Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Race & Politics

What Happens When (Some) People Think You’re Marrying A White Chick


Two weeks ago, a bit of “I spent all night watching tournament games, and now it’s 11:30pm and I still can’t think of anything to write” writer’s block led me to leave WordPress for a minute and go to to kill some time. While there, I came across a picture of Blake Griffin.

Seeing Griffin’s Alfred E. Neuman-esque hair reminded me that he’s biracial. This led me to wonder which side he identifies with more, and that thought led me to also wonder if there was any specific way to tell which side a biracial person feels more of a connection to. I answered my own question (“Their dating patterns are probably the biggest tell“), thought about whether Blake Griffin dates mostly White girls or Black girls, wondered how each side of his family feels about his dating choices, and finally…

“Hmm. I wonder how people I know would take it if I fell in love with and married a White woman?”


This thought effectively ended my block, leading to “How I Fell For, Proposed To, And Will Marry A White Woman”—an early April Fools joke on the VSB readership.

Between here and The Root—where the piece was republished—the responses ran from “Congrats on your upcoming marriage to a White woman!” and “Damn, you got me” to “Does she have a sister?” and “So…why does this dude feel the need to tell us that he’s marrying a White woman. Just marry her ass, have the honeymoon in a bucket of mayo, and be on your Tom-ing way” 

Most (men and women) were amused, though. That wasn’t a surprise. I know the readership here is a bit, well, smarter and a bit less prone to take themselves too seriously than what you usually find on the internet.

Again, most were amused. But, not all.

This was a comment left Thursday evening.

Another sellout. And, yes, just one more “field negro” (after the website of the same name) with a white woman.

And his writing this little essay won’t change that.

Sisters, brothers, we need to raise our children to know and do better. Life is about choices, and this brother made a bad one. If there’s a white person for you, there’s DEFINITELY a black woman for you. Ditto for the sisters with regard to white men and black men.

Once one makes a conscious decision to be with a black person, then it doesn’t matter who else one meets — because one has made a choice. It’s about a certain kind of social and political consciousness that understands the importance of modeling black love, of building strong black families.

It’s brothers like this who will shake their heads at young black kids cursing, their sagging pants, their lack of facility with standard English. But where are they? They’re MIA in the black community, leaving another sister to raise a child on her own, to battle to maintain a certain standard of living on her own, to face the world on her own without a mate.

But it’s also brothers like these black women do not — or certainly should not — miss. If this is where their head is — blown — then we’re far better off without them.

We need to return to a traditional African understanding of community and responsibility. Without it, we will never prosper as a people. *smdh*

Her follow up comment 50 minutes later:

Okay. I’m an impatient reader and am only just now seeing that it was supposed to be an April Fool’s joke.

Uh … not funny. It’s like reading an account of a lynching and then seeing “April Fools!”

The survival of the black family is too serious a matter for such silliness. And the situation it spoofs is too real to make light of.

Let me add that I wasn’t offended. It didn’t make me angry. It simply disgusted me. And then I began to think of the title of the website.

My thought: “Clearly, the brotha isn’t as smart as he thinks he is.”

Well, one thing’s for certain: He’s not as funny as he wants to be.

You know, whenever I watch videos like the one where the father was beating his daughter after catching her making a twerking video, I wonder if people who believe in corporal punishment are on the wrong side of history. I know it’s a traditional part of child-rearing—and I also know that many of us have been spanked before and turned out alright—but I think this is one of those practices that people will look back at in 100 years and think “Damn. Can you believe they still thought it was ok to beat children in 2013? How did they think it was a good thing for fully-grown adults to beat the smallest and weakest person in the house, and how did the courts allow parents to do this?”

Anyway, I’m bringing this up because although I have always been solely interested in and committed to dating Black women, I wonder if people who believe in the type of uncompromising racial solidarity as the person who left that comment are also on the wrong side of history.

I could be wrong, though. Maybe she’s right. I mean, humans are instinctually tribal, and perhaps all this post-racialiciousness isn’t necessarily a great thing.

Like I said, I could be wrong. But, I doubt it.

What do you think?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for and EBONY Magazine. And a founding editor for 1839. And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at Or don't. Whatever.

  • IcePrincess3

    FIRST! Bow down, b*tches!!

    • Neenay

      lol. Congrats. And Champ, you’re right.

    • nillalatte

      You lettin that moniker go to yo head Ice “Princess” LOL See, I’m the Queen, so I bow to no one lil girl. ;)

      • IcePrincess3

        Lol! Na mane, it was actually a cheesy reference to Beyonce. I respect my elders, so you definitely good, ole azz girl :-)

        • nillalatte

          Oh good lawd… you gonna play the age card on me now. smdh… LOL I actually have been on my knees a few times ;) LMAO… guess what THAT references? *dirty mind!

