I Binged Watched ‘This Is Us’ And My Feelings Are In Shambles. I May Never Recover. ZOMG! » VSB

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I Binged Watched ‘This Is Us’ And My Feelings Are In Shambles. I May Never Recover. ZOMG!

(There are very, very light spoilers in this piece. None of them tell you much of about the plot of the show.)

On February 23, 2017, I wrote the following status update on Facebook:

Well, I guess I need to watch “This Is Us.” I’ve not intentionally avoided it but have yet to see a single episode. But I want to cry, too. Everybody out here in tears because of that show. I want to cry in the car. I want to get onto FB and tell everybody I’m crying too.

I’m gon’ cry y’all. Mary was not gon’ cry, but I guess she never watched “This Is Us” because she was too busy being a lover and a secretaire, which isn’t a thing, but because Mary, the secreataire is the first face you see at the dancery.

This status update went off the rails somewhere.

This was after it seems like my entire FB timeline was an emotional wreck after watching the latest episode of “This Is Us,” an episode that upon watching last night put me so far into my feelings at midnight that I retreated up to my room to tell my girlfriend about how much of a wreck I was and after trying to explain to her what I’d just seen, she looked at me and said, “are you about to start crying now?”

I literally had to excuse myself because, yes, I was about to start bawling. Again. Everybody who watches this show knows this episode. It’s titled, “Memphis” and I don’t think I’ve boohooed that much – literal tears streaming down my face – since the episode of “Dawson’s Creek” where his father dies and Dawson breaks down in the car while James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain” played. We’re talking “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” “how come he don’t want me, man?” tears.

I was not prepared.

Basically, the way I felt by the end of that episode – which was SO masterfully done and executed (Sterling Brown deserves awards for this show) even though I knew what was coming – was like taking Ricky’s death, with Will’s daddy leaving again, while watching Mufasa fall, while watching the end of Beaches. I was done. Plain and simple.

Shit, I’m STILL not over it. My feelings are currently raw and I’m not even close to joking. It’s been a good long while since I’ve cared this much about show characters. I’m almost mad for not getting on the train earlier, but I’m glad I watched the whole thing in one sitting because I’d have lost my shit waiting for the next episode of emotional torture that I wanted and needed in my life so badly. Apparently.

I never intentionally didn’t watch “This Is Us,” I just never made any effort either. Before the season started, a company sent me a few screeners for the show. I never got around to watching them. Then the show aired and I’d hear people talking about it, etc. It wasn’t until the “Memphis” episode aired, and I wouldn’t know it as that until this weekend, that my timeline exploded with tears and emotions, from both men and women alike. It was almost as if the internet needed a collective hug. I decided then that at some point I’d start watching.

On Saturday afternoon via Hulu, I made a decision that would forever change the course of my life: I welcomed the lives of Jack, Rebecca, Kevin, Kate, Randall, Beth, William, Toby, etc. in to my life, the same way Randall did when he made that fateful knock.

I ain’t been right since. For starters, the casting is fabulous. It is absolutely a delight to watch these folks work together. The writing is superb. But the emotions they draw out are the reason this show matters. I’ve been in my feelings EVERY.SINGLE.EPISODE. Aside from the aforementioned “Memphis” episode, the first time I had actual tears fall down my face (though I’ve teared up on every episode except oddly, the season finale) was episode five where Kevin attempts to salvage his horrible explanation to the girls about death. His minutes long monologue and talk to his nieces was so perfect, especially spliced with video footage of Randall, ya know, after Memphis, KILT ME DEAD.

Each episode’s new layer and wrinkle to the family dynamic with some nugget of life, usually at the hands of family patriarch, Jack…

Let’s talk about Jack for a minute. Jack isn’t perfect. Not by a long shot, but good got damn. I want to marry Jack, y’all. Talk about a man who is like the world’s greatest father and husband who always finds a way to say just what needs to be heard in the moment.

I could probably do a 10 greatest times Jack was the greatest man on the planet list and still need another 90. No bullshit, for the past, I don’t know, 25 years of my life, I’ve solidly determined that Charles Ingalls from “Little House On the Prairie” was EASILY the world’s greatest TV father.

