Theory & Essay

Maybe I Suck, But What Makes You So Sure You’re Wife Material?

The patron saint of Black wifedom.

Hi, I’m Panama. I burn sh*t.

Let’s go.

You love to hear the story, again and again, about how 98 percent of women (see that’s some, not all! Generalize deez!) are nearly perfect until some man comes into their lives and ruins them like crack did the hood in the 80s. Or that women would all basically do right, if men would just do right. There’s this causality that assumes that the only reason a woman acts up is because she’s responding to the actions of some man which, of course, causes her to act totally outside of her character since we all know that 98 percent of all women are snowflake-like, Stepford wives with strong opinions and the very models of the modern major general cornerstones of peace and serenity.

Peace of mind. It comes with every piece of the rock. Prudential.

Y’all remember that commercial? Me neither.

When I think of most women I know I hear angels singing.

It’s true.

So I assume we can all or mostly agree, based on conventional wisdom and most conversations that we have that include people of boob and wang, that men suck and are arbiters of all that is wrong in relationships. I don’t truly believe this, but if you do an Ask a Black Woman panel similar to the Ask A Black Man panel that Madame Noire is running I’m fairly certain that 4 out of 5 women (and dentists) would come to similar conclusions. Which leads me to some other questions. But mostly one, which is not plural…

Do all women think that they’d make good wives?

Think on that for a second. I’m trying to figure out if I know a single woman who DOESN’T automatically assume that she’d make a good wife or is ready to be a wife and would be if it wasn’t for us of testosterone. I mean really that’s at the epicenter of the dating quagmire right? Most women are on the quest to be wives and us entitled poon-wranglers won’t get ourselves together long enough to settle down and accept what they already know to be true: that if she is feeling him, then she’s right woman for that particular man. We’re basically slowing down the natural evolution of society by taking our sweet time and damaging women in the process, no?

That’s an interesting concept. I know this young lady – well knew, we haven’t spoken in quite some time – who was going thru it with her man. This mofo just would not do right by any stretch of the imagination and I, like most civic-minded individuals who vote, asked her why she chose to stay with a man who was hellbent on not being what she wanted? Her response was that she had it in her heart that she was both good AND right for him and if he’d just pay attention he’d notice it too. He would realize that she’s the wife he needs in order to be the best man he could be.

Real talk, I’ve never been one of those folks who truly believe the “I know you better than you know yourself” ideology that some folks trumpet. I’ve had somebody tell me that right before I hit her with the hee that caused her to rethink that idea. But I actually think its ridiculous to be so sure that you are the right person for somebody else if that person doesn’t view you in that light. How can you be right for somebody if they don’t feel that way about you? Riddle me that sh*t, Batman.

Back to lecture at hand. I get the impression that because women are waiting for certain menfolks to come to their senses that you all think that these men have the potential to make good husbands at some point, whereas all women ARE or WOULD be good wives, kind of on GP. But I don’t know that any woman has ever had to sit down and wrestle with why. I mean how many of you all have ever been asked why you’d make a good wife? How many of you all have another answer aside from loyalty and commitment? And willing to smang like rabbits at least until you don’t feel like it?

I know women are more or less bred to be nurturers and caretakers. And maybe that’s all it takes. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been a wife. It’s also not my goal. Call me Allllllllmond. But those characteristics are also more important to being a mother than a wife. The two can go hand in hand but being one doesn’t imply the ability to be the other. I talked about that in being a great father but having difficulty being a boyfriend or potential husband.

I’ve rambled.

But here’s the point, women do you think that you are automatically ready to be a wife? And what makes you so sure? Fellas, do you think most (notice I said most, leave Poleina Slidedown out of this) women have the tools to be a good wife and we really are just losing by being too picky and waiting around? Are we ruining these good women out here?

Talk to me. Petey.


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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at


  • Wife until death do us part? No. I don’t think most people have the tolerance to do that especially now where there is far less societal pressure (and legally you actually can) to stay married no matter what.

