The patron saint of Black wifedom.
Hi, I’m Panama. I burn sh*t.
Let’s go.
You love to hear the story, again and again, about how 98 percent of women (see that’s some, not all! Generalize deez!) are nearly perfect until some man comes into their lives and ruins them like crack did the hood in the 80s. Or that women would all basically do right, if men would just do right. There’s this causality that assumes that the only reason a woman acts up is because she’s responding to the actions of some man which, of course, causes her to act totally outside of her character since we all know that 98 percent of all women are snowflake-like, Stepford wives with strong opinions and the very models of the modern major general cornerstones of peace and serenity.
Peace of mind. It comes with every piece of the rock. Prudential.
Y’all remember that commercial? Me neither.
When I think of most women I know I hear angels singing.
It’s true.
So I assume we can all or mostly agree, based on conventional wisdom and most conversations that we have that include people of boob and wang, that men suck and are arbiters of all that is wrong in relationships. I don’t truly believe this, but if you do an Ask a Black Woman panel similar to the Ask A Black Man panel that Madame Noire is running I’m fairly certain that 4 out of 5 women (and dentists) would come to similar conclusions. Which leads me to some other questions. But mostly one, which is not plural…
Do all women think that they’d make good wives?
Think on that for a second. I’m trying to figure out if I know a single woman who DOESN’T automatically assume that she’d make a good wife or is ready to be a wife and would be if it wasn’t for us of testosterone. I mean really that’s at the epicenter of the dating quagmire right? Most women are on the quest to be wives and us entitled poon-wranglers won’t get ourselves together long enough to settle down and accept what they already know to be true: that if she is feeling him, then she’s right woman for that particular man. We’re basically slowing down the natural evolution of society by taking our sweet time and damaging women in the process, no?
That’s an interesting concept. I know this young lady – well knew, we haven’t spoken in quite some time – who was going thru it with her man. This mofo just would not do right by any stretch of the imagination and I, like most civic-minded individuals who vote, asked her why she chose to stay with a man who was hellbent on not being what she wanted? Her response was that she had it in her heart that she was both good AND right for him and if he’d just pay attention he’d notice it too. He would realize that she’s the wife he needs in order to be the best man he could be.
Real talk, I’ve never been one of those folks who truly believe the “I know you better than you know yourself” ideology that some folks trumpet. I’ve had somebody tell me that right before I hit her with the hee that caused her to rethink that idea. But I actually think its ridiculous to be so sure that you are the right person for somebody else if that person doesn’t view you in that light. How can you be right for somebody if they don’t feel that way about you? Riddle me that sh*t, Batman.
Back to lecture at hand. I get the impression that because women are waiting for certain menfolks to come to their senses that you all think that these men have the potential to make good husbands at some point, whereas all women ARE or WOULD be good wives, kind of on GP. But I don’t know that any woman has ever had to sit down and wrestle with why. I mean how many of you all have ever been asked why you’d make a good wife? How many of you all have another answer aside from loyalty and commitment? And willing to smang like rabbits at least until you don’t feel like it?
I know women are more or less bred to be nurturers and caretakers. And maybe that’s all it takes. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been a wife. It’s also not my goal. Call me Allllllllmond. But those characteristics are also more important to being a mother than a wife. The two can go hand in hand but being one doesn’t imply the ability to be the other. I talked about that in being a great father but having difficulty being a boyfriend or potential husband.
I’ve rambled.
But here’s the point, women do you think that you are automatically ready to be a wife? And what makes you so sure? Fellas, do you think most (notice I said most, leave Poleina Slidedown out of this) women have the tools to be a good wife and we really are just losing by being too picky and waiting around? Are we ruining these good women out here?
Talk to me. Petey.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. IZ YOU REDY? aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRST PANAMA PLZ APPROVE QUICKLY!
No, I am not wife material. I am just girlfriend/lover/bestfriend material. I don’t care for marriage! But if Jay proposed, it’s a motherloving WRAP!
…no kidding?
@ Santa Monica
no kidding about what?!
first off…stop yelling.
@ PJ
I’ve accomplished what I’ve always wanted on this blog!!!!!! Have a great motherlovers daaaaaaaaaaay. I was not yellling.Block letters, small letters-all the same for Mrs AfriJay!
Wife until death do us part? No. I don’t think most people have the tolerance to do that especially now where there is far less societal pressure (and legally you actually can) to stay married no matter what.
I think the majority of women that want to be married could put in the work, regardless of the quality of marriage, if they felt like it. They have since marriage began. I’m not quite sure how “good wife” is being defined though.
“I’m not quite sure how “good wife†is being defined though.”
I would tell you to ask all of them, but I’m quite sure that you won’t get the same answer…
*carl thomas voice* at alllllll at alllllllllll…
then again i’m sure we wouldn’t have a universal answer either.
I’m not sure how good wife or good husband is being defined here. I’m sadden by the number of men and women who have encountered so much sadness that they don’t think kindly of the opposite sex. Here’s an idea. Stop getting involved (whether casually or otherwise) in another’s life unless you genuinely have good intentions. I am single but that doesn’t make me desperate to find a mate. I’m a single mom. I’m not looking for her dad. She has one. I work on being the best person possible so when my mate comes along we can decide how to build a perfect union for us. Not every person we meet will fit the bill but that doesn’t mean we get to say all men/women think the way our exes did. Some said they know people who think they are good wives/husbands automatically then I’d say be a good friend to them and say nothing happens automatically (except maybe the passage of time).
So I defined Good wife/ Husband as what my grandparents had… Married for 50+ years.. They were MY definition of BLACK LOVE… Best Friends, confidants support systems, cheerleaders.. there was not a time I could remeber where neither one didnt know something about the other (this in the time before CEll phones n texts) I remeber as a lil girl I used to ask my granma why she worked so hard.. she told me bc Grandpa did.. She didnt expect nor want anything from him that she herself wasnt doing… My grandfather was military then worked for the Govt in some form or fashion til he passed, my grandma was a teacher then a daycare owner (Very motherly if i say so). She also had breakfast, lunch n dinner ready (til this day i dont think she ever slept….)
I try n model myself after her and the things and lessons she taught me… BE yourself, strong confidant, love openly, and be open-minded and you’ll get it back in return. and I have that in my partner, Best friend, fiance…….
Oh look at Panama burning ish. You’d think he was an arsonist or something. Which, if y’all ain’t seent this on le Twitter, this is me not having sense but the message is still valid —> http://t.co/865fVjwGÂ
Ya know, at the surface, I’d prolly make a good wife, I’m caring, supportive, good-natured and all them other adjectives that go in match.com profile but if I were really real with myself I’m not entirely and completely sure if I’m ready to be a wife. I actually view it in a way that people view being a parent. Or having chex for the first time. You never know until… you know. And even then you don’t know until you’re actively doing it. No pun. Hell, even parents who ARE actively parents question themselves every now and then.
So while I’d like to think that I’d make a great wife, what I’d really like to think that I’d be half of a great union period. I’d hope that I’d make HIS great wife, not just a great wife. Because in order to be a great wife, you’d have to ask what a great wife consists of for that particular person. I bet it varies…
I’d hope that I’d make HIS great wife, not just a great wife. Because in order to be a great wife, you’d have to ask what a great wife consists of for that particular person. I bet it varies…
You’re wise beyond your years, Cheeks….
Yeah she pretty much shut it down with that last paragraph. Well played Cheeks.
#teamleo
Rawr. Thanks, hun.
very very true. that was some poignant sh*t.
AND you used my word, homie?! Beeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaave! LOL, thanks mister.
@DG,
*blushes and kicks cutesy pebble*
Aw, I try. Thank you!
This is one of the most thoughtful and candid statements I’ve ever heard someone make.
Aw, thanks, Shane. Given the fact that I wrote this on my way to sleep in the middle of the night, it just adds ammo to the fact that I truly do my best work when the sun goes down.
…
#vsbafterdark *shifty eyes*
that’s some extremely good perspective you’ve got there ms. cheeks.
#teamcheekola
Tee shirts!!!
“I’d hope that I’d make HIS great wife, not just a great wife. Because in order to be a great wife, you’d have to ask what a great wife consists of for that particular person.”
and there it is
I’d like to think I’d make a good wife, but I honestly don’t know. The things that make me wife material for one man may make me just passable to another. I do think, or rather know, that I am great person and you can’t build a bad house on such a good foundation… Am I ready to be a wife? I don’t think so, no; there’s so much I wanna learn about/for myself before I involve someone else. Am I willing to be a girlfriend? Learn to grow with someone and then maybe turn into a wife? Yes. But right off the bat, BOOM wife? Definitely not…
“The things that make me wife material for one man may make me just passable to another.”
+1
I’d like to think I’m a potential great wife to a few, a good wife to some, and the rest don’t matter.
I agree ! it different strokes for different folks what maybe wive material to one man may not be the same for another!
“The things that make me wife material for one man may make me just passable to another. ”
Exactly!!
Instead of assuming we’d make a great wife (not to say the generic qualities don’t add up to a great wife, but they are just that… generic), we should ask fellas what makes a great wife to them. I’d be interested in the answers…
“We should ask fellas what makes a great wife to them…”
This is what I would like to know as well
“But here’s the point, women do you think that you are automatically ready to be a wife? And what makes you so sure?”
I can honestly answer this question w/a sure and confident “no,” and I have no problem in admitting I am not- and may never be- ready to be a wife. I’m lazy, I procrastinate, and I am not willing to make a commitment to something that takes a lot of work and cultivation to make sure it doesn’t all go to hell in a hand basket. Now, I know these are things that I need to work on just so I can become a better person overall, but remember that part where I said I’m lazy? Yeah, I meant that sh!t and I don’t know when I’ll ever make myself grow out of that phase.
At least you are honest about yourself. I once knew this girl who insisted she was wife material- despite her questionable dating habits. The irony of it all is while she strongly felt that way, no man was willing to marry her.
Yeah props to you for actually realizing and admitting this. You’re not part of the problem imo, because many men and women are immature and need work (specially my 25 y/o @ss) it’s the women who are like this but won’t admit it, and insist that they’re wife material due to other irrelevant factors (degree, career, attittude etc) that are delusional. If you’re not willing to work on yourself for you, then why should I sacrifice myself for your lazy/selfish/immature *ss. Many women are also hellbent on this “take me as I am” concept. Yeaaaaah, good luck with that
“it’s the women who are like this but won’t admit it, and insist that they’re wife material due to other irrelevant factors (degree, career, attittude etc) that are delusional.”
Man…If I had a nickel for every time I heard this one…
You bring up a good point. A LOT of my edumacated girl friends think their career makes them an automatic winner. I’ve come to the conclusion that while having a degree, own house, two cars and a good job (boosie voice) are all wonderful n shit…a wifey, it does not make.
Also, lately I hear a lot of women throw around the whole “i can throw down in the kitchen, so choose me” idea. Again, great attribute, but that doesnt make you a perfect wife. I would assume it takes much more than that.
real talk…i think most men are far more understanding and interested in women with self-awareness to know that they arent’ perfect than women who swear they are but fail every day. much like y’all assume most men do. (not you personally, just generally speaking)
Major props for admitting your faults and what you need to work on. I’m sure men would take that self-awareness over delusion (a fault in and of itself… and probably a worse one because it means it won’t be worked on) any day.
I don’t think any woman is *automatically* a good wife. The skill set required to help make a marriage successful are qualities one must learn, and they are different for every relationship.
To hell with that if/then ish when it comes to relationships. IF he really wanted you, THEN he would of stopped cuttin with his ex (or popped the question / introduced you to his fam, etc) ages ago, smh.
And that is the absolute truth, Ruth!
Ok, I KNOW I’m not ready to be a good wife right now, but this is after a long self-delusional period of thinking I’d be perfect for him, that guy, sir over there, oh and him too (of course not at the same time). I know what my mom (parents married for 31 years) does and you know what I don’t want to do that yet. It could be that I’m in a really selfish place in life right now, but the most I can promise is to call/text him back and maybe squeeze him into the schedule once or twice a week. I think if women were more self-reflective and had a little more going on with life than waiting for Mr. Right we’d realize we aren’t all just there yet. I’ll be ready to be a good wife when someone is ready to make me one.
“I know what my mom (parents married for 31 years) does and you know what I don’t want to do that yet. It could be that I’m in a really selfish place in life right now, but the most I can promise is to call/text him back and maybe squeeze him into the schedule once or twice a week”
Wow!!! This could be my post… parents married 31 years, not wanting the responsibility (EVERYTHING) my mom has in the relationship and being selfish. I dont see this changing so I may never be ready to be a wife.
Whoaaaaaa Nelly!!
You were once a wife before, just like I was as well so to say you may never be ready to be wife material….. *ponders-n-reflecting** you know what nevamind..
Hah! Sad thing about mine… My ex-hubby was/is husband material.
Kema you’re like the female version of me (but mo thicker in the thighs dough) lol Yeah my parents have been married 30 plus years and I KNOW I’m not ready, won’t be ready in the next 5 years, and may NEVER be ready, so we see eye to eye on this one.
Well never says never… If you are around when I am over 70 we might as well split the bill for the old folks home. IJS
LMAO so you sayin we gon be playin Bingo together in about 50 years? lol, I’ll be impressed if either of us can remember this blog
Women think they will make a GOOD wife, but many guys just want a COOL wife. Much of the goodness in a wife comes from being agreeable.
” Much of the goodness in a wife comes from being agreeable. ”
I agree infinity times infinity.
Serious question tho, why do all the crazy non-argeeable women seem to be married then?
lol I’ve noticed this as well
HOnestly, they may be agreeable with the person they are with in the ways that they can tolerate.
No one said crazy disagreeable women don’t get married.
The person said: ” Much of the goodness in a wife comes from being agreeable. â€
Uh…because they’re great in bed and they’re uninhibited?
As you know, crazy girls are the best in bed- not that I know about that personally…
I’m gonna play devil’s advocate here…
Those crazy ones could also be married caused they suckered their husbands into marrying them. Gave them that ultimatum. Or, you know, had his child, next step marriage. I’ve seen it.
” Or, you know, had his child, next step marriage.”
Ding ding ding! We have a winner. My cousin’s goin thru this right now and he’s such a good kind-hearted, God fearing dude. I hate it had to happen to him, but I think I’d have to pay child support and parent in summertimes or something cause I can’t do the crazy lady’s husband thing. Strap up fellas, or at the minimum stay away from crazies
Your cousin is a kind-hearted and God fearing man? Tell me more…Oh wait, he’s married nevermind!
“Serious question tho, why do all the crazy non-argeeable women seem to be married then?”
And there you have it! The reason why I think men are full of sh*t. They only marry this type.
Very true indeed!
CHURCH! I don’t get why so few women get that. I also don’t get how many of the few who get it confuse agreeable with boring. You can flip it up and do something different while still being agreeable. You just gotta know how to work it.
“CHURCH! I don’t get why so few women get that. I also don’t get how many of the few who get it confuse agreeable with boring. You can flip it up and do something different while still being agreeable. You just gotta know how to work it.”
Sums up my thoughts on delusional women thinking they’re ready for marriage. For something built to go the long distance, harmony and peace is of the UTMOST importance, NOT your ego
*Prayer Tabernacle Down By The Riverside Baptist Pentecostal Pope Friar Tuck Southside of the Nortshide AME CME Church*
I’m a wife. And that is the ultimate truth. Men want a cool wife. In my opinion and I haven’t been single since the last millennium, women I know want fathers to their children. I don’t know many who want to be just wives. They want “permanent” men (husbands) to complete their family.
In my opinion and I haven’t been single since the last millennium, women I know want fathers to their children. I don’t know many who want to be just wives.
Very insightful.
+1 to this as well. But it also requires a man to be a “good man” like Raphael Saadiq and put his family above himself and sacrifice himself. It’s hard to do this for a disagreeable woman, but a woman can’t be agreeable to a selfish-ass man.
But as long as both are actively tring to DO BETTER, I think you can call that marriage material.
I think there are WAY less women than men who don’t want to get married and will admit. (Women who genuinely don’t want to get married. There are women who steadily pursue men while claiming they don’t want to get married, thinking it will make them more attractive to said men).There is supposed to be something wrong with a woman who doesn’t want to get married. Then there are women who genuinely want to get married but have no clue about being a wife-they are not one and the same. Just because a woman is dying to get married doesn’t mean she’ll be a good wife. She might have a fly wedding though. However, I think men who want to get married will generally be good husbands. Double standards.
“Just because a woman is dying to get married doesn’t mean she’ll be a good wife. ”
Try telling that to young girls in this day and age.
True talk don’t lie.
I know a lot of females who talk about getting married but the conversation never gets pass the wedding. This dress, that song, this type of banquet, who is her maid of honour. Not one mention of 10 years down the line.
“However, I think men who want to get married will generally be good husbands. Double standards.”
Exactly! It may be a double standard but it’s true though. Mainly because men have a more realistic view of what marriage is (we don’t give a sh*t about the wedding, and we know the honeymoon won’t last more than a week.) so when a man’s ready to do what it takes, he’s gonna be an awesome (even if not ideal or perfect) husband. Me personally, I’m enjoying being a womanizer so I’ll pass on all that
LOL. i think this is very true.
“Awesome” husbands? Are you joking? If they are awesome husbands, then why are the vast majority of divorces initiated by the woman? Plus… you know domestic violence, cheating. Whatnot.
Just because a guy chooses to pop the question does NOT mean he will be a good husband. Far from it. AshleyMadison or SeekingArrangement would be outta business if that was the case…
Ya’ll are talking about women struggling with being pleasing… but men are struggling with a even more fundamental issue: fidelity. #getouttatown
Allathis!
@SweetSass- So don’t get married.
#problemsolver
Wait, I got this.
“I love you, but I’m not *in love* with you.”
“You’re always gone, you never have *time* for me (us).”
“It’s like we’re going through the motions. I want a husband, not a friend.”
Sound familiar? Because divorce statistics in America break down like this…
5-10% no-fault, filed by men
15-25% fault, filed by men
15-25% fault, filed by women
45-60% *no-fault*, filed by *women*.
man, this comment is so real.
very rarely do you hear women talk about 10 years from teh wedding. which is why most men have the same common fear, marrying the wrong woman and being stuck with her 10 years from the wedding b/c you dont want to get divorced. i feel like many woman find a man they want to marry and be the husband at their wedding. but men are looking for wives in perpetuity. not that we don’t also f*ck up that equation. and it def aint all women.
but hell, all Disney movies stopped at the wedding. Shrek is the only movie that moved on past the wedding and you see t hem ninjas were STRUGGLING. lol. nobody really talks about that sequel though.
“but hell, all Disney movies stopped at the wedding. Shrek is the only movie that moved on past the wedding and you see t hem ninjas were STRUGGLING. lol. nobody really talks about that sequel though.”
This is a very good point. LOL
“Shrek is the only movie that moved on past the wedding and you see t hem ninjas were STRUGGLING. lol. nobody really talks about that sequel though
BOL..
Riighttt??!!!!
If you meet a girl who already has her dress, ring, wedding location, etc picked out, you should probably run in the other direction. What this chick is saying is: I’m trying to have a wedding, not be married. I just need a man (any man) to serve as the missing piece to my puzzle. She’s probably a Simp!
I’m 28 yrs old, I believe marriage is sanctioned by God, so that’s what I want for my life. I think that I am wife material and that I’m ready to be married. But, do I have a ring picked out? Umm…no…isn’t that his job anyway? A dress? I don’t even know what I’m wearing to work tomorrow, much less what I’m wearing to my wedding which is not even in the forecast right now. I do want to have a beautiful wedding someday, but not at the expense of marrying someone with whom I can’t see spending the rest of my life. I’m more interested in knowing your core beliefs and how they match up with mine, whether we agree on how children should be raised, your financial philosophies, your vision for “our” lives, you know…all that boring stuff *sarcastic font*!
