When To Stop Online Dating And Embrace Becoming An Occasionally Slutty Cat Lady Auntie » VSB

Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Featured

When To Stop Online Dating And Embrace Becoming An Occasionally Slutty Cat Lady Auntie

Staring at my half eaten plate of moderately priced American Asian fusion chain restaurant fare, I glanced up at my date to notice he had never stopped talking. It was our first outing together, and he was going through the regular first date particulars. All the while my mind wandered, thinking about if my new liquid lipsticks had been shipped yet, wondering what sheet mask I should apply tonight, when and if someone is gonna finally kill Ramsay Bolton’s ole sadistic ass. It wasn’t that my date was particularly boring. No, we had rather nice and lengthy conversations over the phone before we met face-to-face. Standard for me, as I hate going on a first date completely foreign to the person I’d be spending the next few hours with. He had passed the initial conversational tests; decent sense of humor, didn’t say anything transphobic, homophobic, misogynist, or self loathing. All seemingly low standards, but as a 31-year-old Black woman in the field, all standards a lot of men frequently fail to meet.

He was a generally attractive guy, in good shape, great job, all the good on paper qualities that should count for at least something. He made me laugh, and seemed very interested in me. And still, even though I was generally fond of him, and even toyed with the idea of fucking him, I still couldn’t get my mind off how much I would’ve rather been home. Soon, I began to feel guilty. Here I was wasting this guy’s time, I had no business being on a date, and I didn’t realize it until I was sitting across from him.

Typically, I actually enjoy going on dates. I don’t get out the house much if it isn’t with my son, and any excuse to gussy up and let the world know this old gal still got it is met with some enthusiasm. I usually obsess over the visual details, nail color, makeup (Evening glam? A natural beat? Winged liner? Vamp?) hair, ensemble, accessories, scent. Not so much that I think the guy even notices that shit, just all the bells and whistles that make me happy and feel at my most confident. I enjoy the ritual of femme performance and adornment. But this time? I threw on a coat of clear polish, tied my hair up in a bun, put on medium coverage foundation, a nude lip, a maxi dress, and called it one. I didn’t feel like beguiling anyone, I didn’t feel like pretending to be charming, or effervescent, I just didn’t feel like playing. I had checked out, not just on him, but on dating period.

In retrospect, I suppose the writing was on the wall. I had recently came off a break up from a 1 ½ year relationship. I wasn’t reeling with pain, but I was bored and desired companionship. My best friend, also coming off a breakup, suggested I throw my hat back in the ring and download Tinder. I resisted for weeks, until finally, I gave in. As he had warned me, my selection of bachelors was rife with dudebros, a sea of mayo, it looked as if I was picking men from a Cubs game, or a Kanye concert. Eventually I was able to match up with some colored folk, and began the underwhelming dance of Tinder messaging: Banal two-three day intervals of smiley faced emojis and the following small talk/icebreakers:

“Hi Gorgeous”

“How was your weekend?”

“I loved your pictures”

“What do you do?”

I frequently stared at these messages, internally groaning, tasked with the job of turning this shit into something engaging. Even then I forced myself to respond with the tepid, “lol I’m good how are you?” 

I realize that these initial steps are always awkward, but I didn’t remember it being this painful. Horrified by the monotony of Tinder communication, I signed up for another site to see for myself if this was just par for the course with the app, or my fate in online dating. Fear confirmed; dozens of “Hey miss lady” and profiles of “God Fearing men who aren’t here to play games” later, I resigned myself to my reality. But still, I was haunted by the questions, “Was it always this boring? Are people just not interesting or witty anymore? Have things changed that much, or is it me?” Even with the guys I had managed to progress from message purgatory with, my interaction felt forced. It didn’t help that I had the misfortune of speaking with a Morehouse grad who earnestly referred to himself as a “sapiosexual,” and a short film producer who wanted to argue the possibility of the world being flat. Every fiber in my being responded with a resounding “meh” with every man I had contact with. I didn’t respond to text messages for hours or even days later; any attempts to facetime me, any request for a picture, all met with disdain.

