Given the events of the past few days, I figure we should just switch modes for a minute so everybody can take some time, chill the f*ck out, have a Coke and smile.
And since (apparently) Panama has a tendency towards the negativity, I figured I’d shed the light on a little bit of love. Yes, bi*tches. What the world needs now, is love, sweet love. That’s the only thing….well you know the rest (or should anyway).
This is an old story, but a good one for those in need of hope, possibility, and just all around feel-the-f*ck goodness.
Panama loves the love.
Liz sent me this story and it made me smile, mostly because this is some unbelievable, beautiful stuff. Even if it is a year old. As of September of 2008, there was an American couple of, Black people, who had been married for 84 years.
EIGHTY-FOUR.
8.4.
I can’t even imagine being married for 30 and they made it to 80????!?!?!?
I’m just going to post part of the article because frankly, just reading all of the comments from the past two days has worn me out. But this at least brought a smile to my face because man, 84 years is a long time to be with one person. That my friends…
…is what it’s all about. That…is love.
****
Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of the Brownsville community have been married for more than 84 years. That is a feat in itself.
They have the world record of the longest marriage for a living couple.
They can thank their granddaughter Iris Godette for getting the recognition. She submitted the information to the Guinness Book of Records..
The information was apparently checked by Guinness and a certificate was given to the couple.
However, when you ask Herbert about the Guinness recognition, he just says, “Oh, Yeah?” The recognition has not changed their life.
He still looks at her with love and concern, as she looks toward him as if he will give her strength and guidance.
They have lived for more than 50 years in a house near the Coastal Carolina Regional Airport. They lived in James City before that but the land was purchased for apartments and the two moved.
Herbert was born June 10, 1905. His hearing is going but his mind is sharp. Zelmyra was born Dec. 10, 1907. She uses a walker to get around the house and yard. The two of them can still give their reasons for marrying on May 13, 1924.
“He was not mean; he was not a fighter,” Zelmrya said. “He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet.”
Herbert said Zelmyra never gave him any trouble. “No, no trouble at all. We never argued, but we might have disagreed,” he said.
Norma Godette, one of the couple’s five children. said her parents have gotten along well through the years.
“One time, mama wanted to work. Daddy told her she could not work, that he could take care of the family. She slipped down to Cherry Point and got a job as a caretaker there,” Godette said.
“Well, it was done; she got the job. I had to let it be,” Herbert said.
Different religions did not tear the two apart. He is a member of Pilgrim Chapel Missionary Baptist Church. She is a member of Jones Chapel African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church. The churches are in James City, where they both grew up. For all of their married life they have attended their own churches. They go their own ways on Sunday morning.She reads the Bible daily.
The two watch television together. “We separate when the baseball comes on,” Zelmyra said.
Herbert loves baseball, especially the Atlanta Braves. He also enjoys golf, because one of his son-in-laws plays the game.
They have no secret or sage advice as to why their marriage has lasted so long.
“I didn’t know I would be married this long,” Herbert said. “But I lived a nice holy life and go to church every Sunday.
“Yes sir, anything for her.”
Zelmyra said Herbert was the only boyfriend she ever had. “We got along good,” she said. “There was no trouble.”
She said she is not tired of seeing him. “I didn’t think I’d be married this long. He is quiet,” she said.
Zelmyra said her husband had no annoying habits. They both said they shared the title of “boss.”
The two sit on the porch and as a train goes by they count the cars. They also watch the neighbors who walk by.
****
Awww.
He had no annoying habits? She never gave him any trouble? Wow. My friends, this is about as good as it gets. Can you even imagine that?? Doesn’t it make you just want to hug a porcupine??
In fact, if you’re near somebody, give them a nice big hug for everlasting love.
And let’s not forget to hug the Panama.
-VSB P aka TANGLE JIG P aka THE ARSONIST aka GIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
*hugs* Panama!
I read this story earlier in the week and couldn’t stop smiling. Love is awesome sometimes! I love how they just are. Not pretense, nothing fancy, just 2 people who got along and were in love for 84 years. Beautiful!
thats sweet, Zelmyra and Herbert. real love.
now that’s just a whole ‘nother level of love.
soul mates
they do exist.
random side note: I’ve never actually met a man named Herbert. But my friend’s middle name is Eugene so I guess I can just do a fill in the blank.
I work with a guy named Herbert. We call him Herb.
hmmm….what about earl? i knew a guy named earl. very cool. just thought it was an odd name for a 6th grader…i think i met a herbert once though…
i knew a guy named earl. very cool. just thought it was an odd name for a 6th grader
there are certain names that no babies should ever have, and earl is one of them. on the same token, its gonna be quite odd in a few decades meeting some elderly “tiffany’s”
@ Champ…
I am with you on the elderly “Tiffany’s”, “Amber’s”, etc…lol
OMG one of my cousins recently (well not really recently but in the past 2 years) had a baby and named him Earl. We (me, my mom and sister) could not stop laughing about it.
With that said, I like saying the name Earl. We always sit around and ponder aloud – “I wonder how EARL is doing” Sometimes we make a picture of him the background on the computer and say “There’s EARL”.
ctfu.
I’m sorry but when I think of names like Herbert and Earl, my mind conjures up a pic of the old baby in Benjamin Button.
I dated a man named Herbert…he was hot despite the elderly name.
Oddly enough, there are a lot of hot guys that have their grandfather’s names: Earl, Herman, Hiawatha (I’ve known one), Woodrow.
…maybe that’s a southern thing.
lmao!!!! i think of the dixie chicks song. boy, i hope earl ain’t missing these days….
just like Barbara is kind’ve an old name for a child.
Whoa. I was about to get up in arms. Y’all know I’m suffering with a fit of insomnia! I tried to comment ten minutes ago and needed a password. I was just about to pen a letter to management. Sheesh. Came back and that password mess is just an ugly memory.
ANYWAY…
People think relationships have to be ugly. They think the ugliness is passion. It’s not. It’s just a divorce and stroke waiting to happen.
I’m changing my name to Zelmyra, btw. Maybe some of her good relationship sense will rub off on me.
**standing O waiting in the wings** after you clarify they kind of stroke…
that’s sweet, Zelmyra and Herbert. real love.
now that’s just a whole nuther level of love.
soul mates
they do exist.
random side note: I’ve never actually met a man named Herbert. But my friend’s middle name is Eugene so I guess I can just do a fill in the blank.
sorry for assaulting the comment board
(as i continue to post a comment)….the inner button pusher in me got nervous.k, i’m leaving now.
is the name Eugene not allowed here?
my first boyfriend was named eugene!!but we didn’t last for no 84 years. or 8. or 4. *sad face*
Lol. So how long did you last?
is the name Eugene not allowed here?