      • AfroPetite


        • nillalatte

          LOL… This is my closet ratchet identity. ;)

          • *thinks something that is ironically fitting to this post*

  • I offered my congrats…and I actually quoted a portion of your faux post that I related to. lol! Is the angry/bitter woman who wrote that post currently in a loving relationship? I’m just wondering.

    • Amg

      That’s my question too.

    • a boy and his demondog 06

      nope….and she probably looks like buster douglas.

      these be the main chicks on all that pro-black ish…but then head straight to the korean store to buy some indian hair…

    • Brother Mouzone

      I wonder if the woman who wrote that post feels the same “disgust” when she sees one of her own(a Black WOMAN) with a white man. It always amazes me how hard sistas go at brothas with a white chick but applaud other Black women who date white men. I personally prefer sistas, but if I was dating someone white, I wouldn’t brag about it like you see from Black women on this blog. Some of the sistas here take EVERY opportunity to tell errbody about their 2520 boyfriend/ex boyfriend regardless of subject matter…ok, we get it..WHITE MEN LIKE ME, THEY REALLY LIKE ME!!! The “brothas do it, why can’t we” argument smacks of some serious acceptance/self hate issues..It’s not a competition, when they say that, it comes off sounding like “YOU have one, I want one too”
      You’re giving WAAAAY too much value to one type of person over yourself and your own kind. Again, It doesn’t matter to me who you choose, but I wonder how the dialogue would go if brothas bragged about their 2520 history on here the way sistas do…*puts on bullet-proof vest*

      • a boy and his demondog 06

        man i know a chick that goes ham on black men that dates white girls..but always talk about how that actor from er “can get it” and olivia from that scandal show is her hero

  • iamnotakata

    Umm Blake who? j/k…but Griffin comes off a little awkward to me. If I had to guess I would think he waivers b/t dating both black and white women…who knows.

    And sistah souljah on the roots was passionate!!! It really never gets that serious for me when I see interracial couples. Now do I be like damn really in my head, probably. But then I remember that I could give to f*cks about them because 1. I don’t know them and 2. I really don’t care.

    • Sponsors sure think he’s white tho, I ain’t ever see Vince Carter in a commercial

      • 2HourLunchBreak

        It’s a combination of that awkwardness that iamnotakata mentioned and his mixed racial identity that make the commercials work, IMO.

      • IcePrincess3

        That’s because Vince carter is a d*ck. Trust me, I’ve met him.

        • iamnotakata

          Dang well he’s a super attractive d!ck I used too stan for him back in his Toronto Raptor days smh…

    • WIP

      Blake is cute and rich. I’m sure he’s getting it all up and down the ROYGBIV.

      • LuckBALady

        That made me chuckle so hard.

      • newGuy

        hella funny

  • Interesting thought about being on the wrong side of history. I tend to agree with you, Champ. I’m Black and I love my Black people but if one finds love in someone who is of a different race, by all means one should take that opportunity. Love is too rare and precious of a commodity to quibble about the race of one you could have the relationship of your dreams with.

    • Sweet GA Brown


    • SweetSass

      So many onions… my eyes… *gulp* that was beautiful Cosign.

    • Jane


  • The real problem with that post is that you had “April Fools” on the original version. It would have been much more effective had you waited a day to add that.

    But my Lamar Odom comment still would have stood

    • Val

      I agree. I read the first paragraph and then scrolled down to the bottom. Lol.

    • nah it would’ve got TOO real in the trenches

  • “Mixing” isn’t new. The entirety of Latin America was born out of it. I think it’s interesting the Black to white is the only type of “mixing” that is considered valid or given the forefront of attention though.

    • I think it’s Black and White of a certain desirability and class that gets attention. People don’t give a damn about Whites and Blacks mixing that live in the ghettos and trailer parks of America.

      • I know that’s right….and being honest…..ain’t nobody but Wesley snipes worried about who’s marrying an Asian. #ijs

      • D

        Come on down to Mississippi and I’ll show you a different reality, Miles.

    • That Ugly Kid

      Well, given this country’s history, it’s understandable why Black/White race mixing gets WAY more attention than other interracial mixes.

      • The Other Jerome

        I wonder what the response would have been if he stated “I’m marrying an Asian woman” instead?

        • That Ugly Kid

          Given her rant on how we should be promoting Black families, I’m guessing it’d be rather similar. Although I imagine more people calling him weak because he’s wife’d up an Asian (Asian women are stereotyped as being extremely docile and subservient), meaning he couldn’t handle a Black woman.

          • truuuuu

          • KENYADIGIT

            I never really understood that. “Couldnt handle a black woman.” I dont want to have to handle anyone in a relationship

            • “I dont want to have to handle anyone in a relationship”

              Word! Just feeing into the stereotype without even realizing it. Now manhandling on the other hand has its proper context within a relationship if you know what I mean…. ;)

            • h.h.h.

              i think it’s moreso about having “peace” in the relationship, rather than ‘handling’ another person…

              but, alas, i am ill-equipped to speak on the subject matter.