So, what the hell was I doing and why was I subjecting myself and these poor schmucks to this painful exercise in futility? I suppose I figured it was time to move on, and this was how I typically moved on. But, so far my dating experience felt like I was at a house gathering, trying to figure out which partially drunk can of room temperature Pepsi on the table belonged to me. I kept picking up random cans nearby and shaking em to see if I could tell if it was the right one, had the right amount of contents, if it was mine. None of them were, it was just a bunch of partially empty God damn cans. It was time for me to be honest with myself and realize I had nothing to offer anyone but general apathy and the occasional desire for sex and companionship. I know you’re thinking that most men would be more than happy to oblige such an arrangement, but you’d be mistaken. Even men want to know that you are somewhat interested in who they are, what they like, what they think, etc, even in casual arrangements. I soon found I couldn’t even muster up the desire to do that. I’d rather watch Sephora haul videos on YouTube.

Ultimately, I made the decision that Jay Z should have made when someone asked him to do a verse on the “All The Way Up” remix, I decided to sit my ass down and leave people alone. I cancelled all my accounts, and began the process of fading to black. Soon realizing, it wasn’t just dating I had divested in, after my last breakup I had also decided I was done with the emotional labor involved with romantic relationships in general. I don’t want to learn, I don’t want to teach, I don’t want to compromise, meet people halfway, to hurt, to forgive, to make space, to give space, to love, to lose, to reclaim, growing, regressing, progressing, decaying, wash, rinse repeat until the wheel lands on ‘free spin’ or one of us dies. I just…don’t wanna do it again. That cycle is fulfilling and completely worth it, for millions of people, I’m just not included in that population.

I am comfortable with accepting this about myself because it’s not coming from a place of scorn, or hurt (even though those are totally valid reasons), but an honest self assessment. I’m warming up to the idea of living the rest of my life sans the pursuit of a committed partner, and enjoying continuing to invest in myself, and the friends and family that I love. I’m opting out, and I don’t think it’s a phase, I think this is it, and it’s actually kind of a freeing to say it out loud. I know I hit all the markers for people to dismiss this proclamation as the swan song of a bitter Black bitty. Hell, I’m a feminist, a Black woman, single mother divorced by the age of 25, etc. Lots of folks will mutter “yeah right bitch, like you had a choice lol.” That’s expected, and I’m ok with it, because the alternative is participating in a farce, to save face, in an effort to prove to the world that I’m desired and that I am not bitter.

However, the older I’ve gotten, the more aware I am of the few facets of life in which we are really able to exercise choice. Long term partnership or relationships is just one facet where I am exercising mine. This doesn’t mean that my decision doesn’t come with its drawbacks. Of course I’ll have bouts with loneliness, and ever since I hit 30 my libido is that of a jack rabbit drinking a maca root smoothie during mating season. But long as God sees fit to keep Xvideos’s server lifted in favor, and I still have the names and numbers of old work stored in my phone, I think I’ll be fine. I have great friends, dope family, an amazing kid, fantastic eyebrows, and my best friends’ Netflix password. Things not lookin’ too shabby for ya girl. I already own one cat, now the rest of my destiny is mine for the conquering.

Filed Under: , ,
Danielle Butler

Danielle Butler is a 30-ish yr old LA/Chicago hybrid whose mutant powers include shit talking, procrastinating, and relating any topic to food. Her favorite pastimes include watching Spongebob with her son, yelling at her cat, and lying about working on her book of short stories.

  • Andie

    This is one of my favorite articles. Ever.

    • MsCee

      Nods head in agreement. She hit the nail on the head with feeling almost ashamed to admit that you feel this way due to the fact that people will side eye the fawk outta you and assume that you never had a chance at marriage anyway.

  • KingsCounty

    http://replygif.net/i/188.gif
    I feel this on a billion levels. Online dating for me this past year with my social life killing work schedule has been unbearably empty.
    As a man I have to say I don’t even take women half way seriously on dating apps. I barely wanted to swipe right on you, I barely wanna talk to you.
    And when I smash, lately I’ve been feeling like I’m not even there. It’s like some kinda disgusting romantic comedy.
    I decided last week to try to be celebant for however long I can hold out. Something has to change. I haven’t even been on x videos for 4 days now.
    Then it got hot outside and I relapsed.
    I think for me anyway the only way to meet someone I enjoy is meeting them in person. That’s always more genuine and exciting. This online stuff is so empty to me.
    Plus women are experts at pic taking with the angles and the filters and the whatever else

    • menajeanmaehightower

      “Then it got hot outside and i relapsed.” You win today. The struggle is real sometimes.