LOL. this made me laugh for like 2 straight seconds
I think that is real sweet… my aunt and uncle were married for almost 70 he passed last october at the age of 104 she died almost a month to the day that he passed she was 101 yrs old. at 100 he lost his site ( if you asked him how he would always say, hell i reckon they just got tired of being open all those years and decided I had seen enough)….but what struck me about them was that they just seemed to LIKE each other….. and thats what I get from here… love is cool but you also have to LIKE the person……
okay my ADD kicked in I meant to add some relevancy to the whole blind thing….I meant to say that after my uncle lost his SIGHT my aunt would run around after him like she wasnt dayum near a century herself… she would be sitting near him fussin over him and he would be trying to get her to rest……it was so simple but after 70 years they were still that concerned about each other….
“hell i reckon they just got tired of being open all those years and decided I had seen enough”
LMAO. Too Funny!!!
This made me laugh too. Like the eyes said “you seen enough. we quit!” and shut the lids on him
Shay my husband always joke about how it’s LOVE that brings him home every day but it’s the LIKE that makes him stay once there.
love is cool but you also have to LIKE the person……
***nodding head***
I agree with this too.
Definitely agree. Liking each other is a whole lot more important than loving each other.
… love is cool but you also have to LIKE the person……
I have a couple of friends whose parents had arranged marriages, and one of them told me that arranged marriages worked well because people were often matched on the basis of compatability. You may not initially love the person, but you liked them well enough for that love to grow, and the friendship you build with one another sustained that love through all the bad patches.
i love old Black people. They are the cutest.
I agree.
yup.
but old people in general says the best sh!t….i work with them often for the health care stuff we do and they always crack me up. and then they wanna hug me.
I love old people musings. It’s just great.
My grandma has the best stories ever.
i’m sure they love you too, liz
*smile*
*awwww*
*content sigh*
*sending glittery email on gold star dust to BBJ asking him to bless me with the same*
*goodnight to y’all*
“He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet.”
see?? unfortunate looking ppl find love (and get married) too… lol
yay for black love!! 80+ years of loving AND liking some one. that’s a wonderful thing.
“yay for black love!! 80+ years of loving AND liking some one. that’s a wonderful thing”
It really is!
*Hugs Panama*
I have to show you love because its the brown thing to do…lol.
But yea, that article makes me want to jump off a cliff. It’s a beautiful thing, and at the same time, it scares me sh*tless.
One thing is for sure, they answered my question: true love does exist.
And now I’m hiding.
LOL why does this scare you?
yeah why does it scare you? is it the “boring” factor? That scares me too!
is it the “boring” factor?
please expound
I will attempt to reply for myself.
It seems very monotone and somewhat mundane to see the same person over and over again for 80+ years… You know, it sounds very routine-ish and that can scare people like me who are really afraid of living a clone-like, insipid life…
But then you grow up (or try to in my case
) and you realize it ain’t so bad after all.
Ask me what toast I did at my parents’ 30th anniversary… *smh*
It seems very monotone and somewhat mundane to see the same person over and over again for 80+ years… You know, it sounds very routine-ish and that can scare people like me who are really afraid of living a clone-like, insipid life…
I’ve had this thought myself. People are so complex though, I can see how you could still be learning about the other person at 80yrs, which would keep things interesting. Not to mention that people evolve over time, so hopefully I shouldn’t have tapped out every little ittsy bitsy interesting thing about you by year 5 (hopefully).
Oflove, I’ll be 41 in less than a month and there are things that I am still learning and finding out about myself. So you surely know that a married couple will or should be forever learning about their partner. After 8 years of our togetherness there are still rocks unturned and doors unopened. I feel that we are just now getting to know what lies under the surface layer of each others essence. It don’t really take that long to learn each other basic like and dislike, comforts and distress, but to know the true essence of a person takes a lifetime of dealing and delving.
Some things you just don’t know until you have to face them. You will find yourself saying “I didn’t know I had it in me” or “I never thought I could/would…”. Forever learning. That’s a fulfilling life.
I am 22 weeks pregnant and this is side of me that my husband has never experienced. Now he will probably run out and get a vasectomy by the time it’s all said and done, but this is a learning experience for us both. I have two kids already but this is the first I am experiencing with him. And seeing his reactions.
Awww! Congrats Mama!
Congrats!!!! Im nosey – is this your first child?
Well said, and congrats on your little munchkin.
Thank you all.
VRenee – no this will be my third but my first with him. My oldest son is from my late husband. We were married only 4 years when he was killed by a drunk driver. And my second is the evidence that we all make mistakes. LOL But I wouldn’t change a thing ’cause I love that little boy.
Awwww, congrats Raqi!!
I am in high baby mode these days.
*swoons*
“But yea, that article makes me want to jump off a cliff. It’s a beautiful thing, and at the same time, it scares me sh*tless.”
fear makes you wanna cliff-dive? this seems counterproductive.
ooooooh, this is so lovely – they remind me of my grandparents who were married for 50 years when my grandad died…. they were just so sweet to each other, respectful and concerned…. real friends.
thanks for sharing panama, dearest…. ((((((((big cyberhug))))))))
hope you’re feeling mo’ betta!
It’s comforting to know that positive examples of black love are being recognized for the blessings they are. This was my first time reading the story…thank you for sharing it w/me.
**hugs**
**hugs Panama**
That is a sweet story.
““Well, it was done; she got the job. I had to let it be,” Herbert said.” What a revelation. Don’t ask your man if he’s okay with your actions. Just do it.
Don’t ask your man if he’s okay with your actions. Just do it.
lol…yeah, i’d be careful with that one.
Hahahaha!
I like that conclusion Ms. Hall!
But I think Herbert knew that Zelmyra was not crazy and wouldn’t have gotten a job if it was not needed===> Trust in your partner’s ability to make good decisions.
I read this story a few days ago…can’t even lie; it makes me want to cry. It’s a combination of the girlie-girl in me and being a believer in true love. When you find it, maintain it and don’t let it go.
One of my friends have been married for 18 years and she says you just have to want it.
The problem is most go into it already looking for a way out. Already expecting it not to work. The don’t put up a good enough fight.
“Oh you don’t like the way I make eggs? Fine then, let’s get a divorce.”
The problem is most go into it already looking for a way out. Already expecting it not to work. The don’t put up a good enough fight.
I completely agree! I’ve seen my friends marriages fall apart the second they weren’t happy. Just watching my parents marriage, they went through their ups and downs but they stuck it out and it showed me that marriage takes work and that you won’t be happy every second, but it’s worth it if you truly love someone.
Leila, staying together is easy when you work hard at it. And the problem so many have is the get mislead by that “feeling” of love. Love is not a feeling. When they don’t feel it they say it is over. For me love is a choice. And an action.
Hell the average human being would not be able to properly function if we lived at the height of sheer ecstasy at every moment. The “feeling” we mistake for love will make you do thangs. Ask Al Green if you don’t believe me. LOL (“thangs” I like that word)
You know people say that you can’t help who you fall in love with. Maybe not, but you can sure help who you stay in love with.
P.S. Love does pay the bills (despite popular belief). It’s that “feeling” that will have you out in the cold.
At the ceremony of one of my good friend a year ago, the priest said something that stayed with me.
“You can’t promise your spouse that you’ll love them forever, because you don’t even know what forever means. But what you can commit to is to love them every day.”
I thought it basically summarized my idea of marriage. The commitment has to be made daily.