E.V.E.R.

Jack is 1A now. Even in defeat he finds a way to be charming and inspirational. I’m afraid to find out what happened to him and want to fight *CENSORED* and *CENSORED* EVERY TIME I SEE THEM ON SCREEN TOGETHER.

Jack is #bae.

If you’re not watching “This Is Us,” do yourself a favor and check it out. It might do your heart some good. You probably are watching already because you want to know what the hype is and now you’re fully ensconsed into the Pearson family as is only right.

The ducks. The mailman. The postcard. The love. The family. The flashbacks. Beth. The book of poems.

I’m still in my feelings. And that’s okay because it let me know that I have them. Join me in my feelings and let’s be an emotional trainwreck together. And we haven’t even gotten to the biggest mystery yet.

WE GON CRY Y’ALL.

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • SoonToBeMrs

    Who is THAT? The one in glasses?

    I read it and I still don’t get why folks are crying.

    • miss t-lee

      Sterling K Brown

      • Janelle Doe

        haha, “jinx”
        *waving hello

        • miss t-lee

          JINX! :)

      • SoonToBeMrs

        Thanks.

    • Janelle Doe

      Sterling K Brown he was also in the OJ tv/movie

      • His role in TIU seem so fitting after the OJ movie. Even in that role, he struggled with the degrees of Blackness and embracing said Blackness in a room full of non Blacks.

        • Janelle Doe

          He is so good, I think they should create an acting award and just call it the Sterling or something, smile
          *sidebar I love how the other actors tease him on twitter from one episode to the next.

        • I feel like that was more in the character of Christopher Darden than in his acting skills though

          • Agreed. But he portrayed it so well. The minor facial looks, the mannerisms, speaking without talking. It comes across in Randall.

      • SoonToBeMrs

        Thanks!!! He has such a commanding presence. Yaz, zadddddddy.

      • Madam CJ_Skywalker

        And I hear he’s gonna be in the new Black Panther film

  • Janelle Doe

    Thanks Panama, now if only we also had Damon on board.
    *sighs but recognizes the whole free will thing

  • miss t-lee

    Glad you’re finally on board.
    It’s one of the greatest shows I’ve ever watched. Too many points hit close to home. It’s so well written.
    Can’t wait for season 2.

    Memphis was a great episode. Everyone needs awards for that one.

    ETA: I don’t know how in the heyll you binge watched it. I’m glad I watched it live, I need a week to recover after every new episode…lol

    • Phil GoBeGreat

      Binge watching that show seems like such a horrible idea. emotional whirlwind

      • miss t-lee

        Fa sho.

      • I agree. It’s like Underground. I binged the first season to catch up. Bad idea. All the emotions you can imagine being summoned from ancestors afar. Never again. Lol

      • kingpinenut

        Did the same with The Wire….

        Had to move back to Baltimore :/

        • TheUnsungStoryteller

          Binge watching The Wire literally gave me a headache. When I stepped outside, I had to take a deep breath.

          • kingpinenut

            I hear you. I just got homesick.

    • panamajackson

      I had to binge watch it because I needed to get to Memphis so I could see what the daggone hype was about.

      • miss t-lee

        In theory it makes sense. But whew, that’s a whole lot at once.

      • miss t-lee

        By the way, they put both versions of that song on Spotify. I just had to find them.

      • Janelle Doe

        You probably went through less tissues than some of us because of that though.
        Imagine putting yourself through that week after week Peej?

    • Roz

      I knew it was sad, but I don’t like crying so I would just read the reviews then go back and watch it. Memphis was the first episode I watched live and Bruh, it took me 2.75 hours to finish the episode. I had to pause and just hug myself in bed. Too real.

      • miss t-lee

        Memphis and the episode before it had me messed up.

  • Phil GoBeGreat

    When the mailman started to tear up… it was at that moment I knew I was not the Lion from wizard of Oz and indeed had a heart… a heart that had just broken like the opposite of the grinch’s heart growing scene. I was done. Tears. curses. and the realization that these people, these characters are not real people… mattered not.

    • miss t-lee

      The mailman took me out.

