one of the most peculiar things about “pastor chasing” is the fact that you have no idea (and no real control) over what’s going to pop into your head while you’re doing the deed. sure, you might begin the festivities with the thought of your girlfriend or roxy reynolds or the bespectacled big booty applebee’s waitress you met last week, but your Id takes over once you get into the zone. and, as we all know, our Id’s are on crack.
sometimes the “pop-ins” are understandable (“damn. i need to go to caribana again“). sometimes they’re intriguing (“wow. who knew my subconscious had a thing for jill marie jones?“). sometimes they’re bizarre (“elastigirl?? well, she did have a fat ass. and she’s flexible“) and sometimes they’re…well…
…sometimes annie the chicken queen –the woman from the popeyes chicken commercials– pops into your head wearing nothing but an apron and bucket of butterfly shrimp, and, well, sometimes that just happens.
because its friday and i’ve already provided enough TMI this week, i won’t go into the myriad sexual, racial, and psychological undertones present with me fantasizing about a lascivious middle-aged cajun chicken-leg lady. but, i will say that this is a perfect example of the cringe-worthy fantasy–what happens when we find ourselves reluctantly sexually attracted to someone (whether its an elderly neighbor, a member of the dipset, or wanda sykes) for reasons we can’t (and don’t want to) understand or explain.
anyway, you’ve already heard enough from me. people of vsb.com, who are your cringe-worthy, “i’ll die before i tell someone i’m actually seriously attracted to this motherf*cka“, fantasies?
—the champ
FIRST!!!!!!!
YAY! lol ok maybe I’m too excited about being first but I came on here to read yesterdays post and low and behold a new post was already up! So YAY!! Sorry it’s my bedtime :/
I have always had a thing for like XTRA dirty mechanics, with scrubby facial hair…..like …just….yeah i’m getting hot just thinking about it!….lather me up with your oil baby and fix me right!!!
That is all!
@IJstDntUnderstand, LOLOL!
@IJstDntUnderstand, Oooh F***CKK! you are so in my mind right now!!! A guy w/ little bit of stubble, greasy fingers, wearing one of those cool blue overalls filled w/ a huge hard…. whoa! excuse me for a second folks….
*scurries to the ladies room for 15 min*
@IJstDntUnderstand,
lather me up with your oil baby and fix me right!
somebody’s been watching too much sesame street
@IJstDntUnderstand,
Something about a handyman. A man who can fix, paint, assemble, and duct tape. Sexxy. He who can fix it can definitely get it. Greasy and sweaty and durty and all. Major Co-Sign.
@VSB, LMFAO and here I was worrying I would be the only one with this “cringe-worthy fantasy”! That’s why I like this site it never let’s me down!
Happy Friday VSBers!
Marilyn Manson…..
*literally shaking my head with my eyes closed*
yeah.
that guy.
@me me meeee,
farreal? well, that makes me feel a whole better about myself. lol
@me me meeee, Marilyn Manson???
@me me meeee,
he reminds of the pale man from pan’s labyrinth
@The Champ,
wasnt Marilyn Manson Paul from the “Wonder Years”
@me me meeee,
Marilyn Manson, huh?
Unless someone says an albino Flava Flav, you win.
@me me meeee, back in my goth girl days, he could have gotten it. now, not so much, though I still have a thing for Trent Reznor.
@Dee, you’re not alone. He’s all daddy-hot nowadays.
i like isaiah mustafa from the old spice commercials… yum!
@OohLaLa, lol I LOVE those commercials.. meanwhile why is luke wilson that dayum fat in those ATT commercials? see how unfair the industry is.. Catherine zeta is starving herself and workin out 5 hours a day done had a baby and had to drop that weight instantly and luke wilson $$ eating his weight in m$m and cookies and shyt and he on tv in ill fitting khakis and shyt selling iphones……
@shay-d-lady,
Cause he’s probably hungry………..
for work.
@shay-d-lady,
lol, thing is, you dont see his ass in any movies any more. for an established movie actor, doing a phone commercial (regardless of how much they pay you) is almost looked at as a step down.
@The Champ,
Not almost. It is.
@The Champ,
no it the hell ain’t. oh, i’m sorry…something rose up in my spirit.
Richard Gere (circa Officer and a Gentleman days) butt nawked and eating bacon. Salty and sweet. Mmmm.
@Dom, girl aint nothin cringe worthy about richard gere
well, unless the gerbil rumors are true
@shay-d-lady,
well, unless the gerbil rumors are true
he punts from the sideline?
@The Champ,
Well “allegedly” somehow a gerbil was caught in his chocalate starship and he had to go to the hospital to have it removed……
@V Renee,
LOL @ Chocolate starship.
Its not so much about the naked Richard Gere, but the bacon makes it a bit strange.
@Dom,
why do you want him to eat bacon?
cringe worthy…..
…
well…..
lil wayne
and that is all im going to say about that
well that ninja must do something right in bed.. cause he aint got no complaints.. and he got the stamp of approval from supa head …
and
F!ck it there really aint no justifying it… I think lollipop had subliminal messages in it……you know like that simpson episode where the music was brainwashing kids into joining the army? yeah
@shay-d-lady,
LOL I was thinking the same thing! But only in the “Duffel Bag Boy” video…him and that other guy w/ the locs (don’t know his name)
@shay-d-lady,
co-sign Weezy! I think it’s the dreads that do it for me… Let’s hope he never shaves his head.
@shay-d-lady, “I think lollipop had subliminal messages in it”… you may be on to something… *raises hand* guilty
@shay-d-lady,
I’ll pass on Lil Wayne. He look like he got cooties.
@INFJgurl,
For some reason, I read “He look like he got cooties” as “He look like hot cooties”. It made me burst into a fit of giggles. So, even though it was indirectly, thank you for the laugh you gave me this fine Friday morning.
@shay-d-lady, EWWW he look like his breath stank lol
@BKSweetheart, i dunno, jewelry cleaner has alcohol in it and that kills bad breath.
@shay-d-lady,
SMH… yea after the Grammy’s performance, I had to admit to myself the unthinkable….his lil 50 baby mama ass could get it… *hangs head in shame*
@Beremore,
I thought lil wayne could secretly get it. He looks like a gremlin, but he also seems like that grimy fellow who suprises you with his intelligence and smells like fresh laundry. But then he signed up for twitter….no.
@shay-d-lady, I just threw up in my mouth a little.
@shay-d-lady,
Thank you! I am not alone… There’s just something about him… 90% of which is that he HAS to be heatin the sheets up!
fat boys.
@anonymous for this one,
THE fat boys or just fat boys in general?
@deviant,
Thank you for asking….lol I was also wondering.
@deviant,
THE fat boys or just fat boys in general?
i’m thinking both
@deviant, well if it’s THE Fat boys, I always liked the light skinned one that got the girl in Disorderlies.
@anonymous for this one, I like ‘em round *shrugs*
@anonymous for this one, you know thats funny cause I never thought i would like fat boys but they’re just so soft… its like a hugging a teddy bear stuffed with pillows lol
@BKSweetheart,
they are indeed soft. *whenever i see a thick one on the train i always look twice and imagine how soft the belly might be and if he’d let me touch it*
@anonymous for this one,
You know what’s more intriguing than your actual post? Tryin’ to figure out which VSB regular wrote it. lol
I have a thing for Samuel Jackson…something about his straight up scruffyness does it for me….
@WonderWoman,
Lol, I can picture him cursing you while doing the do
“throw that a$$ back and I hope you burn in hell”
@Eff yo couch,
*spits out orange juice*
@Eff yo couch, LOL- “Say ‘what’ again!”
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
“Is Marcellus Wallace, a bytch? Why you tryna eff ‘em like a bytch?”
@miss t-lee, Bwahahaha- I knew I liked you for a reason.
o_O wha-a-a-a-t?… fukkin kills me
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
“Do they speak English in WHAT?’
*man…easily one of my top 5 movies…lol
@Eff yo couch,
Lol, I can picture him cursing you while doing the do
“throw that a$$ back and I hope you burn in hell”
thanks for ruining my weekend, eff
@Eff yo couch,
dyyyyiiinnngggg!! youse a skraight fool! lol
@Eff yo couch,
“Lol, I can picture him cursing you while doing the do”
So can I. All, “Take this motherf*ckin snake on the plane, Bish!”
@WonderWoman,
Samuel Jackson, yessiree. Now there’s a brotha with soul, whom I imagine has depth and width, and a gazillion stories to tell.
@ ALL YA’LL …It’s creepy I know…but I can’t help it, he seems comfortable in his own skin, like he just don’t give a f*ck….confidence is sexy…what can I say?
Bill Clinton…..then and now. There is something about that 2520 that is just sexy. Yeah, I said sexy.
@QueenT,
apparently every waffle house waitress and secretary between virginia and florida agrees
@QueenT, it’s the southern swagger
Lil’ Kim.