Panama Jackson cosign on all that. I hear the same thing from men.
Women seemed to be overly concerned with the wedding, while men are more focused on the marriage in and of itself.
At this point in my life, I’m definitely not “automatically” wife material (so much life to live and growing which must take place first). I don’t knock women who marry young but I’m not about that life lol I think many women assume that their ability to do certain tasks and dole out copious amounts of lack luster chex make them “wifey material”. I will say that I have the tools (read assets) needed to become such when the time is right.
+1
I know I am far from good wife material. At this point in my life I would make a terrible wife and a worse mother. Not that I am a bad person I just don’t want to cultivate that skill set right now. My main goals in life right now are my career, education, and being a BAWSE. This doesn’t make for a good wife. And sadly I am not concerned with the unit but the individual-me.
No! No! No! Women are not automatically good wives. Women are more selfish than we let on. The idea of being “good wife” is more of horn tooting than anything. Marriage is difficult for reasons that most single people, or people in dysfunctional relationships, can’t comprehend until actually there for years. The plural is key. Any person who thinks you are automatically a good I’ve….ever is naive. Being a good wife takes time, sacrifice, selflessness, work, and reflection. Panama makes a great point! Me gusta!
” Being a good wife takes time, sacrifice, selflessness, work, and reflection. ”
Yes and when a man asks the question that PJack asks, I automatically add to the end of their question “for me?” beause that’s what is truly being asked.
Men don’t care if we think we are wife material for…someone else. But him? He’ll pay attention to how you put his name in the story.
that’s a very smart way to think about it.
No. Because a lot of women have this idea that all they need to bring to a relationship is poon. During courtship, men are expected to do everything, in a romantic manner (especially if he hasn’t smashed yet). Pay for the food, pay for the movie, give her all kinds of gifts she ain’t earned (remember, he hasn’t smashed yet), sky dive with a heart-shaped parachute with the words “I’m Falling For You” written on it, all that good sh*t. What does a woman do during this time? Play dress up and get free sh*t. Meanwhile enforcing a bogus time-based rule, ensuring they get more free sh*t before they give up the goods. The 5-Date Rule, 90-Day Rule, etc. As the blunt NYer would say, “Aye, f*ck yo rules son!”
I’m afraid of heights. If I go sky diving for you, best believe we f*ckin’ as SOON as I hit ground zero, first date or not. Point is, such courtship is normal in this society. So it’s no suprise that women think that all they need is poon because apparently, men treat them so incredibly because of it.
Hmm, I’m actually sitting here trying to think “What do we women do during courtship?” As a player on #teamboob and a #VSV I have done jacksh*t for what I’ve gotten in the dating world. Unless being sarcastic and witty actually count for something.
Lol @ your fear of heights
Waxing… $50.
Salon/Weave… $200.
Mani/Pedi…$50.
Makeup…$20.
Facial…$30.
Separate ‘girly wardrobe’…$500.
Heels…$60.
Chiropractor’s appointment from wearing said heels… $700.
Gym/Yoga/Weekly Zumba… $170.
Birth control… $20 copay or full payment $100? (Depending on which state you live/insurance bastards you carry.)
Not having to pay for dinner… Priceless?
Shirt – $10
Pants – $35
Shoes – $150
Gas – $50 (for half a tank, because I drive a jeep)
Dinner – $12 (d*mn skippy I took yo azz to Wendy’s)
Didn’t get some at the end of the date? Now that’s a %100000000 tax.
So you see, we still spend WAY more than you do. Appreciate us.
First, you gotta wear a shirt… and pants anyway… what do you do, walk about nekkit?
But women do have separate outfits for dates than they do for work. Fail.
And that math did not come out to ‘more’…
Thank you, Sass, for breaking down the math.
Don’t even get my started on the time math. ‘Cause the best clinicians don’t always work in the same salon, and you need the best clinicians ’cause they don’t all know what to do with the caramel complexion. You also need the best ’cause if you don’t show up looking fly brothas will talk.
Working around meetings, commute, regular workouts, and the rest of life — for facial, LHR (and you have to build in your recovery time – you do not try to get facial/body exfo and wax/laser done the same day if you & your clinicians have sense), hair, and mani-pedi? All that mess took three days.
Pssh, I must not be about this life cause I don’t go all out like this for a date. Ninjas better get on that Groupon.
Or that living social! We here –> <–
Yes we are dear. My grandma was the queen of discounts; she practically lived in Goldblatt’s (hopefully the Chicagoans here are familiar w/that store). You think that frugality didn’t pass down to her kids & grand-kids? *lol*
I always thought women dressed for other women anyway. I enjoy dressing well; it makes me feel better and more confident. When people notice and compliment me on it even better but I don’t do it for other peoples benefit. No one is forcing me to buy the clothes/hair cut/cologne that I do.
But anyhow you are making TUKs point for him. He is arguing that all a woman needs to bring to the table in this day and age is poon. All the things you just mentioned, in my opinion, do nothing but accentuate the poon. That list will make you the most smangable person in the room which, hopefully, isn’t your best quality.
” But anyhow you are making TUKs point for him. He is arguing that all a woman needs to bring to the table in this day and age is poon. All the things you just mentioned, in my opinion, do nothing but accentuate the poon. That list will make you the most smangable person in the room which, hopefully, isn’t your best quality.”
Alladis ^ Plus she’s actin like those things benefit you in a one time and done manner like dates and drinks do. That money EVAPORATES and gives you no residual usage afterwards, unlike all those accessories that you mentioned (which you buy for yourself and can use on other men after we stop dating). Try again sweetie
That makes me wonder…
Is poon the only way to “pay” for these things? What about reciprocal gifts?
That’s the thing. It’s not. But a lot of women today think that no matter what the man does for them, they give him some poon and now they’re equal. Sorry, I’m not that guy. If I save your life by pushing you out of the way as a 747 nosedives and lands on top of my head, you are NOT gonna give some poon and think we’re even. For me, I just want a wife who appreciates the sh*t I do and actually returns some of the niceties I give her. Do you know how fast I will propose to my girlfriend if I come home and find a Playstation 3, a bunch of games to match, and the complete Harry Potter Blu-Ray box set (don’t ask) waiting for me on the bed? And why? For no reason other than because she just felt like it.
You hear all the time on these Romance movies how women want guys to give them sh*t just cause it’s Tuesday (like they don’t get enough sh*t as it is). I mean, is it too much to ask for a girlfriend to do the same for me? Like b*tch, can a n*gga get a Rubik’s Cube just cause it’s Friday?
That’s actually dope that you pointed that out. So many women, particularly stupid ones, think that poon is everything a man needs to be happy. It may have to do with how men put it on a pedestal and such, but a man beyond banging and smanging wants more. Some of these women out here cannot figure out why they aren’t boo’d up, but they stay laid up. It ain’t hard to tell. If women would stop thinking poon alone will make a relationship great, maybe they would acquire enough skills, habits, characteristics to have a great relationship.
“That’s actually dope that you pointed that out. So many women, particularly stupid ones, think that poon is everything a man needs to be happy.”
Now let’s keep 100 round here: I love me some poon but you got to bring more to the table than that. Can a brotha get a PB&J randomly dropped off when I’m fixing cars? Can a brotha get small ish like some phat laces for his Chucks? Can a brotha get oranges randomly in my bedroom because they make him smile and taste great? See what I did there? The smallest thang can change the entire outlook I have of you. A girl I had no intentions of “mating” with that I was talkin to at the time dropped by my job with a thing of homemade Sweet Tea (Southern Style) and two glass jars with ice just so we could drink some outside for a little bit. Off that alone she went from jumpoff to possible gf material.
“Off that alone she went from jumpoff to possible gf material.”
That doesn’t seem like a huge promotion, but I see your point. I love doing random things for my guy but I didn’t used to be that way. I’ve had to learn that romance isn’t all the man’s responsibility.
” That doesn’t seem like a huge promotion, but I see your point. ”
U kiddin me? That’s a very significant promotion. That’s like going from the friend zone to making out with the chick. You still might not smash, but now you’re in the conversation at least
The spirit of the LORD is inside ya! Praise him! *Does a praise break in VSB*
Yes, men actually have well-rounded needs and interests other than sex.
I actually understand what you mean. People (men and women) need to understand that a little understanding and appreciation can go a long way. Giving sex for birthday, Christmas, Hanukah, Easter, St. Patty’s, etc can get stale, no? Men are humans I suppose; you need things other than chex to survive. Not saying it isn’t important, but after getting smanged into in every position possible what is there to do? Maybe this is why relationships/marriage aren’t the same anymore.
“Men are humans I suppose”
The f*ck did you think we were? Amoeba?
Lol, nah. Sometimes me get seperated from normal human emotions, wants, and needs. Society drills us to believe that all your lot needs is sex and food.
*men not me
That’s what men say. “Were so simple, all we need is sex, food and silence. We don’t have emotions.” Why can’t you women get that?!
But if women say that, yall start screaming, ” we have feelings, too! We need more than just sex, food and silence!” Why can’t you women get that?!
The thing is, a lot of men say these things in jest. While it’s true that food, sex, and silence will make us happy initially, by week 3 we’re already bored. The fact that men say “We have feelings too” is proof in itself that men say the whole “sex, food, silence” in jest.
Interestingly enough, if all the guy values you for is “sex, food, silence” then you’re not his gf. You’re his jumpoff. I’ve never met a guy who didn’t want his gf to do that small thing that makes him happy (hey! yall better not say a “little peen” joke here) to show him that he is appreciated sometimes. If a guy considers you gf/wifey material, he’ll like to know you feel the same way about him as he does you. This requires something more creative/simple than just sex, food, and silence. That $15 Stardust Dragon Yu-Gi-Oh card he wanted? Buy it for him.
Thank. You.
“The f*ck did you think we were? Amoeba?”
Survey says: Dogs!
That’s the general consensus, at least. lol
I wouldn’t say that. Dogs are loyal and super amped just to get a scratch behind the ear.
I agree with everything that you are saying, however:
“That’s the thing. It’s not. But a lot of women today think that no matter what the man does for them, they give him some poon and now they’re equal.” On the flip, if a woman doesn’t give it up within a certain time frame, many dudes will leave immediately. It’s easier to say well that guy isn’t worth it but it still can effect your self-esteem. Everything is a game in the dating world. Sad and true.
” On the flip, if a woman doesn’t give it up within a certain time frame, many dudes will leave immediately. It’s easier to say well that guy isn’t worth it but it still can effect your self-esteem.”
But that’s the thing, it’s not necessarily that he’s not worth it. It’s the fact that IT’s not worth it to concern yourself with pursuing him. This is coming from one of those guys. It would be better to just bounce. Save yourself the heartache, frustration, and time. Does that really effect your self-esteem though? I thought that just weeded out guys like me who aren’t on the same page as you
It does weed out the ones you wouldn’t want anyway but after weeding so much, you begin to think that a flower will never appear. Again, it stings but you get over it and just keep it moving so you are correct.
“That’s the thing. It’s not. But a lot of women today think that no matter what the man does for them, they give him some poon and now they’re equal.”
That’s messed up…
Kid, on the flipside of what your saying there are men who are lazy azz bums and live off of women. There are women who cook, clean, pay bills, and take care of when sick, drive around, and do all types of “wifely duties” including giving the poon away on the regular and hardly get a damn thing in return from the man….not even a thank you.
Just ask Vivian Greene who was on an emotional rollercoaster with a guy who she gave everything to and had his baby and eventually had to go and leave.
I know the men your probably speaking of are, (like you) the “good men” who are respectful, caring, and pay and treat women like queens and your not talking about the trifling azz ninja’s I’m speaking of. But trust and believe practically every woman has had to deal with at least one. Or they have dealt with a man who started out as a “nice guy” and later got lazy and complacent and trifling.
So as much as I understand your point, realize that not all men are deserving of good treatment and there are men who get treated like kings by great women and they take advantage of it and don’t give those women a damn thing in return but their azzes to kiss.
I see what you’re saying TUK and I agree but I also see this happening in the reverse after vows have been exchanged.
What do husbands offer their wives besides wang? Financial stability may have been the answer once upon a time but now that we’ve come out of the kitchen, obtained an education, and started earning paper too, having a husband sounds a lot like having a dirty roommate. Someone to share expenses with but also clean up after.
It was mentioned a few days ago in the comments that women lose a lot getting married….. and I’m not totally sure what (if anything) they gain.
Anyway, while I get the point P is making about not all women are wife material (I’m admittedly not), neither are most men husband material. They aren’t bringing sh!t to the table but expecting to be fed.
Let’s see…
How about the fact that I’m willing to give up my life, or jump in front of a moving bullet in order for you to survive? I mean ,when there’s funny noises downstairs are you going to go downstairs with the baseball bat, while I’m sleeping dreaming about barely legal waitresses, I see every week? If you’re willing to die for your man, and you always imagine scenarios where you’re doing that, then God Bless You, and you’re right we bring absolutely nothing to the table.
i completely disagree with what we bring to the table. hell, WE’RE REQUIRED TO BRING THE DAMN TABLE. lol.
seriously, the things that a man is required to do inside a relationship or marriage often do get overlooked but everything from protecting the homestead and you, to ensuring that the homestead can flourish. that’s no little thing. at all. it just goes unnoticed b/c its what we’re supposed to do.
and to be real, while we do expect to get fed…half the time it wont happen unless we pay shirley to come take our order anyway. lol.
try again.
Agreed. The only way I’m marrying any man is if he can do the three P’s: Protect, provide and profess. Otherwise, it’s not happening.
P, really? Really though?
Ok, lets break this down:
“Protect the homestead”? Um, where do you LIVE? In the Wild West in 1894? Most people can just get BRINKS and have 911 on speed dial. Life alert, whatever. I’m a single woman who lives alone, I guess I am ‘protecting my own homestead’… what changes when a dude comes on the scene??? This is like taking credit for breathing. This is not a real task… waiting for an unlikely hypothetical scenario. Oh, and I kill my own spiders too…
And what does ‘enabling the household to flourish’ even mean? It sounds like some B.S. It’s just a platitude. What *specifically* does that entail?
Well, you are alone, because you’re looking for a man who you believes loves you more than you he loves himself, and you’re alone, because you haven’t found him, or you have found a guy like that but you weren’t attracted to him. That’s why you all want the man you desire, to go on his knees, and spend an outrageous amount of money on a ring, just to symbolize that he loves you more than he loves himself.
It’s a love that’s superior and more intoxicating to every other kind of love, even the love that a woman has for her children, because it’s a love that is manufactured, unlike a love that a mother has for her children which is organic and had no choice or control over. However, it’s not your fault that you downgrade that love or trivialize it, because men have given the “illusion” of that love to women for millenniums just for some p*ssy, and when the illusion fades away and the man desires to give the “illusion” or the real thing to another woman, you all become jaded and take it out on other men, when if we had just been honest and valued our love better, the world would be a better place.
I guess I apologize on the behalf of men for creating the entitled monsters most of you women actually are. It really isn’t your fault.
Well it that wasn’t a deep response, then I don’t know what is. (not being sarcastic either)
Lol wut?
I’m not sure what any of that has to do with my comment, or were you responding to someone else?
Sass if your from a fairly big Metro like Philly, Jersey, DC, MD, Chicago, where violent crimes happen on the regular and u travel a lot at nite and maybe have to go thru unsavory area’s it’s definitely a good look to have a man with u who can possibly protect you if a situation arises. Or if your at a club or lounge getting unwarranted attention from the wrong men it’s good to have a man have your back and get that attn away from you.
I’m with Sass on this one. I don’t need my man to protect me from some unforeseen evil because I do that via ADT and keeping my head on a swivel. Having a man with me doesn’t necessarily make me feel safer because we would both be in the situation and I wouldn’t want him to do anything that could possibly get him hurt or killed. Having been held up at gunpoint before outside of rolling with the Hulk it doesn’t matter who is with you. Also I am more than adequately able to rebuff any unwanted advances or conversation that comes from dudes in the street, at bars, lounges, etc.
And that’s how you get a gay friend.
It really doesn’t matter what you need a man to be, it’s in his nature to want to protect the people that he loves, that is independent of your needs. It’s also connected to the whole courting process too: the buying of the drinks, the opening of the doors, the driving you around, the treating you like a queen etc. All those things are symbolic of man’s “natural desire” to protect. If a man didn’t have that “irrational” need to protect you, it’s would affect his entire “existence” and make him more like yourself. It’s like a mother who didn’t have the natural instinct to protect her children, she’d be more like a man without it.
We’re expected to bring nothing to the table…other than being enlightened dictators (on your terms) who moonlight as unpaid butlers and bodyguards.
Well…That Ugly Kid isn’t lying…AT ALL!!!
You sir, are my hero.
Can we get that first paragraph printed on a t-shirt please Sir? Size XXL?
Thanks!
right?!??!?!
I don’t think women are to blame for this one. Any man who does all these sorts of things during courtship for a woman he doesn’t truly feel is worth it is a fool simple as that.
I disagree. I was brought up to treat women with the utmost respect. You know, that cliche sh*t like paying for food, opening the door, all that bullsh*t. When courting, it’s damn near mandatory that the man should be chivalrous, and do sh*t for a woman. Sometimes it’s obvious from jump if a woman is worth it or not, but they play games and tease. Frankly speaking, sometimes it’s far down the line when you’ll realise you really just not feeling her and solely wanted the punan-nan. By that time you spent enough money to adopt 3 kids in Africa.
We’re gonna have to agree to disagree cuz I’m sorry that’s still your fault. That’s too bad that you lost out on some money because you took the girl to Olive Garden instead of Burger King. Dating and relationships are risks sometimes. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with treating every woman like a lady, actually good for you, that’s a very admirable trait but if she turns out to be in your eyes nothing more than what’s between her legs that’s your fault.
“That’s too bad that you lost out on some money because you took the girl to Olive Garden instead of Burger King.”
And that’s where your logic falters. Any guy who takes a woman to Burger King on the first date, must not want to go out on a second one because that’s exactly what’s going to happen.
The fact remains, is that during courtship it is normal for women to do d*mn near nothing at all. So, let’s say we do discover that this chick ain’t what we want. As the guy above me said, by the time that happens, we’ve already invested money and time. We are NOT going to walk out of this with NOTHING (because the woman has done nothing for us) once we get to that point. So we stay to get the poon. That way, at least we got something out of the deal. It may not set us even, but it’s better than nothing at all. Unless she was super dry. Like sandpaper.
*sigh* But this is where your logic falters as well in thinking that ALL women are like this. If a guy wants to take me to Burger King, my face may be this ~~> *__* for about 3.5 seconds but I’m not gonna turn him down if I really want to spend time with him and get to know him. You don’t think it costs women money to hop on public transportation or meet a guy halfway? It should be a give and take in courtship (I know most guys feel like the burden is on them) and hopefully there’s some communication involved so someone isn’t left hurting…financially and emotionally.
Although, your post is making me start to reconsider going on dates that aren’t free activities.
That’s the thing though. I don’t see all women that way, but on that FIRST date, she has the benefit of the doubt. I’ve had my fair share of experiences: been out with this chick and a second date never happened. Why? Cause she was dry as hell. But my dumba$$ still paid the tab cause I asked her out and therefore did the gentlemanly thing. Been on a couple dates with another one, but I’ll be damned if I’m ever gonna wife her, I just enjoy the company.
Not tryna sound cheap, cause I’m not (far from ballin either), but women get dumped in categories faster than you might expect. But they’re times when we don’t realise what category she falls into till you’ve invested a hell of a lot into her. Can’t say that’s anyone’s fault in particular, sh*t just happens that way.
