Here at VSB, we spend a lot of time talking about relationships between men and women, man and nature, and the most important, Soulja Boy and Edgar Allan Poe. Relationships are the cornerstone of community. This is fact. But you know one of the most important facets of any relationship is? Having real friends to keep your dumb a** in line when you do something stupid or who can keep you level headed whenever you feel as if you’ve been wronged or unrighted, depending on if you ever made it past 6th grade.
All this talk about friends has made me hungry. Except that’s not true at all. But it did get me to thinking about how you know somebody is really your friend as opposed to just some random associate. Of course, this could vary between men and women but I assume that we all have some ways of knowing who our real friends are. Allow me to provide a few ways:
1) You’d ask them to check your email for you
Say you get caught out there and you need somebody to go in your email right quick. Shucks, I’ve had girlfriends I wouldn’t even ask to do that, but my homies? Sure. No problem. There’s something about email. Heck, I don’t even want the Pope up in my emails. I just can’t trust him not to check out that folder entitled “Things You Shouldn’t Look At If Your Name Ain’t Panama Jackson”.
2) Like email, you’d let them check your bank account balance
Whew…this one is major because letting somebody know how money you have is generally a major nono. I remember asking my dad how much money he made once and he cursed me out mumbling something about grown folks business and getting the monkeyshine sh*t slapped out of me for every talking bad about Jesus again. And I’m not even Lil B. I don’t even look like Jesus. If I did, I wouldn’t say so either.
3) They can come into your home and go into the refrigerator without asking
One of my best friends from high school would do that. Walk right into the house and go to the fridge and nobody batted an eye. I had an ex try to do that after being at my house no less than 100 times and my mother kindly asked to speak to her in another room and said something about disrespect and slapping the monkeyshine sh*t out of somebody that looked like Jesus. I’m still not sure who that person is.
4) They can hang out with your sister/brother and you don’t worry about anything popping off
I have a bunch of sisters and I have boys who I’d trust to take them to the movies (no Bangs). Well, that is unless they were trying to take them to like a dollar movie that had old Red Shoe Diaries episodes or some such f*ckery involved. But hey, you can’t win them all and you cannot dance unless there is music. Though, the prevailing thought is that you should dance as if nobody’s watching and if nobody’s watching then there’s probably not a DJ so maybe you’re dancing to the song in your heart. Our soul. I’m confused.
5) You wouldn’t bang their girl (guy)
This might be a guy thing, but your real homeboys…you wouldn’t even consider banging their girl. That’s the true measure of friendship. I’m not sure this one holds true for women since anecdotally, women can be some uber trifling and conniving individuals when it comes to sleeping with comrades. I’ve seent it with my own two eyes before. Shucks, I’ve had the roommate of an ex ATTEMPT to sleep with me before. Good thing she looked like Norbit. Eeeeew.
My good friends of VSB, what let’s you know that somebody is really your friend?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
true friendship:
You let them see you at your sickest….
You lend them money you need because they need it more
You can call them in the middle of the night to talk and NOT get cussed out.
addition:
Letting borrowed a high priced/favorite clothing item ….
My clothes are like my children and I dont leave em with just anybody… My reall friends know how to treat my babies, lol.
You lend them money you need because they need it more
This is a good one. Back in the brokest of broke days (ahem, circa last week or so), If I had $20 and she had $2, she was getting at least $8. There aren’t many people I’d do that for.
“You lend them money you need because they need it more…”
Naw homie, if someone is really your friend, you don’t lend them money. You GIVE it to them. There is nothing like hounding someone to get the $50 you loaned them. So, for me and my friends we give each other money. And we’ve done it enough times to know that when you’re the one in need, we got you. You don’t have to worry. And vice versa.
cosign.
cosign #2 and #3, i stay in my friends fridge.
I’d add:
1. if we are both drunk but he is less drunk, my closest friends can drive my car drunk
2.My closest friends also know where all me secret stash spots are in my crib and my car.
If I can trust him pick my girl up from the bus/train station/work/home if I can’t make it.
@Roger, yeah, roger that.
*lurker alert*
i consider someone a true friend if i let them sit on my bed. I don’t have any chairs in my room and will offer someone a seat on the floor while i sit on the bed if i don’t “know them like that.”
idk I’m just really particular about who’s hindparts touch my bed.
*throws VSB welcome glitter*
There’s welcome glitter dust too?! I missed all the delurking welcomes… : (
@sweetbee, welcome and * glitter, ziggy stardust, and birds * thrown at you
Panama,
I’m going to need you to not *ever* throw glitter or stardust again ever in life.
@panama
appreciate the glitter…birds….i’m gonna need you to return your special friends to their cages
*throwing temper tantrum* I got NO stardust nor glitter! lol
Wow. I’d feel SUPER unwelcome (and look at the front door) if someone told me I had to sit on the floor. Not about beds or chairs so much as hospitality issues.
True story: When I was in high school, one of the girls in my church asked to borrow my brush. I gave it to her and let her keep it. Why? Because I didn’t know her like that. Mind you, we sang in the choir together, kinda grew up together and our families knew each other from wayback…but still. I did not know her like that and thus I did not know her grooming habits, so instead of chance getting rabies or something otherworldly gross, I just let her have the brush.
That’s the mark of a true friend to me. If you can use my grooming products (sans washcloth and toothbrush) then we tight for life.
@afrolista
I so second that!! I don’t like everybody all on my bed, not only just the individual, but where ever they may have sat throughout the day.
EX: You may be the cleanest person, but if you sat on the chair at a local dump-like bus station, I wouldn’t particularly like you to sit on my bed.
I tell folks, I gotta put my face here so you can’t sit here. Nope.
You value their opinion, would trust them with your children and have no doubt they’ll hold your secrets.
My best friend and I have been like sisters for 20+ years. She’s guaranteed to by my maid-of-honor and my kids’ godmother.
awww *warm fuzzies*
This reminds me, I need to change my email password.
@Liz, LOL. i dont have it…anymore.
I wouldn’t lend my closest friends money…i’d give it to them (so long as I can afford to, which might mean shopping at wal mart instead of publix…shudder)
@Pretty Cute
That is pretty much my MO when it comes to money and my friends. I give it if I can afford to. Loaning sucks because there is a follow-up process (and I hate if I would have to ask for my money). My closest friend lost everything during Hurricane Katrina (along with my dad and half of my family). When I received a large amount of cash donations from my job for my family……I made sure to break her off nicely. It wasn’t enough to replace all she had lost, but it was a great way to start. Plus, I know she would have done the same for me.
this. because i know you will “give” it back to me at some point.
damn only #5 applies to me. I would never try to smash the homie’s (my bff) man. She thinks my brother is cute and I know her flirty ass has flirted with him before but he always tells me about it. In fact, he tells her (and assures me) that she needs to calm her happy ass down. I still don’t even know if I should leave my man alone with her (I never have but not on purpose) without her saying something slick because she’s thirsty for attention all the time but I do love her. We’ve been friends for 7 years now. I don’t trust anybody BUT my own brother with my money and no one is getting my passwords to anything! You got me rethinking what kind of friend I have. Damn!
I’ll do anything for my friends though, I should add. Me and my friends been through some crazy ish already, they’ve been down when I was at my worst and vice versa. I’ll do it all over again.
1. If you going through something you can tell them what you are going through without judgement.
2. You can go to them or call them way after hours and they will wake up and help you.
3. They (and I) will tolerate and deal with your drunk behind.
4. They will bring you food when you are under the weather.
5. If they are going through financial difficulty you’ll pay for them to attend or participate in the gathering or function just to make sure they are out and having fun.
6. This one is serious: You can sit your bare arse on their toilet and vice-versa. Don’t front. Everybody don’t sit on everybody’s toilet.
@legitimate soul #5 and 6 are oh so sin-curre!
True friendship indeed.
5. If they are going through financial difficulty you’ll pay for them to attend or participate in the gathering or function just to make sure they are out and having fun.
In any event, they are usually the first to get the heads up. I’m a firm supporter of, “if i brought the idea up, I’m taking care you”
thank God they ain’t around to call me moist for saying this.This helps me weed out any financial queries that would arise.OMG, Using the bathroom without lining the seat or uber disinfecting – that is the truth for a best friend!!!!!! Good one!!!
i cosign this entire list
2. You can go to them or call them way after hours and they will wake up and help you.
this is why i leave my phone on on the nightstand (next to the $2) just in case one of the BFF’s need to call.
@legitimate_soul
“1. If you going through something you can tell them what you are going through without judgement.”
