, this weekend, I’m going down to the pier for some free kayaking. I seriously MEANT to take horseback riding lessons this summer, but my schedule got too hectic and my money had to go to other things. But I might still do a trail before it gets too cold. Fall is full of fun outdoor things.
What about apple picking? That’s done all up and down the coast. Or going to the various pumpkin patches. Basically, anything that’s a little closer to things they do in places where people actually DO settle down, is great. And what about flying kites? Seriously, the outdoor thing is great. But again, outdoors is only a bonus. The board game club was a great thing. There was alcohol, but it wasn’t the center of the event by any means.
Random: I *love* to fly kites!!! Even the dollar store ones. And this is _the_ perfect weather for it, too!
And I wwas about to start a bowling league of obnoxious ivy league guys…lol
But I was really thinking of joing a bowling league…
There’s always naacp, urban league, etc..
Let me clarify that not ALL Ivy-League dudes are obnoxious. They make up a big portion of my friends and my father is one. I’m saying the ones that attend those All-Ivy events (and, even worse, the BLACK IVY events) are full-on d-bags, stuck in the “sowing my royal oats” stage with no signs of stopping. In their mind, why SHOULD they stop?
So yeah, if there’s a REGULAR Ivy-League dude that happens to be kayaking, I’m down.
It will only be cool if it’s coed. #IJS
I’m a fan of meet-up, too! I haven’t done the spades or board game ones though… sounds like a plan! I like this list, for it’s specificness, if nothing else! Thanks.
Multiplying probabilities together only works if the probabilities aren’t correlated. Are you telling me there’s no relationship AT ALL between men who are unemployed, low income, have a felony, and do not have a GED? Statistics FTW.
You’ve talked about the whole “white women” thing before – a large amount of black men are WILLING TO (although I think relatively few of them EXCLUSIVELY do this) date outside their race, whereas proportionately fewer black women who are willing to do such (at least in comparison to black men). So some black women artificially restrict their dating pool, then whine about there being no good men out there. You’ve also talked about how there’s this assumption that a black man who dates white women is selling out. Men of all races typically just don’t give a shit – if a hot woman of any race wants to get all up on him, he’s going to take it.
Truth! Of course, there are some dudes who wouldn’t date a Black woman if their life depended on it. On the flip side, there are dudes of all backgrounds who won’t date within their own kind for various and sundry reasons. Basing your life around a remote possibility is dumb!
I was at work and this guy of another race (not exactly sure what he was) randomly told me that he dates black girls. I said, that’s nice. He then asked me if I’ve dated outside my race and I said no and he called me a racist o_0
Hahaha I definitely get that a lot of black women (or asian women, or latina women, etc.) don’t want to be just a fetish for some guy. And not dating outside your race is whatevs, because everyone has their preferences (although I think that a white girl/guy who says that they won’t date outside their race WOULD be called a racist).
Has anyone seen the “How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get” post on OkCupid’s blog, Oktrends? I can’t remember if Champ or Panama ever talked about it on here. Look it up. The data there actually shoots a hole in my theory – according to their data, black women respond to messages from black men the LEAST often, compared to messages they received from other races.
Your logic is all the way on point.
In the shoe shine spot in his office building. There are some positive subplots here that will benefit my Very Smart Sisters. Another spot is the local park running trail at 8am on Sat; gotta get the cardio in before the 12 games.
Can you think of any other places where one could possibly find these missing goodsingleblackmen?
1. Jail?1. Korea?
2. Old-age home?
3. Vegas (single for the night)
4. On the bus? (Thanks TP)
5. In restaurant kitchens (SN: no matter what type of restaurant, there’s always at least one black cook if not all black cooks)
You might be on to something with the Old-age home. Prior to dating this one cat, EVERY man who approached me was 10+ years older than me.That in itself is not a problem until you realize you ain’t got ish to talk about. Due to my field of study, outside of our subject area we have nothing to talk about. Old bastards.
But maybe I’ll consider when I have to pay back these student loans.