      • IwanttobeaRizpah

        That was funny!!!

        Mena! How do you do?!?!

      • MsKey

        Ha!

      • Isabeijscholl1

        “my room mate Lori Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!ti41u

        two days ago grey MacLaren. P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over hourly. 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !ti41u:?:?:.?.?.?.? http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsBrandGetPay-Hour$98…. .????????????????????????????????????????????????????::::::!ti41u….,…

    • Sigma_Since 93

      “Plus women are experts at pic taking with the angles and the filters and the whatever else”

      I’m Sigma_Since 93 and I approve this message.

    • Hm. I never hear too many guys that are turned off by online dating. That gives me a little hope actually. I wish you luck. Also, I feel like the real question is not why women are so good at angles and filters, but why men take and share such awful, unflattering pics of themselves? It’s crazy.

      • miss t-lee

        The pics dudes put up are soo, so bad.

      • NonyaB

        And why do they do ish like show pics with other people? 50% of the time, I close the profile because the I’m now interested in the other dude in the pic but they probably wouldn’t take it well if I messaged to ask for his deets. Like, who shows up with their competition?

        • Kas

          You have nothing to lose. You should just ask.

          • NonyaB

            You’re right, I’ve been thinking that lately. I’m the type that would ask but I used to figure that the guy may not give the info out of anger. ?

            • Kas

              He most likely won’t, but if he has a sense of humor about it, he may be worth getting to know better.

        • miss t-lee

          I just wanna know why you got a pic up with three people?
          Who is you?

          • Kas

            Likely, the short, ugly one would be my guess.

            • miss t-lee

              Exactly. We know this.

              • Sigma_Since 93

                Soo they canned your boy in Waco. What’s the vibe in TX?

                • miss t-lee

                  He wasn’t my boy. I’m not a Baylor fan.

                  The vibe? IDK. We don’t pay attention to them.

                • brothaskeeper

                  Cougs and Frogs are about to dominate Texas CFB

                  • Sigma_Since 93

                    I’m hoping they give the Frat Brother time to do his thing at UT

                    • brothaskeeper

                      I’m pulling for Coach Strong, too. But the boosters want nothing less than for him to run the table, and they’ve been murmuring about making either Saban or Gruden an offer they can’t refuse. They got Notre Dame for their season opener, a must-win if they wanna make any kind of statement. In the fight for interstate dominance, UT MIGHT be alright if they lose to TCU, but they have to beat Baylor in their weakened state and Texas Tech, who are perennially bad nowadays.

                    • Overtymer Adio

                      Ok, I was with you until you mention the Red Raiders. We have been to a bowl in the last few seasons straight perennially bad we are not. If KK stop acting like some star struck Hollywood actor and start seriously coaching like someone who wants to win a championship we will take the Texas crown and win the Big 12. Houston should be brought into the Big !2 by the way.

                    • brothaskeeper

                      The bowl system has become so watered down that even sub- .500 teams become eligible. Okay, maybe saying that they’re perennially bad wasn’t the best way to describe their team, but they havent been setting the Big 12 on fire, either. Yes, TT was inTexas Bowl last year, but LSU mudstomped them, and they finished 7-6.

                    • Overtymer Adio

                      Sure we got mudstomped, but by LSU! Tech is the top offensive unit in the country. Its the defense that has been horrible since Tommy Tubberville took over. Its hard to get real defensive size players to come to Lubbock, resulting in using undersized players all over the defense. But we are on the move! Go Red Raiders! Get your Gunz Up!

                    • brothaskeeper

                      I can’t talk. My alma mater (S. Car) is gonna be rebuilding for years to come, and rebuilding is a nonexistent luxury in the SEC. Cougs would be immediately competitive in the Big 12.

            • fxd8424

              That’s cold Kas.

              • Kas

                Do I lie?

                • fxd8424

                  LOL!

            • Mochasister

              Sigh. Isn’t that always the case?

        • Or pics with other people’s kids… or other people’s cars… Like naw man, FULL STOP.

          • Mika

            I never understand the “standing in front of a car that’s not my car pose”.

            • Kas

              When the other option is standing I’m front of the bicycle that you do own . . .

            • NonyaB

              Right? Like, how would posting the pic I took with somebody’s bugatti in Monaco help me, other than to outline the fact that I ain’t got it?