This is when I knew my homegirl and I became besties! She and I began exchanging situations and neither of us judged each other (still to this day). Right then…..I was like…..this is my GIRL!!!
“5. If they are going through financial difficulty you’ll pay for them to attend or participate in the gathering or function just to make sure they are out and having fun.”
Yep!
@legitimate_soul
“6. This one is serious: You can sit your bare arse on their toilet and vice-versa. Don’t front. Everybody don’t sit on everybody’s toilet.”
Idk about this one. There is only one place I do this outside of my own home and that’s my parent’s house. It has to be really bad for me to take a dump outside of home or my parents house.
@legitimate soul,
If you going through something you can tell them what you are going through without judgement.
Especially if you’re usually hesitant about opening up to folks, period. This in particular is right on time…where you can just spit it and let the chips fall where they may, without any reservations.
Yop, yop, yop. #6. . .yop.
Great post. Defintely co-sign on all the above. I’ll add that a true friend will tell you the truth in all situations. Good or bad. A true friend will do dirt with ya (ie pulling surveillance jobs w/ you) or talk you out of taking a louisville slugger to someone’s windshield. These may or may not be true stories…lol
@miss t-lee
You just took me back to a sad time in my romantic history. Picture it: Tuskegee University, 1996. My first love broke up with me and I was devastated/crestfallen/heartbroken. I plotted on destroying his car but my girls tackled me and held me captive in their dorm until the moment passed. Thankfully that was an isolated incident of craziness that has never resurfaced!!
@ms esquire77 Aren’t you glad you had great friends to talk you out of foolishness? My BFF has been the voice of reason more than a few times…lol
My brother and my SIL were @ Skegee in 96!!
@Hawaii
Really! I was there from 95-99 in the Psychology department. I’m also a Zeta. Maybe I knew one or both of them. I’m sure they told you it was an awesome college experience!!
@MsEsquire77
Oh yeah… we’ve all come to love Tuskegee. LOL!
My brother Ron was there from 94-99, Engineer & a Kappa
and my SIL, Shae was there from 96-00, Biology & an AKA.
Maybe you all knew one another. *shrug*
do dirt with ya (ie pulling surveillance jobs w/ you) or talk you out of taking a louisville slugger to someone’s windshield….
Or gather the supplies to help vandalize that triflina** dudes billboard. Spraypaint, check. Black hoodies, check. 40 FT ladder, check. AND look out for the cops.
@Dom. I see ya chick…CTFU
True friends are an automatic alibi…I don’t even have to explain the situation*
*mom…”why were you out so late last night?”
me…”i was with (best friend)”
mom…”oh ok”…(side-eye glance)
me texting friend…”i was with u last night”
my friend…”got u”
LOL!!! SO TRUE!!!! *high school flash backs!*
good times…good times lol
That whole exchange reminded me of how my bestie (of 23 years now!!) pulled my arse out of not one but a double-sticky situation once (circa 1998 i.e I was young … keep this in mind while reading.. Thanxmuch.
)….
So I made plans to hang out with “new friend”… Forgot to tell my girl she was my alibi at home…. So it’s now 8am the next morning, my cell phone is dead and mom duke is blowing up my bestie’s home phone… She is frantic… she realized I probably used her as alibi… pretty normal so far.
She tells her sis to tell my mom that we are in the parking lot looking for a cab and I should be home shortly… Being the brilliant girl she is, she instantly calls my “official” boyfriend…. only to find out that I am not with him and he has NO idea where I am because I told him I was hanging out with bestie… She thinks super duper fast and tells him that I had planned on stopping there once I left her house and she wanted to tell me to go straight home…. bf probably side eyes explanation but at this point, who cares.
Then she gets an even brighter idea… I mentionned “new friend” a while back… She calls “new friend”‘s house (she finds the number through a mutual friend of ours)… Keep in mind it’s still bloody before 9… Someone at the house picks up phone, calls “new friend”… I do the walk of shame to “new friend”‘s living room … I pick up the phone and get blasted by my bestie… in all due rights…
Imagine my scramble to do damage control on both ends the following couple of days…. For shame. The things we do as silly young girls…. *smh*
My bestie and I have been through many of those adventures. True testimony of a real friend…. in silliness and in maturity…
Wooooooow. That took my story to a whole new level lol…props to the bestie for thinking on her feet. Idk if guys can pull that much off convincingly*
*Idk if that’s right or I may have just made that word up lol
***i truly feel ole azz dust bcuz there were no such things as ‘text messages’ back in my day (we were amazed when the caller id came out). Back in my day (early nineties) when I was doing my debauchery, we had to page our alibi and hoped they called back the number they didnt recognize (heads to mirror to search for gray hairs)….
lol that’s ok, i love you anyways because you have my name and spelled the exact same way…go Jai!!
@Jai
” there were no such things as ‘text messages’ back in my day ”
Right???!! The only form of texting we had (in high school) is spelling on the screen of the pager: “hello” (07734 and turning pager upside down), saying it’s important by putting “911″ or saying I Love You with “143″.
@CNotes
“Right???!! The only form of texting we had (in high school) is spelling on the screen of the pager: “hello” (07734 and turning pager upside down), saying it’s important by putting “911? or saying I Love You with “143?.”
What about 304?
I miss you was 1-177155-17.
Memorieeees…
@Humble_One
“What about 304?”
**snickering** I had no reason to use that one. LOL!!
Co-sign #3-5
Things I would do for a real friend…
- They can stop by anytime or call anytime and crash at my place as long as they want
- Invest in their business ideas or support their dreams/goals even the crazy ones. My best friend is 33 and wants to “start” her modeling career now. I give her full support.
- Take care of them when they’re sick or let me them see me when I’m sick.
Totally co-sign #1…
As far as this–>My best friend is 33 and wants to “start” her modeling career now. I give her full support. goes, are you giving her support because she wants to do it or do you really think she would be successful at it?
Because if my best friend decides tomorrow that she wants to be a singer knowing the voice she has, I will tape her singing and make her listen to it repeatedly… I will support you if I believe that it’s even remotely doable, if not, I will show you alternatives to your dream. Instead of singing, why don’t you start a talent agency to find great new singers for instance?
i’ll do things for you, even if it inconveniences me… cuz i know you’d do the same..
we handle each other in broke times.. when i’m up, i’ll treat.. and vice versa..
i can tell you anything.. i mean, ANYTHING!! i had an ex try to be “friends” with me.. then got upset when i’d talk about my current.. I TOLD YOU!!
i won’t share my food with you, but i’ll give you money to get your own..
you may not like what i do, but support my decision.. and the fact that i’m grown..
i’ve let you see me at my most vulnerable.. and even when i should walk away or handle the situation differently, you don’t judge me..
you don’t “keep score”.. no one’s keeping track of who treated who last time etc.. how many times we rode in my car, etc..
i’m sorry.. but NO ONE checks my email.. nope, not a one.. no bank accounts.. nope, don’t go in my fridge.. matter of fact, don’t touch anything.. lol..
@Nick_L_Odeon
“you don’t “keep score”
This is major for me!! (in friendships and relationships). I hate when people bring up what they have done for me (as if I didn’t know). I do for my friends/loved ones without keeping tally if I’ve given them $5 more than they have given me. If things are done from the heart, then measuring isn’t even a thought.
I live in New Orleans where it’s hotter than the devil’s breath from May-September and is also the mansoon season. I’ve helped true friends move in the 100 degree weather in the dead heat of July, lifting heavy junk they need to be throwing away and not carrying to their new home. That’s true friendship considering, my hair is sans a relaxer.
My true friends are also allowed to stay at my parents’ home in NY if they’re in the city and need a place to stay, even though I live in NOLA. Trust, that means my mother will expect them to clean the bathrooms if their visit includes a saturday stay.
@Pan, so you’re natural? I’m thinking about going natural. This may be a big test of my relationship, if she (my best friend) would want to be seen with me in public when I cut the relaxed hair off. She’s known for making fun of women who don’t wear relaxers which I hate and warned her about doing that. Yet girls who do that are covering up their natural side with perms smh. Oh and know about cleaning up on Saturdays in a house that wasn’t my momma’s LOL. Thank God I have my own spot since I’m grown and I’ll take a hotel stay before reliving chores again.
What kind of self-hating woman is she?
@Man About It (of Stuff Ghetto People Like fame)
“What kind of self-hating woman is she?”
I was going to say the same thing. I would hope that MzAnon would have friends more progressive in their thinking. The VSS can make you forget that women like this exist. I personally can never forget because I’m in Detroit and these women are all over the place. I’ve heard this is an issue in the South. Maybe MzAnon is from the South?