LOL, I was thinking these dudes are about 75, 80 before they decide they’re ready to settle down anyway…
“Korea?”
*ducks and covers*
That was a shout out to the VSBs who have lamented the dating options in Korea, LOL
Chuch, lol
“Old Age Home”
old men there are undersexed & just perverted beyond measure.
I really have no clue where to find a GSBM….
How do you go about looking in a restaurant kitchen?
“Well, there’s the church, they got good men…the library, there are good men there, but oh, this place I’m going to tonight…yeah…they got some good ones…*wink*
Name that movie. LOL!
Seriously, they’re everywhere. The comic book store letting out their inner geek, the supermarket, the CBC gatherings (*snicker*). I think one of the problems is looking in the wrong places. We’ll ignore the fireman for the @sshole lawyer, or overlook the dude who owns a small plumbing business for the pretty boy in grad school who secretly isn’t your time because he’d rather be in the company of your brother. Not saying we should settle overall or lower what we want, but I do think we need to be more open. Jerks have money and degrees, too.
CTA?
You got it! And LOL @ me for knowing what that stands for.
Presumably humble dudes can be jerks, too. I’ve dated some. The Tyler Perry model is a lie.
Preach it.
Same with the “short” dudes whining about how women won’t date them — I Tweeted at one of them that he was asking the wrong question. It’s not about whether the taller women will date the shorter men — it’s about whether the “shorter” men are willing to date “taller” women (and I’m talking about some cat claiming to be 5’10″ whose nose is out of joint about 5’6″ me in heels at a formal event, not these dudes who are 5’3″). And he as much as admitted that at 5’10″ — which made me figure he’s 5’8″ and trying to cover — he wouldn’t be checking for the 6′ lady (which of course makes me figure he’s one of the dudes whining about the 5’6″ ladies in heels, sho nuff).
So by way of analogy, I’m a professional black woman who’s dated the UPS dude, among others. It’s not about whether I’m willing to do that — it’s about whether *he*’s going to get *his* nose out of joint about my professional events, or about me making more money.
#dontgetmestarted
“(I want to see proof that 55% of the black men in Chicago have felony records)”
*does not volunteer for such stats due to the value of life*
“Basically, if your answer is completely off-base — and the conclusion of there being three eligible black men to every 100 eligible women is completely off-base — then your methodology sucks.”
Yeah, the major flaw I noticed was that at the end of the list, it makes it seem like if you wanted ALL the things listed above, then there are 3 men out of 100 women… was each aspect INCLUDING the previous aspect in its results? To me, it seemed like they were all separate and unique stats.
“It’s easy to spot them, too. Just look for the black guy with the college ring, the Audi, and Dwight Howard’s chest on top of Kate Moss’ legs.”
*falls out laughing* Champster, you have little to no sense.
“***It’s that time again. The third installment of REMINISCE is happening this Saturday, October 1, at Liv Nightclub in Washington, DC. ”
Oh! And I’ll be there, too!! *cabbage patches in a patch of cabbages*
No, men actively avoid women they deem unattractive.
I will address this point in a less factitious manner. Although avoiding and ignoring someone’s existence yield the same results, there is a salient difference between the two: Just because a man is ignoring you now doesn’t dictate whether he’ll ignore you forever. And I mean ‘you’ in a very general stance meaning whatever range or type you’re pigeonholed in, not you specifically. Unless you are Joe Buddens and you’re too delusional to realize that you are in fact only attracted to video vixens.
Women on the other hand not only ignore men that they aren’t immediately attracted to, but they compartmentalize all men based on the ones they deal with. For example, if the caliber/status of men they’re attracted are doing something then all men are doing that. We see this a lot on any black relationship blog when there is a post about a certain sub-section of black men that are ‘winning’. Even when some black men chime in saying that they ARE in fact looking to get into a long term relationship to settle down, they are always ignored in the comment section by women. I’ve seen this happen to Peter Parker and TheHumanSpider on a variety of occasions.