              • Mika

                I have a friend who has a friend that takes pics in pilot uniforms and headphones and uses it to say he is a real pilot. He drives for uber in real life.

                • NonyaB

                  See, that is why sleuthing and background check is necessary.

                  • fxd8424

                    I’m the queen of sleuthing.

                • IwanttobeaRizpah

                  Stupid.

                • DBoySlim

                  LMAO

                • GirlMelanie86

                  That is hilarious, lmmfao

            • sasha

              Same. I only did it once because it was a very unique car and honestly u just want to be associated with its rarity and beauty. Lol.

          • LMNOP

            Or ANY kids.

        • Ess Tee

          HA! They really be setting themselves up on that front. I’m not online dating–I did it last year for a couple months–and I’m good on that front. However, there’s gotta be a market for selling guys on creating profiles with great photos.

        • Bre

          Allllll of this!! Like hey I’m interested in homie to the left with the lovely well-manicured beard….you, not so much! lol

      • KingsCounty

        Im not a selfie guy so all my pics are in the moment I guess. No selfies mean no angles. My homegirl and I swapped phones to look at the pickins on the other side. I agree a lot of dudes pics are flat out embarrassing. But I felt that makes it easier to weed them out. The ladies all kinda look……do able at least. So much cleavage so many side angles, high angles, sitting on sinks still, and thot poses it’s dizzying.
        I met this one chick not online, ya know in person like our parents used to. And later on she would send me pics of her self when she lost weight. It was so confusing. The pics were so enticing then I would see her and be like what’s going on here?
        and I saw her on the dating app with the slimmer pics after I met her in person.
        I’m tired

        • Well I def don’t condone lying or misleading, but at least know that works both ways because I’ve met a few guys who were MUCH better off in pictures than in person. Also dudes choose pics that make them look like serial killers, I guess to weed out the shallow. Yeah, no thanks weirdo. I’s tired as well. It’s a lot.

          • KingsCounty

            LMAOOO

          • neexx

            Oh lord! The serial killer pictures.

        • HouseOfBonnets

          Oh that’s just disrespectful, even when I was on dating apps I at least made sure to give a pic with 3/4th or full body view. Plus why don’t they realize that people are going to see you in person? The only thing you should change on profile pics is brightness or tone lol

          • Neka W.

            I’m guilty of taking pictures from the neck up. I don’t take many pictures though, I’m usually so in the moment of whatever is going on. I may or may not find it mildly entertaining that someone is suspicious of me. ??

        • AnswerMe

          Sheesh. Wonder what men are seeing online and figured it was some grade A fckery like you’ve mentioned.

        • ChokeOnThisTea

          I’m glad you’re not a selfie guy. Men who take numerous selfies are……questionable. It’s a major turnoff to me.

        • LMNOP

          I’m not a selfie taker either, but you just need to suck it up and take a few, if you make faces in the camera for the first few you might be able to trick yourself into thinking it’s fun and end up with a few decent ones. That works for me at least.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        The camera settings are the only phone technology my wife is interested in! lol

        • That’s important lol.

        • LMNOP

          Yeah, it must be really hard to take good pictures on a flip phone.

          • Sigma_Since 93

            see there you go…

            • LMNOP

              I mean, how could I resist that one? You BROUGHT UP phone technology.

          • brothaskeeper

            Savage level: 8.8

      • Mika

        Extremely close face pics, lol. It makes me giggle so bad.

        • With the crazy stare. Bruh if you don’t fix your face up right now.

        • rahshedah

          The pictures that get me are the ones where they have CLEARLY cut a woman out. lol. Is it his mother, one of his 5 baby mommas, his actual gf? Who knows.

          • Mzpw2016

            I needed to come out of lurking to respond to this…..

            One of my guy friends, who is HORRIBLE at editing pics and all things Photoshop, did this practice. Basically, he uploaded a pic of himself he liked onto Paint and used a black crayon/marker to remove the woman he was in the pic with. He STILL gets joked on for that move……

      • LMNOP

        I think online dating would be hard as a man.

        The only person who has ever actually hurt my feelings in online dating was a woman. She was looking for someone to have a threesome with for her boyfriend’s birthday, and when I said no she said something like “oh, you look like you’d be fun, but I guess you’re just a waste of a nice body.” Men can be crude, but I wouldn’t want to be regularly dealing with women online dating.