@MzAnon
“so you’re natural? I’m thinking about going natural. This may be a big test of my relationship, if she (my best friend) would want to be seen with me in public when I cut the relaxed hair off.”
Go natural. I and a lot of other brothers like it.
@Humble_One, thanks. I’m growing it out right now actually and I’m chopping off the relaxed ends next year. Until then, I’ll wear curly styles, braid it up, and do sew ins to avoid dealing with two textures. REAL brothas like real ladies
And no I’m from Detroit too! There aren’t alot of natural sistas walking around here but I’ve seen a few and I’m inspired. I would love to know where you go because I need some guidance from those ladies you see. lol. There are actually more natural ladies in the South or chocolate cities like D.C (even though the D is mostly black too but Detroit is still one the hair capitols so it’s a nice variety going on here but still not enough naturals if you ask me).
@Humble_One
“I would hope that MzAnon would have friends more progressive in their thinking. The VSS can make you forget that women like this exist. I personally can never forget because I’m in Detroit and these women are all over the place”
I have to correct myself. I was reading too fast. I thought you meant that you see naturals alot but I read your reply to Man About It (of Stuff Ghetto People Like fame), again. I might experience some crazy looks but I’m doing this for me so whoever don’t like it can kick rocks.
“I live in New Orleans where it’s hotter than the devil’s breath from May-September and is also the mansoon season. I’ve helped true friends move in the 100 degree weather in the dead heat of July, lifting heavy junk they need to be throwing away and not carrying to their new home. That’s true friendship considering, my hair is sans a relaxer. ”
@ Pan Afrikanist Bourgie Princess.
Co-Sign! Moving all that junk on/off campus to storage was no joke! If I was willing to split a rental @ Public Storage with you, push a shopping cart full of shoes up S.Carrollton and help you haul your crap (along with mines) twice a year, then you were definitely part of the inner circle. And considering that I usually sweated out the relaxed wrap each time, then it musta been love.
@Pan Afrikanist Bourgie Princess
As a Louisiana native….i can definitely co-sign on the heat back home. The temperature plus the suffocating humidity is enough for you to tell even your parents “hell no” I’m not helping you move furniture in this heat! But when the friendship is real, you do it in a heartbeat.
I helped a friend moved from lower eastside to uptown harlem via a yellow cab in the late night hours….and then she had a walk-up. only for my BFF!!!
Baby Bop was always my fave. I think it’s the pink and green.
Being a good friend is watching all 6 seasons of Sex and the City plus the first movie–in one month–so you can go watch Carrie’s wrinkly pasty face when SATC 2 comes out.
I’m considering doing all six this weekend. I’ve had the box set for months, I dont have a damn thing else to do, and I need to kill time until Memorial Day weekend. We’ll see.
Me & my friend tried this before the first movie. We made it to season 3
@Liz
“so you can go watch Carrie’s wrinkly pasty face ”
**Gasp** I can’t believe you’re dissing Carrie Bradshaw! Blasphemy!!!!!!!!!!
@CNotes
LOL! I think that’s a pretty accurate description of Carrie
That and the fact that I’ll never forget Peter Griffin said her face looks like a foot.
Stop……think about it,lol
@LaBakir
***whispering so that no one else can hear*** i mean, of course she is wrinkly and pasty……but it’s Carrie. : ) lol!
@CNotes
LOL, I know…I know. I just finished reading “The Carrie Diaries”…good read, but I had trouble imaging what she looked like a kid :/
@LaBakir, Why did you make me laugh! I remember that episode and that scene!
I always called her a member of the Sea Hag club
Samantha’s the one that’s kinda wrinkly and getting up there.
Being a good friend is watching all 6 seasons of Sex and the City plus the first movie–in one month–so you can go watch Carrie’s wrinkly pasty face when SATC 2 comes out.
Oh mi god! I am totally doing that with my sisters right now… One of us lives in Canada and she is here for roughly 10 days… so we are watching SATC at all hours of the night trying to finish the 6 seasons + the movie before she goes back on Sunday…
Yeah, my sisters are my absolute best friends. No doubt about that.
Ahhh I absolutely LOVE S&TC!!! Me & my sis is watching the entire 6 season again. Every weekend we pop those DVDS in!!!
If the old lady and pops have your cell/home phone number and actually call you just to say “hi” or for some conversation, or to try figure out what I’m doing that you don’t agree with or to tell you to come(not ask) for dinner, you are definitely certified.. matter of fact, at that point, you are family. Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Yup. I concur.
I live away from home and incidentally my parents, so my friends who moved back or live there, constantly check on them or drop by to say hi and the likes…. but that might be mostly customs than anything else.
I live a few states away from my bestie, but last month I was going through. She got one call and booked a flight to come and see me. Cheered me up and touched me at the same time. Thats a real friend.
Also, you know its real when you two dont have to do a damn thing but just be together. With Ally, we sat in a parking lot in Charlotte, ate pizza, and people watched and it was one of the best times ever.
@Dom
My bestie and I are similar. A few years ago, she flew from the south to the west coast for the weekend when I called her distraught about my ex.
A real friend will tell you,
in a calm voice,
Don’t step to her/him…
…until you take care of that GIA-NORMOUS booger
A real friend will bring a women to your house
So that you’ll leave
For the first time in a month.
I agree with the ones you have listed
I would add. They’re a real friend if you’ve had a for real fall out and are still friends
Friendships like relationships aint shyt if never tested
I have passed on sleep to kick it with you for a non special occassion reason
I purposefully temper my words even though I know you know me well enough to not take them to heart
I don’t have to talk to you every day and you don’t think anythings wrong or “I’m trippin”
“They’re a real friend if you’ve had a for real fall out and are still friends”
This right here. I’m currently at odds with a dear friend of mine. I told her that perhaps our season of friendship is over, but who knows, I might recruit her again in the Fall. In any case, she’s like a sister to me and we both know that if some serious stuff happened with either one of us or our families, we’d be there for one another no questions asked, no side-eyes.
In any case, she’s like a sister to me and we both know that if some serious stuff happened with either one of us or our families, we’d be there for one another no questions asked, no side-eyes.
This here^^^ clearly gives you BOTH confirmation that this isht ain’t over. If this is a mutually feeling then its possible that the two of you will be laughing about this spat in a few years from now.
I believe every relationship…I’d even go so far to say every HEALthy (keyword heal) relationship will have its lose nuts and bolts that occasionally need to be REtightened in order to hold things together.
lose =loose. Geez…
Smh at myself….
@The Tall One,
Once you get past the errors, I hope you understood where I was coming from. (lol)
shame, shame, shame….been up since 3:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep and now its time to get the heyal up. (Mean mug)
Most definitely and thank you.
We’ve had our spats before and laughed about it months afterwards. Yes, months, but it’s cool. She’s good people and loves my Mom and brother like her own and vice versa. So, she’s a friend for life no matter what. Sometimes people get “comfortable” and that’s when misunderstandings happen. I believe that no matter how long you’ve known someone, you still have to teach them how to treat you. This at times, makes people uncomfortable.
I believe that no matter how long you’ve known someone, you still have to teach them how to treat you
You said a mouthful with that. That’s it right there.
The same thing happened with my bestie who is like a sister (have known her for more than half of my life)… We had a major fall out at the beginning of last year… we don’t live in the same city but when people asked us independently (we were barely talking to each other) how the other was, we replied: “she is doing good, up to this or that”… never letting a soul but the people really close to us know that there was a problem.
She made a major decision last year and needed my support/thoughts/ideas… but in retrospect I am glad she did it all on her own… she can take the full credit and be proud of herself.
We are back to being besties… although we are farther apart in distance. She def is my sister.
““They’re a real friend if you’ve had a for real fall out and are still friends”
Yep. My BFF and I have had 2 real fights in 22 years. I’m talking about not talking to each other for months, but we both eventually knew we would make up once we were ready. And, we did.
Hilarity.
Ok sounds like my bestie and I. Lol.
I hate when people come in and open the fridge. I don’t even like my mother taking stuff from the fridge that’s mine considering I only bought it because she didn’t.
E-mail – yeah that’s a minor really. A good friend wouldn’t do no trifling shit like use it to cop some madness from Amazon.
Bank Balance: Only if need be… but when is the need? All my boys are much further into their overdrafts than I am but I pretend like i’m a G+ into it. Moms card keeps my finances decent.
I wouldn’t bang anyone I know’s girl. Infact i don’t purposely deal wit other mens’ women.
Got another one to add: Jumping into a fight without knowing any details e.g. he could’ve talked about dancing on someone’s dead mothers grave Michael Flatley style. You’re fighting with them.