      • Phil GoBeGreat

        Out. I have not teared up from anything on TV or movies since 2011. (Seriously)
        until that fucking mailman.

        • miss t-lee

          *hugs*

      • The post card got me.

        • miss t-lee

          Also.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          He gave everybody something on their level.

        • Amazonian Midget

          I kept it together all season long…who knew the post card would be the thing to get me?

      • Jennifer

        The mailman…the postcard…Beth’s eulogy…when it was revealed the grandbabies were planning his FUN-eral!

        I was a mess.

        • miss t-lee

          Girl. All of it.

        • Mary Burrell

          That was so beautiful

        • Marlene Allen

          The grandbabies being in charge of the funeral took me out!!

    • Janelle Doe

      Lissseeennn.

    • mssporadic

      The mailman juxtaposed with the pears from Randall’s coworkers. Tew much emotion! I want to hug the mailman and fight Randall’s boss at the same time.

      • miss t-lee

        Them F8cking pears!!!!! That had me hot boyyyy.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          Beth’s expression at that moment was classic. She wanted to take her earrings off and put on some vaseline.

          • miss t-lee

            Seriously. I didn’t blame her.

          • I like how she’s his pitbull, but I want to see more about her life outside of Randall. It seems like she’s always being strong for him.

            • TheUnsungStoryteller

              Hopefully, we will get to see more of that too. I would love to see her backstory.

              I know I was surprised to see so much of William’s, even his mother, so maybe we will. : )

        • Junegirl627

          Yooooooo and the timing. Cuz you wonder why his wife was salty. I thought it was cuz it was impersonal… then you find out the REAL!!!????

          • miss t-lee

            Definitely. The level of non-care was astounding.

            • Junegirl627

              Yessssss! If it was me, I’d pause and wonder if it was intentional

              • miss t-lee

                It felt like it was, even if it wasn’t.

              • TheUnsungStoryteller

                I mean, pears is a random gift to give for that occasion for it to not be intentional. Plus, the fact that they knew he was allergic to pears. 10 years, man. I felt like they were just buttholes.

                • Junegirl627

                  no I mean I would pause and wonder ” Are they flucking with me, or did really forget this ish can kill me?”

                  • TheUnsungStoryteller

                    Gotcha. Same here! They were evil.

        • Yay Radley

          And he’s allergic!

          • miss t-lee

            EXACTLY.

      • Phil GoBeGreat

        The pears… yes.
        (Beth’s response to the pears showed why she is Bae…. that whole interaction was perfect… she is a dream wife)

        • Man, when she got that postcard from William… All.the.feels.

          • Phil GoBeGreat

            In my HEART of hearts I knew William wasn’t going to let her down.
            I missed the part where he said he would send her a postcard, but it was so perfect. She is so perfect. Their interaction in the basement smoking weed…. #LOVE

            • miss t-lee

              Yeah. I remembered it, so the minute I saw her checking the mail I was like…oh man.

              • Sigma_Since 93

                It would have been perfect if Beth and the Post Man saw it and cried together.

                • miss t-lee

                  Oh man!

            • Mary Burrell

              Yes! I love that.

      • CozyVon

        I heart Beth, that is my girl! She’s so classy, yet she’s the one who’ll just come out & say what Randall & everyone else is thinking or hemming & hawing over.

      • Another Man’s Rhubarb

        And come to find out they forgot he was ALLERGIC to pears!….dag

    • These are real people! I tweet and check on them every week. I just sent a tweet like, ya’ll good this week. Lol

      • Janelle Doe

        I just laughed and teared up at the same time.
        This show man… it does things to people.

      • Phil GoBeGreat

        DONT SAY THAT!!!!
        The only way I am able to keep my mind from being mush is to consciously remember they aint real.

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        I follow them on Instagram. Did you know Sterling K. Brown is married to the black woman in the past who becomes Rebecca and Jack’s black-friend-with-black-kids-too?

        • JulesO

          Just googled “who is Sterling K Brown married to?”

      • M Kamara

        Lol!

    • panamajackson

      Dog. THE MAILMAN GOT ME. HE COOKED MY SOUL.