(late 90s-early 2000s)If anyone needs me, I’ll be playing in traffic…
@Maximillian,
Only Lil’ Kim on the Hard Core Poster, though…you know the one.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YRoA7yT8EpQ/SX6tdaZMIsI/AAAAAAAAB3U/PU-yko7-cFA/s320/Lil-Kim+hardcore.jpg
@Maximillian,
i’ll be there with you. kim before all of her work definitely could have got it. same with fox boogie, da brat, and ladysaw
Snoop Dogg. . . MMMMmmmmhhhhhhh I LOVE ME SOME SNOOP. I have decided it is voice and the fact that he is so chill (clearly high as a KITE) but damn. . . Snoop just really gets me the mood—- you put Snoop on when you are try to get some A#$ and you are basically guaranteed a Sexual Eruption. Many have told me he looks like a snake, emaciated, ugly as hell. . . but frankly they are all haters. I am about to hit the LBC and try and find SNOOP.
@No1Snowflake,
i’ve always thought that all white women (and men) loved snoop. i think its because of the whole “dog” thing
@The Champ,
“i’ve always thought that all white women (and men) loved snoop. i think its because of the whole “dog” thing”
*guffaw*
okay………..don’t judge me……..juvenile (the rapper) and the young mike tyson……with a bag over his face…..and a sore throat.
oh, and there’s totally this puerto rican pron star that sneaks in there from time to time.
*runs and hides in my same hiding spot from yesterday*
also, harvey from celebrity fit club. but that’s not really cringe worthy to me. in fact, i own it.
@charli skipper, “harvey from celebrity fit club”
co-sign! Can’t explain why, but I think it’s his confidence.
@Leila,
i would bear 8 of his mean ass, ugly-faced babies.
@charli skipper, spitting out coffee at the visual of an army w/ ’8 mean ass, ugly-faced babies’
spitting out coffee at the visual of an army w/ ‘8 mean ass, ugly-faced babies’
LOLOL
@charli skipper,
i would bear 8 of his mean ass, ugly-faced babies. .
*Snickering* Bitter beer face babies. LOL
@Leila, don’t worry, you’re not alone, Kimberly Locke feels the same way too! lol
@Anike Love, I am not a hater by nature, but something just makes me want to hit that ninja in the throat and run off with Kimberly Locke! Which brings me to my own admission………
@charli skipper,
At one point Juve had some nice lips…I haven’t seen him in a while, so i don’t know what kinda condition they’re in now, lol
@charli skipper, “also, harvey from celebrity fit club. but that’s not really cringe worthy to me. in fact, i own it”
something about those pink-@ss lips… yum
@Yeah…SO!?!,, I COSIGN ON THIS ONE!
I am an ex soldier so I know the appeal of a military man…Harvey got me through my divorce…I stayed up many a night watching celebrity fit club! Whew! I’ll be back….gotta take a cold shower!
@charli skipper,
“also, harvey from celebrity fit club. but that’s not really cringe worthy to me. in fact, i own it.”
I’m late, but I just read that he goes with Kimberly Locke. Puts a whole different perspective on watching her season should I catch it again. lol
But yeah, I’m not really attracted to him physically, but his demeanor is chexy. Like on the premiere of this season’s boot camp, when he did that growl, I shivered. It was a Mufasa growl. I half expected him to yell, “SIM-BAH! You deliberately disobeyed me”.
@charli skipper,
Harvey could lock me in his basement feeding me salad and yelling, “Sweat it out! Now step on the scale…STEP ON IT!!!”
@charli skipper, “harvey from celebrity fit club”
YESSSS! Whoooowee!
And sadly– That too tan, spikey haired guy that’s blowin up all over the place now, DJ Pauly D… could get it in the middle of a one-way street. I’m so ashamed.
- Old co-worker who was not my type at all. He was skinny, goofy looking, and corny, but there was a strong attraction
- Reggie Miller
- Clive Owen
@Leila,
Reggie Miller should sue the FOX network for using his likeness. That alien Roger off of American Dad looks like a short version of Reggie Miller
@Eff yo couch, “Reggie Miller should sue the FOX network for using his likeness. That alien Roger off of American Dad looks like a short version of Reggie Miller”
lmao! I always thought that creature looked like Reggie Miller and Sam Cassell’s spawn
from: knicks fan who HATES reggie miller and his lady twin
@Leila,
“Reggie Miller”
This reminds me of a blonde moment I had one time. I was at my sister’s house and was looking at Ciara’s “Like a Boy” video with Reggie Bush and was like, “I only like this video for one reason…Reggie Miller”. And she had her back toward the video so couldn’t see (and she didn’t know of Reggie Bush at the time), and she was like, “Girl he ugly”. I’m like, “No he not”. It took me a good 15 minutes to be like “D’oh! Wait, who I say?!” I must have been high on Skittles at the time.
@Leila,
umm clive owen is my cleft-chinned dream lover! yum… sat through the international just to look at him
@Leila,
“Clive Owen”
Oh forgot to add my cosign-ment to this one! He has THEE chexiest voice in Hollywood right now, IMO. He sizzles my life.
@Leila,
There’s nothing wrong with Clive Owen. Sexy, accented, and pure rugged manliness…mmmmmmmm.
that guy who plays chris rock’s father in ‘everyone hates chris’ – thank god he took on that role, (which was a somewhat redeeming factor) coz the first time i saw him, he was in ‘white girls’ with the wayans brothers, as an ugly white girl loving imbecile. i just thought he was so fly, despite the disturbing skill with which he played an utterly foolish character…
thank gawd for ‘everyone hates chris’
@superwoman, I’ve met him irl, and he is not an imbecile, but he was with a very average looking white woman. (nttawwt.)
@Lena M., His wife is black…I thought she was white too…until i saw their show
@Lena M.,
She is not white, I think… She is very light-skinned.
@Sula, So that’s who that was… I saw her from the back and thought, “Brigitte Nielsen? Is that you?”
@superwoman, Terry Crews is his name. And I heart him as well. I thought he was HILARIOUS in White Chicks. He has a new reality show on BET…sort of like Runs House, but he has a beautiful family and it’s cute seeing him w/ his kids.
@La Bakir,
I love that show too, its probably the best reality show out there right now.
@8th Wonder, Right?
I thought it was hilarious last week when the little ones went to school for the 1st time and his sone was acting a damn fool!
@La Bakir, I love the show too. He does have such a beautiful family.
Good to see I am not alone in considering knocking off The Popeye’s Chicken Lady.
Others: The voice of Della Reese, not necessarily Della… When she says “p*ssy so good” when describing Sunshine, it is like audio Viagra. It has taken me years to get over the shame of this.
@Dash,
It has taken me years to get over the shame of this.
as well it should have.
@Dash,
“The voice of Della Reese, not necessarily Della… When she says “p*ssy so good” when describing Sunshine, it is like audio Viagra. It has taken me years to get over the shame of this.”
Ok, I’m scrolling down and reading everyone’s additions and so far Marilyn Manson wins, but your comment is most definitely in the running! rotfl
Sharing is caring…I guess,so….:
-Jake Gyllenhaall (as his “jarhead” character) and my favorite piece of chocolate: Blair Underwood show up as repairmen of all sorts, very often, in my alternate universe.
-Joshua Homme (QOTSA anybody?) and again Blair Underwood as… well, ‘servants’ in my house.
-I’ve imagined taking Jon Heder’s virginity> like locking him in the micro-film room of the library and making him squeal ’til he cries… Oh yeah, just a side note for those who don’t recognize the actor’s name…. he played Napoleon friggin’ Dynamite
Okay.. so I’ve got a thing for yin/yang combo sex, nerds and gingers=SUE ME!
@GeekChicness,
i LOVE me some Jake Gyllenhaall! mmm. but i didn’t know i should be ashamed. lol.
@Muze, i know right, his body was looking RIGHT in jarhead * fans self*
@Muze,
“but i didn’t know i should be ashamed. lol.”
I know, right? That man is dreamy. I thought this was accepted as true fact by the IIOA (International Institute of Attractiveness).
@Cheekie, Oh, I saw the IIOA stamp of approval on Jake’s azz, no doubt. But has the NUF (National Union of Freakery) approved him to do the stuff I’ve asked him to do?
@GeekChicness,
“But has the NUF (National Union of Freakery) approved him to do the stuff I’ve asked him to do?”
It may be pending considering he is Donnie Darko. lmao
@Cheekie, @michaboa
okay, i’m glad i’m not the only one. thought my taste was going stale or something. lol.
TOTALLY using IIOA from now on btw. lol if someone’s sexxiness is verified by them, there’s absolutely no arguing. i’m going to nominate Kanye as the next candidate so i can stop defending my love for him.
@GeekChicness, I co-sign Josh Homme. He’s all big and mean-looking. Sexy!
Eartha Kitt in her Catwoman days.
Serina Williams
Michelle Oh
Heidi Montag (after surgeries)
All of the Black women anchors on CNN
@Shawn Smith,
“All of the Black women anchors on CNN”
Co-sign. CNN is holding it down for the black MILFs. They’ve got them in all shades.
@Shawn Smith,
Damn frat, excellent choices, but I’m not sure which of your list were cringe-worthy.
Cosign on CNN…especially Richelle Carey of HLN. I caught her in profile view one day…she’s packing a donk!
@Caballeroso,
Well, Eartha in her later years was a bit, cracked.
Serina. Some people say her body is too manly. I just think she would be very dominate in the bedroom to the point where she would just take it from me.