“Soulja Boy and Edgar Allan Poe”
Word?! I need to go thru the archives….
Damn yo! ‘Cept for #5… I don’t have any real friends.
The bestie has borrowed the car overnight when she really needed it. The guy I was “who you loving, who you want’ta be hugging” with couldn’t even get that.
The bestie can hold my cell, and it be unlocked and i’m completely fine with it. Anybody that knows me, knows that it stays locked and attached to me like an extra limb.
You’ve listed everything else pretty much
True friends are:
1. covered.
You need money? I gotchu. Socks? I gotchu. You hungry? I gotchu. Somebody made you cry? I’ll be riiiiight back *stomps off, lookin’ for said a**hole*
2. able to dig in your eye/nose/ear to remove a random “insurgent” you could not retrieve alone without being grossed out.
[Note: This person would also look at a "Ross" you might have growing between your toes or on your back or any other abnormality on the body as it concerns your health and well-being.]
3. deserves my forgiveness and offers the same in return.
This is often the breaking point between two people who aren’t TRUE friends. If we can’t bounce back from bull-ish, it’s b/c you/I/both of us would rather call it quits than try, which, ultimately, means the relationship isn’t worth saving. If we can get over it and return to business as usual, we’ve got something special.
4. can agree to disagree (w/o elevating their voice to unnatural octaves).
5. know/talk to my parent(s) w/o my being present.
6. always in your cheering section.
7. willing to stop what they’re doing to deal with your issue.
I’m a teacher and so are most of my close friends…but if I call one of them crying @ 10:30 a.m., they will put down the phone long enough to (1) put the kids on task, (2) call me from the cell (so, we don’t get reprimanded for being on the phone during instruction) (3) and talk me off the ledge for as long as it takes. Yes, these ARE your tax dollars at work.
Cosign on #1. I will forgive someone who hurts me long before my best friend will.
As an addition, your best friend will also tell you when you are acting an A or being a slutbox and snap you out of your foolish antics. They expect you to do the same and will be mad it you don’t.
I live across the country from my family. My friend has a key to my house and my mother’s phone number. When I had surgery, she called my mother to say I was ok. Then my mother fell in love with her and elevated her to daughter status.
@ Resilience
I co-sign on your last paragraph. One of my best friends, has my extra car and house key. I also like to use her as my emergency contact so if anything happens to me my Mama can get the info from her instead of a stranger.
Love you, LJ!!!!!
@Resident GRitS
“If we can get over it and return to business as usual, we’ve got something special”
Sums it up for me!
Love, love this list.
On top of what Panama said, you have it all covered.
Oh I try to lurk, but everytime I leave something keeps pulling me back, me back!
How I know my Best Friends
1. I can be alone in my best friend’s apartment with her boyfriend, at night in my bed clothes and it not be a big deal.
2. Her $$ is my $$. If either of us needs any amount of $$, its getting got. Period.
3. Whenever I visit home, we can sleep in the same bed. Its a non-issue.
4.I dont mind being buck *ss naked in front of her. (That might just be me and a few other people thought, teehee)
Im on the west coast so I look forward to reading comments tomorrow!!
Panama!! (And Champ, wherever you are!! And Liz!!) I love this blog. I need not look anywhere else for greatness.I like you. Yaaay!!
@Anastasia!!!
1, 3, and 4 sounds like the making of an interesting movie. Either you and your friends are close, very sharing, or works for West Coast Productions.
Either you and your friends are close, very sharing, or works for West Coast Productions
Is it such an oddity? It may come from growing up in a female dominated household (my dad was the only man most of the time) or attending all-girls boarding schools most of my life, but being naked in front of my girls or sharing a bed is such a non-issue. Like really not.
And my friends’ boyfriends are like brothers and/or eunuchs. The idea of doing anything chexually related with them is gross at best… Yuck. Lol!
1, 3, and 4 sounds like the making of an interesting movie. Either you and your friends are close, very sharing, or works for West Coast Productions
I can see this working with West Coast Productions!
man what happened to my comments!
well one more time….
1. you can tell them about dude basically leaving $2 on the nightstand and bouncing and they won’t judge you…and the next time you see dude will stand between yall giving him a serious evil eye and usher you to the other side of the club because she knows your weak arse will fall for his shyt again.
2. will let you use her car to do a drive by because nightstand dude knows your car and then will tell you eff him girl he wasn’t that cute anyway, sorry emeffer while pulling a bottle of tequila out her backseat.
3. knows when to just leave you alone.
4. will spend her entire spring break with her daughter coming over your house everyday to be with you after your daddy passed away.
5. will drive from houston to dallas to spend the weekend with you just because you didn’t sound right over the phone.
man i have some beautiful friends! true blue….salt of the earth!
@thatchic I can relate to #4. When my Daddy died I found out in the middle of the night on a work night. I called one of my best friends so I wouldn’t have to be alone. When I got to her house she was waiting with a bottle of Jack and the guest room ready for me to sleep in. I’m blessed to have some fabulous women in my life
msesquire77…and say something at simple as you know you can cry if you want to…just let it go baby; it’s ok.
heyal my bff doesn’t even drink and she was like you want me to stop and get you a bottle?
@thatchic
“knows when to just leave you alone”
My bestie and I have this covered. We know that if one of us calls the other and there is no answer, we make no assumptions or put each other in check: “Girl, you need to start answering your phone!” (That is a no no for us). We definitely give each other space.
1. The fridge thing is a must. In fact, real friends go to the fridge before they even say a word to you.
2. I’m notorious for inside jokes. If we can have an actual conversation without saying a word that would have any meaning to an eavesdropper, we are friends.
3. If we have nicknames for each other to the point where we actually forgot (or sometimes don’t know) each other’s real names. I’ve had cats I’ve been cool with for four years now talkin bout “Yo wait, what’s your last name again?”
4. If I have your number in my phone. I’m not that type of person who just goes “let’s exchange numbers” all willy-nilly knowing full and well that I’m never finna call yo ass. If I don’t have your number, then I don’t intend on talking to you.
5. If I’ve never asked you for gas money (but if do you feel compelled to give me some, then by all means offer away).
6. If I’ve ever answered your call past 2AM, whether it be out of genuine concern that something might be wrong or because I know your drunk ass needs to sleep on my couch.
Real friends, I mean brothers…don’t have to talk for months at a time, due to life issues — are able to pick up the phone and never skip a beat.
Real compadrays, I mean brothers…will fly across the globe (from Turkey) simply cause you asked him to, on two weeks notice to attend a launch party for your new business idea.
Real homies, I mean brothers…will stick by you right or wrong in public but will definently call your dumba** to tha mat in private if your wrong.
Real potnas, I mean brothers…will not hesistate to empty their bank account for you if they have it and IF you need it, but tell you to go to hell if you don’t (and yall still cool as if it never happened)
You know my peoples? Lol. Co-sign this, your list is my list!
lol. I just might. it’s a small world when it comes to people you can call FRIEND.
Will send my account into the negative for my boys…without even flinching. If I got…they got. If I call them right now in need…Western Union will have something for me today. And that’s after not talking for 6 months.
Yup, those are real friends.
You hungry? I’ll feed you. Matter of fact, just go in the fridge. You need somewhere to sleep, too? Just don’t take my pillow and be stingy w/ the cover.
Random female’s number in your man’s phone? I’ll call that skeeze. And back you up when you chew him out. And try to see the brightside when you take him back. But, be sure to let you know that he doesn’t deserve you when he does that mess again.
It’s your birthday? anniversary? Don’t worry, your boothang already consulted w/ me about your gift. The flowers will be here around 5 and I’ll be distracting you until your surprise dinner.
You been acting funny? Distant? Your man already called me and woke me up from my sleep b/c he’s worried about you. I told him it was just stress and there was nothing to worry about. Now get ya sh!t together before you lose him (unless that’s what you want, in that case just break up).
You daddy gone? Don’t worry. My dad will interogate your boothang and check under your hood. Your mother is wack? My mom will hem your dress and wipe your tears. My parents are your parents.
You got a paper due tomorrow? Resume for a new job? Love letter/text/tweet to the next ex? Okay, get on IM so we can work this thang out.
*All based on true stories.
The bottom line is trust. Of course, I think levels of trust vary from friend to friend. But if I can’t trust you around my man or my fam then we aren’t good friends. Point. Blank. Period. Everybody can’t be trusted w/ money b/c everybody isn’t good with money. Everybody can’t be trusted with secrets b/c everybody isn’t good with secrets. But, you should be good with ME . . . can I trust you with me? That you’ll treat me right and not try to hurt me? That’s what’s important.