You can’t promise your spouse that you’ll love them forever, because you don’t even know what forever means. But what you can commit to is to love them every day.”
That’s beautiful and true.
That’s beautiful and true.
this is also what i say to myself in the mirror every morning
Exaaaaaaaaaaactly! That is what I said to someone in the past…if you love someone, and what you have is worth it, you fight for it. You don’t run away.
all relationships are work that survive (or die) based on the choices that are made. i firmly believe that.
Best believe when they met they had to BUILD to what they eventually have right now. Our generation is nowhere close-some women dont have time for men to get their act together so they get these instant men-you know he has a car-apt and disposable income while she’s a senior at some university-never mind dating brothers in her boat. Simp ni99as take advantage and get some gullible women to co-sign on the whip and next thing you know homie is a Player. In our world where a dead dog can get credit way easier than say 30 yrs ago Materialism and the Quick Fix/Life is Full of Peaks mentality (this was the status quo in the Bling Bling 90′s mention struggle back then you might as well be gay) this is what leads us to our current dating status. Soon enuff homegirl realizes her boo never had any real intentions of moving on up so what kept her in a such a lousy relationship? The Materialism and the Dick. And as for Dude well Chris Rock said men will do the Minimum to get and keep a woman as long as SHE puts up with it. Some women stay believing is that if the Sex is good everything else will follow. I think that has been proven wrong at least in my circle. I have (I am 33) one friend thats married. But I got plenty of friends that’s Baby/Mothers/Fathers (I got a friend having a married mans baby and shes well into her 30s and I know so many college educated baby moms thought they went to school to not become that-and honestly they look no different than the project chick-alone with a stroller at the foot of the steps to the train) and the only really good thing any of these ppl had in their relationship was an abundant materialism and of course some great sex…talk about settling for less-and yet we think we so much cooler than the old school.
You touched on some great stuff here.
“Best believe when they met they had to BUILD to what they eventually have right now. Our generation is nowhere close”
It kills me when people dont realize that good relationships take work. A lot of work. Every. Single. Day type work. Just like a job. Our generations is so used to instant gratification that too many of us dont even see the value in putting in effort anymore.
Also, this…”I know so many college educated baby moms thought they went to school to not become that-and honestly they look no different than the project chick-alone with a stroller at the foot of the steps to the train)…” Aint nothing but the truth!!!! Im ten years younger and I can see it with my friends already. I’m still trying to figure out how the hell this happens? So far, it seems like a combination desperation and loneliness.
That’s it Temp. Everybody out looking for that instant gratification. People just don’t want to invest the necessary time and effort that it takes to have a good relationship. I blame the microwave…but a whole other topic.
Folks don’t want to build lives together anymore. Don’t get me wrong if you are 35+ you should have something to show as your own. But as for building a life together people just don’t want it.
The only thing a lot of people get married to share now is a bed. Every now and then. And that bed probably belongs to one or the other. There is very little our and we in marriages now, but a lot of me and mine. I believe in being together. Not being together but separate.
@Raqi, & Dom I call it the remote control syndrome stick with til the break cuz you know you not watching the whole thing.
I started to see this in college of all places, from black (and some were Christians… yes black young Christian women contradict themselves ooo like the rest of us!!!!) would make up tons of excuses why even though they are undergrads or even grad students they didnt want to date a man in the same boat-citing the “we both broke” thing. They expected the Record/Wall St/Movie/Magazine/ Advertising Industry Dude (and all of his temptations) to somehow not only date her but put up with her during Finals-which he did (thats when he screws the Other Chicks). But ohh they feel betrayed when Dude comes forthwith that he never took her seriously, she’s appalled cuz she gave him some of her “best stuff” not for a year-not for two no some case three yrs or the entire time she was in grad school. I was (or represented) too much of the struggle-well I was a student. But this is what happens when “Ladies get in for free before midnite”-sample sales and the new you go girl femme culture seen at most jobs (during the 90′s) where between the ages of 18 -25 I had a job in which a majority of the women had to be pulled in the office to be told they are not wearing appropiate clothing.
And their simp ass boyfriends only fuled the fire[these are the guys who A) wrecked their credit for a ride or B) wrecked some gullible females credit for a ride the NextChick gets all egotiscal and “thinks” he really earned that car-you wouldnt believe how many woman I spoke to said they “never asked” how he got the ride-uhh dont you want to marry dude?).
A Man will risk losing a woman (or really pissing her off) to tell her the truth a Simp will say “yes” to go along to get along until she realizes he was NEVER gonna marry her. Now is she mad at true lost love or mad like when the sales lady gassed you to buy them pumps?
Oooooh, that story just made me all gooey inside. I love seeing happy people; happy-lovey dovey people are a bonus. I can’t even be mad at ppl who are all extra with the PDA.
You know, I can’t name a single member of my family (uncles,aunts, cousins, step-cousin-in laws, etc) that have had a successful marriage. I’ve raked my mind, and not a one. Even my granny got a divorce, which was unheard of in her day and age, not to mention she was living in Kenya. I didn’t even know women were allowed to get those in traditional days. Anywho’s, as illogical as it sounds, I’m deathly afraid the inability to have any long lasting successful releationship might be a genetic trait. I hope and pray it isn’t.
I really want a Zelmyra and Herbet kind of love.
My brother traced our family tree and there are no known divorces on either side of my family. However I think in my moms line alone we got the market cornered on the “love child” thingy. My grandson makes #5. My mom was the only one in the lineage that did not birth a love child, but that’s because she got married first. She was almost 2 months pregnant when she and my father got married. They stayed married for 40 years, until she passed away.
My husband only know of one divorce in his family.
I hope those good longterm love genes are embedded in us.
I don’t think its in the genes, it probably has to do with them re creating dysfunctional relationships they have seen.
My grandparents have been married almost 50 years and they have their ups and downs but are still married. One of my aunts (the only one who is still married of 5 kids!) has created the same type of dynamic with her husband. But she’s been forewarned by the whole family that she needs to break the cycle of dysfunction.
I know I plan to use the things I have seen as an asset, learn from them, and hopefully not make the same mistakes.
I don’t think its in the genes, it probably has to do with them re creating dysfunctional relationships they have seen.
i agree. it seems like people who have witnessed long-term marriages are more prone to desire and work to be in them.
it seems like people who have witnessed long-term marriages are more prone to desire and work to be in them
I don’t think the issue is the desire to want to be in a long term releationship (at least for me). Never having seen one long term functional releationship up close, I tend to view them in the same light as black leprachauns. I’d love it if they existed, but I’m not holding my breath.
They do exist, I think thats the point of this post.
I’m also happy to see so many people in the site who are offering up their own parents and grandparents as examples.
Trust me, I can totally identify with your perspective, but I also think you have to have some hope for the future. At least for yourself.
I don’t think its in the genes, it probably has to do with them re creating dysfunctional relationships they have seen.
Totally agree. Marriage and committment are learned behaviors in humans, so what has been learned can be un-learned.
Once you can spot what doesn’t work, you can redefine what will work for you.