Your comment is understandable. I think phone conversations can sometimes cut down on bad dates. If the conversation isn’t flowing too easily it’s probably not gonna get much better. However, if you’re only interested in one thing then go ahead and Olive Garden away just don’t complain when your pockets are empty.
I enjoy that “Olive Garden” is being used as a verb. And I think that’s pretty cheap…
Phone conversations are cool too I guess. But I prefer personal interaction. Mofos can be slick as hell on a phone or VIA text and awkward as sh*t in person. Call me weird.
” If a guy wants to take me to Burger King, my face may be this ~~> *__* for about 3.5 seconds”
See? This? Right here? Your INITIAL reaction? This is what I’m talking about. This is the expression you’d get from 97% (see, not all) of woman when they discover that on the first date, they’re going to BK. Whether or not you go through with the date is irrelevent. The fact of the matter is, you initial reaction to BK on the first date was like, “Word?” Which already counts as a strike against us (because apparently, this makes us cheap, or unthoughtful, or anything else that’s negative). Men know this, which is why, to avoid things getting off to a bad start, we HAVE to take you somewhere “better”.
Also….
^This.
I can already see I’m outnumbered in this argument *drops BK crispy chicken wrap and backs away slowly*
Oh! So because we’re black you had to get us the crispy chicken wrap?! You are something else! You got a lot nerve! I thought we were better than this.
*Shamefully picks up said chicken wrap and devours it.*
But I treat my girlfriends, colleagues, students, etc. to more than just BK on the regular. A guy taking me to BK for a date hits way below the bar in GENERAL. Dudes mess up when they get so narrow sighted they are toally oblivious to context. They try to boil everything down to some kind of market exchange whenever they are “confronted” buy an attractive woman that they are trying to get something from. Typical ish.
“See? This? Right here? Your INITIAL reaction? This is what I’m talking about. This is the expression you’d get from 97% (see, not all) of woman when they discover that on the first date, they’re going to BK. Whether or not you go through with the date is irrelevent. The fact of the matter is, you initial reaction to BK on the first date was like, “Word?†Which already counts as a strike against us (because apparently, this makes us cheap, or unthoughtful, or anything else that’s negative). ”
For the record, a lot of women think this is more unthoughtful than anything. Like let’s say you thought of a completely creative date that costs NOTHING… or close to it. Compare that to BK. The BK meal could be way more in price but still cheap in thought. LOL
Cheeckie…you my dear are on it today!….but that’s nothing new.
you know what, brotha, you just spit some extremely insiteful sh*t here. real talk. I’ve never actually even thought about that before but you’re right. in relationships the whole game is the man doing everything he can to make her feel special, etc b/c the implicit assumption is that she is with him so she’s doing everything to make him happy, but it does largely come down to just giving up the poon.
man. you got me thinking. damn that was well stated. lol.
“Because a lot of women have this idea that all they need to bring to a relationship is poon.”
Ok, but is this because of our entitlement that came outta nowhere or is it because ya’ll made it so important? Serious question.
Because all the stuff we expect outta ya’ll? BEAUCOUP ninjas have outright admitted that they only do it in order to get some. Like that’s the end-all, be-all. I’m just saying, it wouldn’t be something we value so much if ya’ll ain’t appraised the ish so much.
MTE
But it’s appraised so much because society and mothers taught us since we were little boys that women were “special this” or “special that” or to “treat her like she was a queen” etc. Remember back when women couldn’t vote, hold office, were expected to just clean and pump out babies? The poon wasn’t valued nearly as high. For the most part, things have changes, right? Because of who? That’s right, women. The poon-entitlement did in fact, originate from women. Then the rest of the country caught on and started enforcing it. The self-entitlement started with women, and is abused to no end by women. Hence the “you ain’t shit” face she gives you when you take her out to Harold’s Chicken on that first date.
Unshackle me!!!!
Ummm…TUK…sweetie…. Men have valued poon since poon was created. It has always been valued high by men. It wasn’t until women became “liberated” and started giving it out like ice cream cones on a hot Sunday afternoon in Charleston that the value of poon went down. It is simple economics.
Excellent point.
Yeah, Imma have to ride wit mena on this one. It’s simple economics. HOWEVER, you can avoid that unfair exchange as long as you NEVER put the p*ssy on a pedestal and you keep it real from the jump by lettin her know her p*ssy is just one of many, and while you would like to enjoy it, it’s just a snack, and it’ll require MUCH MORE for her to earn your commitment. This works best for everyone involved. Trust me
“Remember back when women couldn’t vote, hold office, were expected to just clean and pump out babies? The poon wasn’t valued nearly as high. For the most part, things have changes, right? Because of who? That’s right, women. The poon-entitlement did in fact, originate from women. Then the rest of the country caught on and started enforcing it. The self-entitlement started with women, and is abused to no end by women.”
Womp, we talmbout the dating world though. In fact poon was valued even MORE so by men back then because courting (ya’ll aint-sh*t ninjas call it simping, now) actually existed. Hence why women cry about chilvary dying and whatnot.
I know what we’re talking about. Courtship, not dating. And there’s a difference between value and tradition. Back in the old days, men were expected to court a female. But once they married, what happened? Complete 180. Dude could treat her however he wanted to, which was usually, not very good. He went through the motions so he could get what he wanted. Nowadays, women have the freedoms to buy their own meals, pay their own way, yet they STILL want to be courted like it’s the 1800s. Which is why chilvary is “dead.” Because women wants the rights of men, but the privelage of being a woman. Which doesn’t fly.
Whether it be now or then, women rarely bring anything to the table besides poon. Personality? We just met, I don’t know anything about you. Independence? Can’t tell, because when that check came you didn’t even attempt to reach for your wallet. Intelligence? Sorry, left my pop quiz at home. Sexual Attractive? Bingo, your attire is doing a fine job of showing off your “assets.”
Couldn’t the same be said for men? Physical/sexual attraction is all there ever really is when dating…In the beginning. Male or female, you might win a couple people over with your intelligence but physical attraction drives the pursuit on both ends…in the beginning.
As far as courting, I can’t agree with you. I think courting has more to do with gender roles and sexuality than the era. I think men do the picking. It’s nice for women to be aggressive but some men aren’t ok with that (not my observation, this was actually said in that Ask A Black Man video). So I don’t know where a balance is created. Who is the pursuer if you want to feel like a man?
My woman’s card is gonna be revoked for this, but I agree w/your first paragraph. Just cause men were courting back in the day doesn’t mean they were doing it due to the love they had for the woman, just meant a one-way ticket into that wealthy family or someone who would look good on his arm (for some men, not all).
“Which is why chilvary is “dead.†Because women wants the rights of men, but the privelage of being a woman. Which doesn’t fly.”
Eh, the fact that us getting the right to vote (a RIGHT) means we can’t get door opened for us (NOT A RIGHT, it’s called manners… you either have em or you don’t) and that this argument is constantly used to mean that one can’t happen without the other speaks to how effed up our society is today. But I digress…
No, you can’t have both. You can’t cry and moan about wanting to be treated as equals, but then when push comes to shove you turn around and say “Wait, I’m a woman. I’m special. Pull my chair out! Open these doors!” etc, and then pass it off as “manners” when women don’t do the same for men. That’s not equality. That’s why you can’t have both.
That’s what I getting at. During courtship, men are required to do this sh*t just because apparently, we’re SUPPOSED to. At that point, it no longer becomes chilvary. Nowadays, it’s not “Oh IF he does this and that, he a nice guy.” It’s more like, “Oh he BETTER do this and that or else he ain’t sh*t.”
“That’s what I getting at. During courtship, men are required to do this sh*t just because apparently, we’re SUPPOSED to. At that point, it no longer becomes chilvary. Nowadays, it’s not “Oh IF he does this and that, he a nice guy.†It’s more like, “Oh he BETTER do this and that or else he ain’t sh*t.â€
+1
I think the problem is the binary that’s been set up for men and women in courtship. Men are supposed to dole out physical assets (like cash and gifts), while women are supposed to use mental/emotional assets (flirting, being kind, not too aggressive, tempting you with sex) as looking pretty to keep you interested. It’s all part of the game.
Personally, I’m not a fan. I pay for myself, I don’t appreciate extravagance and to be honest, even though I have expensive taste, it is not someone else’s job to buy me the Alexander Wang Rocco bag for my birthday. Showing me how much you can spend does not show me how much you care.
I think chivalry is more of a choice. Opening doors is common courtesy. But paying for dinner even though you could go dutch or buying movie tickets when I can get it myself should be done because you actually don’t mind/want to do it. Not because you feel that you have to.
Sh*t, it’s more flattering if it’s not expected anyways.
“Remember back when women couldn’t vote, hold office, were expected to just clean and pump out babies? The poon wasn’t valued nearly as high. ”
Nah buddy… It was worth much more. You couldnt even get it until you made the ultimate commitment.
“But it’s appraised so much because society and mothers taught us since we were little boys that women were “special this†or “special that†or to “treat her like she was a queen†etc.”
I’m normally very reasonable and am not afraid to point out how unfair it is that men are expected to do all the work during courtship (and I strongly emphasize DURING COURTSHIP), but why shouldn’t we teach people to treat women like queens? We nurse humans in our wombs. We’re special. It doesn’t make us better than men, but it does give us license to be treated in a special way.
Here’s the thing though, we all want poon – and there’s 3 billion varieties of poon, but you want us to want you for more than your poon, and yet you offer us nothing else but poon…if I had an unlimited supply of money to buy any car I want, why would I choose only one car for the rest of my life, unless that car offers me something, that no other car offers, especially when there’s a new model (with that new car smell) coming out every year.
Not only do I co-sign this, I am also going to recite this word for word and claim it as my own. Just a heads up. In fact, had I not deactivated my Facebook account, this would be status material.
“Here’s the thing though, we all want poon – and there’s 3 billion varieties of poon, but you want us to want you for more than your poon, and yet you offer us nothing else but poon…”
Or we do offer you more but you don’t really value that as you do the poon. LOL Basically, you can’t make it such a big deal when courting us then be like, “oh btw, it don’t mean that much since I’ve had it and want a variety anyway.” I do agree with you that it ain’t the only thing to bring to the table. Most definitely. But I don’t think women are the only ones who place an overly high value on it.
Just like you ninjas say about us when we complain about aint-ish ninjas, women wouldn’t only be offering JUST that if it didn’t work on some men.
Care to give some examples of things that women “generally” bring to the table outside of poon?
You are kidding right?!?!?
Yes please. Let me hear the things that women are bringing to the table that “men” consider valuable.
*Fidgets nervously because I didn’t expect THE Black Medici to respond to my comment. He doesn’t know that he scare me because I literally visualize him wearing a Dark Vader outfit every day and welding his lightsaber at all the VSB peasants*
Lol, I’m not evil. I’m just unrestrained.
HA! That was funny…but you see how she didn’t answer though…
@Justmetheguy
I know she did, but she’s a smart girl. She’s learning a valuable lesson, that men learn very early in life: if you’re not willing to defend a point, don’t make it in the first place. I actually give her kudos! The fear of scrutiny is the beginning of prudent wisdom.
Support for you to be all you want to be in life, a companion to share moments or “the little things” with, an ego stroker when you need one (you know…like every other week)…wait, why am I even trying to explain this? If you don’t know the value of a woman/man then perhaps you should consider dating the same sex.
Smh…
Let’s establish a couple things:
A. What do men want – Men want to have sex with many women, as many as possible, anytime they want.
B. What do Women want – They want the best man they can possibly get, and they don’t want him to want any other women but them.
C. How do men get what they want: They develop: Financial Security, Charm, Charisma, Notoriety, Game, Intelligence etc.
D. How do women get what they want: They develop: their bodies, their mystique, their ability to flirt and their ability to seduce
E. How do men attempt to prevent women from seeking a better man – They offer their lives, their wealth, their desire for other women, their skills, their hard work,
F. How do women attempt to prevent men from seeking other women – They offer poon and friendship.
Anything else that I can add to F…
Some of this I surprisingly agree with but I think you might need to be a little more open minded and see that women sacrifice a lot of the same things men sacrifice when entering into a long-term relationship especially marriage.Women give their lives too. Considering, we’re inherently selfish as human beings. Staying committed is a struggle for both sexes not just men.
When I said life, I meant as in our lives, meaning we’re willing to die, in order to protect you. I didn’t mean livelihood. The fact is the reason why I keep asking these questions, is because I want women to engage in something men do everyday when we debate: you have to constantly, and I mean constantly defend the points you believe in. And the more you’re pushed into a corner to look at your points, the more and more you’re forced to see the possible flaws in your thinking. This is how as a society we’re constantly able to raise ourselves to a higher level in terms of technology and progress (something that default feminism likes to overlook and marginalize, because it actually gives men credit for something). It’s something I feel women don’t do enough with each other and why on an intellectual level, women don’t do much for each other.
I’m convinced judging by these comments you can’t win for losing. So what I gather is a woman shouldn’t expect more than Burger King until she has proven herself to be worth more than sex. If said woman gets more than Burger King she may very well soon find out that it was all a ruse because tricky guy thinks he deserves repayment. I can’t honor that, that’s deception and the girl you wine and dined really didn’t deserve that treatment.
I don’t care what anyone says on this blog it sucks being a woman in the 21st century looking for a genuine relationship.
Yes, that is the jest of what everyone is saying. Women are stuck b/w a rock and a hard place.
Lol, women never get context.
The BK is simply a symbol. In the relationship game, when a man and a woman meet, what impresses a woman is what a man offers her from the start, whether it’s money, entertainment, intelligence, status etc. And women feel they are entitled to the best a man has to offer. BK isn’t the best any man can offer, hell any man can offer to take a woman out to BK and that’s even more offensive than the actual price – hell, a museum is free and it is less offensive to take her there than BK.
On the other hand, when men meet women and women want that guy to stick around, they offer poon, or the hope of poon to the guy; unfortunately, poon comes in 3 billion varieties and is common as well and it’s the same poon you’d give to any man who you wish to f*ck. So if all you’re offering a man in a relationship is something that is common, and is easily found all over the world, why is it outrageous for him to ask that he give you something that is common as well especially if he’s willing to offer you his “best”, unless of course, the best you have to offer is your poon?
“On the other hand, when men meet women and women want that guy to stick around, they offer poon, or the hope of poon to the guy”
Now I realize why my blood is boiling as I sit here trying to absorb what you’re saying, it’s because this statement is so not true but I’m glad we’re having this discussion because this is probably what men THINK is true and it offers some clarity on my part.
Outside of poon, what do you “specifically” give a guy to want to stick around with you?
Love, affection, companionship, good listener etc? Aren’t you kinda validating what you’re arguing against :/ Shouldn’t you be giving me examples or what a woman has to offer that makes a man stick around in the courting stage? Do I win this round?
I actually don’t have to, that’s something as women that you’re supposed to figure out on your own.
If I am gangster, and I’m looking for a wife, I don’t about compassion, listening blah blah, I care if she’s a ride or die b*tch and if she’s going to keep her mouth shut, when 5-0 comes in.
If I’m a pimp and I’m looking for a bottom b*tch, I’m not looking for compassion or good listening (all things you get from good friends), I’m looking for a girl who’s an expert at ho-recruiting. I don’t care about that other goofy stuff.
If I’m a business man, and I’m looking for a wife I want involved in my business, I need her to be a lawyer, accountant, secretary etc, who’s going to ride or die with my company, who will look the other way if shady stuff is happening, and who doesn’t need to be told to shred the evidence if the opportunity presents itself.
All the stuff you said about what you offer to men is the way men feel before they get p*ssy, it’s once again, cow logic. It’s the belief that a person is going to love you based on what you think you are and not based off what you offer them. When a boy is young and he’s getting rejected, and he’s not getting what he wants out of women, he says to himself: “I’m a good listener; I’m compassionate, I’m pleasant, I’m a good dude – why can’t I get any p*ssy?” When he finally sees the light he realizes, that woman want something substantial, something rare, something valuable, then he decides to go out there and try to acquire it. Once he acquires it, and offers it to women he starts to get p*ssy, what he wanted all along. However, women never reach that discovery, and are always at a loss in terms of what makes men stay, which is ultimately what they want but don’t know how to get…we want something substantial and something rare as well – now go figure it out.
You went a little left field and over my head but I’ll try to respond to this. You asked me what I brought to the table and I told you. I’m not saying that what I’m bringing to the table is necessarily what is what every man will want but it’s what I hope is reciprocated of course I could bring a lot more but those are the big ones. That ‘ryde or die’ mentality is nice albeit a little cray I’m not supporting somebody’s illegal activities. Can’t do it. Now I will stick with you when the money gets low or you get laid off because I hope the same would be done for me.
Lol, the reason why I went with the crazy examples was because I was trying to show that want men want “specifically” is variable and is independent. All the stuff you said you brought to the table weren’t based on what “men actually want”, but based off stuff that “you want”, and want a man to reciprocate and that’s the problem with most American women.
In other nations across the world, especially nations where people are known for romance like France and Italy, the men and women are very in-tune with what the opposite sex desires and they offer it to each other without fear or anxiety. In America, the men are very in-tune with what women want (in order to get sex), and they give it to them, however, they don’t really give it to them, they give them fabrications.
American women don’t get men on a mental or even emotional level anymore, they only get men on a physical level, even though they crave that emotional and mental connection. That’s why there are so many men (ever growing list of them as well) who would rather settle for a third world whore, than an American virgin. Outside of s*cking a man’s d*ck and riding like a professional porn star, most American women have no idea how to make their men happy anymore, and the fundamental reason is because they really don’t know what men desire, outside of poon, and what they think they know, is merely based on the illusions that men give them everyday.
When it’s all said and done, I’m just trying to make y’all women swallow that blue pill, but every time it goes down your throat, most of you just spit it out, and look at me like I gave you Michael Vick’s homemade hot dogs to eat.
Eff all of that other stuff… They only really want the poon and then feel some kind of way when they decide they should have wanted more.
Nah, we do want poon, we just want lots and lots of poon from different women. However, individual women don’t want that. And a lot of us are willing to fight our urges to get poon from other women if you bring something else to the table outside of poon, unfortunately, from what I’m guessing, that’s too much to ask.
There is no reason to argue or debate with someone like Medici. He isn’t looking for a wife or partner. His rantings about women and how we are ALL not worth anything, how we are ALL arrogant beyond belief, and how we are ALL just downright delusional/stupid has been documented countless times on this site.
I have never once seen Medici say one good thing about women without venom and sarcasm dripping from the screen.
Again, if the only people you deal with in life are manipulative, backstabbing, stupid women who place their poon on a pedestal then maybe you should look in the mirror and wonder why those are the only women that you attract.
Hmmmm….
And your point?
I sadly agree with everything you said about Black Medici, Mena. Sorry.
Wang is common too, which in this century is what some guys have to offer too. What with women taking care of them selves and loved ones…. a guy can come at me with all their accomplishments, bank statements etc..and am still so…you really have nothing to offer me…am all about equal treatment with in reason..a persons humanity. Trying to prove who brings more to the table than each other(male or female)..is so blah..let every one try to do better
So, why date? Why not just pay prostitutes? They’ll give you what you want at an agreed-upon price. Aren’t people more than just their genitals?
I am wondering about the age/maturity of some of the commenters. If you are unaware of the role of marriage in intergenerational wealth building, maybe it’s time to read Black Enterprise or something.
Married men live longer b/c overall, they have healthier habits. For the most part, married men rule the world. If you are a corporate man with ambition, at a certain point, it will be easier to advance with a wife compared to attending social work events with the flavor of the week. Some people equate commitment in a man’s personal life to an ability to commit to his job.