That’s church right there!!
I heart this…can we be friends?
today post warms my <3
that is all.
….we tend to finish each others thoughts and sentences, while speaking in “dialect” that only we can decode.
….subconsciously arriving at the same exact conclusions at the same time.
….if my pockets were hurting, s/he would send $$$ knowing
with my occasional stubbornness and prideI hate inconveniencing people (friends especially), tends to dissuade me from asking for help (knowing I could damn well use some).….cosign on using the bare toilet..she could blow my bathroom up (even let one rip in my presence)….wouldn’t phase me one bit.
…..cosign on falling out one good time…there will be at least one major disagreement. If not, IMO sumthin’ ain’t right. Without it, how would you know what you’re really made of.
…..dapps on being called to the carpet behind closed doors for a self eval….however, don’t mistake it – we’re a united front…down like four flat ones, thick as thieves.
….agree with waking them up in the wee hours of the night with a heavy heart and get their full attention…and will talk for hours, crying and laughing together.
….she knows my life story and certain things I wouldn’t care to write about (in a personal journal at that).
….and lastly, I just couldn’t imagine not knowing them or not being able to talk to and/or hear their voices. Its funny, I know exactly what I have and therefore would be missing (before its gone for a reason, season or a lifetime)…I pray its the latter.
***and ironically the closest one to me (since my circle is small), ….(and I know this sounds strange)…but I’ve yet to formally meet her. Though it feels as if I grew up with this chick and known her all my life, I’ve never known anyone like her.***
You have mastered the non verbal form of communication. Me and my bff have been tight since the 3rd grade, and I swear we are always on the same wavelength. We can look at each other and everything can be said w/o a word crossing between us.
When they annoy you, you might go back and forth talking mad sh*t, but let one other person try to throw in a comment and you’re like “Um scuse me, don’t be talking about my girl. Ninja who you think you is?” *insert side-eye*
You will let them eat off your plate. All my friends know it’s two things I don’t play with: My food & my money. If i let you eat off my plate (which I just spent my hard earned coins on), then I got love for ya.
You can bring up the most emabarrasing stuff from when we were kids and I don’t wanna choke you out. When my bff starts with “Ay, remember when…” hilarity usually ensues….
I feel you on that ‘Ay, remember when’….I will swear up and down I didn’t do or say something and she will be like …yes you did…remember back in 96 when you….LOL She is the only one who can ‘check’ me with no recourse.
You qualify as a dear friend if,
I have been able to keep your secret for years and never breath a word and/or I am able to lie for you with a straight face(am not a good liar)
I will back you up or you will back me up even when you know am on the wrong ar am acting unsensiblle
I have you passwords and you have mine.
Drive for hours to see me just because I had a flair of minor allergies
Can trust you with my kids/family in my absence1
My real friends can stop by my parents house knowing I’m not there and chill. I also have a friend who asked my daddy to go car shopping with her, when she was buying her first car.
*** a true friend will help you move (and pack)
*** they will come and get you if you need a ride to and from somewhere ….regardless of the hour
*** you can stay at their house (say if you are too inibriated to make home)
*** you can call them at any hour because you ‘need to talk’ and they dont cuss you out (much)
*** will take your side and stand up for you even when you are wrong…in public but tell you all about your f*cketry in private
A true friend is my sister. My mama is her mama, her mama is mine. she’s the first person you run to even if you have to drive 2 hours to get there just to talk.
You’ll let her in your dirty house and when she gets there she doesn’t say anything but starts helping you clean up.
She’s the one who tells you to get the draws outcha butt, lol.
She’s ride or die but will knock you upside your head for being foolish afterward….it’s all love.
She’s knows where the body is, because she helped you bury it, lol.
She has your hubby/fiancee/significant other on speed dial.
Y’all pull each other up when y’all acting stupid.
@smiley face…You’ll let her in your dirty house and when she gets there she doesn’t say anything but starts helping you clean up.
Everytime my God sister would come over my house she would find something “not clean”…she would be like when was the last time you washed your throw blankets then proceed to the washer to do a load, do you even try to fluff you throw pillows, eww look at your ceiling fan. why in the heyal are you looking up there?! sit down somewhere!
so now when she comes over i purposefully don’t clean my kitchen because i know she’ll do it…sweep and mop and all.
i love her though, bad nerves and all!
@thatchic,
LOL at saddown somewhere!
A true friend, you can go months without speaking too, but when you do talk, you pick up where you left off like not a day has passed…no hurt feelings behind it.
A true friend is a friend thru it all..good times, bad times, kids, marriage, divorce..they are a friend thru all of your life moments..and they are there to celebrate and cry with you..I have one friend like that and she and I have been friends since we were 12…..and we have been friends for over 20 years…she could get my kidney if she needed it….
Why is this post so relevant to my current life? Still trying to figure out who my real friends are! I swear I’m too old for this ish…I haven’t worried about if someone liked me since I was in 11th grade!
Anyway here are my criteria:
1. They include you without you having to tell them to include you.
2. You can trust them with your deepest secrets.
3. They will tell you when your messing up…and they will tell on you to prevent further damage.
4. They make sure you make it home safely.
5. They expect a lot from you in terms of maturity and handling your business and reaching your goals. They want you to succeed as much as they want to succeed themselves.
@ trin-trin:
Cosigning on #3 and #5. I have a friend, “Killen The Coach”, who I (tried to) cut out of my life (immaturity) after he told me I was settling in a relationship. I was so mad and hurt by his observation after I asked for his opinion. He cared enough about me to tell me the truth and I acted like a f#cktard because in the famous words of Jack Nicholson, “I couldn’t handle the truth”.
We are still friends till this day and his wife doesn’t hate me any more either for being a f#ucktard towards her husband. Yippie.
And I will add, a friend is someone who will be there for you even when you are too immature and scared to face up to the situations that you helped to create and also try to work to rebuild a friendship that in your moment or moments of f#ucktardness you tried to destroy
@ Liz and Panama – Wow, I didn’t get a welcome, fairy dust, caged birds singing or any MMA caged matches either. I guess your welcomes don’t travel to your readers in Japan. : – (
Numbers 3,4 and 5 are a given. I have issues with #5 when it’s used as a defining characteristic of friendship as IMO that’s a very low bar for defining a friend. If you’re the type of triflin, can’t control their groin callings and calling yourself grown type of person, then you’re a forced acquaintance at best. It’s one of those things that I got issues with, like people who say “I’m loyal to my friends”- as opposed to what mofo?
As for my email password and bank account, I just don’t see why anyone needs that level of access. Do I trust them with this kind of information? Sure. I hope I’m not pooping on this here parade when I say boundaries are needed for healthy friendships.
When you let them sleep in your bed (clean sheets of course). I have a close relationship with my bed. If we aint close, DO NOT take your happy self to my room and THINK you are about to lay down in my most personal space. its the floor/couch for you homie
A chick has gotten straight CURSED out for that one
Pajamas Jackson Jones,
5) You wouldn’t bang their girl (guy)? wow.. This should be a ‘given’ for most folks…but maybe that’s just in my world…
When do you have a real friend?
- you can give them the keys to your dwelling to pick something up, check on your pets/plants etc without any hesitation, not having to worry that they’ll go through your underwear drawer and find your ‘goodie box’
-they can show up unannounced for dinner (gotta feed your local homey)
-they’ve seen you at your fugliest= when you’ve been sick, didn’t have time to go to the salon/barber, lookin’ like Ashy Larry….and they don’t even blink an eye. Instead they help you get thru whatever ish that caused you to look that effed up in the first place
they’ve seen you at your fugliest= when you’ve been sick, didn’t have time to go to the salon/barber, lookin’ like Ashy Larry….and they don’t even blink an eye. Instead they help you get thru whatever ish that caused you to look that effed up in the first place
*nod* In my case, so sick with the flu looking like a bobblehead junkie. I’m hanging on by one arm as she helps me walk from my bed to the bathroom and she says: ” They were right when they said everybody doesn’t look right skinny (which I wasn’t just lost some weight being so dehydrated and loss of appetite)….then proceeds with “yo’ head looks bigger though”…..and me, too sick to respond they way I wanted, laughed and gave her azz the middle finger. We both bust out laughing. Isht talkin’ and jivin’ one another was our favorite past time. LOL …still is.
“…what let’s you know that somebody is really your friend?”
They have spare keys to your house and know the alarm code.
When you daydream about winning the Powerball, you try to figure out how many millions you’d give them.
You’d hate to be called to testify against them because you know too much of their dirt.