I meant to say Sandra Oh from Greys. Never watched the show. I remember her from Arli$$ better.
Heidi Montag. The last and only time I really paid her any attention was when Al Roker went off on her and hubby. But when I saw the pics of her after the surgeries…..I just wanted to motorboat dem boobies.
@Shawn Smith,
What up, 6? I definitely feel you on the black women anchors on CNN. They usually have CNN on at the gym in the men’s locker room and whoever is on the tube turns at least 5 five heads in the locker room. It’s quite hilarious.
@Shawn Smith,
Cosign on Serena Williams. Her shoulders are brolic. But I think the sex with her would be GOOD. You know she is in shape, and from the stomach on down she damn near perfect.
@Humble_One, “Cosign on Serena Williams. Her shoulders are brolic. But I think the sex with her would be GOOD.
who knew gorilla-phucking could go both ways?
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
*______________*
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
OH EM GEEEEE! You just made water spew from my nose. I’m done. So done. Thank you.
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
HA!! Good One. I’m assuming you don’t see the appeal in Serana Williams?
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
Bwahahahahaha!!
Hey, I like me some Serena, so I am not laughing too hard…
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
Yeah I think I’ma go ahead and flat line too. ROTFLMAO
@INFJgurl, the pleasure was mine
@Humble_One, well since I’m a la-a-a-dy not so much… but if I use my imagination it seems like her and a dude would be like watching a high school wrestling match… really who’s gonna pin who first?- it’s a conundrum
@Shawn Smith,
see, i dont know if anyone on your list is truly cringe-worthy
Woody Harrelson, lol!
@PortraitofaLady,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
@PortraitofaLady,
OMG!!! I thought I was the only one who had a thing for him. I posted it too before I saw this. Too funny!!
@PortraitofaLady,
Does his hemp suit do it for you?
@PortraitofaLady,
He’s darn near perfection in Zombieland. I’m buying the movie just to watch his chexzy arse. (My son will never know why momma’s got to “retire to bed” each time after watching that movie.)
@luvtheshoes,
hmmmm, I got to rent this ASAP!
@PortraitofaLady,
I have a thing for him as well… I think it’s the southern drawl… or the fact that he doesn’t take himself too seriously… Remember when he was Grace’s boyfriend on Will & Grace? He was hawwt!
*hangs head in shame*
Benicio Monserrate Rafael del Toro Sanchez…aka Benicio del Toro…his quiet arse is SCARY but there’s something about him that makes me feel some kind of way *blushing*…wouldn’t have to say one daggone word, just one look….game over…*smh*
Ving Rhames *flashes back to scene in Baby Boy*……SMDH! shame…lol
@Smiley Face,
I think it’s that squint and the voice.
I loved him in Traffic.
@miss t-lee,
definitely the squint.
@miss t-lee,
he got me in The Usual Suspects
@Smiley Face, me too…his mumbling self…
@Smiley Face,
I could eat Benicio del Toro with a spoon … it’s cringe worthy because he looks like he smells like cigarettes. ugh.
@Michele, Yeah he does have a dirty-isk way about him doesn’t he?… just makes me wanna get him in a shower… I’ve said too much
@Michele,
lol!! Exactly!!!
@Smiley Face,
I’m thoroughly relieved to know that I’m not alone when it comes to Benicio del Toro.
@Smiley Face,
Sad to say I would also give it to Ving, with his big scary lookin ass.
@Smiley Face,
“Benicio Monserrate Rafael del Toro Sanchez…aka Benicio del Toro…his quiet arse is SCARY but there’s something about him that makes me feel some kind of way”
I’m so mad that you know his WHOLE name… this man’s voice caught me in the Usual Suspects and I’ve been in *swoon* ever since…smh just don’t make no sense!
Since this post and comments thus far have made me choke and spit out all my tea repeatedly this morning, I might as well join in the hilarity with my list…
-Gremlin A** Lil Wayne…smh
-Benencio Del Toro
-Jeff Goldblum (circa Independence Day)
-Vince Vaughn… not sure if this is cringe worthy but he isn’t cute to me at all and yet he’s so hilarious I cannot help but love him and want to jump him *shrugging shoulders*
@Beremore,
Now here I thought I was the only one with a Jeff Goldblum thing. I’m more partial to his Jurassic Park iteration. Something about the way he struts just hits me right!
@luvtheshoes,
*thinking I’m not gon say I was thinking about Jeff Goldblum in Earth Girls are Easy*
Nope…not gon say after that makeover he was looking mighty sessy..nope not gon say it…nope
@luvtheshoes,
Girl yes, it’s that strut… he has presence for days and can walk that walk! He’s also got some beautiful lips… *two thumbs up* for Mr. Goldblum
@Beremore,
“I’m so mad that you know his WHOLE name… this man’s voice caught me in the Usual Suspects and I’ve been in *swoon* ever since…smh just don’t make no sense!”
*hangs head in shame*…..lol…he does something for me and dangnabbit I had to give him proper respect, lol
@Beremore,
Jeff Goldblum will forever be The Fly in my book no matter what i see him in.
@Smiley Face,
“Benicio Monserrate Rafael del Toro Sanchez…aka Benicio del Toro”
Your addition doesn’t make me cringe. What DOES make me cringe is that my 17 year old niece loves him the same way. *Montgomery Burns shudder*
@Smiley Face,
Benicio del Toro…
Girl, this is NOT cringe-worthy AT ALL… This man is all kind of delicious… and I will do A LOT of things to him in broad day light on La Cienega Avenue if I have to. Chile, please.
As of late it’s become Todd English.
Don’t even ask me to explain it because I have no clue why…I guess that’s the point of this post…LMAO. My BFF just looks at me, but then again, I don’t understand her thing for Steve Carrell.
I think it’s the dark hair and green eyes. Ray Liotta used to get me back in the day with his dark hair/blue eyes combo.
Lawdy…
@miss t-lee,
giirrrlll YAAASSSSSSS Ray Liotta!!! Him and his ferret teeth, lol…didn’t stop me from drooling though, lol
@Smiley Face,
*dead*@ferret teeth.
He got me with them eyes though!
@miss t-lee,
I LOVE Ray Liotta. First truly fell for him in “Goodfellas” (when they first pan up to reveal the adult Henry I died from fanning myself). I also loved his goofy side in “Corina Corina”.
That mofo has NO lips. Nonexistent. I mean, I don’t have much myself in the lip department but him? It’s like God gave him his lips on Sunday.
@Cheekie,
You’re right…no lips!!!!
Have you seen his first movie Something Wild? He played a psychopath, but he was so hot. Yum.
@miss t-lee,
I didn’t actually. I’mma check it out. Yeah, he’d make a good psychopath. He has a psychopath laugh. lol
@Cheekie,
Oh yeah, the laugh seals the deal!!!
@Cheekie,
“It’s like God gave him his lips on Sunday.”
this just made me laugh for a good minute. lol.
I do some of my best programming while having sex. Wow it feels so liberating to finally be able to share that.
@Deus Ex Machina,
ummm, thanks??
@Deus Ex Machina,
Computer programming?
@Deus Ex Machina,
Programming your DVR?
My cringe-worthy fantasy goes by the name of the one word adjective ……(drum roll please)…………………………..
Precious !!!!!!
If you managed to not to regurgitate your last meal, that’s means your still reading this and now know that everything I previously said was a lie. I had to have a little friday fun, sue me.
But seriously I would mind knocking Barbara Walters’ boots … it’s something about her voice and her serious face., that gets me going
Remy Ma (before the jail time)… because I Ioves me a hood chick
Speaking of hood chicks I’ve always wanted to stick my wang in between Rage’s afro puffs.
Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I’ll be in hiding until summer time.
@eff yo couch,
But seriously I would mind knocking Barbara Walters’ boots … it’s something about her voice and her serious face., that gets me going
and you know she loves the brothas too
@eff yo couch,
“Precious !!!!!!”
I don’t believe you.
@eff yo couch, eh, I think the actress herself is cute, and seems very sweet and fun.
@Dee,
Yeah, she has a nice smile! But I sweahfogawd if someone sincerely adds her as their fantasy, I will vomit. No, not because she is very pleasantly plump, but she just seems so innocent.
uncle phil…idk bc I don’t even like big dudes but something ab him makes me wanna curl up in his lap and thank him for my lollipop…
shame…so much shame…
@thatchic,
well, just hope that your lollipop isn’t built like a dick, because he’ll start sucking on that shit too
John Mayer has always been my white bf.
i’m ashamed to admit that i still think he’s brilliant… and artistic brilliance makes me want to…
i know. *hangs head*
@Muze,
how do you feel about those “my dick is david duke” comments?
@The Champ,
i was heavily heavily disappointed. sigh. i just had to go read the entire article for myself because i just couldn’t believe my beloved John would say such things.
i guess only the “white-girl crazy” Kerry Washington has a chance.
…but even within that article, i saw his brilliance. i love how his mind works (outside of those racist arse comments). shame i had to dump him.
@Muze
I feel you on John Mayer, but not the cringe worthiness of him. I still dig his lyrics, persona and brand of crazy…
In the article a lot of people got mad without reading and comprehending what he said. After talking about his member’s penchant for Beckys he said he was going to start dating separately from it…
@KayBeezy,
YES i did see that… lol. i was still disappointed that he said “i don’t think i open myself to it”… and who wants to date a man separately from his joystick? lol
@KayBeezy,
Like minded spirits. He was honest about his stuff. He just said out loud what many people think deep down… Simple.