Negative. And I think that’s the point of Pan’s entire post. It’s not that this innocent woman is being set up by “tricky guys.” That’s garbage. Courtship is a two way street, and people in general are finiky creatures. I can be very interested in a female and after 4 dates, lose interest simply because I’m no longer interested. Not because I didn’t get any pumpum. And if a woman (note, I’m generalizing, not saying anyone in particular and not saying ALL either) thinks otherwise, or that I lost interest SOLELY because I didn’t get any, she’s placing her own pumpum on a pedestal when she has no right to. I’m just no longer interested. Doesn’t mean I was tricking her. My feelings just changed. So all those outings we went on when I was treating her like a princess wasn’t a ruse. They probably were genuine as hell. I just either got busy, lost interest, or found someone who holds my interest MORE.
Now, in some cases, it could very well be that I didn’t get any, but to state that’s the only reason? You’re lying to yourself sweetheart.
Besides, women be doing the same thing. No?
Ok, now this argument is getting warped. I’m not talking about the guy that didn’t get “rewarded” I’m talking about the guy that did. That’s where the ruse comes in. Actually I agree with what you’re saying. It’s perfectly fine to lose interest, that’s dating 101.
OhICwhatUdidther! Ma faute.
“women do you think that you are automatically ready to be a wife? And what makes you so sure?”
I was a wife and a damn good one at that. Yeah, I know that’s my side of the story and he probably has a different opinion, but his opinion doesn’t count anymore.
I was not automatically ready to be a wife. It was a role I grew into as I did being a mother. It’s a learning process.
Aside from loyalty and commitment, I was supportive, provided direction, consultation, objective opinions, encouragement to do better, be better, among other things. Smanging like rabbits was only to learn new techniques and to find interesting places to smang… I mean had to keep it interesting, right? lol
To that end, I’m not looking to be nobody’s wife in the future. Nope. Been there, done that. I’m more interested in smanging like a man… you know, just for kicks. And, don’t start that crap about women and emotions blah, blah, blah. Some women can smang and it’s nothing more than chex (particularly when you establish your ground rules early). The fact that some women like regular side kicks doesn’t mean she’s emotionally attached. She might just like to teach old dogs new tricks. lol
I see where you’re coming from with the sex and emotions things, and I think it’s a touch overdetermined. The key thing is that you’ve decided you aren’t marrying no time soon for your own reasons. You’ve actively decided against emotional attachment. (Which women must actively choose. It’s rarely a default option.) True though…if at some point you decide on trying that marrying thing again, the first ninjas on that list are going to be the ones you’re breaking off. Right?
no. if a dude is a woman’s jumpoff,it is not because he is husband material. so no, the dudes on the smash list would typically NOT be on the life partner list.
(women behave a lot like men WRT relationships. we just usually lack the self awareness to see that the reason we are dating tyrone mcknucklehead is because we aren’t ready for anything serious.)
Reading this, I’m not sure a self-check machine for women would work. A lot of them would end up broken after the machine tells them about themselves, and dreams will have to die a painful death.
real.talk.
women aren’t really that keen on hearing about themselves unless its only positives.
negative truths directly conflict with their core perception of themselves. and while i realize that men suffer from this too…we STAY getting told about ourselves. all the time.
hell, women hate certain word choices even if its accurate b/c it sounds negative.
“A lot of them would end up broken after the machine tells them about themselves”
We don’t need a machine. We have misguided men at VSB to tell a woman how they perceive women. Ha! Therefore, if she has a vajayjay she must be like all the other women he’s known. (buzz sound… aaaannnttt). lol
“we just usually lack the self awareness to see that the reason we are dating tyrone mcknucklehead is because we aren’t ready for anything serious.”
To a certain extent, this is true. But, I think we know the reason we’re not settling down with tyrone mcknucklehead is that we realize we’re not ready for anything serious or that tyrone mcknucklehead is just filling a gap until the ‘right’ person comes along. And, men thought they owned that corner market. Ha!
“You’ve actively decided against emotional attachment. (Which women must actively choose. It’s rarely a default option.) True though…if at some point you decide on trying that marrying thing again, the first ninjas on that list are going to be the ones you’re breaking off. Right?”
I might be the rare one then because I don’t consider myself as having “actively” chosen this path. Maybe I did subconsciously and don’t realize it, but I don’t necessarily have feelings for a man just because I smang them (even though all you men seem to think this about most women). I’m mostly indifferent unless he catches feelings and then I have 2 choices; stop messing with him or be with him. Real talk. A man all up in his feelings and being rejected (told he is a boy toy & nothing more) is dangerous business, and I tend to give him lots of space to get over that chemical in their brain.
No, a boy toy is not husband material. Look around at some of the boy toys that have become husbands. They can’t go the distance. Just because he might be good in bed or trained to do things a certain way, doesn’t mean he’s going to meet the standards for husband material. There is way more to marriage than having good chex. I know, I hate to kill those fantasies for the men at VSB.
Lol, why does every woman thinks she’s the exception to the rule?
For the same reason men feel they are always logical and make sense. Human beings, generally, have a positive opinion of themselves. Men think they make the rules, and women think they’re the exceptions.
However, men constantly debate over what the rules are because we want to figure them out. Women never argue over what is the exception and what is reality, they just assume they are what they are, end of discussion. The purpose of the the rules, is to establish and know what is the truth; the purpose of claiming to be an exception is to claim that you are above the truth, which might be the reason why so many of you think your feelings transcend reality. Unfortunately, we are all slaves to reality and no matter how special you think you are, you are all bound to it and time, as it always does, has a way of humbling people who think they are above the truth.
“Women never argue over what is the exception and what is reality, they just assume they are what they are, end of discussion.”
If you say so. I happen to disagree. You all make it seem like women are incapable of reflection and introspection.
I suggest you read a book called Self-Made man by Norah Vincent. In the story this lesbian women who really loved women, disguised herself as a man, and after going into the world and trying to date women, her eyes were opened to how much a**holes women could actually be. After a couple of months of being a man, and several visits to the psychologist, the author returned to regular life as a lesbian and celebrated the fact that she was what she was.
I don’t agree with everything she wrote, however, she gave pretty good validation as to most of men’s frustration towards women. And I think when you have a solid understanding of how men view the world, you’re able to see the sense in most of the accusations we make about women. However, if you simple have the default female POV, it’s perfectly understandable, like @Mena suggested, that you would simply think of me as an irrational hater of women.
“how much a**holes women could actually be.”
I don’t need a book to tell me that. I have girlfriends. I know women are a**holes LOL. I’m just saying that ya’ll make it seem like women are delusional and men are realistic. I happen to think most people are delusional and self-aggrandize. Lots of men out there who think they’re great guys and blame their inability to be good boyfriends on the current women they are with. What makes them think they’re good in the first place?
But you have no context. Like the author talks about, you’ve never developed a male POV of women. You look at them thru the lens of friendship only, but never thru the lens of companionship and p*ssy. Read the book, it’s not as woman hating as I making it out to be, but it prepares you to understand men in “context” better. Your generic view “that men and women are pretty much the same” is the view most women have, and is more a result of lazy thinking, rather than an in-depth desire to find the truth.
I’m sorry? He mentioned a rule? I’ll have you know that I don’t follow the rules. I make them.
I would be the best wife ever! Im funny, beautiful, smart, i can cook my azz off, & in the bedroom theres nothing i wont do to please my husband. I believe in compromise & i fight fair, no low blows that you can never un-hear. Plus you can still keep your freinds. Go ahead to the club wit your niggaz, jus be quiet when you come in cuz i need my sleep . I know every woman prolly says it, but i for real am a great catch. Damn i feel awesomer just reading this lol!!
Excuse my language but…….poppyc*ck! If such a woman like you existed scientists would’ve presented such perfection as yourself to every major news outlet. As that is the normal thing to do when a new species is discovered.
Oh, it exsists baby! But u gotta rememba im a 30 yr old grown azz woman. I honed my relationship skillz through trial & error. Youre 22 rite? Um, yea, no. Dont look for it anytime soon boo. Gotta pay dues before you find that unicorn lol.
Bullsh*t! This here is Amurica! We don’t do trial and error here, we jump straight to human testing. The only dues I have to pay is to the guy that I bought this P.U.B (Professional Unicorn Bait) from. And now, I finally get to use it.
*Throws glitter, rainbows, sunsets peeking over the horizen, and all that sh*t all over the place.*
Now get dat azz over here!
Oh…you’re 22? Well that explains a lot…
Does it really? Because other than the fact that I can legally buy and consume alcohol, my age explains very little….
Those unicorns definitely exist. Its just, in my experience, men don’t want the “perfect” type.
the “perfect” type doesn’t exist.
I’m going to agree to disagree with you. Of course by “perfect” I did not mean flawless. I just meant that what she described above sounds pretty darn close to optimal to me (give or take a couple attributes).
I have been with a woman who thought she was the “perfect type†and no thanks. I don’t know you but im just speaking on that mentality. If they feel like they have everything a guy wants and have little to no faults I think it creates a level of false expectation. The perfect type then feels “since im perfect and have every quality I think you want, why can’t this relationship be perfect�
I’m not saying that I’M the “perfect type” (although I will say I’m a pretty bright bundle of sunshine! j/k) But I think the mentality you speak of comes from the ideals that have been taught to certain women at a young age. They see it on tv (June Cleaver), hear their mothers preach it, hear guys ramble that they need a women like this or that… pretty much thinking if they do all of the “right” things then they will get the desired end result (which is a happy man/husband). Like you said, false expectations.
You think you’re perfect, based off what men “say” they’re looking for in a woman, however, you fail to acknowledge that everything men tell women is based off lies, that enable them to get p*ssy. In other words, you’re the perfect summation of all the lies men tell women in order to get them in bed, and ironically enough there are very few men who want you – I think there is a connection.
*Stray Shots!* damn dude, that shot came out of left field, through the window and hit her when she was taken a nap.
*DEAD* Kenyadigit I literally just laughed out loud…too funnier. I told ya’ll Black Medici = Dark Vader….save none!
What?? Who you talkin to?? Dude, you don’t even know me… *in my Kevin Hart voice*…. juuust kidding lol
But sheesh… um…. I chose to read this replacing all of the “you” with the word “women” (mainly bc as awesome as I’m suppose to think I am, I do not think I’m perfect). But what I’m taking away from this is that men don’t REALLY want the “perfect type”. Which is what (I think) I said in the first place. Oh and also “men lie”.
I’m not the sensitive type but dang I feel like you had just a little hate in your heart when you typed that. Breezy is right… you are scary on a Darth Vader kind of level.
Lol…
There was no hate involved in my point, even though it might “feel” that way. What I give is medicine. As a woman, there’s a lot of ideas and beliefs that you have that aren’t challenged and scrutinized by your peers, you just have them and it’s not until you fail consistently that you try to change them, which might take years. In the men’s world before you state an idea, you have to be prepared to defend it and if there are any holes in it, they will be exposed and you will be embarrassed, so you make sure before you tell people what you think, that you’ve thought about all the rebuttals and are ready to defeat them.
If anything I’m simply a Drill Sergent trying to whip all you cadets into shape. It’s tough, sometimes I feel evil, but I know if I want a strong army by my side, I gotta make all of you tougher than what you currently are. Like for instance, if I really wanted to give you problems, I could deconstruct and make you defend, why you felt it necessary to make “yourself” reflective of all women based on the criticism I gave you in my previous comment…however, this topic is done, and I will admit, I did hit you really hard with the previous comment, but you needed it.
Awwww… you do have a heart <3….
I feel like you kinda hugged me with that comment, then the kindness became a little overwhelming so you decided to shank me right at the end. Its all good though.
But I guess the reason I decided to change the you's to "women" was because I assumed you didn't direct that comment toward me personally. Since EYE never said that EYE was one of the perfect types. I simply gave a possible reason for why SOME women may think/feel the way they do. But it's cool. I still think you're awesome BM (if I can call you that *chuckle*). And I also think its really great that you think so highly of yourself. Spread that isht around some. (ok NOW the topic is done)
“The perfect type then feels “since im perfect and have every quality I think you want, why can’t this relationship be perfectâ€?”
I agree and would add the perfect type feels “since im perfect and have every quality I think you want, why can’t YOU be perfect too?”
if you’re actually real…then you belong in the smithsonian.
ppl like us do exist. and we do come in packages younger than 30. but the smart guys scoop us up early rather than running around playing the field.i know ppl are saying that girls don’t bring much to the table, but guys really don’t ask for much. men are very simple creatures and easy to please lol.
anyway, to answer the question. YES. I’m marriage material, I know that for sure.
“Smart guys” my rass…
Pretty sure in more cases than not it’s the guy who just says all the right things. Not necessarily the best one for you. Then once he’s satisfied, deuces. Which is how that whole argument of nice guys vs arseholes ever came up in the first place, I’m sure.
100% agree
Youth is wasted on the young I swear fo Gawd!
This is a great response to Panama’s post. These women DO exist! I know a lot of women who are everything IcePrincess listed and then some but men will pass a woman like this up because he’s not ready to settle down or wants to be so super sure that there’s no one better.
Are the good wifey material women being wasted b/c men can’t get it together??
YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!
I have no intention of being married or being a wife (and I’ve been catching some heat from the fam). I’m aware of the skillset in my culture of what a good wife should be and I fail at meeting a lot of the list as they are principles that I personally do not espouse. The current American culture has allowed me to break free of those cultural shackles and re-imagine for myself what a spouse and marriage should be. In my current life however, I have found that men that I am interested in generally subscribe to the old school blueprint of wifely components which leaves me on an island by myself.
I’ve been catching some heat from my family too! And ironically enough, it’s from the ones that are divorced.
The heat is coming from the married folks in my case 0_o I just say something crazy to change the topic!
I’m 23, so therefore I believe that I have no business wanting to be someone’s wife. I still have so much to learn and accomplish, and that’s IF I decided to settle down.
And being a woman and a good wife are NOT mutually exclusive. We aren’t born (both men and women) knowing how to please or satisfy others in any given relationship. In order to truly be the right fit for someone it takes a certain amount of chemistry, yes (which cannot be coerced or manipulated), and it also takes work. Both parties have to be totally commited to the happiness of the other, and in order to do that the pair must be dedicated to finding what makes the other person happy.
And even if a woman is deemed to be a good wife, who’s to say that the man she is with is the right man for her to be wife? A woman cannot be “ruined” if she learns to make better dating choices.
This is true. I think women assume that a bad husband would just be a bad dude overall. That isn’t true. A man can be a decent man, but a shitty husband FOR YOU. That man can turn around and marry someone who is a better fit and be alright without making either side look bad.
Truth. My father was a very good dad, but as a husband he sucked monkey balls.
Being a good person and a good mate are not the same thing.
“This is true. I think women assume that a bad husband would just be a bad dude overall.”
I don’t think this way. Last guy I dated is a great guy, but he wasn’t a good boyfriend, and I’m sure he wouldn’t make a good husband (right now, anyway). He actually says that, not me. I believe that when he finds the right woman he’d make a great husband, but that’s just me.
+1
“I’m 23, so therefore I believe that I have no business wanting to be someone’s wife. I still have so much to learn and accomplish, and that’s IF I decided to settle down. And being a woman and a good wife are NOT mutually exclusive.”
Pretty much my exact sentiments.
I’d rather get on a plane to eff someone in particular like rabbits then return to my space.
I was an excellent wife (he even said so both during and post-marriage).
I don’t know that I am an excellent wife for anyone specifically…and it’s not because of my flaws… it is because it’s fun to do non-wife things….all the things you just cannot do when you are a married woman is doubly fun when you’ve already had the marriage & survived divorce. I want to have my fun.
I can do girlfriend to chex buddies…but without a man I actually wanna marry (and who wants to marry me), I don’t see myself as wife material.
No fears of committment as I already know I’m very good at that. Can do it even if we are not married. But wife? Being a man’s everything he sees in wife material sometimes has a very dark side for the wife.
“Being a man’s everything he sees in wife material sometimes has a very dark side for the wife.”
Amen to that sister!
@ A Woman’s Eyes – I’m confused. Please elaborate on the dark side.
As for me, always wanted to get married. As I’ve gotten older, realized that it’s not going to happen, that ship has sailed. Should have realized much earlier that it wasn’t going to happen. I always thought of myself as vegemite – an acquired taste. I think I’m crave-worthy to the right person, but that sample set is small, and I am definitely off the beaten path.
And to the That Ugly Kid, the 80/20 things-women-get-during-dating-vs-what-the-man-gets is why I always go dutch on dates. Funny thing, though – most men find this unfeminine and belittling to them, and I’ve had guys tell me that it puts things in friend zone territory (although they could have just been telling me white lies about that).
See? Vegemite.
“Funny thing, though – most men find this unfeminine and belittling to them, and I’ve had guys tell me that it puts things in friend zone territory (although they could have just been telling me white lies about that).”
THANK YOU! That’s my problem too. I’m deemed ‘undateable’ because I put effort and am perceived or considered “desperate” for actually thinking this should be 50/50. So it’s like I can never win!
What’s the difference between being a good wife vs being a good girlfriend? If there is one
A marriage certificate.
lol makes sense
LOL, pretty much
lol. good responses, but that is a good question.
I’m thinking the being there through good, bad, sickness, health, richer, poorer (excuse me? lol) forsaking EVERYbody else until death, for as long as y’all live and whatnot. Of course now everyone just divorces so… I’m gonna agree with the comments up top and say a marriage certificate.
Do I feel that i am automatically ready to be a wife? Heck no. I have always wanted to be a mother. Like ALWAYS. A wife? On my list of 10 objectives in life, that one is number 11. The only thing I am automatically ready to be is my self. I believe that most have the potential to be good for someone but that some of us will simply fall short and never reach the full potential. Either that person will leave or they will accept the shortcomings and stay.
Society feeds women a bunch of bs when it comes to marriage. Our mamas tell us how to act, how to dress, what to say, to get an education, to be patient bc men take time and to stick with guys bc they will eventually change. That is the problem. We aren’t always taught to work on ourselves and to be ourselves. We are told that as long as we nurture and care for a man, that eventually he will come around. In other words, it is somehow our responsibility to take a diamond in the rough (every women’s rough diamond is different) and polish it until he becomes the man we want. I don’t think (and fellas correct me if I am wrong) that men are trained this way. It seems that they are taught to not settle and women are taught to settle. In one respect, we are taught how to be the “perfect” young lady (bc every man wants the exact same thing in a woman…duh) and bc we do conform (to this standard of perfection) we feel that by conforming, we should be rewarded with a great man. When that man doesn’t come, well you get a bunch of comments on Madame Noir boards where women are ready to burn a ninja.
I also think that people accept every dang stereotype about black relationships. I mean, stereotypes start from some truth but you mean to tell me that every person of the opposite sex you have interacted with sucks at life and is there to make you feel like the $hit? I see it so much on comments sections. There are guys that have commented how women will manipulate, cheat, steal, change immediately, blah blah and I see the ladys do it too that men aren’t worth two sticks to make a fire. I do wonder how much have we allowed for what we read to actually effect what is real. We all need to look at ourselves if the only people we are attracting are detrimental to our mental well-being.
No body is automatically ready to be anything but who they are and if they say otherwise, they are lying. It takes time and effort to work on yourself and hopefully, if marriage is a goal, you will find someone who appreciates you for who you are. We all need to climb down from whatever horse we have placed ourselves on–myself included.
+10!!
well said
*slow claps*
That’s it right there. The end.
I agree 100% about what men and women are prepared for in childhood in relation to commitment and marriage. Good break down of that.
I agree with what you said, but I have to add something when it comes to the men. I think the difference is that men are taught to be honest with themselves with what they’re looking for in wife material. You are right about women being taught to work with a man though.