They know sh*t about you that yo momma ‘nem don’t know.
They team up with your mom on what they’re gonna do to help you.
It hurts you to see them hurt.
Co-sign. Everything you said is so on point. Except my thing is how much I’ll give her if I ever win on Wheel of Fortune! Not the scratch off’s but the real Wheel with Pat Sajack and Vanna White!
Co-sign on 2 and 6. Good list!
@caballeroso….When you daydream about winning the Powerball, you try to figure out how many millions you’d give them.
not just dream about it but actually have a convo about it. my bff was like just pay off my 1st mort we can handle the 2nd one….girl im paying off both, buying both of yall new cars, and setting up a trust fund for baby girl. since both me and my other bff are single she’s moving in with me since she wont be working anymore…i need somebody to travel with me and go to mid-day shopping sprees and spa retreats.
I have one, as in uno BFF, that I trust undoubtedly, we have known each other since the 7th grade and became friends til the end in the 8th LOL, 23 years in and they don’t come like that everyday.
most brawds can’t even handle my mere presence(it tends to intimidate weak false folk,men inclulded, cause its strong and true, like the tigress I am) let alone a real friendship…I don’t throw that word around lightly like alot of folks, cause I know how rare a true friend is, most folk are just loose acquaintances/associates/folk I might be cool wit on certain levels if that.
My first boyfriend is my good friend too, although I have to get on him sometimes bout his shiggady, thats what real friends do..but we have known one another almost as long as my BFF, bout the same length of time.
@Caballeroso,
When you daydream about winning the Powerball, you try to figure out how many millions you’d give them…. I swear I’ve done this on so many occasions, but like she pointed out “Umm, you have to actually play the numbers, chick!” LOL
They know sh*t about you that yo momma ‘nem don’t know… ….and neva will know. chuckle
It hurts you to see them hurt. You’re so right with that one!
All of this is true *nods head yes*!
*nods head emphatically.
I have the best BFF ever! We’ve known each other for 14 years and we pretty much know each other’s life story. She accepts me for who I am, even when I’m weird, and she supports me in all that I do.
She hates my ex more than I do and vice versa and 95% we know where the other one is just in case something were to go down. My mom has had her cell phone number committed to memory since high school. Now that’s consistent! I don’t know anyone else who has only ever had 1 cell phone number ever!
I don’t use the word friend lightly, but she’s my truest friend and I would do anything for her because she would do anything for me. Money, if I got it, she got it, even though her stubborn @ss (mine too if the situation were reversed) would never ask. Advice, if I don’t know about it you best better believe I’m gonna Google it or call an expert and report back. The list could go on and on.
We don’t always agree and are an unlikely pair. It works in our favor because we balance each other out and build each other up. And if she happens to read this “yes I just got warm and fuzzy on a blog and here’s virtual hug cause you already know I have boundary issues and that my real hugs are reserved for my Grandma and funerals.”
I’ll add a few more:
-co-sign on them having keys to your place and being allowed to come and go, even when you’re not there
- you let them use your washer and dryer instead of having to go to the laundry mat with fifty-eleven quarters
-they can stay with your family whenever they visit your hometown, even when you’re not there
-you let them borrow large amounts of money and don’t even ask when you’ll be getting it back
-you keep the thought in the back of your mind to never, ever cross them because the stuff they know about you could ruin you for life!
Oh, and one more…
-they can call you at work in the middle of the day and talk to you about absolutely nothing, and you’re cool with that
Me & my sister sits on the phone for hours while we’re at work talking about absolutely nothing. I love my sisters!
I’d say that a real friend is someone that you can trust with your deepest secrets and you feel comfortable enough that they won’t tell anyone or judge you. And someone that supports you when you do positive things from writing a novel to starting a blogspot. I have a good friend that I trust enough to read my novel before I get it copywritten and she never finds the time to do it. Also friends that ignore the fact that I have a blog when I ask them to check it out. You’d think that a real friend would be interested in what their friends have to write about, but maybe that’s just me. I support my friends in what they do.
I truly believe that you cannot get all the makings of a great friend from one person. But maybe that’s just because of my experience. Being that no one is perfect, I have to accept mine for who they are and not expect them to be what I think a great friend is. That’s why at the end of the day, my twin sister is my best friend! Glad to have her.
there are different levels of friendship isn’t there?1?, everyone even though they may true good folks etc, they don’t reach that BFF level, but they are still considered a friend.. I have folks like that too.
When it comes to love, friendship is a big part of that also, Ann Landers said “love is friendship caught fire”…….I want my future King to be my BFF also, first!
That’s true. I imagine that I never had a BBF because me and my sis was each others.
That’s what we all want. Our husband/wife to be our best friend.
*BFF
I have 3 (younger) sisters and we are pretty much best friends with each other. We are extremely close to each other and
except for stuff little sisters shouldn’t know about their older sisterwe pretty know everything about each other…I grew up close to 2 cousins as well and we were extremely close as kids/teenagers growing up. I think my family in general is pretty tightly knit so we’ve always had built-in best friends… and it’s awesome.
Yep, I’m the same way! i love it!
this week I unfortunately witnessed first hand an example of your freinds are have good friends and your friends are amazing. My brother and his wife are calling it splits, she is leaving him and the children (one of which is biologically not his).
On monday she called herself going to stay with her parents and for some reason ended up back at their house cause she didnt feel safe. I asked my bro about this and he said, she has no friends she can call. I was like damn that sucks. Not only do I have friends that I could call to crash on their couch, they would even offer to pick me up. Shoot I have friends alarm codes and keys to their house and car and I don’t even live in their state
My brother of course was devastated by the news that his wife was done, and he was hurt to the core, but his boys a group of about 6 of them rallied around him keeping him company and just providing support and I was there and watched at times as he sat there quietly with tears in his eyes. I was like damn these got to be your boys if you can cry in front of them. Thats word! I’m glad he has ride or die friends
the intro should read “example of your freinds are craptastic and your friends are amazing” (blame it on multitasking)
Wow. I’m sure with a good support system (as stated) that your bro’ will pull through just fine. And you’re right, for a man to tear up in front of folks..be it his family, relatives or even his woman….those quite moments speak volumes.
Oh I have seen him cry a lot ( I used to beat his a$$, after all he is my little brother 6 years younger) but he was tearing up in front of his boys… that to me was like damn!
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Oh I have seen him cry a lot ( I used to beat his a$$, after all he is my little brother 6 years younger)
Ooops! Now why you putting that man’s business in the streets like that? LOL
@intellectual hedonist…tell him not to worry…according to the rest of america if he’s a black man he’ll have 6 educated, financially stable black women waiting to step up.
Real friend story:
It was my 4th day of work on my first real job. My best friend calls me and tells me that the doctors are going to induce labor because her blood pressure is off the chart and might hurt the baby. I pack my bags, put on my suit, go to work and tell the partner in charge of first years that I came to turn in a project and bounce. Rode the bus, caught a cab to the hospital, got kicked out the room when the real family showed up (yeah, that’s right, I beat the mama and the baby daddy to the hospital). Slept on the cot in the room for the rest of the hospital stay. And when the baby wouldn’t latch on to my extraordinarily tired BFF who was falling asleep trying to nurse while the lactation specialist was giving instructions, I crawled into the bed, and did all the manipulating of the baby’s head and her milk jugs until that little punk latched on. Trial and error for an hour. How do I know she is my BFF? Because she keeps telling me to hurry up and have her a god child so she can return the favor.
@INFJgurl, yeah i think holding your homegirls jugs for survival purposes definitely qualifies as real friendship.
@INFJgurl
That story made me smile.
Okay, people…. I’m getting all sappy over here… (wipes eyes)
*passes kleenex box.
@INFJgurl
*teary eyed*
If ya’ll only knew her…you would, guaranteed, do the same for her. She is my heart. I try to be worthy of being hers.
like awwwww!
You are truly a great friend. Keep it up.
im back! (mrs magic city…sorry..had a jeezy moment. lol).
“This might be a guy thing, but you’re real homeboys…you wouldn’t even consider banging their girl. That’s the true measure of friendship. I’m not sure this one holds true for women since anecdotally, women can be some uber trifling and conniving individuals when it comes to sleeping with comrades. I’ve seent it with my own two eyes before”
this is NOT a gender thing. 6 yrs ago I was dating dude A. His boy was B. A & B were tight. Like brothers tight. Like their moms referred to the other like sons tight. Every sunday, the posse (mostly dudes and 1 other girl) would go to B’s house for fooball and eats. (good times). The boys LOVED me. Fully told my dude: if you ever break up with her, you aren’t allowed back in the house. lol. We were together for almost 2 years.