Oh Gosh. Your granny got a divorce? In Kenya!!! OK that’s truly gangsta. I mean, we always say that MY grandma was hard cause she used to wear a petticoat (slip) & (rubber) shoes and ride a bike… but yeah…
we always say that MY grandma was hard cause she used to wear a petticoat (slip) & (rubber) shoes and ride a bike… but yeah…
LMAO, at that image. Yeah, my entire family is made up of some gangsta women. My mom always says it’s because we are from Kiambu, and everyone knows Kiambu women are insane. I had a great-great aunt who tried to slice some male cousin open for thinking he could inherit the cattle after her dad died since he was the eldest male in the family. The concept of cultural norms just didn’t seep through.
Imagine that, a couple together for 84 years.
That’s til, like, 2093!
I need to get started!
But stories like this are common amongst the old folks, not always to this length, but I had one set of grandparents who were married 55 years, the other set 40.
I believe this is another price we pay for technology.
I believe this is another price we pay for technology.
expound and sh*t
@The Champ,
In a nutshell, I believe that a lot of the technology that we enjoy today comes with the side effect of change. A lot of tech is either disposable, saddled with planned obsolescence, or an attempt to get one to do less as the tech does more and more. We tend to treat relationships in the same manner.
@maximillian, call it the Moores Law of Love. If you are not familiar with the it goes like so: compter processors will enhance inpower and decrease in size and cost every 18 months or so (you techies out there no the finite details I am just paraphrasing). It seems we have now done that in our relationships. Why date some one who was bumming it in the late 90′s when you can date the supposedly “bettter off” (he/she has or does “stuff” that you wont or dont have) counterpart with his lame duck cable lineman gig that would fool a 22 yr old (“I wasnt f*king in high school”) whos best asset is still her brain but now in college she is going to blur the line bewteen that and her beauty and Sucker Ass men lay in the cut for such a victim!! And like we do with PC’s we dont investigate why our last model is no good or do we even need to buy another-ya know work with what ya got-we trash the WHOLE thing plop another G down and get a “new” machine…whatever!!! If it doesnt work well “they just dont make good computers anymore”.
2093… when you put it like that. Dang!
Like I don’t have enough passwords to remember already. LOL
But anyhoo, you know what tickles me is when I tell folks that my husband (41) and I (40) have been together for 8 years, married 3-1/2 of those years, we love AND like each other and we get along great most don’t want to believe it. It’s the love, like and get along part that they try to find fault with and poke holes in. You know what people actually say? They don’t know of any happy black couples. The relationship that my husband and I have is not physically or mentally possible because it’s just not an obtainable feat for black people. Well aint that blip. I have 3 very close and dear friends who are all happily married. Why people choose not to believe I just can’t quite understand.
No every day is not Sunday but every day is a good day for us. Most days are great. My husbands believes he will live to be 95 and he says then and only then will I be able to get rid of him. ‘til death do us part. That’s the promise we make and plan to keep. We love each other and we love our life. That’s all that matters.
I believe Raqi – I love the stories you share and they give me hope.
Tazzee it ain’t always easy, but it sure is doggone worth it.
Yay!!! I love it
I don’t know why people don’t believe it. In my circle, I know of very few divorced couples. I only have a couple of friends whose parents are not married. Most of us have seen our folks have good and bad days but still hang in there.
My folks will be married 31 years in July. As the first born, I’ve seen the good and bad days, but ultimately it’s the friendship, common goals and love that keep you together… I think.
* hugs everyone out of sheer joy for the cuteness of this article * daaaaaaaaang that’s adorable!! they have me wanting to get married and all. one thing i really love about their story is that there’s no big mind blowing dramatic love story – their love is uncomplicated and free of conditions. even though it sometimes sounds like the “romeo-and-juliet” or “scarlett-and-rhett” story is more exciting and whatnot, neither of those two made it to 84 solid years of love. and that’s real.
even though it sometimes sounds like the “romeo-and-juliet” or “scarlett-and-rhett” story is more exciting and whatnot,
Aaaaaah death and unrequited love. Why is Gone with the Wind five effing hours long? Why?
I saw this story last week, and it is such a lovely story. To think someone has been married for longer than some people live. My grandmother was 82 when she passed, and here is theis couple married for 84 years. Amazing!!! Proof that marriage can work if both partners are committed to making it work, and then doing the work….
Here’s the question I’ve been grappling with since I’ve let go of the whole “I’m not getting married” bit. I know there’s some variance from person-to-person/couple-to-couple, but do people generally believe that you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone from the first time you meet them and then act accordingly to make things work OR do you go in unsure, waiting for the right “signs” or “proof” that they are the person you are meant to be with?
Sidenote: I shut down my site (jarrodhalsey.com) Simply, its time had come. So you can take it off of your blogroll.
Sidenote 2: (Last comments about the last 2 days’ posts, promise!) What is mysogeny, really? Because over the years, anytime I’ve said anything negative about women, it has been called mysogenist. So I just wanna know where the line is…
Re: sidenote 1 – sad to see your site go. Before your hiatus, I used to read it frequently.
Re: sidenote 2 – no comment
“do you go in unsure, waiting for the right “signs” or “proof” that they are the person you are meant to be with?” <- Aren’t you suppose to figure out if they are right B4 marriage?
JH, my mom and dad only knew each other 8 months when they got. She told me he walked up to her and asked if she was married. She said no, so he asked her if she would marry him. They had 40 happy years after that.
I on the hand had known my husband 20+ years when we got married. We just started flirting around with each other on day. That lasted about a year before we actually started dating. We dated for 4-1/2 years before getting married 3-1/2 years ago.
All that to say it just depends. We may not have gotten along with each had we got together 20 years ago. I have grown so much over the years and I imagine he has also. I believe that the mature individuals that we are now are the ones that were meant to be together. Not who we were back then.
JHS… A little from column A a little from column B
I’ve tried the love at first sight, we’re gonna MAKE this work thing and in the end, there’s certain stuff for me, that if we don’t see the world the same way, love me as you might, it’s not going to work.
The successful rel’ships that I’ve seen, the couples tend to feel the same way about stuff they deem important (rel’ship with God, how to raise kids, gender roles, etc.)
What is misogyny, really? Because over the years, anytime I’ve said anything negative about women, it has been called misogynists. So I just wanna know where the line is…
this is a good question. i was asking myself the same thing.
as far as your marriage question, i know “it depends on the couple” is a cop-out answer, but it depends on the couple.
with that being said, i dont think you should marry someone unless you want to spend the rest of your life on earth with them.
with that being said, i dont think you should marry someone unless you want to spend the rest of your life on earth with them.
I dont know if I agree with that.. . I think you marry a person you like and get along with and take it one day at a time.. me and my hubby are going on 8 years, I never thought we would be together forever. I strive to make each day a good one and I am thankful for each one and I dont take it for granted but even now I dont look down the road and say in 20 years I will still be with him. I hope and I strive to live up to my vows every day and thats all I can do……
that lady said she got married because he was ‘nice” she wasnt thinking about 84 years later…
I agree with you. The idea of forever is rather intimidating. A day by day approach I can deal with.