“Gravity” remains one of my favorite tracks.
@Muze,
i’m ashamed to admit that i still think he’s brilliant… and artistic brilliance makes me want to…
I do believe so too… and what’s cringe-worthy is I don’t think I am ashamed at all… (then again I may be white-girl crazy… bwahahaha, I kid, I kid)
LOL okay i feel better because i toned it down here on VSB bc i had a convo with my best friend the other day and i was saying i didn’t think it a huge deal like everyone else was making it and she made it seem like i was so wrong for still thinking him brilliant and hot.
@Muze,
John Mayer is still secksy and f*ckable…..#kanyeshrug
oh, and my numero uno… anyone who knows me knows this much is true:
Kanye. mmm.
“I’ll marry his ass quick and give him a shitload of babies. Black, ASHY babies!”
yes i would. tomorrow. little arrogant, chipmunk-cheeked, big-toofed babies. yes indeedy. don’t judge me.
@Muze,
little arrogant, chipmunk-cheeked, big-toofed babies.
lol, sounds like a baby me and sh*t
@The Champ,
LOL. hmmm. *slides on glasses*
@Muze,
I won’t judge you, but I’ll fight you. Kanye is my future ex-husband… crazyness et al, I’ll take it. I like his brand of crazy.
@Sula,
okay, clearly we can’t go boyhunting together cause we like the same types. lol.
you can have john and his guitar if it comes down to it, but Yeezy is off limits. lol.
Brad Pitt.. I’ll elaborate: this only came to be because of the character he played in Meet Joe Black, which was the incarnation of Death.
and Benicio del Toro.
*considering therapy*
…I am able to sleep at night knowing I have normal fantasies, i.e. Pharell Williams.
@my soul’s in my smile, stop reading my mind VSSs!!! The ‘Meet Joe Black’ version of Brad helps me in the shower quite often…. in my mind, that is.
@my soul’s in my smile,
And why again are those cringe-worthy? I wonder?
Rachel Ray- Why she’s cringe-worthy: She’s perky, chatty, and has a voice like an air raid siren. For the life of me I can’t turn away.
Storm from the X-Men (the dark-skinned version not Ms. Berry) Why she’s cringe-worthy: She’s a f**king comic book character! On the other hand she’s depicted as a jaw dropping, six footer, who weighs in around 140 lbs. She can throw lightening bolts, and can fly. She may show up wearing a crown, or clad in black leather while wearing a mohawk.
(Tie) Rhianna and Megan Fox. Why they make me cringe: Other than the obvious lack of any talent, both violate one your friendly neighborhood Agent of M.E’s most important rule of sexy. They are trying way too hard to be sexy. Someone should should tell them that they don’t have to keep their sexy dialed up to 11 all of the time.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
I feel on Rihanna. She is one of those chics that you wouldn’t turn down if she offered but you aren’t going out of your way for her. You wouldn’t even approach her on the street or at the club.
@Humble_One,
She wIt’s almost as if she has a neon sign floating over her saying “Sexy.” with an arrow pointing down.
@Humble_One,
I feel on Rihanna. She is one of those chics that you wouldn’t turn down if she offered but you aren’t going out of your way for her. You wouldn’t even approach her on the street or at the club.
she’s grown on me. she looks like she smells like a moose tracks milkshake
@The Champ,
Moose tracks, I could see that. Certain women look like the have distinctive smells. I like to think Michele Obama smells like coco butter.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
Rachel Ray- Why she’s cringe-worthy: She’s perky, chatty, and has a voice like an air raid siren. For the life of me I can’t turn away
Cid, is that you??? lol!
My ex had a huge crush on Rachel Ray (and the mom in Home Improvement)… So come 5:00pm, he would be surfing between Food Network (30 minute meals) and TBS (reruns of Home Improvement)… and he did this religiously. Lol! *smh*
Once with my arch nemesis. I wanted to pull a Houston so bad.
I would tell you who my arch nemesis is, however, being that I actually knew this person in person at one point would just raise all hell and I would never hear the end of it.
Just know that he looks like an elf with Down Syndrome and he plays in the NBA. No, not Sam Cassell, he looks like ET.
@chaoticdiva,
“I wanted to pull a Houston so bad. ”
CTFU
“Just know that he looks like an elf with Down Syndrome and he plays in the NBA.”
Shelden Williams?
@miss t-lee,
You know, I think people trying to guess who it is will make this thread that much funnier.
After getting a list of at least 5 people, I can put up a site called “Name that Butterface”.
-sarah palin. i think it might be the glasses. *shrug*
@Tunde,
I thought guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses..
@my soul’s in my smile,
There is a topic on here were most of the VSBs said that girls with glasses was a big turn on for them, myself included.
@ComicBookGuy,
shucks, I missed that one!
I happen to wear glasses because contacts feel like twigs, and it doesn’t stop the passes, but I will note that it does attract a different type of attention. I commented to see what people would have to say. Off to look for the relevant post now. Thanks comicbookguy!
@ComicBookGuy, @ my soul’s in my smile
Topic:
things that make you much more randy than they probably should
by The Champ on February 3, 2010 · 695 comments
@my soul’s in my smile,
I thought guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses..
lol, shit. i ONLY make passes at chicks with glasses
@The Champ,
duly noted.
can anyone tell me where that post is? searching “glasses” doesn’t return anything.
thanks!
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/things-that-make-you-much-more-randy-than-they-probably-should/
@my soul’s in my smile, thats a lie. i love a women in glasses.
@Tunde,
Don’t feel bad. During the elections this 2520 kat who sits a few rows over was always going on about how Sarah is “so friggin’ hawt!!!”.
@Tunde,
Do you like Tiny Fey as Sarah Palin?
@Cheekie, hmmm. good question. not as much.
@Tunde,
Then I think it’s more the dumb factor than it is the glasses…. or maybe it’s Alaska.
Lil Wayne
Ving Rhames
Samuel L. Jackson — and yes, he is yelling in my fantasy. And I like it…
@N.I.A. naturally,
DEAD!! @ “Samuel L. Jackson — and yes, he is yelling in my fantasy. And I like it…”…LMAO..lawd!
I’ve always wanted to dig out Barbara Striesand. . . .I have no idea why. . . .
And Fran Dresher’s voice turns me on. . .
for shame. . . .
@GoldinPhoenix, “for shame”
indeed- lol
@GoldinPhoenix,
Man, Fran been doing it for me for a long time.
@GoldinPhoenix, “And Fran Dresher’s voice turns me on. . .”
I’d have to agree with Fran, also. Voice and all . . . makes me think she is a squealer.
@GoldinPhoenix,
And Fran Dresher’s voice turns me on. . .
me too, lol
welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ,
Thanks man. I been readin for a while, but I’m a sporatic commentor. . . .
I’m workin on that. . .
@GoldinPhoenix,
And Fran Dresher’s voice turns me on. . .
You know what? She actually was a style icon in my book when I was coming up… I luuuuuuuuved the Nanny (and still do)… and thought she was the epitome of sessyness…
so I can kinda sorta relate.
Hugh Laurie the actor who plays House, especially when he is speaking in his normal British accent. Mixing his accent with his character’s limp and cane is my ultimate fantasy.
@Smanakins,
I’m with you on this one. Yum. He’d need a wheelchair when I was done with him.
@Smanakins, oh yeah.. something about the arrogance mixed with that not giving a f*ck about anything is so hot lol, plus I have a thing for white guys with blue eyes and dark hair…. his British accent is so freaking POSH, like he’s royalty or some sh*t.. I always wondered why Brits have such an easy time speaking American English with no trace of an accent whatsoever
I want Ellen, BAD. Yes, the gay white woman. I would give her something vicious.
@undressingHER, wow
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
I was feeling Ellen in her very early years. Then I jumped from Ellen to Anne Heche.
@Shawn Smith, Anne is a step-up but you already it out there… no reniggin- smh
@Yeah….SO!?!,
Yeah, Anne is a step up but I liked her when she had the short spiky hair and while she was with Ellen. Kept staring at her in Six Days Seven Nights with Harrison Ford.
@Shawn Smith, I guess there could be worse… carry on
@Shawn Smith,
Anne has a role in the HBO series “Hung”. She’s not looking so good these days. smh.
@Caballeroso,
Yeah, I watched that show. I didn’t recognize her at first. I like her hair short rather than long.
I was looking though in that episode where she got the massage.
I really would want Ray’s neighbor.
@undressingHER,
on my list of “real-deal celebrity lesbians i’d bone”, anne heche is 1st, queen la is 2nd, ellen’s wife (portia something) is 3rd, and rosie o’donnell is 374th
@The Champ,
“and rosie o’donnell is 374th”
lol Is there a 375th?
Jim from The Office…semi-goofy looking 2520…but his “dry” face is priceless. The way he looks when Dwight or Michael does something idiotic gets me every time.
Chad Ocho Cinco
@La Bakir,
“Chad Ocho Cinco”
Two shameful thumbs up.
