after watching a mini-marathon on tvone the other day, i’ve come to realize that my complete underwhelmedness with “good times” has nothing to do with the (lack of) comedy, the ubiquitous corduroy pantsuits or even the perpetually dispiriting story lines and everything to do with two people: florida and james evans

you see, a show is only as good as its main characters, and its hard to believe in a show that bases itself on its “realness” when the relationship between the heads of the household is as believable as drew peterson

i mean, forget about the fact that they were as compatible as bathtub water and live toasters. also, lets overlook the fact that florida evans was more asexual than a box of brillo pads, making the thought of her having enough sex to have three children more unrealistic than shay_d_lady’s life.

no, lets instead focus on the fact that john amos was 35 years old when the series began...and esther rolle was 53!!!! fifty f*cking three???

considering that 18 years in cabrini-green could conceivably be two generations, james was getting that good backroom gotdamn from someone who could have been his f*cking grandmother. no wonder he couldn’t keep a job for longer than eight days. epson seasoned project coochie on the reg does that to you

anyway, thinking about this unadulterated romantic mismatch made me think of a few other extremely unrealistic couples i’ve seen on screen.

andre romulus ellis and reese marie wiggam ellis, “brown sugar”

she’s 6’2 without heels. he’s 5’2 with them. case closed

omar and perfunctory light-brown skinned bottom pretty boy criminal, “the wire”

seriously, how the hell did omar find these dudes? did he meet them all at the same club? were they all from the same family? did he put ads on craigslist for “perpetually sweaty, homeless, and murderous gay stick-up kid with multiple bounties on head seeks light-skinned homo thug willing to stick-up and get stuck“? somebody please explain this to me.

thelma frye and reverend reuben gregory, “amen”

of all the aggressively effeminate male/shrewish female late 80′s black sitcom pairings (the winslows from “family matters”, the banks from the “fresh prince of bel-air”, etc), these two were the least convincing. i mean, you know the chemistry is bad when you think the reverend and sherman hemsley…

…would have made a better couple.

thats it for me. people of vsb.com, did i forget anyone?

—the champ