*actively avoids this response*
lol
Can you think of any other places where one could possibly find these missing goodsingleblackmen?
From where I stand, they are everywhere. Specifically, they can be found:
1. The weekly Urban League for Young Professional meeting or events.
2. At your local gym, YMCA, or track.
3. Playing organized sports on a field somewhere.
4. Delivering the mail or hooking up the cable.
5. Speeding between stop lights in a charger.
cute. lol. real cute.
5. Speeding between stop lights in a charger
*snickers*
Speeding between stop lights
..Guilty as charged.
All Black men have emotional problems, its sad but I agree black women should date outside there race some. I find blk women too loyal to the blk man, when blk men arent really loyal. So quick to leave blk women all alone. All I can say is cut out this Ride or die chick mentality.
All Black men have emotional problems
You can’t be serious with this charge. Who the fcuk doesn’t have emotional problems?
Also, I don’t know where you live but I can’t think of one black woman I know who feels “ride or die” about a black man for the sake of his arse being black. I’ve dated outside my race plenty, yet know black men who will ONLY date black women. You must have gotten VSSs confused with Pookie and ‘nem down the road.
I have nothing against interracial dating–love is where you find it. But for real, if white, latin or asian men were checking for sisters, would there be any need for the 5011 articles on the plight of the black single sister? Them dudes ain’t checking for sisters just like those white, asian and latin chicks ain’t checking for brothers.
” Them dudes ain’t checking for sisters”
You’re not doing your research. Just because it’s not in the mainstream press, you don’t think there’s a *reason* it’s not in the mainstream press?
Off the top of my head:
Peter Norton — Norton Securities, yes, that guy who’s all on your computer — has a black wife, Gwen.
U.S. Undersecretary David Cohen is married to Janet Langhart.
Wolfgang Puck is married to Barbara, well, Puck (LOL).
Kerry Washington’s husband is white. So is Paula Patton’s.
George Lucas is dating Mellody Hobson, of Hobson Capital.
#dontbelievethehype
WTF? I’m offended and I’m not a Black man. Emotional problems? All? Oh come on! They’re not borgs with one hive mind.
Wha
What you call emotional problems may be so many different things. The point is simply that the more focused on what another person is doing you are, the more off base you will be when appraising problems.
Really, I see women appreciate men with particular emotional problems. Of course this is based on the individuals. It’s deeper than rap.
“All I can say is cut out this Ride or die chick mentality.”
I agree with this part, specifically.
Seriously, there are so many “FedEx diesel” — “FedEx” because that shit happens overnight — accountants, lawyers, Verizon salesmen, and taxidermists walking around nowadays that it sometimes feels like I’m on the set of one of those contrived plotline pornos; you know, one of those flicks with a title like “Teacher’s P*ssy Pet” where Wesley Pipes is cast as an unassuming school principal and rocking a suit and some prison-issue bifocals on the DVD cover. It’s like grad schools have begun passing out Creatine coupons whenever they grant MBA’s.
LOL shout out to FEDEX!!!
and ur-ah yeah, I wanna see this movie. LMAO
lastly, where are all the good black men? they are at home sitting in front of a computer complaining on multiple blogs about how women dont appreciate “good black men”
lastly, where are all the good black men? they are at home sitting in front of a computer complaining on multiple blogs about how women dont appreciate “good black men
Shots. I wish you goody shoe Negroes (men & women) can locate each other, so I and the other no good, degenerate ain’t shyt ni**as can stop having to hear about it.
Touche….
“lastly, where are all the good black men? they are at home sitting in front of a computer complaining on multiple blogs about how women dont appreciate “good black men””
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTS (everybody!)
Tooshay.
At vitamin world or G.N.C. getting a re-up on the protein powder
So according to those stats, if I am a black female that sets her standard a bit higher and wants a black man that:
-is hyper-heterosexual and dominate
-interested in marrying a black woman
-has a graduate degree or higher
-makes at least 75,000 with greater earning potential (making 6 figures in the not so distant future)
-physically fit
-has never been married and has no children
I am likely not to find this black man anywhere. Statistically these men are likely to never marry at all.