@miss t-lee, LMAO…yes chile. Ocho Cinco is a lil ‘flicted in the face area. And I can’t quite figure out what it is…b/c I tend to get lost in his abs and pecs.
@La Bakir,
It definitely that body…and for me, the a-hole factor.
I’m strangely attracted to a-holes…lol
@La Bakir,
Cause he looks like he could be a member of Field Mob.
http://images.uulyrics.com/cover/f/field-mob/album-from-tha-roota-to-tha-toota.jpg
@miss t-lee, LOL!
Reba McEntire – got a thing for redheads, ever since I was 3. Ask my sister.
Nicki Minaj – I know her rap voice is annoying, but her body is banging. I almost had a wreck listening to her talk freaky on Lip Service on Shade 45. I’m a southern boy with a thing for women with NY accents.
Every female chef/host on the Food Network – I mean every one of them: Giada de Laurnetiis, Sunny Anderson, Sandra Lee, Rachael Ray, Gina Neely (Sorry Pay Neely, but wifey would so get it), Claire Robinson. Am I missing anyone? Just knowing that those women will make a brotha a full spread for breakfast in the morning is just mmmmm.
Paula Dean better not be caught slipping after I’ve had a bottle of Ketel One in me.
*hangs head in shame*
@ComicBookGuy, My nephew has a thing for Giada too. Hmmm…the only “hot” FoodNetwork dudes I could MAYBE rock out w/ are Bobby Flay and that dude from Dinner Impossible
@La Bakir,
Why why did I know someone was going to say that Bobby Flay and Chef Robert from Dinner Impossible was on their list? I love the snowball effect this blog creates sometimes. lol
By the way, how have you been?
@ComicBookGuy, I’m good and yourself?
Ummm..yeah, I LOVE the food network. Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives is my show.
And I can’t forget Ace of Cakes and Iron Chef…and Good Eats..or The Best Thing I Ever Ate…
Yeah, I have no life :/
@La Bakir,
I’m doing just fine, waiting for it finally warm up down here in Houston.
We share that same non-life. I love Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, Dinner Impossible and Iron Chef America. I love the original Iron Chef in Japanese and Man vs. Food. The Best Thing I Ever Ate is a great show.
@ComicBookGuy, *swoons* will you marry me lol? We could be in blissful peace watching those shows…taking notes from Diner, Drive-Ins and Dives of place to try out.
And yes, NJ needs to get it’s act together. I started running again on Monday…but I’ve been limiting it to 20 minutes b/c it’s damn cold out. …still. I went to jump rope the other day after running and it was missing from my trunk
tragic
@La Bakir,
Believe me, my dear, that sounds lovely. We could have little brown children becoming master chefs by watching Guy Fieri and Cat Cora. lol
What kind of weak @$$ ninja steals a jump rope? In the wintertime? In Jersey?
@ComicBookGuy, *daydreams* sounds awesome…and they can create comic books about chefs for their father, lol
man i don’t know! probably the same ninja who stole my marvin gaye “what’s going on” cd. sometimes my ish just disappears.
so now i need to get a new jump rope. in the meantime i’ll borrow my landlord’s out his garage..but i liked my rope better.
@La Bakir,
Hold up, mayne. Do I have to come up to Jersey and rough up somebody? How somebody gonna jack you for your Marvin Gaye CD, one of the greatest albums ever? That just ain’t right. I would be hot if someone took my “Texas Flood” CD by Stevie Ray Vaughan. Gotta keep that album in the car always.
@ComicBookGuy, You do! Or install some survallince in my car b/c both those items were in there and I don’t have many passangers in my vehicle.
SB: I’m gonna have to YouTube some Stevie RAye Vaughn music. Never heard of him. Did a brief Wikipedia search though
@La Bakir,
Stevie Ray is classic Texas blues. My mom raised me on him. He was influenced by Hendrix and Albert King. For some reason, I have been listening to a song entitled “Lenny” every morning for like a month now as like a ritual when I get to work. It really calms me down and gets me ready for my day. It’s a beautiful blues guitar instrumental. It was written for his wife Lenora, hence the name Lenny. The man is a guitar god.
@ComicBookGuy, I just put a post note reminding me to listen to it on Monday when I get to work. I’ll let you know my thoughts
@La Bakir,
Cosign Bobby Flay. The way he grills up his food just makes me wanna…
@La Bakir,
I would soooo do Bobby Flay and Dave Lieberman (good deal with Dave Lieberman)…
Actually, they are a lot more: the tattooed judge on Chopped who doesn’t like red onions (forgot his name), the skinny white boy in Ace of Cakes (he can knead me like he kneads the dough… Ha!)…
And who can forget the fantastic Jamie Oliver!
I think my mental fantasies feature a lot of food… Food is kinda like my pron… *kanyeshrug*
@Sula, Lol!!! I like skinny 2520…I actually think Duff is cool too…I find him entertaining
@ComicBookGuy, “Reba McEntire”
You know what I remember this from a previous post… and you still get the “o_O” from me- lol
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
I saw that one coming a mile away. lol
@ComicBookGuy,
“Paula Dean better not be caught slipping after I’ve had a bottle of Ketel One in me.” Lol. Paula looks like she’s up for a good time and would take you up on your offer.
@Pe. Riche.,
Yeah I feel Paula is down for that good swirl action. Especially from a young strapping man, lol!
@8th Wonder,
I got that too, lol
@8th Wonder,
It’s so funny how it is that obvious.
@8th Wonder,
I like me some Paula!
@ComicBookGuy,
“Reba McEntire”
I know a few kats who liked Reba.
@ComicBookGuy,
Nicki Minaj – I know her rap voice is annoying, but her body is banging
yeah, she makes my cut too, even though i hate her.
@ComicBookGuy,
You know what I like all the females you listed and can see (or appreciate) why a guy will like them… (digging out Paula Deen though? Creepy…
)
@Sula,
Hey, now. I know a bunch of dudes that would get that. Part of it is the deep southern accent. The other is that she can whip some thing good and artery clogging to eat and wrap it in bacon. Mmmmmmm….bacon. (Sucks I can’t eat none of Friday for lent.)
@ComicBookGuy,
(Sucks I can’t eat none of Friday for lent.)
I see some vices are off the table for lent… lol!
Jimmy Fallon
Tony Rock
Ricky Smiley (I just threw-up in my mouth)
I know I know- smh… guys that make me laugh phuck!
@Yeah…SO!?!,, Ricky Smiley? You’re on e-punishment! :p
@La Bakir, LOL- I know… I’m so embarrassed-smh
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
“Ricky Smiley”…all I can hear is “My name lil Darrell….le me ‘lone!!!”
LMAO!!!!
@Smiley Face, hmph… stop makin fun of me… unless of course you gon’ sing “we miss Robert!”- dats my isht- lol
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
That song makes my stomach from laughing every time I hear it.
“I said what’s yo name? WHAT’S YO MUTHA-****IN’ NAME?”
Rickey Smiley is a damn idiot.
@ComicBookGuy, uhn huh… I’m not starting with you again… lmao
well you might can talk me into it
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
Oh come on. It’s Friday. lol
“I met this girl the other day. I met this girl the other day….”
@ComicBookGuy, Ok for real tho…
“ain’t gon say it, ain’t gon say it, ain’t gon say it”
I’m about to watch it… “uh”!- lol
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
You got to do the dance. I mean, you really go to do the dance.
@ComicBookGuy, Hold-up *doin the Robert bounce, doin the Robert bounce*
“I love Robert… I LOVE ROBERT”… haaaaaaa… I snorted on that laugh
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
“Ricky Smiley (I just threw-up in my mouth)”
Table for two! It’s somethin’ about how he makes me CRY laughing with his grandma phone pranks that makes me randy. Humor is chexy. Unless the humor comes from you face (a la Gary Busey or some ish…for serious, if someone says HIM?! DEATH.)
@Cheekie, lol… Gary Busey *shots fired*
I don’t feel so bad about admitting this now but I was kind of curious about the Popeye’s chicken lady.
Cringe-worthy fantasies I have.
Nicki Minaj. I am turned off by her but at the same time I would smash.
Melissa Harris-Lacewell. Maybe it’s the intelligence? Idk.
Peg Bundy on Married With Children
Ebony Ayes. Old School porn chic. Maybe because she was one of the first women I saw in a porn magazine? Idk.
@Humble_One,
I forgot to add Niecey Nash.
@Humble_One,
I would have to say the black guy from RENO 911 wit Neicey nem. I dont know his name but that shuckin jivin jiggin fool CGI!
Shame face…
@sxyscientst,
Here is a two-fer:
Oh and the guy’s name is Cedric Yarbrough. He does the voice of uncle Ruckus on Boondocks.
http://www.openentrance.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/02/cedric-yarbrough-garcelle-beauvais-and-neicy-nash.jpg
@sxyscientst,
You know what’s funny about that guy from Reno 911? He makes the voice of Tom on Boondocks, but he also makes the voice of Colonel Stinkmeaner.
@ComicBookGuy, That just proves my point! No one can shuck n jive like Tom! lol
@Humble_One,
Cosign on Niecy Nash
This pic here: http://www.openentrance.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/02/cedric-yarbrough-garcelle-beauvais-and-neicy-nash.jpg
@Shawn Smith, the hell??!!!!