While I agree with the day-by-day, I believe it still takes having that long term state of mind. The commitment.
If I just looked at it as being day-by-day then I too will fall into that “i don’t love you any more” black hole. It’s sorta like a month to month rental agreement versus a yearly. You are committing yourself.
Although the marriage certificate does require you to put a # on the line, it is until death do us part. That’s what I signed up for. That is me looking 53 MORE years into the future with this man and that’s what I will work for. And hopefully he continues to do.
the long term commitment was the marriage its the day by day that gets you to the foerever part……
I think you marry a person you like and get along with and take it one day at a time
i see what you’re saying, but still, it seems hasty and counterproductive to marry someone if you can only see things with them “one day at a time”.
but sh*t, what do i know, lol. i’ve never been married.
“but do people generally believe that you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone from the first time you meet them…”
I think it depends on the couple, but there are some schools of psychology that say that ‘love at first sight’ does exist. It has to do with the subconscious. That thing we call our ‘gut feeling’ that’s developed during the first 2 years of our lives through non-verbal communication from the mom/dad. This is when the emotional part of our brains are developed that dictate behavior and consequently some behavioral disorders. For some of us, it takes longer to realize if someone is ‘the one’. I hope in some way this answered your question. Essentially, both scenarios exist -knowing from jump…and not knowing.
I love this story! What a wonderful day to start my work day! (it’s 8:34 here in the D). My parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary this past January. When someone tells me black love is impossible, I pay them no mind because I know what I have at home-my parents!
My parents have been together since they were sophmores in high school and got married at 19. They have now been married for 25 years and they are still best friends. Still in love and still trying to be nasty! LOL
“Still in love and still trying to be nasty! LOL”
Ewwwwww…I like to think of my mommy as a virgin. That one day I just popped up in her belly, and there was no type of secks involved. Or maybe my daddy’s baby batter traveled into her through osmosis.
“daddy’s baby batter” ctfu that sounds ewww nasty but funny too
Old love is so sweet….
But she said, “he wasn’t much to look at.” SMH, I’d hate to hear my significant say that.
But she said, “he wasn’t much to look at.” SMH, I’d hate to hear my significant say that.
I wouldn’t necessarily want to hear that either. But if he’s with you for 84 years, it just proves he saw something more in you than the what’s on the surface. The superficial cannot and will not last 84 years, but what’s on the inside will last and sustain.
“The superficial cannot and will not last 84 years, but what’s on the inside will last and sustain.”
True.
That is true but DANG, call me beautiful, even if you have to lie. LMAO.
LOL So would I.
But you know those folks back then got married for the right reasons. I imagine although he may not have been much to look at something was attractive about him. Something worth having in a man for her. I think see named a couple of things in the article.
“But you know those folks back then got married for the right reasons.”
Yeah, I have to say, it isn’t the first time I’ve heard this from an older couple….
“those folks back then got married for the right reasons.”
But is that the “right” reason to get married??? Doesn’t seem like it to me.
LOL. I think it was a joke, or iono, I feel like i can hear my grandmother saying it and it not coming from a mean place at all. That’s why I love old black folks, they can be so brutally honest, but not mean any harm behind it.
Haha, my mama loves to tell the story about how her and my dad got together starting with…
“Well see ya daddy, he was the second finest boy in school”
BWAHHAAHA!
He just grins like that’s a compliment. Don’t work vice versa though. Daddy still calls mama the most beautiful girl in the world.
“Don’t work vice versa though. Daddy still calls mama the most beautiful girl in the world.”
Your Dad is a smart man. He knows which side his bread is buttered on.
He ain’t crazy…lol
Wondering if it differs from man to woman…
Seems a woman would be PISSED… Does it even bother a man as much?
Nicki in this day and time probably much more.
My brother is extremely handsome, but he will tell you in a minutes “dudes are not supposed to be pretty. that’s for the ladies.”
He can’t help what he looks like but I don’t recall him ever trying to be “pretty”.
Hook a sista up! LOL. I’m joking..
Growing up, pretty boys was what the girls in school CHASED after.. I never liked them, they just didn’t seem big and SKRONG enough for me… but a handsome man???? That is something totally different. (*Idris*)
Blame it on the southern girl in me but I loves me a big skrong man! They tend to be the sweetest men and have great manners.
On the one hand, I wouldn’t say that to my man, cuz it just seems rude. (But wait til I get old, Ima say all types of crazy isht!)
On the other hand, I’d be a little turned off by a guy who took it really hard.
Seems a woman would be PISSED… Does it even bother a man as much?
generally speaking, i don’t think so. there isn’t as much of a premium placed on how a guy looks, so generally speaking, we arent as protective or even insecure about our looks as a woman typically is. this isnt saying that we don’t have insecurities, but whether or not my chick thinks im the handsomest dude in the world usually isnt one of them
“but whether or not my chick thinks im the handsomest dude in the world usually isnt one of them”
I agree there. However there’s a far cry from your girl not thinking you’re the best looking dude in the world, and calling you ugly. Unless she was once in a lifetime fine, I don’t think I could stay with a woman who thought I was ugly, on some but you’re a good provider steez. Everything around that sounds like you setting yourself up to having some kids looking like the mailman.
” Unless she was once in a lifetime fine, I don’t think I could stay with a woman who thought I was ugly, on some but you’re a good provider steez”
That would be mean as h3ll. Even if she was lifetime fine, it’s kinda a sucky thing to say about someome. “My boo looks like Gargamel but dang he can slang the D.” what the effe?
I’m saying Nicki boo, you can Gargamel me all day as long as you my smurfette…lol.
No but even she was on some Stacey Dash that’ll only buy a few extra weeks of thought, I can’t be with a woman who felt like she “settled” for me.
“I’m saying Nicki boo, you can Gargamel me all day as long as you my smurfette…lol.
No but even she was on some Stacey Dash that’ll only buy a few extra weeks of thought, I can’t be with a woman who felt like she “settled” for me”
I can do smurfette. lol
But exactly, like u said.. I would feel like he was settling
“I can do smurfette. lol”
What a coincidence, me too…
I agree. I’ve only had one guy in my life question me about his looks.. but he was just plain weird. PERIOD. lol
Traditionally, beauty is not a sought-after quality in a male.
Ultimately, human beings are wired to pursue one thing: assuring that they have descendants. Making sure the lineage keeps on going, it’s that survival instinct that made us “conquer” the living world.
Now, for that to happen, prehistoric men and women were looking for very different things! Women were looking for security and protection (shelter, food, strength) while males were looking for a woman who can endure several births (looking healthy, young, obvious feminine traits). As a result, men and women for ages have been looking for different things in an ideal partner… Nowadays security can be translated into different things… but beauty will be hard-pressed to be one of those things.
Personally, it’s the least important factor in my partner’s selection. I need a man I can trust and rely on not a pretty face to look at.
“Personally, it’s the least important factor in my partner’s selection. I need a man I can trust and rely on not a pretty face to look at.”