Like I said like a week or two ago, any man who is married minded is thinking about AFTER the honeymoon. I think that’s where you might get the impression that men are taught not to settle. Men realize that if you aren’t going to be able to deal with a chick on a random Tuesday when you both had a hard day’s work and the kids are acting buck wild, why the sam hell would I give this broad a ring. Women, on the other hand, think that if they try hard enough, a man will become the man she wants. Now if what a woman wants just happens to be what the man wants, it’ll work. Otherwise…nope.
“I think the difference is that men are taught to be honest with themselves with what they’re looking for in wife material.”
Which is easier when society doesn’t teach you to conform to a persons supposed standards of what they want in a partner. Girls, from day one, are inadvertently taught how to be mothers and wives. Don’t believe me, what’s the first toy that you bought for your daughter? Most get their girls doll babies followed by kitchen sets and easy bake ovens. Most boys get cars and trucks. Conforming vs being free to just be.
And i am not saying that there are not societal pressures on men as well with the whole man up thing but this post is about being good wife material.
TRUTH!!!
Ironically, the first toy I got for my daughter was a train. (She just likes the way they look, and that was the first thing she took interest in besides mommy and daddy.) But even in that process, I learned a lot about the concept of boy toys and girl toys. I remember going into the toy store and seeing how damn gendered a place that is. I definitely see your point about how the toys for girls are definitely a form of training.
Of course you would get her a train. I thought as i wrote that “Todd got his daughter a mock jet fighter.”
I keep reading this and wondering why I’d seem like the dad who’d get his daughter a train, a jet fighter or anything else masculine. I’m not mad. Just perplexed.
You seem to be the type that doesn’t follow societies rules.
And there you have it!!!
1000 likes
very good comment.
Yep, I’m ready. Unfortunately it’s not legal for me to be a wife in my state.
*e-hug*
*State as in State of California, not state as in state of mind.
Makes not a d@mn lick of sense of me excluding queer folk from marriage, if they so choose. No sense at all.
Eventually!!!! There are many people rooting for the LGBT community!!! It’s a slow process but it will come.
As far as I’m concerned, gay folks can have the legal marriage thing. I have no issues with it at all. But, I view it differently than most and only as a legal issue.
The idea of protecting hetero marriage from gay marriage is pretty pathetic. Hetero marriage is it’s own worst enemy. If people want to protect marriage so much, ban divorce.
*its, d@mn it.
” If people want to protect marriage so much, ban divorce.”
lol and there would be riots lmbo
HUSHTHATTALK you’ll be giving folks ideas. ban divorce? nah man, i want the ability to drop this negro if he effs up.
Actually, there are 2 places in the world that divorce is not an option. One may have recently changed (Malta) but the other hasn’t (Philippines) insofar as I am aware. Instead of divorce, they have legal separation. Legal separation is pretty much divorce whereas assets and debts are wholly each your own. However, you can still shack up with another person, have kids, live as a couple, but there is no legal marriage. So, in essence, marriage is protected, but only by the state.
Thanks, everybody. I hope this changes soon. If politicians here did their jobs it would have already changed.
On that note Val, You’ll love NEW YORK! And it’s so exciting!
I grew up in New York, so I already love it. But once you become an adult, with career, etc., in mind it’s difficult to just pack up and move. And also I have to consider what my girlfriend wants too.
which is some BS.
NOT COOL AT ALL. *hugs*
Why does America hate love????
PJack mentioned something that I find to be true. Until you truly get the man, and he knows it, you are not his wife material.
A woman who thinks she knows him vs. a woman who knows him = huge difference
^^^^^This right here!!!
I wouldn’t make a good wife because I don’t believe in marriage as a whole. It’s a nice concept but doesn’t seem to work within its own rigid perimeters. It’s just what I believe & I’ve seen good/bad & indifferent marriages. Marriage isn’t the end all, be all for some folks. It’s not a prize, it’s a commitment. And some folks don’t need all the bells & whistles to be committed to a person. They’ll just together, in love & it works for them.
I do make a good & cool life partner as my sweetie, a guy, tells & shows me everyday. He knows my nature & accepts me as is just like I accept & know he’s nature. We up or down, laugh or bicker but we know each others heart so we’re good. It took years for us to find each other after some ridic relationships on both our parts. And now that we’re at a place where can be ourseleves & happy, we try hard not to mess it up. That’s why he always gets the big piece of chicken.
I giggled @ “That’s why he always gets the big piece of chicken.”
+1
There’s only 2 reasons i may get married one day: societal pressures and my mother
Leelee, I feel for you, truly & I don’t know you. No one, not my family or society, pressures me to do anything I don’t want to. They can try, they will fail.
@Naturalista88-I was going to say “Til he’s old & grey, he’ll get the big piece of chicken” but dude starting snoring like a sub sonic tea kettle & busted my train of thought. LOL!!
@Panamaniac D. Jackson-
The logic that a woman automatically makes a good wife is flawed- absolouetly. It’s flawed because ‘good’ is a subjective idea that applies on a case by case basis. What’s good for one man may be terrible for another.
What comes naturally for us women in terms of nutruing and caring is pretty basic. If we’re all those things at the core then we’re just carbon copies of each other. The goodness of a wife, I believe, comes in those qualities that are unique to that marriage and to her husband. What kind of friend is she to him? Does she understand him enough to know when to let things be? How attentive is she to his sexual and emotional needs? Etc etc. I’m just speculating here- or not. Just a few things I’ve picked up along the way.
Point is, any woman can be a good wife but can she be the wife she needs to be for that marriage and to her husband?
very good point. and that should go both ways.
makes total sense.
*nods* I thought it was a good point too. And yes, it should absolutely go both ways.
Hell no am I “wife material”. I’m only 20 but I’ve been saying since I was 10 that I have no intentions of getting married.
On paper, I probably look great – I cook, I clean, I love kids and I am probably the first person to go to when in a jam because I have a bit of a saviour complex. I’m down to my last $100 and what do I do? Send 40 to my pregnant friend so she and her boyfriend can eat this week.
But my family raises alpha-females and with that, comes some really independent women. I’m not saying that in a “men ain’t ish” kind of way, because I love my boyfriend to the ground, but I was never taught to depend on anyone unless it’s family. On top of that, I’m driven to the point where I’m selfish. I’m not wife material because I don’t want to create the balance that I think is important in marriage. Signing a piece of paper does not automatically make you a wife!
Plus, I have a big problem with the whole institution of marriage. First, it was a trading of property (women); then it became child-rearing 101 because instead of marrying a man you get a grown ass child and now it’s one of the biggest money grabbing businesses out there. You’re telling me gays can’t get married because marriage is sacred while we have TV shows like “The Bachelor/ette”?
If being a good choice for a future wife is being able to sound sober when you’ve been fed alcohol all day, than I am seriously under-qualified.
“If being a good choice for a future wife is being able to sound sober when you’ve been fed alcohol all day, than I am seriously under-qualified.”
Poetry.
“You’re telling me gays can’t get married because marriage is sacred while we have TV shows like “The Bachelor/etteâ€?”
+1
“Send 40 to my pregnant friend so she and her boyfriend can eat this week.”
“and her boyfriend” threw me all off. Hell to the naw.
“If being a good choice for a future wife is being able to sound sober when you’ve been fed alcohol all day, than I am seriously under-qualified.”
I believe I meet this criterion.
“Send 40 to my pregnant friend so she and her boyfriend can eat this week.â€
“and her boyfriend†threw me all off. Hell to the naw.
See, THIS is why I leave you to comment for the both of us!
+1
Unfortunately, they’re both jobless and sleeping on an air mattress at a friend’s (Canadian economy is shitty for us youngin’s depending on location). I would rather help him eat as well then let her starve – plus she also informed me that they ran out of toilet paper. Dafuq? How is a pregnant girl going to have a baby pressing on her bladder and be unable to wipe when she needs to pee for half the day?
lol. you’re self-awareness is admirable. and your logic is as well.
that must be the alpha-female thing. very interesting.
i was all ready to be like how in the hell did you know at 10 you weren’t trying to get married…but after reading your comment i can see.
My family always wonders how the girls turned out to be so wild and the boys are so calm. God help my poor Nanna when she was trying to make a lady out of me… but she’s probably the reason I ended up this way.
I just think, marriage is for those who understand that you stop being a “me” and you start being an “us.” I’m not saying you shouldn’t still be independent and have your own ish to do, but you don’t get to think only for yourself. Like I said it’s all about balance. And I like being able to feel completely autonomous.
The only reason I haven’t scratched my way out of my current relationship is because we’re long distance so I can do whatever I need/want to do without feeling like I have someone strapped to my side. If he wasn’t so lax about everything there is no way this would be working out with my mindset.
Also, divorce is expensive. You’re telling me to waste money on a fancy wedding and then 2 years later, file for divorce while I’m still trying to finish paying for the damn cake?! Nuh uh bruh, I’d rather buy some shoes and take a trip to Spain.
I think people get swept up in this whole idea of “wifey/hubby material”. Whats a good spouse to one person, isn’t necessarily a good spouse to another. Its all about what you as an individual are bringing to the table and what you are expecting that will determine TRUE wifey/hubby characteristics. In that regard, i think everyone has the potential to be a good wife or husband to SOMEBODY, but not to everybody.
Co-Sign x 100.
Not everyone wants the same thing. Even traits like supportive and committed have different interpretations depending on the person
I have pretty traditional views on marriage & I don’t believe I’m automatically wife material because my spiritual life isn’t where it needs to be, among other things. I feel once I get it together in that aspect, then everything else will fall into place. Even then, its something I’ll grow into as I’m married. He’d complement my strengths & weaknesses, have similar views on marriage, family, etc, and we’d evolve together. We’d do what’d work best for us.
“I have pretty traditional views on marriage & I don’t believe I’m automatically wife material because my spiritual life isn’t where it needs to be, among other things.”
I feel the same way.
The idea of a “good wife” or a “good husband” for that matter is completely senseless outside of the context of an actual relationship. Generic “good spouse” characteristics/ predictors are total BS.
And in terms of the generic (BS) good wife check list, I fail spectacularly.
* I’m impatient with whiny needy grown-@ss people
* I cook to eat. I don’t cook to impress
* I am not a Christian (most men’s mothers’ worst nightmare)
* I’m indifferent about having babies
* I don’t do holidays, except when I get to eat someone else’s food and drink their booze (if your holiday does not include booze, I’m not interested)
* I like to be happy and enjoy life
Where have you been all my life?
RWC wisest comment of the night! I stand behind it
i concur with the wise comment…whad up yoles.
I think the reason that women are ‘wrong’ about being good wife material, is because what men are looking for in women is not what women are looking for in men. In other words, women are being what they THINK men want in men, but they aren’t. My 2cs
#truth
That’s about the size of it…
And Bingo was his name-o.
Aren’t loyalty and commitment the main ingredients though? Those are the first two words that come to my mind when I think “good wife.” I’d add nurturing, flexible, and responsible, with integrity and a good sense of humor. But what definition are we working with here?
Personally, I know I have some growing to do before I become someone’s wife, and that’s why I’m in no rush. I’m 24, and of the things I listed, I definitely need work in the responsibilty area. I lie to potential employers about this, but I’m a big picture person all the way, not very organized or detail-oriented. And there is a lot of organization and detail that comes along with being an adult that I’m still getting used to. Bills and finances and dates and errands and sh!t. Lol I don’t totally neglect all that- I do what I remember, eventually- but I can be forgetful. Not to mention I basically invented procrastination. I bet Michelle’s not doing that.
Also, I don’t really cook. I’d always rather be doing something else. But I do realize I should probably get on that at some point, at least before I have a kid.
Something I do have is an open mind, good communication skills, and the ability to be real both with myself and with other people. That stuff goes a long way in a relationship. I’ve been with my bf for a few years now, and we’re genuinely as happy together as we were when we first started dating. We live together too, so we’ve seen it all. I’m convinced that our marriage, once it happens, will be long and great. Not flowers & sunshine 24/7 of course, no one has that life, but we’re definitely a great team.
Anyway, I digress. To answer your question, no we don’t all think we’re perfect wife material. I, for one, know that I’m a work in progress. Which is a lifelong process, by the way. We all change throughout our lifespan, and we can’t predict the future. Good husband/wife material are people who are realistic, adaptable and open, imo.
Too many females i know, family included…… were terrible wives (but wonderful people nonetheless.)
it seems as though they wanted the wedding but not the marriage. (or even the dude for that matter, the one they really wanted got away somehow, and you’re the consolation prize)
women just don’t need us like they did in decades past. I was just watching book tv last night on cspan, there was this white lady who wrote this book called; the richer sex. As a man it was “enlightening” you can check it out @
http://www.c-span.org/Events/Liza-Mundy-quotThe-Richer-Sexquot-on-Book-TV39s-quotAfter-Wordsquot/10737429681/
Call me a cynic, but i think the whole marriage thing is archaic and obsolete…for those that make it work, love peace and nappyness to you…..
But do you feel that men need women the way they did in the past? I understand where people are coming from with women being more educated and earning more than their husbands (especially in black relationships) but isn’t their more to marriage than just education and earning potential or does a women who is more educated and earn more make her more masculine in a way that emasculates a man since a man’s self worth seems to be based on his ability to provide and be the head of the household? I am asking a serious question here. I find these studies to be interesting.
Like, if a woman is more educated and/or makes more than her husband, but sees and treats him in the role that he should be in (I am somewhat of a traditionalist and feel that the man is the head of the house with me by his side) and the man doesn’t allow for his ego to get tied into what “more” his wife brings to the table, then should this be a problem?
“women just don’t need us like they did in decades past.”
umm, yeah, I suppose we’ve come a long way from 1868. lol!
Interesting, video. I remember reading some where else about history and women not being able to own land and how homes passed from father to son.
However, the woman in this video quoted the year 1868 which of course was an entirely different circumstance for black women and black men during that time.
But I get the point of the video being that the primary purpose of marriage was to pass the family assets to future generations and love and companionship were secondary to that purpose.
“Women just don’t need us like they did in decades past”
It saddens me when men say this. We may not always need you all financially but we do still want and need you all in other ways (physically, emotionally, as companions etc.)
You’re right that men and women need each other outside of finance. The sad part is that a non-trivial amount of women don’t know how to just BE with a man without the finance part.
” The sad part is that a non-trivial amount of women don’t know how to just BE with a man without the finance part. ”
+1
If you think about it, it’s not really sad- especially if certain women (namely feminists and so-called “independent” women) have been saying it for years on end.
This is the problem I have with men saying “women don’t need us anymore”. It’s all rooted in superficial things that some men feel define them as a man. A man shouldnt be defined by things that a woman can do for herself. Men don’t realized that manhood was/is defined by oppressing women. That’s not right. Men and women need each other as life partners not as employees.
Women DO need men! Hell, its one of the mottos of this site; “your degrees wont keep you warm @ nite.” Lmao!
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!
Preach Humble1!!!
Yes to all of this!
Agreed 100%. Excellent comment.
Today is my birthday so that alone qualifies me as wife material. (How, I don’t know, but it does…)
I knew I was NOT wife material in my 20′s. I was too prone to flirt, and look, and possibly do more. I was dating men who would let me run over them because I didn’t want to be tied down but I didn’t want to be “alone” either. So I slugged it out in my 20′s. I got better about guarding my heart in relationships (against others, not the ones I dated) but I still knew that I wasn’t ready. I’ve been asked as well, but I knew it wouldn’t have worked because I wasn’t ready and nothing they did was gonna make ready. Period. The.End
Okay…not the end. Because of those experiences, I am ready now. But it took work. It took me disregarding small sh*t until it became big sh*t, it took me throwing away someone because they fell out of favor and ultimately, it took me being left by someone I truly did love for me to get my sh*t together. As sucky as it was at the time, I’m glad it happened or I might never have been able to say that I would make a good wife. I’ve been through enough to know that I can’t settle on the things important to me. I know that I can work through things and put my pride aside for the betterment of the relationship as a whole and not just what I want.
I could go on but the point is if every women says she’s wife material but she’s had minimal relationship/life experience, she’s either lying to herself or doesn’t truly get it. Most just don’t get it. It takes women as much work to become good wives as it does for some men to become good husbands.
Happy born day!
First happy birthday!! Second, I don’t know if I agree on the relationship experience part. Some get it “right” the first serious time around and some get it “right” on the 28th try. In general, I feel that you need life experience. One where you know yourself first. Relationships in general can help you with this but I don’t believe that you need multiple failed relationships to get it right. A lot of practice doesn’t always make you perfect at something.
Agreed. However, for me it couldn’t have happened any other way than a combo of life and relationship experience. I admire those folks who got it straight out the gate.
“I admire those folks who got it straight out the gate.” I also want to throw a rock at them but that is beside the point
Either way, the best people to admire are the ones who are still together after 20 years. I have asked my friends’ parents are they still in love with their spouse and they all say No, we aren’t in love with them but we love them. Think on that for a second. The in love part goes away…the, they can do no wrong give me butterflies stuff. But truly loving someone unconditionally, that’s on a completely different level.
Happy birthday fellow Aries!!
Happy Birthday and Happy #AriesSeason
Happy birthday.
Happy Birthday!!
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday! *Hands out birthday scones*
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy Birthday!
#teamAries
Happy (insert age here) birthday!
~*~*~ Happy Birthday Mo-VSS ~*~*~*
Happy B-day!
And I agree I think I needed most of the bad experiences to know what I really wanted and figure out how to treat a man.
YASS!! Happy birfday!!!
happy bday!
Thanks y’al!
Happy B-day, Mo!!!
Happy Birfday, Mo! *flings several different types of confetti, one for each of your different types of avis*
Happy Birthday! Though you’re are amazing, just know that you would’ve been even more so, had you been a Capricorn.
Because unless you haven’t heard…..we’re the sh*t! But, I progress (yea, you read that right), hope you have a wonderful day!
I’m Sigma_Since 93, a fellow Cap, and I approve of your message.
This lil ninja right here!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, no and no. I know this ninja did not come up in here throwing shade at the Aries? You did know that Aries is a fire sign right? Lol
Thanks again though!
Pfft, no one shades like an Aries my dear *lol*.
Hey, don’t give me an attitude because YOUR parents waited 3-4 months too late to have unprotected sex and conceive. Take that up with them.
Sincerely Yours,
The Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and End, the Pinnacle of Perfection, the King/Queens of the Zodiac, the Capricorn,
That Ugly Kid
Enjoy your anniversary of vaginal egressing.
Happy birthday!
Thank you all for the happy birthday wishes!
Have a blessed day Mo-VSS!
“But here’s the point, women do you think that you are automatically ready to be a wife?”
No, I am not ready to be a wife.
“What makes you so sure?”
I still have a lot of learning and maturing to do as far as relationships go. Also, I’ll add that when I was younger I felt that I wanted to get married and have kids (and all that jazz) but as time went on I began to really think about if that’s really what I want or need in my life.
I think that some women don’t really know what sacrifices a wife has to make for husband and kids. It’s not all unicorns and glitter all the time. I also think that some people think that marriage is the end – when it is really the beginning of a new chapter in life.
Also, dare I say, that I am comfortable with my life right now as being single and no kids, and I am enjoying having no responsibilities other than to myself at the moment.
It’s interesting to see so many VSS admit that they havent been ready for marriage since they were zygotes…
I think I’m a good dude, but would make a terrible husband…I’ll fix your flat tire and gas the car up, but I dont want to hear the latest on the beef with your co- worker or hang out with you and your friends.
We all need to be given more credit that what we give each other.
If you fix my flat tire, I’ll love you. I you teach me how to fix a flat, chances are I will never ask you again. You get love and breakfast for dinner!!!
You get love and breakfast for dinner!!!
*smiley face
I’ll take blueberries on my pancakes, cheese on my girts…and whipped cream on your thighs.