    I think the majority of women that want to be married could put in the work, regardless of the quality of marriage, if they felt like it. They have since marriage began. I’m not quite sure how “good wife” is being defined though.

  • Oh look at Panama burning ish. You’d think he was an arsonist or something. Which, if y’all ain’t seent this on le Twitter, this is me not having sense but the message is still valid —> 

    Ya know, at the surface, I’d prolly make a good wife, I’m caring, supportive, good-natured and all them other adjectives that go in profile but if I were really real with myself I’m not entirely and completely sure if I’m ready to be a wife. I actually view it in a way that people view being a parent. Or having chex for the first time. You never know until… you know. And even then you don’t know until you’re actively doing it. No pun. Hell, even parents who ARE actively parents question themselves every now and then.

    So while I’d like to think that I’d make a great wife, what I’d really like to think that I’d be half of a great union period. I’d hope that I’d make HIS great wife, not just a great wife. Because in order to be a great wife, you’d have to ask what a great wife consists of for that particular person. I bet it varies…

  • Tes

    I’d like to think I’d make a good wife, but I honestly don’t know. The things that make me wife material for one man may make me just passable to another. I do think, or rather know, that I am great person and you can’t build a bad house on such a good foundation… Am I ready to be a wife? I don’t think so, no; there’s so much I wanna learn about/for myself before I involve someone else. Am I willing to be a girlfriend? Learn to grow with someone and then maybe turn into a wife? Yes. But right off the bat, BOOM wife? Definitely not…

  • naturalista88

    “But here’s the point, women do you think that you are automatically ready to be a wife? And what makes you so sure?”

    I can honestly answer this question w/a sure and confident “no,” and I have no problem in admitting I am not- and may never be- ready to be a wife. I’m lazy, I procrastinate, and I am not willing to make a commitment to something that takes a lot of work and cultivation to make sure it doesn’t all go to hell in a hand basket. Now, I know these are things that I need to work on just so I can become a better person overall, but remember that part where I said I’m lazy? Yeah, I meant that sh!t and I don’t know when I’ll ever make myself grow out of that phase.

  • jazzylia

    I don’t think any woman is *automatically* a good wife. The skill set required to help make a marriage successful are qualities one must learn, and they are different for every relationship.

    To hell with that if/then ish when it comes to relationships. IF he really wanted you, THEN he would of stopped cuttin with his ex (or popped the question / introduced you to his fam, etc) ages ago, smh.

  • 2bougie

    Ok, I KNOW I’m not ready to be a good wife right now, but this is after a long self-delusional period of thinking I’d be perfect for him, that guy, sir over there, oh and him too (of course not at the same time). I know what my mom (parents married for 31 years) does and you know what I don’t want to do that yet. It could be that I’m in a really selfish place in life right now, but the most I can promise is to call/text him back and maybe squeeze him into the schedule once or twice a week. I think if women were more self-reflective and had a little more going on with life than waiting for Mr. Right we’d realize we aren’t all just there yet. I’ll be ready to be a good wife when someone is ready to make me one.

  • Amos Banks

    Women think they will make a GOOD wife, but many guys just want a COOL wife. Much of the goodness in a wife comes from being agreeable.

  • missmajestic

    I think there are WAY less women than men who don’t want to get married and will admit. (Women who genuinely don’t want to get married. There are women who steadily pursue men while claiming they don’t want to get married, thinking it will make them more attractive to said men).There is supposed to be something wrong with a woman who doesn’t want to get married. Then there are women who genuinely want to get married but have no clue about being a wife-they are not one and the same. Just because a woman is dying to get married doesn’t mean she’ll be a good wife. She might have a fly wedding though. However, I think men who want to get married will generally be good husbands. Double standards.

  • AfroPetite

    At this point in my life, I’m definitely not “automatically” wife material (so much life to live and growing which must take place first). I don’t knock women who marry young but I’m not about that life lol I think many women assume that their ability to do certain tasks and dole out copious amounts of lack luster chex make them “wifey material”. I will say that I have the tools (read assets) needed to become such when the time is right.

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