        • Hm. Gee, that’s a rewd backhanded compliment if I ever did see one. Everyone gets a little tougher online, male or female. So, I don’t really want to deal with either in a dating context.

        • NonyaB

          What? AwHellNah. That’s the kinda mouthing off that gets your acct mysteriously hacked or your username dropped with lewd invitation in some scary sites or your identity detected and used to contact yo’ church peoples to come get their cousin… ?

        • Mochasister

          Gross!

      • heyheyno

        Right

    • The problem isn’t really online dating though.

      • IwanttobeaRizpah

        What is it?!?!?!?

        • KingsCounty

          QTNA

        • Well, most online sites/apps tend to optimize narcissism as well as a person’s greater sense or desire to control things. Basically, those apparatuses increase the desire to control how one’s identity is perceived (they have to

          A great point I once heard a psychiatrist make is that if you want to test how narcissistic a person is ask them to describe themselves in a profile, without the use of “I am…”

          Try it out on a date, you’ll see what the market out there is actually like lol.

          • Mika

            I think the hardest part is getting to the date. Everyone wants to Netflix and chill.

            • Doesn’t have to be a date, simply send a message and ask: “Hey describe yourself without using “‘I’ and ‘am'” in a sentence. My gut says that about 50% of the people you send that to will either not answer, dismiss, or get irritated by it. Either way, it’s an easy way of thinning the herd.

              • HouseOfBonnets

                *Takes notes*

                • It’s an infuriating thing to attempt, most people won’t.

              • cakes_and_pies

                Right off the grip in a first message? That sounds like an interview.

              • Blueberry01

                But what if they start listing adjectives that described themselves: driven, considerate, generous…

                Or, is the point that narcisstic people wouldn’t have the mental capacity to answer the question without starting with “I am”?

                • It would make their profile incoherent.

                  That’s not really the point, it’s that narcissists get irritated when they are put in a position where they have to talk about what they actually are, vs. what they want to be seen as.

                  • Blueberry01

                    I agree…

              • Kema

                A girl actively online dates. She will use this.

          • NonyaB

            But one can describe oneself in 3rd person to same effect e.g. sporty, kind, beautiful, etc. And nobody would use negative terms.

            • Would that be more effective though?

              • NonyaB

                No difference to me. You make the choice to interprete the person as confident vs arrogant vs narcissistic based on their saying “sporty” vs “I am sporty”. No insight to glean except for some cases like where person’s list is full of adjectives describing physical qualities and no mental/personality ones.

                Your suggestion below of messaging such a question to others on dating site also falls flat because like many women: my dismissing such a request wouldn’t about personality but about the fact that I get all kinds of messages (raw, smartass, etc) and this is one more I’m won’t entertain because it doesn’t strike me as interesting. That you perceive it as clever/interesting doesn’t mean it communicates as such.

                • Hmmm, maybe I should have clarified what I was talking about.

                  But lets run an experiment:

                  @NonyaB if you were to create a profile of yourself, how would it look if you never used the phrase “I am”? If you don’t mind me asking?

                  • NonyaB

                    Assuming facts like height, education, etc already covered by built-in profile questions every dating site has, it would look something like adjectives + activities + seeking:
                    Geek, artistically inclined, widely travelled, multilingual, etc. Everything in moderation, resists all but temptation.
                    + enjoys reading [insert preferred lit types], expressing world domination through boardgames, relishing good ice-cream, etc
                    + seeking tall, non-smoker carnivore who appreciate X,Y,Z.

                    • Hard right?

                    • NonyaB

                      Not really. I’m pretty solid on what do/not like, I just try to keep it short and witty. I hate seeing those looong profiles. And for sake of your example, avoided using a keyword/phrase or two that I may currently be using elsewhere.

                    • Now how effective do u think it would be vs. without any restrictions?

                    • NonyaB

                      You mean how effective would the profile be without me restricting it to short and this presentation format?

                    • Yeah

                    • NonyaB

                      Probably not very effective in attracting the kind of people I’d want, including those who also detest long, rambly profiles.

          • Kas

            Kas is sliced bread and night baseball rolled up into one. That didn’t seem very hard. What am I missing?

            • Technically, you’re not to use any variation of the verb “to be.”