*smiley face with smug grin
“98 percent of women (see that’s some, not all! Generalize deez!) are nearly perfect until some man comes into their lives and ruins them like crack did the hood in the 80s. ”
For a second there I thought I was reading a tyler perry movie synopsis. Woah, forgot myself for a minute.
Every women is capable of being a good wife, just like every man is capable of being a good husband. Digressing… but we’ve become lazy as a society when it comes to romance. Romance isnt this hollywood idea of things just magically fitting and falling into place, romance is the dedication somebody shows you when they put work into making a relationship work. I think thats why arranged marriages in general work so much better than western love marriages, in the end they seem to understand that love is built off commitment, whereas here we believe that love is built off of love.
Back to the point, yeah 100% of women can be perfect wifeys if they care enough to. Same with men. Just like anybody can be an astrophysicist with enough time and dedication.
Good Question/Post PJ, I feel I cant answer if most women will make a good wife because I think the concept of good is tres subjectif (i like to pretend I speak french), non? Also I believe marriage is a tale of two cities and for someone to be good wife material she has to perceived as such by her husband or potential partner and vice versa for men. If a certain man does not feel the same way about you then to him you are not good wife material, you might be for some other person but not him.
The “girl he dont know what he missing” train of thought is a fail. Ish is can be incredibly simple, 1 + 1 = 2, meaning both parties feel each other has long term potential. 1 + 0 = 1 meaning you might be sitting on that porch alone boo when you’re 80 if you waiting for Tyrone’s backside. Word to Erykah.
I would like to think i would make a good wife for some lucky guy cause am damn awesome human being
but my idea of a good wife may be not be some one else is. My reasons for getting married are not your run of the mill. First i would like to have good smang sanctioned by God(am religious), want to keep at least one best pal mostly all to my self and have kids, they would be an extra blessing as a result of our awesomesness..me and my hubby
This is pretty much my stance as well.
I would like to think i would make a good wife for some lucky guy cause am damn awesome human being
but my idea of a good wife may be not be some one else is. My reasons for getting married are not your run of the mill. First i would like to have great sex sanctioned by God(am religious), want to keep at least one best pal mostly all to my self and have kids, they would be an extra blessing as a result of our awesomesness..me and my hubby
It depends where we are in our lives. After we’ve gotten to know ourselves better we many times offer a different (someitmes better sometimes worse) package. Timing is everything.
Women do you think that you are automatically ready to be a wife? And what makes you so sure?
Nope not yet. But I think I will be a good wife to somebody one day. I have several qualities that would be considered as desirable to others but I still have a few things to work on.
I don’t think this question matters to women in the grand scheme of things. Unlike men, women don’t feel like they have to “prove” that they are wifey material. They are wifey material, when they believe they want to be wifey material. Unlike men, women have no sense of “proving one’s worth” i.e. proving that one is an actual man., so to them things happen not based on their acts, but based on where they are mentally. The problem with them isn’t that they all think they are wifey material, the problem is that they think they all they can all be wifey material anytime they want.
It’s kind of an extension of the differences between a man and a woman: to men, manhood has to be proven and can always be challenged, to women, womanhood is something that they decide to let happen and overnight they become women. And as a woman, once you tell the world that you’re a woman, few if any challenge that notion, that’s why there is no such thing as “Woman Up!”
It all kind of comes down to Cow Logic (Women) vs Lion Logic (Men). A lion, in order to eat needs to hunt and develop skills to become good at what he does. All a cow needs to do, when hungry, is bend over to eat, no skills or risks required. That’s why Lions have a respected hierarchy because you understand a lot of energy was put, to be what they became. However, cows have no respect for hierarchy because they all do the exact same thing.
i hate to bust up your analogy with some facts, but you know lions don’t hunt right? the lionesses generally hunt in packs and then trifling mr. lion comes in and eats the zebra he ain’t had no paw in catching.
*cackling*
Hah Hah!
He also has to babysit the lion cubs while his women hunt their food.
Really,
So when the lioness goes out hunting, and is surrounded by a bunch of hyenas (matriarchal animals I might add), who comes around, and makes all those cowardly hyenas run for the hills? That’s right, Mr.I-eat-first comes around and saves Mrs. Ingratitude, and then sends her out to go get him and the family something to eat, while he sleeps and dares some other animal to come over and f*ck with his pride.
Correction: lionesses hunt for the pack, lions hunt for themselves and the lion gets first dibs and if the lioness is having some difficulty with the prey, or has to fight a bunch of hyenas, then he intervenes. But the lioness isn’t superwoman…sorry, be happy with hyenas, black widows and sea horses, those are your examples of female wearing the pants.
If this were true, “I don’t think this question matters to women in the grand scheme of things. Unlike men, women don’t feel like they have to “prove†that they are wifey material. They are wifey material, when they believe they want to be wifey material. Unlike men, women have no sense of “proving one’s worth†i.e. proving that one is an actual man., so to them things happen not based on their acts, but based on where they are mentally”, we wouldn’t have women defending cooking skills, freedom for their men to hang with his boys, defending abilities in bed, praising domesticity, or swearing to their fertility, etc.
I think about how many times I’ve heard someone say, “Hoes make it hard for other women (good women)”. Many women are always trying to prove that they can live up to the make standards of what it means to be a woman, good woman, or “wifey material”. Thetraditional understanding of womanhood and marriage are products of patriarchal oppression which automatically requires women to prove themselves.
“The traditional understanding of womanhood and marriage are products of patriarchal oppression which automatically requires women to prove themselves.”
Exactly! A woman has to prove her wife material’ness in order for (traditionally) a man to choose her to be his wife.
That’s nonsense.
If a man calls you a “hoe” or a “b*tch” what “action” do you do, to prove that you’re not? If a man says you’re a virgin, and you tell him that you are, what “action” do you to take to prove it? If a man accused you of being a lazy bum for a wife, are you going to go directly to the kitchen and prepare him a $500 meal? If a man accuses you of being bad in bed, what “action” are you going to take to prove him wrong – are you going to stick a bunch of carrots down your throat so you can improve on your gag reflex?
You see everything you talked about with the feminist rallying points of patriarchy and oppression are things that you “think” about, but things you never act upon, because you aren’t overwhelmed with a desire to act on them. (IMO they don’t exist, but that’s a different conversation) If a man challenges your manhood, as a man you’re overwhelmed by a desire to act, whether it’s to fight, flee, or even die, because he has attacked the foundation of your existence…that’s not something that as women you have to deal with or even try to understand, which is one of the reasons why we confuse you.
Furthermore, you equated a woman being something men desire as equaling to oppression, which in retrospect, proves my exact point. As a man we challenge other “men” to become things that are of value to women and society. We challenge each other to bring something to the table that women find attractive and desirable and we glorify and respect men who are able to reach that goal. However, as a woman, you believe that bringing something to the table that’s valuable to men, your children, and society is equal to oppression, which is why as women you don’t challenge each other to do those things, and why you have no true respect for the woman who do those things. That’s why it’s no surprise that when it’s all said and done, all you bring to the table willingly, is your p*ssy.
Let me say no, I did not think I would make a “good” wife. The commitment scared me, the sacrifice…basically a second job. I also know I have selfish tendencies so I thought that wouldn’t work either. But then I met a handsome stranger & all of my fears went away. I was content being single & I’m content with him. I don’t think too many people will take you as you are so really all that matters is that one person sees you as wife material. Most women think they’re ready but I usually tell them “I think you’re in love with the idea not the man”…usually true. Just like people love puppies…wait til you get one & he poops and pees in your house. Not easy….for the record, I’m not married
“On the road to enlightenment and Game mastery, you must kill your inner AFC…”
-Obsidian Maxim #13
Good morning mr panama, everyone,
I trust you all had a happy and peaceful holiday weekend!
Very good topic. Lets dive in:
Of the many reasons why i love Game, is because it strips away the veneer of woman as moral arbiter, moral role model and moral superior to man; many of us, male and female alike, still suffer from this unfortunate holdover from the victorian era.
Game, which is of course informed by the eternal truths of evolutionary psychology (have you been studying your david buss, panama-hmm,), teaches that women have all-ALL-the same basic needs, drives, impulses and desires that men do. This includes the same capacity for good and for evil too. And we have all manner of evidence, historical and otherwise, that supports this hypothesis. For example, we know that women can be every bit as craven and manipulative as any man; not only do men know this, but women themselves know it in spades (after all, they dont call “frenemies” for nothing-right?). Indeed, far from charges that game somehow hates on women, it liberates them to allow men to see them as they truly are-which is human.
Therefore, in answer to your question today, i would say that women are no more inherently equipped to be wives as men are to be husbands; as is so often the case, the devil is in the details. Some women are better suited for the enterprise than others; and some are barely suitable to be mounted, let alone wifed up.
That so many sistas see themselves as wifey material-per your premise above-just goes to show that what i noted earlier is still in evidence, that the victorian era reigns still. Of course, the appropriate remedial response to such erroneous thinking is for brothas of proper training, experience and breeding to provide correction and enlightenment on these matters, so as to illumine the ladies’ minds.
For when we know better, as my dearly departed nana once said, we do better.
Amin.
O.
I agree with all of this.
So do I.
Every woman who thinks they would be a good wifey is trying to convince a man who never wanted to marry her in the first place. By the time she finds the man who wanted her but she never wanted him in the first place she is so broken that even he don’t want her and the cycle continues.
That is, in one word, hypergamy. Women go off chasing waterfalls when they need to stick to the rivers and the streams that they’re used to. Sadly, women get hyped up into believe that they’re entitled to that boss dude. Like you said though, once they come to Jesus about what they’re really going to get, they end up worse off that if they’d been honest with themselves from jump.
“Women go off chasing waterfalls when they need to stick to the rivers and the streams that they’re used to.”
This made me LOL
So then who gets the boss dude?
Someone who, as a person, is a boss chick. I’m not necessarily saying looks, though someone who is on that level is only going to be but so busted because they know how to take care of themselves. I’m talking about someone who as a person has themselves together, knows how to take care of themselves, has something of value to offer the world, isn’t stingy of themselves but also knows their worth enough to know when to hold back. Just like there aren’t a lot of boss dudes in the world, there aren’t a lot of boss chicks. Water seeks its own level.
but them “boss dudes” usually know they are and never wanna settle down.
Thats the point of Todd’s comment. Thats the crux of hypergamy.
“Peace of mind. It comes with every piece of the rock. Prudential.
Y’all remember that commercial? Me neither.”
I hate to say it but I do remember when that commercial was out and when CBS showed The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe catroon annually along with Puff the Magic Dragon but I digress.
We all have the qualities necessary to complete our perfect halves. We often get ourselves in trouble by feeding what we like vs. feeding and cultivating what we need.
OK, two points and a story. In terms of the question posed to the fellas, whether a woman is wife material depends HEAVILY on the dude in question. Men can be particular as fvck when it comes to the type of people they get along with, so the right woman is such a hard thing to nail down. Ladies, I have one solid piece of advice for you in terms of whether a man is ready to marry above and beyond what he says. If he’s happy just getting the nappy (or trimmed or bald) dugout, you don’t need to marry the dude. Any man with sense realizes that there’s more to life than that. If you marry a dude, and that’s all he’s content with, one day he’ll come to Jesus, and there will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth when the day of the Lord comes.
Now, time for a story. Yesterday, I had a lot of different stuff going on. I had a verbal offer for a job that I contemplated for the weekend, considering my options before deciding to accept. Right now, all I’m waiting on is to hear back from the people. I’m also hitting up other employers just in case dude is on some shiesty ish. I had to work out the bills and figure out what to cook and clean. I had some errands to run and phone calls to make to get our daughter a dentist and take care of some other personal business. Finally, I was contemplating how to change up my running routine so that I could work myself to a goal of running 6 minute miles. Right now, I’m running at a 8:30 pace.
Then my wife came home from the temp job she started a couple of weeks ago.
She started talking about how pissed she was at her mom, how she went for a walk at work, how she saw that Vinny from the Jersey Shore got a new book. Then she went on about Whole Foods and the cheaper prices they got there. Oh yeah, she was still pissed at her mom for doing a d1ck move with bringing home our daughter an hour after her bedtime when she knew good and hell well otherwise. After I left with our daughter to do her potty training, I made the mistake of mentioning this documentary about this woman who went down from 650 to 214 lbs. through gastric bypass. (For the record, my wife had bypass, lost 165 lbs and gained all but 40 lbs. back.) Then I had to hear about how when she was silly, people had the nerve to say hi to her, but now she’s glad to be heavier, so that people just leave her alone.
Then she turned on the New Age music station on our satellite dish and asked to be left alone. Notice I hardly said jack about my day. The only thing I got to mention was the dentist appointment.
This can’t be life.
Oh, and I told my wife to stop giving up the a$$ out of obligation a couple years ago. Save for like 2 weeks out of that whole period, I’m lucky to get it once a month. And a couple years before that, when I told her stop with the, um, theatrics, it suddenly took me a lot longer to get her off. Lesson, stop with the games and the lies to hook a dude into something more. We figure stuff out after a while.
Free my comment please!
This post is candid as ….yeah.
But, honestly it takes a whole lot more than poon and looks for a marriage to work. My number one criteria (among others) for knowing if I could be with a dude for life is whether or not we can do nothing together. Like literally nothing. Silence isn’t awkward, you in one room, me in another, nothing is happening and I’m still good. I don’t want to entertain someone for life nor do I want them to entertain me.
Thanks Mo. The point was to keep it as real as possible by laying out an example instead of just saying XYZ should be like ABC. It’s something that people can actually break down and feel what’s wrong.
Ok MO! I know we Aries and all that but the “do nothing together” has been my theme song on my soap box forever.
o_O… I have no idea what I just read.
Are you and your wife able to “talk” at all? (meaning: both people having the chance to speak, both willing to listen and try to understand the other).
Barely. It seems like whenever we talk about anything of substance, there’s a decent chance of me tripping over one of her triggers…and then she shuts down mentally. I’ve stopped caring. Until she gets help, this is what she is.
Is there any reason she won’t be treated? God, I know that on the other side it seems like it will never change, but once a person actually starts getting help (meds, therapy, behavior modification, etc) the sh*t helps.
Trust…I definitely can attest to that.
Here’s to hoping it gets better soon!
The short version is that she got kicked out of one form of therapy for missing too many sessions. She’s going to give that one another go again starting tomorrow. We’ll see what happens though. For some reason, she doesn’t want to be around other people with issues, and the form of therapy she needs requires a group therapy portion.
Ok. Just asking because although I don’t know you personally, you seem pretty fair in your view of women and willing to understand some our issues. Based on that, I would assume that having a real conversation with her wouldn’t be difficult. I’m sorry that isn’t the case. : (
Shake it off, Todd. Shake it off.
Relax! Relate! Release!
Whoosa
Sorry you have to deal with that. Not to be disrespectful to the mother of your child and all, but her behavior sounds pretty obnoxious. I hope things aren’t like that all the time.
Also, not to belittle your situation, but isn’t hat just a typical example of the mundane reality of marriage and family?
You’re right. This is the mother of my child. As to whether this is normal, well…remember the second sentence. I don’t want to say too much to something attached to my government name. That is all.
In terms of every marriage stuff, there’s a fine line between having a bad day and having some serious issues, ya know?
“Women do you think that you are automatically ready to be a wife? And what makes you so sure?â€
No I don’t think that women are automatically ready to be wives. I think there are certain qualities that one must have innately to be a real wife to a man (Read: Proverbs 31). Someone mentioned up thread that one should be agreeable and such which is true to an extent but not so agreeable that you lose yourself. For me this is the mistake I made in my marriage, I was agreeable and submissive to a fault. So much so that dude decided since I was “not going anywhere†he would continue to sow his wild oats forgetting our pesky vows.
I was supportive of all of his dreams, waited on him hand and foot, I ensured our home was well kept, tried to add value to his life by funding college, he never eat a left over meal, his clothes were cleaned, we had phenomenal chex, we laughed, talked, enjoy the same music, blah, blah, blah but me being a good wife to him didn’t equate him being a good husband to me. And in doing all of the above and having it all seemly valued at zero in his eyes left me feeling like a door-mat fool and also wondering if I needed to do/be the complete reverse of the above woman to truly please my husband then making me a good wife to him.
I mean what do you do when you ARE and ALWAYS have been a good wife (wife material) and your husband VERBALLY appreciates it however his action do not value you and all that you bring to the table enough to be a faithful, loyal and committed……..
see, man? see what I be talkin about? Being an “ideal” wife to a husband who is nothing such is a pointless endeavor. Also, while Breezy may have been a wonderful wife generally, we have no way of knowing whether she was a wonderful wife FOR that dude. Heck, that dude may not even have deserved a good wife. Ideality of the situation is just as important as the commitment of the individuals, IMO.
Good point on boundaries. Most women I’ve come across these days are the exact opposite. They’re so busy trying not to get hurt that they never get anywhere near intimate within the context of marriage. On the other hand, you gave so much without asking for anything in return that dude took advantage. I think the key is moderation and understanding what you need.
That said, few people, regardless of gender, know that.
It hurts my heart to read this. The people closest to us have the ability to hurt us the most. I also don’t believe we only get one shot at love.
Todd: Boundaries is an aspect of the relationship that I never considered until after the fact. In truth I didn’t think I needed them since he was my husband and I literally gave my all to him without a second thought because I took a vow to … be his faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promised to love him unconditionally, to support him in his goals, to honor and respect him, to laugh with him and cry with him, and to cherish him for as long as we both shall live. But I now know that If I have to justify, excuse, rationalize, ignore, and effectively bury myself in order to accommodate someone else or my vision of a relationship, it’s time to look at the bigger picture and realize that I will never be happy or anything close to it, if I have to ignore yourself.
WIP: Don’t cry for me don’t shed a tear…am better now
I really feel for your predicament and, I really do not think that just because a man cheats on you that it means that he doesn’t love you or you two should break-up. There are several reasons that people act out sexually and that can be explored through intense soul searching or counseling. However, with all that you are doing you are coming off as a mother and not a wife I understand being a household maven but how are you paying for school tuition too? They have a saying that you should never give 100% of what you have to your children or husband reciprocity is important.
Would I make a good wife? Yes. Why? Because I know myself. I am spiritual, loyal, attractive, ambitious, nurturing, gentle, respectful, submissive and an excellent cook who was raised right. I believe in traditional spousal roles and I grew up around multiple positive examples of marriage. I would call myself wife material even given the fact that I can be rational to the point of being annoying, am unabashedly emotional, but not terribly emoTIVE, a little judgmental, occasionally bougie, play too much and have a mean lazy streak. Stated alternatively, I could be the ideal wife to an ideal husband. But…
Do I have any interest in making such a commitment at this time? Shoot no.
“Fellas, do you think most (notice I said most, leave Poleina Slidedown out of this) women have the tools to be a good wife and we really are just losing by being too picky and waiting around?â€
Â
I think it depends on the woman. From my experience most average (for conversation sake average = the women that aren’t “pretty girlsâ€. I know all women are excellent, super, terrific, great, and there is no such thing as an average woman) woman would make great wives for the right guy. I have ran into quite a few single with women that have told me “somebody is going to marry meâ€, “I’d make an excellent wife, “I’m the complete packageâ€. These women typically would make the worst wives. You have some women that are unselfish, have done enough self-reflection, and understand men and relationships to make a good wife. Then you have the other group. You have the women that have spent their whole life being attracted to and only attracting simple men. They usually think they make a good wife because of their chex game, career accomplishments, and looks. These women also don’t really want to be a wife they want an employee they call their husband. Basically they want a man to put of up with their ish in exchange for her “superficial great wife-material qualitiesâ€. I say superficial because all of the qualities she feels make her a great wife has nothing to do with being a great wife.
