Lists, Theory & Essay

What’s In A Name?.

Much like Asher Roth, I loved college.

It was a time of much growth, discovery, and beaucoup sarcasm plus I went to school at Morehouse College. Which means one thing – Spelman College is right across the street.

Yay! It absolutely gets no better that that people. You may think it does, but it does not.

You think it does = fail.

Sidenote: Am I the only person who wonders if Trey and Brandy broke up two weeks after they got to Atlanta because he saw all that fine tail running amok across the street at Spelman? There should have been some follow-up like we got with Ricky and Doughboy. Oh…right. They died.

Since me and my boys loved women so much, we made it a point to meet as many women as possible. Hell, we had two fully fleshed out and separate cliques of chicks that we hung with. I’m talking cliques of girls at least 10 deep on either side. We were jokingly considered the Group Orgy group because of how “free” we all were with one another.

Never did get up on that orgy though.

Anywho, me and one of my boys in particular, Frank White, were rolling partners (no hydro) something serious and used to spend an inordinate amount of time on Spelman’s campus. Hell, I took a second major just because all of the classes were at Spelman.

I’m serious.

One thing me and my hombre used to do was give the various women we’d encounter nicknames since we’d either forget their names or because we’d never meet them…usually on purpose. Plus, it always ensured we’d remember who they were. Even today, we still make mention of some of these women and nearly all of my boys know exactly who we’re talking about.

You’d like some examples right?

Sure you would.

That’s what Brian Boitano’d do.

The Wildebeest – Mostly because this chick actually did look like a wildebeest. (You know, I had no clue that you spelled wildebeest with two ‘e’s. I thought it was wildebeast. Wow. Thank you Microsoft Word 07.) Worst part is that she thought she was SO fly. Nope, she was more a land mammal.

FBI – So these two chicks stayed in the dorm with my boy’s girlfriend and MAN did they drop dimes to her – on anything. If they saw him out, they’d report it. If they saw him in, they’d report it. Hell, once, while he was WITH his girl, they called her just to tell her she was with him. Real talk.

Backout – Ah, a personal fan favorite. Me and my boy noticed that no matter what the temperature was outside, this chick ALWAYS had on a shirt that exposed her back. I know we were in Atlanta but damn, it did actually get cold at times. She loved her back so much that one winter (she was a year under us so we got three full years of her back) she wore a winter coat with a transparent lining just so all the men could see her back.

Her back wasn’t even all that fly. Probably just cold, but definitely not that fly.

All-For-Nothing – You ever see a chick who SHOULD be hot but isn’t? She had all the characteristics of a “hot chick” – light eyes, long hair, okay face, nice complexion, but somehow, she just wasn’t cute. At all. We spent the better part of 3 years and 2 homecomings trying to pin down her fatal flaw. We just decided God blinked and just said f— it.

Phenom – This chick, on one particular day, approached us with the perfect body. I mean perfect ass-to-waist ratio, Coke bottle shape, and sexy gait. And she gave good face. I mean she had it working. We were aghast and amazed, at the same time. We looked at each other and named her on the spot. Unfortunately, this chick currently looks less phenomenal and more like the sound you make when you put your tongue between your lips and make the farting noise. Yep, that’s what she looks like.

Cool Delta – Me and my boy fell in love with this chick. She was a dark chocolate, toned to the max, super faced, Amazon woman. I can’t confirm this, but I think my boy nearly busted on himself every time he saw her. And she’s a Delta, and Panama loves him some Deltas. Age and kids have gotten the best of her, but that won’t erase the memory we had of our Cool Delta.

So, good people of VSB, who’s real name have you replaced with a nickname and why?!?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

Filed Under:
Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

Previously

why ask why?

  • Lili

    Good look on the South Park mention…I caught that ;)

    But, dude…light eyes= looks good? It might be a unique trait…but an attractive person that does not make.