I am admittedly shallow.. His looks are very supreme initially… that’s not to say, just because he looks good he can stay around, or can treat me like crap BUT they have to be there to get my attention.
BTW: I love your explanation.
“Women were looking for security and protection (shelter, food, strength) ”
See I think in order for a man to provide and protect he had to be fairly healthy as well. If his teeth were falling out and he had no muscles and looked scrawny/sick, that might tell prehistoric-me-fail this brotha can’t provide.
I agree with Nicki. Male beauty is important to me. Its what piques my interest
I agree with Nicki. Male beauty is important to me. Its what piques my interest
is this male beauty or male physical health? (or is this one in the same)
I think Sula was saying that cro-mag men used a woman’s beauty (facial symmetry, full hair, clear skin)to assess her health and ability to get their offspring to the next generation.
I’d assert that cro-mag women used male beauty to assess a man’s health for the same reasons (i.e. a man’s ability to provide and protect is as related to his appearance as a woman’s ability to birth and nurture is related to hers ).
Unattractive ppl can be healthy too. But in terms of the health-beauty rel’ship as a reason for ppl picking beautiful mates I’m treating them as one in the same.
The problem is crog-mag woman was certain that she could procreate so the health of her partner did not matter so much as his strength mattered most in the long run. At procreation, the man’s role is really reduced to a few minutes at best. It is moreso how he will be able to protect cro-mag woman from nature’s harshness while she is pregnant that mattered. Hence why smart men (will be clever enough to find food/kill prey etc…), strong men (will be strong enough to demand food/prey if he can’t find it himself), and social men (will be cool enough with everybody to obtain said items above) had more value to crog-mag women than pretty ones.
Now, a woman who is going to carry a child for nine months has to be healthy first (and all those attributes you listed were used to assess health).
*gets out of nerd/anthropology freak mode and gets back into Sula mode*
I had a potential suitor named Herbert (and unlike the Herb in this story he was fairly nice to look at) that I put in the Friend Zone. Perhaps I need to look at un-Friend Zoning him. Apparently Herberts can carry on relationships/marriages for a long time.
::looking in my phone to find his number::
*howling*
Yeah, my great uncle Herbert was married for like thirty years before he passed. His wife was Korean. He met her during the Korean War and brought her back stateside.
i know a hubert. i know its not the same name. i just wanted everyone to know that i know someone named hubert
One of my favorite novels is Nabokov’s Lolita in which the protagonist is named Humbert Humbert
Lolita has got to be one of the most twisted novels I’ve ever read (bcuz of the subject matter). I just read it for the 1st time last year…I may need to revisit it again. I need to understand why it’s earned the hype that it has.
Girl, give Herbert a call please!
I read this article the other day and it made me smile.
They kinda remind me of my grandparents who were married 64 years.
My favorite part of the article was
“He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet.”
Also notice they had separate lives outside of each other. Gotta love that!!!
The non-clingy person within me rejoices!
One day!!!! *sniggles*
Also notice they had separate lives outside of each other. Gotta love that!!!
The non-clingy person within me rejoices!
One day!!!! *sniggles*
I don’t understand how some married people magically merge into this single entity that does ERRRTHING together. Everything; and all their sentences use ‘we’ instead ‘I’, like signing that little piece of paper robbed them of that ability to think or act as individuals. Sigh
End of rant.
I’ve never understood this.
I think it only makes things better that you have separate interests, hobbies and the like.
The worst to me is the “We are pregnant”… Ugh! No, sir “I” am pregnant. Not you!
Ms. Sula my husband doesn’t say “we are pregnant”. He tell folks “I knocked her up”
Now that’s what’s up!
“He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet.”
That was my fave part as well. I really, really adore kindhearted men. I refuse to deal with the azzholish ones. I have enough a$$hole in me for 2 people, that’s enough.
And yay for separate lives!
“I have enough a$$hole in me for 2 people, that’s enough.”
This is the that truth!!!!!
I love a good ish talker though…it’s just something about that…*whew* I’mma be quiet now.
Nice story…very heartfelt.
I’m still waiting for someone to tell me what the right reasons to get married are…and I’m not talking early 1900s…I’m speaking of the 2000-now. Go ahead, I’ll wait…
I don’t think anyone can tell you the right reasons for YOU to get married. Only you can know that when the time is right for you to know it.
I guess a good question would be what are the wrong reasons to get married?
According to the world at large, every reason is the wrong reason if you look around.
ummm….living your life for the world at large and not yourself is one helluva way to guarantee unhappiness. h3ll on that.
i swear all i hear in that comment is…’well, errbody else is (ain’t) doing it’…and that ain’t no way to live.
do or don’t get married for YOUR reasons and sh!t…
Another good point. I never got why anyone cites marriage stats (not saying that CPT did) as a reason for not getting married.
80% of the people who applied to my school didn’t get in
75% of the people who interviewed for my job didn’t get it
Some crazy percentage (I dunno off top) of black women have HIV
Another crazy percentage are victims of domestic battery
The stats can blow me!
I work with Biostats and the only thing I’ve learned is that statistics are flawed and easily manipulated. I work with them for a living and even I don’t believe them. So to base any of your life choices off of statistics is pure foolishness.
Thank you. This (Stats) along with personal finance and a few other things need to be a required class at like HS level.
The way we trot out stats in the news, talk shows without ppl questioning it is scary. You wouldn’t (well you probably would!) believe how many intelligent people were lulled into thinking there was some merit to “The Bell Curve”
I was like “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” This see-through, pseudoanalysis doesn’t even pass the water test!
Nowadays the staying unmarried out weighs the married benifits.
Agreed.
There are lots of right reasons to get married, but would it be worth it listing them for you? Don’t take this the wrong way but if you can’t come up with the right reasons to get married on your own it’s LIKELY that you’re anti-marriage, and you’re probably looking for an opportunity to refute every “right” reason people give you. The “right” reason to get married will vary from person to person. In my opinion, any reason is “right” if the intent is not self-centered. It’s impossible to be completely selfless, but there should at least be a strong, genuine effort.
Agreed. why put ppl who think marriage is a good idea on the defensive just cause you dont want to get married.
For me, the lifelong companionship displayed in this article is great reason to get married. To the OP, probably not so much.
VoiceofReason I agree also. Period.
I agree 100%
Great points.
If you need someone to list the right reasons for you to get married, then you probably aren’t the marrying type. And that’s OK – everythang ain’t for everybody.
“everythang ain’t for everybody”
Thats true. But at the same time, its some depressing stuff to see an elderly person who has no family, especially when times get rough for them in terms of health. I had a neighbor who was sick and dying, had no kids and no other close relatives left. The only person she could depend on was her husband.
Thats not the only reason one should consider marriage but its certainly something to think about.
If you need someone to list the right reasons for you to get married, then you probably aren’t the marrying type. And that’s OK – everythang ain’t for everybody.
i agree. marriage is like college: if it were for everybody it would be free
Bad comparison or analogy!
If college were for everyone, it would cost that much more.
Look at health care.
analogy deez
Why are you looking for the right reasons to get married? If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing darl, and you’re not in the minority.
