Lists, Theory & Essay

What Friendship Means To Me, By Panama Jackson

Here at VSB, we spend a lot of time talking about relationships between men and women, man and nature, and the most important, Soulja Boy and Edgar Allan Poe. Relationships are the cornerstone of community. This is fact. But you know one of the most important facets of any relationship is? Having real friends to keep your dumb a** in line when you do something stupid or who can keep you level headed whenever you feel as if you’ve been wronged or unrighted, depending on if you ever made it past 6th grade.

All this talk about friends has made me hungry. Except that’s not true at all. But it did get me to thinking about how you know somebody is really your friend as opposed to just some random associate. Of course, this could vary between men and women but I assume that we all have some ways of knowing who our real friends are. Allow me to provide a few ways:

1) You’d ask them to check your email for you

Say you get caught out there and you need somebody to go in your email right quick. Shucks, I’ve had girlfriends I wouldn’t even ask to do that, but my homies? Sure. No problem. There’s something about email. Heck, I don’t even want the Pope up in my emails. I just can’t trust him not to check out that folder entitled “Things You Shouldn’t Look At If Your Name Ain’t Panama Jackson”.

2) Like email, you’d let them check your bank account balance

Whew…this one is major because letting somebody know how money you have is generally a major nono. I remember asking my dad how much money he made once and he cursed me out mumbling something about grown folks business and getting the monkeyshine sh*t slapped out of me for every talking bad about Jesus again. And I’m not even Lil B. I don’t even look like Jesus. If I did, I wouldn’t say so either.

3) They can come into your home and go into the refrigerator without asking

One of my best friends from high school would do that. Walk right into the house and go to the fridge and nobody batted an eye. I had an ex try to do that after being at my house no less than 100 times and my mother kindly asked to speak to her in another room and said something about disrespect and slapping the monkeyshine sh*t out of somebody that looked like Jesus. I’m still not sure who that person is.

4) They can hang out with your sister/brother and you don’t worry about anything popping off

I have a bunch of sisters and I have boys who I’d trust to take them to the movies (no Bangs). Well, that is unless they were trying to take them to like a dollar movie that had old Red Shoe Diaries episodes or some such f*ckery involved. But hey, you can’t win them all and you cannot dance unless there is music. Though, the prevailing thought is that you should dance as if nobody’s watching and if nobody’s watching then there’s probably not a DJ so maybe you’re dancing to the song in  your heart. Our soul. I’m confused.

5) You wouldn’t bang their girl (guy)

This might be a guy thing, but your real homeboys…you wouldn’t even consider banging their girl. That’s the true measure of friendship. I’m not sure this one holds true for women since anecdotally, women can be some uber trifling and conniving individuals when it comes to sleeping with comrades. I’ve seent it with my own two eyes before. Shucks, I’ve had the roommate of an ex ATTEMPT to sleep with me before. Good thing she looked like Norbit. Eeeeew.

My good friends of VSB, what let’s you know that somebody is really your friend?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • JessKnowsBest

    true friendship:

    You let them see you at your sickest….

    You lend them money you need because they need it more

    You can call them in the middle of the night to talk and NOT get cussed out.

    • JessKnowsBest

      addition:

      Letting borrowed a high priced/favorite clothing item ….
      My clothes are like my children and I dont leave em with just anybody… My reall friends know how to treat my babies, lol.

    • Dom

      You lend them money you need because they need it more

      This is a good one. Back in the brokest of broke days (ahem, circa last week or so), If I had $20 and she had $2, she was getting at least $8. There aren’t many people I’d do that for.

    • Mo

      “You lend them money you need because they need it more…”

      Naw homie, if someone is really your friend, you don’t lend them money. You GIVE it to them. There is nothing like hounding someone to get the $50 you loaned them. So, for me and my friends we give each other money. And we’ve done it enough times to know that when you’re the one in need, we got you. You don’t have to worry. And vice versa.

      • tone

        cosign.

  • knightnick

    cosign #2 and #3, i stay in my friends fridge.

    I’d add:
    1. if we are both drunk but he is less drunk, my closest friends can drive my car drunk
    2.My closest friends also know where all me secret stash spots are in my crib and my car.

  • Roger

    If I can trust him pick my girl up from the bus/train station/work/home if I can’t make it.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Roger, yeah, roger that.

  • afrolista

    *lurker alert*
    i consider someone a true friend if i let them sit on my bed. I don’t have any chairs in my room and will offer someone a seat on the floor while i sit on the bed if i don’t “know them like that.”
    idk I’m just really particular about who’s hindparts touch my bed.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      *throws VSB welcome glitter*

      • sweetbee

        There’s welcome glitter dust too?! I missed all the delurking welcomes… : (

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @sweetbee, welcome and * glitter, ziggy stardust, and birds * thrown at you

          • http://www.twitter.com/SexyCool13 SexyCool

            Panama,
            I’m going to need you to not *ever* throw glitter or stardust again ever in life.

          • sweetbee

            @panama

            appreciate the glitter…birds….i’m gonna need you to return your special friends to their cages

          • Be nice to me, I may be your lawyer one day

            *throwing temper tantrum* I got NO stardust nor glitter! lol

    • http://twitter.com/ManAboutIt Man About It (of Stuff Ghetto People Like fame)

      Wow. I’d feel SUPER unwelcome (and look at the front door) if someone told me I had to sit on the floor. Not about beds or chairs so much as hospitality issues.