@Shawn Smith,
You know what? I should really find you and throat punch you for not labeling that ish NSFW.
*side eye*
@Shawn Smith,
I think with Niecy, it’s more of her “down-to-earth”-ness that’s attractive… She is the kind of chick I will definitely love hanging out with…
@Humble_One,
Neicy anyday.
@Humble_One,
You took mine, dawg. I do have a thing for Niecey Nash. It’s the lips and that flower she wears in her hair…yeah…she can get it.
@Humble_One,
Peg Bundy on Married With Children
peggy definitely could have got it in the backseat of the buick
@Humble_One,
Niecy is my celeb look alike. I have been told I look like her many times. The thought of being with her makes you cringe, hmmmm, to each its own
.
@TiP,
“The thought of being with her makes you cringe, hmmmm, to each its own”
It’s not how she looks that makes me cringe. It’s how she acts on that TV show.
@Humble_One,
I can agree with these two completely
“Nicki Minaj. I am turned off by her but at the same time I would smash.
Melissa Harris-Lacewell. Maybe it’s the intelligence? Idk.”
A group session with Prince and Shaq. I think it’s the idea of managing the two extremes at once. What? Is that weird?
@INFJgurl, yeah…it is…Well the Shaq part anyway…Prince CGI! My mom would be so proud
@INFJgurl,
Wow…I just thought about that.
It would truly be the long and the short of it.
@miss t-lee,
It would truly be the long and the short of it.
Bwahahahaha! Hilarious!!!
@INFJgurl,
talk about logistics…climb up on a chair for Shaq and then have to make Prince climb up on a chair for you….(i’m going to hell, lol)
@Smiley Face,
Not to mention Prince may borrow one of your blouses when it’s over….perhaps even a pair of your heels. LOL
@V Renee, he might just keep em on during the business just to keep it nasty…
@V Renee,
Now ya’ll are talking like you understand why the idea intrigues me so.
@INFJgurl,
Well, they’ve both rocked purple in their lifetimes.
Wait – doesn’t everyone have a thing for Jill Marie Jones?
@Tyler,
I mean really? After finding out she is from my home city and she was a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, her fantasy factor tripled. The idea of her in that uniform is just delicious.
@ComicBookGuy,
i didnt know she was a cheerleader
@The Champ,
Yes indeed. She was born and raised in Dallas and was a Cowboys cheerleader for two years.
@Tyler,
Yes! Toni Child’s has one of the best sets of lips ever.
@Tyler, @ComicBookGuy, @The Champ and @Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
“WUT… all this for some w33d?!!!” (name that movie)
Anyway, this chik is not cringe worthy (no homo)… y’all suck at this game!
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
Jill Marie isn’t cringe-inducing at all. I just took an opp to talk about her purrty mouth!
@Yeah…SO!?!,,
Anyway, this chik is not cringe worthy (no homo)… y’all suck at this game!
i never said she was cringe-worthy.
suck deez
@The Champ, really Champ… was that even necessary? And you get an “F” for creativity…
your deez FAIL
Okay, here it goes….
1. George Clooney- I have no idea what it is about that man, but he could get it 8 days a week. And the more disrespectful he is, the better
2. Busta Rhymes- late 90′s Busta (when he had muscles for a minute) with “Gimme some mo’” playing in the background.
3. Lupe Fiasco- he is SO cheesy and corny. But ask me if I would let him hit…
4. Mariska Hargitay from Law and Order SVU- I’ve never had a crush on a woman, and have no idea why her, and have stopped trying figure it out (puts on sunglasses, hood, and sneaks out of room)….
@Pe. Riche.,
“4. Mariska Hargitay from Law and Order SVU- I’ve never had a crush on a woman, and have no idea why her, and have stopped trying figure it out (puts on sunglasses, hood, and sneaks out of room)….”
LMAO! Please don’t tell Champ’s mama. It’ll just prove her point!
@Ash,
LMAO! Please don’t tell Champ’s mama. It’ll just prove her point!
LOL
@Pe. Riche.,
Mariska…her daddy was sumthin sumthin when he was younger *fans self*
@Smiley Face,
Don’t forget her Mom…wow!
@miss t-lee,
*nods head* Yes ma’am and how!
@miss t-lee,
Isn’t she Jayne Mansfield’s kid? I would’ve violated the Mann Act for Benson’s mom.
@Smiley Face,
Yep.
@ Wuyoung Agent of M.E.
Yes, that’s her Mama…lol
@Pe. Riche.,
“3. Lupe Fiasco- he is SO cheesy and corny. But ask me if I would let him hit…”
When he rocks his glasses, he does it for me. Mmmm.
I detest the 2010 Mammy version that is her. I cringe when that commercial comes on.
When I’m “roughing up my suspect”, it’s usually to porn but it’s always some strange actress that pops into my head. Nothing is worse than working it to Flame and all of a sudden a SSBBW pops into my head.
@D-weezy,
you know, flame never did it for me. i dont even think ive watched an entire scene of hers before
@D-weezy, HHAAAAHHHAAAAAAA “roughing up my suspect”. I ‘ve been known to call my important task “Sending Jane to her room”, which is why I then proceed to bring ‘Tarzan’ out…don’t ask…
There’s this PAT bus driver…that’s all I’m saying cuz this town is too small.
@Miss Patterson,
lol, don’t worry. i dont think the pittsburgh black community has discovered that the internet exists outside of facebook and myspace yet
@Miss Patterson,
Just tell me the route.
@Ivy st., no.
Ralph* Fiennes. His last name is appropriate because he is FINE. His deep voice with that accent makes me tingle. He even turned me on as Amon Goeth in Schindler’s List. I’m going to hell wearing gasoline lace boyshorts.
*I always thought it was interesting how his first name is pronounced “Ray”. WTF…wasting letters and ish.
@Cheekie,
I thought it pronounced “Rafe”. That’s what I always heard…lol
I liked him in that really bad movie with him and Angela Bassett…can’t think of the name right now…lol
@miss t-lee,
“I thought it pronounced “Rafe”. ”
Oh, wait, yeah it is. It definitely is. ‘Scuse the Friday brain fart. But yeah, i always wondered why the ‘l’ was there. lol
Freudian slip? Why the hell am I thinking about a Ray. I don’t know no Ray? Ray J? *puke* Ray Charles? *inappropriate*
@miss t-lee,
It was Strange Days. She was looking good in that movie. She was getting her guns up before “…Stella”
Let me see…. Damn I don’t think I’ve had any cringe worthy crushes. Well here’s a couple that might qualify…
1. Sean Connery – yes, even at 70 or whatever he could get it!!
2.50 Cent. Not now of course, he’s corny as f*ck – however bout 6 years ago when he first came out I used to think he was so sexy
3. Jon Bon Jovi – don’t even ask
4. Ed Harris – another one of those handsome old men, not sure how he looks now though
5. Adam Lambert. Yes I know he’s gay. Total bummer.
(Now that I think about it…. seems like I have a covert thing for older white men. Weird.)
@BKSweetheart,
“…however bout 6 years ago when he first came out”
you mean like 13 years ago, right?
@BKSweetheart,
“however bout 6 years ago when he first came out I used to think he was so sexy.”
Yeah, with a bag over his head. lol!
@BKSweetheart, I <3 Jon Bon Jovi…then again I'm a Jersey Girl through and through
@BKSweetheart,
You ain’t neva lied bout Sean Connery. That old man can def get it. HIm and Patrick Stewart (Captain Jon Luc Picard/Professor Xavier). Something bout old white men with accents…
@BKSweetheart,
I fell for Bon Jovi in Little City… I don’t know he was just too cute in it…
hmmm..i gotta think about this one..
but big ups the shout out to caribana!
*two gun finger salute in the air for a brief moment at work before the wp’s get scared and call the police..
@Keisha Brown,
you’re from the T-Dot?
@The Champ,
yezzir!
i rep all things drizzy (not the epic fail video) and hockey. lol.
@Keisha Brown,
Bigs up to the T-Dot. Caribana in 2005 was the best 36 hours of my life. I love your music up there and I met some pretty cool people up there. Actually, pretty would be an understatement. A BIG understatement.
@ ComicBookGuy,
Caribana is always good times for me, since my bday is in the middle of it. I like to think of the city celebrating me and my amazingness.
I welcome y’all to come back/visit! We’ve finished the building at Yonge & Dundas. lol. (a source of shame/embarassment for like 7 yrs). Actually, we’ve done a few things since 2005
Mc Lyte could get but she would have to be quiet though…
@Losing It…,
welcome and shit (i think)
@Losing It…,
I still have a crush on Lyte something serious. Best female MC of all time. No question.
I’m always cautious about fantasizing about celebrities. There is always a chance that the fantasy may be ruined by the reality that he is a NED.
And what is a NED? A dude that Needs Extra Dizzle.
I’ll take a pass on any possible NED.
@SexyCool,
I’ll take a pass on any possible NED.
ummmm, me too?
wanda sykes can get it. I don’t know why… but she can.
that is all.
@Joppie,
is it just me, or does she look a bit like ciara?
@The Champ,
It’s just u!