    • iloVEGrits

      @Lili,

      “But, dude…light eyes= looks good? ”

      I just assumed PJ based this on WHERE he went to school (the south) and WHEN (90s, yes?). In that location and during that time…light eyes were supposed to = segzy beast.

    • iloVEGrits

      @Lili,

      “But, dude…light eyes= looks good? ”

      I just assumed PJ based this on WHERE he went to school (the south) and WHEN (90s, yes?). In that location and during that time…light eyes were supposed to = segzy beast.

    • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

      @Lili, Don’t you know that a swamp donkey with light eyes = fine, south of VA!? Not to me, but dammit, to so many from there…Tsk-tsk!

    • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

      @Lili, Don’t you know that a swamp donkey with light eyes = fine, south of VA!? Not to me, but dammit, to so many from there…Tsk-tsk!

  • Lili

    Good look on the South Park mention…I caught that ;)

    But, dude…light eyes= looks good? It might be a unique trait…but an attractive person that does not make.

  • iloVEGrits

    Geesh.

    Every guy I’ve gotten – save for one – has a nickname. Just cuz I don’t like using real names when talking about folk.

    There’s been Journey, the Dominican (from Dominica), Dimple…cuz he had just one…the Kenyan, Lieutenant Commander (his nickname used to be Cutie but changed since he got rank – Navy and b/c I gave someone else a similar nickname), Cutie Pie, BJ, etc.

    Those are real basic nicknames. The creative nicknames are saved for the true fools. Crumpled Bills is the name I gave the dude who pulled out a few crumpled singles to pay for our date. He didn’t have enough money. Le sigh. And Limp is the name I gave to the guy…well…you can guess that one.

    • iloVEGrits

      @iloVEGrits,

      “Every guy I’ve gotten”

      Ok…that sounds soooo bad. Should have said “Every guy I’ve DATED”.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @iloVEGrits,

        “Every guy I’ve gotten”

        Ok…that sounds soooo bad. Should have said “Every guy I’ve DATED”.

        mmmhmmm

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @iloVEGrits,

        “Every guy I’ve gotten”

        Ok…that sounds soooo bad. Should have said “Every guy I’ve DATED”.

        mmmhmmm

    • iloVEGrits

      @iloVEGrits,

      “Every guy I’ve gotten”

      Ok…that sounds soooo bad. Should have said “Every guy I’ve DATED”.

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      @iloVEGrits,

      “Crumpled Bill” just made me cackle without my knowledge or approval. LMAO!

      • V Renee

        @Luvvie,

        Me too. hehehehe

      • V Renee

        @Luvvie,

        Me too. hehehehe

    • http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com Luvvie

      @iloVEGrits,

      “Crumpled Bill” just made me cackle without my knowledge or approval. LMAO!

  • iloVEGrits

    Geesh.

    Every guy I’ve gotten – save for one – has a nickname. Just cuz I don’t like using real names when talking about folk.

    There’s been Journey, the Dominican (from Dominica), Dimple…cuz he had just one…the Kenyan, Lieutenant Commander (his nickname used to be Cutie but changed since he got rank – Navy and b/c I gave someone else a similar nickname), Cutie Pie, BJ, etc.

    Those are real basic nicknames. The creative nicknames are saved for the true fools. Crumpled Bills is the name I gave the dude who pulled out a few crumpled singles to pay for our date. He didn’t have enough money. Le sigh. And Limp is the name I gave to the guy…well…you can guess that one.

  • Justbreathe

    “like the sound you make when you put your tongue between your lips and make the farting noise. ”

    *dead and gone…homies pouring out tequila and rum*

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Justbreathe,

      welcome and sh*t (i think)

      • Justbreathe

        @The Champ,

        Thanks! :-)

      • Justbreathe

        @The Champ,

        Thanks! :-)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Justbreathe,

      welcome and sh*t (i think)

    • SouthernGirl

      @Justbreathe,

      welcome!!!

      *shooting gold stars*

    • SouthernGirl

      @Justbreathe,

      welcome!!!