    • Mo

      True story: When I was in high school, one of the girls in my church asked to borrow my brush. I gave it to her and let her keep it. Why? Because I didn’t know her like that. Mind you, we sang in the choir together, kinda grew up together and our families knew each other from wayback…but still. I did not know her like that and thus I did not know her grooming habits, so instead of chance getting rabies or something otherworldly gross, I just let her have the brush.

      That’s the mark of a true friend to me. If you can use my grooming products (sans washcloth and toothbrush) then we tight for life.

    • Sasi Quaia

      @afrolista
      I so second that!! I don’t like everybody all on my bed, not only just the individual, but where ever they may have sat throughout the day.

      EX: You may be the cleanest person, but if you sat on the chair at a local dump-like bus station, I wouldn’t particularly like you to sit on my bed.

      I tell folks, I gotta put my face here so you can’t sit here. Nope.

  • MsEsquire77

    You value their opinion, would trust them with your children and have no doubt they’ll hold your secrets.

    My best friend and I have been like sisters for 20+ years. She’s guaranteed to by my maid-of-honor and my kids’ godmother.

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    awww *warm fuzzies*

    This reminds me, I need to change my email password.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Liz, LOL. i dont have it…anymore.

  • Pretty Cute

    I wouldn’t lend my closest friends money…i’d give it to them (so long as I can afford to, which might mean shopping at wal mart instead of publix…shudder)

    • CNotes

      @Pretty Cute

      That is pretty much my MO when it comes to money and my friends. I give it if I can afford to. Loaning sucks because there is a follow-up process (and I hate if I would have to ask for my money). My closest friend lost everything during Hurricane Katrina (along with my dad and half of my family). When I received a large amount of cash donations from my job for my family……I made sure to break her off nicely. It wasn’t enough to replace all she had lost, but it was a great way to start. Plus, I know she would have done the same for me.

    • Dee

      this. because i know you will “give” it back to me at some point.

  • MzAnon formerly Anonymous

    damn only #5 applies to me. I would never try to smash the homie’s (my bff) man. She thinks my brother is cute and I know her flirty ass has flirted with him before but he always tells me about it. In fact, he tells her (and assures me) that she needs to calm her happy ass down. I still don’t even know if I should leave my man alone with her (I never have but not on purpose) without her saying something slick because she’s thirsty for attention all the time but I do love her. We’ve been friends for 7 years now. I don’t trust anybody BUT my own brother with my money and no one is getting my passwords to anything! You got me rethinking what kind of friend I have. Damn!

  • MzAnon

    I’ll do anything for my friends though, I should add. Me and my friends been through some crazy ish already, they’ve been down when I was at my worst and vice versa. I’ll do it all over again.

  • legitimate_soul

    1. If you going through something you can tell them what you are going through without judgement.

    2. You can go to them or call them way after hours and they will wake up and help you.

    3. They (and I) will tolerate and deal with your drunk behind.

    4. They will bring you food when you are under the weather.

    5. If they are going through financial difficulty you’ll pay for them to attend or participate in the gathering or function just to make sure they are out and having fun.

    6. This one is serious: You can sit your bare arse on their toilet and vice-versa. Don’t front. Everybody don’t sit on everybody’s toilet.

    • miss t-lee

      @legitimate soul #5 and 6 are oh so sin-curre! :-) True friendship indeed.

    • Officer Ricky

      5. If they are going through financial difficulty you’ll pay for them to attend or participate in the gathering or function just to make sure they are out and having fun.

      In any event, they are usually the first to get the heads up. I’m a firm supporter of, “if i brought the idea up, I’m taking care you” thank God they ain’t around to call me moist for saying this. This helps me weed out any financial queries that would arise.

    • Anastasia!!!

      OMG, Using the bathroom without lining the seat or uber disinfecting – that is the truth for a best friend!!!!!! Good one!!!

    • thatchic

      i cosign this entire list

      2. You can go to them or call them way after hours and they will wake up and help you.

      this is why i leave my phone on on the nightstand (next to the $2) just in case one of the BFF’s need to call.

    • CNotes

      @legitimate_soul

      “1. If you going through something you can tell them what you are going through without judgement.”

      This is when I knew my homegirl and I became besties! She and I began exchanging situations and neither of us judged each other (still to this day). Right then…..I was like…..this is my GIRL!!!

      “5. If they are going through financial difficulty you’ll pay for them to attend or participate in the gathering or function just to make sure they are out and having fun.”

      Yep!

    • Humble_One

      @legitimate_soul

      “6. This one is serious: You can sit your bare arse on their toilet and vice-versa. Don’t front. Everybody don’t sit on everybody’s toilet.”

      Idk about this one. There is only one place I do this outside of my own home and that’s my parent’s house. It has to be really bad for me to take a dump outside of home or my parents house.

    • Ms. Butta’sWorth

      @legitimate soul,

      If you going through something you can tell them what you are going through without judgement.

      Especially if you’re usually hesitant about opening up to folks, period. This in particular is right on time…where you can just spit it and let the chips fall where they may, without any reservations.

    • Sasi Quaia

      Yop, yop, yop. #6. . .yop.