@The Champ, yep…Wanda Sykes is Ciara’s father
@sxyscientst,
*dying* @ ‘Ciara’s father’.
@The Champ,
It aint’s just you.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_k787L_Y1AxE/Sus-XRMiLiI/AAAAAAAAAkc/d41KvxGn7yE/s320/wandaskykes_ciara.png
Wanda could def be Ciara’s mum.
@Vnss,
I was tryin’ to picture them with that “Hmm, he may be right” expression on my face, but that picture you linked sealed it. Champ, (for once), you’re right.
I don’t know what it is about Woody Harrelson that makes me wanna…love him long time!!
super cringe worthy people i haven’t mentioned yet
sarah palin (because, well, she’s sarah palin. actually, i think i’m just really attracted to tina fey)
skylar diggins and maya moore (because neither are old enough to drink yet)
edie falco (sometimes.)
boots from charm school, but in 2007, not today
@The Champ,
“edie falco”
From the Sopranos or Nurse Jackie?
@Ivy st.,
the last two seasons of the sopranos
The short East Indian “IT Guy” at work who promptly checked me when I asked if he was the “IT Guy” and he snapped; “No I’m an Engineer, so please move so I can fix your computer” umm yeah he could get it.
@HeLovesMe,
welcome and sh*t
Micheal Clark Duncan. in The Green Mile.
The Situation and Ronnie from Jerey Shore
John Travolta –Now
@Dee,
“Micheal Clark Duncan. in The Green Mile.”
He slobbered too much for me. He has a nice body, though.
okay i know someone explained this on a post somewhere back in time, but i’m too lazy to lookforit.
how do i get an avatar pic for my comments?
@Muze,
Go to http://www.gravatar.com. It is really easy.
@ComicBookGuy,
thank you much sir.
now let’s see if it works.
ah… it did! i feel cool.
@Muze,
As you should. Nice avatar, by the way. Big ups to the D. I get money up there. lol Actually, I have a lot of customers up there and I am in Detroit around 3-4 time a year.
@ComicBookGuy
word! yeah detroit rocks. sometimes. every third wednesday between 2 and 3pm. lol
and, thanks.
@Muze,
Your from Detroit too? I thought I was the only one.
@Humble_One,
That should be You’re*
@Humble_One,
yepyep. *cues up Trick Trick’s “Welcome to Detroit.”*
sorry. i just wanted to dance. lol
@Muze,
That song “From the D” is a banger. I listen to a lot of Shade 45.
hmm, great reading on a Friday…
I’ve always had a thing for Owen Wilson, despite his nose…and lackluster acting roles (save maybe Darjeeling Limited)
Also Seth Cohn from the OC- This fantasy has a direct correlation to my love of the Chosen people and wit.
Speaking of fictional characters, Mr. Shuester from Glee…anyone?anyone? Only cringe-worthy because he’s fictitious.
And Fonsworth Bentley.
@KayBeezy,
Speaking of fictional characters, Mr. Shuester from Glee…anyone?anyone?
i guess you’re all alone with that one
@KayBeezy,
Mr. Shuester from Glee…anyone?anyone?
Oh, Mr. Shuester can get it every day and early and then twice on saturday and thrice on sunday. I will do Mr. Shuester with glee.
@Sula
Thanks! I knew I wasn’t the only one…not that I would mind
Marvin Gaye…cringe worthy only b/c he’s deceased
@La Bakir,
[insert cosignature here.]
@Cheekie, Marvin was that dude. I swear if I was born back then…I’d be finding a way to get on that stage to be next to him.
He’d have the ability to sing me straight out the panty drawers.
@La Bakir,
Word.
@Cheekie,
*thumbs up*
and while we’re talking about dead folks, I’ma go ahead and add James Marshall Hendrix.
I’ma get out my good MLK church fan to fan myself.
@miss t-lee,
“James Marshall Hendrix.”
*copies and pastes above cosignature*
@miss t-lee,
I swear sometimes he creeps up in my chexy time… and I swear I hear the guitar playing in the background What? I have elaborate fantasies. Sue me.
(ok maybe because SO has a plethora of t-shirts featuring the great Jimmy, but still it’s no reason for him to creep up at the MOST inappropriate times)
@Sula,
Dang…how could I forget this one. I defend this guy to the death.
*prepares for VSB exile*
Jermaine Jackson.
*dodges stones*
Hear me out….that guy was the best looking Jackson fella in his prime. I mean MJ and lil Marlon was just that. Cute lil boys. But out of Tito, Jermaine, and Jackie…Jermaine could get it. Up there strumming that bass guitar *shivers*. I would’ve been straight groupie status.
@La Bakir,
Ummm wow. I don’t even know what to say about this.
Sooooo in the fantasy does his painted on hair rub off on your sheets. That alone would piss me off. LOL
@V Renee,
*hangs head* Don’t judge…lol
I don’t think about Jermaine now…although sometimes I catch a glimpse of his former self prior to the black out (the painted hair) and plastic surgery.
No, I totally dream about us together when he was teen in the Jackson 5..lol
Hmmm even that sounds suspect. Once again…don’t judge me :p
@La Bakir,
Does that plastic hair get you gotter than fish grease?
* on the real, he was hot in that Do What You Do video. I watched it earlier this year and almost could not believe it was the same person.
@La Bakir,
“Jermaine Jackson.”
I see you have a penchant for greasy raisins.
@Humble_One, Yo, you really just made me laugh out loud. I had muffle the laughter before I brought furhter attention to myself.
*giggles* damn a greasy raisin? Jermaine wasn’t always a greasy raisin man
this is the Jermaine i heart
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_-eWy9xG9GY8/R6VYEqj4g-I/AAAAAAAAB8g/a-7UX4b3mmI/s320/jermaine%2Bcover.jpg
@Humble_One,
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
But yeah, La Bakir, he was fine in his prime. Today, the driveway tar hair detracts me too much.
@La Bakir,
Jermaine in his let me tickle your fancy days was all kinds of fine.
after the 90′s no, but the 70′s and early 80′s when he was still over 18…. yep
I don’t usually have shame in my game, but there’s a few people you just keep under wraps.
SOULJA BOY. I’m not old enough where feelin him is a crime, but I’m old enough to know better. Especially since I’m a music fanatic and I know he’s garbage. But the lips and the eyebrow cuts do something to me. *shivers*
PAULY D from the Jersey Shore. God knows why, but he could get all this pasta puttanesca.
RICHARD GERE, simply because Pretty Woman, An Officer and a Gentleman, and Unfaithful have established him as the type of guy who would beat it up and then sit and ruminate pensively about it. (#whitethoughts)
This is truly the worst: SAM WATERSTON (DA Jack McCoy from Law & Order). I cannot even explain this one. They dress him in cheap denim shirts and Men’s Wearhouse monkey suits all the gotdamn time but he could definitely get it on a stack of legal pads.
*sunglasses and trenchcoat* (no angry white kid)
@word of mouth,
This is truly the worst: SAM WATERSTON (DA Jack McCoy from Law & Order). I cannot even explain this one. They dress him in cheap denim shirts and Men’s Wearhouse monkey suits all the gotdamn time but he could definitely get it on a stack of legal pads. .
Ummm between me and you, he is pretty sexy. Especially when he’s mad…..
@V Renee,
quiet as it’s kept *looks around…* me too!!
Hell…Lenny could get it too (God rest his soul) it was something about his eyebrows, they were wicked *shrugs*
@Smiley Face,
Hmmmm Lenny isn’t too bad either. I’ma try him out sometime this weekend and see if he gets the thumbs up or down. (RIP Lenny). I’ll report back with my findings. ROTFLMAO
@V Renee, Sam Waterston…Yes!!! I thought I was the only one.
@word of mouth,
“SOULJA BOY. I’m not old enough where feelin him is a crime, but I’m old enough to know better. Especially since I’m a music fanatic and I know he’s garbage. But the lips and the eyebrow cuts do something to me. *shivers*”
As much as I clown that mofo, I do think he’s kinda cute.
I’ve already co-signed on Jeff Goldblum and Woody Harrelson but my cringe-worthy is Birdman. I’m not exactly sure why but I think its the tattoos, the general thugishness, idontknowwhattocallit, that makes me think he’d make me unable to speak afterwards. (Choosing to ignore all lil wayne/birdman/daddy rumors.)
@luvtheshoes,
when you said the birdman i was thinking chris anderson from the denver nuggets, until you mentioned the last part about lil wayne
@luvtheshoes,
Are you my long lost sista cause I feel the same about Baby/Birdman too!! But I saw him on 106 & Park and he had tooooooo much jewlery, he looked like a rich old lady with all those diamonds. But it’s something about his steezzz that make me say baby pleeezzze.
@The Champ:
“sometimes the “pop-ins” are understandable (“damn. i need to go to caribana again“).”
For real? Haven’t been to Caribana in years, since it turned into Freaknik North…
@Jhee,
i only went once (in 2002) and had one of the best weekends ever.
welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ,
Been thinking about heading to Caribana this year too. I went in ’05. Had a blast.
Delroy Lindo (Crooklyn), Charlie Murphy and Ving Rhames (Baby Boy ~not Holiday Heart) can get it like Dr. Seuss….in the rain, on a train, here or there, and anywhere!