Solution: Marry a white or non-black man.
WOW! Ok, I got the message.
No,
While the stats individually may be more or less accurate, they are not independent of each other. For example, one set of stats eliminates men with prison records. Another eliminates men without GEDs. Isn’t it possible that a lot of men in one group are also in another?
“It’s easy to spot them, too. Just look for the Black guy with the college ring, the Audi, and Dwight Howard’s chest on top of Kate Moss’ leg.”
OMG!!! That’s every damn Black man in my gym at 5am. I just thought they were going for the jailhouse look to get chics.
Gentleman, the shyte needs to stop RIGHT NOW!!!! It’s a visually unpleasing & once the pants come off, it’s a visually that won’t leave. And even if you blow out a back, she’ll talk about those little legs of yours. IJS, a few leg curls won’t kill you.
So where are all the good Black man since they don’t have grade A stamped on their foreheads & are about as hard to spot as unicorns at midnight?? I’d used to say everywhere the bad Black men aren’t but some kats have been slumming for loving, acting like thugs(that whole jailhouse look). Now, I believe they’re still everywhere but believe women have to be good for & in herself 1st to see & find a good man since there some many posers out right now.
Gentleman, the shyte needs to stop RIGHT NOW!!!! It’s a visually unpleasing & once the pants come off, it’s a visually that won’t leave.
Agreed. I LOVE nice calves.
Maybe that’s the icebreaker at the gym. Please show me how to use the calf machine and can you perform a set with me? If this works I want acknowledged credit
Well it looks like we’re all doomed. Just find someone with flaws you can deal with it looks like.
You got kids then find someone with kids. Hey the black brady bunch.
You were in jail, well find a woman who’s daddy was a hustler cuz she luv them.
I’m gong to have to become a single mother on purpose just to blend in and be able to get a man. And all this time I thought I was more eligible without kids…looks like I had it all backwards.
I believe that good Black men can be found in grocery stores, sport bars and game stop.
I always wondered why women dream of being with the lawyer, the doctor, the athlete, the actor etc when in essence all those careers are lucrative but also assure that you will be second fiddle to their job. To answer the question, like Osama good black men are hiding in plain sight. Its the ninja that held the door for you in Starbucks, the guy you exchanged looks with at the red light
before yo ass started texting like its legal, your homegirls coworker who seems kinda quiet and of course your friendly neighborhood innanet blogger…the nice guy from the bar you didn’t give a goodnight kiss, lol. sigh.
Love this site, Love this particular blog, and all the intellectual and witty people who responded….okay enough a$$ kissing…
Personally, I think this is an epidemic that far reaches outside of just finding black men. I’ve dated outside my race and open to doing it again, and find that single GOOD men across the board are difficult to find. We are in the age where “the pen is mightier than the pu$$y”, pen referring to peni$
Men have the option to dabble with monogamy, or fawk it all it together, so at most times, women have only to choose between being with slim shady type ninjas or with “respectable” males that will treat woman #3, #4, etc fairly well alongside thier wives 
Not saying that married/non-single women are not doing the same, but I strongly believe the odds are definately on the males side.
Or they are gay….*sigh*
However, the barbershop idea is a good one…never thought of that venue!
I didn’t know good black men were missing until I got the news memo.
LMBO
This post goes great with a bowl of New England clam chowda!
I used to love me some 24 Hour Fitness when I lived in the west.
Good black men have hobbies. Seriously they do. MMA classes are another great place to meet them.
And yes the barbershop! lol
And at dinner parties thrown by Black married friends Or plain dinner at a friend’s house who is a good cook who invites them over to eat her good food lol
In the midwest they are playing soccer or cricket lol
Seriously, if you hate exercise, don’t do it, don’t watch it or participate in it, you miss out.
Football games, hey!!! College and NFL games!!
Steakhouses!
Grown and sexy birthday parties!
at work!