      *shooting gold stars*

  • Justbreathe

    “like the sound you make when you put your tongue between your lips and make the farting noise. ”

    *dead and gone…homies pouring out tequila and rum*

  • Ms. Hall

    So Japanese guys aren’t always the most masculine looking chaps. Could be the lack of facial hair. But there’s this dude at Starbucks a few towns over who my friends and I call…yes we lack creativity…Mr. Starbucks. We mentioned him to another girl who wasn’t even with us when we named him and she new instantly who we were talking about. News of a masculine Japanese man travels fast.

    I’m not in the habit of naming people though. I think males tend to do this more often than females.

    • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

      @Ms. Hall, “News of a masculine Japanese man travels fast.”

      And on Easter Sunday of all days!!!! I’m laughing and I know, on some level, I shouldn’t be.

    • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

      @Ms. Hall, “News of a masculine Japanese man travels fast.”

      And on Easter Sunday of all days!!!! I’m laughing and I know, on some level, I shouldn’t be.

  • Ms. Hall

    So Japanese guys aren’t always the most masculine looking chaps. Could be the lack of facial hair. But there’s this dude at Starbucks a few towns over who my friends and I call…yes we lack creativity…Mr. Starbucks. We mentioned him to another girl who wasn’t even with us when we named him and she new instantly who we were talking about. News of a masculine Japanese man travels fast.

    I’m not in the habit of naming people though. I think males tend to do this more often than females.

  • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

    At the risk of exposing my true identity…
    Ghey Ass White Justin.

    He’s not ghey. He’s not even white. And his name isn’t Justin. But his overall lack of interest in things chexual (with multiple women), his indeterminable ethnicity when wearing a hat, and the firm belief that the African name he rocked wasn’t his real name = ghey ass white Justin. He’s my friend on Facebook. P, I will give you one green dollar if you can figure out who he is!

    PB=Short for Punk B*tch. My girl coined this one but it rings true for one of my exes. I think it was Ghetto Boyz who exclaimed, “Don’t call me PUNK, BI*T*H…Don’t call my B*t*h, Punk…”

    As for Spelman women, I only know TWO Soelman chicks who weren’t/aren’t smug and boring. What’s up with that? I’m so glad, I went to Howard U, and not Spel-man…

    • Gem-eroni

      it’s funny how hateration comes so naturally to HU chicks. i guess it’s easy when Spelman is often ranked #1. *sad face*

    • Gem-eroni

      it’s funny how hateration comes so naturally to HU chicks. i guess it’s easy when Spelman is often ranked #1. *sad face*

    • miss t-lee

      @Hostess,
      “Don’t call me PUNK, BI*T*H…Don’t call my B*t*h, Punk…”

      OMG!!!!! This just brought back 8th grade memories…lol

    • miss t-lee

      @Hostess,
      “Don’t call me PUNK, BI*T*H…Don’t call my B*t*h, Punk…”

      OMG!!!!! This just brought back 8th grade memories…lol

    • Bailey

      @Hostess, Awww HU!

    • Bailey

      @Hostess, Awww HU!

  • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

    At the risk of exposing my true identity…
    Ghey Ass White Justin.

    He’s not ghey. He’s not even white. And his name isn’t Justin. But his overall lack of interest in things chexual (with multiple women), his indeterminable ethnicity when wearing a hat, and the firm belief that the African name he rocked wasn’t his real name = ghey ass white Justin. He’s my friend on Facebook. P, I will give you one green dollar if you can figure out who he is!

    PB=Short for Punk B*tch. My girl coined this one but it rings true for one of my exes. I think it was Ghetto Boyz who exclaimed, “Don’t call me PUNK, BI*T*H…Don’t call my B*t*h, Punk…”

    As for Spelman women, I only know TWO Soelman chicks who weren’t/aren’t smug and boring. What’s up with that? I’m so glad, I went to Howard U, and not Spel-man…

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