@Neighborhood Hussy,
I love some Delroy Lindo! I’m hooked on “West Indian Archie” in Malcolm X.
1. The whole female cast of Good Times including Florida Evans, this may have been influenced by the p0rn series “This Aint The Good TImes”
2. A female horror movie character- For some reason I believe I could escape being killed by putting the Mandingo on em. Or I could possibly tame a tortured soul.
3. Aunt Helen from Jamie Foxx- Idk why but Aunt Helen looks like she got sum smooth skin, could suck u dry, n then fix u sum smothered proked chops n buttermilk biscuit after.
4. P.Diddy’s Moms- I feel like mother’s of narcisstic people are freaks, where do u think they get it from.
5. N I think Oprah and Gale is a given.
6. Every female comedian from the Queens of Comedy tour.
@TheHallway/TheSunk,
Good to see a man with a deep appreciation for thick chicks. To quote, I think, miss t-lee, Go Team Chunk.
@TheHallway/TheSunk,
Good to see a man with a deep appreciation for big gurls. To quote, I think, miss t-lee, Go Team Chunk.
@INFJgurl,
*jersey shore fist pump*
Team Chunk, all the way baby!!!
What it dew INF? *waves*
@INFJgurl,
All of those women are not chunky, it’s about 12%.
Shaq – He obviously has the magic stick.
RuPaul (not in drag) – He’s super tall with big feet and great skin.
Andre 3000 – He seems creative and up for anything.
And actor Henry Cele (R.I.P) from the “Shaka Zulu” tv miniseries that used to come on around Thanksgiving in the 80′s. At that time, he was my dream man.
-Ralph Fiennes as the fat Nazi (Amon Goth) on Schindler’s List.
-David Gregory
-Khaled Meshaal
-A whole helluva lot of the dudes on TSG’s weekly mugshots roundups. Somehow that crazy-criminal element really works for me.
Rick Ross
@Ally, ewwww nasty! Would you let him put all that belly on your back?
Most of my cringe-worthy, shameful people have been listed but I have a huge crush on Anthony Bourdain (No Reservations)… with his scraggly, dirty looking self… It can be the adventurous side, the irreverence, the “I don’t do conventional” of it all… I likes me some Anthony Bourdain. Lol!
@Sula,
i love him and his big chin! mmm.
@Sula,
That’s my damn show. He’s a cool ass dude.
@ComicBookGuy,
That’s my show too!
@Sula, uhn huh he’s a banger… an older banger, but a banger nonetheless
David Bowie
Kadeem Hardison
Spike Lee
Lil’ ScrappyDave Chappelle
Keenen Ivory Wayans
Jim Carrey
@peachi, Wha no Lil Scrappy?… dem neck tats- a problem
@Yeah…SO?!,
I remembered that I’ve admitted to having a crush on him w/o cringing, so he doesn’t make the list. I think the tats actually increase the level of the crush for some reason…
@peachi, good point… not really a cringe-catalyst for me either
Well I have a thing for geeks and men with mustaches… Waldo Geraldo Faldo from Family Matters….Eddie Murphy and Black Thought,,
Okay…my cringe-inducing fantasy? Billy Bob Thornton….that man can get it anyway he wants it from me. He has this diry YT man thing going on that drives me wild…yum…
Stuart Scott Could get it too*smdh*
I have another addition that I just remembered thanks to my ipod playlist: Annie Lennox from The Eurythmics…can’t explain it.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
Another good one. For me, it’s the red hair.
I’ve had a couple over Andre “3 stacks” 3000 weird/sexy/ intelligent @$$.
And lil wayne just in this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noLj4P03FsA
This is funny. I swear I saw the Popeye commercial the other day and thought to myself, some dude loves her and is gettin’ off on her passion for chicken. Plus I am CTFU that you noticed Elasti-Gurl had an animated donk, but a donk nonetheless…
Not sure if I’m truly ashamed but:
Michael Bivins, was never handsome to me but something about him…..
Benecio Del Toro…especially as a drug using b-boy and artist in “Basquiat” and as a cop in “Traffic”
Oh, and Jackie Jackson……that man has aged well.
@legitimate_soul, yes he has…but the fact that he looks like my daddy makes me ashamed for noticing…..
I always had a thing for Diane Keaton. I’d like to dig into that vanilla pudding with this chocolate spoon…
Kimberly Locke before the weight loss! I would have smashed that right on the American Idol stage and given America something real to vote on! That was my wifey for real during that season. She can still get it in her smaller version but there is nothing like that chunky girl with the TN accent and decent singing voice I fell in love with. I hate Hollywood for trying to destroy all my thick girls!!!
(First time poster! Whoop Whoop!!) But…*bows head* Phil Jackson! He is the sexiest old white man E-V-E-R!!! He’s all tall w/ dimples and ish! Yummm
CGI fo SHO!
@LegallyBrown, welcome!
I pretty much cosign on this lol.
Co sign Jeff Goldblum all day (I still have no idea)
Still Harry Connick Jr. ….. and Im not ashamed to say that!!!!
But…
I would grind, rock, ride all members of 3T from now all the way back to their PLAID loving ”Brotherhood” album.
EVEN Taj, bless his heart, cant let the braids go…. still would tear it up, all day.
@Liz
And I KNOW, right! He’s pretty much sexxy no matter how old! AND he has the patience to deal w/ the *itcha$$ness that is Kobe Bryant!! *bonus points*
Muchas gracias for the welcome and whatnot
i have to side eye myself for this but Ron Pearlman. I was watching Hellboy 2 last night and his voice is enough for me.
William Schatner – Boston Legal
Chow Yun Fat – Pirates of the Caribbean 3
Ken Wattanabe – Memoirs of a Geisha
Capt Jack Sparrow (moreso the character, not necessarily Johnny Depp)
Lennox (Louie Rankin) – Belly
Anthony Hamilton (scruffy faced n’ all)
John Travolta
Edward Cullen (LoL)
Eddie Griffith (just turn off the lights and keep dem big azz eyes closed)
Eytukan (leader of the Na’vi) Avatar
…oh and I still got a thang for Tupac too. May sound creepy but that man can “come back” and get it any day. Bernie Mack too. May they both RIP…
If thou finishes before thy partner, thou shall perform an alternate method of stimulation either by hand, mouth, or other available device until thy partner has achieved complete satisfaction…
Dang! I meant this comment for the previous post…Tried to delete but couldn’t!
I’ve been having a thing for men 20 and 30 years older than me lately. Not sure if it’s because I’m frustrated with the men in my age range, the fascination of their assumed wisdom and intriguing interests, or if it’s just that I’m bored and want to piss off disapproving family members and friends.
I’m a lurker but had to comment on this one out of shame-Steve Buscemi. I have always had a crush on him-ever since Living In Oblivion, which is the first movie I saw with him starring in it.
And the older and uglier he gets, the more I (cringe) fantasize.
@Ms. Butta’sWorth,
nothing cringe worthy about ken watanabe. he’s beautiful…
*whispers*
master p. i’ve met him and he’s mad tall so that always helps, but it’s something about his southern hood swagger that makes me think that he can do it all night all freaky and then go for some more. he just gives me that kind of energy that he’ll be slapping ass and taking names and just throw it on a sistah in a really elementally sexy way.
don’t judge me…
*screams at the voices in my head*
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT…ALRIGHT!!!!
*whispers*
Jeremy Sisto….(from Six Feet Under)…
I’d lick the WOUNDS this boy inflicted on himself while carving “TENCHI” into his 6 pack…(and breast feed him to make it better…*fans self!*)
Man, I’m so glad you wrote this post because I thought it was just me. For I can’t tell you how many years, as a child, I used to lay in bed for hours fantasizing about Mother Jefferson, When ever I would hear the theme song, “Movin’ On Up”, I would get excited and immediately go run and get under my blanket.
I just though she was the sexiest woman on TV back then. I especially loved her fiery little attitude when she would let Old Weezy “Have it”. Mother Jefferson, Until we meet in heaven… I will forever be waiting…
@Brettandthecity,
okay. that’s not natural. Be very ashamed.
Since were all letting our inner-freak weirdos out.
1. The captain from Sound of Music (as the character) I used to have very bad dreams w/him when I was younger. lol….who said Sound of Music was for kids.
2. OO MY GOSH! I would FLIP out but Lupe Fiasco with his geeky classes, nerdy threads (when he first started) reading his anime books playing his Ataku music (lol–so specific). Yes..I don’t know..there’s something about his then nerdy glasses. He’s classed up a bit more..but I’d totally jump him in my fantasy. And it’s not that I have anything for nerds…but there’s something about him. *licks lips*
Okay I know this post is awhile ago, but I had to comment.
Someone in an earlier post stated this, and I thought I was the only one. There is something sexy, that I cannot put my finger on about Rupaul (without drag). He is tall, bold, and has the cutest face. I have seen video of him when he was younger and was into the punk scene and I just thought he was adorable, but for some reason felt an attraction to him….makes no sense AT ALL! Cause I like guys like The Rock, Troy P (from the Steelers), Michael Ealy, etc. etc.
I also have a thing for the Purple Rocker himself: Prince…TOO SEXY. (That might not be too weird I suppose).