Different strokes for different folks is all.
Wow, I thought my parents were onto something cuz they’ve been together since they were 15. These two are adorable making those little faces!
This is the sweetest story! I had a convo with a coworker about his upcoming 15 year anniversary and he gave the funniest analogy. He said that his wife was like an old car. At first you love it when you first get it. Then after a while it starts giving you problems and you want to get rid of it. More time passes and you get comfortable with it but you also start looking at other cars thinking they are better than yours. Then something happens and you REALLY get to know the car inside and out and you start appreciating it because you know everything about it. Now you can’t live without it and wouldn’t dare get rid of it because you know exactly wha’ts wrong with it & how to fix it.
It was such a MAN analogy and I am sure his wife would have gotten offended being compared to a Ford Fiestiva or a Le Car but I thought it was the cutest thing ever.
DAMN….I want a Herbert now *tear drops all over the VSB site*
It was such a MAN analogy and I am sure his wife would have gotten offended being compared to a Ford Fiestiva or a Le Car but I thought it was the cutest thing ever.
so basically, singing “you remind me of my jeep” to a woman is a good thing?
singing “you remind me of my jeep” to a woman
Nooooo!!! I rebuke this song, and all it’s kin. My all five generations turn orange, and have their heads fall at inoportune moments.
This and “Half on a Baby” are at the top of my awesomely bad R&B list
That analogy and Zelmyra saying her husband wasn’t much to look at brings to mind the commercial from years back…”Don’t you buyyyy no ugly truck”.
I remember that because my son used to walk around the house saying it all the danggone time.
@ Champ,
What kind of jeep? :O
LMAO. Champ you are a dang fool!
I absolutely love this article! Thanks for sharing.
I think the key to their relationship was mentioned twice in the article:
“He was not mean; he was not a fighter,” Zelmrya said. “He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet.”
She said she is not tired of seeing him. “I didn’t think I’d be married this long. He is quiet,” she said.
Imma get me a quiet man, LOL.
Tazzee get ya one of them good old country boys. They tend to be pretty quiet.
I often wonder is that why husband is such a moody b@st@rd. His dad is country and his mom was a big city girl. LOL His mood alternates between the two.
I’m such a talker myself, so I only date the really quiet type. I can’t handle the busybodies.
This man gave her 84 good years, and she has the nerve to say “He was not much to look at”?
Even if it’s in jest, a wife should honor her husband, the same way he honors her.
I don’t know WIA. We different men and women. I wouldn’t want to have to tell her how well she can change a tire while I stay dry in the car… I’d say they both should be honored to the same scaler for their different awesomes.
Good man! *golf claps*
Now it has come full circle… I understand why I e-crush on you so!
*joining in the golf claps*
Maybe that’s why they have stayed married so long: they were able to tell each other the truth without the other having their feathers rustled.
This whole thing about white lies to babysit people’s feelings just doesn’t sit right with me. Tell me what you (really)think. Unadultered.
BRAVA!!
*doesn’t forget to hug Panama*
Aww, this just made a Thursday seem like a Friday. I love love. Love loves me. What a beautiful story…and couple. Thanks for posting, Panama!
You know sometimes in my Physical-world. I sort of imagine that there is conspiracies n all sorts of storries run through my head. I sometimes assign real people to my e-friends. Like there are certain security guards who are VSB P aka TANGLE JIG P aka THE ARSONIST aka GIIIIIIRL, HE A 3 and Liz. Oddly enough there’s only one The Champ. This video too reminds me of the treo. I think it’s worksafe.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FArZxLj6DLk
I sometimes assign real people to my e-friends. Like there are certain security guards who are VSB P aka TANGLE JIG P aka THE ARSONIST aka GIIIIIIRL, HE A 3 and Liz. Oddly enough there’s only one The Champ.
ummm, yeah, i’m gonna need you to expound wu
Okay @ work there’s security that sits behind the desk. I sometims imagine that one of em is The Champ one is Liz n one is Panama. & I imagine that they sit there and comment and post all day… There are a few I imagine are Panama and Liz but only one of em can stand in for my imagination’s The Champ. But in the video. The Champ is the Hiphopipotimus n Panama Jackson is Rhymnocerous, while Liz is Nana.
LMAO!!!!
Their postings ARE bottomless!
Did Steve tell you that? What’s he got to do with it?
You should NOT have shared this. LOL!
Haha,they need to do a post on crazy weirdo things ppl do and how their mates react (and vice versa).
I sometimes go into the bathroom at work, shut the stall door and pretend to throw a silent tantrum. weird faces, high kicks and all. I wonder how many others do this…
You see you can’t just write it off as crazy. I mean you got to know the story behind it. It’s like this.
I was watching Current tv. This pod came on and talked about on the subways in london people play ‘poker.’
This game is played by people picking 5 seats in the subway and the people that end up filling the seats are the cards. Old ladies are queens old men are kings bla bla n bla bla. & it kept on from there.
i approve of any flight of the concords linkage.
@Wudaman,
Your mind is a beautiful thing. I sometimes wanna peak in there and take a look.
You’se crazy, dude. Good crazy.
I’m just a kinda smart guy who has a brain with barely any hemispherical dominance.
@WuDaMan,
Oh and I’m an introvert.
I just think it’s funny when she says,
“He was not much to look at but he was sweet.”
Is this what I have to do? Maybe I’m looking too far into looks. But, I’ve been known to date a 5 or a 6 because he made me laugh my ass off. =/
you and me both…
co-signing as well…
same here.
The older I get the more I realize that looks aren’t everything. They’ll get a person in the door, but character and personality determine whether they stick around or not. I’d rather be with a 5 or 6 who makes me smile or laugh involuntarily than a 7 -10 can’t.
Yup.
*7-10 who can’t.
See, looks have always rated at the bottom of my list.
I keep telling people that I am a very selfish individual and that in a partner I am looking for things that will benefit me or us in the long run. What does good looks do for me? To my knowledge not a thing. Now a kind, generous, warm, loving man? Now that will add value to my life.
It’s all about the ROI for me.
I keep telling people that I am a very selfish individual and that in a partner I am looking for things that will benefit me or us in the long run.
Words of wisdom. My mom has been saying something similar to me for as long as I can remember. A little selfishness isn’t a bad thing at times. Plus, if a releationship is mutually beneficial you tend to work harded to maintain it and keep it growing.
“Plus, if a releationship is mutually beneficial you tend to work harded to maintain it and keep it growing.”
You have a wise mom. This really has me thinking. I will think about this later tonight after a few glasses of wine. I believe my thinking is a lot more reflective then. smh
These have got to be the oldest folks alive. Cute, though…
welcome and sh*t
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
***Warning: This has absolutely nothing to do with the topic***
VSS’:
Does anybody have any reco’s on some not too expensive (but good) makeup brushes (especially a set)? I have a set from Sonia Kashuk at Target but am looking to replace them–not because of quality though.
Though the brush the chick at the MAC counter was using for my blush felt like a lil nekkid cherub angel’s wings on my cheek, and I’m not above paying for quality merch that will last, i just think it’s best not to lose my mind at the MAC counter in these TET. lol.