What was funny that the hardest part wasn’t breaking up with the dude, it was breaking up with his mom (she had 2 sons..she LOVED me) and the posse.
A few months after the breakup, I attended a bbq at B’s house (as I was invited and still friends with the girl). B contacted me via MSN to try and link up. He wanted to book a hotel room on the opposite end of town. It felt like a trap, I never figured out if it was for real or not – but it showed that men can be just as shady.
Undoubtedly dudes will go there, test you, try you, mofos that run in the same circle etc seent that with my own eyes by having mf’ers try me LLS.
I am loyal, so I don’t even entertain that chit chat, even after something has ended, I’m not hanign wit, meeting up for drinks, dinner etc with anyone in the crew o_O ugghhhhh, as if, LOL, you are so NOT Sir Greendown!
@Keisha Brown
“B contacted me via MSN to try and link up. He wanted to book a hotel room on the opposite end of town. It felt like a trap, I never figured out if it was for real or not – but it showed that men can be just as shady.”
What I’ve realized about some dudes is that they are about as loyal as their d**k calls for. What’s even crazy is that some dudes feel that if sex is their for the taking they should take it. Some cats don’t realize that some women are off limits. They value sex more than the friendship.
That’s some mess! I got that t-shirt too!…But that’s what I got for giving her a ride to meet some dude who she had never met (they were hooked up on some blind meet n’ greet…tombout she wanted me to come just in case the guy was jacked up and she needed a decoy).
Talk about humiliating on her part…just picture the scene from Coming to America when Lisa invited Akeem to the game and the look on his face when she dropped the bomb that he would be paired up with her sister instead. I mean dude had this big cheshire cat grin on his face as he approached the car on the driver’s side, until I checked him and said the young lady he’s expecting was in the passenger’s seat. Damn. The look on his face was awful and I felt horrible for her. She tried playing it off and kept in touch with him…even though he inquired about my whereabouts entirely too much, asking to converse and such, sending little innuendos right in her face….still, no lightbulb. Talk about awkward, because I knew where it was headed. Needless to say, she and I did not remain friends very long.
@Ms Butta’sWorth
Me and that guy you took your girl to meet have that in common. I know exactly how he feels. I have a losing record meeting women I haven’t seen first.
@Humble_One,
I’ve found by making it a casual group outing kind of diffuses the anxiety of expectations, with less pressure of jumping into one-on-one outings and leaves less guilt if within an instant you just aren’t feeling ‘ol girl. Try that..unless that’s no longer an issue.
But you know, I can understand someone you’ve never really met/nor seen not being what you expected (one reason I’m seldom open to the method myself), but the man could have at least told her upfront (tactfully and in private of course)….I was more repulsed by his actions after the obvious fact that he wasn’t really feelin’ her and even more baffled that she would carry on by involving herself with this oblivious, masochistic charade.
However, there was a time in the past that I began to notice that I had the tendency to hook my old girlfriends up with nothing but easy on the eyes good fellas. It was always “Girl, you did good!” ….but when it came to my own, I found that I could use some help on my own personal selection process. I’ve gotten a lot better with time ………..and a pretty good teacher —> Experience.
@Ms Butta’sWorth
“But you know, I can understand someone you’ve never really met/nor seen not being what you expected (one reason I’m seldom open to the method myself), but the man could have at least told her upfront (tactfully and in private of course)….”
The problem is that I am honest in how I describe myself. I am a 1.5 and will tell you that up front. I don’t know if the women aren’t being honest or they truthfully see themselves as they describe. Either way I took the L.
@Humble_One,
*nod*
But ummm, you know I always chuckle when folks brag about their physical assets….cause it sets an even greater standard to live up to with such a campaign; likewise when folks are a little more
humblemodest with their descriptions, its easier to deliver on their promises to the masses….especially when its a pleasant surprise. So gon’ on head with that 1.5…’cause its just more of a reason to suspect that there is something of greater value beneath it all.She has my man’s cell number programmed in her phone.
I don’t know about that one…
Why?
My real friends and I don’t keep tally of favors
My BFF is always there in a crisis…I remember my moms was in the hospital, and she came along to ask questions and grill the hospital staff b/c I was in no condition to do so
I only cry in front of my real friends. All walls come down.
Somebody is really my friend if they touch my chicken and THEN ask “You gonna eat that?” and I don’t knock the caps off their knees
Real friends know how to talk to one another. Not everybody receives messages the same way. They also know when to check your arse…whether your wilding over some dude or wearing something a lil wrong…they get the message across
@LaBakir,
I only cry in front of my real friends. All walls come down.
This is ME! I kind of blame my mom because when I was coming up she made it seem (along with male cousins), that crying was a sign of weakness. I was confused because I was like….”but I’m a girl…”
So I looked for other ways to release….like working out. Even now, I sometimes struggle with it…but their more like (silent) mad tears…but with those I consider my folks…I’m sobby and ballin’ if I have to. (Lol)
Besides, I don’t want the result of suppressing my emotions to show up on my face giving me that aged look well before its supposed to.
@Ms. Butta’s Worth
Yeah man, I work out too for emotional release. I’ve been getting better at crying, lol. But I still have reservations about it…even if it’s something touching…if you ain’t my people’s, you won’t see a tear!
@LaBakir
“Yeah man, I work out too for emotional release. I’ve been getting better at crying, lol. But I still have reservations about it…even if it’s something touching…if you ain’t my people’s, you won’t see a tear!”
Why you trying to be hard when you know you’re softer than the inside of a twinkie.
@Humble_One
LOL!!! Whatever son! Twinikie I am not.
@LaBakir
Whateva. You know you cried when Mufasa died in the Lion King.
@Humble_One
LMAO! I did not! I feel compelled to, but whenever I watch it…the cry gets stuck in my throat #nosuperhead
LMAO!!!
But ummm, confession: The corners of my eyes get watery in the old Disney classic Dumbo…when he went to visit his mama, Mrs. Jumbo in solitary confinement (lol) ….and the scene at the end of The Color Purple when Celie and Nettie reunite. “Neh-tttttiiiieeeeee!!!!….Cee-lie…” Gets me every time.
Real friendship
1) You can go to each others house and go into the refrigerator. You can even go into the cabinets and fix a sandwich or a bowl of cereal.
2) You can drop something off at the house or pick it up when the wife or girlfriend is there and he isn’t
3) He will bring you out the house to hang and got you for the night when he knows you dont have money
4) Whenever their family has a function you are invited
5) You may not talk for months but when you do talk you just pick up from the last time.
6) he won’t throw you under the bus when it’s to his advantage to do so.
7) Always has your best interest in mind.
@Humble_One,
6) he won’t throw you under the bus when it’s to his advantage to do so.
7) Always has your best interest in mind.
This ^^^ is the truth!!! Speak!
You don’t mind them having your guy/husband’s number. They talk frequently and you don’t question it.
You don’t mind them having your guy/husband’s number. They talk every now and then and you don’t question it.
This post made me come out of the shadows. No more lurking!
1. Your child(ren) calls them Ti-Ti or Uncle.
2. Someone touched on this but your mom & dad are their mom & dad and vice versa.
3. Your boss knows who you are. I was in labor with daughter and mini-me was coming fast. My best friend couldn’t leave work early. I called her boss and my best friend made it to the hospital just in time.
4. They come bearing liquor when you receive a promotion or go through a break-up.
5. Takes the risk of letting you puke in front of a police station. True story.
6. Pays for a speeding ticket or your traffic school fee because it was kind of their fault why you received the ticket.
“6. Pays for a speeding ticket or your traffic school fee because it was kind of their fault why you received the ticket.”
Or how about pays for your speeding or red-light or parking tickets even when it wasn’t there fault because they don’t want you to get your car booted because they know you need to get to school and work! Now that’s a friend!
Real friends do the following:
1. Listen and help them deal with all or any strife that you or they maybe facing. Whether it’s a sick child, relationship trouble, or a pending divorce. You listen and hold it together while they break down. No advice is need, just your ear. Sometimes you have to just ask (mostly with men b/c we have to be prompted to open up sometimes.)
2. Moving. This is actually a form of currency between men.
3. A real friend checks on and watches out for your parents if you aren’t around.
4. Take any dark secrets you may have to the grave. *I’m looking at you Tyler Perry. Please learn how to write male interaction. We don’t air each others dirty laundry and continue to be cool.Only ostracism and curb stompings follow this.*
5. The words “Dead hooker” don’t phrase them at 3 in the morning.
6. Real friends appreciate the fact that your crew isn’t a monolithic block. Grown folks respect each others opinions.
7. They support your goals. If you tell them your plans and the words “Do that sh*t!” follows then you’ve got yourself a true friend.