            • Rewind

              That’s just c*nt speak for “I want a man to think he has the right to beat me but has the sensitivity not to”.

              • Jane

                Geez, Rewind..harsh.

    • a boy and his demondog 06

      would you tell em’ malik!
      human history is nothing but conquest and the mixing of cultures and races….if man, god or the space aliens from nebulon perseus doesn’t annihilate humankind within the next 1000 years….you may be hard pressed to find any “pure” black or white person

  • mochazina

    you ain’t wrong. :-)

  • IcePrincess3

    That lady us mis def on the wrong side of history on this. If we all supposed to “stay with our own kind”, why not jus go back to segregation & miscegenation, for crying out loud? You can’t help who love. It’s a big world out there, & if you exclude everybody that doesn’t look like you, you might miss out on someone really awesome. Get down with the swirl, or get left behind!

    • IcePrincess3

      *is mos

    • AfroPetite

      That’s funny because we still manage to segregate ourselves through worship. White Christians and Black Christians worship the same God but still have different edifices to do so in. While Mega churches have done a decent job integrating worshipers, the fact still stands that whites and blacks aren’t really pressed to integrate churches right across the street from one another for the sake of being all “we don’t see color here” (Thanks Kim K)

      Anywho, I’m down for the swirl should some charming man of another color aproach me ;-) My love box is equal opportunity and affirmative for action.

      • minxbrie

        “My love box is equal opportunity and affirmative for action.”


        I think I want to be best friends with you.

        • AfroPetite

          Did we just become best friends?!?!?!

      • bballmom

        hahahaha! “equal opportunity and affirmative for action”. Dying right now. That’s clever.

      • Wild Cougar

        Personally, I don’t see why anyone should have integrate socially, or religiously, who doesn’t want to. I enjoy staying in black social circles and don’t want to be forced to be around other races if I don’t have to. Call it racist, call it comfort, I’m too old to GAF.

        • Marshal

          That fine, but people also shouldn’t then go around telling people they Can’t Integrate or Bash them for doing so. Kinda like Non-LGBT folk doing the homphobic thing, Married Folks going in on the Non-Married, the People not Having Sex or Not Approaching criticizing those who do, and so on. It’s all the same thing, Do You and Ignore everyone else

          • Wild Cougar

            nobody is bashing. Just being with who they want to be with. But, for the record, we can bash if we want to. We can leave the world behind….

            • Cause your friends don’t bash, and if they don’t dance, then they ain’t no friends of mine.

              I like what you did there.

            • Wow. Did NOT mean to actually put “dance” in there. The song was in my head…

              • Wild Cougar

                HA! Your keyboard messed you up. IT don’t like it…….lock the taskbar. Lock the taskbar

      • JW

        Lets not get into still worshiping the slavmaster’s religion. Nobody wants to get down that road…

    • Jane

      Smart woman.

  • Champ – the point you made, asking the question about what race/side a biracial person may identify with more…..that’s SO VALID.

    We are so programmed to judge because labels are so ingrained in our psyche’s. And we all know labels exist in order to exclude. So someone reads “white women” and they don’t care about any other morsel of ANYTHING that may have to do with your life. Because of your race, your only option for dating is pre-determined. Exclude all other options.

    That is ridiculous. And it is just like the KKK – exclude, exclude, exclude and exterminate). Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.

    • I agree. Biracial ppl have every right to “chose” which side they identify with depending on their life and influences or they can identify with BOTH and that’s fine to. Point is, it’s their life.

      • SFG I came the spot cause I thought you were gonna be there gettin it in to some JT Money (laughs).

        Thought TLee was gonna show up with the suave house mix from 1996-2000 and set it off…

        Next time then. How you been?


        • Oh hey! You talking about the VSB anniversary? Yeah I missed that :-( I’ve been good. How’s things with you?

          • Good overall.

            Just living this life the best way I can. Haven’t seen you on a blog, so I thought you were done.

    • I would agree, but I think you give to much credence to race as tangible innate thing. Race is a societal construct, not a bilogical one. You can identify with whatever you please, but you can choose your “race” in as much as you can choose your level of attractiveness. Obama could have chosen to identify as white, but that wouldn’t have changed his experiences as a black man in American society. Social constucts are governed by mass consensus, don’t give it more substance than it deserves.

      • Rewind

        Exactly. You can’t really choose what you can identify with when your environment & society already choose for you.

  • H.H.H.

    why was i not surprised when you revealed that it was BF that had such a response?

    • Because some Black women think Black D is as much a part of their entitlements as Social Security and Medicaid. :)

      • Marshal

        Imagine if some Black men were on the same steez with Black P and “redistributing the Wealth”……….

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