      • Phil GoBeGreat

        It was SO unexpected and he was SO sad and detailed it was like “was William an angel and we aint know it?”
        it fucked me up so bad.

      • Mary Burrell

        The mailman got me too.

      • Your Mama

        i’m not on fb and im 9 months pregnant and i thought that had something to do with why i was balling through virtually every episode. These people touched me. Jack is my dad, so is Randall and even William in some ways.. like literally. I’m glad to know that the world was crying too, im not in this alone but this is magnificent television. And the only episode i didn’t cry for was the finale as well.. but i think that was done with intention and im going to be complete mush come the start of season 2.

      • Bill Chott

        That was me! Thank you!

    • Roz

      The mailman!!! Like do you know how awesome you must be to have your mailman mourning your loss??

      • Yay Radley

        And he only knew him for a few months!

      • TheUnsungStoryteller

        That’s some angel level type ish.

    • Zil Nabu

      The Tinman is the one who didn’t have a heart. The Cowardly Lion lacked courage.

    • Kenya Herring

      I started crying from when he sat down at the park bench to “meet” Randall’s dad, and kept on through the ducks, the mailman, the post card…

    • TheUnsungStoryteller

      Man….those were some REAL tears he shed!

    • FL Lucas

      They was wrong for that mailman!! But them DAMN ducks crossing the road in the Memphis episode!! Just too much man! Too much!!

      • Shanna

        THAT’S what really touched me…..dem damn ducks

    • Mel

      Oh, the mailman sent me down, a solid kick to my gut and my black grinch heart. When Kevin found Randall in the midst of his breakdown, it almost had me rocking back and forth. This show, those KIDS, damn…

  • I LOVE this show. I love how it highlights the intricacies of family. Especially, a Black family. It moved beyond the stereotypes. (This could EASILY be said for the whole family #Jack is Bae, but I’m in love with the Black love). Beth Pearson aka Randall’s wife, is amazing. He character, which I am looking forward to more glow up, is the Black mother America needs to see. She is Claire Huxtable 2017.

    • miss t-lee

      Definitely. I love Randall’s family. His wife, the girls. All of em!

      • Janelle Doe

        I read/heard there is a campaign for a spin-off
        I think it would work as long as the other siblings come in for guest spots
        (The evolution of Randall and his brother’s relationship is just one of the many cry-inducing moments for me on this show)

        • miss t-lee

          I’d love a spin-off.
          And yes…their relationship evolution is great to watch.

        • mssporadic

          OMG, the scene when Kevin left his play to check on Randall!!!!! I want them to be besties so bad. Both of them need each other.

          • miss t-lee

            YES. That shizz had me ugly crying.

          • Jdotdoc

            I want them to be besties too. I was cracking up at them fighting in the middle of a Manhattan street and Seth Meyers being like “you good bro?” And Kevin is like “oh yea that’s my brother”

            • TheUnsungStoryteller

              Hahahaha!!! Yeah…I was hoping that wasn’t going to get ugly…for Randall…but it was funny.

        • I WILL say Kevin leaving on opening night was a bit much. After I cried, darn onions, I was like bruh— your mama, step daddy, sister, future BIL was in the audience. You could of sent an SOS text. Lol

          • miss t-lee

            Nah he couldn’t. He’d dropped the ball too many times. He *had* to leave.

            • I use to suffer from panic attacks. That scene was soooooo raw for me. The inability to communicate. The tense air. The low grasp for breaths. Man, Bravo!

              • miss t-lee

                Me too. That’s why I was like this man is playing the absolute HEYLL outta this part.

            • Sigma_Since 93

              My eyes were sweating because Kevin was the very last person you would expect to show up for Randall. It was very Jack esque.

              • miss t-lee

                Definitely. It was that moment that Jack showed up in him.

              • I didn’t realize until recently that that episode is titled “Jack’s Son” because Kevin finally embodied the man his father was while protecting Jack’s “other” son.

                So brilliant.

                • TheUnsungStoryteller

                  Yeah…also for so long, Kevin had a disconnect with his parents. He never seemed to get attention. Growing up, it seemed the attention seemed to be focus on the kids that would be classified as “other” or “inferior” – A girl who had issues with her weight and an adopted son who is black.