Â
It is hard for me to say “most women†because wife/husband material is usually based on stats. And stats do not equal a good mate. If you suck at relationships then marriage is out of the question. When I hear the reasons a woman would make a “good wife†usually none of them (in my opinion) have anything to do with the character or personality of that woman. And as far as I’m concerned character/personality is the deciding factor in whether I take a woman serious or not.
” When I hear the reasons a woman would make a “good wife†usually none of them (in my opinion) have anything to do with the character or personality of that woman. And as far as I’m concerned character/personality is the deciding factor in whether I take a woman serious or not. ”
Wisdom!
I’ve never heard a man say he married his woman because of her career, her hair, how good she was in bed….many newly married men will talk about the personality traits he LOVES in his wife.
You know why I think that second group exists. There are two reasons. First, since they stay with some peen in them, they can still believe “well, maybe this guy will be the one.” So long as they keep getting the tool, they’ll hold on to the dream until the bitter end. The second reason is that they have a team around them that is so desperate to stay a unit that they won’t call out people’s BS, lest someone gets up and leaves.
These women also don’t understand basic dudes as well. At some point, a basic dude will either get sick of the BS or stop being basic. Either way why would he even want you around. The new chic has less BS than you do, and the new, improved dude is looking for something more, which is something that the woman probably doesn’t have because she never had to be more to get some peen inside of her.
if we remove all the narcissism out of this conversation – what is left? meh, I guess that is our generation – slightly self-obsessed.
as such, a great husband/wife is someone who ISNT selfish / self-centered. to me, that is all that is really required. Two people trying hard to make life better for each other and their kids: marriage and family. It is awesome.
+100
“as such, a great husband/wife is someone who ISNT selfish / self-centered. ”
This is the biggun’.
Fist pump this whole comment! At some point the analysis must cease. Ain’t nothin to it, but to do it! And then see what’s “good.”
“I guess that is our generation – slightly self-obsessed.”
Exactly why divorce is so damn high.
Would I make a good wife? To which man? To the men from my past? To the man I’m with now? It’s all relative. I believe I would make an excellent wife to the man I’m with now. And he will make an excellent husband. I provide structure and planning for him when he becomes scatterbrained. He provides me with unending support, loyalty, and a bone-deep commitment I’ve never experienced before. He helps me set down the many burdens I seem to feel obligated to lug around. Will our marriage be perfect? Hardly. He gets on my damn nerves sometimes lol. But we will be partners, a team, a union. So, I guess it’s really less about will I be a “good” wife or will he be a “good” husband. That sounds so servile to me. It’s more about will our marriage be exactly what the both of us need to create a country, a nation of two. I think it will.
Why not? There’s a shoe for every foot so why can’t a woman be wife material for some man–just not every man. And I think this is where women fall flat. The wife definition of one man might be very similar to a maid. So a woman who gets joy and satisfaction from cooking, cleaning, and mending pants might make him a great wife because that’s all he’s looking for. A lot of men are looking for this since they never saw their mother be a wife. They have no idea about all the other soft skills it takes to be a wife. Yet another man may want his wife to be more like a partner or the wind beneath his wings. So for him, the woman who defines wife similarly would be correct in assuming she’s wife material–for him.
Most of my sisters in womendome aren’t self-actualized enough to know when they are at their best, worse, and who is a good match.
No, there is not a shoe for every foot. That’s why we have the special sizes catalogue.
Not everyone deserves to be married, should be or will be married…which is why, if you want to be married, we shouldn’t take marriage for granted….marriage means there is another person who loves your sugar who is also willing to put up with your shyt.
Shoe was a metaphor for an ideal situation. With regard to every shoe for every foot, those who don’t want to get married, don’t. And ‘deserve’ to get married? Who gets to decide who deserves to be married? Isn’t coupling or at least being a part of a community part of our natural instincts?
One thing I noticed is that all of the women who insist they would make a good wife just happen to be the women who are “damaged goods”, so to speak. They are the only ones I see out there saying this. I’ve never heard a woman who has had good relationships mention being wife material not once.
I think I’m wife material but only because I don’t think being a wife requires anything more than being a girlfriend does….Ok…Hear me out. I might be a little bit of a hopeless romantic but it bothers me a little that marriage has become something of a death wish in our society instead of seen as something fun and ultimately about sharing your life with someone you genuinely care about and would do anything for (yes, essentially you could do this as a long-term girlfriend). I think for women we assume that becoming a wife is a huge sacrifice and it is as far as being totally committed and the same goes for being husband, but I think for the right person it wouldn’t feel like much of a sacrifice it would feel like something I’m willing to do because I loved that person.
@awkwardscience
When you get married, you leave your phuck it factor at the door; the phuckit factor threshold is GREATLY increased with marriage than when your dating. When you mad at dude when you’re dating, you tell him to grab his toothbrush, three cds, and two pairs of drawers and BOUNCE! When you’re married, you lose the lattitude to pull this move.
I think this factor depends on the type of person you are and how invested in the relationship you are
While true, the ability to whip it out is greatly reduced. In my circle, I find that many people struggle dealing with the loss of that ability and now must roll up their sleeves and put in some work to deal with some / situations.
Well people who are most willing to be committed probably do best with long-term relationships, commitment in my opinion should be reinforced by unconditional love which essentially allows someone the ability to put up with that other person’s crap. I do agree this often isn’t found at the girlfriend or boyfriend level actually I’d say this type of unconditional love is not at all easy to find even within marriage hence cheating and divorce rates.
It’s less that you leave your phuckit factor at the door than it is that you realize his annoying tendency to rust up your well-seasoned cast iron skillets by not drying them off properly* is the price you pay for having someone in your life who brings you way more joy than misery.
* true story. from this morning. i am about ready to cut this negro over my cookware. i will take him to the ER for stitches, but he is thisclose to being on the wrong end of a j.a. henckels.
Not gonna lie, I just Googled J.A. Henckels. Had never heard of them.
iDied @ 3 CDs and 2 pairs of drawers.
You can’t do the George Jefferson/Martin goodbye get out of my house to your spouse because they live with you.
And if you live together and are not married, and that happens, ah well, should’ve kept your own place for those reasons.
I’m a wife and have been one for 12 1/2 years. I know a lot of people don’t agree with this, but my mother taught me to always take care of MY man. If he wants a drink, get up and fix it for him. If he’s hungry, cook for him. Mind you, he does need to reciprocate. I should be able to send him to the store if I want something and I should be able to tell him to cut the grass and have him do both. Luckily, I have that balance in my relationship. I’ve always wanted to be a wife since I was a little girl. When I got married at 21, I felt I had the right foundation for it. Hubby is three years older than me. His parents have been married for 40 years. We both had a foundation to base our marriage off of. Of course, we’ve both matured since marriage and the births of our children. But he was the first man I met who actually said he wanted to be a husband and father foremost before anything so I knew we had the same values. I also learned from my husband that romance movies and books in which the woman gets everything she wants from the man even when she’s wrong are just not true. Men like a woman who can apologize and care about his feelings and not just have it be all about the woman and her feelings. You have to give a little too. I’m not really sure how it feels to not be a wife anymore. Trust me, I do have my moments where I wonder. I guess I’m wife material. I’m still learning.
word!
Thanks, I think…lol.
Can I be your promoter and put you on a 13 city tour?
whoa, I got first “dibs”!
Sure! I’d love to tell a whole bunch of people things they should already know, have them gobble it up, and get paid for it. Hmmm, now I’m seriously contemplating…
I challenge you to a step off Mr. Omega Man!!!! *challannnnnnge*
“…women do you think that you are automatically ready to be a wife?”
No, that’s crazy.
I think being a long term committed relationship takes a lot of patience, understanding, and insight. Those are things most of us don’t have until we are older.
Back in the day I’d try to argue my point for an hour. F- apologizing, I didn’t do anything wrong. Affection was for punks. Nope, I don’t need any help, I got it.
All those thoughts did not make me a candidate for anyone’s spouse (and thank God we didn’t go to the JOP that day…) I think young adults in general have a hard time with self-reflection, pride, and all the other parts of being that make relationships tough.
I think women have a better incentive to get it together because we’re on a clock. That’s the only reason. We have a set amount of time to get that sh*t right and make somebody like our a$$es. So we stop being biatches and be nice so we won’t end up barren.
I think women have a better incentive to get it together because we’re on a clock. That’s the only reason. We have a set amount of time to get that sh*t right and make somebody like our a$$es.
This made me laugh and i also see your point.
That last point is so true because it has more to do with ageing and making babies over anything else lol
what makes me so sure im wife material?
all the men (boyfriends, lovers, wannabes) who have told me so.
and yet..i still remain husband-less.
so…clearly… men are saying sh*t for the sake of gassing up a chick.
and then get mad when we feel like we are wife material. O_o
i’m not perfect, and im not wife material to every man, but i hold out (the smallest of smallest) hopes that i’ll be wife material to ONE man. that’s all i want.
merci.
I agree. I have run into my fair share of women who want to be married and think they’re wife material and in my mind I’m like, “What makes you a good wife?” I say that b/c they didn’t exhibit wife qualities. I understand that some men just can’t get right (forget them) but, I do feel that a brother would get married if he was ready to do so and found a woman that exhibited good wife/mother qualities. That’s my 2 cents.
I don’t think most people are built for relationships initially and that it is developed over time because it takes a lot of time and getting to know someone to move from a selfcentric(dunno if this is a word) point of view. Those girls who decide they will be a good wife often haven’t seen beyond themselves to understand that maybe there is a reason why they actually are not the best fit for the guy. Guys do it too but to truly be ready for a relationship it requires one to be able to see past themselves hence why it is hard to take people seriously when they say they are wifey material.
I think guys are better at that stuff partially because we haven’t been gassed up with wedding dreams and such, but partially because we HAVE to be. If we don’t have ourselves together, we aren’t getting quality women giving up booty because they were bored, and the stuff on Oxygen, WE and Lifetime wasn’t hitting. There’s nothing like a few dateless months to make a man come to Jesus.
Fellas, do you think most (notice I said most, leave Poleina Slidedown out of this) women have the tools to be a good wife and we really are just losing by being too picky and waiting around?
–
Personally, I think a lot of women are in denial about what they bring to relationships. Much like men, they exhibit traits of extreme selfishness but just dress it up as “independence” to avoid criticism.
Someone said it up-thread (forgot your name homie, sorry), probably the biggest thing to a successful relationship is to get over yourself. Nobody exists solely for your benefit, and once you realize that relationships will be more meaningful.
Being a good woman is NOT equal to being a good wife!
Ppl shouldn’t confuse the two. I am a good woman but I don’t think that I would be a good wife at this point in my life. With that title comes expectations and responsibilities that I’m not able to take on. I’ve been in the business of thinking of ME and not WE. I realize as i get older my mindset is changing.
I agree with the gist of the post because more than half of my females friends imply that they are that good wife material (WM).
Like a lot of people said, “good” WM depends on the guy just like good husband material depends on the gal. In general though, I think someone that…
communicates well,
can compromise but is not a push over,
is loyal,
is patient and understanding
is frisky
is a person ripe to be a good wife or husband. Its mostly the same qualities that make a person a great friend.
My parents were married over 50 years and I’ve seen what it really means to love and be committed to another person for the long haul–to be by a person when they are on top of the world & have lots of options, to take care of a person when they are down and out or sick or depressed…to have to pull it together and continue life after one passes away.
Therefore, I know I’m not ready for that…and being good WM at least partially means being ready for all that (at least committing to it).
I’m at a very selfish time in my life. I know this and don’t want to play games with anyone’s heart so pretty much I’m in a phase where I just want to get to know people and build friendships really.
Who knows what the future holds though.
i can answer all your questions with two words: woman logic.
don’t try to understand it, don’t question it, its like a rubik’s cube. just slowly back out the room and don’t make a sudden movements.
*rebukes this comment.
lol i wonder why.
well if you MUST know… its because this whole ‘women-logic’ thing is a cheap shot to end a conversation, without being true, accurate, fair.
do i think this cuz im a woman..um yes. last time i check i am one, was raised as one. i blame steve harvey for making y’all think that thinking as a woman and therefore different from men is inherently false.
man logic starts wars and keeps people in power who create laws/rules intended to oppress large groups of people. but ya know…if we bring that up…im just a bitter chick who need to get f**cked.
the pointing of fingers, mocking and my-logic-is-better-than-your-logic is not helping matters. and is very tiresome. i’d like to request a cease and desist order on the entire thing.
please and thanks.
@ Keisha
+1,000,000 to the nth power!!!!!
Thank you ma!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somehow I missed the fact that CHURCH was in session.
But you better stop speaking so much truth.
:-O
*LMAO*
I am a wife and I dont feel like i am naturally a good one.
I actually question a lot of times if i was supposed to be one.
but because I love my husband and my child (lets not get into the doubts about parenthood)
I make the effort. I put my heart into it and try.
and because I know that most of the women I know can and will do the same, are raised and breed to do the same
most women are determined to be a good woman and a good wife.
now whether or not we always succeed.. eh
A woman could get a train ran on her by the greeks, be overweight, not know how to cook, have a few kids by stranger, have no upward mobility in her career, be unattractive……and STILL think she’s wifey material.
I am thankful that I didn’t become a wife until I was 30 years old. Prior to then, I believed and desired to be the wife for many of the guys I dated but it wasn’t until I ended up with the husband I have that I now know I wasn’t ready.
I believe that through heartbreaks or relationships that just plain didn’t work out, you get a better understanding of yourself and what is truly important to make a relationship last for life. For instance, things I would’ve wailed on in the past, I now keep mum on and vice versa.
I think the best wife is one who has lived, you just can’t be born with the trait.
“I believe that through heartbreaks or relationships that just plain didn’t work out, you get a better understanding of yourself and what is truly important to make a relationship last for life.”
Agreed. And although most of the VSB believe women are incapable of self-reflection and accountability, I can look back at relationships where I didn’t feel I did anything wrong and still find lessons learned. I think it’s possible for young couples to succeed though. At the end of the day, it’s simply about the commitment. Some people have that ability early in life. I think most of us need to mature into it.
“I can look back at relationships where I didn’t feel I did anything wrong and still find lessons learned”
YESSSS, this! This is the majority my experience but I can see my fault in it.
I just think it’s necessary to get all of that “youngness” out where you can be free, do what you want, and not have to be accountable to someone else…. Both men and women should be sowing seeds!
So true!
Wow.. my pc screwed me over on this comment. Just imagine its waaay up there posing as an amen on a truth.com comment.
I hate these convos, because I think the “wife material” thing shoulda been done and over with in 2010. It’s such bs. Overdone, burnt and crispy. Ain’t no meat left on that bone. But men love to keep chewing at it because you can always find a few black women who will take that sh!t to heart. They will always fall for that old bullsh!t line “this is why you’re single” from a stranger online who knows NOTHING about them.
Cause some people like to make themselves feel better going after the easy target. The desperate single black woman. She’s always good for a reaction. Watch her flip out, cry, flail, then get angry and lash out. Then you can say “see, that’s why you’re single”.
You’re too emotional
You’re not emotional enough
You’re selfish
You give too much
You’re too impatient, you want a relationship too soon
You’re too patient, you don’t value your time.
You want too much, you need to settle
You put up with too much, you don’t value yourself
You are sexually boring
You’re too sexual
It’s too delicious for some losers. Cause too many black women fall right into the self doubt trap. Easy meal. Eat it right up.
THERE AIN’T NO GAHT DAMN SUCH THING AS WIFE MATERIAL!
Can we just stop? It’s cheap, intellectually lazy. Tired. It’s beneath us as vspeepol. Can we puhleeze retire the wife material debate.
You’re too impatient, you want a relationship too soon
You’re too patient, you don’t value your time.
You want too much, you need to settle
You put up with too much, you don’t value yourself
You are sexually boring
You’re too sexual
Hee-larious!!!!
i want a tshirt that says vspeepol though.
just saying. LOL.
oh and i also approve of this comment. which im sure now designates me as a man-hating feminist womyn. -_-
I understand what you’re getting at. After all, no group of people wants to have all the blame put on them. Women, especially, get nailed for stuff they can’t control and aren’t responsible for.
However, there’s difference between not accepting all of the blame and claiming you’re perfect. I think you’re thinking the former. That’s a sign of normal, healthy self-esteem. You can figure out what I think of the rest.
i think you are right. there has to be a fine balance.
there are women who because they look a certain way, have never heard the word no, never been rejected, have always gotten their own way and believe things to be a certain way (and that nothing is ever their fault). these women have been created by men gassing her up. so…you can’t be mad at her when you are part of the reason why she exists.
but that is is not the majority of women. NO HUMAN ever really wants to admit to their own flaws, but the thing about this seems to be over and over again – women are always being told by men certain things, for whatever reason they deem valid (for the poon, for the power, for humor and blog hits). and of course, we’re not allowed to be defensive because if it doesn’t apply to YOU, then why are YOU getting upset? the same way that generalizations against black men/people gets me upset. you are painting a brush of me for your own gain.
self-awareness (and the lack thereof) is not a disease that only affects women.
and me saying so doesn’t make me a bitter haterade drinking woman. im just ‘thinking like a man’ and making my simple observations.
“and of course, we’re not allowed to be defensive because if it doesn’t apply to YOU, then why are YOU getting upset? the same way that generalizations against black men/people gets me upset. you are painting a brush of me for your own gain.”
This! I will never understand why they dont see the comparison.
I agree with all of this. From the whole dudes-blowing-a-woman-up to the lack of self-awareness we all have. Be it so that I could change it.
no. b/c it keeps coming up. and not just from men. i’ve had this convo with SO many women. thing is, i’ve gotten out of the business of telling ninjas why they’re single. unless something particulary poignant comes up. but for the most part its a lost cause and people are too defensive to see past the words.
so i’ll keep this up though. loll.
OK, so the question isn’t your style. Cool. My question is why does this particular question get to you?
Absolutely correct.
The Cougar has spoken. Let’s listen!
Can we just stop? It’s cheap, intellectually lazy. Tired. It’s beneath us as vspeepol. Can we puhleeze retire the wife material debate. EMPHASIS ON “intellectually lazy”
I think it was a couple days before where you were glorifying the superiority of the poon to the peen, and from a biological standpoint you were correct. You see the reason why poon is so valuable, all B.S. aside, is that poon is responsible for the survival of the species, forget about all the trivial stuff, that’s what it’s all about in the grand scheme of things.
The women who apparently have low self-esteem and are trying to find out how they can best play and assume the responsibility that nature has blessed them with, you look down upon them because they choose to endure the harsh criticisms that men give them, but ask any man who you consider to be an a**hole, if he doesn’t rejoice when a girl he gave advice, says she took it and it worked; ask him if he doesn’t celebrate with joy when he sees a girl take his advice, and be successful and find a man who she loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with.
But what is your advice to women? Your advice is for them to be frivolous, isn’t it? To abandon their natural impulse to save the race, because men who claim to have their best interests at heart don’t feel the need to be nice or considerate to them. You advise them to be like men, to chase young boys just like men do? You advise these women to abandon their impulses, the impulses that make them good mothers even in the face of difficulty and unworthy men.
This of course, is just intellectual laziness of course. However, all truth be told, you’re simply a product of your time: a baby boomer. The generation of people who came in at first with the best of intentions, but when times got difficult decided they should just be frivolous and smang around. The generation that left it’s children trillions in debt, morally bankrupt, over drugged, over intoxicated etc, but has and will never take responsibility for it’s lack of prudence and adherence to emotional thinking over long term planning.
It’s kind of sad, I guess, that the people who actually are doing the right thing and are trying to save our race from it’s ultimate path towards destruction, are the people who are looked down upon as inferiors, by their frivolous and immature peers. However, perhaps when the dust has settled and the race has successfully committed moral suicide, those of us who endured all the punches and the slaps, will be the ones to lead our people to the promise land.