I don’t have any recos. The recos that I would suggest, you already mentioned – Target and MAC.
TJ Maxx (or Marshalls) sometimes have good makeup brush sets. It’s hit or miss as to whether or not they even have them in stock.
I got my set a TJ Maxx. Some such designer or other (can’t recall). Those brushes have been good to me.
I think I need to change them though.
p.s: the VSB’s, what about that forum we talked about loooong time ago?
I use MAC brushes. I actually caught a deal on the brushes back when they sold a few as a gift set. I know how you feel though my blush brush feels like heaven. I have a girlfriend that just bought a MAC set from eBay. I don’t know if eBay’s your thing or not. Just a suggestion especially in these TET.
Try coastalscents.com. Although I haven’t tried them, I hear good things about the CVS brand too (I think it’s called true beauty).
thanks ladies!
My maternal grandparents were married for 65+ years before my granny passed, and my granddad followed about a year later. They could not be apart from each other. Granny had to come to NY for surgery once and they were on the phone each day twice a day. After about a week we just sent a ticket for grandaddy. My own parents have been together for over 30 years and my eldest sister who is the only married one of us will reach 10 years in May.
My paternal grandparents were never divorced but were separated for just about as long as I can remember. My dad only has one sibling who is currently married and they should be hitting the 20 year mark if not this year then soon.
Other than that everyone else is in some kind of craziness and it is really not pretty in some cases. Given what I have seen of marriage and relationships both good and bad with my family I am and will continue to be content in my singlehood until such a time as I find the person where I can see myself having a for better or worse till death do us part relationship with because at this point I think I would prefer to remain single than to do or have anything less.
lol
Of course you wanted to know how she looked INITIALLY. But come on, God forbid she grow up to be a shallow, self-centered woman devoid of personality. You won’t care about her looks then.
If it wasn’t for the green background that last “Champ” comment would have completely caught me off guard. Y’all should seriously consider locking the registration.
Seriously I’m going after their ISP when I get a minute, particularly the one at their school.
Wow, I never even registered. Hope that wouldn’t lock me out.
Some of the advanced trolls use proxies.
I don’t think there is a real site “registration” really but I think maybe there should be. This may cut down on comments a bit but in the end, allow some sort of control over directly offensive comments to the site.
My parents were married 40 years until he passed last year. My grandparents were married 75 years and 60 sum’n till death did them part. There had been no divorces in my family- NOT a one.
Until me.
But I blame America!!! Feeding me stories of true lurrve and showing me the awesomeness that North Carolina men are.
*sigh*
To some degree, I think that arranged marriages need to come back as I don’t think that many of us are capable of the true introspection that we need to know who’s right for us.
Just a thought.
To some degree, I think that arranged marriages need to come back as I don’t think that many of us are capable of the true introspection that we need to know who’s right for us.
Just a thought.
I agree. Arranged marriages catch alot of flack in Western society (and in our day and age, back in the motherland to some extent) but I have 5 friends whose parents are in them, and they seem happy. I’m sure that they’ve had their up and downs, but I don’t think they are as miserable as Hollywood would have us believe. I also have a really close friend who is going through the process (the arranged marriage) and talking to her has really given me a different perspective on the thing. It’s not a totally despotic arrangment between the parents, the kids can veto whoever they think won’t be a good match. I know the absence of chemistry is one argument against them, but I don’t think you can sustain long term releationships on that alone. As for love, well I believe you grow to love someone.
To some degree, I think that arranged marriages need to come back as I don’t think that many of us are capable of the true introspection that we need to know who’s right for us.
I have been claiming that for the longest. The reasons people stay married are not necessarily the reasons why people fall in love. If not arranged marriages per se, long “engagement”, let’s-scope-each-other-right should be the norm.
“I have been claiming that for the longest. The reasons people stay married are not necessarily the reasons why people fall in love. ”
Damn, you been spittin truth all day.
*Steals this to repeat at happy hour with girlfriends tonite*
Awww, thanks sweetie.
Have an Amaretto Sour for me.
We live in a cynical and analytical world right now. Most of the topics and hang ups we discuss here on a daily basis didn’t matter back then. I guarantee, if one of us asked that man…”You don’t care that she says you’re nothing to look at??” He would say…”Naw baby. We don’t worry bout stuff like that.” It’s just a different time now. Different generation. Twenty or thirty years from now, our kids will be going through stuff with their mates, and we’ll be like…”Huh??? You gettin mad over that???” After 84 years, I’m sure that couple has learned to value what’s really important, and not get up in arms about the trivial stuff…
…..LIKE WE DO!!
buh_buh_hotep loves the love.
Hugs to all!
Yo Michel Jackson is planning a comeback.
How? Did they duct tape his leg back on? Last Pic I saw of him it was rotting off.
*dry heave*
I don’t know but they had him on cnn today n the headlines on cnn.com was he announced some tour dates in london.
Yep I saw that. Supposedly it’s his last tour ever. It’s only 10 dates and they are all in the UK.
I hope they don’t show it on TV over here. My dog has enough emotional problems and fear issues as is. I can’t afford doggy prozac on my grad school budget!
Hi Wu!
True love is wonderful, everlasting and unconditional.
*Smile*
WAY OFF TOPIC:
Chris and Rihanna got married at Diddy’s during the reconciliation?
Confirm or deny.
Ima go with deny. But who knows/cares?!?! Im just confused as to why they let the world in on their crazy azz relationship. They should’ve kept that sh*t between the two of them.
What I do know is that they got back together just like I knew they would.
I wonder if Herbert ever Chris Browned Zelmyra…….probably not, because she did say he was quiet and not a fighter.
I’m gonna lean towards deny. But I was thinking that too. Of all the places to go to leave the public eye…Diddy’s Star Island mansion.
Do they not have jet skis in St. Croix?
Hey Panama and Champ.
I have been reading ya’ll for the past few years, (your individual blogs prior to this one) and I was sorry to see the way the comments went the other day. I’m white or a “snizzle” as champ would say.. LOL I was not offended that your beauty icons were all black
I think people were letting their own insecurities shine, and that was pretty…oh.. let me use the word pathetic.
This story you posted, I did catch a while back, and yes, a true testament to a miracle! LOL
I think it was a low blow, your daughter, panama, being brought into it. Congrats on fatherhood!
Ya’ll keep doin it exactly how ya’ll do it!
thanks for the love and sh*t juli.
eh…it says more about commitment than it does about love. That said, its remarkable.
i wanted to comment earlier – i’ve shared this story with my elders and all the hopeless (hopeful, really) romantics in my life and they are all so moved…
despite the fact that this is not at all my idea of a great relationship, i am glad to see this example of black marriage and commitment.
thanks for sharing.
HI VSB/VSS Fam! **Waving**
just wanted to pop in and say hello.
I read the post PNimmy, it is just what I needed today. LOVE!!!! Thanks and ish…
Now I am off to Seattle (with a 2 hour lay over in Chicago), I will read VSB during my travels tomorrow so make it a good one
Miss you all