The grown up party after the christening (godfathers, hello! the baby’s single uncles!)
Other people’s family reunion cookouts
Summer cookouts
High stress work environments that require gazillions of working hours, late nights, getting up at the butt crack of dawn….
Boxing class
On vacation in another state or another country
During volunteer time involving labor and sweat and religion (building houses for the homeless alongside a group of volunteers from a church in another state)
The Apple store
Getting together with former classmates (especially if in your class there has been an increase of breakups and divorces or people are on the tail end of a major life change)
According to a recent study in the news, women Facebook and men text. . .
College reunion events
Is there something wrong with ur site? For some reason I can only view it on my phone. When I try to get to it on my PC I keep.getting redirected to some flukey lookin anti virus site
The site was attacked by hackers but if you’re using IE try using a different browser.
That infographic is bull excrement.
It assumes that the same 100 women want all those things. If it was a live demo, some of them would’ve sat down/put their hands down to indicate the didn’t care or didn’t desire those things.
Can you think of any other places where one could possibly find these missing goodsingleblackmen?
At the tight fitting sweaters and dress shirt section of the department store.
At every party, event, etc. you frequent not noticing you while you wait to get chose.
Chilling with the hoodrat with the sick @ss-to-waist ratio.
You just called out all the cats wearing extra medium shirts! The only problem is that dude isn’t at Macy’s, he’s at his tailors or Charles Twyritt geting his clothes altered
Attention:
I’m so tired of hearing about the super high achieving, highly attractive, perfect wife material Black woman not finding a Black man. I’m also tired of hearing about the super high achieving, highly attractive, perfect husband Black man that only wants white women. I’m assembling a covert operations team similar to the Drop Squad to gather all of these Black men and women put them on a boat or spaceship and send them away and let them hash things out. Leave us Black men/women that don’t have problems meeting each other live in peace and not hear you b***h about your problems every week.
If you want to join this covert team submit applications to I’mtiredofyourb***hing@idgaf.com
Application SENT!!!
Stop reading/listening?
Malik, who is the girl in the picture on your blog’s header?
Sydney Poitier. The daughter of Sidney Poiter. She was in Death Proof.
Oh yeah, Jungle Julia. Good for her.
Can Ms. Moneypenny and I enlist together? We’s a team and sh*t.
App on its way !
*dead*
I volunteer to be exiled with the single good black men.
The Drop Squad movie reference alone will keep this smile on my face for the rest of my day!
I am not sure if anyone has mentioned this but a lot of these statistics overlap. 1 guy could have kids, spent time in jail, doesn’t have a high school diploma, and doesn’t make $30K. You can’t subtract for every single stat because it could very well be the exact same guys. Who ever wrote this article doesn’t realize how statistics works.
Yeah, usually the most flawed (and interestingly enough, widely-accepted) stats overlook overlapping, I’ve noticed.
Points in this post that are the reason there are so many single black women:
# the latent message that every single black woman is, in fact, flawless and completely relationship-worthy.
#that black women are disproportionately attracted to hyper-heterosexual men has any truth to it, it stands to reason that while the high-testosterone, anti-monogamy men (the “bad” ones) are cleaning up, the safe, low-testosterone, pro-monogamy men (the “good” ones) are striking out.
These two points combined with the fact that black women refuse to accept their validity are the reason they are often single.
Many of them want good men but don’t want to be good women, the think a man should just accept them as they are and if he doesn’t he isn’t a real man.
And this silly fascination with thugs is killing them, literally.
Your tone sounds a bit offended but I agree with everything you say. I recognize that it comes from a place of consideration. Keep kicking the knowledge how you see fit bro.
“That black women are disproportionately attracted to hyper-heterosexual men has any truth to it, it stands to reason that while the high-testosterone, anti-monogamy men (the “bad” ones) are cleaning up, the safe, low-testosterone, pro-monogamy men (the “good” ones) are striking out.”