              The point is that a big part of narcissism is replacing the image of oneself with what one actually is or more specifically, what they do. The point is that the exercise is supposed to force you to coherently describe yourself based on your behavior and actions, and still try to sell your actual real self.

              Social Media generally forces you to describe yourself as PR agent, even when you’re being honest.

            • Blueberry01

              As opposed to “day” baseball, Kas.

              I don’t know, either. Maybe you’re not narcisstic…

              • Kas

                It’s a saying

                • Blueberry01

                  Oh, okay. Does it mean like you’d be ‘swinging at anything” because it was too dark to see the baseball thrown at you?

                  I’ve never heard this one before.

                  • Kas

                    Greatest thing since night baseball implies a great thing. Baseball is America’s “national pastime”, but at one time the stadiums didn’t have lighting to be played at night. Once that was put in place, amazeballs! But way before my time.

                    • Blueberry01

                      Wow, I’ve never heard that one. Thanks for the breakdown, Kas. :-)

                      Also, I just went to my first baseball game last year (Nationals vs. Braves), which started as a day and transitioned into a night game. Surprisingly enough, it was dope! (I used to think baseball was boring because I only watched it on TV.)

                    • Kas

                      Baseball is a million times more entertaining in person than on TV. Who’s manning or womanning the grill tomorrow?

          • NomadaNare

            This is true

            What I have found is mostly peoples profiles have nothing to do with who they are and almost everything with who they want to be

            Show me a dating profile of a person and I will show you everything they are insecure about

          • KingsCounty

            Yep I was thinking that earlier. Like marketing execs or something selling this product. I feel like I’m being manipulated somehow

      • Mika

        *Sits down to listen carefully.*

        • Kas

          As a man with lots of men friends. We kind of suck.

          • Mika

            I deeply thank you from the bottom of my cold heart for your honesty.

          • Blueberry01

            Preach, Black Man!

      • NonyaB

        *Joins @disqus_aQaPgs31SH:disqus on the couch* Yeah, I wanna hear dis

        • Y’all scoot over, I need to sit down too

    • HouseOfBonnets

      My first inking of being over it was last summer, I reconnected with a great fwb after a year long celibacy run. After a few meet ups It started to feel like a task (a decent/enjoyable one but a task none the less) I could live without………I went MIA and have been on my third celibate run since the fall. Summer doesn’t phase me at this point.

      I admit it is a lonely path but when I witness the foolery of social media and the dating scene in general, I roll right back to my bed and wi-fi.

    • NomadaNare

      Bruh the angles and filters game is serious

      I am all like why though

    • DNA

      Amen to all points. I’m trying to take a break from the online stuff as well in order to focus more on work, but its so easy to slip back into the swipe left/right game… And then you’re casually spitting game with a new match and before you know it you’re set for a date that you don’t actually have time to entertain. And then the cycle continues I guess.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Yea we definitely need to get drinks and have a chat, cause this s h i t right there….ahhh man I know it too well

  • Miche

    Yikes… am I too here? Have I also given up on the work it takes to “make it” in love? I could totally relate with every single part of this. My last situationship was little more than political rants and amazing bedroom romps. And I was 100% fulfilled. I often look at my peers who are chasing after this fairytale mate/marriage with the lukewarm question of “but why tho…”. Add that I’m a black woman in the south and ALL of the prerequisites that comes along with being 31 and dating in this culture. I’m just over it.

    I’d much rather spend the rest of my life doing me only to eventually end up somewhere on someone’s beach in my 60s, sipping rum punch and flirting inappropriately with the island boys.

    I feel you sista… I feel you.

  • HoobaStankyLeg

    This. All. Of. This.

    • HoobaStankyLeg is an amazing username.

      • HoobaStankyLeg

        Thank you. I needed a Twitter handle and wanted something that had nothing to do with anything…..After I came up with it, I thought of Blacktivator Curl Juice…..Doesn’t have the same ring to it though.

        • lol You def picked a winner.

          • HoobaStankyLeg

            ????????

  • miss t-lee

    There comes a time when you just decide, I’m good. I’d rather not.
    And, there’s nothing wrong with that.

    • HoobaStankyLeg

      My time came when I was about 5 and I’m still holding strong.

      • miss t-lee

        I understand…lol

  • AnswerMe

    I am not opposed to getting married but it has never been on my to-do list. However, I refuse to go through the stupidity and time wasting that I have for the past decade + to find “the one.” It’s all so tiring and no everyone ends up with someone. Sometimes (a lot) I feel bad for not craving marriage but all I can be is me.