            • So true! They showed the flashback of him ignoring Randall during a panic attack when they were teens, so he definitely had to. And I’m glad, Kevin needed some maturity.

              • Sigma_Since 93

                Kevin has always been jealous of Randall and felt he never got the same love from his parents his siblings got.

              • miss t-lee

                Yup!

                • Sigma_Since 93

                  IMO, this is why Kevin probably went into acting. All eyes would finally be on him for a change.

                  • miss t-lee

                    Bingo!

                  • TheUnsungStoryteller

                    Never noticed that until you said. You hit the nail on the head.

          • Phil GoBeGreat

            That was the perfection of Jack shining thru Kevin (finally).

            • Simms~

              More reason why Jack is great. This show!

            • M Kamara

              Finally!

            • M Kamara

              that scene messed me up fo sho

          • Roz

            I know! When he started running, I rolled my eyes, like he’s such a spoilt brat. When he was running down Randall’s work hallway, I sobbed.

            • Lol. Like, I’m tryna keep it real. It’s opening night at your self financed show with a NYT critic in the audience. Seconds before curtain, yo bolt. Listen, my mama would of gotten a “911 Randall is in trouble. Go to job.”

              AND

              ACTION.

              Lol

              • Roz

                lol. I understand, I’m glad he did though. I also liked that it didn’t need too much explanation after that, they legit went a whole 2 weeks later before we caught up.

              • CozyVon

                OKAY?!? LOL

          • TheUnsungStoryteller

            BRUHHHH…I was sooo happy Kevin did that. Because I couldn’t stand Kevin for the life of me. He was so selfish all of the time…it’s all about me, me, me!

          • Shanna

            Can’t stand Kevin…..even boy Kevin and teen Kevin. I struggled all thru the season.

        • I love Randall’s family. I’m here for all of them. Especially Beth and those adorable girls!

    • Phil GoBeGreat

      Beth’s interaction with Randall about the Pears was Grade A+ perfect. She was expressive while not being overbearing, but protective while not being emasculating. Beth is sooooooo Bae.

      • panamajackson

        Beth is the greatest.

    • Courtney Wheeler

      Jack is a DILF….yup..

    • TheUnsungStoryteller

      I never thought about that. She is definitely Clair Huxtable 2017. She fits that perfectly.

    • M Kamara

      I love them. I love how she keeps it in check and that dorky humor they both got. Its goals honestly.

  • Janelle Doe

    (And also) “I want to marry Jack, y’all.”
    Ok so I can’t decide if to marry him or be his adopted child because both seem like pretty good gigs to me

    • Be an adopted child. We know how it ends for Jack.

    • Phil GoBeGreat

      Definitely child. Definitely.

    • panamajackson

      Yeah. He’s definitely a better father. But even when he messes up as a husband he comes back to Earth in the greatest way.

      But yeah, as a dad? My goodness. I’m over watching taking notes.

  • Other_guy13

    You will recover…it will take time. I can’t binge watch this show though…it will make you happy and sad at the same time.

  • PhlyyPhree

    Yea naw.
    I haven’t watched it. I have enough to cry over. Don’t need folk who aren’t even real to cry over.
    Ya’ll have fun with that though.
    I’ll be here to drink it away with you afterwards

    • Janelle Doe

      Thanks, your offer is appreciated.

    • SoonToBeMrs

      Let’s commiserate together dear.

      We drink it away, we chex it away, we put one up in da aiiiiiiiiiuuuuuuuuur.

      *hands you a wild cherry Capri sun*

  • kingpinenut

    Yo ain’t gonna fuck up my Monday bruh….

    Not this Monday….

    • panamajackson

      Not today Satan? lol

      • kingpinenut

        That last episode had a ninja in tears

        #lawdhelpme

  • Val

    I haven’t watched it yet but after the last couple of weeks I think I need a good cry. So I think I’ll binge watch it this week. Thanks for leaving out the spoilers. :-)

    • You might want to tiptoe through the comments. I can see spoilers abound.

      • Val

        Yeah, I’m going to get some work done and check out the Congressional hearings until a new post is up.

      • panamajackson

        Right. There are spoilers through and through.

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