The pro-monogamy men aren’t going to be “cleaning up”, since their number of conquests is going to be lower since they favor monogamy and dealing with one woman at a time. I’m convinced that those “high-testosterone” men aren’t cleaning up because they have a higher sex drive–they’re just not picky about who they sleep with. If some women had to wait on the picky, monogamy guys(Raises hand because I’m one of those cats) for sex, they’d be in for a long wait.
Pro-monogamy men never lose. They’re usually in a relationship or actively seeking a meaningful one. And they’re the ones who end up married at the end of their journey.
All this talk about a good black man. At this point, I would be happy with just a good man (Latino, White, etc) who isnt into pillow biting or grabbing his ankles other men, has a decent job, not on his mom chi-chisand knows how to treat a women.
“Since this is true, I’d advise anyone looking for a good, single, black man to try Bally’s. But, be advised that even if you do find him there, you’ll probably have to wait until he’s completed his 56th set of incline bench presses before he talks to you.”
and now a word about Ballys….that AINT the place to look. Well at least not the pentagon location. Those guys tend to be playing for another team…so go there strictly to get your own work out on because any other motives will not be honored.
LOL #AGREED (specifically about the pentagon local)
You gotta check out the LA Fitness (potomac) or Gold’s Gym South Arlington.
What is an eligible black woman? # of partners? Chastity matters. What makes a man, A MAN, ain’t what makes a woman, a WOMAN.
If you judge men by your preconceptions of men…you cannot then, go and judge women by progressive standards to match the times.
It is irrelevant why black men are in jail or why black women ascend beyond their social limitations. That is all personal world view crap. Because neither is any closer to what is needed from the other as to help the two meet in the middle & flourish. Blame one side…blame the other…both pointless.
In any national sporting competition (team work emphasis) the regulators tailor the guidelines for success to what is most frequently occurring….not what they want to see occur. There aren’t 45 micheal jordan or kobe bryant variants walking around but those are the unicorns. peyton or ben or vick. These are ideals. The teams take very real looks at what they have to offer & what they will sacrifice to achieve as they plan, plot & strategize.
If women & men did this very thing, not only would their views be more realistic but the complaints would be significantly lesser. Basically, know your worth, know where you stand.
Yes, life is a precious & rare gift. But since we are reading we must be using life to sustain that effort. Making life a given, that means it is the common factor & rules its significance out.
Focus on what you bring to the table & what compliments your style…not what you think compliments your style. There are just so many problems with saying who is and who ain’t available.
Get your minds right. You walk in a grocery store with five dollars in hand, you are leaving with less than five dollars worth of product. This is just as simple.
Idk, how many different ways it will take before y’all understand and accept that it ain’t coming up short to take a loss but that it’s refusing to take a loss where you come up short.
I take L’s constantly. I get sad and frustrated. I cope like all of us. It is time I got a bit serious. 90% of the people that you think are crazy,; aren’t. This judgment is more like fortress walls than it is an open hand of acceptance.
Alternatively, if you just want to complain, them by all means be the malingerer. Life ain’t hard, it’s just how we feel about it. How you feel couldn’t be further from a global reality than you being closer to God than anyone else. (that should be a bit confusing)
There is truly a disconnect between black men and women and its perpetuated through stupidness like T.O.’s comments on his show and the idea that good black men are with white women. Black men and women need to begin to communicate with each other. My answer, the good black men are right in front of your face. This article discusses it here, http://cocktailsandcognac.com/?p=1365
It was probably less confusing than you thought it would be. I liked this line:
How you feel couldn’t be further from a global reality than you being closer to God than anyone else.
My sentence structure seems horrible. That is what I was referring to.
Not necessarily about the complexity of the thought, which seems moderately complex.
This graphic pisses me off on a couple of basic levels.
1. This is annoyingly heteronormative. They are assuming that all black women want MEN in general. Thanks for making lesbians/bisexual women/ women who don’t care if a potential partner has ever been with a man invisible, BlackDatingSites.com or whoever you are
2. Their statistics are faulty by assuming that certain conditions are mutually exclusive or inextricably linked.
3. That “looks good and is in shape” statistic is just… DUMB. Good looks do not equate with physical well being and vice versa.