Little girls are born to be wives and mothers. It’s what we practice and what we’re trained to think about. Somewhere along the ways some little girls pick up motherhood before we pick up wifedom (word?). The ultimate goal though is to be a wife. The dreams of little boys i’m guessing (bc i’ve never been one) are to be the leader, able to provide, and other macho characteristics. Men can accomplish this without a woman. Unfortunately our goal that was instilled in us from the beginning is directly tied to a man. Like was said before the perfect wife to all is impossible, the perfect wife to one man is my goal. I just haven’t met him yet, and have to learn about him to learn if I could be his pefect wife.
I agree that men do get a bad rap…Black men especially. However a “wife” and “husband” constitute a “marriage”. Therefore even if you are a “good wife” what does it matter if your husband is not the same? It takes two to make a marriage work.
With that being said, I’ve seen WAAAAY too many women sit back and complain freely about men, without keeping themselves in check. Shortly after I started going out with my boyfriend, his ex saw me in public and thought she would “warn me” about him. She said that he was a cheater, that he was lazy, and that he was immature. However as time went on I found out that not only was she physically abusive and had a drinking problem, but she was on medication for being bi-polar and was known for being paranoid. She’s been fired from at least two jobs for losing her temper with customers and also has restraining orders against both her next door neighbor and her other ex. Maybe someone needs to give out warnings about her!
Honestly, the only reason I think I would be good wife material is because, my mother says so. And my grandmother says so, and my sisters, and the guys who I date casually, and the Ex-that started the snowflake effect in my own life.( Luckily I bounced back to who I was and even a little better!) But as a 22-yr old woman, even though I’d be ecstatic at the idea of a proposal, I would cringe at the idea of marriage only because I feel inadequate and still have things I want to complete before I settle down. A friend of mine wants to “court” me but I can’t bring myself to do it, I’m a good listener but I’m still in my selfish stage. I’m not ready to give that up. I love people and give all I have, but even now I can take a step back and breathe…my step back would just be into a home with another person who is always there! ALWAYS THERE…(echo: there there there) I’m a brainiac, an excellent cook, housekeeper, who loves to snowboard and do new things, but that doesn’t mean just because I have all these “wifely” qualities I would make a good wife right now. One day I hope to, but I have a little refining to do before I get there.
Regarding today’s topic, there are two things that I’ve learned in my fifty-leven years on this Earth.
1) No one can be a good wife/husband until they learn to be mature.
2) 90% of immature adults believe that they are mature, and can’t be convinced otherwise.
This is why I think it should be illegal to get married until you are at least 30 years old. That wouldn’t fix the problem, but at least things would improve, and the divorce rate would drop somewhat.
But then you’d be really late in the baby-making track and for the ladies the older you get the more risk involved.
“90% of immature adults believe that they are mature, and can’t be convinced otherwise.”
+ 10000
No, I would be a terrible wife right now. I’m way too young. I know people do it, but getting married at 22 is not for me. I still have a lot of dating and life experiencing to do
I think women are brain washed to believe that they all would make good wives and it starts from childhood, from there mothers branding it in there heads to disney cartoons depicting marriage as the end all. For the most part I think women are just taught to want to be married.
” For the most part I think women are just taught to want to be married. ”
Amen.
Case in point: wedding receptions flower bouquet toss reactions vs. garter toss reactions
Plus who really does the wedding planning, a man’s idea is just let me know when and where to show up, we don’t really care if it’s at the court house or if it’s a large reception we just want to know the details.
This post really hit home with me. Because in fact this was the situation with me and my husband (obviously before we were married). We met in 06, I had decided in 07 that he was “the one” and that we would be married. He was NOT on the same page. He proposed in 08 and got married in 09.
I WIN!
As far as being a good wife, I really think it depends on the man you’re with. For us, I know that he needs someone who will support him, who will challenge him, be on his level intellectually, play video games and bang the latest Ross album. Being his wife means I will love him unconditionally and be his best friend. That I will take care of him, our son, and our home. It’s a lot, but being a wife isn’t for the faint of heart or for quitters.
Oh and before I met him, marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. I was not one of those girls who planned my marriage with every guy I met.
I’m happy you didn’t kick dude to the curb because you wern’t on the same page at the same time. I went through the same thing with my wife and I had to explain that I wanted to get my house in order fiscally so that it would withstand the vigors of marriage. When I got it right, she wasn’t ready to get married but eventually we got on the same page.
I’m a flawed person yet I still believe that I make a good wife. Hell, I didn’t know if I was gonna be a good mother until I became one. And even with that, I still have my moments where I believe that I could be a better mom. Of course not all women make good wives, but neither do all husbands. I prefer a life companion over anything else, marriage is secondary. I learned that from one of my clients whose 86 yrs old, lived his life well and and just lost his gf of 30 yrs.
i already know i’d be a great wife. i think being a mother would be harder. men are ridiculously easy to please and very self-sufficient. children (while I love them to pieces) are notoriously difficult and needy.
“men are ridiculously easy to please and very self-sufficient.†While woman may not be easy to please, they are extremely self-sufficient. Thus the power struggle of yielding to one’s spouse being considered losing independence by women.
This is my thinking too. It’s not even so much that men are easy to please but if I’m your wife and we made a vow, for me, it’s understood that there’s very little I wouldn’t do for that man if he asks. It’s kinda of an all bets are off thing which is probably a recipe for disaster if it’s not reciprocated.
Now being a mother…That’s a huge sacrifice and this is coming from someone who loves children. I want children some day but I know once I have them responsibility to them as a mother comes first.
Lol, Todd. I have your number, luv. Didja forget?
Ahem…its because I’m so mad my husband left me and I have a sneaky suspicion it was ,cause I got fat and quit cooking and being wild in the bedroom and ill never find another husband and die alooooooone! Boo Hoo.
Real spit. I explained pretty well in the original comment why it bothers me. No hidden pain for you to pick at for your entertainment. Smh..
You’re right. There is no hidden pain for me to pick at.
You just typed it.
Have a blessed day.
Oh gawd, Todd, you believe so strongly in your wannabe psychologist tricks that you dont recognize sarcasm.
*rolls eyes*
Men who think they are smarter than they are <<<<<<<
“men are ridiculously easy to please and very self-sufficient.” While woman may not be easy to please, they are extremely self-sufficient. Thus the power struggle of yielding to one’s spouse being considered losing independence by women.
This post is a good time to mention a great movie about black relationships starring The Haitian dude from Heroes. It gave me some perspective on why black men and women in marriages argue so much (spoiler alert: it has a lot to do with their triflin’ a** friends).
http://www.tiredblackman.com/
That movie is horrible and should only be watched while play a drinking game with friends where you take a shot when you spot all the woman-blaming cliches in black relationship conversations (triflin’ ass friends, women who want thugs, women who are combative or crazy for no damn reason other than to thicken the plot). That filmmaker has serious issues with women. He chose to blow his money on that film budget instead of getting therapy. F… that movie. #My2cents
True there may have been some cliches, but the filmmaker does talk about lack of family structure in the black community and how that causes some women to act negatively towards black men. I would say the director was biased (as most are), but there were plenty of interviews of people of both genders and many races. Enough not to write it off as completely cliche.
This is definitely a great question and you hit me where it hurts because I too am guilty of blaming men for everything, especially black ones. Not because I’m an angry black woman(ok maybe a little) but I’ve seen what a man/husband is supposed to do first hand because my father was a prime example. Maybe my standards are too high but I wish that all men could have an example like this is their household. As for me making a good wife, I do think I would but I know I still have more growing to do. Many of my guy friends have taught me a lot and I have learned things that I must do to keep my man happy. However I do believe the real problem lies with us as women in general(myself included). We get mad at men for lying and cheating. But it definitely takes two to tango and I am a firm believer that we as women have all the power. Any women can have sex if they want to, but that cannot be said for all men. I wish us ladies would realize the power we have and take hold of it. We want men to stop cheating then we need to teach our daughters to stop/not put out and start building them up to become the future wives and mothers they are called to be. Every women has the potential to become a wonderful wife but sometimes that hope is lost when we settle for anyone and loose our values.
Meh. Why would I cast my pearls before swine and defend that I’d be a “good” wife to someone who wasn’t even trying to choose me in the first place?
Like people have said above, good is relative. What’s good for one may not be good for another. And sometimes you don’t really know how “good” someone is going to be until the storms and the rocky roads come. Michelle Obama has said that when Barack was a state senator – things got real deal Holyfield. And I’m sure she channeled her Southside self and they had to have some Come to Jesus conversations. But we see the smiles and assume that it’s all good. She’s “good.”
I still attend the church where I grew up and now I get to see people with my grown up eyes vs. my child one’s. There are a lot of couples that have 30, 40, 50+ years of marriage under their belt. There are wives who are hen peckers. Wives who are ride are die no matter if their husband says something foolish in a meeting. Wives who are vocal and will go toe to toe with their husbands. But they are all “good” in their own right, in the context of their relationships. And my goodness – if they had sat around and pontificated all of these things – we would not be here today! I have to pour out a little liquor for the generations before us because even with their flaws and missteps, they had enough foresight and were willing to take the risk to build a life together. That’s no small feat but at the same time I think we make it wayyy more complicated than it has to be.
I agree!
What I am getting from this conversation is that women pull the MOST weight in the marriage, by default and are getting maimed for not being “wife material” Whatev! It’s as if the burden lays squarely on us, what the hell are the men doing?! It’s a two way street. I will only be a GREAT-not even good, or semi or mediocre, if my husband pulls his weight! By the way, there is a great majority of us that are not interested in this marriage thing. A woman is NOT wife material, because you too are NOT husband material! It is a PARTNERSHIP, political/financial or otherwise in which the two consenting parties are BOTH ready!
Every marriage has a different balance of 50-50. In my house, for example, my wife does most of the homework and cooking but I do the yard work, folding and ironing. I will take the boys to doctor’s appointments but she goes to the in school meetings. I play dad taxi as I pick up / drop off to track, golf, and karate but mom always makes the recitals.
I want all women who complain about the balance to remember that women have more leeway to fall back into a domestic capacity than a man does as gender roles / responsibilites were forever altered after WWII.
@ Sig
By leeway options you mean being housewives/homemakers (to the politically correct crowd)? If so, eh-that option is soooo not applicable to me. Woi!
Exactly. Even though my hubby has a problem getting places on time so I do most of the shuttling although he volunteers to do it. I just don’t trust him with anything having to do with time.
Sidebar conversation: Just saw a grown dude at the airport with a hickey on his neck. What grown person still gives hickeys?! #WhatAreYou…15?
I hope to God it wasn’t a 15 year old who gave him that. yuck!
That’s like a grown man going to a record store to buy Justin Bieber’s new album.
I have a hickey right now. I very much enjoyed the throw back experience of getting it.
This.
Woooo hooooo!
Well, if you’re, um, “spritied” in your chexual relations, stuff like that can happen.
+1
@ Breezy
I don’t see nuttin wrong with grown folks walking around hickified. Marra of fact where is my man…haven’t seen him around hurr today, just briefly yesterday.
*hangs head and blushes*
WC, Jazzy, Kema, Todd, Keisha and of course Mami….Ya’ll so freaky!!!!
nothing to do with freakiness, just like I really don’t see the big deal.
I’m loving, nurturing, energized, God-fearing, intelligent and…
I’m not opposed to open relationships… I’d be a great wife.
They don’t hear me tho!
to answer the question. I do think I’m wife material, I have thought of the answer and can be prepared to answer it if asked, only by someone that I found suitable to be my potential husband and perhaps during some sort of premarital counseling. its not something I’d get into all willy nilly with any old body inquiring. I don’t think any woman is automatically ready, same way I feel about parenthood–somethings you just have to do. its a never ending process of learning, IMO. I think the first step is the desire to be great at it, and the dedication to see it through. I know I’ll make mistakes and the person I’m with should know that going in. I know they would as well.
“Do all women think that they’d make good wives?”
Hell no. At least not in my experience. Some of us are quite sure we would only end up damaging ourselves and the guy if we attempted marriage.
“I’m trying to figure out if I know a single woman who DOESN’T automatically assume that she’d make a good wife or is ready to be a wife and would be if it wasn’t for us of testosterone.”
OR maybe its just your circle but I personally know at least two who do not think this way (not including myself). Perhaps we are in the minority of minorities, but we exist.
I think once women (and men), realize marriage is not for everyone we can all have a meaningful discussion about things like this.
Following the question about women making good wives, should be the even more important question about women being good mothers. Another topic where so many of us women assume it is a given when it is clearly not the case.
I think I’d be a GREAT wife to the RIGHT man. But only to the right man. As we all probably know, an ill-matched pair is a recipe for disaster.
As I know that coupled women take more risk with their bodies than single women, No, most women will not make good wives.
Personally, there is little merit in blaming anyone for anything. Immature people do not understand that.
Mistakes will be made. Brilliance just means you see it sooner and have more time to prepare.
Do people actually contemplate “Do I think this woman/man fits my definition of a good wife/husband?” before they pop the question, or does the question poppin just happen when the question popper is so in love with the person they can’t see living without them? Do you fall in love because that person is all you’ve ever wanted in a mate (reliable, cool, nuturing, funny, etc.), and so, THAT is what makes the situation/person right for marriage? I mean, I just don’t know that most people have put together a checklist of like, the 20 die hard things that another person must be in order for them to be considered “the one”. So, maybe the potential to be a good wife/husband, in someone else’s eyes, isn’t really about a specific set of qualities, but more about the fact that I am so deep into the person I ultimately pop the question to (at that time) that I can’t see myself, at time in my future life, being without them. I guess in this case, its more about the love you feel, and whether or not she can fold the bath towels correctly, or he gets up and gets the kids fed and off to school one morning so she can sleep a lil longer, doesn’t really come into play (in the mind) until those things begin to happen in the marriage.
I guess I feel like, as long as you have a good person, who makes you feel good (and not in the “Can you make me feeeeeeeeel goood way”, though that helps
, then you both can work on being a good wife/husband together, as opposed to having to have some arbitrary set of qualifications as a prerequisite.
Hmmm. What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Nothing, really. I believe Cheekie hit the nail on the head with the “HIS wife” comment.
As for being ready, I don’t think it’s as simple as that. I can plot and plan all day long on how I will be as a wife, but until I am…. m’eh.
Meant to say “…and NOT whether or not…”
I’m only 23 and half of the girls in my class at either engaged or married. It gets me thinking that I’ll be the only one left at the end of my program but when I really think about it I have no desire to be anyone’s wife…yet. The thought makes me claustrophobic. I just want the pretty ring.
I would make a horrible wife for a few reasons. For one, it is not on my bucket list. Not having the desire to be a wife will ensure that I would be a bad wife. For two, the idea of a traditional marriage is appalling and feels cagey to me. I can easily see myself committed to one man for the rest of my life, but that is because I wholeheartedly agree with the LAT (Living Apart Together) lifestyle. Just because I love someone to death does not mean I want to live with that person. He will have to live down the block or something. I go home to an empty home every night and love it. That is not something I want to change. In the long run, I think people who spend time apart don’t get as sick of each other.
Life partners are supposed to be our best friends. People don’t aspire to live with their non-smanging best friends, why for the lovers? And non-smanging best friends divorce at a much lower rate. I know that sounds rediculous, but I’ve just noticed most people let SO’s get away with a hell of a lot more messed up shit than they would their friends, which I don’t get. They hold them to a lower standard.
But back to the whole being a wife thing. I feel like it takes more work than its worth. I’d rather build my life next to someone than with someone. Plus I can’t cook and hate all things house work. See? Horrible wife.
“I mean how many of you all have ever been asked why you’d make a good wife?”
I have thought about this a lot. Been thinking about that since I was a teenager. I don’t know if I’d make a good wife, to be honest. I have a lot of issues. I know I’d make a good mom, though.
I don’t believe that every woman dreams about being somebody’s wife or that it is her ultimate goal in life. Having said that, I do believe most women who get married have the full intention of being a good wife to their better half.
I see the “Good Wife” thing as a matter of timing and where a woman is in her life. Most women who don’t look for a man to complete them but rather complement them see the essence of good timing. At 24 I don’t see myself as a wife material. This is because I’ve barely figured out my own stuff. I’m still in school and figuring out what my next move should be after finishing my masters degree. I am looking for ways to accomplish my dreams and settling down at this moment would do neither my potential husband or myself any good.
I think that is why the divorce rate is high these days. People get married for the wrong reasons at the wrong time and they fail to be the best wife/husband material to their better half. There is so much “I” than “We”, since they haven’t completed their personal development and this leads to an ultimate crash and burn of their marriage.
For those not in the know, “wife material” is whoever happens to be around when a guy decides to get married.
Ladies, we can sit here and tabulate, catalogue, re-count, and model our attributes with ordinary differential equations until we’re blue in the face, but time and place is what it all boils down to. Even a woman who insists she is not wife arterial can get wifed up before any alleged wife material type does.
Honestly I never thought much about getting married until it became a topic at women’s bible study. Those discussions made me realize that although I think I would be an awesome wife I know I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. Like a lot of the other ladies already said I have tons to work on before I could even really consider being someone’s wife.
So I had to take 24 hours to let this one digest, so I wouldn’t be arrogant or too sassy. Am I wife material, yes? Why? Well I believe life teaches us stuff from our family to our external relationships…my spiritual life has taught me the REAL meaning behind the covenant of marriage…my relationships with men have taught me how to value you me and who I am individually so that I am not looking for a person to complete me…you know that cliche romantic BS you hear and believe to be true, “oh you complete me…you are my other half,” all garbage…you and I were created WHOLE and sufficient in our own being…now is there something else someone can add to enhance WHO we already are, likely! And you should also be an enhancement to someone else’s life. So back to the question, I am wife material because I understand the covenant, I also understand the foundation of the family in the community, I am more than a nurturer and child-bearer, I am a companion, friend, lover, dream pusher, prayer partner and a soft place for a man to land when life has kicked his arse. I’ve had women and men in my life to model how real marriages work and last and it’s not some bubble gum fairy tale so I am ready for the blows married life is going to throw. I am also at a place where I don’t one to play with everyone on the playground anymore, just one good playmate and I;m good. LOL
This connects with my point that I have shared with some in that why do you settle for less, rather than being single, happier, living a more stress free life, and showing patience for a better match for you. Not to mention, do you want to get married because you truly desire it or you’re just doing it because you were conditioned to believe that’s what you need to do.
Nope, not marriage material at all. I like my freedom and my space, and just don’t want to put in the work. I’d rather be off pursuing my hobbies, traveling, or doing whatever else strikes my fancy.
“The patron saint of Black wifedom.”
^^Under our FLOTUS picture up there.
But what I find soooo interesting is how when we inquire of brothas why they can’t be bothered to manage to rise to the standard of the POTUS if he is to be considered the patron saint of Black husband-dom (if you will) — then all we ladies get is a basketful of “y’all dreamin’” and “Black women aren’t realistic”.
I don’t understand the lack of parallel.
Well, I do, but …
*smh*
#comeonson
my PERSONAL definition of wife material…domestic, money management skills, maternal (those 3 first for a reason), intelligent, common sense, patient, not frigid, sense of humour, opinionated, great CO PILOT, humble, friendly, resilient, resourceful, ability to maintain individual identity, warm and open. spiritually grounded (not necessarily religious), happy……you see I am from the old school, where parents are gong on there 40th wedding anniversary and still twinkle when they speak of each other. A confusion-less household..where each knew their elected roles and did them well. Where home was literally the best and safest place you could have been. Where you trusted your family because they lived a life that was evident that they knew how. That is my model and that is what I am literally grooming myself to be.