That’s all I’ve got for now.
” Take any dark secrets you may have to the grave. *I’m looking at you Tyler Perry. Please learn how to write male interaction. We don’t air each others dirty laundry and continue to be cool.Only ostracism and curb stompings follow this.*”
Word. If you put your boy out there then you must know that you are ending the friendship right then and there.
“Real friends appreciate the fact that your crew isn’t a monolithic block. Grown folks respect each others opinions.”
Cosign. My friends and I are different in so many ways but we have more similarities than differences. Basically real recognizes real. I don’t agree with some of their opinions but I respect it.
I will also add that a real friend knows when to let go of your friend’s issues. At some point you have to let them embrace their issues.
I have a good friend who is homeless and a paranoid schizophrenic, but until he embraces this fact and is proactive about taking his meds and doing his counseling I can only make sure he’s staying safe.
My best friend just rode by and checked in on my folks today.
Ain’t even no askin’ required. He knows I worry ’bout them since I’m in DC they’re 6 hours away.
When my stepfather (who raised me my entire life) died, my bestie let me cry to her about it for months.
When I hooked up with a dude that was no good for me (and I knew it as well). She never judged me. She gave me her opinion and then supported whatever I decided to do.
When I just don’t want to talk on the phone or hang out, she doesn’t get sensitive about it (and vice versa from me to her). She gives me my space because we are grown and do have lives, ya know?!
When she lost everything during Hurricane Katrina, I hooked her up ($$$) No loan either.
We’re so in sync that when we’re out or around people, we can give each other a look from across the room and that’s communication enough.
-If you’re my real friend,I eat your cooking and allow you to cook in my kitchen. (I can’t let not sketchy folks touch my skillets n rub salmonella around)
-Real friends have been in my bedroom. I have clothes scattered n books everywhere. I’m not afraid for my friends to know I’m messy
- My real friend’s kids have toys in my apt
- $ is a non issue. If you don’t have it, I got it. No keeping tabs on who paid for what. In some way or another it’s reciprocated.
1. You’ll let them read your journal and or store them while you move, travel, etc.
2. You can go bathing suit shopping with them. (it’s a girl thing)
3. You can let them see your home in total disarray.
4. You can trust them with d@mning evidence.
2. You can go bathing suit shopping with them. (it’s a girl thing)
I can walk around stark naked in front of them…
(ok maybe I am just a walk around stark naked kinda person.
)
*lurker*
Cosign no question loans, mi casa su casa, anytime calls, hand holding, and safe with your kids&mate.
I would like to add
1. Will give you a job reference. Even if they know you operate on CPT.
2. They tell you only once if they don’t like your mate. My Bestie’s man is a loser but she likes him, no use dwelling.
3. They attend functions for moral support. Funerals, plays, events they know exes will attend.
4. You call and tell them thing you’ d be embarrassed to tell to a dr., priest, or law enforcement. What’s a little crime, feminine itching, or pity effing confession between friends.
5. Yo don’t feel strange changing in front of them. I got overnight “friends” that never saw me nude. The bestie has seen it all even made jokes and has survived
Co-Sign all in the post
I’d add:
1) I let them borrow shoes. My shoe game is CRAZY and my shoes are my KIDS. Plus, I have a thing with feet…please do NOT put your feet on my or my bed *cringe*
2) If I can tell you about my aspirations. I realized a long time ago that you can not share your dreams with everyone because a mofo is quick to try to kill your dream. But a true friend will cheer you on…and vice versa
Should I be concerned if all my friends who fit this criteria are men?
I don’t think so.
I have a homeboy who fits the criteria.
I have a homeboy who fits these criteria as well. Nothing to be afraid of…
(but isn’t there at least one woman? because you know what the VSBs call a woman with no girlfriends, right?
)
Does my mom count?
Hey, that’s good enough for me.
this unrelated like sh*t but I had to share…so today is the start of gemini season…..I decided to go sit out on the Ellipse like I sometimes do to people watch and not feel lovelorn, so this older couple ends up taking seat next to me after the older man, looked over, then he sat and started making me laugh with old man jokes, just really sweet, him and his wife very nice Greek folks married 55 years from Long Island, now living in Florida, he is WWII vet so they came to see the memorial, you can hear NY all in the accents so he was telling about the museums in NY, and when he was a youngin going to Brooklyn Tech,etc this tour bus driver over hears, he is from Bk and went to Brooklyn tech also, so they share stories etc and I share some too, so it turns out the tour bus driver, Lem is a Gemini June 17th, The older Greek man Gemini June 9th, and me June 16th…AWESOME, we SO rock!!!!!!!
My mom and sister are gemini too. Mom dukes is turning 60 on Sunday and the sis is turning 23 on June 1st. Yes Gemini rock (even if they moody as all get out. Lol!)
Fellow Gemini here!! May 26th!!!!
May 30th here!
I got love for th Gemies too (my favorite aunt is one) and for awhile that seemed to be the majority sign of the zodiac that I attracted. They may have caught me off guard by going from niceman to iceman, going to bed at night and not knowing what you’re gonna get in the morning…but hey, I suppose they had to put up with the “all out war” persona (courtesy of an Aries) that I learned to check long time ago. Never a dull moment though…Charmin muh-effas….LOL.
@Pretty MUCH ORange 616-57821,
By the way, I’m sure you already know you and Pac have the same birthday. And that dude still gets me going… OoooWeeOoooWee…
I suppose they had to put up with the “all out war” persona (courtesy of an Aries)
Aries rule! lol! That must be the reason why I usually have a hard time with Geminis in general… I can’t take moody for too long. Be straight up and upfront and tell what the heck bugs you! Argh! I can’t read your dang mind… Lol.
Meanwhile, my sister always complains that I am constantly badgering her and I should let her present her thoughts/ideas when she is ready. As my grandma would say, it takes all kinds to make a world.
LOL. Yep, lovin’ my fellow rambos and rambinas. We can be hardheaded as heyal at times though… And I’ve often read that Geminis and Arians are supposedly compatible….heehee
Excellent list Panama!
I’ll add: when you can go on The Amazing Race and manage to come off as inpirational to the nation. That Amazing race stuff can break people up REAL FAST!
I’d trust to take them to the movies (no Bangs)
Speaking of Bangs, or not really, actually speaking of hip-hop/rap that should redeem the likes of Bangs… I am listening to Distant Relatives right now, and I absolutely love it… I usually have a mitigated relationship with Nas’ stuff. I usually like it in theory… Like I will listen to it, and think “hmmm I should like this, I actually like it” but I won’t go back to bump it often… So I am pretty surprise at the repeat factor of Distant Relatives…. Might be the “world music” vibe infused throughout… I don’t know, but all I know is give it a listen!
Plus it features a lot of the darling K’naan.
Ok that was my musical aside of Friday. Back to our regularly scheduled program.
Late, but..anyway, my roomie/ bff once offered to help me “find” a condom in a very delicate place. One crazy and very drunken night w/my BF we couldn’t find the condom and determined that it must have gotten stuck up there.. Anyway, he searched, couldn’t find anything. I checked, nothing. I ran upstairs and told her what happened/ that I was thinking of going to the ER (i didn’t know if it was dangerous or what) and she seriously told me that she would check me out if need be.
THAT is what I call friendship. And no, she’s not gay, and no, she didn’t have to join the search.
Where was the condom? :Lol:
(we found it in the sheets after a final shakedown)
@truthinrumors,
Daaaagggg!!! You had me on the edge of my seat with that one! Here’s to friendship… cheers! LMAO.
they usually fall out when you go to the bathroom..just have to use your muscles..but idk this from experience. I just heard.
I can honestly say I have 3 people in my life that could do all three things and it wouldn’t bother me one bit. Hell one has a key to my house and she can let herself (she always gives me a heads up).
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
My BFF of like 14 years knows every triflin, dirty, hoe ass thing I have pretty much ever done. And she still loves me, doesn’t judge me and allows me to be alone around her husband.
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Totally agree! I guess I have to really think if I have anything to add since I definitely scrolled to bottom of the page without glancing at anyone elses comments…
I guess I would say: I’d definitely trust them with my passwords and/or pin codes.I could lend them money and vice versa w/out worrying about them acting funny. I could come through or they can come through without a heads up. If there’s a problem with either one of us, everything else comes second within reason. They tell me about myself and I could tell them about their self on the spot without hesitation or contemplation. and uhh etc.