4. This chart also assumes that black women inherrently will ONLY date black men. Yeah, um, tell that to my cousin who is married to an Indian man. *eyeroll* Raj is cool as shit man. I love that dude.
Ugh…. this shit is annoying as f*ck.
By all accounts of this “statistical” chart, my husband is one of those 3 available black men for every 100 black women. While he is an amazing individual and one of a kind, he is not a magical unicorn.
These things need to stop.
*steps off soapbox*
Oh, hey y’all. VSB OldHead checkin in! **DivaDust** ™…. and I’m out.
Daaaaaaamn…
Looking at the stats, I meet everyone of that criteria. On the real. I’m a rare species lol.
I’m just gonna throw out a few words & phrases that I didn’t find on the ctrl+f search for these comments:
- Obese
- Overweight
- Big girl
- Extra curvy
- Pleasantly plump
- Materialistic
- Weave
- Drama-free
- Shared interests
Anyway I’d like to see an infographic containing statistics on the average American black woman. I love the sisters, fo’ real. But man…and don’t even get me started on the black man/black woman dynamic at this point in history. I know a Rob Base hook that applies here. Also to retort but one person’s assertion that brothas on dating websites aren’t looking for sistas…NO. That’s a lie. We use the HELL out of those filters.
That’s all I’m willing to contribute to this argument. I’m taking the rest to facebook via DangerousNegro.
Such an accurate description. I run out of fingers when counting the brothas with 1) the car, the job and the monster pecs/mini calves swag at the gym. True indeed. And just like the good women, they’re working so long (14 hours) or more, that unless you’re hitting the gym at 9-10:30 before it closes when they are, you won’t see them. Sooo true!
Being a black man that just graduated college I am growing out of that quanity over quality stage. I know I am somewhat on the younger spectrum of the people who visit this site but it still may apply to the generation before me. I wouldn’t want anything more than to settle down with a good self-respecting black woman but it’s so many retired pack an overnight bag just in case club hoppers, bikini in the bathroom picture twitter hoes, and baby moms of Tyrell who locked up but you were in love with the the whole dating thugs thing was cool. Before I was cool to run the streets with the ” thugs” but now it’s time to settle down an live that American dream you wanna come back out to the suburbs and find you a college graduate..HA!! Y’all can only get one thing from me and since I’m in high demand you think I’m not about to play this game…On the flipside I feel as though I’m a great judge of chracater an I got enough respect for the upstanding young black woman an will actual focus my time and try to make something work
I just found out that I am not a good single black woman, b/c I have children, regardless of the fact that I work over 40 hours a week, come home cook dinner, house is clean, have a mortgage & pay for private school for my children, with no help from said father or government. Oh yeah, served my country & got a dual degrees with children in tow. Thanks for judging this book by the graphic cover
Right on VSS. Thank you for your service!
They’re at Morehouse. ; ) That’s where I found mine.
I’ont how much of this “single people” hype is true. Most of the people I know are getting married at a rate of about three a year and these are just the Black couples. (I got the stack of wedding invitations and duplicate gift receipts to prove it.) And it’s regardless of education, class, region of the US. I do think we are sensitive about this in the DMV area because we act like a bunch of high school seniors here. The guys think they’re a bigger commodity than they actually are. The girls think they’re worth less. We seem to be more pressed to impress our friends with who we’re dating than seeking real commitments. Always looking for something better than what what we have. I’m just glad some of us are able to cut though the BS and find each other. Good luck, single people.
I’m from the DMV (pg) I swear it’s like a mini Hollywood down here. I agree with everybody is caught up with who’s dating who. The sad things is most of the possibly wifey materials females be so quick to run out the city and be a hustlers girlfriend or babymother. I can’t wait to see when it’s time to really settle down. What all these wannabe in the limelight females gonna do…..but then again there will always be someone with a cape to save the day
“I do think we are sensitive about this in the DMV area because we act like a bunch of high school seniors here. The guys think they’re a bigger commodity than they actually are. The girls think they’re worth less. We seem to be more pressed to impress our friends with who we’re dating than seeking real commitments. Always looking for something better than what what we have. I’m just glad some of us are able to cut though the BS and find each other. Good luck, single people.”