    • fxd8424

      I hate to hear people say, every little girl wants to get married. No, we don’t. I don’t feel bad for not wanting/craving it.

      • AnswerMe

        Precisely.

        • fxd8424

          And the “every little girl wants to grow up and be Ms. America” is another personal fav of mine. Another lie. And how many little girls do they actually check with before rattling off this ish?

  • Another great post that I felt on a cellular level. I’m not ready to give up on a relationship yet, but I am indefinitely done with online dating. It was highly concentrated ineptitude in all areas of life. No gracias. (But I have definitely decided that instead of cats, I’m gonna be a show dog lady).

  • PinkRose

    I’m just thrilled to see that this new generation of Black women in their 20’s/30’s is FAR less relationship pressed than mine was. BRAVO to ALL of you!

  • LoveTrenia

    This article is my new spirit animal, I felt an amen deep in my wayward soul. You’ve summed up everything I’ve been feeling now that I’m in my late 30’s. I’m sure this is linked to the paradox of choice in these dating e-streets, it leaves folks feeling apathetic.

  • Damon Young

    Who will kill Ramsey Bolton, ranked from least to most likely

    7. theon/reek
    6. rickon stark
    5. arya stark
    4. sansa stark
    3. a direwolf
    2. no one, because game of thrones crushes the audience’s dreams and expectations on a regular basis
    1. jon snow

    • menajeanmaehightower

      Geofrey lasted until season 4. He will probably be around for a while.

      • Tambra

        I give him til early next season the latest.

        • mr. steal your costco samples

          #HeGone.

          already been two seasons too long.

          Stannis murks him in the books.

          • Tambra

            That was never concluded. Stannis is still alive in the books but that battle has not been concluded as yet.

            • mr. steal your costco samples

              yeah, I read them too. I just refuse to believe Stannis loses the battle at Winterfell until TWoW proves me wrong.

              • Tambra

                Stannis will die, but I do not think it will be in this battle.

          • Cleojonz

            But Stannis gone already on the series. We aren’t book storyline following anymore.

            • mr. steal your costco samples

              I’m keeping him alive in my mind like Westeros ‘pac

              • Cleojonz

                Denial is not just a river in Egypt :)

          • Illumina

            When did this happen in the books? In the books he married Jeyne Poole (fake Arya- fArya) and I don’t remember him dying.

            The show has diverged so much from the books, I have no idea what will happen.

    • Tambra

      1. Sansa Stark

    • IwanttobeaRizpah

      Champ what you sippin?!?! What are you talking about?!?!?!?!?!?

      • Val

        My no cable having self is confused too, AM. Lol

        • IwanttobeaRizpah

          I think he confuzzled, because this post is about self love and using deeldos

          • Val

            Lol

          • Lea Thrace

            Maam!

            also *waves hi*

            • IwanttobeaRizpah

              Yes, you called I answered!! ?

        • I think is Game of Thrones references

          • Illumina

            It is. :)

      • Illumina

        I don’t know why he added the question to this post, but I’m into Games of Thrones, so Iike talking about it.

      • Damon Young

        i read every word and sh*t. and because I read every word and sh*t, I catch references like…

        “wondering what sheet mask I should apply tonight, when and if someone is gonna finally kill Ramsay Bolton’s ole sadistic a**”

        …which is right in danielle’s first paragraph.

        • IwanttobeaRizpah

          I guess I am not a voracious reader as you! Woe unto me.

    • Andie

      Bran in the past.

      • Illumina

        Haha. Good one.

    • CaramelSundae43

      Has to be Sansa or Reek… but a befitting death would be by direwolf

    • Illumina

      1. Sansa
      2. Brienne of Tarth
      3. Jon Snow
      4. Walder Frey
      5. Theon/Reek
      6. Littlefinger (Baelish)
      7. Everybody else

      Question for the group: Did Littlefinger know that Ramsay was bad as he is?

      • Cleojonz

        I forgot about Walder Frey, we know what a contrary vindictive a** he is.

        • Illumina

          The red wedding happened because Rob didn’t marry one of his daughter.

          I don’t think he will take his daughter and grandson being fed to dogs well. I could see him mounting an army over that.