THIS. ENTIRE. STATEMENT.
Love these comments. I think this community is reflective of a reality we overlook. The world is full of “good” black men/women. The problem arises because many “good” black men/women are too dumb/picky/indecisive/scared/prideful/[*insert your personal hangup here*] to fully recognize and appreciate the truly good [quotes intentionally omitted] qualities in the opposite sex. Instead we pursue fantasy ideals; maintain illogical/impractical standards; posture for our friends [who are usually either single or in an unhappy relationship]; and end up in relationships that are no good because somewhere along the line we convinced ourselves that there was nothing better. There are lots of good men/women out there, we know the signs. If you can’t bag one of them, it’s your own gotdamn fault.
That chart is a piece of statistical manipulation…. Lawd today.
Pingback: Part 2: Where The Hell Are All The Good Single Black Women (No, really. I’m serious about this too. Seriously.) | Very Smart Brothas
Been lurking forever.Awesome blog real funny.
Having read the comments here plus those of other posts allow me to make a suggestion…maybe we should do an exchange program of sorts. For the sistats they can have their dark chocolate brothers,lots of Idris Elbas here (think Senegal, Niger, Mali (yummy Tuareg men), Nigeria…..basically most of West Africa) with degrees, no kids out of wedlock, not gay and all that sweetness. And for the brothas who like women who can cook, clean, are relatively slender (fast food in Africa is sooo expensive so we eat from our gardens!) and have degrees but still think of you as king of the household (culture is hard thing to let go of) should meet women from here. Am not sure about color preferences that always seems so controversial here so I won’t suggest any countries. Of course this shall happen when the economy from this recession improves then we can implement the plan. Think about it you can marry black with the culture and variety thrown in its a win-win for everybody. At some point we can loop in Latin America and Australia (if you like Aborigines) and Polynesian Islands (are they black???).
Seriously though, even here in Kenya we complain that there are no good men and how we are all moving to Zimbabwe and Ghana to find them. Maybe women just have a high unattainable standards or maybe there are really no good black men?
Yo, whoever came up with that image counting the number of ‘good black men’ can’t do math for sh*t
Living in the middle of nowhere doesn’t lend itself to finding sistas. But this is where they pay me the big bucks. Alas…I live here. I guess I need to just fly to one of your VSB meetups the next time. Seems all of the action left blackfolk on livejournal and came here. [laugh]
this conversation ( overall, the “good black man” convo”) is so freaking sad. I can’t even laugh about it.
I want proof that 80% of black women aren’t built like dag on kodiak bears. Lets get serious…in HS and college a lot of the black men at least play sports…they’re in shape some what…when compared to the women.
Also they said 100 ‘women’…not ‘good’ women…not all women are entitled to a good man. What’s the criteria
The more I talk to both black men & women, I get the distinct impression that there are FAR too many rules when it comes to dating. While some criteria are important (trustworthiness, gainful employment, respect, etc.), I have the sinking feeling that some people’s expectations in relationships are irrational.
Good single black men are right in front of your face everyday, but we have a problem with good single black women actually wanting us. I’m sure black women will say the same thing. So are we both lying or is there a serious problem that needs to be fixed? How do we fix it?
Logan are you over 30, black and single?…(wink) call me and we’ll work on it! LOL
I find it funny that black women ask were tha good black men are if they get a good one he only a friend so black men who are just out for one thing gettn tha time of his life. So what. Shud a good black guy do wait for love when women never talk to guys first or stop bein a good guy and chase girls for one thing and us guys realize u women live with its tha mans job to talk bs so I just wonder why women ask that I mean don’t. Complain about men when u guys label good black men as just friends