          • Cleojonz

            I’m thinking he will definitely raise an army over that. He got those Starks and they didn’t even KILL his people.

            • Epsilonicus

              Would Frey want a Stark back in power in the North?

              • Tambra

                Nope.

        • Tambra

          Walder Frey. He has to die for his part in the Red Wedding. I think Ramsay will quicker kill him.

      • Trill Mickelson

        I can’t explain why, because it seems like everyone in the North knows, but I really don’t think Littlefinger knew. Going along with that, when’s the last time both Littlefinger and Varys got shut down? And in the same episode, too!

        • Illumina

          IDK. It’s kind of like Sansa said, “if you didn’t know you’re an idiot, if you did know you’re an enemy”.

          My head canon: Littlefinger did have an idea, but he thought Roose has Ramsay on a leash because Ramsay’s marriage to Sansa would have helped cement their control of this North.

          Why Roose didn’t see his inevitable demise one he legitimized Ramsay is beyond me? Once his gave Ramsay that why would Ramsay keep him around?

          • Epsilonicus

            He knew he could not marry his son to Sansa if he wasnt legitimized

            • Illumina

              “He knew he could not marry his son to Sansa if he wasn’t legitimized”

              Well, yeah. Roose should have made sure that Ramsay at least treated Sansa well until she got pregnant.

              Ramsay had no incentive to stay loyal to Roose once he was legitimized and married to Sansa. Roose has already shown he could be untrustworthy (his role in the Red Wedding), so I’m pretty sure Ramsay thought it gonna be him or me and it ain’t gonna be me.

      • ThatBlackBear

        Yes, everyone in the north knows. You don’t ride out on the regular sending naked women to run from dogs and not have a reputation.

      • Epsilonicus

        I think he suspected it but hoped it would not happen bc if Ramsay mistreated her, the North might rebel

      • Brooklyn_Bruin

        But he trained her to be gully. Sansa != Margaery Tyrell. Mags handled Joff, Sansa could have handled Ramsay. Now the fact that his teaching skills weren’t up to par, might be one thing….but we haven’t seen how the books play out.

    • Cleojonz

      I need it to be Sansa herself, and unfortunately her direwolf got merked a LONG time ago. Arya knows nothing of this evil, not her revenge to seek.

    • KingsCounty

      He so fond of “the hounds” they should let any living dire wolf hit it from the back then eat him for lunch.
      I met him on his level.

      • mr. steal your costco samples

        yeah, Ghost about to do it.

    • ThatBlackBear

      My hope is that it’s some random no-name new girl he’s taken on. Middle of the battle for Winterfell, Ramsay comes back to his room for some r&r and gets murked out of nowhere by his new Sansa who we never hear from again.

      Way too much like GRRM to not give us the true satisfaction of who should take him out. Call it the Omar.

    • StillSuga

      #2 because GoT cares nothing about our hopes and dreams

    • Epsilonicus

      Imma say Rickon. But it is gonna be done in a way that turns him into a savage

      • Tambra

        I think Rickon will be flayed.

        • Illumina

          They can’t kill the baby Stark!

          But gawd this show, I wouldn’t put it past them.

          • Tambra

            I think all the foreshadowing is there. Bear in mind the names of the direwolves says something about its owner. His is Shaggy Dog and what’s a shaggy dog :- a long story with no real purpose. It also has been theorised that when Arya was training with the waif and she was naming her brothers, the places where the waif hit her were where her brothers got injured/killed. So Rob- the side, Bran- the back, Rickon the legs and that cat spraddled her, so more than likely he gonna die.

            • Illumina

              My head canon: I think people put too much stock into the direwolves. I think originally GRRM has something grand in mind for them, but they are not as important as they seem. They may still be in the books (if we ever get them)

              Howwever, show-wise, I believe the direwolves don’t have any real significance in the grand scheme of things which is why they are being killed off at an alarming rate.

              GOT has so many theories out there, my head nearly explodes trying to keep all of them straight. But I am a firm believer in R + L = J.

              • Tambra

                Yes, a lot of the theories are tin foil but I believe in the significance of the direwolves. The death of summer in the last episode was symbolic of the fact that Winter had arrived, it’s only a matter of time until it moves beyond the wall. Arya’s wolf was Nymeria- she was a conqueror of a foreign land , Jon’s – ghost nuff said. But I am firmly R+L= J

More Like This